Narcissistic Family: 3 Fantasies that Keep You STUCK in their Grip

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@sophial.2438]

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP hoping for approval from your family!! If you haven't gotten approval by the time you reach adulthood, you NEVER will!! Don't waste several more decades!!!

[@fairygurl9269]

^I have much Expierience with the Feelings of this Here Sentiment....!! *And I Personally Feel Babes & Kiddos Are Uniquely Cute, Curious, & Fairly Easy to Adore ❣💗

[@TruckerNyaG]

I'm 22 years old and been scapegoat horribly as a child and I am simply done being that role. I am in the middle of leaving them and going completely no contact.

[@TruckerNyaG]

I left them.

[@chivonfortney1656]

This is where I’m at.

[@bereal6590]

They deny you what you need to function as a healthy well balanced adult, so we fail in the world and spend so much wasted time trying to still get their love validation empathy and approval, which never comes. It keeps us tied to them as if family is everything. It's deliberate imo. My parents never celebrated my wins in life, it kept me feeling incapable and enmeshed. Then I woke up at due to a life crisis and saw everything in overwhelming technicolour. Worst time to see it. To all those boomers gen x'ers, we were conned! The Internet has been a god send for sanity. Thank you Jerry ✌

[@lizl1407]

The family scapegoat is frequently the strongest and most loving member of the family, and the other members know it. That is WHY they are scapegoating that family member! So that's why trying to convince them how good you are will not stop the scapegoating. They already know. The loving strength of the scapegoat is a threat to them, because at some point in their past they buried their own loving strength due to trauma. They have to reject that part of themselves, and also in the scapegoat, in order to feel safe (because they believe that part of themselves is what made them vulnerable to abuse). So you can never convince them, because in order for them to value the scapegoat they would need to deal with their trauma and learn to value and respect the loving-strong part of themselves, something that feels unbearably terrifying to them. You can't ever change their minds about the scapegoat, because they feel as though their lives depend on it.

[@charliebrown555]

So beautifully explained, Liz L! Unacknowledged trauma is like a cut that never gets looked after. It just gets worse, more toxic. It takes strength to look at and deal with our past traumas... which are not only in our memories but also stay locked in our bodies ... until we do the work to release them. This healing can be guided by an excellent somatic experiencing therapist or other type of energy work. It is part of our journey as scapegoats to do this for ourselves . . . It is a rare narcissist who will do this for themselves. There must be a great amount of consciousness for their journey to healing to begin.

[@liveandlearnordieandteachb4035]

sooo true, merci dear 💖

[@serenaatallah641]

@@liveandlearnordieandteachb4035 "They have to reject that part of themselves, and also in the scapegoat, in order to feel safe (because they believe that part of themselves is what made them vulnerable to abuse)". WOW. This. This is such an important thing to remember.

[@daisylass1712]

Experience has broadened us all.

[@rhondathompson6592]

Thank you Jerry for this video and Liz for your comment. It helps me to understand more about my experience in my family.

[@gojiberry7201]

I literally had therapy yesterday and regressed to a 2-yr-old, crying, "If only I were perfect, if only I were everything my mother wanted, if only I just obey her and do everything she says, she will finally love me." This video appeared on my feed this morning.

[@gobetter350]

What kind of therapy is it?

[@gojiberry7201]

@@gobetter350EMDR therapy for trauma

[@こなた-m1o]

WOW. nearly the same thing happened to me my second week of therapy, shortly before finding uncle jerry's stuff. it's making so much more sense now.

[@vanessasouthern1792]

We're conditioned to think we have to stay in the family. It's an illusion. We are mammals.... they move on independently. Love this video....timing is perfect. Thank you.

[@catherineshaw1122]

Not all mammals move independently. Many are pack animals and rely on that dynamic. It's a basic survival instinct to want to stay connected to your family. But of course when those people are toxic, you're better off a lone wolf.

[@z1z2z3z]

@Krishna Patel It's definitely important to be independent of them when you have an unhealthy relationship, AND it's also necessary to do the inner work to disconnect from those people. I know a few examples of people who left and came back to the relationship because they weren't happy, and they were addicted to the emotional cycles of the family. For me, doing the inner work entails talking to a therapist and figuring out why I feel the way I feel. I understood that the relationship was unhealthy but I was in denial of some aspects of it. My therapist helped me figure out that I felt stuck because I was still being controlled by them-I was subconsciously still trying to please them. I also wanted to change them, when what I should have been doing was changing my reaction to them, and breaking the emotional trauma bond that I was stuck in. I needed a non partial third party to validate my experience and realize I had a lot of self-doubt and poor esteem. I was told I was overly sensitive my whole life, and I believe now that they were just insensitive and callous. Parents need to be empathetic to their children, no matter how sensitive their kids are. Jerry talks about all of this in a lot of his videos. Best wishes on your journey!

[@dianelamorticella6053]

@@catherineshaw1122 but with love for self, we can give love to others, and then we can create our own family! Family is not always biological! ❤️

[@sizzling_rozes]

@Krishna Patel you have to do everything in ur power to become financially independent and leave them. You can love them from far away. Love is freedom

[@sizzling_rozes]

@@catherineshaw1122 but we’re more intelligent than pack animals like wolves, there’s a higher faculty of intelligence that we have to take responsibility for, and for us that involves finding independence. Yes that transformation is hard for the ones we were raised around, but we all have our own purpose here..

[@CLeeflangDFWU]

A lot of my anxiety and hurt faded as soon as I let go of the hope that I was going to get what I needed from the people who I came to realise were totally incapable of giving it to me. It has taken me over a year of processing my frustrations about not being heard believed or supported (scapegoated) to get to the point of letting go. It’s sad that it has to be this way but a relief and freeing feeling too

[@huelaura4691]

Glory be to God! And I am grateful for you being able to overcome that. I am on that journey at the moment ❤🕊

[@marian8732]

After years of feeling emotionally disconnected from all of my family members, I had the idea (not a good idea) of talking to my mother about my sense of not belonging, of not feeling accepted for who I am etc etc and she completely 'cancelled' me. Ouch! Then I spiralled into a state of anxiety that totally overwhelmed me and then I felt angry about the injustice of being ignored and treated differently to my siblings. Then, one day, I thought "What is my problem? I don't need a mother anymore. I am grown woman, for goodness sake!" Since then, when I speak to my mother, I do not attempt to talk about anything relating to 'feelings' and we get on absolutely fine. As for my siblings, I have decided that if they don't want a relationship with me that is also absolutely fine. I am slowly getting the shame they have all dumped on me over the years out of my self and I am feeling much better. It is very liberating not caring any more, and giving all of it to myself instead.

[@kathleendrake6500]

We believe in the fantasies because we learned to be unhealthily co-dependent on the family. Parents and the family system taught us not to trust ourselves or strangers basically ourselves and anyone outside the family system. I cringe every time I go back to the parents and beg for any breadcrumb of attention. I crave for, long for, and obsess over any abuse verbal, physical, rejection, and abandonment. I learned to have self-hatred. I despise myself for wanting their abuse. I do not know how to attract healthy people, relationships, and equally loving balanced friendships. I am attracted to unhealthy people. This is how the family or they trained me to be. I try to break the cycle and myself of wanting unhealthy attention, abuse, and settling for enmeshment instead of healthy, loving, and real relationships. I don't trust myself or my family, but fear the world or strangers more.

[@dianelamorticella6053]

I have no fantasies about my family. My parents were horrible to each other for most of my life. My elderly mother told me to go away, so I did. BYE BYE!!!! My life is too short for the bullshit!!! I am FINALLY learning to stop trying to please people who are ONLY capable of transactional "love" that is not even love. I stepped away and found my sanity with myself and my kids and my husband!!! THANK YOU JERRY WISE!!!! I only found your videos on here after that last time I spoke to my mother, but you have helped me sooooo very much!!!! Im sending you lots of love!!! your workshops are amazing! I feel like you must have known my family personally!!!! Thank you for all your dedication and thank you for teaching us how to take better care of our selves! much love you to my dear friend!!!!

[@leahflower9924]

if you have no fantasies you are way less in denial than the rest of us lol

[@dianelamorticella6053]

I cannot change others, I can only change me. In Buddhism they say “surrender the outcome”. I believe we become addicted to the depression and rejection from our families. Our false beliefs grow and grow until we become aware of them. If we are lucky, we gain enough awareness to grow our self love and self esteem. Emotional incest, when a parent is unhappy in their marriage and dumps their needs on the child. Or a parentified child, the parent puts a demand on the child to be an emotional provider. Kids cannot possibly provide emotionally for adults. They are children. Kids need unconditional love, guidance, and support and even then, sometimes kids make decisions that are harmful to them. Our job as parents is to love our kids thru all their storms. Never stop loving them! Not even after we die. ❤️

[@MJ-my9sg]

Anyone else have difficulty establishing new friendships after enduring narc abuse? I gave so much of myself for decades to everyone in my family (and in jobs) without receiving anything in return. I find now in my 60s I have nothing left, prefer being alone, get irritated easily by people. I tried new activities, clubs, churches but there are so many self entitled people in the world today I run back to my cave n hide.

[@nicolero8130]

Don't worry. After being in a cave for some time with only yourself, you will know who you really are and come to your personal power. Then you will be able to make any friends. You can't make good friendships until you learn to make boundaries. and you can make boundaries only when you feel powerful inside. When alone at home, you have to contemplate about yourself. For example, you watched a tv show. You should ask yourself "how do I feel about this episode?". Suppose, the answer is "i feel joyful and depressed". You should ask yourself again "what made me depressed?" the answer will be "Because N did this, M did that and that reminded me of what my colleague did to me once and that was hurtful". Then you should ask yourself "what should I do to make myself feel good". If you practice this, you will know yourself. Also, write letters to yourself every other day where you love and praise yourself. "You're an amazing brilliant person, so generous and kind" and so on, every time discover a new good thing about yourself. Also (this is how it happened to me), when you go shopping, you see a pretty thing and you think "oh, I'll buy this for J, he'll like it so much!" And when you cook something good, you think "Oh, it would be nice if G came to eat this, she would like it so much". No, you should stop that. You buy only what you yourself like and cook only to please yourself. You do it until you are able to make firm boundaries.

[@growingandlearning164]

Yes for sure.

[@wmh8396]

I am exactly the same way. I am 56 and have had my soul drained. I prefer quiet time at home with my pets. I am much happier now without the drama and the phoney people who caused it!❤

[@sizzling_rozes]

Try acting classes. Acting has a fulfilling quality that people or groups can’t fill

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

​@@sizzling_rozesyeah, being around aspiring actors will annoy the crap out of them, lol.

[@bridgettetraveler658]

We must learn to love & accept ourselves & change what needs to change about us! Stop letting ppl define how we are to feel & what we are to feel! Be happy with u!!!

[@bereal6590]

This is exactly why I've always found cbt irritating. Telling someone to change their thoughts of behaviours doesn't look at the root of the issues, FEELINGS. It's feelings then thought then behaviours. It makes way more sense to look at feelings first as they're what direct our thoughts. Excellent video. The last therapist I had was hopeless, told me I should blah blah blah, ignored my feelings (all just like my mother so it had the effect of raising my anxiety. Then she went on to tell me she Clint diagnose her (I never asked her to) but at the same time told me she was trauma bonded to my father! What about my trauma bond! ✌

[@daisylass1712]

We arrive into the world alone, no longer in the protective womb. We leave the world alone. All are alone walking through the world. All the others walking alone are not actually really anyone else's business. We appreciate family for nurturing us when we needed them, otherwise just going solo.

[@sizzling_rozes]

“These fantasies don’t have the devastating effect we think they would have if we let them go.” So put your needs before your family, put your needs before your moms needs. These fantasies are not that serious.

[@dianelamorticella6053]

Yes, I have been able to do this for short times and I feel much better! I’m working on doing this consistently! Thank you❤️

[@eurokay4755]

Inner voice, when your parent/sibling is invalidating, disrespecting you: "My opinion of myself has nothing to do with your opinion of me." Inner voice when your parent/sibling is love-bombing, baiting you: "My opinion of of myself (my job, lifestyle, partner, friendships, hobbies, etc) is unrelated to you and everything you are, do, say or believe, or feel. Your apparent kindness has the same impact as your cruelty - none at all."

[@jerrywise]

❤️❤️❤️

[@pastelrose1042]

The third fantasy hits hard for me. Especially when it comes to a Borderline Parent during their "love bombing" episodes. But 5 to 10 minutes later (literally), your "all bad" again when you do something they don't like, such as not mirroring their emotional intensity, or not be reactive to little things. It was sooo emotionally exhausting. When I finally gave up that fantasy, I felt very very sad, but relieved because the constant valuation and devaluation of me didn't hurt as much anymore. Validating myself is a process, but I feel more emotionally free and calmer. Thank you so much for this video Mr.Wise!

[@z1z2z3z]

Sometimes lovebombed and scapegoated in the same breath. Lucky to have videos like this to help us

[@pastelrose1042]

@@z1z2z3z I agree

[@leahflower9924]

I have borderline symptoms and a lot of borderline symptoms mimics what kids do when they are infants and toddlers

[@fallon7616]

Borderline Personality Disorder is a disease and many motivated people do get well. 👍

[@drewgrant2795]

I have borderline and am a parent myself to a toddler, I couldn’t ever imagine putting any of my lack of a better term “shit” into my daughters toolbox-for-life. Im sorry you suffered from negative experiences in your childhood. I’m also the family scapegoat and have been parentified since a young girl. I’m 24 now and for the past 3 years of therapy i’m still so completely baffled as to why my family/parents choose not to heal? Not even for me? I gave up that thought and I am ready to protect my peace and my daughter. I would go through every bad experience i’ve ever been through 2074039262x again and again & crawl my way to the top of self awareness/healing no matter how uncomfortable it is for me because I KNOW how important it is for my daughter that I’ve got my shit together. She deserves that. As hard as it is to believe myself sometimes with my negative self talk still in tact, I DESERVE THAT. Maybe i’m a cynic idk, but I firmly believe if you as an adult aren’t motivated enough to atleast try to work on your emotional baggage/trauma/bad qualities whatever - then you shouldn’t have children. That’s the selfless thing to do, or dedicate yourself to being more healthy that’s another selfless thing to do. But do nothing and affect everyone around you? What a horrible injustice to commit not only to yourself but to everyone who is around you.

[@christypowell.]

It's not ironic all this terminology is extremely biblical.. Jesus was our scapegoat, by the Grace of GOD 🙌 He took on the suffering for us.

[@donovangray4246]

My difficulty is in believing that if I was not wanted or loved by my parents then I would not be wanted or loved by anyone else. This belief is difficult to let go of.

[@carolynsimon]

This is also something I struggle with.

[@dianelamorticella6053]

I believe this is why kids are vulnerable to gangs. The gangs become their family. 😢

[@MichNative01]

Bingo, or a cult.

[@The_Scales_of_Justice]

Wow I’ve never thought of that! Thats really insightful and I think dead on correct. Why do narcissists seem so pervasive in the world? Is it just that so many of us have learned about narcissistic personality disorder and are recognizing that and sharing it online? I feel like it’s so common, I wonder if there’s something more to it. There are some really good yt channels that discuss how true narcissists are demonic. It certainly gives me new thoughts to ponder. If we’re really living in revelations, is this part of the devils desperate last attempt? Sounds wild but it’s a thought I like to chew on bc the demonic aspect of those with NPD does have merit and make a lot of sense

[@msims1081]

This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear!

[@pencil6913]

Jerry is the man!

[@marlenaeva3813]

Although I proved to myself over and over again that I can get love and happiness outside my family and life is a million times better without them, my mind still says but what if? But what if it won't work out and you won't be happy without them? I now know is a fantasy or an ilussion and I won't ever be buying into it. Thanks, Jerry.

[@z1z2z3z]

I struggle with this too. We needed them for survival as children and it takes a lot of work to combat those thoughts. Jerry has a video where he said to feel the feelings like you are digesting. Let them flow through you but let them go. Don't hold on to them and don't try to block them. That helped me a lot and it hurts less and less. One other thing that helps me when I start to think, "what if" is, I can always try again with them in the future, but I think over time, I will not want to.

[@user-yd2ol9fj2k]

I also struggle with this one, I learned to change my "what if" to "I wish" & it helped me accept what I wished I wanted, and to accept what was in front of me 🙏🌷💜

[@CLeeflangDFWU]

Playing the “what if” game is paralysing and soul destroying. And all you “win” is anxiety and depression believe me

[@こなた-m1o]

@@CLeeflangDFWU better to just say fuck it and fulfill your inner child's wishes with ideal parent figure protocol

[@emilyflores9844]

These myths are us gaslighting ourselves. I have many myths fantasies that I don't even release are there.

[@jerrywise]

That is an interesting realization

[@olentangyriver1191]

I dumped my family off two years ago, took a while but now it is the greatest desicion I made..... It was hard at first

[@ericnorthman9410]

You know what is so pathetic is trying to get them to have empathy for you and see the error of their thinking about you only seemed to me -at least in my case to give them all the more reason to run over me. Instead of empathy they seemed to think I was an easier mark to be abused.

[@chocolate-eq6jn]

That is very common with narcissistic families.

[@dnk4559]

So true!

[@leahflower9924]

classic scapegoat

[@kristinbeazley6538]

Thank you for your openness in this deeply emotional and conflicting situation. You are not alone in your suffering with having such a mother. There is not a winning strategy for us who suffer longing and the needing of a consistent nurturing mother's love while that need never having any real potential for being met . It seems the only real healing is the Letting Go of what was and Letting Go of all that what wasn't. I wish you happiness, self forgiveness, new hope, new joys . I hope you find your healing and can eventually live with much inner-peace.

[@darinsmith2458]

I can relate to this as well as I can relate to everything you say. Stopping that tape that says "If they change"

[@LilBrownieD]

Every example given is so incredibly spot on, wow. If only I knew these were all myths.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

If the family was about not feeling, then EVERYTHING is about feelings. For me, that's true. I am trying to accept that my family of origin feel they have the right to be hurtful. They talk about how much they've done for me, they were controlling though, encouraged my dependency and got mad at me when I wanted to be more independent. Laughed at me, insinuated I was naive and would ''learn the hard way''. I used to try and talk to them but I have given up. Even if they have done a lot for me, does being hurtful ease that burden in some way??

[@annikatan378]

I can vouch for that too. I was also brought up in a kind of family that encourages dependency over individuality & personhood. They would tell me how much they had done for me, and yet got mad when I said I wanted to be helpful & independent. Even with mockery, saying "You will have to learn the hard way," as though they expected me to not know anything about real life.

[@chivonfortney1656]

This is truth and this is something I needed to hear . ❤ Thankyou so much. I’m on my path to recovery.

[@kareemmohammed5270]

deep insight, needs a few more watches, much appreciated as always Jerry.

[@leahflower9924]

This is so eye opening wow this was me my survival even physically was based on some fantasy of acceptance from family of origin

[@jerrywise]

I'm glad it was eye opening for you ❤️

[@karenkasteler942]

You are GREAT.....We are so messed up.....thanks for your clarity.

[@phatgirl5334]

Thank you for your incite my husband was the scapegoat in his family so was I in mine God Bless you and everyone watching this channel who have been through this 🔥⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

[@karenkasteler942]

I love "It's hopeless....but not serious." Why is this human condition so sticky....why is dysfunction so "normal"?

[@khaartoumsings]

I read the amazing 'People Of The Lie - The hope of curing human evil' by M.Scott Peck. This is a psychiatric 7 point chart to identify 'Evil People' based on a combination of Ambulatory Schizophrenia with Covert Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In connection with your observation, the author cautions us: "Good and motivation are abnormal. Evil and laziness are the norm of the Human Condition. It is a miracle that we have come this far and we have as much Good and Motivation that we have. We need to adjust our view that Evil is the norm..." Hope that helps K ; )

[@karenkasteler942]

@@khaartoumsings Yes...it does and I LOVE M. Scott Peck!

[@leahflower9924]

the ego and subconscious mind is the problem

[@honeymoonavenue97]

It’s very difficult. Then again I see how all the years that inspire me most for my art are the years where I had to entertain myself and be my own best friend when they made my childhood not so great.

[@kreese316]

This is the first time I ever thought about my family's emotions getting in the way of them being able to look at our narc family system. The reason for this is that we all suppress emotions, but them more than I. As the scapegoat, I am the bearer and noticer of mine and others' emotions. "Its not what they're thinking, but it is their emotional perspective that they are not aware of, so it is not going to infiltrate the thinking." Siblings react to my noticing with denial, minimizing, endless loyalty to the narc, and other classic responses to trauma and a narc parent. This makes me feel overwhelmed with my emotions. Currently, I'm working on self differentiation. Have used external boundaries for many years and am needing more freedom internally. At this very time, I'm sensing deep grief forcing acknowledgement. My body keeps reacting in weird ways, aching joints, headaches, funny patches on skin and a desire to pick and bite my skin. It is like a tsunami of grieve is rising in me that won't be denied. Your videos are incredibly helpful.

[@jujubes570]

This is a wonderful video! I relate SO much to each of the examples. I am currently so enmeshed and my life IS unmanageable. Dealing with a narc husband and a narc father whose business i bought at the facilitation of my husband and now i am deeply enmeshed with the flying monkeys. I don’t know how to get out of this suffocating enmeshment.

[@studentteacher987]

Families are the best invention ever. I don’t think a family is a bad thing - what is bad is not to know how to be a healthy one ☝️- people need people! Find the best people and make them your family - oh, and don’t forget to be also the best for them 🙏😀🌍

[@jerrywise]

Family is never a bad thing, as long as it isn't a bad thing...:) Families can be wonderful and awful, there are so many experiences of family. Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

[@khaartoumsings]

Jerry I like what you are saying here. I agree with you. I have 'come back' from No Contact. It was not understood. Nothing changed. I have now returned with the prescribed three tenants I read: 1. Have reason to return 2. Require nothing from the Narcissist 3. Risk Assessment - They won't change. I read today in Chrisopher Lasch's follow on book from 'The Culture of Narcissism' - 'The Minimal Self - Psychic Survival in Troubled Times' about the Freudian and non-Freudian nebulous interior of the narcissist and their love of 'reality' and aim of 'No Stress' with no regard for Death. I actually felt quite astonished what I read. That these are 'hollow' entities and we really cannot take any notice of them because they are empty like gaseous planets. One thing I would be interested to hear from you Jerry: Are children of narcissists like a kind of orphan? Do they grow up as orphans or is it worse due to the narcissistic abuse and the lack of parental figures? Great videos. Thanks ; ) K

[@tlc8023]

Yes,we are just like orphans, except that people dont know we are. Atleast if people know, they would be much nicer to us,I guess

[@khaartoumsings]

@@tlc8023 That is a nice idea that they are nicer to us. I was always moved by stories of orphans in books and films, but I never knew why, until now. ; ) K

[@jerrywise]

Good words and thoughts Thank you for watching... “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@G120-j6z]

An “allergy to feelings and intimacy”. Wow… I guess you met my group.

[@jerrywise]

Glad it resonated

[@annegalloway8867]

So where I am . So absolutely where I am.

[@jerrywise]

Glad it resonated ❤️

[@malwads1836]

I can't believe it's taken me THIS long to discover this bald beauty...Every video I 👀 is a gold mine of info & this is saying a lot considering I'm subbed to a bunch of other good reliable channels.I just randomly had 1 of these videos from you recommended to me a week or 2 ago & it was great,I even created a save list for the especially important videos.Most channels heavily focus on the dysfunctional toxic people around us....But over here there's a heavy focus on (US) & what our experiences are so that we may properly heal instead of just merely knowing the 🚩s of others to 👀 out for😄.This is the kind of class-A content that will put the finishing touches on allowing us to heal🙂👍👍.

[@cindycinn2724]

So so true Your videos are always worth watching...highly recommended you:)

[@jerrywise]

Glad you like them! “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: • The Illusions of the Narcissist • The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists • Living in the War Zone • 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist • 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently • Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding • Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment • Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents • Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have • And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@cindycinn2724]

@@jerrywise cool 😎

[@miuthub7954]

Thank you. Ill keep replaying this until i feel it is entering my psyche. I do keep waiting and waiting and the price has and is very high...

[@mimishkaz]

Very good video. Very accurate on the fantasies!

[@jerrywise]

Glad you enjoyed it “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@finsterthecat]

Personally a lot of fantasy I realized that movies encourage these fantasies and kept them alive. How many times in a movie have you seen the angry adult person that was raised by a dysfunctional parent who then has to take care of that elderly parent and somewhere in the journey by the end of the movie there has been a resolution between the adult child and the parent. I recently had to give up this fantasy when I offered to move in and take care of my narc mother she totally rejected the notion that she wanted her space. When I told my therapist his jaw literally dropped as all these years I described the abuse I suffered as a child. Yet here I was trying to heal the trauma bond. It hit me that just that week I had watched a movie where that was portrayed. Ironically weeks when I told her We decided to sell our house she had a tantrum saying “I guess I will just go off and be by myself.” Also the manipulation of “Are you going to be able to get $ amount for it as she listed 3 houses in my area. As if I did not have the capability to do it.

[@sizzling_rozes]

The channel that has movies for our genre of mother daughter relationships is Lifetime.. oh yeah.. they got plenty that will resonate better

[@gigicolada]

14:55 Tears already built up and then he said, “let me say that twice”…

[@slowroastedmarshmallow9226]

Must have listened to this a year ago, but needed it again, SO GOOD! I have very low contact w my family of origin. I am an identical twin... Now we are in our late 40's and tho I love her, we are not close. She recently moved to Florida, while I live in WV. There is only so much one person can do... There are other complications bc my twin married our older sister's brother, so their kids are what is called "double cousins". Just ADDS to the Enmeshment FUN!

[@jerrywise]

Glad you came back to it. Stay differentiated, only that is in our control ❤️

[@Trenegeut87]

this might have been the most important yt video I have seen in my life. thank you!!!!

[@jerrywise]

program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@kreese316]

I already commented above but I just have to add that I am loving all your videos but this one for me is especially impactful. I will listen to it again later today. Thank you so much.

[@jerrywise]

Wow, thank you! ❤️

[@shereeconnolly2457]

UNBELIEVEABLE content! Thank you so much!

[@jerrywise]

Thank you and you are welcome!

[@libertycan6959]

Thank you for a life of work and priceless videos and counsel and TIME.

[@jerrywise]

So nice of you Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

[@trev777]

Hey Jerry. Thx for a new vid!

[@z1z2z3z]

Great video, would love to hear one on how the rules change when you become an adult (as mentioned). Thank you for your sage advice and excellent info Jerry!

[@kdjourney51]

Well said. Longing as an identity.

[@wordswordswords8203]

I'm Susie except that my mom is almost 90 and she really does need me now. Yes, she could go to an old folks home but even then, she would need or at least want help from her kids. I'm the one who usually steps up. I just have this in me. And I know if I don't my siblings won't. So I think this is slightly different when you are dealing with someone who truly does need help unless you are ok with institutionalizing family members who become burdensome. I have not fantasy that my family who scapegoats me because they can't face their own shit will ever change or stop. What I really want is to get away from them. But I do still have a soft spot for my mom who despite our unhealthy relationship that started in my teens, she has been a friend to me and I just don't know how I can abandon her now. It's more complicated that this but I wanted to ask for feedback about this. I think this video is really good but it's not always black and white in family situation. In my case, I think I have pretty good awareness of what is going on, I don't think anyone is going to change, I do feel like I am being used and mistreated but the link to my family is my mother. So am I supposed to put her in an assisted living? I truly don't think she will do ok there and neither does she. I've been in those places and there is really scary stuff going on behind the scenes. Anyway, it's just tough when you are dealing with the elderly and truly helpless people.

[@sockpuppet2415]

Thank you Jerry for sharing this counseling and using relationship examples.

[@marekm9647]

Dziękujemy.

[@virginiasmith5278]

He really knows what he's talking about.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for your kind words Virginia “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@Hypertrick]

That was intense to consume! Thank you so much 🥰❤

[@deckerskaatje7877]

very clear and important ! thank you !

[@jerrywise]

You are very welcome. “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: • The Illusions of the Narcissist • The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists • Living in the War Zone • 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist • 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently • Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding • Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment • Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents • Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have • And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@kristaweber5495]

Thanks again for a fantastic video. I'm gaining a lot of wisdom and a new self perspective from listening to this family systems series.

[@anitabubic6094]

Best advice ever!

[@edwardsbarbara25]

Very wise. Thank you

[@brookesarge]

Amazing. Exactly what I needed. Thank you Jerry

[@Thefreedomwithinyou]

This is incredibly important and well said

[@jerrywise]

Thank you! It’s definitely important, I hope more people would be aware of these fantasies

[@rochellecaffee3267]

Not only am I trying to leave family fantasies, but my Christian fantasies as well.

[@MysteryGrey]

This is meant as a compliment...you remind me of the guy in the movie "They Live" by John Carpenter. The one who interrupts government programming on t.v. to try and wake people out of the mind control.

[@MysteryGrey]

❤

[@christianimageco.3758]

I hope they are all happy because I am...FINALLY‼ 😂😉👍🏽🌈🦄not looking back🏃🏼‍♀️ Thanks Jerry 😉

[@patriciasimons1873]

Jerry this was one of your best, ty. I definitely needed to hear it

[@youwithoutfilters6761]

Thank you 😊

[@karenherrera287]

Aha! Another good video

[@rochellecaffee3267]

I used to believe that I would “be” nothing without my family, and without my church.

[@dianelamorticella6053]

what would Aunt Betty say????? LOL!!!!

[@jerrywise]

LOL it is something I really do “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@jennylynn82173]

Jerry, Thank you...very much.

[@rturney6376]

Thank you!!

[@Rash2oush]

I am so glad to find you dr

[@i.m.watching5536]

Jerry, wonderful information, as usual!❤

[@sage9836]

Who else would benefit from a video on the topic he is addressing around 17:50?

[@bodysoulutions]

so true, good 1, thx!

[@jerrywise]

You’re welcome 😊

[@kkeiter]

Thanks for your work Jerry

[@jerrywise]

Thank you!

[@DENISEASTUNO-ow1qz]

❤Thank you Jerry ❤

[@Lyrielonwind]

And, what happens to the family when the scapegoat leaves for good?

[@Rue2love]

They will Continue to think of you as they always have.

[@Maria-cd5bz]

That was great! Thank you!

[@jerrywise]

Glad you enjoyed it! “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@Rue2love]

Thank you!! ❤

[@playsindirtnapsalot.299]

great. needed this.

[@ladisneyprincesse]

Well I can’t leave cause I can’t support myself economically so I’m stuck! I guess I should just die first!

[@jennifercooper3812]

Please don't give up hope, except in the fantasies. Your life is worth living. Do whatever you can to emotionally detach and work on financial detachment as soon as you can.

[@Videoworl-p6y]

Thank you

[@sunbeagle9769]

If your family was not happy and healthy decades ago; why would it ever become happy / healthy in present times?

[@fairygurl9269]

Much Gratitude, I Finally Have Disengaged From my Personal FOO Role, Still Working To Mindfully Navigate this Uncomfortable Emotional Reactivity Toward Others I Expierience whom I Notice Are Currently Caught in thier own Dysfunctional Family Dynamics . I Have Caught Myself in a state "Over Stressing" My Beliefs trying to Convince Another About the **Rationality that I Feel about this Family Systems Mindset, & How I Think it would Help them Sooooo Much ! (*SelfAware Enough to Realize that is Not Grounded in Modeling the "Calmness Virtued Rationale" I am Peddling to Another..*Blushes)

[@sandcat66]

Narcissists move the goal posts

[@kellycushing2904]

Another awesome video! Thank you!

[@jerrywise]

Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

[@connyrivkamartinez9889]

God Bless You!

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for watching “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families! Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@gayemurphy3271]

I. Love love love to listening to ur oh so helpful words. +. Lidtening to ur inspiring praising sínging voice too. Thank you 🎶💕

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome! And thank you for your kind words. Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

[@juneelle370]

💎 gems of truth~thank you

[@ilovepeonies9801]

Spot on. Thank you.

[@doricetimko5403]

Thank you

[@maria-gorettimillard6253]

When, If, Perhaps, l, wonder, Maybe, Only, etc! My, red flags! Entrapments. Detaching, ultimately, with love. I, can, only, change myself, if, l am lucky. TYSMFS! Jerry. 😎

[@jerrywise]

Thanks for sharing!! Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations