Is “Self Care” the Answer to All Our Problems? With Rachel Norman

Author Rachel Norman joins me to talk about how Christians can have a biblical and balanced view of putting others first while taking care of ourselves. Should we just practice more “self-care” and put our happiness first? Or should Christians take care of themselves so that they have the energy to help others? Rachel has a popular blog for Christian moms but has so much wisdom to offer Christians in general. Her new book, If Mama Ain’t Happy comes out Oct. 18th.
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[@joelturnbull4038]

I recently came across a quotation that is really helpful. I can’t remember who wrote it, but it was something like this: “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.”

[@tanyabaker4809]

I think that may have been said by Allie Beth Stuckey

[@mariposavioleta9007]

@@tanyabaker4809 I believe you're right. If I remember correctly that's from her book "You're not enough and that's ok"

[@KDTif]

As a social worker, I do have to take care of my emotional and mental well-being. If I don’t, it effects my physical well-being, as well.

[@elenamanley5509]

I wish there was a ministry for happily married women who never had kids. Everything is geared towards moms and making them feel their self worth while doing the great thing of raising kids, deciding to work or not, etc.,. Mens ministry is about being godly men and not geared towards being great dads but the opposite is true when it comes to Women's ministry - pretty much all about being a good mom and being there for other moms.

[@anamosa1574]

Start one !!

[@kristalsea]

The “self-care” movement reminds me of the scripture: This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud… 2 Timothy 3. It is also the opposite of dying to ourselves daily.

[@Nikki-MMG]

For sure!!!! I've heard people add in a " hidden 3rd commandment" that Jesus gave. The lie is, that in order to love others as ourselves we have to first learn to love ourselves. So weird!!! The exact opposite of dying to self and taking up our cross (death instrument) and following Jesus

[@Yashael341]

As someone who's got a past full of self-loathing, let me tell you: you can totally love others.

[@robertdouglas8895]

People have been like this for thousands of years, maybe for the whole time on earth.

[@robertdouglas8895]

@@Nikki-MMG We do love ourselves as we love others."Love thy neighbor as thyself...simultaneously. "We find forgiveness when we forgive. Matt 6.14...Our cross is our purpose, not self-punishment or sacrifice. Matt 12.7 Dying to self is knowing we are not bodies but spirit. It's being born again.That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

[@chardo24]

Self love is not selfishness.

[@lmartinez7534]

Thank you so much for this!! I tend to not take care of myself because I don’t want to fall into that trap. As a mom of 6, 4 from foster care, I definitely need to take care of myself in a biblical way.

[@janadominika]

Oh, i rotallyrelate!L.Martinez.I am a foster mum to an 9yo, single parenting.

[@hannahdeforest9148]

I am learning this too, by God's grace. It takes a lot of intentionality to think through what we need and how/who to ask for help with those things. I'm learning that my body breaks down in terrible ways every time I try to do it all. I think God might be letting that happen at times to slow me down and force me to re-evaluate. God bless you!

[@robertdouglas8895]

We don't have to put any attention on our happiness. We just need to listen to our true Teacher. When we do, we live by the Beatitudes. Being blessed is the same as happiness.

[@robfirestone6158]

C’mon, you gotta take care of yourself or you won’t make it out the door!

[@robertdouglas8895]

@@robfirestone6158 Everyone is taken care of by God. We separate ourselves from God with guilt and do the same with others people. I'm already home. The kingdom is within. I don't need to go anywhere. It is a journey that is already complete. Just change your mind. Forgive.

[@mariaknisley7363]

But the Lord did give rest. Yes, the spiritual rest spoken if in Hebrews, praise God, but also physical rest. He made us to need it. In fact, that weakness in us is one way we can recognize our dependence on Him more: He is infinite, sovereign, while we we are finite and can’t control tomorrow. As we humbly acknowledge that (Matt. 6, Luke 12, Psalm 131) we bring Him glory. Especially for women at home (though not exclusively by any means), it is very easy to over work oneself and not take any time to rest, as though it is sinful to relax and enjoy the good parts of life that are from God, like rest, friendship, and natural beauty. I’m just not sure how practical or realistic your sentiment is. It reminds me of Colossians 2:16-23.

[@robertdouglas8895]

@@mariaknisley7363 Of course we all need rest. But when we put an excess amount of our attention on it or make a show of it, we are wanting recognition of our sacrifice, which shows off that we are like Jesus.

[@amoleis61023]

Oh ladies, this soothed my mama heart. I just had a second child and I have been asking the Lord what to do because what I am doing isn't working. Just too much social media trying to solve my problems instead of going straight to the source...my pastor calls this "stresslaxing". It just stresses you more when you think you are relaxing and scrolling thru news feeds. But we as moms need to lift each other up and know that our mom life doesn't need to look like other mom's lives.

[@rebeccabrown8908]

This lady is awesome. Spot on about the "gentle parenting" stuff!! I think there are some great insights in that movement, but you can't just be okay with everything your kid does and never correct or discipline them. God is the perfect parent, and He has to discipline us!

[@mathieuguillet4036]

Sharp Mind, Soft Heart, Thick Skin, Fit Body -- the full Christian package! ✝️❤️🙏🏼💪🏼

[@dabbler1166]

GREAT Combo!! I want one like that.

[@KathyakaNina]

Thanks for this episode ladies, as Christians we have to be careful to not fall deep in this. I had to be careful because I was stepping into this. God bless you ladies & your ministries & families

[@HeatPate]

I like the term temple care! Which isn’t about self care but taking care of our bodies for the glory of God

[@WendyWzOpinion]

Allie Beth Stuckey wrote a book that goes perfectly with this discussion called “You’re Not Enough, and That’s Okay.” Highly recommend.

[@cindygildesgaard2892]

Sometimes knowing the why for sin or bad behavior is important for self-reflection to help us. It is not always to blame somebody else. Especially with repeated behaviors, there can be a root that needs to be understood that can lead to true repentance, a true turning and change for the better.

[@funkmomma71]

I was describing social media an airbrushed highlight reel to a bunch of teens and it seemed to resonant with them. That description lead to some honest conversation about how social media makes them feel.

[@sisandazakumba8310]

...so good....self esteem is self earned! Common sense is a super power!! Loved this...great to hear people who think like I do, so scarce these days.

[@RebekahMartinModernJaneAusten]

Talking about kids behavior and the whole don't make them feel bad of they should feel bad, reminds me of "Inside Out." Joy didn't understand Sadness or her reason for being there, but without sadness Riley couldn't show her needs to her family. Without guilt or shame, how are we supposed to know when things are not honoring to God or detrimental to ourselves? I'm probably not explaining it well, but there's a connection, I promise.

[@aleshahilburn9234]

I love this conversation so much. I wish I had heard some of this stuff a few years ago. As a stay at home mom of three kids (6, 4, & 16mos) I sometimes lose track of the days. It is a good reminder that taking care of the basics for myself can change so much. I definitely want to read this book.

[@rebeccalowery7335]

What a hoot! 😂 We need to hear this. We don't need self care when we just need to fix the problem.

[@farreldebaltzo]

Absolutely. I love how Alisa called Rachel "walking common sense". So many churches these days teach that common sense is the opposite of faith. No! Real common sense is wisdom!

[@farreldebaltzo]

So many fantastic and humbling points on this podcast. I love how y'all touch on the "me me me culture" within the church that has taught us to focus on how believing in Jesus means we need to cultivate a mighty destiny of global fame, and how damaging that can be to the "normal" believer who takes a simpler approach and lives the beautiful life in front of them. "We've lost touch with the ground we live on." Spot on. Thank you both.

[@NihouNi]

Lots of wisdom here. I was struggling recently and prayed. I wanted God to give me some ta-daa answers that were mindblowing. Instead, I got the sense He was telling me to plan more, to take time over things and do things more thoroughly. It wasn't what i wanted to hear exactly, but has brought me a lot of peace and the sense of turmoil is gone. Praise the LORD for His simple wisdom.

[@dianajin3861]

This is really speaking to me. Defining the type of mom you are and these personally tests are very western. When I asked my first generation Chinese American parents about personality tests, my dad simply said "strive to be balanced."

[@yaw8912]

This Episode is just full of wisdom 🙌

[@shannonschwab3754]

👆this

[@christellasound2636]

there are two types of Christians : the self- righteous ones like these two and the ones who rustle as they go, the ones who fall, the ones who deny, the ones who fear, the ones who cry : father why have forsaken me… but they keep on walking with Christ inspite of their weaknesses! They pick up their cross and keep on marching after Christ!and these are the ones who inspire me the most!!

[@dianajin3861]

Following Holy Spirit, who lives inside us and teaches us (COMMON SENSE SUPER POWER!) we don't need influencers to tell us what we should and should not do.

[@cheryleverett2318]

How influenced by the world and it’s ways are we in our thinking regarding these issues? Running constantly is one of the world’s ways. Rest is highly under valued. When we’re on constant go, even for kid stuff, there is no time left to look into what God says to get our derailed train back on track.

[@themolois2773]

Thank you for this.

[@joseromero81]

A lot of self-care stuff is solved by community and Sabbath. Obviously, I do believe in therapy, medication and such for those that need it. We live in a broken world and our own bodies are broken. But the modern, secular world is incredibly lonely.

[@flog4223]

What an amazing conversation! A breeze of a fresh air. Love what this lady is talking about and it made me think about me trying to be a “perfect” mum and then feel guilty etc. thank you. God bless xx

[@dianajin3861]

I like the analogy of allowing kids to make parenting decisions is like a company allowing a new hire to make the company decisions.

[@mariposavioleta9007]

Thank you for this video. The part around the 16min mark talking about taking care of yourself vs self care in a wants type way going to the opposite extreme hit me. I was in a series of accidents that disabled me about 5yrs ago and became chronically ill as well. With that came people on both extremes some telling me to make it all about me and spoiling myself with things that I couldn't afford. And the others that ignored things and still expected me to be able to do everything I did before when no matter how hard I pushed myself I just made myself worse because I listened to them ignoring my body completely.

[@Lisa-16]

I appreciate what you ladies said. A huge problem is comparing ourselves to the others instead of to the perfection of Christ. Also, what does the Bible say to do? Live your life, be in the word and communicate with your Lord and trust that the Holy Spirit will convict you where you need it.

[@debbydoodler33]

I loved every single minute of this. Yes to all of it.

[@MistyEry]

Thankyou so much for this interview. It was encouraging in so many ways.

[@kimberlyn.2096]

Like influencers trying to convince their subscribers to accept how fat they are. It’s crazy that we have let this happen and want people to celebrate being obese. Super scary times with a whole lot of evil. I lived on psychiatric meds for years because a California doctor spent 5 minutes with me and told me I was bipolar. This was 26 years ago. Haven’t taken these meds for a long time now. Absolutely no difference. ( In fact I lost a lot of weight after I stopped taking them.). We have to realize it’s ok to feel bad. We aren’t perfect. We aren’t Jesus. We can look to God word and pray about these things. We can reach out to friends and family, but we never should be rewarded for our faults that are usually caused by our own sin!

[@kristyleavitt8007]

This episode is awesome and so needed!! Thank you!

[@sherreewat]

So helpful 💯

[@theresasarvis2751]

Great stuff here, but please Rachel, try and complete your train of thought as you share. What you have to say is important, but it’s so choppy it’s hard to follow♥️Much more noticeable when reading the subtitles.

[@lcpinco2783]

Externals NEVER makes us feel better.

[@tanyabaker4809]

That is a broad over a generalization in my opinion. For example, don't you feel much better after you get out of the shower then if you're in your pajamas and unshowered all day?

[@valerievera6827]

Love your video thank you for sharing some common sense 😄

[@RainbowMan.]

Beautiful!! 😍

[@kirstenjett9931]

So good!!! Ouch.

[@erin1655]

Guys. What you are talking about is Emotion Coaching parenting. PLEASE read Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman. He's done research on how parents respond to their kids' emotions and how that affects children (even in IQ, childhood illnesses...) He's used by marriage and family therapists and the information is brilliant. What it boils down to is - all feelings are acceptable, but not all behavior is acceptable. And you can be angry and disappointed in your kids and that can be a really powerful tool when you have a healthy relationship with them! There's so much more to it... Heads up that it's not a Christian book - but why should Christians not have research to understand the best way to go about parenting? Man I wish I could talk more with you guys. For now though - READ THE BOOK because I promise you, you will love it.

[@tanyabaker4809]

For this same basic information from a gospel centered, God-centered perspective we love Connected Families with Jim and Lynne Jackson. May want to check them out too.

[@dianajin3861]

"I don't want to be a huge stage, I don't want the responsibility of guiding someone's spiritual life, just go read your Bible" 😂🎉

[@carmb]

Is Rachel Texan? Some of her words sound Australian in pronunciation ( I am an Aussie so know).

[@larissabewick6310]

Good thing I'm not a parent, for more reasons than one. I'm disabled and a perfectionist, and I'm schizophrenic enough as it is and don't want to screw up the next generation, so there you go.

[@priscillaaitchison8213]

Hi Larissa,I hope you know you have great value and worth in the kingdom for Christ,I'm sure by your testimony you can reach people that alot of us can't.

[@dadkingcoffey8333]

I don't know about facials but if I go ride a Harley I come home all better 😎

[@JamesRichardWiley]

I practice self care unless something serious happens and I see a doctor.

[@KerryBaldwin]

It seems pretty clear to me this author hasn't actually engaged thoughtfully on the topics she criticizes.

[@S_F_D_]

🙂👍

[@yahwehbreathed]

It's “Fai-Fo” 😂 (I'm Australian)

[@LouisaWatt]

Is that an Australian accent I’m detecting? 🤔

[@voicesoftoday7583]

Mmm - narcissism: Christian style. I'm OK - you're definitely damned.

[@sanjeevgig8918]

Yahweh/Jesus teaching caring. Psalm 137:9 Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks. LOL

[@annak4314]

Mmh, no context, no knowledge of history.. just ripped out and presented as teaching of Jesus.. smh Next time, pls do some homework before trying to humiliate someone. Good luck

[@sanjeevgig8918]

@@annak4314 In WHAT CONTEXT is seizing infants and dashing them against the rocks a MORAL ACT ?? lol