Boyfriend Cancelled Our Family Holiday BUT THEN WENT When I Could Not Go r/Relationships

[@dianasmith8248]

Story one: after the update, he is a narcissist and we now know why his first marriage ended.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

I felt so sorry for her child who missed out on a holiday because of his disgusting inconsiderate behaviour too

[@dianasmith8248]

@@judelbugsrutter6727 yep.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - Not blaming the victim, but notice how OP just slipped it in that they work at the same place and he has access to her office? NEVER - and I'll repeat for those in the back, NEVER EVER! - date where you work. When things go to shit, you cannot avoid the person unless you quit or transfer. It is not worth it while you are building up your career and reputation. Glad OP is done with this idiot and wish her nothing but the best!

[@philwill0123]

Many people date where they work. The issue was not dating at work, but being "uncomfortable" telling people you broke up is mild compared to telling HR that they have broke up. Just tell people you broke up compared to people assuming you are still together. Half the issues she encountered were her saying nothing.

[@scorpiocarnage1055]

@@philwill0123 Nah, it was dating at work. Keep your professional and personal life separate. It's one thing if you dated/married somebody and then you both happen to be hired by the same place as you are in the same field. It is an entirely different thing if you are dating your coworker. There is no guarantee that things will work out and honestly, people are in the job to work. Your personal life drama, outside of emergencies, has no place there.

[@dlewis9760]

I know of 4 life long marriages at work. I also know of a couple that broke up, he was a tool, the company fired him and the company got a restraining order on him to never set foot on company property again.

[@zachanikwano]

Seriously fr I don't understand sharing workplaces with SO's. What if you have a messy breakup, or they're bitter and are in a place to mess with your work/position? Or can harass you? Like nooo thanks

[@CensorshipVictim]

Story 1: Sounds like what the kids call a sugarless daddy. Meaning a sugar daddy who doesn't provide anything to his sugar baby. He likes to brag he has a younger woman at his beck and call, but can't handle rejection.

[@HobieInTheBox]

"the kids" lmao, sugar daddies have been around for ages

[@CensorshipVictim]

@@HobieInTheBox but not so publicly in my day.

[@ZombieismIsAChoice]

As someone who was briefly in the "sugar bowl," the term they used was actually a "salt daddy." 😂

[@lynnw7155]

Yeah, it sounds like their lifestyles are not compatible. He wants to do what he wants, when he wants. If she can't do it with him, too bad. That's not a real relationship; she's just a younger woman who makes him feel good (sometimes).

[@daorignaldumbucket]

The guy in the first story sounds narcissistic. When OP broke up, he just had to get some revenge by not letting her relax on vacation.

[@LunaP1]

The dude is a raging psychopath that can't handle losing his emotional punching bag. OP should've gotten a restraining order the second he started showing up at her job.

[@zachf748]

Story #2 - With bad social anxiety, even the _“pull your tits out and stick them in his face”_ move can have him thinking *_“Nah. She just did that as a friend. She can’t actually like me”._* Lol

[@ginathecookie]

With any anxiety disorder If a girl did that to me (I'm not straight male, and not a lesbian but am a woman), I'd just be thinking "ok, where's the pig juice/blood?"

[@ronhall5395]

Well she meets A nice guy who is a bit shy but also very respectful of her and it freaks her out? Lol. I was that guy once. Rarely more than one date. Because I never tried anything on the first date they assumed I was gay or just not into them. My wife asked me to escort her to a party. The party got a bit wild after a couple of hours, so I took her home. Her roommate had gone to visit her parents for the weekend. Well we stood awkwardly talking at the door. She had put her keys in and unlocked it. And I just stood there saying good night. Next thing I knew, she pushed me inside and shut the door and started kissing me. Married now 43 yrs. She commented about a week later that I sure warmed up fast after that first kiss. Lol.

[@NevahLose]

Probably Canadian...

[@brandi5126]

S1: Stop letting these old ass men waste your time for nothing worth while. Cut your losses and find someone that is a better fit for your pace of life right now.

[@keninam3305]

Right. Especially when they’re trying to go 50/50

[@star3catcherSEQUEL]

Right? I am so over this dating older men trend. Who's stupid idea was it and why are we continuing to tolerate it? It never works out and it needs to die. GIRL. It is not "hot." It is not "sophisticated." You are not "mature" or "special." He is not here to take you on some glamorous, worldly adventure. He's a creep and you're wasting your time on something you're more likely than not just going to regret and be embarrassed by later.

[@madarawijerathne276]

Personally I would be insulted and disgusted man over 10 years older flirt with me. Because I have already put them in elder category not suitable for dating lol

[@amerlin388]

@@madarawijerathne276 Sure... (Some) men age like wine, (some) women whine and age like milk.

[@madarawijerathne276]

@@amerlin388 well it doesn't matter how conventionally attractive the man is if he's older he's not on dating pool of mine. It doesn't matter He aged like wine he's a uncle someone who's a elder not a boyfriend.

[@darkmask5933]

Story 1, you just know the reason he finally "backed off" is because he managed to score another "stand-in girlfriend". If that girl ends up dropping him too, he'll probably be back to harassing OP just because of the sunk cost fallacy, right now he's ghosting her because he thinks he found someone better.

[@TiffWaffles]

Yeah... and that's a very scary thing. OP needs to get away from this man... as far away as she could for her own safety. Also, if OP has screenshots of their conversations- she should post them. That's what I did to prove my stepfather was an abusive monster to get people to believe me since he had people in his corner. Once people heard the way he treated me and then read the text messages, they called him out and left him largely friendless.

[@jake8748]

I think he already did have another on the side. He couldn't open her picture while on holidays for hours... If my wife sent me a photo that was intimate, id for sure atleast find somewhere alone to open it as soon as possible lol. Also she wasn't nude by the sounds of it anyway so he could quite easily look even without going to another room. The only reasons I can think of not to open it fairly straight away is 1) someone there you don't want to see it specifically aka another girl, or 2) he's literally busy as hell doing something and then he'd look as soon as he's free, but he responded so he clearly wasn't that busy as typing the text likely took longer than looking at the picture would have.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Instead of stalking OP he would stalk his new girlfriend if they broke up

[@yque4733]

Story #1: OP is a grown woman with kids. WHY is she putting up with this shit??

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Yea, was kinda surprised that she went on a solo vacation without her child, since she was feeling guilty about sending her child to a “city camp” instead of going to the beach. She should have just gone ahead with the plans she had originally had and taken just her kid instead of letting this man dictate her vacation!

[@amerlin388]

Because she's hoping to bypass another 10+ years of work and join him at the finish line.

[@yque4733]

@@amerlin388 She sounds like a pic me.

[@milescoburn1845]

But she only mentions her kid twice in the entire story. Even her "vacation away" was solo. Where was her kid?

[@Yakerina]

Story 1: Here is my take. Since she hadn't told people they'd broken up, he used that time to create a narrative for his friends that he is such a wonderful, loving man who tried so hard, why he even went on a trip with her, and she dumped him anyway. Once they'd swallowed that folderol (checks spelling. Hm there are options!), he left her alone.

[@TsukiKageTora]

He used her friend’s lack of knowledge on their break up to stalk her out in the open. If OP tells her friends this, he’d look terrible

[@dianasmith8248]

@@TsukiKageTora I agree and I hope she does.

[@jjr9792]

I took it slightly differently... more of a him trying to convince to OP that their relationship was 'good enough', not to seriously change or walk away from. Unlike OP, the BF had everything he wanted (an attractive younger woman with a good job, willing to provide him with sex and companionship at his leisure), without any real costs or commitment. He knew he was getting a lot more out of their relationship than OP, Which was the main reason he criticized her and her six figure salary -he knew it was the ONLY area of their lives where HE had more to offer the relationship than she did, and he didn't want to. By making her feel insecure and lowering her self-esteem she expected less of/ tolerated more from him. She even bought into his "I'M not cheap: YOU'RE a gold digger if you ask me to pay anything more than 50%" schtick, and this allowed him a free pass to do what whatever he wanted without her. All he had to do was ensure OP couldn't afford to do it with her own money, then guilt trip her because HER lack of funds/time off/etc were unfairly making him miss out, and OP, feeling like the bad guy, but not only let him go, but would try and make amends for her 'transgressions', ie: sending him a sexy picture. I also guess that's why he gave up after a week: it's about the maximum amount of time and effort he was willing to put into getting 'his plaything' back. When she stayed firm about wanting more, he cut his losses and is moving on to someone easier. So glad to hear she left him and is getting therapy.

[@dianasmith8248]

@@jjr9792 That’s a good assessment. Hopefully the next target doesn’t stay with him for as long as OP has.

[@dlewis9760]

@@jjr9792 She makes a 6 figure income. That's maybe 10% of the population that can say that. "Golddigger" doesn't work.

[@madihaq2252]

Story 1: where he "tagged along" on her vacation, sounded to me like he was prepping the grounds of keeping her in his sight to warn off potential rivals interested in her and at the same time staying within her sight so that she doesn't get over him, misses him, wants to seek him out and then beg him to take her back..... Good thing OP threw the trash out.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Wait, so dude couldn't open her message with her picture, but he *COULD* open his messages to tell her that he can't view her message because he's having such a great time doing the things she wanted to do?

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: THIS is why age gap relationships are such a bad idea (even if you're not a teenager that was groomed): You're at two completely different places in life, and always will be. And that's not touching on the power dynamic. Speaking of the power dynamic, he is stalking you and manipulating you, knowing you haven't told anyone. (Why not? Speak up and tell your colleagues, "Actually we're not together anymore, so I'm not sure why he's here pretending nothing has changed..." You're 30, a grown woman ffs.) He's NOT ALLOWED to join you on your vacations anymore, whether they "sound fun" or not. He's purposely trying to make you either upset/miserable, or take him back without having to change any of the things he doesn't want to change. Step 1: Find your voice! Tell everyone you have broken up, and to not pass on information about you to him, because he has stalked you on your solo vacations. 2) Tell him to stop following you everywhere like a lost puppy or you will get a restraining order. 3) Maybe find a different job, because you'll always be tied to him there. 4) Cut all ties.

[@Someone-or8tp]

let it be said that some adults can still be taken advantage of! especially if they're just fresh out of being a teenager (19 year olds, 20 year olds, 21 year olds, 22 year olds) or in a vulnerable place in life.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Someone-or8tp You know this sort of manipulation has nothing to do with age, right? I've seen stories where one partner pulls this kind of crap on the other and they're both the same age. Some people are just easily steamrolled regardless of age.

[@Someone-or8tp]

@@brigidtheirish yeah, I was saying that adults can still be taken advantage of, I never mentioned the age of the other party. I've met people who were manipulated by people younger than them, too.

[@srkh8966]

It’s not the age gap that’s the problem. Do you really think that this guy would act differently if they were the same age? Of course not

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Someone-or8tp This is true. Got the impression that you were agreeing with and reinforcing the original comment's point. Man, I've seen *kids,* like *under ten,* wrap *adults* around their little fingers.

[@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat]

I’ve been dating a shy girl for about five years now. Since she has a little social anxiety, it’s hard for me to read her sometimes, but she’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. And nothing’s more attractive than when she’s in her comfort zone and confident in herself.

[@brigidtheirish]

That's adorable. So happy for you! My mom's got social anxiety and Dad's on the autism spectrum. He's also *very* emotive. Helps that he's part Irish, but he's said that he realized he didn't "fit in" pretty quickly at school, so accepted and somewhat cultivated the role of "class clown." He told me about one of their dates at the drive-in when Mom was completely curled up in her seat. She finally started to unwind a bit and let a hand down on the console between them. Dad saw this, moved as if about to pounce, and said, "A HAND!" Mom immediately retreated and yelled, "Stay away from me!" Somehow, they got married, anyway.

[@lya9677]

Shy people, are the most looked down upon people in this world Every move and every word spoken are taken as a double blow, or as to have another meaning when spoken, because other people of this world always think that everyone they meet are dubious and cannot fathom, someone who speaks the truth, or scared to speak their mind , so they say the most polite thing they can come up with automatically, at the moment It is hard, real hard... especially in the world we live in today...shy people are seen as disrespectful...they are seen as an antithesis of what ''normal'' people are consist of We live in a world so enclosed and engulfed in negativity that when we actually SEE a positive person we automatically deem that person as hiding something, untrustworthy, and devious, all the while not knowing that these thoughts are our own and not theirs, not conform to theirs in any way I am saying this, because I used to be a shy, naive, and oblivious (still oblivious, and somehow naive) person People ... especially those ''normal'' person, are at another level...they take visciousness, cruelty, negativity etc... in stride, and they will make sure that the person who is the complete opposite of them suffers

[@brigidtheirish]

1: Okay, aside from all the red flags everyone else has pointed out, she *knew* he was stalking her and *recruiting her friends* because she "hadn't had the heart to tell people about our break up." She *KNEW* this and *still* gave others enough details about her vacation for him to not only end up in the same *country* but apparently the same *hotel!* I pray that therapist manages to cultivate a little *sense* in her because she is *sorely* lacking in it. Also hope she doesn't date *anyone* for a *long time.* 2: The no compliments thing could be from having it drummed into his head that complimenting a woman is sexist (I've run into that attitude a lot). What Mark said about worrying about reciprocation is spot on for a *lot* of people. The rest makes me wonder if he's on the autism spectrum. We have a very literal interpretation of "treat others how you would want to be treated." I feel awkward getting compliments, so I have a lot of trouble remember to give them. Sometimes we over-correct. I like hugs with people I'm comfortable with *a lot,* but I also know a lot of people aren't that into hugs. So I don't initiate hugs unless I really *really* need one. We also tend to be *oblivious* to social cues and are *worse* at using them. He might not flirt in person because he doesn't want to look like a complete *ass.* So glad things are going well for them.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1:"He can be inconsiderate" is a dog whistle for "He has a lot of shitty behaviors". Then she says he makes her feel pathetic. I don't know...this sounds a lot like he really didn't want to go with her. He wouldn't solidify plans and then went without her last minute knowing she couldn't come. That just sounds like he did it on purpose. Add in the additional context of the last family vacation not going well and his ability to take more than HALF A YEAR in vacation and it seems suspect. Edit after update: being able to come up with a list of all the ways he has been there for her like that and they're all self serving is a huge red flag and I'm glad OP saw it as such. His behavior afterwards is really concerning. It is straight up stalking and Op needs to tell him and the people in his life in no uncertain terms to they are broken up and he needs to stop stalking her.

[@coreymartin6486]

And you don't think it's incredibly strange why she didn't give one sentence why the last trip went badly? She's writing a novel here and won't give a single sentence about something that could be very telling. I see the mob mentality is present with you too. Did you even consider that her biggest problem in the relationship was not him, but rather her own admitted issues of insecurity and jealously? Do you think those things won't pop up in her next relationship, even in different ways? 🤔

[@lulul0l039]

Old thread, but My guess would be that her kids might be a bit younger and thus more prone to temper tantrums. Maybe the step-kids asked to ditch them. (she was 36yr old with high paying job herself so probably had education +job experience, before having kids) Ex was 50 and kinda seems like the 'fun parent' (maybe in part to flex his ex) and had OP as trophy rebound gf. OP brought up that she felt like bad mother so living together, while not being actual 'family unit' probably put emphasis how he wasn't as serious she was.

[@rustypotatoes]

last story - I am a shy person dating a shy person, holy if I had the mentality of the last girl going into the relationship I would've scared her off and we never would've gotten anywhere. I do think if you're a shy person it's easier to get that everybody has their own pace and if you rush it, nothings going to turn out well (if you're looking for a relationship with said person) glad the reddit group knocked some sense into her 😂

[@srkh8966]

Story 1: it’s NOT the age gap, ffs! It’s the wealth gap and the fact that OP puts up with being treated like trash.

[@kali3731]

exactly my thoughts! My best friend has a bf with an age gap of 21yrs but they are super happy together since over 6years and both are financially earning around the same i think she earns even a little more tbh but nothing major… there can be healthy age gap love

[@gcarr1089]

Story 1 - wouldn't have been surprised the friend was female, OP said that the relationship was rocky. He doesn't think of OP as anything other than friend with benefits. She is well rid of him.

[@bloonh8tr619]

For story two, I can relate. I'm shy in the sense of I don't know what the other person feels or wants. I could miss cues or misunderstand then that I don't want to ruin anything and thus not make a move or reciprocate.

[@Bekzee]

My partner was very shy when we started dating and I was his first girlfriend (13 years ago now) and on our first little "date" at his house alone, we were sat on the couch opposite each other and I leaned in to give him our first kiss, and I was horrified because I went to put my hand on his lap and accidentally nudged his peepee. I was panicking saying "omg I swear that was an accident, what must you think of me". We still laugh about it to this day 😅

[@Russman67]

Story 2: After the first story, this was 100% wholesome! Love it!

[@blueraven3663]

Ok story 1 op really needs to get a restraining order on this guy, find a new place to live, tell her friends and coworkers the situation, and get the f out of there. Him breaking into her house to set up surprises, using ops friends to give gifts and get information on the trip is creepy. Him going on the trip with her was intentional to make her uncomfortable.

[@lienemeid]

The flirt story... It's like I wrote that 8 years ago haha. My husband (yes he DID like me after all 😂) is exactly like this. I have definitely taken all the initiative and I still do at times. He's the best guy you'll ever meet, I'm so glad I didn't listen to the people who told me he wasn't into me ❤️ I almost feel smug about discovering this gem of a human being haha.

[@stephanien6237]

11:05 I wonder if it’s always as hard for people to recognize that they are in a m abusive relationship. He is a classic narcissist and this is a trauma bonded relationship. I hope this op thrives without that man. And I hope other young women learn to see the signs before they get into these abusive relationships.

[@naomiwhy2191]

Having been in abusive relationships I can say it's crazy how on some level you know things aren't right, but you end up finding excuses for everything, especially if your partner has an explanation to everything at some point you start wondering if you're overreacting and maybe not justified (nobody is perfect, he/she is trying I should give them a chance to make things right)

[@britnicox3929]

I am very very shy, and I do need people to make the step. The only problem is if they *never* try to do better after the effort and I think there is a line to where the other person doing all the effort becomes an issue. However, I’m really glad that he eventually warmed up to her and it didn’t become a problem for them! Good for OP

[@LoriCrabtree31]

I thought that was the sweetest story ever, happy that two nice people found each other.

[@jake8748]

I am too, and as a male that shy and niceness about me has always been a source for bullying including from females as a child and even upto now, so it's no wonder I was terrified of even going upto women, too often people took advantage of my niceness when it suits what they wanted so maybe you're just being nice because you need something and then ill be discarded like most in the past? I also think im likely undiagnosed autism or adhd inattentive type just to make it that much worse socially (I really have begun to notice patterns of failing to pick up on societal norms and queues that started when I was young). My wife made the first move with me. That was 19 years ago. We aren't always bad people or a red flag.

[@leannecanty8821]

Story 1, she keeps saying "he makes me feel", but doesn't specify if he's saying or doing anything to reinforce this, or if it's just her own insecurities and she's making herself feel useless.

[@Deedoof]

Story 1: OP is 36 full adult with a child, good career with a 6 figure income, and *didn't have the emotional maturity to make the breakup known to others?!* From personal experience having a partner much older(I was 23 when we started dating, he was almost 40) I believe the wide age gap hurts long-term serious relationships. I was completely dependent on him financially, even with full-time college classes and two jobs. I completely validate OP's feelings! Having said that, the fact that OP has her own home and financial security and still feels like the "poor one" speaks of emotionally immaturity. OP may not have had enough(if any) serious talks about couples therapy, better communication or compromise. Again, I'm not bashing OP, but she did not handle her situation very well. It's wonderful that OP is out of the relationship and going to therapy to better herself.

[@paulastephenson1862]

The first story: The guy was becoming a stalker. Showing up on your vacation? Holy cannoli!! If he shows up again, get a restraining order.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

Story 1: lady, you're a convenience. He wasn't sad, he was happy as hell. Add the age gap and you better find your happiness, because it ain't with him. And wait - there are 52 weeks in a year, and he has 30 of them off????!!!!!! He's abusive as hell, and thinks it's funny. Last story: actual courtship and taking your time? Wonderful!

[@00Katie00]

Lols Mark’s innocent “My word” @19:40 was so wholesome

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Older partner wants to punish OP and put her in her place. He wants her to envy and feel bad about herself

[@jakeking3859]

For that last one, my first thought was that he could be asexual. No one ever really thinks it'll be a thing when they're dating around, but they do exist.

[@julia7200]

Last story made me laugh and smile so hard. My last love was exactly the same. He was incredibly shy. I also misread the signs. Never thought he liked me. He was too scared to get hurt ❤️

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 just break up. She didn't say one good thing about him or the relationship. I cannot deal with people who do not plan. He knows that you cannot just leave work on a dime. And you should not be paying 50/50. That's very stupid. It's less of a strain for him than for you since he makes more.

[@RealengoPrimordialDemon]

Why the guy has to pay for a grown ass woman when she makes a 6 digits income?

[@deborahyoung1873]

@@RealengoPrimordialDemon why should she pay her own way all the time and sometimes his while he is getting to screw her for free? Honestly I don't know what she would see in a 50 year old geezer anyway. By the time she retires he will be needing someone to change his damn diapers.

[@Classof-wf5jw]

@@RealengoPrimordialDemon Why is he, as a partner putting her in situations that are financially stressful for her? It's almost like he keeps punishing her and reminding her that she is beneath him.

[@bautistalover]

She’s a grown adult who makes decent money she can pay her own way. That Mentality is why we women get labeled gold diggers.

[@bautistalover]

@@Classof-wf5jw if it’s a planned vacation it’s called saving that’s not a financial burden. If she can’t afford it she can’t afford it. That’s life.

[@jennyawesome1711]

Story 1: congrats on a redditor fully accepting her boyfriend for the creepy misogynist he is! We always need more of that! 👏👏

[@Chelsea_Danger]

I once went on a date with a guy who made 0 eye contact me almost the entire time. It made the conversation so awkward! After the date, he texted me asking for a 2nd date and I told him I was really surprised he was asking because he seemed completely uninterested in me. He admitted he was very, very shy and while I sympathize, I couldn't fathom going on another date like that. Just way too awkward to be talking to someone who won't even glance in your direction lol

[@jake8748]

Sounds like autism maybe? They find it uncomfortable to make eye contact much. I wouldn't write someone off if thats the only bad thing as it should improve with familiarity with you.

[@Chelsea_Danger]

@@jake8748 All he said was that he was shy so I'm not going to try and diagnose someone from a date 10 yrs ago. The conversation overall was also severely lacking and with almost no engagement from him

[@jake8748]

@@Chelsea_Danger all good, was just making an observation, which may help someone who sees a similar thing. There probably lots who have autism and adhd without ever knowing. I myself think I may be autistic due to some of my odd traits and upon reflection of my younger years alot of my behaviours match up to it and I did an online assessment that had me at a high chance but id need to actually see a psychologist to find out for certain. I'm 37 and not sure it would make a difference now anyway. It wasn't until learning about autism more in depth recently due to a co worker that I recognised many signs of it, and eye contact was/is a big thing ive never been good at, people would accuse me of staring, or the opposite I didn't make eye contact enough. I still don't understand what the acceptable amount is naturally. In general im quite socially awkward but I also learnt to hide it well.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: what a miserable story. Although in fairness, it was a mismatch from the beginning. I'm closer to boyfriend's than to OP's age group, and there are many older men with his attitude: grudge against women (valid or not), just want a playmate. If they get married again at all, it will be in their retirement years.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 2: take the time to get to know someone from a familiar friend group if you can, see if you can vibe together, get to know them. Initiate a date, if it doesn't end up working out, you still got a friend

[@absolutelyridiculous6743]

That last post...omg...I'm doing a dance while washing dishes and feeling so happy for the couple!! Lordy, I was never shy about flirting and never had dating issues (I'm NOT a 10, just have charm lolol). My husband is the clueless one, but since we've been together (11 years now, married 6) he's gotten better 💖

[@yef122]

Story 2: shy is fine and can be cute and charming in its own way, but from my experience, it becomes a problem if the other person is taking ALL the initiative in the relationship. I was in that situation and it became a real problem for me - the shyness my partner had was charming at first but got really frustrating when I had to make all the decisions and take all the initiative. It got past the point of shyness. That's just my personal experience of course, though.

[@squirrel670]

Thats definitely past shyness

[@jaymel4691]

I think they just need to have an honest discussion about what they each need/want from this relationship. It may be uncomfortable but they need to communicate properly. He might not just be ready for sex yet, or he might even be on the ace spectrum. A lot of people take awhile to warm up to someone. Again, they need to have a real talk, and OP needs to be patient with him. Three dates seems a little fast for a lot of physical contact to me, but I'm very shy too, lol.

[@joshuapierce3085]

Okay, even without the age and income gap being included, I learned from personal experience that if someone can text but is refusing pictures because "they can't send them or receive them at the moment" that they don't WANT to have those pics. They would be a major inconvenience to the person and that alone would be a major red flag after 4 years together and him suddenly deciding to go on vacation only after you decided to skip yours because of his lack of commitment to it in the first place. I'd be seriously rethinking that relationship. Also, posting this before the story 1 update because I'm about to do dishes and it will be harder to later. lol

[@joshuapierce3085]

Quick break in dishes to comment and change videos. On story 2, being a shy guy myself, I've been texting a guy for two years and still have trouble actually doing video chats and phone calls. It can definitely take some guys a long time to warm up. And I'm not quite so hopeless with flirting that I wouldn't recognize it if they did something like flash me, but I'm definitely shy enough that doing that would be a major turnoff and would NOT make me interested in the person. The red flag guy I talked about in the first post, he sent me an inappropriate pic when we started chatting and I chewed him out on that one (it was one of the only pics he ever sent me and I'm also pretty sure was one of the only pics that was actually him, but that's a different story).

[@saldiven2009]

Jeez. Don't "send signals" you are interested. Just tell them. What you think is obvious almost certainly isn't to the majority of other people.

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Story 1 - Update - 10:26 - Okay, now we're getting into stalker/harassment territory.

[@Itscaitlinyo]

“We did have many good years together” Girl, what? He already told you he was never committed to you

[@littleblackpistol]

FFS don't get stuck with a divorced, bitter old 50-year old dude when you're only 36. Men that age are 100% set in their ways, on the slide to being grumpy old men losing their vitality and energy, and if he's an paranoid, bitter tightwad now, he's only going to get worse or just stay the same, rather than lighten up. Imagine what he'll be like when you're only 46 and he's 60 ffs. He should also try dating a woman his own age, with a similar income and at the same stage of career instead of someone in their thirties. Date someone who isn't inherent suspicious of you, and that usually means someone a lot more like yourself instead of a different social and age bracket. Men who date much younger women without financial means and then complain that omg, she's not rich and omg, might be using me for my money, are just hilarious. Secretly they like the power it gives them in the relationship and despite their protestations, rarely want it otherwise.

[@macylouwho1187]

This exactly, why women do this is beyond me. Ffs, go get someone your OWN AGE who isn’t beyond hope like these old misers who never change!

[@paden1865able]

Got to deliver a pair of rag dolls to a couple of girls and their reactions melted my heart. Also, the person helping me with the paperwork came through and is in the process of typing it up for me. I feel better now.

[@carolroberts4614]

I'm so glad you got the paperwork sorted out! It's such a worry these days,and not being able to see it must be a nightmare!

[@annabordelon6663]

1) didn't take her kid...walk away

[@LilBluSky0417]

Story 2: Awwww!! Thats sweet! I'm glad that OP got things figured out with her beau. As the story went on, it made me think of this guy that I dated prior to meeting my husband. For the story, I'll call the ex-boyfriend "Allister". My dates with Allister went very similarly to OP's dates. They'd go really well, we had an awesome vibe, we laughed and talked and really enjoyed each other's company and then he'd take me home and instead of hugging or kissing me goodnight, he'd do a sort of High five thing and walk back to his car. It took me off guard and after 4 dates that ended like that, i finally texted him and just straight up asked him "Sooo what's the deal? Do you like me or are you more interested in becoming just friends? I feel like I'm getting mixed signals and I don't want to keep flirting with you and thinking about you like that if you're only interested in friendship". It took him a couple of minutes to reply (he later told me that it was because he couldn't stop laughing at hos audacious I was). He told me that he takes Consent very seriously. That even if I dance naked in front of him, he won't touch me without explicit invitation to do so and that all I had to do was ask. He then said that he's been wanting me to ask him to kiss me since the first date and that the high five thing was a spur of the moment thing that made him smile due to how shocked and lost I looked when he did that instead of kissing me. The next time we went out, he kept smirking at me and giving me pointed stares so I finally just blurted out "Oh my god just kiss me already!!" So he did. He and I dated casually for a few months and then decided to be just friends. We are still friends to this day and my husband actually likes Allister (and yes, he knows the history lol) 😊

[@Buff_Helpy]

•sees age gap• Oh boy.

[@JSainte17]

But he DID take this vacation, and tell her they'd take another the following week or so. She literally says that in her post. All she said was that she was still jealous that he was on this trip.

[@simonO712]

Okay, that last story was _adorable!_ :3

[@micahpatchen1538]

"Oh he's such a nice guy, oh he's so good to me and the kids"......the whole story is how the SO is a poophead and ignores the OP and blah blah but the SO is ohhhh such a nice guy .....NOT A NICE GUY

[@sadraccoonboy]

That last story is so cute I’m so happy things progressed well 🥺💕

[@stellamccoy5259]

3 dates! 3 dates! Come on girl why all this over 3 dates? WTF!!

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: some people aren't comfortable with stuff like that in public. He is super flirty over text and thatbis a good sign. The private date is a good idea. He may also have some social skill and/or anxiety issues. He may not know what certain behaviors mean or he can't catch hints. This is especially true if he lacks experience. Gotta be direct.... The other thing is: we live in a weird world right now where social norms are changing and it can be hard for young people, men especially to navigate. From consent issues to mental health, it is hard sometimes to know how a person will react to things. He could be avoiding making comments about her looks or flirting because someone told him that isn't appropriate until a certain stage or he is unsure if or when it is acceptable. Edit after update: seems he was uncomfortable in public and also hadn't dated in awhile. That can be crippling.

[@thatwaffleguy4958]

I couldn't help but think that his ex must've lied and tried to ruin his life and now he's nervous to flirt at all, until I read the update. So glad that he wasn't a "all women are the same" kind of guy. In fact, he's kinda like me in a weird way. Definitely gives me hope of maybe finding someone who'll get me out of my shell. *Insert Austin Powers nut shell joke here*

[@ianh2950]

Story 2: ah and there it is. Having social anxiety is a "red flag". Classic reddit

[@NeroTheDarklord]

I'm by nature a very shy and introverted person myself. I used to have poor social skills and let my fears control my life. But then I had several huge breakthroughs and gained a lot more confidence. I still struggle initiating conversation or flirting with strangers, but I'm far more willing to take risks now because I'm aware I can't lose anything, I can only at worst return to where I started and at best gain a lot in my life. I'm far more aware now what is and isn't okay and I stopped blaming myself for everything going on. Being an introvert never goes away, so even though I can hold conversations now, it's still draining and I eventually need to recharge

[@heatherv3417]

Shy guy story: my husband, bless his heart, is really bad at reading flirting. It goes right over his head and he’s really shy and awkward with it. There comes a point where you just have to take the reigns and make a move, that’s how our relationship started and we’ve been married for 10 years now

[@bdhesse]

It drives me nuts when people equate being shy with there being something wrong with you. Like if you're not an extrovert you're automatically assumed to be rude, deceitful, or otherwise up to something.

[@Sailorguardianluna]

Good morning/evening everyone. I love listening to your narrations when I'm painting or working, Mark!

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Did someone build you an art studio ? Lol

[@maggpiprime954]

The second story was such a wholesome antidote to the first! 🤗 I'm glad both OPs got the clarity they needed.

[@wraith176]

Story 2 how is that lady 32 years old and still dating like a 14 year old? That guy is clearly into her but she is really overthinking it.

[@Kohaku9008]

I'm very shy and I can't tell when people are flirting with me.

[@thatwaffleguy4958]

I'm shy too, but I don't need to know if people are flirting with me because nobody talks to me! Hahaha! I'm so lonely...

[@jaymel4691]

Story 1- I think it's not about the money, but what the money provides- a lot of free time and the ability to relax and take time off whenever you want. I think that's also why he wouldn't commit to any actual plans when OP was trying to set up the initial trip. OP needs things planned out in advance, but her richer BF can afford to just take off whenever. Plans don't matter to him and OP is not important enough to him for him to even notice her needs, let alone meet them.

[@maryjaquish5845]

story 2: my guy was shy, very shy and nervous about dating. Finally, I just took his hand while we were on a walk and our relationship bloomed. Good Luck

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story one: He sounds horrible when you write about what happened...because HE IS!! He never thought about your needs unless it benefit him! He's stalking you, possibly spun a narrative to that he's trying to get you back or something! He's made you feel uncomfortable during a vacation that was supposed to be for you! Stop feeling bad for "making him look bad"! He's a horrible person and his actions speak louder about who he is as a person! You deserve BETTER than that POS guy you had for a spouse! Story two: Maybe being direct might help? I mean, he didn't reject your advances and has stated that he's interested. 🤔 But you mentioning he remembered you even have a body made me cackle! I think this will be a great start in your relationship. :')

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: He's shy, you have to find ways to make him comfortable. Alot of shy people really don't like PDA (at least at first).

[@enjolireyes643]

My earliest arrival and I’m pissed reading the title! Edit- Story 1: Immature man that was not ready for a true relationship. He honestly just wanted a trophy girlfriend and she just didn’t see it unfortunately!

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

19:10 I love how you say “this chap.”

[@kurijf-l14]

Thank you for giving constantly amazing videos and updates. My hubby and I listen together and have enjoyed your channel over the years. Hope that you are well!

[@MarkNarrations]

Aww Kuri! Thank you so much for your constant support to the channel, it's an absolute honour to have you and hubs sticking with me. Much love my friend! 2 years Kuri!

[@fytrndm]

As someone who's not interested in a serious relationship (at the moment since I can be wishy washy and I know that's not what anyone deserves) and made it clear, trust me, this guy just want a convenience of a girlfriend without the commitment. It's cool if you just want to do your own thing but when you're in a relationship, no matter how long, you talk to each other. That's how you cultivate a healthy communication between the two of you. After the edit...yeah, called it. Sorry, if you want just a fling, be bloody clear about it. A relationship is extremely different than an f-buddy arrangements.

[@coreymartin6486]

This is another reason why Reddit is commonly known to be avoided for relationship advice. They're always eager for people to break up, even when cheating or abuse isn't present. None of the commenters highlighted by Mark even addressed that the main issue that she has is about her ownself, and less about him. She even admitted to insecurity and envy. What's going to happen in her next relationship? You think it won't come back, even for different reasons? Very real possibility that it will. She needs to deal with her own issues most of all.

[@YuToobVideos]

Story 1: These people are hard for me to relate to. I'm so poor, all their mentions of money, vacation times, early retirement, Yachts, being jealous of other's money when you make 6 figures yourself. Talk about never being satisfied, or the horrors of envy🙄..... #1stWorldProblems

[@bbjjbb61]

Good points.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

The thing about 50/50 with someone who makes much more is that the scale usually goes up. Meaning the 50% you pay will be higher than it would be with someone who makes about the same.

[@madisonl3401]

Happy to be here with you guys!

[@simonbrushes]

In reference to the last story. My husband is very shy, quiet and socially awkward. We would have got together if it wasn’t for me. I am glad I made the first move 😊

[@AndyyWithAY]

Why is no one talking about the age gap in Story 1. Someone his age would not put up with this crap. And it's women about OP's age who are so into independence.

[@bbjjbb61]

They *think* they want total independence because instead of having their own morals and values they let social media dictate how they should behave. It's depressing to be honest.

[@patricklasseter9915]

Being a former neckbeard, I still overthink and wait for her to make the first move

[@jeannebuttons5301]

A Friend Invited OP's Hubby To A Spontaneous Trip: Riiiiiiight, and I'm the queen of England! The only reason I don't think it's a side piece is because he has the kids with him too but that's where my brain immediately went as soon as I heard those words.

[@Etsuk0]

Op from the shy guy story got ghosted after two months by the guy, just in case anybody else is also obsessively working through the back catalogue and would like to know how that went

[@ShadowyKatz]

It's not always about the money, Spiderman.

[@luvondarox]

S1 How dare the toy try to escape. I'm honestly not certain if I'm joking about that idea.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@thatwaffleguy4958]

That's the second most wholesome threat I've ever received...

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@thatwaffleguy4958 lol I'm glad 🤗🤗💜💜

[@flashingunicorncupcakekiss1436]

Story 2: My BIL is super shy too. I have been married to his bother for 13 yrs and having a conversation with him is like pulling teeth. He 29 and has never been on a date or ever even had a girlfriend. He is a nice guy and actually good looking. Tall and slim with dark hair and white skin looks like a Christian vampire. I wish he could just let his shy shit go already.

[@cb9825]

First story OP randomly tells "friends" which hotel she will be staying at, and acts surprised when her ex appears? 🙄 girl, did you learn nothing?

[@msredux]

He will find another younger girl to stroke his ego, hopefully op will get therapy and learn to grow a backbone, she really needs it

[@krazycats564]

Spent the whole last story nudging the boyfriend who was too shy to kiss me until I told him he had to.

[@bruuh0_0]

The guy went full own Christian Grey on her Creepy af

[@Koltonhogue]

That last story I get it in a way for the guy. I’m asexual and I have no desire to be physical with anyone but I do want a romantic relationship. The thing that always made me really shy and nervous when have partners in the past was the expectation of seggs at some point and it would lead me to breaking up with them. Obviously not saying he is ace but that’s just why I get so nervous when it comes to dating. Anything sexual/flirty makes me really uncomfortable lmao

[@laurenmentink7401]

I met a man who fixed computers on the side and was a cashier in a grocery store. Women were not really interested in him as a human being with real feelings. I started going to that grocery and eventually confided in my sister's ex coworkers that I liked him. They had to tell him multiple times. One night after I had gone through his line he asked me out to see a movie and I said yes so fast and loud that the people near us looked over to see what was happening. We are still together, married almost 14 years. He is still my handsome Greek statue come to life and I am his She Wolf.

[@trinaschnell4422]

Story 1:. It's a misuse of the power dynamic when they manipulate you into 'proving' you're not like 'those' other people, that cheat, only interested in their money. . . Yada yada yada. You give more of yourself, to prove your loyalty, to prove you're not there for their money - more of a commitment than they've actually earned. That puts them in the driver's seat, and you tend to not hold them to the same standards,again, to prove YOUR loyalty, YOUR commitment. It keeps you at their mercy and it's a way to mess with your head and emotions.

[@rachelmoredock]

She makes six figures and he still makes her feel like she’s poor??? Does he know most people don’t even see six figures their entire life???

[@joycec8]

I'm listening to the vacation story just muttering "F*#% that guy" periodically

[@Totaltwist]

In the first story: I'd just let that one go.

[@unicornjennie]

S1 NTA tell him to have a good time because he won't be coming back to you. Cancel the relationship, he's financially abusing you, and not interested in a relationship with you. Age doesn't matter if the maturity level is equal, here it isn't.

[@indianspartan76]

Story 2: it's simple. Most guys don't know how to flirt. Good on OP for being more forward

[@emilypayton2070]

S2 sounds exactly like my husband 🤣 I didn't have a clue for ages. He was just very shy but felt very comfortable with me.

[@ejhinnant1728]

My husband stated that I'm his best friend and he doesn't want to go anywhere without me. Just food for thought. We have 20+yrs together. Go find a MAN that thinks you are the goddess you are.

[@LilChuunosuke]

*Story 2:* You have to either be patient or accept that you need things to move faster in a relationship. OP was much more touchy-feely and flirty than I am with my girlfriend of 11 months. My coworkers joke that my gf and I just act like close friends. We've been mistaken for just being "really good friends" before. But we both have ADHD and I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style caused by childhood cPTSD. We *can't* move fast. It makes both of us deeply uncomfortable. For me, moving too fast could cause my brain to misconstrue affection as emotional manipulation and cause me to pull back. A safe bet if they have not warned you that they need to move slow ahead of time is to *communicate.* Make it impossible for them to deny the fact you're attracted to them by outright saying it! Tell them you'd like to move things a little faster, but don't want to make them uncomfortable and ask if they need to slow down or keep it at the pace it's at instead. Don't let them panic and agree with you. Tell them that you don't want to move faster at the expense of their comfort because that won't bring you any joy. They may feel more comfortable moving faster with that reassurance. Or you'll feel more comfortable slowing down if they outright say they're overwhelmed.

[@scheneli000]

Hope you’re having a wonderful day Mark!