Please Hate These Things

[@rohangarg2468]

Whos been waiting for this since seeing Jarvis's story

[@catchild1013]

I didn't see it

[@enxebre3436]

Me

[@catchild1013]

@@enxebre3436 not me

[@dumbasswithinternetconnect1611]

GOLD!!!

[@birchwood5889]

Not moi

[@thatplane3865]

broke: jail cell house woke: foot bed house

[@AmandaPanda531]

now imagine a foot bed in the jail cell

[@spicycherrymilk9058]

@@AmandaPanda531 your mind is too powerful

[@AmandaPanda531]

@@spicycherrymilk9058 the world isnt ready

[@thehillisalive]

I saw this comment before finishing the video and EVEN THEN I wasn't ready

[@shaneilhillier9590]

Bespoke: foot bed jail cell house

[@Ezzie_on_the_internet]

That lamp looks like a working design for villainous minions for Spy Kids 3.

[@3bugsinatrenchcoat]

there's 4 spy kids movies

[@spartanretro]

My first thought upon seeing that was, "Did Woody and a Thumb Thumb have a kid?"

[@meganbruce41]

Imagine having to sleep in the same room as it and in a half asleep state you see it and absolutely crap yourself

[@caffeinatedkatie4696]

I think it looks like someone trying to hide but failing horribly

[@pumpkinofglory]

The countertop to tub stairs are obviously for your cat.

[@javierrodrigo1009]

As if my cat ever needed a stair to just jump right into the countertop

[@pumpkinofglory]

@@javierrodrigo1009 It's to accommodate older kitties who can't jump so well anymore.

[@hippopajamas]

Catch me installing stairs to all the counters my cats arent supposed to be on when they get old, tbh.

[@evilxcandy]

That’s what I was thinking!

[@sarah_7777]

I thought it was for candles/flowers or something like that :)

[@CatchThesePaws]

This feels like laughing with a close friend at dumb shit during a sleepover and I love it

[@christopherminutolo9384]

Where it's like 2am where everything is funny

[@TPNsBiggestFan]

@@christopherminutolo9384 oh, so maybe wattpad comments aren’t as funny as i think, i just read wattpad at 1-6 am. yeah it sometimes lasts that long-

[@daynah.1931]

@@TPNsBiggestFan a

[@shiannafoxx]

@@TPNsBiggestFan Uh ok???

[@bottleofcrackers2087]

Honestly this entire channel is like that, it's so good 😭

[@BojoPigeon]

Something I've heard people say on KZbin: "Don't worry kids, once you're out of high school, you'll *never* use algebra again." Consequence of taking this statement to heart: The sink at 3:56.

[@EpiphanyDraws]

the worst thing about that sink is that it would take less space to just put it in normally.

[@DPadGamer]

What if the kitchen podium has four functioning drawers but they are all triangles to fit the space.

[@hyper_lagomorph1046]

i think that if i saw triangle shaped drawers i would die on the spot

[@tereruggiu]

big brain time

[@danieldinisfernandes8614]

Huh i didn t think to see you here

[@Papapop]

calm down satan

[@jarvis]

i like this song

[@NotJacooblay]

Adults: Nothing is free. Jarvis: no

[@siblinghoodsys]

++

[@sillytransfemm]

Lol

[@jasper3706]

The elevated bathroom looks like something somebody built after the sims platform update

[@theoldpea1]

XD

[@KotaBearclaw]

Was thinking the same thing

[@spartanretro]

I actually kind of like the elevated bathroom. I'm dead serious.

[@hailey_the_ace_of_hearts4127]

@@spartanretro it was pretty but very confusing and pointless, ya know?

[@ShallowVA]

I was gonna say a lot of these rooms look like something I would build in the sims by accident

[@ThatBlondePerson]

I really loved the split moment of fear when Jarvis realized he couldn't name an Audrey Hepburn movie off the top of his head.

[@ThatBlondePerson]

1:58 what's that meme called where it's 4 images of a confused woman with math equations overlayed onto them???

[@shinossaura]

"Meme da Nazaré", it's a brazillian meme

[@evasofia8624]

Not Jarvis saying “why have a light in front of your window” like nighttime is something that doesn’t exist

[@amtie97]

Lmfao

[@nancyharb3243]

I was straight up looking for this comment because that was the first thing I thought too 😂

[@MamaMOB]

Thank you! I thought the same thing. Every kitchen I’ve ever had had a light right in front of the window. All like 4 of them!

[@realnookes6482]

yeah, but why in front? Like during the day, won't that just be an obstruction? there must be a better place for it right

[@Wet-Milk]

theres so much better places for a light tho

[@Laura_Luminous]

I think that "depression zone" next to the bath tub is actually a drying zone. You fill it up with cat litter and then you just stand there until all the water has dripped off of you. Simple.

[@brooket8068]

and if ur in a rush just spin in circles for a bit

[@baileec496]

All while your neighbors watch

[@lucajesseapel6485]

I read that as "crying zone" and thought ah yes, that makes perfect sense

[@someonenotsomeone8450]

Don't forget to get the really fine dust-like cat litter! The more cat litter that gets embedded into your skin=better quality drying. It also doubles as a scrub if you feel like it!

[@KetchupRocket]

@@someonenotsomeone8450 just like a chinchilla!

[@supershrimp9274]

would low-key vibe with the giant hands if they didn't have such a strange pattern. like being held and cuddled by a giant who doesn't want to crush you so they just use their hands, maybe I'm just desperate for human contact.

[@ewu..]

why is this also me,, 🥺

[@OGimouse1]

You should get a mattress warmer and an electric blanket. Lay between both. If you need more pressure, weighted blanket on top of electric blanket. You're welcome.

[@romywhite290]

Also, giant slap fights with friends. Flipping people off. The possibilities probably end but I don't know where.

[@emch2vy]

guys you can just buy an anime dakimakura

[@roadworkahead1668]

i agree tbh, the idea itself isn't that bad but the pattern is atrocious

[@pmonday]

And now the foot bed and the hand pillows will get married and have babies whose horrific nature I don't even care to speculate on.

[@mayaaa3932]

STOOOOOOOP

[@Yes.to.Jesus0pop]

Gun fan Father: " hey kids who wants to play dodge the bullets?" Kids: "we do" Father: "OK" turns on gun fan

[@ooobuggie8760]

"Why do the toes look like they're playing piano?" And then my drink came out my nose

[@mayamsherer6941]

When he says “ceiling fan” so many times that you notice his ceiling fan fully rotating in the background for the rest of the video....

[@rebeccat7912]

It took me so long to find it but, when I did, I couldn’t stop watching it

[@Ovasiig]

“If you don’t have below ground depression in your bathroom” unfortunately I only have depression. Nothing below ground about it

[@acreativename7999]

*the mole people are saddened*

[@Ovasiig]

@@acreativename7999 trust me so am i

[@MsKJackson831]

How about having depression and wishing I was 6ft below ground? Eh... close enough🤷🏽‍♀️

[@hardy_har]

"Aubrey Hepburn": Breakfast at Tiffany's starring Drake confirmed.

[@GippyHappy]

This Jarvis is a lot more giggly than usual. I am grateful, for the laughter fills my heart with joy.

[@BiggerinRealLife]

The false drawers made me SO MAD. they do in general, but that podium wasn’t even trying to make them look legit.

[@vhs3760]

my mind automatically puts all these fails in the same house

[@dxhyunjin]

Same

[@alastorbutwithagun]

especially the guns

[@smeliot2862]

hand pillows on foot bed..... hmm

[@ratlsd]

GoFundMe for Jarvis to get ownership of this house so that he can have all the in-unit dishwashers he needs

[@Wodsobe]

Yeah, same here lol

[@PossiblyAlena]

Me: you wanna catch these hands? Them: let’s go dude **proceeds to have a pillow fight with giant pillow hands**

[@barondoggobalfour3648]

every time he says "it is free" it's like he's trying to convince me am I secretly being charged while watching these videos

[@JustAskMeTV101]

It doesn't have a cost... in money

[@catchild1013]

@@JustAskMeTV101 it has a value ... In Jarvis time

[@Loifey]

He only charge rubies

[@ilonachan]

Sorry random internet person, I can't _give_ credit! Come back when you're a little more, mmmmm...... *PREMIUM*

[@toxicity3715]

It just eats your soul bit by bit

[@xillianbro]

Jarvis:”But you know what?” AD: “You are not defined by you multiple relapsing sclerosis”

[@avery_big_knobhead3683]

This gives me, you’re spending the night at your friends house and your looking at a crazy Instagram page. Vibes

[@KawaiiKlau]

That bed looks... Toes..Ty.... Heh ..........

[@pennyw2226]

Toe tally gross

[@spicycherrymilk9058]

🚪👈🏾

[@bodaciousdoggo8971]

Get the hell out. 🚪

[@3starsburningbright]

You watch Jarvis. Wow. Hi.

[@purllow]

HELP

[@the_test013]

The hand pillows simulate the feeling of sleeping with the spy kids guard guys 😭

[@blemsed]

thumb thumb body pillow 😫🥵💦‼️

[@aliciawatson9169]

Omg 💀 😭

[@stardoogalaxie9314]

@@blemsed hows it feel to be the smartest and most valid person in human history?

[@Sandtalon]

“I need something is the world I don’t take seriously” is such a mood

[@rquinain]

God, Jarvis saying that extra awkward "it is free" at the beginning of every Gold video gives me so much questionable serotonin

[@raminrashid804]

Imagine all these were in the same house and there's a zombie apocalypse and they just start grabbing their guns from these obscure spaces.

[@charbach7491]

alternative title: jarvis giggles at his own jokes for 13 minutes

[@ursulap.6722]

He seemed high af, lol

[@markus5120]

Shut up it’s cute

[@hyuckhyuck]

@@markus5120 dude chill.

[@markus5120]

@@hyuckhyuck I am chill dude

[@hyuckhyuck]

@@markus5120 mhm.. Sureeeeee

[@JollyGhostCasper]

I’m so confused, he’s a little bit goofier here, but where’s his La Croix?

[@worstusernameintheworld9871]

isn't that Drew Gooden's third channel?

[@vancebruges1417]

you mean Cody’s fifth channel?

[@ErrSid]

You mean Danny's second channel.

[@person.probably]

Maybe the La Croix was inside him all along...

[@kylesunshine2731]

I knew there was something missing

[@LiquidLetti]

i always have depression in my bathroom. it may not be below-ground depression, but its a good start.

[@TheWatercolourNymph]

idk why but I pictured someone crawling up the stairs out of that tub in the green bathroom and Gollum squatting on the counter to use the sink

[@AbbieLoveYou]

Absolutely 100% what I was thinking too LMFAOOOOO!!

[@vizthex]

I gotta *hand* it to them, those pillows are certainly unique.

[@caroliner.7628]

And that foot bed is toe-tally unique

[@floraidhfinnie4906]

@@caroliner.7628 ... I don’t know what to say lol

[@plantyt3246]

Man this comment and the first reply are so punny!

[@sharpeningtheaxe]

It is impossible not to be cheered up by Jarvis’s adorable giggling in this video

[@92GreyBlue]

Cringe.

[@sharpeningtheaxe]

@@92GreyBlue What is cringe about it?

[@thatalchemistlady]

"Don't make me give a speech on my kitchen podium" holy shit that was funny af

[@sorv_gvl]

The "Goooooold" always gets me

[@catchild1013]

It's clearly for premium users that only premium users get. It's part of the experience

[@katherineelizabeth7177]

Jarvis giggling uncontrollably at things makes my entire day

[@rogue-lemon]

5:19 You'd hate the false pockets they put on every woman's jeans. Same experience. Go to put something in your pocket only to learn you have been deceived

[@123julia5]

Jarvis: Audrey Hepburn... after finishing a long day of... filming... *tries to think of an Audrey Hepburn movie* ...on set...

[@ErinLastNameRedacted]

Well if he was trying to think of a 1920s movie she was in...

[@Anotheryoutubenameillforget]

Haha I thought the same

[@noraaaaa]

here for that premium content

[@JoeSmith_1]

S

[@monke-xp6gg]

Yep

[@Russia_Moscow_countryhuman]

Eeeee

[@Ludicrousism]

We all are.

[@catchild1013]

Fancy 🧐

[@calicoathena]

As someone who sleeps with twenty pillows already, I would buy those hands if they came in a different fabric.

[@hickyxnicky411]

same!

[@alastorbutwithagun]

velvet hands

[@paedenmatson3354]

same though

[@ricklominguez168]

Its the fucking pattern that makes them weird. I would actually get one if they where white or just a flat color.

[@campbellruggles6227]

​@@alastorbutwithagun i make velvet ones check my website www.campbellruggles.com and i take custom orders:)

[@shelbybee]

My favorite part of the video was the moment when Jarvis clearly struggles to think of one (1) Audrey Hepburn movie and came up completely blank. 10/10 great recovery

[@thethreemuskateens4674]

I love how genuinely happy Jarvis seems in this video, I'm glad he's doing better

[@kopperPOTS419]

3:15 you've heard of a kitchen island, that's a kitchen peninsula

[@knightobreath]

I would legit buy some of these just because it’s so stupid and weird it’s funny. Like I would totally decorate my living room with a mannequin lamp, hand cushions and a gun ceiling fan. It would weird the fuck out of my guests but it would be hilarious

[@bananasinfrench]

Having one of these would be like having a weird collector's item

[@radicalmallard]

I liked the revolver toilet paper holder, I feel like I’d laugh every time I saw it

[@elbowsbuns1896]

You'd think it's all fun and games until the mannequin scares you at night, bands together with the hands and has access to the gun fan

[@ashtonrose3155]

Yes

[@Lena-xy8id]

I definitely want a mannequin lamp

[@zilleaxolotl3457]

there's nothing I love more than when Jarvis calls me premium and a voice shouts "goold!" in the background

[@pranavkarmarkar]

I actually dislike that "gooooold" shout but more power to you, fellow premium viewer

[@citrusune]

@@pranavkarmarkar well now I'm curious. why do you dislike it? is there a backstory? has gold Jarvis man wronged you? these are the things I need to know

[@CallUNexTuesday]

The staircase to a toilet had me straight up rolling. "Whist I produce waste from my posterior I shall have the high ground in case of attack!"

[@gurlwelovemusic]

The kitchen ones is like an un-experienced builder in the Sims 4😂

[@okjoz]

I love how much Jarvis seems to be enjoying himself in this video

[@maddiefm1588]

i’ve stumbled to the premium side of youtube

[@catchild1013]

Fancy 🧐

[@roj6895]

ive been here for awhile its nice

[@ellelee6912]

I honestly love that green bathroom unironically. The "stairs" seem like shelves for bath items to me!

[@sierraskye913]

Or for a cat to get around, that's the first thing that comes to mind whenever I see steps humans can't really get much use out of

[@spa-peggymeatballs4861]

I would fill those babies with plants. Actually having shelving that’s out of the water a bit more than the ledge of the tub is nice.

[@MissDraiha]

What annoys me is the footprint of the bath is spa-sized, but the actual bathing space is regular-size. Why did they do that?

[@thinBillyBoy]

3:50 Jarvis. You can use the lamp when it's nighttime.

[@cupidsick]

i’ve had nightmares about my furniture having limbs so this was a terrifying trip into the deep recesses of my memory. thanks jarvis!

[@Hey_Jamie]

The comment would have worked better if it were “That bathroom’s acute”

[@e2b265]

That’s what it was, Jarvis was just too much of an IDIOT to realize he was saying it wrong.

[@jasmineflowers3000]

Alternatively: That’s acute bathroom

[@dr.k8610]

@@jasmineflowers3000 that’s what it said, Jarvis read it wrong. What a g o o f

[@enchantedisopod4017]

Or “that’s acute bathroom”

[@e2b265]

@@dr.k8610 What a clown! Unlike us, KZbin commenters.

[@arcticdino1650]

"It feels like turning on the lamp might be a little too intimate" Well, if that lamp has a body, you might be "turning on" that lamp in multiple ways. I hate myself for putting this thought out there

[@adrienscrown2079]

I hate that this actually could be the reason they made this lamp lol

[@shae.2214]

“How much of a petri dish do u want ur toilet to be? -yes.” “It gives ‘ascending to the throne’ a whole new meaning”

[@sethburaglio413]

2:24 “It’s so normal” “There’s no weird patterns” “Everything is mostly white”

[@SaltedRain]

When Jarvis said "Free" I remembered that one ad that's like: Free? Free Free Free.

[@edmdotmp3]

Oh god no

[@lableurose1747]

The peacock ad 🤦‍♀️

[@diyabalan8407]

@@lableurose1747 pretty sure it's the turbotax ad

[@StormgemThunder]

Jarvis: Why are there so many guns!? **This is America intensifies**

[@anonymous_idontreplylmaous72]

*Laughs In russian*

[@unsubscribedanimation]

@Michelle Yan America bad many guns no healthcare lots oppression.

[@lordofcows8529]

lol!!!!! good one!!!!😂😂🤣🙂🤣🙂🙂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂🙂

[@unsubscribedanimation]

@Kawaii Kandy As an American, I can criticize my own country for it's failings, but when I see a Brittish "person" speak ill of it, my blood runs red, white and blue./j

[@floraidhfinnie4906]

@Kawaii Kandy *plays bagpipe in scottish* lol ur not much better

[@emeraldschmemrald]

I don’t want to seem like a weirdo, but I’m seriously considering an attempt at recreating those hands and putting them in my guest bedroom.

[@yea4309]

As an intimidation tactic on your guests?

[@traditionalnative]

Seriously, please do. I'd take a tutorial

[@spammusubi1607]

Please do it! I imagine the reactions would be hilarious

[@emeraldschmemrald]

Tell you guys what! If I do it, I will link a tutorial here 🤗

[@timetravelingpenguin]

Please do, that sounds hilarious

[@starstuffatsea]

The kitchen podium looks like someone was building in the sims

[@rier8061]

Me using side tables as kitchen islands in sims cause i only have once square of space 😂

[@kodiakarmstrong7693]

I don't need a below ground depression, I already have above ground depression

[@AGirlCalledClive]

The excitement on Jarvis’s face explaining the topic made me smile like someone who can create their own serotonin. Ten stars.

[@nixasteria]

I feel like someone having these in their house is weird but I also think it would be hilarious to have a hotel with each room being weird af

[@acreativename7999]

You've perfectly described Japanese Love Hotels... yes they're exactly what you think they are

[@990doglover]

This video is just Jarvis giving us a tour of his place

[@satsuijin5068]

yo the comment at 2:46 "Closest thing to a boyfriend I've seen in a while and at least I can turn it on" LMAO

[@littleconnormcd]

12:19 I'M CACKLING

[@Vampress09]

His laugh is so dorky but in a wholesome way.

[@mooniedreams]

Some of these just look like someone who doesn’t understand interior design uses platforms in the Sims

[@portxr]

as someone who doesn't understand interior design and uses platforms in the sims i can confirm i would do this

[@myrianrose3619]

Does Jarvis know about McMansionHell? I feel like Jarvis would like McMansionHell

[@moonblinked]

"Jarvis Johnson's Favorite Scent: Jack Douglass" and "Enemy #1: 5 Minute Crafts" are the best credits lol

[@AKayfabe]

I actually really like the green bathroom with the stairs you could use the stairs as storage shelves instead of walking into your countertop. I LOVE that feet bed it’s well sculpted, someone put a lot of effort into making that.

[@catarina8721]

all this photos of the gun related designs are exactly what i imagine kaitlin bennett's house to look like and nobody can convince me otherwise

[@xandracatatalano8972]

imagine all the times you would stub your toe on that awkward kitchen sink

[@sweeflyboy]

Rick Astley for president

[@xandracatatalano8972]

@@sweeflyboy amen

[@blakdeth]

The mannequin at 2:58 looks like a Target was abandoned and then its energy became personified.

[@tristonloux966]

10:34 imagine accidentally walking in on someone in the bathroom and you have to look up at them to make weird eye contact

[@ameliapaine]

2:47 Well, you see, lamps ARE an enemy in a Nintendo game! In Mother, aka EarthBound Beginnings, the first enemy you fight is a sentient lamp and it kicks off the rest of the game. Jarvis’s intuition is spot on!

[@turtleyamazing6091]

I can’t tell if it’s conscious or not, but I swear he pushes his glasses back up or otherwise messes them after every especially witty comment and it’s hilarious I love it

[@kaipark1649]

Jarvis is the only KZbinr whose physical state hasn't degraded during quarantine.

[@antiantiderivative]

Jarvis cannot decay, he can only grow stronger until he reaches his final form.

[@frosty_teacup]

@@antiantiderivative this... _isn't_ his final form?

[@antiantiderivative]

@@frosty_teacup only when he gets Jarvis Johnson! GOLD on a gold KZbin plaque does it start

[@tiredtopaz1842]

@@frosty_teacup who’s that Pokémon?!

[@Babycat42069]

I mean jacksepticeye got jacked over quarantine haha

[@cubespork6928]

the elevated bathroom is to solve the bathroom hierarchy and feel empowered

[@tardybloomer]

the interior design of my sims houses:

[@squarepotatoes]

4:30 I laughed the most genuine laugh I have in over a year Thank you so much

[@TheReginaldBarris]

That kitchen podium is the most lonely island I've ever seen in a kitchen😥

[@RedsTaxi68]

This mabe me realize how much the world needs a late night show hosted by Jarvis.

[@elizatoponce9375]

I love how informal he is in this video, it’s nice to see him just laughing and having fun

[@tavern2468]

5:59 missed an opportunity to say “you’re just shooting the breeze”

[@clarrytheclam]

5:10 Silly Jarvis, it’s clearly four tiny triangular draws that slot together into the square! ❌

[@7B6L]

This should be a subreddit.

[@anonymoususer638]

"r/crappydesign"

[@oscollective]

Okay, but the real crime here is that someone took a picture of a toilet paper roll pistol that says "Outlaw Country" without putting a roll on backwards. If you're gonna be an outlaw, at least own it.

[@Yessica13]

nah the real crime was photographing the roll and not replacing it

[@imemotionallystable7109]

dear gold jarvis, never change this look you have going on right now. it's _beautiful_

[@Tidepool4]

3:20. Imaging stubbing your toe on the tip of the appliance triangle

[@wallacewallace7485]

The vibes in this video are so fucking impeccable

[@haylauryn]

Alternate title: Jarvis making himself laugh for 13 minutes straight

[@joelong9221]

I’m saving up for Jarvis Johnson Platinum

[@annie_is_bored]

The only thing that's missing is jarvis having a lacroix

[@ferdousikhanam5043]

But this isn’t his second channel where he gets a little goofier and wackier and drinks lacroix

[@galaxychill9578]

@@ferdousikhanam5043 but...it *is* his second channel

[@Canada_Official]

@@galaxychill9578 this is his premium channel huge diffrence

[@owllee9585]

My new favorite videos are just Jarvis laughing I love his laugh sm

[@Jo-yk6oz]

6:23 - For when you want to shoot the shit.

[@LevantQueen]

This deserves more appreciation