Jim Cornette Reviews A WWE Smackdown Script

From Episode 201 of Jim Cornette's Drive Thru
Artwork by Travis Heckel!
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[@McSeanald]

Jim answering the phone got me 😂

[@bunit1701]

This. I now have a new standard answer for unknown numbers.

[@-xGenesis]

It's one of the best parts of the show, Corny cutting promos on telemarketers lol

[@ChaoticComedy]

I Laughed so Hard at that Part lol

[@planetschlock]

I'm stealing that.

[@gogogadgetrectalpunch7436]

Every fucking time it’s amazing

[@NickRaymond871]

Meltzer called wanting to rekindle their friendship.

[@DarkNorthEmperor]

"Hey, um... um..um"

[@Dan_074]

@@DarkNorthEmperor "um I heard that was happening but the plans changed so it might still happen but it might not happen now". Every Meltzer answer so he covers all bases wether things happen or not he always gets it right.

[@emirlsanchos6302]

"Well, uh...you see it's...like-like...you see it's like this. Um, friendships well uh...friends...so they come and go, right? This one uh, t-this...eh, er, this friendship I wanted to rekindle. You know? Re-rekindle. And uh, um...well...eh, well rekindle it. Because friendships you know? Friendships...hard to come by as they come and go."

[@bennywatts4174]

@@emirlsanchos6302 not enough uh

[@maodijong3661]

@@Dan_074 There's a forum called Wrestling Forum where every day these nerds post a thread about Meltzer predicted x,y,z...every time I read it it is exactly as you wrote hahahaha

[@notgonnapay]

In broadcasting school, one of the first things you’re taught is to write and speak as if you’re having a conversation. Obviously, Smackdown writers have never learned this.

[@shotguncrucifix]

Vince probably grew up watching soaps.

[@Meme_Knight]

@@shotguncrucifix or the room

[@Shendue]

The problem is that they have a bunch of people there trying to write comedy, despite knowing jack shit about comedy, while being PG.

[@Meme_Knight]

@@Shendue agreed, in the attitude era they had much more freedom with their jokes and that allowed for so many good jokes. But there has been good stuff coming out of things like restricted comedy (Edd Ed n Eddy for example) but yeah, they're not good writers so that doesn't help them.

[@AlexH409]

It’s always hilarious whenever Brian bursts into laughter like he did for the Baron Corbin segment🤣🤣🤣

[@Kikujirosan]

Yes, anytime Brian or Jim burst into laughter like that are the best. 😄😄😄

[@AngelPerezComedy]

What an underrated duo.

[@justinsayswtf]

Brian laughs like a supervillain when it's a real belly laugh lol it's the best.

[@joshuaDstarks]

Their genuine laughter at things between each other is the best part of their rapport.

[@billy-gl4gp]

THE GREAT BRIAN FUCKING LAST

[@travishowell290]

Thank you Jim, I now have a new automatic response to scam callers lol.

[@jamied4486]

Download the robokiller app, i have mine set to Ice T talking shit. Caught a spectrum rep the other day and he flipped out on my voice mail once he realized it was an answer bot 🤣

[@TheSYPHERIA]

Me too

[@autobotstarscream765]

@@jamied4486 Anyone calling your answer bot who's an actual human being and not a question bot is probably gonna get a kick out of that. 😂

[@jamied4486]

@@autobotstarscream765 yo he paused and and my answer bot was like yo speak louder i didnt hear you and this kid yells I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING YOU FREAKING ANSWER BOT AHHHH. I laughed so hard

[@Alcagaur1]

I find Jim's assessment of Abyss truly fascinating. It never occurred to me that someone's willingness to put others over and need to bleed could impact their career so negatively.

[@pjludda4323]

Yeah, well...Common logic...If you got into a fight and the guy's 6'8"+...It's probably going to be a long night... Same here, a 6'8"+ guy should be a monster in the ring.

[@TheEvolver311]

Think about it in terms of say MMA Big Foot Silva huge guy, had the same thing Andre and Big Show had got it treated like Paul so he was 6'8" but a very stark look. Turns out that gigantism also made his chin a easier target. Turns out he had a glass jaw. But he was under contract and he got jobbed out with the promotion knowing he went down to s birds turd hitting his chin. By the time he was done the fact that he is a huge monster of a man with a gimmick and everything, none of that mattered because he was just the huge guy who got dropped over and over and was just seen as a can to be opened by the legitimate competitors the promotion is wanting to push

[@wildwine6400]

The version of Vince in South Park talking about the "third act" and watching with opera glasses doesn't seem all that silly anymore

[@keithyw]

the guys from South Park really nailed "modern" wrestling as being live theater. the best commentary on fans from that episode was where the kids start fighting "for real" and the audience leaves thinking it's all fake or not "wrestling."

[@Thehitman1099389]

@A M I just rewatched the season about PC from 2016 and was shook when the old farmer guy and his friend was like “looks like everything is getting all PC again how long do you think it’ll last” and the farmer was like oh probably 6 years” and this year Bill Cosby gets released from jail and in general everybody is over cow towing to the PC babies lmao

[@num1Jaysta]

@A M Predicted what would happen to Miley at the end of the Britney episode

[@myquest666420]

@@num1Jaysta bountiful corn harvest that year *begins chanting*

[@deftfkaubgup4669]

“Apparently Chad Gable and Otis are together…” “I hope that those two have a very happy life” “That’s not what I meant” rofl

[@Howyanow]

You’d think a vet like Edge would be allowed to say what he wants

[@natebaxter9551]

I think those guys get input into their own promos.

[@xSamHuntx]

I don’t think Edge wants to, or maybe can’t. You have to remember basically his whole career has been Michael Hayes telling him to jump off stuff and him just doing it. He came up right in the beginning of scripts in wrestling he’s used to it.

[@TheFailedmessiah]

You think you know him, you think know him….

[@darrengordon-hill]

@@TheFailedmessiah Never gonna stop me

[@DaywalkerNL94]

I think it's because there was a planned interruption in the middle of his answer

[@tonyjackson4078]

I knew the promos were scripted but they don't even trust the backstage people to basically just say "hi, here's Billy McTurdburglar"

[@joshuaDstarks]

They don’t even trust them on h o w to say something.

[@jonno9238]

Jim answering the phone was absolutely magnificent. Best promo all year!

[@darrengordon-hill]

Every time. Jim answering the phone live > scripted Cameos

[@MeNoSpeakJibberish]

They are often the funniest parts of the show. Here is a classic clip of him doing it in the middle of a Donald Trump rant - kzbin.info/www/bejne/g2TIYol7ocuahLc 🤣

[@ctray3688]

“Please help me… I can’t go on like this.” every person who makes it to the 3rd hour of Raw still awake.

[@mikehunt4986]

Why would anyone watch Raw, much less all 3 hours of it?

[@washingtonmontenegro7862]

“My face belongs in a museum” jim: “yeah cause it’s 500 years old”😂😂😂

[@zker1996]

😭😭😭🤣🤣😂

[@jmnyc212]

That's the part where I spit out my coffee.

[@joshuaDstarks]

WWE leaks are the best leaks.

[@MrZero82390]

Woooo

[@xboxonevideos7685]

They are “the leaks”

[@fwef7445]

shame someone didn't leak all over this script

[@mananwalia4720]

3:53 classic cornette promo on the phone

[@omikeycanfly]

27:15 I’m dying laughing at their response to the Corbin downward spiral

[@Dom_721]

Its quite eerie and equally hilarious that Baron Corbin's "promo" matches almost to a T the promo that the wrestling coach did on the South Park episode where they buried pro wrestling....."They took his job??" They dook his derrb!!

[@ericsacks5731]

Deh derk eh gerb!

[@philleclerc4283]

Der de derr derr!!

[@Dom_721]

@@philleclerc4283 🤣

[@alexandru5369]

21 pages is pure lunacy. WWE is basically a mental hospital at this point

[@InaudibleSlinky]

*local mental health medical facility.

[@conniecarroll7222]

Cornette made my point how are you supposed to remember all of that ? Does Vince think his wrestlers have total recall?

[@kidgrim1902]

@@InaudibleSlinky 😂😂😂😂

[@QCS_AdamCole]

Talking about the live vs pretapes has me thinking of the Sid promo, where he got lost & asked to start again only to have JR say "We're live pal".

[@danielmankowski922]

Can we please get an Omnibus of Cornette answering the phone? 🤣😂🤣

[@bradpaton3927]

"Thank you! Fuck you! 'Bye!"

[@gi79304]

Vince was calling “ Hey pal let me get that script back” 😂

[@jimbowlan5804]

Good shit pal

[@danielwilson9724]

😁

[@vleaky3430]

I read this in Vince's voice in my head😂

[@kidgrim1902]

Spot on 😂😂

[@lilmango9228]

Plot Twist : That phone call Jim got was from Vince , offering him and Brian a job at WWE

[@DespicablepunK25]

He just told Vince to shut the fuck up lol.

[@ryanbruner9534]

Vince would never offer these idiots a job

[@autumnwind1216]

@@ryanbruner9534 He was ahead writer in the 90s for Vince lol

[@metallicbigtoe3949]

Corbin needs to save with Conrad 🤣

[@DementedDistraction]

Knowing it's been like this for countless years is one thing, but actually hearing it broken down in a script format is just embarrassing.

[@Beer_Baron_]

Hahaha the script for the Corbin promo reminds me of the Ahmed Johnson promo where he said something along the lines of when Farrooq injured him, he lost his house and his GIRLFRIEND! Hahahahah

[@fernandoguajardo2750]

His girlfriend send Goldust to check on him and tell him the news.🤣

[@TheNoirAlien]

Classic.

[@fernandoguajardo2750]

@James 🤣 the only time I understand Ahmed was when he said You're going down, You're going down to Farooq.

[@DarksaberForce]

27:29 The best part outside Jim's phone call.

[@WeezyD313]

Man how do we get Travis a raise.. I haven’t even listened yet & im rolling

[@rl318]

Jim and Brain should do radio style wrestling shows with all the fake sound effects using these script formats, this stuff is funny as hell.

[@conniecarroll7222]

They have a podcast

[@superrobot5384]

The way Brian reads this sounds like a GM for a table-top RPG.

[@maynardperalta3188]

Get Wizards of the Coast on the line. It’s time for a pro-wrestling style table top RPG.

[@useraphex113]

This was my first thought as well. 😂😂

[@CornBreadtm1]

@@maynardperalta3188 Grappling in D&D is a strength check. Or as we'd put it, "A test of strength!"

[@bradpaton3927]

General Manager?

[@jedediahcoulbourne1791]

@@bradpaton3927 game master

[@DarkNorthEmperor]

27:30 this might be the loudest Brian laugh ever 😂

[@TRoller927]

"I'm behind on my mortgage!" "What?! He hasn't even had time to make another payment! He just lost it last month!!!"

[@theophrastusbombastus1359]

And people used to say wrestling was scripted. They had no idea what scripted truly meant until today.

[@briank5735]

I cant even really laugh at this, it just makes me sad. Unscripted promos were some the best parts of wrestling, and the fact that they are now scripted down to the letter, is one of the main reasons I havent watched in over 15yrs.... very sad.

[@mikehunt4986]

Agree 100%.

[@officespace7777]

Sounds like WWE has a lot of jobs that shouldn't exist. WWE has over evolved, and is now over produced.

[@FFTsteel]

Trust me. And if you look at some of the promo's, seriously, most of these guys can make up their lines and where the story goes with just a little bit of prompting.

[@gorilladigits8223]

Wwe higher ups “leaking” the show format so Mentor Jim can do his thing.

[@john_blues]

Jim is mortified. I don't know why that is so enjoyable. 😂

[@darnelldarden9429]

He is beside himself 😂😂😂

[@stevensimmons2431]

Don't want none, Don't have none, Don't need none..I'm gonna used that on telemarketers

[@TrueJoeyBowie]

This artwork is great. I love how Travis Heckle always makes Vince McMahon look like a bug-eyed old woman. 😂

[@mikehunt4986]

Which is what he looks like now.

[@sheepdavis]

That's a real caricature

[@sorrenblitz805]

I mean it looks like a face he'd make during the attitude era.

[@RobertJohnson-hq6jq]

When Jim mentioned reasons to redo the take he forgot to add “talking about the Challenger.”

[@MetalJT24]

Alright do it again and don't talk about the challenger baby.

[@023achilles]

Challenger space shuttle?

[@xyseal7298]

Baron Corbin: the poorest 6-figure contracted wrestler on the planet...

[@darrengordon-hill]

The heart bleeds

[@user-hc9qv9yb9m]

After stone cold did that crap

[@troystaunton254]

Remember last year when Robert deniro complained that he was only going to make $12,500,000 in 2020.

[@Splattermelt]

@@troystaunton254 I think that's because his wife was taking half of it.

[@conniecarroll7222]

@@troystaunton254 No and glad I missed that, have no sympathy for that

[@sambo198921]

I love Jim’s input on wrestling considering how long he has been in the business

[@user-do2ev2hr7h]

Jim's exacerbated/flustered noises are the best.

[@Pigmcginnyrig]

Look out Jim, Vince is pointing a gun at you.

[@spears13skate]

Urban legend is you never hear the botch that kills you

[@Am0ment0fB]

That's no gun! Ha.

[@ericsacks5731]

@@Am0ment0fB peenus

[@bubblesthemonkey6615]

That thumbnail is fucking hilarious.

[@matthewurban7031]

Jim answering phone calls should be its own segment

[@onehand-yusuf7212]

I remember goldust saying him and booker used bullet point scripts during their tag run they need to go back to that system

[@liamnguyen2819]

The person that kept calling throughout this segment wanted their script back.

[@Therealgeoffchilds]

This is so funny lol. Jim is having a heart attack and Brian is juat laughing his ass off lol

[@retrokoh1507]

"I don't need none, don't want none, don't have none. Pick your answer and shut the fuck up!" I love this response... I'm taking it.

[@benespinosa6725]

This Thumbnail is hilarious.

[@conniecarroll7222]

It's got Vince's face details exactly

[@benespinosa6725]

@@conniecarroll7222 I Agree 100%

[@shaneomac900]

I didn’t see this going into a story about The Monster Abyss. I remember always thinking he was going to be a big time player.

[@jaysonraphaelmurdock8812]

I always thought that Abyss was Penn Jillette. 😂

[@xsteveconwayx]

That was painful. No wonder the shows suck so bad. They treat it like a fucking stage play.

[@jamied4486]

Explains shit like alexa bliss, like if you wanna be an actress go do fucking movies otherwise act like a wrestler

[@DevareayWilliams]

Honestly, I don’t even think writing everyone promos is bad, if the writing is good, but it’s all trash lol

[@user-hc9qv9yb9m]

That's what it is

[@xsteveconwayx]

@michael murillo Not based on that script.

[@Ticketman99]

Because it basically is. Watch MMA from now on.

[@baileyslife3469]

That’s why the show seems so inauthentic , because it is .. how does someone who is a wrestling savant like Vinny Mac nor know the most over stars were real to the bone , themselves turned up to 11.. Austin , rock , nwo Sean , and believe it or not ultimate warrior , he couldn’t wrestle himself out of lego fort but he really was that psychotic crazy dude

[@DaywalkerNL94]

Because most if the roster have boring personalities. Just follow them on Twitter for a week

[@bradpaton3927]

Who the fuck is Sean!? And Ultimate Warrior WAS a phony gimmick as thException that proved the be-yourself....rule.

[@MrBVapeApe]

@@DaywalkerNL94 I disagree, their twitter accounts are heavily monitored by WWE and can only really say what WWE allow. The problem isn't the charisma its the lack of faith a severe control freak like Vinnie Mac has in his roster. He would rather control every single aspect of HIS show than let loose the rope of freedom for the stallions to run a bit

[@mikeedwards3122]

@@MrBVapeApe And if the problem is charisma, then let natural selection happen and those folks will be washed out and replaced with people who can cut a promo without a script.

[@DaywalkerNL94]

@@MrBVapeApe how come they don't get better after they leave wwe? Fece it. 9/10 modern wrestlers suck

[@herbwright1441]

Corny's muffled "oh my god" has me in tears! 😂🤣😂🤣

[@davidcook3116]

Reading the Corbin scripted promo was gold. 😆

[@cosmoissleeping]

I thought the script was one sentence long: "do what 40 year old virgins love"

[@mrdethbuzzard4885]

No this is a WWE script, not AEW. A WWE script would be "Insult adults and cater to 9 year olds and sell goofy shirts, toys and replica belts"

[@cosmoissleeping]

@@mrdethbuzzard4885 all rasslin is beloved by 40 year old virgins. Check the demos; it's insane

[@cosmoissleeping]

@James A) you don't have a million dollars to bet. B) I don't think you need to be worried about my sex life, successes or failures. You watch rasslin so odds are, you are a 40 year old virgin. Look at their demos man

[@thenextsyphillis]

I remember a Raw script that had been leaked, maybe 10 years ago or so. What I had found most interesting about it was that every promo had been written out except for JBL's, which was just a paragraph summary. Interesting that JBL had enough cachet to be given basically free reign with his promos.

[@joshuakessler8983]

He must have some photos or something but because he should of been gone for his bullying crap a long time ago.

[@joshuakessler8983]

He must have some photos or something but because he should of been gone for his bullying crap a long time ago.

[@CometVS]

Steve Austin mentioned in an interview once when he came back in 03, they were doing more scripted promos and he wasnt a fan. But he understands it. When people say WWE started getting bad when it had scripted promos, they want to act like it's 2014 or something, when in fact this has been going on since early Ruthless Aggression era. Guys like Edge, for example, may get some parts of it now but he's a great actor in making it believable. That's a problem today men and women women have.

[@samhoffman4638]

Man this just shows how WWE has taken the soul out of wrestling

[@bradpaton3927]

Sports entertainment, pal!

[@Nhzharuthopar]

I don't know how, but this episode made me think less of WWE more than I did before. You phrased it perfectly, it's a soulless product.

[@thefifthace1004]

Having word for word scripts to announce and interview people isn't exactly what I would call journalism! Lol

[@thefifthace1004]

@James this my friend, is a true story!

[@masonschwalm2010]

That was incredibly entertaining. Thank you for that. Edit- unfortunately I probably got more entertainment out of that than had I actually watched the episode of SmackDown 😂

[@Collinzmusic]

1:54 that really is ludicrous. How could you just leave something like that lying around? Exposes the talent too.

[@DoctorDayWalker503]

3:53 Pure jim phone etiquette

[@Benjamin-lc3gx]

This is so depressing

[@TheGoodReverendSatan]

My inner dusty is coming out.. He wants to fire and fine everyone involved

[@joelatkins5365]

We only did a second take if someone mentioned "the Challenger"...

[@jasoncrane1928]

I love it when Jim gives an example of what he is talking about in the video. That response when he answered the phone is the very definition of spontaneity. He just showed all the mud show, indie superheroes how to cut a promo in twenty seconds and get heat doing it. This is one of the best videos for ages!

[@danielwilson9724]

He says it Everytime he answers the phone though..

[@danielwilson9724]

@WWEG1WGA probably.. Tht wasn't the point I was making though.. I was just saying Everytime he answers a call tht he doesn't know thts what he says more or less

[@dubiousdoobie6322]

Jim answering the phone fucking killed me

[@thekidfromiowa]

Can you imagine telling someone like Savage to do a scripted promo!? He'd tell you to get bent. How times have changed.

[@Iensse]

We need a omnibus collection with Jim‘s phonecalls. 🎉

[@barbarodave]

To be honest that Baron Corbin promo was funny as hell.

[@danno340]

Bullet point pause for "reactions" is secret code for "play the smackdown hairdryer"

[@sexcess]

"Left it near the pyro and never came back for it" was he trying to burn it???

[@danielwilson9724]

😂

[@brutaljustin1349]

Part of me died inside hearing that Corbin promo.

[@Crypto1234]

5:23 That was Great, Brian!! I Burst laughing

[@nahhfam7678]

I've never cringed so hard at writing in my life.

[@MikeyMike-uu3fe]

Jim laughing when Bryan said " P Levesque"...LOL.That got me legit LOL....LOL

[@DarkLordofTheSith69]

That Baron Corbin segment destroyed me

[@Shel1221]

Same here. Hearing the details made me laugh too.

[@darrenwalker257]

It destroyed Baron Corbin to

[@ceoduffy9647]

“I don’t need none, don’t want none, don’t have none. Pick your answer and shut the fuck up” 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@TheeKingRayzor]

3:49 I love how Jim owned that phone call. *LMAO! 😂*

[@Peachy_Tiger]

'Oh no god no, they're even giving stage direction'

[@christophergargaro959]

I can only imagine the production meetings for scripts like this. They must take hours. “OK in segment 3, item 2, sub item 4.3, Edge should do this…” 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@Takimeko]

Jim's reaction to the fact they even script the backstage interviews is great.

[@MerryOlSoulGigglesmith]

This script is exhibit A for why no one watches wrestling anymore.

[@iamdb1990]

Dunn's over the top camera cuts are part of the reason I stopped, and that was like 4 years ago, the flippy wrestling and no selling didn't help either

[@skyblaze1134]

@@iamdb1990 bro them camera cuts are fucking terrible. What are they thinking?

[@iamdb1990]

@@skyblaze1134 more movement = more excitement? I don't know, it has the exact opposite effect, I can never focus on one angle before they've gone to 3 others and back to the first again, and I'm left there saying to myself, "I think there was a punch, I'm not sure, maybe a dropkick" hard cam and one handheld at ringside should be more than enough to get all the important parts of the match if the wrestlers are good enough

[@donmajestic5258]

All the Jim noises in the background 🤣

[@Meadowolf]

Best response ever 8:20 it's like a movie.....my god..

[@Collinzmusic]

26:57 Ah I remember this 😂

[@erokraider1690]

Back in the day before scripted promos great promos were legendary, but the clowns that had no clue what they were doing made for great TV too.

[@constablekennedy7705]

Seems like the WWE needs to bring in some more Comedy Writers from Monday Night Raw to Spice things up on the Blue Brand … 👀

[@baileyslife3469]

Lmao

[@lzi9452]

All they got are clowns

[@danielwilson9724]

Raw sucks too.. Worse actually

[@dovahduke4566]

8:03 I'm in tears the despair in Jim voice hearing this bullshit

[@tyrannicaltypomichaeltester]

We need Jim to take over smackdown

[@Collinzmusic]

3:48 "I don't need none, I don't want none, I don't have none. Pick your answer and shut the f*ck up" Mad man 😂😂

[@sinjin4563]

This is what Moxley was absolutely dumbfounded with scripted promos in WWE. He said it in the Stone Cold podcast. He was like what the hell is this, this is not what wrestling is supposed to be.

[@playthatfunkymusicrobot]

"Why aren't the thumbtacks & grocery carts filled with light fixtures in the script? This bullshit isn't wrestling!!"

[@jcc3333]

He made himself look like a idiot on that podcast

[@RandalfElVikingo]

He was saying that while holding the WWE championship, what a hack he is.

[@acenace24]

If this is how micromanaged the segments are, no wonder the shows are so bland.

[@steveboston7519]

Ladies and Gentlemen...The Man Who Retired Kurt Angle. They couldn't have picked a better guy, right?

[@TheGoonsies]

And THIS is why that one wrestler said she's a performance artist lol

[@fwef7445]

you get the feeling that everyone working for this company zoned out years ago and are just doing it for the money

[@MistahBroccoli]

Carmellas face is fit for a horror museum

[@seancrisel5994]

How is this not SAG AFTRA territory? More of a script than some TV shows get..

[@Mondeoman72]

“My face belongs in a museum Honey “ Jim’s comment - “that’s because it’s 500 years old” 😂

[@thebeardbeastx]

F#cking love u guys for entertainment during the night shift

[@mandolinman2006]

By the sounds of it, I quit watching years ago, if I had to choose between watching 'Smackdown' or being lowered into piranha infested waters an inch at a time, I'd be asking how hungry those things were. That sounds unwatchable.

[@budhenry426]

And Smackdown is more watchable than Raw...

[@mandolinman2006]

@@budhenry426 I haven't watched since 2010. But that sounds scary.

[@danielwilson9724]

Bad thing is Smackdown is way better thn Raw now

[@Ticketman99]

MMA