I Review Amazon Self Defense Products

[@Va11ha11a]

"You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you, and you're about to be destroyed, exept ...you've got me on your side" ... I can already tell this is going to be a great video

[@Daughter.of.Samyaza]

I wanted to be the 1st person to comment on this comment

[@cassie4131]

"Big mama jamba"

[@HappyElsen]

I like how this bit of silly nonsense he said kinda perfectly describes the relationship between his engineer Mark and Captain characters from in space with Markiplier. Fuckin Captain I trust you but I gotta kick your ass for the greater good, lmao

[@localareakobold9108]

UwU

[@seynpurrp]

you're* kiddo gg ez

[@NeoMatrix5]

Let this be a lesson to anyone willing to attack Mark. You could probably just stand still and Mark will end up hurting himself.

[@iceninja1997]

You right

[@TacitusKilgore347]

Well yeah but who would even slightly want to hurt mark

[@mewmewmofo]

this had me dying and rotting on the floor

[@SA-gl1ri]

Self offence

[@krisdoesart9643]

@@SA-gl1ri brilliant

[@saltytooth4u]

this feels like mark kidnapped us and is showing us how not to get kidnapped next time but he's not very experienced

[@frogselle0fficial233]

AGREED

[@the.kazzie]

i think in a way most of his videos feel like that

[@dewdebew]

I- yes

[@HappyMatt12345]

LMAO

[@Davybackdead]

It's tough love

[@hina-chan1721]

I love watching mark struggling to put together a dummy and realizing he went to college for engineering.

[@LabyrinthFunkinDev]

Yowch.

[@wolfcat1103]

I mean, engineers are notorious for doing the least simple and least effective solution so...

[@OneTopic]

Did you just... test that on your broken foot?

[@anantkerur557]

OT? It's so cool to see ya here!

[@beabrooks8402]

PLZZZZ

[@LunarCteel]

Omg Topicy wapiky

[@Dengen88]

what happend to his broken foot? hes walking on it just fine..

[@lunatico230ify]

Who is that?

[@Freyjinn]

this video is a perfect summary of Mark's being

[@hydracobaron9013]

Oh hey. I know you. Your animations are amazing. They are hilarious.

[@allisonfaith7284]

Omg I love your videos!

[@ThePyroNeko]

At a discount?

[@sopro2543]

@Freyjinn I love you animation.. 💕💕

[@thehomlessward2797]

Love your animations

[@grantman5148]

I also like how Markiplier is actively trying to replace the one thing he truly lost, not unus annus, not even Ethan, his dearly beloved tactical shovel...

[@emperorpalpatine373]

We don't mention it around here, you know how he gets if it is named

[@grantman5148]

Yea, let’s hope he doesn’t make a video and call me out😂, let that piece of Markiplier history Rest In Peace

[@MarinaaAria]

He lost it???

[@grantman5148]

@@MarinaaAria he did, but it’s a mystery how???

[@Monetenbursche]

@@grantman5148 Dude how did he?

[@igorusz5747]

"today we are going to test non lethal options of self defense items" *Pulls out a mini-axe with ten sharpened butt plugs*

[@katiaeisel5005]

"Don't try this at home" *is trying it at home* "Be careful" *hits himself with the tactical whip*

[@nicolea2839]

I WILL try at home

[@halzion]

"people might mistake me for some kind of a masochist..."

[@goldenyam3010]

But then people might mistake him for some sort of masochist

[@lvbboi9]

"Do as I say, Not as I do" I guess

[@ArthurMorganTheGOAT]

I was reading comments and then he hits him self with whip

[@mihneazarojanu5761]

Wait, so I'm confused. Am I supposed to buy one of these items to defend myself, or am I supposed to call Markiplier when a threat arises? Does he come with a self-defense item included, or should I have one on me? And when Markiplier attacks me, do I call Markiplier to protect me from Markiplier? I have so many questions.

[@maggiemccauslin1084]

Lol imagine

[@mwebb8434]

Yes

[@RowanRen45]

Yes

[@inouye6594]

𝘠𝘦𝘴

[@JS-qi1ou]

I mean all of those options are useless

[@TakedaIesyu]

Mark: "He's probably not got a lotta electrical resistance." Steve: *literally made of rubber*

[@sunshinebuchanan2772]

I feel bad this whole time I thought his name was bob

[@hahdb]

I like the bold font there chief its prime

[@AngryBilleh]

Idk man, he couldn't get steve off

[@mangotail6808]

Markiplier has a bed knife. No, really!

[@Xansmist]

@@mangotail6808 😐😑😐😑😐😑😐

[@Mernon4ym6661]

mark: “ im not a masochist” also mark: “ow this whip hurts real bad” *whips himself again*

[@selkrasouza6262]

Just gotta make extra sure

[@BumbleWick]

@@selkrasouza6262yeah gotta make sure if the whip is hurting you or if your hurting the whip

[@ladybloodymoon4512]

Mark later: this is kinda kinky

[@reinspartan]

Mark: “He’s probably not got a lot of electrical resistance on him” Steve: Is rubber

[@amildlydisappointingsalad6058]

I just played the video, read your comment and he said it right as I read it

[@azurejohnstun7976]

I said the exact same thing 😂

[@llllexllll]

i said the exact same thing

[@Waylon-Pierce]

I was ur 1000 like lol

[@Isa-pe5qp]

lol I’ll mo now uio noilio noit’s okthe otheoiin the uuu o myo bo I uo moms momuuuu imiiiiiiouuuuuuuuuno

[@reformed1trick739]

Every time Markiplier claims he's "not a masochist" it's immediately followed by him getting hurt somehow

[@joelvz8639]

Omg fucking true can't stop laughing at that

[@ohheyitsguy]

"guys, stop calling me a masochist, I'm just testing myself" says as he pours salt into his eyelids "I just wanna know my limits" he lies, sewing sandpaper into his jockstrap "Honestly, the joke needs to die now" comes his voice from an actual Iron Maiden

[@amerk5456]

As if it was meant to be done

[@ZANEKO-]

THATS SO TRUE LMAO

[@tristenarctician6910]

999th like

[@blacksaphire7773]

Sometimes it hits me occasionally, to think this is the same guy who comforted my crying sister at a comicon once upon a time.

[@user-rm9lg1zc7o]

Aw that’s cute

[@memesifoundinmybasement311]

👌👌👌

[@greypug7769]

I wanna like but I don’t wanna ruin the 69 likes

[@thehalobro9622]

@@greypug7769 too late

[@videosongsable]

But you got to love the guy, he is funny about it

[@anni6572]

Honestly is someone pulled out a collapsible staff when squaring up I’d be terrified

[@kronnorkronnor]

mark’s not a masochist, he just wants to test the maximum of his self defense

[@DyslexicMitochondria]

xd

[@hammyhamster229]

Just wants to test his limits

[@rimuruains3601]

that's what a masochist would said 😂😂

[@Ori_nament]

He's minmaxing his defense stat by putting himself through trials and training

[@snipershot6014]

Marks next video: I went to the hospital cause I broke my ass.

[@jasonshannon7768]

While everyone's thinking about how much a masochist Mark is, I'm just thinking how much fun Lixian had with this video.

[@doodlefawn4742]

Don't forget Rachel helped, lol. Both of them seemed to have a ball.

[@orang1921]

if you lo0ok in the description it seems as though lixian was just the help this time for rachael being the main editor

[@b_star_14]

@@orang1921 I think both edited it equally, it doesn't say lixian was only the help

[@orang1921]

@@b_star_14 when all 3 editors worked on one video before, i noticed that it said "edited by" for 2 of them and had the "and" for one, so i assumed it just meant that the "edited by" were the main ones and the "and" was the help

[@b_star_14]

@@orang1921 it's just how you're supposed to write it. Like an enummeration. F.e. "Yesterday I went to school, to the doctor and to my friend's house"

[@PromptKarma]

Mark is like a child trapped in a mans body, that’s what makes him so great

[@blurryface5281]

True

[@jp-zp3ds]

Can’t really see that to be honest

[@takahariyt4595]

Nah he's just a happy man

[@DeadEyes63]

If we can see the beauty in a man child we can truly see and appreciate the worlds best people

[@Vyclops]

he is

[@MlemVideos]

"You're under attack from me! Who's protecting myself from you!"

[@sfnluc1d744]

So I'm being attacked by Mark because mark is defending himself from attacking me but luckily i have mark on my side. Seems legit

[@Alexander_productions]

hes fighting me and himself

[@phoebusapollo8365]

@@Alexander_productions from himself

[@Place_Your_Order_Here]

@@phoebusapollo8365 With himself.

[@gault6546]

@@Place_Your_Order_Here for himself

[@thereebstir9572]

@@gault6546 by himself

[@panzerspark1379]

Alternative Title: Unsupervised Hyperactive Man-Child Plays With Potentially Dangerous (Discounted) Weapons

[@actually6863]

alternative title: man with 3 y.o mentality (and hurts himself) tests discounted self defense mechanisms

[@ethanhunter1567]

Mark: "I'm not a masochist" Also mark: "Tactical whip."

[@Ousseaghymn]

"Attract a mate" lol

[@TryNotToLie]

the comment right under says the same thing the same thing-

[@ayefu]

"He likes his ass the way it is"

[@8-ball350]

Noice

[@icyhot8167]

What are you doing here???..go hunt crankgameplays or something

[@spencercox8571]

14:47 *rattles of list* "I'm not going to remember any of those" Relatable

[@mamakoolkat8871]

Lixian is a miracle worker when it comes to editing Mark's videos. He just knows how to make it work and, at times, adds even more humor to them. The perfect match to this lovable and chaotic human being.

[@MyNameHere101]

He has a new editor!! Rad_R is currently helping Lixian. They're a great duo ☺️

[@mamakoolkat8871]

@@MyNameHere101 They are!

[@josephmariostalinlinguinit8727]

yes

[@krampus9376]

Guys, he's not a sadist. He just wants to see how far he can push Steve's body.

[@Jimmysmum069]

Lol, ur Runa pfp is pog

[@superqmod696]

He’s paid you to say that, hasn’t he?

[@scarychy8729]

steve approves this message

[@kyutogreyfox4292]

@@superqmod696 he dont pay people lest its for items

[@biscuit3456]

@@kyutogreyfox4292 one would hope he pays his editor as well

[@aaa.-.6831]

It’s a competition... Mark: rates takis Ethan: rates fries Mark: *pissed* .. rates self defence tools

[@paulinaderegowska4757]

And it's def. the most useful.

[@aaa.-.6831]

@@paulinaderegowska4757 I don’t know the talkies video was very informative

[@prynxeofdarkness]

Its deleted channel,,, from a distance

[@aaa.-.6831]

I didn’t realize I wrote friends not fried until now omfg I wrote this half hour ago

[@TravelerZ24]

Just give me an entrenching shovel and I'm good

[@Grey_pole]

I like how it went from non deadly to staving in the eyes

[@randömfiish]

Friendly reminder he is NOT A MASOCHIST just testing the limits of his body.

[@ThelgreatestRisx]

Yes

[@j4ne._d0e81]

Of course

[@potatonumber200]

Duh! Why would he inflict pain on himself if he was a masochist?! Everybody knows that!!

[@jaimebibelot4398]

"I'm NOT a masochist!" -Mark, literally hundreds of times right before he willing puts himself in pain, as if he was some sort of masochist.

[@TheChordstruckPony]

"I've always wanted my head to be crushed in between someone's thighs. And I know which part you're thinking, but that's just one of SEVERAL options."

[@enter_feeling6042]

@Jay dude... think for like 2 seconds before you write something. People that are the furthest from a masochist would avoid pain at all cost.

[@FlaschenJoe11]

He's not a Masochist.....he just wants to see what he can take

[@enter_feeling6042]

@@FlaschenJoe11 on the spectrum of masochist to not masochist he's pretty far in the masochist spectrum

[@aliceh5289]

@@enter_feeling6042 dude please, he was obviously being sarcastic

[@vladedin3024]

Mark: "I'm not a masochist." Also mark: hates manaquins (buys one), whips himself, flogs himself with a wallet, plays with a knife (scaring himself in the process), and stabs his hand with a spike.

[@gamepapa1211]

That's just pushing the limits of his own body.

[@grewleo]

@@gamepapa1211 This is what it means to go even further beyond.

[@the_moon_gazer]

Every masochist

[@JUN0100]

And also gets into the hospital alot

[@carlover_1298]

*pain is our speciality*

[@epgchannel]

2:14 “DYSLEXIA OVERLOAD” *Me, bursting out laughing in the corner of the room.*

[@ilovemanga789]

Marks doctor sees title and thumbnail: "sigh, nurse get a bed ready" Nurse: "why?" Doctor: "just a feeling"

[@shdwfxgamerz7667]

Why do I feel like this has happened before 😂😂

[@laughing_jackal6291]

Nah nah, that doctors gonna say it with a lot more punch like- "NNNEEURSE!!"

[@doc874]

You got my reaction pretty much perfect

[@potatonumber200]

"Call an ambulance! Call an ambulance! But not for me!!"

[@deadcoen5684]

Nurse!!!!!!!!!!!

[@ChaseddiHondo]

The chances of seeing Markiplier angrily walking towards you in a dark alleyway is low, but never zero.

[@miraakthedark8849]

And now he is armed with a taser baton and a whip.

[@johntf2official]

h

[@noneofyourbusiness27]

This has been a psa

[@starkitty66]

Peace was never an option

[@AndyDoesGAMEZ69]

i have made the likes 666

[@kikidoesitall]

The public: Why does Mark go to the hospital so much? Mark: Records himself showing off cheap self defense weapons and pointing a taser at his face.

[@swiftlyaswiftie]

Mark is the real life equivalent of Luke shining the lightsaber to his face

[@aidancfv9919]

The noise thing actually seems useful for SA resistance. I would still recommend carrying a weapon as well in case the attacker isn't discouraged. (pepper spray, tazer, etc.)

[@leosydlik4271]

Alternative Title: I’m a man who owns five ovens, several tactical shovels and now self defense weapons

[@reap3514]

A true king honestly

[@vampirevenus]

Don’t forget the inordinate amount of sex toys he bought as a business expense 😆

[@joelmichaelviado1226]

And the most powerful handheld flashlight on the planet.

[@ASLwithIris]

And an ass load of poptarts

[@AtomBrown69]

Take my like

[@Bodhi_Zypha]

Favorite Mark Quote, “Newton’s Laws are a bitch”

[@DyslexicMitochondria]

hahaha I started lookingg for pepper sprayyy after someone staaaalked me on my yt chaaannnellll yesterday. Please stay safe everyone and everybody

[@caroleisvibing]

Me learning Newton’s Laws in school: *taking notes*

[@mattearenzi8972]

@@DyslexicMitochondria Hi ily and OMG i loooooove ur chaaaaaanelllllll

[@dhaniel6328]

Best.

[@theenduriangamer5509]

As a Physicist, I can unironically agree with that statement. Newton's laws ARE a bitch.

[@Srisauccha]

What fills me with joy is that steve is apparently shorter than mark which in my eyes would imply that mark is defending himself from a child

[@prettyfunny7616]

All short people are children ✍

[@mislaymae]

so with what i read, short adults don’t exit and are really just children pretending to be adults... makes sense

[@amandachristensen8189]

Can confirm, we are, in fact children 🤣

[@-Anemr-]

Children are scary, OK?

[@spid333rlilly]

@@prettyfunny7616 as a short person, y e a

[@pearlmarley3833]

This is literally on the top of my list of videos that make me laugh every time! Mark has literally pulled me out of depression countless times. With Mark tries, Mark’s mom, Unus Anus, Try not to Laugh and so many more he never fails to cheer me up when I’m down.

[@soupysoup5104]

I love how he’s still trying to defend him not being a masochist

[@sensational7335]

Non masochist topic Markiplier: I'm NoT A mAsOcHiSt

[@msr042]

*proceeds to whip himself*

[@TaeyonRose]

A battle no one can win

[@TheTrueDoomSlayer]

That's the best self-defense

[@darobash]

If mark was charging at me in a dark alley I'd just accept my fate, there is nothing I can do to prevent my inevitable demise at the hands of such an unstoppable man

[@sierrastevens7]

same

[@Volvith]

Yeah, i mean, just look at him. *_4 feet of pure manly rage._*

[@IncarnateSable]

Reject self defense, return to HeeHoo

[@karmaakabane8261]

Lol, true, sounds like something out of a horror game.

[@everythingkumo1041]

Aim for the feet! They're his only weaknesses!

[@recoveringmillennial9695]

That mini crisis that he had with the bracelet knife is hilarious.

[@Mystic-Midnight]

I had one with him did you not see his veins and tendons bulging out of his wrist. I know it won't happen but always scared that if I cut the skin over a tendon it just loses all tension and goes limp

[@thetiredartist4818]

... yeah. Because he put an anklet on his wrist lol. (In practice) he could've used both hands, but he found a new way to make it harder on himself

[@spencersullivan4447]

Oh my god oh my god I’m going to die I’m going to die I’m-gonna-die-oh-I’m-going-to-die. Almost died 😂

[@fapros2009]

His voice becomes beautiful when he is about to die... Have him at gun point and he can be a lead singer

[@Kaz12383]

19:50

[@SingeingVisionOfTheFirmament]

"You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you; you're about to be destroyed, except you got me on your side, and on my side, are discount Amazon self defense weapons!" - Mark Edward Fishbach, March 18th, 2021

[@ThirtyVirus]

"because people might mistake me for some kind of masochist, which isn't true" *thinks back to the 100,000 steps in a day video*

[@DyslexicMitochondria]

Lol

[@danielretardo7075]

@@DyslexicMitochondria I was curious about your username so clicked on your profile. Your channeI is a hidden gem bro

[@saliosnoctin7797]

...then proceeds to hit himself with a whip...

[@c0n22]

*Doom music intensifies*

[@ibzenjoyer8822]

What are you doing here ThirtVirus

[@mason2699]

Steve: Gets stabbed/tased in the eye multiple times Mark: "And he's... not dead"

[@peepoHappyy]

“If I get a discount on ending someone’s life, you know I’m gonna take that chance.” -Markiplier 2021

[@wolfenwingsable]

Markiplier, ending lives at a discount

[@d.v.5613]

I heard him say that right as read that, absolutely perfect timing

[@minerxen]

Hand to hand combat. An optionally free way to kill someone.

[@turtlemun]

The Ham-axe-ench multitool actually does serve one potential useful purpose in self defense: It looks like a tiny hatchet in the dark. Hold it up and charge at your attacker while screaming. If they have any sense, they'll think you look insane and will run away.

[@noelleholiday61]

It also has another use in terms of just being a good tool:packing light. That's always been the purpose of multi tools. They aren't supposed to replace all of those tools they're made of, but be a way to have all of them in a "good enough" manner without having to physically pack a hammer, an axe, a wrench, a saw, etc. etc.

[@QualityChaos99]

Unless of course the attacker in question thinks horror movies are accurate and decides to stand still

[@DenisEinzbern]

what i understand from this video: - you need to deal a mixt of physical and magic damage to robbers otherwise it will not be effective - markiplier is a masochist

[@randomguy8092]

@very_cool It was a joke, I think.

[@gos358]

*Do you want to have a bad time?

[@TheoStarlight]

nonono you don't get it, he isn't a masochist, he just wants to see how much pain he can handle!

[@froggy3203]

@@TheoStarlight oooohh yes of course

[@MrRose41]

@@TheoStarlight ahhh you're right! 💀

[@viperholmes172]

Mark holding a camping multi-tool and asking why he would need it for self-defense got me

[@QueenItachi01]

And did you see the Bear

[@mr.furious6814]

To cut open the stomach with the knife, pull the teeth out with the pliers, scoop out the eyes with the spoon, eat the meat with the fork, and poke a hole in the skull with the cork screw. You know basic self defense.

[@SEP0...0HEP]

@@mr.furious6814 Always gotta remember the shovel to hide the leftovers with. Can't just throw ya food away though.

[@sarahdixon2282]

I don’t think Mark has interacted with another human being in a while.

[@aserta]

There's only Steve. And Steve ain't exactly whole.

[@graciedowning566]

well besides amy

[@airsickspace9272]

@@graciedowning566 remeber Amy is robot

[@mat8791]

Considering the last time he interacted with an actual human being said human died. (You know if you know, if you don't, that's fine. A year flies fast.)

[@SG-pu3rx]

@@mat8791 what?

[@Wla3-gt6dk]

20:05 How did mark become a professional singer when scared for his life?

[@riahtrinity1168]

Alternate title: mark definitely not proving that he 100% isn’t a masochist

[@cassper2020]

Markiplier should try every peep flavor

[@GamerPro-wd7eh]

Boooo

[@riahtrinity1168]

@@GamerPro-wd7eh alright fine lol

[@littlestar5830]

or Mark not knowing how to use self defense tools

[@truebluebloodylegend7925]

Not only can you hurt yourself with the spike, you can also shrexualy arouse yourself

[@adamhaubert]

Mark: This is a family friendly channel. Also Mark: “I can’t get Steve off” “I need to go down on him”

[@ahuman9519]

Yeah

[@dergderg1471]

"can't get Steve off" It's OK Markiplier, everyone's needs are different

[@wherecanyoubemylove]

Thats what she said

[@DueNorthGaming]

Minecraft Steve

[@bertoandon9681]

"Let me go down on him"

[@iam_crumb]

XD

[@tannerlheureux4164]

All I need for defence is a twisted tea🥵🥵

[@Ethan-op6sh]

I love that right after he says im not gonna test the weapons on myself he proceeds to hit himself with steve mate really forgot that people might mistake him for a masochist

[@jimmyjamjangles695]

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM MARKIPLIER: stand still. He’ll probably just get himself hurt.

[@makingvideosforyou647]

Yep

[@Emma-if5er]

HA-

[@decentlysmartforanidiot8284]

step away from the splash zone first, otherwise he might hit you too

[@theblade9394]

Yes

[@xuo6814]

True

[@diablorises]

The fact that he had to stop himself from breaking his own window is honestly the best thing about this video.

[@stilesisnotneurotypical]

You right

[@t3kscarecrow474]

That was full concentration to fight his ADHD

[@staphungryear1824]

Dude fr he was like wait I need to think about this first

[@oefest5252]

Damn, endgame spoilers

[@TerminatorT--rg4op]

@@oefest5252 What does that have to do with Markiplier?

[@NightOfTheRevolution]

I was honestly waiting for mark to be like “why isn’t this working” *tases himself*

[@kellybaden2677]

same

[@richtyty9416]

Same

[@romanpearce3949]

Same

[@MalenaLove605]

Oh my god that would’ve been hilarious

[@lunaqxii981]

I was so sure that's what was gonna happen 😭

[@fireburst2078]

I’m sorry but the line “you gotta keep yourcount aselfable” had me cracking up. Ps: I think he forgot to pop up the little thing to blow up the tough guy.

[@nonexistent4270]

mark: *literally was gonna be an engineer* also mark: *struggles to put together a training dummy*

[@amnesiapilot7367]

WRONG TYPE OF ENGINEERING XDXDXDXD Putting stuff together is my field (mechanical). Mark liked the science too much (switched from the imaginary engineering field (civil) to a real field (biomedical))

[@catanana312]

He was going to be an engineer? Since when tf

[@ivorytitan7653]

@@catanana312 He studied engineering before his youtube channel. He dropped out so he could continue his KZbin career.

[@amnesiapilot7367]

@@catanana312 he went to college for it before he did youtube. He has talked about it so often 😂 he started in civil engineering and then he switched to biomedical, which is probably why he chose youtube over engineering 😂

[@nonexistent4270]

@@amnesiapilot7367 OHHH PFFFT. I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ENGINEERING OOPS

[@mullyjunior387]

someone: describes markiplier as a lets play youtuber markiplier: i review amazon self defense products

[@DyslexicMitochondria]

Haha I found myself looking for self defense products too when someone on my yt started stalking me. Stay safe everybody

[@stickinug]

Someone: describes Markiplier as a lets play youtuber Markiplier: I'm going to suck dust off takis

[@garryzento3759]

Pee

[@mullyjunior387]

@@stickinug lmfao

[@frogsplusdogs2271]

He plays with fire

[@samuelhatton1225]

Mark: I'm NOT a Masochist, why does everyone think that? Also Mark: *Hits himself with a whip and realizes it hurts* "That really ramps up in pain" *Does it harder*

[@weirdo337]

What made people think those pop out canes are a self defence thing? They’re a magicians cane, it’s literally just a magic trick, it can maybe hurt you if you fuck up whilst deploying it cause the metal can be a little sharp but it’s literally thin aluminium

[@mangotheproto4714]

Mark: “I’m not a masochist” Also Mark: *interested in situational use of the “tactical whip”*

[@reenamiller4489]

Oh that’s people buy when they can’t find the tactical shovel

[@jippo91]

Markiplier "i'm not a masochist" Also markiplier "i need a woman who can crush my head between her thighs, it's not sexual it's a power thing"

[@thetruth7264]

What horror has Mark committed to anger out pirate king Monkey D Luffy

[@Pixal_Dragon]

I need that too, except they have to be anime thighs

[@nastyfoxz8021]

DAMN IT YOU STOLE MY JOKE

[@ThwipThwipBoom]

I can't wait to watch his playthrough of RE8, it's gonna be so good.

[@GoodnightStories234]

That’s not what that word means

[@GamerKid11]

I like how most of his "self defense" scenarios is him walking up to a guy and saying "what did you say to me?" Then attacking them

[@not_dark_lord]

*Offense is the best defense* 😀👍

[@stillgeneric6270]

“Whatd you say to me?” Retrieves rapid deployment “devices” *7 stabs later* Hes not dead, hes “neutralized”

[@CatSynthwave]

Devilish indeed but being the 666th like is way more devilish.

[@Agueybana1978]

When he said “IM GOING TOOOOOO DIEEEEEEE” I honestly vibed to that

[@aidenzaro]

Mark: "I'm not a masochist" Also Mark: hits his head against a dummy repeatedly, buys a whip, buys a paddle wallet

[@presidentjohnhenryeden9450]

Oh trust me I’m a masochist too and I can verify that this man is almost as crazy as mien fürrer

[@rainxer9561]

@@presidentjohnhenryeden9450 Idk if that was a misspelling or was on purpose, but i can only get that offended and agree at the same time

[@presidentjohnhenryeden9450]

Rainxer it was intentional because of the Meme

[@rainxer9561]

@@presidentjohnhenryeden9450 what a cultured man you are

[@EAZZEE]

i love how Mark was deadass just about to demonstrate how to break a window with the tactical whip, before he realized "shit, wait, that's a fucking HORRIBLE idea"

[@jacklyn_holmse789]

He was so ready to break his window before saying 'wait....'

[@crow2535]

His adhd is on full display in this video and i love it 😆

[@ru3e]

@@jamesbones792 what.

[@johnmarston4715]

@@jacklyn_holmse789 😅

[@Bear_Song]

11:46 😂👍 Also, I love that too

[@hunnidmusic]

End result: never try to kidnap mark, now we know what he has got

[@itsRhodi]

Use this video to create a better plan to kidnap Markiplier

[@devonwhite2276]

@@itsRhodi No, he's got the collapsible pool cue, you don't wanna mess with that.

[@posiedons1]

@@devonwhite2276 Bring a buddy & grab mark after he breaks the pool cue on your friends head

[@elongatedsedation324]

Could be used the opposite way if you think about it, try to kidnap mark because we now know what he's got.

[@Cheetoflake]

Don't forget about bed knife

[@jojol.2630]

I keep remembering Sean saying about mark “I can’t tell if he’s a genius or an idiot”

[@macncheesy0548]

Lol and both wade and ethan have told him something along the lines of “youre the smartest dumb person i know”

[@Restilia_ch]

The answer is "Both? Both. BOTH. Both is good."

[@altsc]

Idiotic genius

[@kar3n1nblack77]

Its spelled SEÁN

[@kar3n1nblack77]

Lol im joking

[@JK-zd3md]

My unkempt quarantine hairdo: Stranded on a desert island Markiplier's quarantine hairdo: Tortured artist spiraling into insanity as he completes his ultimate work

[@DolusVulpes]

So Mark looks like he's from Layers of Fear?

[@hxneyedbellsss]

@@DolusVulpes no he’s Amazon Keanu Reeves this has been established

[@nomasan]

@@hxneyedbellsss no... almost correct... but he's more like Amazon Reanu Keeves... there's a big difference

[@landroverrangeroversporths2569]

Dollar tree Keanu reeves but with 0.1% more swear words

[@altsc]

@@hxneyedbellsss Amazon Reeves?

[@Sky-hz5sp]

"YOU'RE UNDER ATTACK...from me...WHO'S PROTECTING HIMSELF...from you! And you're about to be DESTROYED! Except, you have ME on your side!" -Markiplier 2021

[@xtremethegreatone9775]

Best statement from popular youtuber, Markiplier.

[@rockstarfoxy6381]

Bruh

[@jadenybrown1070]

Yes we watched the video to. We all have ears

[@Sky-hz5sp]

@@jadenybrown1070 All good quotes are quoted by other people.

[@icebreakerce1942]

Lmao

[@BottFuso]

I would not have expected to be so wonderfully entertained with the subject of self defense. I should have known better Mark is both a comic genius and an amazing likeable personality. I have never subscribed to a channel so quickly in my life. You are brilliant and seem like an amazingly fun person to be around!

[@EvokerKing]

Mark: "Your gonna hurt yourself before you hurt them." Me: so thats not self defense its self offense

[@CellyWelly]

some say offense is the best defense

[@hahlookitsgold9496]

i am cracking up evoker and ah yes memes

[@nightlord5102]

Thief: Are you ok? Mark: YOU'LL NEVER GET ME IF I GET MYSELF!

[@EvokerKing]

thanks for support :) ive gotten 10k likes on my first ever comment so lets try and get there again

[@lunaqxii981]

I snorted ✋😭

[@starchild8278]

Mark: "People might mistake me for some kind of masochist..." Everyone else: "You masochist"

[@neptune1564]

3:09

[@exotic_snacks819]

"I might whip my own ass" lol omg the whip though

[@mune3351]

@@exotic_snacks819 10:54 feels personal, I feel like he is calling me out for thinking he is a masochist

[@ares8223]

I have the power to change it from 2.9 to 3k

[@andremation]

I will never not laugh at the fact that a “magician’s pocket staff” has become a self defense tool in the eyes of the public

[@big_boi_chris7410]

Epicly

[@kridcal0]

Hahaha! Lixian should’ve edited mark with a magician hat when he popped that thing.

[@RinSyuveil]

Well when made of strong metal it can be… but it’s more likely to cut your finger or explode in your pocket before it will be useful so it’s better to get the flashlight baton and stun gun if your that afraid at night to walk alone

[@Just-A-Nemo]

It'll bend after a single hit Edit: "I'll" bend after a single hit. How did I not notice that

[@siraxlrose5659]

@@RinSyuveil or a gun

[@thelightbringer8610]

Mark is the definition of chaotic good

[@treydiaz3633]

Mugger: tries to steal Mark's wallet Mark: throws wallet at him in defence

[@maxter0842]

*”yeah, this is big brain time.”*

[@Ninja2A-S]

Plot twist the wallet is made out of metal 😂😂

[@mississippimoo8854]

@@Ninja2A-S ridge wallet time

[@Lunareyed]

Intelligence+1000

[@solar_sammy2885]

Defense

[@joelyt1682]

At this point Mark should defend himself from himself. Not that he's a masochist but he just wants to know how much his body can take.

[@Ra1ny_Rooms]

Lol

[@Brosinsanee]

lmao

[@williamsullivan4640]

He’s not a masochist but put himself in a hospital within a two week period (twice)

[@chelsealewis6436]

NICE :)

[@daverika02]

“I’m not going to do that, cause people might mistake me for some kind of masochist” *continues to beat himself with a combat dummy*

[@rafia2918]

yes that is le joke wow

[@ghostly_rose8925]

I'm lowkey waiting for a video say he is a masochist

[@AnkleBreaker0_0]

I'd like to say that this is the very video I discovered Mark. Since then, it's been a really deep rabbit hole. One I'm very glad I found. Mark makes videos bc it makes him happy, he has no idea the impact he has. While it wasn't his intention, he's helped me through the worst nights, the hardest and lowest point in my life. Now I know this is an older video, and I've watched it abt a million times now and it's a bit late to comment, but I felt this was worth saying. Love you Mark, I'm a forever fan of you, your videos, and your ability to make people's lives better and easier. I know you're going through some loss at the time I'm commenting this, and I hope you're coping well and doing alright. Lord knows who will see this and who won't, I just think it should be out there.

[@hudsongarwood7218]

Markipliers catchphrase is slowly becoming "I'm not a masochist"

[@jakomioftherose2434]

Unus Annus said otherwise.

[@Cloud24774]

@@jakomioftherose2434 *Unus Annus? wHaTs tHaT?* (please dont take it for real XD)

[@camelmanguy9181]

I mean Unnus Annus died, kinda. So it would seem right for his catchphrase to change lol.

[@vakuArt]

"Hello everybody, I'm not a masochist, and welcome to..."

[@camelmanguy9181]

Lol

[@loveforalwaysandforever7178]

Mark: “You see me, coming at you, really fast with anger on my face.” Me: Hee hoo?

[@PixelSageYT]

The wrestling video

[@cvsp.c]

Mark isn't a masochist, he's just testing out his pain tolerance

[@AtomBrown69]

Hmm, sounds like something a masochist would say

[@whelli9226]

Sure, you can tell yourself that, but we all know the real reason he's inflicting pain on himself

[@EpicMuttonChops]

@@whelli9226 he's trying to get the thrill from unus annus again

[@cvsp.c]

@@whelli9226 It's a joke, you know that right?

[@YaBigGaymo]

It's only masochism if you like it hahaha

[@Themonkeman69]

2:12 dyslexia overload 😂

[@leahmarcum4541]

“PeOpLe mIgHt mIsTaKe Me FoR a M a S o C h I s T” oh no good sir, there’s no mistake.

[@calebcraft8190]

lol ikr

[@Basstez]

Definitely no mistake. Unus Annus proved that lol.

[@infamouseneet3992]

@@Basstez what is **** ****, never heard of that before

[@Basstez]

@@infamouseneet3992 Had to be there.

[@lucywilson6075]

@@infamouseneet3992 just had to be there buddy, you wouldnt understand

[@Victoria-rx1nw]

Mark: “I can’t get Steve off.”... *AWKWARD PAUSE* Me: *smashes that like button*

[@lilygrey854]

"Im gonna go down on him"

[@Foul_Mouth]

Watching Mark build the dummy makes me want to see a series where Mark TRIES to build stuff.

[@TravisLackey]

Stuff from Ikea

[@MercivalPrime]

Markiplier Kinda Makes

[@buddyboltgaming8269]

Boy do I have news for you

[@queenofmoons_spn7612]

@@TravisLackey they did like 3 or 4 ikea building videos in unus annus

[@fluffybum204]

@@queenofmoons_spn7612 well you cant just go watch those rn can you?

[@PinkTheGoober]

"People might mistake me for some kinda massochist" - Markiplier, 2021

[@agustinbarquero8898]

Someone who can't even spell masochist right quotes. This is the reality of today. So sad...

[@PinkTheGoober]

@@agustinbarquero8898 lmao who hurt you so bad, that you had to comment on me having added an extra S xD.

[@88lilies]

@@agustinbarquero8898 aww… did the comment spell something wrong?? And now you are sad… 🥺🥺

[@marshunter596]

Child playing: look at this stick, it’s a staff! Child Mark playing: look at this stick, it’s a *tactical spear. With a t* *a* *s* *e* *r*

[@xmischager2664]

An electic staff.

[@chemicistt]

I feel like we need a “Best of Markiplier hurting himself but not a masochist” video.

[@hannaborkowska5470]

yes

[@dragonfighter256]

That would be a long one

[@cynthiamercy459]

yes i support this

[@TDArulesclub4]

There’s so many lol

[@drago2070]

Yes.

[@comradecameron3726]

Marks transformation into Keanu Reeves is nearly complete.

[@Pinonyan]

Lol🤣 he's unintentionally going for that look though

[@STA-3]

Markimoo in the Matrix 😂

[@EveInTheMachine]

Yep! He's nearly ready for his parody of the Matrix that I'm imagining in my head.

[@r.j.penfold]

As long as he isn't goin' for the John Wick parodies. Chica'll never forgive him.

[@finstrike7]

Yes. He just needs to shed a few ponds.

[@kitsune4583]

15:48 Those things are commonly used here in Japan too. Very useful. When you're being targeted or attacked, you pull the pin and then throw it. The attacker would usually go for the alarm since it's out and attracts people. That's when you run away

[@shallnotgo2564]

Markiplier: "Non-lethal weapons" Also Markiplier: "Crack their skulls open"

[@mattearenzi8972]

true

[@misconductor5930]

Just because their intent is non-lethality doesn't mean they can't be lethal.

[@LeBeau_42]

We all know Mark is Chaotic Evil by now . XD His hair houses his Chaotic energy.

[@dreamofficial5538]

Joe mama

[@DeviantKing666]

"How's you get those scars?" "Oh just putting on this pink bracelet-"

[@Shadowzzzz_1]

mad respect for lixian editing through the probably hour it took mark to try and build steve

[@paca7429]

Imagine breaking into a home and just hearing "Amazon self defense activated"

[@lilbluridinghood6296]

Alexa, destroy the intruder.

[@dandandydan]

😭

[@ieatcrayonsforbreakfast7887]

Alexa, launch the nuke

[@anotherdaytobetheslayer7091]

Alexa, we need guns

[@ReddyRAD]

Alexa, deploy the knife-wielding roombas.

[@aIexemre]

'he's probably got no electrical damage resistance' -markiplier, talking to a rubber dummy, it being made of the same insulator we use for WIRES

[@BoxBoxBoxxboxBoxx]

Shhhhhhhhhhh

[@joaquingarza9430]

You probably found out wires were made of rubber yesterday.

[@BoxBoxBoxxboxBoxx]

@@joaquingarza9430 No he found out a month ago

[@aberrantcurse8551]

@@joaquingarza9430 wires aren't made of rubber, they're made of metal, mainly copper. rubber surrounds it

[@largeboy5577]

Just because it conducts electricity doesn't mean it takes damage from said electricity Wait no I forgot how wires work, it's the metal that does the things, not the rubber