Narcissistic Family: Healing from their Toxic Alienation

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@robertafierro5592]

When you quit trying and you sit back and just accept the situation, you realize they can't hurt you anymore.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Amen to that!

[@deena7155]

Not true. Then they just go after your children.

[@robertafierro5592]

@@deena7155 Not anymore. Not anymore..

[@mariehughey5390]

You’re describing my family incredibly accurately. They rejected me but their narrative is I rejected them. The most hurtful thing I have ever lived through.

[@lorihoop3831]

A month of ignored calls, no call or birthday card. Hurt for the last time... I will not be going to any further family events. Why should I go, so we can play happy, healthy family?😂😂😂 Not happening, they hate my grown daughters too. No no fakeness, I can't take it anymore

[@mariehughey5390]

@@lorihoop3831 ❤️

[@raeshaker2126]

Same thing with my family. The provoke, insult, shame, demean, and attack me. But when I don't return their calls in order to stay out of harm's way, they claim they are trying to have a relationship me but I push them away.

[@thetruckersmanifesto3873]

My mother used to say, kids don't come with an owners manual. Like libraries are everywhere, and if she wanted advice on how to raise healthy children with empathy, it was there

[@GinaBrittCo]

My narc mom said the same thing 😂

[@2ndChapter911]

My mum says "nobody's perfect"

[@rachaelsills9010]

"What you fear has already happened." 100% right, Jerry.

[@jerrywise]

Thanks for watching Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@kiskakuznetsova503]

Perfection! Also, "What they are threatening, they have already done"!

[@Wakeupdelilah]

This hurts to hear but it’s true

[@jc1865]

Some families are so dysfunctional and dangerous you just have to stay at a distance. I have attempted limited contact and only one sibling was safe enough to interact with at all. That is one of six other siblings. The resentment that I valued education and made a life for myself outside the family dynamic still creates hateful feelings towards me. It is just not worth putting myself in danger.

[@jerrywise]

It may not be worth putting yourself in that danger I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional

[@MJ-qb5ph]

My God you too

[@freeandfabulous4310]

@@jerrywise would love to attend the next workshop with this focus!

[@jerrywise]

​@@freeandfabulous4310 Hi Francesca, you can see the details and sign up for my upcoming workshop 'Get your family of origin out of you' in this link (12 participants only)- jerrywise.ac-page.com/foo-full-month-workshop

[@ZeeJayEssJay]

Same with me. Family of origin actually WAS dangerous-both parents physically abused all my life. In adulthood, more emotional and verbal abuses. Boundaries got me nowhere. Went No Contact as a result. They retaliated with a criminal violent attack! Had to call police. That made me the pariah in my “family system”/cult of the larger clan of relatives who enabled and covered up for the abusers all my life. Then the smear campaign by the flying monkey siblings turned everyone I ever knew against me. Thank God I have my husband and a happy marriage (which they were jealous of!) and my faith to help with the loneliness of having to try to start my life over and make new friend and family of choice. Hard to do at a later age in life. People already have “their people” and aren’t very open to new friendships. Maybe Jerry, you can do a video on this aftermath of going No Contact situation? I have CPTSD and anxiety to overcome from a lifetime of toxic stress. Thx.

[@sirrantsalott]

“You can be loved without needing your family to love you” 🥲

[@jessicaabbott10]

You have to… because if you’re in a family like that, guess what, they’ve never truly loved you to begin with.

[@gigicolada]

It’s like you’ve peered into my whole extended family.

[@didirobert3657]

Neither of my sisters went to my bridal shower. My dad didn’t come to my wedding. I asked my grandfather to walk me down the aisle and he refused. Oh, at first my in laws said they weren’t coming. We hadn’t done anything wrong. But they were all trying to ruin it for me. If I had it to it over again, I would have brought my dress, and we could’ve flown to the Caribbean for our wedding! I highly recommend this to anyone who has a family or in laws like mine. Thankfully, they have all died, but it’s not over. They’re living rent free inside my head! I feel I would need excessive ECT therapy (no thank you) in order to forget all of their reindeer games!

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

❤‍🩹You are not alone.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

We did a civil service, no one else, and don't regret it one iota.

[@robertafierro5592]

As you mature and gain more fulfilling endeavors, they will.move out of their Rent Free Apartments in your head. As you accomplish more and more personal goals, those evil.and jealous relatives' screeches will become more faint until they are just an annoying whimper in the background...you WILL recover from this decades long abuse. Stay sober and vigilant. Good usually wins over bad, it just takes much longer because so many other people have inserted themselves into the drama. Most of it becomes drama..something to talk about. That's why a resolution with an accompanying apology is needed, there needs to be closure, but it'll never happen.

[@CiaoFooTanks4AllTheFish]

Somatic Therapy is great too, combine and see.

[@sarah-wellnessgreatness]

Sending you hugs

[@JEBBY123IFY]

Dysfunctional families have no boundaries...I became the scapegoat because I left and went to college and raised my kids...lived in healthy world...family members started dying and I couldn't do enough to make narc controlling and bpd sisters happy...I'm out! And they have caused me to lose all other members....so destructive and evil!

[@carolkerfeld1764]

Barbie, I am the scapegoat. I am 68 years old and relocated from MN to VA 14 years ago. I had no self esteem. I was so lonely in MN my entire life. I walked away also......walked away from parents, syblings, ex husband and what hurt the most was my grown adult children refused to converse with me. but I was growing sicker both emotionally and physically.

[@donnamixon1195]

I was the scapegoat, problem child, alienated one because I was the only girl. I was molested by one of my golden boy brothers from about 18 months through to age 12 when the molester moved off. I acted out because I didn’t know what to do with myself. And was emotionally beaten down and threatened with reform school at every infraction no matter how insignificant. I moved away, got married, had two children, and was physically and physically notionally abused by my first husband. When I finally escaped, my father demanded that my children and I must move in with him and mom. And if I thought the religious persecution would have stopped…I was wrong. My oldest has now kicked me out of her life. She called me “toxic”. She is bipolar. She and her brother were diagnosed back in elementary school. I did the best I knew how. But my training was lacking. I never wanted to hurt my kids. But I know I failed her. All I can do now is keep my relationship with my grandkids and my other children as healthy as possible.

[@JEBBY123IFY]

@@donnamixon1195 oh sweetie you are a hero! Just remember that we scapegoats are the truth tellers!! Leave every part of them alone!

[@leahflower9924]

I was a BPD sister and I have a lot of animosity towards golden child type A popular sister sorry don't blame us we are all hurt by our dysfunctional family system

[@leahflower9924]

if she just didnt look at that damn phone! lol

[@reneejames3325]

The alienation is a blessing! Rejection is protection resonstes

[@sallyjandric8260]

I've been the scapegoat since I was 12 years and here I am at 71 and nothing has changed, anything that goes wrong I am the one accused and alienated

[@jerrywise]

Sorry to hear this

[@paysonadams4597]

It's thoroughly amazing isn't it?? Funniest example: I had been away at college for 3 years, when one day, I spoke with my mother and she told me the cat had puked on her new white carpet. Within 15 minutes more on the phone, she had worked it around to where the cat puking was my fault and she was so pissed at me she hung up on me...and I hadn't said a word, or been at that house in ages!! Unbelievable!!

[@noddaimportanto3735]

Me too.

[@dnk4559]

@@paysonadams4597 well you’re making me feel better about the blame that is being directed at me. It’s getting worse now that I’m in my fifties. I guess I won’t be surprised if it gets to the point of being blamed for a cat puking. So sorry you’ve gone through this!

[@deborahsolin6000]

Sally, I’m 64 and have has to pull away from my mother and sister totally now since December, almost one year. I’ve been the scapegoat/doormat forever, and always hoped for some miracle , but have finally come to my senses. I will never be respected or treated justly by family at this juncture and need to move forward without contact in order to get my own mental ducks in order. Doing Jerry’s program for about a month, with some difficulty, but whatever good I get out of it will be to my advantage. Please know in your heart that nothing will change with others and you have to do all to protect yourself now.

[@yuk498]

Jerry, I have always believed if I don’t have a happy, healthy relationship with my own family, how on earth can I have a happy relationship with someone else. :-/ In our culture, family is so important. There is something wrong with you if you don’t get along with your family. I have distanced from my family because I was just tired of our constant conflicts, their neediness and exploitation. Everything was about them - their needs, their emotions. I was both a golden child and a scapegoat. - The angry one.

[@melissavalentine9771]

🎉yes 💯🖐️ 🎉

[@heathermixson1265]

To thine own self be true❤

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

❤‍🩹

[@peramenehera7054]

You are super strong for that 💪🏻

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

And the truth is, you need your relationship to yourself to be strong and healthy to create loving, healthy relationships. The family of origin isn't a requisite for good relationships.

[@pavla2055]

I've been self alienating from my FOO for years now . As the family scapegoat in a narcissistic parents scenario I had few directions to turn to . The absolute rage that any self interests of mine created were insane . It seemed that I was expected to live on the sidelines of my own life while congratulating and supporting everyone else - actually doing this also brought on all sort of deriding and insults . Stay in your peghole and take the criticsim that comes with it - there was no escaping this pre determined life I was supposed to live . Stepping away from this negative life and becoming independent of the mind numbing stupidity of it brought on a lifetime of anger and resentment by the FOO . It is very deep rooted behaviour as you say .

[@dnk4559]

Oh my gosh! This tells my story to a tee! Thank you! I’m done being in their peg hole.

[@martha5924-i3v]

What gave you the idea to cut off your parents? What influences?

[@heyreflect.O]

Cabal! 🤣 You’re so right! I was the scapegoat. Really do not need these immature, narcissistic people who made me feel shit my whole life. I have many friends that make a waaaay better family! :D

[@tessbell3426]

I’m excluded from everything. Just heard I’m not invited to the family holiday party. When I was younger I got severely injured by my sisters new dog. The dog was put down by authorities. She actually blamed me and has hated me ever since. I had 250 stitches, two surgeries, had to wear an eye patch for a long time. That was second grade, I’m now 56 and my sister is never gonna end this. I’ll always be the bad guy even though I was injured. I’m devastated that I’m not invited this year because it’s at my brothers house and I love him so much. I don’t know what I did wrong.

[@dnk4559]

You haven’t done anything wrong. Narcissistic family systems need a scapegoat aka dumping ground. I now understand why my sisters never needed therapy for all the trauma we endured, it’s because they followed in our narcissistic fathers footsteps and have tried to use me as their scapegoat.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Your sister sounds like a sociopath. Jesus. I'm sorry you've gone through this.

[@ccalexander1924]

I’m in a pretty similar situation. I have been included in MOST holidays but I travel a lot for work so I can’t be there all the time anyways. But for some reason when my family doesn’t get together ( bc we all have diff lives and things going on ) I get the silent treatment as if I was the one who prevented 6 family members from going to the gathering. I have been given silent treatments by my mom and sis if I can’t plan my own b day dinner bc I made other plans. I can give them months notice in advance but that doesn’t matter. I get the silent treatment. Just me. Not my other sis. Not my mom. But I have always been the scapegoat. For everything. No matter what happens it my fault. A weird example is last year I got the silent treatment on my birthday bc my mom asked me to plan myself a birthday at dinner with family in less then 24 hours ( after I told her months ago I have other plans ). I got the silent treatment from mom and the one sis. Then yo make it funnier on my b day my mean sis texts my other sis on my b day asking her about Memorial Day plans .. didn’t even include me in that text and didn’t say happy b day nothing. So I did get angry bc I don’t think I deserved that. So I went very LC with my sis and mom but I felt bad my mean sis turned 50 and she said she was little upset about turning 50 so I was an idiot and gave her a gift and told her happy b day. Well come this year … my b day just passed and rgat sans sister never said happy b day. Nothing. Silence. So I decided I’m done. I deleted her number and blocked it. I’m done. When I move im changing my number and not giving her my number or address. I’m done. I have 100 million examples of how I tried to be cordial with her but she continues to be nasty. The damage is done and there is no way to repair this relationship. As far as I’m concerned I have one sister now.

[@amberfuchs398]

I love the "cold war" analogy. Enmeshment in the family super cell is a huge issue. I really appreciate these videos.

[@xrc7445]

A possible example of alienation: A sister is jealous of a younger sister so she puts her down in front of the whole family for years. This results in the younger sister being alienated from other people as well due to deep-seated fear. She feels "if my family treats me like this, imagine how strangers will..." Finally, after another days-long attacking crisis of the older sister, the younger sister warns her she will cut her off. The oldest answers back "you cannot because you have no friends, nobody hamgs out with you, we are the only ones who tolerate you". Even if the oldest sister spoke on behalf of all the siblings and all immediate family members were present, no sibling and no parent cared to intervene. At that point, the youngest sister had plenty of times already asked "why are you allowing her to ostrsicize me from the family?" but nobody cared to pay any attention. The yoyngest sister just dropped it until.she would be financially able to cut every one out. Years later, the father, ill with Alzheimer's, was telling another sibling that the youngest sister isn't kicked out of the house and that she doesn't need to pay rent and that she can return to live with them in the family house. They only want you there to abuse you.

[@thebackstreetphilosopher9587]

I lived so much of this with my narc sister. After more than 50 years of abuse and an inadvertent confession of taking a large share of my mother’s estate, I blocked her number. Now almost my entire family is ignoring me with the exception of a couple of people who see through her.

[@jamesrutter4100]

When they are old and sick and the enablers are all fed up with the poisonous attitude. The narc needs a fresh victim. LAUGH AND WALK AWAY. FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY AND WELL BEING.

[@graveyardghost2603]

I would bet that religious differences are a big issue for a lot of families. It's why I am staying at home and not joining my family of origin for the holiday this year, I am the odd one out. But I have my own spirituality, and it helps me tremendously.

[@agriffin5308]

Sometimes a family will try to bring an abandoned person back in just so they can have the "closeness" of rejecting that person AGAIN! 😢 that's why knowing what's really happening with families (presented in this video) is so incredibly important!❤ 😊

[@lorihoop3831]

Yes, I have seen their delight when they were doing what they do to me to my aunt and she was hurt, like any NORMAL person would feel. It was SICK, SICK stuff.

[@CiaoFooTanks4AllTheFish]

Thanks for the warning.

[@mosaicowlstudios]

"Embrace the grief" Thank you ❤ I needed to hear that. I went "limited contact" about 4 months ago. And that's what I'm feeling. I'm grieving the loss of the family experience I never got to have. I look around at my friends' families and realize what I never had. I'm moving past the "anger phase" of grief. I'm so incredibly angry that due to my mother's disordered personality and complete avoidance of accountability, I seemed to have been "robbed" of having a loving and accepting family. For twenty years I've been in a scapegoat role, and I'm just so angry. I wish I could have had a loving family, and not a judgemental one. Their love has always been conditional. I have to let them go. Thankfully, I am not alienated from myself. I was very fortunate to heal and grow through therapy over the last 8 or 9 years. I know who I am. I am finally able to love myself.

[@SnackAttack6]

I left my family at 20, I’m now 60, I have no regrets but I have felt all that you say happens within ourselves. It’s been hard, I don’t miss them, I miss having a family unit. I’m only now realising the issues I have from being born into a dysfunctional family. I have 2 sisters, there was the golden child (1st born) the invisible child (2nd born) and myself the scapegoat (3rd child), I didn’t realise this before I started to watch your videos, I have placed myself into therapy and continue to watch your videos to help me understand so much. I was also raised on the knife edge never knowing when he (father) would change in an instinct into the devil of all evil. A year ago I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD, can you explain to me if Complex PTSD covers what you talk about, or is this disorder on top of having to deal with the effects of being a scapegoat? Thank you

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for watching Debbie, I'm glad you are getting help CPTSD can be carried on top of the family role of scapegoat It is good to work with someone who understands both Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@sylviaschmidt1350]

A scapegoat almost always has c- ptsd and must be treated with EMDR therapy.

[@sylviaschmidt1350]

@@jerrywise I want to join.

[@natural3362]

​@@sylviaschmidt1350 what is a cptsd

[@CiaoFooTanks4AllTheFish]

@@sylviaschmidt1350 Somatic Therapy helped the most, as it involves the memories you don't remember that have been stored in your body. That's my experience. It's only the feelings in the body, and they are then tied to the earliest experiences.

[@tvdb5299]

Can i be hapoy without my 11 children whom i poured my life out for? Now the narc father has died he remains the saint and can never tell them he lied to them about me because of his iwn tiny-ness. So much pain. But i am blessed with very many genuinely kind friends. I wish i could feel that they fully compensate for the loss of my children and grandchildren. Can I hope that any of these children will ever truly see the light : rather than continue to 'pray' for ME!!?

[@jerrywise]

Kids and family are not 'necessary' for happiness, but loving ourselves and having good friends can feed our happiness. I hope your children some day see the light, but if they don't you don't have to stay unhappy or live without a Self. Thanks for watching.

[@tiadobi6932]

"Family alienation is a silent pandemic in our society. It's very very common. More common than most people realise." Jerry Wise Wow. That's a major news headline right thar.

[@angelaw4914]

You describe my family exactly. Your videos are always enlightening. I feel so at peace after watching this video, it explains so many strange family behaviours I've experienced for years. Thank you so much

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome Angela www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop

[@Onelove858]

Yesss. Same thank God I am free from this mess. I'm nothing like them.

[@catherinesinclair7727]

Thank you. A real insight into the root causes of enmeshment.

[@jerrywise]

www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop

[@Sippamanicola]

I really appreciate you! Thank you! I am looking forward to the July event you are hosting.

[@catherinesinclair7727]

@@jerrywise I just listened to this again. Thank you. These insights have helped me to understand myself and rescued me from a very frightening and grief stricken place. God speaking through you. ❤😭

[@tinkwinkles]

I have been alienated from my toxic family for 12 years. I recently had my eldest cousin reach out to me and embrace me. At first this was scary for me but I have come to trust and love her very much. She asks me to engage with other family members and I am terrified. I think it is too close to danger. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if my instincts are correct. I don't want to be within firing range but it is tempting to see my uncle who is at the end of his life. My mother is a sociopath and will say and do some pretty crazy things if I am on her radar. I spent years loving her and crying over the separation until I realized just how empty and cold she really was. Talk about heartbreak! I'm not sure how to proceed with the extended family invitation. I feel very confused and overwhelmed and honestly exhausted even thinking about it.

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

Search for the channel Narcissism Survivor he tells candidly of his experience pre cut off, post cut off and of reconnecting after decades... his take away is "don't do it" he advocates working on your own guilt at staying away rather than walking into a well thought out ambush that could destroy you or set you back years... if your cousin and uncle truly understand the toxicity, if they can honour a private interaction staying off your mother's radar, IF you can trust them then there's room for open communication. Why only reach out now with death on the horizon, especially whilst your cousin is older, of not then, why now? May God grant you peace. It's an awful situation, but for my children's sake I will not perpetuate that toxicity. Alone is better than destroyed 🙏

[@sirrantsalott]

What’s the update? I wouldn’t trust extended family members.

[@ButterCookie1984]

​@@sirrantsalottMe either.

[@melissavalentine9771]

No not overreacting...your instinct and protection mode in on/ active

[@jamesrutter4100]

Run for your life. They need new supply. DONT BE IT!

[@RobertoMartinez-hs3mm]

All this is madness. How many families have been this way? Millions/Billions? The world is full of broken people.

[@jerrywise]

You are right the world is full of broken families Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@jamesrutter4100]

Capitalism creates bullies. FULL STOP! ITS RUINING SOCIETY.

[@ginawhittaker2585]

I could relate to everything you were saying. I have 4 siblings and none of us are close. I haven’t spoken to my older sister in 23 yrs. She started dating a guy who was an alcoholic and that was it never heard from her again. What has always bothered me is we were always very close I have no idea what I did to her. One day I decided I wasn’t going to worry about it, I was just going to focus on my family and live my life. That’s what I did. I figured their not worrying about me, life’s too short. If they want to talk to me I’m here. I believe the root cause of all the family problems is from my mom. It’s so sad she denies everything, she thinks she’s so wonderful and did everything right. But of course it’s the opposite.

[@jerrywise]

I'm glad you could relate to the video Gina Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@adriancampbell630]

Your mother sounds like my father. Thinks he’s the most wonderful man in the world because he provided and was there but is the exact opposite smh.

[@ginawhittaker2585]

@@adriancampbell630 your exactly right

[@LosAngelesLaura]

Jerry, before I watch this video which I’m SURE will be a gem just like every single one of your videos... This is the BEST thumbnail 😂😂😂⚰️⚰️⚰️💀💀💀💀

[@jerrywise]

Wow, thank you! Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@jcp5890]

Any family that can cut you totally off like my whole family has done me...is no family to love and miss. I have been estranged by an ex husband...and 3 children. All that I did was leave when the ex hubby TOLD ME to leave...and I have been dropped like dead. They have buried me alive and I will forgive but I WILL NOT EVER FORGET OR RECONCILE.

[@CH-in8dm]

Well said. I'm living it too.....scapegoat mum, alienated from all for being the truth teller, decent human. I hope your ok 🙏

[@a.k.7424]

JCP, I'm so sorry they all cut you off, that is so painful. I find it is really hard to truly give up hope completely when people show you that they cannot love you and appreciate you. I spent so much time in denial, kind of "bargaining" in my head: "Well, maybe if I try communicating this way or that way, I can reach them emotionally, and they will see that I'm not a bad person..." I finally realized that with my good, safe friends, I NEVER feel that bargaining, "auditioning" feeling. I hope you have or find a couple of sane kind friends. It can take some looking and searching, but they do exist!

[@dnk4559]

@@a.k.7424 thank God for my friends who see me. I don’t know that I could have survived my family without them.

[@Thequietestquiet2875]

i feel that ❤️

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Yeh, i terrify them. I stand firm in my own interpretation of events. That's it. But the other day I was told "we are sorry you are so unhappy, you are in our hearts, don't bother to reply". Wow. Im not unhappy. Im just not submitting to my mother's narrative. It's EXACTLY like it is for Jenny, they have ostracised me but blame me for the damage done to the family. I do feel like they can only work if I f*** 0ff

[@jerrywise]

Learn to be less terrified yourself when you being you terrifies them ❤️

[@MT-tx7bu]

it's helpful for me to remember that change requires a response. It's predictable and suitable. If someone does not like the change in me, they don't have to. They aren't required to like the person I am today. I had to get comfortable being uncomfortable. It's not easy. I work on it, daily.

[@darinsmith2458]

I had to be honest with myself about how I was alienated from my family. The first time that I became aware of it was when I got a dog and how my family alienated the dog. That is when I became aware that they were alienating me.

[@danitaminer6863]

Targeting a beloved pet is a classic textbook characteristic of malignant narcissist.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

@@danitaminer6863 I didn’t realize that. My family seems to have resented my love of animals my whole life. Now I have a farm and have a few, I invite my parents over and show them all the animals and tell them every detail and how much I love them. I’ve realized it works to keep them from visiting, which suits me well. Insisting on talking about what is important to me seems to baffle them, as for decades I seriously “hid” my love of animals, knowing they don’t like them. They still try to ridicule me etc, of course it still hurts no matter how old I get, but I carry on regardless. I’m finding this waffling about my own interests helps, and they are moving back to Europe, thank God.

[@drintx5734]

@@jmvwegnerpriestanyone who hates animals must be a sick individual. Who could feel that way about God’s creatures? You are better off with your animals and keeping your family at a distance.

[@CiaoFooTanks4AllTheFish]

I got a cat, it was on the street, as a kitten, and took it to the vet, got the shots, eye drops due to an infection, nursed it back to health. One day, I came home and got the smirk when I asked where my cat was at, Months later she saw me, and meowed and came running up to me. I walked her back home, and she pried herself away from me and ran off. She was that scared of the devil within.

[@vs6960]

Thats my messed up family alright! Thanks for letting us know how common this problem is. Its so sad, so many suffer because of people ljke this.

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@olexandrakharchyshyna2095]

I had exactly the first example that you described. I couldn't attend an event because my education on a full scholarship started (in another country, the trip would take me a week). And my sister-in-law still gaslights me, 15 years after the event. As if I was supposed to drop out just not to miss her event.

[@juliedonahue6610]

So good. Staying calm can help us function more maturely. So much truth.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for watching Julie www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop

[@virginiasmith5278]

I was told by my sister in a public setting that I was the Black Sheep of the family . 🤑 She's very sick

[@jerrywise]

Many of us have family members who are not well (at times they just look like they are well) Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@carmadariacompaniona4181]

I'd like to see you make a video about an invisible child who becomes and invisible adult sibling.... For some reason (maybe to transport my mother), my siblings still want me to go to family reunions (that they plan without requesting my input), but then they completely ignore me when I'm there. When I try to engage in conversation asking about them, talking about myself, etc. it doesn't work. They don't care to hear what I have to say or care to talk with me.

[@Thequietestquiet2875]

Yes! They invite me and then totally ignore me! Thanks for posting. Not just me.

[@firesidechat7191]

Me too

[@MP-po6fj]

Once the NPD families parents die ....it is SO hard to reconnect as normal siblings because the NPD parents played them against each other all through their life. Cannot unhinge years of conditioning to hate the scapegoat, manipulation and gaslighting etc. I found this out so severely where my G Child brother asked to meet up with me after our dad died only to set me up for a severe covert physical assault that he planned well before i came down as he knew i had a pre existing spinal injury. Bastard let on to hug me but tried to cripple my back....he is a true sociopathic psychopath. He was jealous of my progression and took me 17 years to try and heal my back. Now im housebound now, Should of stayed away totally all together ......now my life is ruined. I blame my npd father for dividing us all. He cannot be prosecuted under mental health act Absolute evil and twisted

[@brendaplunkett8659]

That is awful. Please keep trying to heal. Don't let them win your mind.

[@travelbug4536]

Love your stories. Really helps with understanding family systems concepts. Thank you :) P.s. Divorced my family ten years ago. It was hard but hoping it will all be worth it in the end.

[@jerrywise]

Thanks for sharing!! Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@CLeeflangDFWU]

Deep seated issues are “dealt with” by picking “topics” to argue about. For example, yelling at someone for leaving the lid off the toothpaste is the topic chosen because the actual issues (unappreciated/invalidated) are very uncomfortable and risky to address

[@deannang455]

Friends and family always explode before disowning me. They demand me back when they are in crisis. Then the cycle starts over again and escalates worse each time. They are not there for me in illness, and even encourage me to die so they can have what little I leave behind. They tell me I'm responsible for their ill health and am a burden though I never ask them to support me. Lockdown Christmas was the best to avoid so much drama.

[@a.k.7424]

Deanna, I'm glad you are so clear about their irrationality and double-standard (such as "You must be available to help us when we're in crisis, but we dont need to help you when you are ill," etc.) I am wishing you some good, kind, sane friends!"

[@trishhennessey3584]

I loved lockdown Christmas!

[@jayney6176]

So interesting that they assume you’ve actually “left anything behind” for them 😏

[@jenniferfrazier8131]

I don’t do holidays anymore. It’s just weird.

[@deborah2864]

Well doesn't this say it all?! What a great follow-up to your recent workshop "Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You." Methinks you speak of my family dynamics. It certainly helps to de-personalize the alienation. Thanks Jerry!

[@jerrywise]

Great insight Deborah Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@sandyhowell164]

Thank you, this helps, especially remaining calm because the anxiety of simply being rejected without a reason left me so scared and didn't know why, still haven't gotten resolution that's consistent. I'm so sad and in the grieving process now and working on self and stopped running after a communication from what happened, accepting myself and knowing I'm doing the best I know how and the best I can. However I do pray someday before I die there will be healing. Thank u again.

[@GetTaggedPhotography]

I needed to hear this today. We’ve had so many things happen over the past 10 years. Our family just can’t catch a break. We have 5 children all together. Mine his ours. Only one of our kids wants a relationship with us. I thought we were doing all the right things raising them. We loved them all. Guided them as individuals and according to 4 of them we were horrible parents and only favored the one who wants a relationship with us. I just feel broken and don’t know how to put myself back together. I’m usually good at bouncing back, but these days I’m lost and spend most my days depressed and crying at little of nothing. Sorry to dump so much at once, I’m just hurting and needed to dump.

[@averyeich9726]

I’m stunned at the role reversal. I have anger issues or undiagnosed whatever after all the abuse. You remind me of myself trying to have a relationship with my brothers. In my case my father is controlling. Out last final fight because I was cussing foul was over where we walk because he is holding exercise with him over my head to give me any help financially or even to vouch for me where he works. In my experience after years no matter what my dad does he gets the benefit of the doubt and to speak my piece I have to hope I’m not interrupted to death.

[@LaLisa1024]

MY SISTERS BABY SHOWER IS WHAT TRIGGERED MY ENTIRE FAMILY TO ALIENATE ME. I just got chills. Its been 4+ months, she attempted to get a damn restraining order on me. Even the judge told her she needs a thicker skin & it was dismissed. BOOM I go from now realizing I was the golden child to the scapegoat. My parents used to put monster after her name to me, can only imagine the smear campaign. Its gross. Appreciate finding your channel.

[@sirrantsalott]

😂 you know when you get past the emotions of an incident like this, you can laugh as loud as you can! How absurd this is!

[@junepeyer1200]

❤️❤️ Great video, as usual! Just as your last name suggests... you are..😉 This video is very relevant to my experience. I’m doing the work of self differentiation and it hasn’t been received well by my siblings. I sent a letter to them detailing my efforts to improve my understanding of the dysfunction of our childhood. My oldest sister became angry and posted on social media , “your truth telling is hurting family members” and that I’m “doing more harm than good”. I invited my siblings to have a discussion, but 3 years on, none have opted to do so. I realize and accept they may never have the ability to do so. My mother died 5 years ago and it was a flash point for many repressed feelings with not only them, but me. I decided to take my mother’s death to understand why she (and my father )were so damaged in their own lives. My mother was very narcissistic and my father is very co dependent. Through therapy and journaling I’ve moved on to a better differentiated state. I’m also writing a book about my abusive childhood. I’ve discovered a lot of answers and know that I’m ok and loved even without my family of origin. I’m also studying psychology...!!!!

[@southernbawselady7092]

WOW!..I could have written this! I feel your pain! 😢 What helped me was learning about (cPTSD) Complex PTSD Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) Also ECHOIST A great website is parenting.exposed I was the Scapegoat of the family and now everything makes sense. It was NEVER me...It was my "parents" Wishing you well on your journey to discovering your real beautiful self!

[@jerrywise]

This can be very tough when others are so enmeshed and super sensitive that they cannot handle how you see things Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@dnk4559]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It reminds me to stop trying to get them to see. My younger siblings are in their fifties now and if they were going to get help they might have done it by now. I will just try to show up and not allow myself to react to their cruel behavior. They are in pain, it’s not personal and if it’s too painful for me to be around then I will see them only on rare occasions.

[@MylonMoses]

Thank you for this information! If you can believe that you can be happy without your family then you can relate to them more neutrally ! It makes so much sense! Thank you!

[@mosim9691]

I'm now taking care of a codependent mother who alienated me during my childhood. This is so painful!

[@MsButterfly57]

Watch Joyce Meyer something happened to her

[@justice8563]

I was manipulated to care for my abusive mother for 24 years. I agree it’s painful and I regret everyday for doing it.

[@Jmamelia]

That has to be difficult for you. I don't know that I could do it. Sending you peaceful vibes.

[@sirrantsalott]

Home for the aged or homeless shelter take your pick

[@sirrantsalott]

Take her to the ol’ folks home or the street

[@mcdermottclaire]

I am the Jenny in my family. My two sisters, mother and two brothers have all done this to me. They even have a WhatsApp group with each other, partners and my mother which I wasn't invited to join. Its extremely painful. They say its my own fault why I am alienated from the family when I haven't done anything.

[@melissavalentine9771]

😢 I'm curious as to their reasoning?! But as he stated I'm certain it's something stupid that is not the root cause

[@user-ov6jx9qp7s]

You've dug into the corners in this one Jerry. Shing light into those dusty hiding places that the dysfunction resides in. Brilliant 🔦

[@letthetrumpetsound7893]

Hi Jerry, I don't know if you recommended this book, but I'm reading it now and it's very good on this topic. "It Didn't Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are And How To End The Cycle by Mark Wolynn" 👍🏾😉

[@stars_for_night_lights]

Don't walk, RUN! 🏃... ..🏃‍♀️.. .

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

[@julieanna8495]

A quote to sum up this lesson: “Old sins cast long shadows”. Hercule Poiroit, Halloween Party

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

I can be happy without my family of origin.

[@ReneeLaitila]

Alienation due to family members having a psychic reading that my home was being invaded by a dark energy wanting me to harm myself. No one told me for 3 months. They all went to my home with a priest/holy water to cleanse the outside of home without my knowing. They then wanted me to move out so someone else could cleanse the inside of my home. The medium had warned them all that I was being controlled by the dark energy and would not therefore be “strong enough” to cleanse my own home. None of them thought they did a thing wrong as they were convinced 100% by the psychic as she seemed to be able to describe my house and I was not to be told as I would fight against them all! WHAT?!? So now I am the bad guy because I shared these in-included feelings per their behavior. They defend their behavior and actions. As I work to cleanse my home and clear clutter in the effort to incorporate Feng Shui along with smudging my home. I am the outsider once again. Alone seems to be the best way as they all seem to leave me out of the entire fix. I am hurt and yet determined to create a happy home space. Just makes me disappointed and sad.

[@naturelover1284]

Taking it less personal and understanding their need to control helps you with the mother you're always looking for

[@jennylynn82173]

Thank you very much, Jerry! I'm excited to listen! Have a blessed and joyful weekend! :)

[@jerrywise]

Same to you!

[@virginiayap726]

Every thing I need to know and understand about their alienation is from your sharing. Thank you so much! GOD BLESS YOU 💕

[@hxjade5868]

I couldn’t make Christmas dinner because I was so sick who wants to be alone Christmas Day 🤷🏼‍♀️ I got alienated for this was in hospital weeks after Also wasn’t round for Sunday dinners the last 6 months my mum had the family thinking I was crazy an insane 🤪

[@anitabubic6094]

Thank you from bottom of my heart.

[@theperfectautumn8781]

Just came out of one of these longstanding 2 year cold wars (over varying degrees of political beliefs), only to just recently get placed back into the cellar again over differing opinions of our narcissistic father. Golden child son couldn't handle me (scapegoat) firmly sticking to differentiating my experience with our narc father as not being/and still isn't the same as his has been. (Narc father has been grooming and colluding with this sibling "mole" since we were kids, casting me as "unstable".) So with this sibling again (I got the hint), through subtle avoidant behavior, back into the box I was placed, for another several years, or forever...

[@jerrywise]

This sounds really complicated, I hope you find peace and strength to take a stand in this intense situation 🤍

[@melissavalentine9771]

🎉 yes amen... Grooming goes on fr

[@melissavalentine9771]

It's a sad sad shame Parents cannot be the mature ones and Allow individualism! !? I simply don't get it! Living like a cult

[@didirobert3657]

Sounds like the narcissists in your family love Trump? One of my narcissistic sisters loves him!😮

[@struwwelliese3744]

Thank you Jerry , your videos are very helpful, to understand what I can do for myself to heal .

[@jerrywise]

Wonderful! Thank you!

[@anneschneider2281]

Thank you. Thank you. Right on ! Just the right approach ! Helps a lot. Will join council. At least i got out of this cult by switching continents took another decade to get the old continent.... out of me. Now they chase me with........... ajajajaja on and on. FREEDOM.GOD BLESS. Kluster b education is saving lives and souls.

[@jerrywise]

You are welcome Anne www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop

[@maryannbaretta1989]

Think it's good to sit back and watch those dysfunctional people so sad I'm moving forward. Not a true family only by blood

[@DHG24]

Thank you so much. It’s amazing Jerry how you know the detailed nuances of the behaviors. It is so refreshing and comforting to know that somebody understands and is helping me so much just listening to the videos. It’s now 2024 and your original workshop has passed, but I’m gonna look into the more recent ones. I just wanted to say, though it is a bit confusing, when you sometimes suggested in this video that people can keep contact, trying be stabilized or regulated and empathetic at the same time and keep contact, but in my situation, they don’t want the contact they have rejected and alienated me. I have made the effort and I have chased after them and it was just too damaging for me to Chase so I don’t. They don’t want anything to do with me and it’s over and has been for a long time. On the rare occasion that I give somebody a chance when they express some possible interest, it turned into a fiasco drama and games and arguments. And I made the mistake of giving or two siblings a chance over and over and getting badly abused and having very bad emotional trauma from it. So even on the occasion when they did respond to my overages to keep a relationship going, it was a disaster and very destructive to me. so in my situation, I don’t have a choice, but to be alienated from them. But I do appreciate the help in letting go of the guilt, self blame, depression etc. Would like to be free of it all finally in my mid 60s for gosh sakes.😢

[@i.m.watching5536]

Looking good, Jerry.🙂

[@i.m.watching5536]

@Krishna Patel Hang in there. Much love to you.❤

[@jerrywise]

Thanks 👍 Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@rochellecaffee1417]

Wow! I wish that i could relate to these possibilities of events, but for me, i just chose to get away from some heavy duty expectations that happened by my Religious family toward me. It’s Sunday and i like to “get way from it all” on Sunday. I am tired of defending my needs. Taking time away should not be such a “problem” for other people in my life. I am not angry or “acting out” to “make a point”. I’m just enjoying my “aloneness”. I do not “feel” like a “victim”. Maybe the religious family needs “crisis” and drama to exist. I am not sure “how” i might communicate with these people who are coming to me in an indirect way. I would very much like to communicate face to face…they keep a distance from me that keeps them “safe” from knowing the truth. I’m sorry but i can not take responsibility for their reactions to a very simple and uncomplicated situation. i am so grateful for this problem not being my circus and not my monkeys. Does it have to be black and white? All or Nothing?

[@alchemicalrelationship]

After being married to who I strongly believe is a narcissist for 25 years...I am struggling to understand what is my family system and theirs. Your perspective on how we can understand what is ours and theirs would be very insightful. It's almost as if my family system was hijacked and when I began to wake up and question...I was then scapegoated. I know I am codependent and that comes from family of origin and being with a narcissist it made that codependency even more solidified and even stronger. I was alienated from his family system. How do make sense of what is ours and theirs. It's as if my mind was hijacked! The family seemed to be perfect when I was 21 (idealization) on my part. As the years went on I started to see that it was a very passive aggressive family. They don't talk about issues or concerns. Ever! Passive aggressive is very hard to break through because what's underneath is not clear to outsiders. I grew up in the opposite. My family spoke freely and even argued. There was love and affection at the end of the day. Definitely feelings got hurt in my family but it was in the open. Complete opposite to my spouses system. My parents did divorce when I was 6 and father did have alcohol issues and my mother also had a lot of childhood trauma. She lost her mother in her teens and other childhood issues as well. She did her best and I always knew that...however, I still felt I needed to grow up fast. She struggled emotionally and I did feel that is were my codependency began. I have been alienated by the narcissist smear campaign. He is very self protected and is very good at framing truth will omitting his wrong doings.

[@cindybriden372]

WOW! I wish I could find a therapist whom is as knowledgeable, or at least half as knowledgeable, as you are. I have been to a few therapists over the years and I know more about this subject, and the subject of narcissism in general, then they do. They don't seem to think this subject is a big deal. They just don't know the pain. I got through it but now I have anger issues with the man labeled as my biological father. They just don't get it. If I could afford to go out of pocket to see one of your affiliates I would indeed. Meanwhile, your videos help me more then any therapist ever had on this subject and are very healing. Thank you so much!!!!!!

[@jerrywise]

www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com. You can work with me or one of my associates. Thanks for watching....

[@danitaminer6863]

Excellent video👍 especially if you have a fairly solid understanding of the narcissist family dynamic and have gotten through the grief work or at least almost through it🙄 (I've just about reached the 2-year mark and that is far as I'm going to let it go 😁) . Thank you so much, this was exactly what I needed to hear. 🥰 Sincerely, I'm almost there🤗

[@dnk4559]

I’m almost one year of recovery work facing my family of origin issues. Working on being an “escaped” goat emotionally if not physically.

[@caraleighcarter16]

Wow Jerry. This advice has been amazing to me today. It speaks exactly to some issues I am currently facing and your healing strategies are phenomenal. Thank you!

[@joanhenry650]

Amazing… Such a great great video Jerry thank you for all you do!

[@jerrywise]

Thank you Joan for your kind words Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@chiffre-nummer8475]

For me it started eith a gummi bear more than 14 years ago. Alienation now in gets its meaning in my life to go different ways.

[@nosto9554]

Your videos and this entire channel are a godsend. You are an angel, thank you for your wisdom and helping others. Sending you love and light ❤

[@beatrizmarquezpichardo3712]

Jerry Wise, gracias. Ahora entiendo qué pasa en mi sistema; Y puedo ver la ola que trasciende generaciones. Jerry Wise, thanks. Now I understand what’s happening in my sistem; And I see the wave that goes trough generations.

[@jerrywise]

Great, thank you for watching and commenting I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also

[@ccalexander1924]

Funny thing about this video is I see this in my family. My dad’s side of family seeem to be very close. My dad passed away years ago and I did get to visit his family a few times ( they all lived in other states ) and they seemed close. My mom’s side of family I only met her one sis one time ( after my dad passed ) but my mom went NC with her entire family when she was about 25. She said her family was abusive and manipulative and not nice people. So growing up I never had any kind of family. I didn’t grow up with grand parents or cousins or aunts or uncles etc. it was just me , parents and two sisters. Well I’m the scapegoat. My youngest sis is golden child and my oldest sis is just evil. But I have realized my mom was abusive prob bc how she was abused so she just passed it along. My oldest sis is abusive to her kids so it just keeps being passed down to generation after generation in my family. I am now NC with my oldest sis. And very very LC with mom. This changes everything bc it changes holidays , what other people think of me , I may lose all contact with niece and nephew . It’s a lot. I know I need therapy. It’s a hard adjustment but I’m tired of being the black sheep and scapegoat of family. I’m tired of the silent treatments , the blame of things I never done. I’m just tired of being treated like I don’t matter. So I’m done. I thought I was healing pretty well but after the one year mark of being very LC with two family members ( now realizing one of them I’m going complete NC) it’s a little over whelming. I think the most hurtful part of all of this is … realizing I never mattered to them.

[@kareemmohammed5270]

very helpful insight Jerry, much appreciated.

[@betterdayz4678]

Thanks so much for the information! I needed this tonight.

[@4Beats4Me]

What I never expected happenned anyway. 'We're spending all our money next years vacation. I'm sure you understand we can't come to your wedding,' Thanks Mom. No teapot tempest. No apologies or explanations. Gaslit silence. Separation from half my relatives -for life.

[@dnk4559]

I’m so very sorry!

[@sumina8653]

Thank you for this video on family alienation Jerry. Relevant to a repressed RAGE DREAM involving estranged family. Hurt & scream in the dream, "I feel left out." I resort to violence that I never do in life. I fear & loathe violence as my alcoholic Father was like this but only in childhood years. When the "sins of the Father were visited on the son, he curbed, but I always had a fear of him. This dream is very worrying. The remaining family are close, stick together & support each other in the dream. Don't know about life as no contact either way. Also, shocked to discover that hidden collusion is going on in the dream, that I am being kept in the dark when I was "giving tried to help in the dream." Perviously naive, taken advantage of, parentified. I like the phase, "I can be happy without my family of origin" & hope ready to let them go, as sadly I do not see the intergenerational dynamics changing. Dreams can make us aware be very insightful but do they release pent up rage for how we have been & still are treated? I hope this does not mean I am also alienated from self, but likely so & need to work on this, get in touch with needs. Trying to figure all this out, understand can be exhausting & overwhelming, but you make it very clear. I no longer consider I have a family but as you so often say, unfortunately, they are inside of us. Grateful thanks & good wishes,

[@Thequietestquiet2875]

I hate those dreams. I used to have nightmares of them burying me alive. So vivid.

[@sumina8653]

@@Thequietestquiet2875 That is awful. I wish you well and better dreams.

[@Rae-cr4gz]

My whole family, which is my older sister, her husband, and 2 adult kids and my parents go to Hawaii every year and they don’t invite me. My parents pay for everything except for the airplane tickets. This past summer they invited my daughter, but not my two boys or me. I think they are despicable and have blocked them. Thoughtless is putting it mildly. I have no desire to talk to them anymore but finding it is affecting me in every area of my life, and struggling to connect with anyone anymore. My sister has always been the golden child and I have always been scapegoat especially since my divorce 10 years ago I have great kids. I just wanna move on.

[@edgreen8140]

If i remain alienated from them i may be happier.

[@elizabethgelpi942]

Thank you 🙏 once again.

[@jerrywise]

You are very welcome 😊🤍

[@thetruckersmanifesto3873]

I noticed a pattern of the ones they felt were weaker they sacrifice them. We talk, got our own little group

[@allthingszoey7909]

This video was a blessing and reminder

[@meanimeconingles]

So my father told me i loved being the black sheep of the family. They are so sick.

[@shirleyc528]

So helpful. Thank you Jerry 🙏

[@jerrywise]

Glad it was helpful! Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@Cecilia88507]

Thank you . Pure gold ❤

[@jerrywise]

You're welcome 😊

[@blank_earth]

In a nutshell, I come from a toxic and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing, I escaped that and went to go be with extended family that found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately what seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my mental and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved. It’s just really unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some dumbass on the internet told me “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me saying “well they raised your brother and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” …but to me it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess…

[@adrianalondon]

Thank you soooooo much! 🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤

[@vaiciciaku]

It is a valuable knowledge you are sharing. It was hard to watch because the ads were interruptung too much. I normally used to watch the adds for you but not this time. I would lose the thread.

[@jerrywise]

Certainly you can click through the ads I know it can be a hassle

[@dianelamorticella6053]

I think my first boyfriend when I was 18 was antisocial and narcissistic personality disorder, way back in 1985

[@ברכהה]

Alot of these perceptions don't solve the situation. If it's in the past, or the unconscious or a result of a family system or you find another cerebral explanation- the feelings are still there. Understanding abuse ,pain and suffering and it's multiple possible causes- dosen't heal or change the emtional situation.

[@cathymars23]

Great video. Thank you. 🙂

[@jerrywise]

Thanks for watching! Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information. Also, I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

[@thetruckersmanifesto3873]

I'm not 100 percent sure how people just go along with that stuff, my cousin he said it's like human sacrifice. There guilt is the driving force behind that behavior. They don't want us there to tell the truth. They got there naritive.

[@reneehouser2925]

100% true. The POSSIBILITY of a truth teller among them will send them into paranoid psychological chaos.

[@ggnome7]

Thanks!

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for your gift, it helps us to continue making free videos for everyone. Thanks for watching.

[@christianimageco.3758]

"Super self" for some reason reminds me of the movie the Blob from the 60's 😂😂😂😂

[@Starstorm111]

It is harder when this family of covert narcissists adopted you as a favor to save you from a psychopath and mentally sick mother … They never asked me anything nor invited me to talk about my emotions of my previous 11 ys of abuse.. They never told me, you can talk with us if you need about what happened to you, you can talk about your feelings of loosing your whole family and feeling alone in the world and ashamed to ask a random family to adopt you.. they just gashlited me my whole life.. their emotional intelligence is 0! And they take pride on adopting me but gashlited my soul. As I became independent at 18 and my life started to do well ( not fully healed yet but on the way at 32) they were offended I did not spend as much time with them, or accusing me of being too busy.. never having a deep convo about anything, and even asking me for guidance while going through a major depression and panic attacks state during 2 years.. I was possessed by guilt, but I free myself from them.. my soul was dying having to deal with this nonsense people. I’m grateful for them adopting me forever, but as people I don’t want to know anything no more! They feeded my shame and guilt by gashliting my emotional world all this years…