I Stole a Condom!

[@ArashiRein]

The concept of condoms to a teenager being the epitome of sex-having will never not be hilarious to me

[@Leonagraphy]

The fact that when I read this comment it had exactly 69 likes will never not be hilarious to me

[@dometrikschramm5301]

Especially when they make the experience worse. How ironic.

[@pitohui1800]

Literally as a teen, seeing condoms in the grocery always scared me and made me feel embarrassed for some unknown reason.

[@vvitch-mist20]

It's so funny tbh lol.

[@jaynestrange]

@@pitohui1800 I would avoid even walking past the condoms. 😅Like someone might see me withing 5 feet of a condom & think "she must be thinking about sex".

[@theknightikins9397]

The best part is that, since the box was already open, the store wouldn’t be able to sell that, making Mark’s theft worthless. The manager probably would have seen and went “well, they were going to the trash anyways so you having them won’t change the end result for them.”

[@brandonwiley5372]

Yeah, but most stores still make that against the rules

[@dooplon5083]

​@@brandonwiley5372that's because most stores are cowards

[@SeanGotGjally]

had this happen at a kroger-lite i worked at in march 2020 for a few weeks (you can guess why i had to quit) with toilet paper and my parents were so happy when i brought home all those rolls

[@dooplon5083]

@@SeanGotGjally you were a hero

[@illdie314]

This is what I was thinking the whole time lol

[@PantherCat64]

What just made me collapse in laughter is the end phrase of "Don't worry, they went unused" which for a moment just made me think that Mark just had the condom and its still somewhere in a drawer somewhere. Just all this effort, sweating bullets, all just for that condom he stole to gather dust for eternity. Just one day Mark is going to open something stupid levels of random like a kitchen cabinet or a mini treasure chest in his house and find this beyond dust covered un-opened condom wrapper and be like "Oh, I forgot I still had this"

[@WarriorOO2]

"Look, grandpa! I found a box of condoms in the attic!" "Come'ere, I have a story to tell you. Oh, what great times those were...!"

[@Perseagatuna]

condoms have expiration dates

[@PantherCat64]

@@Perseagatuna First, I actually didn't know that, tells you how bad my love life looks. Second, I didn't say they would ever be used just it'd still be there.

[@AngryCaesCorporation]

And that was enough to make you "collapse in laughter"... Ha.

[@Kyla8132]

Bob's rabbithole of things Mark would do must run abysmally deep considering how well he knew him.

[@AngelWingsYT]

He knows how marks brain ticks

[@HalfAcheesie]

i too when down into that rabbit hole

[@marthmallow7420]

adhd besties

[@draic890]

i love the environmental storytelling of random items getting discarded in random places. A condom next to baby food has especially hilarious implications to me.

[@shibainu2528]

Reminds me of a bit with a comedian, Gabriel Iglesias, where he says something in one of his jokes about how stores (Like Walmart or CVS) make a timeline of childcare items based on how badly you mess up in a relationship, starting off with pre-childcare of course, then the first few years, etc. I forgot which special it came from though, or if there even is a clip of it on KZbin, but the punchline is that at the end of the aisle, they sell beer.

[@DpDepresso]

At the grocery store I worked at the condoms were on the aisle next to the baby supplies and were basically on the same self along with pregnancy tests, lower down to the floor were pads and tampons. But ironically the pregnancy tests were at the very top where people often couldn't reach, and the popular brand on condoms were next to them, so we'd always see that one person struggling to reach the top to grab either a pregnancy test or pack of condoms. We'd bet on which they'd grab 💀

[@mochimia8606]

@@shibainu2528i love gabriel

[@PurgPurg]

This video is a great demonstration of the fact that it doesn’t matter what the story is, it matters how you tell it.

[@Starlight85000]

What is the name of the episode

[@natanolman9211]

The name of the episode is illegal advice

[@jeremiahbruce9444]

It's not in that episode. Trust I listened to it over 100 times

[@Jellybeanthecat743]

I believe it was Profession Confessions, but I could be wrong

[@privacyreasons5452]

Seeing “I stole a condom” at the top of my screen is terrifying, especially coming from Mark himself

[@Mayaqtf]

FR BRO WHEN I SAW IT I SCREAMED AND IM ON CALL WITH MY FRIEND

[@ScarFaceDatOdd1]

Same lol

[@Rockstardaily]

@@Mayaqtfwhat women are dramatic

[@aduska3444]

fr😭

[@ApexShadows]

Ikr when i saw this on my notifications i was like what the actual f*ck 😃

[@dardet]

We can always believe in Markiplier to do something like this...

[@ThatGreatLint]

Yes

[@WolfGaming_5044]

​@@universaltoonsBot

[@WolfGaming_5044]

@@EEEEEEEE Bot

[@Corey313]

Mark panicking about trying to take a condom from an open box. Totally can see this happening 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@MuffinManWasTaken]

@@universaltoons I hope you never make it ❤

[@BlankMoments]

Worked at a retail job for 9 years. Finding stolen condoms became so casual to come by, most of the time it would be the small pack of 3, but only 1 was stolen. I started defaulting to the joke "thought they'd be lucky, but not lucky enough for the need of more than 1. People gotta dream bigger". My co-workers got a good laugh from it.

[@makaylarae1000]

I had the exact same first job as him, but at 18 and I was ofc allowed to be in charge of food products. Opened condoms weren't common, but half eaten/opened cereal boxes were. 😭

[@joshuasiebenhofer2452]

OK got it, i'll steal more then.

[@Bulby3sand7s]

These animations are so amazing. Distractible is truly the best podcast ever

[@radicalaps9230]

@@mirjinou7999 Then stop begging and get to work

[@sleep_deprived_stormworker]

@@mirjinou7999 stop giving me a headache

[@jagersmash849]

Mark inspires me… my parents said if I get 1 store condom they’d by me a professional camera for recording begging u guys❤

[@Grynjolf]

​@@universaltoonsoh only 10k for you? Better parents than that other guy.

[@Bulby3sand7s]

@@sleep_deprived_stormworker ONG

[@jaymavka.9189]

Of course I have to stop what I'm doing to watch an animation of Mark's first job. Love distractible

[@Bread0523]

Real

[@Deja117]

I regret nothing.

[@sel1694]

worth it

[@markiplierfromwalmart]

absolutely :>

[@LCcoolcraft]

1:58 This is the best and worst thing I've seen today

[@schady6765]

Could you imagine telling Mark now that he stole something worth 50 cents 😂

[@vijosag]

Hello

[@Pokesus]

​@@universaltoonsAnother spamming bastand who is a god damn bot.

[@Imma-leak-classified-documents]

Mark inspires me... My parents said if i get 50k followers they will get me a professional camera... Begging you guys♥

[@super_cloudy_lemonade.]

nooo not the bots!!1!1!

[@kelast203]

"Well that was quite a lot back then, you see we were *poor,* so we couldn't even afford to put in our 2 cents, let alone 50"

[@randomthrinei9932]

How is Markiplier so honest?

[@vijosag]

Hello

[@sugarine1127]

A FELLOW RAIN WORLD ENJOYER

[@ForumArcade]

Try it sometime, it ain't that hard.

[@technoboop1890]

Ayyyyy Rain World Sure would be nice if Mark would finish the playthrough he abandoned...

[@Deja117]

Why wouldn't you be? The burning desire to run away and hide after you tell a lie just gets too much after a while... The relief of being honest about something is a far better feeling in my personal experience... Even if it hurts in the moment, it can usually be resolved.

[@genevieveleblanc9205]

The animation in this one is truly excellent. The changes from 2D style to 3D, the punchiness of the movement. Great job, animators!

[@voshi8845]

To be fair, I had this same thought process lmao. A youth club I went to gave out free condoms and pads and i thought that just....owning a condom would make me look cool? Manly? I have no clue. Anyways, my friend took one and then next day randomly slipped it into their class mate's pocket just for shits and giggles. The boy then shouted on the bus "WHO THE FUCK PUT A CONDOM IN MY POCKET!?" and God I wish I was there lmao

[@Ghs6]

THATS GENUINELY FUCKING HILARIOUS

[@redmadness265]

xD

[@seigeengine]

I'm imagining it turning into a class joke, and everybody just tries to sneak condoms into each other's possessions in the most interesting ways.

[@NikkiBudders]

Same here but in university. To normalize the idea of condoms for the horny masses they did condom poker night. You'd get (cheap n shitty) condoms as poker chips and "prizes" from various educational booths they set up. I brought home a bag of like 50 condoms that night and hid them for YEARS fearing someone would find them and think I was having SEX. Like an ADULT or something (I was 20 at the time). I could never find a good time to throw them out without thinking I'd be caught by someone so they just ended up hoarded away, never to be used. But the CONFIDENCE rush of merely having one "just in case" was wild. Being young is awful in so many ways XD

[@luciellawliet]

Reminds me of this one time back in high school that I was hanging out after school with a friend waiting to get picked up. We were sitting close together cause well we’re friends and we were watching KZbin videos together on my phone. This was a pretty regular routine for us. One day these like two upper classmen boys walked past us and teasing us for sitting so close together, calling us a cute couple and whatnot which made our faces go red because we both had massive crushes on each other. We ignored them and they left, but then a while later they came back and one of them threw a fucking condom at us, just a single fucking condom, and was like “stay safe,” and the other was like “hope it fits” and winked and they walked off snickering to each other while me and my friend sat there absolutely flabbergasted and red faced. It was hilarious. He sorta just mumbled “thanks” picked up the condom and slipped it into his bag and we just went back to watching KZbin together in silence. It was so awkward at the time but now I crack up every time I think of it. Our faces must have been so red

[@therandomclubhouseinc.6309]

Fun fact: my brother gave me a wallet once. He thought he had completely emptied it out. I pulled out the wallet once in class and I started playing around with it. I start checking the pockets, and I notice something inside. I pull it out, and start examining it, and I saw the word ‘Condom’ on it. I freaked out and immediately put it back, then I just ended up going to the bathroom and flushing it because I didn’t wanna get in trouble with it.

[@askamikaze3936]

You treated it like a bag of cocaine hahah!

[@killerwithoutcanary]

he's finally admitted it, cops get his ass

[@therandomclubhouseinc.6309]

@@killerwithoutcanary AHHHH-

[@Naysseveredhead]

You flushed it down the toilet??? 😭

[@therandomclubhouseinc.6309]

@@Naysseveredhead I didn’t want anything traced back to me ;-;

[@Hacein_YT]

2:40 “amongst the green beans no way” 😂

[@StarletteLily5874]

Not the green beans💀

[@augustdavis4725]

Can’t do it in front of Jolly Green Giant 😅

[@jookie4207]

2:05 this scares the shit out of me

[@StarletteLily5874]

It's like one of those shots in spongebob where it's disturbingly detailed

[@EyeCantDraw_]

@@StarletteLily5874that’s what I thought of

[@StarletteLily5874]

@leonelzelaya7317 oh shoot thx for calling it out m8! Had a feeling!

[@auroratheicewingrainwinghy1665]

It's so cursed XD

[@IzaacChristian-bx3bq]

Same

[@JackTheWizard]

Love Marks random stories that just appear out of no where

[@WhitestGray]

It’s from Distractible.

[@adriananimates7448]

Me: **takes out gum** Every student in the class: 2:13

[@Oktopus549]

I read ,,gun,, instead of gum like whaaa

[@Ussonan-Foderation2016]

Dawg I read this as gun too💀💀💀 Good ol' American education system 🙏🏻🙏🏻🇺🇸🇺🇸

[@SunBro_63]

Markiplier’s stories are the most random stories I’ve ever heard lol

[@jakediminico332]

Plenty more on distractible

[@fatimapavon7787]

❤

[@BuiHieuDong]

Don't worry Mark, you're a legend so committing *crimes* like this is easily forgivable by people.

[@rowboat10]

no

[@rowboat10]

your wrong

[@halcyon_exb]

@@rowboat10L

[@ahouranouri516]

It wasn't a crime since the box was already opened. Meaning it was going to the trash anyways.

[@ahouranouri516]

@@halcyon_exb 🤡

[@ekris5072]

Don’t worry markiplucky getting extreme anxiety attacks whenever youre even near a condom is a normal occurrence for many teens.

[@missdaisygiselle]

3:55 “YOU PUT YOUR LET HAND INN AND YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HANDD OUTT” 💀💀

[@SqweegeeYT]

I WAS JUSTING USING THIS BOX TO PLAY THIS GAME!

[@DataRedacted-R148]

“What are you doing?” “HERE’S A LITTLE BALLOON ANIMAL!”

[@Parappa-the-rapper-22]

“Look this is a doggy! Look this is a snake”

[@madisonhiller3275]

Whoever animated this they did a beautiful job 😂

[@GoobyOoby2702]

The credit to the artists is at the end of the video, and is linked in the description :)

[@kdc6002]

its tooncee

[@s55333]

3:30 and I stood there and I sat there 😂

[@Gregorio416]

2:25 “I couldn’t do this one-handed” Mark should’ve used that pick-up line and he wouldn’t need to use the Condom Power

[@TomiokaGiyuu2518]

1:53 this will stay FOREVER in my mind👌🏻👏🏻

[@Guy_in_a_suit_off]

3:45 The fact that i was thinking about the exact same thing is insane.

[@kupcakegames]

I love seeing Tooncee pop up in Mark's channel!!! I've loved watching her story times, and now I'm seeing one of my favorite podcasts with one of my favorite animators??? Sign me up

[@HolyCrusaderGrim]

he got that queen deltarune laugh at 2:58

[@ZOMBiFOX13]

Lmao I thought the same thing

[@MR_GoldenRobloxian]

SAME THING I WAS THINKING

[@mossseater]

kewl

[@JBot2.0]

4:05 this killed me

[@ZOMBiFOX13]

3:04 deltarune queen moment

[@xXSimplySammyXx]

This is more relatable than I initially suspected

[@Bowsetor]

💜💜

[@garryuyahoo]

I have to imagine security was watching the whole thing and dying of laughter

[@hiddendesire3076]

At a Toys’R’Us I used to work at, we used to toss the RDM bin stuff out that couldn’t be resold after it was written off. Thing was, we had a cool boss who saw several of us eyeing up some incomplete lego sets (since some kids stole some bags out of the boxes), and told us if we were planning anything, to do it when we bring the bin contents to the back as there was a blindspot in the warehouse. This applied to anything RDM. Promo items that were discontinued, loose items, etc.

[@articusramos808]

3:44 that be a fun segment

[@MeonLights]

The animations with the addional bits (like what was left on the shelves, Bob and Wade playing the interested ladies) so many goodies. Also it is hilarious that the condoms were found with the baby food.

[@PaulVeauthierjr.]

This animator needs a raise

[@oserty]

4:29 "trust me, they went unused" _they_ , huh? so multiple? multiple condoms? not _a_ condom? that’s where you slipped up, mr iplier

[@TheWorldsLargestOven]

it and they

[@carthvader0850]

youtube: "yeah! markiplier is advertiser friendly!" also markiplier:

[@kelseyleazier7746]

Always a good day when markiplier posts

[@tortured_ape]

mf paid for youtube

[@ca3.]

​@@tortured_apeso?

[@ametrime4754]

​@@tortured_apeoh god its the twitter blue checkmark hatred all over again😭

[@salmasuuu]

Like baiting is crazy

[@unknownedleaf]

⁠at least its paying creators instead of the richest man in the world

[@GNatMar]

"Amongst the green beans" is my favorite part, such as simple detail that had me crying, laughing for so long 😂

[@Reirek]

Not even Batman could get this out of me

[@doomdyt]

1:15 this one got me 🤣🤣💀💀

[@وحده_من_أقمار_كوكب-المشترى]

This was hilarious, props to the animator and Mark for this.. Interesting story

[@hottyblah123]

Kroger was the worst thing / company I've ever worked for and will never work there again.

[@karymeguerrero7596]

1:48 HELP CONDOM POWER?? 😭😭

[@justpurpleyt]

0:51 IM LAUGHING💀

[@monky8557]

😱😱😱

[@Doneheree]

Nah the basketballs and the skate board?? That's a dirty joke Mark💀

[@pickles7691]

these animators r so amazing omg. the stories are always already funny but somehow the animations make them even funnier

[@andrewhazen5569]

4:13. LOL! 😂

[@alexmadness19]

2:04 is seriously nobody talking about how beautiful this scene is

[@demidairydemise4175]

i like how the video just starts with “YES!” like hes so excited he stole a condom lmfao

[@a.yl_a]

@@mirjinou7999I heard dollar tree is hiring 💗

[@Chaos_Birb]

0:19 veeeery sneaky, Mark. Veeeeeeeeerrrrrrrryy sneaky. Ya almost had me there. 😂

[@sibsart2039]

1:36 why was that so smooth 😂

[@JackCupcake]

Markiplier is the hero we all need.

[@Drynkmarkedges]

Markiplier always makes my day better after a long week of testing 😭😭

[@sazrael_]

bro same lmfao

[@theloveforambience3125]

Whatever those animators are paid, they definitely aren't paid enough

[@glaciemgaming7]

That closeup of Bob will haunt me in my waking moments

[@HeisenbergH20]

Condoms at a young age is like being caught drinking at 20

[@richarddakazo2878]

2:35 Del Monte saw, this is why they never sponsor Mark

[@Skidishhh]

Mark I love your videos! I’m so proud of how far you’ve come!

[@chickenplush2580]

😂

[@Melon-fruit2014]

Yesir

[@Alright281]

Not very far then if using protection

[@WeinerBerg64]

​@@Alright281facts

[@Melon-fruit2014]

@@Alright281yas siour

[@Xenos2300]

Mark stealing condoms sounds like something he'd do

[@4thDeadlySin]

0:42 "Don't know why" Somone needs to give Mark, "The Talk"

[@Nekaido]

I love u mark . U will always make me laugh an smile . ❤

[@blakeskully5084]

Can’t wait to see the movie! Hope you’re doing well❤

[@SammiLee006]

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TO BECOME A VIDEO. IT’S SO PERFECTLY DESCRIBED AND HILARIOUS, IT JUST HAD TO BE

[@GrubSavior]

Which ep was it

[@XUnholyMusicianX]

the irony of finding condoms, with ....babyfood

[@justafan13]

Someone clearly made a decision there

[@isaacrehfield3330]

This animation was top tier. Kudos to whomever made it

[@MrSkeleton14]

0:34 baby food?!

[@DarthNihilus_SW]

Animated mark kicking a baby in a cart is something I didn’t realize I needed in my life

[@optimascrime5235]

As a retail worker I'm surprised how common stuff like this is

[@sophiaisabelle01]

This brings me back to when I would constantly find condoms displayed out in front in pharmacies. They've got every scent and flavor you can think of. Didn't know chocolate-flavored ones are the real deal until now.

[@ilovebmk11]

Distractible has been on point lately! Freaking hilarious! 💜

[@shadowgames50]

"Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is" - Master Yoda

[@sumopuim]

loving the story times btw i feel like we don’t say that enough

[@TotalyNotSatan]

Hey Mark Just wanted to thank you Im curently feeling very low and my depression is higher than ever due to private problems And yet in this hard time you like always manage to put a smile on my face and help me ignore my horrible life for a couple of minutes.

[@minatouzumaki975]

hey ULTI just remember that although not everyone checks the comments some people do to check up on people hope you are doing better today remember we are here for you =)

[@globeonthethread866]

hey, I don’t know what you’re going through, but it’ll be okay. and if it’s worth anything, some random internet strangers (us) care deeply about you. Carry on, friend. You’ve got this :)

[@justafan13]

You feeling better nowadays?

[@TotalyNotSatan]

@@justafan13 sadly no man its getting worse, but hey im still here

[@justafan13]

@@TotalyNotSatan that sucks man, i may not know the exact stuff, but i have a vague idea of how you feel since my mental state is also rapidly getting worse, i Believe you can make it through this though!!

[@nanathekatz]

The animation is unbelievably hilarious!!! 😂😂😂 It tells a funny story within an already so funny story, gotta love it! ♥️♥️♥️

[@imjust_gray2397]

Me having a normal day then all of a sudden Markimoo says “I stole a condom!”

[@RyanDaGOAT123]

This made my day. It pulled me out of the pool of sadness that was knowing that my dad was having an open heart surgery. Thank you markiplier!

[@justafan13]

Hows he doing now?

[@x1sirius]

that design of bob at 2:05 is absolutely terrifying

[@bowpower128]

the fact i was actually feeling down, then i saw that mark posted and this made me feel alot better, thanks mark! :)

[@Alteronx]

One question Mark, why? About to find out the enigma that is this man's brain

[@Oktopus549]

I love how 15 year old mark had a beard apparently

[@questioning_august]

Marks getting a bit comfortable on this app

[@earnmoney4741]

This is from a podcast. Factually , only patient people who are mostly adults listen to hours of talking. A single youtube video sized piece of a 1 hour audio is brought to you and you say it is too much for your system to comrepehend and that markiplier is being too open.

[@questioning_august]

@@earnmoney4741 sorry i have focus issues and that i watched the shortened version of it. I commented it as a JOKE, as i've seen other people do. I didn't know it's from a podcast, mainly because i don't have the focus to watch them.

[@nicholasdemaio3827]

I like how it shows Wade laughing but it’s Bob 3:05

[@Buphido]

It’s ok Mark, I stole an empty plastic water bottle from a classmate when I was a kid, it happens

[@julianuga]

I haven't been to the channel in a few years. Interesting to see what direction his channel went in. I first got into Mark back in middle school. Now im almost done with college😅 Time flies man...

[@Giolaboman]

I would pay to watch a Markiplier animated show like this

[@wilbert_GT]

its 10:30pm and tired af this video is amazing

[@SaturnWithTheStars]

How does Mark just keep getting weirder and weirder and more iconic, I love him so much XD

[@a_men_diet]

The animation made this 100 times better. I have tears in my eyes of how hard i laughed 😂

[@NJP609]

The animators definitely deserve a sub this is amazing

[@S0UND112]

Its always the little stories that bring the most joy, even if its about stealing a Condom from Kroger...

[@Birdy-jw7eb]

Man, I LOVE this animations. Kudos to Plu- I mean, Kudos to the animators!

[@rollingthunder1043]

2:04 whoever animated this shot needs a raise. Or to be in prison. I can't decide which.

[@SlimmJimm]

this title is gonna be hard to explain to my friend

[@AcidCloud_]

Mark has to be one of the funniest mother fuckers ever 😭