I Will Out Live You! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 167

[@dabstreams7537]

My favorite line is Brent saying he will live until 90 and running out of breath while saying it.

[@dieselg33k]

Bert : I might not let you tell your story , because that's how excited I am to tell MY story . Welcome to this entire podcast , all the time .

[@samanthab1923]

It’s become intolerable. He’s changed Tom.

[@beercavetech]

Yeah it makes it pretty hard to listen to, especially someone like be who would just prefer hear Tom and not that Burnt guy

[@Ottophil]

@@beercavetechyou know its half not tom right? This isnt tom talks

[@eltjeau]

Its amazing how often this comment gets dropped. Tom seems to love it, why don't you.

[@rafabar6652]

@@eltjeau Cause people love more to shit on others

[@RollieFingers59]

“I would be shocked if I died” - best quote of 2023.

[@SeventyyTimess7]

best quote of 2022 cause this was prob recorded in like November 🤣

[@ghagzor]

This was said months ago. That's why they were laughing about lying about it being in january

[@SeventyyTimess7]

@@ghagzor well yeah I hope no one's dumb enough to think they film and put out an episode in 9 days

[@C.A.D.]

@@SeventyyTimess7 I mean many podcasts do, but not podcasts where both guys are on the road 88%of the time 😂

[@SeventyyTimess7]

@C.A.D. right, that comment was specific to this podcast

[@damianhbc]

Tom has the most patience of any man alive.

[@reggiedavis4961]

Their dynamic… unmatched… can’t be changed. Their personalities compliment each other so much. I love it.

[@frankieeeeeeeeeeeeee]

I vividly love when Bert learns a new word and now says it in every sentence. VIVDLY

[@guyledouche6039]

I'm sure he too doesn't kno how to spell it lmfao

[@HenryofEngland]

I think you need to check what vividly means it doesn't work here but its OK I know your an american

[@guyledouche6039]

@@HenryofEngland lmao trying to scold someone's use of a word & shitting on America while simultaneously butchering your entire sentence is peak stupidity but it's OK I know you're a foreigner

[@HenryofEngland]

@Guy LeDouche I just assumed a full stop would have you stumped for hours so I felt it would be more digestible to you with poor grammar as that's clearly what you are used to anyway either create your own language or use ours correctly..cheers

[@Elbungito]

@@HenryofEnglandthat’s the joke homie, Bert doesn’t know how to use new word he learns but he sure as shit is gonna use it

[@Astrohhh]

Bert asking Tom if he's gonna keep interrupting all his stories is the most ironic thing ever 😂😂😂

[@dustingroom7440]

You do realize that’a why he made that comment, don’t you?😂😂😂

[@Astrohhh]

@@dustingroom7440 .... yes. Bert was playing into the Irony lol. That's what makes it funny.

[@GorbyP]

@Panky you didn't know that. Just own up to your ignorance

[@beastythunder]

@@GorbyP who are you to say what someone knew or didnt. you sound narcissistic af lmao

[@GorbyP]

He knows I'm right, you know I'm right.

[@seandegracia626]

My cat wakes up every time Bert laughs 😂

[@AirWindFire]

Probably fears being attacked by an asthmatic seagull.

[@TheDJOblivion]

My gf in the other room always panicky asks if I'm ok.

[@jschlaud6]

You mean, squeals*

[@calistafalcontail]

Cause he sounds like a screeching, dying reptile when he laughs. But then again..his family name is german and means screecher.

[@the_cheap_ones]

My horse wakes up everytime Bart clicks

[@autumngrable5813]

“I’d be surprised if I died at all” I literally choked on my dinner 😂😂😂

[@KillianTwew]

Burt is like: "I cant imagine a world without me in it"

[@j.b.1854]

It will be a modern medical miracle if Bert reaches 90

[@leonunlimited7552]

I doubt he will make 60.

[@TheAlburp]

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, he’s not even 60 yet. A liver can only work so hard for so long

[@christopherpereira4620]

Will be a miracle if that guy even makes 60 or 65.

[@miguelrivas1882]

It’s a miracle he’s alive this long 😂😂😂

[@villehamalainen2541]

Nah, Life isn't fair..

[@michellef9465]

I feel like Bart needs to have a pre death funeral, so he gets to enjoy the whole experience. 😂

[@hbpersonal]

Honestly I’m surprised he didn’t think of that yet 😂😂

[@guyledouche6039]

Uh you mean like what he's already talked about doing? He has thought of that yet people. He's mentioned it. You guys listen about as well as Bert does lmfao

[@jamesjustice8711]

@@guyledouche6039 Sorry, some of us haven't watched every second of every podcast and don't memorize every dumbass thought that Bert spouts out.

[@thearnold6454]

One Hundred percent

[@michellef9465]

@@thearnold6454 lol. That was funny.

[@davidc9619]

Hearing Bart say his dad told him “you can’t die from being tired” makes me understand why Bart just says things. You can definitely die from being tired 😂

[@joebreakerx]

Bert : The Netherlands flag is similar to the German flag.... The man knows his straight lines.

[@heygek2769]

Belgium has the tilted German flag, Netherlands has a tilted French flag, he was close.

[@_e5598]

@@heygek2769 close, but only geographically. The colors are not close.

[@lanceslarock]

Pretty sure he was thinking of Belgium.

[@heygek2769]

@@_e5598 Yes they are, the fuck you talking about? I am Dutch and live half an hour away from Belgium, about 3 hours to Germany or France. The flags might be a slightly different shade and in the case of germany/belgium 2 colors are swapped, but that's some pedantic shit. And for someone as dumb as Bert, he was pretty close.

[@snoookie456]

he might be colorblind tho... although I'd say that's the least of his worries

[@TheAllanmc64]

If Bert hits 100 , it's definitely in dog years.

[@gamertrub]

Beet calling out Tom for interrupting is peak irony

[@erictheripper3316]

It’s like Hitler saying he hates Nazis.

[@rafabar6652]

That's why he made this joke... Jesus

[@commaJim]

It's about like that's the joke!!

[@gamertrub]

@@rafabar6652 I was complimenting the joke lol

[@kraftmayo]

Beet? Hahaha that's a new one lol

[@jackielegs3391]

All jokes aside, Bert is laughing through some serious pain at the end of the episode when they start talking about death and their dads. I just wanna give the guy a hug and tell him it’s gonna be ok.

[@ish474]

there is no one on Earth more self absorbed and yet so kind to others than Brent Kritchna!!!

[@anthonyzullo]

A term that never gets pushed hard enough is Bert is a shining example of positive narcissism, which is a real thing.

[@mnapoletano7723]

Bruce Chrysler

[@Pedroepacas]

Dude still wants to get attention even after he's dead

[@kalsven]

"I might not let you tell your story, cause that's how excited I am about my story." Bert in a nutshell 🤣

[@Bigpunz67]

Bert: “I’m OBSESSED with history” Also Bert: “Liberia invented slavery “

[@drivehard2395]

"Antwerp has the highest concentration of Jewish people". Then we see a google search that just says there are Jewish people in Antwerp, and he acts like that's confirmation.

[@killerluuk]

@@drivehard2395 Antwerp is famously known as the Diamond district though. It has hundreds of jewelry stores and whole neighbourhoods if jews. Not sure if it is the highest concentration of jews though, definitely a big one though.

[@vergaerd]

@@killerluuk I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Israel has the highest concentration of Jews. 76% of 9 million people according to googol.

[@sirweebs2914]

Did you mean to write "Liberia"? I mean Liberia is probably not too far off I would think it was Somalia. If by slavery we mean the transactional kind. Having slaves was around since the begining of mankind ofc.

[@PartiallyC0rrect]

54:20 I feel like this exchange perfectly sums up this podcasts dynamic

[@wadupholms7503]

Drunk Bart on 2 bears is the best kinda episode 😂😂🔥🙌

[@jay68]

Bart Chrysler evolves into a more drunken version of himself every episode. Can't wait to see the final form.

[@josef2012]

Jabba the Hutt?

[@marycallahan7795]

Boneless.

[@albertosantosramirez]

Early death...

[@itachitsukuyomidcuo9853]

@@albertosantosramirezThat got Darth FAST

[@albertosantosramirez]

@@itachitsukuyomidcuo9853 well reality s'bitch

[@chrism4412]

Morning bears, Brent getting a little taste of himself with Tom cutting off his stories made my day already spectacular

[@gamertrub]

I love how Turt talks about how he wishes he could cheat on Leeanne in Amsterdam, then tells a story how he had his face ridden in Amsterdam 💀

[@newsrapper]

That's because he's too busy cheating everywhere else

[@eltjeau]

Only thing Burt is cheating on is his diet.

[@newsrapper]

@@eltjeau he talks about both of them the same way how he's not going to cheat and then you always hear stories with him going so this past weekend....

[@eltjeau]

Well, its Leanne's problem i guess if it's true, not ours. The stories are funny and idiotic

[@tev17]

Well I mean the story about his face being ridden isn't cheating

[@StevenWarner]

Has anyone else picked up the word ‘aggressive’ for regular day to day use? I now can’t stop. Thanks Bert

[@TheAlburp]

“I’ll be surprised if I die, ever” - Bryce Kushner the liver champ

[@moosifermayhem7965]

Good morning bears

[@jpierce2l33t]

Mornin'!

[@anthonyn1157]

Morning, hope everybody has a good day.

[@brodyzeee]

@@anthonyn1157 hope you have a good day bud!

[@samanthab1923]

They should still be in hibernation

[@Rokuro1]

Hi mommy

[@Viva_La_Vargas]

Just uncovered an EXTREMELY important interaction between the two bears and the crew. My Psychology training is paying off. Tell me what you think lol At 1:07:07 bert (admittedly being drunk) says he loves Tom and said it was crazy. The booth laughs at him. Bert is in a fragile state and soaked in positive serotonin when he realizes he’s being laughed at by the booth. He’s VISIBLY upset and glares at the booth because now he’s embarrassed by wearing his feelings on his shoulder. Tom IMMEDIATELY recognizes that Bert is hurt, upset, embarrassed, drunk, and probably about to explode or rant. Tom then distracts him RIGHT AWAY. He says, “what kind of hat is that?” “Are you ready for dinner?” That question was soooooo out of left field. But Tom knew exactly how to distract Bert and get him out of that rage that was about to ensue. Tom, well done brother. Thumbs up if you agree. If you don’t agree, let’s hear why you’re wrong.

[@totallyownxxx]

You need to take more classes

[@Viva_La_Vargas]

@@totallyownxxx I’ll save you a seat

[@LandscapeAhoy129]

You could be right, but it's equally possible you could just be reading WAY too far into it.

[@Viva_La_Vargas]

@@LandscapeAhoy129 true

[@brookerangel-legris]

I completely agree with you. Tom disarmed Bert super fast. He knows his friend very well.

[@m4gm4]

"My Dad instilled humility in me", and that's why I'm so great lol

[@JPL_6]

As a South African, the BRU killed me 😂😂😂

[@quadroblox4872]

Same

[@stefanviljoen9991]

Same hahaha

[@cowmousedog]

Shame man, he thinks we all hate him when 99% of the country hasn't even heard of him 😅 the ones that have are here

[@carolesmith112]

I love how deep their friendship is

[@ScorpionP2C]

sometimes it almost makes me feel Tom would be ashamed :D

[@Trevenclaw]

I am 35. I am in great shape, in perfect health, no family health issues, I work out every day, I eat right, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, and I do not have a fraction of the confidence about living to 90/100 that Bert does. What an inspiration.

[@michaeljones624]

Brent: Tom Cruise could get me into Scientology in a heartbeat. *brent's phone rings immediately.

[@chasecardiff7741]

Hahahaahahhhaaahahahahaha

[@davidvargas7657]

Bert’s laugh sounds like a mosquito flying close to a speaker

[@Hptyhop]

I love how the guy who's name everybody messes up, doesnt want to be forgotten

[@pnwexplorer1122]

Bert: "I'm fuckin' hammered" 'sips whiskey'

[@harleywheeler6110]

Who is the guy always losing it laughing in the background? It kills me every time 🤣😂

[@hawkman_cards]

Nadav

[@TheMacbandit]

When Bert says "Do you know whats funny?" we all collectively lean in and are rarely disappointed.

[@VirginiaWolf88]

That was cute when Bert said he is trying to be a better listener👍💯Bert is in his prime lately. Totally dig him and Tom ofcourse. 🎉

[@mattr7740]

If only Bert knew how outclassed he is by all his best friends at standup.

[@Benjamin.S.S.]

I love you guys. I really enjoy when you guys get real. My dad passed a few years ago also from complications from Nam. He was 101st airborne ranger, first boots in Nam. Him and his friend we're the only 2 that made it out alive. He is the best person i ever met in my life. God bless your dad, and thank you for his service. God bless both of you and keep up the good work.

[@AsiaOfTheMultiverse]

I love how Bert basically wants to be mummified and kept in a mausoleum/pyramid like a pharaoh! Since he already wants to throw an ante-mortem funeral, I think he should build his super lit mausoleum now and throw his rager of a funeral at it! Think "pimp my mausoleum" (yeah, I know that dates me) 😂😝

[@WalkerRamsey]

"Are you going to interrupt all of my stories?" - Bart after 166 previous episodes of not letting Tom finish a single thought 🤣

[@jasonspikes685]

I'm South African! We love you Bart!

[@Adjacent_2]

Bert: your dad was a "big help people guy" a true modern poet

[@mlk51199]

New drinking game: Take a shot every time Bart says vividly

[@mitchg5809]

Facial massage story is for sure causing a fight at home for Bert lol

[@newsrapper]

Probably not worse than his drinking or cheating

[@leonunlimited7552]

You think she listens to the podcast? LOL

[@scrange4765]

Probably a fake story, they do it all the time.

[@WKRP187]

@@leonunlimited7552 You think 500 people haven't already clipped that part and sent it to her already?? It's been on yt for almost 3 hrs

[@mwilt7227]

@@newsrapper He hasn’t cheated lmao

[@davidrampone]

“I’m drunk and I misspoke” should be Bert’s autobiography title.

[@mycuziindre4013]

You will in about in about 1600 weeks, maybe one of the funniest things I’ve heard on 2 bears, the funniest call back at the least lol

[@joeyterhune793]

Listening to Bert trying to do quick math on how many weeks he has left was the best part of this podcast

[@thorporter8319]

i love when Bert’s talking and the camera just watches Toms facial expressions absolute gold

[@marcop4845]

These episodes are my life saviors for real. Everytime im so excited for monday

[@ScorpionP2C]

keep it high and tight brother

[@eliholmes6924]

Bart’s Dutch accent is actually spot on lol

[@jakem8504]

Two bears 1 grave. Shocked that wasn’t mentioned with the “we should share a grave” bit

[@velvetaeon2774]

"What do you identify with him about?" '...the work' ".oh." 😂😂😂

[@clintonhummel8776]

I feel Bert. I got dragon’s blood and will live forever.

[@chrisbaltazar7164]

Bret: can you imagine the horrible things you can do to me TommyBuns: ☺️

[@avonnabors]

It makes more and more sense with every episode why Burr stopped talking to Bert.

[@SometimesMonkeysDie]

Didn’t know that, does Bill talk about that anywhere?

[@ScorpionP2C]

everyone pretty much stopped talking to Burr, I think you might have it backwards look into why no one is talking to Burr much these days

[@ryanirving3388]

More like everyone stopped talking to Burr...who isn't funny anymore.

[@alexframe8288]

@@ScorpionP2C why don't you just tell us

[@Jwarchild]

@@ScorpionP2C Care to help a brother out? I cant find anything online

[@SenzuGreens]

I hope when Tom finishes coming everywhere we get back to semi-regularly timed episodes

[@mattmax8599]

Bart imitating himself is hilarious inception. But honestly the fact he wants to be able to lift up other comics is really cool.

[@evanprotsman9623]

I bet Bert’s new year resolution is to have an incredible six pack like he’s already said in the past 7 New Year’s resolution.

[@deluxe4116]

Tom come on.. we wanna hear the whole story man. Please stop letting him interrupt the good ones brutha ❤ peace and love

[@travisrowoldt857]

In 30 or 40 years we’re gonna be visiting 2 Bears 1 Grave. RIP Bertie Boy and Tommy buns

[@Stonecold831]

44:00 toms laugh here is one of my favourite moments in ymh history. Perfectly describes his humor

[@jameswachter5295]

This episode humanized Burt for me

[@JackkNapier]

I sincerely think that Bart is allergic to not talking

[@owengavin8896]

bert going for a purge in sierra leone is the best sketch

[@ArtypNk]

Brent Crystals all the time: "I don't remember that, my memory is bad" Also Brendon Keiser: "Oh, everything? I remember it vividly, I'm immortal"

[@BigD_Energy]

How cool would it be if Bert just stfu for one minute while Tom speaks?

[@TheMageAcademy]

Without the video version i cant tell if Tom is talking to Bert or Christina

[@samanthab1923]

What does that say about his marriage 😉

[@nicklehmann3331]

Call it two bears 1 grave. Love you guys.

[@Da.B1unt]

“Under 4’11 with the hands” me too Bert😂😭

[@Slow_Skittle]

The dad talk really hit home. My dad is my hero, I can’t imagine him not being around anymore

[@MrJayehawk]

Bert's confidence that he's definitely living to be 90 is some high-level delusion.

[@AnthonyJohnson-gx3fu]

The fact that burt don't like to tour with couples because he won't be the center of everyone's attention says everything you need to know about his personality. Tom is a Saint for keeping him around

[@heygek2769]

That's just Berts dumbass way of saying it sucks to be a third wheel.

[@Briangolfs]

Burnt has been absorbing Tim’s body fat for awhile now, of course he’s gonna live longer.

[@joeschmo247]

This truly made me laugh out loud. Thanks👍🏽

[@jackzwahlen764]

Bert's Pearl Harbor story reminded me about my grandpa's brother. He was drafted to Vietnam and served as a mechanic and was there for years, he lost most of his hearing from an IED and survived multiple ambushes. When he finally came home to the U.S., he got a job as an electrician, and within a few years, got electocuted and died. He didn't do a special burial or anything, Bert's story just made me think of it

[@anthonyzullo]

I found Chad Daniel's on pandora. "I sharpened the stick, I know how it pokes" one of my favorite lines of his

[@ChichiNaka]

Berts delusions are so tired, is this still all the episodes recorded in october?

[@clevermissfox]

Prob November, they were sober in October

[@andrewsanni2746]

The Bananen Bar is legendary

[@calistafalcontail]

Sounds like a thing for degenerates

[@kevensirishcrowly]

Trust me Bert I won’t forget about you! I’ll tell your story to my grand children!

[@OfficialPsycho_ZA]

As a fellow South-African - We would love to have Bert back for a show! (can't say i speak for everyone but defintely know a huge chunk of fans of the comedy scene are keen)

[@brandonshamel8151]

Bart acknowledging that he might interrupt blew my mind

[@MrOriginalthought]

7 minutes… when Bert reaches the emotional drunk stage and Tom coddles and guides him back closer towards a sense of reason, but is also laughing hysterically inside due to the fact he’s a maniac… that’s what I watch it for, those 7 minutes I know someone is feeling the maniacal pleasure of viewing destruction

[@ScorpionP2C]

there is nothing destructive going on here, you might want to get your empathy checked if that was your take-away from this

[@MrOriginalthought]

@@ScorpionP2C lol just answer me this… where are the bodies?

[@ScorpionP2C]

@@MrOriginalthought In Garth's backyard obviously!

[@funnydonor9484]

I love how 55:24 I love how Bert thinks admitting he’s drunk in the podcast is some kind of M Knight Shamalyan twist. PS- Tom has given a dollar to charity in his life

[@sdy284]

"here lies Tom Segura and Bert Chrysler. 2 Bears, 1 Grave"

[@airsign1012]

Bert the Scorpio obsessed with death. Love him... and Tom the Aries, Mars brothers!

[@YCWideawakeFinest252]

The booth boys will always be the goats behind the goats😌🙌

[@Auqua1973]

It's really sad how fast the alcohol is eating Bert's brain. It's even more sad that he actually believes what comes out of his mouth.

[@kylegauthier3025]

No way Bert isn’t cheating on his wife with how much he talks about it haha

[@samanthab1923]

I don’t think so. I get an asexual vibe from him. Too busy partying. Can’t be bothered.

[@viking_nor]

@@samanthab1923 lol no asexual talks about wanting to cheat. So ur radar is useless

[@DrEaMsNoEviL]

I’m pretty sure he is way too scared of her to do that lol

[@DrEaMsNoEviL]

@@viking_nor that’s essentially what their comment is saying....

[@newsrapper]

He's been cheating for years. He'll probably talks about the girl that he's closer to then his wife. He said how uncomfortable his wife is with it

[@silverchupacabra73]

Screw the 1600 weeks...Bert's going to have a coronary episode during one of the dozens of full bodied guttural laughs/wheezes he has on a daily basis! 🤣

[@pnwexplorer1122]

I like how the ad read in YMH studio is WAY better quality visual than 2 bears set hahahaha

[@sibe6096]

Tom wants out of working with Barf, its all over his face. Its like Theo and Brenda.

[@samanthab1923]

I don’t know. I think they are working on another project together. I wish he would dump this oaf

[@HarryManback0]

@NoThankYou The quality of all these podcasts has massively gone downhill. I rarely listen to them anymore. I was a huge fan of YMH from 2014-2018, it was by far the funniest podcast ever created in that time period but now that Tom made millions off the audience he's way too full of himself.

[@Tapndatass]

I'm glad Chad Daniels is starting to get more recognition, his Pandora station got me through some brutal work shifts like almost 10 years ago. Amazing comic, "The Ruler" is one of my all time favorite jokes.

[@b4ckwoodbilly]

Stories about toms dad are always fucking gold💀 RIP and thank you for raising such a legend!❤️

[@williamthomas5215]

Bert was hammered this episode lmao

[@littledrumminboy5779]

Rock bitin' lun-a-tic is a term that I will absolutely be stealing.

[@Hunter_Hult]

“I was drunk and I misspoke!” Would be a great T-shirt

[@nicolasortega9855]

Used to party with South African rugby players, those dudes where on another level of good times.