I Tried To Help My Son-In-Law Be A Better Husband But Daughter Blew Up At Me! r/Relationships

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story one: screw the idiots saying the Op is an asshole. The toddler is at risk of dying while he is out of the house

[@sfsin3380]

Thing is OP made a bunch of unsubstantiated accusations based in very little evidence. The only thing she has proof of is that the SIL was spending money nothing else. How does she know he was buying alcohol like give OP the befit of the doubt and say the payment was to a liqueur store (something she doesn't say), Liqueur isn't the only thing liqueur stores sell how does she know he wasn't buying something else like cigarettes or scratch cards. Is that wasting money in they're situation yes but not alcoholism the thing OP is accusing him of and again Op didn't even say that's where he was buying stuff. Also how does OP know the toddler was being left alone (OP again gave not reason for why she's sure of that). He could be taking the child with him. But it's worse than just that Op doesn't even have proof of when these payment happened. Time stamps on Bank Statements prove nothing as it's the time is when the Bank processed the payment not when the payment was made. This can be hours or even days off as many Banks only process payment during Banking Hours Monday-Friday 9:00-5:00. It really Seems like OP was just jumping to the worse possible explanation for what she saw.

[@jboy804]

@@sfsin3380 I don't really like replying to year old comments, but REALLY??? Going to a liquor store to not buy liquor, at best, you are going to buy ciggs or scratch cards along with the liquor. Are you daft in the head?

[@bug-in-a-rug]

@@sfsin3380You are so right, how dare OP be concerned about their lazy pos Son in law being a lazy pos. How dare they tell someone who could possibly whip him into shape. How dare OP worry about the two year old who was left alone in the house multiple times.

[@sfsin3380]

@@bug-in-a-rug Your assuming just like she is. OP saw bank transaction assumed the worst explanation for those transaction. Reminder Op did not say the payment where to a liquor store I was giving her the benefit on the doubt on that it could have been a grocery store for all the info Op gave us. And even if (and it's a big if) the transaction where what Op arbitrarily decided they were there is still absolutely zero evidence that the two year-old was ever left alone. Again people take toddlers on shopping trips all the time (shopping carts have a seat for them). Even alcoholics picking up their supply.

[@itme154]

@@sfsin3380 Found the alcoholic SIL

[@quinhoprimeiro1049]

HUSB: "If you don't want to be bothered go to office" WIFE: "ok" HUSB: * Shocked Pikachu Face *

[@757Bricksquad]

She’s avoiding chores and using her EXTREMELY flexible work schedule as an excuse to not help around the house. Frankly it’s a bullshit excuse, and her going to a coffee shop to avoid having to help for 5 minutes is just petty.

[@quinhoprimeiro1049]

@@757Bricksquad And you are a man. For sure

[@757Bricksquad]

@@quinhoprimeiro1049 and? How does that negate my comment? Are you sexist or something?

[@samanthathick6724]

​@@757Bricksquadyou've gotta be a troll, no one with common sense looks at a couple where the wife works 60 hrs and does all household chores while the husband works 40 hrs and does outside chores and thinks she trying to get out of chores.

[@Tiger54658]

That third story reminded me of a comment I saw on reddit at some point. "Sometimes people use "Respect" to mean "Treating someone like a person" and sometimes they use "Respect" to mean "Treating someone like an authority". Then sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say, "If you won't respect me, I won't respect you" and they mean, "If you won't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person". And they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay." - Someone on reddit

[@justaperson4656]

preach that!

[@Snowshowslow]

This is very well put!

[@brigidtheirish]

Yep. Growing up, Dad tended to differentiate it between respecting the person and respecting the position. For instance, our local priest during most of my childhood was a well-intentioned idiot who preached what Dad called "the Gospel according to Newsweek." And that's if his homily had anything to do with scripture at all. Dad did *not* respect the man, but was polite because he respected the position and knew that we're supposed to treat *everyone* as a person irregardless of additional respect. Dad, for his part, respected us kids as people (problems arose mostly when he forgot we weren't adults) but also expected us to respect him as Dad. He'd often mention that he is *not* our friend, he is an authority figure with the responsibility to ensure that we're prepared for adult life and *survive* long enough to put what he taught into practice. This reminder was often accompanied by one of his 'this is a stupid idea, here's why' lectures.

[@jamesolelo4406]

This is far older than reddit. And generally refers to bosses and fake cops who should be put down like dogs.

[@superkingoftacos2920]

if the boyfriend's dad wants to be respected, maybe he should act like a respectable person

[@cynicalrabbit915]

As a General, he may be retired but can be activated at a moment's notice. This is an example of a control freak. In the military the military member is told to *"control"* their dependants. This for the most part can go 1 of 2 ways. The military is an authortarian system and alot of the minor and not so minor trouble your family can get into can directly affect your career, especially if you are an officer. Rebellious teens can and will affect how your superiors view you and your leadership capabilities. If you have children that are continually in trouble, this causes doubt in the minds of superior officers that IF you cannot control your children then how can you handle the discipline of a unit and could cause them to micromanage you. The reaction at least back in the day (1970s & 80s) was to be as hard on your family as drill Sergeants are on raw recruits. This is evidently how the General responded was to treat his family as if they were in the military, high expectations and harsh punishment for infractions of the rules. Then there is the deity complex alot of senior officers aquire over the course of their career which this idiot seems to think he's Zues. Unless he's been on the frontline where the air gets warmed with actual bullets and other deadly ordinance this idiot sounds like he may have fought from behind a desk and therefore feels the need to emphasize his rank. Personally I would look into this "general" as he could be the real deal or he could have "failed" upward. It happens in the military too.

[@bringbackbeatles]

@@cynicalrabbit915 I

[@korthnanfortuna9675]

$10 says he’s a Choco. (Aussie slang for Reservist Service Member. “Chocolate Soldiers that melt in the heat of battle.”)

[@milacross1948]

First story: the mother was right to meddle. If he was leaving the kids behind to get booze then that's a problem. She doesn't have to be sorry. Saying that the mom cross boundaries is the same as ignoring emotional abuse or a toxic relationship. Meddling in those cases is important because it could become physical abuse, especially with alcohol.

[@Vipre-]

Right to meddle, completely wrong for how she meddled.

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

She has to learn to act better and apologise sincerely. "I know I shouldn't have but I was worried out my mind. I'm sorry" would have been a lot better honestly. She need to be a little bit less self-righteous but also she seems to be genuinely loving and protective so I think there's room for improvement if she tries.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Personally I was kinda amused by the idea of "she helped wrong" but meanwhile the relationship broke down without her help at all. I would say her heart was in the right place, if she had done nothing she would have been shouted down for watching it happen.

[@jazzywolf9250]

I still don't get how everyone is so sure he'd leave the kid at home to get booze. He's going to a liquor store not a bar chances are he's taking the kid with him.

[@neilfelsbourg170]

@@jazzywolf9250 This was the first thing I was thinking. How does a time stamp on a bank statement lead to a kid left alone?

[@clairebear-96]

Story 2, “i don’t want to feel like i have to walk on eggshells” LOL bro you don’t have to, just stop asking her to help u when she’s working…. clearly her schedule isn’t THAT flexible if she’s in meetings etc, YTA

[@Dira7411]

I think boundaries go out the window when someone life is in danger

[@BruinPhD2009]

True, but the wording of that comment is worthy of some side eye. What adult doesn't know that opening/reading someone else's mail is illegal? Involving another third party based on illegally obtained information is insane. If OP had approached her daughter first, she may have been able to get her to make a good decision on behalf of the children sooner.

[@bbjjbb61]

@@BruinPhD2009 I have never heard of someone being arrested and going to jail for reading a bank statement. And it allowed her to get a better understanding of why the SIL was acting the way he was. If I thought my daughter or granddaughter was in some kind of danger I'd have done the exact same thing. Was it polite? No. But I'm not mad at her for doing it. I think she genuinely believed she was avoiding putting more stress on her already stressed kid by calling his parents. Now she knows it was the not right way to handle but I'm not calling her an AH for what she did.

[@zozocecp]

@@bbjjbb61 Because most people don’t report it, doesn’t mean it’s not illegal. Federal crime. I agree though, somebody’s life being in danger is a bit more important than privacy.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@BruinPhD2009 I'll have to re-listen, because I don't remember her saying that she opened it, just that she found it, which means it could've been a paper on the floor or just laying down somewhere and she was cleaning so she read it to see if it's junk or not. Some bills and bank statements aren't real but fake scams to get you to call and pay something off that you don't owe, we've gotten a lot of fake bills since having our children, we know they're fake because we've called insurance and the hospital and they told us the bills been paid and wasn't nearly that much money.

[@lycantabris]

@@zozocecp It's only illegal if you specifically open someone's mail, as in the sealed envelope once it's mailed off it's federal property until the designated person opens it. If it's not in an envelope, especially not a sealed one, it's not a crime. If it was simply in some papers the MIL was glancing through when tidying up to figure out what goes where, that's not illegal.

[@magagail]

“She can do them whenever she wants.” She wants to do them now, leave her alone

[@Tijggie82]

First story you said it felt like a sorry-not sorry apology. That's because it is. Because she knew the situation her daughter's and grandchildren's situation was abusive. Emotional abuse and neglect is abuse and leaving the kids alone while the dad was off drinking and wasting money. No parent will ever feel guilty for trying to help their child and/or grandchild.

[@clairebear-96]

*tells her to find an office/private work space* Wife: *finds private work space* “She’s overreacting!” 🙄🙄🙄

[@robertx8020]

He should be happy his wife takes his advice ;)

[@carolroberts4614]

I hope she forgets the way home! If this was a novel, the coffee shop would have a job for her, and a flat upstairs where she can live away from Obnoxious Op! Sounds much better than what she has now!

[@miminana-hd6nf]

I know, right? What got me is the fact that she takes care of the house, all by herself, but when it it time for him to do something outside he requires that she helps him. I want an update where he is posting saying, "my wife divorced me and I don't understand why"

[@brandi5126]

S3: NTA. Dad seems fragile if he can't refer to OP as Dr. but wants to be referred to as General.

[@LunaP1]

Conservative, more like misogynistic and egotistical. He can’t stand not being the “big man” on campus and OP’s bf is being a pushover (even though he’s an adult).

[@InuMokuba]

Story 2: I was already suspicious when he mentioned she did indoor chores and he did outdoor chores, which are harder and so he needs her to help...but where is your help with the indoor chores? It's hilarious when people feel like splitting inside and outside is a fair exchange 😂😂

[@WhtAbtBob10]

Story 2: YTA. Working from home doesn't mean extra time to do things even if the schedule is flexible.

[@katrinschirmer8018]

exactly. my husband has a couple days a week where he works from home. and too many people will harass him for stuff, while he's working. I don't know why so many people can't understand that working from home does not mean someone is available all day.

[@itsjustme7487]

Hubby sounds like my ex hubby. I worked 40-60 hours a week. He worked 20 hours a week and spent 40-60 hours a week with his friends and APs. He would yell at me because I didn't have the strength to care shingles or siding or load the lawn mower into trunk so I could take it for repair.

[@You_said_what1]

I’m sorry, screw boundaries when you see your child’s spouse turn into an alcoholic. this mom had the patience of a saint

[@Vipre-]

Yeah she should've called his principal. Get him sent to the office, that'd teach him.

[@audraverela3663]

Also they got together when she was 19 and he was 25 🤢

[@ec4145]

100% agree. Leaving a baby alone to go get liquor, leaving them in a high chair unattended to sleep it off? That's child abuse. They're lucky she tried to get help from family rather than calling CPS.

[@adambenes3728]

​@@audraverela3663So what? That Is absolutely normal age gap.

[@audraverela3663]

@@adambenes3728gross asf

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 - YTA She is WORKING. But my guess inside chores are all done by her, almost every day or every other day. Dishes, vacuuming (especially with pets), laundry, dusting, trash, bathrooms. Compared to mowing the lawn (which is maybe once a week or two weeks), gutters (more of an issue during the fall and early spring), and washing the car… not a fair balance of chores.

[@bunnyslippers191]

Exactly! The hours per week doing "outside chores" are what, maybe 5, while the hours doing the vacuuming, dusting, cooking, dishes, mopping floors, dusting the baseboards, washing the woodwork, picking up and putting away take at least three hours a day every single day. That's at least 20 hours a week on top of her already 60 hour plus work week-80 hours-while husband works 40 hours a week and does 5 hours of "outside work" a week for 45 hours, but "his chores are harder and he needs her to help him???" Yeah, right, buddy. Edit: Working on his motorcycle isn't a part of the regular "outside chores," It's his play toy and he has a whole lot of gall to interrupt her when she didn't answer his text. She was in a meeting and getting all butt hurt because she yelled she was in a meeting and slammed the door instead of being ashamed of embarrassing her while she was in a meeting is the act of a toddler. Not answering his text was a big clue she was doing something important, but he then went on to embarrass her and belittle her. Since she can't work in peace at home she went out and found a place where he can't interrupt her. Good for her!

[@brandi5126]

S2: YTA. You told her to go get an office so she did. You have to respect her productive time even if you feel like she isn't working... She is.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA I came to the story thinking "how could OP NOT be an asshole" and well...I was wrong. That "general" was massively rude and disrespectful. He acts as though his military career makes him better than everyone when he's just a shitty, controlling person. OP is right. Boyfriend and his mom can let themselves be disrespected all they want, but OP doesn't have to take it and expecting him to do so is also massively disrespectful. Edit: "general douche" 😂🤣

[@paden1865able]

Someone once made the mistake of telling me that they fought for my freedom and got told that, no, they didn't. My father in World War Two and my grandfather in World War One did that so they could take their attitude and piss off.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. This is *not* how someone who's *actually* fought for our freedom should act. His behavior honestly makes me wonder if he was stuck behind his desk his whole career and is compensating.

[@DisneyChar]

General karen

[@margaritap.9459]

People like the "general" think that their family feels respect towards them, but it's most often fear or resentful compliance.

[@charityquill4965]

He's like a caricature of the overly strict dad's from the 40's, seriously. All that's missing is the laugh track when he makes some sort of joke alluding to beating his wife 🙄

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

Story 3: That's a Narcissist, plain and simple. OP's BF just can't see it, because it's normal to him, since he grew up that way. OP shouldn't put up with it, and he should encourage his BF to do the same, though that likely won't go anywhere. That said, OP's first responsibility is to himself, and he shouldn't have to set himself on fire to keep his BF warm, by putting up with this narcissistic behavior. He should break up, if that's what it takes, but that should be a last resort.

[@clairebear-96]

All right i’m less than 3 minutes in but if he’s literally leaving a toddler in a high chair in front of the tv ALL DAY until mum comes home??? Yeah OP is NTA that guy is a total douchebag, toddlers can’t just be ignored and left strapped in a chair all day :’( Edit to say: yeah she shouldn’t have read their mail BUT i think her heart was in the right place and i just can’t call her an ah for trying to help her daughter and grandkids, even if she didn’t go about it the best way

[@cass3473]

From how the story is told I think she came across the mail by accident and wasn’t snooping. Either way when possible child neglect is happening, a bit of snooping is justified to keep the child safe.

[@clairebear-96]

@@cass3473 That’s what I thought too, she said she was cleaning I think so it’s totally possible to see a paper left out, but even if she was snooping, the husband already sounded terrible enough that i think snooping might be justified haha

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@clairebear-96 exactly what I believe happened, even without having two toddlers I know papers can be anywhere, you can walk into a room reading it, put it down to grab something and completely forget that you had a paper until you come across it again. I can also understand that if she's cleaning she would have read over the paper to make sure it's not junk, you can get junk mail that looks just like a bank statement and bills from people trying to scam you, I don't really blame her for reading over it to make sure it's not junk, I also don't blame her for looking over it if she didn't realize it wasn't junk because she wanted to make sure her grandchildren were okay and that he wasn't bleeding her daughter dry while he didn't take care of the children. I know that when my mom has helped me clean she'll look at papers that are laying about to make sure they aren't junk, but when she realizes it's something important she'll put it down and its own pile with other important papers, but my mom also doesn't worry about the environment that her grandchildren are in or myself being her daughter.

[@zerobolt9506]

@@clairebear-96 agreed

[@zerobolt9506]

@@GabrielleHayes1921 can confirm things like that, I don't have kids, but I have papers and letters just lying around my room, I really should put them in a drawer or something 😅

[@owl7072]

Story 2: Doesn't matter if she has a flexible schedule and can "do them whenever she wants", if she's working now, _she's working now._

[@AndyyWithAY]

OP in story 2 is insufferable and a major AH. He is so obnoxious. It sounds like he is just jealous. He is going out of his way to annoy his wife for no reason. She slammed the door because she is tired of your crap. She's already told you to stop this bs, but you continue to do this. You told her to get another office, so she did. YTA!!

[@robertx8020]

yep 100% spot on! " but she has flexible hours" Yes idiot...that means you can work when you want ..not that you can be interupted WHILE working!

[@betsysanders4524]

My mother doesn’t understand this concept either & will stand at my office door & make noise until I acknowledge her. I’ve told her repeatedly that if I DO NOT acknowledge her I’m in a meeting & to leave me alone. Instead, she marches up to me & yells whatever she needs, often interrupting a zoom meeting or a conference call. The most annoying part, it’s usually just to ask me if I need to use the bathroom because she’s going to take a shower which now my whole office knows…

[@ilbercgross4736]

OP is going to either get his wife fired and maybe he wants that or OP will be single soon because wife will get tired of his contradictions and controlling behavior.

[@pansprayers]

She also works 20 more hours a week than he does, by the schedule he gives, and literally cleans the damn house - when does she get to claim her hobby as a chore and make him help in the middle of a work day? I want to scream at him, too. The stupid bike isn't a chore, and it can effing wait. I'm mortified if I have to get my husband's attention for a dislocated shoulder or hip when he's telecommuting.

[@laraq07]

I hope she finds another husband too. Or at least DUMPS this one.

[@itazuranakisu]

Things could’ve gotten a lot worse. This could’ve gone into CPS territory if the mother hadn’t said anything. These children are being neglected and honestly when they got older the kids would’ve come to resent their family for not helping/seeing it. The ends justified the means in this case. The daughter was also staying in a toxic environment which would’ve been normalized for the children. Staying for the kids won’t work and causes more mental scars for them in the long run. The SIL is pathetic and his parents thought tattling was the best solution because “not my son he’s a hard worker” nonsense so now they have their adult son who drinks and mooches as a lifelong guest.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 obvious NTA! The daughter is in too deep and in denial. Above all else we need to protect these children. Maybe OP handled this wrong, but she is completely correct. The SIL is a deadbeat and the wife sounds abused.

[@Callimo]

Yeah, hopefully OP didn't open the mail she read, BUT the real problem is the neglect of the children.

[@Vipre-]

NTA for her concerns but TA for how she went about trying to deal with it. Her daughter isn't 5 and neither is her SIL, her concerns should've been addressed to her daughter adult to adult and not SIL's parents like he's supposed to get grounded by mommy and daddy or something.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Vipre- Yeah. Why did she go to the SIL's *parents* instead of her own *daughter?* Isn't this something the daughter should know? Isn't her daughter the SIL's *wife?*

[@itazuranakisu]

I think she thought the daughter was in too deep denial not to see how neglected the children are. She walks into that house everyday not OP. Chores aren’t being done, the kids aren’t being taken care of and there is no food being prepared since he’s the stay at home. She likely thought the in laws would understand her concerns but now instead of helping their son get his act together they’re going to deal with their adult son moving back in on top of his drinking and mooching issues that he doesn’t want help for.

[@zerobolt9506]

😂 I just realized that SIL is for both son in law and sister in law, I thought everyone was calling him sister in law 🤣🤣

[@mag9sp1]

Story 1: NTA. call CPS. protect the children. Your daughter chose the wrong side. Protect those children at all costs. EDIT: happy daughter is divorcing that deadbeat.

[@PavillionKing]

Story 1: The grandkids are being neglected by the SIL. NTA.

[@beansquee2383]

So normally I would agree that snooping isn’t okay. However, if children are being neglected I think all bets are off. Adults willingly choosing to be in that situation is one thing but the kids don’t have the choice. If Grandma advocating for them makes her the AH then so be it.

[@AndyyWithAY]

It's completely inappropriate and rude to meet anyone, especially a family member's S/O and behave this way. The father wants respect, but won't respect OP. If this ends the relationship, fine, OP is better off. Who wants to be with a doormat?

[@WyntheRogue]

By the sounds of it,she finally found her spine and left his sorry ass and is currently staying with OP who volunteered to watch the kiddos so she could commute to work and such. It's good to see OP is in her corner and must have rolled a high crit success on perception to detect red flags with her ex son in law.

[@GallowayJesse]

​@@WyntheRogue Wrong story fam

[@dc.pxrecious]

@andyawe13 Completely agree

[@WyntheRogue]

@@GallowayJesse whoops! I read the comment as it being discussed about the first story! Did just get home from work when this was posted so brain was still a bit on autopilot.

[@pansprayers]

I wouldn't call him a doormat. That's a kid that's terrified of his father. What would you do in his position? Considering that the father would likely cut the BF off from the mother and the rest of the family, leaving them in a worse situation (before you say she can leave, go check out the statistics on that one, how many times people in her situation, especially as a military wife who's working potential has been stunted due to the nature of his job, try to leave before they're successful, the statistics on your likelihood of being killed after you leave, even if the situation hasn't progressed to that point beforehand and why it's not that easy from any angle, and get back to me). It took me almost 35 years to completely curly contact with my abusers. When your most formative years of brain development are spent living in a toxic as hell situation, it's not so easy to just walk away, leaving others you love behind. I'm actually happy that you don't know the absolute depths of hell involved her, but the way you're flinging 'doormat' around like a pro-noun makes it virtually meaningless.

[@jamisonosborne]

Story 3: NTA Boyfriend's father is a disgrace. He's everything that is wrong with the world and the military. There is an itty-bitty part of me that would pretend to apologize, get a little bit of info on his service and rank, and then make a few phone calls to the local VA and VFW. If the alleged general is legit I'd politely inform them about his behavior and beat feet to the nearest exit. If it turns out that daddy dearest is waving around his stolen valor, I'd put him on blast and watch the world crush him like a soda can.

[@KJ-sp9jq]

S1: So let me get this straight. Husband doesn't work, sits his lazy ass down all day watching tv with the baby while doing no chores and drinks. Then somehow with all that info people still came up with YTA votes for the mother. Get the Hell out of here! Clearly she is trying to help her daughter and grandchildren out of a bad situation. Sure she probably should have tried to talk to her daughter about it instead of calling his parents but at least she made an effort to help. I'm glad the daughter eventually saw reason and left because the guy is a piece of crap and her kids are not benefiting from him being around.

[@LadyBern]

Thing is I think the mother knew talking to her daughter wasn't going to do anything. And net the exact results that happened when after talking to his parents: Her being upset with her mother for pointing out how terrible he is and rocking their sinking boat instead of coming out of denial about her deadbeat hubby.

[@madelynmoses2061]

Exactly. Also calling the parents of an adult man who possibly raised him to be the way he is was a bad move.

[@sfsin3380]

Problem with the original post is OP snooped, saw bank statement for purchases (that I assume must have been a liqueur store because otherwise OP just pulled the whole thing out of her A**) that she assumed were her Son-in-laws purchases and he was leaving the grand-kids alone to make them so went straight to his parents. It could have been OP's daughter who was driven to drink. It could have been other things bought at a liqueur store like cigarettes and the kids could have been with him.

[@nomireelnom4265]

@@sfsin3380 sure but remember OP's daughter was working hella OT and the statements were time-stamped. It's very likely the stamps coincided while her daughter was working. We don't even know if OP was really snooping, just that she claimed to be doing piled up housework. I know i've unintentionally found plenty of old receipts/bills while cleaning. Also cigarettes + toddlers isn't much better than alcoholism.

[@sfsin3380]

​@@nomireelnom4265 While I didn't think to address it in the first comment Time stamps on bank statements are worthless as it not the time the purchases was made but the time the bank processed the purchase depending on Banks involved and the card system this can be hours or even days off when the purchase was actually made and almost always marked during banking hours ie. Monday-Friday 9:00-5:00. Trust me part of my job involves billing and every month I get the joy of explaining this to customers at least once. There is a certain time of Karen who seems to think if they can find any small discrepancy on their statement they'll get a big discount or refund even if it just a time stamp or date difference and will fight for hours about it no matter how many time you tell them that if they made a transfer on a Saturday the Banks not going to process it till Monday morning and that when the company get the money and take it off they're off what they owe. Find a old statement is one thing but to have the info OP provides she would have had to read the statement fairly thoroughly and that's snooping, When you look at a statement the name of the bank and the account is a lot more prevalent that the fine details of purchases. If you find a document like that you look at it just long enough to realize what it is and then you put it aside for the person it belongs to you don't read it. And what are you on cigarettes don't impair your judgement like alcohol so no not comparable and again that's just an example of something else he could be getting.

[@personneici2595]

Story #2: OP is such a massive AH. "She can do her work whenever she wants" EXCEPT for when OP wants her for something. Interruptions suck. OP should sod off.

[@Red-jt6uu]

Story 3: In my experience, only the least respectable people go around demanding respect. If you act like a respectable human being, it will just come naturally.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

*To anyone who has been sending your sweet pet pictures in to Mark: Thank you so much and thank you to Mark for posting them. Your fur babies (and feather babies and lizard skin babies) are precious and I'm loving the pics.*

[@leegraves8878]

Story 1 make sure the custody agreement is in place before letting them go with ex.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "You completely violated her trust" he's violating her trust every day by not watching the kids like he should be and instead abandoning them to go get _alcohol_ while simultaneously refusing to get a job and demanding she do all the housework because "that's her job". Was Op a bit rude to read the mail and go to his parents? Yes. But it's a damn good thing she did step in because it sounds like daughter is in such _deep, deep_ denial that going to her would have done nothing but make her angry that Op would make such "accusations" anyway. ("accusations" in quotes because the proof is right in front of her face and yet she just decided she can't see anything) Edit: "No one believes you found mail while doing laundry" I do. If he's buying alcohol as often as it sounds, and he doesn't have a job, it would make sense (however shitty it is) that he would hide mail and bank statements in a place you'd never think to look. Would _you_ think to look for that stuff in the _laundry room_ or where they keep their dirty clothes? You really think he's gonna leave something that says he's getting money in a place for his wife to find? 🤔

[@EmmileneRosalina]

The only reason I’d disagree is because he wasn’t doing chores - his wife would have been in the laundry room to do the laundry at some point, so it’s not a great place to hide them.

[@sfsin3380]

@@EmmileneRosalina Yes that a problem with the original post is OP snooped somewhere her daughter (if he's as bad OP says) would more like be. Then saw purchases that I assume must have been a liqueur store because otherwise OP just pulled the whole thing out of her A**. Then OP assumed were her Son-in-laws, that he hid the statement (it 2022 paper statement aren't the only way for daughter to see the purchases) purchases and he was leaving the grand-kids alone to make them. It could have been OP's daughter who was driven to drink. It could have been other things bought at a liqueur store like cigarettes and the kids could have been with him. OP was making too many assumption to justify going to his parents

[@bbjjbb61]

I don't agree with you Mark about that first OP. I believe she was just saying that she didn't realize she was crossing boundaries. She may not have wanted to stress her daughter out and wasn't sure who to contact or what to do. I also don't think her reading bank statements while cleaning was super polite but meh in this particular situation it led to her knowing why the SIL was being a POS.

[@simonO712]

Yeah, same here

[@jimdob6528]

Story 1 NTA. I’m a SAHD and I would have done whatever it took to get rid of that loser. Planting evidence to get him arrested or worse honestly aren’t off the table to protect those children.

[@truthseeker9249]

Me too. I will ruin someone's entire life and make them suffer if it means protecting the people I love.

[@zerobolt9506]

Hahaha I LOVE your wickedness 🤣👍

[@janedoe885]

Interesting that the father in the last story claimed to have fought for the OP's freedom, but took offense when he used that freedom in a way that didn't immediately submit to his authority. If he doesn't actually care for that freedom, sounds like he actually fought because he wanted something he could use to claim authority.

[@lauraodonoghue1348]

second story to OP is TA, seriously his out door chores are more labor intensive and would be easier with help. cause his wife single handed doing internal chores super easy

[@toddhanzlik1516]

Story 3, I am a veteran of the US Army myself, I salute my fellow veterans pretty much whenever I can, and if anyone ever said that to me I'd wordlessly salute him with the only finger that counts and walk off whistling.

[@axepagode33626]

General Disaster Story: I was waiting for OP to match The General's energy and thank him for making his son so docile. You've raised the perfect wife for me.

[@memeking7273]

Lol. Honestly I was expecting him to be like "your talking to me? I told you to call me Doctor Johnson"

[@axepagode33626]

@@memeking7273 I don't know how true this is, but OP's boyfriend probably chose him because OP was fearless at heart. He wouldn't be afraid of General Asshole. It's a common belief that many straight women look for the same qualities in their SO that they see in their fathers. I guess in this case, the gay son did the same thing.

[@brigidtheirish]

Oh, that would be a *lovely* burn.

[@sixwingedbee81]

Story 1: When it comes to dealing with an alcoholic family member that you don't know is being physically abusive.. Sometimes you don't think. You knew what didn't work before and you make a leap. It wasn't the best leap, but in the end it got a message going. An alcoholic parent is unpredictable. It was better to make an attempt. And yes it is possible to find bank statements randomly if the person who has them isn't organized or is uncaring (possibly from drinking). Sometimes a bank statement isn't an envelope sent from the bank, it's whatever the ATM spat out. Or even slimly printed off by the teller. There's receipts in my pockets all the time. And most people check pockets before tossing something in the wash.

[@Mewse1203]

Stpry 2: YTA and massively. SHE'S WORKING! It doesn't matter if he THINKS she's flexible, she has made it clear not to bother her while she's working. This is just a case of OP not respecting his wife's work time. Then to act like he has to "walk on egg shells" to let her work is disingenuous bordering on spurious. Dude just thinks his wife's job isn't as important or a priority and treats her as such. Just because she's working from home doesn't mean he gets to treat her like she's just at home. Then he says she "overreacted" because she took his words to heart. She can't win with this guy

[@gcarr1089]

Bet he classes her job as a hobby only he truly works. Cos that's how he treats her.

[@justaperson4656]

suggestion: The entire to yeet a predator subreddit, it's a 15 month saga of op learning her husband is a predator, her trying to get him charged, and husband's family being absolute psychos defending him even though they claim to have no contact with him for the past 10 years

[@jerrystauffer2351]

#2 I can hear my father crying "I just asked you for one thing!". That just one thing stuff never ends. Of course she wants to leave her work and wrestle a greasy motorcycle.

[@magma1lord]

When a coffee shop is less noisy than your husband.

[@debbymccormack6525]

If the help you need with chores will "literally only take 2 seconds", you don't need help.

[@kaykay8855]

Final Story: NTA. The father was rude, op was rude in return.

[@memeking7273]

Want respect? Give respect. People forget that you have to act like how you want to be treated

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 1: I hope with the prof that STBX was leaving the boys for extended periods to get more booze the visitation he gets is supervised and not over night

[@albertgongora6944]

Am I the only one who's frustrated that everybody keeps calling out op for snooping around when she literally had the right to after she saw what was going on with her daughter and her grandchildren the fact that they were being put in danger and constantly be neglected because her son-in-law turn into a piece of shit alcoholic like yes I understand we get a lot of mother-in-law stories with their mother-in-law tries to say they're in the right for snooping around but this is the one time I'm so thankful this woman did this this is the one time I say it's okay because this person is literally looking out for the safety of their child and grandkids not only that things to the situation it finally helped the daughter open her eyes forgot to add a shame on anybody who was stupid enough to not see the reality of the situation in the first story because clearly the only ones that are the assholes here are the ones calling out Op like I said before or even thinking she's in the wrong

[@rumooooni]

I fully agreed with this the commenters missed the whole point of the post

[@Nettles007]

I agree, the kids were being neglected

[@itsjustme7487]

instead, she could have called CPS.

[@albertgongora6944]

Yes I understand she could have called CPS but the thing is CPS doesn't have the best track record for actually doing anything responsible and if they do it doesn't go well for the child all the time because sometimes they more allow the grandparents to have custody of that child on top of that I don't know if you've ever heard of the keys but young boy named Gabriel who was killed due to the fact that cps1 simmer tried to interfere with the idea of taking him out of his abusive mother custody that led to his last days on Earth due to her abusive boyfriend was very violent and treated him like shit and if you don't believe me you can look up the document yourself it's really graphic and it makes you lose all faith in any type of child care service companies that say they care about children when they really don't and don't get me wrong there are people in Social Security that do try to do their job correctly but it's not always a big one hundred percent that you're going to get that type of person

[@victorvaldez8869]

Story One: I wonder how long before the husband's parents get pissed when he doesn't lift a finger during visitation. Story Three: I think that OP called the Dad on his attitude, honestly the Dad strikes me as VERY insecure. If the good General can't take it, he should be more mindful about dishing it out. Hopefully his BF will realize how TOXIC his dad is.

[@stonefox2546]

"It only takes her two seconds to help". It only takes two seconds to drop an egg on the floor, too. Every interruption to work that needs focus means half an hour or more to get that focus back. OP in story 2 is such a shitnoodle it's not even funny, with zero understanding of how brain work works.

[@Prettypoisonswitch]

I agree and also think "shitnoodle" is my new favorite words lol 😆

[@justheretowatch1733]

Respect is a FEELING of reverence. That not only means it's earned but that no one can distract someone's feeling. What many confuse it with is civility and manners, being well behaved in public. Or, like general douche, authoritative difference and control.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S2: "working on my motorcycle" -- I doubt that is a mutually beneficial task, especially since OP apparently does nothing indoors. And how often do you have to cut the grass or clean the gutters?

[@eloraandkhan3288]

On that last story, Mark, thank you for sharing the comment about the "Missing Stair." I looked it up and it was almost theraputic to me because of how it describes how my wife and my wife's mom handled my wife's dad for far too long. On the surface he acts normal but he's a raging narcissist who gets angry when he's drunk and he's always drunk (well, until he got convicted, now he has to go in for testing to see if he's had any alcohol and if he has, he'll go to prison). But its like they were so used to being cowed by this pathetic excuse for a man, that when it got bad I couldn't handle it and I erupted because I don't tiptoe around the missing stair, I stomp that stair and scream at the homeowner for how someone could have been seriously harmed from it (in this case, the "it" was his alcoholism, he got arrested for drunk driving 3 times the speed limit and running a stop sign in a residential area). It got so bad that my inlaw's neighbor called the cops because my father in law was threatening to kill me. Looking back now my wife knows I did the right thing. But at the time, she didn't want to deal with it. She just wanted to ignore his behavior until our trip home. These people are our family and they deserve better support than that, even if they don't want to admit there's a problem you can't fix it until you admit it.

[@Tyanna01]

Story 3: I read somewhere that some people use the word respect to mean "treat me like an authority figure" when talking about themselves but also think it means "treat you like a person" when talking about others. So when they say "if you don't treat me with respect, I won't treat you with respect" what they are actually saying is "if you don't treat me like an authority figure, I won't treat you like a person." Sounds like General A$$hole falls in the category.

[@llcdrdndgrbd]

Story 3, I’d probably be chucking the boyfriend at this point if they thought their fathers behavior was acceptable in any way, don’t need to deal with that in law or that type of attitude

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

It sucks because that man is probably verbally and emotionally abusive if not physically, and the one who's gonna stay single because of it is the son, who is most likely a victim, but the way he just goes off at his SO for not being a doormat is not okay and he needs to be accountable for that. I'd break up over the follow up, not his dad.

[@cyberspinosaur1145]

Thank you for including snakes and other reptiles. They don't get enough love To everyone who's pets have been shown they're all perfect

[@sterngerlach9184]

"What do they call you at home, boy?" "They call me MISTER Tibbs." -- In The Heat Of The Night.

[@jaimejones3177]

Story 1: Mark said it perfectly. "Steppjng over previously unknown boundaries" was a non- apology. ... and yes Im happy her daughter is moving on but her mom seems a little too happy that her daughters life fell apart.

[@brandi5126]

S1: NTA. Sure, reading the mail isn't great but had you not you wouldn't have realized that a young child was being left alone and that their dad is drinking regularly. I totally think you can find mail by accident. My mail is all over my house. Lol And calling his parents wouldn't have been a bad idea if you knew them well. But you should have talked to your daughter about your concerns and offered helped and support.

[@ettinakitten5047]

6:53 No, finding receipts and even mail while doing laundry is 100% plausible. He probably didn't empty his pockets when he changed his pants.

[@robinwhite4148]

My dad was career military. She was an E-8 when he retired. (Master Sargent). I could never imagine him behaving in such a way.

[@ivy4104]

Dude, Tuesdays are the start of my weeks so Im always beat af, so happy to have your vids to calm down!

[@MarkNarrations]

And a pleasure to have you here Ivy

[@kizzykiz]

Story 3: I’ve noticed over the years how people who constantly demand respect are one of the most disrespectful people out there.

[@Buff_Helpy]

Story 2: heh, I mean, he told her to go get a new office. Story 3:oh god. •eyeroll•

[@BoxOKittens]

In story 2: Husband immediately raised a red flag for me when he implied that his chores are 'harder' and therefore more important than his wife's chores. I can guarantee that the wife does twice as many chores in the house as the husband does outside. I've grown up doing chores both inside and out and BOTH are hard, but chores inside typically are an everyday thing whereas outside chores are more every other day, at the most. This guy sounds like he pushes a mower across the lawn every few weeks and breaks a sweat, so therefore he must work much harder than his wife who's cleaning the whole house every single day....

[@kyriacarica5862]

Ok, if she had told the daughter and the daughter, who by then was too overwhelmed and deep in denial, would have just brushed her off. What would these redditors have done? I bet if OP just ignored it and something happened to the kids, the same redditors screeching about privacy would have been yelling "why didnt you do anything?!" at OP.

[@GiordanDiodato]

exactly. AITA people are hypocrites.

[@wheelsndealz]

As a soldier. That last story really annoys me and is an example of the leadership we hate. He would be a dependapotmos if he was a wife. Thinking his rank means anything to anyone outside of the military. Unless he fought in the war for independence he didn't fight for your freedom. It's always cringe when someone says that line. It's so pretentious. Respect is earned, but some military members get confused between respect for the rank by service members and respect for the person. We have to respect rank, doesn't mean we have an ounce of respect for the one wearing it.

[@joeschmo622]

Yep. "Salute the rank, not the man."

[@mag9sp1]

Story 2: Husband is AH. a big one. Working from home is still working.

[@tiffanylemmons4842]

One of my father's favorite sayings is: Respect has to be earned. With these Reddit posts, I am seeing that he is right more and more.

[@Handalorian]

Upvote then watch. This is the way.

[@MarkNarrations]

This is the way

[@madisonl3401]

Been a rough week, but today is better. Thanks for the upload to help me chuckle and relax. 🖤🖤🖤

[@MarkNarrations]

Sorry to hear it's been rough Madison. I hope it continues to get better mate

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

I want that waffle emoji

[@colleencook382]

Wishing you peace, love and Mama Bear hugs!

[@madisonl3401]

Thank you all so much 💜 This is the best community on YT

[@mmakoshark]

to be fair in story one, she had much more information so of course shes gonna be bias and think she was right, so there wouldn't be a need for a genuine apology so she might be unconsciously making her wording seem like shes not actually sorry

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1 update. I agree with Mark on the part where OP apologized sounding disingenuous I mean does one have to say “don’t look at my bank statements unless I say you could.” for it to be a boundary? I was pretty sure it’s common sense that if you go to an adult’s house, you don’t read their bank statements, especially not when they don’t claim otherwise. She snooped and she apologized as if her daughter was at fault for her not setting those boundaries when it’s common sense to not to set those boundaries because adults know not to snoop and look at an adult’s bank statements

[@Denuhm]

If my boyfriend’s dad tried to pull rank on me it would end very badly. Thankfully for me my boyfriend’s dad who was in fact a general wasn’t only happy that his son got a boyfriend but was very excited to meet and get to know me. I couldn’t respect him more and if we are ever in a situation where he’d ask me to now refer to him with his title I’d trust him enough to do so. He earned my trust and respect.

[@clydethehobo2687]

4 seconds, not sure I'll ever beat that record.

[@MarkNarrations]

Congrats Clyde

[@direuzumaki9062]

Respect is earned not given anyone who thinks it's just given is trash

[@fhuber7507]

2... OP is the A$$hat. She needs to help him "right now" or he throws a fit. Just not recognizing that her working from home is actually WORKING.

[@Mewse1203]

Be kind, be safe and take care of yourself. Have a great day

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8 much love 🤗🤗💜💜

[@ttcaldwellc1156]

I've always been amazed at the skew of morals on people responding posts.

[@CH-ns4gv]

Anytime someone says they fought for your freedom, ask them how many redcoats they killed

[@dawlben2247]

Story 3: The General is Ret. General or Former General, if no longer in the Military, or Mister to people who aren't in Military, if still in the Military.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

1) I would suggest that she put up secret cameras around the house to see how the kids are being treated, cameras with audio and night vision. If she refuses to care about her kids, then hire a PI and have him give everything to CPS

[@scepticalhyenas5750]

18:57 _"he said that its true that his dad was uptight, but that he just wanted to be respected and that I should understand as much"_ op gave him the same respect he would give any other stranger. Hes not mad because he didn't get respect, hes mad because he didn't get obedience.

[@wrgirlie86]

Story 3- I feel bad for the wife of general jerk, she's so tired of whats going on, maybe the OP shined a bit of light on what life away from the general could be and she'll escape confinement

[@hannarow1543]

I wana give the benefit of the doubt about the "unknown boundaries" comment. That it was more of a passive aggressive attempt to point out its the first and only times it's happened. Rather than a total fake apology.

[@stephjovi]

I love pet tax tuesday. You should bring it back :)

[@narugirl8653]

Love how going through someone else's mail and then not going to your daughter with your concerns was an 'unknown boundary'. I don't know why she went to her SIL parents, and not to her daughter saying she saw him at a liquor store and she doesn't know if the kids were with him or not.

[@ironnoah9461]

To hell with privacy, those kids were being endangered.

[@LetholdusKaspyr]

Story 3, the general needs to go back to leadership training. I have met some officers that loved to flex their rank on everyone they met, but none of them made so much as captain, let alone general. They didn't treat their own enlisted like that, let alone family and civilians. Also, "fighting for your freedom." As a prior service soldier, I want to know some details about this guy's service record. When is the last time he looked down a pair of iron sights at someone trying to kill him? He acts like a bureaucrat pretending to be a warrior.

[@Cottontailart]

yaaay glad u got arna on the last part (bunnies sipping tea) she was ill during her 1st birthday but shes back and being a weirdo, she was washing my front door yesterday

[@katrinawendel2647]

Love Pet Tax Tuesday!

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. Stay safe please. PEACE

[@dragonleheart2137]

I love all the pet pics and sweet Poppy in the intro and outro. This made my day 😺!

[@marukouga135]

I'm immediately envious of the person with the pet Eagle

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

6:54 I mean I have mail opened all over, including the laundry room, so it's definitely possible, especially if she was going around the house picking up clothes to wash.

[@maddy4362]

We gotta have something fun like Fan Art Mondays to start the week off right ☺️ pet tax Tuesday is my favorite

[@candypettynettie487]

Dr. Johnson is the real MVP.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

The irony of saying I fought for your freedom, so you can't have any when you're with me and must do what I say is just... ugh. I'm gonna throw some shade at the boyfriend, though: obviously he knew what his dad was like, so instead of saying "he's strict" he should have forewarned OP with: "you have to call him General, and I'm not joking". That statement alone would have prepared OP for what this dinner would be like.

[@Frovael]

Last story, gosh.. if you're not letting your kid call you dad, you're not a father If your kid decides not to call you that on their own will it's a different story cuz rebelliousness and stuff, but not letting your own child adress you as their parent figure..... I hope op's boyfriend will realise what kind of a person his father really is