Jim Gaffigan Gives Theo Advice on Finding a Wife

Excerpt from This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #453 with guest Jim Gaffigan
Full Episode: • Jim Gaffigan | This Pa...
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#TheoVonClips

[@BeautifullyBroken1022]

Everyone in my husband’s immediate family told me not to marry him because they said he wasn’t ready and we wouldn’t last. Well, this October we will be married for 30 years and we are more in love now than we ever were. Be each other’s best friend, don’t nitpick, choose your battles wisely, tell each other that you love each other every day, laugh every chance you get and remember you are partners in life not sparring partners ❤❤

[@jonathanalpart7812]

Wonderful advice 😊

[@cameronwaters3641]

This absolutely works

[@dawnr6381]

I agree with everything you said. My husband and I got married when I was 19 and he was 20 both our families wanted us to wait. We got engaged after only knowing each other 5 weeks. We are now happily married 33 years.

[@jjg1501]

23 here. lets be real here, all good advice but really has nothing to do with having a good marriage. here is the key to a great marriage. dont expect or rely on your spouse to make you happy. its not their job. without that quality nothing else you do matters you will divorce only a matter of when.

[@umiluv]

⁠@@jjg1501- are you saying you’re 23 years old? Or married for 23 years? As someone who’s been married for 17, together for 21 there are instances where you are each other’s happiness sometimes. Spending time together as best friends makes you feel happy. So I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say.

[@puppy14]

Best advice I ever heard was from my pastor "Don't put the burden of your happiness on someone else's shoulder". Changed my life. I went home, enjoyed my life and bettered myself, and lo and behold, got married 2 years later.

[@iscream2232]

Based! I hope to do the same one day. I was a drug addict/alcoholic who has been clean a little over two years and ive been struggling dating recently. It's difficult to meet people and I'm no longer the party animal/social butterfly type I once was as im a bit more reserved. I know to just keep chuggin along one day at a time and dont get complacent and stay away from the dark arts like p*rn lol. Its just weird that when I was a broke loser POS scrub I never struggled with ladies but now that im responsible, clean and in a better financial situation its more difficult. It's hard out there but ill get there.

[@phillipcamp853]

​​@@iscream2232 yeah I feel ya man. I'm pretty much in the same boat. Last 15 yrs I've been so familiar being with the ladies in a low down way. Now as I desire to move forward in a decent way, it's kinda all new and pretty nerve wracking at times. Hell of a learning curve! Lol. Suppose it's the stuff I wish I'd learned and practiced as a younger man.

[@barbranaughton7902]

@@iscream2232 you will, you’ve already made huge steps. You can’t even believe the immensity of how much you’ve changed your life just yet for yourself and for your future partner ❤ you’re great.

[@Thumperoo]

Not even 10 seconds in, and Theo comes out with a banger: the 'Cold-Eyed Slithering Broad' serving muffins to your children is definitely coming into my personal lexicon, now. It's done.

[@evonne315]

😂😂

[@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027]

*Slytherin, as in harry potter lol

[@sagetmaster4]

​@@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027it's possible but on my first listen it sounded like slitherin' with a clipped ending

[@taylorbarrett384]

He started to say you don't want a cold eyed slytherin broad making muffins for your kids, and then he corrected himself, no, you don't even want her to be serving your kids muffins, let alone making them

[@zh0326]

@@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027 no thats how you say slithering down south.

[@giarcnella66]

The thing I love about Theo is that never know what’s coming out of his mouth next. When he said “little weiner” I lost it. 😂

[@nicholascordes5276]

This was a legit wisdom sharing conversation. And Theo’s insights to what he’s looking for and what he wants to bring into the marriage we’re really mature. Loved watching this

[@will6258]

Jim has such a relaxed energy. So glad you had him on!

[@kyleaaron6325]

Jim would make a great therapist.

[@robbiedubbelman3024]

I talked to Jim once after a show of his in Amsterdam. Nicest guy you can imagine. Very quick and funny but very humble and kind. His wife was there too and you could tell they have a beautiful, durable love... We need more people like him in the media. There are way many unhinged people giving young men and women totally false impressions of what the world is really like.

[@rks5457]

Opposite experience for me. I stayed at a friend's place in nyc in the same building they live in. I was out front smoking a cigarette and his wife was talking to me about what we were all doing for halloween and he walks up a bit later and gave me a crazy death stare and told her they had to go inside. Didn't seem all that secure. But then again, I don't think we should judge his entire life based on a one-off experience whether it's positive or negative. People do that way too much to people in the public eye. "I shook his hand after a show that I paid him money for, incredibly genuine person and will probably go to heaven when he dies."

[@abbypitts3857]

I like the idea that people should define their own important moments. Like for my husband and I, valentines Day and holidays are just a pain in the ass and stressful. We stopped trying to force it and we ended up having a much better time of it:)

[@empoweryou1]

Us too.

[@jooliagoolia9959]

YES!!! 🤩 We even do all holidays our own way and in our own time. We love ignoring the stress of Christmas. I will only commit to one party maximum. That helps keep us healthy and not catching what people bring around that time of year sicknesses. No one will end up remembering what someone else did on a holiday. Make it your kind of time, even if it's a glorious nap.

[@Leocardion1]

Theo deserves someone special and that won’t take his jokes too seriously.

[@PapaPercules]

A nice gal who doesn’t waste her time/energy worried about what people think about her.

[@steec6713]

Yeah, I hate that, but isn't that most?

[@ninakore]

@@steec6713everyone cares about what others think of them, even guys

[@steec6713]

@@ninakore basically way I said

[@PapaPercules]

@@steec6713 so many people let what others think of them determine how they act. That can be problematic in a relationship for me. I would like my partner to be confident in her own decisions for her life and not constantly chasing trends trying to uphold a certain standard.

[@GoldHamSam]

@@ninakore not everyone. you know when you meet someone who doesn't- its refreshing and they're so full of life

[@Syndrum]

It’s hard to imagine these two aren’t GREAT buddies.

[@keltone]

I can imagine them playing mini golf on a Thursday and having a great time.

[@gnlilu6972]

Theo is getting good at these podcasts!!

[@jimsmith2844]

Theo is always good. Unless he's up against Jesse Ventura. Then he shuts down. Only once. Never again. Theo is on top, girlfriend!

[@gnlilu6972]

lol 😂 I agree! I freaking love the Podcast with Neil!

[@femchud9255]

There’s an ascetic element to staying married and having kids. As long as you both are in 100 percent and never give it up and don’t even consider divorce an option you’ll make it. A lot of people keep divorce in the back of their mind as an option and they give up too easy.

[@ghhm2705]

Exactly. Thank you. Keep telling the truth!

[@mimibear2587]

My Dad said it was nice that my husband talked to him about marrying me because it gave him a chance to talk to him one on one about his expectations. ❤ I love my Dad🥰 and I love my husband❤

[@PeterSedesse]

Gaffigan is one of my favorite comedians.

[@goodieswithgrace1004]

Every video I watch of Theo makes me respect him more and more 👏🏼

[@Wundernuts]

This was awesome. Relaxed and a great back and forth. Work on yourself, your purpose, and the relationship(s) will follow. And I'd definitely firm up your feelings on fatherhood. That's a critical factor to know going into it with a partner, not to mention for any potential children involved.

[@dodoheadofCentury]

“The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother” -pretty sure it was a Jewish teacher or an old Hebrew saying.

[@TheVoiceofTheProphetElizer]

@@dodoheadofCenturyIt’s a quote from a George Carlin special

[@dodoheadofCentury]

@@TheVoiceofTheProphetElizer well there you go lol.

[@joshuamcdowell1460]

I proposed by putting the ring in the box on my wife's pillow. Then I went and told her the cat took a shit on her bed 😂😂😂 she was so mad and got there with the quickness but her expression changed so fast when she saw the ring 😂😂😂

[@joshuamcdowell1460]

@@Maniacsface true. But if the cat hadn't actually shat on her bed two days prior, it wouldn't have been nearly as funny.

[@nathanwilliams4005]

Then you gave her the ole Cleveland steamer.

[@sitindogmas]

😂

[@joshuamcdowell1460]

@@nathanwilliams4005 I most certainly did not. If I did, she'd be dead. 🤣🤣🤣

[@steec6713]

​@@nathanwilliams4005yeah, with a ring on it

[@RipperTips]

The right laugh can be funnier than the joke

[@budponders8251]

I like it better when Theo's guests are funny.

[@susanhowie2796]

Love from Gilbert Az

[@truerthanyouknow9456]

I love how comedians see other people as… an audience. Comedians are ALWAYS reading the room. And they remember how well they were received.

[@aarondavid5866]

cos they need positive attention not exactly artists

[@savethisforlater]

There's an art to it

[@aarondavid5866]

real artists dont need attention and constant approval@@savethisforlater

[@sarajones6046]

Sense of humour is key!

[@almaalma3871]

Love Jim Graffigna and his beautiful family he is the right guy to gives Theo some married advice. ❤❤❤

[@captainleonardodivichi295]

Well Theo there you go man .

[@jefnatividad5968]

My mother always said "anything or anyone in life worth having is worth fighting for."

[@Schmusan]

Theo is 💯 right about all of this

[@Marfmellow88]

Theo is special guy, based on how I know him (in a completely superficial way through his podcast - so technically I don't know him at all lol) I would marry him in a second :) He seems to have a good heart, he is ambitious and hard working and level headed. Good dude. I hope he finds a nice lady to settle down with.

[@Jens0215]

He seems like such an awesome dude. Would make a great husband and dad ❤

[@saltyjosh]

I think you could land him

[@Marfmellow88]

@@saltyjosh That is a nice compliment, thanks!

[@badassmother1426]

100% truth on women not getting absorbed into man's family, and woman's family taking in new son/ brother/uncle! My family immediately took in my husband 100% from the git go. My mother in Law still can't stand me even after 40yrs.

[@ghhm2705]

I am so sorry. That’s not right but it’s on her. I am a mom with two daughter in laws and ADORE them!!! I just can’t imagine. But maybe I approached the relationship differently than your MIL. With our first daughter in law, I realized this beautiful young lady WANTS to commit to spending her life with my son?? What a gift! I now have a fellow female that loves my son as much as I do, if not more, and will be my partner in always praying for him and supporting him. How could I be mad about that? We raised a young man of honor and integrity, it is now our privilege to watch him join with a woman to build their family and their life! The good news is you and your husband can change your family legacy going forward!

[@NateWongSongs]

2:29 Jim almost breaks out into a bit but restrains himself 😂

[@3days2retirement]

I live in a 50/50 no fault state which means you or her don't have to follow any vows and when it ends they split your possessions and debts down the middle. How romantic?! My best advice- you guys will change over time. Like loss of job/income , health issues, bitterness, regret, etc. Communicate about all outcomes and make sure you agree with how you'll deal with them. One of you might tuck tail and run when life gets hard. I hate to be cynical but marriage can end in fiery rage. Good luck I'll be rooting for you bro

[@micclay]

You will not find a woman who is marriage material. Accept it and move on.

[@YourAverageExJunkie]

@@micclaypussy nigga spotted

[@uraniumjoe]

​@@micclaylol what? Where did that come from?

[@thegreatfapsby5786]

​@@uraniumjoeincel rage

[@matthewmastandrea7698]

we gon' figure it out brother theo. just gotta keep at the self devolpment til then!

[@TheRealLarissa]

I'm married for 23 years. My advice is don't marry outside of your Faith or if you don't get along with her family.

[@Michelle.A79]

Great advice

[@kkkkit]

The fact he has to say I’m going to have to stop philandering means he’s not ready lol. Or ever 😂

[@keithartworker]

2:30 You shouldn't even be talking to a neighbor😂😂

[@kinndah2519]

Jim's right about getting absorbed into a wife's family. In our culture, we have a saying that says "a daughter remains yours, a son becomes his wife's family." Also, anybody who wants their spouse to "work hard" is not a good sign. I never wanted a husband who worked hard all the time nor did he want a wife who who was exhausted. Working SMART not hard & making each others' lives easier is key. You should take pride in giving your spouse a relaxing life.

[@DavidHowe-nv1nb]

I don't think he's saying be a workaholic. Just don't be a couch slob all the time when you could be helping out or doing something useful (true for either husband or wife).

[@kinndah2519]

@@DavidHowe-nv1nb I hear you for the most part, But you don't always have to be doing something. We have no problem hiring help when need be. We would rather spend our free time With the family or doing something we enjoy.

[@KevinWidesouls]

I think he was moreso saying that he wants someone with a similar work ethic as himself since Theo seems like someone who loves his job and works a lot. So maybe one of his dealbreakers regarding spousal compatibility relates to having a similar work ethic. Overall, work ethic isn’t solely about your career or doing chores/projects around the house though. It comes in so many forms. For instance, open communication in a marriage takes work, as does tackling problems that arise instead of ignoring them.

[@Jimbeaux]

I think by "work hard" he means don't be lazy. Be industrious, whether it's finding ways to express your love, or taking care of your family/home/income. On "work hard all of the time", a lot of women DO push men with their material demands . . . and I've never met a guy who told me his wife said to him "baby, we have too much money"

[@christinanewdeck5417]

fascinating to watch!

[@magicknight13]

This is such an excellent combo, they're both great #warmeyedgirlrepresented

[@myahgormley9788]

Love the hashtag 😂❤❤

[@PM-jl6pp]

I wanted jim gaffigan on one of these podcasts for a long time.

[@BradyTaylor-wy5tu]

Jim seems like such a nice dude

[@jimsmith2844]

He's a huge asshole. He's just really smart. So he can do standup and make people like him. Comedians are like that.

[@ginnayarnell4672]

It’s tough out there. I’m 4 years sober and life is beautiful but different especially in finding a partner. You’ll be wonderful Theo

[@useyourmind4405]

That was just a fantastic conversation

[@jazb7118]

5’6-6’1 🤣🤣 love you for this Theo

[@smcb2202]

“I wanna be locked in.”Love it.

[@PixelGod240]

I love how normal and holism he comes off

[@7star7storm7]

Sense of humour or the ability to laugh 😂 On ya Theo

[@dragonrider9051]

She's at church Theo

[@codyleslie478]

Thats more true than most people know!

[@yonikki]

​@@codyleslie478that's where my parents met! Celebrating 50 years of marriage this April 😊

[@Becca_Lynn]

Amen!

[@DavidDiaz-zp4hu]

That's what all y'all go on about You don't realize how sleazy and Heathenly it looks for a grown man to be up in God's house straight hollerin at bitches like ur in the club or something, everybody else focused on the services the message the sermon payin attention to the right Bible verses they're following along with, and u in there chasin tail Or really lookin debaucherous lurking by the exit ready to intercept females as they're filing out In contemplative thought WITH THEIR FAMILIES right there like "Now who's this rascal tryna press up on my daughter"

[@dianem.99]

Perhaps those seeking a perfect partner should first seek to become a perfect partner.💞 Unfortunately, we often end up living the life that we think we deserve instead of the life that God wants for us.😢

[@TAS_CNX]

Agree, people spend far to much time focusing on what they expect from others, and not nearly enough on how they can be better. Learning this is an ongoing process for me but the results in my relationships (romantic or otherwise) have been astounding.

[@MrKelso85]

Theo please bring back the Ernest movies and star in them

[@oakwestplayer]

You shouldn’t even be talking to your neighbor. That’s the best advice out of this.

[@Wundernuts]

IMO the best neighborhoods are communities. I used to live in a neighborhood of McMansions with no interaction w/neighbors and I *hated* it. And if your fidelity can't take talking to neighbors (or co-workers or whoever) then you aren't ready for fidelity. Again, this is just my experience. Yours may be different.

[@BeautifullyBroken1022]

I think Jim means he shouldn’t be talking to a female neighbor

[@FirstnameLastname-zq8oy]

⁠@@BeautifullyBroken1022 why does it matter if the neighbour is male or female? If you cant handle being friendly / being friends with someone of the opposite sex without flirting with them or having thoughts of cheating, then you are not ready for a faithful monogomous relationship. If your husband cant trust himself around other women then that is not a good sign, similarly if your wife cant trust herself around other men that isnt a good sign either.

[@brandon-HACK-HOUND]

Felt like listening to old friends.

[@dragline7287]

Hey gimme that little weener had me lol

[@jcl5345]

Jim, spit it out! Damn, three sentences to say one thing

[@paddle_shift]

Tent-pole moments, wow!

[@michaelc.3812]

Wow, while attraction is often based on physical attributes, you should make your foundational desires more like belief system, ability to laugh at herself, being an optimist, and many more.

[@kenbrownfield6584]

Jim is a great guy, very good comedian

[@ShannyFMinstereo]

BABE! Lol I’ll take care of it Theo ok? No problem at all consider that conundrum solved.. ❤😅

[@TopJoo7]

Wholesome

[@shaycase1834]

Listen to earth girls are easy by artist(apathy). At the end he explains exactly what to do and it works I swear

[@keltone]

5 years in and I'm way more involved with her family than she is with mine. Good observation.

[@WarHawk919]

Theoooo I'm right here 🥹

[@sweetpie7919]

That last point remind me of an old saying. A boy is a son til he takes a wife, a girl is a daughter the rest of her life. My kids aren't at the marrying stage yet, but when that happens we will welcome their spouses with open arms. I'm not losing my kids over silliness. The family I come from, I'd say the girls stay closer to their own families and the boys move away, I don't like it. But I think a lot has to do with they way they spoil the boys and treat every women they date or marry like absolute shit because they way they see it, no woman is good enough for their sons. The wife can never do enough, they want their boys spoiled rotten and the wives get criticized and insulted. On the other hand, if one of the women is with a guy who dropped out of high school, drinks too much, or even if he's already married, they treat him like a king. I don't get it at all. And that's why I moved, far, far away.

[@chadr7522]

Me and Theo are basically looking for the same person lmao

[@AB-cf6oi]

Men get 'absobed into a wife's family' if shes the only one maintaining family bonds, planning gatherings, etc.

[@gandhiangles3213]

You need to put your spouse first. In a lot of marriages the kids come first. When they are grown & gone you have issues if you haven’t.

[@kingofpersia4559]

U shouldn’t even talk to a neighbor 😂😂

[@nksperling]

..the thing about the man being absorbed into the woman's family, that unbiased observation, kind of lines up with that particular affirmation of the reality of a design/designer found in scripture....Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Hebrews 4:12 [12]For the Word of YHWH is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

[@shirleytreumuth1692]

The "Buy Dirt" music video by Jordan Davis featuring Luke Bryan illustrates that the true connections are so much important than the artificial milestones.

[@andrewgorsuch7959]

Gaffigans a funny guy. He was taking something out of the oven, and I asked him.

[@rachaelmcculley712]

"Who dropped you off to go ask your wife" hahaha

[@Canadian_Eh_I]

as a 40 year old singleton, Theo gives me hope

[@vexrich]

6:32 Finish that sentence Theo 💀

[@Betoven81]

“How tall are you?” “I’m willing to go on an outlier” 😆

[@blogintonblakley2708]

Advice on finding a wife. Stop looking.

[@witchnursesteph]

"Did your mom drop you off?" Oh, Theo.... 🤣

[@peterchauvin1486]

Focus on you and she on her and you help her be the best she can be and she helps you be the best you can be. If you find that? You win

[@timcraven4796]

Theo. You need to ask Chapelle about this.

[@cbmarsh1]

Jim “you know what I mean” Gaffigan

[@STK_Marshy]

I'll be Theo's wife! 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

[@rocker24super]

Yasss get it

[@stetonwalters574]

You're willing to raise a bunch of little Theo's. I mean deep respect but make sure you have insurance on everything

[@HARwinsOUTagain]

Gang Gang!

[@kkurova9345]

We can be polygamists with Theo!

[@EdwardKeefe]

"You shouldn't be neighborly, you shouldn't even be talking to a neighbor..."- I wish more people knew this, lol

[@neondreams4016]

Lol why did he say this? Is it bad to talk to a neighbor? Sometimes I don’t know if it’s rude to talk to them or rude not to talk to them. It’s awkward. Mine are so close.

[@yalebulldog05]

Gaffigan looks like Dennis Rader, the BTK serial killer

[@hunterkarr5618]

Yesssss. I’m sitting here like, “who is he reminding me of?” 🤔

[@vibrantvessel]

Sounds like Theo is describing me for his potiental wife candidate 😅

[@forkthepork]

Just be normal. Worked for me.

[@Dakotarob2003]

What tf is “normal” lol

[@Gold63Beast]

@@Dakotarob2003whatever YOU consider normal. Basically be yourself, unapologetically.

[@yonikki]

​@@Dakotarob2003I think normal means don't PLAN your future partner out to any extent ... just live life and be open minded. I cringed when he picked a height variable. Ugh! Starting out with an immutable filter.

[@kyle896]

@@yonikkiyou’ll be fine bucko. He was making a joke, no need to “cringe”

[@thischannelisbackon5679]

Bro, some of us are FAT and RETARDED

[@lb2696]

I don’t feel like any human being is trustworthy enough to dedicate my life to. Friends are great though. I kind of just wish I didn’t have the desire for something more than friends.

[@HalloweenScream]

Just don't sign that legal document, Theo. But also hope the best for ya

[@Rochelle118]

“Some cold eyed Slytherine broad” 🤣

[@katiesantos4312]

“I just want to be locked in” is one of the hottest things a man can say!

[@daneberhardt8658]

i can no longer look at Jim the same way after his inane comments on Joe Rogen. Come on Jim....

[@B1971F]

Learn to love yourself and you will attract the partner that values that in their partner.

[@emmapaynter9893]

“Who dropped you off or did you drive over?”😂😂😂

[@chickenscursandacabin]

I find that a great personality helps with the attractiveness. My man makes me laugh and we enjoy each other's company

[@bazd313]

I never thought when me and my wife got married i wish she is a hard worker lol.

[@jhatgotagat300]

I’d give lots of money to be a fly on the wall of Jim’s ancestors and how they handled struggle. I can only imagine it would be absolutely fucking hilarious.

[@user-lg1oo6ev7k]

He needs a mullet queen 👑

[@theandrescamacho]

jim's fit is lowkey cold

[@beachnap]

"Little weiner" lmao

[@Amandasearsacting]

Exit all the ladies under 5 “6…. Damn, never had a chance 😒🤣

[@misterdank941]

Shes at the farm theo

[@shanewalraven]

Man.. I always told any psychologists that tried to figure me out... To f off.. but man.. ole Jeff there... Hed make it easy.. and he's a cool guy

[@Mote.]

Servin muffins