Did I Cheat on My Boyfriend?

[@kufufinmufinable]

A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't feel comfortable doing/saying it in front of your partner, then it's probably crossing a line.

[@sandroaces]

Bingo

[@katemiller3796]

Exactly. That works for any relationship with any kind of boundaries, if you feel a need to hide it from your partner, that a red flag

[@deppresedonion6320]

I was just thinking the same thing if its a text or something u wouldnt say to a friend but u do tell him/her u have definitly crossed a line .

[@suttonfarms2343]

The problem with that is, most people who do that already know they’re crossing a line and then gaslight their S.O. if it’s brought to light.

[@sunyu2016]

Great point

[@chelsea7755]

Whenever I felt a male coworker was giving me too much info on their relationship, I always say "talk to them about it". Again and again I push them towards their partners.

[@theskyisblue567]

Bravo!! That's what all women or men should do.👍

[@Misbehavedcollection]

Good for you. But the only reason men do this... is because they are secretly into you. No men don't go out of their way to vent with a girl. That's what bros are there for.

[@csx6910]

You have to haze zero tolerance, absolutely. Even the thought of 'friendship' between the sexes has to be off the table.

[@proudatheist2042]

​​@@Misbehavedcollectionwhen I was growing up, my father would come to me constantly about how nasty my mother's behavior was. He would tell me things that he should have been talking to her about. My father never made sexual advances towards me, but he was perpuating an unhealthy family dynamic. My point is, there are many exceptions to your statement.

[@chelsea7755]

​@csx6910 I actually have male friends, but it's just very limited in regards to depth. I will help someone with an issue if theyre a cofriend (with my husband) and my husband trusts him. But even still... my relationships with men besides my husband are very surface level compared to my girlfriends.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

It seems that couples who struggle to be vulnerable with each other have no problem being vulnerable with others.

[@fairlyenjoyable]

I've noticed that, and it's baffling!

[@KiltedTupiniquin]

​@@fairlyenjoyableattachment theory explains that. It is not safe to open up to someone that can break the relationship. With outsiders there is no fear

[@fairlyenjoyable]

@@KiltedTupiniquin I see. I still find it baffling, though, because you aren't even trying to be vulnerable with your partner. Now, if they have tried to be vulnerable in the past with them and said partner scrutinized them, then I could understand that, but even then, why continue on with a relationship you aren't comfortable being open and honest in?

[@amde8554]

@@KiltedTupiniquinthat’s good insight i wondered why some people struggle to be emotionally intimate with their partner

[@flyandshy00]

Because she doesn;t feel safe with her bf. Probably gave a chance to a first guy she met. Women - be selective and choosy!!!

[@franciskeys9810]

She didn't hold the line. She got caught before it got physical. She was 100% headed there.

[@LateNightRewrites]

By the sound of her voice when John brought up holding the line, she already jumped in the hay with the AP

[@IAMJhonnyBravo]

Thank YOUUUUU

[@ricardocardoso9734]

Yep, agree 💯%

[@cajuntemplar785]

@@LateNightRewrites The hesitation gives it away as well.

[@azure8696]

Exactly 💯

[@farawayranger8489]

“I love my boyfriend and could see a future with him” Proceeds to emotionally cheat

[@deanvarelas600]

Exactly! If she loved him as much as she says, the idea of being romantic towards someone else wouldn't even be a distant thought. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks like this

[@LSG101097]

Women allowed to talk to men and have a friendship with men, it doesn't make it cheating, it's not 18th century. jeez.

[@bigempty]

Yep. It's just a lie shes telling herself to make herself feel better and alleviate the guilt.

[@anand45671]

NO SINGLE GIRL EVER HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR! Its a Cover which married/attached women use to hide their desire to fk a guy they are attracted to!

[@jth_printed_designs]

“I love my beta Billy boyfriend, I can see him financing my life”

[@wren180]

My ex had an affair with a coworker and ended up leaving me for her. Started with talking about her a lot, turned in to a ton of texting, next it was we went Christmas shopping while you were at work, to her coming to our house for dinner for us to "officially meet" so I wasn't so suspicious. She was hanging off of him and telling me how I should be addressing my fiancée at the time. I was gaslit by everyone. I was told I was jealous and controlling when I questioned it. That is how that crap escalates. Please just don't be like that to your partner.

[@Fokas-n8t]

That is big time treason. Always trust your gut feeling. We men have the same gut feeling. When I hear about "over-controlling men" I always first thing of men who just have a gut-feeling, yet my advice to them is to relax-but-monitor-closely and with the first evidence or even strong suspicion, to leave.

[@HowieRaps]

Im really sorry you went through that, and when everyone is against you when you were victimized it's hard to not want to just go ballistic. I've cut off most of my family, as badly as I wish I had a big happy family because they're toxic or can't take accountability. People really suck sometimes. Hope ur doing better

[@HowieRaps]

​@@Fokas-n8t100% I was called jealous and controlling and crazy, when I was right all along. I knew it. If you get a weird feeling, it's for a reason. But it's hard to fully support these suspicions without evidence, and then we're playing games & trying to check their phones when they're asleep. Such a shitty way to live.

[@lasantuzza777]

i’m sorry that happened to you. that sort of deception cuts deep. i hope you’re doing well. 🤍

[@jchick426]

Aw, wow that is so incredibly hurtful and disgusting to do a person, I havent had anything to that level happen but most of us have been cheater on or at least had relationships end with finding out your s.o. had someone else teed up waiting at some point….my heart hurts for you reading this I hope you did find or do find someone genuine and amazing to move forward with ❤

[@om617yota8]

My own line for cheating would be anything I wouldn't want to tell my girlfriend about. If I wouldn't do or say whatever to another girl with my girlfriend standing right there and watching or listening to the conversation, then it ain't happening. If you have to ask if something is over the line, then it's already over the line. Some of these calls make my head hurt.

[@texasgina]

Yeah I have to be honest myself there are several calls that I get about a quarter of the way through or halfway through and I cannot continue to listen just to protect my own mental health LMAO

[@andyg806]

Too true. If you have to ask, then you already know.

[@ivywildwss]

Bazinga. That's where my husband of 32 yrs messed up. He thought sexy flirting was harmless as long as I'd never know or see it. I did. It shattered me.

[@shellymichelle904]

@@ivywildwssyeah I was married to one of those for 30 years. I never knew who he truly was, he played exactly how he was supposed to when in my presence. It’s absolutely shocking to say the least.

[@ivywildwss]

@@shellymichelle904 it's definitely a shocker, thought he was such a shy boy scout.... nooe

[@BassBwoy3]

This is slippery but things definitely crossed the line when the coworker said he would invite her over for dinner and basically treat her the way her boyfriend didn't treat her. That's just inappropriate/desperate of a guy on so many levels.

[@MaddieFishblob]

100%. It’s why I blame him wayy more than this lady on the phone. He’s married and made the offer. She did the right thing by choosing that pt to put her foot down and refuse

[@outsideview9052]

I agree with you. When did the BF find the text messages, right away or weeks after they were sent? If enough time has passed it is reasonable to suspect that she already hooked up with this man in some way. I dont recall hearing how far they lived away from eachother.

[@deniseball7764]

And if she hadn't already told him about those feelings he probably wouldn't have gone there - her accountability seems to be lacking when she looks on the internet and call people to plan her way around the fiasco

[@urmailman]

Hes tryna get poonany and its working. Women just want the cake and to eat it too. They just need excuses when they get caught doing either one

[@Cerase0]

You’re spot on

[@warrensloan3467]

To whoever needs to hear this, when you’re in the dating phase, it’s the easiest it’s going to be, if they’re already failing at basic fidelity, that’s probably just a sign to move on. They haven’t built up the equity with you for all this forgiveness and rebuilding. They have work to do on their own maturity first.

[@COINsimp2024]

Agreed

[@chancepeace2064]

Periode.

[@parks105]

💯

[@AString95]

Accurate

[@a.r.8954]

Wonderful point about the built up equity. I have a friend who dated a man who had *just* asked her to be his girlfriend, and then was found on dating apps a few weeks later. He then asked her to go therapy with him, if you can believe it lol, to 'work on their communication issues'. What communication issues lol? They'd been dating for two months. She agreed to one session, found it super weird, and then broke up with him. I strongly disliked that he seemed to want to avoid accountability for something that was 100% a him problem, by implying my friend was a bad communicator. That, to me, is a huge red flag for him as a person and I'm very glad she left.

[@Amaryllis-4U]

Rule of thumb - think how you’d feel if the situation was reversed and do so honestly (we often try to rationalize our actions)

[@triplecheesemac]

awesome rule...to be biblical it is treat thy neighbor as thy self.

[@elkforests]

I do this. As well as asking myself "would I be 100% fine with my partner seeing these texts/ how I'm talking or being talked to/etc." If I hesitate in my mind: I end or shift the relationship with the coworker or friend. Clearly something isn't right (or 100% innocent like we try to justify to ourselves) if I wouldn't be comfortable with my significant other seeing the behavior.

[@valeriabriana7636]

I often use this rule even when I’m fixing to offer advice, criticism, etc. or do something. I always think how would I feel if the roles were reversed!

[@gregorycarlson6632]

@@elkforestsAbsolutely right!

[@tigermagda]

Yes! That's basic empathy. If we can't feel it for our SO, they're not a real SO.

[@jh26pt2]

She’s so gullible. What her co-worker was feeding her was a line. When a guy says “I want to take you on a date and treat you well and give you the things you want” , the unspoken end of that sentence is “and then get into your pants.”

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

No.... Not true at all.

[@jh26pt2]

@@GardenerEarthGuy You can choose not to believe it. But it is absolutely true. This co-worker wasn't interested in treating her like a lady and then stopping it there.

[@faith6833]

No all men are an AH.

[@Dansyoung]

You’re spot on. He’s a Chad doing what Chad’s do. A smooth talking man that knows all the right things to say - he is a man who has been with ALOT of women. She is just another notch on the belt, and guess what the cashier at the grocery store is younger and hotter, and on Fridays there’s a hot girl at the club he goes too, there’s a cute girl in his church, and this girl is just one of his many options he keeps open.

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

@@Dansyoung Speculation....

[@Chalk89]

This reminds me of the, ‘I only kissed him but I stopped because I love you,’ lines you hear in movies. She didn’t come forward, she was caught. Move on boyfriend, your not with a faithful person.

[@Dansyoung]

Exactly 4 billion women on the planet, you owe it to yourself find one who is at bare minimum loyal.

[@SmileKT68]

They are not in alignment. Relationships require major work in any case to be successful.

[@janelleg597]

You're* 😂😄

[@goinggaga4ladygaga]

He also saw the message before she had a chance to act on it

[@glassytea3315]

“Boyfriends” these days are using women just as much as these married, unfaithful men. Men in general need to quit leading with their nether regions. Please gain virtue bc these young women are desperate for a mans romancing. They need to use their IQ too

[@CoffeeTech]

It’s over bro. If you’re the boyfriend, and you’re reading this….. it’s over. Saddle up, and ride off into the sunset.

[@Chreeves]

💯 When a woman is really there for you, she'll recognize the advance immediately and shut it down.. not only shut it down, but she'll come and tell you, show you the message and laugh at it.

[@BD-1-And-Only]

Dating for men is over lol

[@jenjen2824]

@@BD-1-And-OnlyWait just a second, the MARRIED man is deliberately looking to cheat. There are two guilty parties here and one of them is actively working to cheat on his WIFE. Why would you just focus on her when his sin was the greater betrayal?

[@yhiontop]

Same for the wife of the man.

[@Jakuboooooooooo]

@@Chreeves what you said is exactly how I know my ex isn’t truly into it w her current boyfriend: we reconnected lately and she’s been flirting and telling me how she thinks us reconnecting is the start of something happening between us again and starting fresh, and mentioned how she can’t follow me back on insta UNTIL they split up cus “he’d be mad abt it” yet she still looks at all my stories anyway. He’s cooked and maybe I should feel bad for the guy and lose respect for her? But tbh I don’t and I haven’t cus I know full well that he doesn’t treat her right. But either way, I digress; you’re 100% right that if a person is truly into you, they’ll immediately recognize any inkling of a potential advance from someone else and cut it off immediately.

[@justinh.1290]

Boyfriend needs to read it all and decide whether or not to stay. He has to see how bad it got.

[@BD-1-And-Only]

It’s not gonna get any better. She’s for the streets. He needs to get out. If he stays she’ll cheat again, but this time take half his stuff and move on with the new guy without caring. Women are great at that lol

[@marcrose3403]

You know its bad. She said her father n step father cheated on her mother with a co worker n saw the damage it caused her… yet she entertained a co worker.

[@jared4902]

Oh we know how bad it got, she literally got caught just before going over and hooking up. She was 100% going to do it and pretend she didn't know what was happening until too late.

[@jstample]

I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s worse than she’s making it sound on this call. He would be wise to read the messages and see her true character firsthand, then decide what to do based on a clear picture of her and of the situation at hand. It’s unwise to believe a retelling of a story told by someone who isn’t trustworthy.

[@chiefguns1980]

And she deletes ones she really doesn't want him to see, beforehand.

[@danielmccourt657]

I think she genuinely feels bad however i honestly believe if her boyfriend didn't find the messages she would of gone through with the affair Her boyfriend needs to find a loyal woman who respects him Sorry doc she didnt hold the line she got caught and it stopped

[@dakotasikes6690]

Thanks you . Their is no reason to believe she was ever gonna tell her bf and honestly if it wasn't for the distance I bet she would have already been over

[@juniorgod321]

She belongs to the streets!

[@xreediculousx]

PREACH BROTHER!

[@isaacwerbel7077]

This is the exact comment I was looking for as it expresses my immediate thoughts. She was toast. Only reason she didn't get buttered was she got caught. No judgement. Just keeping it real. I don't understand why she is getting credit for holding the line.

[@shroomssadow4981]

He just said that like before I saw this comment. I wanted to punch John for saying that lol. Holding the line 😂

[@bjkarana]

I think part of the issue is that people think their feelings of infatuation mean something more than just fleeting emotions. I've been married 14 years and we've both been faithful, but I do remember being caught off guard once by a female friend a couple of years ago. We never acted on it and distanced ourselves and it never developed from there, but to say it was easy would be a lie. I guess the whole experience woke me up at 38 to say: Hey, my wife is not the _only_ person out there who I could make a life with, but she is the only person I _choose_ and I get out of my marriage what I put into it. Feelings of attraction are normal, but the grass is not greener on the other side ...or if it is _greener_ heaven knows what they put on that grass to keep it that way.

[@Janette-vs6ch]

It's greener the side you water it

[@LittleNicky558]

Yes!!! Exactly!!!! Its a fleeting emotion!!

[@BassBwoy3]

I find this 'emotional affair' topic useful when thinking of how I can exercise healthy boundaries between me and married female coworkers. I had a similar relationship with another remote female coworker who is the same age as me and married; I'm single. We would have an awesome coworker relationship, almost like siblings, and chat about life, family and what we wanted for the future. I even met her husband and kids on a work trip, BUT things never got crossed the line into emotional affair. Plain and simple, if someone is off the market .they are 'off the market'. Do not try and mess with their head to get what you want. It's manipulative, selfish and despicable.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

I have had wonderful sibling type relationships with guys at my job too. I really value the relationship and I always LOVE meeting their wives and kids! I have been married for almost 12 years and many of them have been married 15+. I am very lucky

[@user_abcxyzz]

​@@KatieLHall-fy1hw luck? Tell me more about that...

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

@@user_abcxyzz what more is there to say? Look at the comments about all the other people behaving inappropriately. I would say it is definitely luck to be able to meet such wonderful people! I hope you have the same good fortune!

[@gregorycarlson6632]

There is no such thing as male and female “friendships” in a marriage or committed relationship unless it’s as couples or group events. Period!! Such relationships can turn into infidelity in a heartbeat.

[@wesleyorange8133]

@@gregorycarlson6632 That's definitely not true. I have plenty of female friends. I think the key is total lack of attraction. These girls aren't bad looking, I just have zero interest in them beyond friendship. A lot like with men. If they can turn into infidelity, that's not about men or women, lol, that's about that person.

[@razio1096]

Never stay with a cheater period. This lady isn’t girlfriend material let alone wife material. She’s loves the attention and validation and will do it again with someone else.

[@VV-er3zg]

Girlie was tempted by a REMOTE coworker? Likeee good luck mate

[@Soulsphere001]

Everyone needs attention and validation. If they don't get it from the people they love, they'll get it elsewhere.

[@AmonAnon-vw3hr]

@Soulsphere001 the problem is when they seek that validation from random people while dismissing the validation from their partner.

[@Soulsphere001]

@@AmonAnon-vw3hr That could happen, yes.

[@dawnfiegen3249]

She didn’t “hold the line” She got caught.

[@Iknowyoureright]

Exactly, the boyfriend needs to leave her. She has broken trust that will never be repaired ever.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Yea, and her partner already admitted he thinks he did something wrong to drive her to another man, and those feelings are very hard to overcome.

[@audilecreations]

yeah she got caught, but shes also examining her own actions and trying to fix things.. some people would just run off and gaslight if they were caught, shes trying to be accountable and sounds genuine and I think thats worth something, life is hard and we do dumb things, if she really wants to salvage it I think thats a green flag in the big picture

[@Iknowyoureright]

@@audilecreations if she had no respect for him before as soon as he takes her back she will loose the ability to ever respect him in the future. Either way trust is broken

[@Undomaranel]

​@@Iknowyoureright Not necessarily. If her bf starts listening to her needs and uses this as a wake up call, they can build back. She didn't go through with anything, she became aware of what was happening and stopped it. She's analyzing and trying to rectify it, but afraid at the same time and beating herself up for falling for the same traps that her father and step father fell for! No one who's just upset they got caught would do that. Something like this is a hurdle. Some choose to let the hurdle stop them. Others choose to try jumping over it, even if their ankle clips. Had she chosen to go to dinner or a hotel it would be different. But she stopped, recognized what was happening and said no. Those are green flags.

[@ryanbwilkinson89]

Haven't heard the podcast yet but my guess is, if you have to ask that question the answer is probably yes.

[@leadfootlee4332]

Exactly

[@Shortcake5]

Yup

[@supernova11711]

Was thinking the same

[@apaulotroughtzmantz2914]

She didn’t hold the line. She got caught. Big difference

[@gsquared2394]

The boyfriend should bail. Personally, I wouldn’t tolerate that level of disrespect

[@CyeOutsider]

Hate to victim-blame, but it sounds like the bf is not giving her what she wants in a relationship. Cheating is never ok, but if there was no void in her relationship, the co-worker couldn't have gotten between them. They should break up.

[@Bunny11344]

@@CyeOutsiderit’s not victim blaming she’s of a victim 😂

[@bradleypowers3580]

@@CyeOutsider But yet you did just what you said you hated to do. Victim blame. No relationship is perfect. No person is perfect. You can always make excuses for cheaters with this mentality, because someway or another, you can gaslight and say they didn't give me this. They didn't give me that. They just weren't there for me. Because no one can do 100% of what another person wants. So at the end of the day, no matter what, you have to talk to your spouse first. If you feel you cannot communicate with them(which is a red flag in and of itself), you still do everything you can to try to. Text them if you have to. Really lay it all out there. Go to counseling, whatever it takes. If they still aren't responsive, then you have to consider the alternative of ending the relationship. Running straight to the another person is the ultimate sign of weakness and immaturity. Yet too many justify it. Too many friends give the person a pass. Oh he just wasn't treating you right. You did what you had to. Go get yours girl!

[@Spookyaki1]

@@CyeOutsider”hate to victim blame” Proceeds to victim blame lmao. You sound like the type to justify cheating. “Oh my needs weren’t met!” Be an adult and have a fucking discussion then.

[@morgancardinale6098]

​@bradleypowers3580 Facts. When you commit to someone, that is a promise. What she did is betrayal, and those who betray their friends, spouse, etc. are worse than scum.

[@meesh1002]

If you guys are already dating and starting to get the wondering eye, something is wrong with your relationship and you need to back away. This a moment to examine your relationship

[@DVW1983]

*wandering

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

Agree, let it go, you are not even married and she's unhappy. Being married to the bf won't solve ANYTHING

[@anthonym.7906]

Not true. Like Doc said, this ain’t the Notebook. People will have doubts and even thoughts in the greatest relationships. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with the relationship. The individual, maybe. But it all comes down to your actions, that determines where your heart is, YOUR ACTIONS

[@Chreeves]

SHE GOT CAUGHT! she de did not hold the line.. this would have progressed to physical cheating if she wasnt caught.

[@marcrose3403]

Exactly.

[@andrewjackson9948]

Was just a matter of time

[@ijustneedmyself]

You don't know that

[@Chreeves]

@@ijustneedmyself yes.. yes I do. The cheating was already done.. the degree of that cheating is the only thing in question.

[@ijustneedmyself]

@@Chreeves You don't. I know life seems less scary and unpredictable when you view things in such a black and white way, but the fact of the matter is that you AND I both don't know if this woman would've ended up physically cheating on her boyfriend. This could be her wake up call...or it might not be. But just because she did this doesn't mean it would've developed into a physical relationship. Anyway, have a good day.

[@Andomosity]

Gotta love the fact that the married co-worker's wife was probably not notified of her husband's infidelity either.

[@myyt3824]

I truly hope that if her bf had not found those texts that she would have nipped this in the bud. I’ve been in her situation before and I saw the signs and cut it off. I was newly postpartum and my marriage was in a bad spot which wasn’t fun at all. You have to be proactive in protecting your relationships even when you’re not happy. There will be times when you’re not happily married. It happens. But you better figure it out.

[@shroomssadow4981]

You’re a good woman for that. Us as men don’t expect this stuff not to happen, we expect our wives to act appropriately. We can’t get mad at men for trying to shoot their shot, it’s on the woman to block it.

[@myyt3824]

@@shroomssadow4981 I wasn’t at all proud of having flirty feelings towards another man, but like I said, postpartum was awful and had me feeling anything but myself. That’s not an excuse, but I blocked it all and shut it down. And I was transparent with the guy and he knew I was married with a baby and he wasn’t pushy or offended at all. Married people need to protect their marriages even when it’s not the happiest of times, because there will always be ups and downs.

[@gregorycarlson6632]

You are absolutely right, and a very wise woman. I’ve dealt with this professionally for many years. My experience has taught me that she has already had sex with this guy. Put it in the bank. There was a long pause and she got very emotional when John told her she had “held the line”. It was guilt because she hadn’t held the line. Here’s a question to ponder. When she admitted that she would have gone to his house or met him at a hotel, what makes us think that she hasn’t already??🤔

[@anthonyalbertini4097]

Exactly

[@ihateutube1143]

Lol ok

[@Lex-tl4vm]

If she can't even fend off the cheating married creeps & communicate her failings in the emotional cheating to her boyfriend....there is no way she's ready for the sacrament of marriage & responsibility of children.

[@dannieoceanreacts]

She’s clearly trickle truthing

[@HowieRaps]

I was thinking the same thing. Half the stuff it sounds like she's saying stuff just because it sounds good, not because she means it. You don't cheat on someone you "love to death" her exact words.

[@tippietoe7777]

I’ve been married for 15 years. When I was single, If someone I knew was married was flirting with me, asking me out on dates, etc - I would tell them to go to hell and that they should be ashamed of themselves. How incredibly gross of him to do that. I’ve never understood why anyone would even consider giving the time of day to someone who would betray their spouse like that. If someone were to approach me since I’ve been married, I would tell them I’m married and I’m not interested, period. I hate when people excuse this type of crap. It’s called don’t cross lines and don’t even put yourself in a situation/environment for something like this to possibly occur. It’s not hard. AT ALL. So few people have the ability and/or moral fortitude to set firm boundaries. It’s pathetic. What exactly is attractive about a married man coming on to you?! To think that is even remotely ok shows how very little she thinks of herself. It’s not cute, it’s not fun, it’s not special. It’s vile and repugnant. This is a major red flag and the boyfriend should break up with her. Even though nothing physical happened, that’s not the point. She betrayed his trust, talked negatively about him behind his back to another guy (a MARRIED one at that), and she clearly can’t be trusted.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

Bingo! Cheating and attempted-cheated are the same. The only difference is one you could not carry out what you clearly intended to do.

[@gregorycarlson6632]

Absolutely right on the money!👍

[@gregorycarlson6632]

As one who deals with this professionally, your comment is the wisest of all comments on this video. Dr. John is wrong when he said this sort of thing happens in the best relationships. WRONG!! It’s unthinkable. To even develop an infatuation or “crush” if you will says there’s something seriously wrong in your relationship. You best get about fixing it.

[@bjkarana]

Well, I've been married for 14 years and never cheated, but I certainly understand how it happens; usually an acquaintance who shares common interests and you both talk a lot and it builds from there. There's a point when you catch yourself daydreaming about the person and that is where you stop it, but it's not easy when _both_ people feel it, even though it's necessary. I'm my experience, immediate distance for a couple of weeks gives plenty of perspective to emotionally sober up (i.e. respect boundaries) and you go from there. I realize my wife is not the _only_ person out there for me, but she is the one I _choose_ and I get out of my marriage what I put into it (not to mention we always discount what we have compared to what is "new" but the grass isn't greener on the other side, or if it is _greener_ heaven knows what they put on that grass to keep it that way.

[@thpisland2423]

Have you never had crushes or feelings before? They don’t just go away when you’re taken.

[@Mr_New_Vegas_685]

The only reason a man in a relationship will openly complain about his spouse to another woman is to let her know he is open to something.

[@DuffyGabi]

Wrong.

[@blacksquid270]

​@@DuffyGabi Actually it's right, a guy is not going to go out of his way to vent to a woman about problems he's having at home. He would normally talk to his guy friends about those things. He's clearly fishing for romantic interest.

[@reinisvirsnieks433]

@DuffyGabi So me asking relationship advice from my sister is me telling her i wanna bang? 😂

[@Fokas-n8t]

@@DuffyGabi Νο you are wrong. A man who opens up to a female co-worker (or any other woman) to complain about his wife/girlfriend is just his attempt as an "engaged man" to declare his openness to "anything", provided the co-worker also wants it. Opening up like that to her is also a way to measure up her interest. If she sits and listens, then that is a green light.

[@jchick426]

Big facts

[@Noidstradamus]

I'm hearing a lot about what the male coworker said or did and very little about how she reacted or what she said in response. Which is critically important to this conversation and kind of feels like she is avoiding some accountability.

[@LateNightRewrites]

The Sisterhood(TM) is out in force on this one, always trying to shift blame, avoid accountability and make it seem like she could never have possibly done this without somehow being tricked into it by a villainous (gasp) straight man

[@Soulsphere001]

I don't think what she replied is as important as her belief that she crossed a line. She knows she did something wrong and she admitted it. Now it's up to her and her boyfriend to decide what to do about it. The public does not need to know any details.

[@Soulsphere001]

@@LateNightRewrites She took accountability for her actions. But, yes, the married man also did something wrong. It seems you're acting like it's all her fault and the married man is blameless. I'm guessing you're not trying to say that, but it seems like you are.

[@justalott]

She did NOT hold the line. She got caught! If it wasn't for him finding the texts, she would have sooner rather then later "met up".

[@gregorycarlson6632]

You are so right.👍

[@Soulsphere001]

No, because she Email Dr. John about six days before her boyfriend found the messages on her phone, so she was obviously at least feeling guilty and wanted to find a way to fix things with her boyfriend.

[@AmonAnon-vw3hr]

@Soulsphere001 thanks Lynn.

[@Soulsphere001]

@@AmonAnon-vw3hr That's what was stated anyway.

[@George-543]

Any messages/conversations with someone the opposite gender that you wouldn't want your partner to see/hear is likely crossing a boundary. It may give you a rush but you know it within yourself that it's wrong. Talk to your man, be truthful, and let the chips fall where they fall.

[@lisabanks7742]

If the guy is cheating on his wife, wouldn’t she think he would do the same to her? She’s no difference.

[@David-wo9un]

Wahmen like her think they have that something special that would make it never happen to them.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

Don't forget she is also a cheater, just like the married man.

[@Spiritbomb88]

*different

[@jenjen2824]

@@David-wo9unYou're not wrong. Women have been taught from birth that their only value and worth is in their looks, sexuality, and youth - not who they are as a person. So if a man - especially a married man - flirts with a woman with this wounded mindset, she thinks he sees her as special and she must have something his wife doesn't have. To her it affirms her value. To all the fathers, brothers, and uncles out there, please teach and show the girls/young women in your life that they are more than looks and that they have true value. Men are SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT in a young girl's life than you can begin to imagine. Girls learn to see themselves through the way MEN speak about and treat other women. Men are the missing link to a girl's healthy mindset. With that said, her boyfriend needs to seriously consider committing to her. If she can't be trusted while they are dating then she's not ready to be a lifelong partner.

[@HowieRaps]

I think some just want a fling. From my experience, as a man who's always wanted to find the girl I'll marry, I've had to get over countless women who just wanted to hook up. I'm convinced men want to be married 10x more than women do

[@erikaronska1096]

If you wouldn’t do it in front of your partner, it’s wrong

[@JustinCase780]

So it's wrong to make a poopy. My bad.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@JustinCase780 I'll poop in front of my wife. granted I'll close the door and not expect her to come in, BUT if she did come in, I'm not hiding that I poop from her....

[@Wuznoturbiznis]

@@JustinCase780open door policy lmao

[@alanbennett133]

What a joke. This girl's boyfriend caught her before it got to that point. But it was headed there. And had he not found those texts, she's still going. It's cool to take responsibility, but he needs to dump her. She's too weak to be loyal.

[@electrowayne2918]

Facts!!!

[@26Bluegb]

He wants to cook you dinner? He's married babe, you can't be that stupid. She was saying that she wants to be married, but she's not open with her partner and was hesitant to take full responsibility for her actions. She's trying to play the "if he knows it might hurt him." well you should have thought of that beforehand. Her boyfriend needs to leave- ASAP.

[@schustererik83]

women will believe whatever makes them the happiest at the time, and act on those emotions, thus fucking with everyone else's life around them.

[@gregorycarlson6632]

This woman lied to Dr. John and he bought it. I’ve also been dealing with this kind of thing professionally for a long time. She paused and got very emotional when he said she had held the line. Here’s a question to ponder. When she readily admitted that she would have met him at a hotel or gone to his house, , what makes you think she hasn’t already done so??🤔

[@GoKU-xx2vg]

She did not say that. Give the time stamp. Hopefully you are not a lawyer cause you would be a horrible one.

[@randybobandy9828]

John coddles women and slams men on this show. Its insane how biased he is.

[@princessbleu1090]

@@randybobandy9828I just started watching him and also noticed it as well. However I think most of his Fanbase is women so he has to because the ratings will fall. I don’t agree with it but it’s reality. I bet if you were to meet John in an elevator and the conversation was off the records Man to Man he would say the samething. Plus his wife probaly listens to the show he really is not trying to create unnecessary problems and also keep his job at the same time. I read the comments and if not all 85% is saying the samething I truly believe that if John could he would say how he really feels but in all actuality it was would cause to much of an issue. Just look what happened to Kevin Samuels

[@gregorycarlson6632]

@@GoKU-xx2vgWhat “time stamp” are you talking about? She did most certainly say she would have done it and got very emotional about it. As far as being an Attorney, let’s bear in mind that attorneys defend a lot of people who they know are guilty.

[@flightsnotfeelings5867]

The biggest thing my husband tells me when my anxiety is awful is “what do you need from me today? What do you need to hear? How can I help?” I always tell my friends communication is the biggest thing that helps prevent and de-escalate arguments (for me)

[@curoseba5363]

Your husband is emotionally intelligent but most men are like donkeys. Head-stuck on their ways.

[@joea9222]

Na dude, when she started asking if the bf should be allowed to see the messages... i think there was much more said/done than shes letting on and im sure he'll only see like 25% of all the messages.

[@carnivoreRon]

She probably told the married guy she loves him.

[@joea9222]

@@carnivoreRon I wouldn't doubt that for a second!

[@LateNightRewrites]

Exactly bro, you know even if he asks to see everything, the "everything" she shows him is gonna be a highly edited, redacted and carefully curated version of events that shows her only in a positive light

[@noname75013]

She is a cheater and makes excuses. Dude should dump her.

[@striperkid]

What happened here is quite common and normal in a mans world. Men are artists at swooning women. They know women love to be told they're pretty, beautiful, cute, smart, adorable, caring and will say they would take exceptional care of them if they were with them. This woman fell for that. The co-worker can not give her any more than her boyfriend can. He just tried to swoon her into his love nest. I hope this woman learned a lesson about the other men out there whom she's not dating. They'll say anything to make you feel like a Goddess just to get close to you.

[@uscitizen3252]

💯

[@Dansyoung]

Yup, another notch on the belt.

[@ropete33]

Yep, and he's got a few other women he's doing it with too most likely. And if she did give in to him he'd drop her after he's had his fun and completed the conquest.

[@LateNightRewrites]

Hilarious how you make this all about men while implying that the receiving party is too naive and dumb to know better. Way to help the cheating caller avoid accountability and be misandrist and the same time

[@striperkid]

@@LateNightRewritesI'm glad I made you laugh.

[@jth_printed_designs]

She didn’t “hold the line” in any way whatsoever. She was just progressing along in an affair and she got caught mid stream.

[@cyoohoos]

Good advise but DO NOT involve your manager in this

[@garfieldGG]

yeah, this aint a husband this is a boyfriend. You don't risk your job for a boyfriend, no way no how.

[@tinglerium1494]

@@garfieldGGthe boyfriend should leave this bi*ch

[@RR_184]

My 18 year marriage ended because my wife enjoyed this type of attention but let it go MUCH further. What I wouldnt give for her to have stopped herself and talked to someone about it, even if it wasnt me. Even if it was a podcast.

[@sweettoothmomma2621]

That's so sad.

[@salosegura711]

John is too easy on these women, she ruined two relationships. and the way he coddles this woman like she's a child who was manipulated is so weak of him. hes doing her a disservice. Women who do this need to hear the unfiltered truth not this pillow smooth its not your fault talk.

[@carnivoreRon]

If she is willing to go outside of the relationship emotionally, then she is willing to be physically adulterous. One option for him is to leave. I think she told the guy she loved him.

[@carnivoreRon]

@kanajingly8957 It was only when he discovered her texts to the other guy that she stopped. She was emotionally invested with the other guy to the detriment of her relationship with her boyfriend.

[@gregorycarlson6632]

As one who has dealt with situations like this professionally for many years, you are absolutely right! Based on what I’ve seen and learned, I’ll take it one step further. She’s already had sex with the guy. Why do I believe that?? There was a long pause and she got extremely emotional when he said “but you held the line”. That display of emotion was guilt because she knew she didn’t “hold the line”.

[@marcrose3403]

@kanajingly8957 lol 😂 you know if the boyfriend didn’t read the text message, she would have gone. There’s a reason why the boyfriend had the urge to read her text

[@tanyamilewski5700]

Nah they need to break up. Marriage is hard enough and they will entering it in the negative. It makes more sense to work on things if it’s a 10 yr marriage not someone you are dating

[@alberttang6955]

She says the boyfriend is like "family", and she sees a future with him, probably because he makes her feel safe and secure. The married coworker makes her feel genuine burning desire that's missing in her relationship with her boyfriend. I suspect she's already crossed the line with the coworker. Now she's trying to figure out a strategy to keep the boyfriend on the hook because she got caught.

[@andrewjackson9948]

Only because it's wrong and taboo. He isn't doing anything special. It's a dark messed up fantasy she created.

[@AmonAnon-vw3hr]

She wants the comfort of a husband but the dangerous rush of messing with a stranger.

[@gregorycarlson6632]

As I’ve watched this a couple more times, a couple more important things strike out at me. It is completely disingenuous of her her say in one breath how much she loves her boyfriend “to death” and see’s a future with him, and in her next breath admits that she would have met the guy at a hotel. Really?? In my world the two are diametrically opposed, and this is what I present to people I counsel. Somebody who loves their partner as they should won’t even for one second consider meeting someone else for sex. In my view, it doesn’t happen. Period. But beyond that, there’s a common thread that runs through every illicit relationship. People don’t confess until they’re caught. I haven’t encountered one exception to that rule. So the hotel thing would have happened, and that would have only been the beginning.🤔

[@jackdeniston59]

When she says love she means 'use'

[@gregorycarlson6632]

@@jackdeniston59Absolutely right!!

[@strydah97]

‘I know you were desperately angry and beat a person to an inch of death and caused incredible pain, but good job you held the line because you really wanted to murder them and you didn’t. That was really hard’ Dr. John, I don’t know how your closing statement regarding holding the line was intended to help her. But I would love an explanation. Because in my mind she did nothing of the sort. She obliterated and blew past multiple lines. So ‘kudos you held the line’ in my mind is saying more or less ‘yes you did 10 things to betray your boyfriend’s trust but congratulations you didn’t do the one thing.’ Feels hollow. Especially because by her own admission she only stopped since she was caught.

[@tehbobb08]

She actually asked him if she should allow her partner to see the texts. That's a huge red flag.

[@Soulsphere001]

Why is asking questions a red flag?

[@tehbobb08]

@@Soulsphere001 because her partner has a right to understand what was going on, she was looking for an excuse to limit his knowledge of the affair. How could that be okay?

[@Soulsphere001]

@@tehbobb08 It's also possible that she's not sure if her boyfriend was asking for too much or not. She doesn't need an excuse to say 'no', so I'm not sure she was looking for an excuse to say 'no'. Then again, it's possible that you're right. I don't pretend to know what she's thinking.

[@tehbobb08]

@@Soulsphere001 What would you consider “asking too much” after your partner finds out that you just had an emotional affair

[@Soulsphere001]

@@tehbobb08 It matters more what she thinks than what I think. Who cares what I think? Everyone is different.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

I cant believe this guy wants to work it out with her. To her husband, if you're watching this... RUN, its over.

[@monsutades9999]

Luckily he's just her boyfriend she hasn't trapped him yet☠️ I agree he needs to leave her for the streets since she's trying to play the game lmao she needs to go to therapy as she's clearly repeating her childhood trauma cycle on her poor boyfriend :/

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

@@monsutades9999 oh, I don't know why I thought I heard husband. Whoops. Lucky for him, hopefully he gets some self respect soon before its too late

[@mozerm]

Disagree but she is extremely naïve and hopefully has learned an important lesson from this.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

@@mozerm she got vulnerable, sexual and complained over the phone with the co worker. That's straight up cheating. You can't ever trust a partner again after something like that. When trust is gone, a relationship is over

[@darlaspafford-davis7087]

Here's a thing......they aren't married. He's not meeting her needs. She wants to be married and raising a family. Her boyfriend could make that happen, but he's not. It's okay to leave a relationship that does not fulfill you.

[@asaantoine9485]

She didn't end the relationship, she almost cheated but simply got caught before having sex with the other man. She didn't allow her boyfriend to meet her needs because she never let him know they weren't being met.

[@GriffithzDream]

You are just as bad as her, it's pathetic

[@billydee1879]

She didn't hold the line. You could tell. She's lying. That's the second or third dinner he was gonna cook. She got caught.

[@DoomMishima]

lol where did you get your psychology degree? Do you know this person?

[@FourSeasons04]

I just want to shake my head. Yeah, let's go on a date with a married person. Geez.

[@Twinkie-et9up]

I know, that didn’t sound the alarm when she heard the word “date”?!?

[@triplecheesemac]

that married dude is a predator and a total piece of crap. This caller is looking at her life glass half empty. If she look at her life properly, she could say at least i am not married to that guy preying on his coworkers.

[@BD-1-And-Only]

@@triplecheesemacShe’s the one that’s a total piece of crap. Gotta love the simps and white knights defending women lol

[@ChaiLatte13]

I wrote on the original full length video...But this lady sounds naive and confused, almost blindsided by what happened. I think she just needs to be more assertive when a married man starts doing this. Because of things that happened to me, I see a con man right away when the flattery begins. Don't believe the flattery. They use flattery to get something from you. I still think the co-worker was purposely pushing boundaries and using predatory tactics. She doesn't sound like someone who was actually trying to cheat on her BF. She really sounds stunned and confused by the tactics of the co-worker and how she fell for it.

[@badwolf3618]

You are treating her like she is just a passive observer in this scenario, or like she has no agency, or like she has no ability to exhibit discernment and good judgment?

[@ChaiLatte13]

@@badwolf3618 Yeah she has to own what she did. I was mostly writing so that she doesn't fall for the manipulation again.

[@LateNightRewrites]

​@@ChaiLatte13assuming she even fell for it the first time and didn't know exactly what it was off rip

[@ChaiLatte13]

@@LateNightRewrites I dunno. There have been others on this show that very clearly knew they were cheating. This caller sincerely sounded confused and naive. I hope that she is aware of her weaknesses now and learns from this.

[@carnivoreRon]

He caught her. My guess is that she told the guy she loved him and that's why she hasn't shown the boyfriend the text messages.

[@Jugoplastika7]

Women want these dumbass adventures but don’t like the consequences

[@LateNightRewrites]

​@@Jugoplastika7nor do they like having to admit fault, blame, or wrongness whatsoever. In fact, many will resist that so strongly that they'll lie, gaslight and flip the script on their partner by accusing him of being controlling, crazy or toxic

[@Jugoplastika7]

@@LateNightRewrites facts, reason and logic non existent

[@evanl889]

A lot of unanswered questions. She expressed to the co worker that she is unhappy where she is in life and thought she would be married by now. If her and her “boyfriend” are so close that they call each other family, then why aren’t they married yet? Something caused her to do this once, and if the boyfriend doesn’t propose or start saying those things that made her feel alive then she will do it again.

[@linhaton4957]

The boyfriend should make her feel special. The situation doesn’t add up. At the end of the day, she’s a single woman who can do as she pleases.

[@JustinCase780]

Yes, saying that to a married flirt player is throwing the boyfriend under the bus and is like feeding a tiger and wondering why the tiger wants more.

[@garfieldGG]

Yeah, I agree. Alot more going on here than we've heard.

[@shroomssadow4981]

Aaaaannnndddd BINGO was his name O!

[@Dansyoung]

@@linhaton4957Huh? No she’s not a single lady who can do as she pleases - she has a boyfriend. She should have a level of commitment to that relationship until it is ended. Should a man who’s dating a women, still go on dates with other women?

[@JEREMY99218]

She got caught in the emotional cheating before the sexual cheating started. She would have cheated sexually if her boyfriend hadn't seen the text messages. When a man has interest in a woman outside of work it is sexual interest. Most women are too naive to understand this. Men are not interested in just being friends.

[@Twotonetonyy]

Good topic, I just don't get how she still like yea I was in the wrong but I love my BF and our families love each other, if you genuinely love someone you would never do anything to hurt them.

[@CanditoTrainingHQ]

5:10 reveals a lot about John. That is not your place man. If you speak on a coworkers relationship based on one side of the story, you absolutely look like someone eager to take advantage.

[@HeleneTorkos]

She's not wife material. Imagine if they get married and have a fight. She storms out calls a coworker they meet up at a bar and have a few drinks . Next thing they're in the car making out.

[@truckingwithtobee]

She only feels bad bc she got caught. Women need to realize men will tell you anything. Just to get into their pants. Zero sympathy for this lady. My husband did the exact same thing as this woman. And it’s just as devastating as if he had sex with her. In my book I think in emotional affairs are more destructive.

[@ramist9847]

Well have a look at the other women here defending her and literally saying "its not cheating theyre not married" lmao so think about that...

[@thevipez8740]

8:23 This seems like a big red flag to me, she tries to make an argument to herself that its actually a good thing towards her boyfriend to lie to him and not show him the extent of those messages, and that lying to him will protect him. She is making it out to be that the reasons she would potentially want to lie to her boyfriend and hide these things from him, is for his own sake (somehow). She tells herself that she is doing something noble, when she should know that hiding things from him and lying to him is NOT a good thing. It makes it seem as tho she is actually doing this to protect herself and being selfish, while claiming to be doing something well meaning and for his sake

[@tacooflove6175]

I think she wasn’t sure what to do because of all the things she had read online because she also mentioned showing him everything and wasn’t sure which one to do.

[@thevipez8740]

@@tacooflove6175 Yeah i don't fully want to ascribe ill intent, i just wanted to point out how this seems like something more selfish than as well meaning as she makes her intentions out to be But of course theres a possibility she really means well

[@ctb3343]

@@tacooflove6175she knew which one to do. This language of “I didn’t know what to do/say” comes from the folks that lack accountability for their actions.

[@cristianm6706]

Yeah sorry but if I was the guy I’m out. Pack your bags and leave. Regardless if nothing was done physically. You gave someone your emotions which that is supposed to be between us. And you are hesitant to show the convos?? You done lost your mind.

[@ilai7893]

"I don't know what happened" - typical statement signifying lack of accountability and boundaries. That being said, it's good that the caller is cautious and likely called in to reinforce her boundaries since it was this coworker who was trying to go too far. I don't think she went too far but was getting close to the edge

[@JustinCase780]

The married flirt dude lit her up like a Christmas tree. Love the holiday spirit! 😂

[@lilo2469]

And almost Popped her bulb lol

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

Had the honkers blinking like tail lights!

[@emmaphilo4049]

You guys stop it😂😂😂😂

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

@@emmaphilo4049 Has anyone told you that your hair looks absolutely fantastic? If you ever need someone to talk with when it just feels like nobody understands you or will listen, I will be there for you... 😆

[@Dansyoung]

@@emmaphilo4049Yikes watch out for the simp above, he’s the type to ask for foot pictures 🤣

[@texasgina]

People who are married should never discuss their relationship/marriage problems with the opposite sex, they need to speak to somebody who's older who is wiser someone from church who can give them good advice. if you start talking to the opposite sex about your marriage problems it's a train wreck waiting to happen because the other person who is also not super happy in their relationship is going to want to show you affection to make you feel better and them feel better And the gullible person who's looking for attention is going to go for it. I have a guy friend that I've known since I was 12 years old and he will call me up every once in a while and start complaining about his wife and I say you need to go to counseling you need to talk to a therapist.

[@addiskassa5165]

Wow! You are so wise! God blessed!🙏

[@gregorycarlson6632]

Lynn: “I love my boyfriend to death.” Yeah, right! That’s why you said you’d meet this other guy at a hotel if he asked you. Beyond pathetic!!

[@lizardluminals9324]

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't" - Erica Jong

[@ivywildwss]

My husband of 32 yrs did this to me, three times, passionate emotional affairs with sexting, nothing physical. I found out three weeks ago, of 2004, 2010, and 2018 and it shattered my heart. He loves me and is ashamed, but that doesn't fix the hurt. Is love worth fighting for? Yes.

[@Jocelyn123rox]

And that’s the only ones you know of lmao trust is gone

[@kndr2094]

Best of luck to you in this difficult time and finding what is best for YOU.

[@Cooniez]

@@Jocelyn123rox 💯

[@deanwitt7903]

Trust is gone . He has now devalued your relationship to nothing . He’s a dog !

[@pirate254]

How did she respond to his invitations for dates? She didn't say she said no, just that he asked and it hadn't happened yet.

[@Welcome28487]

Yep! The fact that he felt comfortable asking is something that she allowed. She allowed him to cross that boundary in the relationship and she prolly wanted the D too obviously

[@xindubitablex]

“Someone said something nice to me so I opened my legs teehee”

[@ctb3343]

If you are having to ask if you cheated, you probably cheated lol

[@ctb3343]

@kanajingly8957if you feel that your male “friends” are not open to pushing a different narrative at the right time with you, you have a LOT to learn. This is coming from a guy that played that role with Great success with multiple women before meeting and settling drown with my wife. It’s a long and strategic play, not a blitzkrieg that is easy to figure out.

[@LawfulNutral]

I only want to fix it because I got caught. She should just go be with the other guy. See how it goes for her. She sounded so relieved for a moment when the good doctor told her she’s not crazy. Welcome to the consequences of your choices and actions. If I was this girls boyfriend’s and I heard this call, I’d probably feel like I was the bad guy for the amount of comfort he gave this person. I hope he realizes that he can find someone that will not break his trust in a life that’s already tough enough.

[@michaelallen3304]

Me and my wife have an agreement we never talk about our relationship with anyone but our parents. No room for anyone to wiggle in. “Do you ever feel like you wife doesn’t do enough” NOPE. “Do you ever feel like your husband doesn’t spend enough time and affection on you?” NOPE. We are the border between North and South Korea, nothing crosses in or out.

[@synchacker25]

My gf has had multiple coworkers start messaging her memes and little things and ive had to explain to her thats how guys stay relevant. There was one guy that would straight up send her memes about sex, intimacy, relationships, etc. This guy found her fb, he didnt wotk in the same department or even the same hours. She was bewildered at the prospect of this guy being into her, until i reminded her how i reeled her in, doing essentially the same things. She saw the way she was letting this behavior happen and how to a guy, that can be interpreted as solid interest or even just acceptance of the pursuit. There was another one that was the "guy friend" who, one night, got drunk and sent multiple revealing text messages to the group chat, saying how he's always wanted to have sex with all the girls in the friend group and how he regularly masturbates to their pictures (yeah disgusting ik). So, whenever i tell her im suspicious about a guy, she believes me and blocks him.

[@sucram1018]

Maybe, she should stop giving out her number then.

[@1515asdfghjkl]

Are women always this gullible with her believing that he was separated from his wife?

[@JustinCase780]

It's a bit severe to suggest that she should tell her supervisor that she needs zero contact with the flirt guy. Sure .. make him look suspicious in his workplace as if it was all his doing.

[@tpeters85]

If she values her relationship with her bf, then she can’t work with the married creep anymore. Either he’ll keep trying to get in her pants or it will just get too awkward for them to work productively together.

[@JustinCase780]

@@tpeters85 No way. To go to management when she was taking part in the same is so stupid and could hurt both of their careers. They can be adults about it and cut it off. People need to be responsible for themselves not needing a manager or HR involved. Grow up, made a stupid mistake, we aren't hanging out again and move on.

[@leviacronym6770]

Ya'll really proved why this woman wanted to avoid the internet for advice because not only is it conflicting, but people are hypocritical and think their own refuse doesn't stink. You all messed up at some point, you're not perfect. I'm glad she went to Dr. John and not any of you. Also, I've watched several videos unbiased, males or females, and I do notice Dr. John talks differently depending on the person. Know why? Because it's his job, and he knows how to read people and knows you CAN'T use the same approach for everyone. I've had different therapists, and the ones that got through to me, talked similar to Dr. John. The one that raised his voice to me and purposely made me feel like crap? He just made me not want to seek help, made me want to keep hurting myself, and made me want to bottle everything up. Dr. John knows what he's doing.

[@chaz7604]

You sound like a decent person on the internet! Praise be!! 🎉

[@Welcome28487]

Accountability she needs to take it… she is an adult .

[@leviacronym6770]

@@Welcome28487 I agree. Everyone needs to be accountable.

[@leviacronym6770]

@@chaz7604 Thank you. :3

[@jenjen2824]

I think people are just so tired of infidelity, betrayal, and broken trust and are equally tired of all the excuses and lack of responsibility that comes with it. People have a basic and very real need to be able to trust those they love and there is no wound like deliberate betrayal. Knowing the people behind the scenes are being lied to and screwed over is uncomfortable to those of us who don't like the pain that will very likely be forced upon them.

[@BizarreCurty]

The problem with trying to use the internet to solve your problems, is that the internet is a sound board. You're gonna get people that are wanting to feel better about the situation that they are in so they are going to give advice based on how they handled a situation. It'll never be about doing what was right, it's about making themselves feel better by having other people doing the same thing. Don't trust what you see online, trust your gut instinct and be true to yourself.

[@johnweinhandl8890]

My favorite thing these people say “Oh well AP IS GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE/SEPARATION.” DUH miss they’re smarter than you of course they KNOW WHAT TO SAY of course they complement you. Of course they’re getting a divorce? Sorry to be aggressive but this is an important part

[@redzin8818]

I think she saw red flags when the lines started getting crossed. It just felt good and she felt unkept or univested in the relationship with her boyfriend...she wouldnt have been allowing or looking for fun elsewhere if she was happy in her relationship...thats screams a serious deficit in a relationship.

[@carnivoreRon]

Defect in Her

[@Zlordus1]

I hope her boyfriend left her, she really is shines of red flags, I have actually laughed about the question regarding she should let him see the texts, it looks like even the host was like "huh" - if not now, it will happen in the future.

[@thinkinoutloud8069]

If she got to this point then leave her. It will happen again down the line or has happened before and he doesn’t know. She’s too gullible and easy

[@weezee123456]

If she didn't get caught she definitely would have starched the sheets with this MARRIED MAN. She's weak and gullible. Find someone else. You marry her and this is your life.

[@cess4089]

I know what she’s talking about when she’s says that she doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend what to say. It just seems fake.

[@FreeSpirit47]

Too many women give husband significance to a guy who is just a boyfriend.

[@josephdrury5802]

No job promotes you if they feel you can not be trusted in the current role. And if they do then you probably won't be a very good worker.

[@FreeSpirit47]

@@josephdrury5802 Interesting comparison.

[@bjkarana]

Yeah, I'm sure you'd be cool if the roles were reversed.

[@FreeSpirit47]

@@bjkarana Your comment makes no sense. Are you okay?

[@bjkarana]

@@FreeSpirit47 Can you read?

[@gregorycarlson6632]

Great advice Dr. John. I’ve been working with this kind of thing professionally for over 40 years. (Yes, I’m old!😆) I just feel in my gut that she’s already had sex with this guy. She admitted she would have. I think she has. Her displays of emotion during that part of the call sounded like guilt to me. Trust me; they’ve hooked up. Either way, if she wants to put a break on this she absolutely must find another job. Even if she and this guy don’t specifically work on projects together, even seeing each other in the break room or parking lot is dangerous. She must absolutely find a new job. This guy is scum. I’m so glad Dr. John said what he did. These guys are predators and the head of the company needs to know what this guy is up to. I hope I’m wrong about her having already hooked up with this guy, but my gut tells me I’m right. You see a lot of stuff in 40 years.

[@mozerm]

Further affirmation that men and women really can't just be friends. No one will ever convince me otherwise. In any 'friendship' of this sort, one of the two people would sleep with the other if the opportunity presented itself...

[@leviacronym6770]

Depends on the person. You can be friends with anyone just as long as you know and understand the boundaries and same to them. I'm female and have male friends just fine. Have I ever had male friends that were into me? Yeah, at some point, but no lines were ever crossed. Let's be honest here, not every dude is gonna wanna bang you, not everyone is straight and even straight people have a preferred "type" that they are attracted to. Can some men/women NOT have friendships with women/men? Sure, the ones that are immature, insecure, desperate and don't have values sure can't maintain friendships.

[@random-nz7dy]

She's not really sorry about this. She's trying to make it sound complicated and trying to obfuscate throughout the call. She even went searching on the internet websites for bullshit blogs to tell her what she wanted to hear (Oh just let it go and don't tell them and This kind of thing isn't crossing the line). There is no question that major lines were crossed. Anyone who would tell you otherwise is either stupid, delusional or effectively wants an open relationship. I hope this guy leaves her because you can very clearly tell by the way she talks about this that she's not really that repentant or contrite about what happened. She mostly just feels bad that she was caught. The age old question is "If he hadn't read those text messages and caught you, would you have put a stop to this by now?" And we all know the answer

[@Andomosity]

It's scary that an adult would even consider hiding it and never bringing it up. That's literally using a 5 year old's logic to fix an adult problem. Basically she just wanted a solution that doesn't paint her in a bad light, and she also wanted a solution that would avoid her being confronted and held accountable by her boyfriend. This is an adult woman living fully in delusion. She really thinks the married guy is only talking to her, and she also thinks he truly means all those things he told her. On top of that, she probably thinks that he would never cheat on her either! And the married guy isn't innocent either. He's also scum for being okay with ruining 2 relationships just to get some sex.

[@trevorstevenson4772]

Oh they know what they're doing lol women love changing the narrative to make themselves feel better.

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

It is laughable for John to imply that a reasonable man in this situation (where HE discovered inappropriate texts his girl was sending back and forth with another man) could possibly say, "I trust my girl, if she says nothing happened with him, then nothing happened with him". WTF?!?!? You mean the same girl who was entertaining other men behind your back and had ZERO intentions of telling you until she was caught? That same woman who clearly puts her own selfish desires above your peace of mind is going to be honest with you when she knows it will result in her losing her cushy relationship? Trust was already broken, she better hand over that phone or the relationship is already over. And what he sees on the phone probably will show it's a wrap for her, that is why she doesn't want to show the texts.

[@ReallyUnderstandEnglish]

A good rule of thumb: would you be comfortable with your partner having the exact type of relationship with their coworker that you have with yours?

[@KathleenMcNe]

All this personal chatter took place on the company dime? Both should be fired.

[@inky4690]

These comments are the best

[@cscors2]

John handled this really well. I believe she has actual remorse but something else that needs to be said is that when we are vulnerable, our principles must hold. Our character is defined when life is difficult, not perfect. She would not be happy with him if the situation was reversed. I also bet she would be saying this is not an excuse to cheat.

[@sal20Jets]

Women and men always fall to the script of a few nice compliments. No one deserves to be cheated on no matter the circumstances. I remember my partner felt that I should just know what she wanted. I told her I can’t read minds, that’s I need you to talk to me about what you want. Don’t talk to me about it once a year. When I ask you how can I help you, then just tell me.

[@Chet_24]

I dont remember where this is from, but i heard if you can't tell your gf/wife about it then you probably shouldn't do it. Not bad advice, imo.

[@tylerdunn7792]

It’s unbearable listening to the bullshit he puts up with women that he would call out in men b

[@Ruthbaby175]

Life was so much easier without cell phones and text messages.