INFJs and Emotional Overload

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Talking about how INFJs often try to anticipate how everyone will feel
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#INFJ #MBTI #16Personalities

[@FrankJames]

🎉Join me at NF Connect Live, a live event on October 24-25 ✨ Reserve your spot and read more at infj.me/event

[@enfp]

It's going to be awesome :)

[@coppersense999]

Thanks for the tip! I'd love to go. The $100 ticket is pretty steep, but easily worth it. I've said it before: I am happy to invest in your success. 👍

[@desireemariec1108]

✨You're a refreshing cuppa tea here, and so very attractive man 😻 kzbin.info/www/bejne/lZ6lhXWbiNGspMU

[@agentcovfefe6983]

I would have like to have done this. No funds until the end of the month. Sorry F.J. 🤗

[@vanessaclaire999]

Yes... this just hit my soul bro lol thank you

[@chaoticbreeze6262]

Even if I don't apparently show responsiblity to other's emotions, my subconscious feels guilty always.

[@SirChocula]

It's a reaction that we need to lessen (we can't do it entirely) but not giving a sh*t does takes practice and it does get easier over time. My golden rule is to only invest my energy/emotions into a person who is worth it.

[@CV-yy9qz]

Exactly.

[@a-disaster5285]

@@SirChocula thank you, it helps lessen the guilt

[@venelprince6889]

I think everyones subconscious does this. it’s just that as an Infj you’re just more in tune with your subconscious/heart then other types. The subconscious/higher self knows we are all one, so cares for the all encompassing whole and never the self only. This is why even when you wish to ignore others feelings in your head, your heart simply won’t allow you. Infj’s are simply more conscious. Have you ever heard other types taking marijuana and stating “wow, I never knew I had such an emotional impact on so and so until getting high” This is because marijuana connects you with your higher self.

[@chaoticbreeze6262]

@@SirChocula yeah, we really do need to keep it in mind. I'm not saying we're taken advantage of, but not being able to express truly gets frustrating. Exactly!

[@jeffyoder6994]

Good topic...As an INFJ there has been times when I've told myself that I'm going to go ahead and just do something that makes me happy, but after seeing someone's negative reaction to this, mainly sadness, it becomes hard for me to actually enjoy what I decided I was going to do.

[@that1randompotato576]

Same...

[@a-disaster5285]

I just found out about being an INFJ recently but yes, after hearing or seeing someone sad it becomes nearly impossible to be happy, and I barely managed to not feel guilty before bed. You have no idea how hard it is to try to comfort someone when you're stuttering like a mess and try not to provide physical support due to location & not knowing how they'll act

[@TheWhisperCooks]

Same😞 That’s why I withdraw easily from social gatherings

[@jeffyoder6994]

@@TheWhisperCooks I feel that

[@erika5004]

its like, sometimes what we want to do is less worth than the joy of other people

[@robynwells8249]

That’s why socializing is so exhausting. I feel it’s my responsibility to control the happiness temperature in the room. I want every but me to feel included and comfortable.

[@venelprince6889]

Being considerate of others emotions is a great trait to have, but having this wonderful trait can feel like a curse in a inconsiderate world. I say this because, you find empathy goes to waste with the common people of Earth. When you think long and hard, others make quick baseless assumptions. When you take into account emotions, others are cold. When you try to see another’s point of view, others only see themselves. When you try to reach common ground, others only care to show you how right they are. This trait will have you walking on eggshells here on Earth. The image of setting up fine china amongst a raging bull comes to mind 😔😂

[@venelprince6889]

So, please look after yourselfs my fellow Infj’s, and be mindful where you spend your energy.

[@knightlyskye2993]

@@cynthiataylor1310 I agree but then again, not much will change. Some people will forever care only of themselves so I think INFJs should pick who they should care about. Though I really respect people who care about everyone, truly angels.

[@magic13christispage]

The way you put it out there, I agree 100% with you. (if that's what FJ tried to say as well, I'm taking back my negative reaction)

[@Thekingsdota]

Well said. I want to move and live in the mountains. I'm done with earthlings lol

[@ksorangeeee840]

@kshamwhizzle I'm an infj and I have the same problem with my boyfriend. I'm so tired of giving more than receiving less from him. I understand he doesn't know how to communicate or properly show it but I get drained to understand him and adjust for him in the long run.

[@janmots2829]

I used to take responsibility for other people and like you said bend over backwards so they don't feel bad. Not anymore though, it sounds selfish but in the end it's for my own well being. Thank you for a thoughtful video. 👍

[@FrankJames]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@nezaamleach1623]

This is so relatable, I would put other people emotions before my own which left me feeling drained and unhappy but not anymore !😁

[@SirChocula]

Exactly. It's a very hard lesson that us INFJs learn as we grow older. Each person is their own person and has their own responsibility for their actions/feelings. We aren't suppose to be the ones carrying their burden...nope...not anymore.

[@meagiesmuse2334]

Sometimes, when we bend over backwards, the overly tactful and less clear result is something the other person will misunderstand, and they may act on that false info, creating the very result you tried to avoid. Always be your authentic self. I learned this the hard way and it cost me what I most wanted in life. You are so right that our own well being is benefited by just being honest.

[@reshamejaz1575]

Same and I try to avoid it too. It's just difficult when you can feel their anger/disappointment right in your bones. Like if I'm excited about something and someone messes it up for me, I just don't want to do it anymore. And it takes a lot of energy to be able to ignore what they feel.

[@shorewall]

I think INFJs crave equilibrium. We are like one of those expensive aquarium fish that needs the precise temperature and pH levels and such. And I think that is why we try to control our environment. We feel responsible for other's feelings, because we feel their feelings and are affected by them. If someone around us gets mad, or sad, or on the other hand, they are really happy, that affects us. It rubs off on us. So we can't just ignore others, because we pick up on it whether we want to or not. We are very sensitive to others, and so we feel responsible because we don't want them to dictate how we are feeling. We have two options. One is to be less sensitive, which I don't think is a good option. Because that is our strength. And our strength taken too far is a weakness, but it's a part of us too. We don't want to deny who we are, and its hard anyway. The easier option I would say, is making sure we have a "safe space." :D It sounds like a joke, but we need a quiet place where we can be alone with out thoughts. We can recharge, we think about what WE want, and come to terms. I don't think INFJs are quick on our feet mentally. We need to think things over, and we need that time. So we have to give ourselves that time. Part of this is setting limits, and understanding what someone should be able to expect of us, and when someone is just being manipulative. We need to think about what we would and should do in such situations, and come to terms with that. So don't just play video games and watch KZbin, although that does help let off stress too. I have good results when I'm out on a drive, especially because I live with people, work is no different, and there really are no places to just hang out, especially late at night. When I get too stressed out, it means a lot to be able to cruise around and just work through my thoughts. I also really like being nocturnal, since everyone else is sleeping and I am all by myself, so I have that quiet time to think and feel. And that quality alone time helps me have the energy to go out and deal with people. I think that kind of self care is just something that goes with being an INFJ, and we need to give that gift to ourselves, or we will become stressed and no good to anyone, including ourselves.

[@claystahl7002]

It's like you read my mind

[@Thelesliemontano]

Thank you

[@cwonderland6259]

My mother did this to me constantly - making me (and siblings) responsible for her emotional and mental state. I had to learn to not care, and not care if she called me selfish for refusing to accept responsibility for her feelings.

[@CV-yy9qz]

My mother did this to me as well for most of my life. Not long ago I learned about boundaries: setting healthy boundaries with people, and having to teach myself how not to take total responsability for other people's emotions. A lot of people telling me about all their problems and always expecting me to be there for them. It was so draining, most of the times I had to pull away to recharge some energy.

[@jackieocean3511]

I went thru the same with my 'mother. I even had an ex many yrs ago that did the same bc ppl tend to gravitate to what they know. This is a nasty characteristic trait of borderline personality disorder. Ppl that will even threaten 'suicide' if u dump them, throw tantrums, cry and play the victim. I got over that as soon as I dumped that nightmare of an ex and really was at my wits end like 'jump off a bridge if u want. I'm not responsible for u.' I refuse to let anyone hold me in emotional bondage. That's why I severed ties to my 'mother' as well. This behavioral condition has a poor prognosis and is almost impossible to cure. No meds for maladaptive behavioral traits aka personality disorders. Moral of the story, take care of ur emotional needs first ~ 💖

[@jonahmeininger2052]

I've been there. The hardest part is actually to ignore the extreme amount of guild that builds up inside you. And then all of these negative thoughts come and say that you are a bad person and selfish. All of this just eats you alive, so you get huge respect from me to actually establish a state of mind where you can protect your well being from the emotional burden of others.

[@cwonderland6259]

@@jonahmeininger2052 Part of what made it easier for me (it still took years) was that I left my parents religion. After I made it clear that I would not entertain any talk about god/religion and would cut her out of my life if she tried to convert me back, other boundaries were easier to enforce. If she ever started a guilt-trip rant and refused to engage in respectful conversation, I just hung up the phone. Eventually she got the message and now we can talk about normal things, and I live far enough away she doesn't have the ability to try to control my life.

[@cwonderland6259]

@@jonahmeininger2052 I'll add that at some point I had the realization that it's okay and even good to care more about your own well-being. You only get one life. You can't live it for others, and you won't be helpful to others if you are miserable yourself.

[@SininenKT]

This trait has a very dangerous streak to it, where it makes us easy targets for unsavoury people to control. Be careful. When feeling the need to take responsibility for people’s emotions, remember you are people too :)

[@jesusparra6472]

That's why we have to analyze the persons that we're going to make happy. I mean, everybody deserves love and happiness, but we have to analyze if those persons are really needing or desiring something that will make you happy as well as make them happy. I say this because this has happened to me and many others. Some people or even your family may say that the career that you choose isn't going to make you happy but you already know very well that it will really make you happy, but then you realize that they just can't understand. And then you have to choose to make them "unhappy", but don't worry... it'll be for a while, because they'll end up being happy when they realize, at the end, that you're being happy. But anyway you have to analyze very well, what do you want? what do you like? how can you make them happy while you're being happy using every skill that you have? what do they want? do they want something worthwhile or are they wrong desiring something that isn't good at all?

[@hansonel]

Exactly, it can make us targets for narcissists, bullies and other toxic types. For whatever reason they seem to prey on empaths and IN's. Always good to remember it is not our job to take responsibility for others emotions.

[@onlyme8780]

Lol I guess there is some truth to that, but manipulative people are so easy to see through, and once you know, you know. Next stop for them is the classic INFJ doorslam.

[@esraahmed3622]

Pleas keep doing thoughtful Thursday’s , this is amazing!

[@FrankJames]

Thank you! Will do!

[@noemirodriguez9137]

@@FrankJames yay!

[@dotdashdotdash]

I second that

[@fawntravels]

I lost a couple of friendships recently because I realized I was doing this, and then hardcore stopped caring about making them feel better and soothing them. I kinda became cold towards them. And yeah, that is my fault for changing my behavior, but I realized that these people were overdependent on my soothing and caring nature, and not really giving anything back to me. So nothing lost really.

[@bagelqueen7555]

No it's not your fault, not at all I'm a INFP and I understand how you feel. Being over dependent is like using somebody and you don't deserve to be used. I dealt with fake friends before and I know they can be so mean and when I try to talk to them I mess up. Your not cold, over dramatic or anything like that you're just sensitive and that's completely okay. I'm not very good at talking about my feeling but I'm very emotional and empathetic so just know you're amazing, loved worthy and *WAY* more! 🥺💖🍭

[@isabelmatteo7095]

Ok I did not need to relate to that as much as I did

[@bagelqueen7555]

@K Q aww thanks you! 🍭🥺💖

[@-sbocciare2277]

i'm INFP and i do this, my INFJ friend does even more so than me, i wish we could just let it be (reference intended) but it's hard

[@mjfanta4196]

Something that's missing from this analysis is the fact that being "responsible" for another person's emotions is actually being *controlling.* It's important to give others the space and freedom to feel what they want to feel.

[@cutiefruba4]

I feel like this is also about boundaries, and sometimes that’s emotional boundaries. I realized that when I withdraw from some people and focus on feeling good and doing things that feel right for me, even if briefly, some people get mad and it just becomes apparent that they felt *entitled* to me.

[@jackieocean3511]

Perfecto!

[@JohnDoe-tt4fm]

Oh wow, I've felt this a lot too but I thought I was making things up in my head, doubting my own feelings but you're 100% right

[@cutiefruba4]

@@JohnDoe-tt4fm wow I didn’t expect to get such a response/likes on this in a few hours and it actually feels doubly validating for me too just knowing you and others resonated with it. *community* I’m really glad Frank brought this up so we could all really think about it and share.

[@juanitajordan985]

This right here is the truth.

[@Jestloo]

THIS

[@sarahlemke9803]

This is so true for me! I tend to feel guilty whenever I try consider my own feelings and wishes before everybody elses... My professor (who actually did the MBT with us) once told me: "You don't have to save the world, you know. You are allowed to put yourself first." Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I repeat that phrase in my head and it does help.

[@timefortee]

I believe we can do both at the same time.

[@TheOrangeHelium]

Why do you always address my immediate question?

[@giishaw92]

You're a good dude, FJ

[@ellybean7354]

I'm so happy Frank has this opportunity to host the workshop!! Unfortunately I can't do it, but I'm certain it will be amazing!!!

[@twirlima7425]

Oof. I actually had to pause this halfway though to regroup from it hitting me so hard.

[@jessicatyson153]

This is me 24/7 but I'm trying to work on it.

[@lilijagaming]

Quite recently I have been told by my mother how unemphatic I am because I am practicing standing up for myself. And I've been hearing it so much from people close to me and this always pissed me off so much because only I (and other INFJs) know how much time and energy I am giving to how other people feel. How much I jump around people to not hurt them but then somehow they end up hurt anyway. But I've decided to try to stand my ground and look out for me first. I have no idea what I am doing and my nature is screaming on the inside each time I even think about doing that. But hey... I guess it has to be that way and maybe with time I'll get better in taking care of me first so I can take care for others without feeling exhausted all the time.

[@nargess8521]

It just gets worse when i really like someone.

[@illuminee]

Intuition is a powerful tool for guidance and one that should not be ignored. It’s not “guessing”.

[@kristinjavate9501]

woahh i was just struggling with this thought yesterday, exactly what i needed to hear thanks man

[@FrankJames]

Glad I could help

[@SaraMohamed-ky9wr]

Oh wow same

[@jamiemcgee6104]

Literally sane

[@jocelyn9058]

INFP here and I felt this so strongly. I left my friend group a couple of months ago because it wasn't making me happy and there was so much drama. I had a phone call conversation with them a couple of days ago (they insisted) and I ended up apologizing for leaving and "abandoning them" This video made me realize that I did what was best for me and if people didn't agree with my decision so be it. We shouldn't live to please people. Thank you so much FJ. You are a great person.

[@MrTrickster5]

I really am having a hard time recently, I really don't know who I am anymore. Interactions are almost always one way and I just try to be the supportive guy.

[@tszhinbow6087]

Last time I was this early, my Fe was still stronger than Ti...

[@smurfrise]

I’m an NF psychologist, and I think of this as a balance between recognizing the distinction between intent and impact (that is, taking responsibility for the impact of our actions on others, regardless of intent), and figuring out what is whose. So, like, if you know someone who is super reactive, their reactivity is coming from their stuff (past experiences, temperament, maturity, etc) so it’s important to continue living your life and if they react to your choices, that’s their problem. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to poke at them and do things intentionally to get a rise out of them, or to lack compassion. Boundaries! I totally agree with FJ here, don’t hold yourself back in your own life because people you care about can’t handle it. It often feels like you might lose the relationship if you don’t, but the quality of the relationship is compromised by making yourself miserable (in terms of the above logic, that’s *your* stuff. They are not making you miserable or holding you back- you are choosing to do that to yourself like some sort of martyr). It’s better to expect the people in your life to manage their own baggage and be happy for you. In other words, they need to learn to deal with it, and if they refuse, that’s a toxic relationship.

[@smurfrise]

You can have empathy without changing your boundaries. I had a mentor who called this “benign matter-of-factness.”

[@maytheforcebewithyou4313]

then there are Covert Narcissist mothers....that is a whole other level of building a fortress to plan the rest of your life strategy, and 30 years ago no one even realized to call it out. Yes, narcissist family esp parent can actually force your life to become miserable Someone needs to tell you about the CN, and then advise No Contact. INFJ is especially vulnerable, when raised to believe and imprinted as an infant with their design to make you never leave them and always please them. It was the rath of Khan when I stood up for myself as a mom to my mom and apparently she won, by getting my son to go live with her, because her flying monkey my brother took over and did the dirty work. It's a simple answer to say that's your stuff, so don't martyr yourself. Toxic cesspool only begins to describe a Covert Narc parent relationship.

[@smurfrise]

​@@maytheforcebewithyou4313 Yes, I agree. I said that in a harsh way to make it painfully clear. When you can't change the dynamic get out as soon as possible. You only are sacrificing yourself if you think you can be who someone else wants you to be. It is unfortunate that so many young people have to wait to escape. But when the time comes, boundaries are the only way.

[@SweetLilWren]

Frank, let me be frank with you, *pause for laughs* but no seriously, until I found your Channel, I had no idea about anything related to these personality assessments, I thought that the way I felt and seen the world, just made me a freak. I still can't understand how people don't see what I see but you've given me some feeling of having a semblance of control and comfort in knowing I'm not *just* a freak, that there's more to it and I'm not completely alone. That is huge for me. I am really really glad I found your Channel

[@stephaniescott1352]

"You are not responsible for other people's feelings/reactions." I love that.

[@CinnastixChick]

Frank: "What if I just take things at face value?" Me: "Good luck with that" 😂😂

[@IndieUpbeats]

This is so helpful, yes! The emotional labor of caretaking others' feelings well 90% of the time.

[@laurenlosson2904]

Your best post in quite a while. Less funny, quippy, satirical, which has it's place. You're getting back to core issues of the courage to be your Self as opposed to your (ego) self.

[@timefortee]

I agree that his deeper talks are very special indeed.

[@natalieb6193]

You’re in my brain again, Frank... hehehe. But seriously, this is so dead on. Now, I know I’m not alone and can work on it.

[@TheWhisperCooks]

As an Empath, HSP and INFJ Frank’s never made me feel misunderstood I’m 18 and being an emotional sponge is a curse now Thanks for the video really informative🦋

[@miriamnelson305]

Fellow INFJ Empath HSP. It gets easier to filter and compartmentalize at the end of my 20s now. It gets easier to live in our magical idealistic brain but clumsy body. Hang in there @Haily sOcRate.

[@TheWhisperCooks]

@@miriamnelson305 💗💪

[@PeridotCentichannel]

Empath, HSP, and INFJ here too 💩 My mind is foggy rn cuz of my meltdown a.few hours ago.

[@Thekingsdota]

I'm both and I feel so in control now .this is what I do :meditation, I care mostly about myself lol and I'm ruthless aboit it now.i acknowledge any guilt that comes up as result of that but im.noticing its reducing as I rewire my mind to be for me in a world that doesn't care about sensitivity

[@ellybean7354]

People need to be responsible for thier own emotions/reactions, not let others be responsible for them. And not taking responsibility for others emotions and reactions. Being considerate and polite is a good quality, but people will react the way they will react, don't let that stifle you!!

[@chaoticbreeze6262]

Oh, this is a beautiful unexpected upload ❤😁. I'm happy.

[@FrankJames]

Glad you enjoy it!

[@chaoticbreeze6262]

@@FrankJames your channel is a treasure chest, for real.

[@TCTCTCTCTC]

“Their reaction is not your responsibility”. I had to replay that bit. It’s one hell of an affirmation to try and reprogram into this brain, thank you.

[@taise653]

It took me so much time to realize that I was taking decisions based on other emotions, and not mine. Now that I set some boundaries, my mom calls me selfish for worrying more about me than others, but I just got tired of taking care of everyone, and having nobody to take care of me.

[@barbaratyhe2955]

The danger is that many people would do something provocative or clearly offensive and defend themselves with this reasoning, that they are not responsible someone's feelings. So the context matters greatly. Also it's always eye-opening to confront your best knowledge how much others would care for your opinion/feelings in the same but reversed scenario.

[@xuxudoblues]

I have an infj friend and I really urge to understand him better, mainly because I care so much about him but he practically doesn't talk about his struggles and by the way, I was actually thinking a few hours ago about how infj's Fe works and you helped me understand more about that! thank you so much.

[@brochacho8156]

I think that empathy, no matter how extreme, is a great thing. For me, it’s better to help others at the expense of joy, than help myself at the expense of others happiness.

[@FuzzyNya]

I really feel that in any conversation I'm in i have to make sure the person is enjoying it and I'm not making them bored or upset or awkward and overthinking what the other person is feeling plays a big part in that. Literally trying to guess everything they're feeling when they probably not even bothered about it.

[@sarsafaty]

You can't make everybody happy. We all come from different places and are meant to end this journey at different destinations. That is a big part of life, invigorating and challenging at the same time. Yet, harmony with the world and others is achievable, when it is both cultivated and shared.

[@robopuffy]

I was just talking about this problem at therapy today. I literally going home as I'm listening. What a coincidence.

[@poppyrosewhite]

I literally go through this almost everyday- On monday night I did for my friend in a dark place, Sunday night I did, on friday last week I did for a BIGGGGGGG one for 2 people, but the thing is I begin to hate myself knowing if I'm not helping others.

[@ellybean7354]

Thursday vid now!!? Wow Frank you're doing so much for us!!

[@chaoticbreeze6262]

The part where you said when there's that one time when you can't figure out other people's emotions because you don't know what you should be looking out and the other person ends up calling you thoughtless and selfish, I couldn't relate more.

[@juanitajordan985]

This hurts.

[@bilgriffin]

Just when I was starting to think I wasn't really an INFJ! I didn't THINK I felt responsible for other people's feelings, but now I realize that a lot of what I do is intended to make sure other people don't get upset that I didn't do those things.

[@ssmith1565]

ENFJs need to watch this!!! We do the same thing, only with less thinking and more accuracy on what other people are feeling - i.e., it's more insidious because we're automatically anticipating how other people will feel and adjusting our behavior accordingly, i.e. how can we even be ourselves, i.e. who am I anyway???? Ok, that's enough from me. Great vid.

[@hapsam8863]

Every time i hear Frank say "strengths" i expect the "and waknesses" afterwards.

[@sunnysal3889]

The wacknesses are my favorite. 💕

[@rafaelvictor9845]

OMG! I recently discovered myself as a INFJ and I've been struggling with these issues through my whole life! Glad to know I'm not alone in the universe!

[@seacrest73]

Lmao. That one time failure makes u a whole failure. I hate that.

[@druxypierce5534]

That’s something I’m struggling a lot with lately, thank you for posting 🖤

[@opalstar4607]

My toxic trait - literally taking responsibility of everyone in my life. 🎃🎃🎃

[@RicciReyes]

I care for you! 💕

[@mayrranakamura2996]

This is literally my brain when I basically feel bad that I “missed something” and that that ended up hurting my ex, when in reality he ended up hurting me and not at all because of something I did. As if I were super responsible for his own feelings. 😪🤷🏻‍♀️

[@weirdwolf888]

FJ - loving the fireside in the recent videos 🔥☕ You're so so right, and I hope all younger INFJ's (and anyone else this applies to) take note - and do not go off the path they want to follow in order to 'please' someone else - because in all likelihood, even if you stay on the path they would prefer you were on, they will find something else not to be pleased about. As they say in the brilliant classic An American Werewolf in London "stick to the road"..... YOUR road!

[@rhiannn3416]

I did this a lot. My mum used to dump a lot of her emotional burdens on me, and sometimes when it got too much I got so overwhelmed I feel like I completely shut down emotionally, and for the rest of the day I would feel numb, and completely without emotions.

[@claudiaramirez-td5vd]

“I’m doing it right now what the frigg” hahaha oh Fj you crack me up 🥺😂😂

[@Gio-sx7kt]

Something that sort of helped me with this particular trait was reading the book I'm Ok, You're Ok. My ENTJ father got it for me as a gift and I kind of took it as a joke, at first. But reading it kind felt more like a technical breakdown of interaction styles, which made it a more compelling read for me, personally. It breaks transactions into types of transactions and whether they are motivated by an inner Parent, Child or Adult source, at least theoretically, if such things can be categorized into types. It really helped me build a better capacity for interacting with people coming from different emotion states, how to better understand, and how to bring the interaction itself into the more healthy Adult-to-Adult type of communication. It really helped when I entered into retail and sales jobs where I had to interact with all kinds of people.

[@morgancezanne1055]

It is important to consider the feelings of those around you, and be mindful of how they might react whenever you do something or make a decision. But their feelings are not your responsibility. I’m an INFP, but I tend to want to please people, too, sometimes and try not to rock the boat. But, ultimately, there comes a time where you have to realize that how people feel is on them. As I said before, it’s important to consider the feelings of others. But it’s also important to do whatever is right for you. Otherwise, you won’t truly be happy. But, of course, there are times where you can compromise and find some kind of happy medium where you can say, “Okay, I want to do A. But other people in my life think I should do B. But what if I played it safe and do AB instead? That way, I’m kinda doing what I wanna do. But, at the same time, I’m not hurting anyone else’s feelings.” I hope that makes sense.😂🙈

[@suesteig3025]

I am INFP and you make perfect sense. 🤗

[@pewdeliaweasley9623]

INFP here and yeah. That's also exactly the way I do things.

[@blU3banana7700]

I've been training (lol) myself to take everything as it is and not think too much about the what ifs and focus on the now. It is indeed their responsibility to communicate what they feel, as well as mine. This is a great reminder when I slip away and start overthinking things. This is a very wonderful video. I needed this, thank you so much 🤕💌

[@neutralbeige01]

this is an issue I am constantly trying to get better with so it was really nice to see you upload on this! thank you so much! I definitely want to keep urging myself to take better care of myself and my own feelings before worrying too much about the feelings of others.

[@marmarha497]

I guess we INFjs put a lot of energy to feel others and help, then we get tired and walk away altogether. Two ends of the spectrum. It'll be really not good to learn the hard way to balance this amazing quality!

[@Palindrome135]

I am an INFJ and one of my friends has GAD and literally the one thing we chant back to each other when we are worried about people's reaction is 'you are not responsible for someone else's emotional response' (within reason of course) but it's a constant thing that we affirm very frequently because she gets so worked up about how they feel about her and I get worked up because suddenly I think I could have really hurt them even after anticipating their response. Even after doing this for a long time, here I am up at 4am because I'm worried about other people's feelings arggh

[@davidl5504]

Sometimes I just say what pop's into my head and later after thinking about it, realize it was insensitive or cruel. In reality I couldn't be as mean or cruel intentionally. So after obsessing over it for way to long. I withdraw and go back to over thinking. I'm always thinking what is beneath the surface, instead of taking what people are saying at face value. I think it's because , when I speak to people sometimes. I need them to see the images in my mind to be understood. I'm so thankful for the people in my life that understand me the way they do. People that don't seem to judge and dislike. You probably heard it all before.

[@ninnakarla]

love the fireplace! i’ve been practicing prioritizing myself lately and it’s definitely a bittersweet feeling

[@getreadywithmemamma6973]

I feel like you should start being a relationship counselor, or wedding planner or something with high high FE and start using your super powers in a really intense way for an experimental period to see how it changes your analysis and to educate the less emotionally gifted?

[@infjelphabasupporter8416]

So I have no friends in highschool, only two who are very close outside. In gym today the teacher told a couple of other girls to add me to their team since I didn't have one, and one glance at the girls was enough for me to know they didn't want me there. So I went to the gym professor and told him: "Look, they'll be bothered with a third player in a game of two, they'll be uncomfortable, and then I'll be uncomfortable too. I don't want to disturb them." Cause I felt so guilty for spoiling their happiness.

[@timefortee]

This brings back bad memories hahha

[@ananyabengeri2074]

I am an INFJ and I have been raised in a toxic and abusive environment my whole life. Everything you've said in the INFJ videos is true. Thank you so much for making them. They have been of great help in times of crisis. Stay strong, take care and be safe!

[@Hermes2423]

It really is hard not to feel responsible for the emotions of others. I feel like it's an INFJ superpower to gracefully handle the emotional atmosphere that we find ourselves in. It helps to know ourselves as fully as possible before we can handle these things in order to not identify with other's emotions...great video FJ

[@chaoticbreeze6262]

It seemed as if you picked up the situations I faced, I'm glad many are on the same boat :')

[@andytheindividual3862]

This will greater help me understand my infj friend ( infp). Thank you! The world ain't easy on infj.

[@alignedandundefined]

I'm an INFJ who's been doing this A LOT over the last few years, and it's led to some emotionally manipulative situations. I've been doing a lot of work to overcome this recently, and it's been so freeing. Thanks for sharing, FJ. This is so timely for me.

[@Catherinzsl]

This is something that non-INFJs do as well, just probably to a lesser degree or frequency. So if your friends and family watch your vid, it's unlikely to be a completely alien concept to them. They might be surprised by the extent to which you think about/anticipate/take responsibility for other people's feelings, but I don't think they'd be like, "He does WHAT?!?!"

[@mikaelaalmeida3498]

My mom said to me "you are the only person who ever understood me" and that's a good thing. Our weakness are our strengths too! We just need to mature ❤️ Thanks Frank for the awesome content!

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

Awwww!

[@ArtistIntuiting]

Everything you say in this video I do too. I find it incredibly difficult not to worry about other peoples feelings, definitely a lot of extra energy and stress. I really don't enjoy making decisions that others might not be happy with. ''Missing one persons possible reaction now I need to double down'' ..yup lol. Really great video Frank!

[@noemirodriguez9137]

I love your authenticity Frank. And as a 9 on the enneagram, I can relate to what you said a lot.

[@ktash8937]

I am so guilty of this, and it IS exhausting. And yet, when I find myself trying to let go and be “selfish” and “cold” by not caring about people’s emotions, it tends to backfire. I completely get where you’re coming from. It’s almost a catch 22. (And now I’m worried if my comment is just rambling and too long! Doh!)

[@dreamyotter6982]

I needed this in this particular time.

[@veronicarenee91]

Fellow INFJ here, these videos are validating more than anything which I'm grateful for. I've spent my entire life in my head and these just remind me that there is a very tiny group out there just like me. It makes me feel a lot less lonely ☺️

[@221BSam]

YES! I am part of a family that is completely emotionally unavailable, I learned from a young age just to repress, repress, repress... a couple of years ago I met this guy who was so open & honest about his feelings. We became really good friends, he was like seeing sunshine for the first time as, I’d never had a close friend. It made me realise, I have spent years pretending to be someone I’m not, I used to react in a certain way & drive myself crazy waiting for his reaction (email or text). And he was always cool, because he understood where it came from, which was so refreshing... we fell out (my fault) & he hasn’t spoken to be now in almost two years, I miss that everyday 😔

[@songbirdforjesus2381]

At 70, you've overcome a lot of the negativity and feel like you're whole and still have the best part functioning altruistic and caring for yourself

[@ua2381]

I do that all the time! If anyone misunderstands a post and it seems like their feelings are hurt I'll bend over backwards to validate them, apologize and feel so guilty even if I get lots of likes from others. Then I delete the original post so no one else might get triggered or upset and take so much care in future posts. I guess they're right. I really am an INFJ-T.

[@Klehan]

ENFJ here and I feel this hard.

[@kjokjojessica]

I personally have found it hardest around close ones. This video reminded me that there's nothing wrong with me having a good day even if nobody else around me is.

[@yuui9987]

actually, you waiting for commercial break is so INFJ-ish, like being considerate of everyone's effort. and yes, sometimes, their feelings are just.. we just know rt? So I have been struggling with that stuff but now it is rly heartwarming for me to know that I am not the only one who is facing it. Well, we can't change or avoid reaction, what we can change is our reaction on them. and Thank you FJ

[@ims2581]

Early squads!!

[@DiscoveryWonders]

What is wrong with me...I read "squirrel " 😅

[@dotdashdotdash]

@@DiscoveryWonders dyslexia.

[@ims2581]

Paulina HR 😂

[@tiffany5575]

Hey Frank! Great “Thoughtful Thursday “ topic. As individuals, adult individuals, we are responsible for our own emotions. Don’t try and be actively callous or mean but if you are interacting with someone in an open and honest way (aka: having tact), stop worrying. Also, as adults, just communicate your feelings. As much as I’d like to think that I’m a mind-reading, I know I’m not and don’t expect anyone else to be. Communicate...it makes life easier.

[@BiRainbow29]

This is the reason why I listen to "Let It Be" and "Hey Jude."

[@morghan_]

The timing of this is amazing. I was just telling my bestie that if I make a certain decision a lot of people will be upset with me. But I am assuming, I don't know that to be truth. Thank you for being bold enough to challenge us all to grow as people and not simply use our MBTI as an excuse.

[@eveshiver1260]

Thank you for helping with understanding myself, my personality 😊🙌

[@Jazz-zu1jl]

I wish I could just stop doing it, but I think it's rooted in me, I'm naturally this way, I don't even realise that I'm trying to figure out what people feel because of what I did or didn't do, what I said or didn't say. You realised very quickly that you were doing it on camera regarding your friends and family, that's impressive. I hadn't even noticed because it seems so natural to me. I feel emotionnaly drained, and guilty all the time. I struggle to acknowledge myself as a good person because I often feel like I never act how I should. It's exhausting.

[@agag16]

Frank this is your life! So do whatever makes you happy. The right people will love you.

[@wasabiwarabi]

It always truly amazes me how spot on you are about INFJs. I know you are one, but how you convey it is perfect. Everything you said is painfully true and part of why I prefer being alone. Over time I've at least started saying no to things I don't want to do and guessing how every person I talk to feels. It can be agonizing fighting against your intrinsic nature, but ultimately I'm happier when I succeed.

[@Rabbit-285]

Thank you for addressing this, I’ve been really struggling with this lately 🖤

[@caitlunsford2440]

the thing about taking people at face value is something ive been working on foreverrrr!!!! really glad i saw this video because i needed that reminder to get back on that!!

[@anasofiar.martinez3839]

Dear FJ, you stole my heart and that is the only feeling you should take responsability for....

[@mikaelaalmeida3498]

I am an INFJ and I just met an INFP... I never felt so responsible! I don't wanna know what other people fell to protect my energy, but it just come to me!