I Made A Suggestion To My Friend To Test Her Fiance's Loyalty But It Backfired r/Relationships

[@joreyn7656]

I typically hate loyalty tests but this one was genius. Now friend knows the fiancé only wanted her for her family's money, which has to hurt a lot after being in the relationship for that many years. Eventually she will realize this was all for the best.

[@YukinoToki]

What boggles my mind was the honeymoon issue. Dude wanted to go to Vegas just so he could GO TO HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS AT CASINOS. He didn't want to spend their honeymoon with his new fucking wife, he admitted to it!!! OP's friend was never gonna see the red flags through her rose tinted glasses on her own if that was the case. And the obvious: Of all the advice OP's friend could have enacted upon, it was from the friend she KNEW disliked her fiance and KNEW it was a petty-as-hell move to do. Hell, OP literally gave a neutral piece of advice: Hold the wedding until you're on the same page. In their 'right mind' or not, OP's friend made THEIR choice and now has to deal with the consequences of THEIR choice. At this point the best OP can really do is just step back and watch how this blows over. As my favorite saying goes: Not my circus, not my monkeys.

[@jenicdarling9425]

@@YukinoToki ya she wasn’t seeing any of the red flags with her rose tinted glasses as he was with her only for money. I mean he’s bragging to everyone how much money “he has”, how he’s marrying into money that he won’t have to work and such. He knew that her parents were gunna give them a lot of money as a wedding gift that he couldn’t wait to spend so planned his honeymoon with his friends in Vegas so they could gamble, party and live the high life. Ya she would’ve been left behind on her own honeymoon by herself at Vegas as he spends her parents wedding gift with his friends! His family is just as bad seeing no issue he party’s with his friends on their honeymoon, maybe his mom is expecting some money from this trip so is why she wants him to go. Idk how anyone could think op is a asshole I mean for one she gave her two choices with the other being to postpone. He broke up with her IMMEDIATELY when he thought her family wasn’t rich anymore and actually so broke that they would need to pay for wedding and their own house by themselves!! Ya thank god this happened before getting married! Who are these friends that approved of this guy and say op’s jealous?! Jealous of that scummy con man?! She’s hurting but if op didn’t step up she would’ve been hurting much worse with a guy like that I mean what if she had kids with this ass?! Was she even having him sign a prenup? This guy was already being a ass before she was even legally bound and financially connected to him, can’t imagine how horrible he would’ve been after that cause that’s where this was heading She fell for his con and even though it was one sided she did love him, she’s just going through a lot mentally & emotionally right now where she’s in a fog and not thinking straight. After giving it some time and getting more space from him she will see the relationship and him much clearer without the rose tinted glasses for what it really was. I see her reaching out to op to thank op after they realize, especially when they find someone whose better and idk ACTUALLY loves her!

[@tamsel814]

Yes, there should another word for loyalty tests that are done for actually good reasons often in respons to some red flags. I have told a new friend that I had doubts about a (true) secret. Within a week the secret was out. I may be an AH for loyalty testing. But doing so saved me a lot of trouble and I would do it again.

[@alenasenie6928]

When I hear loyalty test I thought something different, this is more of a financial test or asshole test, a loyalty test is more about abstract things, non material, 2 examples come to mind, people forcing themselves into the partner to prove he won't cheat or fake a pregnancy, those are awful things to do to anyone, toying with them is wrong, this is not that, because it can't even be expected for her to inherit the money, yeah, is the most likely scenario, but is not a certain one, an economic crash seems right around the corner right now, so, specially now, it was a good choice to see that, if the friend doesn't talk to OP over it, then she was not a good friend and didn't deserved that friendship.

[@namename2040]

I agree I was expecting one of those dumb "is he gonna cheat tests" but this is a "good test" like you'd only react poorly is you are trash. Good test is in quotes becuase testing your SO is questionable but testing is also on of those things that typically it's only bad when you're wrong becuase when you're right you dodge a bullet.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

If it were me, I would be thanking OP and singing her praises, Because she opened my eyes to a money hungry greedy man that I should not be married

[@ynmonroe]

The friend and her mom seem desperate for her to marry. I didn't hear any mention of a prenup. I don't get it considering how clear it is that this guy is gold digger. If the mom truly had the daughter's best interest at heart, this guy's reaction would have given her pause at the very least.

[@kanelovec4315]

The mom wants a grandchild fast.

[@zachf748]

Yea. It’s extremely sad to me that anyone would have so little self worth that they’d want to marry someone who clearly was only with them for the money.

[@marianakahn3083]

​@@ynmonroe would cc

[@marianakahn3083]

​@@ynmonroe

[@bubblesawesome3284]

Story 2: I don’t think she’s the asshole. Her husband had the right to say no but he didn’t he said yes. So the others can mind their own business.

[@1tiptip187]

Kinda what I'm thinking, If him carrying her in consensual then whatever floats their boat.

[@fytrndm]

Yup. Like bruh, stop making me feel so single but the last time somebody did this in my hike group years ago, I just rolled my eyes and started singing "LONELY, I'M SO LONELY" at the top of my lungs. No one got mad when the hike took longer, just pissed at my off-key singing.

[@divedweller4295]

@@fytrndm You're a boss.

[@TailsFan]

@@fytrndm That is hilarious. XD

[@bubblesawesome3284]

@@fytrndm that’s amazing 🤩 love that

[@babygirl_lunaa9096]

Story 2: Her hubby was okay with it, so I honestly don't see an issue with it. It's between the two of them, and it sounds like they should have been taking breaks based on what some of the other group members thought anyway.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I have an issue with the woman who told her their conversation was private...HUH...WHAT? You're on a hike and they are having a private conversation while walking? Why are they excluding her from any conversation and then get snippy about her question to "HER" husband? If she hasn't been on any of his hikes before, then she probably thought it would be no big deal and she wouldn't have any issues. Heck, if I was invited on a hike, I would be like ok, I can give it a try. Sounds like she bought new shoes for this hike if she was getting blisters. Also, maybe they were walking faster than she's used to and she had to pick up her pace to keep up with them. This other woman sounds like a b*tch to me and probably didn't want OP there...maybe she was used to having OP's husband to herself since OP never joined in hikes before (who knows, after all it is Reddit).

[@animatorstanley]

They should have just gone on a shorter hike bc she was such a novice and as odd as it seems to others, you're right, hubby didn't care so nta.

[@emiliosebastiao2043]

Agreed! Also, as someone who joggs and walks a lot, I would likely shorten the length and intensity of a hike if my partner, who never does that type of stuff, joined me. Her husband's group should have been more understanding and adapted their routine to encourage a new member to join them. You don't do a marathon on the first try, or climb mount everest without training. Her husband seems chill.

[@creidy2018]

For real. I don’t get why everyone‘s being so mean to OP, like the husband’s ok with it, and the husband and friends insisted on her joining them on the hike, so of course she’s going to assume that it’s a hike she can manage! Like, all the comments saying she should have realized it would be too much for her, but they were the ones that repeatedly insisted on her joining, so of course she’s not going to worry about going too hard. The blaming is insane

[@BurningheartofSILVER]

I agree! If the husband was okay with it then nothing else matters. And the husband obviously wanted her there to hike with him, so it’s only fair she try and give his hobbies a chance. The rest of the group and the Redditors saying she’s the AH just sound jealous 🙄

[@owl7072]

Story 2: I know that it's difficult to tell the tone of what someone is saying over text so I'll clarify that I'm saying this in a polite way but Op doesn't sound like an AH to me. This sounds like some "crabs in a bucket" mentality type shit where Op simply asked for help which her husband gave without issue and when the others wouldn't/couldn't pick up their wives, they all started calling her an AH. And Op has a pretty solid point with the "how do I know I can't do something if I don't try first" response she gave to some of the commenters who were giving her shit for not being able to do it. Sounds like Op gave some genuine effort to do something her husband liked simply because it was important to him and when after a while she couldn't do it anymore, he gave her assistance. That seems like a pretty _normal_ dynamic to me, trying new things with/for your partner and them helping you if something happens.

[@messinalyle4030]

Given that hiking while carrying someone takes so much more energy than just hiking alone, if I were in her shoes, the way I would test my abilities would be to try to convince my husband to start with a really small distance on our first hike since I'm a beginner so that I wouldn't run any risks of getting tired and needing to be carried. Then we could work our way up with each successive hike. If he said that that would mean that he couldn't go as far as he would like and he was frustrated by that, I'd say, "Well, I'm a beginner at this and I'm trying not to get in over my head. We could either do it my way or we could take the risk that you would end up having to carry me. Which do you want to do?" If he said he didn't mind carrying me after that, then I would know he meant it.

[@Snowshowslow]

I agree with you that she isn't an asshole per se, because she asked for help he was willing to give, so no real issue there. But I would honestly be annoyed with her little girl act of "I might possibly be getting a blister so there is no way I can walk home now and now you can carry me for TWO HOURS". I think that level of learned helplessness is stunning and not pretty. Butttt it's their relationship and I would just decide we weren't friend material and keep my distance from her because we are incompatible, not because she did anything truly morally wrong.

[@amberaseltine3012]

My husband is a gamer, I'm a reader. Pre kids/begaining kids stage of our life I do play thevdame games as my husband(wow for example.) I found out I stink at player vs player , husband is a AH when play. So when we play a game that is PVP I do my thing ans farm and help him. When a me one kill me over and over I call my husband and make them regreat it. It worked for us for years

[@hugdispenser5627]

@@messinalyle4030 while I get what you’re saying it seemed to me like there is a set hiking group and they all go together. And that she wanted to join in and not do this o my her and him thing.

[@hugdispenser5627]

I agree a hundred percent. That commenter that gave her shit about not being able to do it rubs me the wrong way. Like forgetting that people with flat feet can often struggle with long walks. Or that some average like non-flat feet people struggle with long walk for a variety of reasons. Disabled and chronically I’ll people also exist. The whole “if you can’t do it, stay at home” mindset just feels so exclusive of people who want to do something but will struggle with it.

[@shadewolfe1231]

Story 1 - OP’s friend new that OP didn’t like the materialistic fiancé. She knew OP’s advise would be biased. OP just helped pull back the curtain to the horrible future the future bride would have faced.

[@Draggonny]

It's not even about OP being biased. You don't "test" a relationship if you think it's strong. You test it if you have suspicions you want to confirm. They did the test. He failed. He confirmed OP's suspicions. What did the friend expect to happen? We've seen these types of tests before. Even when people pass the tests the relationship falls apart because the test subject loses all trust for the person giving them tests. They're the surest way to torpedo your relationship.

[@Barlmoro]

@@Draggonny i have a few problems with this story. you are rigth with the testing is a bad idee. My biggest problem with such storys is: how much did the OP not tell us. maybe the realationship was not as bad as op discribes but she hatet the guy for reasons we do not know. i know a similar story in my friendgroups there one friend attacks like this the relationship of a other friend, cose she wanntet the AH boyfriend for herself and all badmouthing is only becourse she can not have him herself. in my friends story it was like he was not a ah at all, but the friend who could not get him placed over jeahrs so much lies that the relationship crushed later. than she try to get him and he was still not interestet, even more he hatet her becourse of it.

[@ladyofrillwater]

Story 2 ticks me off because it's exactly what happened to me when I posted in AITA once: everyone ignored half of what I said and dogpiled on a specific detail of my post and ended up making huge assumptions about me as a person and insulting me and when I tried to defend myself, they told me to "accept my judgement". I never posted there again.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: normally I would say YTA because nothing good comes from ‘testing’ your partner but the fiancé and his family are toxic. So, NTA; the friend should be more upset that her ex is a gold digger.

[@brigidtheirish]

More to the point, OP gave *two* suggestions, the asshole "test the fiance" option and the far less petty (if not equally unreasonable) "postpone until you're both on the same page" option. Frankly, a reasonable person would have dumped his gold digging ass long before this, but OP's friend *obviously* isn't a reasonable person.

[@m.hasler7263]

The one question I still wonder was did he break up because of her saying they were broke or did she reveal it is a test

[@robertx8020]

@@brigidtheirish She is in love and ppl in love can be blind ...that doesn't make her 'unreasonable ' person in general!

[@DerekScottBland]

If ex is a gold digger, why didn't he come back when Leila told him that she was lying? She's obviously willing to take him back. Either the story is fake or Steven isn't the materialistic guy OP claims he is.

[@robertx8020]

@@DerekScottBland or or or ...1. she didn't tell him 2.She told him and he DID 'take her back' (we don't know one way or the other_) 3.Him talking about (her) money all the time and wanting to go to Vegas to gamble with friends on THEIR honemoon at least tells me he cares more asbout himself and her money than her! 4. Who cares if he took her back? as soon as he thought there was no money to gain he was out! would YOU do that to the person you love? 'for better or worse ' is not 'as long as there is money'

[@williamtimonen6814]

People saying YTA for story 2 honestly remind me of that sex meme: Husband: I consent OP: I consent Random redditors/Mark: Well I dont!

[@squirrel670]

XD it's so accurate

[@MissJordanna1]

Literally this!!! If OP husband didn't want to carry her, he would've said no so I don't see the problem. I have seen so many guys carrying their partner so why is this any different

[@robertx8020]

@@MissJordanna1 Unless he couldn't say 'no' for a reason ;)

[@dionysus_adores]

Yep if husband said ok I don't see a problem at all. Op isn't an experienced hiker she doesn't know her limit and that's ok. Personally i would've asked for a break, but sounds to me the other women would've complain.

[@DePhoegonIsle]

the thing is, it wasn't just her & him. she started an entire trend... and seriously derailed a 'HIKING GROUP'. It's literally 1 thing to ask for a break so you can catch up. (it's annoying sure, but it is still needed) It's quite another to go onto a hiking trip to end up being carried for over half of it.... Like really? You can't even finish a day on your feet? I would also point out that if she starts to beg to get carried because of a blister risk, what kind of blessed life must she have where nothing so much as bad as seperated&irratated skin happens to the point that you need to be protected from it. What made it worse is she defended it by going 'the other ladies asked for a break from time to time', like ... a 5-20 minute break is some how the same as being carried for over an hour and starting it. OP was a weak thing, that makes women look bad in general. instead of actually getting tougher/stronger... they bat doe eyes & practically beg to be carried to the finish. Seriously though I feel bad for OP husband, because OP is a very bad person to have around. if she can't even finish a 2 hour hike, what makes you think she will ever do anything hard, help fix broken things, or even put in any elbow grease when someone gets stuck. -- wouldn't you rather have an SO who can walk the 5 miles to get something because the car broke down while you fix what you can? -- Wouldn't you rather have an SO that is willing to finish something that gets difficult & not just quit, taking the easy way out.

[@zachf748]

Story #1 - NTA. If her fiancé went from marriage to breakup solely because he thought she didn’t have money anymore… she dodged a bullet. The fiancé sounds despicable.

[@gigga143]

Story 2: I think people were missing the point, her husband wasn’t mad at all or struggling to carry her when she asked. It was the people around them who got an attitude, particularly one lady who to me is the AH as it’s none of her business if I ask my husband to carry me and he doesn’t mind doing it. That lady already had a vendetta against her when she came up and interrupted the “private” conversation she was trying to have with OP’s husband in the woods where other people were. I have to go against the grain here and say NTA. Now if OP complained her husband wouldn’t carry her, then that would make her at fault. Other women asking their spouses to carry them cause they see someone else getting it done is not her responsibility.

[@somethingelse4204]

EXACTLY. Some partners like carrying their significant others.

[@Snowshowslow]

Yeah she seems like a terrible little princess, but if he doesn't mind, then why would it be an issue for the rest of them?

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

Exactly. People getting upset about her asking to be carried sounds like people who’ve never had blisters

[@CalebChildofHumanityCalder]

@@BexsBoxofConfusion i've had plenty of blisters... even one on my hand... she is a bit of a baby lol blisters really aren't that bad. I use to get them almost all the time in school... still had to go to school every day and keep walking and stuff lol

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

@@CalebChildofHumanityCalder I get blisters all the time. I’ve ruined shoes by bleeding all over them. I have three blisters right now. I also have a high pain threshold and have chronic pain, I *still* stop activities when I’m about to get blisters or have gotten one. It hurts A LOT to walk on for me (chronic pain so I’m no “whimp”). We have different things that hurt more or less for us, and for some blisters are more difficult to tune out and handle. However, people saying you can’t feel blisters coming have obviously stayed inside a lot. You can feel blisters early on. It hurt no one that she would get a piggy back. Like it’s super weird that people think OP is an asshole for something so harmless

[@whimsicaltitan]

Story 2 - When I joined my cousins for a bike trail the first time, they were patient & kept asking if I'm okay and to say if I needed to stop for a break so Idk why everyone & even you think OP is the arsehole in this situation. It's more like everyone who told OP she's the AH is MORE OF THE AH because expecting a 1ST TIMER to cope on her first try at their level sounds ridiculous. Wouldn't want to join people like that. Bunch of AHs.

[@catT5236]

Story 4: "Are you planning to have kids?" "Do you babysit?" WTAF?! Even if OP was a bit abrupt this neighbour was a complete AH first. You don't ask someone you just met that sh*t! The enquiry into whether you're planning to have kids is hugely invasive & the babysitting is downright entitled.

[@Fiero425]

After 2 or 3 questions she would have been tasting the door as I slammed it in her face! ;-)

[@Faith12996]

You know the hiking story I think everyone else in the group were just haters. OP asked her husband to carry her. He said yes. No one else should care about their situation. Unless they were slowing down the group overall, which didn't seem to happen until the other husbands tried carrying their partners 😅

[@HackiePuffs]

Where in the story did he say yes?? OP NEVER mentioned him giving a response. Even still she was acting like an entitled little princess.

[@Sugieb]

@@HackiePuffs he obviously said yes if he let her get on and had more of an issue with his friends making a big deal out of it

[@JamJam-wm2kt]

I agree!! Whenever my shoelace is untied, my husband bends down and ties my shoe. Women are always the ones that look at me upset when he does this, and yes at 39 years old I do know how to tie my shoes, but if he likes to tie my shoes I’m not going to argue with the man.

[@squirrel670]

If my feet are sore my bf carries me for a bit. I wish I could do the same to him but he's twice my size lol. If they stopped for breaks I don't understand how a bit slower pace is that bad with a new member. And its not only op that wanted to be carried. It should have been fun and cute, not blame op for starting it like she's a kid.

[@Michael.CrazedAlaska]

Excactly, most I’d go is ESH just because she may have been told the duration and not been physically prepared enough but decided to try and “ruined it” anyway, otherwise it always is “women hating women” because they see something “unfair”… but yea, if OP had no idea on the hike specifics than NTA, you can’t be told to “suck it up” when you aren’t 100% informed

[@katechiconi]

Um, Story 2... Why is no-one paying any attention to the fact that the hostile woman told OP that her conversation with OP's husband was 'private', implied she wasn't welcome, and continued to be hostile to her? This is OP's actual husband on a friends hike we're talking about, not some confidential business meeting, and the woman had no business expecting OP to buzz off. OP's husband didn't appear to have a problem with OP wanting a piggyback, nor did the other wives, so why is everyone getting so hung up on that? I'd have told the grumpy cow to go take a hike... elsewhere!

[@veezopolis]

Because surprisingly enough you can have personal conversations with anyone regardless of gender and the fact that you got a ring doesn't mean you get to know everyone's secrets

[@samanthavanscoder9536]

​@@veezopolis going out with a group and expecting to be left alone is weird to me though.

[@toothless3835]

@@veezopolis Yeah, but there's a 8 out of 10 chance the husband will tell the wife. I tell my husband everything. And it sounds like the woamn was the spouce of one of the other friends because she wasn't friends with the husband. Or at least that wasn't mentioned.

[@nightmare_jeanie]

Lol, the last time a woman rudely told me that she and my husband were having a "private" conversation when i walked up, I smiled widely and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, didn't see you on the phone, we will leave you alone then" and walked away with my husband following me. Was she a bitch to me after that? Hell yes. Did anyone support her after that? Nope. In fact, we never saw her again come to think of it... Edited to add: and now that I think of it, this was way before we got married. However, my husband didn't understand why she was such a bitch to me because she was married to a guy who was also friends with him. It was her first time meeting me. So I had to explain to my husband that she had been hitting on him and was quite angry when he got a girlfriend. Which I think caused my husband to just block that chick (he'd known me for way longer than any of them) because he absolutely despises cheaters/cheating. In his defense, his ex-wife cheated on him relentlessly, and he's entirely dense when it comes to being hit on.

[@-mokerly-5984]

I feel the lady in story 2 isn't responsible for managing the feelings of the rest of the group. The husband was able to help and OK with helping. That one redditor came off like it takes a medical emergency to somehow deserve a sweet, considerate gesture from your partner. That being said, I do _not_ understand how all these experienced hikers don't have one blister band-aid between them.

[@adawongkennedy6570]

Story 2: NTA, she's free to ask and her husband is free to say "yes" or "no", the other wives should've mind their own business, is not like op was asking their husbands to carrie her.

[@naruto456431]

Agreed I would've voted the asshole if the husband said no and the op kept pushing it but the op and husband were fine with it

[@lynnw7155]

Who the heck expects someone else to carry them because "they might get a blister"? Unless she broke a bone and needs Mountain Rescue, this is absurd.

[@deebig9101]

​@@lynnw7155 who expects love and support? A married couple. Are you married? If so, wouldn't you want your partner to reach for help if needed?

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@deebig9101 OP is not a fucking toddler, she does not need to be carried. Being married doesn’t turn your husband into a literal pack animal. He’s not her donkey. Was she gonna carry him if he asked? No.

[@samanthavanscoder9536]

​@@lynnw7155 she didnt expect him to she asked

[@aceanarchy5554]

Story 2 is so funny to me, she's being called the asshole because her husband was ok with carrying her on a hike he asked her to go too. She doesn't need to have other people's permission and approval to be carried by her husband

[@NikolaiTheJester]

THANK YOU idk why everyone's being weird? It was none of those women's business whether she was being carried by her damn husband or not. If he said no and she kept asking she'd be an ah but she DIDNT. So weird lmao

[@jakeand9020]

Honestly, he was probably expecting it and maybe even looking forward to it.

[@fcold9402]

1. Interference in anothers relationship and "testing" is wrong. HOWEVER, you just made a suggestion from your openly biased point of view. Your friend choose to do the thing so NTI.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

Story 2: He was just fine carrying her. It sounds like the women just don't like OP and want to force OP away from her partner. Being tired isn't "lazy," it's understandable to be worried about a blister. Her husband DIDN'T argue about carrying her, he was just happy she was there!

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

True, blisters are actually very painful and can get infected. I still think her husband, the experienced hiker, should have taken her to buy proper hiking shoes and socks before going.

[@AlyssHarte]

Story 2 - ESH leaning NTA, and I say that because her husband had no issues with it. For all we know, it’s something cute they can enjoy together, it’s not often you get to be that close with your partner in public for an extended period of time. He could have offered it even as an option for “why don’t you try it and if it’s too much i’ll carry you?” If your SO is really interested in something and want to share that passion with you, it’s hard to keep saying no if they ask repeatedly. I also don’t think she expected to be out on the hike for so long either, but it was extended because the other ladies kept asking for breaks. The only people that had an issue were the wives, and even then it was only that one bitch who gave her shit for “interrupting a private conversation” (note: a group outing with other people ain’t the time to have a private conversation if you don’t want other people in the group to know, hear, or interrupt) and then the other wives because their partners wouldn’t do the same for them - which suggests OPs husband said yes and they took that as their opportunity to ask and got pissy when their husbands said no. Even her husband made a joke at his buddies expense about them being weak. It’s difficult for me to label her the arsehole for being lazy when her husband had zero issue with her request.

[@divedweller4295]

I'd say it would have been her husband's responsibility to make sure she was prepared, but, otherwise, yes. And while Mark said 'women', it was singular 'woman'. Just one of them complaining. It seemed the rest were having fun with it, though there are too few details to say that for certain.

[@ShadowknightEX]

I kind of agree with everyone’s assessment in some level. But asking her husband to carry her for 2 hours might be a bit much.

[@antithoughtpolice7497]

@@divedweller4295 She's not a kid. Husband isn't mad, but she's lazy in the sense: she didn't do any research, didn't notice how her husband gets ready for hikes, or bother asking him anything... She's not lazy for not being able to handle a hike her first time, it's zero preparation.

[@hugdispenser5627]

I agree with the gist of things. But I disagree that OP was lazy. She took an attempt to do something her husband loves. That’s not lazy. She struggled with it, but every hiker or athlete will tell you that they struggled at first and did rookie mistakes of not getting the right equipment. But the difference with her is she’s not working up to be a professional athlete or hiker, she was trying something for the first time cause her husband loves it and she wanted to join.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 4 just hearing that is absolutely exhausting. People who are that talkative and extroverted are annoying to me. I like to stay home and do my hobbies, hang out with close friends. Just like OP I'd turn her down. Getting together is a waste of time

[@DePhoegonIsle]

perhaps, but I'm willing to bet OP didn't even give her half a chance and was a rude bruh even without the other lady as speed boat talkative as she could say anything.

[@MaddyBlackbart]

@@DePhoegonIsle yeah IMO that story definitely read as OP was being kinda bitchy/rude and had already decided she hated her based on her political views before knowing anything else. It's literally first thing mentioned.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Agreed, she didn't want to get to know OP, she wanted to know how OP would be useful to her. Questions like "what do you do for a living?" or commenting on how nice the garden looks inspire a personal answer, not just "what can you do that benefits me?".

[@jaymel4691]

It seemed to me like the neighbor was fishing for an excuse to dump her kids on OP at some point in the future for free babysitting. I don't think OP was being rude at all, just honest. She just said she didn't think they'd get along because they had no common interests. She even suggested checking the area closer to the school where the neighbor could meet some other moms and maybe find whatever she was looking for there. What would OP and the neighbor even talk about if they did meet up- kids? Kids that OP and her husband don't have and don't want? I don't have kids and it seems like anyone that has kids, never talk about anything besides their children. I don't dislike children, I just don't have any, so I have nothing relevant to say in those conversations and I feel uncomfortable giving other people my opinions about that (if I even have any!) when I have no experience to back it up. Neighbor is the rude one who called OP and her husband assholes to her face. Why do so many parents think everyone else must love children (especially THEIRS) or be considered bad people? Ugh, that neighbor sounds exhausting. OP and her husband just want to be left alone to do their own thing in peace. Wanting that isn't inherently 'rude' and they are allowed to live their lives as they want! They don't even have to be polite about it, as long as they're not actively hurting anyone!

[@blackearl7891]

as an introvert. I don't like my neighbors. I don't want to talk to them, and I would have been much ruder.

[@michamocha]

Story 1: NTA. The friend is just taking out of her hurt feelings out on Op, especially since Op was right about her fiance. She'll either open her eyes and realize this or she will ignore the warnings and go back. Either way, none of this is Op's fault. S2: NTA and I feel like everyone is making this a bigger deal than it really is. It doesn't matter if Op is injured or not, it doesn't matter if the friend are poorly hiding their jealousy, if husband is cool with it and wanted to carry his wife then there's no issue here at all. It just sounds like the friend doesn't like Op and decided to create an argument out of thin air. The only opinions that matter here is Op and her husband and if he is cool with this then there are no AHs here except the friends. This was a weird matter to exaggerate.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 3: I think the time out was more effective when she didn't know about it. Now she gets to laugh at it. You were winning by avoiding her without her realizing it, and therefore she wasn't pressuring you to pay attention to her.

[@lynnw7155]

Hate to say, but I'm with MIL on this one. Yeah, MIL isn't nice, but OP embarrassed her husband. MIL didn't care that she was in a time out. "you can't get back at someone who doesn't give a shit about you" is the best comment. If you don't like someone, just avoid them...it sounds like the best solution one both sides.

[@bug-in-a-rug]

@@lynnw7155 I’m kinda torn on this. In my experience with toxic assholes, if they laugh at me in the beginning I just continue using language that conveys that I’m treating them like a child, similarly to how OP does. It’s how I usually got my mom to stop yelling at me for no reason- But for me it was after years and years of yelling back at her/trying to ask her nicely to please talk to me like I’m a person. Nowadays when she tries to yell at me for no reason I say “Why are you yelling at me? Try again” and I repeat it until she talks to me normally-

[@pragatisingh8467]

@@bug-in-a-rug she isn't conveying that she treats them like children, she's making her husband look like a child in front of them. Also, this time out thing was private information and she shouldn't have shared it without discussing with her husband first especially nowing he didn't want her to tell, that clearly makes her the AH. She was just trying to 'win' without any consideration for her husband's feelings. He's still doing a lot for her, childhood trauma fucks up your mind and it is very difficult to break free of the people who caused it. He was clearly trying for her, understanding her needs and she used his cooperation against him in the presence of family that doesn't respect him. She showed him she didn't either. I feel really bad for him. Poor lad can't have anyone putting him first.

[@bug-in-a-rug]

@@pragatisingh8467 Yeah, that is exactly why I’m so torn. On one hand I’m trying to think of it as “Well someone has to stand up to her” but on the other, like you said, she didn’t consider her husband’s feelings at all. She definitely should have spoken to her husband about it beforehand, but I know in some cases a spouse would need to step up to help stand up for their spouse against the spouse’s family. But here it truly just comes off as her trying to “get back” at the mom. Maybe it would be different if it had been her trying to stand up for her husband instead?

[@brianaschmidt910]

Actually I'd respond after her laughter, "exactly. Since you wish to react like a child I will treat you like one. And only bad parents have favorites. Goodbye for another six months." Then leave.

[@ditzyhere3138]

The hiking story- Why do the opinions of anyone else matter? It was between the husband and wife. If he didn't mind carrying her then how is it anyone else's business?? The women complaining were probably jealous.

[@honeybelle1203]

That last story is sort of comical to me because the lady came off like she was pissed at OP for not being another SAH mom of multiple kids who wants to get together with the same and gripe about all the lifestyle entails; mostly, it felt like she was mad that OP didn't want/have kids to begin with. It's unbelievable that some people STILL get angry that not everybody wants to be a parent in 2022. 🙄

[@roseykitten798]

I normally won't comment but the story about him carrying her: I wouldn't say SHE is the asshole. Now she doesn't describe it but based on weight, height, husband's body structure/hobbies, it might be NORMAL for him to carry her! I'm average height but weigh around 100 kilos and my fiance frequently tries to pick me up and laughs. Him and I have discussed and every time I joke about wanting a piggy back ride he immediately wants to! Even though he knows I HATE being carried or lifted since no one else would or would try only to comment on my weight(even at my most active and restrictive diet, still a little larger than other girls my size). Now he's the same height and weight as me, but is very strong. I'd imagine if OP's husband, married, didn't want to carry her then he wouldn't. I don't think him, AS HER HUSBAND, would continually ask her onto these hikes if he did not feel he could help her if she needed or got tired. It seems everyone is arguing that she caused all this drama because she asked her husband to carry her when she isn't the one who made a scene. The other s/o's made a scene because their husbands couldn't carry them. Someone got mad because a two hour hike that they ALSO agreed to go on became a longer outing? That's not on her. Honestly the only thing she did wrong was try to be social to her husband's friends. If they had been by themselves it doesn't seem like it would have been a question of why did she need to be carried, or how could she ask HER FRICKEN HUSBAND to carry her. It was someone else getting upset over it.

[@fytrndm]

Yeah, I don't think it was about the blister at all. I've been on hikes with couples and they've done the piggyback thing and yes, I've heard those complaining their partners can't carry them when the other couple did just fine. People are just weird, it wasn't OP or her husband's fault he had no trouble assisting her if she ever needed help while the other husband couldn't.

[@squirrel670]

@@fytrndm they are just salty

[@roseykitten798]

@@fytrndm Honestly I'm kinda surprised at Mark's reaction and siding against OP. I didn't think he was so closed off...

[@clarehidalgo]

She complained more than the 9 year old I once went on an accidental 10 mile hike with but that is more a personality thing. Moral of the story, don't trust me to read a map

[@jofip9199]

Yep yep yepppppp! That’s why I started dating a guy that does weights lol we made a deal so when my shoes hurt me he’ll pick me up

[@Lillypop93]

Hiking story is hilarious I love hiking I don't think op is the AH what she and her SO do shouldn't have bothered the friend so much Honestly I'd say bf and friends are AHs for taking a new timer on such a trail Op and the bf sound like a hoot to hang out with. I'd have cracked up watching my friend carry his overly tired gf, and as someone who hates blistering, I totally get op not wanting that. I wonder if she went and bought new shoes for her hike and didn't break them in properly before going on a long hike.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

I get blisters from pretty much all shoes. I ruined a fair share of shoes by bleeding all over them. I currently have blisters. So many ppl act like it’s a “Princess overly sensitive” to get bothered by blisters like blisters don’t hurt. I also have chronic pain and a high pain threshold…. And I still think blisters hurt too much to walk on. Pain is different from person to person.

[@viddergrapho8488]

@@BexsBoxofConfusion I can take most pain that doesn't affect my brain. A headache will put me to the ground. What gets me about little things like blisters and cuts is that constant edge wears on you eventually. Last year my finger got broken at work and people gave me shit the whole time I was healing because I expected light duty and things, when the workplace's initial response was why EYE would do that to MYSELF as if EYE WANTED a broken finger, smh. The pain caused by lifting 50+ pounds for 8 hours a day with a broken finger was maddening and built up to so many potential panic attacks from stress because I was NOT about to end up with a crooked digit for a business that doesn't care about me.

[@hugdispenser5627]

About the shoes, my guess was either she saw how easy it was for the husband to do these walks and didn’t really have a second thought about the shoes. Or even that she thought since she’s only trying no need for new shoes. Which makes sense. Or maybe it’s a combination of both. All I know is as someone who doesn’t wear heels often I hate the blisters they give me. And as someone with flat feet I understand the problem with shoes and blisters. I wear walking sneakers almost everywhere and I still feel my legs aching by the end of the night.

[@Azulakayes]

Story 2: OP's husband didn't mind carrying her, so she is NTA! That woman who was complaining is jealous. People...its okay to ask your husband/wife/partner for stuff because if you can't ask them, who else can you? I am saying this because some people said my husband spoils me for the stuff he gives me & the things he does for and yes I have been carried just for being tired(I had a cold though once and my head was spinning) and I have gotten a foot massage in public. Get off your jealous high horses and ask your partners for stuff you want, you will get it...

[@staceyb5567]

I totally disagree on the hiking story. When I want to do something like this, I tend to think pretty positively about it unless I have experience enough to think it through. And inevitably in the middle I get to find out what I SHOULD have considered. Oh well. You can't know what you don't know. (I would not ask to be carried, but I don't blame her for asking.)

[@darklightmagus1222]

Story 4: That new neighbor sounded more like she was fishing for free childcare and a place to dump her children at a moment's notice. The reason I believe this is because of the question "do you babysit?" All the other questions were just to use the excuse of play dates to drop off her kids to OP.

[@jaymel4691]

This! And when she kept getting answers she didn't like, she got more and more mad because she realized she was running out of excuses to dump her kids on OP!

[@Fiero425]

I would have closed the door long before it got to the insulting stage! I don't like being interrogated by friends much less some stranger! ;-(

[@catlover2223]

Just what I was thinking!

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 2: if OP's partner wanted them to come along and he's a semi-regular hiker, shouldn't it fall unto him to choose a trail for beginners? We don't know how often the other partners came along before, but if this was the first time for the other people that asked to be carried too than the experienced hikers in the group are responsible as a whole. If everyone else had experience then OP's partner should have suggested a hike just the two of them first to be able to gage OP's level of endurance. If this was so important the partner could have slowly brought OP to a similar level before joining his hiking group on a hike.

[@beansquee2383]

Wait what? The hiking story, how on earth is she TA?? She asked her husband to carry her, he did with NO complaints. The people complaining were just other women who wanted to have "private" conversations on a hike and men trying to prove they're "men" or just as good as OP's husband. If you have never actually done a 4 hour hike, you will not know what your body is going to do. I don't get how OP is TA in this at all.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - In general, loyalty tests are for immature, insecure people. In this case, it only opened her eyes to the truth that was right in front of her. Sounds like something a good friend would do, that.

[@patheon9541]

Story 4: NTA those are not questions you ask your new neighbors at all when you first meet i bet she was looking for someone to give her free child care cause doing play dates and suddenly needing to do something is a lot more convenient she's gonna end up on a future r/entitledparents story

[@ozbelltemp]

Those actually are questions you ask when you first meet. It's acceptable social etiquette to ask people about their lives, beliefs, values, and culture when you first meet.

[@jessbeingme8155]

@@ozbelltemp I do think most of those questions are fine but the question about if OP ever babysits... Absolutely not okay, especially people you don't know. I can just see it now 'But we're neighbors! Can't you just watch my kids for half an hour? I just need to pop to the store real fast to get..... some milk' lol

[@ozbelltemp]

@@jessbeingme8155 asking if someone babysits is fine, you're adding your own bias. The OP didn't say she asked if she would babysit her kids, which would be fine to ask, but she could have been asking about having kids in the neighborhood(nieces, nephews, friends of OP's kids)

[@dylanpalmer5151]

Story 4 is the exact reason why cities are so awful, and it's slowly being exported into everywhere else. No one cares about the community they live in, much less the neighbours on either side. The least OP could've done was at least be polite, but no, she's too good to be polite to the extroverted SAHM who was trying to get to know the neighbours.

[@animatorstanley]

I laughed when she asked op if she knew any good mom groups despite learning she doesn't have kids, plan to have kids or babysit kids. Like, why would I? New neighbor sounds like a Karan that has some weird neighborhood friends fantasy.

[@n.a.nameless5435]

S3: OP stated she knew husband didn't want the 'time out' discussed. That was not solely her secret to tell. Unless both OP and her husband were BOTH willing to disclose that information, telling it makes OP a giant AH.

[@jazminearreola3860]

Story 2: I don’t really see her as the AH. I wouldn’t particularly ask my boyfriend, but he is in very good shape and can easily carry me. That could be the scenario here. As for me, my little dog sometimes gets too tired on walks and I’ll carry her for a good 30 minutes on occasion.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2, NTA. She didn't force him to carry her. I don't see any harm in asking. He can say yes or no.

[@bacgu]

The crazy thing is the problem isn't even with the husband. He seemed okay with it and even teased the other guys for not being strong enough. The main problem was the one friend saying she's butting into their conversation and the other wives asking for piggy backs too. And that's their choice to do that. ETA: Also why did the husband take op on a 4 hour hike for their first one? Start on the baby trail, at least.

[@bubblesawesome3284]

That’s what I think too

[@clarehidalgo]

@@bacgu Yeah, you don't take someone on a 12 mile hike for their first hike

[@sallynguyen4403]

@@bacgu Yep. That one woman who was complaining sounded super bitter and jealous. This is a prime example of her trying to scapegoat OP and alienate her from the group.

[@joeschmo622]

"Do you ever babysit?" "Ummmm, after the last... 'incident'... the police said it's best that we don't anymore."

[@mygrandma3041]

If I heard a wife talked to her husband about carrying her or something, I would leave them alone and not comment on it.

[@LayfonDragnia]

Your comment on the grow a spine thing is spot on. I hate people who say it in situations like this, it is always easier said then done especially against family.

[@lsmmoore1]

Indeed. Like with telling a fat person what they need to do to lose weight, this "grow a spine" thing is also simple on its face, but by no means easy, especially where trauma is involved (and, as surely as one can end up losing too much weight even if they were fat to begin with, sometimes when the traumatized person does grow that spine it can go a bit too far and hit in some of the wrong places - many of the wrong places - and then that person gets called the AH because of being mean, when really it was part of figuring out how to use that newly grown - or regrown - spine).

[@simonO712]

Yeah, this.

[@javajoe5479]

Story 2: The same people calling OP an AH for going, are the same people who would call her the AH for not trying to connect with the husband and not being open to participate in what he likes.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 3: She thinks her MIL isn't going to mock her for a "time out"? Anyone would laugh at her for that. You either work things out, or cut contact. Pouting for 6 months does nothing; no doubt MIL is going to use this as easy ammo in any situation now. Never show your opponent your hand.

[@KhakiBlueSocks]

RIGHT?! Like, if she would’ve said “We needed some space”, that would sound better than “time out”, which sounds like something a little kid tells their parents. You just know the mom is gonna be like “Hey, Mabel! Get over here and listen to this! That boy of mine and his wife said I was in a “time out”! I guess I gotta go to bed without supper too!”

[@princesspc]

Your take on story 2, I don't agree with. Op isn't an asshole for asking for help when trying something her husbands enjoys and had asked her multiple times to try. If he had no problem with it why is she the asshole? she didn't force him. The friends are weird. My partner and I help each other when we ask even with friends around. He'd give me the shirt he's wearing if I was cold and his friends would cheer him on because muscles and abs

[@clarehidalgo]

Yeah, her asking was NTA. The Commenters were mad because they viewed her actions a childish wanting to be carried over a blister but that wasn't the question asked

[@PrincessLioness]

@@clarehidalgo Yeah people on AITA do that sometimes, call people the ah for things that have nothing to do with the question at hand. Sometimes it warranted and other times it’s not, like in this case.

[@JMac7395]

Story 2: NTA. OP can ask her husband to carry her if she wants to. Just like her husband can say "no" if he wants to. The women in the group sound like they were already annoyed with OP. So it's a big possibility they disliked OP prior to the trip. I suspect that the women are jealous of OP because of how her husband treats her. I'm glad OP's husband stood up for her. Also the commenters that OP responded to were looking for a reason to label her TA with all their knit picking questions. Neither spouse needs an extreme reason to ask for help from each other.

[@calicocritterscrafts886]

Story 1: NTA. Leila had several suggestions but she knew deep down he was only in it for the money. That’s why she did it and now wants to blame someone else to feel better.

[@Swnsasy]

She saved her friend! Sounds life the mom only cared about having a wedding and not her daughters emotional needs.. He literally proved HE was a good digger! How on earth are they upset at her for just jokingly saying something and she did it and fucked around and found out! Omgosh I am laughing at the hiking one.. Girl, really? Lol.. Carry over 100lbs on his back in the sun?! For 2hrs?! Sweet Baby Tiny Jesus 😳

[@stephaniecarpenter7295]

It's always around me how many people feel privileged to your family planning. My husband and I have been married for 8 years this September and we only just had our first baby. I got so tired of people asking the "why don't you have kids yet?" That I started responding with, "We had 3, but we had to sacrifice them to Zu'ul." That usually makes the probers leave pretty quickly lol

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Love this response 😂

[@OZARKMOON1960]

Today, you win the internets my friend!

[@Snowshowslow]

🤣 I might steal that one

[@stephaniecarpenter7295]

Why thank you very much, kind internet strangers! Cookies for everyone!

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

@@stephaniecarpenter7295 Yay, cookies!

[@kaylamihu116]

I completely disagree with your take on the hiking story. As someone who doesn’t like hiking at all the vibe I got was that they had told the husband in the past no they didn’t want to but because it was important to their partner they decided to give it a try. It sounded like a bunch of the group wanted a brake but their needs were being ignored so why would op think they would stop for them to give them a rest? And so they asked their partner for help because they couldn’t do it anymore. Nothing in this mentions that the husband said no or told the wife they would carry them, and the fact that other husbands said no to their wives tells me that the husband could have said no, but was willing to help the wife which is honestly awesome of them. I think the other wives were just jealous of op getting a break when they knew their husbands couldn’t or wouldn’t carry them.

[@HackiePuffs]

Nothing says that he said yes either and there was no mentions that she was pressured into this

[@lazarushernandez5827]

The tidbit I heard that wasn't mentioned ever again was the whole 'we are having a private conversation' told to OP. What the heck was that about?

[@hareemqureshi822]

@@lazarushernandez5827 I wouldn't read too much into that. It could be anything and it is awkward talking to someone carrying their wife when they're not a part of the convo

[@jamie7398]

@@lazarushernandez5827 Right? Like why would these men bring their wives with them if they wanted to have a private conversation only the men could be apart of? Having a private conversation in a group setting just seems rude to me.

[@lazarushernandez5827]

@@jamie7398 It wasn't one of the other guys that told OP they were having a private conversation, it was one of the women. 7:58 .

[@wendyhadley2764]

Op, good for you, you tried something new and you decided to share something with your husband that you hadn't done before just because he asked. Good for you. I really like the way you defended yourself when they said if you can't do it don't go and you responded how do I know I can't do it until I try. I like you, and YNA. Maybe just the two of you could take a shorter hike somewhere alone, to work up to the rougher ones, and a new pair of hiking shoes would be a good investment. Your fellow hikers were jerks.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

yeah same. like most blisters i get from hiking is on the bottom of my foot. im not walking on that esp if i can get a ride. also the other dudes refused to take a damn break for some odd reason. ya should always take multiple breaks when someone needs a break unless its dangerous its hiking 101. its not her fault the other husbands are assholes and the wives were jealous. and i dont get why they were trying to have a private conversation in the middle of a hiking trip with multiple other people so im guessing they were just bitching to her husband about her.

[@temptationofmemories]

This!

[@hugdispenser5627]

Omg this. A much more reasonable and kinder response

[@lya9677]

Last story That woman was angry because she clearly came by to seek free baby sitting services, thought she could bulldoze her way through it and was shown the door She was angry because, someone ddn't cater to her Good riddance

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#4 - OP is NTA. The second that woman asked about babysitting, I could see where this would go. It is best to just wave if you see them out but that is it. I mean, if their house is on fire or being burglarized you should call 999 or 911, but there is no sense in having coffee and opening that door. Agree after the first one or two NO's from OP, neighbor should have got a clue and went back home.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 OP can't be TA. Friend is old enough to get married, she made her own decision.

[@kixi8033]

1. NTA. The friend dodged a bullet that she'll eventually realize. 2. NTA. The hike wasn't ruined at all, husband's friends need a serious attitude adjustment or he needs new friends. 3. ESH. 4. NTA. I don't make friends with people I don't have anything in common with either.

[@Jen321able]

Hiking story: how is she the AH if she only asked her husband and he ended up being fine with it. Even with the extra info she was asked to go on the hike and gave it a shot. How would she know what to be prepared for? It was new for her. The rest if the group just sounded jealous she was being carried and their men weren't strong enough to hold them. NTA

[@nathanhinman9069]

Story 3: How the ever loving F is she to know she's facing consequences for her actions if nobody point blank tells her. What is this, double secret probation? There needs to be some blunt communication "you effed up we're going to give you time to grow up and see if you've improved"

[@squirrel670]

If she's psycho and mad disrespectful like that its best not to tell her. The breaks are supposed to be mostly for the op and husband's mental health and a break from dealing with her. Not a true punishment because she doesn't give one crap about her son and there is nothing to be gained from that. The blowback here is because of it. Even if she did care she could throw a fit to everyone. Disinterest is better because MIL does not want to change and is open enough to crap on her own son and call people in to do it movie bully style. You are mistaken if you think she doesn't know what she is doing to them is awful and hurtful.

[@BritInvLvr]

The thing is that if a person doesn’t give a poop of what another person thinks, that convo won’t have any effect on them.

[@LayfonDragnia]

Because telling her accomplishes nothing. People like this love to get direct reactions, it is stoking a drama fire that can only be put out with indifference. In a perfect world, shitty people would listen and change when told they are shitty, unfortunately we don’t.

[@Argonisgema]

@@LayfonDragnia the problem though is not even the indifference works. Seems like she is dealing with a person who truly utterly does not care. You hear people say the best way to deal with bullies is to not have them in there thoughts but here its the reverse, the bullies doesn't have OP in her thoughts and that's actually dealing damage to her and her husband. Its like the right advice is working for the wrong person.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 4: NTA. I keep using this but not being nice is not the same as being mean. OP was honest and direct and it isn't rude to say "No, I don't want to be friends" which is essentially what she did . That doesn't make her an asshole. You dontnhave to be friends with anyone you don't want and itbisnt an asshole move to put up that boundary. Honestly, I'm not sure if the neighbor's questions were rude or not by themselves, though a few were, but OPs report of her behavior makes them definitely so. And her reaction to OP telling her what's up is what makes her one for sure. I mean all OP said was, "I don't think we'd be food friends, you'll probably find some over there" and pointed her to a legit place she could find friends. OP isn't obligated to be a friend and did the nice thing by pointing her in the direction of possible friends. She didn't have to do that.

[@eonilem8428]

Story 4- I feel lucky to have absolutely nothing to do with my neighbors, we only interact if it's absolutely important. Trying to "Befriend" your neighbors seems artificial and forced, friendships form naturally if you're patient and respect people's privacy and social preferences like prerering to keep things distant, just because you barely interact, it doesn't mean hatred between you.

[@titiekunsanmi8566]

2nd story: I don’t think people know how to read or are being willfully ignorant. I don’t think OP was asking to be carried the entire way down I think they were asking bc they were tired and starting to blister and didn’t want to slow the group down with a long break. It’s not so crazy to ask one’s SPOUSE to carry you a while if you believe they are capable

[@davidnash8208]

She said she asked him to carry her the rest of the way.

[@breannaxoxo3850]

Story 3 is a perfect example of people need to be more okay telling bad people to F off. When she laughed at the time out part and said thankfully you’re not my favorite child, you gotta ask them as a sound adult how that’s funny or okay then tell them to F off.

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

Man, I hope we get an update to story 1 in which OP gets to renew their friendship.

[@lanagallegos2116]

Story 1: OP is not even close to being the A-Hat. If she didn't feel that something wasn't right, she wouldn't have gone ahead and tested him. She is probably upset at the amount of time she wasted on the creep and how foolish she feels.

[@streamerssaymyname]

Hiking story: is it just me or the ladies going quiet and then acting like what they said was so secret sound really really witchy?

[@amandaslamm5703]

It sounds like there was a territorial battle. She tried something she was unfamiliar with to spend time with her husband and his friends and the group went out of their way to make her feel unwelcome. She staked her claim to her hubby by asking to be carried - her husband understood and backed her up. She seems kind of childish but every relationship has it’s own dynamic.

[@veezopolis]

​@@amandaslamm5703it sounds like they were having a fucking personal conversation

[@julianyuh3163]

Story 2: if everyone is asking their spouse to carry them and only hers says yes then it’s literally not her problem lol, their relationship dynamic is probably very “he does physical stuff for me” type of princess treatment

[@gamergal9000]

I don’t get the majority of people for story 2, to me it’s a NTA. OP wasn’t demanding to, all she did was ask and as a person that’s also not used to hiking but tried it one time anyway, she didn’t seem entitled to me at all. If anything the women having a private conversation seemed really suspicious and toxic to me. Plus her partner didn’t even mind and made fun of everyone else makin a scene about it, NTA

[@spibow]

Yeahh that's where I land. Her husband seemed perfectly fine with it and I don't see why it was such a big problem. The people commenting are all clearly hikers and expect these things but OP didn't. Some people can handle being tired better than others, too. Idk it rubbed me the wrong way how rude some people were being too

[@susankaempfer8427]

8:07 Yeah, this one made no sense. I didn’t get the impression that the carrying was really the actual problem. She says it’s her first hike with the group. She also says she was told to butt out of the private conversation the subgroup was having. Who expects to have a private conversation take precedence in a group like that. So I reckon the actual situation is that : 1. The hike may not have been planned with a novice hiker in mind/she may not have broken in her shoes or anything. We don’t get that info. 2. The group is clearly an established group. I’m sensing resentment, possibly because they feel they have to make too many accommodations for her (though again, we don’t get that info), she changes the group chemistry, or some of them just don’t know or like her very well. 3. Her husband didn’t seem to have a problem with it 🤷🏻‍♀️ plus, if I’m reading it correctly, most of the nasty comments seem to be coming from one woman. She strikes me as jealous. I can’t really understand all the YTA comments. She hasn’t been hiking before, from the sounds of it, she didn’t set the hike, and dh didn’t seem to mind giving her a lift down. How is she the AH just because someone else decided to declare her day ruined because she wasn’t allowed to usurp a chunk of the group for a private convo and doesn’t want anyone to get carried? So odd.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: Sounds like OP's friend is lashing out at OP! Story 2: OP is being a brat. Like lol wut! I had blisters and it's not the end of the world.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story one: On one hand, testing a partner is a way to play with their mind. But, in this case, it revealed the kind of man he was. :/ Story three: I think it's time for a NC, instead of a time-out. Don't say anything and just ghost them. Also, don't be so indiscreet about how you and your husband are dealing with this toxic family. You just made it worse. Finally, that guy needs to build a backbone against this family. He's better off without them. Story four: Yeah, you just shut her down. She was trying to force a friendship with someone incompatible. :/

[@ceraunoashe9134]

It's not as easy as "building a back bone". people don't seem to understand the fact trauma like that is deep. He most likely grew up like this, had it ingrained into his mind that he is lesser than, that he isn't able to ever be better. He can't be blamed for the fact that his family hates him and that's all they've shown. calling a kid "not the favorite" is something that will stay with you till you die. Growing a backbone is like telling someone with asthma to run a mile in 3 minutes, it MIGHT be possible to do it, but no matter what it will always be something they struggle with. Whenever I see someone say "grow a backbone" to someone who suffers like this is basically just saying "suck it up" because you don't actually bring anything to to the table. They agreed to do this "time out system" which is probably a massive step for the husband to separate from the family.

[@InvasionAnimation]

Story 3 Simply never contact them again.

[@blandoatmeal1273]

Story 2 The biggest tell of the entire problem is right at the start. "I told them they could keep talking and ignore me but one of the women told me their conversation was private..." This lady was looking for a fight if she told someone's partner that they weren't allowed to be part of a conversation involving them, in a communal activity no less. I can't be the only one that would be a bit insulted by someone saying that and very curious to know what my partner is allowed to know but I'm not?

[@Eirilyn]

People will forgive you for being wrong far faster than they will forgive you for being right

[@SpiderRiderKya]

When I saw the title/thumbnail I was all prepared to be like 'obviously YTA' but, after hearing the story, NTA. She needed the eye opening. Plus, OP DID give her another solution but she wouldn't take it.

[@kelf114]

The hiking story: An adult would say, "Wow. This is more than I expected. I don't think I can finish this. I'm going to turn around and head back. I'll see you guys when you're done." A child says, "Carry me!"

[@Lersa25]

An adult knows what their priorities are. If they are here to conquer the trail and train themselves, they may turn around (we dont' know though, maybe they were closer to the end than to the beginning). If they are here to spend time with their SO and friends, it would be a weird decision to leave them and walk all the way back alone. Instead, getting max close to their SO would be the perfect solution )

[@absolutelyridiculous6743]

...this is why you prepare yourself ahead of time for situations. Thick socks, extra socks, blister bandages, large and small bandages, water pack, snacks, etc. OP is a complete princess AH for expecting her husband to carry her for 2 freaking hours.

[@noahthenormal]

Story 3: The fact she waits until the last sentence to mention she knew her husband didn't want her to bring up the timeout makes me feel like she's really spinning this in her favor. It sounds like she let that info out as they were just doing greetings, so there was probably no real intent to withhold it on her part. If that's the case, I definitely wouldn't be rushing to defend my partner

[@shieldmaiden3760]

Story 4: I can't help but think the OP made assumptions about the woman and got an attitude with her. Those type of conversations are typical where I live, so maybe I just don't relate.

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

Saying that they don't seem to have much in common, so she would be better off trying a different group of people seems like a perfectly reasonable and polite response to me

[@margaritap.9459]

Well, looks like your answers would be different then. But, you know, not everyone in this world has exact same lifestyle and interests as you🤷‍♀️ why would anyone childless (and seemingly introverted) be interested in mommy groups, meeting neighbor's kids and babysitting? The neighbor just sounds entitled, because she got pissy that OP wasn't someone she wanted her to be.

[@shieldmaiden3760]

@@margaritap.9459 I live in the South, so it's just an unfortunate reality those kind of questions are normal. People here can be awkwardly invasive without understanding. I can't tell you how normal it is to be asked personal questions by a stranger. In my 20's I was asked frequently when I was having a kid or told I'd change my mind when I said I didn't plan on it. Rude much? 😆 Over time I've learned to take it in stride. I'm polite, but firm when people ask such things. It's not that strange in more rural neighborhoods for everyone to know where everything is and what resources are available. I could tell you where to go for mom groups in my hometown. That's easy, go to the local church and they'll set you up. I guess the thing that makes OP seem sus to me is her mention of their political differences. I've grown accustomed to getting to know people rather than making assumptions based solely on their political perspectives. I don't agree with a lot of people, but that doesn't stop us from getting along. The neighbor definitely seems like a stereotype I've got years of experience handling, but OP certainly sounds like she's harboring a little aminosity that the woman picked up on. I could be wrong, I get where you're coming from, but I've seen people take attitudes so easily over politics these days and some childfree people look down on anyone who isn't just like them. On the flip side you see a lot of moms who won't accept that not every woman wants to be one, so I can see how it would be easy to be on automatic defensive and get low key irritated.

[@ronaldbowers2240]

Story 1: OP gave 2 options, friend took the test instead of family talking.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 4: I don’t get feeling entitled to someone’s friendship.

[@9999plato]

OP SAVED HER FRIEND FROM A SCHEMING TURD. SHE OWES OP A HEARTFELT THANKS.

[@LadyCeag840]

Story 1: NTA. If I was in the same situation and in OP's shoes, I wouldn't care if the friend ghosted me for the rest of her life. The fact that I (indirectly) helped her dodge a leechy bullet is all the good my conscious would need!

[@juliebiggerbear7300]

Last story: if somebody came to my door out of the blue and started asking me questions like that? The first thing I would be asking them is if they’re one of those people who do surveys. That would probably shoot off nosy neighbor lady very effectively! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: I find it so weird how so many people are mad at OP. Like what would those people do if they were watching this girl be financially abused and used like an ATM in a loveless marriage? OP saved their friend from that. that one comment is 100% true. The fiancé and his family did not care about her like a person. She was a Wallet to them. The fiancé dumped her as soon as there was no money involved that was his true intentions!

[@jessicacaudron4095]

last story: LOVED that the OP thought about the answer and answered clearly LMAO

[@WobblesandBean]

I was gonna say YTA, cuz "testing" your SO is nine kinds of toxic. But Steven is a objectively horrible man, and I'm so glad OP saved her friend from making the biggest mistake of her life.

[@Mreikimom]

When your spouse asks you to go on a hike and you are not familiar with that type of outing you trust your spouse not to be asking the impossible of you. And you wouldn't have a pair of perfect fit hiking boots in your closet. Her spouse obviously didn't think she was out of line as he did in fact carry her. So you are not correct in calling her the ahole. 40 years ago my 'at the time' spouse thought I could walk 10k's. I didn't know any better but he should have! He was military. It wasn't pretty. The other women are the aholes for putting their spouses on the spot and asking for something they probably knew wasn't going to happen.

[@annalau2596]

Story 3: The Op sounds like a drama queen and the mother in law like a lot of fun. I want the other side of the story.

[@15thobserver]

6 months of 'time out' for stepping on seaweed. Yea that sounds stable as hell.

[@toothless3835]

Telling one of your kids "you're not the favorite" isn't funny. Or fun.

[@nonyabiznez38]

Oh boy, I heard the title and immediately said “he’ll yeah YTA” listened to the story “hell no NTA” holy cow OP saved her life! That relationship was destined to be abusive in the near future

[@HackiePuffs]

Was so ready to say YTA but surprisingly NTA. And why are people upset that Leila isn’t getting married to a toxic jerk anymore?? She should consider this a blessing. Story 2: hey princess why not just ask him for a horse drawn carriage while you’re at it?? Imagine the entitlement.

[@growinghigher420]

Because they probably viewed it as a merger more than an actual marriage

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

In Leila's case, love makes you stupid. Maybe after some time she'll come around.

[@hareemqureshi822]

@@browhattheactualfu-2659 she just needs time to cool down i think

[@thedeepseaking3659]

I will say while agree with you at the first story I feel that you're dropping too much of the blame on just her in the second one. Was she the one asking to go all the time? Was she the experienced one in this that could have done the prepping for her for her first time? Did she continue to ask/ ignore her partner's response? Did she make the comment towards another member despite being giving break? Did she make the comment that the other guys were just too weak to do so? N.O It's more of a ESH as instead of making sure this could be an inviting welcoming for a new member of the hiking, everyone here decided to drop the ball massively and cause further trouble.

[@justaperson4656]

@@thedeepseaking3659 idk, her husband didn't say no to carrying her, he clearly knew she was inexperienced with hiking and was okay with accommodating her for that

[@frozenkoipond]

the last time i had someone question me like the neighbor did i told them i was 13 so theyd leave me alone "oh you see yourself as a male so you dont plan on having kids or getting married" - "mam im 13 please leave me alone"

[@samanthaw3845]

Story 2: if the husband is OK with it, then NTA, but I just can’t even fathom being so childish and whiny that you would ask someone to carry you for two hours because of a BLISTER.

[@jennydrake491]

Story 2: NTA. Husband should have chosen an easy hike since she hadn't hiked before.

[@clarehidalgo]

He also didn't make sure she had good and proper footwear which makes him kinda an AH

[@BritInvLvr]

Story 3: look. I have DILs and we get along. I don’t show favoritism to my adult children, so I am not like the MIL in the story. But I busted out laughing when OP informed her MIL that she was on time out. What a stupid thing to do. She just gave her MIL ammunition to make fun of her and her husband. MIL is a bully and hubby needs to address those issues. But I also think OP is a baby. The swimming story makes her look weak and pathetic. She sounds like a dramatic delicate flower that needs to be catered to. She has to go to therapy because her MIL is a meanie? I guess that makes me an a-hole.

[@robertx8020]

if you are like that MIL then YES that makes you an AH! Does it make you feel good to make fun of someones fears? Do you like to push ppl deeper into a trauma? Do you like to tell one of your kids he is less then the other kids? Do you like to tell one kid you don't love him? YES that makes you an AH and you would be out of my life before you picked yourself of the ground after I slapped you!

[@rogerrabbit80]

If you have to tell someone they've been in time out, then being in time out obviously didn't bother them very much! Sounds like OP wasn't content with the effect her 'punishment' had, and tried to double down to get the reaction she wanted.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 3, OP seems obnoxiously oblivious, it's infuriating

[@melissawittman]

I am a mom of 3 and grandma to 1, but i found that last story hilarious! Love the honesty!🤣

[@rmhartman]

You didn't ruin her marriage. You saved her.

[@stellamccoy5259]

Yeah there are no private conversations when the spouse is there. And who cares is she asked to be carried? There have been times when I've asked the same thing of my hubby sometimes I've meant it and sometimes I haven't. The husband should have asked her to go knowing her hiking skills were nil.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: NTA. OP didn't make her friend do anything. She suggested something. The friend didn't have to do it and could have ignored it, but she chose to do.

[@mindyschocolate]

Carrying a person on a hike sounds miserable. She should have gone on a shorter hike. How long was this hike? 2 hours to hike back? HELL NO! Should have stayed at home.

[@sannahayes832]

I've done a lot of hiking. My husband did not like hiking so as a rule he did not come with. I've come home with many blisters.

[@a.munroe]

1: ESH, In a necessary way. Everyone has stuff to learn. Except OP they're AH in a good way. They need to keep it up. 2:Hubby knew what he was inviting her to and so he was ok with helping her. 😂 The petty friends need leave them alone. OP absolutely needs to get better at talking to people.

[@dudester6442004]

Story 3 is wild, why don’t they just cut contact with them? They obviously don’t care about their son, they hate his wife. Why would you spend any time w them.