I Have Zero Friends, and I’m Incredibly Lonely

I Have Zero Friends, and I’m Incredibly Lonely
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@LeonC0704]

It always baffles me how so many of us feel so lonely... yet we don't seem to find each other.

[@FoxZ52]

Yesss i feel the same about this!!

[@sarahtrolly3962]

People hide it SO much

[@saltnwaves]

I have reached out to someone just recently who says they are lonely and ask them to do something fun because I too feel that way and yet that person ignores my texts? It happens all the time for me strangely.

[@LeonC0704]

@@saltnwaves Same. I live in NY and a lot of people struggle with loneliness, yet they remain lonely. Sometimes people are not truly lonely, they're just not being approached by they people they desire would reach out to them.

[@tracybenson6364]

I think it's mostly fear.

[@TisHotMessHistory]

My heart breaks for this guy. I can only imagine how vulnerable he felt to make this call. Hopefully he finds some great friends.

[@beng4647]

He won't. He cuts grass. No one wants poor friends.

[@veronicamerics]

That is not true!!!!! I want poor friends! It's the character of a person that matters, not their bank account!

[@alisonf6478]

@@beng4647I wonder if you know how much landscape/lawn companies actually make. It can be quite a lot. No matter what, I don’t base friendships on money.

[@beng4647]

@@veronicamerics All relationships under capitalism are transactional. There really is no such thing as a good friend in our society.

[@veronicamerics]

@@beng4647 sending you a hug! From one human to another.

[@silvermica]

It’s so depressing to be alone. I’m in my 50s now. I have no family, no kids, no parents, no lover and no close friends. I’ve never even lived with a lover during my entire life. Just like the caller said if an emergency happened - like I needed to get to the hospital - no one would even know let alone drive me to the hospital. If I were to disappear tomorrow only the bill collectors would notice. =(

[@carolcole570]

Silvermica, what a usual handle! Although it is difficult online, I would be honored to become your friend. Being totally upfront…..I am elderly……Caucasian…….Christian…….Southern…….and don’t have a racist bone in my body. So, if these things don’t irritate you , then maybe we could at least be online buddies.❤️

[@silvermica]

@@carolcole570 - I feel bad that our society makes you feel that you need to defend your race, creed, and geographic location to strangers. I'm not religious though - some of my acquaintances are. My KZbin screen name is a type of electronic component known as a "sliver mica capacitor." My senior project required the use of these capacitors. Anyway - nice to meet you!

[@carolcole570]

@@silvermica And very nice to meet you, as well, Silver !

[@silvermica]

@@suzymoon2067 Sorry for your loss. I can related. My Mom passed away after her 8 years with dementia ( that was July 2022 when she passed). Good idea - about getting a roommate. Thanks.

[@faithlyngrace2517]

❤

[@writeherstory11]

This is actually my life and I’ve spent many periods just trying to cope

[@aidantech]

I’m there now. It’s been a hard last 4 years

[@evelyndaisy9722]

My life but as a female

[@writeherstory11]

@@cabbagequeen sending you the same love! It’s hard but I know you’ll get through it as well

[@writeherstory11]

@@aidantech yea it’s been years for me as well. Proud of you for still trying despite how hard it may be

[@racegrubb2152]

​​​@@writeherstory11 you have trouble meeting new people or is it a time thing? For me it's a few different things but I always feel lonely around a lot of people. Just always have a feeling I don't fit in. I don't have any real friends either. Sometimes a like it but it def gets tough sometimes. Stay strong out there.

[@TheEquiss]

People only contact me if they want something. This year I cut off almost everyone. Noone is there for me. I no longer care. People expect me to drop what I’m doing to rush out and help them but if I need help with something then everyone is busy. I play a sport at the local rec center but no one is interested in me. I don’t make as much $$ as them. I’m fine as a teammate but no one wants to do anything with me. I hike alone. I go kayaking alone. If I waited to do stuff with someone I’d never get to do anything. Never count on others. They just disappoint.

[@SandraNunez-vz8hc]

I did the same . People would only wait for me to go to them . I said let me sit back and see what happens . Nothing

[@carolcole570]

Equips, respectfully, may I make a small suggestion ? Maybe if you tried volunteering somewhere where folks are truly needed…..and everyone needs to do teamwork in order to accomplish something. As an example……at a soup kitchen……or maybe working with a homeless shelter……or maybe getting involved at a church and working with kids. Just a thought.❤️

[@TheEquiss]

@@carolcole570I’ve done enough volunteer work in my life. Not doing more. I am not sitting at home doing nothing. I do lots of things and am involved in various activities. I have also realized how much people are simply users. I’m over it. Given the chance, people weed themselves out.

[@thetaekwondoe3887]

Whenever I say I went out and did something, people at work ask "alone?" Well if I didn't do it alone, who would I do it with? I totally feel those last two sentences.

[@TheEquiss]

@@carolcole570. I’ve done enough community service for a lifetime. Not doing anymore. I have no interest in a church. I teach a recreational program twice a week. I’ve learned to rely on only myself. People do stuff with others just to get stuff in return for what they do. I’m over it.

[@chelseaburnside9091]

Friendship requires effort I don’t even put into myself.

[@nasaman23]

Then you're also the problem

[@tesla9665]

@ezo2161you’re 100% right. That’s why friends always try to do something or go somewhere instead of just talking on the phone

[@projectfear22]

​@ezo2161all that has to be done is inclusion, show human love and mix obligations with friends and you're good

[@wbl5649]

exactly, I refuse to chase after people. I'm always open and friendly, I've joined all kinds of groups but everyone is just low level acquaintances. Even when I've said oh if you want to catch a movie sometime call me...crickets. oh I will get called if they need a volunteer to do something, ya then they call.

[@petrosaguilar8916]

​@@wbl5649most people are selfish users. That's why I don't bother meeting new ones anymore.

[@kathyalex778]

This guy is not alone in his journey. Millions feel the same way. I suggest he joins an adult sport activity or lessons at some recreational centre, or even better, get himself to church and to start volunteering somewhere. I wonder what his relationship with family is like. Wishing this guy the best, I will keep him in my prayers.

[@edithandlez]

Nah it’s just lonely leftover non men crying about loneliness 😂

[@jill9606]

This is excellent advice!

[@Arturo_Zepe]

That’s what I did. I’m in a soccer team, I did volunteer in a pet shelter and I’m studying. So I made friends. Cause I work graveyard, so I felt lonely. Now it feels different.

[@mstirlz]

I've been going to the gym for 8 years, volunteered festivals, community projects etc for 3 years. Still not made a single friend. FML

[@salvatorevitale138]

​@@mstirlz what community projects were you involved in? That seems like a great way to make friends

[@GrowingGraycefully]

I've been looking for a friend for years. It's harder than it sounds, especially these days. Most people just suck. The people I thought were my friends ended up stabbing me in the back. I have no room for people who use and abuse others.

[@jjminor]

I was waiting for this comment. I agree completely. It feels like people exist to make other people miserable.

[@biologygirl91]

@@jjminorexactly, and it’s hard to even be social with people because everyone is glued to their phones or has earbuds in. The people I talk to the most are older people who don’t do those things.

[@carolcole570]

Tracys, it is a little hard online, but I would be honored to be your friend. Up front, I am elderly……Christian……Caucasian…….and Southern, so if those things turn you off, I understand. Best to be upfront and honest from the get go. I don’t have a racist bone in my body, so this may not be to your liking, either. But, the two of us DO have one thing we agree on……we both love watching John’s videos.❤️

[@saltnwaves]

Same I had what I thought were good friends before I married and once I married they excluded me even banned me as a friend. Sadly 25 years later and still no good friends.

[@carolcole570]

@@saltnwaves Salt, hope you don’t mind me saying my personal feelings. I, too, am very lonely, BUT as a firm Christian, and one who knows Bible Prophecy, I am totally aware that we are in The End Times…….WHICH means that exactly how people treat eachother is just the way life is GOING to be. So, realizing this, it comforts me to know that it’s nothing I have done. It is “ just the way The End Times ARE “.❤️

[@paulcooper-n2v]

I'm 24/7 alone no family no friends.

[@imadebouaoun8160]

A Feal Soory For You I Hoop That' Thing's Geet Better For You, Am Olsow Struggling in Som Way', A Have My Family Support Me, I Don't Se Me Freinds Alot An Sometime A Fell Lonely

[@ebonie_._]

For me, it’s 24/7 no friends.

[@commonsenseprevails1433]

I am this man. I was bullied a lot as a child. I have been disappointed by friends I have gone out of my way for. I just stay to myself.

[@MikeHunt-x9f]

Stay Strong ❤

[@commonsenseprevails1433]

@@MikeHunt-x9f Thanks 😊

[@katierojas8066]

Therapy can help. Changing our narrative to something that works is key.

[@commonsenseprevails1433]

@@katierojas8066 I have considered therapy.

[@linaa3469]

❤❤❤

[@EICL2011]

This genially just made me cry. Really felt this one. Ever since finishing high school I have been so lonely just focusing on work. I also seek a friend soooo bad. I have never been invited to go out. I usually just stay home streaming KZbin or playing video games. I’m a lonely guy and just tired. Like today spent my entire afternoon watching KZbin. My phone silent not a single text call from people. And I’m seriously crying as I’m typing this. How much longer can this go😭😭😭😭

[@KiaraLemmone]

I hope things get better for you. I know it can get very lonely.

[@claritaainsley3744]

It helps to have a hobby that forces you to interact with people in person. I’m taking a Spanish class right now. Maybe play a sport, join the gym, get a different job?

[@faithlyngrace2517]

❤

[@brittneyyoung1882]

Get in activity groups or do volunteer work

[@sarahtrolly3962]

@@claritaainsley3744 one suggestion on getting a niche is getting a dog. My sister got a dog then met and talked with lots of people at the dog park.

[@sinisterchin1592]

Jeff, I hope you see this. I was on the show a couple weeks ago and I appreciate your courage in calling. It takes a lot, so I understand. I have to tell you that you seem like you’d be an awesome friend. I don’t have friends either. It sucks, Man. I’m trying to actively find some ride or die friends and I know what you’re feeling. It’s lonely. I can only play Hogwarts Legacy so many times before I am forced to admit it’s not enough and I want more. I deserve more, and so do you! Also, just from one fellow Delony caller to another, ignore any mean comments if they come. Just know there’s another dude out there struggling with this same issue! I see you and understand!

[@alisonf6478]

You sound like a great person, and I agree; ignore the haters! You guys will find your people, I know it!

[@AaAa-ri4uf]

Any one who writes a mean comment on this video is a sociopath

[@neededtobesaid4275]

Keep trying to make friends. I believe it will work out for you! So far I see several people in the comments that are having the same difficulty.

[@sinisterchin1592]

@@neededtobesaid4275we should all just have a meet up and be super awkward together trying to do the same thing haha. We’d connect over Delony, that’s for sure!

[@TheLastCin]

hey Hogwarts Legacy is a great game but i def get you! i wish i could make some gamer friends.

[@neededtobesaid4275]

Dr. John was fantastic on this call. At a certain age making friends take effort and courage. Hopefully Jeff will see many of the people in the comments that are just like him.

[@edithandlez]

Grown men don’t have courage nowadays 🤡

[@dlghtfl1]

I think he's full of ***it on this call. If you get burned enough times you just get burned out. Very few people can "go on to the next and go on to the next and go on to the next." It's exhausting and in my experience, just not worth it.

[@omotayosatuyi252]

It's sad that we are so disconnected from each other

[@TisHotMessHistory]

I like the advice about putting together a meet up. The only thing that I would change is that I would meet them in a public place. I think that it's safer to invite them to your home after you build a real friendship.

[@beng4647]

🤣guys are less worried about date rape

[@deb9806]

@@beng4647 You can still get robbed, it happens.

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

Good Grief !! Inviting people over to one's home / apartment is more relaxing than a "public place / restaurant." Either trust people initially, or do not bother trying to make friends !

[@TisHotMessHistory]

@deb9806 that's what I was thinking. There are more crimes that happen beyond rape. Robbing, killing, stalking... It just pays to get to know people before inviting them into your personal space.

[@deb9806]

@@TisHotMessHistory Many have been set up this way selling things or meetups.

[@Girasoles]

Going back to church helped alot with my loneliness.

[@linaa3469]

❤❤❤

[@Himmiefan]

I've found that a lot of churches don't want singles and particularly don't want single women. I just threw in the towel and stopped going. There's a peace in that.

[@sarahporter9541]

I was so quiet and shy ...that I would go days without talking to anyone and coukdnt look people in the eye. I felt invisible. Then one day I told myself..this is stupid! I sucked up my courage and Made myself talk to people..looking them.innthe eyes...So awkward!!! But the more I did it...the better I felt! And I ended up going into sales years later...and now when I'm in public..I try to reach people with a friendly smile.."hello...how's your day?..and God bless" I'm a new..and being true to myself. Much happier!!!

[@abcdefg-oj5wn]

Ironically working in a job where I have to talk to people for half the day made me better at talking to random people. There’s just so much awkwardness that I never knew how to navigate before, I’ve always been tongue tied when I’m nervous, but now I can pretend to be chill when I’m actually a nervous wreck internally. It takes lots of practice and I still suck at talking to people but I’m getting better at it.

[@chloe4817]

Do you have friends now?

[@josefinagarza241]

​@@abcdefg-oj5wn I can be a friend

[@AllenB-mz5vl]

Very hard to make true friends nowadays, work friends can turn on you

[@markbrey52]

Find friends outside of work

[@ivankrushensky]

I don't consider "work friends" as actual friends. Your actual friendships should not "require" that you hang out together or have a hierarchy to them. As soon as there's a promotion or an issue at work where you need to be honest with the "work friend", it's far too likely to cause an issue. Focus friendships on people with common interests/hobbies.

[@UniDocs_Mahapushpa_Cyavana]

Except for dogs 🐕. They are the best. Though you need to really learn their personality and develop their intellect to appreciate them fully.

[@projectfear22]

​@@ivankrushenskyif you don't have a desire to hang out with a friend, to include them in your life as much as you can, then that's not your true friend. That said, I do understand what you meant about work friends. It usually is hard to turn a colleague into a true friend, because many times they have someone else prior who they focus on, and end up labeling you as a colleague when y'all speak, or, simply don't focus on your private importance to them. However there are always lovable exceptions 😊❤

[@karenmassey8354]

I used to work at a fast food restaurant when I was a teen. I noticed that many people would come in there solely to interact with another person daily. This problem is common and has been for a long, long time.

[@quantumjourney1]

Working in pubs that is like 70% of the customers lol. You think fast food has that vibe when they have 30 seconds to make an order and move on, try to picture a place where you're allowed to sit around and drink lol

[@karenmassey8354]

@@quantumjourney1 That’s the thing though, the folks would either come in or sit in the drive thru and want to make long conversation. Some of them would get upset when we told them they had to move along in the drive thru because other people were waiting for their orders as well. This was a long time ago and this issue seems to have gotten much worse. I would say social clubs of some sort would help solve this issue, but I also notice that some people simply do not socialize in public. Those are probably the types that call into these shows.

[@clovemartin]

I have this exact same problem. So many acquaintances. No real friends.

[@SugarsugarFruity-hz6lz]

Yup. That's me as well. I have a lot of acquaintances. Plenty of them actually. But the "real friends" are nowhere to be seen. I don't believe that I have ever had a real friend now that I think about it. Just acquaintances and a random chatter here and there but it's not as profound and meaningful like a real friendship would be. I want to be friends with someone who makes me feel lots of different emotions. Someone who deeply fascinates me. Someone who I can easily understand and who won't run away from me because I would like to try my best to also be as a good of a friend as well but unfortunately I haven't met my match yet.

[@Whitericeinmysalad]

This is so sad. Too many people now a days are lonely and do not have any loyal friends they can trust. 😢

[@kimberlysmith7625]

Why do you think that is? I'm genuinely interested in your perspective.

[@TuBui2]

What this call highlights is that this "loneliness" is really self imposed. All it takes is making a choice.

[@beng4647]

​@@kimberlysmith7625Capitalism

[@sarcodonblue2876]

​@@kimberlysmith7625 people don't need community to survive like that used to. I don't think people are any better or worse behaved but in prior times people put up with other people's horrible behavior because they had too. Now we can more easily get away from awful people. Technology has made everything worse and I believe smart phone have really killed social interactions. I have noticed the excitement from many events has just gone and I don't mean wild excitement but the warm fuzzy feeling etc. Theatre shows and performances don't have that same vibe or even meet ups don't have the same inviting feeling they used to have. So mamy interactions at various places and events feel hollow to me and I used to be a person that went to a variety of things but because of this I go out a lot less😢.

[@nema151]

This is the standard, not the exception. I've had a friends come and go but I realized that good friends are worth working to keep. Almost nobody tells us this, so we find that we drift apart. WORK ON BEING A FRIEND AND DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN. (Obviously dont be a door mat.)

[@nathalieli7617]

The problem with adult friendships is mainly due to social media and this culture of "i come first" or "it's my way or the highway". We believe that as long as we heart or comment on someone's social media then that's enough interaction for the day or we repost some awareness and expect interaction thinking it does anything. People just don't see the effort these days.

[@bluevillsplash]

I'll take the highway. It's more peaceful

[@perrymusclesmarinaraenunzi1949]

here here

[@edithandlez]

men nowadays are very entitled and desensitized yet EXTREMELY emotional. When y’all get over being mad that a woman says this, let it sink in. Only men are becoming extremely lonely and aggressive, idc if you are in denial, you’ll realize you’re lonely too if you don’t accept the truth

[@sarcodonblue2876]

The problem is we don't have community in the same way as we used it and people are so obsessed with finding a partner that they neglect friendships. So many women in particular ditch their female friends when they find a man. For sure you won't be able to spend the same time with female friends as before but that is no reason to cut them out.

[@lav7161]

I feel like crying, man. He sounds like such a cool dude. I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum where I have too many friends. It can be exhausting and somedays I feel like being Jeff but I know everything comes with a price. Good luck out there, Jeff. I just hope nobody takes advantage of you and that you find real friendships. ❤

[@goblue193]

I think it’s more I don’t want to be in one sided friendships or relationships. I feel like I’m making the effort most of the time

[@dlghtfl1]

Yea, I decided to stop calling people and wait for people to call me. They don't. My interactions with people are strictly superficial at this point and that's fine.

[@adamburwell4081]

Jesus can fill that void of loneliness. God has created us to worship Him in spirit, because we are spirit. Spend time in prayer, get in Gods word, connect to a church that will fees your spirit. Many cases of loneliness is a disconnect from our Creator.

[@EdelweisSusie]

Did John Delony not hear Jaff say he HAS NO FRIENDS?!!!! Who the hell is he meant to call up if he's got no-one to call up? He needs to socialise more and not spend all his time working because that's just living on the outskirts of society, not within it. I do hope he explores his hobbies, interests or joins some clubs or a gym - why doesn't he start a blog, charting all the garden renovations he's done - because he sounds like a decent person that others are missing out on. Good luck, Jeff.

[@ivankrushensky]

Lack of hobbies sounds like his main issue. He does nothing but work. That's not a good place to meet "friends" to begin with, especially if he's the owner of the company. He needs to find something he actually enjoys doing, then the friends will follow- without even trying.

[@timholstad2723]

How do you believe that “the world deserves me” when it has unfailingly shown me the opposite in my life? Every single one of my friends that I wanted to grow old with just… stopped talking to me one day. No explanations. No reasons that I could think of. There were no fights, no fallouts. They were just gone, one by one. So no, I don’t believe that people want me around. I have people from work who ask to hang out all the time, and frankly I just always say I can’t or I’m busy. I don’t want to try again. I’m sick of trying to find friends that last. None of them ever do, and it’s just one more aspect of my life to remind me I’m a failure. I’m just tired.

[@carolmaz8675]

Give those workmates a chance they may be feeling the same as you and become real solid friends not flakes

[@petrosaguilar8916]

Stop seeking the approval of other people, it's futile .

[@austinite89]

I used to be the same way. When my now wife and I were planning our wedding, I came to the realization that I didn’t have any friends except my mom lol. I’m a realtor and my now best friend walked into an open house I was hosting for prospective buyers solely for the free food and to try and hook up with divorcees. I decided right then and there to be brave and ask him to meet to maybe buy a house one night secretly hoping we could be friends. We ended up getting very drunk, ate the best fish tacos, discovered our mutual love for the band Rush, and have been inseparable since. We started a Rush jam band in his garage, he boosted my business by buying me billboard advertisements, and helped me with the biggest sale of my career (Lou Ferrigno’s mansion!). Don’t know where I’d be today if it wasn’t for Sydney. I call him Jobin. It’s an inside joke.

[@TinRaTin]

What a cute story!❤ Thanks for sharing!

[@rhighan4357]

literally the best movie ever lol

[@seekingthemiddleway4048]

This guy'll make friends right away, I'm sure of it. Brilliant he's pinpointed this issue in his life and is talking about it to all of us. Loneliness is a universal emotion.

[@edithandlez]

He obviously hasn’t 😂

[@patrickconrad396]

​@@edithandlez you're gross

[@EAAAA1505]

I think it is most adults life. We get busy with life that we are no longer available to people and make meaningful connections. I have many acquaintances but not a bestie. I even host meetups myself and it is fun when we get together with the group but after the meetup is over everyone goes on with their lives. I have reached out to some to hang out and everyone seems to be busy with life. Unfortunately, it is not just up to us but also up to others. I guess this is the adult reality.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Unfortunately you are probably correct. People in society don't need the community to survive and in other times we did many boring tasks as a group together and got to know people.

[@MeganVincent-tl4tg]

Friendship just seems exhausting at my age(almost 40). Been there, got hurt not worth it unless that person puts in the effort that I put in and it’s reciprocated. I’d much rather have a hobby I enjoy as it’s less drama.

[@JozelleRenia]

This is awesome! I’m in the same situation, no friends and I have a busy life. The pointers Dr. D gave are so good. I actually started hosting an online bible study for Millennials & God truly has been pouring into my life and blessed me enough to pour into others. Loved this episode 🫶🏽

[@dianac6250]

How do I join? I would love to join a bible study.

[@StephanieBogart]

I don’t have any friends either. I am in a church and I have my home group ladies but we don’t hang out outside of home group. Most of them older than us so that might play a part. I know all my neighbors and can count on them. But I do not have a best friend. I don’t have any girlfriends. I think part of the issue is we had all our kids young so at 46 years old, I’m about to become a grandmother and my youngest is a senior in high school. It seems like everyone our age has young kids. They can’t relate to me I guess.

[@cds8249]

I have the opposite problem as you. I had my son in my mid 30s and most everyone my age here met their husband in college and had kids in their 20s. I don't mind befriending ppl younger than me who have kids my age but I don't have the same childhood experiences as them etc and don't know what their talking about half the time and i feel they dont think i can relate. On the other end, the women who are my age who had kids earlier already have their Mom friends from since when their kids were little and don't have room for another friend. I feel caught in between. All that to say, I can kind of relate not fitting in with ppl your own age. Hopefully, some new friends turn up for us!

[@jill9606]

I felt this way after moving back to my hometown and starting my busy career after college. It happens to the best of us! I looked around and realized my high school friends had all moved away and my college friends weren’t from my hometown to begin with. It hurts to feel like you have no friends. I joined a gym because I wanted to work on my health and get into dating. Not only did I do that and find my future husband, but I also gained a core group of friends at my gym that I never anticipated. We do brunch, happy hour, community volunteerism, fundraisers at the gym, etc. It has made me bloom socially to be part of a core group of people I know who are working professionals like me who have a common interest! We each have to find our “tribe” and it takes continued time and effort to pour into those friendships! Maybe for you it’s church, volunteerism, book clubs, meet-ups, sports, etc!

[@Morrocanprincess]

I had some friends they got boyfriends, suddenly,- their lives centered 100% around their partners. They started hanging out with boyfriends instead! I went out and made new friends. Try Bumble BFFs, go out by yourself and make conversation. We underestimate how many people, who (just like you) want friends ! I usually go out with one or two friends and we make friends that way. I've even met one of my new friends at the dental office of all places! We're going to a concert soon!

[@lilsamantha1]

Thats why ive been trying to reconnect with my family and making news friends. Being lonely can make us very angry and extremely depressed. its not good. A good balance to have alone time and also with people is really good. I alsi deleted my IG and other soical media except youtube

[@tishataray]

It sucks when as a friend u have to reach out all the time and if u dont, conversations never happen..i lost most friendships due to that..just the thought of forcing small talk tires me tbh

[@JJJJ-he8bz]

I’m the same way and I’m cool with it at this point. I have no fear of death because I’m not really missing out on anything.

[@xmoreno3366]

Im 22 Year old hispanic fan videogame gamer women and zero friends sice i was 14 , i always eat alone. I'm tall girl shy I Can Relate A Lot

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Ditch the freakin video games, hit the gym, learn new subjects.

[@janetsalazar-krom4409]

I'm 39 no friends but I have my best friend who is my cousin. She lives in Colorado though. It's hard to find friends that likes metal music and being a older mom too. It's hard to find good friends that won't use you but I have my baby, husband and, my parents so I'm not lonely.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

I don't mean to sound rude but do you think you might have autism? I am female and have autism and it can be hard to make friends particularly with other women as I didn't always understand social rules and etticate.

[@gracemedina1320]

I can relate to him , I’m 26 and I don’t have any friends the only people I talk to are from work ..:/

[@cptfreeman8966]

Same age same problem

[@alluringbliss4165]

Ive always been a loner , I am 40

[@edithandlez]

Don’t let the men that comment under this section claiming to want to be your friend convince you that they want to be your friend. They’ll ask you for a nude in about a day or 2.

[@sinisterchin1592]

It’s super tough! My wife and I moved across the country and have had to start over. I haven’t had good friends in years!

[@Phillyfan94]

Same problem. I’m 29 all I do is work and come home

[@ithinkigottalent4047]

He's me! Like John said, I create who I am. I have a friend from Houston visiting today. I'm putting on my pretty dress and makeup and meeting her for lunch to catch up. Do I WANT to? Hell no 😂😂😂 I'm getting in action anyway🎉

[@deb9806]

All my kids lost friends before and after college, who moved or got married, had kids so they are in different season. At 60, I'm without close friends and going to book meetings and exercise groups etc is nice, but friendships don't just develop. People come and go. People have their boxes and you really have to click to have someone want to put out the effort. I'm always open though.

[@cds8249]

I appreciate you sharing this! I am in my late 30s. I maintained a lot of friendships over the years and through several moves as a kid, but since hitting my 30s and having a kid it seems my friendships are dying off as we are in different seasons of life. It's nice to hear you say this happens, painful as it is. I am learning to hold on more loosely to friendships and not expect much/not have many expectations. Trying to be a friend without expecting much in return if that makes sense.

[@mamajojovegan]

You are not missing anything oo. You need mentors and accountability partners. Nowadays too much deception, envy, jealousy, covetousness , you will soon find out after your first betrayal With friends, that you are missing nothing. Take your time don’t rush to bring people in your life or space. Find genuine people.

[@theanti-come]

Honestly, it's better to have no friends and retain freedom in your life than to have "friends" that only see you as a means to an end. As a dude that has wasted so much $ bailing out all the people I called my "friends" and having all my boundaries stepped on, it's nice to have solitude.

[@sallylara1102]

Spending time with God & reading his word daily has been a game changer. Christ is my best friend. I had many friends too many acquaintances with agendas. Not everyone is your friend or is seeking God. I had to get right with God 1st & it’s a daily practice. Nothing wrong with being still, enjoy your own company. 🙏🏽♥️

[@wbl5649]

well then you ought to know that God has said ' it's not good for man to be alone'....we aren't all monks dear

[@BassBwoy3]

Wow...this one hits. I'm 33 and live by myself maybe an hour from actual friends and it's been pretty lonely this year. While I have a handful of friends/acquaintances, I don't know who/if any of my friends would actually call me to ask me to drive them to the hospital if they needed me. I've been working remotely for nearly 4 years now and moved to a smaller city with little community. I feel this way everyday and am realizing if I don't do anything about it, I will likely not meet new friends, a future spouse or make a great community.

[@pattimartin859]

Working remotely can be an emotional disaster. I have listened to ppl go on and on about not wanting to go back to the office. Bull crap ! Going into the office provides the social time with ppl, exchange of ideas, physically gets a person moving. You can share lunch conversation. Walk around the building together. Shop or sit in the sun. It's called interaction. The younger generations cry about the expensive aspect of driving/subway/biking to work. Set up a carpool and rotate driving. I hear repeatedly that it's a company control issue but look at the emotional toll the last 3 years has cost. Get out and go to work, get out and join a softball league, get out and volunteer in the shelters. The bottom line is get out of the house.....get off the social media and the games and see the world. It's waiting on you !

[@edithandlez]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Phillyfan94]

I feel the same exact why. I’m 29 and all I do is go to work and come home and repeat. I know people but wouldn’t call them friends.

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

​@@edithandlezWho dumped you? Clearly somebody dumped you and you feel the need to get revenge on vulnerable men. In moments like this, we can see the real you. And I don't see you to be a very good person. Maybe work on that for a while and you will find a nice guy.

[@foedeer]

❤ i have no doubt that there are people who would love to be friends with you, but the reality is, is that many are also in the same boat 😂. So we are all walking around thinking we cant connect when thats all we've desired the most. Just need to use courage knowing that alot of people feel the same way but dont know how, and they'll feel so relieved that you made the first move ❤ trust.

[@cathyblasco4497]

I lost my husband of 30 years in 2020 and don't have a friend any more. Never was one to have girlfriends. It's lonely, even though I have people around me all the time. He sounds like a shy guy.

[@Alex-mj5dv]

Jeff, honestly, you’re a sweetheart dude. I’d be stoked to grab a beer with someone like you and put the world to rights. Solid guy, and a heart of gold. I hate that society sometimes leaves people like you, good people with so much to offer, almost by the wayside if you’re a little introverted. Yes, it’s going to take some effort on your part, but you’ll find a few guys your age, or older or younger .. who knows, that will love your company and you’ll love theirs. Keep at it man.

[@edithandlez]

Come out that closet you’re in. You don’t have to call grown men a sweetheart. Literally emasculating him.

[@Alex-mj5dv]

@@edithandlez you’re obviously a guy.. I’ve had more women than your own mother has made you hot dinners pal. Grow the hell up. Words aren’t emasculating, and if they do, you’ve got some bigger problems than other’s words.

[@girlygirl1890]

@Alex-mj5dv You, my friend left a great comment. It shows a lot about your character. You are a good guy as well. Blessings to you.

[@ducks-on-quack]

@@edithandlezyou really left 75 comments on this channel all insulting men. Seek therapy.

[@jwlsngold5026]

​@@edithandlezYour cynicism needs to be locked in the closet, maybe leave the key outside, it's gonna be dark but you'll get through it!

[@JC-xx5dm]

is this just normal now ? All I see are more and more people distancing from each other. Who the heck designed this society ?

[@miraclo3]

i have said it before but Hobbies of the ultimate Gateway into making friends and meeting new people. Figure out something you like to do and there's almost a guarantee chance that there's a local group in your area that meets up on occasion to do that Hobby. For me it's riding motorcycles and playing with RC cars and building combat robots. at least 30% of the reason I got into my hobbies was to meet new people. And it's perfect because you guys already have something in common and can talk about. It might make a lot of acquaintances but on occasion you will need somebody that becomes a very close friend. But you can't do it unless you try to put yourself out there and be a little bit vulnerable.

[@todd2324]

This is a common problem among boys and young men. Its sad but its a choice. You can choose to stay at home and not put in any effort, or you can choose to step out and make things happen.

[@aarondavid5866]

this is crap advice he said nothing

[@janekreger7362]

Join some type of group. Volunteer with community organizations that you can help with.

[@ivankrushensky]

Exactly. I wouldn't focus so much on directly finding friends as I would finding something to do with life besides work. The friends will naturally come.

[@AnovaLisaDragonfly]

Yep, I can relate. When I was in my 20’s I had a couple of circles of friends and good acquaintances. But then 3 girlfriends moved to other cities. Then I met my ex-fiancé who didn’t want me to have male friends, so I cut them out. Now I’m a single, working (remotely from home) mom of a 12yo in my early 50’s. Intellectually I know of things I could do to meet people, but striking up conversations, exchanging phone numbers, staying in touch, and building friendships… that’s where I’m like, how? Especially when I think quietly to myself “who wants to be friends with someone who has no friends?”

[@muny-f2x]

so true, the part... "Especially when I say quietly to myself...Who would want to be Friends with a person who has no friends"

[@solegonz762]

It's time. Please, your health needs community. Better to start now than later. In a blink your child will be grown, & need to make a life of their own. You should start soon. If in FB, maybe try joining in on a walking or hiking club.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Not too impressed how Deloney handled this particular call. First thing Deloney should have asked was caller's age. It's one thing to be late 20's vs. 50's looking for male friends. It gets much more difficult to make male friends as you age, especially the closer you are to retirement age. People are skittish about taking on a new friendship when it is more likely emergency/medical issues could pop up just due to age. Caller even mentioned "who can I call to drive me to the hospital?" Honestly, people might be willing to help a friend of 20 - 30+ years in that situation, but most will be pissed that 2-year friend calls on them. Caller needs to realize that there are priorities in friendships, they are not all equal. Caller needs to get an action plan in place so he can handle various situations on his own. It's rough being single with no reliable friend. As far as his current "friends" that always call on him when they have a problem, but never show reciprocity, like inviting you over for dinner/etc., they are basically using you for the bad times, but exclude you during good times that they include their "true" friends. Next time they call for help, don't blow up or argue, just don't pick up the phone. LEARN TO CAREFULLY SCREEN YOUR INCOMING PHONE CALLS!!! When their crisis has blown over, THEN call them to see how their doing, even invite them over for dinner, and see how they respond.

[@corruptodestructo]

I bet you if he did this live and asked the guy to call people that they wouldn't pick, and he'd actually get to witness the loneliness of this man's life. It's one thing to talk about all the things this guy could do. It's another if he truly experiences it. This is a lot of talking and no discovery.

[@spencermarkham1]

I can’t tell you how many times I tried my damnest to follow society’s prescriptions to make friends and all I get are spits in the face, knives in the back, and being ignored like some potted plant! Most people are so fucking evil and self-absorbed! The so-called “Social” media is a curse!

[@SatanenPerkele]

Don't befriend narcissist. Most propie aren't evil. But narcissist and other cluster B disordered individuals are evil!

[@Tricenarianjourney]

I can’t believe I searched for this 😪 it is so true that many of us are lonely but we don’t find each other. It is so difficult to make friends… I don’t even know how to ! And it’s a lot of burden especially if you are not good looking .. I can’t believe not so good looking ppl doesn’t even deserve friends 😢

[@radiantenergymassage5008]

Wow Jeff, what bravery and vulnerability you have coming on the show! I'm sure you will have tons of friends now! And as for your profession.. let me thank and honor you! I physically cannot take care of my yard, so having my lawn mowed is critical. And exactly at this moment, literally I've been waiting on my lawn man to text me back. If you live in Dayton Ohio, let me know, I could use a grass cut! :)

[@tpolarbeart]

Been in this situation after I got away from all my friends that were not healthy friendships. John was spot on with what to do. In addition to what he said he needs to get outdoor hobbies. Hiking, card/board game shops, motorcycle riding, photography pretty much anything that gets you outside and talk to random strangers. People are friendly!

[@candyluna2929]

Is hard as adults to make friends. Especially after the rona

[@sarcodonblue2876]

People are so paranoid 😢 it is ridiculous

[@candyluna2929]

@sarcodonblue2876 when I go to the clinic with my kids, all other kids 99% of the time are on a tablet. They don't play with each other as before

[@GMCTIM]

Hey Brother ! NO friends is far better than Fake or Toxic friends, ur probably better off ! There very common today ! ✌

[@alisonf6478]

It does start with one’s perception of self. Change the basis of who you are. Just like the doctor mentioned.

[@_bulenty]

You've literally talked nonsense for 15 mins. Your solution is "go make some friends" but he doesn't know how to. You haven't addressed anything he was worried about. Just invite people over for steaks. What people? How?

[@samrusoff]

This situation would be a great use of the "choose your hard" lesson. Sure, going home and kicking up your feet, and watching TV is appealing, but it's creating this really hard loneliness. Putting in the effort and intentionality for reaching out to friends and making shared experiences happen is harder than just relaxing alone, but that hard gets rid of the other.

[@Bojulioo]

I just invited my best friend to my birthday on my new home, he said he will see if he can go because he might have other plans. I no longer consider him my best friend. I will built courage and make new meaningful relationships with new people.

[@monchichipower6334]

Easy to make friends Quality friends isn’t easy

[@kathleenhillier6765]

I identify with this. I learned to keep everyone at arms length. Had no super close friends, but float in different circles.

[@ThePresentTimeNow]

I deal with the same thing. I’ve had my group of friends in high school and a few years after and things just did not work out. We all just moved on. I know there were a few friendships that I could have salvaged but chose not to due to trust. I can honestly say that some were my fault. I’m 30 now. I do want friends, or a friend, but through failed friendships and issues with trust, I keep people at arms length. I have so much to give. I think I’ve given a lot, and lost trust. There is one friend who I miss. It’s a guy, he was a friend. I think about him often, but I don’t know where to find him. It’s been 8 years. I just let life go on. Idk where to even start. I long for a more “rich” life with friends.

[@rhondadeitenbeck30]

I have been in the same boat. I feel for him.

[@TheDylls]

I'm from Hamilton in Canada. In my area of the world, Scouting is an EXCELLENT place to make friends. Even as an adult! Depending on your interests of course, but you can become the leader/advisor for kids all the way from 3 or 4 years old up to 16 or 17 years old. In both cases your main job is making sure that the kids don't stab themselves while you're camping, but in the older groups you're also trying to stop them from hooking up as much as possible lol Either way, you're going to meet a ton of other leaders your own age. There are almost monthly camps with a bunch of different groups going together. And everyone is... Well... A misfit. It's the island of lost toys and all are welcome.

[@jh26pt2]

I feel this way. I do have a wonderful wife, which makes things a lot better. But aside from her ... I could disappear from the world right now, and nobody would notice. Yes, I've put myself out there plenty. I've played in sports leagues, joined running clubs, done volunteer work, was in a single parents group (when it applied to me, before I met my current wife) ... but can't seem to make any lasting connections. I know that I'm the common link in all of those chains, so it must be something I'm doing. I don't think the rest of the world is wrong and I am right. But I am tired of trying to figure out what that something is. From the comments posted here before mine, I can see that I'm hardly alone. Maybe this is just how things are now?

[@slee2695]

Same..it's hard for men to make friends as we get older

[@saltnwaves]

I think there are so many lonely people. I am surrounded by people at times but feel so ignored by all those who might sometimes surround me. Usually at church. I have a lot to offer. I write songs, create videos and offer my services to others and they don't seem to appreciate any of what I offer sadly.

[@alelectric2767]

Forget about others. I carved out my own way because I’’m socially awkward. It’s just the way it is. I travelled alone. You meet people along the way. Distance friends are best friends.

[@rvaidya98]

I do think in modern times, guys are especially vulnerable to loneliness (particularly because it's so easy to get lost on social media and the internet instead of doing things in real life) and as a consequence, we need to be very intentional about making sure we form and keep friendships.

[@edithandlez]

So what you’re saying is that they should accept responsibility and get up and do something about it instead of wasting time online nutting their day away and talking badly about women? I agree!

[@sparklesp9304]

Because they build relationships around utility

[@ProGamER__801]

My plagiocephaly is the reason of my self hate , depression and severe social anxiety,isolation 😚😚life is so miserable for me everyday 😌

[@MrRanDumb2]

Stay strong, the sun rises every day providing new opportunities! Stay strong, and challenge yourself, don't over exert yourself do what you can and take a break, and then go back and try again! Me as someone who doesn't know you, believes in you has faith in you and has confidence in you! Talk to God, let him know!! He answers...

[@themadasshatter1088]

I might sound like I'm exaggerating or being pretentious but I'd say I'm lonely to the point where I just feel empty. I can't enjoy things, there's no point.

[@standground8284]

*I truly hope that he meets friends and I wish him the best! I'm in my mid 30s married with children.* I have not had friends since I've graduated college in 2011; I don't care to. I work in sales, I get enough daily social interaction, my wife and kids are fun and I enjoy alone time when I can. I've lived life on easy mode since no longer having friends and it's nice doing things on my terms. I didn't realize how much stress and drama came along with having friends until I exiled myself from them. *Maybe I'm just weird, but I'm not dissatisfied.*

[@elisee9935]

This is it! Not everyone is built for friends. Just find what is most comfortable for you and what suits you most! Good for you!

[@kaleyjoplinRAWRR]

Well it can be very peaceful for sure but I also think it can be healthy to have friendships outside of who you’re married to

[@Maria-jo6nn]

When you alone it becomes a habit and changing old habits it’s hard. I have a hard time getting close to people. I know how you feel.

[@djpuplex]

Welcome to manhood. Best friend you'll ever is a 🐕.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Dogs are awesome though . People are just hard to relate to .

[@User12345fan]

A lot of Americans are like this

[@jaybrick8973]

I deleted my Facebook after being on there for years the friends I thought I had wasn't really my friends loneliness really can get you down but it is what it is

[@2okaycola]

Same

[@Jesussaveme85]

This is me… I work from home and am not good at keeping friends. I do enjoy my own company but it would be nice to have a friend or companion. My personality as a introvert hinders my ability to nurture friendships.

[@MicheleHerrmann]

Dr. John - Meetup has been a big help for me. I belong to groups that like to go to restaurants and go hiking/walking. I've met some nice people through them.

[@QueenVashhh]

I’m living this reality

[@PaulFerguson-t2x]

What you want friends for? They always let you down in the end, f--k em.

[@celmart0413]

People are so fake and there's no genuine people in this world. Friends lie and stab you in the back. There's no point in having friends because of that.

[@DominickSpano]

This man sounds a little on the younger side. IDK I am 38 years old and I do not have many good friends. I have more so colleagues and close immediate family members, but at this age good friends are basically gone from my life. This is not uncommon, and less my immediate family, I have zero contacts in an emergency situation. It is normal, it should not be, but it is. My neighbors are also a bunch of jerks. If I was being dragged out in a stretched they would not help me, but I would help them at the drop of a hat. Neighbors do not care.

[@Zoha54]

Hi

[@DominickSpano]

@@Zoha54 I guess I have a friend now.

[@Ray.M.12345]

As a gay man i can relate so much with this. I feel so incredibly lonely i have zero friends. Nobody wants to be friends with me because i'm gay. Some nights i wish that i just didn't wake up the next morning....

[@carolcole570]

May I respectfully make an observation from long distance ? I am not gay, so it is only something to consider. I had a gay male friend who has since died. Even though we all knew he was gay, he had loads of friends. I truly think the reason was because none of us felt as if his “ gayness “ was so “ in our faces “. What is the term……nelly ? Since he was just an ordinary joe around everyone with no “ limp-wristedness “, it just never occurred to me to any of us that he was different……even though we knew it. On a different view, maybe you might want to seek the company more of other gay men to hang out with. I hope that maybe just a TINY bit of what I have said will help you. Life can be very hard, no matter which side of the fence you are on.

[@mikeallen2861]

Ironically enough, I’m in the same industry near Jeff.. if only I knew him, we could meet up and talk shop at least..

[@Legacy4magic]

33 and no friends.

[@Enigmalake]

I have a girlfriend but no real friends. Barely want to talk to other people. 😎 Issue I have is most are normal, average, fake, liars. Finding true gems is difficult AF

[@PepeCoinMania]

live your life bro, nobody actually have friends these days. most people are hanging out with bunch of dudes and believe they are friends, until a woman or money comes into place. they have no friends anymore. LOL

[@nick8243]

Friends can be good but also can be overrated.

[@moonie-zw5by]

Shyness can be an issue. No one likes some one who comes across as brash so you can step back

[@GregoAlmighty]

Relatable. This is also my life too. I’m actively working on making friends with my coworkers. I know and am aware that I struggle with internal thoughts on thinking I’m not worth hanging out with or thinking others deserve better except me. It’s very destructive, but I’m trying to get over that hurdle. Thank you for your wise and kind words, John.

[@sourapril]

Maybe making friends or having a group of friends is the social norm and expectation. Sometimes maybe it’s a luxury to be different and alone. Having social skills and ability to make friends doesn’t mean making friends makes a person happy. Do whatever it takes to take care of your mental health and be open.

[@AshleyLebedev]

I wan this guy to know that through illness I lost my entire circle too, it’s definitely lonely but it’s ok. Just gotta get back out there with another story. I have a partner but besides that everyone faded away into their own lives. I think we as we get older just tend to be in smaller and smaller circles and bubbles and sometimes you accidentally get a bit too isolated not because of anything you did but also just by chance. It happens. For me it also happened that I had family disappear as well. I want you to know that there are others out there who have similar situations for whatever reason and you are really brave for making such a call. For me I had only a few good friends my whole life and a partner, never really a family and I agree with John, it just requires a lot of courage and intention to get out there. My friends faded when they got sick or I got sick long term or when they had kids. Nothing was intentional. Just because you don’t have close friends or anyone close right now doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of that or that you aren’t a great friend. I would say join some meetups that look interesting. I wanted to also mention though contentious to say, my beau is on the spectrum / aspy and I sense a little bit of divergent neurology in voice and call. Might be a little bit of truth in there if you find others find you odd or diff all the time but let me tell you something, ain’t nothin wrong with you even if you are diff or FEEL diff or have trouble hooking into friendships. Join meetups with singles or likeminded events like getaways etc. You’re very brave for making this call and we all support you x

[@BeckyValkyrie]

The same thing happened to me. Illness and friends kind of just fading away. It's also really difficult to make friends when you have kids because sometimes when your kids make friends those parents don't really mesh with my husband and I, or vise versa. Luckily I have my husband, or I don't know what I'd do with myself!

[@AnovaLisaDragonfly]

9:56 - What John says… beautiful and powerful. I needed to hear that. And, from the moments of silence that followed, so did the caller.