Joey Diaz - How to get your dealer or attorney to pick up the phone

The Church of What's Happening Now
Episode 533
Joey Diaz, Lee Syatt, and guest Josh Wolf

[@demitrisolvinski]

Tried this with my attorney and he charged me a late fee...

[@decentsizedballs]

Taking life advice from a comedy podcast. Call that late fee a stupid tax.

[@davepetronovich4195]

Same, except my dealer told me to screw myself.

[@rrek7]

Demitri Solvinski Don’t pay it. He’ll pick up the phone 😉

[@ianmccombs7287]

It’s only doable for drugs on large scale. Like imagine you buy 2 grams but hand the guy $15, that $5 is a huge difference. But a $3000 deal and you give the guy $2800, the $200 still matters. He wants the 2800 too bad to tell you to fuck yourself.

[@ToxicatedLum]

90's were different

[@gabesavin]

My dealers literally too xann'ed out to remember I owe him half the time.

[@thesunbehindthesun1574]

Gabriel Savin hahaha fuck yes man I literally just agreed with you out loud. When I was shooting dope I had a dealer/friend like that. He would notice if it was like $100 or something but yeah...something small no. I'd usually have to remind him. Motherfucker pissed me off to no end though not being able to reach him until the last half of the day. Dude was too zonked on xans and dope to wake up before 2pm.

[@gabesavin]

Black Sun Sirius shit was frustrating as fuck. Even when you do finally meet..I'm pretty sure ive seen paint dry faster than a Bartard dealer trying to clock a sticky half g. Its almost like when you put peanut butter on a dogs nose and no matter how hard that pooch tries he can never get that last bit off

[@eriktruchinskas3747]

@@gabesavin dude dont get me fucking started. And when youre dopesick its 1000x worse. Our dealer who hooked it up would never pick up the phone but the sketchy mexican who ways shorted his balloons was always open and available from 10 to 8

[@seanreilly5940]

This dealer was so xanned out he passed out twice tryna serve me no bullshit

[@fungalape691]

Gabriel Savin lucky

[@Randy-Rhoades]

Lee's gasp after Joey explains how much he owed is literally the best thing about this video.

[@joanjones1373]

Brandon Kotvas you mean his little porno moan? oohhhh

[@alexsully2586]

Brandon Kotvas at 2:06?

[@Randy-Rhoades]

alex sully yes

[@entermayor1312]

alex sully Also 2.57 "Oooh"

[@1catmilkdrinker]

Lmfao

[@jennfischer959]

"If you owe your attorney $2500, give him $2250, he'll call you and you won't have to pay for it!" -thanks for the tip, Uncle Joey!

[@victordasilva5255]

Wisest words have never been spoken

[@bradleypatin9235]

Victor Da Silva Is that a joke?

[@ZombiesgameplayFTW]

You don’t know that the fuck you’re saying.... it’s WISER WORDS... not wisest...

[@wesleycooper1259]

WISER

[@enat5896]

Wiser bruh

[@enat5896]

Eschaton Zenith yeah bro cleaner than all my white friends hair

[@anttr4601]

Nowadays u gotta be real cool wit ur dealer to let him spot u.

[@dogmosatchmo]

Antt r You have always had to he cool with your guy to get a front. Even in the 80s. At the very least, a daily customer. If you ever have a front just given to you, best believe it comes with a cost.

[@albertonino2652]

This is Joey. His guys would probably spot him just to come bullshit with them.

[@TalkingThrones]

@@albertonino2652 Only a sucker would front Joey.

[@u5mon]

@@TalkingThrones thrones is that you? Subbed to your channel for some time now lol didnt expect to see you here good to see you have good taste 😂😂

[@Boog1137]

It’s pretty much always been that way but even more so today. I don’t think I’ve ever asked a dealer to spot me. My plug now probably would were real cool but even then, if I don’t got the dough I’m not getting high plain and soimple

[@TourettesOrc]

Always owing money sounds like a straight path to a beat down but I could be wrong. I never owed the wrong people money

[@thesunbehindthesun1574]

Tourettes Orc depends really, if shit is completely out of hand bad like owing thousands of dollars then yeah....be on the lookout. But $20, $50, $100 continuously and acting like an impatient prick on top of it expect to just get cut off.

[@phatcatmousekiller2768]

All depends on the amount

[@UNOwen-ih8mg]

It doesn’t, if you’re always good. And you’re drug dealer will help you as much as possible. I remember I would have money and he would front me and he would give me a week. And I’d paid him. There has to be mutual respect well as much as is expected between a junkie and a drug dealer.

[@dougbollacker5444]

People who buy on credit are good customers to begin with who usually don't need fronts but can have access to one if you forgot your wallet or something

[@thehermeticgnostic66]

nah it works if you have charisma and still give them some money in my expirience haha😂

[@barrackobama5470]

I love when dealer has a dog, at least it gives me something to do while I sit there awkwardly, plus when the dog loves you, the dealer likes you a little more

[@barrackobama5470]

Ya can also rob them a little easier when the dog likes you to

[@joshnorton498]

Are you still buying weed illegally? No one who deals real drugs lets you in the house.

[@barrackobama5470]

@@joshnorton498 not all the world is legal you know. And yes they do

[@joshnorton498]

@@barrackobama5470 Not if they want to last.

[@Lui.sito15]

Thanks Obama

[@redram5150]

My dad was a plumber who dealt with a builder he HATED who always did this. Guinea South Philly contractor always jerking him around. “Oh, I owed you $7500? I got $6700. By the way...”

[@karimmoop9560]

Was he in da mob?

[@mr.fukk12]

Contractors always play that shit. They will tell ya by the end of the day they’ll have this much than the homeowner didn’t pay than next thing you hear is he’s out of town or some shit

[@jameswaterson501]

“You don’t have to go to your dudes house and sit on the couch when you don’t really like him” I feel like that’s Pineapple Express

[@ericbailey3356]

Yeah it sounds like the closest to a dealer he had was a friend that had to bring him to the dealer because he didn't personally know him. He was the weird awkward kid sitting on the couch trying to force his attention to the dog because he only kinda knows one guy in the room, but he has to sit through everybody shooting the shit for a minute or two because he wants to buy some weed

[@sneakysealpuptv9379]

My exact thought

[@kiprodgers6421]

Josh wolfs fucking laugh is so fucking contagious lol

[@pimplepopper5098]

*4:26** DID HE JUST LET ONE OUT?*

[@johnchaney9100]

Sound like it hurt.

[@rayraym.2526]

Ofcourse he did! Sounded wet too

[@andrewalvear6146]

That nigga did

[@dorianpaisley-smith303]

Lmfaooo yooooo

[@josephdaniels8162]

He stays busting ass

[@hatednyc]

This is a trick you learn quick as an addict. I ALWAYS owed SOMETHING and yes, they always answered for me.

[@shawnmcdoge2215]

Bro right?! Joey was speaking some real truth here

[@bubsthecat3738]

I love how hard Wolf laughed when he realized how right he was.

[@jjking9513]

Tried this with my dealer, currently awaiting a knee replacement

[@darthkek1953]

Rule number #2 - always owe your dealer money Rule number #1 - always get a dealer who is weaker than you

[@ButterBallTheOpossum]

@@darthkek1953 You dont have to be strong to beat someone with a bat or pull a trigger lol

[@freddyj1728]

🤣🤣

[@clownmoshpit2778]

I've only ever met dealers that wouldn't take anything but the full price upfront.

[@JerryDaBes]

Pay em full price a few times until they trust you

[@RJCE420]

Joey is 100% on this one. My Plug is a friend (doesn't answer or call). So if I want an oz. I borrow movies, games ect and bring back it to his house🤣

[@TombstoneChris]

He's right any seasoned veteran in the drug game knows that you always know your dealer at least way I did it 20. Because they're all about money and even that 20 means a lot to them. Because when you call them to score again they going to pick up the phone they're going to serve you even if you don't have the entire amount you don't let him know until you get there. Call em owing nothing and it takes hours upon hours to get ahold of them. I don't know what being a veteran in the game is a good thing or bad but I'm still alive I'm still ticking I'm still going on and I'm having the best possible time that I can.

[@Charliepinman]

this is actually GREAT advice

[@ashleyp287]

I absolutely love Joey Diaz. He's fucking hilarious. Everything he says is fucking hilarious

[@thegoldenboy294]

Joey is a national treasure.

[@mikeoxsbigg1]

Lees random gasps... love it.

[@YourFavoritePO]

😂😂 this is hilarious. I'm glad it was on my recommended!!!

[@garrettyoung2745]

Joey Diaz you remind me of someone who would pay all their court fees in pennies 🤣😂

[@str8904]

Lee's sound effects are one the best things about the podcast.

[@OFFTHECOUCH365]

Joey !!! OG advice - thank you..

[@marzunca]

The High n’ Dry cover on the wall🤘🏼☠️

[@thunderdragon2186]

Love Joey diaz

[@dogmosatchmo]

Decided to try this out...And I have to say, I'm surprised how well this worked. Changed the game for me..

[@regrettheprophet]

Dogmo Satchmo lol

[@tampatony7821]

Great knowledge

[@marsfuture187]

Joey is still the goat.. great stand up

[@FieldTripChaperone]

You want someone to pick up? Owe money. This guy is a treasure chest

[@alexandertheconqueror2045]

Joey is the GOAT

[@ufocallermanuelp]

A real veteran. I couldnt buy this knowledge

[@baseballer21and0]

"I'm shitting and I'm smoking at the same time"

[@ToddieBender]

The genius of Diaz has no off switch.

[@dv2033]

Lmao Joey you nailed it!! Lmao

[@jeffreysinkler4135]

Omg that's brilliant

[@timgmail6549]

The King!

[@Rushmore222]

An attorney not "being allowed" to bill you for time if he initiates the call, is one of the most inane things Joey has uttered in awhile.

[@hyperstormy976]

rushmore IV they can’t if they call you

[@EnlightenedRogue24]

Hyper Stormy - You know nothing about attorney billing, son. ☝️🥴

[@derfrosch1487]

Need the waaaabulance? Need to call whine 11?

[@clawabidingcitizen]

@@EnlightenedRogue24 Doesn't look like you do either.

[@imshaunnurse]

It's considered soliciting.

[@saltress1126]

Joey “The Genius” Diaz This Man could school the world 🌎 lmfao thanks for being you! ❤️👍😂🤣😭💋

[@Jezierox]

This is gold

[@az1341]

Musiccccc brings the peopleeee togetherrrr

[@juanmarquez6933]

😂😂😂 Joey is dead on right!! Always owe them so they can answer!!

[@1RebelDog1]

"he sends you a bill for 2500, u send him 2250" fuckin lololol

[@AKidNamedAlan]

Legend 😂

[@yogibear5234]

My plug was my neighbor... old guy... now I always paid him in full .. one day I paid him with coins and he sensed i was broke and put so much weed in the zip that it couldn't close... I hope he's still there when I go back

[@cneddy22]

I hate when dealers try to burn you too especially over one transaction... it’s like ya you got money off me but I’m not coming back.... just treat me right and I’ll see you every time and you’ll make way more money in the long run

[@DREWTampa1]

cneddy22 for real!

[@SenorEmborracho]

Nah there's plenty other people to sell to instead of broke little bitches

[@fredg2777]

LOL always hard to find my guy but he always hits me up in the morning

[@enat5896]

Fr ed G just for weed or some other shit? I’m in the same boat I get a call at 9 am like clockwork

[@chrismcdorman8678]

Awesome to hear relatable stories lmao

[@bensonhedges479]

Joey knows how to do it, pro right ere

[@tmoney3198]

I’m an attorney and can confirm that if you owe me money, I will take your call 😏

[@peppercat8718]

LOL

[@ZombiesAteMyGF]

I've never watched a Joey Diaz video sober, ever.

[@rhindy6846]

Joey is a genius. He knows how to play the game. True OG of the games

[@ChristAliveForevermore]

That "pineapple express reference" at 3:33 isn't a reference at all. It's common weed etiquette. Any college amateur learns this way of life real quick if he wants a doobie before dawn tomorrow.

[@defaultusername123]

Michael Asta It’s also a real dickhead move to be a little bitch like that to someone who invites you into their home. Regardless of whether you “like them or not”, be nice for 15 fuckin minutes get your bag and you’re gone til next time

[@reeferrick2635]

@@defaultusername123 found the dealer

[@gangland479]

@@reeferrick2635 I found the junky

[@reeferrick2635]

@@gangland479 you're damn right

[@davidsnyder2000]

😄 Absolutely the best advice ever lol 😆

[@robertfernandez2278]

Genius!!!😂

[@fadeaway6699]

I've Been doing this for ages now lol

[@missscreamwhore]

Uncle Joey is the best

[@hq4166]

No, way joey that my fav comedian ⭐️

[@coolinism]

I tried that shit with a dealer once when I turned up short and his simple response was, don’t make me get violent 😳 that was my time to bounce empty handed 😩

[@OkOk-xx8it]

dan coolinism DAY 1 no credit cause its mixing bad bizz n exit plan's...guns they dont play

[@imshaunnurse]

Yeah you gotta build a relationship first. And understanding you get paid. Once you fall behind they think you're hooked and will keep your debt in line because you want to get high. I've walked into places as a fresh face and get ripped off with shit quality weed. So when I had one dude who was consistent and understood I was showing up there cuz everyone else shit sucked that door opened real quick

[@andrewdenine1685]

Hahahaha thanks for the tip 😜

[@mattclark8535]

He is absolutely right it’s all about etiquette.

[@c4pt1n54no]

No better feeling than clearing a bong while you're taking a shit.

[@AwakeningEnthusiast]

Haha he's brilliant!

[@Mr.Jtea3]

Right when this video starts bro you look like Chris sale in the shadow lol

[@samwich417uselton6]

Uncle Joey with the street wisdom

[@trevorgerard5212]

Damn coco you the truth mane respect brother

[@7eis]

Thought the guy in the cap was deadmau5 for a second or two

[@jeffreymoran6234]

Uncle Joey you need to start charging money for the game you giving these people some if thus shit is priceless tho Uncle Joey is speaking in the 100% truth.

[@nickmagrick7702]

shit thats actually good advice

[@04dram04]

This is smart

[@Chales023]

Josh almost went, word for word. Of Seth Rogen in pineapple express lol

[@ashleyirwin1320]

100% truth lol😂👌

[@bradbeining3341]

I wish I would have thought of that back in the day

[@MattSkylar]

2:06 and 2:55. You're welcome.

[@hankthecowgirl]

Hahahha

[@hankthecowgirl]

Fuckin lee lol

[@albertonino2652]

haaa aa a

[@MugenFuu]

Thank you lol

[@Islamivan]

2:53

[@amberwkly3747]

LIFE LESSONSSSS FROM JOEY D!

[@leovevo5287]

He lucky he gettin that ball 180 lmao

[@TexaStunna187]

Coco is a mad genius

[@GabrielPerez-cn9bb]

If you want them to pick up the phone, owe them money

[@eraserhead12]

All my dealers are anonymous

[@andrewd1923]

Uncle Joey learning us something

[@omgurheadsgone]

GazB85 it’s a joke...

[@videomanemedia8649]

What years were that

[@Jux1401]

The truth.

[@fast4179]

I'm going to try this with my Dui classes

[@shottadaman6747]

😂😂😂

[@NEUTRALDROP]

Owe them some money that's how you get your attorney or dealer to pick up the phone or anyone else for that matter

[@claytonjepsen9690]

NEUTRAL DROP what’s the point of the comment

[@NEUTRALDROP]

@@claytonjepsen9690 the point is once you pay someone and you don't owe them any more money you're no good to them anymore if you owe them money they want to answer the phone so then you can give them the money that you owe them it's as simple as that and it's a fact if you want your lawyer to show up to court on time every time I owe him some money if you pay him in full he doesn't care about going to your court date let me know if you get the point now

[@reeferrick2635]

Thanks, it's like we watched the same video

[@thomasmohan9565]

You’re a real fan if you know this was a Monday.

[@anilgill6846]

Savage!!

[@juliand9346]

If I could make one wish before I die.. I wish Joey would wake me up with a call at 730 lol

[@34ey5drift8]

when i sold it was like a job from 12-24 i was open lol

[@thejessman1460]

He’s totally right, be a good customer and then ask them to front. Wait a while and they’re blow up your phone/voicemail.

[@jamescrosco9601]

Ben doin this for years lol all my bud dealers pissed hahaha

[@thisguy1890]

Preach. Control your own power.

[@sosababy338]

They hold our money hostage lol

[@yowiewowie2663]

I noticed most drug dealers have dogs

[@shottadaman6747]

To warn if popo coming

[@yankees29]

Security system.

[@evelinotiger6107]

This guy is like my uncle lol.

[@jacobmortimore]

Never owe anyone money. Then you're truly free

[@davidsummers268]

They always knew lol u aint that slick

[@JessyJ318]

Cuban gangster 🙌🏻💙

[@LolLordy]

gotta remember that it's a dealers job to help you out ---> more business for them. you can push it a lot further than you think - they need customers as much as you need a hookup

[@samabdow7598]

4:45 - Very important point Joey made here, listen carefully