INTP Romance Advice

#LoveStyles #INTP #16personalities
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in this episode of Talking with Famous People, Host Zachary discusses pre-uglybump interactions.

[@rires6661]

I feel that when an INTP talks to another INTP, regardless of whether the topic was interesting, both sides would walk away feeling content having the other party actually listening and understanding 80% of what they were talking about.

[@aplusmerchant2281]

I concur

[@meregaming1770]

"You lose nothing," yes you do. You lose time. You lose energy.

[@benhawk4214]

True but there can also be a gain, it is high risk high reward

[@willywonka6948]

The possible benefits outweigh the negatives. Asking someone out, not much time or energy. Being part of a relationship that doesn't ultimately go anywhere, you learn from that time and energy spent along with learning about other perspectives. It's ultimately beneficial. The fear of rejection is irrational and will still exist. Overcoming this is still something that I'm working on, but I do understand from a logical and rational point of view that fear isn't helping me in the situation of meeting new people.

[@squeekybird54]

God, I’m 17 and I’m so glad I found your videos. I thought for sure I was slightly autistic or something. I’m an INTP.

[@cameronbond4685]

I think high functioning autism and NTs have a correlation( just a personal theory)

[@cameronbond4685]

Also an intp by the way

[@blah-blah-blah-blah38]

I think the two are correlated as well. If you look online, most adults formally diagnosed with autism are INT_

[@afosfos5509]

I'm an INTP female in a relationship with an INTP male. We've been together five years now. We were friends for a few years beforehand. He had a girlfriend, I had boyfriends, we never considered each other. We happened to be working together at a time when we were both single. We started spending more time together, drinking beers and talking up a philosophical storm until 5am a few nights a week. I put up a fight at first cuz I was like "Nah, I can't bone him, he's my friend!" Anyhoo, beer. And here we are, five years later. We dont clean the house often. Luckily he's a bit OCD so he feels compelled to clean more than me & vacuums like once every 2 months. I can't do small talk whereas my partner has learned to cope well in social situations and Im learning from him. We just fire questions at people so we don't have to speak about ourselves. Y'know, when I can see a point in expending the effort. We constantly talk about things we should do to improve our lives & never ever actually do any of it.We don't do gifts, we like deep, brainy philosophical conversations. And boning. We used to get each other gifts but the other would never appreciate it for more than 2 hours so you don't bother.We have zero respect for authority and challenge everything everyone does.When we fight, we try to logic each other to the death & it doesn't work because there are emotions involved in disagreements & we never acknowledge them.We both have the dryest wryest sense of humour. Senses? We could both keep the best poker face no matter what the subject.We are very physical. We touch a lot. Obviously not in public. Probably because we don't really deeply declare our love for eachother.... like, ever, the touch thing is the reassurance that we like each other. It's our mutha effin' love language, man. We decided to have a baby. So that's happening. We refuse to let parenting be lame, follow societal norms or struggle the same way other parents do. We will just be awesome and have an awesome little dude baby instead and do cool shiz with it instead of lame boring normal parent shiz. Teach it to be hilarious & mess with people. I suppose the idea is that INTPs treat their kids like little adults rather than babying them. More INTPs should try and deal with each other's coldness so we can breed more wry intellectual legends.

[@mayachouraqui8121]

This sounds perfect, happy for u stranger :)

[@jonathansl109]

Wow that is insane. Sounds like a hilarious little fantasy you've got going there. You do realise the INTP profile is not 100% genetically inherited by offspring right? I wonder if you gotta hold of that baby though...

[@richardwilliamjohnson8566]

Where can I meet someone like you haha

[@gvrizz]

f yeah hahaha i love all of this!

[@aplusmerchant2281]

This sounds fantastic. I’m an INTP male on the lookout for an INTP female. They are very hard to find. Where do you recommend looking? I was thinking the library but I don’t even go to the library myself because of this amazing thing called the internet

[@the1lostsoul]

My first relationship as an INTP started with an INTP female, with whom I have built up a healthy relationship in the past, approaching me and confessing her feelings for me. I felt overwhelmedly happy and accepted her feelings, our actual relationship lasted around 2 weeks. During this time, I have felt constantly anxious about whether she still liked me or not, later it was her to tell me that our relationship overwhelmed her. I agreed to let our romantic feelings for each other fade away slowly, but we failed. Up until this day, we still act like a couple. I think that we didn't understand whether we should be behaving differently in our relationship and what the purpose of it is. We just weren't able to immerse ourselves into the thought, thinking everything would be so much easier. But at the time, we're doing it right. We love each other as who we are.

[@the1lostsoul]

By the way, the video on my channel was for her, as well. I have filmed it after our breakup.

[@GoatAficionado]

Thats awkward as fuck, bro. -INTP

[@barbnew264]

I think it's true... Being in a relationship quickly becomes something I regret, not because I don't like the person but because it becomes complicated in the feelings and stuff... It's nice to not have it get so complicated. Relationships also trap me because I feel I can no longer meet people will a certain connection and I am stuck in the relationship and a million thoughts run through my mind about it in the day but I hardly talk to the person. Meh very difficult to maneuver

[@ninjanerdstudent6937]

I actually went on my first date last week. It was very spontaneous, without any planning at all, and I ended up thinking, "I have absolutely no fucking thing in common with her, but it's not a waste of time because I am one step closer to knowing the type of girl I want to be with." Basically, I was collecting data on her. It turns out that, as a vegetarian, I really can't be with a non-veg, it's just too repulsive and disgusting. By the end of the night, I collected my data, analyzed it, and concluded that this is the wrong type of girl for me. Now I know to try a different approach with a different girl. Repeating the same thing while expecting different results is insanity.

[@shilpapadmanaban1420]

"but I hardly talk to the person" SPOT ON. I feel like all other couples talk to each other a lot more than I do with the person I am dating.

[@mmmmmmm3246]

Meet people? Hahahaha

[@delll372]

@@ninjanerdstudent6937 oh my goooood. finally someone who speaks my brain language 😭

[@ninjanerdstudent6937]

I do internal monologues like that in my head, "nothing ventured, nothing gained, walk up, and say hi, what's your name?" Then, I sit next to them and just start asking questions to learn about them. I always make it obligatory to make one of those questions, "what's you phone number?" While they are talking, I think up my next question, and then I listen to the current answer. I only listen after I have my next question ready; it's really tough, but it gets easier. Basically, I try to prevent dead silence between us because dead silence means the conversation died.

[@tortugatech]

Im an INTP and I know how hard it can be, but since i started meditating to silence the mind and really listening what people are actually trying to convey, not what they are verbaly saying, but what they mean, its been a lot easier to keep a conversation going. Also, trying to verbalise the first thought that comes to mind after im done listening really helps me, I find that thinking ahead and trying to have a question ready is never condusive to having a real conversation or building a conection...

[@tortugatech]

I dont think silence is bad, its pretty normal to have some silence in any 1 on 1 convo, you just need to restart it with the first thing that pops to mind, silencing the mind and not overthinking it

[@nicotti]

I agree that asking people about themselves (even in the data gathering to create a predictive model way we INTP do) is a great way to interact with people. I disagree with your saying we should share our thoughts openly though. Rarely do people understand them correctly, whether that be due to poor communication skills or not. Worse are the ones that hear only a fraction of the explanation and claim they understand completely. As you said, we are a small fraction of the population. The sword cuts both ways, we are different, but not all people like different.

[@faitht3838]

Ladies' man Zach knows what's up

[@bwill1268]

I didn't really sprout into talking to girls till hs; I was always reserved/shy person until you got to know me. I never really talked to girls, but I also didn't see many I liked. So some things that are working for me (currently 11th grade) 1. Don't over think approaching girls. Not every part of talking to them is perfect, nor does the approach. Just walk up and say what's up. The only part you should think about is questions and interest they have. You should have a goal when you approach them. You're goal could be anything from being friends to wanting sex. The friend zone is just an easier way to get to know her. 2. Use the awkwardness as an advantage. Idk if anyone else is like this but I'm personally awkward and weird as hell, but I'm also an attractive person. You can turn your awkwardness to adorableness. Make fun of yourself, make fun of her too. We like to analyze so it should be easy to come up with snarky, but playful remarks. Think about what you can say when replying to her. If you get silence in the conversation It's completely ok. Just think about the next topic, say something off putting. It takes like 15 sec people have to say something again (maybe this is just for groups of people) so you could wait for her to speak. 3. Get her number, snap, Instagram, facebook, twitter. You could get one of them or all them. I think getting her snap or instagram would be better for helping to build a picture of what she's like. I personally ask for her snap or number. You can get everything else if you ask later. 4. Be confident. If you don't believe in you, who will? We kinda have this advantage (or maybe its just me) to not care what people think. Don't think about what her friend's say or what her family thinks about you cuz you're not dating them. Be confident with body language and talking. Don't be afraid to say suggestive things. You're goal is to spark an attraction. 5. (Optional) Stop masturbating/do it less often. I actually stopped 2 weeks ago. If you're a horny person, this'll also force you to approach girls. You don't have to stop, but personally I feel like I have more energy, and talked to more girls since I stopped. I've gotten 2 snaps, and another girls number in the past week. 6. Go with flow. Relax, let whatever happen, happen, but also push toward your goal. Don't make it seem forceful on her, cuz you'll be seen as thirsty and desperate. Basically court her. 7. Don't talk to girls in a neutral way that you're interested in. It can kinda get easy to talk to girls in a boring passive way. If you're gonna think about something. Think about how you want to maker her feel or act with what you just said. If you get a desired result know that things you say similar to that will work too. Talk in a sexual manner but not super aggressive or creepy. Keep it light, but confident.

[@mikaarzu9195]

lol "just fucking do it" best advice lolol

[@TheAnimalinda]

I learned how to connect with people from meeting a counsellor I had intellectual trust in. The therapeutic relationship helped me open up the to the feelz. I strongly suggest the professional route to up-skill over the social one. Then apply those skills to your social life :) 32 year old INTP Female

[@OnlyOneNights]

I'm in an absolutely identical situation. After seeing my therapist for a bit, things have definitely opened up and it all makes sense now.

[@shortjohnsilver4605]

"Mushy emotions shit that we don't like to deal with" Yep, exactly why I can't be arsed with pursuing relationships or anything of that sort. Also my standards are wayyyy to high.

[@ninjanerdstudent6937]

I actually went on my first date last week. It was very spontaneous, without any planning at all, and I ended up thinking, "I have absolutely no fucking thing in common with her, but it's not a waste of time because I am one step closer to knowing the type of girl I want to be with." Basically, I was collecting data on her. It turns out that, as a vegetarian, I really can't be with a non-veg, it's just too repulsive and disgusting. By the end of the night, I collected my data, analyzed it, and concluded that this is the wrong type of girl for me. Now I know to try a different approach with a different girl. Repeating the same thing while expecting different results is insanity.

[@Jillian.Dreams]

Squidward I

[@ochgottnochma]

Thanks for this video, it calmed me somewhat down. For some reason my nerves tend to crack up in potential romance situations. As if the end result of every kind of deeper "feeling based" relationship will end in a tale of pain afterwards. Sooner or later I fear the INTP can't stand the F anymore, because we are living in a complete different world. Any shared interests? Meh, which woman spends her time tripping on Acid and programming all kinds of "useless" stuff. Well, most INTP's don't do aswell, but at least there is this huge load of potential shared interests. :S And then I'm stuck thinking... what if it actually turns out nice, some kind of compatible mind? Slowly I would need to be "integrated" into her friendships aswell, but ye, social anxiety, fuck that. :S Just figured you have a video about social anxiety aswell, gonna watch that now.. ^^

[@lillacescore5118]

Steps to put off a intp in a relationship 1. Too many expectations of them 2. Getting offended too often and acting passive aggressive in defence 3. Being fake to them to what they can trust you in 4. Never taking them seriously when they aren’t joking 5. Wondering if they feel 6. Wondering if they dislike you (if they did they wouldn’t have dated you and wouldn’t continue) and from that they would confront you and say if they don’t feel right.

[@shortjohnsilver4605]

LillacesCore number 5 killed my relatiinship with that girl I dated in freshman year. She kept asking if I loved her, and how much.... needless to say, as an INTP usually I have no damn idea what my feelings aee, so that didn't go too well. In a month's time since we started going out, she just suggested we stay friends. Even that did not work out.

[@horsemumbler1]

Joke's on you both. =P Love isn't actually a feeling, it's a relational status. It has associated emotioness, but that's not the same. Don't ask an INTP how he feels about you, and how he thinks of you. If you're an INTP, It's usually introverted judgement that they desire, not exclusively feeling specifically.

[@nissamelton8597]

Yeah, 9 times out of 10... keeping the fact that you're able to read them and everyone like a book won't go over well. Trust.Me. Also, great advice on being inquisitive to gain footing with others. Unlike introverted thinkers, many other ppl LOVE to talk about themselves on a surface level, at first.

[@EmpyreanFalling]

OMAD WarriorChick I find that INTPs can be way overconfident in thinking they can read people. Its funny how missing the Feeler factor means you are missing a LOT of another person. Gets INTPs into major trouble socially.

[@Ignasimp]

@@EmpyreanFalling The only people I can read are very close friends. So I don't really think we are good at reading people. At least, I'm not.

[@rosacutejenniely8339]

No one gets me... heck I don't get myself. High light of life: listening to music one. And alone I shall stay! A. O.K.

[@TheusKhan]

I was needing to hear something like this, the YT algorithm just recommended the right video. Thanks, bro!

[@sarahbeattyca]

I wish I’d been able to watch a video like this when I started dating. Step 0 always had me stumped and seemed so obvious to everyone else. Great tips.

[@jessicahart395]

"I kid, I kid." Lol, this sounds just like me. Ha ha

[@gvrizz]

you're freakin awesome dude 😂😂 i love your videos 🙌🏼

[@delll372]

random, do you guys INTPs ever met another INTP in real life? i live in ESTP-majority country and havent spotted another alien..

[@snudgegalbraith3447]

Interesting. What country is that?

[@Raphael0654]

Thanks for sharing your experience.

[@Jen_nifer99]

I used to date an INTP. I'm an INFJ. When we broke up his last words were something like "don't worry I'm not going to do date anyone anymore, I'm a horrible person, I've only ruined girl's lives" blah blah blah His Si was so freaking annoying. My only thought was "WTF this guy really believes that I still care about his future plans?!?!" lol it was so ridiculous...

[@eunnikins]

Jen nifer sounds like a shitty person more than anything lol

[@Jen_nifer99]

I know right

[@snudgegalbraith3447]

Triggered infj spotted. Lol i love this game. "Spot the triggered infj" .....REEEEEEEEEE!

[@adifferentangle7064]

Don't worry about not finding someone. Yes you need to get out there and look, but you will find that person for you when they start talking and you are attracted by their intelligence. And you will find that person who is attracted to you in a healthy way will probably approach you as a friend first.... Just don't get friend-zoned. I hate the idea of fart-arsing around with women who are not long-term potential.

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

I can't have respect for a guy who approaches me as a friend, only to throw a "I love you" bomb on me 3 or 6 months later. Why not just be acquaintances instead of friends?

[@adifferentangle7064]

@@DiamondsRexpensive What you said doesn't make sense. What's more creepy - a guy who you barely know coming up to you and declaring he loves you, or someone you've developed a relationship with taking it to the next level?

[@GoldenDaemonas]

INTP Romance Advice : Just Dont.

[@dexterhoney0383]

I’m an ENFJ dating an INTP

[@yoshi314]

as an intp, i am afraid of rejection. because i get deeply invested into a friendship before attempting to take it to another level. not only can it break the friendship - which is hard enough to hapen for me, but i process rejection very badly in this situation. so i would not say there are no downsides to it. then again, maybe i am doing it wrong.

[@willywonka6948]

I'm also dealing with similar feelings, but fear is ultimately irrational. I'm trying to work through this. If you've had any success, please let me know. However, I think that dating apps would be useful. My phone doesn't have space for any yet, but when I get a new phone soon, I'm going to try it out.

[@yoshi314]

@@willywonka6948 dating apps mostly brought me disappointment and regret. women i met were rather boring and lacked hobbies or topics to talk about. i was not ready for meeting them in person, which was likely another problem. not to mention that i was putting in a lot of effort for marginal benefit - not a whole lot of interest in my 6 months of using them. right now i am attending dance class, and i have met more interesting people there, maybe the key (for me) is to get to know someone in real life. at least you can see how they really look and behave.

[@tsnevtbl]

inneresting

[@NewFunkyHouse]

Déjà-vu kalepan

[@GaveUpPorn]

@7:11 I didn't understand what you said. What are the two qualities that we have?

[@WhisperingChocoTaco]

It seems like ISFPs, ISTPs, and all extroverts are at least mildly promiscuous with Fe females possibly suppressing it, but the ENTP host said he wasn't into manipulating women like ESTPs and implied having better values in this sphere. But, word on the grapevine is that Ne doms are normally promiscuous. I think all the introverted intuitives are generally monogamous.

[@JohnChohon]

I like you sir!

[@cameronbond4685]

I'm an intp and I sense that he is not breathing

[@colloredbrothers]

Cameron Bond Lol I noticed that too! I started breathing irregularly just by watching him.

[@josesandoval3122]

as an intp im just a squirrel lookin for a __ __ __ lol i mean thats the only time our emotions come out conversations are insanely good as well but if i see the same female on the street i just stare like im reading their minds

[@stevebruce368]

What do you study Zach?

[@nayrking8]

I hope to study cognitive neuroscience in the near future. Currently, I'm doing general classes at a local college.

[@lisaadler507]

I just found out I'm an INTP, -A/-T

[@horsemumbler1]

Don't date an ISFP. She my be cute, it might be fun, and she may want your tool, but it won't be long until you both find your PoLR poked to hell by the other's tool function.

[@Outofontology]

horsemumbler1 Amen to that. That's my long lasting problem with my Isfp mother.

[@kpkp1993kp]

You don't look like a potato... just saying🤔🤗

[@EmpyreanFalling]

I liked the video but it is an elitist, almost social Darwinist fallacy to imply that not all types are intellectual. All sensors and feelers can be just as intellectual as INTPs.

[@Ihateteenagerstheyrecringe]

KJ is right. We all have our purposes in this world. We're all special in our own capabilities. With that being said, #INTPMASTERRACE

[@firstlast1598]

Marina that means according to your statement INTPs can be just as emotional as ESFJs, which would not be possible, because each type has their own strengths and weaknesses. INTPs get their energy from intellectual things, while ESFJs get their energy from interacting with people. The fact is, you will never see an ESFJ pursuing intellectual things just because it’s what they like to do, just like you would never see an INTP volunteer at a charity because it’s what they like to do. Being more intellectual doesn’t make INTPs better than anyone else, just like being less intellectual doesn’t make ESFJs worse.

[@Dummy257]

Intellectuals are the NT types, it's not a value judgment or a prediction of what their job is gonna be.

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

A lot of intps aren't emotionally intelligent, so maybe that will make you happy or something

[@davidfinnan2586]

Your audio is TERRIBLE. Good content though