The Narcissist's Family Cult

[@InnerIntegration]

I'm no longer offering one-on-one coaching sessions so I've partnered with BetterHelp, an affordable online therapy portal where you can get matched with a licensed counselor who specializes in abuse and trauma. - Get 10% off your first month with this link: betterhelp.com/innerintegration

[@dkiwi2839]

So you do that spill, then just dump and go. I know y think you done something

[@Sigma_Sage13]

@@dkiwi2839 Why are you insulting her? She's still offering help on a different platform. She has a life as well.

[@yonataneliyahu6318]

This episode is absolutely “nail on head” and 100% accurate. I completely cut the individuals off and it has been very interesting to watch from a distance! A safe distance...

[@joshualavonobeyer9183]

Yeah well they can kiss my Ass!!! 1 of these family members.

[@joshualavonobeyer9183]

Lol it reminds me of my life! I can't go to,the bathroom with out these people causing this. As long as they know ....we are not,going to take this abuse anymores, me n,my fiancee don't want to,be involved nomores with these people and family. We dip out

[@shannonattridge7170]

Being an outcast in a toxic family is actually a gift. You just can't see it until later. Use it to create great art!

[@djahooyethiomiraabyssinia1739]

That's What Gave Me a Unique Vi22in life. N i Am Starting To Understand All The suffering

[@LiveByDesign]

Omg it’s such a gift …I’ve never felt so much peace in my life …it’s after separating myself that I really realized how much toxicity I was exposed to

[@blackbutterfly2310]

♥️🌹

[@sheldor73]

Wouldn't the gift be to not be born into a toxic family in the first place? I was born into very high toxic family and find myself impossibly stuck within those confines still.

[@spirituallygangtress3492]

@@sheldor73 yea, that was me. Remind yourself you’re the one that got out. Now bring your mind and soul that’s still over there with them to where you’re at and enjoy your new journey. It feels lonely but it won’t always be like that forever. ❤️

[@josephpress1235]

A high five to scapegoats and truth seekers of the family.Survivor and proud of it!

[@Joshdifferent]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@gjimenez155]

I feel the same way

[@c3909]

Thanks bro ! 😊

[@Onelove858]

❤🎉❤👏👏 Amen! I salute 🫡 you!

[@aprildawnmeans2663]

Ditto!!! 😊😊❤❤

[@koolbeans8292]

I was at an AA meeting one time when someone said, “keep coming back here where you’re treated like family.” Someone else cross talked and said, “No, you don’t want to be treated like family, that’s why most of us are here.” I agreed.

[@Marie_Laveau]

So true

[@miriamhavard7621]

☺️😏

[@vickijohorne9695]

😂 yeah! You don't want to be treated like family if it's going to be like the family you were treated like before, where you were expected to conform and kiss the Ring of the narcissist in the family, who held you to a higher standard but did not live up to it themselves. Selfishly gave you no voice. I heard something the other day which was that Christ never put anyone to the sword. He didn't judge, but he loved everyone and told us to love everyone. This is the kind of love that makes other people healthy, and it makes you healthy to Love in This Way. My phone is capitalizing letters for me as I used talk to text feature. I deeply appreciate her videos of inner integration. I do believe we have to go no contact for a while until we can see straight and then when we come back with old family members we can stop them in their tracks with gentleness of course, but tell them, "whoa! I don't subscribe to that way of thinking anymore. I have my own mind." And then make it a while before you contact or spend any time with them again. Also during the holidays, make sure that you set up some kind of way out or some kind of reason why you don't want to be there that long or cannot be there that long. This is to protect your sanity and your boundaries, which they will have no regard for. A person can only go gray rock for so long before they get sucked back into a toxic dynamic. Better to spend more time away than with others that are toxic

[@clarecarden8051]

😆😆😆

[@coreyanderson1457]

The way a family should be, wouldn't that be nice. Yes there are good families. I just got a horrible dealing of cards. No one should deal with this. I agree though! Thanks for sharing.

[@jenniferharris5534]

I was the golden child who became the black sheep. I set boundaries and they disregarded. I went completely no contact 10 years ago. Best thing I've ever done.

[@koscarlynn]

Hello Jennifer, I recently went no contact from alllll of my family and instantly felt the weight released🤍 and am a bit nervous on my next step, do you have any tips of what has helped you?

[@bebadoll68]

@@koscarlynn Hello if you don’t mind me adding my opinion, focusing on healing mind body spirit in a holistic approach. Investing time and energy back to once self, Invest your money and time on learning subjects you’re interested in. Also look out for the future you because no one else will🥲careful who you choose to spend your time with, good luck 💚

[@jeniferbaxter8547]

you give me hope that the golden child in my situation may find a way to escape!

[@anjaliv2117]

@@koscarlynn reparenting your inner child ..

[@danielegintonlandscapearch4953]

I just went no contact. Sounds like it’s worth it?

[@lindahollander3588]

Narcissists view themselves as the victims

[@InnerIntegration]

Very often they do! I did a video on the victim narcissist too.

[@tracy8591]

Linda Hollander it’s so true. Their distorted and disturbed heads believe ‘how dare you!’ You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you allow them to control you, you’ll lose yourself piece by piece and if you have your own identity they will also want to crush you and cry the victim simply for you wanting to be another human being deserving of respect and value. Either way, they will make sure to get their narc supply at your expense.

[@lindahollander3588]

@@tracy8591 5 Thank you tracy, i feel bettet now, for quite some time i felt guilt and blamed myself, i see its a common thing that happens to orhers not just me

[@rachelmartineau8102]

Linda Hollander So True!

[@angelacarleton9575]

Yes, they do and no amount of explanation except for one in which I wanted to finish high school but she had plans for me to marry when I had yet not finished high school. I was the "golden goose" in my family. I attracted people that would shower me with gifts and my mother would take them away or sell them to get money out of them. I tried to help her understand she could get a better job if she learned the English language but made excuses and I knew then at 11 years old my life will be full of problems due to a parent not facing responsibilities for her actions as I have already seen too much of that already. It hurts to think parents can be so cruel and unjust. What I learned was to be the opposite a loving, patient and compassionate parent to my two children. Both have turned out right. The unfortunate incident of my marriage is that I married a narcissist. I felt a strange feeling when my future husband and mother met - as if they knew each other. I didn't give it much thought. Since I had no knowledge of narcissist and what they were. I'm sorry I didn't learn this earlier.

[@laraoneal7284]

The scapegoat is always the TRUTH TELLER. If u are stay strong and GET OUT AND STAY OUT.

[@LadyBoBannon]

I escaped my ex and the ex in laws who were a narcissistic family. The mother, I suspect, has undiagnosed mental illness. She doesn't stay in reality for long and is always positive to the point of it being delusional. My ex and his sister would always say "Well that's mom." I thought something was off when I first met his mother but the ex and his sister just ignored it. There were no boundaries with the mother and her late husband, the ex's father. They would show up and walk into our house without notice. The mom bought and still buys toys for her grown kids like they are still 10 years old. It's like she is stuck. Around holidays we could not do our own thing or see my family much. His family took priority. When I came out with the abuse from the ex, his sister didn't believe me and the family circled the wagons around the ex. The sister scolded me for coming out with the truth about her brother. Image is important to them all. Imo they are jealous and envious I escaped their backwards messed up family cult

[@blacklotus3965]

Good point

[@nikkiscapegoat5662]

Lara O'neal very true! Much love and strength to all scapegoats!!! We are some tough people!

[@lyefree757]

@@LadyBoBannon Wow. I had a situation where inlaw mother and siblings had a Xmas gift polyana that excluded spouses. I spoke up and it was made to look like I was selfish and being a bitch and controlling. Im like spouses are always to b included. My husband is included and acts helpless. Im fed up. No one ever visits us we must go to them. Not anymore so now im super bitch. My mind is on the future. They will not change. Sad im just seeing this after 20 yrs. #help

[@pavanatanaya]

My older brother was made the scape goat in our dysfunctional childhood. He walked away as soon as his legs could take him. Immediately after he was gone, the goat horns were fitted onto me. It's taken decades to recognized the pattern, and I still fall prey to their crap, but I see it more clearly. For me, it's progress, not perfection.

[@wandacustance6734]

Mine would say “Family is Forever”. Oh no it is not, I left.

[@reddnewmillennium]

Wanda CUSTANCE LoL 🏃🏼‍♀️

[@MariaColomy]

"I'm not your friend, I'm your family. I don't have to treat you the way your friends do."

[@shellhill3142]

Good for you. You make your own family

[@Iulia958]

I recognize those words. “I am family and so are you so you should......(bla bla) act like this”

[@cookiecutter344]

Go girl, me too!

[@Mossyrocklove]

Exactly what I’ve experienced. Don’t ever point out a family member doing something wrong to you! They will all gang up and turn on you

[@dnk4559]

Yes this has been my experience.

[@bevmartin7483]

Yup, been there

[@legbreaker5376]

yep

[@sannajohanna5579]

My mistake, many times, has been to talk.

[@Dee-ln1ne]

Protecting the IMAGE of the family. SPOT ON.

[@melanie.l6282]

yes that's my mother who is the leader of the group

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

This is so true. I cut off contact with my parents in April because I was not going to tolerate being labelled paranoid any more. They defended their right to label me paranoid, they got angry with me that I didn't see this 'right'. I stopped contacting them. They aren't contacting me because they are so angry with me. I live near them unfortunately and my front garden was like a jungle. I wouldn't have blamed the neighbours for thinking it looked like a crack house. My dad who will not listen to me, who defends his absolute right to have called a CHILD paranoid, he came over and cut my grass. The back garden, accessible by side alley, he left that :D :D

[@meetdiamond]

My mother would get angry with my grandmother, her mother-in-law, when my grandmother would call the police on my father in his youth. He was violent our entire childhood and my mother did nothing (she was violent too and so was my grandmother--disordered people flock together), at least not seeking real law enforcement when it was needed because it was shameful later (she always took him back, they're still together to this day). One day he pulled a gun on my brother when my brother was a teenager and struck my father when he was trying to smash stuff in my brother's room. Somehow my grandmother found out and called the police when the incident was still happening. To this day, everyone is the most bothered by my grandmother calling the police because it was embarrassing rather than being bothered that my father demonstrated the kind of behavior that would pull a gun on a loved one in the first place. It's like they're all from another planet. My father is a psychopath, my mother is a covert narcissist. I was doomed.

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

Its all about keeping up the false image.

[@8no1likeme-infinitestar65]

Oh I know right!!!

[@o0Avalon0o]

It's funny how your narcissistic parent has perfect self control in public, but once alone he returns to his old, abusive habits.

[@laja6108]

Just goes to show they are perfectly capable, but ultimately too selfish to make it their regular state outside the public eye.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

When they don't appear to have self control, its really that they are trying to control you.

[@michellecollins290]

o0Avalon0o and mother 😂

[@doriswhite1348]

@o0Avalon0o, True. When I was in my teens my mother told me I was a, "street angle and house brat." She was describing herself, not me. Relatives we visited talk about how sweet she was. Not once she got home.

[@aGuyNamedEr1c]

My step father's dog and pony show around new people is funny. Then if they hang around enough they see the real deal and run for the hills.

[@melissah6235]

Him: Don't come back here anymore! Me: I won't. And I lived happily ever after.

[@nuriasanzgarcia5119]

He told me on chat "get out of here" ....

[@andrezinhogamer7208]

Hahahahaha

[@savedbygrace5422]

Wow this sounds so familiar it’s unbelievable!

[@a007girl]

He told me I am a crazy psycho I told him he was right and it would be safe for him to get far away from me

[@Imtoobizzy1123]

@Aise StarShine Me too, ten years ago. Never looked back. Best thing I ever did!

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

They definitely don't care about the pain they cause on you.

[@JacksTestimony]

God is Good brother

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

@@JacksTestimony you may be right.

[@Joshdifferent]

💯💯❤️❤️

[@stefaniaschannel]

They enjoy the high of Self-righteousness instead 😈

[@hannahriley8085]

When the enablers are members of your family, that's almost worse than the abuse

[@vivdoolan6846]

Absolutely agree, the invalidation and erasure of the abuse is almost worse than the abuse itself

[@tinamcgee8032]

Agree💯

[@AZDC99]

The enablers in my family could not wait to do the pile on being the cowards they were. I've lived 2300 miles away for decades... Yet here comes the orchestrated attack out of faux concern

[@naturalmystic111]

💯💯

[@heidipeters7174]

Absolutely. When you marry into this type of narcissistic/ cult family and the main narcs are your sister in laws and the flying monkeys/ enablers are your husband and kids it’s devastating. It’s all about their family unit. Anyone who discovered their game will be ground down and punished.

[@SomeGal]

"Start unsubscribing from the narcissists reality" - love that; only someone who has experience with this would understand what that means.

[@leahwarrior1734]

I fully understand where you are coming from! I left my own family at 16 years old and it took me a long time to break from the patterns which meant it carried on into my relationships. Finally after al these years although it’s tricky having to start your own life it’s better than the toxic energy that we have a choice as people to decide who we allow into our lives and realising our own self worth. It takes a lot of inner child work and self compassion and learning to trust ourselves and love ourselves enough to never settle with anyone who doesn’t merit our time. Feel free to to look me up where you can find interesting and uplifting stuff that I have created with researching to help people and motivate etc... I am “ The Wellbeing Warrior “ on tumblr. And to anyone who may be suffering during lockdown to practice self compassion and self nurturing and the little things that can help you amongst all the chaos! I love this woman so “ relative! “ Blessings to you and all who may read this I know your pain. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😇🕊💜🧘‍♀️🧘‍♀️

[@lilbraezyxxcupid]

yes yes yes. shut it down immediately. i like to just make the narcs in my family that i have to be around feel just ridiculous for the crazy things they say. things kinda like asking for the logic behind the gaslighting & lies. you can especially tell when they change subject, get mad, or struggle to find the words to say (which is usually when they get really mad). i started recording them sometimes when they are yelling lmaoo. i try not to let them know tho. i don’t approve of feeding the flame-each individual situation is different so nobody put yourself in danger pls.🥺💙

[@l.5832]

For years my narc mom would proudly say "I live in a world of my own". She would not recall any toxic thing she did to me. She said she only remembers the good things (she has done) but remembers any perceived error I have made.

[@leahwarrior1734]

@@l.5832 That’s exactly the games they play! I disowned my family! It wasn’t easy and at times it isn’t around Christmas and so on. But I will say, that my life is easier in other ways and the friends that I have are like my family. As they say; “ you pick your friends but you don’t pick your family.” I joke around saying that I got the “ booby prize!” with my family ha ha!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🕊💜

[@astrarai-thesobercoder]

The narcissistic family dynamic is abusive on so many levels. Growing up for me ( I'm 41, born in 1982), this information was not available via social media platforms. I knew the vibe was off and this video accurately explains what I experienced. I wuz always a truth teller and thus scapegoated 🤷🏽‍♂️ I'm glad I walked away from the toxic dynamic.

[@Dan-ud8hz]

The gossip: "Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, and small minds talk about people." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

[@marvelman8996]

Not entirely true... People are complex are therfore difficult to understand But yeah if you're talking about the gossip then yeah I agree

[@bereal6590]

Excellent quote 😊😊

[@NFTeve]

my family was always so petty

[@tinamcgee8032]

Excellent quote 👌💯

[@juliecarter2048]

Awesome!

[@go_off_Sis]

Everyone loved my mother and thought that she was great and funny. She terrorized my sister and I behind closed doors, while simultaneously favoring my sister over me. I thought I was insane because I was the only that saw what was going on...

[@WomanRoaring]

Kids at school thought my mom was cool, they'd call her Rosanne (she kinda looked like her) because she was "funny" when she made fun of me. She did yard duty weekly so they got to know her pretty well and her trying to be the cool mom by putting me down made the bullying at school even worse. my mom could be sweet and generous but to other people.

[@ladennayoung2939]

No. It sounds like she is a covert narcissist. That is what they do. Do what you have to do in order to protect your joy, peace, and sanity in Jesus name.

[@memelc5655]

Yep we got the belt

[@prove_it000]

same

[@ashleywfuller]

That’s very sad. That happened to our family except my sister was the one being abused and I was favored. I didn’t realize until recently. I moved on and buried it and never dealt with it. I went through a tough time that forced all those feelings out and I started to realize what rally happened. Terrible. The thing is I feel terrible, and at fault for it 😞

[@lanasmoore]

Do not expect alliances. The first one to appear will be seeking info to report back.. be careful.. be patient.. be happy and free.

[@datdapgotskip]

Nice one..just had to call out one of my disgusting family members on this. Digging for info acting like they care. Sick.

[@A.S2400]

Lana Moore yes they almost always are just digging for information to sacrifice to the narcissist "god "

[@aFoxyFox.]

What the heck is going on?

[@VivianFlowers1]

Wow I feel this comment deeply

[@notyourfrind9415]

Best advice ever given. Embrace the loneliness.

[@roman6135]

I’m the Black Sheep, because I speak out in my Family 🤭

[@wallaceclan72]

Greg Roman or the white sheep amongst the black sheep family.

[@Twiddledup]

Greg Roman I do too! Welcome to the club

[@samwinchester61]

Same here. Its a bit scary at times as you cant always predict the outcomes.

[@mattrussillo4587]

I guess we're a bigger Club than they would want to believe!

[@emmaanne5121]

Greg Roman good for you!

[@marialuamusic]

I’m no-contact with my entire family of origin. Best and hard3st decision of my life. My life now is unrecognisable , in a good way!

[@christianpulisic7784]

Maria Lua,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

[@izroda84]

Same here and after one year the joy is way more than the negative effects. Hold strong and keep ascending. Btw this change opened tha channel to bring a healthy partner in my life

[@jazbogideon7050]

Congrats!

[@Joshdifferent]

Same here! Whole family ! I pray you heal ❤️💯❤️

[@Joshdifferent]

💯💯💯

[@gibbyswife9218]

I cannot begin to tell you how bad it hurts. They don't care. This is EXACTLY what nobody will understand unless they have gone through it. It is debilitating. I am crying because I have never heard it put into words. Thank you for the validation. I am completely alone in this. Thank you for understanding.

[@chanb7168]

I understand you 100% and I too am alone in this!!! It is very very hard. I lean on God being the only One that I feel fully that I can...especially in those desperate moments when NO ONE understands!!! It is very hurtful. I watched one video last night that the guy said we have to realize we do not need their validation to live our lives. That was an eye opener. I knew how I was feeling but that put it into words for me that I truly needed.

[@gibbyswife9218]

@@chanb7168 Thank you for your heartfelt reply. I too, ask God for the strength to get me through. Thank you again, Chan B. 💞🙏🤲

[@chanb7168]

@@gibbyswife9218 You're very welcome!!!

[@gibbyswife9218]

@@chanb7168 💞

[@delagonz4295]

we are all alone together in this

[@Briar_Bear]

Can't tell you How much I heard "Honour your father and mother" cited at me by my mother trying to get me to behave and stay complacent in my abuse

[@Linda30189]

No where is it written to honor abusers.

[@Anabel002]

Yep, and if you disobey them, they'll scream at you "you call yourself a Christian?!?" as if being a Christian means absolute blind obedience to them like they're God.

[@kristinetompkins4261]

It also says, don’t frustrate your children.

[@alexischristopher2015]

Same with me. Amazing.

[@alexischristopher2015]

Also narcissists are worshipping themselves not God. They are their own God which is against the commandments. Naraccistist are incapable of worshipping God overthemselves. It is idolatry. ...of self.

[@airenmoonwolf2520]

The mantra of my parents was: "No one loves you like your family." I was relieved to find out that they were right!

[@mysticrose3543]

My narcissistic ex also said, " No one will ever love you like I do". I said, " I hope not".

[@airenmoonwolf2520]

@@mysticrose3543 Guess what? He's probably right! Isn't that amazing? I know I was soooo happy to learn that love doesn't mean people get to hurt you and you just have to accept it.

[@Chinni_C888]

this made me laugh out loud, so true :D

[@clairewolf6013]

When I discovered what being treated lovingly by friends was like, I was blown away.

[@bereal6590]

My mom! It's a very manipulative thing to say as it evokes insecurity that without them you'd not survive! In really we survived spite them

[@husnas.7772]

I was the daughter-in-law of a narcissistic family and I’m in awe at how accurate this is. My ex-husband was incredibly co-dependent and was and enabler of the mental abuse I got from them. At the end, he chose them over me and his daughter. My daughter and I have left and are starting over and I’m starting the healing process. All praise is due to God for giving me the strength to leave...many don’t and succumb to the abuse.

[@63mjandres]

Husna S. Going thru something similar with my in laws and listening to this makes my stomach turn.

[@sarahnushkaya4973]

Been there. Big hug and hat down to you getting out with your child..very brave. You already know but youre so much better off. 🌹❤️

[@newempressintown6371]

You did well, those are hard circumstances ❤️u have to “put the oxygen mask on yourself first” ( and your daughter 👍🏼🐯I wish everything going really well for you ❤️

[@loveheals6184]

ASA, Husna. Congrats on leaving; the effort to do so when surrounded by folks reinforcing the behavior is devastating. I wish you consistent, healthy, loving support and solidarity. May your courage be continually rewarded. I'm the daughter of two narcissistic parents and in my case, as a firstborn and child of immigrants, the level of emotional and psychological abuse has been so damaging. I'm trying to get healthy after feeling like I've wasted my whole life trying to please them yet remaining the scapegoat. May God help us all.

[@stacybenton2011]

Husna S. I am dealing with a similar situation. If you need someone to talk to I would love to connect. Send an email to [e-mail]

[@amandaostaszewski8520]

"This is the fight of your life..." You got that right.

[@rockmetalgoddess5009]

It is.

[@27boof]

Absolutely!

[@Hephzibah-eq9kr]

Definitely

[@stephaniet9264]

That's why I have little tolerance for people who react negatively when I tell them I had to let go almost all of my family. I get the canned response "But they are your family!" even though they have no idea what I've been through. For years, the so-called matriarch of my family influenced almost everyone in a toxic way. She set traps, lied, manipulated and everyone followed her. I finally woke up and and realized the game she played. When I chose to speak up, I became the classic scapegoat. That's fine, I'd rather be the scapegoat than the blind sheep running over the end of the cliff following a mad pied piper. Just because we share some DNA doesn't automatically make them a good fit for my life. Now I choose my family in the form of friends. Thanks Meredith.

[@kathyh4804]

We can pick our friends but not our family has been my motto We can’t be abused anymore

[@JCredible86]

Even though I do not know you I truly am proud of you. It takes a very strong and wise person to first be aware of what is happening, process it and then make the decision to free yourself.

[@suecollins3246]

Yes, I agree - you SHOULD be proud of yourself. I think it was George Burns who said 'there's nothing like a close, warm, caring, loving family - preferably on the other side of the world.'

[@suecollins3246]

AND - look at Kevin of The Royal We - he moved from California to St Louis Missourri to put distance between him and his wife's narcissistic family.

[@bullyingaffectslives]

I hate it when people say "But they're family...". I've been documenting my own vlogs of crap I've been going through as a way to get my truth out.

[@CaptPostmod]

"Build a new family" is exactly how people wind up in a cult. Running from an abusive family, people wind up joining an abusive faith community that love bombs them at first. It's good to find people. I'm just saying to be very, very careful when building a new family.

[@InnerIntegration]

Great point!!

[@judithprins7132]

Too right !!!

[@sage9836]

Yes, I almost got into a high control religious group while trying to build a family. Good thing the group had enough goodness to be gracious about my exit. That was wonderful of them, but I had read Steve Hassan, and I knew I had to go.

[@wellnative1]

CaptPostmod I sought out therapy. Both individual and group therapy. Best thing I could have done for myself.

[@stefaniamirri1112]

we have to be very very careful in every relationship..even at work, stating clearly loud our boundaries, throwing it there with nonchalance but making sure everyone heard it, cause otherwise so "trained in families" as we have been, outside that environment we can become prays of other narcissistic predators that smell our escape goat nature as vampires on the blood. sadly the Narcissism is so complex that we have also to watch out ourselves cause outside the main relationship in which we played the role of the scapegoats, we can even, OURSELVES THE VICTIMS... WE CAN TURN INTO NARCISSISTS too! ie in job places or into a new family relationship with our half.. so we have really to open up our minds and eyes and watch carefully at others and also at ourselves behaviours.. cause only the awareness of the repetitive patterns can let us broke the course fo this viral thing called NArcissism in our lives

[@primrosedahlia9466]

It took me years to be able to attract healthy people into my life. I had to heal and to learn to love myself before I was able to do that.

[@Seek_Him]

I'm Still trying to learn to seek healthy relationships... I'm in my mid 50s!

[@stanleymaestas5441]

@@Seek_Him right behind ya, am 45 I just realized my codependency sickness within last few months and starting the arduous recovery 😅🙏💪🙃

[@HeWhoFlewFromInwood]

Bless you

[@Giantfloatingballoonhead]

I’m in this place of my recovery now. I attracted so many unhealthy people because of deep rooted self esteem issues.

[@amycyr7877]

58 years old and completely free!! Amen! Free of family free of men free of friendships that consumed and sucked the life out of me!!

[@koolbeans8292]

Amy Cyr 👍 Going on 5 years for me. I’m 64.

[@jennilynmae]

That's awesome. Congratulations!

[@Chessica450-m3d]

Beautiful!

[@Shaun.is.typing]

🔥🔥🔥

[@BlackWolf6420]

She speaks so much truth. Once you find out, run and never look back. You don’t own them an explanation.

[@AsiahAaliyah]

Yup even though they’ll make you believe that you do. But you DO NOT. Leave these people in the dust. As long as they’re carrying out evil you don’t have to let them use your good against you. Go in peace.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Right.

[@Seneb8Khepera]

They accuse me of being the weakest link in the family anyway...

[@carriechampion3310]

They usually know why, they are just baiting you.

[@AnnaLVajda]

Yeah I almost married into a group like that it's so unsettling because they think it's normal and you are odd for not wanting to be a part of it. All enable one another smh.

[@Prlvrboi1]

One thing that has brought me some comfort is that it wasn’t personal and that it’s okay to be a loner.

[@yeahnahsweetas]

Hey that's a really good point thanks buddy

[@SL904BADGIRL]

Agreed

[@simplybiking]

Great point Carlos, it wasn’t personal. I like that.

[@regulardude7961]

Me too!

[@reikocool1]

What hes trying to say, i think, is to make solitude a best friend, therefore you're 1 step closer to finding you're true purpose in life. To untwist yourself from the pretzel that society wants you to be.

[@veganwolf3268]

Left my narcissistic family 29 years ago. Best move I ever made!

[@MaureenWHamblin]

I am the first person to ever wake up from my family’s toxic cultic behaviour 😩😩!! I’m glad but it is also quite lonely! None of my cousins or sisters see it!

[@beverlyhayshouston2770]

Hey Cuz! I’m here for you! Blessings from Tennessee!

[@ladennayoung2939]

Oh well you have to live for you in the mighty name of Jesus. Sometimes the Lord will choose us to break generational curses, and it can be lonely but we have to do His will in Jesus name.

[@crisl9079]

Feel ya. Same. God bless you!

[@user-ec8js3nc1p]

Yes very lonely

[@Jeb9221]

This describes my biological family perfectly. I was the scapegoat. Ran away 14 years ago and never looked back.

[@monnieholmes7113]

Smart

[@pennysharland5433]

I was the scapegoat too, I KNEW it, and I GOT it! So they called me paranoid! But actually I was perceptive, from about the age of 3!!!

[@oopsidazy143]

Penny Sharland WoW! Your story sounds exactly the same as mine. Paranoid? I can’t remember how many times l heard this. I was constantly bullied by my siblings, also gaslighted. The things they said still haunt me to this day. For some reason l thought it was part and parcel of being children who were trying to survive in a dysfunctional family. This was an ongoing nightmare. I recall these moments all the way back to when l first began school. All 3 eventually married to monsters and once again my nightmare became an ongoing dream. It’s been 6 yrs now and one of my siblings (gold digger & unemployed) has tried to connect with my child. Like WTF...

[@Shhways]

I went completely no contact. I wish i could remember but i blocked out so much of my child hood i really don’t remember much. I have been able in many ways reconcile and take my experience and use it to be better learn from it and grow as a loving caring person. Still have many issues but one thing I learned to do it discern my feelings from others and how to spot manipulation and manipulative people well.

[@leahwarrior1734]

I understand you and I was too a victim of this myself growing up!! I had to walk away and cut off certain ties with family members for my own peace of mind!!! It was the best thing I ever did!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🌷🌷🌷🌷🙏🏼🙏🏼💜🙏🏼

[@TheMonica82]

Yep! #Same! I knew "something" was not right in that hell-hole of a household! #Blessings

[@leahwarrior1734]

It’s great that this subject has over so many years finally being brought to the surface! It was such a “ taboo” subject! Blessings to you dear and have a great weekend 🙏🏼🙏🏼🌷🌷🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@adrieg1859]

No contact is the only answer if you want a happy and healthy life. This lady is right on target.

[@reikocool1]

@goduskychris Chris Godusky 'Grey Rock' & 'Observe Don't Absorb', '3 strike rule', 'The Refusal Method' These people start fires... You just need to know which ones to put out. Just think you're Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park & you're facing a T-Rex. He spots you... what do you do to keep from being eaten like the other guy? Or in another case... think that the hulk is running wild. You know you cannot stop the hulk... but you can slow him down. You've got a 'suit' for the occasion, Mr. Stark.

[@reikocool1]

@goduskychris Chris Godusky I know your ordeal all to well. Mine was rep. Payee of me for years w_o any sign of me attaining ownership after the smear campaign of my stepmom & him.

[@AZDC99]

@@reikocool1 not to distract from the guys dilemma, but I fired my parents from being my payee years ago. Isn't it funny how they go from acting like it's a burden to getting resentful that they do not have that control anymore? These people are about control. Actually, control is the wrong word for it. It's all about domination for them. It wasn't that way until I hit my forties and then all sudden my alcoholic mom is trying to demand I go to some rehab for drinking everyday and doing drugs a few times a month. As a friend said to their mom about a similar dilemma, "if it's so good why don't you go?!" CLICK...phone hungup. The hypocrisy of these monsters knows no bounds. In more ways than just one or two. Completely unbelievable As to the guy who says they can't move out, if you're from a expensive metropolitan area like I am, move to Phoenix or Austin or something. It's been two decades since I've been there and it's the best choice I ever made in my life. I moved out with only a seabag of clothes and a few other things. No money saved. But I figured the town out and it all worked out

[@jac1161]

That was very, very hard for me. Italian (culture matters) enmeshment, so it was very very hard since it meant parting from most of my family. And not married, no children....can seem very, very alone. I focus on my jobs, talents, passions, nature, gardening, teaching zumba, journaling, reading, etc. But wow....just, wow. Hard stuff.

[@robertandrocky5004]

Narc just moved in my appt complex , we also have kids together

[@LadyStudio1]

I spoke out against the sexual abuse I experienced as a child that landed me in the hospital and took me out of school for half the year. When my friend revealed the abuse on my sister's Facebook post, mother was notified. She told me I was a disgrace to the family and that what my friend did was taken as I don't want to be a part of the family. I responded to her and blocked her forever. The molester isn't the disgrace...the victim who spoke out is the disgrace. 😒

[@InnerIntegration]

It’s so messed up how they will defend the pedophile and the family image over everything else. I talked about this in a video I did called Divorcing The Original Narcissist.

[@bl7817]

Typical, and I'm sorry. I would also question how much of a "friend" someone is who discloses your private business on Facebook. Horrific boundary violation and betrayal of trust. Survivors of narcs also have a lot of trouble choosing real friends.

[@donnabamber9327]

His mother was leader..quote her..wait till you hear the latest..thrives on gossip..one thing I noticed was she never really laughed..my Mom had a contagious laugh..

[@brothajack1993]

Left my entire family at 22. Total no contact. No money or stability. Broke up with gf as well. Was a rocky 2 years afterwards but now solid healthy and have loving sincere new family and money again. Solider on. Life gets considerably better. Brand new universe i am in right now and life is beautiful despite a rough beginning. Great video

[@longhairdontcarealwaysslay6232]

new family? explain please....

[@kathyh4804]

Awesome!!:)

[@ilovemexoxo5720]

How did u go homeless...how did u get to the shelter?

[@angelacarleton9575]

You are so "strong" may God Bless You for your successful journey out of this maze of narcissist family cult. I wished I had the nerve when I was at least 18 years old but didn't. So glad you got out early on and are now happy. Take care and be careful - because one can attract those that are a narcissist because I did and married one without realizing it at that time. That was a bad experience.

[@brothajack1993]

@@angelacarleton9575 Thankyou kindly. Yes I met many narcissists post family break up. Many, many narcissists. But the past 3 years has been a full on apprenticeship of direct experience in knowing how to handle them. I know what I say now might be hard to believe, but narcissists are incredibly easy to manipulate and deal with. I get a laugh out of them and their sense of self importance. I dont feel threatened around them any more or on guard. I dont seek them out either I avoid them. But when they come round its easy to play with them. Above all listen to your gut feeling. If someone makes me feel repetitivly bad i dont see them any more.

[@AnitaD28]

These people are demons. Evil psychopathic behaviors.

[@annamarie8168]

That’s the conclusion I’ve come to...

[@melanie.l6282]

i agree so much there should be a law to punish those criminals

[@chrisgould101]

I eventually arrived at this too. They are possessed quite literally. An empty shell

[@satchsatch33]

@@sailingaeolus Me too !

[@ZFern9390]

and there are A Lot of them

[@tx-sweet-pjg3547]

This was my first thanksgiving without my narc family, and it was a wonderful relaxing, beautiful day 🤗❤️

[@InnerIntegration]

Yay!! I’m glad you had a wonderful holiday without them.

[@Ozma337]

tx-sweet-p JG mine too! It was great!

[@vibrantspirit5403]

Yes, I did the same thing. It was sooo peaceful. I'm doing the same thing for Christmas, okay.

[@laraoneal7284]

tx-sweet-p JG Good got you. Yes we have peace after getting away from them. I don’t let anyone in my life that resembles my family either. I let a neighbor in as a friend but within Less than 6 mos I had to tell her to stay away.

[@laraoneal7284]

Good FOR you (correction) not got.

[@nomorepowderpuff]

Truth!!! ♥️ It's madness. The triangulation is horrendous. Escape before the toxicity kills you.

[@Frederique41]

I was feeling guilty about not contacting my abusers. I happy to know that I must protect myself and my family from them. 💗💜💕💖

[@AsiahAaliyah]

Yes so important! I don’t want my husband to have to deal with my crazy narc fam and I definitely don’t want my future children to either.

[@arnettabosby5100]

Yes I would talk to my mom for hours on the phone. Did I want to be on the phone ?? No but didn’t know how to get off the line. Then I would go weeks without answering. When I did finally pick up, I lied. Oh you know I was really busy and didn’t feel well..... or whatever. Then she would call next day and I didn’t answer. She would call all day long and leave threatening messages. It was so sad. So one day I didn’t answer and it’s going on four years. But believe me she still tries.

[@Butterflyyyy9]

@@arnettabosby5100 I just block them from calling me

[@arnettabosby5100]

@@Butterflyyyy9 yeah I changed my number and I don’t know how she got it but they are all blocked again. It’s been four years.

[@dyvette29]

Yessss!!! So truth!

[@toughgirl6837]

I grew up as a scapegoat. I understand this dynamic so well.

[@sensate444]

Yes, now I am a scapegoat.

[@PortraitofAsha]

Me too

[@itswhatyoumakeit6950]

It's hard to wrap your head around how insidious they really are, it's hard to imagine.

[@patriciaclark1492]

true and others who didn't experience what you did even though in the same family will never understand or believe you.

[@gisellegradvohl7654]

@C J there is a effect meditation where you view your parents as little children, you see what they went through, and you hold them and forgive them. They were most likely abused as well and have all done "the best they can" with their broken spirit. It helped me. I hope it helps you.

[@HighSpeedNoDrag]

It was difficult to understand or even imagine in the beginning. Now, F@ck No.

[@iamasoldierofgodkingofking1244]

It makes you fight yourself as well as them trying to stay in the truth. It's hard to imagine how this seems to be enjoyed by the family.

[@annemccarron2281]

@@patriciaclark1492 I know, that's one of the most painful experiences for me. I am an honest person. I have no need to lie & even if I did, I would not.

[@andyrunkel8296]

Absolutely spot on. "One of the most difficult decisions of my life. One of the best decisions of my life. My only regret is that I didn't do it SOONER!"

[@scarystarbeing5932]

I just went no contact today. Finally! A huge weight has been lifted. This was my Christmas gift to myself. Wish me luck with my recovery.

[@bucklesmagee3806]

Just remember no contact is something that most likely has to be maintained as gaslighting and "hovering" pops up even decades later. Most likely you're contacted ad your abusers come upon needs for which they need a slave, unpaid slave as a caregiver , ect. Research and read others long-term experiences. To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

[@seekingmyself5770]

Good luck - stay strong and don't respond when they start trying to pull you back into their web. Eventually, they'll give up. It's been two years this year for me, and I saw there was a missed call from my narcissistic parent's number on my birthday. I blocked it. I hope he finds someone else to scapegoat, because I've had enough. As long as you continue to maintain n.c. you'll continue to feel better and better.

[@voicebistro2726]

Good Luck. You can do this.

[@r011ing_thunder6]

update?

[@Tropicalpisces]

💪👍

[@genxmum5569]

I married into this family. They had me fooled for years. They all covered up for each other. Definitely no boundaries!

[@anneoftheland1658]

I know the feeling.

[@rakeshbhansali4907]

Same here! These bastards extreme..

[@bernardoromero1825]

I hope my son gets out soon before things get worse especially the children.....

[@Comeswoopfam]

Me too, I disappeared like hudini too lol

[@Butterflyyyy9]

@@bernardoromero1825 Yup

[@brianmastel8575]

Ive already left my narcissistic "family" i dont trust anyone of those psychos.

[@Butterflyyyy9]

Yup them snakes will bite you

[@jsf8145]

Yep. Vindictive spirits will gossip about you and then smile to your face acting as if they "love" you and care for you deeply. Yet, if they cared for you, then why constantly trash your name all over town trying to "punish" you for having self respect and rejecting their arrogant behavior towards you.

[@homedecorescents1825]

I left as well. Out of 5 siblings only the golden child is left and she keeps her distance from my parents as well and remains low contact. However to them, she can do no wrong. They would invite her out for mother’s or Father’s Day and exclude everyone else. They would use the excuse that she just happened to show up at their house. My narc father one year took everyone to dinner. When the bill came,, he told the server he was paying for everyone except myself, my boyfriend and my daughter but paid for my sister and her partner. He did that on purpose to humiliate me. The anger is coming out now which is a good thing. I’m done with these jackwagons for parents.

[@nadiranorjahan]

@@homedecorescents1825 Oh, God! So glad you left that situation!!!

[@lexwilson2730]

I've only had my husband, he saw how things went down. I am so thankful for him, he has kept my head above the water. 🙏✌❣️☀️🙏

[@luckyduckydaisyflower2344]

Be careful have more than one friend

[@taraarrington2285]

❤

[@Hawaiiansky11]

And I bet they hate him for it. God bless you and your wonderful husband. Thank God for our sanity anchors!

[@KarinMYearwood]

This is right on time for me. I've set boundaries for my family. Skipped a 100th birthday party. Did Thanksgiving on my own. Funny thing is no one called or reached out to see if I was really okay. Speaks to the family dynamic of "group think." I'm okay with that. They can keep that toxicity. ✋🏾

[@InnerIntegration]

Great job opting out!

[@wellnative1]

You go Girl! 🙌🏼👍🏼❤️

[@babsychicky]

@@InnerIntegration can u help me im realy strugling with this im all for no contact with narcasist but what happens when that person dies? I never lost full contact+was relieved as when they pased as i would of strugled so luch more with soo much regret i was thankful for those few good times ..please share ur thoughts Meridith

[@joshua3392]

Karin,amen to that sister!.You sound awesome.You called it "group think".Ill remember that.Thats new for me.It speaks volumes how they ain't gonna do nothing because it's simply the right thing to do.No,they wont lift a finger unless they think the snake pit approves.And that shows us who's who.A moral compass of integrity will reach out in sincerity and wont care who is hair lipped.But the spineless coward enablers tell on themselves by hiding under in the bed in their silence.

[@KarinMYearwood]

daisys time thank you for your encouragement. Yes, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Hope you did too!

[@Guitarluvar84]

People like you making films like this ARE my validation. My only validation. Thankyou

[@RosieHollowayLondon]

Reuben Fryer I know xxx

[@sideswiped6874]

I know just how you feel, with me it's a ball of tacks in my gut

[@SS-pz6wj]

We believe you. ♥️

[@stillness4610]

@@ivanivkovicmusic YES. You can and you MUST. For the sake of yourself and anyone who may question why you left enough, to wake up themselves. We did it. You can do it! Find real friends and remember that there is a difference between "relative" and "family".

[@jhallthemc]

Spent Thanksgiving all by myself and it was fine by me. Let them have all the ridiculousness at family functions. I want peace

[@InnerIntegration]

Amen!

[@nikksenior1149]

I spend my birthday and Christmas alone I can't stand the fakeness and the minipulation

[@ksize3147]

Calm not chaos. Alone is different from lonely.

[@HotSeat17]

Me too! It was fantastic!!!

[@involuntarilycelebrate]

Thanks for not giving them the gift of your time. They don't deserve it!

[@AZDC99]

9:30 "Those people (enabling the the abuse) may or may not be disordered, but they're definitely TOXIC if they're covering up the abuse." Very well said!

[@garettpringle9899]

Got out 5 years ago and every word you say is true. The further I get the more I have done well for myself by getting that constant talk out of my head. We hear the words toxic so much thrown around but its like a cancer we don't realize is in there. Once we lean in to the loneliness and the horrors of orphaning ourselves we detox this kind of crap and crappy people we couldn't recognize earlier in the game. I swear I didn't even have to do much; life just kinda got in there and moved me by default. No way my narc tank family would have allowed me to finish my degree and start making good money for myself. They would have sabotaged me or had me do it myself. Always thought I was not good in school. I was a big daydreamer the teachers said but now I know it was disassociation from all the chaos at home. Lack of concentration is one of the biggest symptoms of CPTSD. I read some books on it and learned how to 'lean in' to the loneliness and stay present. What a perk on top of everything else to realize I'm a book smart too now. I really thought I was just dumb and stupid. They know by now I'm serious five years later and I know they creep and i NEVER DO. Totally desperate to get me back into the frey and I couldn't care less to be bother to finish the story. All I can say is No Contact seriously saved me from murder or suicide and that's not multiple choice.

[@InnerIntegration]

Thank you for sharing these encouraging insights with others! It’s amazing how much life changes on the flip side of narc abuse.

[@IrinaCastilloMusic]

Wow, I can relate to this so much! I always thought I had ADHD because I couldn’t concentrate on anything longer than 15 minutes. Now I can read a book in one sitting without trouble. It‘s crazy how crippling this form of abuse is, I hope more people find out about this, it’s so helpful and life-changing 💙

[@tracy8591]

They don’t want you to really succeed. They want to keep you dependent on them. Healthy families raise healthy children to send out to the world and make decisions for themselves. Narcs are terrified the day their adult children/family may see red flags within the family and actually act on those warnings signs. They also never expect it to happen, they are too arrogant and caught up in their distorted world to believe we would actually walk away.

[@garettpringle9899]

Thanks to you Meredith. Been a fan for years.

[@crystalmorgan9118]

Garret I know the feeling

[@CandySoulAndSoil]

No contact with my mother and siblings was the most important thing I’ve ever done. It was the only way to healing ❤️

[@InnerIntegration]

Amen!

[@josephg1855]

Me too! I wish things were different, but I’m happier being away from those demons. I was the scapegoat for all their bad decisions in life.

[@mm669]

For me, the sibling abuse was the most hurtful betrayal. When my mom got Alzheimers, I thought I could finally have the sisters I always wanted, the ones that popped out over the years with the love bombing, boy was I wrong. All the claws came out to see who would take mom's Narc throne. I got away. Don't be gullible like me and fall for this trap.

[@julietteyork3721]

I was the scapegoat and truth teller in my narcissistic abusive family. Your description of the traits of a narcissistic family are painfully true. I went no contact over a year ago and trying to recover from a lifetime of abuse. They destroyed my life and it took me a lifetime to get out. I wanted to protect my kids from them. They took my life but I didn’t want them to take theirs.

[@DoubleRainbows-fp6ih]

@Juliette York Same here...up till 55. I'm finding EMDR EXTREMELY helpful... Like...I'm starting to feel They are crazy and so cruel. Hopefully as it works more & more I will just see them as pure crazy alone & pitiful for believing total Bullshit....like spoonfed babies with no minds of their own.

[@amberdawn1244]

I didn't understand what was going on till it was too late. They got my son & he overdosed in October 2016! But now, I'm writing a book about it, & hopefully will honor my son's memory by helping others learn about this!

[@joncena168]

Best wishes friend. Peace and love to you

[@fifilafleur5555]

Amber Dawn, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I am just wondering if they were the cause of your son’s passing. Prayers and condolences for you. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@marthadwyer2856]

62 years old and broke away, such a fantastic feeling almost Undescribable

[@transcendcapitalism]

the thing about them categorizing any disagreement as an attack is so spot on

[@laraoneal7284]

I’m the oldest of 7 and the ONLY ONE WHO LEFT AND I LEFT PERMANENTLY. You’re very fortunate to even have one ally. I gave up looking for allies. No one and I mean no one gets it. I’m the only one also who is red pilled. You’ve done an excellent job here articulating this dynamic.

[@LouiseHansenDrawing]

Perhabs you saw through the fake merry-go-rounds of "lets bully everyone we percieve as below us"... I escaped such conditioning aswell being the oldest of 5 siblings and I so resonate with not having anyone on your team. I just broke it with an abusive ex and live in a homeless facility feeling targeted by staff members and abusive/low vibrating people living here.. Its a bizarre show and I dont know about you, but they literally try destroy everything you hold dear.. If your having a bad they, rest assure they are gonna try to bring you even lower. Dont let anything bring you down honey, they are the ones with the problem. You got heart support from all other scapegoats/survivors. They might fool eachother, but those who see this game and chose to live by higher morals, well they can't fool us. Like.. They associate for attention, we live by principles. Atleast that how i see it.. I wish i lived in a community with solely scapegoats. What a non toxic, peaceful, creative, empathic loving environment that would manifest 💜

[@Irene-gq4jr]

My cousin went aggressively no contact and got shit talked no end. By the time this happened I'd already moved across the country and had little contact with a good excuse, visiting only because my mum was such a loving woman and I was everything to her and vice versa, although I did see her as 'weak' when it came to standing up to my grandparents, who had a very damaging influence on mum and her sisters. They also said some dreadful things to me when I was young and I remember them with crystal clarity even though they denied it when I called them on it as an adult. My cousin and I were able to keep in touch because I'd distanced myself too, and while we hardly live in each other's pockets these days I get why she spat the dummy out and we can talk frankly. This helped me realize I wasn't just an ungrateful freak. It's also looking very likely that I'm on the autism spectrum, double whammy, and with no good role models to learn correct behaviour from in this respect (autistic girls really need to watch and copy) I've had one fucking terrible relationship after another until I finally did enough research into my behaviour, applied it and met Mr Right a few years ago. Fortunately I found my career niche as an IT geek so all was not lost and I have otherwise had a good life.

[@toughgirl6837]

Lara O'neal I grew up with nine kids. I was scapegoated in my family because I was a truth seeker. I didn't buy into their "l'm perfect" narrative. I paid a high price for telling the truth.

[@Irene-gq4jr]

@@LouiseHansenDrawing I've no doubt you already know this, but it's worth reiterating for those who may not... tell them NOTHING about your private life or your current insecurities. Niceties such as "How are you today?" require the upbeat response "I'm good! How are you?". Don't feed the trolls, rise above it. Even if you aren't feeling great, keep it to yourself until you get the chance to speak to someone you KNOW you can trust. Not everyone is a narc but some may be damaged in other ways and inclined to want to keep you down to make themselves feel like they are not such a loser. I'm not even sure about counsellors or mental health professionals, for the reason many are drawn to this work is often that they're pretty screwed up themselves. When I bolted from a dangerously abusive relationship nearly 20 years ago I was fortunate enough to be able to lodge with a dear friend while I found a new place to live. She was going through a very sad relationship breakup with a lovely man who has bipolar disorder (initiated by him), and our mutual support and regular tears of laughter and occasional, inexpensive nights out just being girlies again helped us both heal, as well as helping us both transition financially. I write this with love to you and everyone else who is going through such an experience.

[@juliana20741]

Coincidence, Im one of 7 too. Whole my life, I could not understand the toxic dimensions of the family. From golden child to scapegoat, I learnt it harder way.

[@mdaze9753]

My mother was a covert narcissist. I spent my entire childhood listening to her gossip on the phone about her children to her "friends". As we got older, she would call each of us to "see how we were doing" only to call the next sibling to tell them all about you. ... So the scenario would be ... Your mother calls you with the false pretense that she cared about YOU but the conversation revolved around another family member. .... This left you feeling abandoned by your mother and resentful to your other family members. I didn't realize this until I was speaking with a cousin, who had just had a baby, and my aunt (my mother's sister) was being attentive to her. I remarked that my mother would never show me support or encouragement. Her response was ... Are you kidding? She never shuts up about you! My mother's tag line ... I just wish all my children would love each other and get along. LOL

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

It is amazing. My mother did and said the same thing. I could not figure out how I was feeling I never got any support or encouragement. I thought it was something wrong with me. Now I know why I pulled away from my mother. It is important that I know that I did that and for me to know why.

[@mdaze9753]

@@CynthiaSchoenbauer I am sorry you went through it too. To me, I felt extremely embarrassed and hurt. As a result my dissociation "skills" were established before I could tie my own shoes. There are HUGE gaps of my life that I cannot remember. It is amazing how some parents use innocent children for their own satisfaction. They are the sick and twisted ones. Take Care -- You are not alone 💜

[@InnerIntegration]

M Daze how similar our mothers are!

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

@@mdaze9753 Thank you so much. I feel less abandoned and I realize more that good people and healing experiences provide the antidote to the poison that we are carrying around in our hearts. When we know what we are looking for and we know we deserve that, then we can have those wonderful things happen. Embarrassed is what I have been for so long. And hurt to my core!

[@garettpringle9899]

Holy shit you just DEFINED my mother.

[@MagusNecronomica]

I’ve just cut my family out tonight. This has been an awfully hard and emotional journey but I’ve never felt more hopeful for my life ahead. Just weeks ago i felt suicidal every day due to the daily gaslighting and emotional abuse from my toxic parents. But no longer. This is my life now, I’m not a puppet for them to show and boost their narcissism for.

[@seekingmyself5770]

Stay strong with no contact, Ryan. You'll feel better every day. I haven't felt like dying in ages, and I used to think about it all the time, though I never tried.

[@zinnia3684]

Write a list of all the good character traits you have and all your accomplishments and review it often. Remember to never call yourself names. You have been set free.

[@pigeonlovebird]

Ryan Dopson good luck, make sure you get help in therapy and heal your soul - my mom was a narc and I was raised by her alone I’m so happy she’s out if my life.

[@leighatkins22]

You are now your own sovereign person!!! Congratulations!!! May we present to the world "King Ryan of the land Dopson" XD Anyone who wishes to enter this land must now act in accordance with his laws and honour its boundaries. They must use the currency that he alone has chosen within its bounds (may i suggest due respect & non-presumptuousness of any kind) & disregard of these laws will be met with a prompt deportation accompanied by a souvenir bootmark to show your friends! We ask that you permit King Ryan a traditional grieving period though, as he has just lost his family to a tragic "accident". Long live King Ryan... onya mate :)

[@bronwyntanner4501]

It is so hard. There are days when you think that things were not as bad as you thought they were. They were!! Hang in there.

[@jeynjohnstone5917]

As someone with the personal experience of a narcissistic family, it's obvious to me that you really know your stuff. Thank you for providing valid directions. 😌

[@ambycakes]

Best decision I’ve ever made was going no contact. It’s absolutely insane how a family will have a cult mentality and you’re somehow the problem when you literally just live your own life yet others can be abusive & dysfunctional and they’re somehow doted over. I moved overseas and I’m finally feeling peace. Let them have their topic of gossip. It’s none of my business. I’ll be building myself up they can go drink and enable each other and blame me because the golden child died from drug abuse. Cause somehow that was my fault. Please go no contact and know you’re not the problem.

[@Twiddledup]

Amby I am happy to hear im not the only one in this world to feel like I have to move overseas in order to survive mentally! My mother is a narcissist and ever since I was a child and can remember things, she tried to turn my siblings against me; she has always played the victim for things wrong in her life: she’s now 76 years old; and to this day, she can sit among us and say GOD HAS FORGIVEN HER SINS FROM EAST TO WEST; and she’s saved thru the GRACE OF GOD; yet when I hear these words I CRINGE, because how can one still have an evil vindictive heart; turning her on children against one another and hanging her purse strings over their heads? I know my siblings see her behavior but are in too much fear to speak up for themselves!

[@pn1188]

Same I moved country. My golden child sister saw an instagram post via a fake account and she told my parents my exact location when i went to enroll in the other country's but university without my parenys knowing I don't care I was the one to gaslight them this time and tell them another story😂😂

[@freebird5469]

I moved from U.S. to England when I was 23, and lived there for 4 years. I didn't move there to get away from them, but It was such a HUGE relief to not have to be around them, and to be away from their toxicity! That was the beginning of the end for my relationship with them. I freed myself, and went permanent no contact with all of them, after moving back to U.S and living here around them again for 10 years. That was 17 years ago. Never once have I missed any of them, or questioned my decision, not even for a second!

[@catherinesinclair7727]

@@Twiddledup your mother is perhaps misunderstanding...repentance is what God releases in us when we realise the awfulness of our own behaviour..a deep transformative sorrow, a going to Him for healing of the core pain that causes us to mistreat others..and once healed a true desire and ability to stop abusing others..that's repentance..a turning away from being an abuser. It is a profound awakening. She needs healing of her core wounds...that's the start

[@porshacook552]

Honestly one thing people should take away from this is going no contact is literally one of the most empowering decisions you could make. Going no contact with my narcissistic mother and my sister (flying monkey very very toxic) was the BEST choice I’ve ever made and I can’t stress how much emotional growth awaits you when you get out of that toxic environment. Great video love your advise 💕

[@bethmund9023]

Me, too. thank you for the validation

[@AStef-tl8yj]

Same here. NC for one year... Found my pride and sanity!

[@indiesindie1984]

Totally!

[@Agibbons69420]

Porsha Cook did this a week ago

[@mallory5872]

If you get out don't ever go back.

[@hodaka1000]

Been away for about 7 years now but still have like flash backs to the evil abuse.

[@beijaflor1908]

why n how do i love n care for certain ill insane ppl who seem to not love nor care for me....?! i don't want to. i need not to. i kicked em all out, except for certain blood relatives.... even tried to kick them out too, out of utter way too long overdue necessity.... yet it seems at least 2 ish slithered back in somehow just to continue chronically harming using abusing neglecting manipulating perpetually perpetrating etc etc.... UGH UGH .!!. ****

[@GirishVenkatachalam]

Yes come what may whatever the price never ever go back

[@EmpressLexxASMR]

I’m trying to get me and my son out now. I’m tired

[@Morrosoy28]

I grew up into a group of narcissist cults-my parents are both narcissist and most of my dads siblings have their own groups-it’s a bubble you cannot burst from the inside-it took 20 years of therapy for anxiety/stress. I don’t understand why my different therapist never told me-I would have saved years of therapy

[@arbuznafiji]

Neither my therapist told me, until I ended up in psych ward because of total paranoia from cptsd (now I know) that the psychologist over there was shocked to hear about my mother and how dysfunctional she was and that was me realising first time in my thirties that my mother is not saint and the best mother but actually is psychopatological.

[@23angelpie]

seems like I learn more on youtube in a shorter amt of time than i ever do in therapy.

[@SmittinKitten]

You just described my family. I have been no contact with them for over 4 years and I feel so much better.

[@kionamcnutt8630]

I would definitely leave and try to relocate but I don't have the money and I absolutely love my son. He is a victim of satanic ritual abuse just like me. He's a targeted individual also. The thought of it horrifies me. It's not his fault. He's just a kid. A child of the Apocalypse. They teach him their poisonous ways and try to develop Stockholm Syndrome in him. I have to fight for him and remain a voice in his ear. He's my only son.

[@Ambrosha385]

Kiona McNutt money is a small thing. For your soul and his and both of your sanity? Easy for us to say but there may be more available to support you than you think. Reach out for help and research and learn with every fiber of your being.

[@mikelouis9389]

Stay strong. It's been 8 years for me and it gets easier.

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

No contact 20 years! No regrets but I sometimes wish I could pick up a phone and have a civil conversation like normal people.

[@mikelouis9389]

@@Kelly-oe8kr The clue phrase being "normal people".

[@erikavaleries]

This is my family - I was smeared to everyone so I’m alone now - but better off.

[@Caracaraorangeberry]

Me too

[@CliffordStarks1]

Hope you have found healthier people in your life👍

[@marianallen8182]

@@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023 Stay strong. I am about to retire and have been abused most of my life. No contact has been tough. I feel better. I haven't recovered fully but I am getting there. I am basically disowned at this point but my daughter's love me. GOD BLESS.

[@margaritam8140]

You're NOT alone! You have US and we have your back. xo

[@dianeshirley6934]

Now you get to CREATE the family of your dreams!!!! (Friends, healthy relatives, associates, pets...)

[@LesegoMadisaEllesG]

I knew from a tender age that there was something really wrong with my family. I just knew it. I even had dreams about my mother being a villian.

[@beijaflor1908]

i knew somn was wrong too.... from a young age....

[@juliepeterson4905]

I knew my mother was not right in the head from a very young age as well. I never felt real love from her. I would say "I wish i was never born".

[@angdlwil4111]

I figured out my family wasn't right at an early age, to the world your parents seem wonderful, but when no one is around they change, I was always apologizing for everything, even if it wasn't my fault, so then as you grow up you begin to see the truth, it's unreal when you confide into someone and everyone else thinks different, I didn't know a name for it till I started researching things, and I read a lot of articles on psychology. Wow was my family so disfun

[@mikelouis9389]

I was terrified of my stepfather. I saw in his eyes my death.....at 4 years old. He was a perfect match for my mother. I focused on him and never noticed that she was the true threat. He's dead now, she's hanging on like a lamprey. I keep a covert internet eye on them. Other than that, absolutely no further contact. Life can be good.

[@winsells8527]

Lesego Madisa me too but my Godly-Dad

[@BeGlamourlicious]

This is sooo accurate. My mom acted like a cult leader. Everybody had to obey her and if you didn’t OMG she would make you PAY. She lies and even stole money from our whole family.

[@Lara77473]

I just got out but I am in the very early stages and I am seeing a counselor. I really miss the love bombing and I am definitely going through grief and withdrawal from the trauma bonding experience of my 39 years. Please wish me strength 🙏

[@angelinegrows7765]

Bless you , still struggling with these things even though I know what’s going on

[@cheberur]

Lara Pauley, thank you for mentioning the love bombing and trauma bonding. I kept wondering why I wanted back even though I knew it wasn't good for me. I couldn't understand why I missed them... The truth is I missed the love bombing...

[@ClarityDetermination]

Strength girl!

[@lidanygonzalez846]

I’m 41 and just coming to the realization that i was scammed and robbed of my childhood and psychologically terrorized and brain washed.

[@ClarityDetermination]

@@lidanygonzalez846 I hear you. 5 minutes ago I said out loud to my late dad... You were such a shitty father and I can't believe the relief I felt when you died. Who feels relief when someone dies. Anyway, the next emotion up from depression is anger and if you suppress that so others feel better then you're going back down to depression. The emotions have to be gotten through and I can't write them down but google Abraham-Hicks list of emotions. Tell people to perhaps stay their distance or stay and support you while you get through some rage then anger then blame then frustration keep going. You can win.

[@divinetime6115]

I'm out and there is hope! Sending love and prayers to all who are going through the holidays without your toxic family it will get better ❤️

[@judithprins7132]

I'm off to a xmas beach holiday alone....still recovering from last xmas from hell...seriously can't wait...solitude...peace..refocus..recharge...new beginning

[@rlud304]

I left my family and moved to another state and shortly after attempting to go no contact my narcissist dad was relentless. I felt like I was being stalked because I was. He called my friend, who had moved to the same city years earlier and manipulated her into giving him information about me under the guise of him worrying about me. I had to end my friendship with her once I figured it out (because she lied to me about it)and she was the only person I knew there at the time. My codependent enabling sister (who also got info from my friend)flew out and showed up at my place unannounced to try to bring me back into the family. There's so much more but too much for a post. It's been the battle of my life. Sharing this to let others know this is and will continue to be the battle of our lives but good to know we're not alone.

[@quintuplebanned4267]

Hang in, and don’t give them the reaction(s) they want, be the calm in the middle of their storm...you will be okay, they will eventually find another target who is more reactive to their B.S. it is always better to be alone than with people that suck you dry, hurt you, leave you feeling empty...being alone is actually quite freeing, it is the fear of being alone that is the real problem, not the experience itself, you know? You got this - you are strong; they are weak.

[@marcellagalindo-diaz5382]

I’m married into a narcissistic family. It’s crazy. It’s like Aunts and uncles are the flying monkeys. My hubby and I have been no contact for years and it’s been the best years of our marriage!

[@AKS-rp2pv]

She wrapped up my young life in 10 minutes. Wow!!! I was the scapegoat and i got away. Even now, years later I am randomly blamed for things happening to my family. I'm an easy target now because I'm not around to defend myself. I'm just happy I'm not there anymore.

[@lisagregory9011]

Never allow yourself to rely on them for anything ever....It's like selling your soul to the devil and never be transparent with them because they will surely use it against you and tell everyone. Heal yourself and create your own happy healthy family/support system. I am a recovering daughter of a very evil narcissistic mother. She is every evil witch storybook character combined into one. lol

[@ang_ro]

This is my husband's family. I always felt guarded and uneasy around them but I couldn't figure out why, because they would be outwardly fake nice to me... at first. But the more I expressed how I felt about literally anything they banded against me and have made me the scapegoat. I just deactivated my facebook because I don't feel safe having them on there with access to my life or thoughts. They absolutely try to shut down any truth. I was beginning to feel very crazy and internalizing their ostracism of me until I realized what was really happening. Wish my husband would see it but he has a major blind spot when it comes to them. I'm just staying a good distance away from them for my own sanity from now on.

[@marionlynch49]

Ang Ro Difficult not to be validated by the husband You literally do feel like you ware going crazy until you wake up. A very lonely journey but once aware, you can see the pattern all around you and it is so prevelant. Very few friends will understand but hang in

[@vaniraman2055]

Same situation with me but I have now cut them off

[@sharroon7574]

I am the scapegoat for my inlaws but my husband isn't that close with them. Phew.

[@rebirthstyle82]

Please do! Stay far away from those toxic people! I thought I was going crazy too until I left!

[@jenx818]

I am crying right now because they burned me again!!! I am so grateful I found this channel!!!! THANK YOU! All of you! I'm not alone 😢

[@WileyCylas]

As an only child I was simultaneously the scapegoat, Golden child & the lost/forgotten child. I am constantly at war with myself

[@lauram8973]

I was also the only in a family of two parents one an overt N and the other borderline with NPD. It is a special kind of confusion.

[@ladennayoung2939]

You have to choose to not live from that place in your life anymore. If you still choose to let that control who you are. You are still letting them control and manipulate you, and that isn't good for anyone.

[@healingdiscovery4436]

Or they'll say "We don't talk about what happens in the family" "families stick together"

[@InnerIntegration]

Another great mantra that’s used!

[@lucygoose6237]

"BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER" ugh

[@imanifest3138]

"What happens in this house, stays in this house" is another one.

[@healingdiscovery4436]

@@imanifest3138 yessss. I heard that one a lot too.

[@therespectedlex9794]

Lucy Goose The water of the womb is thinner than the blood of the covenant.

[@oddfamilyacademy6259]

This is like. Wow. 😮😮 I grew up in a narcissistic family. I'm one of 7 children. I've always been a scapegoat, even from a very young age. I left when I was 17 years old, nothing but a pair of pajamas and flip flops on. It's taken me 10 years, multiple rounds of "pulling" and escaping to be able to get to where I am now mentally. I also made the mistake of trusting another covert narcissistic family which I married into and after far worse mental and physical abuse than I even experienced in childhood, I escaped that and found strength in my true self. Distance is key in the beginning and not hiding who you are is important. Know your worth, believe your truth and if you seek help, you WILL find it!! Don't give up because freedom from the hell of narcissists is so wonderful.

[@joncena168]

Julie Childress I wish u love and peace! I was so ashamed to admit I dated a narcissistic gf and have a narcissistic-family. I can’t imagine what u been thru but u are not alone in this fight! God be with u!

[@Tropicalpisces]

I too fell in love with people that came from Narcissistic families. When I realized the toxicity of their family dynamic was as effed as mine, I felt trapped. My job was the same. At one point I was surrounded. My anxiety and depression were practically unmanageable. I wish you luck in this oh so difficult time.

[@shahadah1451]

They get you to share and then use the info against you---so true. The family protects the image of the family. I tried to discipline my daughter who broke my ribs, and my sisters, mother, daughter and father all took her part over me. I was punished for even trying to talk about the issue. They gaslighted the entire issue and pretended it did not happen. "Oh, no, that didn't happen in OUR FAMILY! YOU are the CRAZY ONE! NOT US!"

[@christianpulisic7784]

Julie Basco,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

[@shahadah1451]

@@christianpulisic7784 Thank you.

[@shahadah1451]

@@christianpulisic7784 Where do you live? My family name was Baskovec before we came to America.

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@shahadah1451 You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌷.I am Christian pulisic from the States.

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@shahadah1451 You?

[@mrskulllock717]

I feel like I woke up out of a matrix thank you for this video

[@blakewin8167]

Omg I was thinking the same thing. I feel like this is my own version of Plato’s cave allegory.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I walked away from a messy dysfunctional family system, ex-scapegoat. I am stronger, redefining my true self. I love my family, but realized, I deserve my truth, on my terms. Survival, the goal. Guilt free, I am free. It is hurtful, painful. So, i must grieve beloved family & cut my losses. I will live my true deserving joyful self. Thank you;-)

[@franky2347]

What was the breaking moment that made it clear for you that you had to walk away? At what age did you decide to do this?

[@chrisregan7639]

I've been saying for years now the family is like a cult. THANK YOU for this validation. Validation is necessary for healing. Being away with no contact for a year now, has given me clarity. I've found this long term distance is The only way to untangle the damage done. Any contact gives them a chance to manipulate and attack you, To your face or behind your back. Most are cowards. The ones that are not ,are what i call arrogant ignorance. Ridiculous. Getting out and staying out is sad but, all worth it, THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE.

[@joshua3392]

Well said Mr.Christopher!.That's my brothers name btw.

[@pedrohenriquedeoliveira5601]

gosh, you nailed it: "this is the fight of/for your life." thanks for this video ❤

[@brendakrieger7000]

I forgot to mention that I never had any self esteem. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 19. No computer or Internet, not even email!! My parents kept me totally in the dark. I was in therapy for years. I tried to set boundaries,but they would over step the boundaries I set. I've been free for almost 8 years. Only after my parents passed away was I able to finally be free and live my life. I've also gone no contact with my brother. And it's better that way. Life isn't perfect,but I'm making my own decisions.. Sending you all love,hugs and encouragement💜💞🤗

[@narcbegone1507]

Abusers'#1 tool is isolation

[@brendakrieger7000]

So women who have access to computers are ho's?? Excuse me? I also wanted to be a professional chef..would that have made me a ho too?? I'm not going to comment on any more videos. People are jerks😡😵

[@narcbegone1507]

Brenda, ignore the haters. This person talking is a control freak like your "parents" and just disgruntled that society does not grant them the right to enslave their offspring. Their comments are actually entertaining because of how predictable they are. And remember that what these people say is a reflection of who *they* are, not of who *you* are. Also, don't try to reason with anyone talking out of their a$$ 😁 have a great day

[@brendakrieger7000]

Thanks so much Narc Free at Last. I just try to avoid drama and keep the peace! Be well😊

[@LesegoMadisaEllesG]

'I'm your MOTHER!' her favorite line to disarm me for years. We lived under constant terror and oppression. Until I left at 26 because it has gotten worse. I lived with the devil.

[@julietterose1]

My father would say the same.

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Yes yes yes - you had the same mother as me!!! I left home at 17 but she still had power over me - until I went no contact at 54 years old!!! Enough. I will not be treated like that. Of course I married someone just like my mother! After 14 years divorced. And then fell in love with what I thought was my soul mate!!! Wrong. Healing and recovering now

[@susancrook7920]

Lesego Madisa WOW. “I’m your Mother!” was my mother’s favorite line, even when I was in my 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s...

[@brianmastel8575]

Thats exactly what my mom said to me all the time.

[@amybegley5622]

My mother... she is in her 70s and tells me at 52 that I still need to do what she says and expects certain behavior from her children. “I am your Mother.” To this day, I’m not ‘allowed’ to have an opinion/boundaries. Ugh

[@tia3521]

Everything you touched on is exactly true. It's so toxic and derogatory. These people are miserable and I did well to leave my toxic narc family behind after I stopped allowing them to treat me like dirt. Thankyou for explaining and helping others to make sense of it all. ☺

[@mirelladlima5278]

Understanding your own role in the family dynamic, whether you are a scapegoat or a golden child or a drama child will help.🙏

[@arlizan430]

Drama child??

[@JustynLang]

This was my family. Overt narc dad, covert narc mom. I went no contact 1 year ago and my only regret is not having done it sooner. Recovery takes a lot of time and effort, but it's so worth it. Hearing you list out all those things that I went through was very validating and clarifying for me- thank you!

[@erikavaleries]

These families are hell on earth - but we survivors are obviously in good company. I feel like I found a new family on KZbin. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your family story - I felt so ashamed for so long and wish we had KZbin 20 years ago when I was first discarded.

[@BC-gd8ij]

hell on earth, yes!

[@The64v]

This description of the narcissistic family cult reflects a lot of toxic workplaces as well. I especially related when you started talking about the gossip.

[@beck755]

I went no contact with my mom, step dad, and sister after years of anxiety around them. I don’t want to explain more but want to tell you it is possible to go no contact. I have been seeing a therapist to go through this time in my life. I am also engaged to a wonderful human being who has gone with me to a therapy session and pretty much explained to us that we are like creating an entirely new family. I am ending the generational abuse that has run in my family. I’m grateful to have found this video! Thank you!

[@mrggszeromoneydownrealesta5788]

Homegirl Broke that Shit All the Way Down. Maaaaan This is a Powerful Message. Keep up the Great Work. Hell I see you even got a Spanish Version of this shit lol. You are Right. You will see alot of Narcissist Family Emishment with the Hispanic and Latino Communities as well. Great Points Homegirl 💯💯💯

[@mrpeacock321]

God has given us into likes part of our soul intelligence where to train our selves and learn even we learn from the School of Hard Knocks and we know Street slangish words. There are two we need to have precise and renew our vocabulary verbiage on how to communication communication is the key And number one above all forgiveness is the Key to a Victorious Viberant successful life number one to find forgiveness we must recognize we ourselves have done much wrong in other words sinful deeds And we shift the blame and turns into a lame the game he said she said done this done. That to Me and iiiiiiii I recognize SINNED against a holy God and found forgiveness at a place call Calvary THE BLOODY CROSS WHERE ARE THE LAMB OF GOD TOOK THE PUNISHMENT WE ALL DESERVE THAT WE MIGHT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON AND WHOSOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE JOHN 3: 16 THE Son of God did NOT COME INTO THE WORLD TO CONDEMN CONDEMN THE WORLD, BUT IT CAME TO SAVE THEM THAT I LOST IT OR NOT

[@indiesindie1984]

She sure did!

[@bringiton3457]

Mr. GG Yes and god forbid you say something about it...then you are being disrespectful! Smh!

[@whitedove7945]

Mr. GG Good for you my friend. Now, if someone could only teach you English. Ya know,,,clean Language. Don't care how you talk on your own post, but you are a visitor here. God bless😚

[@marialinda2011]

@@whitedove7945 Give the man a break. At least he's using positive praise to uplift, not put down. We all have a story and we don't know his. He spoke truth here, give him credit for that 🤗 😘 God knows everyone's heart and works His will in our lives in His perfect timing. God bless you Meredith for the hard work you put in to educate us on these matters 💖

[@shaynikki5391]

It's like you know my family. Dealt with verbal, emotional, and occasionally physical abuse growing up, so I left immediately after graduating high school. I often hear "That's just dad", "That's just mom", "I'm gonna pray for you", "God said"..... Ugh! I am definitely the black sheep because I'm the one who calls folks out! My dad will say "Oh I'm so sorry your life was so horrible". He actually spit in my face and drug me by my hair before, but will claim he never even gave me a spanking. I moved out the state many years ago, but I stayed in contact which I think was my mistake. Years ago I told someone I thought I was close to in the family about another family member who assaulted me several times and attempted to molest me as a child and they stopped speaking to me as though I did something. It's amazing how so called Christians will completely overlook the mental, emotional, and physical abuse that goes on in their own family. Went to a therapist and she out right told me to cut them off completely even if just temporarily.

[@InnerIntegration]

You found a good therapist! That was good advice 👍

[@shaynikki5391]

Yes she is great!!! It's funny I never thought of the family as a cult until I saw your video, but this is exactly on point! Lol

[@godsrichgirlsllc8234]

Real followers of Christ don’t ignore abuse. I am glad to hear you had a therapist who supported you in your healing.

[@angelacarleton9575]

Luna - you were a brave girl to do what you had to do. I know what you're going through and I feel for you. I learned about a "memory" due to my long-term memory because of the age factor. My mother allowed my stepdad - to mess with me. I managed to keep him off but I believe others in my family were just to blame too. To think I stayed as long as I did. Big mistake- until I got married and left to another state- like you I kept in touch which was a big mistake all they ever wanted from me was financial help ALL the damn time. It hurts that I was being used as a means to be of assistance now just for now but forever?

[@donnaking3344]

Luna Lady your Dad should have never had children. The stress and sacrifice of raising them probably brought out the worst in him. They are hard to raise . I bet there were several children to care for too. His response of denial is a common one , because even though he knows how he behaved, he still sacrificed greatly because that’s what children cause. He feels like he lost a lot of his life raising you children and you should be grateful and understanding how hard it is. That’s why he denies the bad. He should admit to it and apologize but that probably wouldn’t make you feel any better. It happened, and the past can not be changed. Lots of people have children who shouldn’t and the children still grow up in spite of it. Try to get beyond it.

[@pjj9491]

wish I'd known what a narcissist was back in the 60s....wasted so much of my life attracting these fkd up people....took me till age 60...been happy for 9 years

[@trulaallen5590]

The CRAB SCENARIO describes my family (and most of the extended )I now only deal with very few. Made my life better and im so much more calm n peaceful. I am starting to heal from the craziness /abuse of it all and how not to feel guilty for SHUTTING them all down. Getting easier as I go and rebuild a healthier life. Good luck to you all! (And me)

[@moniquesmith7138]

Hello! Me too! My exact story of life!! Nowww I get it with present Narc Hub: thankfully over the years I’ve progressed from Empath Vic to Super Empath, Soul distancing switch on/off on full Auto. It’s great to finally See all of it, learn, deal but Also Throw Back: Reverse Word Salad for King Narc. Has him soooo off put it’s really funny n reaffirming. (Unfortunately stuck in this physical sitch due to severe medical illness, just physically cannot ‘divorce/leave’, on chemo etc. Which of course I handle All no help from ‘I’ve Been With you!! I’m here when no one else is!! Yell yell! Uh sure! Grey 🪨).

[@11burnout]

As long as we live its never to late! Enjoy

[@taraarrington2285]

This is so spot on. You've described my entire life perfectly even down to them covering up abuse as a way to protect their image and me getting immediately scapegoated for it

[@tbd5082]

I way prefer the overt types. At least you know what you’re dealing with.

[@brianwalsh1401]

I agree. There just seems like there are a lot more covert than overt narcs out there and they are such good chameleons and difficult to spot.

[@betty5449]

Brian Walsh...the malignant, sadistic narcs are also so obvious...they are so dangerous, evil, demonic...a normal person who interacts with them will immediately realize how defective they are and run as far away from them as they possibly can. I agree...the covert are more devious.

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@betty5449 I agree. The healthy(your word was normal) people who trust themselves and their instincts have a better chance with spotting(feeling or intuitively knowing) these people early. It's the codependents( who doubt themselves and intuition) who have a hard time and are more likely to be targeted by narc's and antisocial "people". I was one of those(brother and ex-wife both npd's) until I got help for my issues and then realized after numerous youtube videos, like innerintegration, cluster B's and had the aha! moment. I was 52 years old, hopefully more people will get this earlier, but at least I got it.

[@rosiemcking72]

@@brianwalsh1401 Better late than never Brian. Good for you to be researching. It also helps with grieving and some closure to finally have a name to call their poisonous behaviour. It is painful to think of family members left behind due to their co-dependency also.. But we can only save ourselves. Hopefully we may inspire them some way one day. Great to be out of the web!!

[@aishanusoul]

same

[@burgandiwatson2477]

This is exactly what happens in the workplace on teams managed by covert narcs.

[@lesliestirm8117]

My boss enables my coworker who is covert to run the office. Its so stupid.

[@elaineturner2941]

This is the way Managers behave down south..

[@gigiarmany4332]

so true

[@donaldgarver6594]

I'm surprised that corporate managers do not get this under control all the while gueing every other aspect it serves nothing positive for morale in the workplace

[@stevenholland5925]

burgandi watson That, is so disappointing.

[@joshuataylor6087]

Your piercing insights blow my mind Meredith. This is my family and I've had a lifetime of it. The only thing I would add is be selective of who you divulge this information to, as some people, friends, simply will not understand the narc/cluster B family dynamic and dismiss it, which includes professionals and psychologists. And because of the invisible, easy to disguise nature of emotional abuse. You'll get the 'well, you're an adult now', 'you're trying to blame someone', ' well, she did the best she could', 'you're not a mother'. As if you could just magically wake up one day and be a completley different person with a completley different mind, after decades of inculcation and emotional abuse from childhood, this is just not reality. And the abuse CONTINUES even as an adult while ever you're stuck in this cult family dynamic. If you're seeking help, make sure you first gets a sense that the person is experienced in narc abuse. This is critical, otherwise, the professional, friend, whomever, could just end up dismissing you, invalidating you and re-enforcing the abuser and keeping you stuck in the dysfunctional paradigm.

[@InnerIntegration]

This is so true!

[@iamkat8104]

Yes! Yes! Yes! Spot on with how I grew up and am dealing with the after effects of them as well as back lash from others for cutting all contact with the family. And now that I have wanted to seek counseling on certain areas I need work on, I am only looking for one experienced in narc abuse.

[@skidamarinkadinkadink9580]

I feel this. I've gotten to the point now where when I encounter those people, and they say stuff like this, I'll calmly say "bc doing your best is molesting your child, right?" Or " so I guess busting my face up at five so bad my aunt had to pull her off of me is doing her best?" Makes it awkward as hell but it gives them insight to what they said and how judgy and callous it sounds.

[@indiesindie1984]

Right on Joshua!