Inside the Mind of a Female Narcissist

#narcissism #narcissist #femalenarcissist #npd #npdawareness #selfawarenarcissist #drruthannharpur #drruthann #clusterbmilkshake
Deep dive with Sara, @cLuStErBMiLkShAkE sharing her insights on narcissism, cluster b personality disorders, shame, diagnosis, relationships and how being a self-aware narcissist doesn't necessarily make things easier.
And thank you Sara for doing this interview!
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[@Snizzle_Fizzle]

Cluster B milkshakes been the best and the most brutally honest person I've learnt from with narcissism. Helped me a massive amount.

[@drruthannharpur]

She is one of a kind!

[@TreadingtheBorderlands]

She’s the realest and she’s funny and adorable like shes my mommy ok ok

[@HexagonSun990]

​@@TreadingtheBorderlands lmao

[@jackidezell3736]

You did a great job Sara! Well spoken!🎉🎉🎉

[@AskAuntChina]

Thank you for helping us understand NPD

[@TheLyfeofaFreeSpirit]

Oh great! Watching now! Yay Sara 🎉🩷

[@SBecktacular]

Hi Sara, where are you from? The video is Pure edutainment - what a story and Ty for sharing and having courage ✊

[@beermilkshake]

Thanks for making these interviews happen Doc! They are so helpful.

[@SarahSB575]

“I thought I was just a regular human dealing with the world and everything”. In a sense, that’s still true. It’s so common to have trauma (sadly) and so defence mechanisms to that.

[@AngieSainty]

Thanks for the great interview, Dr Ruth. Sara is courageous and has helped me understand my partner and myself.

[@superanxietychick7035]

Love this ❤ sorry I missed it live, but very much enjoyed the replay side of it all

[@photina78]

Thank you! 😊 This was great and very interesting! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@madsspunks6055]

I appreciate the vulnerability and honest insight from this woman, and as a side observation she reminds me a lot of Debbie from Addams Family.

[@suzettewalsh2854]

😢you came by it honestly Sara; I relate to your whole story

[@mikkeline8900]

Thanks for sharing. It's very interesting for me because my father is a narcessist and I have had some narc. features as child and teenager. Later on I've found boyfriend who had narc. trades or was all narc. So my life has been full og narcesissme 😮😅 Luckily I went to therapy treatment for 2 years. It was a place especially for ones with problems and it was 24 hours therapy for 2 years. It was hard. It sucked. It hurts. BUT I BECAME A CHANGED PERSON. TODAY I AM HAPPY AND SATIESFIED. I LOVE MY LIFE. HAVE NO CONTACT WITH MY FATHER AND I fly from the tiniest smell of a narcessist 😊❤

[@drruthannharpur]

So pleased things are better for you and you're loving your life 🙌

[@TreadingtheBorderlands]

She da queen indeed, love her 😘

[@pdquestions7673]

Having grown up in the U.S.A. in the same generation as Sara, I think she bears important witness to a slice of American culture that can sometimes be misunderstood.

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

I think woman are becoming more NPD bc it’s a man’s world but the men are becoming boys and woman are becoming like men .. bc you give us no choice .

[@jackidezell3736]

I relate to SO MUCH of the first ten minutes of your talk except no deviant behavior. Similar mothers and personal feelings about self and school abilities.

[@tonijames2543]

This is so good. I like the woman.. she is to the point with her life.

[@photina78]

Yay 🎉 This is going to be so good 🍿 🤓

[@michelleberger7747]

Sara genuinely wants to help others understand her disorders and debunk all the untruths. Shes open and raw. It takes a very brave person to do what shes doing. I really respect her.

[@averagejane09]

Sara really explained her thoughts and experiences in such a clear way. Straight talk. No BS or word salad. Took some concepts that were a bit fuzzy and made then crystal clear. Concise layman's terms explanation so it all made so much sense. Thanks for that. One of the things that she described that really resonated with me was how she and her husband just glossed over issues. There was yelling and abusive behaviour and then just....ok dinner's ready. No addressing or repair. No apologies. Just back to life. My ex did this and it always bewildered me. I stuggled to just move on because I was traumatized by what happened. My nerves were shot. Total shock. Not calloused up enough I guess. I will disagree with the reactive abuse perspective....somewhat. I see the point she is making and that sometimes it is a false accusation of victimization or reactive abuse when both people are participating. This though is not always the case. I experienced my ex getting triggered over nothing at all and then spending two hours accusing me of things and insulting my character. The whole time I kept trying to reason with him and defend myself to no avail. Eventually I had an outburst and told him he was a narc....which went as well as you can imagine....I ended up being the one who apologized. People do have breaking points so sometimes a claim of reactive abuse if very valid. The saying didn't come out of nothing. It is a thing.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

I'm pretty sure I didn't speak in Black/White about reactive abuse. Defending yourself is a reaction to a threat. BUT you will come off as abusive. Since someone like me can't see your side of the issue, I can be hurtful and not even notice; this is my normal. You're hurt and criticize me for hurting you (anger, sadness). I will defend myself. Again, I can't see your perspective so you just think I'm a sadist our for destruction. Like Dr. Ruth said, it's all about a narcissists (emotional) survival. This comment is not to be dismissive of your pain. Your feelings are valid and your truth. I'm just telling you how my brain sees the world.

[@averagejane09]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE I understand what you are saying and totally right. I didn't think it was black and white thinking. I am hearing you describe a situation where two people misunderstand each other's intentions for whatever reason and because neither person has healthy interpersonal skills it results in mutual abusive language towards one another because they are both trying to defend. Exactly as you said. I feel like I am describing a different scenario where there are malignant people out there who are in fact deliberately doing something or saying something they know is hurtful with the calculated intention of getting a rise out of the other person. This is where I feel this term is a thing. The difference is in intention, which is hard to prove. I also think there are people who keep conflict going even though they realize the other person is trying to repair and they are just holding out to punish. Both scenarios do happen and I also don't think this type of abuse is specific to people with NPD. I also don't think black and white thinking is specific to people with NPD. I am not an expert, but I think we ALL are susceptible to black and white thinking. I know as a kid, I was more idealistic because I had not lived long enough to understand nuances. As I get older I have learned to question more beyond my initial thoughts. I felt horrible calling him a narcissist. I still do. I am not qualified to say that. I do believe there is SOMETHING with him. But I don't know what that is. My heart goes out to him and I take total responsibility for my outburst at the end, no matter how awful he was being. I realized that I need to recognize when I feel pushed too far and disengage. That is on me. But, I need to be fair to myself as well and that was over a year of that before I hit my breaking point. the fact is, we need to find people that bring out the best in us, not the worst. I ended it for that reason. I am rooting for him, but I don't believe he will seek help the way you are. Honestly, you really are doing amazing. Keep doing what you are doing.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

@@averagejane09 In all fairness, when you are being hurt by someone you love, it all seems malignant. 💔

[@averagejane09]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE I can understand that. For me it depends on the intention. We all make mistakes. If the hurt was intentional it feels malignant. If it was not intended, it feels like a misunderstanding. That is just me.

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

Sarah I missed you .. glad your back 💜

[@hiei29]

"To feel safe, to feel secure - I want predictability & control over my environment - you do what I want - I don't have to feel the chaos" 1:04:21 💘

[@fpbsix]

THANK YOU SO MUCH , THIS HAS MADE ME UNDERSTAND THE MAN I LOVE , because i just could not understand when out of the blue he would stop talking between 3 and 5 months at a time , , than come back like i was a beautiful queen he cared for and loved , its 2 years now this has been happening , and i was horrified when he told me how he belittles stor workers over 10 grams more on sliced meat , or many litle inaportant things that happens and he degrades people over it , his fits of rage , and how he loves to think hes handsome like a filmstar , he thinks that he doesnt look old , at 77 yrs and how hes the worlds perfect lover , yet hes got ED, his selfpraise is unimagionable , and THIS HAS MADE EVERYTHING SO CLEAR TO ME .

[@thamastermind01]

It was a long time coming but it’s finally here. 🤗 loved the interview. Finally a somewhat comprehensive breakdown of Sara’s life. 👍👌

[@jackidezell3736]

You know I’m a loyal supporter, and low key friend. But I hate that you call them victim channels, and not survivor channels. It’s like labeling us victims forever, instead of acknowledging we left our abusers, we were victims, but we rose past that, and learned and grew. So now we have survivor channels:

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

Those channels are keeping you in victim mode because they are calling Narcissists MONSTERS that targeted you for destruction. The channels that teach you how to become whole and thrive in life (Crappy Childhood Faire/Tim Fletcher) would be channels that support healing and growth. We all are survivors of our own childhoods and, unfortunately, the survival continues through a narcissist's defensive behaviors towards their people. Tell those sh*t channels to teach about mental illnesses instead of Sadism and I will stop saying that they are keeping you in victim mode.

[@BrekMartin]

It’s a small KZbin world. Great thumbnail of Sara!

[@drruthannharpur]

She's fabulous!

[@acushlanarayanan9863]

77th minute. Regarding the "narc" label ... I was once abused by someone (my ex-partner's mother) and I thought she was the worst person imaginable. When I started reading up on gaslighting, all the books and websites I encountered described such monsters as narcissists. For the longest time I thought of her as a narcissist and used the "narc" label. It was only after in-depth reading and observation that I realized that she is *not* a narcissist, but a neurotypical with machiavellian traits. So if there are people who are raging against you, it's because of the literature out there. I think people everywhere need to realize that doing bad things is a *choice*. Just because you have a mental disorder does not mean that you always make the wrong choices. I think it might be easier to help narcissists in general, if this idea of choice were somehow incorporated somewhere in the diagnostic criteria, but that's just a naive opinion. My level of reading is nowhere close to that of either of the ladies in this video.

[@hiei29]

The design is to protect oneself; not to smear another person 1:29:40

[@Jotabe1k76]

Respect...

[@bikergirl420.]

Nothing like a bit of healthy revenge to become successful & famous 😂🤜🏻🤛🏻 Great interview ♥️

[@jackidezell3736]

Do they have a Narcissistic Mother book with different types? I’d love to have that.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

There's a book call The Borderline Mother that is really helpful bc they describe 4 different types of Cluster B Mothers. Since our traits cross over, I even saw myself throughout the book. I bet you'll find you mother in there.

[@jackidezell3736]

@@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE thank you!

[@user-kz7dh5tv7j]

Come out of her now in the name of Jesus....cursing spirit NOW........2/12/24

[@LydellAaron]

9:47 ugh

[@user-kz7dh5tv7j]

Please stop swearing😢

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

Unfortunately, if you want authenticity, you get the cussing. There is a warning so you have a choice BEFORE watching this video. I do understand that is can be off putting but it's part of who I am and even in The DSM 5, surprisingly (ASPD trait). So, in the name of Jesus, try to soften your heart for my disordered mind and see the message beyond the vulgarity (another ASPD trait).

[@HexagonSun990]

Why would that ever matter. I cannot comprehend this type of thing.