INFJs Biggest Mistake in Love

[@LaurenSapalaINFJ]

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[@randomtripswithme]

@LaurenSapalaINFJ Hi, I don't know what is happening and need advice. Almost a year ago, I had a dream about being in a romantic relationship with my boss. I can tell you more but it is a longer story if you want to know.

[@carolinebrown8965]

When people ask me questions about myself, it triggers a bit of panic in me, like I have to protect myself.

[@Mindsetolympics]

Wow thats a good way to put it…

[@Stevie671]

We read people well, we don't enjoy thinking others are doing it to us. But well put.

[@barbaracapes8816]

I do the same thing.

[@bjw6052]

I do that too

[@sassytaf]

Me too

[@BSNotAccepted]

There is also a problem in even starting a romantic relationship. INFJs are givers. Offering to help or given gifts (even little things) can be perceived as desperate Or manipulative. All INFJs know taht giving is our natural instinct and tendency.

[@nellautumngirl]

I think that's beautiful, not many people are that selfless. Just don't give to people who don't have your wellbeing at heart ❤️

[@c.rlewis5812]

Ive been accused of “bribery” with my generous nature🙄

[@indigomosquitospeedos]

infjs crave true deep connection more than anything else and earnestly want to meet someone wholeheartedly halfway --- only problem is we tend to get disappointed too often by most other types that are slacker than us in exuberance when love finally does show up and it's time to rise and shine . (too bad settling for low moral standards and quantity rather than quality has become the new normal craze) i think us infjs main trouble is being perhaps a bit too honest, authentic, and idealistic compared to most other types that simply subscribe to the most popular quick easy cheater-codes to life . we don't base our morals and opinions on someone else's half-ass biased ad-vice --- we aren't afraid to boldly go against superficial materialistic standards --- unlike all them copycats that care too much about what others think . how can we be FREE ? if we worry too much about what others may think when we do our earnest best with whatever it is we've got to give ? so FREEK THE HECK OUT !

[@Benjaminsmallwood]

​@@indigomosquitospeedosAMEN!! Connecting IS the goal!! I see the perfect relationship as two lovers,separate, diving deep into the indigo waters of love( life) ,and emerging to share the treasures each has discovered in these waters! Super fantastic!!

[@shanarobinson7672]

@@indigomosquitospeedosfacts!!

[@colonelgraff9198]

Don’t be a chaser and don’t be chased. Decide to either walk in step with your partner or to walk alone.

[@yukio_saito]

I agree with you. A chaser-runner relationship is unhealthy.

[@nellautumngirl]

I'm an INFP and my partner is an INFJ. I would say we both had codependent mothers and emotionally distant fathers :( My partner's father was also an alcoholic. Our dads died when we were both 23. Now we try to heal, we both have wounds but also lots of love to give each other :) I pray for everyone who is as sensitive as we that they find a good partner, it doesn't heal every wound but it makes everyday life easy and good where there was a lot of pain before.

[@elenigalani4885]

I am happy for you ☺take care of each other

[@nellautumngirl]

@@elenigalani4885 Aww thank you 🙂 We really do take care of each other ❤️

[@WM-zg6bv]

How did you get him to open up? ​@@nellautumngirl

[@mindset_olympics2]

Me too !!!! Same mother n father dynamic affecting me

[@yukio_saito]

Yes. I learned the hard way that a healthy relationship should be two-way, reciprocal, and mutual. I no longer allow people to make a one-sided relationship with me. I got rid of many unhealthy people. ✂✂✂ Use your intuition and see-through ability first to discern people, then choose whom to engage with.

[@wittymystic7361]

This happens to me in friendships as well.

[@yukio_saito]

That happened to me, too. I removed all one-sided friendhips.

[@wittymystic7361]

@@yukio_saito I have too. Sadly, I have yet to attract better.

[@lilyghassemzadeh]

Exactly.

[@jordanrintoul-thomas722]

We expect our partners to love us the same way we love them.

[@aprilpambianchi9888]

My ex yelled at me one time APRIL NO ONE IS EVER GONA CARE AS MUCH AS YOU SO STOP SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR DISAPPOINTMENT….i didn’t understand that at all because I just care how I care and I don’t categories….

[@chioma5633]

:(( this is so sad

[@naamanpratt]

Hi Lauren, I love your videos and could listen to you talk for hours and have. However, while I've watched maybe 30 of your videos so far, it seems lately I keep hearing you talk about the aftereffects of narcissists or problems in one's past or childhood, which totally doesn't apply to me, being raised by a very loving and supportive single Mother. I have an older brother and two older sisters and we were all very close growing up and I have great memories of happy times for the most part. I also continued to raise two wonderful daughters by myself with full custody after divorcing my ex-wife of 11 years, and the three of us were best friends and inseparable during their first twenty-one years or so. I've also heard you speak several times now of this fear of intimacy by INFJs, which also definitely does not apply to me. Pretty much everything else you speak about is as if you've known me for my entire life and seems to be spot on. I'd love to see you create more videos that focus on other things in depth rather than a dysfunctional past or childhood that probably doesn't apply to most of us misfits. 🤣 With love, thank you! 💞

[@chrisstahl2653]

Every girl I ever fancied was my eternal, undying, one an only love - in my mind.

[@artifundio1]

Thank you Lauren. This video is perfect to understand how our patterns prevent us from building a connection with truly good people. ❤

[@douglasdh12]

I laughed out loud when you verbalized an INFJ tendency to not put the brakes on in a relationship by expressing, "I've known this person a month and I know they are the one." In my experience, very true. I benefit from watching your videos.

[@thesandman84]

I was trying to get to know this girl, and asked her questions just trying to get her to open up, she kept giving me short answers that didn't give opportunity for follow up to turn it into a conversation. Then she told me that our interaction felt like a job interview and I had to tell her that it's kind of hard to have a conversation when they won't open up, yeah, I was done with her quick.

[@blkcowrie]

this is such 💚medicine!💚 thx so very much for this illuminating clarity and witness! 💐💐💐💐💐💐🕊✨

[@thatdivinebeing]

Thank you so much for this very helpful video. It all resonated 100%. I fall in love with the best qualities of someone and see their soul. Unfortunately, beautiful souls can have pretty corrupted minds that allow them to lie, cheat, betray, backstab, manipulate, wear masks, play games and have secret addictions. It took an eight year nightmare that caused me huge grief to realise the distinctions. Indeed, he turned out to have complex PTSD and untreated trauma that has caused multiple personalities. It has been a long road of a lot of pain. I really stuck by this person with great loyalty and was treated super badly. Walking away was heartbreaking and now I have absolutely zero contact.

[@indigomosquitospeedos]

infjs crave true deep connection more than anything else and earnestly want to meet someone wholeheartedly halfway --- only problem is we tend to get disappointed too often by most other types that are slacker than us in exuberance when love finally does show up and it's time to rise and shine . (too bad settling for low moral standards and quantity rather than quality has become the new normal craze) i think us infjs main trouble is being perhaps a bit too honest, authentic, and idealistic compared to most other types that simply subscribe to the most popular quick easy cheater-codes to life . we don't base our morals and opinions on someone else's half-ass biased ad-vice --- we aren't afraid to boldly go against superficial materialistic standards --- unlike all them copycats that care too much about what others think . how can we be FREE ? if we worry too much about what others may think when we do our earnest best with whatever it is we've got to give ? so FREEK THE HECK OUT !

[@mmnl1611]

OMG! As if you were talking about me in this video. Thank you for making me see things clearly about myself and my life. ❤

[@annaynely]

For some ppl it works to rush even though not for everyone.

[@ladywholovescake8905]

Thank you for this video! I remember being in relationships in the past that were not the healthiest for me. One in particular, I remember my partner was a bit on the dismissive side, and always had to have his way. At the time I had fun being around him, and because I didn't expect much in return, it took awhile before I realized that he was not a good fit for me. I think that because my mother was a dismissive parent (possibly a narcissist) who did not engage with me, it resulted in my getting into relationships where I wasn't getting what I needed, but I would brush it off and be optimistic instead of seeing the red flags. This video makes so much sense!

[@talonthorn]

Thank you so much for this video. It is instantly very helpful to me. Though I know this, a healthy friendship based on equal effort is not at all obvious to me. I am one of those INFJs who at some point decided that such people don't exist for me. I'm sure this isn't an uncommon among INFJs and even INFPs. Now that I've come to some degree of maturity, I finally met someone who did meet me on equal terms. I'm sure the two go hand in hand. But knowing isn't knowing. My past outweighs one event. So, thank you very much for reminding me about the obvious, because it isn't at all obvious to someone like me. I very much appreciate it. 💕 PS: My parents were not narcissistic; they were emotionally distant.

[@cinderling5472]

Sweetie!! I've been thinking about you all day - i knew this would be a banger ❤❤❤ as usual, just what we needed. Thank you Lauren, you are a gift and a gem!!!

[@Manni-lj2cy]

WOW You have literally just described my 15 yr nightmare marriage. I exist only to serve my spouse. There is zero reciprocation. Thank you So much for bringing deep clarity on his topic. It took me many years to realize I married my mother who was a violent abuser.

[@boblossie3192]

I wish I'd known about all this decades ago!

[@b_k_1708]

I'm an only child and my parents always loved me. They have done everything for me and I couldn't have asked for better parents. However, they don't have intelligent conversations and they don't know how the world works. They care about mundane things and as I grow older (I'm 28 now), they just simply get on my nerves- which I know is true for most of us. I will alwas love them, but I can't have certain conversations with them and that is a shame. ❤

[@drivethruabortion280]

I promise you have better parents.

[@Makos33]

Spot on!

[@BeStillandKnow0000]

I feel so seen, this was my struggle in friendships even moreeee so than any other relationship. the realization of it being one sided is so long afterrrrrr, it's actually funny.

[@sonofhibbs4425]

Such great insight and advice! Thank you!

[@brocklytodd5317]

I didn't really have that experience with my immediate family but more so with my extended family. I wouldn't say it traumatized me to be around narcissists as a kid I personally think humans are stronger than that.

[@Benjaminsmallwood]

My first live in was an ex gang member (LA), she shot me, then a psychopath ( state diagnosed) she TRIED to have me killed, a witch,who shattered my relationship with my son( i was single parent by then) then Muslim African American girl who wanted to stab me because we " argued " ( which I thought was simply healthy sorting out,each from a secure place of self) and now a woman ,recently liberated from severe dissisociative disorder and demonic possession ( when the spirit came out it literally set a tree stump on fire behind her) Multiple religious experiences ( visions, locutions, etc) and all the while coaching my sons youth soccer teams,building our house,traveling across the USA and Europe, work on display in museum ( art) and feeling EXCEPTIONALLY alive and awake to LIFE!! Its astounding!!

[@cheribarkman1784]

You are so damn good at this.

[@TZach1987]

INFATUATION HAZE. This is gold ❤ THANK YOU

[@-GloryDays]

I’ve learned to decide that I can or cannot be a friend to a person, whether or not they are MY friend. It’s my decision

[@rnhzrhrk103]

I wonder if it's okay to share this with my partner... Just because idk how to convey these things myself. I do feel like i'm less of myself when im around him and it's not right

[@Stefans2332]

Fantastic insight. Thank you!

[@TheWspirit3]

You’re right about everything you said! I’ve done everything you said. And grew up with a narcissistic father(also paranoid schizo affective). I’m an INFJ, and my bf is an ENFP we get along really well from what I’ve heard. He’s ADHD and not a narcissist. So, it’s difficult to have conversations because he talks a LOT! I’m trying to get him to understand me and where I’m coming from. It’s not easy 🤦🏻‍♀️Our relationship is still one sided. My ex husband of almost 20 years is a narcissist. We got married right away. I actually waited tho to have a child until I was 33. Got married at 24. I just subscribed to you. It’s so incredibly difficult being an INFJ. We’re misunderstood.

[@annetallegrand5656]

Wow, I was enmeshed with my mom, and idealized by both of them. They both were enamored with my uniqueness, my mom even said I loved her the best. But I need the worship as well. I am a golden and need to be adored😂

[@7172xyz]

Some partners tries to listen at your problems at first then after either they misuse the same things against you or they don’t even bother later on to understand you better. So being an INfJ we are very confused whether to open up with them or not because I have faced so many such incidents in my relationship that backfired me instead for being open and honest about me.

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

Its like early life, traumatic, circumstances takes us out of our core chakra energy centers into our third eye centers where its safer and we can see any dangers ahead.

[@gloriouslyaesthetic]

What would be our core chakra? Heart? Solar Plexus?

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

@@gloriouslyaesthetic Yeah id say Solar plexusish and Rootish. This of course is speculation and i might have heard this before somewhere, but it seems correct in ways

[@Benjaminsmallwood]

I expect them to love as i do..seeing all at once...letting love guide all actions...and giving without thought of my self

[@shericonner9863]

I feel seen.

[@lillaprofessorn]

Haha😂 real life struggles, I ended waking up after 10 years in a relationship, exhausted from feeling like i had complied with my partner and rarely considered. Leaving me confused and losing value in my needs.

[@ScottieBeanZ]

Spot on as Usual! ❤️👏

[@Benjaminsmallwood]

We crave CONNECTIONS THAT ARE DEEP!! Isee the perfect relationship as two lovers,who dive separately and deeply into the indgo waters of love...each emerging with hands and hearts laden with treasures found and discovered there,and bringing these treasures to each other to ooo and ah over in delightful exchange.

[@rufinobangcaya9973]

On my younger years my wife haven't even received a single gift from me when we're on gf,bf relationship.😅😅. .I just don't know why I'm like this even now. .😅😅😅. .it feels too awkward doing those stuff. .and I don't like her talking about me in other people or her friends. .I hate it that way. .

[@PricelessBinkey1337]

Man, KZbin getting real comfortable with that unskippable b2b ads.

[@bfox138]

Infjs are super private. They won't give up any information about their past. That's my experience. They keep a lot to themselves

[@nadjaschneider3242]

Is there any study which personality type has the most narcissist in? I would love to know if there are many infj/ infp narcissists, because I know someone who is a infp but seems also be a narcissist.

[@MrBearyMcBearface]

I'm not a narcissist, but I can be quite prideful. I assume the capacity for vanity would indicate other people with my type could be a narcissist but I don't know.

[@cheribarkman1784]

Thank you

[@theghosttiger1446]

My cptsd makes it difficult to love me 😢

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

@@theghosttiger1446 you ever try eft tapping?

[@theghosttiger1446]

@@DonTrump-sv1si what in the backflip is that?

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

@@theghosttiger1446 It stands for emotional freedom technique. First off it's free. It's simple and its very non invasive as you can do it by yourself. That being said emotion is E (energy) in motion. Meaning it should come, we feel it and then it's released. With people who have PTSD or similar issues they have such intense emotion that they skip the feeling and releasing part of E-motion and that energy gets stuck in the body and psyche causing problems. EFT gives you the opportunity to feel and release those emotions in turn your problems magically disappear

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

@@theghosttiger1446 Did you get my response? 80% of my comments are censored

[@lhutch1315]

🙃

[@naturandmor]

Sorry, but infps are very dangerous.

[@trystparadox9186]

In what way? 🤔

[@naturandmor]

@@trystparadox9186 they have asp, adhd tendencies.

[@trystparadox9186]

@@naturandmor asp...you mean antisocial personality disorder?

[@naturandmor]

@@trystparadox9186 may be, but ASD should it be.

[@trystparadox9186]

@@naturandmor but adhd and asd are not primarily connected to being dangerous, are they?