Best Chinese Jokes | Jim Gaffigan Stand-Up Compilation

[@elenavonpavel-pitts3442]

My mother was a Russian refuge who was born in Shanghai and the stories you tell bring back floods of memories for me! She told me there were thousands of "giant Hong Kong Wharf Rats"! When she was little she desperately wanted a doll but no $. So she found a dead rat in the street, brought it home, dressed it on doll clothes and out it in the doll bed. After a week or so , her mother kept sniffing and asking "what is that HORRID smell?". She found the rat and her parents broke down and bought her a real doll.

[@TomSkinner]

Great story😅

[@stonehand49]

Jewish refugees of China WW2. Friends born there❤

[@MemoROFL]

Jim, all the effort you've put into KZbin these past few months is unreal. Thanks again for sharing all of this with us.

[@Migmaw]

Your are absolutely right, with all the stress in the world today it's easy to get down, specially when it seems to be a time when everyone is out for themselves, it's a wonderful thing to watch Jim perform a bit and know everyone on this channel is laughing together. Thanks for the laughs Jim, honestly can make an impact on my day, a Jim Gaffigan video is my go to when I need a few minutes to escape the day ❤️

[@aaacardenas1]

That's for sure! Wow Jim and I thought you'd be sleeping more but I guess not because you keep us a smiling and laughing...thanks.

[@lp.8185]

Agreed

[@elenavonpavel-pitts3442]

I was raised in SF. Moved to Oregon in 1979 and brought my 12 yr old daughter to SF Chinatown. Took her in a back alley to a Chinese fortune cookie maker. He was at least 100 yrs old. He'd been there since i was a kid. He literally had burnt the fingerprints off his fingers taking the cookies off the hot iron for at least 50 years. He gave us a bag of FRESH COOKIES he made...we were in 7th heaven!

[@4lydia]

Hilarious! And - relaxing because there's no vulgarity .

[@4lydia]

O no - emphasis on toilet jokes .

[@Thundercloud25]

What an awesome experience 😊

[@plutobeliever]

LOL..."...oranges...did the schooner just arrive from the Caribbean..." Love this guy's mind...

[@sdonato8270]

I loved the joke where all the Chinese kids were starring at you like you were a circus animal. “I too am human.” 🤣😭😭😭

[@ccreasman]

I think what I enjoy most is when you tickle yourself. Usually, you are just in character, on a roll, but every so often, you will laugh at your own joke, at the absurdity of what you are telling about, or the coming punch line. I love that. Just shows your humanity. Good stuff.

[@nikkijubilant]

❤Thank you for this lightheartedness during a stressful time. Bless you. ❤

[@LombarHisst74]

You Sir... are my favorite comedian by far. You cheer me up every time I listen to You. 100% all killer no filler in Your material. ☺️ he he !

[@lisabradford5998]

Best comedian ever!

[@markbrophy1276]

@@lisabradford5998 0

[@OsvaldoFerrer]

Check out John Pinette

[@c.h.5389]

New material for Jim right there with this comment! I can hear him ateady...​@@OsvaldoFerrer

[@tomcavanaugh7042]

Problem with these jokes is, once I finish, an hour later I want to listen again!

[@roberthofmann8403]

Please explain. TIA

[@JoseGranny]

Like Chinese food

[@factsoverfiction7826]

Gaffigan fans are as funny as he is!

[@madxpinklady]

Oh my gosh! That's so funny! 😂

[@Pango5697]

He sprinkles a lot of MSG in his jokes 😂

[@HerculeseBaby]

How could people dislike these comedy gold skits? These are hilarious!!!

[@waterbeing3197]

sensitive asians ?

[@deejin25]

Insulted Asians?

[@Trillaen]

What are you talking about? He’s hilarious!

[@kelseylia1580]

What kinda idiots r those people, I’m with u @HerculeseFurball!!

[@williehubbard1587]

jim gaffigan is one comedian who makes me laugh without having to be vulgar he's still funny as every time he's on my phone I've watched his comedy bits and he's always able to make me laugh everytime.

[@siawjern]

I love Jim so much. All the jokes is funny and and he doesnt have to swear to deliver them!

[@Exposetheluciferianagenda]

“I don’t want to over work the kitchen” 🤣

[@suzukigsxfa9683]

Thanks Jim for helping me start my day laughing and smiling 😃

[@o0Borgenie0o]

this guy is the best

[@roberthofmann8403]

Please explain. TIA

[@adorable3817]

Hands down! 🥰

[@EndTheEnding]

Can’t stop laughing 😂 so true about the fortunate cookie, I have never seen one inside China.

[@minhnguyen5861]

Tên thương gia Bắc Kỳ vừa ngồi vào bàn ăn thì một em khuyết tật ban vé số lại vãng đến hỏi có mua số hen không hắn hỏi lại có dói bụng không tiền ăn sẽ mua hết số hen cho cháu dữ lấy để lấy thưởng trong lúc ăn họ tâm sự với nhau người mua mong được no không trông đợi sự làm giàu từ người Không khả năng Dân đông tốn kém nhiều người khuyết tật làm tự thiện như cháu chỉ có dân tàu là sướng vì họ nỗ lực kiểm tiền 💰 vn than thở gì thế giới chửi cho gái đẹp bảo vệ đai gia cũng như tu tuong song kiếm của tỷ Phú xay nha cho lính phát triển theo hai cách phan nong dân hay giúp nông dan phát triển với bọn thương mai theo ông thi phát triển gi trước đánh lừa xuất xứ sản phẩm cũng như bọn điều tra gian điệp nền giáo dục của pháp của Mỹ bị phản ứng tại vn thay vào đó là nền giáo dục Trung Quốc sự lựa bịp nhân dân học sinh ở mọi từng lớp giữa các chế độ chính trị để phình lừa quân đội nhân dân cả một nền kinh tế giáo dục tôn giáo cũng như chính trị ngoại lại tu tưởng liệu sách vở tiểu thuyết phim ảnh nguồn gốc xuất xứ không ai biết rõ kẻ thù nào dân tộc nào liệu Mỹ sẽ đi về đâu bởi những giá trị của mỗi dân tộc đem vào Hoa Kỳ trong khi vn tương lai đi về đâu một nền kinh tế ngoại lại lọc lừa hậu quả của chiến tranh đem lại người tàu bảo họ lừa cả người tàn tật làm việc cho họ để có miếng ăn và tình thương yêu của thế giới dành cho họ cũng như công lý tài sản gia đình bị buôn bán chiếm đoạt và ngay cả cơ hội học hỏi đến từ các quốc gia nhân ái họ ví dụ như sau khách du lịch đến thăm mục đích là người ngheo nạn nhân của sự bất công không phải bọn giàu học thức cao nào đó kiếm tiền gạt bỏ họ để sang tàu hợp tác bên ấy ví dụ Hoa Kỳ đến vn vì hài cốt Mỹ lai không phải bọn môi giới sang tàu hay vơ vét trở lại túi của họ tại Huế Kỳ để tạo cơ hội làm ăn với tàu thật mau giàu có sự hợp tác Trung Mỹ kinh tế tàu không vì nạn nhân chiến tranh thế nào là bọn thương mại phát triển thao túng chính quyền như thế đó là vấn đề bịp vương bịp tin lừa đảo mọi sự bất công giới cao niên trí tuệ vnch của Mỹ lợi hại như thế nào có lừa bịp quân dân tổ quốc của họ không có ham hại người ty nạn để làm ăn trung gian làm han gian tàu Nhật bản và bọn giàu yêu tài nghệ của họ thu do sai gon vnch Huế Kỳ bảo thế giới yêu Trung Quốc hơn vn quả đúng như vậy có lẽ họ nô lệ trí tuệ tàu để được lợi cũng như hướng đến tương lai với vn được mỏ đường do họ dép yên những điều thua lỗ bất công với túi tiền của họ

[@scottmcshannon6821]

they were invented in san francisco, they are as american as pizza, tacos, and apple pie.

[@jordanchen23]

@@scottmcshannon6821 1/3 buddy...

[@scottmcshannon6821]

@@jordanchen23 pizza was created in NYC by italin immigrants. have you had what they call pizza in italy? i have and it is in no way related to american pizza. tacos are definitely an american subversion of mexican food, almost everything you get in an american mexican restaurant is vaguely related to true mexican food.

[@globetrekker86]

@@scottmcshannon6821 The concept of flat bread with toppings originated in Greece but became popularized in America. Pasta with meatballs and sauce is also an American creation, inspired by Sicilian dishes

[@jessicatsao92]

As a Chinese American, I have to say: all that you said about our culture is accurate! And you definitely made the jokes funny without being offensive, so I guess you can consider that a green light from a real ethnically Chinese person.

[@papagen00]

i'm also chinese and laugh at all racist jokes including chinese. People need to grow some balls today.

[@maltygoodness2]

Egg with green yolk and tastes yucky, sounds like Jim had the century egg and not the tea egg which is just egg steeped in tea and spices and is not too much of a stretch for the western palate.

[@richardmahn7589]

As an American who has lived in China 11 years, I laughed so hard at the toilet paper roll at the table but not in the bathroom. I even know a place STILL that I can go to for that.

[@scottjohnson5687]

Why do they expect you to take it to use after... Um squat hole? Why don't they do the bidet thing like ever other Asian place

[@shemcn57]

Pale, pasty man you make this pale, pasty woman cry with laughter.

[@bigblack9819]

I lived in Shanghai for about 5 years a long time ago, these jokes really take me back to the initial culture shock.

[@JGUNW1R3D]

I don’t care what people say about you Jim, I think you’re great.

[@leorarosenberg5223]

Love your comedy! Thank you for doing this at a time when we need to laugh more than ever!

[@MrChazz965]

Thanks for posting, this comedy really lifted my spirits!

[@rhene1548]

So observant!:) Old saying, "funny because it's true" thanks for the laughs!

[@zoethegreatfish]

I appreciate that, during this time of racial tension, you where able to compile some funny jokes that didn't cross the line. Also, thanks for posting during covid. I know, when i click on your comedy i'm not going to be offended. Laughter is medicine, and you are currently on the front lines. Thank you for your service.

[@28meerak]

How he describes Taiwan is how Texans describe Texas-- "This isn't America. It's Texas!"

[@davidlundquist1979]

If only.

[@itsmatt2105]

@@davidlundquist1979 As an Alaskan, I echo your sentiment! There are so many Texans up here, I'm surprised there are any left down there to breed and send more up. I was in Texas 1.5 years ago. Sought out guys wearing cowboy hats. They'd ask me where I was from and I'd tell them "Alaska, I just wanted to see what the second largest state looks like." They didn't like that at all but all took it in good stride...until I told them "if we divided Alaska and made each half a state, Texas would be the THIRD largest state." They REALLY didn't like that. But got ever themselves and we both had a laugh.

[@litty4553]

This guy makes my day every time 😂

[@pizzaishappiness7994]

Wonderful sense of humor.

[@love4music1992]

Married with 5 kids in New York I'll def watch every add too help you out during these difficult times, wish you the bestest.

[@JerseyfreshXx]

“Well I can think of about 1000 reasons not to have the 1000 year old egg” hahahahaha

[@jennifer9047]

They're not bad, actually. Especially in Sichuan with the crispy chili oil and crushed peanuts. Tea eggs are real gross, tho. 😝

[@JerseyfreshXx]

葛Jennifer are they really 1000 years old?

[@jennifer9047]

@@JerseyfreshXx No, they're packed in mud mixed with ashes and lime and buried in salt in the ground for a month or two. When you dig them out, they look fossilized, so the name is "thousand year old egg".

[@RED_BREAST_RING1893]

Thx for All your Content... There is no Day without Jim Gaffigan :)

[@josteinjostein4408]

"Looks like our scurvys cured fellas" HAHAHA, That killed me hahaha

[@KOT-Grizzly89]

Couldn’t find a lot of your material on Apple Music anymore Jim but thank you for everything that you have put on KZbin I still enjoy showing you to my girlfriend and letting her hear your best stuff.

[@smartsurvival2605]

You are my favorite comedian. :D So funny.

[@francinebehrendt]

Jim thank you for helping all of us for making quarantine, tolerable. I binged on your videos :D

[@lisabradford5998]

My favorite comedian by far - and he's clean! Thanks for all the shows. Great entertainment!

[@MLMLW]

He's got 5 children so I assume he wants his comedy clean so they can listen as well. I love that about Jim. It's a family thing. 😊👍❤

[@SKa-tt9nm]

@@MLMLW he worked clean long before he was married or had children.

[@elijahn1]

ive been to China a lot studying martial arts. You really got the jokes right. theres so much thats funny about China. well done!! in taiwan i had ... wait for it tuna fish candy..

[@xtzyshuadog]

Did you find it in Taipei? Tamsui has dried tuna fish candy

[@elijahn1]

@@xtzyshuadog i think it was in Yilan but there are definately a lot of interesting weird stuff everywhere. Is Tamsui a place? ive never heard of it.

[@xiaoyuejin]

@@elijahn1 I am guessing Tamsui is 淡水, which is a place a few miles away from Taipei. The spelling "Tamsui" is the old Cantonese-Roman style, while the pronunciation is like DanShui. I am not 100% sure though, since I've never been to Taiwan, aka the Republic of China. :)

[@tandokunogirl]

My Favourite fortune cookie fortune said "You are capable of building a thriving business". It was very positive and encouraging.

[@theresarathell4686]

I have to stop eating while I'm listening to him I keep forgetting and I've almost choked to death three times, right now I have soda all over me

[@庞氏]

fancy

[@andrewmcgregor9691]

Omg lol

[@christinastpierre3052]

Your comment made me lol !!!lol😂

[@danoduncan1763]

"HEY !!!... we should charge right ?"... LOL !... xD

[@garyswinford3415]

Great fun to follow. Interesting take on many topics. Many laugh out loud moments

[@dongnguyen4726]

Once again, thanks Jim. Can’t wait to watch your show.

[@imaniceguy5799]

I am Chinese, and I can confirm that most of the jokes are accurate

[@Mars_architects_bali]

I’ve lived in Beijng for 17 years .. I can confirm every single detail is accurate ..!! Good to finally laugh abt the lack of toilet paper in public buildings LOL

[@cahillgreg]

Yes, m o s t l y accurate

[@danzai]

what do you mean most? It was all accurate!

[@gracio1231]

I’m Chinese as well

[@jameshepburn4631]

Not Chinese but lived in Beijing and a few other places and I'll vouch for it too. Riding the subway in Beijing I think I know how the zoo animals feel.

[@tomfrazier1103]

Fortune cookies are actually senbei, Japanese tea cookies. A Chinese restaurant owner dreamed up the idea in 1930s Los Angeles and ordered them from a Japanese bakery there.

[@MLMLW]

Interesting. Thanks for the info. 👍

[@michaelkrenn9421]

Love your show and as funny as they are I enjoy all the bits and pieces from other show.. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

[@badazzma4eva420]

I am literally crying my eyeballs out watching this 😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@jiaqingw]

Made my day! 😂😂😂

[@margaretdalton2651]

Jim, you’re the greatest! I particularly like « the baby voice! You’re a wonderful tour guide through China & Taiwan! Wishing you and Jeannie & yr 5 kids the very best! 💜 Peggyandbella

[@efransal6098]

You are very good and original really funny God. Bless

[@JosephBishop-g3t]

“Oh shoot, I missed my mouth again” 😆🤣😂

[@chriswilliams8484]

Laugh again with Gaffigan😂

[@TwilightedForever1]

Several years ago, my best friend and I visited San Francisco with our 2 giant German Shepherds. On Pier 39 as I waited outside a shop with the dogs while my friend browsed inside, a group of Chinese tourists emerged from a tour bus nearby. Many of them approached us and immediately began taking photos of our 2 dogs lying side by side, and, judging by the tourists' exclamations and finger pointing, they were quite amazed at the sight. I'll never forget that. 🐕🐕‍🦺 One 'normal' thing to us is another culture's grand curiosity. After all, dogs in their country are a meal for them.

[@janr4143]

Jim, you are the good bomb😊🤣❣️

[@Bob_Cherrie]

0:55 Jim - Here's some insider's secret: For dessert, Chinese restaurants give sugary soups (like the ones with red bean paste or green bean paste) to Chinese, and cookies or oranges to non-Chinese. From experience, they find that non-Chinese people don't tend to like the sugary soups, so they skip the offense and give the boring desserts to you. I know - because I saw it happening at my own table of mixed-race diners on many occasions. Next time, you should ask the Chinese restaurant to give you the dessert that they give to the Chinese customers.

[@geraldfrost4710]

Once you get your waiter to understand you're open to new things, they're open to sharing them. Still not going to go for the eyeball soup.

[@Bob_Cherrie]

@@geraldfrost4710 What's eyeball soup?

[@geraldfrost4710]

@@Bob_Cherrie Like in Indiana Jones, "you're serving this to see if I'll eat it, aren't you."

[@Bob_Cherrie]

@@geraldfrost4710 Ah, I see. I don't think that Chinese restaurants are really interested in broadening your tastes. They're more concerned about you enjoying your meal and (perhaps more importantly) not making you feel repulsed by their food. Here's another secret: Many menus in Chinese restaurants are things that non-Chinese are familiar with and will order. Chinese will order things off-menu; these things are not as pleasant to non-Chinese. Just watch Anthony Bourdain's video at a Chinese restaurant in New York. His Chinese friend introduces him to all kinds of dishes that he never knew.

[@wizard3z868]

@@geraldfrost4710 its not bad with the crunch of dragon claws and Spicey dumplings

[@eleanorrouxel122]

Love ya Jim. Love your humor. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

[@Henry-teach-Chinese-in-jokes]

Hi, I’m Henry Guo. I’ve spent about 100,000 hours studying English humor and Western culture. My native language is Chinese. I can supply endless English/Chinese jokes (in English). I teach Chinese language in jokes. In laughter we reconcile with the world and ourselves.

[@roxanncorston9403]

Love you Jim@!!!! You're the best!!!!!

[@pwu8194]

Stinky tofu is fermented. Fermentation makes it stinky. 😂😂😂 The "smog" in Beijing might be sandstorm from Gobi Desert.

[@lburke2689]

Jim: Funny Chinese jokes Me: Where is closest Panda Express?

[@robertacevedo3502]

Thought about this while at a Chinese restaurant last night. The food seemed to arrive in about five minutes, but we were starving!

[@Jerconjake]

How do you have 17 minutes in Chinese jokes?! 😂

[@laughinlori6893]

Can't be eating when watching Jim so I don't choke! Toured a fortune cookie "factory" in San Fransisco. When still warm they are delicious! Factory in air quotes because there were only two little elderly people making the cookies, they were the whole factory.

[@Giobemo]

Thanks, Jim!

[@williehubbard1587]

now this man mr. gaffigan is funny cause he doesn't have to be vulgar and rude and he's still funny without having to get vulgar all the time and that alone makes me laugh that's why i watch his comedy stand-up routines.

[@huemann3416]

The way to justify the summer palace is simple. Summer better than others;)

[@wiser.kinder.calmer.6530]

I've been binging this guy hard! he's great

[@cindyhodges4766]

Great guy.

[@rodneymcmahan7957]

Yes indeed jim gaffigan you r a funny funny man and muc appreciation for all the laughs it must be the greatest job in the world

[@AndrewBarsky]

I live in China and this is pretty much 100% accurate

[@Nomadistar]

My take away from this vid? Jim is all about it! TY!

[@jenniferbyers1375]

Tea eggs and thousand year old eggs are awesome ! It’s an acquired taste though, just like blue cheese , which is really just moldy curdled milk to someone who is not used to it 😂

[@cancangirl2888]

Blue cheese smells like unwashed feet and thousand year old eggs smell like days of yore hair perming solution. Omg, they’re all delicious.

[@alberteinsteinlookalike]

You HAD to have gone to a Catholic school! You remind me of the Xavarian Brothers that taught me...your finger is on the pulse of the human condition. You, sir, are a classic comedian. Out with the vulgarity...and in with the hilarity! I've idolized them all.. Winters, Williams, Cosby, Pryor, Seinfeld (well...), Berman, on and on... You are in a league of your own! So we'll crafted..so ballsy... I am gonna suffer from some kind of physical incident, from laughing so hard. The best!

[@jackychick]

Come to Hong Kong! we have many restaurants here that only serve Chinese deserts, with like 50 to 100 plus varieties.

[@sharcoz]

A lot of respect to your keen observation of Taiwan and share it publicly. Politics is not fun, showing the controversy and the absurdity of it is more than just being funny. Well done sir.

[@johnmitchelljr]

Good video. Thank you.

[@hrlnmlclm]

Uh, do you want us to come in there or those sea monsters protecting your establishment? 😂😂😂

[@sonyap.6512]

The jokes about Asians taking pictures with your blonde children 😅 This actually happened to me & my blonde friends when we were about 11 or 12 on a field trip to San Francisco. Once we realized it was a thing for Asian tourists to asked for a photo w/blonde American children, we spent the better half of our afternoon lingering around waiting to be approached by as many tourist as we could pull in! I couldn't count how many vacation photos my friends & I ended up in...it was such fun🤗😅🎎📸

[@susanaaragorn8606]

You could have charged a dollar for each photi 😅

[@MichaelNagar1]

Love your content! You've got my Like and Subscribe! Thank you! :-)

[@joansnow4013]

Thank you, for the Sunday laughs

[@TheDaoistheway]

I’m Chinese, these are some really tame and non-offensive Chinese jokes, very smart man

[@edwardranno7119]

Fortune cookies are left in a dank dark basement for a long time!!!

[@WalkingTall-f1j]

First it was Richard Pryor, then Eddie Murphy, now Jim's the Kang!!!!

[@MYRIAMLATEUR]

You are simply the best!

[@aes3084]

It sure feels good to laugh now days:))

[@simonrowe5112]

This is on the nail! (Ten years in Taiwan). Great comedy!

[@Jamescraigjohnson]

Soup dumplings are awesome :-) and stinky tofu is yummy!!

[@jameshepburn4631]

Amen to soup dumplings. I like the ones with pork best. Koreans make the best ones, better than the Chinese IMO.

[@roohamm2456]

Great Video!! Masterclass Raconteur!!🙏🌎🕊️💙

[@davidscottkrause1]

I took a Chinese friend to a Chinese restaurant in America. He didn't recognize any of the dishes (except plain rice). After the meal I gave him a fortune cookie, and he said, "What's this?"

[@misteryA555]

American Chinese food is fusion cuisine from a completely different culture. So of course they're different! XD

[@bethhc]

Chinese jokes? That’s a Japanese temple....on Oahu🤣

[@jimgaffigan]

Thanks for heads up. thumbnail changed

[@bethhc]

Can’t wait for this! My husband is ABC (American-Born Chinese)😂

[@geodez2959]

Obviously we're American and don't know the difference 😆.

[@roberthofmann8403]

@@bethhc Please explain. TIA

[@JoseGranny]

@@roberthofmann8403 come on man, your just trolling now.

[@pop5678eye]

14:48 Fun fact: the Japanese custom of frequently wearing a face mask when either being sick or avoiding getting sick can be traced back to the 1918 flu pandemic.

[@Noname-cn4ly]

I lived in China back in the 70’s…….the Chinese were fascinated with my families white skin covered with freckles and red hair….. always wanted to take a picture…. 😂😂

[@yeosch25i]

Anyone else ever get a piece of celeary string caught in their back tooth from eating Chinese?

[@garfieldhwa8957]

'don't think it's weather'...LOL, okay, that's a good shot

[@cassandra5390]

I love the fortune cookie crack!

[@loranv3435]

Luv family dinner. Donations. Food banks, are always great.

[@bfkennedy]

Jim is amazing! And I’m not saying that just because he is a renaissance man. 🦄

[@suebrown3465]

Judgemental pigs “ At least we're not that slob”!....good one

[@carolnelson5227]

OMG This guy makes me laugh.

[@therealHeaDKasE]

I love all your videos! I listen to them often in my car and at home. I really don’t know how to message you directly, but I just wanted to say that some of the videos volume is quiet or louder than others. I would take time to edit them for you if you want.❤ keep doing what you’re doing

[@paulrouth5997]

They have, or had, hole toilets at train stations in Italy. I was stationed in West Berlin and we had taken a train down through Vincenza, Italy and then a C130 to Sardinia for training.

[@AiNEntertainment101]

"I too am human." "Really?!" 😱 "Kind of." 🤷‍♂️ I laughed out loud in public - so, there is that. 😅🙈