My Daughter-in-Law Is a Bad Parent (Should I Say Something?)

My Daughter-in-Law Is a Bad Parent (Should I Say Something?)
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[@heatherrae4126]

I was so mad at my daughter one day…I was yelling at her and she cried out “you’re scaring me” and something in me changed from that day on. I have never let myself loose it like that EVER again. I was raised with two yelling parents and I thought I turned out ok, like this mom. But really I’m not ok and I don’t want my daughters to grow up in fear.

[@FlappyBelly]

You just want to think you are not OK for social clout. You're not in prison and you have a job...you're fine.

[@Kiapurple8]

Get professional help. You don't want to spread your negativity to your daughter.

[@ositoheart]

You're doing great mom. Your ability to learn and a wanting to change shows so much

[@PapaSmurf11182nd]

@@FlappyBellyYeah you don’t get to tell people how to feel

[@tundeterez]

You have a brave daughter, that in the face of fear - she drew a boundary and at the same time it was risky to tell you how she felt in the moment.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Yelling at kids produces adults with low self esteem, anxiety and addictions. I’ve seen it in most people who had this kind of upbringing.

[@zebnemma]

And 'til this day I still can't enjoy my birthday because of it. Because my kid self always hoped for a good birthday, but I was still getting yelled at on my birthdays. I just get a weird sense of sadness on my BD instead... Even when people who do treat me well are there to celebrate me I still can't truly enjoy it. My brain thinks I don't deserve to feel happy, or to get presents, or that my existence should be acknowledged. Should just go and die in a deep forest so nobody ever finds me. I know that's not actually true, but that's the thoughts I get sometimes.

[@kurehanzo]

I'm a living proof 😅

[@taradiane]

and sets them up for abusive relationships in their adult years. :(

[@aaunyea4799]

​@zebnemma im the same way, that's why i don't celebrate my birthday witb family. I just get my favorite food and snacks, and enjoy a good show or movie

[@nothinwatever]

@@kurehanzosame here

[@kw2075]

The daughter in law needs a professional to tell her how damaging that bs is. I hate seeing kids getting yelled at as a communication style.

[@dainionwest831]

Not a communication style, it's abuse but agree completely

[@Leahmoonbeamflower]

I don’t think it takes a ‘ professional’ to simply tell her the truth. There are wayyy too many people pleasers in the world when they secretly passively aggressively really don’t want to just go along with things. The daughter in law just needs someone to simply say “ yelling at your kids like you do is going to emotionally damage them and give you more wrinkles “. 😂 I bet she’d listen to the wrinkle part the most.

[@kw2075]

@@Leahmoonbeamflower that went over your head Leah 🥴. She did that already. In sensitive situations like these some people need an unbiased professional to break things down in order for it to be received. While you are talking about people pleasers then said add something about wrinkles….beating around the bush much?

[@Leahmoonbeamflower]

@@kw2075 why are you so defensive? What a waste of energy. I just have a different opinion. Deal with it. 😘

[@kw2075]

@@Leahmoonbeamflower as I said. It went over your head Leah. I simply responded to you, as you did me ma’am smh

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Berating a child is weakness, not strength and self control.

[@perlasurena]

"When you have an entire culture raised on fear, you have a whole culture that just ducks their heads and look away." Wow, honestly very powerful. This has been a great episode by Dr. John Deloney.

[@candyluna2929]

We saw that with how ppl reacted during the pandemic

[@pastelbee8125]

And then ppl wonder why millennials put their heads down and look away

[@suea5280]

My parents were yellers. it took its toll on my sister and I. I now have a child, and there are times when I hear my self raising my voice. I have to continuously check myself when I speak to them. I don't want them to grow up like I did.

[@annabanana6965]

Yes! Same here. I get on his level and apologize.

[@2Peter3Nine]

Same. Breath prayers have helped me so much. And even just realizing it's actually not okay too, since it seemed normal growing up and I turned out okay. I still have a great relationship with my parents but as I listen to things like this I realize how lacking in so many ways we really were. But I never felt unloved. God is good to have held us together through it all. 🙌

[@Frannie2199]

Yeah “Yeller” is a great way to describe my dad. To this day he doesn’t understand why I’m afraid of confrontation with him and why it sets me off

[@kimkaragiannis848]

Same it's a constant struggle, and it pisses me off that my parents made my childhood hard and my adulthood hard. 😢

[@RabidDisposition]

Mom was a yeller and it's made me the complete opposite. I can't scream, I can't even get angry. I get short bursts of frustration but then the little logic bug in my head kicks in and I realize, "this is nothing to be upset about, so I wont care" My life is so peaceful until other people get involved. I just wish everyone could actually control themselves instead of letting their emotions control their actions. It's exhausting.

[@EveryPeachInReach]

Being screamed at as a child is demoralizing. Been there.

[@James_Hough]

The more important the issue, the quieter you get. It conveys strength and confidence and seriousness. Yelling conveys a loss of control and the ability of the child to force the parent's reaction.

[@AlanCraig-g4h]

Sometimes kids have ODD and yes it is very hard to keep control sometimes. I do most of the time, but sometimes I lose control and yell. All I can do is work on it. I know I have self regulate. He also needs to respect me and listen though.

[@RatetheDebate]

@@AlanCraig-g4hYes, but you try not to lose control and you probably apologize for doing so afterward, right? Abusive people do not apologize because they think the other person deserves their punishment and made them yell.

[@MessagesFromAurora]

people expect respect from their kids and many times those are the same parents that don't respect their kids cuz they're the grownup

[@RecoveryAndLife]

I saw a badge cam video of a mother and like 18 year old daughter, both just absolutely LOSING it, screaming, crying, whining because their car battery died on the way to a court date. That sucks, yes, def a bad day, but these women got themselves arrested from their reaction, and there was a specific part where the mom started to try and pull herself together, and said “it’s okay” to her daughter, and her daughter gave the most shocked look and was like “ITS OKAY?!?!?” She was so unfamiliar with any type of calmness or strength from her parental figure. Sad

[@fortyseventhronin]

My parents raised me this way, and I turned out fine. I mean, I see a psychologist every week, take medications every day, suffer from chronic insomnia, and crippling social anxiety, but I'm FINE!

[@bellareid3488]

I hear you. Stay strong. You deserve peace

[@jennifersilves4195]

Someone should have said something to my parents, but they probably wanted to be able to see us.

[@princessspikes4501]

Yep, this does happen!!

[@franciehartsog1347]

Agree.

[@michellemiller3431]

That’s the reason many grandparents don’t interfere

[@leahakers1805]

My Dad screamed and yelled on a regular basis as I was growing up. It definitely did something to me mentally and emotionally. I have had major self-esteem issues, feelings of worthlessness, and terrible anxiety. I internalize everything and always blame myself when things go wrong. I have zero friends and became painfully introverted. I do, however, have a wonderful husband, and 2 out of our 5 children are still at home. I do NOT yell at my children. I would never want them to deal with what I did.

[@SS-rv1mb]

In solidarity...you and I sound so alike. Really sorry we both had to go through/continue to heal from this style of parenting. Best wishes in your life..

[@briancarter4364]

Sorry you went through that

[@rainbow.zebra.]

Same

[@sasharemez7373]

The mom needs healing. My mom was like that, and she felt immense guilt after yelling. She couldn’t control it. She yelled because she was overwhelmed. Love heals. I hope the mom seeks healing so she can heal and have the capacity to love these kids the way they need to be loved. As an adult I started showing my mom love, and she started to change. My mom never felt loved by anyone. We both were healing as a result. And now we have a good relationship. Before I believed she hated me, because she always yelled, now I understand why she yelled, I forgave her and have found healing for me and she has healed as well.

[@rollerbaybee4230]

Wow, that's wonderful she was open to learning a different way to be! Wish every parent was like that

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

It's true, she's got to heal. I have SEVERE CPTSD. I've been thru horrible things. I yell at my beloved child. I hate myself when I yell but I can't stop. I love my child more than anything in the world. I have copied the YT link above and I'm going to watch this video daily. If that doesn't stop me I'm going to get a therapist to work on this. I kept brushing my behaviour off bc it's how I was raised, but I'm a complete mess, what am I thinking repeating one of the patterns? 😢 I will change.

[@sasharemez7373]

@@queenofthebutterflies5212 I wish you healing so you can be whole and live your best life!

[@suestewart6590]

And as happens in life--if you lose your temper and raise your voice, APOLOGIZE to your children. "It is never okay for me to yell at you. I am always trying to be the best parent I can. Please forgive me."--this goes so far.

[@salome9124]

So true.

[@priyaravindran6150]

Yes! I would have a much better relationship with my mom if she would have just apologized, but she never did. Not once, and not just for yelling, but for anything. I’m trying to always ask my son for forgiveness if I make a mistake. Anger is a genetic issue that I’m constantly working on, and ideally, I would never have a single day where I would lose my temper, but I’m at least trying to show our son that when we make mistakes, ask for forgiveness. We are human, and we make mistakes, but genuinely be sorry, say what you did isn’t ok, that you understand why they’re upset, and try to not make the same mistake again.

[@mayisms]

I agree.

[@sofiasorensen671]

I also grew up w a emotionally & verbally abusive mother who has yelled at me my entire life! She still does it to this day and refuses any kind of help. It breaks my heart to hear others experience the exact same thing it is so beyond wrong. it affects the children immensely and causes so much emotional trauma! This grandma is a saint and is doing the right thing! May things get better for everyone involved

[@FlappyBelly]

What is emotional and verbal abuse? I always get confused. A friend of mine in 2003 said she was being verbally abused and I asked what she meant and she said her boyfriend yelled at her and called her dumb bc because she washed and dried his $1500 Armani tux before his brothers wedding. If an argument or insult happens one time is that abuse?

[@yingyang7448]

@@FlappyBelly Yes.

[@angietyndall7337]

Agreed. Abuse is abuse.

[@FlappyBelly]

@@angietyndall7337 Yeah but abuse has been very subjective these days.

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

@@FlappyBelly I feel for you, honey. It is abuse. I'm so sorry you can't see it clearly.

[@Sahmlife37]

Grew up with a parent who yelled a lot. When I was dating my husband and we had our first fight I yelled. He told me if I ever speak to him like that again our relationship was over. I couldn’t believe it, but his honesty saved my life. I do my best not to scream at all. Occasionally it happens, but not near where I used to be.

[@grittyinpink16]

The daughter-in-law needs therapy. She's not necessarily a "bad mom." She's a woman who needs help healing her trauma ASAP. It would be wonderful if her in-laws could help her.

[@brokenlyspiritual]

I was thinking this same thing. As someone who was abused physically and mentally, this was a huge hurtle to get past. There is a lot of fear that is behind the anger. People don’t quite realize how powerful the fear of being powerless in a situation is. It doesn’t excuse it, but it can help people to understand at least a part of it.

[@samantharaymond1844]

Yes. I am this person. I tend to blow up or raise my voice over little to nothing. I was thinking the other day, I wasn't always like this. And I was able to pin point the exact moment that turned me. Whenever I feel threatened, hurt, vulnerable or as if I'm losing control, my fear takes over and I explode in order to protect myself. Funny thing is, I hate being angry 😔

[@2Peter3Nine]

​@@samantharaymond1844I hate it too! I consider myself a fun loving and upbeat person, so my anger always inevitably turns itself against me, I get mad that I'm mad. 😔 Breath prayers have helped me a lot 🙏

[@JustinCase780]

Not only is she a lousy Mom for yelling at her kids but she's a bit sick to repeat "well that's how we were raised and we turned out fine" ...actually, not fine.

[@KAT-wm3ce]

EXACTLY! We were beat and whipped as kids but none of us ever repeated that abuse to our kids. ,we broke the cycle ❤

[@missk2559]

You can ABSOLUTELY be authoritative & demand respect from your children without yelling.

[@TigerSeven86]

I was a weird kid, but when I found out Santa wasn’t real, I questioned God, Jesus etc and went through a huge mental breakdown wondering why the people I love the most would lie to me like that.

[@guest0407]

Exactly. I didn't question God's existence but I was quite upset with my mother for lying to me for so long. A lie is a lie, doesn't matter if the entire culture is in on it.

[@BlueDauntless]

John is wrong there. If people want to do that, fine. But I won’t lie to my kids like that.

[@ingaannaadefisoye6420]

I told my kids very early on that Santa wasn’t real. I think I was the only one among the parents. I guess each parent handles it differently

[@lydiazap7243]

This is why my parents never taught my sisters or I that Santa was real. Christmas was still magical and wonderful to me growing up, and I completely agree with their choice not to lie to us about it.

[@toriredman8432]

I wish someone in my family stood up for me like this when I was a kid. It sucks because as an adult, now all the adults can openly talk to me about how they "know what I had to put up with at home"- and my heart always sinks because I thought that nobody knew and there was nothing that could be done. I was wrong- people did know, and there is something they could have done, but chose not to do.

[@emclaire18]

This is why I don’t speak to extended family. They knew and did nothing!

[@DonnaLena1]

To be fair, interfering with parents and children, even for a good reason, is difficult in the best of circumstances. In some cases it can have life altering consequences. Still, you always know when speaking up for children is the right thing to do, and sometimes you just have to!

[@anthearichter]

I used to yell at my kids when I was overwhelmed an upset at my kids when they were younger. Now my kids are in college. When I look back, I wish I had more patience and better understanding of my kids. I regret yelling at my kids.

[@KatiePoyzer]

You should tell them that if you haven’t. It would mean a lot of my parents told me that they regretted yelling as much.

[@pmeehan_3]

I'm 56 now. My parents were yellers. The last time I was yelled at was my dad and it was four years ago. I know, right. Needless to say I've been no contact with him since then. My mom was waaay worse. One time when I was a teenager. 15 or so my mom was berating me to the point I had a nervous breakdown/panic attack AND I was hyperventilating. She just stood there and didn't say a word. Never apologized. I was also never allowed to say no to them or have any sort of boundaries. Let's just say that hasn't served me well in life.. There really needs to be Federal mandated classes in school to teach kids when they're young about human behavior and empathy and boundaries because the majority of adults have zero clue how to treat children properly. Children are not property.

[@ec-kj4yp]

This is such an important topic. Most parents don't think about how scary it is to be yelled at. Especially by someone who is so much bigger than you. And someone who is supposed to love and protect you. It's horribly damaging, and it happens all the time, every single day.

[@AlanCraig-g4h]

I scream once a week I have 3 kids. Most of the time I don’t though. I am human and make mistakes.

[@AlanCraig-g4h]

I am working on stopping just my kids I will ask kindly 5 times in a row and they won’t listen until I scream. They can be so disrespectful and say no I am not going to get out of your room and go to sleep when I asked them 5 times to do it. I know it is wrong though.

[@lourdes36249]

Live on Purpose TV, great channel, it helps me a lot as a mom

[@coxrocks25]

​@@AlanCraig-g4hit's not always wrong to yell at your kids. Sometimes they need it and it helps them deal with conflict as adults if it's done in the right way. When you yell it should be intentional act and not an emotional overflow. It should be a gradual build up showing building frustration along the way not a sudden explosion out of nowhere. It should be made clear that you don't want to yell but that seems to be the only way they listen and if they'd listen sooner you'd never yell again (them follow that up and make sure you don't). Finally it should be followed by a greater outpouring of love after. There's a right way to yell and a wrong way and each child is a little different so it needs to be tailored to the child. But I'm so glad that I had a dad who loved me enough to yell at me when I was an idiot. Don't knock yourself for being human. Just try to make sure it's done with intentionality

[@cgonzo1515]

I am like that as well I don't flip out or anything just the level of my volume has to go up when I'm continuously saying the same thing. I didn't yell when they were super little but now their older I'm like dude just please listen to me the first 3 times 😭.

[@SD-fj2mu]

The reason some kids won't listen until you yell is because they've been conditioned by their parent(s) to not take them seriously until they yell. To break that behavior, you need to follow up with consequences after you already told them one time. They will learn that they need to listen the first time they're told to do/not do something. You also need to pick your battles, as not everything is worth a power struggle. I found a communication method where you physically touch the child's shoulder, face them, make eye contact, and give them clear, short instructions on what you need them to do. This ensures you have their attention and they're more likely to cooperate with less resistance.

[@MaeDzurichko-gf2sh]

But what does she mean by "yelling". Like is she full blown rage yelling humiliating her kids? Or is it inpatient snapping at them a couple times here and there? Like, the lady is human, you can't always keep your cool. I think there needs to be more info on the situation. If I happen to snap at my kids, I do sit them down and apologize and talk it through. Maybe her husband isn't helping at all and leaving her to default to yelling because there is no discipline in the house. There just isn't enough info to go on.

[@deena7155]

Right and what do you do when your teenager is constantly yelling at you? You just take it?

[@earth2emma]

This was how I was raised. Me and my siblings walked on eggshells around our mom and felt it was our responsibility to make her happy. We were known to be very polite and well-behaved kids. I did well academically not only to please my mom, but because I understood that getting a good career in the future was my ticket out of that house. This environment we grew up in has created very anxious, insecure, and ANGRY adults (to varying degrees). I’ve had to train myself to not meltdown and snap at everything if I wanted to stay married. There’s a big difference between being a firm parent with boundaries and being an actual terror.

[@commanderbarbie2550]

I had the opposite problem with a friend. She let her kid run wild. One time she got on her lap when potty training and took a dump on her. Because she didn’t do anything about that after she started throwing the pee from her potty at her. That kid was awful cause she never was taught how to take a no. I’d like to feel bad for them but honestly I don’t.

[@quila402]

😬 Setting that kiddo up for a very difficult time in life.

[@commanderbarbie2550]

@@quila402 that’s exactly what I said. She said it was fine and she’s a good girl. She was never good whenever I saw her. Always freaking out and tantrums five times a day. Got so out of hand I could not be friends with her.

[@atdepaulis]

😮 wow

[@coxrocks25]

This is the consequence of telling parents is NEVER okay to yell at your kids. Some people take it to the nth degree and they are raising the generation that will destroy this country and possibly the world

[@elizabetha8565]

weird that comments like these get pushed all the way to the bottom. I agree with you, you have to parent.

[@The_Food_Police]

At best, it's lazy parenting. Kids will obey a parent who's yelling at them simply out of fear, not respect.

[@atomicpalms]

My Mother yelled at me constantly and I always wished that someone would intervene. I spent my childhood being afraid of her, which permanently damaged our relationship.

[@jpb9099]

Just fyi if you tell that parent to stop yelling at that kid in the store I promise that kid will be blamed/punished later for you embarrassing or correcting the parent. I do not advise anyone to interfere.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Possibly, but there’s also a chance like this mother had where she stopped yelling the day she heard it was wrong and her friend would rather be beaten by a stick. Sometimes people are just abusive jerks but sometimes people didn’t know that’s not an appropriate way to parent just because of how they were raised!

[@RespekfulFungus]

@@flashthecorgi2053ThT happens when it comes from a trusted source…not a complete stranger…

[@texasdazzlers]

Ridiculous advice. Do not approach a stranger and parent-shame them in public when you’re only seeing what’s probably a minuscule part of the situation. If you feel the kids are in danger, call the police; otherwise, move along. I’d much rather see a kid getting reprimanded for acting a fool than running wild with no consequences, which is the majority of kids these days.

[@FlappyBelly]

Nailed it.

[@SD-fj2mu]

I've heard some people approach this situation by addressing the parent and asking if they're okay/how can I help? Of course it all depends on context, but some people are just strung out and lose their cool. Or they're overwhelmed or unsupported. This is just a different tool for your toolbox that still results in stopping the yelling and also offering assistance to the parent. A little kindness can go a long way

[@frauschuhstiefel2594]

Thank you so much for standing up for these kids! I'm an educator in a Kindergarten in germany and it always hurts me, when i hear kids talk about their parents yelling at them. And even if they don't tell me, which kids are being yelled at or treated badly at home. The kids who won't listen. Who will purposefully cross boundaries and can't control their emotions. These kids will lie all the time and tell you "it wasn't me". It's the kids that are hard to handle. They weren't Born like this. The parents made them "difficult". If they learn "i will always be in trouble, no matter what i do and no one will listen to me or help me manage my emotions." . They will get desperate and try to be as loud and difficult as possible to be seen. Because that is what they learned. And since they can't control their emotions, they will get aggressive. The parents will say "see, my child is a difficult child! I need to be like this!" And it goes on and on!

[@kelseyadkins9762]

I can’t tell if this lady is truly meaning to say her daughter-in-law screams, yells, and degrades the kids, and then on top of it all publicly humiliates them, or if she's too sensitive and this daughter-in-law is simply more "stern," but not verbally abusive. The thing about the restaurant doesn’t sound like a shameful thing... it sounds like she's giving her kids a timeout if they're acting out in a restaurant. That's actually not that crazy and not abusive?? I think it's akin to the notion of if your children misbehave at the grocery store then the consequence is leaving the grocery store after so many warnings. If she were obviously mistreating her children publicly, I'm sure restaurant managers would have no issues kicking them out. Maybe it's because I'm inundated with gentle parenting peers that allow their kids to do whatever the hell they want, but this lady seems too sensitive and didn't actually portray the DIL to be abusive. I think John filled that in and then she just said, "Yeah I don’t like the way she parents." I was raised by an aloholic, drug-addicted, violent, verbally abusive, as well as physically abusive to my siblings, father, so I know what it means to be the straight A student for fear, to hate my life because he never let up, to question who I was once I came into adulthood, to suffer from low-self esteem/depression/severe anxiety, etc. So my comment isn't coming from ignorance, quite the opposite...

[@MsAubrey]

I wonder the same.

[@propainaccessories]

Where is her son? Maybe I missed it. But where is the father?

[@BlueDauntless]

I thought that’s what I was walking into when I clicked play. But the comments are all “don’t yell”. We aren’t there. Maybe she is yelling. Maybe she is setting boundaries and sticking to it. I know it’s more difficult to do when grands are around because the grands just want to be with the kids, even if they misbehave and need a consequence or two.

[@BadBeech]

I had to get my ex out of my house before my young child with autism was impacted. All he did was scream. I know how it affected me, I can’t imagine how hard it’d be for him to grow up with it. It took something serious to get him out but I’d do it a million times more to protect him. He is the happiest child in the world now. I attribute it to his home life and parent being calm and collected. His dad has him 6 hours a week. He will not be an influence in his life ever. He is not equipped to be a parent. That was my fault for ever bringing a child into the world with him, I know. But the decision to protect a child was easy. Doing it was hard but necessary.

[@Shaara1]

Italian families are loud too. And they are fine. Would be helpful to know what is loud for this lady.

[@luminacosmosa2324]

It's not the volume, it's the content, Italians are boisterous, this is more a lack of maturity.

[@coxrocks25]

I agree. Not enough context in the call cause John just jumped on the "don't yell at your kids" tirade before she could even detail it out. There is absolutely a time to yell but it should be measured and intentional not an emotional outburst.

[@beverly1z]

Yelling is about what you say and how. Not the volume.

[@annabanana6965]

She just needs a good therapist. That doesn’t mean she’s necessarily a bad mom. If she wants to change, there’s hope.

[@storyaboutmosquitoes9441]

We used to run and hide behind furniture if we heard our parents coming when we were kids because they yelled at us. Every single day. Yelled at us for having messy rooms, yelled at us for not knowing how to do things, or even just being in the room would be enough to get scolded harshly. My sister does it to her kids now. My niece ran upstairs in tears sobbing because she knocked over the pencil cup. My 1 year old niece sobbing and apologizing for knocking over a pencil cup?! I got so mad. I’ve been so angry with my sister. She refuses to get help for her anxiety and refuses to even acknowledge that she HAS anxiety. I refuse to stand by anymore. It’s horrible. I can’t.

[@hallief8390]

my mom used to yell at me when she was stressed about other things right when I came home from school and my dad would yell at me anytime I expressed an emotion he didn't agree with, now i'm 22 and have so much baseline anxiety plus a really hard time forming releationships. What John said about nervous system shutdown is so true. I could feel that chill down my spine as he said it. Not knowing how to properly express and deal with emotions youself and watching the people around you do the same causes sooo much damage.

[@MessagesFromAurora]

as a woman, i would be scared as heck to ask a stranger to stop yelling at their child... cuz i dont know how unhinged that person could be. but i GREATLY ADMIRE that you get involved. the kid gets to learn they dont deserve that kind of treatment and that others see the injustice.

[@sammijo125]

This should be retitled ,My Son Is A Terrible Father. The kid that grandma raised is allowing his kids to be berated and disrespected and He is doing nothing.

[@marissabishop2968]

If she is such a good mom as she says, than going to her with this should be something she wants to be aware of to fix. Js

[@marissabishop2968]

Just be wary of how you go about bringing it up. So you don’t offend her off the bat.

[@nyecore]

It’s only a game if your kids know it’s a game. Kids wholeheartedly believe in Santa because their parents lied to them

[@daniks4217]

I can be a game. As my children get older and learn about Santa than they get to become Santa. They get to pick someone to give a gift or two to but the trick is it has to be a secret. There is a great article about it that makes learning about Santa meaningful and not this random lie

[@nyecore]

@@daniks4217 that’s fine if your kids know the truth and choose to participate in a game. It is another thing to lie to them and use Santa to get them to be good. It’s only a game of everyone knows they are playing a game.

[@Burmeseti]

My parents screamed, yelled, beat, and belittled me and my 3 siblings. My brother would urinate when my dad yelled. Now, we're all over 30. I grew up with super thick skin, no anxiety, and possess extremely strong fortitude. I know my self worth and have a pretty good life. My other 3 siblings didn't do so well. So the chances are slim that most kids will be able to do well with this type of upbringing. However, one thing I've gained is my ability to solve problems and deal with stress and hardship. Very few things phase me. Sure, you might want to call me numb. But I assure you I'm not. I take care of my adult brother. I took care of my mom until she passed away from cancer. I'm always the first person who will go and help someone in need. Sure, it would have been better to have had a better childhood, but I can't change that. I can only take what happened and learn from it. I also have zero drug or alcohol issues... I'm quite the anomaly.

[@giselatepe9143]

I had the opposite experience with my in-laws back in the day, especially my FIL. He felt that I wasn't being strict enough and should raise my voice and spank them, because they didn't show total obedience. They should not challenge me, ever, and military school would be a better place to raise them. I was born and raised in Germany by German parents and I explained to him that where I come from total obedience is not something to be desired and an obedient society can lead to disaster. Respectful discourse is best taught in the home and practiced with your parents, so you can stand up for what's right as an adult. My boys turned out great. They respect other people and treat them right and are able to breach difficult subjects at home and at work without getting their feelings hurt, because they are secure in who they are and show a lot of introspection regarding their own behavior. I was far from being a perfect parent, but very broad of my offspring.

[@SofiUk0319]

what a great call and conversation between 2 rational adults. Dr John, you are great, you're just so great! I learned too that its not okay for me to lose my sh** on my dogs either ❤

[@bellareid3488]

True. My dad yelled and intimidated me. I grew up with severe anxiety, and to this day, I feel like a child in my dad's presence. I am almost 45 now

[@xUnic31x]

This is healing 😢 My mom was very strict and yell at me a lot when I don’t do things she wants me to do. After getting married with my high school sweetheart, some of his behavior triggers unconscious emotional responses that stems from my mom. It took me a long time to rewire those responses

[@Noyd3377]

I have yelled at my daughter and then turned around and cried and apologized. I’m not perfect but trying to get better every day! I always tell her we are learning together.

[@mandarue5104]

My Mom didn't yell at us most of the time but there were times she'd blow a gasket and let out her rage by yelling at us and storming off. It was honestly terrifying to witness. When that happened I'd immediately shut down and disassociate in hopes her rage fits would end quicker. She knows it was a fault she had. I guess my Grandma would do that to her as a kid too. I've told myself that this "family curse" as it were ends with me. I will be the mature one and not let my anger roll into rage and hurt those I love.

[@stitchingbear4003]

Having a three year old I have yelled at them twice. The first time was to say dont move when they broke a glass and was across the room from me, I was afraid they would cut their foot. The second time was when they reached for a hot pan. For the next month every time they did something wrong they would cover their ears incase I yelled. It showed me how much yelling effects children. (They were not in trouble for breaking the glass, but they did get a short timeout for reaching for the hot pan.)

[@jennyclausen2159]

I grew up with a mother who used yelling, spanking, shamimg, withdrawl from affection as a means for discapline. Today, i resent her deeply, dont have a close relationship (i am working on that though) and struggle with anxiety, very low self esteem andaa general feeling of not good enough, or undeserving or good things. I have been in therapy my entire life since middle school. Its hard to overcome, i feel it deep deep within me.

[@naou4030]

This kindof hit home. My parents divorced when I was around 8. My sister and I went to live with our dad and we met our stepmom. She was okay most of the time but sometimes she would lose her cool on us really. REALLY hard. Losing cool is a generous term. If My room was messy, or I messed up the clothes she folded for me in the drawers, I'd remember her ripping out the drawer cabinets and throwing them at me, screaming gutterally, insanely. She called me names and said my dad was lucky to be with her. Even typing this out I'm really wondering why in the world she would ever act so vengeful towards literal children. I've tried to justify it, maybe I was misbehaved that bad, I wasn't an easy kid apparently, that's why my mom chose to send me back to my dad. Idk. The list of ways to blame myself goes on, and some of it has merit I suppose. She grew out of it after a couple of years and actually did a full 180 and loves us tremendously now, and I love her too. I don't even feel like she's remotely the same person she was when we first met her. I never told my dad about this because I didn't want to hurt him. I don't think it would even do anyone any good if I told them now. I don't think about that abuse a lot bc I was just a kid being naughty and going from being a single mom of 1 toddler to a mom of 2 little girls and a toddler... nothing can prepare you for that. I forgive her and i love her. But I'm still dealing with the emotional damage and I'm not sure I'll ever be rid of it.

[@kaliki76]

What a productive conversation!! I would just send your son and daughter in law this video

[@victoriaquetel2822]

She yells because deep down she feels invalidated and unheard. It’s her inner child. No excuse for her not to address it. Mother in Law could approach it by saying how empowered she would be if she could regulate her emotions and NOT yells. That’s power and the daughter in laws “ego” might very take on that challenge. 😂

[@RespekfulFungus]

Exactly why just saying “go get a chiropractic book on growing a spine” is an awful response even as a joke…

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@RespekfulFungusit's an awful response in your opinion. I don't respect men who allow their children to be treated poorly and would have torn my son a new asshole for being so spineless.

[@JesusisKing1776]

Honestly the lady calling, instead of calling asking for advice, should feel prompted to go and HELP the daughter in law. I’m sick of the old heads crying about how we parent, but then do nothing to help. Maybe if she helped consistently, the DIL wouldn’t be so triggered and yell

[@JoltYourLife]

thank you for acknowledging your tendency towards interruption. hearing each individual out is just as important as the advice you give them even if you’ve heard variations of the same story from different people over time.

[@SpoonHurler]

If a child learns that the only time you are serious is when you scream, it's a dangerous precedent. It's the best their hearing will ever be so train them to listen.

[@coffeenoobie]

The book she needs is discipline without damage

[@thoughtkeeper5422]

Completely disagree with his assessment. It shouldn’t be while I’m here. You don’t yell at my grandkids. You still have to respect that. It’s your daughter-in-law home and you want to be invited back. I would sit down and say I love you, I know you love your kids, and I know you don’t want to yell at them it affects kids deeply. Also, Jon thinks people who can’t see the difference between lying about Santa Claus and lying in general need help? He’s inconsistent. He can’t see that lying about Santa Claus is just lying? Ok, God help him.

[@RespekfulFungus]

The “give them a chiropractic book on growing a spine”. Comment that got me. The lady is looking for genuine help for her precious family. John gave her nothing but just tell her…

[@charlemoua5831]

My mom use to yell at me and my sister. Even though it was only until we were teenagers/tweens it wrecked her ability to create a stable and trustworthy relationship. I see her trying so hard now with my younger sisters, but it still doesn't change the damage that was caused with us two. Even if it doesn't seem like a lot, it can shatter a kid🤷

[@Bori.1776]

Was listening to this while my mother was in the background just minding my business and she just pops up “how about you mind your own business and stop being so weak.” She says as both her sons despise her & everyone else can’t stand being near her.

[@johnperrigo6474]

He is right on with making the assessment of our culture of violence, and adults out of control.

[@kathymccarthy5264]

Complaining to your son about his wife--what could go wrong??

[@danieljohnson4418]

I occasionally yell at my children. But they're also teenagers, so they often need it. 😁

[@thisis.michelletorres444]

I agree. There are times you need to be stern and get their attention. Like, "hey that's not safe, don't ever do that again!" I think everyone raises their voice sometimes, it does not always mean you are out of control or abusive. Some of these comments...

[@ldtriton]

(Some of these comments...) Tell me about it... I'm reading these comments thinking Man we have gotten soft over the last 5 decades. Lol!😂 Well I must be the exception to the rule" because my parents didnt play and yelling, (not in an abusive manner) was part of keeping that ass in line. Fast forward I'm in my 50's successful, no addictions, anxiety or any of that, happily married and look back today and thank the hell out of both my mom and dad (may they both R.I.P.) for raising me the way that they did.

[@austyn5004]

I yell at my kids too, but it’s also the 4th time I told them to do something and they just completely forgot or ignore me.

[@coxrocks25]

Yes! People are too mamby pamby today. There's definitely a line that shouldn't be crossed and that's different for each child but every child to one degree or another will benefit from being yelled at when they're being stupid.

[@thejakelegion]

I was screamed at for most of my childhood. I've been a parent now for 7 years and I'm working VERY hard not to yell at my kids. I'll raise my voice maybe once or twice a week. But I never ridicule, call names or yell to make them sad. Still, I try not to do it at all.

[@romancewriter6296]

For almost the first time, I don't agree here. This was a hot topic for him and he didn't question that woman enough, or her motives. The only times I was short tempered with my children was around my mother in law, because she would make passive-aggressive comments on everything I did and my husband would be overly strict with them whenever his mother was within earshot. If that woman ever told me something alond the lines of don't yell at "my" grandkids I would have cut her out of my life in a heartbeat. Always be suspicious when a mother in law judges her daughter in law and her parenting choices and for the love of all that is good, don't tell her those kids are "your" grandkids. They are her children and she is the mother, not you. Your presence is certainly the main cause of conflict there. It was with mine and after a particularly disastrous christmas when she insisted on inviting a family member who just went down with the flu (still had a 39 fever the day before) even though I had a 1 year old with us, I blew up. I told my husband he was welcome to see his mother, obviously, but neither myself or my children were ever going to her house again and certainly not for the holidays. She's welcome to visit us, but in my house and under my rules. I'm not bending backward for her ever again.

[@trinitythegoat9213]

my mother yells at me all the time… but she doesn’t do it in public to keep her goody two shoes of a mom image. but when i do “misbehave” she will give me a stare and shut me right up… i’m 16 and i think i have mental problems from it.. idk tho i don’t wanna self diagnose myself but i see other parents with their kids and i see that’s isn’t the way a parent suppose to treat her kids. i just hope i can heal from this trauma i have. and sadly i don’t have anybody that willin to speak up for me or my two other sibling whom lived wit her our whole lives.

[@74GenX]

I grew up being screamed at that I am worthless while being beaten. Everyday. Every. Day. I've spent decades in therapy trying to sort it out. Anxiety, depression, isolation, alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorder, unable to form relationships. Yelling is not love

[@janetsnakehole3734]

I'm so glad John talks about this and takes it so seriously. My dad was a screamer. At 30, my boyfriend asked me to hold the flashlight while he did a repair project. When he did the whole project without getting angry, and only speaking to me nicely, I cried. I didnt know it was possible to maintain composure when you drop a screw. Turns out its not hard at all.

[@RobertaRico705]

I cannot stand parents that yell at their kids. Theyre little people, treat them with dignity

[@annabethdiana5857]

On my first day of school, my mom gave me school supplies. I proudly carried them around all day long, so excited for the responsibility of keeping my supplies in order all day. When my mom came and picked me up, she told me to leave the supplies there. I was so upset when she pulled them from my hands and gave them to my teacher I started crying. I experienced a ton of anxiety as a kid, and having those office supplies ripped from me sent me into a fit. My mother then got me in the car and yelled at me the entire way home about how she was going to spank my ass in front of all of my little friends if i ever acted like that again. It has been 22 years and that day is still seared into my brain because of how much my mom yelled at me (in front of my younger siblings no less) for something rather common among 5 year olds. Don't yell at your kids. It's not worth it. Don't shame your kids into hiding how they feel so you look like an amazing parent. Your kids will not appreciate it.

[@noellelane5229]

I had a literal roar or growl this morning that scared my little girls. My big girl woke up my baby asking for a spoon and I said give me a minute, but in that dazy time my baby hopped up fell and karate chopped my throat while falling. I don't yell, but I did yell then and was very very grumpy for about 5 minutes. Then I apologized hugged ate breakfast and told her I was sorry. Things happen, but it should be RARE and then apologized for. I don't know if telling someone how to manage their kids is actually helpful and I hate to say this, but I worry there is a chance it could make it worse for them in private....I really debated this a few weeks ago with a family in the store, one kid was being treated well the other was acting out but they really seemed like they were picking on him. It's a rough world. I feel like the biggest gift we can try and give is the ability to self-regulate.

[@nosequeloque]

Ohhhh so this is where my problems come from LOL both my parents yelled at me all the time

[@bunnyxxjay4189]

I've had this concern about my sister in law. Her and her husband are always so loud and yelling at the kids, it's really hard for me to understand. They never seem to remember kids have to be reminded things, it's normal to have to repeat yourself to them. The kids are used to being yelled at and it's really the only way they get attention because one on one time doesn't really exist. I wish there was more I could do to help the situation.

[@AmericanSpaniard]

I am a 41 year-old woman, and this is all I was raised in. I now have 5 year-old twins, and my BIGGEST motivation is to not do to them, what was done to me. There are days that I think I'm literally going to keel over with anxiety that I cannot get rid of in my own head from YEARS of my nervous system being on blast....my heart aches for some of these children. And I pray we become a society that's a little more self-aware, and swlf-correcting to put and to this❤

[@matthewbrandon931]

My dad was a yeller. Insults and put downs and curse words. When I got old enough I stood a head taller than him. He yelled, we fought. It was a draw but he never yelled at me again.

[@tiffanywhitman9372]

There are so many parents who yell. I think the bigger issue is that basic regulation techniques aren’t taught and are really difficult to learn if you haven’t learned them. I grew up with some of the worst abuse imaginable and then since I wasn’t raised consciously, I chose a husband unwisely at the age of 19. He was bad to me and I would project my frustration on to my kids by yelling. They would make a small mistake which my ex would blame me for and it would make me unfairly frustrated with them. I parented myself and now my self-regulation is much stronger. This mother may need therapy or help, rather than judgment. Judging her and triangulating between her husband or children will likely make things worse. So I think the best way to handle it is to directly state that the yelling is concerning for both her and her children and that maybe therapy is needed to help her.

[@MichellePerdomoCoaching]

I completely agree with everything you are saying. Yelling is not kind but coming to her with judgement will make things worse for sure as well as the triangulation. She needs support

[@carolcole570]

But John, finding out that Santa was not real had an immediate impact on me. I very clearly remember the moment of what I thought. “ They lied to me. If they lied about this, what else will they lie to me about “. I was 11 years old when it happened. And from that moment forward, I always always looked at them with a jaundiced eye, not QUITE trusting them. I am almost 80 years of age, and this still stands out as a “ biggie “ in my memory.❤️

[@kimmycupreacts]

Oh no, as a parent this makes me sad =[

[@carolcole570]

@@kimmycupreacts Well, it made SUCH an impact that for my child…..my grandkids…….and great grandkids, we told the truth upfront, but made it like a make-believe game, plus getting their word not to ever breathe it to other children, since most kids believe in Santa . We even refer to the word Santa with a little wink. We make the day about Jesus and giving.❤️

[@MaryEavey-dc3sk]

we did that with Santa too. did a lot of winking and told them that there was a real man, Nicholas, who gave to a lot of people annonymously and it was a fun secret.@@carolcole570

[@caroline3040]

I can relate. It crushed me that my parents would lie to me bc I believed them whole heartedly. In my opinion it’s not worth it & lying is lying no matter if it’s for fun or not. As christians we are to be in the world but not of it. Kids can still enjoy a rich imagination & the festivities without being deceived.

[@carolcole570]

@@caroline3040 ☝🏻

[@coxrocks25]

Yelling at kids is good for them when done in a measured and correct way. I'm so glad i had a father who loved me enough to yell at me when i was being an idiot and gave me safe opportunities to develop the tools i needed to deal with conflict. In a better man and more prepared for the world because of him.

[@RepentImmediately]

It's "good" for kids? I guess I can't relate to being an idiot as a child. I was too busy taking care of myself while my parents spent time with their various addictions.

[@coxrocks25]

@auemmjee yep that sounds like the type of yelling they did was probably not constructive for you. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But that's why I classified it by saying if done in a measured and controlled way. I definitely think it was good for me to learn to deal with being yelled at. I had a rocky relationship with my dad growing up because of some of that but as I grew up he learned some lessons and I learned a little more about life and why he felt some of the stuff he yelled at me for was so important. I'm a more capable adult today because of that process. I wouldn't take a second of it back.

[@Xenobethany]

If the mother in law witnessed her yelling like that and the mother is comfortable doing that in her presence, I can’t imagine what goes on behind closed doors. Especially when she has no guilt or inclination to take advice for the good of her children.

[@jrs4ex]

My neighbor across the street parents like this. I’ve never heard her speak in a calm low tone. Everything is a shouting match. I feel bad for the kids living there. I get anxious just from the bad vibes emanating from that home.

[@texasdazzlers]

I would have asked more questions here. “Give me an example of a situation where she would yell and what she says.” People have different perspectives on what is normal and what is abusive. My parents raised their voice at us plenty of times, mostly to get our attention and let us know they were serious, but they were great parents. This lady might have just grown up in a family where nobody raised their voice, so it seems excessive to her. Unless her daughter in law is actually belittling her children and using abusive words, I don’t think she has the right to step in. If she does what John is saying and tell her “While I am here, you will never yell at my grandchildren”, be prepared for her to say ok, then you won’t be around your grandchildren. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@LittleImpaler]

That's what I want to know too. How is she yelling at them? She yells at her kid. That's really vague. And I so agree with you.

[@rebeccashields9626]

Ok but why do we have to yell at all? It isn’t helpful. I used to be a yeller parent and it wasn’t working. So I had to change. The kids didn’t listen better, they didn’t behave any better, they weren’t any better emotionally regulated. So no, it isn’t just fine to do. Plus people are on their best behavior around the in laws so if she is yelling in front of them it is way worse indoors I promise you.

[@pattyc655]

I agree, more questions should be asked. I would’ve asked her, since she lives five hours away, how often does she visit and where does she stay? Does she stay with her son and daughter-in-law and could that be causing extra stress on everyone? Is she witnessing this “yelling” with her own eyes or is it coming second hand from her son? I remember her saying she wishes she could get a backbone to stand up for her son. Why does she feel the need to get between her son and his wife? So many questions here. I don’t think I’d interfere in the way my daughter-in-law parented my grandchildren unless I saw the children were being abused.

[@LittleImpaler]

@@rebeccashields9626 Yelling it self not bad. I would only get yelled at if I got in serious trouble along with a spanking. My dad never called me names, or beraten me. When he yelled. My father reached his limit and he was being serious. Kids will try your patience, and they will test you, and not listen. When you get point of yelling. It tells the child they should listen. If they don't. One should follow through with a punishment. For example when your parents say when I get to count to three, if you continue you will get a spanking.

[@dakotasikes6690]

That's John's biggest problem he hears a question and already comes up with a narrative without really asking any questions and he also cuts people off before hearing the full story

[@Mombal5]

My mama used to yell at us and also got physical when my dad would leave for work. My oldest sister finally told my dad what was going on when he left and my dad told my mom if you ever touch my girls and scream at them again I will leave you and take them with me. She never slipped again it scared her so bad. I’ve never heard my daddy raise his voice. Actually his silence and calm tone was enough to straighten anyone of us up. I like to use his example for parenting not that I haven’t yelled a few times and boy did it make me feel worthless.

[@jxsulliv]

To this grandma: there are some books in a series called Love and Logic. It’s a wonderful resource and has been extremely helpful in my parenting journey. ❤

[@RespekfulFungus]

Hot take here. Yes yelling at your kids isn’t good. Telling someone who obviously had childhood trauma with yelling to “read a chiropractic book to grow a spine” is just as unhelpful.

[@me78723]

John is saying for the husband (the callers son) to grow the back bone not the yeller .

[@RespekfulFungus]

@@me78723It’s still an awful approach.

[@RespekfulFungus]

Almost as awful as confronting strangers so kids can receive blame and shame as soon as the car door shuts…

[@alexnightray3204]

As a sensitive person, I have never turned out ok being yelled at and physically punished by parents, relatives, and any adults growing up, and am still dealing with the consequences years later. I personally have alot of beef with the people that claimed that they "turned out ok" like it's some kind of badge of honor and flex with this kind of upbringing. All I see are people who are emotionally stunted and lacking empathy towards the pain of other, thinking that people "should" turn out ok and better, otherwise they're weak.

[@chrisfoley1952]

Jeez, I ended up watching this thinking to myself that what makes the daughter in law bad was something way worse then yelling. After hearing Dr Johns advise and reading so many of your comments It makes me think. I come from a broken home, My father raised me as his friend instead of as his child. There was no yelling or discipline given by him. I was raised very oddly. But I joined the Marines at 18 and was taught this way of teaching by breaking someone down and building up. Never did i realize that when i yell at my kids the "damage" I was doing. I will definitely figure out how to express myself in a different way when it comes to teaching/ or disciplining my kids. Both me and my wife yell at our kids. Idk, after reading most of the comments i can't say I'm proud to say it but that's why I'm here. I will say this besides the yelling we do treat our kids amazing. We provide in a great way and my wife does more then most moms do on a daily basis with making each of our kids feel special each day. I will definitely rethink moving forward how i approach them. Great advise here

[@RichardTouchfaith]

When I see parents not just yell, but use inappropriate four letter words with their kids (age 14 and under) out in public, it makes me question the upbringing their are receiving. Yes, they hear these words at school, but they shouldn't from their adult role models.

[@sharons5714]

I was determined to be different from my mother. My daughter surprised me when she thanked me for not being like Nana when she had a child of her own. I didn’t think she knew how hard I had it as a child.

[@itsAltoClarinet]

... there's a clear difference between yelling AT your kids vs. yelling FOR your kids. Kiddo is down the street with friends and they need to come home for dinner? Yes, holler/ yell for them to come eat (I joke that I'll eat all the dino nuggets, never do though.) Kiddo messes up? Yelling AT them will only cause more problems.

[@missruth26]

Yelling abuse or shouting is a big difference… so which is it??? Mum doesn’t say 🙄

[@brianclingenpeel5123]

I have to push back on this a little. Dr John says "it's alright to lose those relationships on behalf of some little kids", but if the parents just get mad and have nothing to do with the grandparents anymore, how are those kids being helped in any way? The mom DEFINITELY won't change after that and now the kids don't have contact with their grandparents. I'm just having trouble seeing how that kind of situation would change anything for the kids. All it would change is the grandparents wouldn't have to see it anymore. Is that really a win?

[@RepentImmediately]

The kids aren't being helped now.

[@brianclingenpeel5123]

@@RepentImmediately I agree. I also don't see the utility in blowing up their relationship with their grandparents to then continue to not be helped. There is only loss and more pain.

[@brennangilbert3332]

Love what you, Dr. .... But I'm a have to sit this episode out. I guess I came from a different world. When I did something wrong as a child, I got yelled at. It has had no ill-effects on me as an adult. ....also NEVER tell a grown man not to yell at his kids. It will not end well.... FAFO!

[@bigboyk1989]

Try getting yelled at and kitchen items thrown at you that’s a whole new level

[@RebeccaRaven]

"My parents yelled at us and we turned out OK..." Are you sure you turned out OK? Doesn't sound like it.

[@debbiedimaggio-pw1ch]

I yelled at my boys and always felt so terrible after . It will always be with me .

[@kittysparkleeyes]

i have so much trauma because of my fathers screamimg, berating emotional abuse. I'm nearly 40 and a wreck. DONT ABUSE YOUR KIDS. and if you know you lack the ability to be an emotionally stable, consistent parent, be like me and dont have any. those are literal humans you are destroying. it doesnt get more serious than that.

[@bloomingale7868]

call a wah-ambulance.

[@CJ2023Incognito]

100% nailed it, Delony. We don’t want anyone else moving to Montana. 😂

[@aliciajones-5034]

I have 4 children. I yell. I am human and make mistakes they also really really push my buttons. I ask calmly, reiterate, but the yell is what makes them stop immediately. It’s hard and I apologize but man can kids get underneath your skin.

[@nj8215]

It is so heartbreaking to hear parents treating their children like that. Please do something. My mom was absolutely cruel and i wish someone would have said something. I am old now and can't get those horrible memories from ny head.

[@erzabetf9544]

My father was a loud, abusive jerk. He screamed and shouted all the time. He drew negative attention to himself in public whenever he felt like humiliating me, in particular. So my older brothers and I fled as fast as we could, one after the other. And I felt nothing but relief when the man died, almost 20 years ago. My mother recently told me how envious she was of her friends whose kids all stayed in the area we grew up in. In her mind, we left to chase success. But in reality we left to get away from our father. So … maybe this grandmother can remind her son that his kids will need to run away from him to get away from their mother.