Is masculine culture toxic for boys?

"The Mask You Live In" documentary film suggests that American male culture forces boys to suppress their humanity, making many of them dangerous. In this response, AEI scholar Christina Hoff Sommers discusses the problem with failing to distinguish between two very different types of masculinity.
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Is masculine culture toxic for boys?
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[@clermeil]

I love what this woman has to say, "Being a boy is not a social disease."

[@Aikman94]

I LOVE HER. SO RATIONAL AND NON-REGRESSIVE.

[@TheAutisticWerewolf]

Exactly, Masculinity is not toxic. Toxic masculinity was a social invention meant to be derogatory.

[@TheAutisticWerewolf]

Masticatious woman shame men for doing those things, making their sons think its socially acceptable. Just like the wronful term feminazi, toxic maculinity was meant to opress men and make them afraid to stand up for themselves. Anyone who says otherwise is full of it. Really full of it. Both terms are derogatory social constructs. Take Psych and Sociology then get back to us. While you're partially right both terms are really just the same tactic of opression.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

Right! When she said that I was like wtf! I'm a women by the way Also, come on, you know how it's a problem how much men talk to each other like they have to be aggressive to fit in the group

[@flambelk4489]

Pointing out of the obvious.

[@jmeditation]

This woman is making a major contribution to our society.

[@morecopemorerope4372]

The feminist I agree with.

[@prismickyubey1185]

Jules P. This is why we call her based mom.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

I wish there would be more feminists talking about this topic and please, men, speak for yourself!

[@BlairDaly]

Absolutely right. She gets it!!

[@Nodrog666]

I wish more feminists were as intellectually honest as Sommers. Her views on equality and prosperity are what the movement SHOULD be about

[@perchperkins7497]

Leos Klein as a feminist I agree completely.

[@bcsviewer1]

Perch Perkins: I'm glad that a feminist would agree with this. Perhaps I've been listening too much to the news, but how can you discuss things with feminists at work? Any ideas, that will not get a White Male FIRED.

[@hondyno3869]

@@bcsviewer1 ummm being a feminist is belief that women and men are equal

[@ricardomendez6015]

@hondy no feminism today is not about equality anymore. It’s widely known to be about manhating, and if you need proof look at the fact that few women (something like 1 in 5) describe themselves as feminists, yet 85% believe in equality of the sexes. Today’s feminism is NOT about equality anymore. Christina is one of the few who represent what feminism SHOULD be.

[@warge4258]

Modern feminists are what you get when you order feminism from wish

[@oscarstrokosz2986]

Toxic masculinity is toxic. Normal masculinity isn't. I'm with the art of manliness. Good video.

[@michaelm8529]

Brett McKay is a good man

[@xyzxxxc5365]

+oscar strokosz Finaly somone say that !

[@arKiteX3]

+Quinn I would disagree thoroughly with both the assessment of today's masculinity and ideal masculinity as being purely social; I emphasize the masculinity of resourcefulness, creativity, and independence, how man interacts not only with the rest of our species but also with the world around us. The very name "man", is after all etymologically connected to the Latin "manus", or "hand". Our labors, and their fruits, are absolutely essential to a proper understanding of masculinity.

[@michaelm8529]

I think masculinity has become more beta now. Which is a shame. Feminists paint this image of alpha masculinity as being a guy who is loud, drunk, abusive and promiscuous when in reality it's about being confident, resourceful and skillful

[@michaelm8529]

It's kind of annoying to see certain traits that are perfectly natural be berated by feminists. For example the boisterous behaviour between how men interact. Or saying how violence is inherently a bad thing when all it needs is to be channeled productively. Some of the best fun I've ever had has been breaking apart the old shed with my dad or rough housing with my friends yet I've never gotten into a fight and I've never lashed out against a loved one. Women have the amazing gift to create why not let men productively destroy, surely there's a reason we're naturally stronger?

[@trottheblackdog]

I love how women are the experts on manhood and men are the experts on nothing.

[@kalvinkalvarino2260]

We need women to help fight for us because other women will not listen otherwise. Feminist will call you a misogynist if you ever dare question anything pertaining to gender roles.

[@ExBruinsFan]

Listen to what she is saying. It doesn't matter WHO speaks the truth.

[@jonassamuel4376]

ExBruinsFan logically not, but humans are not just logical *TED: Looks aren't everything. Believe me, I'm a model.* O.o

[@Bbfishman]

***** you said "Would I be mad about a men analizing woman's behaviour just because he is a man? No"..............now my experience with any women tells me that you dont really believe that. Women love to flip out when you try to figure out the reasons for their actions and try to communicate those reasons to them. They cant handle it

[@Wakeupgrandowl]

jonas samuel I laughed at that TED talk too!

[@jongarman9294]

The problem happens when you judge a Man by actions and tendencies most often found in Women. "If you judge a fish by how well it can climb a tree, it'll go its whole life thinking it's stupid." -Albert Einstein

[@kaicheek]

Ok now i'm not a guy, but i feel that you need to be "guy-ish" to be seen as a man, i don't like that. Why are guys that exhibit female traits being bullied and called gay, why can't they be trated like a guy even though they like art or someting like that? Also some guys have like this increbile fear of showing fondess to their friends. Like why are you so afraid of touching eachother and feel the need to yell no homo when you do. I am right or worng here? Also i don't really know how guys deal with problems in their social groups? I mean talking it out seems the logical solotion to me... Do you ignore problems or forget about them, i really don't know other problem solving techniques that work? Also the woman said that "talking it out" doesn't help guys the way it does girls, and i don't think that's *because* they are male, i think it's learned. They learned how to act like guys, and solve problems in other ways (i have no idea what their are please tell me).

[@jongarman9294]

kaicheek Ok, so here is my attempt at explaining things a bit lol. You asked why guys that exhibit female traits are bullied. And its really quite simple. Subconsciously, men are all in competition with each other, in the same way women are competing with each other. Its the primal needs to eat, drink, and reproduce. Men compete for women. All men inherently know how to succeed in this great competition. Women want security, stability, love, and respect. By showing these traits, men who succeed have respect for other men who succeed because they know how difficult it is to succeed. So to see another man who does not show these traits, it brings a sense of contempt to those who do succeed. Now, the bullying comes into play due to a lack of maturity. The mature man, who has "succeeded" may want to help out the ones who cant. The immature man will ridicule and bully. Then there is your question about showing fondness. Again this has to do with maturity. Specifically, it has to do with the mans insecurities. The guys who feel the need to say "no homo" every time they touch another guy, is very insecure about their own sexuality. They fear being seen as homosexual. To a mature man, who is comfortable with who he is, showing fondness for friends comes as naturally as sleeping. Solving problems between men is something that will be difficult for most women to understand. Women are driven more by emotion, while men are driven more by logic. When women have a problem, they will address it indirectly. They wont talk until one of them realizes the other one is upset. With men, problems are solved directly. Two mature men with a problem may simply approach each other, say whats on their minds, shake hands, promise not to do it again, and go have a beer. Simple as that. A simple, sorry, wont happen again, and done. However, you also have the immature men who, when confronted, react violently. These men need to be beaten into submission before the problem is solved. That's just the way it is. When the woman in the video was talking about "talking things out" she means talking about feelings. Men and women address emotions very differently. To guys, emotions aren't as critical to us. Rather than talking about how upset we are, we would rather solve the problem that made us upset in the first place. Remove the problem, and you remove the emotion. Guys like to fix things. Its in our nature. Rather than wasting time talking about how we feel, we just rather fix the problem that made us feel bad. I hope that cleared some stuff up for you :)

[@kaicheek]

Jon Garman Then why can't men mature sooner, some still act like babies in their mid-twenties. Women start solving problems by talking it out when they're like 14. Also we are not any less logical they you are, but when we talk it out we don't talk only about the problem, we also talk about feeling and what made us feel it and well everyting in between. I don't see that as solving problems indirectly but rather more boradly, sure it takes more time but it's more though and it makes you know the person you had a problem with better because you get an insight of their thinking process. Also women are sometimes offended if you're direct about the problem that's why you have to tippy-toe about what you say, that bothers me sometimes if i want a problem solved quickly and they take it as if i'm trying to get rid of them. So in that sense it would benefit women to be more like men. And in the sense of maturing men should be more like women.

[@jongarman9294]

kaicheek I can see what your saying, however in this way, men and women are just simply different. You women may like to discuss the broad ins and outs of an issue. To us, we would rather take care of the problem, and that settles the rest. We dont need to "talk it out" because we understand already. Why ask questions that you already know the answer to? And some women still act like like toddlers into their thirties. It goes both ways. There are some benifits to a slower maturity rate (which is scientificaly proven that men mature slower than women). As we mature, physically, sertain body functions slow down. Metabolism slows, and people naturally become more lethargic. Mentally, we become wiser and grow into different roles. So when we mature slower, we have more energy, and more drive to achieve the things we want. So when it comes to how men go about solving problems and treating people, i guess its more of a parenting issue than it is a maturity one. Its just the more mature you are the more likely you are to make the right choices. As a father of two boys, its my responsibility to make sure I set a good example for them. That I show them the right way to handle things. Unfortunately though, in todays society, most fathers are absent, so young men dont have the right kind of role models to show them how to be mature, yet masculine, in positive ways.

[@kaicheek]

Jon Garman I agree with you. Good luck raising your kids, i'm sure you're doing a great job :).

[@mikoda92]

We need masculinity. That's the end of it.

[@TexKimball]

The core of masculinity has always been about two things: Competition (healthy and positive competition) and Self Worth. I think this is why we naturally see boys who often have a competitive spirit. In school, you see boys competing over every little thing; who can run the fastest, do the best at sports, who's the best at video games, etc. They always want to be the best. From what I've observed, girls are more likely to try and work together or partake in actions that don't involve such direct adversity. Which is why women/girls operate excellent in group situations. Although many men take a "lone-wolf" approach, they can still operate well in groups, but mainly when all of their priorities are in line with each other's; that is when great comradery forms. These attitudes I assume come from long ago in human history when survival was key, it probably worked well and that's how we were wired to behave. I see many 3rd wave feminists saying masculinity is "toxic" and not needed, or trying to tell men what the definition of masculinity is (the most common definition I see is "domination of the weak"). But like I said before, it has always come down to competition and self worth. Trying to out-perform your opponents and be the best person you can be to the ones you love is really what has driven society forward; and this can come from both sexes. Just because there are men in the world who choose a path of violence and anger on their journey to self worth and success, does not mean that is what masculinity is. But that is a picture that has been painted. Dishonesty, cruelty, violence, jealousy has caused the worlds problems, not masculinity itself. Men who have chosen a dark path, and still do to this very day. Teaching men that they need to be more feminine is honestly bogus. Men deal with emotions and feelings differently than women. They process it in their mind, act upon it to fix it, or move on, which is why many men don't opt to talk about their problems as openly as women; in many cases they simply don't need to. In fact, many men feel that they don't want to trouble others with their problems. Of course bottling up emotions ins bad, but we all must do what works best for us personally, whether it be talking it out, or processing it by ourselves. All in all, teaching our boys honour and respect, and building a great work ethic is essential. Women and men working together is where we succeed as a society.

[@nocucksinkekistan7321]

Women are very anti-social though.

[@elenikyritsi478]

Tony Montana yeah, I wonder why after being shut in their kitchens for quite some decades, they haven't been able to shake it off in 50 years of "freedom" and competition.

[@nocucksinkekistan7321]

Eleni Kyritsi Well women still are in their kitchens today.

[@LukeLovesRose]

Self-worth.... something that a lot of modern women sorely lack. How do you gain self-worth? By competing and winning. By working your ass off and achieving something great for yourself.

[@coreykaiser3128]

Vault Boy® that's why i put all my S.P.E.C.I.A.L points in Strength and Endurance and my skill points into unarmed and melee weapons, no value in solving things with speech lmao

[@ixlnxs]

Well said. Let boys be boys. Let girls be girls. A cousin of mine is the first male teacher in a kindergarten and brought a whole new perspective to his colleagues. He taught them the rough and tumble playing of boys is just that - playing. His female colleagues had always told the boys to "stop fighting"

[@ayPersonality]

ixlnxs "Let boys be boys" and "Let girls be girls" doesn't fit everybody though, because to people 'boys be boys and girls be girls' means girls shouldn't act like boys, and people will wonder why the girl is 'being a boy' when she could be playing with dolls.

[@RomanHistoryFan476AD]

@@ayPersonality Fine let them be themselves don't force them to go the way you want them to go.

[@Fuar11]

How about "let people be people"?

[@RomanHistoryFan476AD]

@@Fuar11 i wish they did.

[@elizabethfrazier9709]

@@Fuar11 That's a saying coined to allow degeneracy. Most of the time, being a "person" is wrong and should be corrected. There are certain behaviors you do not allow.

[@quentinmerritt]

Why is a Woman trying to tell men about mascultinity. Thats counter intuitive

[@alcockell]

Hoff-Sommers is an Equity Feminist (equal opportunities & responsibilities for male and female), as were Warren Farrell, Swayne Pye and some others. They were ousted from Feminism when Gender Feminism (essentially female supremacist viewpoint, inverted through victim mentality and then topping from the bottom all while blaming it on the men) took over the feminist camp in the late 60s/early 70s. They then set up the proto-MHRA movement. gender Feminism then went on and bisected etc... Radical Feminism was one of the subdivisions - Koss, Dworkin, Daly, Solanas, Morgan, Mackinnon, et al were on this side. Their militant arm were the ones who shot Erin Pizzey's dog, and screwed up the last 30 years. Dworkin was the one that reframed sex from peace to war. Koss was the one who redefined female-on-male rape out of the numbers. Faludi doubled down and rolled out Duluth etc.. that turned the gender war hot. Hoff-Sommers, Tieman etc etc are speaking up for us beleagured men.

[@ladev91]

You can study the differences of genders if you are a male or female.

[@bowman1248]

This woman is doing alot for male rights which are seemingly being crushed and forgotten under the wave of modern feminism, she is not the only woman doing this which includes Dr. Helen Smith and when asked why are you saying these things and men aren't she replied "Because men can't speak up, I'm am speaking up because people will actually listen to a woman"

[@ThePhluff]

Because if a guy presented this informarion, it would be brushed aside as "mansplaining" and a slew of other buzzwords.

[@DavySigfusson]

Everything that I hear from this woman is genius.

[@bizbite2]

I hear so much BS in the comments I guess some people can't comprehend when someone makes to much sense.

[@bizbite2]

I said that most people like to scapegoat masculinity, for any issue, men's instincts are made into purely bad thing... the documentary that she talks about deserves fair criticism.. but most people defend it and don't see the half truths in it.

[@planetary109]

Can we agree being either too feminine or too masculine is bad for both sexes? Can we try to aim for intelligence and decency above both? I see men either too masculine or too feminine and I see women either too feminine or, rarely, too masculine.

[@minervagalvez4748]

I agree 👍 💯

[@paritoshkailas725]

Nothing wrong being masculine or feminine. What is "too masculine " ?

[@deranged5322]

No. Men need to be too masculine. Women need to be too feminine.

[@mariamart_0]

No we need both because that’s how humans function and it’s toxic to only being overtly masculine and overtly feminine

[@shikhasophia2784]

​@@deranged5322shit

[@tom7979]

We should encourage boys to be themselves, instead of encouraging them to conform to societies idea of "masculinity". And we should be doing the same for girls and femininity.

[@Death2Evil]

You would think so, wouldn't you? Yet traditional sexists want to force "masculinity" on boys, and rising "men's rights" groups believe that "femininity" is "forced" onto boys by some evil feminist cabal of single moms (who would otherwise have preferably "masculine" boys). It's madness @_@

[@bcsviewer1]

Actually, the current situation is even worse: The Public Schools in America tries to force Boys to act like Girls. In my time as an Assistant Weblos Leader, There was disagreement between the Mothers and the Fathers on whether I was treating the boys fair. The moms claimed it was mean to have them return to their parents for Unsportsmanlike behavior: I called it not acting like a Cub Scout. The Fathers claimed it would encourage them to grow up. In time, even the Moms agreed that their sons were acting older showing more self control, but these days I suppose that self-control is a bad thing.

[@MrTwotimess]

What type of mother will hurt any of her offspring? Feminists seem to have no problem breaking their male children's spirit. If anyone treated my son like a 2nd class citizen, I'd kick up a fuss. If that person is my wife, she can go to hell. Both genders are valuable and we as parents should not encourage or contribute to the devaluation of their beings.

[@rogeliochavez2643]

We've been treated like 2nd class citizens for years

[@fewis4704]

reject modernity, embrace masculinity

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

incel

[@MyTEEsharp1]

Love my masculinity, and I will make sure to pass it on to my 2 boys!!! Men need to be men, and women need to be women.

[@popplioprincess7137]

"Men need to be men, and women need to be women." And what exactly does that mean to you? What is so bad about men being more feminine and women being more masculine?

[@gerbilpmc]

MyTEEsharp1 men and women need to just be themselves

[@narasimhavarman4148]

@@popplioprincess7137 Men will be masculine that's nature law !..

[@theinsectmanofwv]

As a retired middle school teacher my take on ADHD was it should be "Absent Dad in the Home Disorder". That said, boys are stifled by the way schools are set up. Homeschooling is the way to go.

[@Speakruffmeow]

most ignorant thing ever. you are not a dr. im glad you are no longer educating children with your ignorance. DAD missing does not cause learning disabilities. learn the science of ADD and adhd in the brain.

[@theinsectmanofwv]

Better go take your meds.

[@andrewada]

Yvette Benitez It might be related to ADHD. You don't know.

[@MrShelterman]

Its kind of a funny thing you say, but it may have some truths worth exploring. My brothers and I have ADHD and were probably some of the rowdiest boys in our schools. Same thing, lack of father influence. Now when I think of all the people I have met with ADHD, either they have no father figure or a positive father figure. I'm not going to say your right, but not completely wrong as some correlation can be observed.

[@adil115]

Yvette Benitez lol. the guy who "found" ADD/ADHD admitted it was a scham., how about no more zionist conjured up profit making cons?

[@angledcoathanger]

The whole telling men to cry more bullshit is so catastrophically misguided. You can't impose self expression on someone. And furthermore, if you want men to show weakness, create a context in which it won't be to their detriment, which currently, it absolutely is. There's a reason men need to be strong; women like it, and if you are poor or weak as a man people will avoid you rather than come to your aid like they would a damsel in distress.

[@bcsviewer1]

What I did to one Teenage boy was to get him to scream and yell about his irritations. He was pushing and shoving me, but it costed him energy: I was far stronger, so It didn't faze me any. I didn't even pin him once, but he was convinced that I was far stronger than him. His mom was surprised at what he was going through, and how I got him to talk. As for that teen, He went from a stress-induced frenzy to quite calm. I COMMITTED him to answer his moms questions regarding his day. I also asked his mom to offer help as part of a solution, not to go to the school to solve problems: Boys need to feel like they are solving their problems. Over a year later (Still exceptionally calm), he described the incident to his friends as (He mopped me across the floor, and threatened to beat me up). A Boy Scout leader and an older Boy Scout both agreed that anyone who can bend bones like a garden hose (That was a show of strength: when he tried to hit me: causing pain to his arm by squeezing his forearm) worked hard to keep from hurting him. In Short, sometimes it takes a MAN to calm a teenage boy down, and provide them a lasting solution to problems.

[@gerbilpmc]

bcsviewer1 I'm so confused by this comment..

[@thebarbarik3118]

There is no toxic masculinity, there is toxic individuals, that's it.

[@Bloodredtyrant]

Men value problem solving. Women value community. Those two views are not mutually exclusive. Rather than saying that one approach is better than the other, we can value both approaches equally. Women should not be scorned for wanting to share their problems. Men should not be belittled for seeking practical solutions. They can come together and create a community of problem solvers!

[@roger8654]

Masculinity is what these boys need and men do express their emotions. When men get emotional it turns to rage and anger when women get emotional they cry and start shaking.

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

Nooooooooonsense

[@jurassicthunder]

@@LavaCreeperPeople its not

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

@@jurassicthunder yes it is

[@Jonas-zr9mb]

That's the case with many men because anger and rage are the only emotions our society deems acceptable from men.

[@polarisicemaster]

There's nothing wrong with masculinity. The problem really is that a lot of boys are faced with pressure to be masculine, which can be difficult for some (like me). I'm neither girly, nor boyish, although I may have some girl tendencies. As a boy, going to school, I faced a lot of criticism for not complying to "masculine standards". I was automatically assumed to be gay and called some the most scaring names, just because I couldn't satisfy other people's expectations. Male culture is not harmful to boys, rather it is harmful to boys who may not identify with it (in some cases). I know I could be wrong, and I appreciate criticism, (it helps me to learn). So if you want to argue with my view it's okay, just be civil and not immature.

[@polarisicemaster]

true

[@stegman6526]

being masculine doesn't make you a bully

[@zak27986]

As an Australian mature normal young man myself born in 1998 from Lakemba, New South Wales, Australia personally have nothing against masculinity because I believe machismo and masculinity are different from each other. Machismo is abusive and toxic & masculinity is about courage & protection for example take firefighters who are brave & tough. Here are two video links below that explains the difference: Machismo Video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nJvSXputdrCWl9U Masculinity Video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/inuUf4aVoa2Jpc0

[@keithhunt5328]

It does.

[@cmmndrblu]

I think "man up" sometimes means "you can deal with more than you think you can"

[@MrHangmanYT]

She's totally not pretentious and gender bias...

[@TheRealJawnz]

How can one be a gender bias, you illiterate mong.

[@MrHangmanYT]

TheRealJawnz To resort to unequal treatment regards to opportunity,benefits,privileges, or having expectations based solely on one's gender. To be prejudice,discriminatory, or one sided. That is how one can be considered gender bias. Clearly you didn't check your dictionary because it doesn't seem as though you understand the meaning behind being illiterate, pal.

[@MrShelterman]

Justin Maybe you missed the whole point. A part of or sex is our pathology. We cannot change males or females pathology to empower another. A part of the male pathology is the play which can be rough. We are going to be different in our pursuits, roles. Their is not going to be an equality, and attempting to have equal men and women is damaging to people. Why? because it ignores the fairness. And the fair treatment is allowing men and women to follow their pathologies. Next is to harness the natural behaviours of women and men to the most accepting ways so both sexes can be understanding and more productive in our healthy behaviours and roles. If you want an example of how a equal gender opportunities is wrong i will provide. A young male tends to be put in employment of physical labour. At a grocery market, men tend to be funnelled into warehouse and pushing carts. Now our world is becoming less gender bias as you say. They put women in physical labour jobs for equality. Now from observation women slow down the productivity and do not share the work load because they generally do not have the capacity. Not only that, but men empathize with the gentler sex and allow them to slack off, while carrying the loud. Not only do employers crack down on men for lack of productivity, but they empathize with the women for doing the best of their capacity. Now experience and observation is very credible. From my observation, this equality does not benefit anyone but the women. Not to be ignorant, some women can keep up with men physically, but I have yet to see women generally holding their own in this matter. It is equality and not gender biased, but is it fair? Does this situation appeal to you as fair?

[@adil115]

you REFLECT what you claim she is. i highly suggest looking at yourself , behaviour, before judging her. She seemed sincere. what ever u want to see from ur lenses tho.

[@killertpu]

Masculinity is important for every male. Whether you like it or not, males and females, boys and girls, are two different coins. They are a lot of difference and the similarities are merely in species. Masculinty is important for men, Chivalry (and not the today's BS chivalry. I'm talking about middle ages Chivalry; the one that's a quarter about treating a woman right and the rest is just about martial prowess), and gentlemanly behavior. Feminism is trying to ruin this biologically natural disposition through brainwashing, guilt-tripping, and medication (Have you seen how docs are pumping up kids with meds now? Just because they were moving in their chair too much?). Adding the fact that marriage is basically dead (50% divorce rate in NA) which leaves boys without proper masculine role models and psychologically damages them (extending this to girls as well. Divorce is nasty, it affects everyone). TL;DR: MASCULINITY IS IMPORTANT FOR ALL MALES/BOYS. IT'S HUMAN NATURE!

[@mirage1182]

+Connor Delint Thanks, but we aren't going to move forward with society if we don't loosen up the gender roles and what is perceived as "girly" or "manly" There are women that are inherently more masculine and men more feminine by nature and it doesn't affect their ability to be a wonderful parent or make other contributions to society. I've met many of these people, the pressure they feel to bend who they are and hide their hobbies and interests because society is so narrow-minded is pretty bad.

[@bcsviewer1]

I am not sure that is correct: During the first few weeks life, A babys blood has barrels of Testosterone. Their body wont see that level again until 15 - 17 years of age. As for brain cells in a male, they saturated with Estrogen, a byproduct of Testosterone crossing Blood-Brain barrier. Little girls never go through this in their life: They have a chemical pathway in their brain cells that prevents this. A chemical that disables Estrogen in the brain. In Short, A boys brain is male by the second month of life, and a Girls brain is female. See Forest MG, Cathiard AM, Bertrand JA (Jul 1973). "Evidence of testicular activity in early infancy". The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism. Corbier P, Edwards DA, Roffi J (1992). "The neonatal testosterone surge: a comparative study". Archives Internationales de Physiologie, de Biochimie et de Biophysique Dakin CL, Wilson CA, Kalló I, Coen CW, Davies DC (May 2008). "Neonatal stimulation of 5-HT(2) receptors reduces androgen receptor expression in the rat anteroventral periventricular nucleus and sexually dimorphic preoptic area". The European Journal of Neuroscience.

[@williammason475]

Exactly

[@hopperthemarxist8533]

It's not about masculine versus feminine. Author and commenters totally miss the mark. It's strict gender roles that are the problem. Men believing that they cannot show emotion when men are more feminized now and have emotions. A lot of angry anti-feminists in this comment section.

[@hopperthemarxist8533]

Rick Steck I dont think so -- men naturally are emotional, just not in the same way as women. It's not that masculinity is an issue -- men are men.. they have a certain nature.. but culture is a big part of what makes men men. Over time, men have gotten softened and women have gotten hardened -- there is a biological nature to men and women and then there is culture -- its kind of a nature versus nurture thing. Men right now can never express their emotions at all, so they end up expressing them in other ways. The most "masculine" men macho guys are not actually the most manly in my opinion. They act really tough but then are actually really weak emotionally..because they aren't allowed to be emotional at all. It's not about making men act like women it's about letting men be more like men... and men have a feminine side. just like women have a masculine side.

[@hopperthemarxist8533]

Rick Steck no need for insults. "Men are problem solvers"...men are what they are because of a certain part that is genetic and a part that is conditioned by society. There is a spectrum of very masculine men and very feminine men. Neither by themselves are better than the other...and just because a man is more feminine or masculine doesn't make him a better "problem solver" -- the problem is when you force your idea of what a man should or should not be instead of letting people be what is best for them. I don't see the issue in letting men be more like men..embrace more of their feminine qualities. But I also think a lot of this is going right over your head, honestly.

[@hopperthemarxist8533]

Rick Steck No -- I don't know where you got that from. Feminists tend to focus too much on women I agree there... that's why I think they should call themselves "gender equalists" or something like that because the thing is.. if it's true that very strict masculine gender roles are harmful for boys then feminism is about helping boys too. I think that there is some truth to what you're saying for sure though. Men have been conditioned to ignore some parts of their masculinity.. just like many women have been taught to ignore their femininity.. so the trick is how do we condition people better so men are more in tune with their nature? The problem is that being manly is something that is also taught.. so how someone acts like a man changes over time. I don't think feminists think masculinity is evil... although yeah some feminists do hate men I don't think thats actually what feminism is.. I think the problem is that masculine culture isn't about making men more like men it's making men too much like a stereotype of what a man should be instead of what men actually are. There is a great documentary called "The Mask You Live IN' The trailer is on youtube check it out I think you'l see more what I mean.

[@hopperthemarxist8533]

Rick Steck I actually agree with you -- but I don't see what masculine gender roles has to do with feminism as a movement. It's possible to take a look at how gender roles can be harmful without even mentioning the goals of 3rd wave feminists.

[@ollehkacb]

look men naturally hide their emotions. I have to be one of the most emotional men out there and my mother has always told me it is okay to cry but very few times have i cried in front of others. you are right it is nit feminine vs masculine we are like the ying and yang to opposing forces that whe. together become incredibly powerfull. their are men who are feminine and that is okay those men should act more like women but not all men are that feminine.

[@shiro6152]

I think Masculinity shouldn't be expected from all boys, because were all different ad it's ok to be different.

[@shiro6152]

Finally someone gets it :)

[@transformingthebear238]

Artur Terho Thus why more and more men end up with gyno, overweight, depressed, and insecure about who they are.

[@transformingthebear238]

PriNce ShaKur Check my facts? Haha...check your reading comprehension first. I was agreeing with what the other person said which was exactly what you said.

[@transformingthebear238]

Joel Oliver I wasn't masculine. I was so unmasculine my dad told me after I got married that he actually thought I would grow up to be gay. Growing up in a family of girls and my dad not being around made my relationship around guys very awkward.

[@THEKaitlynjanetm]

I think we all need to stop blaming one particular group of people and realize that we all have a part to play in this. Women and men. Old and young. Black and white. Rich or poor. There is not just ONE group that is at fault. Because there are good and bad people in every group. Stop focusing on WHAT we are. And start paying attention to WHO we are. Yes, we all have differences. But we also have much more in common than you might think.

[@Pivitrix]

Quote: " *You need to persuade him that it serves a practical purpose* " THANK YOU! so much, someone who understands...

[@drewheigs7707]

"Being a BOY is not a social disease and the de-Tom Sawyer-ing of the boys of the world shouldn't be on anyone's agenda" (paraphrased)

[@arturoluna475]

Her: 'I think my co-worker is saying stuff behind my back'Me: 'So why don't you just cut ties with her? Or bring it up during a private discussion? You can end it tomorrow'Her: 'I don't need advice, I just need you to listen and be supportive, OK?!'Me: *confused as hell and not wanting things to escalate further* 'You're right...you don't deserve that, but I'm here for you :D, whatever you need'

[@Envy_May]

Excellent points. On another plate, I feel like I'm the only (straight) male who doesn't _want_ to be masculine.

[@lane6136]

Envy May she said that masculinity isn't toxic for boys and boys don't have to be feminine

[@RicardoPetinga]

The problem with this response is that it assumes there is or should be such a thing as "masculinity", as if it has to be more than just a socio-cultural fiction. Of course there are genetic differences, but what actually makes the most difference is that boys are taught what it means to be "boys", even if it goes against what is natural to them. The same happens to girls and to intersexual people, who are probably the ones most affected and confused by this binary perception of gender. Forget masculinity and femininity and start teaching humanity and individuality. At the end of the day a boy who feels like a boy is still a boy, just as real as any other, even if he doesn't do or care for the things that are not culturally attributed to this idea (or worse: ideal) of masculinity. It's the culture that this lady is basing her thought process on and defending that is corrupted, and that is why she completely missed the point. All imposed notions of gender are perverse. I'll repeat: Forget masculinity and femininity and start teaching humanity and individuality. And I'll add: teach sentiocentrism and promote empathy for all that are sentient.

[@RicardoPetinga]

Steve Fenton You didn't make any point or presented any argument. How am I supposed to understand how I missed the point and why there should be such a thing as masculinity (or femininity)? Before you get too confused about what I said before, I wasn't trying to say that masculinity and femininity don't exist. They do, as obviously as there being gender variations. However, there are more than just two possible combinations of cromossomes and there are more genetic/sexual identities other than masculine and feminine, and regardless of those physical identities, the psychological identities are something else entirely and don't necessarily have anything to do with how the person is physically. Masculinity and femininity as psychological traits are what I called socio-cultural fictions. Emotions, thought processes, attitudes and behaviors may be influenced by some genetic predispositions and therefore vary from females to males to intersexual or asexual people, but they're not predetermined by sexual identity, and they are not necessarily masculine or feminine. Most of them aren't even exclusively human since they're shared by most animal species, and they vary from species to species as well.

[@aarushsachdeva8621]

no

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

incel

[@pjvoorhees]

Here's a question, why is a woman saying all this?

[@Vilverna]

because men aren't allowed to have opinions.

[@SaginawGS]

Check your privileges bra! That's a micro aggression! PC principal won't tolerate your toxic attitude! Lol

[@kaylasobeck2839]

Phoebe Voorhees A woman is not really saying all this. The men actually are. She is commenting on the documentary, " The Mask You Live In " that is available to watch on Netflix. It is by men and for men and boys.

[@gonzogreat9335]

Because in a moment when she had nothing to do she creared an opinion. And here the general public must suffer through hearing or reading it as we must suffer all such thinfs from all genders. However many there are this week.

[@kelissoso]

PhoebeIsCool that's a toxic reaction

[@MrShelterman]

Damn, this chick is fly.

[@mahapatrachandrakant]

What about androgyny? No place for men who are more feminine than masculine or women who are more masculine than feminine? Surely men and women, in general, have their distinctive attributes, but some individuals lie in the middle of the spectrum and should be respected for their individualities. If a man has a naturally feminine disposition or embodies traits that are traditionally not masculine, should he be castigated for it? There should never be coercion to conform to any gender role and people should be allowed to be their natural selves. I was constantly berated for being feminine or sissy or too camp, but now I'm a grown man and I proudly embrace my natural femininity. I found a prestigious internship at Vogue in Ontario this summer too :D.

[@RihannaIsIluminati]

+Chan I don't believe anyone should be respected for their "individualities". You are respected for your actions. What the masculinity of most boys is really about is in logically and rationally resolving tangible, physical issues that reveal themselves. Anyone can express this trait, but it seems to be more prevalent amongst males for some biological reason. My point here is that while being able to express your emotions is a good trait within femininity, where it becomes a problem and conflicts with masculinity is when your expression obstructs the pathway to a logical solution to a problem. For example, any guy, uber-masculine or not, would respect the hell out of Tim Gunn because he is a successful business man and all around pimp who happens to be gay. The core of masculinity is in solving problems and getting shit done. Nothing more, nothing less.

[@muslimmetalman]

+RihannaIsIluminati Amen. It's fiction, but hardened soldiers with iron tenacity, like Revy of Black Lagoon, or Sarah Connors from Terminator - I can respect that. & what is this about "being able to express your emotions". Is not the female stereotype famous for meaning something scarier than kind words? Like "I'm not mad" *(OF COURSE I'M MAD YOU FUCK)*. That sort of thing.

[@RihannaIsIluminati]

***** Feminism in general is famous for its double-think. Get used to that.

[@muslimmetalman]

RihannaIsIluminati This is not merely feminist double-think. it's pretty mainstream to both imagine women as "more communicative" & "less communicative"

[@RihannaIsIluminati]

***** A gender paradox, if you will.

[@LukeLovesRose]

We don't get rewards or encouragement for being great men. Women have lost so much passion for having a man around, it's not even funny. Women should be drooling over men like men drool over sexy women. BUT, we've come to a point where our women are more likely to be drooling over sexy women than we are. That doesn't make me feel good, I don't know about you. We're not sexy to women anymore? That's a huge fucking insult. Can you imagine how they would feel if the people they sought after rejected them like women in mass are rejecting men?? So, when boys grow up watching mothers emasculate men - whether the men are their fathers, brothers, on the news, in movies, what kind of mental and emotional scars do you think that will leave on a boy? He can easily start feeling ashamed to be a boy, because mommy disapproves so much. It's in our nature to seek out and excel to win over the opposite sex. When women take those opportunities away as they've been doing more and more over the last 40 years, getting more and more arrogant and "self-reliant," they convince themselves that they don't need men. Now, they don't even remember or want to remember where we come from. Men for the most part invented and created everything to make this civilization work. Men pulled women out of the comfort of the cave and made her feel comfortable outside it, so to speak. Do they see those accomplishments? Can they look at all of the good men have done and try to see the lighter - like we always do when we fall in love?? NO. They constantly remind themselves of every bad thing that has ever happened to them. That is what makes feminism far more poisonous than masculinity. It promotes victimhood over dignity, respect, trust and love. Instead of teaching girls the value of working with others, including boys, feminism teaches girls that they can do everything on their own because everyone else - including other girls are out to get them and take away their freedom. Masculinity teaches people that you can't have freedom without responsibility. You can do something great and extraordinary, but you have to be brave enough to face rejection, defeat and even more challenges. Yes, it hurts but it'll be worth it when its all over, basically.

[@snowfrosty1]

Let the "plantation" burn buddy, STOP PANDERING YOUR "MALE EGO" AND SUBMITTING TO YOUR INSTINCTS ALL THE DAMN TIME!!!!!!!!

[@EdmacZ]

We all say we want equality between the sexes. Yet at the same time we keep passing laws and policies absolving women of all accountability and placing all accountability on the shoulders of men, all while still being told women are just as strong, just as dependant, just as capable as men, and deserve all the respect a man gets. Hell, this video says Masculinity is "toxic" for boys. Do we say Femininity is "Toxic" for girls? No, we tell girls femininity is anything they define it, they can be anything they want to be, but Boys are forced to shed off their masculinity. Feminist Principles coming into play: Women are MORE Valuable than Men. Men have no worth under Feminism. Why does this happen even though men and women are supposedly "equal" in this society? Because men and women NOT equal. And they never will be. So we should respect their differences and stop pretending they're the same.

[@danpow851]

Every time I listen to Sommers, it's like breathing fresh air again.

[@Gorkem.demirbs]

Reject modernity embrace masculinity

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

incel

[@jackpaul3659]

When I was a kid I did something stupid like break a glass cup for an example, I'd get hit by my older brother or dad. If I was to cry they'd say man up don't cry, or I'll hit you even harder. Today, if I was to show emotion to my friends or cry I'd be called a pussy and told to man up...........it's not fair for me to hide my emotions it just pisses me off and makes me depressed.

[@justincbates]

Christina, I love you basedmom, but bullying is not a masculine trait. Bullying is simply not gendered. Boys and girls may on average use different ways to bully, but both use the same spectrum of abusive tactics.

[@Sphankslol]

the problem is when people start thinking that strength= no emotions..

[@ben4886]

Sphanks but not showing alot of emotions is a sign of strength. It means you can control yourself

[@Canalus]

While I appreciate the fact that someone finally says that being and acting masculine is not a bad thing per se, I also wonder why it has to be a woman. What's wrong with us men discussing masculinity or men's issues?

[@ExBruinsFan]

There are lots of men promoting male virtues. Check out Bernard Chapin, for one. Karen Straughan, for another.

[@Canalus]

ExBruinsFan I know and I appreciate their contribuiton (I'm a big fan of Karens), but they're not "mainstream", so to speak. The mainstream perception seems to be that men are not allowed to speak about gender issues for some reason.

[@ExBruinsFan]

Canalus We have to do what the feminists did and MAKE IT mainstream.

[@Canalus]

ExBruinsFan Totally agree on that.

[@Canalus]

Ricardo Castro Oh yes, as a male comic book reader I've been recently informed of the evils of wanting to read a comic in which a woman is depicted as sexy or provocative, because that would somehow prompt us mindless beast to rape everything around us and WE CAN'T HAVE THAT! God, we are so disgusting, with our evil male urges.

[@thrandulfthegreen]

there is no toxic masculinity on a sinking ship nor is there a feminist

[@georgebush1391]

Please woman, don't talk about something you have no idea about.

[@ZontarDow]

She is a renown scholar on the subject and has not only a degree, has written multiple papers, but has written multiple books on the subject. If you want to counter what she is saying, at least do yourself a favour and actually make a counter to it. You just make yourself look like an idiot if your only statement is "duh, no it isn't".

[@bcsviewer1]

zontar: While I believe that a Man understand masculinity better than any women, I also think that women are better able to get through to fellow women regarding certain subjects. This is one of them. She may understand men better, if she went through Male Emulation. Under a doctors supervision, Daily injections of Testosterone would help her feel what its like to have a higher Testosterone. A mans Testosterone is over 7 times higher than a Females. This may help any women have greater respect for men, especially our self-control.

[@zak27986]

Being macho makes you a predator and being masculine makes you a protector period.

[@UnexpectedWonder]

The only issue I have with what she said is that many Women don't understand what "Man-up" actually means and how it's positively utilized. Being tough with grit and endurance through hardships and struggles, taking care of responsibilities and problem-solving, establishing Brotherhood, protecting, proving, and guiding/advising is what Manning up is all about.

[@robertlongwill8856]

you know as well as I that's not what women mean. when they say man up it's a derogatory statement towards the boy or man.

[@UnexpectedWonder]

@@robertlongwill8856 Reread wtf I actually said. You missed my 1st sentence.

[@ronnieswoleman4290]

Christina Hoff Sommers is awesome, I don't even consider her a feminist since she gives a shit about men, although I don't agree with the 'gentlemen' nonsense.

[@robertfreid2879]

Ronnie Swoleman I respectfually disagree. I think the Gentlemen Masculinity was the perfect middle ground between the Pathologically Masculine douchebro you see off of garbage like MTV and Jersey Shore, and the simpering, pathetic, feminized man-child beta-male (which seems to be what the documentary film "The Mask You Live In" wants boys and young men to be more like).

[@TirsaTalks]

I think this video is quite pointless. it's arguing something that is not even the case. Nobody said that being a boy or being healthily masculine is bad. But boy's mental health IS a problem and maybe one study said they don't like talking about their feelings, other studies show that a big amount of men (far more than women) commit suicide. This could be prevented by therapy and can be discovered by talking about feelings. Videos like this don't talk about that and that is a huge waste.

[@paulscott8656]

You're right.. and wrong. The issues at hand are definitely a problem for men. Talking about feeling isn't hard for men and boys to do, they just don't always see the purpose. Christina is saying that if we want boys and men to talk about their feelings more we could just present it to them as a problem to solve. Boys and girls do, in-fact, react to the world differently. If we want to solve a male problem we should use a male perspective.

[@BraveNewwor1d]

Nothing wrong with masculinity.

[@bonersmash8478]

I disagree, I personally think toxic masculinity is a huge problem. It is sad when societal pressures try to make boys feel like they have to be aggressive and dominant.

[@kaylasobeck2839]

Boner Smash agree agree agree

[@thejim3501]

+Kayla Sobeck That's sweet. You don't think men should act manley?

[@kaylasobeck2839]

The Jim Yes I do, but in an manly way. What really defines a manly man? I would have to say that there is a very great difference between what culture has pressed on, with all the "masculine" morals, and character of a man. The integrity is missing from society now. And I'm not just speaking about men and boys, but also women and girls. There is also a very toxic feminine issue as well. This is not how women or men are supposed to be. Let's just take the whole social media thing for an example for girls and women......the girls grow up believing that all their self worth lies within a selfie pic of themselves for all the world to see. Boys grow up with an idea that being a man is not letting any feelings show....it's not how any relationship works or communication with anyone. If you don't know how to express an emotion in a healthy way, then it comes out in all forms that is not so healthy. I blame technology and media. I grew up in the generation that was introduced to the internet and pre smart phone days....and I have grown up the other half with it. I would have to say that life and people were completely different with each other....just look around and see everyone at a loss for words with one another. Everyone is gone emotionally and mentally even when their physical presence is actually there. I think it is a great thing for its proper uses but it is also a very dangerous and toxic way for our culture because it has exploded into a very blind reality that most people cannot see or cannot admit to themselves that there is a problem bc they are drowning in it themselves.

[@thejim3501]

Kayla Sobeck WOW! You should be a politician. All that and you didn't say anything. :)

[@thejim3501]

Kayla Sobeck You are either a man, or a titless bitch.

[@soul_in_search_of_enlightm2131]

Embrace masculinity become strong

[@SaelPalani]

What's the operational definition of Tom Sawyering?

[@usmh]

Dear God in heaven, I hope you meant that to be funny and funny only.

[@usmh]

***** It just seemed so pointless to start picking on a playful comment like that. With radfems, no fun may be had -- bitterness for all!

[@SaelPalani]

***** Yes, I am. You guys put forth this crap so I want to know what the fuck it is. I want to know what new fucktardia you've come up with. It's comedy material.

[@usmh]

SaelPalani This. This is radical feminism. This blatant bitterness. She ended her talk, which was clearly rational and well thought out, with a good fun pretend word. You know, for fun. But no, you won't have it. This is why I consider radical feminism a cult, and you just confirmed that belief. Congratulations.

[@SaelPalani]

usmh LOL

[@richrobinson6464]

Reject weakness embrace testicular fortitude

[@InContemplation]

So a woman takes a 3 minute trailer from a movie she's never seen, and bases the pathological actions of some boys on some arbitrary and unscientific distinction, despite the neurological connections between sociopathic and empathic behaviors.What? 2 types of masculinity? Since when? You cant take pathological actions common to a certain mentality and act as though its completely severed from the actions you like without actually addressing how they work in isolation. They could very well be different applications of the same instincts responding to neural stimuli. In fact, given that aggression and creative expression can, under certain circumstances, reproduce the same chemicals in the brain, I find that possibility more likely than some on/off switch for 2 kinds of broad gender expression (Something I'm just hearing about now...). As for the feelings of depression, isolation, and suppression in men: Men are more than 4 times more likely to commit suicide, make up over 9/10th's of incarcerated violent criminals, and make up about 8/10th's of drug addicts. Maybe the fact some boys find "Problem Talk" a "Waste of time" is a serious issue that should be addressed.

[@InContemplation]

***** "This figure could easily drop to 7/10ths if women were treated the same as men in criminal courts." I would actually reverse it, given lengthened prison sentences have been correlated to repeat offenses, and that many prisons have a track record for making prisoners more violent. "it is possible to maximise socially beneficial behaviours & minimise pathological behaviors." Absolutely, but you dont make the camps 2 different forms of gender expression altogether when they function in the same psychological and neurological ways. To do this is akin to saying a blowtorch works under different physics to a flamethrower because a flamethrower is used to kill people and a blowtorch isnt. "There is considerable evidence to support the notion that men don't have access to support structures that's suited for them." I can accept that. However, the woman in this vid denies the fact that emotional and gender expression for men is heavily limited for men in some cultures, which could easily contribute to the difference in violence, addiction, and depression suffered by men. This is really not helping.

[@AoiKyuuketsuki]

A-fucking-men.

[@bigman2676]

The answer is no. That's it

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

incel

[@epoose]

the problem with this is that her argument is really gender essentialist. she keeps talking about bogus 'male instinct' and that there is a type of masculinity that is healthy when in reality all the elements of maleness in society was made up culturally and is always in the context of holding a position of power over women, whether it takes the form of an aggressive bully or a chivalrous(patronizing) gentleman, even if the sexism is benevolent its still sexism and sexism hurts people. shes still boxing boys into their gender role by saying they need to be Masculine in order to fulfil their Biologically Predestined AMAB Needs when the healthiest option is to just abandon western masculinity and gender roles altogether and be yourself even if it doesnt conform. all masculinity is toxic and designed to keep men in their place as oppressors even if it looks harmless at first glance

[@quantumpanic]

western masculinity? what you think masculinity in other cultures is "better" in your view? try googling "Balinese topless" and see how western patriarchy is a pansy compared to eastern tradition

[@bobbymuddymud3610]

"all masculinity is toxic and designed to keep men in their place as oppressors even if it looks harmless at first glance" What about those guys who do "penis puppetry"? They're not so bad, right?

[@epoose]

i like how you guys are just nitpicking and being smartasses instead of actually registering the comment with your brains. lame as hell tbh

[@bobbymuddymud3610]

Doc Mairet Well, Doc, to be fair you've made a very broad, sweeping statement on a subject that I think most reasonable people would describe as "slightly more nuanced than black/white". I think it's fair to say that almost any statement that reads "All ____ is ____" tend to be hyperbole... and hyperbole gets nitpicked when it's presented as truth.

[@epoose]

i agree that it is nuanced but not in the way you think. ive discussed and thought about it a lot with other people. i used to think that some masculinity was good and harmless but when you really see the big picture and put it into context with the patriarchy i figured out that maleness in pretty much any form is inherently misogynistic because it still relies on being a position higher than non-males + it connotes or revolves around strength and control and is designed to contrast against femininity which is culturally designed to be the opposite. until there is literally no patriarchy ever, at all, anywhere, you cant say theres a healthy kind of masculinity and anyway she isnt REALLY asking to radically redefine what it means to be a man, shes saying we should keep this idea of patriarchal manliness as it is now but make it seem less overtly malignant. its a start but it isnt good enough(and no im not hyperbolizing, the idea threw me way off at first too but the more you really think about it it makes sense imo)

[@zak27986]

(For Biological Males Only) Boys of the next generation need good responsible men to guide them. No creepy spoiled hyperfeminine men who whine about how pretty they are plus they wear women’s clothes and women’s shoes & especially no barbaric thuggish macho men who bully plus abuse vulnerable people. Only healthy positive masculine gentlemen period.

[@buddhathegod]

Wow. Really? "Deny their HUMANITY"? Hold on, I think I need to go back ten years to find an appropriate reaction for this. Oh here it is, ROFLMAO. She's trying to argue about the "good side of masculinity", that it's not all bullying. That the good parts are being protective... but the whole point of the trailer to the documentary is to highlight the problems with the norms of boys having to be strong and protective. It's like the whole point of the trailer just passed her by, and then trying to make a point of that the only bad part of masculinity is the bullying. Wow what a great assessment, "bullying is bad". I learned that in kindergarten from a man dressed in an animal suit. Yes there is a fucking problem with the "gentleman's code". It reinforces the stereotype that girls are so damn vulnerable they can't open up a fucking door or even pull out their own chair. That they're so fragile that they need a man to be protected against other men. I'm not saying men shouldn't protect women, I'm saying that a man shouldn't protect a woman because he's a man but because he's hopefully human and wants to protect someone he cares about, just how a woman should protect someone they care about because she is human as well. Let's stop with this nonsense right-wing bullshit already. Having a society where masculitiniy is so valued has huge implications, hands down. Domestic violence against men by women has been found out to be more equal to domestic violence against women by men than previously thought. But they're never reported because men are brought up to think that they're strong and can't be hurt by women. Same with rape on men by women (and men to some extension), these are just met with "LAWL U SRS THAT MUST'VE BEEN RLY HAWT" "U WER HARD WERNT U, HOW DIS RAEP?". Why are we even beating around the bush with this issue? This issue should be clear as day, still there are people who rather stick their head in a pile of shit and say "Hey I don't see any problem here, let's just all continue to live the same life we did 50 years ago, because conservatism is truly the best and most nutritious ideology in mankind's history". Conservatism is basically "man why do we have to change stuff? I don't like change, I like how things are now because I think it's comfortable and it benefits me" somehow making it into a political point of view.

[@bobbymuddymud3610]

"Yes there is a fucking problem with the "gentleman's code". It reinforces the stereotype that girls are so damn vulnerable they can't open up a fucking door" The weight of the average door is one patriarchy's many ways of keeping women down.

[@andrewarnold9818]

Y'know what, I will date feminine girls who like chivalry, and you can date girls who are hairy and to to feminist meetings. Also, hate to point this out, obviously men protecting wome wasn't just produced by the Patriarchy Factory. Women are physically less strong generally, and tend to be less aggressive. Idiot.

[@bobbymuddymud3610]

kaicheek You couldn't even kill time armed with a paddle-ball.

[@kaicheek]

Bobby Muddymud I don't like paddle balls, so i guess you're right.

[@kaicheek]

Andrew Arnold Ironically, your comment about how women are less agressive and weaker made me agressive. Did you see that video of domestic abuse when the guy was yelling at his girlfriend in public and people stopped him, and then they made a girl abuse a guy in public and everyone thought it was funny? Well that because they think girls are weak too and seeing one beat a guy is therefore wierd. So seeing girls as weak is not only bad for the girls but also for the guys. Untill girls are seen as capable human beings, men being raped by women and domestic violence towards men will be a matter no one will take seriously. If we lose, you lose to. Now decide what you want.

[@megaelsa1000]

Toxic masculinity and toxic femininity don't exist. The behaviors we try to describe are psychopathy and narcissism. The are not the extreme versions of the masculine and feminine. If you take masculinity and feminity to its extremes you get soldiers defending and fighting to the death to give someone else a chance at life, or nurses taking care of ebola patients. The prefix toxic- is an insult to both masculine and feminine.

[@marchhoney6329]

I think the problem is that masculinity is so glorified. There is no reason a boy has to be masculine. Femininity is seen as such a bad thing, even in girls sometimes, and it's mostly viewed as weak. There is no role or expectation for a boy to be put into except to be himself, and truthfully most people have a balance of masculinity and femininity- it doesn't really have to do with gender, they're just personality traits. The problem is that boys are expected to suppress any feminine traits (and of course the same for girls with masculine) and the is a whole chunk of yourself you have to hide. It's seen as shameful for a boy to like makeup or art or the color pink, etc., and this void left when they squash down all of these "shameful" secrets is filled by an over the top bastardization of masculinity. It just sucks, generally. The problem isn't that we're teaching boys to be the wrong kind of masculine, it's that we're forcing them to be only masculine.

[@Vilverna]

I have not observed anything that paints femininity as a negative thing.

[@marchhoney6329]

Chara in this video it says that to fix this toxic masculinity problem, we just need to teach boys the "right" masculinity. It's still just telling boys they need to be masculine to be acceptable, and that's not true. It's still telling boys they need to be a certain way to be normal.

[@Vilverna]

Maggie G. generally, boys are masculine. that's why masculinity is associated with men.

[@themrchimpie]

women are the major enforcerers of gender roles in men because if you want to be popular with the opposite sex you need to have traditionally masculine traits. I learned myself that women are seldom attracted to non masculine guys.

[@dragonmaister6946]

Are you saying that being masculine is a choice? Ever heard of testosterone?

[@jake9671]

We should stop talking about toxic masculinity and talk about toxic feminism

[@Optimus6128]

Thank you for talking about all sides of the issue and not excluding different kinds of males. Being masculine is healthy. But also some males are more sensitive than the rest and being simply told to man up doesn't help, also others can be bullies.

[@amoreholliday]

How someone reacts in a classroom is completely based on personality. I wish more people where educated on this. This is why some people prefer Trades some prefer Office jobs in which they communicate and sit. would you say little men work in that environment? Not likely. However it's true most man are thinkers, and most women are extroverts, but again that's a personality trait meaning you have extroverted men, and thinking women too. I'm an introverted woman who analyzes so I think school does not support the personality type of those who like to move and think. Myers Briggs a good personality indicator. I'm an ISTP

[@amoreholliday]

I will state that as a child in school I was always in detention and mistaken for having adhd, I was restless, to get me to do work, you had to give me a challenge, like a timed test for time tables. I just hate to see repeated cycles for what we think is masculine behavior when again it's not. nothing can make a man more masculine than just being a men.

[@princejavv3314]

Imma boy, and this woman needs to live forever she is picking up for boys and making sense

[@checkplus]

"de-Tom Sawyering" That could be the greatest thing I've heard in a long time.

[@Nicole-fg1gr]

Treat people the same regardless of their gender.

[@itjustocean7002]

" being a boy is not a social disease " someone go tell the feminists

[@ttosu6206]

Feminist: The aggression of men cause violence and abuse Me: That same aggression is that of the soldiers in WW1 that stopped hitler's evil plan so what are you talking about

[@cloroxlavenderscent4307]

Look men created guy culture. And most men are masculine. But a gender doesn't define what some one does.

[@moedog]

they need to teach men how to be gentleman an at the same time they need to teach women how to be gentlewomen,

[@Speakruffmeow]

who the hell is they? their parents? uh ya. thats not a school thing.

[@pearsonchibehe6743]

I think women prefer being called Ladies rather than gentlewomen, but good point.

[@jamesconnolly5164]

I'd be hesitant to refer to bullies and assholes as "pathologically masculine." I've met plenty of muscular big dudes who are totally nice and treat people well. I would just call bullies "pathologically dickish."

[@veronicacherubino3142]

Encouraging boys to be more nurturing and empathetic isn't an attack on their masculinity . It's broadening the definition of what masculinity means. Men can still be athletic, competitive, autonomous, adventurous, risk taking, courageous, assertive , confident etc all the things considered traditionally male. But what's wrong in recognizing that they can be other things too? And trying to flourish those qualities within them? We understand now that women can be more than just caring and nurturing and are also encouraged to be competitive, autonomous, athletic, adventurous, risk taking, assertive, courageous etc as these traits are acknowledged to be beneficial to their development also. We would never dare to say that women shouldn't be encouraged to be these things, that it's against their nature. Yet why do people say these things when it comes to boys being encouraged to be more emotionally expressive or empathetic to one's problems? Or nurturing towards a vulnerable person or animal or life instead of being destructive ? Why should these things only be experienced within the realm of women? Don't we also want to enrichen the experiences of men? Don't we want to give boys the opportunities to be more than what people say they should be? These things aren't soley feminine, they're part of what makes someone a good person. Since when is caring for others a bad thing? Since when is reaching out for support a bad thing? Since when is listening to others a bad thing? Since when is showing vulnerability and intimately connecting on an emotional level with another human being a bad thing? We're social creatures that depend on relationships to survive. We have different relationships for different purposes but our most important relationships that make us feel loved and valued are those that are emotionally fulfilling. Discouraging men to be more open about their feelings and saying that it's feminizing is so harmful. Sure I think it depends on the severity of the issue. Not everything needs to be talked about it and some issues can be resolved by ourselves without the inclusion or intervention of others. When things are passing or trivial in the grand scheme of things, it's not that harmful to keep it to ourselves and work it out, maybe escape somewhere, and then move on from it. If that's what works for some people ,who are we to say anything? But at the same time, what about the issues that we can't resolve by ourselves? W hat about more serious or long term issues? What if you lost your job suddenly? What if you became homeless and started living in your car or out on the streets? What if you're carrying trauma or grief or anxiety? What if you got divorced? What if you lost your child? What if you have depression? What if you're suffering from alcohol or drug abuse? What if your wife cheated on you with your best friend? What if you were a victim of physical or sexual assault? Should we still encourage men not to be open about what they're feeling and experiencing? Should we not encourage men to reach out to support networks for help? Should we not encourage men to be support networks to other men? Should we not give men an emotional outlet for pain and anger? I know you mean well Christina, but you really sound like you're saying men shouldn't have to be supportive to one another and seek eachother's support when they have an issue, because it is too "girly". And I don't think human compassion is girly. It's something we should all aspire for in our relationships. Having open and honest conversations among men shouldn't be discouraged. Men like to reach easy conclusions and thus aren't interested in expressing their concerns if it's something they can just work out on their own. I feel as though women tend to talk about any concern no matter how trivial, because we tend to over analyse the most minor thing and even though we reach our own conclusions, it's important to have our concerns confirmed or disconfirmed by a third party and also I think we use talking about problems as a way to socialise and connect to other people. And as women I think we know that concerns will be sensitively treated by the group so we're not afraid to share, we've been practising this all our lives. Men have not and even with friends , they'll probably be on guard with sharing personal matters because they're afraid of how their problems will be treated and viewed. I'm not asking for men to be emotional ticking bombs, to never be reserved and to never set boundaries. To pour their heart and soul to everyone they meet and to anyone who'll listen. I don't advocate this for women either. There's a time and place where being expressive is appropriate and where being more reserved is appropriate. I don't have a problem if some men want to keep problems to themselves, if they know that they'll be able to come to a solution that way and if that works for them. But shutting the doors on a chance for intervention and inclusion, dismissing alternative avenues of emotional expression that can be therapeutic is harmful. Not all boys are the same Christina, and not all problems can be handled the same way.

[@paulscott8656]

Compassion, empathy and nurturing have always been traits of masculinity and prized among the most admired men. I think we can agree that traditionally leadership is a role expected of men and the most respected leaders of all time, men or women, cared more about the people they were leading than anything else. Which means that they needed a large amount of compassion, empathy and nurturing. When we think of that ideal father, what do we think of? Do compassionate, empathetic and nurturing come to mind? Men and women often show these qualities in different ways. One thing I have found with many men is that they see the word nurturing and run for the hills thinking only mothers can be nurturing. But if you think about it, nurturing is also a synonym for mentoring.. which men flock to like flies to the light. Its the same thing, different words.In your response you've been critical of Christina's position. I would say that if you were to go and listen to all of her videos you might find that you and her agree more than you think. She's had about three and a half minutes to get into a pretty deep subject with just this video post.

[@ce6654]

I think that there's something to be said about the unhealthy forms of masculinity. In terms of being a bully, this is something I experienced in high school. I was bullied all the time. Looking back at it though, most of the guys who were bullies came from homes with dad's that were a known drunk in the community, or had come from homes where the dad had run out on them. They didn't seem to have a very healthy male role model, and we all know that teenagers aren't the shining example of emotional discipline. I honestly don't really hold it against them, and I actually am thankful that they existed. Had it not been for them, I wouldn't have been able to build up my emotional and physical strength to the level that I have today. Bullies in adult life are bad people, but nobody in adult life is telling you that you can't stand up for yourself through threat of violence. Usually, the bullies take advantage professionally and might be that boss or co-worker that are taking advantage of you in the job. These are still things that you need to pursue and develop as a person. If this person is making your life hell, then stand up to them. If you can't, then leave. Either way, there will NEVER be a time in our history where bullies and needlessly-aggressive people won't exist. I know it occurs between women too, because a good friend of mine after high school told me that she became so depressed by the other girls making fun of her that she attempted suicide. This isn't an inherently male problem. In fact, I've noticed that women can be even more brutal when it comes to making lives a living hell.

[@AnonyMous-og3ct]

Bullying isn't masculine, it's feminine. As you point out, many bullies are statistically raised absent of strong father figures (and most absent of a father at all -- the majority of domestic abusers, violent rapists, and child molesters are raised by single mothers in criminology, e.g.) Masculinity as a set of ideals and values revolves around protecting the weak. Look at the classical masculine hero minus any human faults the author might give him to be more believable. A bully is the antithesis of that. Masculinity revolves around self-discipline, stoicism, accountability, protecting others who cannot protect themselves, forging alliances, avoiding needless conflicts, being the bigger man (thick-skinned), being honorable, and having courage in unavoidable conflicts (one can lose to the enemy with dignity provided he does not lose himself to emotions like fear or blind rage). The classical villain is the opposite as a more feminine character: emotional, manipulative, narcissistic, vindictive, cowardly, specifically seeks out to attack the weak, doesn't fight fair (might use poison, back-stabbing, hides behind his followers), blames everyone else for his problems and might execute innocent subjects, thin-skinned and easily offended, etc. The reason masculine ideals and values were so important historically is that men came to the realization that a man has the dominating characteristics to either be a protector or predator, a hero or a villain. To promote masculine values like "being the bigger man" was steering men towards protector and hero, away from predator and villain.

[@AnonyMous-og3ct]

I'm kind of going just by the classical dichotomy which wasn't so kind to femininity in men which used "sissy" as an insult. I think it makes a lot more sense to make many of these positive and negative traits gender-neutral, especially if women are expected to navigate the harsh world without relying on men for protection. But I think it's misleading when people attribute things like bullying or any toxic behavior to masculinity, since such behavior was often attributed to the failings of masculinity, not "hyper-masculinity" as feminists might describe.

[@arunbissoon4630]

GENDER ROLES CAN GO TO HELL! I'm a guy and I express my emotions proudly. I don't know why it's so "wrong" for guys to let out whatever happiness or sadness is in them. I really didn't know. Stifling emotions is not manly. It's deadly because it can drive you to suicide. Expressing emotions on the other hand, can greatly expand your happiness or shrink your sadness. I see nothing wrong with a guy expressing his emotions "like a girl" Furthermore, "like a girl" is not an insult. It's a compliment because many girls are out there making a positive difference.

[@yokoyakamori6589]

"I don't know why it's so "wrong" for guys to let out whatever happiness or sadness is in them." I hardly ever see men chastised for expressing happiness, but the tears thing has its reason. Boys are taught at a young age to guard their emotions and that is because emotions can interfere with rational thought and/or judgment. This is why men carry a more justice-based sense of morality whereas women carry a cared-based one. Boys are also told not to cry and to quote on quote "man up" because the world is not a kind place and crying will not solve their problems. It is a tactic to toughen them up and help them get through life and all the hardships that comes with it. Sure, it may not be a perfect method, but there is no reason I can find that we need to coddle boys and teach to be as over-emotional as girls. Men do cry anyway, just not in public and not in front of a woman, because they don't give a shit. "Furthermore, "like a girl" is not an insult. It's a compliment because many girls are out there making a positive difference." The reason a boy being called a girl or told they are "like a girl" is insulting is because girls are generally weaker than boys, and the standards for girls are much lower than for boys. This is why when girls reach up to the male standard, it is considered empowering. The same cannot be said for boys lowering their standards to be like girls. Women are generally weaker than men so no, the whole "like a girl" statement is not a compliment. Also, a "positive difference?" Like what?

[@Libertus-wv9xe]

We should harshly be telling all boys to man up.

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

Ok. If you want to be a psychopath that badly then go ahead. Have fun in prison insecure “alpha” 🤣

[@teryntudor2091]

Not every boy identifies with masculinity and I think it's harmful to raise boys with gendered expectations, including expectations to be less masculine. If a boy is indeed masculine, he will discover and embrace it without being guided.

[@aracheb]

But is bad when a boy being a boy, is guided otherwise because the standards are based on female behavior. If he doesn't behave that way he most be broken and need pills to bring him down to the desired outcome until he is completely broken.

[@TheTurk56523]

Gillette is owned by Procter & Gamble. Below is a list of other P&G brands to avoid. -Always menstrual hygiene products -Ariel laundry detergent -Bounty paper towels, sold in the United States and Canada -Charmin bathroom tissue and moist towelettes -Crest toothpaste -Clancy's Potato Chips, Stackerz, etc... -Dawn dishwashing -Downy fabric softener and dryer sheets -Fairy washing up liquid -Febreze odor eliminator -Gain laundry detergents, liquid fabric softener, dryer sheets and dish washing liquid -Gillette razors, shaving soap, shaving cream, body wash, shampoo, deodorant and anti-perspirant -Head & Shoulders shampoo -Olay personal and beauty products -Oral-B inter-dental products, such as Oral-B Glide -Pampers & Pampers Kandoo disposable diapers and moist towelettes. The 2014 Financial Report lists Pampers as Procter & Gamble's largest brand.[2] -Pantene haircare products -SK-II beauty products -Tide laundry detergents and products -Vicks cough and cold products -Old Spice Products.Read more Show less

[@BlairDaly]

Thank you so much Christina for explaining these nuanced truths about boys. The video I watched before this one was, sadly, a masculine looking man lecturing boys basically about how they need to be more like girls, and own their built-in masculine flaws, and embrace a ‘new masculinity’. Good luck with that! Sad how he, a male, understands boys less than Christina does.

[@alltsem]

the documentary isn't even out yet...how can you critique it??

[@yungsouichi2317]

A good portion of boys (myself included) grew up with no father around, so we have kind of had to search for a "father figure", so to speak, for good or ill.

[@yungsouichi2317]

yarpen800 Yup. Or they go overboard and just live for shallow hedonism.

[@phoneticfanatic17]

uh youtube isn't letting me check thumbs-down, but this woman is wrong.

[@juicelord117]

Reject weakness, embrace masculinity

[@whynottalklikeapirat]

Masculinity and femininity are not universals to begin with.

[@jonassamuel4376]

1:50 maybe not as much as girls in average. But i am a male, and i value it very highly. The statement "it is a waste of time" is a hint for an inability to use this tool. Furthermore just because men are evolutionary a certain way, doesn't say we can't suit our culture and education to what we actually need today, and that is compassion and social/emotional awareness. I don't say women are perfect either, but i say it is far more complex than this.

[@josephinahuxngugl5634]

"The energy, competitiveness, and corporal daring of normal males - these are responsible for much good in the world." --- LOVE this! Thank you!! You sum it up beautifully. PLEASE do a video on strong femininity!

[@nakenmil]

Christ, not the "gentleman" nonsense. It's just a centuries-old way of telling working class men that the way they related to their female peers wasn't good enough and that they should emulate "their betters" by assuming women didn't have the motor skills to open a fucking door, or could contribute monetarily during get-togethers because upper class women were all housebound. Why not just be polite and considerate, regardless of you gender?

[@theq4602]

I love being male. I feel powerful. I feel good being polite to women by carrying things for them and opening doors. I'm only 5'1" at 18 But I still like being male and non of these modern feminist are gonna change that. This woman is a huge moral booster.

[@jaketaylor3358]

Not only is she stunningly intelligence but she is so similar to my late grandmother that she soothes me.

[@sonofjesus1464]

I absolutely agree with this. This is a perfect explanation

[@DhinCardoso]

And it's a 2014 video, today 2019 everything went worse, here in Brazil there is a lot of movements against masculinity, with total support by the media, church and even mens

[@wost8293]

This womans intelligence is too much for me, she's how a real feminist should act. Sadly a low percentage are like her.

[@lightbeareradonis]

"Being a boy is NOT wrong" but traditional masculine traits are. Boys need to learn to respect others and show emotions. Most don't. Many are not gentlemen but wild animals.

[@saifsaif8352]

Define "masculine" What are the masculine traits that leads boys to not respect each other and other people While I agree there are some toxic masculine traits but how much are most men wild animals? Is there a studie that shows that the vast majority of males commit crimes? If not then why are you calling us that way? And with all due respect I won't be a gentlemen in this period of time sure I will respect women ( and anyone who deserve respect) but being a gentlemen only make my life harder so i won't do it

[@MrCool144]

This smart lady will probably get hate in the name of equality. Its all about women's rights until they disagree with one.

[@williamwallace872]

What we should be doing is instilling more masculinity in boys That doesn't mean being bullies or abusing women. It means tacking on the roles of real men, providers, protectors, warriors. It's always been this way.

[@Gh0s7R1pp3R]

I want to hate this woman because shes a feminist but I cannot resist her arguments of pure logic which serve a practical purpose. I cannot help but adore this woman and its really hard for me because shes a ......feminist....... maybe they're not all mentally challenged..

[@Gh0s7R1pp3R]

yarpen800 Kinda wierd isn't it?

[@user-gh6rh3jo9v]

this is our nature, strong, resistant, we don't cry, we resist, we don't lose, we get revenge, we are pro 😎

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

Weak

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

No