Iyanla: When to Call it Quits

How do you know if you and your significant other are just going through a rough patch or if it's time to throw in the towel? Relationship guru Iyanla tells you how you'll know when to get out.

[@LeauxNBehold]

I applied this to my job

[@NBid-rp9ch]

💯

[@tamekatarshell562]

Me too

[@ladyj5682]

I am too

[@asha-dawnbrissett5356]

HELL YEAH!!!

[@simonejoseph-harper2152]

I had a deal breaker, it was broken. I read somewhere that you should know when it's time for someone to remain in your heart, but not in your life

[@ladennayoung2939]

That is pretty good.

[@NBid-rp9ch]

Indeed

[@shasyaryna1890]

Iyanla: my spirit mother

[@fayetaylor1998]

I got out...was happy some of the times but unhappy most of the time.

[@tcshy1903]

I'm getting out. He disappears and comes back. Over and over. It's time to stop the madness.

[@shamconn]

+tcshy1903 Yes! get out dear!

[@sarahbucket8037]

did you get out? I am going through similar crap.. just so over it

[@tcshy1903]

Yes.

[@sarahbucket8037]

***** you goin thru some boy trouble chicka?

[@mariejeanneassef7934]

Sleven Jay k

[@samusaran181818]

I agree 100%. I've had that experience of giving so much, and I received so little in return. I've also experienced that with jobs and friendships-for me, making a change has always been the right decision!!!

[@fayetaylor1998]

Let go of bad relationships however haven't manage to do it with he job yet. That time will come as well.

[@Maryam7580]

She always speaks the truth.

[@jessicamensahb.6037]

No, I didn't have a deal breaker.. yet I knew when it had been broken, I felt it break. Thanks Jesus!!

[@sodalam2790]

ThankYou Iyanla - I need to be reminded of this!!!

[@twodogg6828]

The part when she said about diminishing returns got my soul!!! Facts!!!

[@kingdomperspectivesmindset5595]

In Iyanla's 'In the Meantime' Book, she says... "If you are holding on to the wrong thing, your not allowing the right thing to come in"... (something like that anyway) I agree that this can be applied to different situations :o)

[@lolita748]

That's so true! Holding on to the wrong things will block your blessings.

[@ElhamAlghamdi]

Wish it's this easy

[@gabrielmaximus6447]

Elham Alghamdi it is unless your holding onto hope, If you truly believe 100% nothing will ever change then you'd leave?

[@llararulens8895]

That spoke to me, all applied and did get out.

[@Kiwiwanderer]

Love this woman ❤️❤️❤️

[@lakeytranero2019]

This is for all relationships in life!

[@janespitfire9884]

Yup deal breaks in a relationship for me...want to kill me, says he hates me, want an open relationship with other women and ahh shows and says he does not love me. Time for me to say goodbye in a calm mode. No screaming or yelling-not wasting any more energy with that person

[@shamconn]

+Tamara Tvair Leave dear and don't look back.

[@sarahbucket8037]

how did you go? I'm so done too.. I can't even argue with him anymore, thats how over it I am :(

[@janespitfire9884]

+Sarah Bucket Get an new apartment, move your furniture when he is at work, then explain to him with someone else there you are leaving. Get a legal separation forms drawn up by an attorney and leave him his copy of get delivered by the courts.

[@shanec9840]

+Tamara Tvair Girl, Amen.

[@sarahbucket8037]

Tamara Tvair haha :) I missed this reply for some reason.. we didn't ever live together (thank god) but he wanted me to move in and have his babies and play house ect.. (where I would be financially dependant on him.. yikes) I actually did love the guy, and would have done it.. but he has anger issues, and I was his emotional punching bag :o he would come over after work (high stress job) to my place and be already angry, pick a fight with me (over nothing!) Blame me for xyz.. till the point where I would be either get angry as hell and kick him out or nearly crying and upset all night :/ I broke up with him a few times but he would come back apologising blah blah blah.. (gave him a few chances, nothing changed!) I eventually just told him, if you come around uninvited the police will be called :) been a lot happier since! Lol.. I was really suprised actually when said move in ect.. I thought if we cant even get along for the 10 hrs we see each other now, how can we live together full time?! Crazy talk! It would have been a freakin disaster!!! :o

[@petersonanson4300]

Been there before and had to learn the hard way.

[@NellieKAdaba]

Peterson Anson 👍

[@kingdomperspectivesmindset5595]

Yes, the cycle of change and the learning process :o)

[@vivianamedina4664]

Thank you

[@Citrusfruits50]

Can this be applied to life in general? ...to your job? family?...situation in life?

[@betty179]

Diamonds are Forever I believe yes

[@NellieKAdaba]

DiamondsR 4ever True

[@leaj3359]

Yes ma’am

[@mobutter2879]

All of it!

[@9188jenni]

yes

[@silviavoss6411]

thank you

[@cheeSyCheeSySmile]

Iyanla thank you so much for this video it really brought me to the realisation (but referring this to a so called friend) I i now know i don't need the approval of her anymore, i tried to make it up to her and she didn't reciprocate. and now i feel my anger and frustration slowly melting away. thank you again.

[@NellieKAdaba]

shelle liao Me too

[@MegaNainaa]

wow she is right on the dot

[@joshuacoleman6947]

This also goes for a job as well!

[@expatbiker6598]

For those quick to get out people. Once you get all those clues Iyanla gave and had a clear talk about it and nothing changes. Then get out

[@danyellg3079]

say no More! Iyanla I'm done with it all

[@audreydeane5299]

Amen!

[@kellygervais3440]

Then you have the people that do all the bending and just learn to live around that person, abuse and all.. so very sad to watch them become less everyday...

[@missjackie7983]

I'm glad Ive come to the realization on two things. Don't nobody owe you nothing especially consistency and loyalty unless they are married to you. If you're single you can do whatever you want, with whomever you want to for as long as you want to as long as it's legal. Just because you spend time with someone no matter how many years have gone by and you've allowed yourself to develop feelings and trust, it don't matter. They don't belong to you. The other thing is that people have limits to their emotional capabilities. And once they reach that limit everybody else is temporary and secondary and will be used. For example if a man has a mama, sisters, kids an ex they were with for a long time? And he's talking to you, involved with you? You playing yourself and he's playing you because his emotional cup is full already with his mama, his family, his kids, his "boys". Don't like what I said? That's fine. Keep breaking your own heart. I've chosen not to!

[@ladennayoung2939]

YEP!

[@lolita748]

I will be out in a few weeks. Planning it well. :) It's time to go!

[@mdvvideoscanada]

Did you go? I hope you’re well.

[@lolita748]

@@mdvvideoscanada Yes I did. At first I was so nervous and anxiety was kicking my butt, but somehow I managed to pull through. I feel much better and able to do more, thank God. I'm just taking it one day at a time. Thank you for asking. ❤🙂

[@joyjones6927]

I want to leave my partner but I have to find one first. No one ever tells you this but breakups can be even more challenging when you’re single. 😳 #cepv #IMustWin

[@wanttruth1377]

Latoya Morris, I am and feel so sorry for you. it's all about HIM. How do you feel about yourself and your son?

[@artscrafts6616]

Does that apply to men as well ?

[@favouritepeople1519]

Someone help please.. whats a deal breaker 😳 I aint kidding here

[@millicenthamilton-kakowski8275]

Couldn't have said it better myself! LEAVE NOW!

[@niomimorris8679]

Hi im a home maker, My husband works .i want to know if im being selfish. My husband friend and 18 year old friend is living with us, i do everything in and out side the home my problem is no body helps ,when i talk about it my husband gets up set and tells me to leave it dont do anything he will find a woman to do it...simple thing like when i ask them to wash a dish after use and not leave in the sink for me to wash ,he would get up set and talk about what he does for me and son am i being selfish ???...

[@shanec9840]

+Latoya Morris Hi, I don't know you and I'm not Iyanla--by no means--but, I can try to offer you some clarity. It sounds to me that you're seeking validation for your own feelings. You are with a man that doesn't respect you and has brought someone else into your home (sounds to me, without your permission) that he also allows to dishonor you. In essence, you're the stranger in your own home. And instead of feeling like the wife, you feel like the help. Someone once told me that people treat you how they see you. So if he is treating you like you're nothing then chances are he sees you that way. The bigger question is why do you allow it? Oprah once said: "love does not hurt." It sounds to me that you're hurting. Happiness is a choice. And in this new year you have to decide are you going to give yourself permission to be happy. You have to stop seeking permission to feel, and start trusting your feelings. In case you need to hear it: You are NOT being selfish; You, alone, are ENOUGH! And YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. Take back your home or find a new one. A spouse should never move someone else (not family or friend) into the marital home when things are shaky. And your husband telling you that he'll find another woman to do it is basically saying that he sees you as *expendable. If he tells you that, I bet that he's told his friend the same thing about you, and that probably explains why the 18yr old doesn't respect the house rules. You have lost control. Relationships need respect. That's something yours does not have. Stop seeking the answers you already know. A wife should NEVER have to compete with an 18yr old friend, especially not in her own home. The worst thing about being in a bad relationship for 1yr is being in a bad relationship for 1yr and 1 day. You're husband has made his choice, now you make yours....Good luck. God bless. #happynewyears

[@fayetaylor1998]

Shane C - Great advice! =)

[@Pamelina58]

I want out but he is living off me and he won't leave. I just want to be happy but I guess that's not in the cards.

[@christeltillman657]

Pamelina58 Gurl plan your exit! Dont accept mediocrity!

[@fayetaylor1998]

Pamelina58 - Those are the worst ones! Been there and done that twice. What I know about guys like this now that I look back on it. Is they showed me signs that it could be "an issue" down the line if I take them on. Example: Hard time finding a job, getting fired all the time, no goals, using manipulation for not doing this or that. Excuses all the darn time. You can tell when a person has their stuff together. Their NOT so focused on what YOU have or what you can do for them. You live and learn. I know i have. Those "no plan/have nothing to offer type of guys" Don't care how handsome you are... need NOT apply anymore! I'm so over them.

[@fayetaylor1998]

Yes Alicia and glad you took out the trash to! ha =)

[@beberivera7011]

Taylor, Faye I'm in this situation with my brother right now and I'm so tired of feeling taken advantage of. Literally everything you said describes my brother to a T! I've been struggling with being a "terrible sister who cares more for strangers than I do about my own blood" literally for nearly two years now.... smh.

[@AtharAfzal]

That's strange - what if your partner doesn't want you to leave - but wants to work on it? Sometimes one needs to ask - why are you mostly sad than happy - perhaps that's a reflection of you as a person and not the partner.

[@weemeemoo]

If you're happy with everything that you can control in your life, but they're not meeting your needs on what they can control, then it's time to go.

[@jones2277]

lol. that's like 90% of marriages.

[@wanttruth1377]

excuse me, wha, what did you say?

[@mohammedabbas9579]

Areeеe you maaking thеse mistakes with yyour man? twitter.com/2b221f57eb75c29b8/status/804693412402241537 Iyanla When to Call it Quits

[@crcajo]

How do you get out when you have no financial security net and no place to go? And please don't answer with "Women's Shelter". Otherwise, I'll remain comfortable in my misery.

[@lolita748]

I feel you. It has taken almost 7 years!! for me to leave, but not telling you to do the same. It's different for everyone. However, I'm almost close to that day. I didn't want to go into a shelter either and didn't want to go to no one's house because you know how it gets for most times. When started to work I started saving a little at a time and also paying him my rent, not as much as I would pay in other places, but yes. Something that's helping me is being on unemployment now due to COVID, saving that money and run with it to a little room for now. It's been a long story, but it is doable and you will too. Focus. Like I said, it's different for each individual. Hang in there. Also loads of prayers works. Have faith. Your time will come.

[@9188jenni]

your mindset is interesting

[@imjustsofree]

First :)