Harvard Professor: The Real Reason Marriages Fall Apart (with Dr. Arthur Brooks)

[@TPeack21]

I got engaged 9 days after meeting my husband. We got married 2 months later. I was 18. Next week, we will be married 36 years. ❤

[@saraperez4870]

❤ met my husband at 17, he went into the military 2 months later. Ran away 5 days before my 18th birthday to be with him. 2 daughters, 3 deployments totally 25 months. I was a stay at home mom with he was in the military while I went to school and when he got out of the military, I became a teacher and him a police officer. 10 years as a teacher and now I am again a stay at home mom and my husband is the chief of police. Both of us were high school drop outs. Celebrating our 20 years this year! I love my love bug! We are blessed! He is such a good man and I try to be the best woman for him and only him.

[@RachelSings21]

Gosh you’re lucky. A lot of narcissists love bomb and tie people in early…I’m glad it worked out for you though for sure!

[@dougwalters3644]

Really lucky....count your blessings!

[@hesaaah3805]

How did you know he was the one? How were you not afraid he wouldn’t turn out to be a completely different person?

[@hesaaah3805]

I’m just so afraid of trusting guys that look like cheaters and I feel like most do. Past experience and it didn’t go well.

[@PoeticjusticeQueen]

I love when men come together to talk about MEANINGFUL deep conversation! We’re sick of the podcast Bros! This is what we need more of!! Great conversations !! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@analozada9475]

🙌💯

[@cristalcruzzin1756]

I’m sick of podcasts gurls. Cant stand that women don’t have meaningful conversations. It’s always caddy and superficial. He needs to be this this and that. So annoying

[@StoicJohny]

@@PoeticjusticeQueen so you need weak men? No thats what you think and say you want, the moment you have some weak man that “Show feelings” and do dishes and all that nonsense, you all proceed to not respect that man in the long run because in reality what you deep down inside wanted and needed was a big strong man that held everything together and enforced the necessary values. So no we don’t need weak men spewing nonsense driving testosterone levels even lower than they already are.

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

@@cristalcruzzin1756 CATTY..🐈… as cat fights..😘😘😘

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

But I knew whatcha meant..🥰🥰🥰

[@thomasgerace4354]

In my late 50's. Married 32+ years to a girl I met when she was 16 and I was 18. No infidelities. No divorces. 3 grown daughters. I consider myself "happily married" but it certainly wasn't always happy/perfect. We stuck it out through the difficult times, we never wanted to hurt each other intentionally. We never confused "being in love" with "being happy". Happiness is a fleeting feeling, you can be happy, unhappy, sad, angry, etc over the course of a single day. Even when we were not "happy" for an extended period, we both admit that we still "loved" each other and wanted things to get better. Don't get obsessed with how "happy" you are (or or not). A shared Faith and belief in our vows. That was our core. I called the 30's-40's "The Hump"...when the kids are most demanding, when money was tightest, when we were too tired, anxious, busy to treat each other the way we each deserved to be treated. When the most temptation to stray happened....if you can get past "The Hump" without doing anything you can't forgive each other for....things will get better. Hang on. One of the biggest hurdles we all face as married people...the decline in sex...is the biggest issue for men when going over "The Hump". In that mix is hormonal birth control, which was a BIG factor for my wife. All you young married folks...be aware. The whole "she needs you to be X (romantic/loving/etc)" to have sex and "you need sex to feel romantic/loving/etc toward her...vs resentful that she hasn't touched you in weeks" is a THING. You need to talk about it, schedule it, do something about it or it will eat your relationship alive. I still love my wife now as much as I did when she was my beautiful 20-something yo bride. It's been as close to a "Storybook Romance" as reality can provide. But it was absolutely NOT a "Happily Ever After" story. Western media...especially romance/rom-com's...has been a HUGE problem for our society IMO. I (personally) hesitate to give too much advice to people though, IMO a lot of my marriage success boils down to personality similarities and (since we were so young when we started) "growing together" over the years. We joke that we share "one brain cell" at this point because we constantly say exactly what the other was thinking at the time. Certainly there is "work" and decisions that can improve the odds of success, but there is also simply the somewhat random factor of choosing someone compatible. Our political views have always been 90-98% identical. We were both Catholics. We vacillated between being practicing Catholics and Catholic only in name over the years but returned to being regular parishioners several years ago. Divorce was never an option. Both of us have said as much to each other. Neither of us were "partiers" in our day, nor heavy drinkers. Neither of us frequently went on "trips" without the other. I would go hiking/camping/hunting with my boys...never on a Vegas Trip. She would occasionally go on a vacation with her Mom and Sister and Aunts and cousins...never went to Aruba with a gaggle of single or divorced GF's. No "friends" of the opposite sex. While my guy friends are certainly her "friends" there's no situation where she would ever be alone with any of them without me around. Or would make "dates" to do something with a guy. Nor would I do that with another woman. Something else my wife has said ...women... beware of your friends. If you have divorced, unhappily married, single and looking friends they can be a poison for your marriage. In the end I think the most important factor is that we always loved each other. Even at the absolute worst moment..or the worst argument..we NEVER said anything hateful to each other. The things I have heard other couples say to each other in the heat of battle...wow. We would never have said such things. Words influence thoughts which influence actions. Be very careful with what you say to each other. Make good choices. Marry for the right reasons. Commit. Be Faithful. Persevere.

[@Bebemoncoeur]

Thank you so much for this! Wow… What incredible insight, and it’s wonderful to hear from someone who’s had a very successful, love and friendship filled marriage. My husband and I got together when we were 26 years old and we are both almost 40 now. We knew each other for two years before getting together, and I completely agree with you: friendship and liking the other person is absolutely crucial. I remember when I first met my husband That after hearing a sentence come out of his mouth, I instantly felt 100% safe around him, like I could trust him with absolutely anything and he would guard it. It was a wild thing to feel that about a complete stranger, but there it was. We have certainly gone through highs and lows, but one thing is for sure: he is my favorite person, my best friend, and I love him as a person more than anything. Your relationship sounds very similar to ours, just years ahead of where we are. I feel so grateful that our relationship was built on a bedrock of friendship and camaraderie instead of fireworks, as previous relationships have been. Marriage is hard work at times, but it’s so much easier when it’s your best friend. Thank you again for sharing. ❤

[@abarnes8718]

Beautiful ❤️

[@JayS-j9d]

It’s been very damaging to me to realize my wife has no libido anymore. That’s just not acceptable for me. She just wants to be a mom-fine. Then I’ll go elsewhere

[@andreammr1691]

I’m a divorced Catholic woman with three teen boys and my husband left me for someone he met while traveling for work. Before you judge divorced women, please think we are not all a gaggle of bikini clad sex chasers. That’s horribly judgmental and exactly why divorced people feel excluded and abandoned by their faith community. I’ve had two friends (women) who completely stopped being my friend when they found out I was separated and headed towards divorce. I believe that they thought I was a threat to their marriage because I am friendly, smart, kind and attractive. It’s the craziest thing! I was able to lean on a couple of real, long time friends through the past few years. I think about how the friends who left me when I needed them the most and feel sorry for them now. I think that they have such low self esteem that they can’t trust their husbands. I hope you understand that not all divorced women are running around trying to steal other women’s husbands and convince their friends to leave their husbands. That is simply inaccurate.

[@saskiaambagtsheer9557]

​@@JayS-j9dNo woman will have libido long-term with a man who uses her as an excuse to cheat on her. Your cheating is a reflection of your character, nothing else. Her lack of interest in you is understandable. She would be a fool to be attracted to you.

[@catylovesjesus9609]

Best advice I received when I got married 41 years ago was from my Uncle. He said, love will come and go so be sure you're friends. The best advice ever... I love my husband even when he drives me crazy cuz I still really like him.

[@BettyVeronica2.0]

Agreed! You can fall in and out of love, but if you still like each other, you'll survive the toughest times. 🙂💜

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

@catylovesjesus9609 Praise God! I pray for a marriage like this 🙏🏿 ❤️

[@sitka49]

​​@@BettyVeronica2.0well I'm not sure if I've ever seen two people that stopped liking each other that were friends that stayed and continue to stay friends. You might put your best foot forward for sake of family, but there's going to be a lot of Silent days and nights.

[@brendarewan7441]

I disagree “ like” leaves if you don’t “love”. Because bad behaviors can make you not like someone. Love and being “in” love are different ideals.

[@rosettemarshall3024]

Love is a commitment, it goes nowhere

[@honieebean]

Finding someone with matching core values is what will help get through the storms of life 🥰

[@SherriFlemming]

@@honieebean Yes. Compatibility is: Shared values, beliefs, character, disposition, emotional maturity, a blendable lifestyle, worldview and shared goals .

[@LZed-g4k]

@@honieebean I agree. Well said.

[@julieb7785]

Absolutely. Managing money, ethical behavior at work and in day-to-day life, a sense of empathy and charity, et c.

[@Ren4U2]

This is where I made my mistake.

[@graftme3168]

​@@SherriFlemmingThat sounds like a lot to match up.

[@kimberlypeck9906]

Married 39.4 years when my husband passed 3 years ago. What drew me to my husband was his outlook, positive, go get em, humorous, light hearted Ness. He was a youngest boy of 4 sisters, he also had a disability. I met him when I was a senior in college, I was divorced, 2 small sons, owned my home, debt free, survived 3rd degree burns as a toddler. My husband had a brittle bone disease. We had common obstacles growing up that was out biggest connection. Both were go getters, overcommers. That's a trait that can tip to positive or negative depending how it's used. This marriage info would of helped us beyond our counsel and friends advise.

[@instahamx684]

So sorry for the loss of your husband. ❤ You sound like an amazing wife to remember him so thoughtfully and in response to such a meaningful conversation about true love. Hoping all your most beautiful memories bring you great comfort and peace.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

@kimberleypeck9906 what an enduring love ❤️ I'm terribly sorry for your loss 🙏🏿

[@Portia620]

🙏😢

[@brendarewan7441]

Seems like whatever you did helped you make it to those many years. Until death. Maybe you two were determined to love each other no matter what.

[@worksmarts]

My husband proposed on our 2nd date, 8 weeks after we met. I said yes with no hesitation. Our engagement was more than 2 years as we were still in school and committed to our education. We've been married 57 years.

[@ubeinhip]

My husband proposed after 1 month, 8 weeks after we met. I said yes with hesitation. We got married in 6 month and 20 days after marriage the nightmare started and we are getting divorce now.

[@Madidahoan]

"We get a better world when people fall in love and stay in love." Boom, Amen, Hallelujah

[@Portia620]

I think many want this but so many being used sadly

[@Portia620]

@@rachelsvlog-cookinggardeni8299it’s a sacrifice and that is why many can’t do it as they don’t vet the person well before marriage and not dedicated to move past all bad times and grow together which takes two very strong individuals that are educating themselves often .it takes two in love and tenacious people that work hard to stay awesome for each other.

[@stargazerlily_1978]

Marriage is a beautiful sacrament and vocation ....it's hard work. Protect your marriage from the outside. Talk to each other.

[@ElimEx1]

No it's not. It's a business arrangement with a penalty if you break the contract. Nothing more. Nothing in the paperwork you signed mentioned sacrament or vocation. That's fluff used to control you by religion.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Challenges in relationships are a normal part of life, but there’s always a path forward. My marriage encountered major difficulties, but with proper guidance, my wife and I managed to resolve our issues and deepen our connection. If you’re willing to put in the work and collaborate, solutions are always within reach. Keep hope alive; there are answers out there.

[@GodfreyKelz]

I’m facing serious problems in my relationship and can’t stand the thought of losing her. I love and miss my partner greatly and am willing to do whatever it takes to have her back. Any advice or guidance you can provide would be deeply appreciated.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Saying goodbye to someone you cherish is consistently difficult, yet in my case, I received support from a spiritual advisor who kept my marriage intact. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@GodfreyKelz]

I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that following this path will bring about positive outcomes for me too; I long for her deeply.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Welcome

[@uhhggg9335]

@@LeonardEarnshawyou cheated 😂😂😂

[@hollytalbott7291]

My ex lied through his teeth about having the same goals and values that I did. I finally told him divorce or counseling, you pick. At nearly 20 years of marriage he told the marriage counselor that from the first year we were married I had been a nightmare to live with with! Even I was shocked with that statement! When the ex quit counseling, the counselor told me my husband was a narcissist. That sure explained a lot of things.

[@kalimbaayinde25]

Mine too. Now, l am checked out mentally

[@BobSmith-w7r]

My ex was this way too. Finally after 7 years I left. I was lucky to not marry or have kids with him.

[@matrixxxx6263]

Run Run Run!!!

[@sha2596]

I could have written this. Married 15 years and together 17. He told me when we were divorcing that he had disliked me for years. Why marry someone you don’t like?😕😔 Jokes on him because he’s still miserable, but I’ve never been as joyful or felt as free to be me as I have been these 5 years after our divorce!

[@christinabeck9316]

I wish my therapist, and my daughter’s, had been that blunt with me. Would have saved me years of engaging and being gaslit and abused. As soon as I realized it (and recalled the ways the therapists referred to him) I gray rocked and I’ve been able to control my exposure (we have kids).

[@Jonnybrooks-c7n]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@DorothyAngers]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

[@Jonnybrooks-c7n]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@DorothyAngers]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@Jonnybrooks-c7n]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@rosmawatiramli]

Spiritual is evil. Move on except ur mistakes.

[@ChelGriffith]

This is lovely. I’m completely secular and this is one of the very few places where I can tell the religious folks are genuinely warm, inclusive and nonjudgmental. I wish the world could clone you guys… there should be more people like you. ❤

[@withtimecomesgrace]

Remember, Jesus didn't come to condemn the world but to serve it 🎉

[@love2scoobysnack]

It can be hard for some religious people to express contempt for the sin and love for the sinner. It can also be hard for people to recognize when contempt is directed at their behavior and not them personally.

[@mukuzChannel]

​@withtimecomesgrace tell that to Christians

[@zeal4god402]

You still gotta repent

[@lafayetteplace3031]

Interesting because the top liked comment is from a Christian bigot who thinks he has the right to decide who can and cannot get married. Will you address how Christians think they have the right to control other people's marriages?

[@zeal4god402]

Homes tend to increase in value, when the inside and outside is maintained and upgraded. It's the same for marriage

[@TheDavidcora]

I love that! How is it that society puts more emphasis on a thing than a marriage!

[@joetheboy04]

Source of this quote? Or was it from your brilliant mind?

[@zeal4god402]

@joetheboy04 😊 thank you. It's from my mind I'm continually cultivating

[@nt895]

@@zeal4god402Me & my husband are slowly fixing a fixer upper & my marriage is more important than that. Doing that works better with a happy marriage. It requires time sacrifices money sacrifices and physical work and soreness so it’s a great analogy because it works metaphorically and practically.

[@Portia620]

Truths!!! Both people working on it!!

[@michellegossett4178]

Marriage, like parenthood, is a ministry. You have to have a servants heart towards your spouse. This is a great episode! I’ve shared it with several people!

[@allisoncassidy1929]

Love that!! It’s how we could live life - being in service of what serves love & expansion in life.

[@vickyoli]

Thank you for this convo! Im so tired of these “therapist” from Tiktok or people tagging people as monsters, disgusting, narcissistic… everything today is either white and black. It’s either all or nothing, and they forget that people are people.

[@SherriFlemming]

Social media is very toxic. 90% is fake.

[@ipaycloseattention]

Except for the Dark Triads he mentions. I'm not sure they're actually people. If you've never been steamrolled by one of them, consider yourself blessed.

[@TeresaLipot]

@vickyoli, Some people do have Character Disorders like Narcissism, Borderline, etc. and they are impossible to stay in a relationship, with ANY self-preserving person, due to their persistent ABUSIVE behavior. There is a psychological test which can confirm such diagnoses. A Christian Marriage Counselor

[@kathimcdonald3174]

My husband and I have been married 42 years this November 2024! Lots of work, love and working together. Home paid in full, 3 grown children who are now, 40, 39 and 36! Three grandsons! I can’t tell you how each day it is imperative to pray as often as possible! We have same values and goals. ❤️🙏🏻❤️

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

Congratulations ❤

[@kcl6627]

You sound just like my parents. They've been married 42 yrs, they have 3 grown kids ages 40, 38, and 36. They have 3 grandchildren, but one is a girl. I did have to check the details because I was wondering if my parents were watching this. Haha! All the best to you.

[@SherriFlemming]

Congratulations! ❤️

[@lucasshill8780]

Old

[@qr5vy]

My husband and I were married on our three month anniversary. I can't believe we were so quick, it now blows my mind but it seemed so natural then. I certainly would have advised my child against it, cause, in retrospect, it seems absolutely nuts. But we were older, had a lot of life experience, had been consciously single by choice for years and our respective children were the priority for both of us. We just knew we were so right for each other, we just knew we were home. We had the same outlook on life, despite the difference in character, the same values and the same goals. This remains the absolute best decision many years later. We are united in adversity and bring out the best in each other. I absolutely believe I wouldn't be the person I am today without his support and encouragement. He celebrates me as I am so I feel safe and loved. He says the same, that I expanded his mind and honor who he is. I am very grateful that later in life I found space to flourish after years of bad, bad things.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

Congratulations ❤️

[@heidiluotolahti4305]

Heee! We were faster! 2 months and one week from first meeting💛

[@SherriFlemming]

Older and life experience is wise. Same values and goals are important.

[@maryva867]

So beautiful. I hope to find someone like that. Thanks for sharing

[@biffm.2806]

This is so interesting. My sister was having marriage problems, and my advice to her was to spend more one on one time with her husband. That didn’t happen..and they ended up divorced. My husband and I prioritize our time alone to reconnect. Just 30 mins can make a big difference.

[@danielleo6855]

Both people have to want to spend time together, also if that time together is damaging they would have needed help with gaining skills to improve thier communication. Im saying this because my husband and I have quite a bit of time together but its not quality time due to a combination of my own issues with not feeling emotionally safe and his issues with being emotionally unavailable.

[@biffm.2806]

@@danielleo6855 yes, communication is also extremely important.

[@mnw5240]

@@danielleo6855 Exactly, people like to think there’s some simple elixir like “spend time together” when there is usually more to it and really dependent on the particular relationship between the two people involved.

[@kimbrown5024]

Both have to want it. One of the two cannot do all the work and giving.

[@zero1188]

Most people marry people they dont like. Spending time together is torture

[@auntkami]

I clicked to hear his science on marriage but I *realllllly* liked the discussion about the influence of faith on biology. Thank you!

[@smania7575]

Been married for 13 years and I think my husband and I got to the companionate love fairly quickly. We were friends before dating, so we had that connection already. We've been through rough times where we both thought divorce might be on the table. But, worked through it. When we came out the other side of the struggles, we were a stronger couple, had a stronger bond, and were even better friends. I can say I love my husband more today than I when I married him and I think it was because we went through hardships together.

[@TereseTamminen]

There is SO MUCH GOOD in this conversation! I'm working to be a 'happiness teacher'! ❤ Thank you Dr. Brooks and Dr. John!

[@zukondis]

This is the only type of dating content that people should consume, the how do I manage and nurture my relationship. As prep for the one that's coming, or maintenance and improving the one you got. The cancer that's the popular modern dating content is all about dating and initial attraction. What's the point of nailing the interview (dating) when you will end up fired or quitting the job (relationship) once you are in it? That's how pointless that content is. All sorts of alarms should be going off when you meet someone and they seem perfect initially, mostly being you need to work on yourself first before inviting others into your life.

[@StoicJohny]

@@zukondis yea but John’s advice constantly suggests a man should leave his balls at the door and be a weak puppet no matter how ball busting the wife is, no room for real men in all his analisyss

[@Portia620]

90 percent or more no doubt are perfect in begging and no one unless atypical are authetic! I know this and even authetic people put best foot forward! It’s and interview so don’t be unrealistic! True colors always show.

[@SherriFlemming]

The first meeting is "The Resume.' Discernment. Due diligence.

[@p.ram24]

Marriages fail because love has turned into an emotion. Love is self sacrificing and people dont want to sacrifice anything anymore. We have turned to worshipping ourselves.

[@leedlbagginshield8492]

A lot of people have been burned and betrayed in the past or have seen others getting screwed over in relationships. Most people have become very suspicious and careful about whom they commit to because you can lose so much. So they protect their hearts and resources and focus more on themselves. I can’t blame them to be honest.

[@TPeack21]

Having lost a child, I can confirm exactly what they are saying. I love to help others. Especially those who have also had that same type of loss.

[@doreen3763]

We buried our child in 2021.. it’s heartbreaking as you know.

[@TPeack21]

@@doreen3763 I am so sorry you have to go through this. Words don’t help ease the pain, but it really just sucks. Here is what I know: it’s so stinking hard. It will be okay. Time softens the heartbreak but it never goes away. I now have a perspective that most people don’t, and the blessings we have received as a direct result of losing her have been incredible. So with as hard as it is and as much as I want my girl (20 yrs old) back, I wouldn’t want to lose that perspective and the blessings. We know where she is. It has been the pleasure of my life to be her mom. God is so good. Even in the hard. Especially in the hard.

[@tabithakinner2407]

My daughter will have passed away a year ago in October, God definitely heals your heart but you are a new person after that experience for sure

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

I'm so sorry for all your losses 🙏🏿❤️

[@Portia620]

My friends and parents lost children. Tramatic and my heart and line go to you all. Friends lost two of their three children and I don’t know how they get out of bed! They are the most amazing people and glad they are close to God. I’m so worried about them.🙏🙏🙏. Prays for all. 😢

[@eleniderez860]

My hubby is hilarious and we like the same things. It's the glue that keep us together in difficult times

[@AaaBbb-pg8lj]

Delony just cannot keep his mouth shut and let others speak. Dr Brooks has so much expertise and truly useful, helpful information to contribute and Delony is constantly interrupting with his “me, me, me” comments and self-referential stories and examples. I wish he would stop this and let the guests do what they are there to do.

[@Pikachewblee]

Seems like a nice guy but good lord he definitely needs to stop interrupting. He can’t seem to help himself 😂

[@gthomas3609]

Deloney is excited. Dont muzzle him

[@Shagram5]

Not to mention the vocal fry.

[@doloreshayden1274]

I was married at 18 and now married 41 years.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

Congratulations ❤️

[@valdius85]

A happiness prof has a bigger biceps than an ex soldier 😂❤ Great content. Thank you both for your hard work.

[@1bluegreen2]

Wow .... such a thoughtful and intelligent comment -_-

[@nt895]

@@1bluegreen2just really focused on the right things

[@FrankS111]

Because a large segment of the population think love is a Disney fairytale and have been told as such. Love is a decision and dedication. A large segment thinks it is their partner’s responsibility to make them happy. A large segment thinks that it is their partner’s responsibility to constantly date them and give them “butterflies”. Once that goes away they get bored and think it’s all about “their happiness”

[@karenalves1156]

Best comment ever!

[@Gotoworkkk]

Perfectly said!!!

[@prettyclassyladyOG]

Why should I live with someone who doesn't make me happy?

[@Gotoworkkk]

@@SarahConnor562 spot on!

[@lilyrowlett5624]

This almost true. The biggest lie I was sold is the butterflies, love fade. It does take dedication to the relationship on both sides. Growth, together and separate. It’s something you keep alive together. It’s fun, exciting and let me tell you after 16 short years, the best feeling in this universe is being close to my husband. Don’t believe the lie. make your relationships better.

[@Ell5589]

I love listening to you John, I also would love to listen to your guests, you have a habit of overtaking them. I so wanted to hear more of what he was saying. ❤

[@willjean1614]

A couple of times the guy is saying something really important he stopped the momentum

[@Emmanuelbidi]

@@Ell5589 😂 I got so pissed. So self absorbed

[@Ell5589]

@@Emmanuelbidi I don’t believe he’s self absorbed, I know he’s mentioned he has ADD, and that can definitely do it. I think he’s a great, well meaning guy.

[@brendarewan7441]

@@Ell5589 He’s an educated man. He can learn how to control himself.

[@outdoorbasicph3238]

Unfortunately notice this too.

[@freeandfabulous4310]

I’m a family therapist and I’ve always appreciated Dr Brooks! Going to use his research on resilience and love with my clients !

[@makesnodifference]

You should be using John Gottman instead. Arthur Brooks has no background in psychology or family therapy. He's a business major whose area of expertise is economics. Even Esther Perel is better than this guy.

[@SherriFlemming]

Family Therapy is a tough job! Some great insights on this podcast. The Gottmans are excellent.

[@picardy7488]

@@makesnodifference Except that she's an infidelity apologist

[@makesnodifference]

@@picardy7488 Huh? are you on the wrong thread?

[@picardy7488]

@@makesnodifference You mentioned Esther Perel - she wrote "The State of Affairs" which I can't agree with. She doesn't address the notion that loving someone is incompatible with hurting them.

[@jgallegos1745]

My wife and I dated for 10 months, Were engaged for 6 months and got married a month after I graduated college. 🎓 We have now been married 10 years and we are each other's best friend. 😅

[@sarahsaddler5015]

I LOVE the interviews! Thank you for doing more of them.

[@ElizeCloete]

The only way I could make sense of the loss of a baby, was to go back to do a Master's degree to understand more and help other women. I was only able to let go of the guilt and pain after 10 years.

[@Charity-vm4bt]

Elise, it is good you did that. I learned women carry cells from their babies their entire lives in their brain and heart areas. We carry them with us and never forget them. The other aspect is the culture not understanding trauma-informed care and grieving. We always think of the child’s age each year. Now we have resources to honor our children and ourselves. Men do not remember biologically in the same way. They can move on.

[@ashleykaufmann3540]

I absolutely love this. Is this why opposites attract because my husband and I are completely opposite except the main things in life- religion, money, family. I talk and he’s quiet.

[@SherriFlemming]

Alignment in the important things.

[@justacoginthefkery]

Agreed. My bf & I are totally mismatched. 10 yr age gap, different cultures, hobbies, tastes, beliefs, but it works. A lot of the same values, goals & many things we both agree & disagree on. We can get on the phone & chat about everything & nothing for 2 hrs. When we argue, there's no yelling, no name calling, no drama. We communicate through it even if we don't agree. Mutually supportive in our own ways, things we can both teach & learn from eachother. We didn't have all the over-the-top butterflies & just fell together as good friends in compatible companionship.

[@muma6559]

the last part of the discussion was really lovely. Your subs have skyrocketed, I'm sure I saw only 100 or 200K recently. God bless you Dr Delony

[@tammybeason4940]

There is no such thing as a "soul mate" . There are only people you love well enough to graft them onto your own soul. You are you and they are they and there is the bond/bridge you build together from you to them and back.

[@annakey6125]

Contempt is what lost my current relationship. My husband showed nothing but contempt for last four years. I tried to work with him but I cant even converse with him like we used to when we were friends. I got mad and wanted him to leave. He said he would change. I haven't seen any change. I dont wish contempt on any relationship, it is very saddening.

[@makesnodifference]

DTMFA :)

[@SherriFlemming]

I'm sorry you've endured this. Does he consider himself to be superior?

[@picardy7488]

He may be stonewalling which is a form of control. Give you crumbs but have no intention of changing.

[@lizzierose007]

I feel if you cant talk with your partner what do you have? I was in a relationship like that once, I always felt alone...

[@britneyog9537]

My marriage would be nothing without God. It almost fell apart several times, but as soon as WE turned back to Him.. that’s when we could heal.

[@gregzgurl2004]

Becoming agnostic saved me and mine!❤️💙

[@user-vp7jz4ec6i]

​@@gregzgurl2004me too! Literally found the best person after I became agnostic!

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

@@britneyog9537 Be careful, there are a lot of toxic religions out there, you can be a victim and not know for years.. I was one. I’m Spiritual but not RELIGIOUS… and I’ve seen affairs going down in the church as well, really terrible.

[@marthadrake1652]

Jesus is the only way to heaven. The Bible says to find a church family because this world is not survivable alone.

[@mnw5240]

@@marthadrake1652 Not everyone believes in heaven. Life is better with healthy relationships with people but you can find that anytime you are part of supportive communities. Why limit yourself to just church? What happens when your chosen church community turns out to be rotten?

[@peace_larva]

John, respectfully, stop interrupting the guy

[@Bertuzz84]

Yes, John is too self absorbed to stop talking about himself. Every time this guy gets into a flow of explaining something interesting John makes it all about himself.

[@Emmanuelbidi]

@@peace_larva thank you!!

[@courtneyharper]

Blame it on the ADD 🙃 seriously though, interjecting is how neurodivergent people connect and 'prove' that they're engaged/paying attention. It's something many of us are aware of and work on because we know it's frustrating for others, but it would also help if people understood this and were able to meet us halfway by giving a little extra grace while offering gentle reminders 🥰

[@findingaway5512]

As someone who interrupts my self, I love it. It means he is excited and passionate about what he is talking about. And I can feel that which makes it more relatable and interesting to me. ❤ And he brings up other things too and then organically other points come up which is an even better interview. 😊

[@Emmanuelbidi]

@@findingaway5512 the best podcast hosts are known for letting their guests speak. Look for the stats

[@stacyedwards9708]

Thanks for all you do Dr John. Your podcast is blessing 🙏🙏

[@user-cy4vw1qj9m]

One can't save a marriage to an alcoholic if they are nasty when drink is taken and they won't get help.

[@standground7956]

*Marriages fall apart* because there are people who aren’t qualified for marriage getting married. Marriage is only for a select few individuals yet so many want to pretend to live up to meaning and aspects of being married. There are people who like the title, the wedding and the idea of being married but doing the things that actually make a marriage work is only an afterthought or meaningless altogether. They think it’s their spouse duty to make them happy and if that’s not the case , they get bored and want out, etc- those people know exactly who they are. The people who are married to those type of individuals will come for me in the comments below (since they know that they’re fighting harder than their spouse to make the marriage work).

[@zachwarren280]

A matriarchal society cannot exist. Birth rates collapse, And it gets overrun by less foolish Outsiders.

[@Candie07]

So true

[@britneyog9537]

This is true!!!

[@Meron-df5ve]

Sooooo, people want to come up with their own idea of saying "only the few are meant to get married'? That is NOT what GOD SAID! Stop making up stories and thinking it is factual! It is meant for all who desire to get married to marry. Stop farfetching things just because your society is failing to support ppl married by stressing them out by greed of bills & greedy few billionairs. SICK!

[@pjell]

I don't know about "select few" but maybe I am wrong!

[@CarrieNoble-j4q]

My husband and I were married at 18 and 19, we have been married by this June 60 year’s anniversary. Passion does last much longer than some experts usually predict. The most important prediction of a lasting marriage is honest as what you really want and what your partner wants , working together and having plenty of laughter is so important to any relationship , especially in marriage .

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

Congratulations ❤️

[@monicaparker4922]

Really liked the long form interview. Hope to see more of these from Dr. John!

[@AffectionateSeaOtter]

Good conversation but none of this works with someone afflicted with addictions or Narcissism, which is also a form of addition to your own self.

[@angelafazio6843]

Or mental health issues :/

[@picardy7488]

And without ability for self-reflection

[@chrisinolympiawa9295]

Great video! I recommend this for everyone, married or not! The principles hold trues for everyone.

[@shadeekamendez1743]

Jon is so dramatic. "This is one of the best episodes!" ..Lol. We love it! BLESS YOU JOHN

[@sofiavictoria9461]

Wow. I really needed this right at this very window of my life. Thank you.

[@maryl1785]

Sometimes you find out that your spouse is a lying pack of crap who has become verbally abusive and there's nothing much else to do but escape.

[@maryl1785]

And I was not blinking welcome psychopaths.

[@maryl1785]

@@SarahConnor562 how do you know what? Sorry, I don't understand your question.

[@maryl1785]

@@SarahConnor562 I know. I am very introspective, able to take what blame or cause belongs to me.

[@SherriFlemming]

Mary you are a courageous woman to leave an abusive relationship! Sending you the light ♥️🙏

[@brittany7573]

I'm glad you can see through this video and realize it doesn't apply to you. I'm married to an alcoholic. It is so hard for me to see through this advice, and realize it's not my fault. That my feelings do matter. I'm not crazy even if my husband says I am.

[@passionfruitgrenadilla1845]

Profoundly rich conversation. Sending the link to my family as you suggested. Thank you both gentlemen. Rich content.

[@rpmen]

This is a great listen. Lots of good advice in this episode.

[@Sensewithsam]

Can we just do 5 more hours of this interview please?! Wow thank you so much to both of you. I’m going to the bookstore to get your books

[@coleoh2010]

What a team. Thanks and I am always trying hard for happiness

[@Lubby33152]

Occasional anger is to be expected in any relationship. If anger is the constant in a relationship coldness is the result. Coldness is often a defense to the fear anger brings. I wish they had talked about when anger becomes toxic.

[@dk1828]

This was a really helpful conversation with many little nuggets.

[@Julian-zd9kx]

Loved this episode and i would like to see more discussions with you and arthur. I learned so much. Thank you for this lovely gem😊

[@chrisnowicki5494]

One of the Best podcasts ever ❤❤

[@marig14707]

Thank you Dr. Brooks, love your insight into relationships and emotions.

[@ujugid2298]

Marriage is hardwork....both parties need to want to marriage to make it last and work

[@cleofewhite5551]

this is my first time i heard about A Brooks. He makes sense and i believe he practices what he preaches. He is authentic.

[@sallybyrd3712]

Great conversation. You definitely want to find someone who compliments your personality but is not the same as your personality. Dating someone who is like yourself is boring.

[@2lucki333]

This is a GREAT episode! My favorite one so far!

[@jonhutchinson2902]

That part about rolling your eyes at your partner hit me. When my ex did that I felt exactly as he described. I felt disgusting, like I was a pathogen, just the look of contempt and disgusting made me feel so small and worthless.

[@billTO]

My goddaughter and her husband had a few basic rules, esp. for the kids. One was NO EYEROLLING!

[@LZed-g4k]

Honest Friends are so important. Love your Podcasts. Thanks very much to both of you. 😊✌🏼👏👏

[@pattimartin859]

I learned a long time ago that we all bring 'different ' to the table. And we do not know what is in a person's private situation, life. I try really hard to remember things like someone's birthday. Many people don't have anyone to wish them a great day, a wonderful week or even a happy birthday. I have sent text messages to just say Good Morning or Happy Birthday to you. People's responses have gone from.....I so needed to hear that, you made me laugh, thank you so much, I forgot it was my birthday ( he was in Iraq ). Some people have absolutely no relationships with family. Step parents, step siblings, parents that left. I've gone back to sending Christmas cards. We have almost become an empty society. Sad times, be kind.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

Thank you for being kind 🙏🏿❤️

[@SherriFlemming]

Indeed. Civil deportment and Christmas cards personal things are meaningful and memorable.

[@dawnpearson565]

Thank you for standing for happy joy and hope... I am so glad to here that you never lie... It it my moto...

[@Evan_Floyd]

John stop interrupting people, slow the roll just a bit

[@klinton9662]

That’s so ADHD.

[@umikw3459]

Please yes, too much interruption 😢

[@markhealth7857]

Amazing!! Just changed my life for the better watching this! 👏

[@kianicole001]

When I got married I was seeking a bestfriend and companionship but after a few years my person told me he thought our life was too boring.

[@SweetTreatsBy_Marie]

@kianicole01 are you still married?

[@FavoritesPersonal]

So what did you do about that? It’s your responsibility to work with your partner in the evolution of your relationship.

[@TheDavidcora]

Same here and after 23 fairly good years. We divorced, he went in search of a younger, better version of a woman. He found her. Guess what just fell apart?! And yes it was a dating app. I feel sad for him. But I am happy with me.

[@kianicole001]

@@FavoritesPersonalagreed but you also need to know when to throw in the towel. Sometimes it can be beyond repair.

[@kianicole001]

@@SweetTreatsBy_Marieno

[@AnGeLaOYA]

Anger, disgust, sadness and fear but the controlling factor that puts those into a negative motion is PRIDE vs. Humility

[@DiabeticDawg]

Dr. Brooks is fit. Good man.

[@meep685]

I loved this. Apt, truthful, needed, bravo. 👏

[@Man-Wellness-Mind-Body-Spirit]

Thank you John. As someone that has been going through a maturing transformation very rapidly, this allowed me to tweak my perspective and gain more clarity along my path. Thank you for what you do.

[@Portia620]

When we grow it has a profound effect not just on us but generations!!! Important work!!! ❤️

[@paulapeeler3157]

WOW!!! I could listen to this all day. So interesting... Dr Brooks has a lot of books out on Amazon. He is such an interesting man. I could talk to him all day.. We all should have friends that will call us out on things.. This was so good!!

[@CIslas-im1um]

My idea about marriage was that once you're married, you have grown a little more and have a family of your own. I fought for my family all the way. However, I married a man who didn't think like me. He wanted to "play" with others. We had two kids, and I decided to move on after I found text with pictures to escorts. It was an eye-opening experience. He never cared about us at all. He just used us for money.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

I'm so sorry 🙏🏿❤️ I pray for healing

[@SherriFlemming]

Thats a horrible experience. Dark Triad. Sending you the light 🙏❤️

[@Dubsac8]

These episodes with the podcast format should be stand alone, their own product

[@nirestrunk4923]

Talking about contempt; Lately social arguments haven't been people disagreeing about which color they like, it's been about bodily autonomy, mostly. How can someone try to reach across the aisle when the other party wants to yank you across, chain you up, and decide who you are?

[@marisayanta4802]

Wonderful interview.Thank you!!!❤

[@calciumgoodness4073]

Guys don't send people to better help. The company has shown many times that they don't have the integrity required to support the kind of work they do.

[@amandajoy636]

Wow so glad I listened to this! A very important conversation for sure.

[@georgemalley6414]

Love is an EMOTION. It can't be caged, captured, or boxed to own. Marriage is a Business Contract. To combine a Business Contract with a volatile and fragile emotion like love, is like mixing gasoline and fire. If you want to be with someone forever, then be with them forever. Always date your someone. Once you stop dating, the emotion stops too. Love, an EMOTION, must be fanned and flamed like a continuing burning fire to stay warm in winter. Once you stop dating, and I don't mean sex. The dating of leaving little notes, flowers on unexpected days, meeting in public for a romp, or the back seat. Going to a nice dressy dinner for a night out. Once you stop that dating, and take the first day for granted, your love emotion will be the dying flower from ET. Always do the date things, and the flame will always be fanned. Otherwise, join the 7 out of 10 that don't and end up divorced. Again Love is an Emotion. Marriage is a Business Contract!!!

[@niram4107]

The word 'love' is a verb, it is action based. The things that you have described are not emotions but actions. You are making the choice to love another and thus you choose to show that love via actions. The individual on the receiving end of your actions knows that you love them via your actions towards them and thus feels loved.

[@MM-km5zf]

a business contract can be broken any time you don't like something; a commitment on the other hand, it's like a soul tie to your partner; you are committed to the marital relationship despite the challenges ; don't rely on your emotions to feel the commitment; love is a choice NOT an emotion

[@beckypetersen2680]

love is a decision. Not an emotion.

[@deedubb3605]

Agreed. Marriage is definitely a business contract. Choose your business partner wisely.

[@SherriFlemming]

Indeed. Marriage and common law are a relationship with the government. Relationships are a business. Love is a choice- decision

[@judygalvez7888]

This discussion was so interesting and eye opening. ☺️ So sad I can’t share it with people that need it because they will not understand the language. 😔

[@ritaC345]

First time watching his video. Interesting topic for sure but I wish he didn’t interrupt his guest so often.

[@kya7517]

I loved this so much…however the end got really off topic and could have had some powerful points to bring it home and help people who’s marriages are struggling or how to build an amazing foundation which is where you started at the beginning. ❤

[@AllieY96]

I hope I age even half as well as this graceful and elegant man 😭

[@syrleneclarke1299]

I appreciate you both . Great chat and I learn and listen to great words. Thank you

[@paisleyduck]

I see a lot of people in the comments saying it’s nobody’s job to make you happy and you don’t get to expect romance after the beginning…and so if it is supposed to be just best friends and no sex, what to do if there isn’t even a best friend part? This is where I am at. And I don’t want to be lonely and starved for attention until I die just because I got married and this is how it is supposed to be. So confused by how many people are okay with days passing by where they don’t speak or touch. Whatever works for yall, I am over it personally 😂 ✌🏻

[@marthaanhalt481]

It’s not ok. I don’t think that’s what they’re saying. It’s not ok…. Call Dr John on call…. Get to the bottom of it- good luck

[@SMtWalkerS]

Really solid, thought-provoking info. Very much appreciate this episode.

[@yadiraalbornoz3046]

Definetely there are cultural differences. Some cultures are more complicated they do not think about Life as It IS. They create complex beliefs that stop making sense after time. Life IS not a theory.

[@1castellp]

Every woman I ask out says no. So the likelihood of me experiencing divorce is 0%. Follow me for more marriage tips.

[@MichelleKennedy-sd5yl]

I don’t know your age, social skills, but start with a few friends getting together to do something then the pressure isn’t there for one on one , practice friendship before love, best of luck😅

[@tiah1927]

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He is my best friend. We know each other. When I’m upset with him, he can still make me laugh and smile. I can never be too mad at him. He even believe things I fundamentally disagree with, but it matters less to me than our partnership and love.

[@Dee-sr4lt]

Some marriages fail because of toxic MILs, who cannot let go of their adult son and wants them to be mama's boy forever.

[@womaninwood9177]

That's not their fault, but the son's who don't set boundaries.

[@beckymartinez5690]

The BEST podcast … well done gentlemen ♥️

[@Emmanuelbidi]

The HOST TALKS damn too much. You bring an expert to come and educate your audience and you can't allow him to talk? Your personal story is important, but we want to engage the expert. It's annoying

[@rachelsvlog-cookinggardeni8299]

Yup so annoying 😀

[@Emmanuelbidi]

@@rachelsvlog-cookinggardeni8299 😆 glad it's not only me who find the host annoying 😂

[@lesliesmith719]

Oh he drove me nuts. But in reality he does this with most call in guests....talks non stop about himself and going down endless rabbit holes. ​@@Emmanuelbidi

[@ExtremeAnimalRescue]

You all realize you are not here for the guest but for the host right? What’s the Channel name? John Delony… he can talk all he wants :-)

[@eleanorwalmsley635]

​@@ExtremeAnimalRescuenot really, perhaps if he's going to just natter on, put him in a room by himself..

[@jersonjim3605]

Thank you for this episode ❤ 🙏

[@TipTheScales27]

So sad that he’s idolizing the marriage his MIL had that was downright abusive! Sad that she took back her lying crap of a man! Marriage only works when BOTH people want it to. So sick of the narrative that we as women are supposed to meet men 100% of the way and they can do whatever they want and we’re supposed to be there waiting like fools for them to come back… nah we’ve failed men as a society to teach men how to be good husbands

[@picardy7488]

I agree - she is humiliated by him, works on herself, overcomes obstacles - while he loses his younger woman and can't be alone. She was NOT his priority and who's to say when another option comes around he won't take it.

[@Jenny-uv4dl]

Yep females are ALWAYS THE 1's supposed to move/ accommodate and it suxs no man IS EVER ASKED to change or grow so females end up depressed hostile etc and WE ARE BAD we put in 100% frm day 1 and get 75% on a good day my current ( i don't know his status) he was fiance everytime there's a huge issue he's going to run making me feel very unsafe ( i was literally abandoned at 15 by my parents 600 miles away frm home) so i start withdrawaling and im wrong he doesn't know my full story because i don't tell ppl my story he recently said he understood why my ex-husband hit me and him saying tht GUARANTEED HE WILL never hear my story im broken at the moment i never expected any of this frm him

[@SherriFlemming]

Excellent podcast. Well done! Thank you! ♥️

[@lucybell1487]

Life is fragile handled better through prayer.