I Cheated on My Wife 8 Times (How Do I Tell Her?)

[@liesavillandre3481]

8 different people is not a mistake, that is a lifestyle.

[@flowerchild3312]

Sounds like sex addiction ! He should not be married or in a relationship!

[@GuessTheFondMachine]

​people can recover from sex addiction.

[@flowerchild3312]

@@GuessTheFondMachine They Can with alot of Work , Starts from their own acknowledgement awareness professional therapy dedication and Work

[@loriforman3367]

"Closet" lifestyle

[@ashleygrant3131]

@@flowerchild3312what’s out maybe if the wife was willing to give him more sex? Not blaming her or saying it is her fault in any way- I’m simply saying that, I know myself, with my own husband- he has a very high sex drive and lots of needs and I often don’t feel like it- but I offer myself up to him because I know if he gets it at home, he will not stray- and he never has! 😊 just sayin, sisters! ❤

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Confession is not repentance. Confession is getting things off your chest so you feel better while the other person now carries your weight . Repentance is changing your ways .

[@haleytruslow7200]

Well said!

[@minoozolala]

Did you listen to the video? He said he hasn't cheated the past 5 years. He has obviously changed how he acted when he was 18-21 years old.

[@tamickawilliams1370]

🙏 Amen

[@tamickawilliams1370]

@@minoozolala And...lol You know 8 is a sideways infinity. It is all about trust once you break it almost impossible to get back. Even she stays she will always be wondering and that is the torturing part that drives ppl to say good-bye.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

@@minoozolala I’m halfway in . Lol

[@BSCTrainerRob]

She's in her mid twenties she should leave and start over. Forget him

[@xxxxxxxxx1652]

exactly, its best that she leaves asap

[@coureenlawrence4915]

Why married if you know you are not ready to commit to one person? Also, why get married so young?

[@Molly_Belle]

@@coureenlawrence4915Exactly, he already cheated with 8 different woman. She’s young and can start over fresh. He already has to much baggage that she doesn’t have to deal with.

[@rebeccaspratling2865]

​@@coureenlawrence4915maybe their culture or religion? I know some religions and cultures make people feel forced to get married young. It's detrimental for most and leads to misery but when you believe having sex outside of marriage will make you suffer eternal hell fire, you choose the latter.

[@canecorsomom2023]

Not sure what her age has to do with it. I'm 41 and I'd leave. I can do bad all by myself

[@AndrewTank]

He only wants to tell her so he can feel better.

[@KaylaJayMusic]

This. This is exactly it.

[@katiem6058]

Isn't that a good thing?

[@mrhoffame]

Well, yeah....and he would only be feeling BAD because he is carrying some guilt about the idea that he did something very wrong to her. If he wasn't feeling it was wrong to do that to her....he wouldn't need to want to "feel better". I'm not sure I get your point?

[@vaska1999]

​@@katiem6058It's utterly selfish.

[@lisap3628]

Yep he feels guilty so he'll dump the burden onto her. Then he feels better and she feels awful. He's a jerk.

[@sitcheyr9352]

Did he just seriously say it’s completely unfair to HIM that she won’t give him her full trust? 🤮 I hope she walked.

[@SquirtlePower809]

A guy like this is a complete hopeless narcissistic mess and no one deserves to be affected by this guy. He needs to be perpetually single and just sleep around, so that he doesn't keep hurting people. Cheaters are the fcking WORST

[@cwalker6911]

🤢

[@lenilove3284]

I think he said “it’s completely undeserving”, which is worst.

[@orielwiggins2225]

Pretty sure he was saying completely unfair for her to be in a marriage where she can't trust him because it's currently based on a lie.

[@sitcheyr9352]

@@orielwiggins2225 It sounded as if the husband was making clear it was unfair to him to not be fully trusted but we can just disagree on this.

[@myyt3824]

He didn’t cheat 8 times. HE HAD 8 DIFFERENT PEOPLE COUNTLESS TIMES!!!!!!!!!

[@doompod]

Same thing.

[@doompod]

Oh I see what you’re saying. I didn’t watch the whole thing haha yeah if he did it multiple times with 8 different people then yeah, he cheated way more than 8x.

[@ObeyDaqSwaqq]

15* he cheated while dating

[@vanillaghetto]

And that was only the ones when he was married. He said that he cheated on her with multiple girls the entire time they were dating. So there are many more than eight. He is a dirtbag. Lucky for her, she hasn't had any kids with him, and can leave this POS, and never look back.

[@Contrarian-v7p]

​@@vanillaghettoHe never specified it was girls, he kept on saying people. 👀

[@lorinmotta9585]

If they are approximately 26, the best thing is to split up and start over. They're still young, and she deserves better. It's devastating, but if they have no kids, now's the time to make that move.

[@ambertorres5358]

You are spot on. I was thinking the same thing. I am a Holy Spirit filled believer in Christ but cheating is a Biblical out so bye bye bye 👋 . 26 is SUPER young. You have your whole life ahead of you at that point. A decade together is relatively short in comparison to their life expectancy. Next time, she will hopefully choose wisely…. there are always situations that reveal a person’s character. I have no doubt he displayed red flags in the beginning that she rationalized.

[@terriesmith2616]

I really dislike the term "she deserves better" , "he deserves better". There is no such thing as we deserve better. *"In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate"* -Tony Robbins

[@Gabster1990]

It doesn't matter if they are young or old, it's unacceptable to cheat.

[@STMARTIN009]

Yeah at 26 time is still on your side. I would say at 35 time is on your side. 40 and up probably not.

[@blueseptember2174]

​@@STMARTIN009what about 39 😅

[@santafilipina9020]

Wife needs to take out the trash.

[@grandma6552]

He starts by saying they got married when he was 18 - and married now for 8 years. My question is, why did he call her, in the first 30 seconds, "my CURRENT wife?????" Sure sounds like, deep inside, he expects his confession to propel him into a different future. So he's going to hurt her so that SHE ends the marriage and he won't have to DO it himself. WHAT A selfish COWARD!

[@PureJoySkinCareWaxStudio]

I heard that, too! [My current wife.]

[@continuousself-improvement1879]

He wants to play victim, doesn't want to be the bad guy who pulled the plug. He will keep hurting her bad enough until she leaves, then he will make up a story in his head that "she did not want to work on our relationship, she initiated the divorce." What a pos.

[@mollygrace3068]

Men like to cry about 80% of divorces being initiated by women, completely not counting how many times the husband left the marriage in all ways but legal.

[@thispersonrighthere9024]

i'll bet the wife is a tradwide who can't afford to leave.

[@80sbrunnette]

@@mollygrace3068not to mention WHY the women want a divorce… it’s probably because of loser men like this guy who cheats and breaks the household

[@RocioLopez-wi3qc]

As soon as he started listing his reasons for quitting cheating on his wife, all I heard was "I this, I that, me, me and me". I was so glad Dr. Delony pointed that out.

[@LauraLParr]

Okay so you didn’t cheat 8 times, you cheated with 8 different people. That’s different dude. God knows how many times you have cheated. Let her go man. She deserves better than what you can give her today.

[@tjmcavoy-jensen871]

I thought he said they are not married anymore?

[@marcusarelius]

Completely agree. Beyond evil. Crazy that the guilt finally caught up with the narcissist

[@wittyusername9544]

I was thinking is it 8 times with 1 woman or 1 time with 8 woman or a mix: 4 times with 2 woman or 3 times with 2 woman and 2 times with 1 woman.

[@LauraLParr]

@@tjmcavoy-jensen871 they weren’t and then he came back and she said yes to him coming back

[@nmc1859]

1,000 + times...

[@midlifeandnailingit6342]

You tell her I cheated on you 8 times, so I’m going to file for divorce because you deserve better than me. Then you leave! Problem solved. This guy is unbelievable!

[@misspiscesdreamz]

💯 exactly atp he just needs remove himself from the marriage

[@dcg590]

They weren’t married yet

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

The next guy will cheat too😁

[@funnygaming2672]

@@dcg590 i dont know if he Canadian but if he was only dating for 1 year it equal of been marry here by the law automatically even with no paper! you just need to live with the opposite sex for 1 year ....if you dont want everything join you need to prove that you don't have sex /date this person to the government!

[@DianeWilliamsCurvyGoddess]

Love this plan!

[@specialK180]

It makes me truly want to vomit that people can cheat once, twice, any amount of times, and then come home and kiss their spouse and lay down next to them in bed. How sickening. I've been through it and I just....... ugh, prayers for this man and definitely his wife.

[@alstroemeria227again4]

Yes! And the possibility of giving her a disease. It’s so terrible. This man does not love this woman.

[@monettevalliere]

So sickening!

[@LisaLisaCJ]

What’s sickening is how many married people actually believe their spouse is faithful. I started getting std tests when I was married because the reality is you may be faithful but your spouse may it be. My inbox, dms are always married men. And like I said earlier my ex husband has a harem. So if you are married and think your husband isn’t sticking it elsewhere you are delusional

[@seadragon1456]

@@LisaLisaCJ I concur! My husband drills for oil internationally and A LOT of the married guys he works with cheat. Full blown crazy segs. The guys throw week long family vacations where are the rednecks bring all their toys and brag once a summer. I told my husband that I couldn’t go knowing how dirty some of those men were. He may have to talk to them but I don’t. I don’t want to know their wives and kids and hear about all the stuff the guy does while overseas. It’s so hush hush between the guys and I know to much to keep my mouth shut. I would encourage every married woman to get tested if their man works out of state.

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

Meh. A man is as faithful as his options

[@dink-zn7kj]

My worst pain was when i found out my husband cheated on me all during our 27 year marriage. He was a bad husband too in other ways. i divorced him and he married 3 more times. I AM VERY HAPPY NOW AND FREE OF HIS BS AND LIES!

[@MinkesMom]

Good on you! ❤❤❤

[@Musicienne-DAB1995]

Jesus freaking Christ. Adultery is one of the worst moral crimes in existence.

[@AlyssaLopez-n1c]

Oh God how horrible :(

[@bnb0510]

27 years? Omg what a waste of your life with that idiot!

[@pleb8154]

@@HELPICANTFINDJOHNCENA if you actually read it she said the husband married 3 more times, not her

[@Jackaroo.]

Cheating is never worth it. If the relationship is dead, leave.

[@FilyA6322]

Should be that straight forward, right? But people are selfish...they cause damage...they ruin lives.

[@haleytruslow7200]

I have a STRONG aversion to cheaters. And 8 different people? I hope she leaves and finds someone who deserves her.

[@thatboyruut2169]

Same !

[@l-train7876]

Does anyone NOT have a strong aversion to cheaters though??

[@Immigrantlovesamerica]

This infuriates me so much. This guy keeps her around for 8 years despite cheating on her time and time again. Now she wasted 8 years of her life loving a fraud. I would be okay with him serving time for it.

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

I also find it highly unlikely that he was cheating THAT much and isn't cheating now. Sounds like an addiction. Some people love "affair" sex best.

[@arpansaha8769]

Same goes for me too. I just can't stand those selfish assholes who justify their cheating behaviour and play the victim card. We deserve honesty and transparency in any relationship.

[@chitlinjuice]

I truly don't think it's possible to love someone and cheat on them. If you cheated on them, you never loved them or respected them enough in the first place. People think they love folks but the truth is shown with action, not words.

[@unattendedmessenger]

This is exactly why when men say that they'll love a woman even after they've cheated so many times but the other women that he laid down with he never gained feelings for. Then sometimes they'll go as far as leaving their wife for the woman they cheated with.

[@juliaarambula3153]

Totally agree. People without morals don’t understand that.

[@civildiscourse7626]

That’s the female perspective, men detach sex and love far more

[@lauren4109]

@@civildiscourse7626it’s not about the sex. The reason you can’t truly love someone else and cheat has nothing to do with detaching sex. Love is sacrificial. Love is never wanting to see your lover hurt; and would rather endure war than to be the CAUSE of their complete agony. Cheating on someone is like injecting poison inside of them daily. Of course men (and women) sometimes lust for others, but won’t cheat if they truly love because of the fact that they’d rather walk on coals than to KNOWINGLY and PURPOSELY betray and destroy their heart and soul.

[@civildiscourse7626]

@@lauren4109 I disagree, people are capable of hurting loved ones. If my sister got angry and knocked out my tooth, her very bad action doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me. We say someone doesn’t live someone to make it easier for us to leave but ultimately we should understand love isn’t everything a man can sleep with other women but then run into a burning building to save his wife the same day- ultimately though his actions in cheating aren’t good and she should decide wether or not his love is worth it.

[@JordanEvansMusic]

I’ve been in my relationship for 5 years and we’ve been married for 2 years. How the heck do people find time/opportunities to cheat. I don’t even talk to other women outside of church/work. But just from a sexual energy standpoint I don’t have anything left. Like I literally cannot fathom how I would find the time/energy to pursue that and hide it from my wife it seems like so much work to live your life this way

[@maybug88]

My friend literally spent his entire day on the field and still had the time to have a mistress on the side of the road. And a second baby on the way. People make time for what they deem important 🤷‍♀️

[@donaldlyons17]

@@maybug88 Not so sure about how that works!!! He and your friend seem very able so it likely is not work for them!!!

[@couchtater4621]

@@maybug88 So, what exactly do people like this deem important, other than what they want. Obviously being cruel, callous, selfish cowards don't seem to bother them.

[@mxusa8383]

There’s always time. You’re kidding yourself if you think otherwise. I get the impression he was paying for sex mostly. I could be wrong though. Paying would require little to no emotional effort and time to seal the deal.

[@mxusa8383]

There’s always time. You’re kidding yourself if you think otherwise. I get the impression he was paying for sex mostly. I could be wrong though. Paying would require little to no emotional effort and time to seal the deal.

[@stevenjamison5896]

You can start by asking for a divorce. You clearly don't love or respect her and she deserves better.

[@cocogirl727]

According to a sexual exposure chart, if he had 8 partners and if each of the 8 had the same numbers of partners, then he has exposed himself to 255 people. What is disturbing is that his wife had been exposed as well. He has no regard for his wife's health. What a jerk!!

[@kelseyk530]

And in today's degenerate society, sleeping with 8 people is a very low body count so the 8 people he slept with dozens of times and those other 8 people are likely each with 30-100 people based on their age, promiscuity, slutty college years racking those bodies up makes me want to throw up that hypothetically he could've been exposed to 1,000+ sexual encounters with and between those 8 people.

[@lilithowl]

Lot of assumptions there, he may have had safe sex.

[@matinaki1644]

​@@lilithowlthis is an assumption too 😂

[@sp4cegrl27]

@@lilithowlcondoms aren’t always 100% effective.

[@AppleBottomJ]

@@lilithowleven with condoms is still happens. If the condom even slips slightly during penetration the man/woman can get an sti/std. Happens way too often and people are always surprised when they test positive.

[@taytayqueen7024]

The audacity of this guy to portray himself as a victim.

[@Astro95Media]

That happens invariably with cheaters. My ex-wife blamed me for her affair with a kid from her work and the resulting divorce in which she lost everything. They will NEVER see themselves as the problem. It just doesn't happen.

[@dhritikapoor2897]

I really didn’t think he portrayed himself as a victim

[@b.1162]

I never take a cheater's side and I don't think he portrayed himself as a victim. Surprised by it, in fact, because it is so common. I just think he didn't have the emotional maturity to comprehend exactly how life-altering being cheated on is. It's the death of two people.

[@Astro95Media]

@@b.1162 I think he’s doing so by talking about how keeping the secret is affecting him, rather than by grieving how his actions will affect his wife. That’s what’s bothering a lot of people listening.

[@b.1162]

@@Astro95Media Sure, but that's because he doesn't know how it will affect her. All he knows is how he feels. He's definitely lacking in empathy, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't recognize that she's the real victim in all this.

[@amandabrittenden]

Cheating is a deal breaker in my marriage. I was cheated on many times before I met my husband and I know for a fact that he'd never do that to me, but if he did it would instantly be over. It would rip my heart out. I won't allow myself to be treated like that. My ex gave me an STD and still denied cheating on me. As if I'm stupid. That's not happening to me again. Be a man, tell her what you did and be prepared for a divorce.

[@jenn8179]

Same thing happened to my sister. He tried to tell her the STD was somethimg else. He's a real POS.

[@yemialemu9902]

Smh! I agree let her just divorce u she deserves better! My thing is why get married if u feel like stepping out.

[@Lala89856]

I got an std while pregnant and my fiance denied it

[@lindatorresinmotion5431]

@@Lala89856 Please dont marry this man, pregnacy is such a emotional time women dont deserve to be cheated on at all, but least during this time. And putting your health and the babys in jeopardy is heartless.

[@Lala89856]

@@lindatorresinmotion5431 Yeah, I didn't marry him. I moved out with my child and he played the victim which I expected it from him. I have peace now:)

[@AliciaMcIntire]

He isn't brave or wise; he just wants to make himself feel better. All he talks about are his feelings and how he is afraid of the consequences of his actions. He never mentions how she feels or how her life will be affected. Also, telling her in a letter is the coward's way out. He should have to look her in the face and tell her that he broke their vows with 8 people. What a dirtbag.

[@Aristaifly]

No question he is a scumbag but he only can talk about his feelings not hers. You have no idea what she feels. Maybe she want an escape, maybe she cheated 9 times, maybe she has a lover right now, maybe it opens up for her to experience with others, there just so many may be's.

[@Ilovedachshunddogs]

Well said

[@EmpressMermaid]

Very well said. I think he's still very immature, too. Maybe should have waited until he was grown up to marry.

[@karenKristal]

If she leaves him, imagine him attempting to get another relationship. Hes got no effing chance unless he just hides it for the rest of his life. Which kind of puts him in a similar situation in the future.

[@NatureFreak1127]

Exactly. I didn't like how John handled this at all. Or maybe he just wanted for him to reveal the truth for her sake. So he basically buttered him up to do it. I hope she leaves him.

[@claireemily1983]

The cheating isn’t going to hurt her half as much as the deception is

[@miboogaroo]

Yep the smashing of trust is irreparable

[@HiyaNope-ps7yg]

My knees buckled and I felt nauseous when he said 8 different people and I'm not even married to him. WHAT!!! I feel so bad for his wife.

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

Cheating, to me, is an act of hatred. If you love someone, you don't do something that breaks their heart and causes emotional and mental anguish. You don't put their health at risk. You don't lie and conceal things.

[@Meltyfairy]

Well said

[@cindy03709]

Even thought you are right. The way people grow up sometimes it is what they know as love. As long as people change and grow I think everyone deserves to be forgiven

[@beelarehman5992]

I agree. Cheating can bring death to your partner. Its an act of hatred and violence.

[@tealeafs3824]

Cheaters never think about their partners, but how to NOT get caught. Is not personal, is who they are. So they don't hate you, they just don’t give a f about you. I know a lot of cheaters, and from my observations there are two type of cheaters: -the sex addict. -the one that wants to run away from responsabilities. I was married to the latter and I divorced him. I don’t know where I had the strenght from but I did it. Women aren't better when comes to cheating ofc.

[@kool-aid_man160]

Yeah, actions speaks louder than words

[@ericae4419]

She may eventually forgive him for her own sake, but she’ll never forget. The marriage is ruined. Best hope for a chance at happiness is to move on, separately.

[@bobberry1463]

I won't say it ruin ppl can change

[@leegalloway9508]

True. one woman i know that her husband cheated on her said she just couldn't get over the fact that he continued to lie to her. every time she asked him if he cheated and looked her right in the eye and said no. she said if he had been honest she could have forgiven him. men just can't accept the fact that they did something like that to the love of their life and they feel like a failure that's part of the reason they don't confess, some of them don't because they want to continue with the deception, but most decent men, i think , lie because of them failing you. they think in their tiny minds that what she doesn't know won't hurt her. soooo wrong!

[@BigSeanH]

@@leegalloway9508 Monogamy isn't normal for males, and we get shamed for cheating... So why would we be honest? Women are too insecure to accept the truth.

[@angelganggirl]

@@BigSeanH be single if you can’t control yourself CHILD

[@BigSeanH]

@@angelganggirl Are you retarded?

[@mxerb5912]

This guy is a piece of work putting it lightly.

[@MsChantae]

something is wrong with him

[@stuff1784]

LMAO! Yep!!!!

[@dinajones2761]

@@MsChantaeagreed

[@juliaarambula3153]

Definitely. Straight Pig.

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

He isn’t just a cheater he is a sociopath. This man genuinely scares me.

[@grandthanks]

If you truly believe that, you need to talk to a good therapist. Life is knotty and gnarly, and human beings are the same. If this man can follow the advice given this could be the making of both of them (either together or separately). I’m so glad Delony exists… we need more grown up grown ups on the internet x

[@robbyotxxx]

@@grandthanksgood advice brotha

[@livb324]

You sound like a cheater

[@faye_bulous]

If you want to cheat don’t marry or have a partner. Cheaters put their spouses lives at risks of getting life changing diseases, this should be counted as a crime 😑

[@firstlast9916]

As long as there is no financial investment in the mistress, then it should not affect a family. That’s why Japanese culture accepts the geisha as a legitimate profession.

[@MT-.]

Agreed 💯If we get biblical Cheating was considered breaking the law and a man/woman's life would be taken if they were caught because that's how revolting this act was.

[@djlivvy46]

​@@firstlast9916- how do geishas make a living if there is no financial investment involved?

[@firstlast9916]

Fifty dollars is not a financial investment. 1 million dollars is a financial investment.

[@djlivvy46]

@@firstlast9916 - but my question still stands.

[@b.1162]

As a wife who was in her shoes, my advice? Do. NOT. write a letter. Not even to tell her you love her. Everything you have to say right now and for a long time to come is BS anyway. After I found out I was cheated on, everything he said to me was burned into my brain. It replayed over and over again for months, like it was happening in real time. Having written words make visual appearances in my head to accompany the audio would have been twice as traumatic. Do not write a letter.

[@MzVolcanicrox]

Hope you are better now, hugs for you.

[@dinajones2761]

Did you end up staying?

[@TatyanaKosh]

Mine cheated while we were dating. He came clean years into our marriage. Every little reminder that he loved me was much needed, every little word or gesture. I would have clung on to that letter like for dear life if he wrote me a letter

[@cynthiaziegler6558]

Agreed that’s my problem the replay

[@PureJoySkinCareWaxStudio]

💯

[@catzndolz61]

What WIFE?....dude, you don't have any wife. Lost her at cheat #1.

[@jasenkavukelic5047]

Love this comment!

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

@@jasenkavukelic5047 ME TOO!!!

[@arfriedman4577]

This is so true.

[@asenciolosangeles6778]

I bet she didn't leave him haha

[@miboogaroo]

Exactly.

[@j2thek903]

Me and my CURRENT wife was all that i needed to hear.

[@barbiesergio7663]

I lived this conversation 13.5 years ago. Everything still is “before the affair” and now. It’s as marked as my kid’s birthdays. He lied, I had to find out the truth. I’ll never have respect for him…never.

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

Same here! Went through this too. It was so enraging finding out and my respect left the building for my husband. I could never look at him the same. We are divorced and he can have his own karma now. I am out of the way.

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

I hope you left

[@Shenanigan45]

That’s how I feel about my husband

[@bnb0510]

And you stayed?

[@barbiesergio7663]

@@bnb0510 no. I left.

[@carolinecarlson4307]

No John. You're. Wrong. If she wants answers he needs to give them to her. If he doesn't give her the info she wants she won't move on.

[@bwari01]

Don’t underestimate her. She can move on by creating closure a different way. Narcissists DO NOT give closure, they share to cause pain to the other and relief their guilt.

[@tonyamedsker213]

Yes you are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!!!

[@grandthanks]

It’s interesting that you’re saying John wrong while also saying the same thing John is saying… no shade/judgement… very interesting.

[@TuBui2]

You kill someone and you're a "murderer" forever. Same with cheating.

[@LibertyFixxxer]

unforgiveness is destructive

[@kindasoupie]

Also forgiving a cheater (to the point of staying) is setting yourself up to be cheated on again

[@TuBui2]

@@LibertyFixxxerYes, true. But forgiving is purely for yourself. it doesn't release the cheater from being accountable for their actions, i.e. being recognized as a cheater. .

[@LibertyFixxxer]

@@TuBui2 Yes, but for how long? If someone repents of their sin, turns away from it, then you can no longer throw their sin in their face. No I am not saying this man has, but if he genuinely has, then throwing it in his face is evil.

[@garxgar]

Literally the dumbest thing i've ever heard. Would you rather be cheated on or murdered? Also, statements like that literally remove any incentive for a cheater to stop. Why bother if you're just gonna be labeled a cheater forever anyway?

[@haolegirl7230]

Plot twist: he just found out he has a kid from his days of cheating and he needs to come clean. He's rolling it out slowly...

[@sandras2479]

Sin always has consequences!

[@LadyJoolree]

That's a definite plot twist! Also he said she doesn't know any of his APs, but some of them were from high school - and they got married at 18? Yeah, she knows! Maybe one of them has moved to their area and wifey goes to the same gym/hobby group.

[@Berserk1Manga]

​@@sandras2479*correction* lack of birth control always has consequences.

[@Metyourmatch]

@@Berserk1Manga no. Where men put their sperm is their responsibility not the womans.

[@dmsviola1]

​@@Berserk1Manga Nah. *Sin* always has consequences. You really think cheating with EIGHTT different people an untold amount of times will have NO negative impact on the lives of those involved? Pregnancy is just ONE possible consequence.

[@franjoseph8691]

John missed that this guy said that it was unfair to him that she doesn't trust him completely. She deserves better.

[@jenniferjohnston488]

The marriage will never be the same. If you tell her, be prepared for a divorce. If you don't tell her, divorce her anyway. She deserves better.

[@ttrev007]

I don't agree with "bringing it back to the present" he is in no position to dictate how the conversation goes. She has a right to get answers and decide what she needs to know.

[@amberparedes875]

My thoughts exactly. That was poor advice IMO.

[@juliezork7425]

As both a Marriage & Family therapist AND someone who lived the experience of a cheating husband, I can tell you that less is more. First off, listen again as John said to not go back “yet” and then later said there would be time for those “what happened back then” conversations at another time. Second point from me is this: once you hear it, you can’t ever unhear it. A cheater giving the details of when, how, where, what positions, the likes/dislikes, and every other specific detail will only give more “trigger points” for the cheated-on one down the road (i.e. “I can not see the sign for a Holiday Inn without thinking of you cheating,” “I can never go to that ice cream shop again”). This creates forever-mind-games. There also is the absolute fact that these questions just beg more questions and there will NEVER be an answer that is satisfactory, one that gets the victim to heal faster/better. And, because dishonesty is such a part of cheating there is doubt cast over every answer (“are they even telling me the truth in this moment?”). I’ve seen it too many times where a victim wanted “to know everything” and kept digging, kept going back to the details, and felt they had a right to know EVERYTHING, and ultimately remained immobilized to personally move on, whether they stayed in the marriage or not. I believe that the most important question to be answered by the victim is “can I get to the point (or back to it) of trusting this person again and am I going to stay in the relationship?” And he needs to decide if he can stay? (This is where therapy comes in handy). Whether this guy cheated one time, with one person multiple times, or with eight people…the specifics don’t matter. What’s important is that he was NEVER faithful to her, can he truly take responsibility and repent, and can he be different going forward? And can a relationship of trust be established? She deserves to be in a relationship where she implicitly trusts him and he deserves to be in one where he is trusted. If not…eroded every time!

[@Joey007ist]

He didn’t say to never discuss the details about past. More just to let the facts digest first, then discuss the information once it sinks in. It keeps the initial discussion from being even more destructive and harmful than it already is.

[@tonyamedsker213]

@@juliezork7425been there as well and when I had this conversation... I told him he had 1 chance to finish the conversation and if and ONLY IF HE ANSWERED EVERY QUESTION I HAD AND I DIDNT WANT HIM JUDGING WHAT WOULD HURT TO MUCH FOR ME TO KNOW!! It was THE HARDEST CONVERSATION WE EVER HAD BUT HE GAVE ME EVERYTHING I ASK FOR AND AS INSANE AS THIS WILL SOUND I HAD TO RESPECT HIM FOR HIS HONESTY AT THAT POINT... IT WAS NOT EASY BUT I SAID ID FORGIVE HIM ... and I did/have but forgetting well that takes time and consistency... People are different in how they handle things... so I think it should ABSOLUTELY be up to the person that was cheated on... just my opinion.

[@cu1728]

@@juliezork7425I was with you until you said he deserves to be in a relationship where he is trusted. He deserves it from someone he has not cheated on. If he has cheated on that person, he is not entitled to their trust but must earn it.

[@Ilovedachshunddogs]

What a piece of work, he’s not remorseful at all. How can John stomach even talking to a guy like this

[@veronicalagor4771]

Based on his other interviews, I suspect he sees himself in these callers.

[@pizzacook84]

He loves attention, and now he's getting it by making this call. As soon as the attention endorphin wares off, he'll go right back to seeking another thrill while protecting (lying) what he wants to be his foundation (wife). This guy will struggle his whole life with being "somebody"

[@pizzacook84]

And I think Dr. John gives him a play book of what to say and when to shut up. Hasn't this girl been manipulated enough by her own husband? He should have hung up on him and called her and set her free

[@ineedhoez]

Amen!

[@nbobbyn09]

I agree 100% and I don’t believe for one second he stopped cheating. No way.

[@jessicacarmen2458]

I was thinking the same thing... you haven't told ANYONE and the first person you tell is a radio show where the whole country is listening? This isnt normal. This is him being a coward because he knows Deloney's not going to rip him a new one, even though he definitely deserves it

[@michelledavidson1781]

The whole past was a lie. So yes, that's exactly why she will (feel like) know it was. This host is telling him to keep bringing the conversation to the present. That is gaslighting at its finest. He should be ashamed of his suggestion. It shows that he is also "just a man" and should be the last person giving advice to another man concerning a woman. The narcissist leading the narcissist. This is psychological manipulation (dark psychology). He being a psychologist is well aware of this being a classic narcissistic tactic. Men are born doing this. They live in their ego. He was lying from the start. She was basing all her decisions on his lies and he knew that. And he knows exactly what he was doing or else he would have admitted it when it first happened and not chosen marriage coming with the lies. None of their whole past was real. It was all an illusion that he purposely allowed her to live in. Hopefully she follows her heart and soul and leaves. Her heart was already his, and he repeatedly disregarded and disrespected the gift of love that he was entrusted with. He didn't want her love he was emotionally and physically running away from it. Now his guilt is eating him up so he's now needing absolution. I personally hope she realizes there is no closure with a narcissist. I hope she leaves, files for divorce, and blocks him completely. No tears he can see because he waited so long to admit the truth. He made sure that the damage would be as evil as possible and would hurt as much as possible. And would turn the knife in the back further upon her knowing it was always this way. I don't believe he stopped cheating for the last 5 years. Not for a narcissist who needs constant validation of his ego.

[@blitzkrieg6872]

Don't tell her. She will be traumatized for life and you are not worth it. Instead, pack your stuff and move out while she is gone. Leave her a hand written letter explaining that you had to leave because she is much too good for you and you feel unworthy of her. Then file for divorce and have the papers sent to her to sign. Good riddance!

[@kateryna-ostapenko]

If he doesn't tell she will be confused. Maybe just say "I cheated" instead of specifying deatils.

[@blitzkrieg6872]

@@kateryna-ostapenko Yes, it's the details that are always the soul crusher. If he really does not want to hurt her, he should just say he cheated once and regret it. Yet, the guilt is so much that he now must remove himself from her life so that she can find a better man.

[@ericabrewer9220]

He's not sorry. He only wants to have her carry the load of actions 👎

[@caseetaylor4266]

Why, why stay married? Why put another human through that risking their health and happiness for your own selfishness? This is absolutely awful.

[@budgiebirdy]

If his wife has any self-esteem and courage, this marriage is over once he discloses this.

[@ineedhoez]

She doesn't. That's why hes going to tell her. He knows she won't leave. Because he knows she already knows

[@terriesmith2616]

Exactly. 🎯🎯🎯 Once he tells her, if the wife won't tolerate his cheating, then she'd leave for sure. Any woman with any self esteem and courage would never tolerate this type of behavior. But I have a feeling his wife will tolerate his cheating and continue to stay with him because he already said she left him once but continues to take him back. She won't leave and he knows, that's why he's telling her. We hear women call into the show all the time to complain about their husbands cheating on them but these same women refuse to do anything about it.

[@lucianaromulus1408]

I feel horrible for the men and women that have such low self esteem that they'd tolerate cheating. No one should tolerate cheating

[@BigSeanH]

@@lucianaromulus1408 Not everyone is monogamous... Why should your personal standard be imposed on everyone?

[@lucianaromulus1408]

@seanh8521 it's not a personal standard, it's a CIVILIZATION standard. Non monogamy has historically only been practiced by low IQ peoples. It's a sign of regression

[@elizabethgoodson9802]

What I hate about this situation is that she doesn't have a choice if she wants to stay in this relationship and her time is being wasted by a selfish man.

[@matinaki1644]

This is what cheaters enjoy after all. Cheating you out of your agency, out of your time and decency. Even health.

[@soylabonita]

Putting my life, health and PH at risk would set me off. Many married women died of cervical cancer and never realized the cause of it was their cheating husbands.

[@mistermanman]

This dude is a real piece of work. He feels guilty and wants to dump that on his wife so she can be the one to deal with the pain. Selfish.

[@lilsamantha1]

He doesnt love her...

[@westword6558]

Magnanimous relationships are unnatural but we all mostly engage in them

[@lilsamantha1]

@@westword6558 ammm if a man really like u he wont cheat....

[@westword6558]

@@lilsamantha1 if you like a person you don’t have sexual attraction to anyone else?

[@veracityhunter7777]

@@westword6558 Speak for yourself. A lot of us are perfectly capable of not cheating on our partners.

[@westword6558]

@@veracityhunter7777 yea we do but its unnatural

[@franackerman2994]

He had such a lack of respect for his wife, I don't know how you come back from that

[@user-hr1ql2fu3f]

How could she ever stomach being intimate with him again. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

[@rageburst]

A person who pathologically lies and betrays the trust of his/her partner is not worth keeping. Who knows what else you can uncover from such a person who lacks empathy.

[@deeprollingriver52]

As a wife, I’d be so disgusted that my husband was putting his putz into God knows who. Yuck. 🤢

[@VelvetyMoon]

Right? I hope he has at least been careful...... ew.

[@TopHatKitty]

The idea of cheating on my partner makes me feel sick to my stomach. The fact that you can enjoy it at all makes me think you're a psycho.

[@dearbrave4183]

So can we now say that he's for the streets? I'm curious to know what the righteous men in this comment section who crucify women for a tiny infraction have to say about this? The accountability masters.

[@melanieb2132]

He belongs to the streets!

[@d.c.d.8985]

Lmao 🤣 crickets 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

[@tjmcavoy-jensen871]

Well he’s a scumbag, he made a vow, a promise as a man to devote his life to her and only her and he broke it, and for that he is scum. He shouldn’t have got married and taken vows if he didn’t want to spend his whole life with only her, this is what I’m gonna do so I can never be a cheater

[@Nah-ah]

🎶 🎵 🎼 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

[@ineedhoez]

That was my first thought. He's for the streets!!!!

[@rando6002]

Notice when Delony says "do not lie" the answer is "sure" and then *absolute silence* until Delony moves on to the next thing. Guaranteed he's lying about something bigger now and telling the truth about the cheating is just throwing her a bone to make a show of his "honesty" while dragging her self-esteem through the gutter. I pray she gets far away from him and never has the misfortune of contact with him again. Hopefully he hasn't racked up a bunch of gambling debts to dump on her.

[@a.r.8954]

I strongly agree. There's no way that his guilty conscience 'suddenly' kicked in after all this time. Something motivated this.

[@buuny2233]

​@@a.r.8954He has an illegitimate kid probably

[@Michael-eg5xv]

Yeh I get the vibe someone else knows. I reckon he did it with her friends and he making this call to make it look like it was killing him all this time. He’s doing this so he can send her this call to show how much he cared. He peaked in his 20 and I bet she had a glow up.

[@jillmortlock8439]

Is there a child he wants his wife to raise?

[@calihhan4706]

The real question is: why would he want to tell her now? After years of not cheating and being happy?

[@GingerSpices]

Husband: I cheated on you 8 times please forgive me it will never happen again Wife: Well I cheated that one time when… Husband: (Angrily) What? I can’t believe you would do this to me! It’s over! I want a divorce!

[@BigSeanH]

Men and women aren't the same... so, yeah?

[@TurtleMyrtle12]

What cave did you just crawl out of? Are you saying its alright for men to cheat? Or are you saying men are less forgiving? Or are you saying women should forgive mens trash behavior but a man doesn't have to?

[@BeautyIsMyLife]

@@BigSeanH so boring 😴

[@BigSeanH]

@@BeautyIsMyLife Low IQ

[@BeautyIsMyLife]

@@BigSeanH I'm sorry you have a low IQ.

[@Dark_Souls_3]

When he said “my current wife” less than a min into the call…😂😂

[@annacooper7677]

Confused.. sounds like this is his ONLY wife but saying current makes me think he was married before. But he said they got married since he was 18 so that doesn’t make sense. Man. He’s…a lot.

[@joyoung9118]

Agree. That was a weird remark by him… “current wife”??

[@sarahmorrison7025]

He should tell her “I was unfaithful and didn’t value our vows or fidelity- and for YOUR sake, I am divorcing you so you have a chance to find someone who DOES value those things and actually loves you”

[@ethan4048]

8 times in 3 years???? Who has the time?

[@blueseptember2174]

Seriously aren't they busy or tired? They got nothing else going on? I'd rather take a nap or vacation.

[@caseyhill636]

Right?!? He’s clearly in his 20’s 😂

[@cynthiaholland13]

Eight different people in 3 years. Probably 20 times with each person. So maybe 160 times in 3 years.

[@ethan4048]

@@cynthiaholland13 having sex that much isn’t impressive. Being able to hide and put all the effort into communication over that three years is exhausting.

[@louiseyvette2261]

​@@cynthiaholland13IKR? Wtf!!

[@vivianworden]

This guy is a narcissist and he only wants to confess to clear his concious. 🤨

[@WendyH10]

Except narcissist don’t feel guilt.

[@nataliabusko1432]

@@WendyH10actually narcissists feel guilt and shame that’s why they create a mask and that’s why they need a supply

[@WendyH10]

@@nataliabusko1432 don’t you need empathy to feel?

[@nataliabusko1432]

@@WendyH10 empathy is about feeling other people emotions. They don’t need empathy to feel their own emotions and being all sorry about their own little pathetic asses

[@WendyH10]

@@nataliabusko1432 thank you for the clarification.

[@ella.canna777]

Why would someone be in a monogamous relationship if they cheated 8 times?

[@prncessbaby16]

Exactly and he was cheating on her while they were dating so I'm not sure why he even married her, just to continue cheating.

[@Musicienne-DAB1995]

Presumably because they want the benefits of a monogamous relationship (stability, higher personal satisfaction, and easier access to sex) without any of the responsibilities.

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

Narcissists like the "reflection" of normalcy and a good woman in public. Meanwhile, like to cheat with garbage because they are the same types in reality.... It is all about having a good woman to come home to and then have the whole cake / eat it too... but it doesn't last forever.

[@BellaJoyeuse]

And also because they want their spouse to be faithful and loyal to them without giving the same in return. They want a monogamous wife because cheating hurts but he himself is not monogamous.

[@JENKEN425]

@@Musicienne-DAB1995 MAYBE HE DOESNT MAKE GREAT MONEY/ IF SHE WORKS SHE HELPS PAY BILLS........

[@stealthwolf1]

If John was as hard on people as I want him to be nobody would call in 😂

[@liul]

She'll be deeply traumatised. This will hurt her in every level. She'll loose self-confidence, she won't be able to trust anybody for a long time

[@mikedoyle5901]

He is too intellectually shallow to know how this would affect her. He should stay moved on and let her find true love.

[@joeanne9626]

I don’t think he’s done cheating on her. Hope he does tell her. That’s the least he can do. She deserves so much more than this guy.

[@beautifulrecovery2337]

It sketched me out from the jump "my current wife"

[@katrina3560]

Good point, that was not addressed. How many wives are under his belt, I wonder.

[@lynnebucher6537]

I caught that too and thought it was an odd choice of words.

[@Musicienne-DAB1995]

I heard that too.

[@faithinthejourney6409]

I took it as he’s afraid when he admits to her after the conversation, she will not beat his wife. It’s him speaking his fear of what the conversation will change within their relationship status.

[@ember13dp]

He said they married at 18, he can't have had a former wife. Weird choice of words.

[@Amos_Huclkeberry]

Nobody benefits from him telling on himself.

[@rayzina147]

He does and he wants offload this guilt. This may not even be about her

[@Bountie75]

And people ask me why I've been single since 2007... Well, guess 🤦🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

[@nancyt6895]

She might forgive him in time, but she will never forget it. They have a tough road ahead of them if they stay together.

[@ambertorres5358]

I agree with everything he said except the part about bringing it back to the present. It’s extremely annoying and almost feels deceptive when a person doesn’t answer questions in a straight forward manner.

[@ambertorres5358]

No one wants to feel like someone is keeping information from them. The truth, no matter how painful, is healing and absolutely beautiful. Even if healing takes place when you go your separate ways.

[@b.1162]

Yeah, same. I think I understand why Dr J would advise that for his benefit, but if I'm the woman in that situation, and I was, it would have made me even angrier and definitely see it as him trying to avoid telling the whole truth. I think answering all her questions would be better, just so long as he doesn't volunteer information that she didn't ask for.

[@missjackson2380]

That’s the part I hated too. I demanded my husband to answer every f*cking question I had, even though it was killing me everytime he answered. It started with “it was just a kiss” - “she touched my parts and I touched hers” to “we had sex on a grassy hill somewhere once” - to me finding out it was nearly a 2/3 month affair. To then me finding out he slept with 4 other women during his deployment in Kenya. I don’t know how I’ve survived to be really honest with you.

[@firstlast9916]

The guy should just keep his mouth shut. Apologizing for this doesn’t benefit anybody. If he actually likes her he should be quiet. If he doesn’t like her then tell her so she can end the relationship. But if it’s a dead topic, just forget it. He is weak.

[@karaa7595]

Sex addiction is probably the saddest addiction that exists bc it literally cuts the other spouse to the core. 💔

[@hix9306]

Some people don’t know they even got a problem

[@redbrexit2912]

Yeah, you can diagnose any dispicabale behaviour now and blame it on a disease not on your scumbag caracter

[@owl4260]

It's also a cheap excuse for people who cheat... More often than not, the problem is not addiction, but insecurity, attention-seeking, etc.

[@mrjonsey]

@@owl4260it’s not that deep. Some men are just really horny and have no business being a relationship.

[@lovelife4111]

@@owl4260This is 100% true. The man is fully aware. Selfish, but aware. This was no addiction. He was just being a jerk.

[@xhaltsalute]

When my ex husband told me he cheated on me, my response to him ( I was in my first month of nursing school) was”Never assuage your guilt through me again. We finally divorced.

[@aquacommelina]

Such a horrible person. May his wife heal from his evil actions and go on to have a better life with someone who actually truly loves her.

[@chrissyh8673]

What a disgusting excuse of a husband. I hope she takes him for all he’s got.

[@knaudi86]

This is a textbook lesson on how critically important it is to intentionally and intelligently pick a mate. This guy cheated in dating. He was never going to change. And I guarantee there were warning signs all along the way.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Yes but women are taught by society he will change and oh he confessed he cared because he told me.. I was that young bride. 18. He “ almost cheated” when we dated and I thought his telling me was being honest and he cared. 26 years and four kids later that man has so many secrets and lies and cheating and other lives it’s literally destroyed my whole sense of self. I no longer trust anyone. I cannot be married to anyone. This caller needs to take his disgusting self and move on

[@l-train7876]

@@LisaLisaCJ women are naught taught by society that men will change.

[@blueseptember2174]

@@LisaLisaCJ yes, so true. It's a long uphill battle to finding healthy coping mechanisms and joy.

[@decoraqueena6413]

You hear that ladie? men never lie, change or keep secrets. Use your psychic powers wisely.

[@deirdrekiely6187]

@@LisaLisaCJ Society doesn't teach women that. Women are just so IN LOVE that they ignore big red flags that are obvious to the rest of mankind.

[@pandanamedjoe4197]

I love that you call him out. He doesn’t seem *genuinely sorry. It’s all about HIM not wanting to “lose the opportunity of having a family with her” after he realizes she’s a good woman and has been holding it down for him. He needs to let her go. There’s no fixing that. I don’t care what kind of therapy a person gets. It doesn’t ever truly go away and the fear that they will betray you again will remain in the back of your mind. ALL the time. Doesn’t matter how much you focus on yourself. This betrayal is shattering and the person who is betrayed will feel complete disorientation and a physical pain that accompanies the heartache. Let her go and let her heal and find someone better than you.

[@d.b.1774]

He wants to confess so he can unburden himself, not because he has any consideration for his wife. I hope she decided not to pour more energy into someone who so clearly doesn’t deserve her.

[@lindap.p.1337]

Do NOT tell her. It will only hurt her. She will question herself worth forever. She will suffer, you will not.

[@b12deficient24]

Yeah I tend to agree. Either step up and be the man she think you are or just get a divorce and let her be.

[@sp4cegrl27]

or tell her and get a divorce. don’t lead her on into thinking you’ll be faithful. he’s full of it

[@Jenny-uv4dl]

Don't tell her YOU ONLY WANT TO SHARE YOUR GUILT & PAIN own up mentally and handle it yourself internally tell her tht you had others while you were apart BUT NEVER SHARE IT WAS WHEN we were together as a wife who was cheated on multiple times who got STI's 2 twice it will break her she will never fully trust you again being prepped for tht you EARNED THT DEAL WITH IT you could have killed her literally your a pos literally deal with it

[@theplaintiff5450]

0% chance this person does anything John said. He will keep this secret till the day he passes

[@harmonee_76]

I think he’ll tell her so he can feel better and then she’ll carry the burden. All trust is gone, she’ll turn into the “unreasonably” angry one, which will help him justify more cheating to himself. Hopefully, she’ll divorce and move on.

[@STMARTIN009]

He will likely get it off his chest on his deathbed.

[@jongault7527]

Once he came back into the marriage 5 years ago and hasn't cheated since, ask yourself. "What will this really accomplish now?"...If he never intends to repeat his infidelity, it will only cause her pain so he can unburden his conscience... Maybe carrying this guilt in silence the rest of his life should be his punishment. Then again, I would want to know...

[@Lala_monzz]

He will make sure to get her pregnant and then will tell her that he cheated so that she feels trapped and more willing to forgive him

[@theluckienurse]

Him telling her is not brave, it’s actually cowardice. If he actually has not cheated in years, then what is the driving force of telling her all of this now? It is eating him up inside that he is living a lie and he wants to relieve his own conscience and live normally. The second that he tells her, he gets to have this off of his chest and he’ll feel relief, but her world will get turned upside down and she will realize that she has been living a lie for the last eight years. And realize that she never knew this man.

[@nicolab2075]

But if he wants to come clean, what else can he do but tell her? Do you think it would be better never to tell?

[@theluckienurse]

@@nicolab2075 no, she deserves to know… It sucks because the best case scenario would be that he didn’t cheat, but he can’t go back in time. But he does need to be honest with her and himself in the fact that him telling her now is not an act of him maturing or finally being selfless. It is another act of selfishness that will mostly benefit him. Even if she does kick him out, he can eventually go and find a relationship with somebody else while she is stuck with trust issues. If they stay together, his conscience is clear and he gets to keep his marriage, and again she has trust issues and self-esteem issues. Even if the consequences of his actions suck in the short term after telling her, she is still the one that suffers in the long term.

[@gmarie3053]

She WILL find out 1 day. That’s a guarantee. He can now control wether she lives 8 years in a lie or 18.

[@joymattson8549]

well, possibly so she has a choice to stay with him? I'd certainly want to have the option to make up my mind if I wanted to stay with someone who cheated (and decided to possibly put my health at risk) - so it's much more cowardly to NOT tell her.

[@joymattson8549]

and you're a NURSE?? You didn't even consider that he might have infected her with an STD??

[@katrina3560]

Does he want the truth out or simply want to be kicked out? Yikes..."people from highschool and ya know, random people from the internet..." 8 of 'em.

[@charly44ish]

I got rid of social media to get rid of any temptation as things can quickly escalate in those situations.

[@earthling1984]

I only watched like half. But, if you cheated even once, you let that person go to find a real person that will love them for real, and you go be single and hope you can turn your life around and maybe have real love in the distant future.

[@Myretta]

I feel for his wife just sad

[@debbiekoenig7376]

And the children.

[@lexiegirl1494]

8 times????? One time is too many. What do cheaters get out of a committed marriage??

[@Astro95Media]

Support which they can't provide for themselves. My first wife was unfaithful with a kid from her store who couldn't provide for her while I was providing for her the whole time.

[@gmarie3053]

Best of both worlds

[@SaystheTruth3]

Love is blind & marriage opens the eyes.

[@lexiegirl1494]

@@gmarie3053 I thought it was the worst of both worlds plus a side of STDs.

[@lynnebucher6537]

My husband got a responsible adult who made sure the bills were paid and home taken care of, while he was gallivanting around trying to convince other women how great a guy he was.

[@ModernSouthernBelle]

My ex did all of that, apology, what I'm going to do to change, etc. Still continued to lie and cheat.

[@Musicienne-DAB1995]

It sounds like compulsive behaviour.

[@deirdrekiely6187]

the mistake is staying after you know what they did.

[@veronicalagor4771]

@@deirdrekiely6187In her defense, sometimes the person is genuinely remorseful and can change. Obviously this wasn’t one of those cases. 1st time offense can be forgiven, but then you have to cut the cord if they EVER do it again.

[@jshv73]

I don’t think it’s brave to come clean after 5 years, not counting the infidelity before the they were married. He wasted good years of her life letting her think she had a partner. If she’s smart, she’ll kick him to the curb and get on with her life for a change.

[@veronicalagor4771]

Exactly. It’s all about clearing his own guilt and he thinks the time will make her less likely to leave. It’s cruel and selfish, dude needs to leave and have his *ss kicked by the men in his life so he finally learns his lesson.

[@thedude3364]

You don’t cheat on someone when you love them. Period. When I first met my fiancé I was playing in bands. Shows every weekend and doing “mini tours” that were regional. I had all of the same “temptations” around that people associate with rock stars, just on a much smaller scale. It never was on my radar to cheat. No matter how drunk or stoned I got, I never even felt lust towards the women that would hang around. It’s because I truly loved my lady with everything I had.

[@Lala_monzz]

and love entails so many things. It entails respect, it entails being caring towards them and their health. If I’m sleeping with a bunch of guys and go to lay up with my husband, I’m risking his health because I can give him a disease.

[@cucar8363]

What what what??? Just tell her and be prepared to end your marriage. Dr. Delony, please don't laugh with him. There is no fun at all. Only when you have gone thru this you will understand how hurtful and how much damage do this to a human being. I don't agree with telling her how many times, that's terrible!! One hurts enough. Don't let her go thru that please. She most likely is suspicious but not to that extend. We know, trust me.

[@truckingwithtobee]

You are absolutely correct. Dr. John should not be laughing with this man at all. I hope his wife leaves him. Being cheated on once is bad enough let alone eight times. My husband did this to me 3 years ago and I stayed and it’s been absolutely horrible. Because I’m so stressed out I continue to get shingles time after time. It’s because of stress. I’m actually having a tiny home built and I’m looking for land and I’m out of here. I can’t take it anymore. It has absolutely destroyed me.

[@dianac1411]

It’s a form of raping one’s soul. Complete devastation!

[@gmarie3053]

If you’re gonna break my heart, may as well tell me how many times and who with. I’d want to know before I never speak to you again

[@dearbrave4183]

Why? Because she could forgive him thinking that it was less when she wouldn't have, had she known the exact number. So, the risk of finding out later can destroy everything , no matter the progress because it would be considered a lie. Trust issues flaring up again

[@dearbrave4183]

@@truckingwithtobee I'm sorry. Being cheated on leads to insecurity, anxiety, hyper vigilance and bitterness. I have yet to meet a woman who stayed after learning about the affair who didn't have this.

[@bisi1980]

If he loves her... he will let her go because it is best for her to cut her losses. She is only 26 she can start over easily. Accepting to work it out is selfish.

[@heatherloew6335]

As someone who was married for a 2nd time & divorced in 2002 but only recently found out he cheated on me with 15 different people(that he could remember), tell her. It hurts no matter how early or late she finds out. She probably has a clue as to you did cheat, but just not how many times or with how many. She deserves the truth , the ability to realize she was not the problem. She needs this to begin healing & moving on. She needs the closure. Let her ask all the questions she wants. Let her yell & scream if she needs. Leave the door open so she can come back & ask other questions later. My ex said he felt disconnected before we got divorced but would never have been the one to have said it was over. Funny enough, his name was Steve also. I was the one who reached out to him because I've been feeling stuck & this is part of why. Trust is a big deal with me & it's not fair for those in my future to be the held accountable for something in my past. They don't deserve to not be trusted if they haven't done anything wrong.

[@grace52775]

When he left his wife "for her peace of mind," I guarantee he went into the arms of another woman. How noble of him.

[@ceciliaaznaran3317]

Hope his wife divorces him and gets an STD test ASAP. This man has major issues, he needs to get his head checked.

[@Twinruler334]

You are going to destroy her life just to make yourself feel better. Shame on you.

[@cuentaccuentos]

he already treated her with utter disrespect. he should let her know so she can move on with a different person

[@sparklesp9304]

He's already destroyed it.

[@beaglerescue5281]

She deserves to know the truth about how despicable her “current” husband behaves behind her back.

[@v.m.4453]

Now imagine the hellfire if this were a woman admitting to cheating 8 times.... This guy is really something else.

[@Lala_monzz]

for real, just look at the comments. Men are telling him to take it to the grave. That everyone makes mistakes. But had the genders been reversed, all the men in the comments would’ve told her that she needs to tell him and that she’s a hoe

[@michelleelle6120]

A " good thing "must come to an end to make room for an extraordinary one. She will now meet the real person she's been married to. It's sad now and I hope she may get over this individual that hurt her. Why love someone who doesn't love you the same way. I hope this opens her eyes and drops this toxic relationship.

[@Sunderling]

My first husband just never took responsibility for cheating on me. He said I’d have to deal with and put it all on me. I left. And, I don’t agree totally with you Doc. You kept saying he needed to keep the conversation in the present. But, I can tell you that she is going to have questions. If he keeps saying, “I want to keep it in the present.” So freaking what! He wants to keep it in the present but she wants answers.

[@heyyou9839]

Random people he meets on the Internet LOL. He was actively looking to cheat on dating apps.

[@chrism2042]

The John Wick world! I have had friends and guys that worked for me say, "if I caught my wife cheating, I will kill both of them". My response, you have no idea what you will do if you are put in that situation. I was married with 2 young children, my life was work 6 days a week and take care of the kids when i was not working. The ex worked part time job. One day when she was "at work", I got a call from a woman asking to speak to the ex, I said she is not here, she is at work. Two minutes later the woman called back and said, she is not at work, do you want to know where she is? And gave me the address where she was spending the night after laying out of work. I asked a family member to come watch the kids and I drove to that address. While driving, my first thoughts were, I have to stay calm and can't do anything stupid because the kids will be without a parents with their mother gone and I will be in prison. I got there to find her car behind his house. Knocked on the door, he opened the door with a surprised look and she was across the living room naked trying to get dressed. I told her to come outside, he said "she is not coming out and I have a shotgun behind this door saying she is not coming out". I told her again to come outside and told him, "if you reach for that gun, you will die where you stand". He yelled for her to go outside, she came out and he slammed to door staying inside. Same old story, "it's not what it looks like", even though I caught her naked trying to get dressed! I told her to come home and get her personal things and leave, she said she wasn't coming because she was scared. "I am driving home, if you are not there within 10 minutes of me getting there, I am coming back, going through that front door and destroying everyone in my path", she almost beat me home. Didn't take me long to figure out that a person that will hurt you like that, is not worth losing part of your life over.

[@jasminegonzalez2007]

I 1x told the person, you and your things ought to be gone before I get home or you can pluck them out the dumpster. It looked like a tornado hit when I got home. The remnants were dumped as I promised. Doesn't matter how much you cry after, respect yourself. No1 who loves you and honors you, does that. They aren't even treating you as they would a friend. ✌

[@chrism2042]

@@jasminegonzalez2007 - She done me a favor! Funny part was, she thought he had money to find out he was broke, without her income, his house was going into foreclosure. I went on the start 2 very successful businesses, raised the kids and life has been awesome. Within 2 years of the split, I was investing more annually than her and her boyfriend were making annually. Then, she sat there and cried like a baby wanting to make things work, I walked away laughing!

[@katieblake3023]

Just wow....So sorry you went through this. The audacity of these cheaters is beyond me. Not to mention you showed great strength in control and restraint in that situation, I would've lost it! Garbage human beings. Good riddance!

[@chrism2042]

@@katieblake3023 - A couple weeks after the split, I told her to come over and get anything in the house she wanted, but she had to come alone. She said she was bringing the boyfriend to help her, I made it very clear, if he steps foot in my yard I will kill him. She came over, running her mouth trying to start a argument, I just told her to get what she wanted and leave, she did. I never got closer than 10' to her that day. All evening the phone continued to ring, I didn't answer thinking it was her. Come to find out, it was the town magistrate calling to tell me to leave town for 48 hours, knowing him for years, he knew the ex was lying. She had went to the police department, said I threatened her and she was scared for her life! 1am 2 cops came to arrest me for domestic violence. We had to go to a domestic violence counselor, which would remove that from my record. I was there 5 minutes and the counselor said, "this will never go on your record, you don't have an issue, she needs serious help. Furthermore, I will tell the court if you had anger issues, both of them would had been dead the night you caught them." Funny part, a year later the boyfriend apologized. He said, if she had told me you were a veteran Army ranger, I would have never opened the door, much less threaten to pull a gun. Then thanked me for not killing him that night! I told him, it's all good. You wanted her, so now you deal with the slut when she screws around on you. And she did with multiple men! But all good, I got custody of the kids, raised them and life has been awesome!

[@sofystacy5959]

@@chrism2042 I'm sorry you went through that. And I'm happy everything turned good for you.