I wanted to talk with you but I have social anxiety.

[@illneas]

this is (kinda) the making of this video kzbin.info/www/bejne/mma8qaR_qtWbb9k

[@agnesbrown2572]

I am happy you are still breathing. I too have social anxiety. I think about when you might have seen me. My companion is nature. Beings with fur and four legs, and two legs with wings. Clouds always put on a majestic show to lift my spirits Those breathtaking moments that rise to the wonderful occasions of solidity,

[@konstantinoskan6992]

I love it when in your poems you address someone, for example in this one when you say “if I could talk to you we could finish this poem together”, or in your video for those who can’t find true love when you say “let’s pretend I put your name here”

[@SoulSnatcherSeven]

“But at least, I’m still breathing” i loved the mellowness of this poem, its calming while daunting.

[@hexagonalrainbow8274]

Was going to say😌

[@canieslamers1736]

deep sadness some ppeople dó know how it feels, tthat helps. only i can heartly breath..i refused the hospital my oxygen is 42%>like you suffocate whole day long.dont wanna die like this.but rather die at home than in coma on the big ventilater, i wouldnt come out alive .have no familie nor friends, alone with the fear and the pain....... what a sob story, f... xcuus for that.

[@alifewithpoetry]

You literally wrote my feelings in this poem…. “I will fantasize about the day you will save me - and maybe about the day that you will convince me, that I saved myself” - … .”at least I’m still breathing” - beautiful and heartfelt work, my friend. Sending love ❤️

[@sashadideeda9825]

“I’ll daydream of vacations we will never go on… I’ll imagine conversations we will never have”…it all seemed so real at the time… and now there’s just nothing but good memories and locked doors🙂… another one beautifully done Illneas.. good job👍❤️

[@illneas]

Aww thank you 🥰

[@neelam9197]

I really can relate to this spiritually. I've handful of people I really wanted to talk on the internet and irl. But I can't seems to have the courage to talk. They're nice but my overthinking mind don't help me at all. I just daydream about everything I wanna do. But in the end couldn't do it.

[@illneas]

Take care fren, I wish you talk to them

[@brinaskore]

@@illneas "fren" goofy

[@illneas]

@@brinaskore I'm goofi, I know

[@joshuee4954]

samee

[@JasonJia11]

I have a person in mind that I feel this about right now. We added each other on Discord but only because we were in the same group for an assignment. And I also managed to add her to my friends list in a game we both play. But other than that, I never talk to her in class, not that I have many chances to. And I still haven't played with her in the game we both play cause I'm putting all my focus on my studies. I'm afraid I already lost my chance to try and form a connection with her

[@avp_2029]

This reminds me of my first day of school. I was fourteen. In fact, I still am and this happened only a few weeks ago. As I said, it was the first day of school. I sat next to a really cool and pretty girl. She reminded me of myself a bit. But I couldn't talk to her. Idk but it is just harder to talk to people you actually want to talk to, than the others. She didn't talk to me either. Idk if she actually wanted to or not, but now She has other friends. The "cool girls" i'd even say. It was painful to watch how she went to them, how they laughed and talked. I felt like an old friend of mine left me, even tho we were never friends.

[@merle_cloud]

I feel the exact same way towards someone in my class too. I really wish I could have been friends with them, but I feel like it's too late now

[@auhd3190]

And now you've identified one of your assignments in life, be( bold ) and learn to socialize yourself with the things you most desire in life.....

[@user-vb3cu4me3w]

As someone with social anxiety, this helps me❤❤❤thank you illy for making us feel less alone :) love this

[@illneas]

Aww thank you fren, take care

[@shee.taa.]

it's a beautiful lullaby, hiding behind the sceneries you captured on this blue dot. stay determined and calm.

[@illneas]

Awwww nesli u here, thank you for working with me

[@shee.taa.]

@@illneas would do it always again

[@noctifer.]

Social anxiety is so quiet, that even someone who seems so outgoing can hide it in silence

[@immortalsugimandudeguy]

“ I remain oblivious to your imperfections, I remain trapped in my own life, I remaking a stranger, and you unwillingly created another reason for me to hate myself “. Such a beautiful piece. They exist as perfection in our heads, our idea of who we want or need them to be. A trigger to release us from the reality in which we hate, and writhe. This inability to reach out, and burden them with our existence, causes such pain, and inner anger. This being that has no idea of the deepness with which I’ve grown interested in them, will never know how important they are to a stranger. And I will hate myself, and mourn a love that never was, and a connection that never will be. A silent death within our world of a nothing that existed as everything to us, a death that we must carry solely ourselves

[@Dann_studytube]

I have social anxiety and thats literally how it is

[@illneas]

Take care fren

[@konstantinoskan6992]

Your videos have encouraged me to be more confident about writing and share my poems with my friends. Thanks,❤️

[@Smirksol]

I honestly relate to this in a whole other level. I just recently started college..and there’s this girl who sits next me..I genuinely want a friend but I’m scared to death…maybes she’ll think I’m trying to flirt…or just be mean. Idk but u just want to talk to someone.

[@illneas]

Just talk to her, and tell her that a KZbin creator told you to do it 😎

[@lorifromtemeculaca426]

Yes, do it SMIRK! the risk is worth it & you can tell them a FAN of a you tube creator ALSO told you to! ;-)

[@Smirksol]

@@illneas alright...i'll make sure to empasize on the number of subs....thank you soo much

[@Smirksol]

@@lorifromtemeculaca426 really appreciate it..ill actually do it

[@lorifromtemeculaca426]

Yay! ;-) let us know how it goes.

[@ki2348]

This hit really deep for me, i'm so scared of taking the first steps to making friends and being social, this was actually a really bad day for me because i was sad i wasn't able to talk to the people i want to talk to and convinced myself i'll never have friends. I still feel a little bit hopeless, but this video is a wake up call. I'll try again tomorrow. Thank you.

[@theonlymateus]

I'm so glad I found your channel. I found it with "do not stand at my grave and weep" and I must say I love all of your videos

[@illneas]

Awww thanks

[@arminakhtar8593]

Okay now this is what perfection looks like !!! And it's so relieving to know that I'm not the only one here who couldn't talk to my crush because of my social anxiety and that one beautifully sad line " you unwillingly created another reason to hate myself" hits me so hard 🙂🖤

[@illneas]

It's a heavy realization

[@a.l_caneli]

All the shots are so beautiful; and the lines of the poem make me sad, I wish I couldn't relate to them. Beautiful work Illneas 🌻✨

[@illneas]

Thank you once again fren

[@a.l_caneli]

@@illneas 😊🌻✨

[@sulabhasubramaniam5075]

The fog of uncertainty.. enters my core as I still keep breath ing.. And it smokes out the hope and trust hiding inside

[@rowanwindsong]

I love all of your poems, but to anyone reading this, I want to say this: I went through a period of having very severe anxiety so bad that I could not even leave the house and I certainly couldn't work or even talk to anybody. But I figured out how to treat it and I did neuro feedback and I did a daily meditation and supplements and I ate extremely healthy, and I eliminated stressful people from my life, and I found programs on KZbin and I no longer have it anymore. It took a year and a half to heal. Don't make anxiety part of who you are because it doesn't have to be. It isnt YOU. It's simply a neurochemical dysfunction in the body that is not the way the body is supposed to function or work and it's something that you can certainly get rid of and should get rid of so that you can be happy and healthy and talk to whoever you want to talk to. Like I do, because I healed myself and you can too. It is not a terminal illness. It is fixable, it just takes a consistent daily effort. But some people don't want to do that. I was willing to do whatever I needed to do in order to heal and I no longer have anxiety. 🙏🏼♥️

[@Sena-wd2zm]

This gave me so much hope rn thank you! Did you also take medication or have seen a therapist? And if so would you recommend?

[@rowanwindsong]

@@Sena-wd2zm No I didn't take medication at all. I mean, nothing prescribed. I took over-the-counter vitamin supplements and I took Pharma GABA by the company Natural Factors. I had to be careful with foods and supplements because I was really really sensitive so if anything caused me even a little bit of anxiety I would scale it back. I did a lot of testing and I discovered that all of my neurotransmitters were extremely low and the excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate was very high in my brain so I made sure I took vitamins like B6 and other vitamins that would help create inhibitory neurotransmitters. I think everything that I did helped to an extent but it was that I did it every day and was very consistent. I couldnt even watch movies for a year bcz they overstimulated me. I mean honestly I couldn't even look at trees if the wind was blowing because Id get scared from the movement, and I've never heard of anybody having anxiety and PTSD as bad as me so if I could get past that, believe me you can. There are some really good programs on KZbin like ANS Rewire and Gupta program that I purchased and helped me with the negative feedback loops and the chronic fatigue and meditation day and night with the channel Progressive Hypnosis. It was very comprehensive and it took about a year and a half. The full brain cap feedback is expensive ...for me it was $125 per session and I did it twice a week for about eight months but I really needed it and it was life saving. The cheaper version of that is the Alpha Stim. Just don't give up, that's what I told myself every day for about six months when it was the worst. You literally can get past it, lots of people have, its just not well known how to do it. If you watch the two programs that I mentioned on KZbin they really go deep into the science of what causes anxiety chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia it's all related. And it makes you feel better knowing that it's physiological, that you're not crazy or something like that. I spent three months last year traveling to about six different countries by myself and not even a twinge of anxiety. Hugs to you. You can do it. ♥️

[@Tzvivi148]

@@rowanwindsong can you send links for this videos please?

[@orangeziggy348]

Social anxiety is Overthinking, over imagining all the bad outcomes that might possibly happen, it is being stuck in your own head with only your own past memories and feelings as companions, it is true introversion that doesn’t know how to reach out to other people, it is a lack of energy that’s trying to conserve its own energy. And it’s the result of someone else telling you that you are unworthy.

[@jahanvisingh3220]

Your videos overwhelm me to the point where all I can feel is calmness..

[@illneas]

Thank you for commenting this ^^

[@jahanvisingh3220]

@@illneas

[@minhaljhatial7429]

You nailed it everytime like this one was the BEST!!!!!!!!! Bro you rock!!!!❤️

[@veronicasimone6204]

LITERALLY SPEAKS MY LIFE RN. How amazing it is that we all feel the same way. Hugs

[@drianak8175]

What an omen the time frame you posted this..🤯 Thank you from the bottom of my soul, so relatable ❤️✨(έως και σημαδιακό)

[@illneas]

Ευχαριστώ πολύ ❤️

[@ShaliniNegi24]

Simply wow, How beautifully it captures emotions.

[@lesteryaytrippy7282]

What a way to encapsulate anxiety and being withdrawn, and being so enamored with just living inside one's head.

[@illneas]

So nice of you 🤗

[@ecrusia]

I can relate to this, especially the part "at least I'm still breathing" hits me hard. the fact that this video posted on my birthday and I'm still hard to talk to someone even my friends or family

[@illneas]

Happy birthday 🎉

[@Tzvivi148]

The fact that I'm still breathing doesn't make me happy

[@lydiacordero5245]

Happiness doesn't come from anyone else but ourselves

[@ivettsztan2640]

,,..but if I talked to you we could finish this poem together.." This had me in tears because for some people, inclouding me, I just can't start a conversation with other people that easily. It's hard.. Hard to get the words out, look in their eyes, not to cry, just to socialize.. I wish to finish a normal conversation (poem) with anyone I wanted before. I wish I wasn't like this.. wish to have selfconfidence, wish to have... love towards myself. Somehow this video still gives me the hope that I always can start something to improve. I'm very thankful!❤❤❤

[@jessicachristiana8453]

Why am I crying rn...Thanks for the great video OP!!! It's really good and relatable to a lot of us!!!

[@illneas]

Aww thank you I'm glad you liked it

[@noohumbraveheart5912]

I was excited for this one, and I am not disappointed! My goodness got me crying at work! I saw flashes of a girl I loved for years, years of seeing only her beauty and grace. Her flaws as simple passing storms. Her eyes more exquisite the longer I avoided them, for fear that she’d see my soul bare before her. Dreaming of her making me whole, lifting me up, and loving me even after she knows me. That is the greatest hope, and truest sadness when they see you, and look right past you.

[@illneas]

I'm glad it didn't disappoint

[@nurhome2048]

this is truly beautiful illy! ily ♥️♥️

[@illneas]

Awww thank you sara

[@danakeep-wolfe7843]

When you have been loving someone your whole life to talk seems easy yet they made choice to stsy away

[@markuszwerger3821]

POV: trapped in your own life, then you hear these words and suddenly you realise there are others who are trapped too, because they have the same strange daydreams which allow them to live a hundred lifes simultaneously, but not their real ones, although you always thought only you would be this odd and because of that unloveable .... Thank you.

[@anghungnguyen4973]

I don't know why I'm attracted to this, but your work is my peace.

[@borbalaszakacs9210]

It fills me with true joy that my city could be the background of another beautiful video of yours:')) (also, I am far away from it now and it was a wonderful surprise to find it in such an unexpected and yet perfect place)

[@illneas]

Omg, lovely Budapest has a piece of my heart forever

[@considerthelilies48]

Hits deep. Beautifully narrated as well.

[@λυπημένοςσκύλος]

Oh how I'm wishing someone watching illneas videos and love poems as much as I do to be mine ♡

[@Saturns48]

I daydream, imagine, fantasize, all the things you wrote, obviously to imperfections, trapped in my own life, waiting to be rescued. I've lived your words and I'm glad that someone else has felt the same.❤❤

[@jowyschwarz313]

Yes exactly..i always feel im the only one..but the truth is not

[@illneas]

I'm glad as well

[@Saturns48]

P.S. I love the footage of Budapest❤ a glimpse through your lenses is all I may ever see, so thank you❤🙂

[@waning_focus]

When I’m in public I can barely breath. I’ll go in this mode where I breath at completely random intervals in very small bursts and I’ll be like that for the entire social event.

[@drauglurdarkambient]

One of those rare pieces that grabs your soul Very cool and extremely appreciated hails from drauglur from germany

[@rowan9248]

So beautiful, as always! 💫💟

[@rituparnabiswas2]

This is so relatable

[@tbd9634]

That final verse really hits hard on the complacency I feel sometimes because of my social anxiety. Wonderful!

[@illneas]

Aww thanks for watching

[@syahmi518]

yep.. and here I am .. afraid to have a normal conversation with others.. I even can't have a normal conversation with my coworkers.. kept thinking what their perspectives about me and more.. it took a toll and tiring. I've decided to quit my job and work with online thingy and design. Socializing behind the screen, selling stuff and having script conversations with customers. that is all i can do. i dont want to feel all those things again

[@makizenin1840]

ME TOOOO

[@vatsalaraii]

illneas did it again....as I read the title I was like wait...that's me....U r Amazing keep creating these marvelous videos!💗🌺✨

[@dianaamy8763]

This is exactly how it feels

[@jx2738]

I really love how her accent and music somehow complement each other in this beautifully lilting manner (if that makes sense XD)

[@illneas]

Ye the accent is so cute

[@lorifromtemeculaca426]

Thank you again for the endless phenomenon of your insight! ;-)

[@roaddoggypsy9142]

Damn.. beautiful. Thank you for that. 💕

[@xodel8183]

Thank you for gifting us with such beautiful and touching contents 🙏🏽

[@illneas]

Thank you for watching

[@void3824]

Thank you for what you do. I feel this poem inside and out.

[@illneas]

I'm glad fren

[@moriumislam479]

I donno what's hidden in your poem but it refreshes me all the time.Today I noticed once again that 'I'm breathing ', I'm alive. Grateful to u MAN 💚

[@illneas]

I'm trying to convince myself hehe

[@changeswithinme3662]

This poem called out to me and it’s all put together as if this was my own poem everything is so fit on to what my social anxiety feels like .

[@jowyschwarz313]

This is extremely touch my soul..very relatable

[@illneas]

❤️❤️❤️

[@dahlianewlad3306]

It would be rlly cool to have a gc for people w social anxiety because often, feels like nobody understands what it’s like, but this video rlly helped :)

[@conniee_]

Serious comment: Amazing poem, amazing camera work, I love how you created this feeling of melancholy but also hope

[@illneas]

❤️❤️❤️

[@divinelyh]

This is so beautifully written.

[@illneas]

Thank youu

[@rahul.83]

So good. And so relatable. ❤

[@emmakrumm6399]

I want to share my way of relating to this, but today I will need it to stay a moment within my mind, unexplained knowledge. Either way I want to thank you, illneas, your poems help me.

[@illneas]

It's ok to be silent from time to time

[@Merakireads]

This is beautiful and such an accurate reflection to my social anxiety... Lovely, peaceful poem. 💗

[@illneas]

Thank youuu

[@TheEndOfABloodline]

This feels more personal than it should. Or exactly as it should.........

[@jonknuth6936]

First of all I have to say, this is one of my favorite channels on KZbin! I really enjoy your work, I really do, but I find it extremely unfortunate, that you virtually stopped posting work from poets like Bukowski. I would really love to see some poems from the great poets now and again. Besides that, I love your channel! Keep up the great work!

[@illneas]

Thank you so much and I'm still posting on the second channel "a kid with a camera"

[@katjagorter953]

this is beautiful, very good view on (social) anxiety 🖤

[@illneas]

❤️❤️❤️

[@gypsylee73]

Thank you ❤️🥰🤗🥀✨

[@JasonJia11]

This resonates so hard with me right now. There's a girl in my college class I want to talk to but my social anxiety prevents me from saying anything, I can't even make eye contact with her without feeling tensed up and weird. I added her on Discord cause of a group lab and added her in a game we both play but I haven't even played a game with her yet. And now I'm thinking I already lost my chance to get to know her :/

[@lydiacordero5245]

Yooo I'm in the same boat I met this super handsome guy in class last August And he sat next to me... even smile . Looked at me but now he works at the near Walmart He has me on Instagram but we never text or nothing We just keep looking at each other On his bio he has " now accepting applications " But I already texted him once.. maybe he also has anxiety?

[@JasonJia11]

@@lydiacordero5245 You can still chat him up! But probably not the best idea to ask him out when he's at work, maybe just casually talk to him and slip him a note with your phone number you know. I realize because you commented on this video you probably have social anxiety as well lol, but I believe you have it in you. The first step is the hardest, but it gets easier from there

[@lydiacordero5245]

@@JasonJia11 somethings happened and he's now taken but oh well Maybe is a right person wrong time or simply wasn't meant to be

[@rozaSkroza]

it made me think of don maclean singing "and I love you so the people ask me how how I've lived 'til now I tell them I don't know..." I love you vassi ❤

[@illneas]

Damn you know my name

[@Sh67817]

Loved it! ❤️

[@im_just_vidu]

I do have social anxiety. And also severe depression and bipolar disorder. It's really hard for me to live like a normal person. Specially dealing with others. This poem feels to my heart. "At least I'm still breathing"

[@illneas]

Take care fren

[@JasonJia11]

Haha for me it's ADHD, depression, social anxiety/anxiety in general. No matter how much I feel like I improved, I realize just how far I still have to climb to get out of this *DEEP* hole I am in. It's both comforting and sad knowing there are others like me and you. I wish you the best!

[@FunTime-vp6zw]

I wish my heart could know how deep it is😊

[@themeowthtuber2221]

I also suffer with social anxiety, you're not alone and I care about you ❤️

[@poeticreader1644]

woh this is my own story

[@Guznik]

Thank you for uploading

[@illneas]

❤️❤️❤️

[@bidishadeb4679]

Its fucking masterpiece

[@madison_drew]

Loved this a lot ❤️❤️‍🔥

[@pragy17]

The caption was enough for me to click in 0.00001 milli seconds

[@EdgeHellfire]

Thank you for this

[@illneas]

❤️❤️🥺

[@A.Peacock]

This made my eyes tear up.

[@dennismacheda5948]

If you have never met someone you want to meet the social anxiety is common.. I would prefer texting first.

[@humanbeing4995]

The same sand impossible to grasp is still the beach supporting our feet. Containing oceans made of stars and ground again it is we too

[@sanjoychakraborty8638]

Just wow!

[@illneas]

❤️❤️❤️

[@MeowGenie]

This is beautiful. Come exercise and laugh with me. It beats the blues like nothing else. ❤💙💜💖💗💘❤💙💜💖💗💘❤💙💜

[@sourishbose1428]

at least I'm still breathing...

[@tharin4400]

Goddamn it I relate so hard. And truth is, nobody would know. I work a highly social job. But the second I step out of the building, it's like I can't make a personal connection.

[@studywithme-wk8kh]

I don't know whether i have social anixety but sometimes I am so open and sometime so close

[@laibakamran3745]

It is to be felt.

[@illneas]

❤️❤️❤️

[@safeandsound1095]

Soooo relatable

[@illneas]

I'm glad ☺️

[@mr.wwhite]

Fact : you love the video

[@AndrewQuisquinay-mj5vz]

Aww Nancy it's going to be harder now that i always listen to your audios

[@sunflower11.11]

Just soon as I saw the title. I knew. It was my side of the story. So I clicked. Here we go...

[@illneas]

Our side of the story 😂

[@sunflower11.11]

@@illneas Yeah. One day, if it's meant to be, it will happen.🌻That's how I stop hating on myself.

[@snehakaushal4949]

This felt like a pang on my chest ...

[@omirante.]

I missed the vignette 😐, but it's a beautiful job. you're my inspiration!

[@illneas]

The video had a black frame around it

[@herexcellency4304]

being 24 years old with social anxiety is so embarrassing..

[@sakinasamoon944]

I feel you. 🥺

[@herexcellency4304]

@@sakinasamoon944 hugs

[@sakinasamoon944]

@@herexcellency4304 ❤❤

[@illneas]

I'm the same age, we will be ok

[@amusicalinstrument9745]

And even if you muster up enough courage to strike up an awkward conversation, they will still leave cause you got social anxiety.

[@christinamiller3363]

This actually pissed me off...a life unlived...based solely on uncertainty.... 😢 " A death blow is a life blow to some, whom until death, did not alive become." - Emily Dickinson

[@illneas]

Sorri if I pissed you off

[@christinamiller3363]

@@illneas it was a good kind of pissed off though - like an awakening of sorts...I still appreciated it. 👍

[@illneas]

@@christinamiller3363 happy to read that

[@christinamiller3363]

@@illneas that is true artistry in motion...keep going! 🤘

[@kylestraussabastillas]

I have social anxiety disorder. This means a lot.

[@blissbeingthiest4054]

You are listening this because you think differently...

[@athenenoctua75]

If you look at flowers you see they are all beautiful at the first glance. But it is always that one "imperfect" flower that makes you look twice. This one flower is special and has its own perfection. If we would be perfect we would end up being exchangeable like parts of a machine.

[@illneas]

❤️❤️❤️

[@petegamiz7102]

it's really difficult specially after a breakup , you finally think that you are ready to meet someone new but you can't start a conversation with that new person in front of you

[@illneas]

Take care fren