Have You Crossed the Line in Your Relationship?

[@ashleywobschall5803]

First call: what a dumpster fire

[@Dannyboy31415]

He's affected by years of drug abuse. When he was asked to rattle off what he's lied about, he couldn't give more than a couple of examples, despite volunteering that this is he's exact problem at the start. He wanted to try and fix this but he doesn't even have the brain power to access his own memory under pressure. Couple that with psychological trauma and it's nearly impossible for these people to keep a single train of thought. My best friend from childhood has abused alcohol since he was a teenager to deal with his demons and he speaks in a similar way now. She sounds like she has the same problem but not quite as bad. I think they will both forget the jist of this conversation 5 minutes after they hang up.

[@hollyberry8]

The last caller sounds oddly peppy almost like she’s trying to sounds innocent in something she knows deep down is wrong

[@prissyalford1664]

The first caller... He said at 13:11 "I don't want to let her down. I don't want her to be right about me." There it is... he just said it! I think Dr Delony missed that!

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Yes

[@ObscurasCozyCult]

Right! People tell on themselves. Just give them enough time and space to talk and they'll do it.

[@Miriam-nm5qt]

Omg the first caller (lady) made me cry and how it relates to me too.

[@dianethompson6804]

My late husband quit drinking when I left for 3 days-- I told him I didn't want to live that way any more and he had to decide how he wanted to live. He quit cold turkey. What is ironic is that alcohol wasn't our only problem, it just intensified the problems we had. He still was emotionally unavailable sober. He was sober for 3 yrs before he died of lung cancer. When I went back--i told him one drink and I would be gone for good! And I meant it. Don't threaten what you're not going to follow thru on

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Your conclusion is spot on. My latest marriage was a nightmare. One year between the first time I told my wife " you are like junkies, keep going and you are gonna lose everything. And you finally wake up finding out you've lost it all, wondering what happened" and divorce. Today I live the best time time of my life with an amazing partner. Thanks again for sharing your insight. Ben

[@cellanddanielle]

I'm guilty of this. I had 3 rules. Don't cheat, hurt my animals, or put your hands on me... He crossed one of those things a year and a half ago and it's progressively gotten worse. I need to leave. I agree. Set boundaries and stick to them

[@teresaf4251]

@@cellanddanielleAre you doing ok? I hope you are safe. Are you making plans to leave him? Would be great to know that you already left the jerk!!! Blessings to you.❤

[@mquinn5186]

​@@cellanddanielleI don't know which of those 3 boundaries were crossed, but I hope you're safe now, and that behavior has been fully and appropriately adressed 💙

[@dana102083]

​@@cellanddanielleLady, this is a 7 month check in, please tell me youre outnor you have plans to get out soon. Rooting for you hun. Xx

[@angiec2066]

God, this last caller Anne annoyed the crap out of me. Something is off about her, I feel it. The way she speaks…I feel John is focusing too much on the possible “control” of the boyfriend and missing some issues with her. She knew it too because when John expressed his view she tried to quickly say “oh you’re right John! I like what you said!” And prevent him from digging deeper to find fault with her. If I were the boyfriend I’d run away from this gurl

[@davinasquirrel7672]

She does seem a little weird, but perhaps she is just a bit of a space cadet. I would not necessarily put boyfriend's jealousy off the table, but there really was not a lot to go on, the whole call felt somewhat superficial in nature. She sounds quite young, and probably likes all the "guy friend" attention. Which probably means she is playing with either fire or a few smouldering embers, she just does not clock it.

[@stevescott3735]

Reminded me of Chris Watts mistress

[@breebell468]

If a person repeatedly lies to you, you stop trusting them. Even if the evidence points to them being honest about something, you no longer trust your own judgement because they've fooled you so many times.

[@stevendavis5095]

Ok so why doesn’t she leave?

[@tonybluestar4954]

Shut up or leave!! I don’t see the point in waiting around for someone to change!! U can’t force anything to change.

[@dana102083]

​@stevendavis5095 because shes codepwndent on him. They were on drugs/drinking together and sober together..she may be reliant for money and not value herself. She likely had a terrible childhood...seriously you cant think of this? Leavi g is pretty hard when you have no resources. She may not have family to go to for help.

[@gregorycarlson6632]

I’ve been dealing with this kind of thing professionally for many years. Men and women can be “just friends” if they just talk about mundane things like weather, new cars, etc. If they start sharing personal things; especially life’s difficulties, it’s crossed the line. End the relationship now!

[@dana102083]

So talking about my disability with a male coworker is crossing a line?..no. boundaries yes absolutely.

[@annipsy2185]

ive had close male friends that ive never had feelings for. however , the main one that im talking about, did end up having feelings for me and i had to cut it off because thats not a friendship anymore. (complicated story) what im trying to say is that atleast as a woman im capable of being close to anyone if i just truly see them as a friend. but it seems like men struggle with this more often and usually dont really wanna be friends with woman and want more than that or nothing, basically...

[@mikef410]

​@@annipsy2185I think what you are saying is spot on but this isnt gender nneutral because if a woman opens up emotionally to any other man about the difficulties of their relationship then they can get caught up very quickly. This happens on both sides far to frequently

[@DownHomeDavis]

I’ve had friends like the last caller… they cannot live without the attention. They genuinely do not understand the disrespect to their current partner. They don’t know what to do without the attention from the opposite sex so they make excuse after excuse for inappropriate relationships with them while dating someone else

[@ivonned32]

now that is different. A woman or man friend needs to have boundaries. It is not impossible to be a decent human being and have friends of all kind of genders. 😂😅😂😅

[@LOADING...o.o.o]

Agree. She sounds like she only have male friends. That's a BIG RED FLAG. If she has both gender friends, we all can understand. My ex bf has a lot of female friends and he chose to hang out with female friends more than male friends. Like you said, these people wants ATTENTION from opposite gender.

[@rebekahwilson7703]

The 3rd chick seems a bit fishy…

[@juniev1]

That guy is a liar... Jesse is a narcissist..makes her feel crazy and pretends he did not do anything..sick

[@amare83]

💯

[@debbielockhart7762]

She sounded kind of nutty to me. I don't think we can tell which one is the most out to lunch based on this call. Neither seemed to be playing with an entirely full deck IMO.

[@verb0ze]

​@@debbielockhart7762 the both nutty, but I can see why she is neurotic: cheated on her, lying about drug use, gaslighting her, flirting with other women, porn addiction, questionable apps... I mean, if she didn't feel nervous after all of that, I'd question her sanity

[@ErK61]

@@verb0ze👍🏼

[@davinasquirrel7672]

@@debbielockhart7762 Oh dear, you cannot read the situation at all! She *sounds* nutty, for sure. But that is just through years of his gaslighting and lying, so anyone who has put up with that for so many years, does indeed sound "nutty". Him on the other hand, lies, strangely admits to lying (probably to pretend to owning up to the lessor parts of his bad behaviour), but there is no deep admission of his wrong doing in all of that (eg she was upset, so yeah maybe I threatened to sleep with some woman, translated to her reactions made me do it, ie blame the victim). That is not normal behaviour at all. It is a psychological/emotional abuser slash scumbag. I think if you met this woman several years on the other side of this, you would say "what a lovely woman". Because at her core, she is caring and sensitive to others, but has just been trapped by an utter piece of crap for a human.

[@donnasearch1]

Last call-it feels like she’s even flirting with John. Where are her girlfriends?

[@Droidruid1993]

- "how do I stop lying to my wife?" - "hmm...by stoping to lie to your wife" - "oh..."

[@carnivoreRon]

The last call, Dr Delony danced around the most important part/word in a relationship. Trust. In a new, developing relationship, neither partner should do anything to appear to violate the trust of the other person. He's trying to tell her his boundaries for their relationship. If she violates his boundaries, he should break up with her. Also, he feels like he's Competing with other men for her attention.

[@DownHomeDavis]

This first call was so hard to listen to! He was still gaslighting her even with another person there. How stupid does he think his wife is?! “It was never downloaded” LIES. These things don’t just appear out of nowhere if they have never been used, clicked on, or downloaded. Just infuriating to listen to. I hope his wife finds the respect for herself that she deserves.

[@debbielockhart7762]

My phone has apps that I never downloaded.

[@DownHomeDavis]

@@debbielockhart7762 lol yes Debbie there are apps from apple or google automatically on the device but those do not include video chat or messaging apps 🙄🙄

[@MaryBarranti]

​@@debbielockhart7762 They either came on the phone already or you downloaded them. And that's normal. But it isn't what Jessie said about his phone. He said they "just appear" on a website, and put an icon on his phone by themselves. Multiple text apps? Multiple video calling apps? But not multiple solitaire games? Sure, we believe that.

[@priscilamaeli1]

Hey Dr Delony, I live in Australia and really enjoy watching the show, I cant afford therapy atm but I get to learn a lot from your advices and apply them to my life 👍thanks!

[@lilys7431]

I just found him and I can identify some of my own behaviors and listen to his advice.

[@sowutsurpoint]

Hey u get 10 free on Medicare . I use tgat to find the person I need

[@3roachkidsdhe]

The last caller seems nuts.

[@msdixieblues]

As soon as the wife spoke, that phone call took a turn

[@neededtobesaid4275]

It's funny that Dr.John didn't ask the last caller what she considered "flirty" but he ask the first caller to "define the word flirt". Women often get a pass on this show. She knows that her "friend" would sleep with her if he had a chance. The boyfriend knows this too. In all fairness to the friend she needs to let him go. The time he's spending with her could be used to find someone who is into him. But she probably won't because she loves the extra attention.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Again, 2 separate situations. The lower third literally said cheating which is probably what Dr. D saw and wanted him to define flirting. In the third call she said that she didn’t have any crush on the guy but would just go out plus she’s not married, the guy is. Sometimes what y’all see as double standards is really two separate situations. In this case it totally was!

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Caller three was flirting with John. 😂 I have a friend just like her. She's going through a divorce right now. Shocker, huh.

[@shb8212]

This girl with the guy friend seems like a total pick me girl and likes male attention a little too much. Having male friends you regularly hang out with one in one is weird, especially after you start a relationship.

[@hubruh]

​@@SarahConnor562I feel like John is struggling here because on one hand, it feels wrong to let someone dictate your relationships. On the other hand, she KNOWS this guy likes her, and I agree with the OP, she likes the attention she gets. I think this is true AND she also likes the friendship and safety of doing things with guys vs other gals. I think she's got some growing up to do. I think her BF is absolutely right and feels dishonored by letting his girl go hang out with this guy-friend, giving him the attention he wants. They also never expanded on this girls definition of flirting which may have been worth diving into.

[@shb8212]

@SarahG16925 it's essentially someone who seeks validation from any and all men. I work with a lot of men too and am very conservative and pro traditional gender roles and responsibilities... I could be accused too but I think the difference is the affirmation seeking... not just being similar in viewpoint.

[@hubruh]

@@SarahConnor562 agreed. On the pick-me topic, I think when its obvious, it makes sense (justpearlythings). But when you only hear a 10 minute segment of audio from someone, it's hard to identify intent. I wouldn't call this girl a pick-me. Mostly bc I don't know anything more about her. She just sounds young/immature in that she won't admit she enjoys the attention. Similar to how it feels weird at first to buy condoms, but then it becomes a thing where you don't really think about what the person behind the counter thinks. Maybe a terrible comparison lol. Good chat, Sarah!

[@Grace-rx7cv]

​@SarahG16925 last caller sounded like the very opposite of what I would consider a tomboy, she has a put on childish girly voice, fake laughs at everything - it's obvious that she surrounds herself with male friends because she likes male attention rather than she is just 'one of the bros"

[@nikkita1688]

She's a child mentally.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

I had a best friend that I ended up dating, we remained very close friends for about 7 years after. I met my husband and fell in love…my best friend that I still love & miss as a friend…we stopped talking period. My husband never once asked me to & we still talk about that friend, but I felt it inappropriate to be around that friend/ex while dating and now while married. She needs to drop the friend if she is serious about her boyfriend. Especially when she said he would take her up on a date if she asked…

[@nt3833]

I think it’s a natural progression that when you are in a relationship that becomes serious your friendships with members of the opposite sex fall to the wayside. Your significant other takes your time and focus. That’s a normal and natural thing. That last caller sounds very young and therefore a bit naive about things. I thought it would have been very relevant to ask how old she was.

[@TuBui2]

Last call reminds me of a relationship I just got out of. GF of 1 year has a good friend (although she would tell me that he was just a friend, nothing more) who had openly flirted with her when I first met him (jokes about kissing, giving her big hugs and chest bumps when we played pickleball together). They hung out 4 times a week doing rockclimbing and pickleball. I felt uncomfortable with it but bit my tongue since they seemed like they were friends and my ex had mostly guy friends and roommates (whom i never had an issue with) To my own fault, I became emotional/frustrated about it and eventually asked her to have the conversation with him that they could still be friends but to cut out the behavior and protect the relationship. In my mind it should've been an easy 5-min conversation--if he was a good friend, he would be totally onboard and want her relationship to succeed. She initially agreed then backed off the day she was supposed to have the talk because she didn't want to make the relationship between them "awkward" since he hasn't done anything like that in a while. I bit my tongue but was dissapointed. Long story short, a few months later we broke up because "we had different views about relationships". I feel much freer now.

[@raspberrykissable]

I feel you! I was in a relationship with a man who’s friends were 90% women. I asked for boundaries with one and he called me crazy. Like you I bit my tongue until he planned a ski trip with a woman I’ve never met. I told him I was uncomfortable he called me crazy and insecure. I broke up with him and I feel freer as well.

[@ihateallyall]

good. honestly, after she refused to have the conversation, you should have walked away. we need to stop settling for these things. there’s other humans out there

[@debramason7237]

Good for you! People should trust their gut on these things.

[@TuBui2]

​@@raspberrykissable Sorry you had to go through that but hope you find your "ride or die" person

[@raspberrykissable]

@@TuBui2 Thank you so much! I hope the same for you 😊

[@chrissyellem7397]

Every BF I had back in the 80's got a DUI. It was a nightmare. Dragging them to their stupid classes, they lose their license, and then I had to take them to work. The last one I had to get up at 5 am to get his butt to the road work punishment thing. That was it! Never again! I said no more drunks/party guys! 30 years of freedom. You have to put the line down and stick to it.

[@E5games]

Anne is really giving "people pleaser" vibes. Her affect is hyper-positive and she reads like her safety is dependent on it. She opened the call with a gooey detail about cookies and milk - a strategically warm opener to pad what could be an icky and difficult confrontation. Every laugh is bubbly and she is hyper-agreeable. Like a deep sadness tactfully masked, she's a pro at navigating minefields and is so malleable to people's needs or suggestion. "Oh, this friend probably does have a romantic interest... and I would kind of miss his friendship." John: "Something doesn't feel right to me" Anne: "Oh! That's unfortunate :)" Surprised John didn't pry a bit more into the authenticity of her emotionality on what could be a generally stressful and emotional dilemma for most people.

[@gessrinky9129]

Last caller seems super immature. Girl hang up the cutesy crap, be a grown woman..and that giggle 🙄🙄🙄🙄😳

[@adrianratlief1312]

The giggle! Cringe...

[@davinasquirrel7672]

It is the extreme femininity training. She seems to have her masters in that one. She does sound super young. But look, I cringe at my younger self. It takes a while to grow up and shake off the conditioning.

[@shekwaga]

Ikr

[@briannal696]

You've inspired me to start therapy, John! I've been back and forth on my decision for a few years now, but since having my first son 9 months ago, I realize it's best to deal with my traumas now so I can finally break the generational issues my family has dealt with. Your show has given me the courage to own my traumas, face them head on, and be a better mom for my son.

[@cyoohoos]

Both of you two will wake up in 10 years and regret the time you wasted in this relationship. Nothing will convince you now, but when you learn, you’ll try to waste your breath trying to help others prevent making your mistakes

[@lukasbryant9881]

Or they could choose to do things differently and work on relating to one another better. 🤷‍♂️

[@Gotoworkkk]

@@lukasbryant9881nah the husband is looking for excitement outside of the marriage. The end is very near.

[@mistermanman]

The last caller Anne has that "manic pixie dream girl" personality that's insufferable. I can't count how many times I rolled my eyes.

[@lifecoachMachele]

Omg you need to have more couples on!!

[@DevHazy]

That was horrrrinle to listen to

[@annipsy2185]

That was crazy. Amazing how much other persons perspective changes things. So much different from hearing one side of the story

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

If my husband EVER said anything like that, I’d pack his bag, drive him to a hotel and tell him to have a good time. I’d file for divorce the next day.

[@dsmolks1]

Never realized Kelly got tattoos during the work day… so on brand 🤘🏼

[@alycewich4472]

It was a JOKE! You don't really think that Dave Ramsey would allow someone in the cafeteria drinking alcohol AND getting a tattoo? Not gonna happen.

[@ashb2404]

12:55 he wants her trust but doesnt want to do anything to prove himself.... Her radar is working perfectly... He is going to use the fact he called this show as evidence of honesty... Nope nope nope

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

44:26 Kudos for John for no if any reactions 😂

[@ambernelli7791]

How he doesn't show reactions is beyond me. Don't play poker with Dr. John. 😂

[@NissySlim]

Protect your marriage at all costs. From in-laws or other family (if need be...family is also important), from flirty people, division...been there and it's tough. But both people need to be in sync and on board to put their marriage as such a priority to the point that providing safety and unity for your spouse is never a threat but an honour and a respect.

[@alycewich4472]

That only works when BOTH partners are equally committed. But when it works, it's an amazing relationship.

[@Employstrong]

Delony got nailed with some weird calls today. I think someone needs to talk to their producer haha

[@maggiemcgraw-i5b]

I was in Denise’s situation with the drunk driving husband for YEARS. He swore he got it a million times he tried to quit a million times and it only lasted a week or two. Over time it kept escalating. His actions gave me so much anxiety I couldn’t sleep, I was developing autoimmune disorders, my work was suffering. I left and never looked back and I thank myself for that every day.

[@JoelWende]

I’m a straight dude. My closest friendships have always been with women. They have never once got confusing or crossed lines or boundaries. My partners have to be ok with that otherwise they’re not my partner. Pretty simple really.

[@brooke9847]

The last caller sounds like she just has a bubbly/flirtatious personality. She's better off just not having one-on-one interactions with her guy friends. I have many guy friends and my now husband said he was nervous about that when we first got together until he saw how we interacted with one another and then he said he wasn't worried at all. But out of respect for him I stopped hanging one-on-one with them when we started getting serious.

[@MisterNightfish]

It's not that complicated for the last caller. Luke is into her and she likes the attention and she wants to have her cake and eat it too. It's not uncommon, it's not new, it's not rare and it's not a foundation for a stable relationship with her boyfriend. If he has self respect he's going to leave and if he doesn't and puts up with it, it's not going to be a great relationship either.

[@lilolmecj]

The conversation last week about alcoholism was a good listen.

[@benascg-ll7sq]

13:00 most of the time I'm telling her the truth...that's a killer. Being truthful is like being prego, either yes or non...nobody is pregnant most of the time. That said, the whole guy's attitude is "i'm done with the wife" but does not have the courage to leave the marriage

[@vaska1999]

The last caller, Anne, knows her friend is in love with her and she's just stringing him along for the narcissistic gratification this gives her. Not fair to the friend and not fair to the boyfriend. As for her hikes with guys, she might solve that by bringing her boyfriend along.

[@gemmaklooster3800]

I find that the level of agreeableness of the person has a lot to do with it, not necessarily their gender.

[@nt3833]

Which call are you referring to?

[@swim610]

Run Hailey. A tiger doesn't change his stripes. Break free!!!

[@Jcasilleri]

My longest friend is a male, he just spend a week at my house with my husband…. Not a single time I’ve made my husband feel uncomfortable… third call was odd

[@davinasquirrel7672]

It is really possible to have opposite sex friends for sure. Depends on that vibe really (and to a degree, whether male friend thinks he is waiting in the wings).

[@Lisaaaaaaq]

I already knew that Jesse used to cheat hahaha. This is usually what happens when one partner cheats first and they get forgiven by the wife. He is a lying, cheating narcissist and he will always be. The wife will ofcourse get called the crazy one. I feel you Hailey ❤❤❤ I can tell you've been through a lot of narcissistic abuse. Please leave love and get some therapy if you can 😢 The brain can only take so much abuse if you stay. You'll hardly recognise yourself and not only that, you'll find that you'll suddenly develop all kinds of illnesses and health problems. Good luck 🙏❤

[@olliollioxinfree]

Hilarious that the ‘minimizer’ guy says he ‘only’ lies when it’s about something big he’s done wrong. LOL hunny I only lie when I am covering up my bad behavior. I am telling the truth all the other times.

[@katherinealba6768]

Jesse was definitely lying. Jesse was used to regularly lying.

[@alycewich4472]

Totally agree! Jesse "only tells lies if he thinks he's going to get into trouble." I have found in my life that the more a person lies, the easier it becomes to lie to the point that I cannot tell whether they're telling me the truth this time or lying. Lying builds up the muscle of lying, making it stronger. Telling the truth also build up the muscle of truth telling, making it stronger. Once trust is broken by lies over time, it's really had to rebuild it and once it's broken again by lie,.It's over as far as I'm concerned.

[@breebell468]

I am friends with my ex and my husband is friends with him too. You can have a friendship afterwards, you just cant have the emotional intimacy you had before.

[@Ariel-ck9he]

That girl is literally flirting with John on the call…. 😂

[@kevinmclaughlin3088]

I'll take the unpopular approach on the first callers. Thats a guy who, when growing up, he was never allowed to fail. When he did fail or someone thought he failed, they lashed out at him. He now constantly feels the need to protect himself when he does anything, perceived or not, that can be seen as bad. He was criticized more than he was loved. I believe this because, he is the kettle and I am the pot. At the end when John gets very direct with him, he finally starts opening up about his faults. I don't think a narcissist does that. "I did this, but..." trying to minimize his failures because his body thinks he's being attacked. Hailee, it sounds like you're relationship is too damaged to continue. Please move on. Jesse, please my friend, get help. You and the people you love deserve better than this. Honestly is so much more liberating than lying. Surround yourself with people who love you, despite your faults. And then work on being a better person for the ones you love as well.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

First part is true AND he is a narcissist. They are not born, they’re made. This is why allowing failure, allowing mess, making room for trouble is vital for kids. Also, he flat out told his wife if she didn’t shut up he would go sleep with her. He definitely already had. My husband could neverrrrrrrr! That man doesn’t love his wife. He needs help, yes, but narcissistic behavior cannot be reviewed. You cannot FIX a narcissist. Distancing is a classic trait of a narcissist, as is gaslighting. As is masking. He has done all of the aforementioned.

[@kevinmclaughlin3088]

@@OopThereItIs77777 I guess I am irredeemable, thats sad to hear.

[@bluSPECTRE]

@@OopThereItIs77777 A narcissist wouldn't get on a phone call like this and admit to the entire planet that what he did was wrong because a narcissist wouldn't see what they did as wrong in the first place.

[@franziskani]

@@OopThereItIs77777 Playing devil's advocate here. I got a vibe from her, that she is insecure and drives him mad with the suspicions (when he has not done anything and has not plans to do anything untoward). So "Stop the interrogation or I will give you something to be jealous about" and sleep with her may have been him lashing out. Stupid - but a reaction to her - and it must not be an indicator that he really wants to cheat with this other woman. For some reason I had the picture of her interrogating him in depth, driving him crazy and he does not know what to do about it. How to stop her. He must have some emotional investment or he would not have been on the call.

[@TheMisslili8]

agreed

[@brightpage1020]

To the 1st caller's wife: Then you add, " my next call will be to the divorce lawyer so you best hurry into her pants since you'll need her place to stay for a while until you get back on your feet." Or just say "that's fine" out loud. Think the rest inside. This guy either isn't capable or isn't willing to meet your needs or treat your marriage with respect. Let that be his loss. Let him cry over you, for once. Then ask him to cry you a river and call him a punk. Because he's punking you. Again. Right? Girl, you take better care of your marriage than you do yourself. And he takes better care of his self than your marriage. It's up to you to change that dynamic because he's not mature enough to at this point in his life, and doesn't see the value in maturing with you. The quicker you accept reality, the better and stronger you can bounce back from this abusive relationship. You don't need this boy. You need a real man, capable, strong, honest, and proud to call himself yours. Somebody who knows who he is, what he wants, and who he wants to be in life. Honorable. Who honors you and your marriage. Who will cherish you for the care you lavish on him. Somebody who makes you feel so secure you won't need to check internet history. And you build that securty by building yourself up so it doesn't depend on a man. Financially, emotionally, careerwise, your home environment, your health.. Intellectual developement or academic... You develop yourself to the point you won't need any man to validate your worth or value, and watch how many begin competing to earn time with you,and the quality of those relationships,the depth improve. This one won't. He's already fishing in other seas. He's given you the hint that he has discarded you already. He just isn't brave enough to do it with integrity. He doesn't have the guts. He wants to fish in other seas but wants to keep you in the fridge just in case he catches something worse out there. Because he lacks maturity. Let that be his problem. Not yours ;o) ❤❤❤❤ you enough to say this is enough bad behavior. It doesn't habe to get worse for you to draw a line. Don't wait to find out how low he'll go. He has already shown you. Draw a line to protect yourself, physically as well as emotionally. Set a boundary. Learn how to back yourself up. You don't need this guy sabatoging you. He'll only bring disease. That is a valid, real risk in this marriage. But you can get out now and would be healthier without his influence in your life. You deserve that and he deserves the break up from you or your suspicions he's just too scared to ask for outright. Get it done, Kids. Watch your lives improve and how fast it happens for both of you once you rip it off like a band aid. Please don't get married again until you can draw - and respect - healthy boundaries.

[@alycewich4472]

Amen to that!

[@Gotoworkkk]

Good God that was long! She’s going nowhere unfortunately.

[@suvisillanpaa-zx3bc]

🎉 watching from Finland 🎉😊

[@lh1514]

It's Jesse! Guaranteed!!

[@paulneligh5095]

Either "Anne" is the coolest lightest woman that ever lived (or) she could teach a masterclass of gaslighting and manipulation. Or she is 12

[@thatlisagirl71]

Jessie and Hailee….acceptance of each other is a must in order to move forward in a marriage. It’s entirely possible that Hailee may be incredibly sensitive, or that Jesse may be incredibly insensitive. It doesn’t help that they were both attics so they may be both paranoid of each other but they’re gonna have to somehow get to a meeting of the minds to move forward or end the marriage.

[@lexir7504]

wow last girl sounds like a jerk if she thinks her friend likes her and she doesn't like him at all why is she being flirty with him

[@annegreattoseeandhearyougr3520]

Anne was flirting with you too Dr. Delony during the call.

[@Grace-rx7cv]

Yes! I felt that too... it was nauseating

[@terrieskulteti187]

Do you think he doesn't know this. Many therapists have to deal with these situations from their clients.

[@rickgonzalez5240]

Last caller needs to pick boyfriend and get serious or dump him and be single.

[@alicef128]

Well, hells bells I’d be outta there. And Jesse could go sleep with whoever he wanted. Good luck Hailey.

[@3roachkidsdhe]

Do you know how many times my husband said he is done with alcohol?

[@thedifferenceincolour7341]

Take him to AA I am a 22 year old woman and am 3 months sober

[@alycewich4472]

@@thedifferenceincolour7341 In my experience, the addict needs to find out for him/herself that they have hit rock bottom before they are willing to go. Yes someone can take them, but unless they are willing to do the work, it won't get fixed. From an adult child of an alcoholic with bipolar disorder.

[@Indy__isnt_it]

There ya go Jesse, keep spilling your marriage destroyers..... Run Hailey. Dr John, you're really amazing to get to THESE ROOTS.

[@Aaron-cc7yq]

That girl at the end...you can tell she would have no clue when her "guy friend/friends" were in to her. Maybe it was the sugar or something but man she sounded like one screw was slightly loose or something lol.

[@AdamLarsen94]

Thanks for starting the show with a Truman Show reference!

[@leslietucker2656]

The DUI call, there’s potential financial liability if the husband actually kills someone. Besides criminal charges, law suits have been known to happen as well. The legal marriage connection between the wife and the husband is not a good idea if the husband continues to drink and drive.

[@feerstyy]

Even as long as John keeps people on the phone he still has to roll calls and do ads like terrestrial radio 😅

[@lh1514]

He's probably a porn addict and gave her all sorts of emotional scars. This guy is hiding stuff from her. She's not crazy.

[@donettemorgan4703]

I’m wondering if you’re still taking vitamins from Thorne?

[@lesleewatson4266]

Last caller…? She’s talking “crushes”. She may be all of 14. Lots of manipulation and she’s got a sharp tongue that she tries to mask w little innocent gurl. I think John didn’t push more.

[@verb0ze]

Jesse def be creeping lol. It def seems like he's gaslighting her.

[@csx6910]

Very few women in a relationship can have male friends. They either want male attention or the guy wants to army-crawl through the friend-zone. If she respects you, she won't fool round with something that has equivelent odds to winning Powerball.

[@AliviaMiley]

John is too nice on the 3rd call, and because he is the professional in this situation and I am not - She absolutely is a flirt & definitely keeps guys around. Why is that - not sure and none of my business. No judgment at all from my end. But - please be real.

[@allisongantzer3479]

My bf is like her it sucks

[@AliviaMiley]

@@allisongantzer3479 😔, if it counts for anything - know your worth!! I was in a relationship for 5 years that was a dumpster fire. Got out and met my husband 6 months later 🤍

[@BFku36]

To the first callers.. what do you do when you say..do what you told the wife to do..and the husband kept lying and betraying that trust you built up? Leave? There was many more questions I had. Who's the bread winner? Sounded like the husband.. how is the wife supposed to just call it quits and leave? I need MORE here and I think Dr. D could've absolutely done/asked more pertinent questions 😕

[@anyonecancookwithhannah]

Idk last caller either has feelings for Luke or she loves the attention. Glad John caught it. I don't think she's being honest. Also, why is her only option hiking with guys? I hike with my girlfriends. A man or a woman couldn't likely protect me from a bear if they're dead-set on eating me

[@aviatrix7774]

The last caller with the male best friend was a weirdo.

[@Tempo50]

First couple needs to get a divorce. He’s a liar and a douche.

[@actuallynotsteve]

Oops, confirmed liar accidentally downloaded all the bad apps but totally didn't use them. I've certainly never had tinder just appear on my phonel

[@davinasquirrel7672]

It is pretty easy not to have that stuff downloaded to phone or computer, isn't it?

[@jasonmedeiros9492]

WHATS YOUR MOTIVE? PERIOD

[@jasonmedeiros9492]

HE SLEPT WITH HER

[@AgiGraycie]

Jesse is a narcissist and gaslighting this poor woman like there is no tomorrow. He will never stop lying and will break down this woman. Haley needs to leave. Pls

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Call 1 : what keeps them together?

[@davinasquirrel7672]

Her hope that the 'man she married' is still in there somewhere. Unfortunately, that vision was just a sales pitch to hook her into marriage. His true colours now show.

[@Jarcano8]

Haley dear. There is zero trust in your marriage. You know this "man" is Not who he claims to be. Get out OR get him out. Please, life is Short. ❤

[@Ariel-ck9he]

I have a number of close male friends. We go for coffee, catch up on the phone, hang out. My husband doesn’t mind at all. Why? Because I’m not behaving inappropriately with them..

[@clintbiddle1767]

Last caller is a super annoying. Boyfriend needs to say: if you want to be with me then no male friends. Period. If she can’t do it, then see ya!

[@brendondowdy5651]

That girl wants to keep Luke as a backup boyfriend its that simple

[@magpiegirl3783]

John was spot-on with the first couple. I hope they get help. They’re in a cycle that’s unhealthy for each of them let alone build a relationship based on trust. Hayley does not feel safe. Jesse feels trapped but probably relies on Hayley to keep him running right of the rails. The last lady likes male attention and I think John is right … he’s not hearing the whole story.

[@USpatriot741776]

The last call was too easy for John after that first call.

[@Iamchristaelaine]

That last caller is being odd! Make a choice. And the Grizzly’s will eat male or female so it’s a choice.

[@lsf71]

John....re 2nd call - suggesting "divorce"? What happened "in sickness & in health" vow?

[@jedidiahross7447]

Yeah, I think it's helpful when the truth of the relationship is spoken clearly. So, if your spouse is living in denial about a sickness, is it loving to ignore your relationship?

[@MaryBarranti]

When a marriage is dead, you bury the body.

[@alycewich4472]

When the sick person refused treatment that could prevent killing other people (DUI). That marriage is dead. Like Dr John says, "Behavior is a language." Jesus hates divorce because of the damage it does to the surrounding community/family/friends/children. Addictions cause the same damage to the same communities. In some cases it's a wake up call for the addict, in others they end up with the freedom to do whatever they want and hasten their departure from this earth and possibly taking other innocent lives with them.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

Some 'sickness' is self imposed, and can only be 'cured' when the person actively wants to change. If they do not want to change and get better, then it is being married to a brick wall, so I think it is okay to divorce a brick wall

[@Mama-ie1hq]

OMG!!!!! This is so my relationship!!! 😢😮 The bigger picture problem is his irrational justification. Whenever I confront him of ANYTHING he says ok... BUT blah blah blah. Everything after the BUT is his attempt to make me say, ok that wasn't an issue. It's his irrational justification of trying to make it not his fault or issue. I told him last night that I'm done listening to his BUT statements. He's a chronic alcoholic with financial irresponsibility. I suffer from major depression and major anxiety.

[@alycewich4472]

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. You can still draw boundaries for yourself. They may look different that the ones you have now. Do you have someone that you can talk to you about the options you have for your life? Please pay attention to anyone's "but" that word in itself negates anything that was said before it. You are worth more that what you are experiencing.

[@rahbruhn]

" I never lie" says the liar... 😂

[@e.d972]

1st caller. Leave. Let each other go. Just leave...

[@maggies88]

Dr. John getting ticked that the first callers aren't middle class.

[@nt3833]

The “modern world” (as John referenced in the 3rd call): what good has the modern world done for relationships and family life?

[@ValerieLees]

I don't understand how flirting is okay..

[@Jarcano8]

Denise, please do not enable.

[@teresawelcome8354]

"my phone shows I downloaded it but I never ever opened our used it...I never downloaded them!...No, she has full access to my phone, she can go through all the apps (that are downloaded onto my phone)!" J couldn't even keep his story straight for 5 minutes. Sounds like a pathological liar, but hey, what do I know. Smh.

[@jasonmedeiros9492]

SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE HIM! HE IS A ADDICT PRACTICING

[@dragonclaws9367]

Cellphones are a liar's paradise. You can't babysit an adult 24 7 365. Can't live that way. Waste of your life, Halie.

[@TorontoONCan]

That first call was hard to listen to. That couple should part ways