I'm a Suicide Survivor. Here's What I Learned. (It's uplifting, I promise.)

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foundationsrev... ***
Sometimes I see people in the historical sewing world ask each other what the hell Cathy Hay is doing. "Does she think she's a motivational speaker or something?"
Well, there's a reason I make these videos, and it's a story I've never told publicly before.
It was thirty years ago, in 1992. I was 18, I wasn't fitting in, and I wasn't doing well AT ALL, mental health wise.
In fact, for 30 years I've been keeping very quiet about exactly what happened that year. But it's time to open up and use my story for good.
Today's video feels like the most important video I've ever made. And I'm pretty nervous about it.
But if you want to hear my TRUE story - especially if you're in a dark or suicidal place yourself right now - well, this might help.
Love, Cathy x
Edited by Sophie Black at @triskellepictures
/ @triskellepicturesuk
** Music **
‘Guna’ by Martin Landh
‘Cotton Dreams’ by Elm Lake
‘Amber Hibernation’ by Lama House
(All from Epidemic Sound)
** Photo credits (in order) **
Nazar Sharafutdinov
Sam Clarke
Samuel Ferrara
‘v2osk’ (Paul Morris)
Janko Ferlic
Vjekoslav Domanovic
Raluca Enea
Johanneke Kroesbergen-Kamps
Danielle Dolson
Daoudi Aissa
Jordan McQueen
Chris Lawton
Sami Takarautio
(All from Unsplash)
You can also follow me and see my own sewing on Instagram:
/ cathy.hay
Your letters and cards are welcome at
1 Northumberland Avenue
Trafalgar Square
London
WC2N 5BW
United Kingdom
Please don't send parcels - the fees to have them forwarded to me can be expensive! Contact me first if it's something special or important.
Thank you, thank you, to everyone who has sent something to me. It is deeply valuable to read your words in your own handwriting and hold them in my hands. It helps me to connect to who you really are, and what you really need from me. I read, enjoy and treasure every one. Thank you.

[@CathyHay]

988 is the new Suicide and Crisis Lifeline number in the United States from tomorrow (Sat July 16th 2022). It's like 911 for mental health support. Resources for many other countries, including LGBTQIA+ and trans specific help: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines Personally, in the past I have contacted the Samaritans in the UK and I think they're amazing. Phone them on 116 123

[@Orteal]

🫂

[@sameoldsonganddance]

You are such a beautiful person, I’m so glad you’re here, Had you died in 1992 no one would have heard your advice. No one would have learned your sewing techniques. No one would have met you and gotten to know you through your videos.Stay here you are loved….. From Chicago

[@themurrrr]

Sadly, we have no suicide helpline in my country.

[@sameoldsonganddance]

@@themurrrr Do you currently need help?

[@FluffyFlowersTV]

Please pin this comment to the top of the comments list. Thank you❤

[@teddyfeld]

Every night before I go to sleep I imagine the whole planet earth for a second and mentally try to send out a little speck of happiness and peace to every person on that planet. I don't know you personally, but please know that every night I think of you anyway. And I hope that makes you feel like someone cares. Because I do.

[@fvs3189]

that is really beautiful

[@paulasimson4939]

What a wonderful and caring thing to do! You made my day with this message. I'm going to do this now too.

[@CathyHay]

Thank you so much for this. It means the world to care for the world.

[@thea-rose]

Wow, this is so beautiful

[@karenstevens3384]

thank you for thinking of me and every single person in this world . i shall think of you too now that i've read this beautiful message xxx

[@ceuson3]

I pulled myself out of depression from a toxic marriage by choosing to follow anything that pleased me - a TV show, food item, bracelet. This grew to become choosing an intention - to repaint my kitchen cupboards, sew a skirt, read a book, plant a garden bed. I baby-stepped my way to having control over my, now single, life. I clearly remember the day the depression started to lift. It was so obvious I couldn't make myself feel so stuck, even if I wanted to because I had regained control over the content of my life. I've had tough times, but I always have a bit of joy everyday, even if it's just a cup of tea & clean teeth in my lovely bed at the end of the day. Choosing to put my simple treasures back into my life gave me my life back.

[@sharlahart986]

I am going through a divorce now and recently moved into a small Victorian cottage. It's what I've always wanted, but I admit to feeling unsure and overwhelmed. Your words have inspired me. Thank you.

[@e.d.3993]

Thank you for posting this, Ceuson Ratliffe, I am currently VERY depressed, and I will think about finding at least ONE thing I can be happy about or thankful for each night before bed.

[@denisepotter7462]

I am working on being grateful for one thing everyday. Sometimes it's hard but I keep trying.

[@denisepotter7462]

@@e.d.3993 it's funny I just read your post and realized I said about the same as you did. I'm depressed too. Maybe your words allowed me to be brave enough to say what I was feeling too. Thank you. And thank you Cathy for this beautiful videos. Very inspiring and helpful

[@dianakirkpatrick6789]

I was in toxic relationships all of the first 40 years of my live. I was finally able to get free of them. Slow baby steps. But each small step grows into bigger ones.

[@CameoFarmer]

Oh Cathy, I cried straight through this. There were a few days about three years ago when I stood in the kitchen with a knife pointed under my rib cage. The only thing stopping me then was the thought of my little sister finding me. But I've been in therapy for four and a half years and I came to realize that the real reason I stopped was because if I was dead I had no options, but if I lived I would at least have the option to try. I promised myself that I'd live just a little longer and if it didn't work out I could always go back into the kitchen. But it did get better, very slowly, and today I'm in a much better place. I still struggle with panic attacks and social anxiety that keeps me alone a good deal of the time, but I'm happy to be alive and I intend to keep living for a very long time. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for inadvertently changing that woman's life. Thank you for taking that step yourself, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad everyone who sees this video is here. Just stay a little while longer.

[@CathyHay]

"If I was dead I had no options, but if I lived I would at least have the option to try." Thank you for giving yourself that chance. It made all the difference. I'm glad you're here.

[@OrthodoxMidwife]

💜💜💜

[@peggyriordan9857]

I'm glad you are here to tell your story and that alone helps others. Thank you so much.

[@BritInvLvr]

Your story actually made me say whoa out loud. I’m glad you got help and are still with us.

[@karenstevens3384]

oh my goodness ...this is so uplifting . i hope some one who needs this gets to read it .. just stay a while longer . i too am glad you're here xx

[@Anne-jb8ww]

To anyone reading this. You are not a mistake. You are enough. You are not alone. And your life matters. I am sending you strength and love.

[@herstrangekind]

One thing that helped me is deciding to forgive myself for something that haunted me for 20 years. I never graduated college and felt so much guilt and shame for disappointing my parents. After my dad died 2 years ago, I found out the same thing happened to him and he carried it around for 50 years. So I chose to cut that guilt loose, both for me and for his memory. If you are reading this, maybe you can forgive yourself too.

[@e.d.3993]

Dear Herstrangekind, I am so glad you were able to cut the guilt loose for both of you. I went back to school in my fifties, got accepted into the College of Engineering, loved the coursework, but became desperately depressed my junior and had to drop out. Much shame and guilt, but childhood abuse set me up for the depression. Still trying to forgive myself...

[@heatheralfano1871]

Thank you for sharing this. Your story has impact 🤍

[@BritInvLvr]

Guilt is a wasted emotion has been my mantra for a long time. Guilt had been oppressing me for way too long for things I can’t change. Letting it go is so liberating. It makes me glad that you let it go too. 😊

[@theor3404]

Thank you for this. I have tried multiple universities and have been struggling with guilt of the failure of not being good enough. It's a process, but working towards the idea that I tried enough, but my effort wasn't matched

[@healinggardens-terribowlby3129]

@@e.d.3993 don’t give up… still believe that anything is possible… And believe in yourself.

[@vanessac5137]

I cried my eyes out listening to this, I've been there with the bottle of pills, I'm still struggling but I'm still here x

[@sophroniavachon4727]

So glad you're still here Vanessa! *hugs*

[@talanigreywolf7110]

Me too friend, me too...

[@pernillemakholm645]

Thanks for sticking around. ❤️

[@deborahalgra1607]

Wonderful you are still here - I hope there comes the time you empty that bottle in your dustbin. You are in control and you can get help

[@mattl1684]

There's a quote that I love it roughly goes "I walked a mile with joy, who chattered all the way. But left me none the wiser, for all she had to say. I walked a mile with sorrow. And ne'er a word said she. But oh! The things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me." This helped me so much and still does to this day. I like to think that bad times come to teach us how we can create the life we want and need to live. It helped me a lot to think of sorrow like a friend teaching me what not to do.

[@penelopefp]

Oooh, lovely quote!!! I was diagnosed with ADHD 8 years ago, in my late 40s. Long story short, all the struggles and pain have built my experience such that now my ADHD is my super power. I now have a career I love working in special education, supporting students in ways neurotypical brains can't.

[@Teverell]

And now I'm crying. It's true, very true. Thank you for sharing that!

[@jennifers4051]

What a lovely quote! So quietly profound. Thank you for sharing.

[@em945]

@@penelopefp very cool!

[@leslienichols5268]

@@penelopefp Lovely

[@MizzMaree7]

The technique that I finally used to bring myself out of the dark well of despair was to find someone that needed regular help. At first it was a man who needed a driver to get to his medical appointments. He was charming and the times we shared were treasures. After him, I found an acquaintance (now friend) who no longer drove, and he and I go run errands and I take him as well to his appointments. These mundane, simple acts of presence are what have kept me from horrid depression during this ongoing SARS-2 pandemic. Don't know where to start? Walk into your closest church and ask if there's someone there you can do for. Doesn't matter if you are religious or not.

[@mariewaters9346]

56 years ago when I was 10 years old. My mum took an overdose in front of me. I’m 66 now and every single day since then I think about my mum. It didn’t ruin my life but it altered the person I’ve became. There was nobody there for me to mend it . I wasn’t old enough to repair it. I can only ever be that selfish little girl that still mourns everyday for her for her mummy.

[@CathyHay]

Oh Marie, I'm so very sorry. Huge hugs and love to you.

[@Dingusmaningus]

Dear Marie You were not selfish. It wasnt your fault and you didnt do anything wrong. Your mother should have protected you from her demons but they blinded her eyes, she could not see you or even herself. I feel in my heart you will see your mother again someday. Your eternal love for her is testament to the goodness that is in you, and her. Some things go on after death, some things are always connected. Be well, sending you love from another part of our world

[@BrianLindahl]

So sorry Maria. My heart breaks thinking of the hurt you endured. I am grateful you are here to share your story.

[@JulieHelmrich]

I kinda just fell in love with 1992 Rob…

[@CathyHay]

He's a good guy. :)

[@midnightqueen3332]

@@CathyHay I hope you're still friends with him, provided he is still here with us. Friends like that are generally keepers that you want to have around in some capacity.

[@helenkemp6468]

​@@CathyHay❤

[@bruiserw8]

To all the men out there who have landed on this video, especially those who suffer with depression and feel like life is hopeless. You are not alone. Take the steps ask for help, drop your ego and pride, walk forward talk to a friend, a doctor ANYONE! I was where you are once. But KNOW, depression is the great deceiver, it will lie to you, make you feel Isolated and alone when are are not. There is ALWAYS hope. Ask for help. I promise it does get better, not perfect but better so that you can go on living and thriving. YOU have the power. If you are at your darkest hour, say yes to life, the world needs you.

[@pathenke5641]

My husband commit suicide 25 years ago. Had to raised my children by my self. Sewing help me to heal. My children are in their 40's

[@shainazion4073]

I hope the children received help. Having depression can be genetic.

[@elisedavis6422]

You are so strong, keep up the sewing 🪡 🌸

[@CathyHay]

How unimaginably hard, Pat, I'm so sorry. You must have had to build enormous courage to keep on going, and I'm glad you found your way through by being creative. How lucky your children are to have you.

[@pathenke5641]

Thank everyone I had people that helped me. I called them my angel people

[@shainazion4073]

@@pathenke5641 truly angels !!

[@christinemoon8354]

For the person who needs to hear this: you are lovable - just the way you are. Don't change for anyone, don't compromise your magic to gain someone else's love.

[@rebeccadonkeyknot4795]

Well maybe they're wrong

[@katk3056]

to whoever scrolled down in search for uplift. I don´t know what you are going through, but I am so proud of you for watching this video and then deciding to scroll down. I am proud of you for being alive today, for making it to this day, to this time and for scrolling down into the comments to maybe...just maybe get some comfort or some message of love. Here it is. I love you. And I am happy you are in this world

[@OrthodoxMidwife]

💜💜💜

[@paralyzedwave1286]

🖤🖤🖤

[@marjohnsmusings3222]

Thanks Kat K.

[@ks710]

Thank you. Thank you for saying this.💙

[@kimberly_erin]

Thank you! You make a difference.

[@bakaichigo]

REwatching this after 9 months, because sometimes you just need the reminder that you're stronger than you realized

[@mayrapakastin]

I struggled with undiagnosed ADHD almost until my thirties, which led me to many dark places and severe depression. Whoever is reading: when you are ready, please stop isolating yourself out of shame. You don't have to do it all at once, but start by telling one person how you're actually doing. Sometimes it's easier if it's not a friend or a parent, just speak to someone. I promise it's worth it even if you're terrified of someone "finding out".

[@d.v.stuyvesant6944]

This is me. Except I’m turning 60 this year. A month ago I was at work and one of girls I work with, an overachiever, was talking about how her life changed after getting treated for her ADHD at age 15. So I made an appointment with my doctor to talk about it. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a failure because I couldn’t study, I couldn’t complete assignments, couldn’t get things done around the house, and so on… it was terrible and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. It turns out that my ADHD is pretty bad so I have an appointment with a different doctor to get treatment for it. It’s such a relief to finally have some answers.

[@mayrapakastin]

@@d.v.stuyvesant6944 Congrats on your diagnosis! It will only get better from here!

[@magorzatakrasowska5247]

Could you tell if you take medicines for ADHD? Is it posible to have normal life without them?

[@mayrapakastin]

@@magorzatakrasowska5247 I take medication and it helps a lot! With other professional help, such as occupational therapy, neuropsychiatric rehabilitation and/or psychotherapy it's entirely possible to manage your symptoms without meds, but let's face it, whatever "normal" life is, we do not live it and it's ok! We just go about everything differently, and learn to work with what we've got, just like anyone else.

[@magorzatakrasowska5247]

@@mayrapakastin thank you

[@annelewis7531]

"I'm not broken" that has meant a lot to me. I felt a burden to my family and was angary and upset. I worked out how and were. As I struggled to but my shoes on so I could drive to that place my husband not knowing my plans said " you can't drive in the state your in, you'll kill someone". That made me stop, it's one thing to take my own life but not to take someone else. I then reached out to the leader of a mental health group I attended and was supported to get the help available on the NHS. I do still struggle but I have never let myself go into that "thought file" where I've put that dark feeling. My body is broken/braking but it seems I'm not broken

[@marjohnsmusings3222]

I realized my puppies might die alone before anyone discovered them. Odd the little things that save us.

[@ushere5791]

you ARE whole. you ARE beautiful. you make this planet better every day you are here.

[@ushere5791]

@@marjohnsmusings3222 hooray for puppies!

[@sunflower_stargirl]

My children were the reason I asked to go to the hospital to be in the psych unit. I had the smallest amount of caring about them left and I used it to get help. I did truly think they would be better without me, but the tiny logical part in my brain knew differently. It is different to think of hurting someone else.

[@kf10126]

​@@marjohnsmusings3222this is so much later than your comment but that pet concept has stopped me from doing it so many times. I love them so much.

[@sarahjowright1730]

I have my own story, which I choose not to share, but I do share my conclusion, which is this: I may not be able to choose my circumstances, but I can darn sure choose my own adjectives. Therefore, I chose Companion. I chose Witness. I chose Survivor.

[@gabib4261]

For whoever is having a hard time right now: I had very dark times since my early teenage years, battling with severe social anxiety, panic attacks, moments of depression, and feeling isolated from everything and everyone. It became worse during my last year at university. What always kept me going, even in my darkest moments, was, strangely enough, the beauty of nature - birdsong, trees and forests, all creatures great and small. My thought was always: „I don‘t have the strength to fight anymore, maybe I should jut give up. But I don‘t want to leave this beautiful world.“ So I started to look for help and finally decided to see a therapist. I am 41 now and I still have very dark moments, my anxiety is still present every day, I still at times feel isolated and alone. But instead of fighting these feelings, I learned to take them by the hand and let them walk with me and sit with me. In these tough moments I pause and listen to what fear, anxiety and my dark thoughts try to tell me. I still find solace in nature and I try to calm my mind with music and literature. I now listen carefully to what my mind needs. Believe me: It gets better. It is not an easy path but it is worth it. Don‘t shy away from asking for help and please don‘t feel ashamed for needing help. Your mind might tell you that you are by yourself but you are not ❤️❤️❤️ Cathy, thank you so much for sharing your story!

[@e.d.3993]

Thank you for sharing this!

[@joellenruggiero4953]

The pointing out of the fact we have more control than we think is the most important piece of any of life's puzzles...and claiming the control of choice is the first step to saving your own life. Thank you for speaking this truth.

[@CD-rp1sl]

Cathy, I'm so glad you are still here. You're making the world a better place. I see in the comments some people who say in their dark moments they thought no one would miss them, that they're not important - to anyone thinking that, know it's not true, and I'm not just saying that as a generic reassuring comment. My best friend died by suicide a year ago and even though she wasn't close to most of her family and she and I weren't talking at the time, all of us are devastated. I'm sure she thought we wouldn't miss her but she was so wrong. We are never ever going to move past it, because we loved her, and people in your life probably love you just as much. I could go on and on about the hell that is surviving her loss, wondering why, and what her last thoughts were. I'm not trying to be selfish or insensitive making this about the loss survivors instead of my friend, just trying to say you probably matter more than you think you do! And if you genuinely have no one, give yourself the time to build a better life and find people who will love you. I wish my friend had been able to get the help that she needed. I wish she was here. Please get the help you need. Best wishes.

[@marjohnsmusings3222]

C D losing a friend after a period of estrangement is hard. Be gentle with yourself and don't let survivor's guilt injure you.

[@CD-rp1sl]

@@marjohnsmusings3222 Thank you

[@thevirtualtraveler]

I had a cousin, close in age to me, who committed suicide in her early 20s. We lived states apart and had only played together a few times as preteens, but I always felt that, with my own history of depression and suicide, if I had had a chance to sit down with her and talk to her, to share my own experience, that I could have helped Jessie. Decades later, I mentioned that to one of her uncles and I remember Bill looking sad and saying, "Yeah, we all feel that way." She came from a huge family, 11 aunts & uncles, + their spouses, innumerable cousins, and she must have had many friends. It is so sad to think that there are hundreds of people walking around this earth thinking, "If I could have just talked to her, I could have helped." I barely knew her, and I still feel sad to this day thinking about her. There is a hole in this world where she should have been.

[@ushere5791]

i just commented that i considered suicide at age 7. i was the black sheep, truth teller, and all-around scapegoat. the entire family blamed their problems on me, so i was in a situation not unlike your friend except that i thought i might not only not be missed but that i would be solving all their problems by taking myself out. as a tiny child that age, i had no understanding of my family and their issues as i do now. they would not have had a clue why if i had killed myself. all each of them knew was their own problems--they had no understanding at all that i felt so isolated, abused, and neglected...to me, they all thought i was spoiled and just a bad, wrong, inappropriate thing. all i can say is that it behooves us all to tell the people we love regularly that we love them and why.

[@CD-rp1sl]

@@ushere5791 I'm very glad you're still with us and got to grow up ❤️ I'm sorry you had to grow up in an environment like that, I hope you're better off now

[@sarahhornung3721]

That Common Sense Corner is probably the best place I've ever been invited to! Cathy-Thank you for your support, encouragement, and humanity. To You, Whomever needs a boost- You have so much value, inherent in your humanity. More than that, your life is a big, wild, wandering story, and I hope you find some beautiful passages within it. Sometimes the smallest things get to us...but just the same, some of the smallest things are the most uplifting-allow them to, even if it seems silly or inconsequential. Take a breath, have a sip of water. One second at a time.

[@CathyHay]

You're so welcome. I'm glad that was meaningful for you!

[@queennehelania836]

At the end of the day, the choice to live or die is yours, and you know yourself best. Just know that you have stuff to tell people, things to create, and that life can be lovely even with depression if you let it. Life is a gift! You get to decide what to do with it now. I almost died my first year of college, and tbh I still have really rough moments and little shadow thoughts in the back of my head. But. I've started thinking of my bipolar disorder as a daily maintenance task. I've given up on banishing it completely--it might not go away--but it can be managed. One of my therapists told me a story about a monk who ran from their demons for years until she got cornered in a cave by them. She made tea for them and invited them in, and they ate everything she gave them, but by treating them like honored guests and feeding them, they became friends instead of consuming her. I liked this story a lot. I try to treat my demons, fears, doubts, etc, with care and gentleness. If I ignore them or run, they will find me anyway, so I may as well maintain them in the moment. Feel gross and unloveable? Take a shower and show some kindness to yourself AND another person. Feel like everything is pointless? Wash the dishes and learn the point of pointlessness.

[@orionova]

I'm also a survivor. My attempt was also with pills. I also just got out of an abusive relationship that had me so depressed that I was certain that the only way I could escape it was through suicide. I'm currently homeless but staying with friends. We get along well and I am in trauma therapy trying to get back to a better place. But that means that my sewing machines and supplies are in storage. I would like to think that I am putting all the work in now so that when I get my own place again, I will be able to start sewing again and enjoy it, rather than being overwhelmed. I'm also hoping to go back to school. I am considering studying psychology so that I can help others the way I have been helped.

[@CathyHay]

Good Lord, what a trauma you have been through. Enormous congratulations for escaping. That in itself is a HUGE win. You have already put in a huge vote for yourself right there - and you're getting help, which is amazing too. You are so going to make it - and yes, you will find a way to pay it forward so that someone else doesn't have to suffer the way that you have. You could even consider the idea - if you want to - that you went through this so that someone else won't have to. That's miraculous.

[@georgiejenkins6900]

I sent this to my sister I hope she watches it. I love her so much and I’m so proud of her. She brings joy to people and she doesn’t even realise it. She is loyal. She is beautiful. She is kind. She is worthy. She is loved and most of all she is not alone. I love you Nomi xxx

[@SnackuPacku]

Don't deny yourself the possibility of a better life. You deserve to see it come to fruition.

[@festivalkyrie]

After years trying to get out a hardcore amount of traumas, there was one thing that hold me back, only one. I adopted a tiny black kitten 8 years ago, and through months, then years I've spent isolated completely from people, this growing fella was with me. One night I had my breaking point, I wanted to go, it was the first down point of the spiral, and I got out of the bed to get the first tool to make a decision - my cat was watching me. He saw me crying, and for the first time just jumped to me for cuddling. He prevented me trying to do something stupid for a few more times too. As I realized that there's any creature that gives me love and care, every moment spent raising and having him suddenly made it all worth my life. I suddenly felt horrible, what would happen to him if I'm gone, or he couldn't wake me up anymore. Thinking more into that it was never about "being charge of someone else's life" but more of a feeling "I finally had the chance to help, and care without limitations and fear, and someone was worrying about me.". As you got to the part about the paper found in the attic, I just started crying, how lucky we are. How every cursed, hurt minute was just gone from a presence of someone else. At my left, my cat appeared next to me, as he heard me crying. What happened to us, is never erased completely, but a presence of someone, anyone feels like cutting off al the pain, and lure back to life to what really counts. Thank you for this video 🖤🖤

[@francelleduplessis5965]

My cat has been that for me too.

[@lilolmecj]

I know of a psychologist who would only accept a depressed patient if they agreed to adopt a pet. He realized that having a pet that needed them would very much improve their outcome. Pets just love us, they don’t leave us, reject us, suggest ways we can improve, or hurt us on purpose. Glad you stuck around.

[@kikidevine694]

Not all of the time, but sometimes having someone or something that depends on us can keep the worst demons at a distance, sufficient to keep us anchored to life.

[@mauricepowers3804]

I am 69 and have complex ptsd. I am so much better, getting sober 36 years ago, but I still have so much grief and pain. I love your post and Cathy, thank you for this video 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@mikamacaroni]

I also have a little black cat who is keeping me going. I recently said goodby to my 20-year-old cat and it’s left me devastated. All my pst traumas/grief/losses caught up with me and some days threaten to engulf me. But my little black cat is the only thing keeping me from giving up. It would be selfish of me to die. Cats are truly amazing. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️

[@RAnderwill]

I’ve tried to …. Exit this game for many years but then one day - I decided to stay around out of spite. And that’s worked for me for about ten years now. Your situation is different than mine but I can relate. Congratulations on over coming and continuing- it’s always hard but sometimes the light comes around and it’s always a welcome sight

[@CameoFarmer]

I had a bit of that too. If I was dead, my father, my abuser would win. He'd be alive and well and he'd have finally taken me down. So I'm alive now, and guess what, he's living a small, addictive life with no friends or family. But most importantly, I'm happy now and I don't think about him anymore.

[@RAnderwill]

@@CameoFarmer I have found that the impact of people like that can stick around and manifest in so many ways. But sometimes as we grow and get far enough away from it - it’s easier to see what it was and to maybe never understand but to overcome it. My father was also not like other dads - although a different scenario . And I felt a lot of raw anger and hurt from his actions- still do to this day. But now I see it wasn’t really me that was the problem even if he felt like I was. I’m sorry about the situations you faced and that you also had to find strength in that type of pain. I’m glad and proud of you for finding a place that you Feel okay to breathe in . It’s a form of success that not everyone will understand but it’s incredibly powerful. 🫂

[@michellezamaftas1712]

My cat was my reason for living for a long time. It doesn't matter what or who you choose to live for, just choose something. Don't die before finishing reading those 100 books. Don't let that creepy old man outlive you. Don't prove the bullies right. Whatever it is, hold onto it while your strength returns.

[@BritInvLvr]

I’m glad to read you figuratively shook your fist at whatever was trying to oppress you and a strength in you uprose and took over.

[@RAnderwill]

@@BritInvLvr ha! It was a very “Rorschach” / watchmen moment for me. But it’s worked so far

[@NagemYelmul]

Something I think some people might need to hear: You don't have to be happy all the time. You can be sad, yoiu can be angry. Try not to let anyone (even yourself) tell you that you can't feel emotions in any situation. Your feelings are just as valid as anyone elses. If you encounter a situation where you feel an emotion that seems odd to have, try to analyze what exacly triggered that emotion. In fact, try to analyze what causes you any emotion. Emotional understanding is an amazing thing. It helps you understand yourself better, understand other people better and have empathy for the struggles that others go through. Remember that everyone experiences life and emotions differently. You may not present emotions the same way oither people do or even the media thinks you should and that is okay. You don't have to. TLDR; You're emotions are valid even if you don't show them the way people may expect you to.

[@marjohnsmusings3222]

Making space for fear, anger and sadness is really important. Nobody is happy all the time. Bad things happen in every life. We have the right to get upset. We also have the power to shift our focus and climb out of draining emotions when they no longer serve us.

[@CavySong]

It’s ok to not do a thing until you can do a thing. Feelings are real while they may not always reflect reality. There is always someone who is glad you are here.

[@laurenloertscher1319]

Asking for help is terrifying. The possibility looms before you, darker and more frightening in that moment than Hamlet’s undiscovered country. BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS: do it anyway. The fear can and WILL end. What's the greater risk? Really? Ask for help. Find someone, anyone to talk to. Get out of your own head. There are people who know about this, have experienced this, and have helped others overcome this. You're sight here is limited. Trust the horizon. The mountain. Take one step. Just one. Only try. You will not regret it.

[@fayef4198]

Every stranger that walks down the street and smiles at me can be the thing that helps me make it through the day. Your presence has made a difference. You change more peoples lives than you could ever imagine

[@mandarazlim1677]

I recently rediscovered the Highly Sensitive Person, though I'm almost certain Cathy has mentioned it before. My first instinct was to reject it. "Is this real? Or is it a convenient excuse I'm giving myself to be weak." I know where that thought came from. I know the biggest demon I face is the societally convenient image of the "tough, well-adapted, mature working adult". So much so that when offered a sensible, scientifically-backed explanation for everything I felt was broken about me, I rejected it as an excuse. I suppose this is especially prominent in Asian society, we tend to brush off or accept a lot of things that friends from other countries or cultures may cry outrage for on our behalves (thank you for caring, btw). I suppose my message is this: The societal, systematic pressure on adults to perform (supplemented often with pressure from family) can cause us not only to stay silent, but even reject the help we're offered. It becomes this problem within a problem whereby, the mental health issue is NOT just your imagination, but there can be fears towards seeking help that very much are just your catastrophised imagination. It makes getting the help a one-two punch whereby you not only struggle with the illness, but also struggle to accept the help that is there, making Cathy's video today all the more important. I'm not sure if this would help anyone, I know how stubborn inner voices are. Regardless, I hope it can.

[@jakeaurod]

When I discovered the idea of HSP and Sensory Processing Sensitivity, suddenly everything made sense.

[@sunflower_stargirl]

A gentle suggestion: if you feel you are a highly sensitive person, look into autistic traits, especially those seen in women. I thought I was an HSP, but it turns out that all of those sensitivities were actually autism. I had my year anniversary of being diagnosed in July. I’m much happier and stronger and content with my life now that I know why I am the way I am. My brain is wired differently. The community of actually autistic people on the internets is very helpful and I’ve come to terms with myself through reading and talking with them. Something to consider if you find yourself to be a bit different and sensitive, regardless of gender.

[@jakeaurod]

@@sunflower_stargirl I don't know if it's true, but I read a simple way to make a distinction between HSP/SPS and Autism. Autism presents as difficulty or inability to empathize while SPS presents as a tendency to over-empathize.

[@kimberly_erin]

@@jakeaurod I don’t know if that is accurate, do you have a source?

[@ljnoble5171]

@@jakeaurod I have to disagree - think that this is an example of what's call the "double empathy problem" - autistic folks empathise and feel very deeply, but we don't express it in ways that are recognisable to the majority, and so we are seen as being unfeeling and unempathetic.

[@rachelstuhr627]

Friend, if you're reading this, know that you're not alone. I'm here with you, and you are stronger than you think.

[@sewfarfromtheeveryday7299]

The self help section of that university library is still there, still helping students. It's there for you too.

[@robbinlarson9193]

Find the light in your life. It may only be a twinkle but it’s there. ❤️

[@sappho8857]

Cathy I’m so glad your still here 💛💛💛

[@julsatmidnight]

You are not broken. 🖤

[@StoryADay]

We can never really know how much we mean to the people around us, but we all have at least one Rob waiting for us to come back, ready to sit with us when we do. Thank you so much for this video.

[@muchtoofullofsand]

I watch a lot of KZbin, but this might be my first comment ever. Thank you for sharing your story, Cathy. The closest I've been to that headspace was spending an entire day in bed wishing with every fiber of my being that I could get a lethal injection. The next day I felt just better enough to think back on how messed up that was, and I started on a new path to getting the help I need to live the life I want to live. To anyone dealing with this sort of headspace: Cathy is right. You get to choose to ask for help, and when you do, take a moment to pat yourself on the back and say "Job well done." Because it is, and you should take pride in acknowledging that for yourself.

[@VampFaye]

Cathy, I'm glad ýou are still with us. We all have issues and deal with them in different ways. I'm also a survivor of 3 attempts. My triggers were more related to my health issues, Unrelenting chronic pain 24/7 365 was a huge motivator. As these issues have been addressed, I can look back and see how far I've come. After having a near death experience earlier this year from Covid, I can say that life is worth living. Embrace it. Seek help if you need it. Find a trusted friend willing to listen. You'll get through it unless you give up. Promise.

[@nancyloomis3046]

Seeing this a year later...thank you, Cathy, for this brave choice to share something so personal and private....and that did and may help others who are watching. I suffered with low-grade but chronic depression for years. I never "had a plan" to end my life or did anything to hurt myself, but rather "suicidal ideation" thoughts with private crying spells and a few times when I fell into a deeper than usual depression and felt like I really crashed. But otherwise, "the blues " that only I knew about, would be a fairly regular thing from my teenage years till my 40s until I got proper treatment. I'm in good shape these days. But there are times the "ghost" of depression will make an appearance to remind me of the black hole I could get sucked into. But now it doesn't last long and I can get back on track with my life pretty quickly. I think no matter what, it's so important to make a promise to ourselves that when or if we get to that very bad place of hopelessness or despair that that we will seek out the help we need...and that no matter what our hurting feelings are telling us, that we know we can overcome and can get the help we need to live the life that we deserve! Bless you and thanks again. 🙏🏼❤

[@classicslover]

Internet Hugs Cathy! Please allow an illustration: If EVERYBODY in the world thought the world was flat...it would NOT make it any less round. When someone suggests I have no worth, I equate that to the flat world thinking. Whatever their reasoning is, it's wrong. Including mine. = ) Our worth, like the round shadow of the earth on the moon's surface, is there. ..so we need to acknowledge it as a fact. Accept it, and move forward with that fact in mind and heart. And it will become even more firmly lodged in mind and heart as time goes on, because we are no longer evicting the truth to make room for the lie. Our fake measuring tape to reach conclusions will become obsolete, because we will know that we will NEVER be of "no worth".

[@cynthiacelenza8587]

My mother passed a very helpful quote to me before I could read “Nothing is so bad that thinking makes it so”. It saved me later in life. A dermatologist prescribed me medications for a skin irritation. I started having crazy dreams at night and one day on the way to work I thought how easy it would be just to end it all so started to look for a telephone pole to drive into. I wasn’t sad. It just felt like something to do. I thought of the quote and I told my husband. He demanded to know what it was I had been prescribed and how much. After reading the bottles, he looked up and firmly said “Stop taking both of these. Take one or the other.” It turned out both were 24 drugs and I had be told to take them every 12 hours which was an overdose and had bad interactions. From a skin irritation to almost committing suicide from allergy medication proved to me sometimes the smallest change can cause the largest impact so tell someone immediately if those telephone poles are coming too close.

[@taylormetzler6763]

Thank you for this... I'm a repeat suicide survivor, and every day I still have the thoughts, even 20 years later. Thank you for sharing, and reminding us all that we're not alone, and for the message that we do have power, even when we feel powerless. Thank you.

[@CathyHay]

Thank you for your openness Taylor, that's a big confession. You are so brave. Just keep on walking, one foot in front of the other, and we'll find our way. :)

[@themurrrr]

You are still here with us ❤

[@margaretgarana911]

I’m glad you’re here

[@oliviab4799]

I'm super late but to any of the moms out there struggling. I'm there with you. Being a mom is so stinking hard a lot of the time but you're not the only one who feels that.

[@sunflower_stargirl]

I agree. Being a mom is so difficult and often so isolating. It’s hard. It truly is. I can’t say if parenting is worth it or not-I’ve never been able to answer that. I do know it can be fulfilling and that I’m glad I’m still here to watch them become full little people.

[@zonagalesweeney3069]

Cathy, these things need to be said so much, there is such a need for us to know that we are not alone. I am so grateful that you have found the strength to be able to make this. I enjoy your sewing videos very much but I really love your thoughtful ones. It’s like having a conversation one on one with you and somehow it makes me feel as if we are in the same room speaking. Thank you for being there and being a friend.

[@ingerteodora5413]

To whoever needs to hear this: it is never to early to ask for help! I am currently dealing with burnout and mild depression, and I didn't realise what was the matter until I had a talk with my doctor and told her that things felt a bit tough at the moment. My husband, who has recuring depression, recently told me that he never really understands how far down he's been until he has come back up again. At least now he knows when he needs to seek help, which has made recovery a lot easier. But for both of us, the healing prosess can't really start unless we acknowledge that healing is needed. So now I am practicing slowing down and being patient with myself. I am also learning that there are people out there who are very happy to help me if I reach out, even though my depression keeps telling me that nobody really cares. Bad mental health and low self esteem will lie to you; don't believe those lies, things will get better!

[@MelissaSue]

❤

[@rachelcartermurphy4854]

I wish we could "like" videos a million times. This is what I and I am sure so many people needed to hear today and many days. Thank you, Cathy, for being the one to say it and being so open and vulnerable with us, we strangers on the internet.

[@joan5054]

💗

[@sayyadinaatreides5322]

For me, at least, the timing on this video is unbelievably apropos. This is what I needed to hear now. Thank you. I first struggled with suicide when I was 13 or 14. I didn't tell anyone or ask for help; I thought it was normal, and I knew I couldn't turn to family about it. It happened again a few times in college, due to a mix of undiagnosed/misdiagnosed mental health issues, family shit, and severe academic stress. But it's in the last 10 years that suicidal thoughts have come back again and again, due to extremely severe chronic pain (CRPS) that crippled me just after I turned 22 and the devastating impact that's had on my life since then in addition to all the previous issues. After spending the last three weeks trapped in bed 90+% of the time due to the pain, in a shitty living situation and near-total isolation and way more other crap than needs to be told, this week I reached out to suicide/crisis hotlines three times. It still so often feels like the rational choice, the only thing that has given me the strength to not give in is knowing how it would hurt the people I care about--even then, shouldn't they want me to not hurt so terribly all the time? Shouldn't they understand, and let me go? But in those worst moments, while I go through the motions to keep myself safe even as I hate doing it, knowing that there are at least a few people I would hurt by ending my life is a reminder that I *do* have those people, no matter how far away they are. That even though I feel so lonely so much of the time, I am not truly alone, not entirely. I really don't know what to expect in the future. Maybe tomorrow I'll need to call again, though I hope that this dark period is finally starting to ease up. And, to be perfectly frank, I still expect to choose to end my life someday. But I promised myself years ago that if I do, it will be a planned thing that I prepare people for, not a spontaneous decision formed in my darkest moments: euthanasia, and not suicide. Making that promise to myself hasn't made any of these darkest times easier to bear; each time, I'm still both afraid and hopeful that this time I'll give in. But it has at least allowed me to do what I need to, to reach out for help anywhere I can find it when I face that choice. And for now that's enough. As Dalinar Kholin says, the most important step a person can take is always the next one.

[@margaretgarana911]

I am very glad you’re on this Earth. Please don’t go. Life can be very good and there are. Sweet moments. You matter.

[@yeahweburnstuff]

Atreides... beautiful and powerful name.... do you know its history? The ONLY reason I don't recommend suicide is that you will come back to go through it again; as we know, once is enough. I have found great comfort in Babylonian astrology, vedic also. Blessings to you bright sister.

[@lesleyharris525]

Hi, I hope you see this comment, I've had crps for 43 years and I have also been considering suicide at times, I don't know where you are but if possible try to get help from the pain clinic, they can help you with your condition, and you can also message me back, sending you love, hope and hugs. 💝

[@MelissaSue]

❤

[@lindseyattenborough2389]

I have a similar story to yours but I'm a bit further along. Enough to say to you that it can get better, that everytime a "professional health" person treats you badly it is not your fault and still deserve good and helpful interventions. A Spren would be good for guidance, but until that happens you must be your own champion. If you feel like you don't deserve it, pretend you're doing it for a friend! Sometimes we have no fight left. That's fine. Rest. Then, when you feel you can, fight a bit more. Feel free to reply, if I can be of any help I would be very happy to be xxx

[@thunderwonder1867]

If you are feeling like you are all alone, here's something that might help. Think about people you know, friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, and know that there is someone somewhere in the world thinking about them and wondering how they are doing. Then turn it around, if you are thinking about them, then there is someone somewhere thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. You aren't alone. Text someone and ask them how they are doing. Be that "someone somewhere" for someone else. It helps me to get out of my own head. I don’t always tell them what was going on with me, but checking in on them helps me sometimes. If nothing else, remember that this Random Internet Commenter is thinking about you, and wants you to know you are not alone. ❤️

[@penelopefp]

@Thunderwonder "Hi, my name is RIC!" Random Internet Commenter. So many people use the internet to troll and be mean, but there seems to be a growing community on the internet that is being accepting and supportive. Even in their anonymity they feel like a friend. From here forward I'll refer to those friends as RIC!

[@BritInvLvr]

So true!

[@udalimb384]

When I'm feeling poor as me and alone, I've learned to turn it around and reach out because I know I'm not the only person feeling that way. When I do this, we are all healed.

[@Rogue368]

To anyone who needs to hear it: you are good and right, just as you are. I may not know you, but I am thinking about you and sending you all the endless love that I have. And if you feel bad: it will get better. You will feel happiness and contentment and peace again. Thank you for sticking around and being here.

[@claudetteyoung3383]

Wonderful message, Caathy. I spent 2 yrs as a suicide prevention counselor and have heard way too much. One thing I know, a gentle hand/smile of acceptance/warm hug all give solace. Thank you for sharing.

[@Teverell]

Thank you for doing that. That's awesome, it makes such a difference that you and others are willing to be there just to listen.

[@claudetteyoung3383]

@@Teverell Most of the time, listening is the most important thing a person can do and the most effective. Blessings to all.

[@carolumyi4768]

Thank you Cathy for making this video. I am also a suicide survivor, and I know how real the struggle is for people to talk about this subject. Thirty- three years ago when I was fourteen years old I was at my wits end with depression and anxiety I just wanted a way out of my sad life. So I went to my bedroom with a knife and attempted to stab myself it was the saddest day of my life, and by the grace of god I threw the knife down and cried because I wanted to live. I am now fifty-seven years old and living my best life ever. Thanks to medication and therapy I haven't had one suicidal thought since that day thirty-three years ago. Just remember there is help out there don't be afraid to reach out and grab it. You are not alone.

[@Cami4268]

I've had some dark times and your story is so impactful. Some things I tell myself (aloud): I cannot do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do. My life has an impact. There are people in my life who would help me if they knew I needed it (there really are). Cathy's right, I am not alone

[@penelopefp]

Oooh, that struck me, "I can not do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good I can do." I get so beaten down with seeing all the negativity in the world. My current deepest, heavy concern is global warming and how the earth is being treated. We recently vacationed in an area that does not recycle and I had difficulty enjoying our time off because I kept thinking about how a little recycling effort would go a long way. Your comment soothed my aching spirit that I can't fix all the world's recycling problems, but I can continue to do the best I can do in my corner of the world. Yes, we've said these words before, but today yours really impacted me mentally where I needed the healing. Thank you.

[@heatheralfano1871]

“I cannot do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do.” Love that. God bless 🤍

[@BritInvLvr]

Good words of advice. Sometimes we get overwhelmed by the tragedy of this world but we need to still what bit we can. We never know how it might help another person.

[@spacewolfcub]

Thank you. That is a specially lovely quote when the fight seems too hard.

[@Teverell]

You're not alone. It can be hard to reach out when you need help but help is there. And who knows, something small that you do might have a huge positive impact on someone else. I'm glad you're around, even if we don't know one another.

[@ChubbyUnicorn]

What helped me: If you die today it doesn't make anything better, you die suffering. All dying does is remove all opportunity for things to get better. Find a bit of light everyday. Make that your focus. A flower, a clear sky, an enjoyable scent, smile at someone, say thank you to people. Yep, it isn't huge or life changing at that moment, but just like crushing grief, happiness &/or a calm soul builds over time, through many small actions and experiences. In pain, our mind lies, it warps reality to see only pain. Taking control and forcing our mind to focus on finding small joys throughout the day bends the lie the other way, but by bit. Changing focus for a few moments gives you a few moments break from the anger, pain, grief, loneliness. Each tiny break builds a tiny bit more energy and helps free our mind from the lies.

[@saranilsson1335]

The fact that these kind of messages are shared, that we reach out to each other and go through the effort to spread the word, means that no matter how alone and useless you may feel, we want you with us. We want to hear your story, we want to learn the wisdoms you can share, we need the help only you can give. ❤️

[@CloudsLoom]

Thank you, Cathy, for allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share your story. Thank you for reminding us that, despite how bleak it seems, we are never truly alone. To anyone struggling to find enough meaning in life to stay on this bumpy ride, you have no idea how much you mean to those around you. Perhaps it's an elderly neighbor you wave to each day when you get the mail. Perhaps it's the person you complimented at the store. Maybe it's your friend, or your sibling, or a co-worker. You never know when your actions -- however trivial -- are the only thing that kept that person from falling away into the darkness. Know that you are special. You have so much to offer. And it DOES get better. I spent many years making 5-minute deals with myself. I'll keep going for 5 more minutes. I won't let go for another 5 minutes. I can happily say that I 5-minuted my way to a wonderful life. Eventually I was too busy living my life, enjoying the world around me, to remember to make another 5 minute deal. So now I figure I'll just make a 20 year deal. You are loved. And one day I hope you find out that the most important person who loves you is YOU. HUGS

[@marjohnsmusings3222]

CloudsLoom, when I was needy love was elusive. When I decided to rely on myself and finally manage that, several people wanted to love me.

[@mikamacaroni]

Thank you ❤️. I think I’ll also try the 5 minute deal

[@denisepotter7462]

The 5 minute deal sounds 👌.

[@flingaflake]

The fairy godmother has spoken! What a brave and important video to make! The struggle is always in the mind and never as big as one might have thought. And life sometimes is like taking one of the difficult hiking paths where you know the aim but need to keep your head down and keep on moving to make it there safe!

[@marjohnsmusings3222]

NordicClouds, sometimes people live through situations others can't even imagine. Hunger, poverty, domestic violence, unemployment, physical injury, chronic pain and addiction are but a few. Struggle can be something one grapples with in real life, with other people, debilitating illness or other sad situations. The worst pain we have personally suffered is the most pain we can accurately imagine. I worked as an OTR for over 30 years with survivors of all sorts of trauma. Sometimes people need quite a bit help and feel guilty to impose. It is hard to reach for help when the person you need thinks your problem is all in your head. Determination and tenacity you espouse to overcome difficulty are great but many folks need actual assistance too.

[@KestralWolfe]

For anyone who needs it: First off, I have ADHD, Severe depression, severe anxiety, and agoraphobia. Second, I am now 45, and am only here because someone saw me, and let me make my own decision to listen to the fact that I was not alone. It didn't always work, and I wear the scars on my arms to this day; a constant reminder of those times. Some were from suicide attempts, some were just self-harm. I felt completely alone for so much of my life. I felt isolated, and that made me spiral into the depression further. Because I didn't like being sad all the time, I became angry. Anger was so mucheasier to deal with than the constant, crushing depression. I say all of this to let you know the depths that I came from. You are not alone. No matter how alone, how isolated you feel, you are not alone. Even when the depression is crushing you under its weight, you are not alone. So many of us have been where you are, and know how deep it can get. We're here for you. Even if it's just to reassure you that you are not the only one in this place. And think about this: you're still here, baby. You're STILL HERE. You haven't given up yet, and that is so amazing. I am so proud of you.

[@mikamacaroni]

❤️ thank you… you’re awesome

[@ReeseSho]

Three attempts later, I'm still here. You are not alone. Just give yourself time. This too shall pass. Just give yourself time. Please. The swell will pass, the overwhelming feelings will pass. Just give it time. There have been more moments than I can count where I just couldn't go on. I gave myself time till I could find the strength.

[@SukhamSpa]

Thank you for being here, you are saving my life too. Thank you all ❤

[@Sonia-cb8dj]

To who ever might need this today: You are worthy of help now, you deserve help and there are people who want to help you now. You don't have to wait until you hit rock bottom, what ever that might look like. I had been feeling not my best and struggling with my mental health for years before I went and asked for help. After all I was managing, I was surviving and there were people who had it so much worse than me, at least that is what I told myself. But all those seemingly small things eat away at you and even if they might be small, they matter, you matter! I eventually started therapy, but at that point I was hanging onto my last energy reserves, so I quit my work on my master thesis and took a break for a year. I just realized that this sounds like a big problem now, when I see it written down. But in my head I still feel like I wasn't feeling THAT bad, maybe I was just not enjoying my work, like it was just a small problem and I made it a bigger deal than it needed to be, that I could have finished if I really wanted to. So yeah, maybe I need to take my own advice and recognize that small problems can have a big impact and they matter. So, don't be afraid to reach out for help, if you even think that you might need it.

[@paulettewilliamson8061]

Thank you Rob (whoever u r)for trying to reach out. And encouraging gesture to all others that do the same. Keep at it, it matters. Thank you

[@Teverell]

I'm glad you are here. It will get better, I promise, just give it time and be kind to yourself. Enjoy the little things, rain on the windows, a beautiful sunset, coffee, the wind in the trees... It will get better. And you will find that you are a stronger, more resilient person than you realise!

[@jsaysyay]

wow, both of those stories hit extremely close to home for me, like some years ago now i was in my first year of college, and god it was so dark emotionally, luckily the school i went to has a wide variety of medical care included in the experience there, so i managed to somehow drag myself to my first ever therapy appointment. i had to leave university shortly after, due to how unstable i'd become. genuinely, i hadn't touched art or any craft for years after, partially due to that and due to a relationship with some guy that went very sour and put me in continual therapy, but yeah, later on i first found your videos in the whole slew of crafting and art creators on here, and it's what finally got me to want to try it out again, now i've done watercolor, charcoal, acrylic, needle-felting, needle-punching, and now i have a small set of embroidery projects i'm loving, along with my immense plant collection, and god it feels so nice to create and enjoy again still learning the "you're not broken" because i got told the very opposite many times as a child from teachers, being that i have executive dysfunction, it remind me of a few years ago at the stylist i go to was this mom talking about her child with adhd, and how she has to defend him in school from teachers etc etc, and when i mentioned my experience she said the exact same words to me, in the moment i said a polite thanks, but that night i cried for an hour because i didn't realize until then just how much it hurt all those years, even now few words affect me more. thank you so much for sharing, for such heartfelt videos

[@CathyHay]

You're not broken - you may be an exquisitely out-of-the-box human, but that's not brokenness. ❤️

[@kinga6321]

Dear J, any variation on the "norm" is here to save people. The world is drowning in the idea of achievement and high performance, even in self help you have to be careful not to fall into that trap (or you will beat yourself up for not growing enough). I am glad of anyone who can't follow that trend, because only they can help the others find their way back to what really matters in life. Thank you, big hug!

[@thevirtualtraveler]

We are not broken. Our brains work differently.

[@sheilaevans2710]

I’ve been in the same place. I felt pointless, no one would notice if I was gone. I was alone and always would be. 35 years later I have a loving husband and two brilliant children. Take life one minute at a time. It does get better

[@davesieler7442]

Cathy, I started watching your channel because of the sewing. I taught myself how to use my mother's machine when I was in Jr. High or High School. I was confident enough in my self-taught skills, that I joined the costume committee for the High School theater department one year. The committee would get together once a week in the home economics room at the school to create and sew. As the only male in the room, the rest of the group didn't know what to make of my presence, but once we settled down to work, they quickly forgot I was there (unless someone had a problem with their machine, then they would ask me to fix it). I learned a lot, sitting in the back of the room, listening to conversations the girls would never have had WITH a male classmate. 40 years later, I have an unfinished needlework project and a few unfinished sewing projects that I need to return too. Sometimes life gets in the way of the fun projects we want to do, sometimes our project focus changes. Nobody can force me to complete these but myself. Maybe someday I will be brave enough to draft my own patterns? Over the years, I have come to the same realizations and conclusions about life, about who is in control, that you talked about in this video. I didn't have a life altering moment like yours, but learned through life itself. As I stated, I came for the sewing, but appreciate your life videos such as this every bit as much, if not more. I giggled myself to tears as you fangirled over the House of Worth. I have been the "Rob" in more than 1 life. I have been the listening ear and the questioning tongue that helped a friend through, not one, but at least two separate attempts to take her own life. I currently have a friend who is struggling because of the mental health issues of a family member. I have another friend who is struggling with self-image doubts. I have no idea how to even count the number of people I have known over the years who have turned to me for help, not because I have special training (I work in a technical field), but because I listen, and can see the worth of every individual. Do I have the answers? No. Do I know the solutions to everyone's problems? No. Do I lead a perfect life, and can be the shining example? No. But I can accept a person with problems without being judgemental. I can listen. I can encourage them to seek additional help. Have I always been successful? No, but I consider these times as learning moments, not failures. I will be directing a couple of friends to watch this video. They need to hear your words, to hear your story and your encouragement to seek out the help they need. Thank you for being you, and for opening up about your life and your struggles, not just in this message, but in all of your videos. Life is not perfect. We all struggle with things. But through the struggles, we achieve great things.

[@Golemkind]

My sibling attempted twice (potentially more), and I am so so so thankful that they didn’t succeed every day. I can assure you there’s always someone who cares, and those people who care so deeply will support you and love you always.

[@marikotrue3488]

Oddly enough, when I was going through a serious illness for some reason one thought resonated with me. What Dory says in the animated movie, Finding Nemo..."just keep swimming". I would add the word "forward" to the end of that phrase. Depression can be a loop which starts and stops in the same place. We need to make it into a road reaches out in front of us so that we can just keep going thus exiting that loop. Thank you Cathy Hay for sharing your experiences with all of us.

[@TJtheBee]

A year ago I sat in my desk chair with a screwdriver in my hand and considered ending things. I didn't realize at the time that's what I wanted, but that's where my mind was. A few days afterwards, I got admitted to a crisis unit and put on medication that helped clear my head from the strange mania I was experiencing. That was the first - and hopefully the last - time I will ever need to be admitted for suicidal ideation that bad. Now, I'm recovering from bottom surgery, I'm painting, I'm drawing, and I'm *happy*. I return to university this fall for my second to last year of school, and after that, I'm going to be the best artist I can be. It truly gets better.

[@dscott3421]

CH: what an amazing woman you are. I am so thankful 30 years on that Rob was there for you. I would find it particularly refreshing if you had kept up with him and reminded him how much difference he made. You have brought us a most wonderful look at the opportunity of life from the bottom of the well, and you have climbed out. Without knowing a thing behind any of this, I have a respect for you that goes beyond words. And how much good will come to others going through their own struggles - you have assured them all that it is possible to come out of the dark place and know sunlight again. I am so impressed. I can't sew, probably never will, but coming upon this one video of yours has energized me greatly to look for ways to encourage others. Thank you!

[@astra1653]

It takes a lot of mental strength to admit that you're broken, and then to do the work to patch up your soul. It's difficult to allow yourself the grace of time... because you didn't get to this point in a week, but rather it probably took years. So allowing yourself the time to heal the hurt is necessary, because as much as you want to "get over it" in a few days or weeks, that's not going to do it. But it does get you started on that journey, and each step you take is going to eventually lead you out of that dark valley, bringing you back to where you can see that beautiful light that shines within you.

[@l.n.4929]

There will be always someone who has bigger pains, bigger sufferings, worse situations. But the "big pain", als small as it seems compared to those you see in others - it is your big pain. It is what keeps you up at night, what worsens the day and spoils potential happy moments. Your big pain is worth being recognized - yes, by others as well, but first of all, by yourself.

[@cw2071]

No matter what your exterior circumstances, make your heart a Sanctuary. Decorate it with peace, self acceptance and things that make you smile. Every day make it a mission to find one good thing to place in your shelter no matter how tiny or inconsequential it may be to others. Nurture it for it will give you the strength to ask for help and to be of help.

[@sabsmcpuffinstuff7770]

When my first husband died, I thought I could not go on without him. I literally thought the world was ending and I just had to hang on till it did. As time went on and the world did not end I realized I existed before I met him and I can still exist without him. Strange thought to bring me comfort but it did. It gave me permission to heal and still find joy without him. I love you and you are not alone.

[@VampFaye]

If you're on that edge, talk to someone. There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you think no one will miss you, watch any Adventures With Purpose's videos and you'll see how much families miss their loved ones. There's so much to live for.

[@RT-py7ju]

We're all in this together, cousins! All of us are of one family. I've survived my attempt as well. It's a daily effort to work on myself as a human being. If I can do it, I believe all of you can do it too. I love you, family! Thanks for being here when I need you, I hope I can be here for you.

[@lennies_mindful_life]

I'm survivor too twice back in 93 and 94 when I was 17 and 18. Glad we are both still here x

[@CathyHay]

I'm glad too. All the hugs for finding the strength to get through. It does get better.

[@raspyni]

"You are not powerless. You are not a victim of your life, or your circumstances." Thank you for your courage, dear Cathy. I see you and the gifts that you bring to the world - and I realize that on some level, it would be easier to not do any of it. You are appreciated by so many. Thank you for going first and showing me that the path can lead to goodness.

[@CathyHay]

Hi love, and thank you. I appreciate you so very much. Still thinking about our brief day flying the friendly skies last month! We're just walking each other home, as Tom likes to say. ❤️

[@damdamfino]

To anyone in their own dark place, I hope you find this helpful. So I have struggled with suicidal thoughts for several years. Hard times mixed with trauma and bad brain physiology. There were a few years where everyday I would think about doing it. And right when I was clawing my way out of that hole and finding meaning in everyday existence, my best friend, my only friend, committed suicide. I had no idea she was struggling that much. So I was in this weird place of understanding why someone would want to do that, but also extremely and painfully mourning for someone who did it. I saw the after affects of suicide on your closest friends and family. I helped her parents in the direct aftermath. I saw them not hold a funeral. Not announce how she died. Erase all their photos of her. Throw away her personal items because going through them was too painful. I saw them divorce. I got all the messages from people crawling out of the void to learn what happened, who said “if only she had reached out.” And then, not long after, everyone else’s lives moved on. So, as someone who idealized suicide for the better part of a decade and then lost my favorite person in the world to it, I can confidently say that it’s not worth it. Your pain that you’re feeling doesn’t disappear when you die, it gets transferred to your loved ones. And if you are hoping that by dying by your own hand, that you might get the love you thought you were missing in life, I can tell you that it doesn’t always end up that way. Once you give up, you lose all control to what happens next. It’s better to stick around. Fight for yourself. Find the things you enjoy. Fight HARDER for yourself. And gain control of your own life. There is someone, I promise you, that would be absolutely devastated when you’re gone. Even if you can’t think of who it might be, I promise you there is someone.

[@adrianburrell6217]

I'm one of those rare people who was born with some of this, some of that, but not enough of either, if you catch my drift. Mom and Dad had already had two boys and had no clue what to do about me. The 's best advice was to raise me as a boy until I was old enough to see where things were going. I knew before I was 6 that I was a girl. My insides screamed it. mom and Dad knew it on some level but in the mid '60s life was soooo very different than now. Growing up, I sang, earned my way into a choir that toured Europe one Summer. One month after we got back I went to audition for the coming season, and my lovely first soprano voice sang the first scale, ascending to the second...and cracked. Upon trying again, right then and there, I had control over 4 notes. 4 blasted notes. 3 octaves to 4 notes in the blink of an eye. My wretched body had betrayed me e by taking away the ONE thing that meant ME. Through school hormones were still a mess, 5' 7", 100 pounds my senior year of high school. Choir (2.5 tenor octaves) and theatre saved what little there was of me. Then I learned to sew costumes. Life became real again. Every musical, film noir, golden age movie flooded my head. Every book that had been my playmate because I had no others had descriptions of gowns and dresses and suits..... Age 21, my parents, after my aking sure that the psychiatrist was as I had always been, the hormones and all and the surgeon was finally able to fix the physical mishmash that had been so carefully hidden all my life. At 21 I was now... basically a teenage girl going through all of those developmental issues, trying to undo others. I was still 5" 7", 100 pounds by the standards of the day, a size 4. (Nowadays a size 0.) First boyfriends happened in college and community theatre. After one particularly bad breakup there was a bottle of phenobarbital in my hand and after taking them over the course of an hour while sewing costumes, I went to listen to music rehearsal. They found me. Got me to the hospital. Mom and Dad got me home. I went back to counseling and decided that no man was worth that and I am deserved better of myself and for myself. Sunshine and lollipops life hasn't always been. The day, after 10 years of marriage, that my husband left bruises on my arms from pinning me to the wall, we were over. My second husband and I have been together for 24 years, married 23. We're happy. I'm still sewing. Even won an award for the costumes of a production of "A Midsummer's Night Dream". But my sewing now is for me. Because I deserve it. The skills gathered over my 64 years of life might as well, finally, get used for me. Other people have worn my finery. I taught skills to others hoping to pass along knowledge to another generation. I have learned now that at some points along the way, taking care of myself should have taken a more important role. So, I do it now. Take care of yourself. Now. Later is harder. Later can be too late to enjoy it.

[@nubiferanota]

i've been struggling with neverending chronic pain for over 10 years now, going from one doctor to another searching for answers, spending all my time alone in pain watching my 20s fade away. man did i want to end it many many many times but i didn't, and two days ago i finally got a diagnosis that checks out with my symptoms and this sneaky little thing is believed to be curable, although it will be hell of a journey. all i have to say, whatever you're going through, answers will come eventually, you just need to stay strong and patient and search for those answers at your own pace. Cathy, i hope that's not too silly, but for me personally in my situation your channel always was and will be a loud "fuck them 20s life doesn't end with youth", thank you for that

[@BritInvLvr]

I used to think that my 20s was supposed to be the best time of my life. Then why was I so miserable? Turned out Things got better. I wish you healing and strength. Your best years are yet to come.

[@sarahcasey4132]

Thank you Cathy for this.. I’ve been avoiding getting help because I felt like I didn’t deserve it or just needed to “get over myself” because I know there are people worse off than me. Thank you for helping me to convince myself to take the first step. And for anyone who feels that they are alone or that they don’t deserve help you definitely do, and if you need someone to talk to I am more than happy to listen.

[@MelissaSue]

❤

[@4parsnips976]

Thank you for sharing your story and kind words, Cathy. I'm so glad you returned to us x My message is to someone dear to me, who is very troubled and refusing help. 'I wish you could hear us, really listen and feel the love that we have for you. I wish you would go a day without reaching for the intoxicating liquid that steals your beautiful heart and conjures the horrid persona. I miss you. Every day I send love and light, and hope that darkness will leave and your true self will emerge again.'

[@julias8658]

A thought that came to me during dark times and kept me going was: "if I quit [life] now, I'll never know what could have been. I'll never know what is on the other side of the darkness. I can always quit later, but let's just keep going for now. I'm not ready to quit yet, even if the voices in my head say something different." It's been a bumpy road, but things have gotten better. And they will keep getting better and better.

[@heyspeckle8782]

Thank you for being here and bringing us your wonderful content! I have my own history with deep mental health struggles and coming close to suicide. The thought that no one else is going to do and work on things for me used to be depressing but now I agree with you, it is very empowering! It took years of therapy to get to this point and to like myself enough to do things for and appreciate myself (and on some days I am not quite there). I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of you, Cathy! I'm also proud of whoever is reading this, you've come this far and you can get so much farther! 💙

[@fionamaclean7948]

Even if you feel broken, it doesn't mean unfixable. Things can change for the better. Not always in the way you expected, often in ways you could never have imagined.

[@lisam5744]

You are needed, you are wanted, you are loved...even if it doesn't feel like it. Sometimes the negative voice in our head blocks out the truth and fills you with all the nasty, ugly lies. I know it can be loud sometimes. But it does lie. Remember, you are needed, you are wanted and you are loved.

[@elisedavis6422]

As someone who suffers with ptsd and clinical depression, this is really powerful. I have had, and am not done having times of deep pain and perceived loneliness. However, it doesn’t last forever, you will have times of peace and happiness in the storm of mental illness. Hold on, stay strong and believe in yourself, even if you feel like you can’t do much, you are and will always be enough. Thank you Cathy for this video, it is very inspiring to see people I look up to share their experiences and times of hardship. I really appreciate your courage in sharing your story and thank you from the bottom of my heart. 🪡🪡☀️☀️🌸🌸 Love and light- Elise

[@dwindlebunny]

Sometimes I think of my past-self and give her a mental hug, to give myself some strength when I needed it most. So now, when bad things happen I can think "me from the future is looking back right now, wishing be strength and sending me love".

[@jeanetteswalberg6166]

Adding a second comment to thank you Cathy for your focus on the beauty in this world. I came across your channel in those days when I needed something beautiful and life affirming.

[@MiffoKarin]

I was 16 at the time, and in the same situation. Sitting on my bed, a bottle of pills in one hand and a glass of vodka from my mother's bottle in the other. I'm sad to say I swallowed both. I regretted it shortly afterwards, but didn't want to wake my parents because I was too ashamed. I vomited, then spent a long time worrying before falling asleep. I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had, but glad to be alive. I got the help I needed eventually, once I had worked up the courage to ask. I've been on antidepressants since then, and while I still struggle sometimes I am so much happier, and the thoughts of ending it are long gone. I have a loving partner, two cats, a stable income, and I'm currently sewing my own dress for my wedding. I know how hard it is to take that first step. It feels like a failure. Try to remember that you deserve to live, to be happy, to feel fulfilled, just like anybody else does. Be kind to yourself, and know that you are not alone. ❤

[@starrlesscreative]

I hope I can give an antidote that might be uplifting for someone struggling where to start to get help. I struggled for 6 years, I knew I needed help. I hadn't realized yet I was autistic and was going through severe burnout both the normal and the neuro divergent kind. 3 years ago a friend of mine started offering the suggestion of therapy. I tried to set up an apt but the phone rigmarole was to much for me so I gave up. A few months ago it was bad enough I knew I needed to try again. I asked my friend for help, they directed me to their therapist. That human walked me through step by step how to set up an appointment, how to find a match. Gave me the words to say on a call and write in an email. Everything I needed to get that start. Because if I had to face that again alone I wouldn't have gotten thru to actually seeing a therapist. I needed that help, and the people around me helped me get it. Ask for help and it will be given. We want you to succeed. Your light is needed in this world, and all is less bright without you.

[@margaretgarana911]

Good friend

[@Mizmatch89]

To who may be looking for a ray of light- you are that light. The fact you're looking means their is hope, you have taken the first step. You've started the journey. It won't be easy but the hardest part is complete, i believe in you.

[@Floraandfolly]

Oh Cathy..... We are so fortunate to have this story in our lives. Thank you

[@Sorashi123]

I've sat on that edge of the bed many times, pondering that decision. I settled my affairs more than once, not wanting to cause anyone unnecessary trouble. And when the time was right, I heard an angry voice in my head. "You can't be serious! That can't have been everything in your life! There must be more than just suffering. You've lived for so many years and not fulfilled one of your wishes and dreams. You stay here and you will live no matter if it you like it or not!" It took me 40 years to find the cause of my problems. I have always been surrounded by toxic people. One of my earliest memories is of my family picking on me and telling me I'm not enough. I must have been around 3 or 4 years old. Being so conditioned, it's no wonder I ended up with a man who picked up where my family left off. He never raised his hand against me, but he fucked my soul until I wanted to die. I've been in therapy since 2017 and by the time he left me I was already one foot out of the relationship myself. So I was relieved it was over. That was December 2020. That's when my healing process began. I deal with my childhood, this relationship and all the trauma. It's an ongoing process. It's not all sunshine, but today for the first time in my life I'm happy and content. So if you've read my novel so far and you're sitting on the edge of the bed right now. That can't have been everything in your life! There must be more than just suffering. You're still here, so don't underestimate your strength. Become aware of your inner strength and trust in it. You don't have to walk the path alone, get the support you need. You can do it. I believe in you!

[@dwallens]

Pressure can burst pipes or forge diamonds. Sparkle on you brilliant gem! And go do that thing you are terrified of doing but will rock it anyways! (Also, that top looks amazing on you and your smile is a shining light!)

[@Niloucannelle]

For you who read this in search of some words of comfort : everything Cathy said is true. You are not alone. You are worth living. You are worthy of love and joy. You deserve to be helped. You don't have to do this alone. And it DOES get better. Pinky promise. Even if each morning is a struggle just to get up and go along with your life. Even if life seems like a never ending darkness. Somewhere along the line it does get better. Thank you Cathy for sharing your story. I'm glad you're here today to tell it for others to hear it. And glad to be in a good enough mental space that I feel this is behind me. I've been there. I've seen my mother and my sister go through it. I've been there, seriously considering ending my life even if it meant leaving my son behind. In the end I had a little talk to myself that went kind of : "Ok you've been considering it a looooooot of times. Time to choose for real. You can't continue to "play" with the idea and go back and forth continually. So you choose right now." And in the end I chose to live life fully, for real this time. And each and every day I fought and renewed this vow because I made it to myself. And it got better. It was not easy but it got better. The afterlife can wait for me a little longer. Also I can't help but encourage anybody to listen to Stromae - L'enfer (The hell) that talks about suicidal thougts (english subtitles available). Not the brightest and merriest title of all but it helps not feeling alone in this. It begins like that : "J'suis pas tout seul à être tout seul Ça fait d'jà ça d'moins dans la tête Et si j'comptais, combien on est Beaucoup" "I'm not alone to be alone That's already one less thing in my head And if I counted all of us, We'd be many" Sorry if it's been too long. Lots of love to you dear reader. I send you all the light and warmth I can. You can do it and you are worth it.

[@sugarpuns1282]

Just last week, I was at the lowest point I've been in years, and suicide sounded like the ideal answer. I didn't make an attempt (and I'm happy I didn't), and this weekend was spent in the company of my loving husband and friends. That's a weekend I wouldn't have been able to experience if I wasn't here. Some wonderful things have happened in my life over the last week, and to me it shows as evidence that I made the right decision by staying here. Please hang in there, even if it's just for one more day, one more breath, one more step.

[@kimberly_erin]

I’m glad you decided to stay.

[@smurph4959]

Please get help, I’ve been getting help for 9-10 years and my life has never been a shade as dark as it once was. I did it for myself but mostly for my son who was a newborn when I started getting help. I’m a completely different person now as I have the tools to decipher what’s going on with me. I didn’t have family or friends I felt I could lean on so I chose a counsellor … best move ever as there’s no guilt and they are only there to care for you 💕 Huge hugs to whomever is reading this. Please be brave and make that phone call it will be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made xx❤️ xx