I Thought My Husband Would Never Cheat On Me Then The Other Woman Found Me... r/Relationships

[@sabr4174]

Story 1: The people blaming OP for his abuse is wild. Even if they did think she had an emotional affair, that doesn’t excuse abuse.

[@pippo17173]

To me, it sounds like op was getting those curtain lift up when a guy is nice to her in a relationship that was terrible in the beginning.

[@Ando1428]

True. I also don't think she was emotionally cheating. I think she picked a friend who was in the friend zone and went from there. I don't think she was leading him on I just think it was the friend zone that is for friends not potential mates.

[@rubymeaddle]

​@@Ando1428 the friend zone does not exist. It's just called being a friend.

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

Yeh that was really disgusting. I have a feeling it’s from people who have been victims it quite bystanders full of shame. Ofcourse or from awful people like the ex.

[@vampire9545]

​​@@rubymeaddle weird I friend zoned my wife that was love with me since hs before I even knew of the term, she even uses that term too. Also I didn't meet her until like 5 years after hs

[@rclark8688]

Op did not have an emotional affair. Thinking someone is attractive is not an affair. If it was, then anytime someone was attracted to a married celebrity they would be having an affair with them. Being attracted to someone emotionally and then acting on that by flirting, going on dates, spending inappropriate amounts of time with someone, or spending time with someone at inappropriate times, and other boundary crossing behavior would all be considered an emotional affair. Thinking someone is attractive, but then maintaining or establishing appropriate boundaries with someone is not an emotional affair.

[@owl7072]

^^^^ It's entirely possible to think someone is attractive but still not do anything/not _want_ to do anything. I'm asexual as well as somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, I can look at someone and think that they're pretty, however that doesn't mean I want to do anything about it, I'm simply acknowledging "hey, this person is nice to look at. Anyway-"and then moving on with my life

[@blackrex828]

People are using EA so much lately that they're miss using it.

[@rclark8688]

@@owl7072 Yeah that's a good point too. That thinking someone is attractive doesn't mean you are attracted to them. There are many women I think are attractive though I'm not attracted to women. I feel like the emotional affair is something that people who relate to her abuser used to try to avoid guilt for their own abusive tendencies. It's something I've noticed recently being thrown around inappropriately.

[@rubymeaddle]

Reddit gonna reddit.

[@k3upikachu]

​@@rubymeaddle I'm kinda pissed that markee agreed with them

[@co7314]

The stepdaughter had 2 parents with her, the daughter had zero.

[@sophdog2564]

I don't think OP had an emotional affair, but I do think she has a "moving from person to person" problem.

[@EnDB]

OP prioritizes EVERYONE over his own daughter repeatedly. He sucks as a father to his own. He's great to the kid he didn't create though.

[@britvica]

Because of the mother. He wants to proove himself by mother. Stepdaughter doesn't matter. He showed that with his own kids. If stepdaughter was a dog, the dog would still be more important than his bio kid. Because of that woman. Best friend of his dead wife, who jumped so readely in her home and in her bed.

[@susankaempfer8427]

23:10 OP learned nothing. 4 months after his wife died? What a selfish man.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

Like she was being abused anf exposed to stds so i dont think i care if she was being extra friendly with a dude that wasnt a prick to her.

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

She needs a little bit of a rebound. And if the rebound turns into something new, good for her.

[@rubymeaddle]

It's just Reddit being misogynistic

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@rubymeaddle they say the same thing to a guy as well. I just think they cant seem to get over the mind set that people who find each other attractive and are of the gender they are attracted to can be just friends without it being iffy. The only really sexist post i found was the chick who wanted her ex who only worked part time to actually help do chores and take care of their new born since she had a full time job that paid more than his part time and did onlyfans. They told her to get over herself that he deserved alone time so stop nagging him. So she gave up sleeping basically so they could have a clean house, healthy baby and their bills paid. While he spent all day refusing to work more and hung out with his friends or gamed.

[@EternaMidnight]

Bruh finding someone else superficially attractive does not mean she was having an emotional affair 💀 You really gonna say "okay you can never look at or speak to anyone else of your preferred gender because if you find them attractive that's cheating"?

[@vampire9545]

It's the quick rebound for me

[@StonyBaboon]

but fiding someone that fast, and knowing the person for a full year, means she was, even if OP didnt realize... You dont just create felling from no were, she even says "i didnt cross the line" soo she know ther was a line to be crossed and that alone implies that she realized that she in fact crossed the line....

[@erinisler1255]

@@StonyBaboon You’re reaching. Yeah they got together fast but there is no evidence of an emotional affair.

[@StonyBaboon]

@@erinisler1255 ther never is sience emotions are something private and only the person really know if they are ther.. but sometimes the person dont even see, that dosent means that emotions aren't ther, but emotions are also showen, and from what OP typed, she show those emotions.

[@erinisler1255]

@@StonyBaboon That is not what an emotional affair is.

[@koolkittykat04]

For Story 2: I’m just wondering why OP couldn’t have gone to the graduation? It was two days after Amy’s emergency surgery. They didn’t happen at the same time. I know it was 4 hours away, but that shouldn’t matter. As a parent, you must be there for your child’s high school graduation. Oh wait… I forgot, OP prioritized Amy and Doreen, and *clearly* Amy needed more support at that time after a successful, uncomplicated surgery and post-op.

[@NerdilyDone]

Uncomplicated? Surgery is a life threatening issue. Graduations are not.

[@koolkittykat04]

@@NerdilyDone The called it an uncomplicated surgery because the procedure itself went as expected, and she did not suffer any issues immediately after it. That’s what it is referred to as in medical terms. I’m not trying to diminish the risks of surgery. Since Amy was doing well after the initial surgery, the life-threatening aspects have already passed; it seems disrespectful to miss a once-in-a-lifetime graduation to sit by someone recovering from surgery for a few more hours.

[@ZombieSazza]

It sucks her husband cheated, but his excuse of “oh well you were depressed” is horrible, he lied, he cheated, he exposed her to potential STDs, she had to be super modest, she couldn’t have male friends because he is super insecure, sounds like he was lazy and didn’t clean up after himself. On top of living in fear, emotional manipulation, she was neglected, used as a sex doll, screamed at, gaslit, he punched walls and was actively aggressive, hell even her DOG is happier. I’m glad she’s free and is able to see how she was abused and now recognises the signs, hopefully these red flags are something she can remember for future relationships. I’m glad the other woman upon immediately learning he was actually married reached out to OP, she saved OP future heartbreak and anguish, and honestly did her a favour. She couldn’t even have male friends because he was so highly insecure, and her ex-MIL seems to genuinely love and care for her which is lovely, so her life has immediately improved cus WTAF. I do believe she could do with time out of a relationship and time with herself before getting into another relationship, but that’s just me, she needs to fully heal and make sure she’s secure with herself before jumping into a relationship of any kind. My bio mother (no contact child abuse survivor) was never single for more than 1 week, she also never went through therapy, put her self worth in the men she dated (and most were extreme trash and abusive) and neglected me on top of tonnes of abuse because she needed to be in a relationship, folk need to heal properly and stay single for a while whilst getting help, therapy, being happy with themselves and feeling fulfilled in life by yourself before dating, you need to have that healthy mindset before going into a new relationship, so a new boyfriend in like 1-2 weeks straight after a divorce is worrying, she needs therapy and time. I do however hate how Reddit ALWAYS tries to find some negative trait, accusing her of an emotional affair is sadly on brand for Reddit, the whole “well sure he was abusive, but it sounds like you cheated and it was probs your fault.” Maybe she was having an emotional affair, but for randos to tell her “well that’s why he was abusing you” is honestly disgusting. That marriage was doomed because he was abusive, that wasn’t on her.

[@jakemarie828]

She said he said he was depressed, not her. Also they weren't married.

[@ZombieSazza]

@@jakemarie828 well the title said “my husband” so I was going from that

[@chetarisin3035]

Honestly, I don't see the emotional affair. They never flirted and op never fantasized about the man. Men and women can be friends without anything being romantic. All I think is, she's moving on way too fast in order to cope

[@champslim]

Yea. I agree

[@JaneDoe1812]

According to Markee it does. It also feels like he thinks she deserves to be abused over it.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

Please disregard my previous comment. I agree too, but OP needs therapy.

[@CatLadyElegy]

@@JaneDoe1812 Yeah, I definitely wasn’t a big fan of his analysis.

[@Emi_TheWinged]

Men will take (talkign to another men) as having an emotional affair so...

[@potatoempress5731]

Story 2 : OP refers to Amy as a saint while his actual daughter Kay gets called an ELEPHANT in the room. Says it all.

[@bigcaper862]

So he basically threw his older kid to the side to hide from his loss and now puts the new kid that's not even his over his own. Notice the step daughter "the saint that she is". Of corse the request the first daughter made was wrong but that could have been worked out if you bothered opened up but you're too scared an proud to do so and you're will lose your children for it. And when the new family leaves you and they will.... you will be alone with your thoughts and have to deal with them alone.....

[@CyeOutsider]

Its not an emotional affair if you recognise that you have an attraction to someone who isnt your partner. Being in a relationship doesnt mean you stop being attracted to other people ever again. People are being ridiculous.

[@koree1594]

Story 2 OP is most definitely the AH. It’s hilarious that ppl actually believe a man who couldn’t/didn’t wait more than 4 months after his wife’s death to find & bring another woman to bring his grieving children’s lives! There is no way in hell he didn’t choose Amy (who never had a father) over his daughter who was “over reacting” throughout the years. Kay still sent Amy a gift, she’s not blaming Amy. She’s blaming her father who has consistently dismissed her. Even when Amy told OP it was okay to miss the graduation he didn’t even consider choosing Kay and making it up to Amy.

[@rubymeaddle]

Weird concept but grief isn't universal. Is he wrong for bringing the new gf in before the kids got therapy? Yes. Is he instantly a cheater because he clicked with someone soon after his wife's passing? No.

[@zerobolt9506]

Agreed, I didn't think I would, but I agree here, he does make it same the other daughter doesn't matter to him.

[@MrJpaynebb]

I really don't think OP was a cheater. Did he rush into a new relationship faster than his kids were ready for? Definitely. I am not saying OP at his then age of his wife's death, should have stayed single. However he was a parent of very young kids. That should have been his #1 priority and not him trying to find a new romantic relationship who could replace their mom. Him also thinking his daughter was joking about skipping the stepdaughter's graduation was a huge error on his part. I knew she wasn't joking when she proposed it. OP should never have made that promise.

[@ADWebTV]

Especially when the spouse had a long term illness it's not uncommon for it to look like they moved on quickly. Basically they have been grieving as they watched their loved one die slowly.

[@koree1594]

@@rubymeaddle I agree. I’m not saying he’s a cheater. Just that a man who could/would not put his young kids first in that situation will clearly let not put them first in other ways. He didn’t have to stay single for years either but 4 months?

[@riverjbleu]

I genuinely don’t see where there was an emotional affair. You can think other people are attractive while being in a relationship.. you don’t stop having eyeballs when you get a partner. She never crossed any lines and they kept their distance other than gaming with groups of friends.

[@GIChiyo]

Yeah, when Amy was sick you both didn't have to be there, you could have left for the graduation then gone back to Amy Also I HATE it when people say "I will agree and hope they forget", I have had that happen and I don't talk to ANY of those people anymore

[@koree1594]

Exactly! What everyone seems to miss is that while Amy had OP, her mother and grandparents. Kay, had her brother. This is not the first time OP had neglected Kay for Amy because even now Kay is not taking her rage out on Amy! She doesn’t blame Amy just her sorry excuse of a father!

[@tamsel814]

​@@koree1594I mostly agree but do think that expecting op to miss Amy's graduation is kinda taking it out on Amy. She cares enough to send Amy flowers and a card so it's likely unintentionally, bit still it would hurt Amy.

[@koree1594]

@@tamsel814 ehh, I guess. Kay has already been punished though. In fact she’s been dismissed twice. If we’re playing fair/by OPs logic, it shouldn’t be a relationship ending decision for him to miss Amy’s graduation. Something came up and his other daughter needs him on that date. For all we know Kay could have spent time with OP and then surprised Amy & OP by going to the graduation or she could’ve gone through with the day she had planned for just her and her father. The issue here is she was never given a CHOICE. As far as OP was concerned Amy being disappointed was NEVER an option. So while Amy would’ve been disappointed I don’t think it compares to feeling discarded, replaced and insignificant by your only living parent over the same person TWICE!

[@embluvya]

Story 2: isnt it interesting how so many people know widows who never remarried, and widowers who remarry while their wifes grave is still warm? Its so common that its practically a trope in fairy tales for men to remarry a wicked stepmother the moment the wife is dead.

[@champslim]

She needs to be single for a bit 4 months after your wife dies.... 4 months??!!

[@luciferandassociates9255]

When do you think someone is allowed to start moving on after the death of their spouse?

[@champslim]

​@Lucifer And Associates I would hope I can wait more then 4 months.

[@luciferandassociates9255]

​@@champslim Like what a year? What's the timeframe?

[@thatwaffleguy4958]

​@@luciferandassociates9255Why are you being so so semantic? More than four months is a timeframe.

[@lexiburrows8127]

It is not particularly unusual. Actually, if people have had a really good and close relationship, it is not just the person they miss, but the whole way of living. The companionship, closeness, sharing, fun, talking etc.. are suddenly gone and the bereaved person wants to try to recreate those same feelings.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2 yta no no one thinks he's living his life for our entertainment he has definitely made it clear that he's living his life for himself and his new family and his new family only

[@JMF527]

Second story, while I understand why he missed her graduation. Her ultimatum was a test there was right choice and he failed totally. He could have explained to the daughter that skipping the other graduation wasn't equal as the stepdaughter was in a medical emergency, he wouldn't miss it because it would be hurting the wrong person. He could have offered anything else to make up for him missing her graduation. In stead he lied and took a cowards way making it all worse

[@luciferandassociates9255]

I can't like your post twice so here is a thumbs up 👍

[@backpug1228]

Also he could have attended the gratuation since the medical emergency was TWO DAYS BEFORE IT. He could have driven the next day evening or day of gratuation early morning to his daughters gratuation.

[@someanon1984]

I'm not sure I understand why he missed the graduation tbh. He has two kids: one who's about to graduate with no parents there to see it and another who's facing a pretty standard procedure and can at least be with her mom for a few hours. I think he could have spared Kay a little bit of time.

[@ohnooffwego]

There was no excuse for missing the graduation. She had appendicitis. When I had an emergency appendectomy somehow my TWO parents managed to care for their TWO children at the same time. It's difficult to imagine how they pulled that off, but they did. Skipping a once in a lifetime event for a fairly common medical procedure reeks of favoritism.

[@pikachu7572]

He actually didn't have to miss the graduation. She had the appendectomy days before the graduation.She was recovering and fine, not in surgery and she wouldn't have been alone because her mom was there. The bio daughter had no parent there for her. He could have supported them both but he chose only the one. It's actually really really sad.

[@EmmyRae1885]

Story 2: I will never understand people who replace their dead spouse within a year of the loss. Especially when kids are involved Like at that point it doesn't matter that you didn't cheat you still betrayed their mother's memory and disregarded your kids grieving process

[@ohnooffwego]

How did he even have time to date? I feel like if my wife died I'd be so overwhelmed with trying to make ends meet and caring for my kid that dating wouldn't even be feasible. I understand why so many people think he was cheating. It's not unreasonable to suspect they had a preexisting relationship.

[@cb9825]

Amy did NOT need OP's "support" during and right after the surgery as she was not even conscious😬and her mother was there for her. he could easily show up at the graduation, take a couple of pics, go back to the hospital, and Amy still would be sleeping. Some people don't want to make minimum effort.

[@samanthacarpenter3336]

Moving on only 4 months after your wife died tragically with children aged 9, and 12 tells me EVERYTHING I need to know about this guy. Jesus, couldn’t even wait half a year for his kids sake. I can only imagine the trauma that caused to his kids.

[@diamcole]

Emotional affair? Not likely. Moving on quickly as a (poor) attempt to cope? I think so. Not a good idea but it's understandable, didn't people used to say the best way to get over someone is under someone lol? It's a saying for a reason, people have done it - as unhealthy as it can be.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

It wasn’t to cope

[@vampire9545]

And what exactly is she getting out of a not in person relationship? Hint: emotional support

[@EnDB]

She gamed with the guy in group format only and liked his voice. How tf is that emotional cheating??

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: I really don’t get why people jump into a new relationship/marriage as soon as their partner dies or they get divorced. He got married 4 months after his wife died!

[@michaelwoods3651]

Right?! After 4 months? I guess some people just can’t be alone. Of course his kids were upset!

[@pippo17173]

@@michaelwoods3651 I really hope that is the case. Because cheating is forming in the back in my mind. 🤨

[@kaykay8855]

@@pippo17173 I really hope the former. I get that losing your spouse, death or divorce, there’s a person size hole where they used to be but op’s kids were also grieving and they get a new stepmom in FOUR MONTHS!

[@Bala_Niranna]

frankly its irrelevant if op had an emotional affair or not. if youre an abusive pos then yeah your partner is gonna fall in love with someone else who actually treats them like a decent human being. abusers deserve to be cheated on, its not the same as cheating on your abuse victim, idc. thats a false equivalence

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

"I thought my husband would never cheat on me!" You and plenty of other people, honey.

[@aprilfox9205]

Jesus the poor woman's body wasn't even cold yet before he got with his new wife...😬

[@coreymartin6486]

Story 2 - he's only the jerk for making the promise.

[@catandrobbyflores]

Story 2 stinks of missing information and an affair. He is totally the ahole. Seems to me that his bio daughter was put second a lot more than what we've been presented here.

[@ula437]

Yeah, like one comment said that the new wife was the late wife's best friend. That told me all I needed to know about the situation

[@whimsicaltitan]

Story #2: OP is the AH. He could have attended his daughter's graduation then get back to the stepdaughter since she'll be in and out of it after the surgery anyway. He knew his daughter was serious about the deal 😂 He just doesn't want to accept any responsibility 😂

[@aspidistraeliator]

He wasn't there just for the step daughter, he stayed because his wife was in a tizzy because of the stepdaughter. Look I get it was his daughters graduation. However she got sick 2 days before the graduation, but she had the emergency surgery the day of the graduation.

[@whimsicaltitan]

​@aspid The MIL was there. If he wanted to, he could have found a way. It was an appendectomy if I remember correctly, it wasn't brain surgery. A head nurse in our hospital left after her daughter had the operation to attend to her other daughter at school. So if someone really wanted to, they find a way.

[@aspidistraeliator]

@@whimsicaltitan people can die from a burst appendix. They often go septic because of what is released into the abdomen.

[@wmdkitty]

@@aspidistraeliator Don't be ridiculous. Stepdaughter already had two parents (and grandparents!) with her at the hospital, dude should have gone to his DAUGHTER'S graduation.

[@randomusername3873]

Being there for amy wouldn't have been a problem if Op was an actual decent parent to his daughter

[@ms.g6124]

Story2: that dad is the biggest AH! Sad!!!

[@MizTameRumors]

2nd story honestly sounds like OP missed out a lot of context between dating his new wife, missing graduation and daughter going no contact. You don't go no contact because your dad missed one event, and broke one promise. You go NC because your parent constantly favors his step daughter.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1: If she didn't actually emotionally cheat I can't see that new relationship ending well at all best case is he's a rebound Story 2: I don't believe for a second he actually thought his daughter wasn't serious about it, like he offers to do ANYTHING to make it up to her, she tells him what he needs to do and he thinks "ha ha what a good joke!" if he was serious and wanted to make it up to her he would have asked what she REALLY wanted him to do, he had no intention of making it up to her from the get-go, at least not if it required any effort/sacrifice.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Last story How to say you have a favorite child without saying you have a favorite. "Amy the saint"

[@TheFlowerchild712]

Story 2: Four months. Dude waited 4 months before shacking up with his dead wife's best friend. I'm not buying the "There was no affair" BS he's saying. He priorotized getting laid over his children and he sucks majorly for that. Hope his new family takes care of him when he's old and sick, cause his children certainly won't be.

[@wildblue0]

Story 2: Ok, maybe Kay said she "wants space". If he actually learned anything, he could write her an apology letter to read when she's ready. But it doesn't sound like he's willing to take responsibility for anything, so it's doubtful to contain an actual apology. And SM was late Mom's bff? Even without an affair, I wouldn't be surprised if Amy was favored because she "never had a dad" and "needed help transitioning to the new home." I'm also sure Kay was deemed responsible for "helping her fit in" as a big sister "should". That would explain the immediate NC.

[@TheLonelyOnee]

Story two, OMG this "dad" has the emotional intelligence of a rock... I hope the kids get away from him, cause really..?!

[@onnas5610]

I really don't understand how ppl can claim to love someone and then do such hurtful things. Like if you fall out of love or want a poly type relationship just say that upfront. Damn.

[@757Bricksquad]

Because OP’s husband didn’t want to pay her bills. He’s doing so anyways now, but he wanted to have multiple romantic partners without having to give his current spouse half of his shit. It’s really not that hard to understand.

[@onnas5610]

@@757Bricksquad I'm not talking specifically about OP's husband.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

​@@onnas5610 It's called "lying."

[@driversuz44]

There are few red flags which are redder or bigger than yelling at a pet. A little "bark" now and they when the critters get out of hand, but yelling? FREQUENT yelling? Big fat NOPE.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

Ya really don't seem to know story 1 doesn't constitute an emotional affair there bud.

[@CyeOutsider]

Story 2: Who starts dating 4 months after their wife and the mother of your children dies in an accident?! WTF?! You're basically signalling to your kids that their mother was easily replaceable and not that important.

[@coureenlawrence4915]

Not only that, it's his wife best friend, that's why the kids thought that he was cheating on mom. Who knows maybe Amy is his bio-daughter.

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Story 2: So let's get this straight, if Markee's stepchild had to go into EMERGENCY SURGERY, he'd just be whatever can't go see it gotta go my kids Graduation. Edit: Information I did not notice changes this whole situation, The Medical Emergency took place two days before the Graduation, He had way more then enough time to drive or fly back, go to the event and return. I'm not deleting anything. You can all look at me in my wrongness.

[@Uhoh.3187]

Right everyone's being so unfair to op, and I hate how everyone is getting on his case about him moving on to fast, he can take as Long as he wants to move on he's a full grown man, He doesn't need his kid's permission to get remarried

[@hellkitelord8319]

Then the comment about the tooth like you know that's a bad faith argument.

[@johntremble7993]

Medical emergency trumps so many things

[@luciferandassociates9255]

​@@Uhoh.3187 Someone people would say he's moving on two quickly if he wait 4 years. Some people believe you should wait until your kids move out before you move on. Hell some kids believe you shouldn't move on and replace the other parent. There isn't a time frame, people move on when they move on. The thing we should be worried about is if they are helping their children through it well. Which from what I can tell OP didn't do so well.

[@luciferandassociates9255]

​@@Azulakayes What are you talking about? OP raised his stepdaughter since she was 4, the medical emergency happened when the stepdaughter when she was 14. Now the stepdaughter is 18 and graduation. He's raised his stepdaughter for 14 years.

[@k3upikachu]

Edit: bro. Markee. Thinking someone at the opposite sex is cute and talking to them in a group setting is not an emotional affair. really bad take. I used to be like the girl in the first story and jump from relationship to relationship. It was partially bc guys would hear that I was single and jump to ask me out, but also because I was afraid of being alone. I was finally single for a year before I met my current boyfriend, and it's the healthiest relationship I've had because I learned to love being independent and became a lot pickier about who I chose to be with, so I didn't just jump into another relationship with the first guy who made me laugh. Def worth taking time to be alone after a breakup

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 1: I think OP is either rushing far too quickly into another relationship, or she was already emotionally attached to this other guy. Amazing how in the first post you get the impression that the now ex was great and she could not understand he would cheat, then it morphs into her ex being abusive and a week after her relationship of several years is over, she is already with another guy.

[@kateworkman921]

That can very much happen. It's basically transference. As soon as someone comes along who you (superficially) think is everything want in a relationship, suddenly, they become so important and perfect and desirable, and you start to see all the things people would talk about that are bad with an ex. It's basically what happens to people who don't really know themselves or what they actually want in life/a relationship. (indicated by her jumping into a relationship less than two weeks after her ex "broke her heart.") They just cling on to the first person who gives them some positive attention, hoping that person will "save" them. And it's an ever-repeating cycle until the person realizes that it doesn't work that way. You have to save yourself.

[@theSexyMilkMan]

Yeah I had to replay that part when she said it’s been only a week

[@malteser4666]

I actually went through something very similar. It's hard to see how awful they are until you're well and truly out of there. I also ran to a friend thinking he treats me so well. He did not. It was very short lived. I remained single for a while and allowed myself to properly heal. I don't think this thing with the friend will last either

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

"You know, it's funny. When you look at the world through rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."

[@rubymeaddle]

You've never been in an abusive relationship have you? She's out of the FOG. She sees him for who he is.

[@steampunkpixie2643]

Just remember it is easy to judge people you don't know. That is something I hate about Reddit is how quick people are ti judge complete strangers.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 1. I just felt the need to comment on here about OP getting into a relationship right after breaking up with her boyfriend. All I can do is share personal experience. I dated, and lived with a man for 5 years. He too was emotionally abusive, and would leave dents in out walls. I put my foot down and left him as soon as I found out he was cheating on me. About 3 weeks after the breah up, I went on a date with a guy I too knew for about a year. Before our date, we never interacted much, but my mom and his older sister were good friends. So at BBQs and family gatherings, this guy and I woukd talk and hang out a bit. Anyway, Everyone warned me afterour first date that it was just a rebound, and to please not hurt him. Friends, and even my own mother told him that he was just my rebound, and to please not rush anything, or commit, because I would just break his heart. Three months after our first date, my new BF and I moved in together, and boy were people upset. Both my mom and his sister threatened me if I hurt him. They didn't believe that we loved each other because it was too quick after my break up, and too soon from our first date. We ignored them and moved in together. Things got even worse with our friends and family when 6 months after we moved in together (together a total of 9 months at this point), we got married. We were told we were making the biggest mistake of our lives, that we were too young (I was 22, he was 25), and that I was just using him to get over my 5 year relationship break up. Well, our rebound lasted 29 years so far and counting. Everyone finally stopped their comments and crap around our 1 year wedding anniversary. But, even after nearly 30 years, one of my husband's sisters will still tell other people that I am just using him for his money, and don't really love him. About 3 years ago My husband told her to get over her shit or he will cut her off. She tried to tell him she was just looking out for him, because I was only with him for his money. My husband started laughing then told her, "Christine's income is a bit over a third more than I mak. So, I guess with your thought process, I am the gold digger." Finally, as the last of the skeptical holdouts, she has left us alone.

[@tigernotwoods914]

Not everybody wants to be single. Some people just aren’t built to be alone.

[@bridgetdebourgh5698]

Hey Markee 👋 Enjoy your day/night everyone 👋🤗

[@prin0428]

Story 1: ppl are so outrageous on reddit! Are you kidding me? OP is being attacked and blamed for an emotional affair as if even if true, which OP says is not, doesn't even come close to what that abusive maniacs of an ex put her and clearly her fur baby through. Stop it pll! OP if you see this, you are a rockstar and so strong for kicking his cheating abusive ass out to the curb. I hope you find eternal happiness with your new bf and he treats you as you deserve to be treated. ❤

[@pippo17173]

I have only dated once and it's been 6 years since I got out of the relationship. While the horrible break up still affects me, I make sure to make my single time more effective. Seriously people don't just date after that. It will effect you mentally. Also I don't know about op having a emotional affair but it does sound like she has interest to the only guy who is nice to her during that abuse and hasn't figure out that the relationship was over long before that cheating got exposed.

[@ggamer1417]

Lol "how will i ever love again?" *one week later* " my new boyfriend is amazing!"

[@Tijggie82]

I don't think she had an emotional affair. People outside of your partner are attractive, that's just life. As long as you don't act on those emotions, it's fine. Also, of course she's going to look for someone to lean on after discovering her affair. Sounds like her ex husband kept her pretty isolated, so I'm glad she was still able to maintain at least online friends she could vent to. Another thing is, not to victim blame, but, especially in abusive relationships, it's not wild for the abused victim to look for emotional support elsewhere. That other person will obviously become real significant for the abused victim, since they are usually the way to get out of an abusive situation. Can you really call that an emotional affair? I guess you can, but I wouldn't shame the abused person for it. It can become quite literally their lifeline.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

26:26 waaaaaaiiiiiit….the new wife is the late wife’s best friend?! Let me go listen again, cuz WTAF?!

[@kateemma22]

Me: thinking OP is an innocent party and just needs to destroy this man's life and move on. Reddit, in a moment of insanity: WELL YOU'RE DESERVING OF THIS BECAUSE YOU HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR!!!!! I see Reddit's on crack this fine day. Time for bed, Redditors.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

Story 2: OP is absolutely delusional. He actually blames his daughter for seeing him for the neglectful idiot he is.

[@guywhowatchesvideos-z2e]

I bet you anything saint Amy will be a piece of work - sidelining OP because at the end of the day "it's not like your my real dad anyway". And he will be crushed at the fact that he gave up his own kids for a brat who doesn't respect his love

[@95_Nepentheses]

Normalize not needing to be everything to your person and vice versa.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

Story 2: All the things OP did aside, I think Kay's request sucks and is unreasonable. It is not 'making it up to her', it is about power and revenge. But since she was a hurt teenager I see where it's coming from.

[@tamsel814]

Yeah, op should have told kay right away that skipping the graduation is not fair since that would just be punishing Amy who does not deserve that. He could have done something special with kay instead to make up for missing the graduation. But then OP does not seem like a great parent.

[@abubarrie88]

How do you make up for missing a graduation? She had not one single parent there and he chose not to be there even though the surgery was two days before.the medical emergency was over. While I get the request was petty i see Kay’s side of if you were fine missing my graduation and me having no there then you should be fine missing Amy’s to attempt make it up to me dine her mom will be there. And he agreed he just thought she wouldn’t hold him to it. What you do for one child you should for the other.

[@coureenlawrence4915]

​@@tamsel814Op is but only to the stepdaughter. I guess he had to make his home happy no matter what, so his prior kids aren't a priority.

[@lina9535]

Story 2: Honestly there was no need for OP to stay with Amy when her mom was there. He could easily have attended the graduation and then gone there. It really doesn't make him support Amy any less whether he is there or not. Plus, I want to think that Amy would have wanted OP to go to the graduation. Because sometimes kids are smarter than adults.

[@ultraviolet2447]

Why do parents always think their kids are going to forget when they promise somethng? Kids no matter the age 6 or 60 never forget when their parents make a promise.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2 (obligatory not finished with it yet): ESH. 1) You missed a once-in-a-lifetime event for your daughter, and she laid out the consequences if you didn’t show up. You chose not to show up, and then complained when the promised consequences fell on your head. 2) Graduations are a couple of hours, max, and your wife was already at the hospital. You don’t say what the surgery was for or if it was life or death, so I have a hard time passing a judgment on this without more info. 3) You were lucky enough to be given a second chance, and you made a promise you never intended to keep, hoping that she’d “forget” or “was joking” (when you knew damn well she wasn’t) so you could get out of it. 4) It sounds like she’s been trying your whole marriage to let you know how hurt she feels, how betrayed for her mother, how upset at your wife and stepdaughter, and, knowing she is sensitive about this…you chose your stepdaughter both times. Was it nice of her to ask you to miss stepdaughter’s graduation? Hell no, but it’s not life or death either. She was asking you to show her how much she mattered to you, in as messed up a way as she did, and she feels like she got her answer: not much. ETA: “I didn’t *honestly* think she’d want me to miss Amy’s graduation because it was such a ridiculous request.” Um…I’m not sure I believe you, dude. Absolutely, it’s a ridiculous request, but then what did you think she wanted you to do to make it up to her? Nothing?? This makes zero sense as to why you didn’t believe her, if you didn’t ask something along the lines of “no, seriously, what do you *really* want?” Instead, you agreed, and now are trying to backpedal. “I made a mistake asking people on the internet that don’t even know me, I won’t be making that mistake again.” Yes, some people are trolls, but too often you see AHs use this justification as to why they couldn’t *actually* be TA as they were voted.

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Point 2: Op and his wife rushed to the hospital that was four hours away together. And op said it was for Appendicitis, which is abdominal.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@luciferandassociates9255 I just got there. Both my mother and my brother had appendicitis. Dad could have left for a few hours.

[@backpug1228]

He could have easily attended his daughters gratuation. Cause the medical emergency was TWO DAYS before it. Somehow everyone forgets that. The surgery would have been the same day so he could have gone next day late evening after some time to process after surgery and stepchild woken up, or pretty early the day of the gratuation. Op just didnt want to go to it cause his new family is more important.

[@mimilapin]

OP did not have an emotional affair, attraction doesn't mean you're having an affair 😭

[@sarahm9209]

I personally don’t believe that when your husband is abusing you and cheating on you that turning to a friend for some emotional support constitutes an emotional affair. So long as they weren’t flirting, or pursuing each other in any way just seems like a friendship to me. Friends are supposed to provide emotional support in your times of need.

[@susankaempfer8427]

The language that op 2 uses in talking about his daughter and stepdaughter is telling. Amy is a Saint. Poor innocent Amy doesn’t understand why big mean stepsis hates her so much. 🙄

[@bluealyssum192]

story 2: the very fact that op is doing this means that his bio kids and stepchild will never get along, he is and was sabotaging their relationship and making amy the target for the bio kids hate.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

I’m don’t think OP is wrong or TA, but…. 6:34 checked out 7:04 I was not checked out…. Again, OP is not TA and Idc if OP emotionally cheated or not tbh. None of what the ex did is OPs fault. I just caught that.

[@msredux]

We are taking it slow but I'm head over heals for him, I wish op would have take some time for herself, but she gets no simpathy for op after she let that idiot mistreat her dog

[@piratsnygg]

I feel like everyone talking about the "emotional affair" in this situation just learnt that it's a thing, and wanted to use it in a comment somwhere.

[@princesssunshine874]

uh, yeah, this guy is an ass hole for lying.. However, how do you get he loves Amy over Kay on this point. OP is a massive ah though for getting married so fast after his wife died. He did just push Kay to the side and created a fast replacement family. The dad seriously needed therapy because he was too afraid to be alone. I seriously believe that OP was having an emotional affair at the least.

[@guywhowatchesvideos-z2e]

Poor OP, antidepressants. It must be serious, my heart is truly breaking for you - the victim. What a scum bag

[@league-of-shadows]

I can't believe people got on OP1 and blamed her for her husband's affair. Absolute effin nonsense. The asshat put her at risk for STDs all she did was think some guy's voice is nice. OP needs therapy so she can work on why she _needs_ a SO. Too much of her self worth is tied to it. She was cheated on and manipulated so I'm not surprised she's rushing to prove she's worthy of another man's love. I'm glad she bit back at people tearing her down.

[@RobertCampsall]

Unless the little details that most people don't think to make up are untrue, than the idea that she was having an emotional affair is silly, as if she was not allowed to have no male friends and never spent any time alone with any men I'm not sure how one would do so. Edited to add: In the last story, OP just can't seem to grasp exactly why he's wrong, but doesn't like being told that he most definitely is. Even if he and his new wife grew close after losing his first wife/her best friend, marrying her after 4 months is a shout to the world that something was going on before, even if there wasn't. He is so wrong, and wrong again, and wrong again, and still just thinks people are being mean to him. He got a 2nd chance with Kay and just couldn't help being himself some more - a whole lot of wrong. He seriously needs to examine himself, and his therapist isn't doing him any favours by apparently saying "it's okay, you're depressed."

[@cassandra6227]

Absolutely can't stand OP in S1, he is so blind, it's disgusting.

[@Bkgksan625]

Married new wife 4months after the first wife died. Died!!! Not divorced! He says he didn’t wrong the kids but Kay’s reaction shows that he prioritized Amy and new wife over his other children over and over again. It is really telling that he makes no mention of this son or his relationship with him. Kay gave him so many chances. She shouldn’t have to. He can have Amy and his new wife and be happy with that.

[@sequoyasierra5671]

Kay. OP couldn't have left Amy's mother at the hospital while OP went to Kay's graduation for a few hours. I don't blame Kay. From Kay's point of view, Amy is an interloper in Kay's and OP's relationship. I bet OP has favored Amy in other ways and not attending Kay's graduation just proved she was right. When somebody consistently hurts someone, it is in the best interest of the person being hurt to walk away and leave it all behind. It was appendicitis, the surgery was over a day or two before and Amy would have survived without OP for a day or so.

[@blomingblossum]

Story 1 OP; I will admit that I kind of check out of my relationship Also OP OP; CAN EVERYONE STOP SAYING I CHECKED OUT OF MY RELATIONSHIP!?!???

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story 2 oh lord why did you agree to this spiteful awful request. Your daughter is an obnoxious brat, I get it she was hurt but should have grown up. You learned not to make stupid promises. Let your daughter be pissed, let her go. I would see a lawyer and cut this daughter out of your will.

[@kazzuo32]

#1. Update: What a bunch of bs.

[@holyek7892]

Chef's kiss. This video is absolutely delicious. I love decadence.

[@guntgunderson2829]

When Amy got sick, OP didn’t need to be there over the graduation. Amy‘s mother could have gone and supported her and this OP could have done his job and supported his biological daughter and one of the most important times of her life. He chose Amy over her then and he’s choosing her again now and this guy wants to pretend that he actually Values these children, the same. I’ve got news for you and the rest of the entire world. In case we all forgot, your bio children are the most important children in your life. They always will be step. Children are underneath bio children. This is just the way it is and if you can’t deal with that, then you’re not parenting correctly. It’s fine to treat stepchildren as equally as possible, but if you actually believe in your heart and mind that they are equally as valuable to you as your own bio children, then you’re diluted and you’re lying to yourself. This guy really messed up. It’s fine to have Amy in your life but not over your own bio children, so now this guy doesn’t have his own daughter he’s got somebody else’s daughter, great way to go buddy I hope it was worth it I guess.

[@samurailevi49]

Op: “I was checked out of my relationship for a while.” 1 edit later: “Guys, I wasn’t checked out of my relationship.” Which one is it….?

[@jamesrkrau2481]

By Amy a real nice gift and explain to her what happened with Kay and why you are going to miss.

[@browniewin4121]

1) OP sounds like a mental/emotional mess who needs therapy to work on herself, but nothing justifies the X lying, cheating, and being abusive. 2) OP YTA for just about everything he has done. He should never have made such a stupid promise that he had no intent on keeping. After update: OP continues to be an AH, he can not recognize his own mistakes or learn from any commentary and advice. I hope he will do better someday, sooner rather than later.

[@hildabane]

Story 2: I’m sorry but did ya’ll miss the fact that Amy had to have emergency surgery??? Appendicitis is no joke, especially if her appendix already burst. I can understand him missing the graduation, but yeah, he shouldn’t have made that promise. And he shouldn’t have gotten with someone else so quickly.

[@frogking6416]

Two days before the graduation, how long does emergency surgery take. Amy has a mom to be by her side she doesn't need op, Kay has no one by her side

[@coureenlawrence4915]

That's the thing, he really didn't have to miss the graduation. Amy did the surgery two days before, she was out of trouble. Amy had her mother and grandparent there. He was Kay only living parent. He could have flied in and out the same day, but his redi-made family is more important. The wife is also his deceased wife best friend, that's why his bio kids thought he was cheating on their mom. Who knows, may Amy is his bio kid after all. Not only that, when parents have multiple kid and occasion falls on the same day, one parent would go to one while the other go to the next, so that a parent will be there with each kid.

[@Mcyxof]

Jesus, the victim blaming by Reddit in the first story. People always seem to look for ways to excuse the man in the relationship of any responsibility -.-

[@NerdilyDone]

Stepkids story: Kay is TA. Getting angry for having a medical emergency is beyond the pale entitled behavior. OP never should have promised to miss Amy's graduation.

[@coureenlawrence4915]

Kay is not the Ah, her father is. She was not angry because of the emergency, she was angry that her only living parent missed her graduation. The surgery was two days before her graduation. He could have gone to her graduation and came back the same day. He was her only parent while Amy had her mother and grandparent there. I hope Amy is there for him when he gets old, because he favors his redi-made family for the one he actually help created.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

15:34 this was stupid ETA 16:28 agreed, why even promise that? Jokingly or not?

[@motherofdogs27]

This sounds like it was written by a 15 year old. How can you call someone you’ve never met in person your “boyfriend”?

[@tyrexgaming2390]

Is the OP from the first story codependent, because that was seriously fast jumping from one guy to another. One of her statements were that things don't go good in her life for that long, but here she goes jumping into a new relationship immediately. I hope she's not just easy, and this is a really good friend. If not I hope she learns

[@ErisstheGoddessofmanhwas]

I love how all the Redditors accusing her for emotional affair . Well they couldn't find anything to blame Op so they hung up on this . That qas not emotional affair at all

[@San-gi8rq]

2. I wouldn´t say he is being an evil monster. that´s a lot.

[@tigernotwoods914]

I believe first of all, there’s no such thing as an emotional affair. It’s not an affair until you physically do something sexual behind your partners back. That out of the way, assuming it was a real thing and she caught him cheating first and then had this supposed emotional affair it cancels out. He was actually cheating first. Even if she cheated back on him it’s still cancels out because doing something back to somebody that wrong do you first is never as wrong as doing that wrong to begin with so Atmos the cancels out but whoever cheated first is still more in the wrong because they started it.

[@Broeckchen]

The concept of emotional affairs is so absurd and effed up to me. It feels like a form of thought crime, because people are so hecking quick to call someone a cheater for literal internal thoughts and feelings. People need to learn that they will never be the only person *anyone* is attracted to. For a healthy exclusive relationship, your trust should not lie with the idea that your partner will only ever want you. It should lie with the idea that your partner would not ever want to hurt you, and will restrain themselves from doing things with other people that are reserved for you. Heed my advice: you will develop crushes on other people than your partner. Your partner will develop crushes on other people than you. Those are emotions and sometimes physical processes that just happen. Talk about it, find out what both of you need to best work through it, and keep blame out of it. Don't ever be conceited enough that a cultural construct like exclusive relationships will trump reflexive natural processes. You'll have to use communication, acceptance and kindness for that.

[@crypticcharmz517]

last comments were brutal

[@selenarajovic3117]

I don't agree. OP wasn't having an emotional affair. I know people like this. My former best friend was like this. He was in a relationship for 7 years. Best bf ever. Would do everything for his girl, wouldn't even look at another. The type of guy every girl dreams of. Once they broke up, he came to me maybe a few weeks later to tell me he likes me and wants ti be togehter. I had started to notice the change in his behavior but ignored it. Once I told him I only saw him as a friend, he asked out another girl that we knew liked him. They were together for a few years and after her he jumped into another relationship right away. I think they are still togehter, we lost contact. The point is, these types of people are 100% committed but unable to be alone once the relationship is done which is sad. You have to learn to be alone before being in a relationship. A relationship should be a new step in life, not something that makes you whole.

[@gailooo1895]

The dad one I’m going to say he was left with 2 little kids and he had to work, take care of the home, and find child care. The kids obviously don’t remember what went on after the mom died but I’d be curious what any of the mom or dads family members saw. I would bet the mom was the one who did all the child rearing and home whether she worked or not. I’m guessing with her gone he couldn’t handle and cheapest solution marry someone bc then you don’t have to pay for Nanny’s and maids. I wouldn’t say that they cheated who knows. I think it’s more like who do I know and trust that will help with the kids. You kids don’t live in another state automatically if you have good relationships. Plus him mentioning how close the 2 were solidifies that they basically only had each other and felt like they were not worth it. From my experience when your daughter says don’t contact me - yes it means they don’t want the fake apology- or the usual excuses. Yes, he should have never made that promise to her. He should have spent the last few yrs seeing her and spending time with her and having an actual relationship. Then is issue wouldn’t have happened. But at the end of the day he has failed both his son and daughter. She really wanted him to show up. He can’t even be bothered to go to her and talk to her and spend time with her. This is why she is so upset bc she has had to constantly compromise to an adult parent. The dad should be the bigger person. But no he can’t do that - tell me why - why the games with your kids. Life is about compromising, working together, and communication. OMG he has a job I’m sure he know how to do this - so why can’t he do it with his children - too lazy - don’t want to put in the effort? The new wife who know maybe she thought she was helping to keep the kids from a worse life as latch key kids. We don’t know her story so we can’t say. We also can’t blame the step sister either bc we don’t know that story. I would guess bc she was much younger she got a lot of the new mom and dads attention. The new mom probably made sure he didn’t slack on his dad duties either bc he obviously has a pattern of not wanting to handle things. Which also begs the case how can you manage a job yet can’t manage the kids you brought into this world.

[@ivy456]

S1. I'm sorry Markee but that's bullshit. There's no indication she emotionally cheated. You can find someone attractive without acting on it. After you break up you can do whatever. S2. OP is NTA for not showing up at the graduation. Surgery is more important. However he is the AH for moving on so fast and not taking his kids who were grieving their mom into consideration. He's also the AH for making a dumb promise he knew he wouldn't keep. He probably has made more selfish mistakes like this and that's probably why his kids don't like him.

[@ula437]

The surgery was two days before the graduation though