Is My Marriage Over?

"Is My Marriage Over? Navigating the Complexities of Marital Breakdown."
Get Coach Lee's free minicourse on saving a marriage at www.marriageradio.com/mini-co...
In the labyrinth of marriage, the question "Is my marriage over?" is not just a query but a pivotal juncture that demands careful consideration and a nuanced approach. This video delves into the intricate dynamics of marriages on the brink, offering insights and strategies for navigating this challenging terrain.
How To Know if My Marriage Is Over: Avoid Rushing Decisions
The precipice of a marital breakdown is often shrouded in emotional turmoil, making hasty decisions more harmful than helpful. Rushing to conclusions or actions can inadvertently exert undue pressure on the partner contemplating departure. This pressure not only exacerbates the situation but also closes the doors to potential reconciliation. The key lies in creating a space where both partners feel heard and understood, without the urgency that can cloud judgment and escalate tensions.
Conflict vs. Issues: The Real Culprit
Often in troubled marriages, it's not the core issues themselves but the negative interactions and conflicts surrounding them that fuel the fire of discontent. Repeated conflicts, marked by resentment and hostility, can be more damaging than the root problems. Addressing the manner in which conflicts are handled, therefore, becomes crucial. Couples must strive to transform their patterns of interaction, prioritizing respectful communication and empathy over adversarial exchanges.
Legal Preparedness: The Prudence of 'Lawyering Up'
When faced with the prospect that your marriage is over, it's imperative to be legally informed and prepared. This doesn't equate to gearing up for battle but rather ensuring you are knowledgeable about your rights and options. Seeking legal counsel is a practical step in understanding the implications of divorce, from financial settlements to custody arrangements. It's about being prepared, not antagonistic, in the face of potential legal proceedings.
Focusing on the Children: A Dual Priority
In marriages with children, their well-being must be at the forefront of any decision-making process. This focus is not just emotionally essential but also a critical factor in legal contexts, especially when custody decisions are on the line. Demonstrating a steadfast commitment to the children's welfare can positively influence legal outcomes. More importantly, it ensures that the emotional and psychological needs of the children are not overshadowed by the marital strife or if the marriage is over.
Delaying Divorce: A Strategy for Reassessment
Delaying the divorce process can serve as a strategic pause, allowing both partners to reassess the situation with clearer heads. This delay isn't about denying the inevitable but about taking the time to thoroughly evaluate the decision. It opens up avenues for couples therapy, personal reflection, and possibly rediscovering the reasons that brought them together initially. This period can be a crucial time for growth, change, and possibly mending the relationship rather than the marriage being over.
Belief in Change: The Power of Transformation
A fundamental belief in the possibility of change can be a beacon of hope in troubled marriages. People evolve, and so do relationships. Understanding that your partner, yourself, and the dynamics of your relationship are not static can instill a sense of possibility. This belief in change encourages a proactive approach to marital issues, fostering an environment where growth and improvement are feasible.
Conclusion
Confronting the question of whether a marriage is over is a journey filled with emotional complexities and significant decisions. It's a path that requires patience, a willingness to address conflict healthily, legal prudence, a focus on children's needs, and an openness to the potential for change. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution, approaching this crossroads with thoughtfulness and care can lead to outcomes that are respectful, dignified, and, in the best scenarios, restorative. Whether the journey leads to renewal or respectful closure, the process itself is invaluable in navigating the intricate tapestry of human relationships.
Videos mentioned in this one:
What is Limerence? • What Is Limerence?
Save Your Marriage While Separated: • Save Your Marriage Whi...
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[@inshapedave]

1/16 The wife has decided to give our marriage a 2nd chance. Separated for 6 months. I did everything Coach Lee talks about in all his videos, and it has worked wonders. Also, it's important to work on yourself as well. Thank you, Coach Lee!

[@user-wu3dy1nq4o]

Did you try to create positive interactions and keep familiy dinners etc OR did you stay in limited contact?

[@jwilcollective816]

Thanks Coach Lee. My ex came back. Well sort of. Today is just the first day back communicating. We got a date set up (something I lacked doing that caused attraction to fall). And I’m just as determined to continue working on myself and building myself up. To everyone in the chats, listen to Coach Lee. He really knows what he’s talking about 💯💯💯🙏🏾

[@manikh5825]

Thank you Coach for your guidance. Almost a month ago, my wife left me and went straight away in no contact and I could not get over it until last night. This early morning I woke up with a panic and realized that I may have to rush to hospital emergency because I am not able to sleep for so many nights and that my brain will explode due to the loop of thoughts. But then I meditated for a while and slept again for 2 hours and I felt tranquil. After eating my breakfast somehow I wanted to understand the process of no contact and thats how I came across your channel and found out that I felt all what you have explained in your videos. I was mistaken in my relationship and I sincerely apologized for that, with hope that she is just too upset and she wants me to write an apology. But to my surprise she didnt even bother to care about my message. I honestly wanted to reconcile but have learnt now that no contact is the way forward for me too, because the pain of this separation is so humongous that I am not able to live a normal life. Thanks to you, I learnt what exactly happened and how to move on forward in my life.

[@chrisw8838]

Coach lee. You're a legend. Can you please do a follow up video on after divorce and what to do. Both reattraction and moving on. Thanks i have bo doubt you're saving lives as well as families.

[@shirleycurry6482]

I've just got handed a milestone - My struggle is with a 23 year best friend; who went through a work trauma - causing her to withdraw away from our friendship. I went no-contact about 2 months ago and only responded with sparse, targeted responses to her 3 spates of breadcrumbs every few weeks. Well, she just left a message when I missed her phone call. Victory! I hope ... I'm going to go binge watching of your videos talking about telephone contacts within the no contact period. I'm hoping to convince her to eventually come back to the friendship. But I've already decided that I'm not in any hurry - I've already gone on with my life and am now operating in a different space, than just 2 months ago - without her input. So I'm going to let it rest until tomorrow, then give it try.

[@user-qt7ld1jn1t]

Keep up the good work ❤❤❤❤❤ love you from Zambia Africa

[@user-dd1cd9yn8n]

It's been over a year, no contact. I have not heard anything from my wife, her brother says she wants a Divorce. No Divorce papers sent to me. I can say I'm sorry. Unfortunately in 40 years she has never said she's sorry.

[@Seven.And.The.RaggedTiger]

I know how you feel.. lost 28yrs of my life when 2020 she wanted to seperate,in home seperation till August of 2022 when I came home from work and she moved out.. didn't hear anything from her till February 7th 2023 divorce happened.. I haven't heard from her in about 2yrs after spending all in all 30yrs together.. there had been near scares in the past but during this seperation it was like nothing I've ever experienced,the whole time I knew something bad was wrong,it didn't seem like before,like something that would pass,I felt like she was a stranger,like a roommate or something.. horrible..horrible feeling.. I could feel this massive weight of this seperation between us... I knew something was horribly horribly wrong.. Took Me a long time to even start moving on,rebuilding my life.. I wish you best of luck.. keep praying That helped me get through

[@DF-te2vm]

Me too, 40 years, hard to understand and grasp. We must carry on

[@RealCoachLee]

Do you have my free minicourse on saving a marriage? It’s at www.marriageradio.com/mini-course-to-save-your-marriage/

[@Cowkill]

In my case, there were no conflicts. 14 years of relationship without anger or conflicts. We grew apart during these last years because we both went through a tough patch on a personal level and both wanted to deal with it our own way. But this fragilized our emotional connection. Thing is, I got out of this bad path good. Somewhat tired and weaker but nothing I couldn't repair. My wife didn't. Her ordeal hurt her more that she would admit. She always was unable to handle her emotions so she would never talk about how she felt on major topics. And last year she went through a mid-life crisis, she let her insecurities and traumas devour her. There were no arguments, no conflicts, no sudden changes of attitude. She behaved as if everything was alright, talking about love and the future together, but checked out emotionaly and got into an emotional affair with another man for months behind my back. Once I made her admit, it was over. We agreed to divorce. Our relationship ended in silence, in peace. No argument, no violence, no screaming, no negative interactions. It just died like that. Mostly due to exterior influences that brought us there. It is so weird. I know there are a lot of reasons this happened but cheating is inexcusable. She betrayed my trust and sullied our memories.

[@angelmontelongo4110]

Dam that’s definitely rough cheating is definitely a rough broad topic I’ve seen relationships work after forgiveness but I’ve also seen relationships not work I guess it just depends on your beliefs

[@swasandswam]

Hello Coach Lee, I've been in a long distance relationship with someone I've never met. You always say when they breakup over distance it's not the distance but the change in emotional attraction. I don't think that's the case for my ex because the breakup was very sudden before we were close to meeting. I think he ran away before it got too serious and he would have to go through the struggles of long distance again, like he did with his ex. But I think we have great chances to make it work. Do you think there is still a chance he will come back and change his mind?

[@luwiz4168]

After a year of being broken up and second breakup, my ex messaged me saying "she wanted to get a weight off her shoulders and be cordial with me but didn't want to be friends but on talking terms and didn't think it was a good idea to meetup" she wants to call instead. We still work together, she was still curious about my life, even seemed jealous when i said i been dating around even tho "she said she don't care" and she's still single.What should I do??

[@Kb11466]

Hey everyone and coach Lee, had a major failure of no contact today. My ex was being downright evil to me by the end, like I understand they can be cold but it was like she was trying to hurt me. Anyway I decided to simply stop responding and start healing, fast forward a couple weeks and I felt shit that I never explained why and that we needed to not speak for a while. I had some Angry messages that I ignored but today decided I would try and smooth things out and just explain why I felt it was best to not speak for a while. I guess I broke no contact in that sense but felt it was just being met with anger not the normal steps. Anyway I explained, said sorry for my part and I looked back and I had been blocked on everything. Please help Any advice welcome, this may boil down to her just not being very nice but I dno

[@manash_pr0]

I have a more complex issue going on in my side. We were in 2 year relationship and then we got married. It's been 2 and a half year. She was from rich family but my family was not that much wealthy. We argued a little. And she tried to leave me before also. But she returned home too. But this time she's certain that she won't be getting back. I'm currently applying NC. We are just 24 years old. I loved her so much and so did she. But we had a small fight that's when she got super upset that she doesn't want to get back. Her family also doesn't support our marriage. She's at her mother's house rn. I never cheated & stayed honest with her. Do you think I have a chance?

[@DF-te2vm]

Heavy duty.... t y Dr Lee

[@DIAMONDGIRL57]

It’s been ten years since our divorce. Fast-forward . . . Been in touch with my ex. Currently engaged but taking it very slowly! We agreed to: no sex, prenuptial (I’ve gain med a substantial amount of assets since our divorce), and he must diminish his debt load, as he has no assets and had 800K in debt. And couples counseling. Yes. I am prepared to walk away this time for good!

[@Tsan1010]

Coach Lee, Your comment about virtually no hope after the divorce is finalized, is very upsetting for me. My wife is suffering from midlife crisis/depression and anxiety. Depression runs in her family. She recently is seen a psychiatrist, but our divorce is imminent everything that I found online and books I’ve read suggest this midlife crisis process can take 2 to 10 years at best and some will never come back. My wife had numerous life-changing events, including the death of her mother and an early age from breast cancer. I don’t recognize the person she is now she is a stranger to me. She quit her job and ran home to where she grew up. I was given temporary custody of our children because she left. She had an opportunity to move back, reacquire her job, and put herself in a better position to get her children at least 50% of the time but she did not. My question is are my odds of reconciliation still this poor, considering she is suffering from mental illness. Thank you I have purchased your emergency break up kit.

[@r.maelstrom4810]

It doesn't make much sense the final point, the conclussion... If it's that rare to recover a marriage from a divorce, what's the difference with a breakup in a not so formal relationship? At least in a divorce there are more reasons to give the marriage another chance (kids, specially). And nowadays, that formal distinction is even less important: many couples stay together not giving a sh*t about marrying (with or without kids). So if the chances on one case are low, the same should be translated in the other case.

[@EghenleIsaiah]

I experienced similar cases

[@RealCoachLee]

The difference is more the mindset. Getting back together from a breakup of two unmarried people only takes a text or phone call. And a married couple who struggle or separate can get back together in the same way. But psychologically, a divorce seems to have a finality to people and the process of remarriage is an extra step that can seem more serious to where someone can give in more to doubt. Especially if the divorce was a lengthy one. But a breakup of 2 dating people is really instantaneous if the person who initiated the breakup really wants it to be. They just block the other person. So the divorce of a married couple is not the same as a breakup of two unmarried people based on research and my own observations. Divorcing statistically lowers the odds that the two of you will “end up” married. In some ways it makes sense also in its most basic form. That is, staying married increases your odds of being married to the person in the future. Ending the marriage lowers the odds of being married to that person in the future. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but it will almost certainly be more of a challenge. I have seen it happen, but because it’s typically more difficult, I suggest that people delay the divorce as long as they can.

[@Tsan1010]

Coach Lee thanks for your response sir if your wife is suffering from depression/anxiety/midlife crisis and is getting treatment from a psychiatrist. Does this change anything in your experience? She is even telling a mutual girlfriend she knows there is something wrong in her head Thank you.

[@Dad_Brad]

Coach Lee, would you define divorce proceedings as having begun once one spouse has retained a divorce lawyer (with or without the other spouse’s knowledge)?

[@RealCoachLee]

Whatever happens starting the process. Slow it down. Talk to Johnny on my staff about my workshop to save a marriage in crisis at www.marriageradio.com/marriage-reignite/

[@r.maelstrom4810]

It doesn't make much sense the final point, the conclussion... If it's that rare to recover a marriage from a divorce, what's the difference with a breakup in a not so formal relationship? At least in a divorce there are more reasons to give the marriage another chance (kids, specially). And nowadays, that formal distinction is even less important: many couples stay together not giving a sh*t about marrying (with or without kids). So if the chances on one case are low, the same should be translated in the other case.

[@EghenleIsaiah]

Thank dear

[@RealCoachLee]

The difference is more the mindset. Getting back together from a breakup of two unmarried people only takes a text or phone call. And a married couple who struggle or separate can get back together in the same way. But psychologically, a divorce seems to have a finality to people and the process of remarriage is an extra step that can seem more serious to where someone can give in more to doubt. Especially if the divorce was a lengthy one. But a breakup of 2 dating people is really instantaneous if the person who initiated the breakup really wants it to be. They just block the other person. So the divorce of a married couple is not the same as a breakup of two unmarried people based on research and my own observations.

[@Chloeeee2215]

Coach Lee, does no contact work for ex’s that have the “completer or defender” mentality. That’s the personality type that coach Ken mentioned where the ex is non confrontational and isn’t vocal about issues. PLEASE HELP 🙏

[@RealCoachLee]

Yes it does. Because of their loyalty they are usually good about realizing when the ball is in their court. And tend to be able to think reasonably about the past.

[@Chloeeee2215]

@@RealCoachLee thank you so much coach Lee. Can you please make a video about a completed or defender personality breaking up with you? It will be so greatly appreciated. Your videos are so helpful 🙏

[@user-yy8nx8qq9y]

The way I see it, the moment she went or decided to go with another man. it was over right there and then even before I found out. So yes I know my marriage is over and I don't want her back.

[@RealCoachLee]

That’s certainly your right and I get it.

[@Jess-wk5jo]

I have questions for you over affairs and cheating. If i was dating Morgan i starting seeing my ex boyfriend Stephen start to make emotional attachment to Stephen i when i know him from school to college by texting him and meeting up and talking to Stephen on phone and thinking about him and watching films with him without never never having no sex ? Is it emotional cheating

[@Cowkill]

100% cheating. You're doing things you're not supposed to do with another man if you're in a relationship. And as you said, there is emotional attachment (meaning emotional cheating). And I'm sure you're doing all of that behind your boyfriend's back (meaning you already know it's wrong).

[@chrisw8838]

That is 100% disloyal behaviour. If you do that to a man you have no respect for him and you don't love him. Break up with him now before you break his heart even further as when he finds out about what you are doing it will hurt his confidence and that is cruel. Also think about other people other than yourself you know what you are doing is wrong and hurtful but you are doing it anyway. It's like your punching an animal in the face you know it's wrong but the animal can't tell anyone. Also don't ever do this to a man again. How about you ask your father, brother or an uncle what he would think of this? You know what they would say so don't ask strangers to validate your shitty behaviour. I hope you don't take this as a personal attack and instead grow from the information but the choice is yours.

[@RealCoachLee]

Disloyal and disrespectful to spend that kind of time with another man Jess. Yes, that sounds like emotional cheating.

[@ponnagantiprashanth1335]

You are awesome coach in KZbin industry what a polite communication you have I am from india, sir I have lot of doubts with my wife I am married on 2014 7 years went ok from 2021 his own brother seducing his own sister by showing sexual signs to his elder sister which is my wife I saw some images , I could not digest it , I have 2 kids so after that I discussed with my wife she is saying you are keeping affair between own brother and sister, so after some time I said sorry to all but I have lot of doubts on my wife because whenever I goes outside my house she is something doing because she is deleting some phone calls I noticed I observed behaviour change , I need to continue relationship with my kids what should I do my wife broke be 3 weeks ago after 1 week I requested to come back but she doesn't respond, then I went no contact after watching your videos i got a call from my wife number after 2 weeks in no contact , wife did not speak she is guiding words with my daughter what should I do sir please reply sir

[@chrisw8838]

No contact. And more no contact. Communication only about the kids! And essentials. Do not text or call first unless a kid is in the hospital. She's doing some seriously treacherous behaviour. You allow her to come to just like a cat cats run when you chase and come to you when you leave them alone. She has messed up big time. If she is cheating that is disloyal behaviour! Imagine your best friend got you sent to jail to cover up a crime he committed. What would that friend have To do and show to convince you he was sincerely sorry and to trust him again? That needs to be your attitude going forward. You want proof of change. She messed up dude so why are you acting and thinking like the guy in wrong? What do you have to prove to her? Why should you've sorry? You may not feel that way but that is what your actions are communicating. You stop all "forward" movement. You wait for her apology her honesty and her effort to fix it you do the bare minimum required to co-parent and otherwise she is dead to you. Don't be a dick but be very very sceptical and observe her actions not her words. People will say sweet words while they cut out your heart to sell for $. Never get angry always be calm but firm. If she can make you anything other than calm and rational you have lost. Good rule of thumb keep your mouth shut for 3-5 seconds to think before you ever say anything to a woman. If she gets shitty at time delays just say you think before you speak etc. Best of luck. Be strong. You got this. And if not the better to end now than after another 20 years.

[@RealCoachLee]

You need to get my free minicourse on saving a marriage at www.marriageradio.com/mini-course-to-save-your-marriage/