Surviving Edged Weapons - JonTron

[@ianhoddinott9492]

"What are you gonna do, stab me?" _-Quote From Man Stabbed_

[@Sinstarclair]

What? You egg?

[@SciaticCoast89]

@@Sinstarclair *stabs him*

[@FightCain]

Takes from Borderlanss

[@silversoul9661]

@@SciaticCoast89 *saucy boy*

[@smugone3330]

*you are a saucy boy*

[@Berd]

i would not have been able to protect my family from santa's relentless flurry of edge-based attacks. Thank you for this video

[@Caterwaulin]

Remember SMENS

[@thesack6411]

Hello

[@zak7427]

oh my god it’s a berd

[@squasher0487]

God has entered the chat.

[@peepothefrog4331]

Relentless Mc Flurry?

[@randomslomo1875]

I think when they say "knife culture" they mean what is commonly referred to as "living on the edge."

[@captainsunshine64]

Underappreciated comment

[@randomslomo1875]

@@captainsunshine64 Underappreciated appreciation 💜

[@gregorymirabella1423]

@@randomslomo1875 i appreciate you as well.

[@randomslomo1875]

@@gregorymirabella1423 😊

[@banditcat9957]

Take my like and fuck off

[@GruelEnjoyer]

The fact that they put an Iron Maiden poster in the satanist’s house at 11:08 really shows the age of this training film

[@failsrus96]

That's the 80s for ya!

[@salommy]

Up the Irons!

[@Mountainkaiju004]

"Take cover that knife is fully loaded"

[@MrMCDiggles]

Satanic panic certainly was a thing.

[@kthxbaiz]

"shows the *edge* of this training film"

[@cheesemccheese7837]

mad respect for creating an entire other set for the "knife culture" joke.

[@PurpleColonel]

I'm kinda disappointed it didnt turn into a mad stabbing party

[@mr.mondomacho6815]

Yo, how can I buy/stream episodes of “Knife Culture”? I’m a HUGE fan of old-timey British television!

[@cheesemccheese7837]

@JONATHON FISHER I wouldn't for your own sanity

[@hewhobattles8869]

Same

[@tausiftaha12]

@@cheesemccheese7837 you're name

[@sabertag6992]

Can we all just appreciate that Jon got 4 other people and himself to get dressed for a fancy dinner, cooked it, dressed the table for a 4 star meal in a Victorian home, all for a 10 second gag?

[@sleeplessdistrict3897]

SaberTag To be fair that good looks hella good

[@kirbysuperstar5494]

The man takes his jokes seriously

[@apassionatenerd.3564]

@Illumurian that still takes time and effort in fairness

[@ponnythedinosaur3963]

SaberTag I hope he’s not back on hiatus

[@TnT_F0X]

Jon: Alright I placed a takeout order from Applebees, get in costume if you want free dinner before editing for 72 hours.

[@Tcj333]

Everyone in the credits looks like they were held at edgepoint.

[@lordcosby6364]

underrated comment right here.

[@JoJoTheOtter]

Tcj333 How utterly primitive.

[@V8_Diva]

They were held at SMENS point

[@sadjohnny6120]

I think that's the joke

[@thedarkkissel5331]

I disagree, Jon is NOT a dead meme... Kinda?

[@Evan24_7]

2:58 Can we just appreciate how Jon set up this entire scene for a 15 second gag?

[@lukamoon6094]

“Knife culture”

[@shadydaemon4178]

I wish I was there, I would dine in content with everyone there, the single cutlery choice would’ve been hilarious to use.

[@cheburgg]

no

[@friedricedonkey7209]

A wise friend once said "Violence is never the answer, its the question and the answer is yes."

[@wolf-ranger]

I haven't heard that before. I love it!

[@lazyliongames5858]

@@wolf-ranger you unknife cultured swine

[@akumasstorytime3910]

Is your friend the fucking doom slayer

[@homersimpson3441]

I would like this comment but it's at 69 likes so I'll just leave it

[@definitelygoku4924]

@@lazyliongames5858 *Knife Culture*

[@strawberrana]

It should be *Shoot* the bad guy *Evade* enemy attacks *Move* behind cover *Evaluate* the situation *Neutralize* remaining threats

[@deadgodofneutrality7725]

Remember the things the academy taught us S.E.M.E.N beware of thrusting long hard objects

[@mrbeaver6000]

Semen saves lives.

[@strawberrana]

@@mrbeaver6000 Correction: S.E.M.E.N. saves lives

[@glorbshlanky5041]

CJgamr01 Correction: S.E.M.E.N. creates lives

[@KaeganThornhillTheCyberRaven]

If you're Officers of the Law always remember, Semen. S- Shoot First E- Evaluate later M- Maintain innocence E- Plant drugs N- News at 11

[@ryanlesner4716]

" I once saw him kill three men in a bar with a pencil. " " I only survived because I watched Surviving Edged Weapons. "

[@davincent98]

How about a magic trick?

[@ryanlesner4716]

@@davincent98 the joker did that.

[@davincent98]

@@ryanlesner4716 exactly

[@justhuman221]

*John wick join the chat*

[@commandercat10]

@@justhuman221 john wicks dog has left the chat

[@squishybrick]

"Edge based attack" just sounds like a term used by a DnD game. Always beware of edge based attackers.. You may be equipped with a bullet-proof vest that gives 65% resistance to bullet based attacks, but edge based attacks can bypass this and deal critical damage, to even the hardiest of officers.. Remember.. There's no save throw for incompetence..

[@dungeon_delvers]

The police assailant enters my melee range, but luckily he failed his perception check to realize I have my broadsword sheathed in the Tim Hortons. I roll a critical sneak attack, and since he has vulnerability to edge based attacks, I do x4 damage.

[@KopperNeoman]

That's just most UFO Defence mods.

[@zombieattacker5221]

Actually knives are very effective on light police vests as they are made of a bunch of fibers that are made to distribute the force of a bullet but can be cut easily But if you have a plate carrying vest it's not as effective cause there's a steel plate in there.

[@Pigmedog]

its called slashing damage but about the same gist

[@vectorequinox6202]

This is legit how bulletproof armor works in World of Darkness games like Vampire and Hunter.

[@skullhunter9962]

He is only sharing his sponsorship so we have an edged weapon to defend ourselves with this year.

[@cheekibreeki3757]

Not if your dad or mom is a cop

[@cheekibreeki3757]

Then your are possible treat

[@tc-vh3xk]

Then we go smens

[@lewisevans1151]

I'm English so how do I smens for I do not have a shoot do I need to stab instead

[@NodDisciple1]

@@lewisevans1151 Maybe?

[@nerd_5615]

5:54 I never once thought in my life I'd ever hear the phrase: "Jumpin' Jehovah James, that's a Scimitar he's got."

[@lucifearical]

That's why we love Johntron guy

[@urthegai1764]

@@lucifearical Jon tron guy?

[@urthegai1764]

Guy

[@lucifearical]

@@urthegai1764 h m m m It appears i have misspelled and yes

[@tora148]

Schmitmar

[@nonamea9177]

Nothing like watching a Christmas special in august

[@atomsea03]

@No name A You know it mah dood

[@mreggsandham]

tru dat

[@mrwheeljack7274]

Me too

[@DragonSword227]

Same here.

[@jameslew2804]

@Peter Caballero JonTron's videos have so much replay value

[@Ciborium]

You forgot to mention that this video was filmed entirely in Milwaukee, WI, with an all-Milwaukee cast. This training film is the best training film of all time. It deserves an Academy Award.

[@crazedfangirl5654]

That's why it looks so familiar

[@1BrknHrtdRomeo]

Go watch RedLetterMedia's take on this. It's better overall lol but considering you have actual people from Milwaukee stumble on this and realize part of the way in that it's Milwaukee lol

[@rtfnf]

Welcome to JonTron. Where every episode is a holiday special because he only uploads once every 5 months. Edit: This is a JOKE I’m JOKING stop getting so heated in the cooments

[@KeyshaunTV]

@Blue why

[@yowatchie]

Swearing Christian I mean he uploaded 19 videos last year so that’s a bit off.

[@gabesgameplay7272]

Jack Nope

[@owo9644]

persicly

[@gabesgameplay7272]

Jack Prob Not But Yeah Could Be A Chance You Just Said It Like It Happened Already

[@CheeseYourself]

My dad owns like three swords, he just keeps them in his bedroom Should I be prepared to protect myself from his _relentless flurry of edge-based attacks_

[@littlelettuce936]

Trust no one my friend.

[@errortryagainlater4240]

This is how he's gonna tell you you're adopted. Be ready.

[@abelq8008]

Wear a bright colored uniform so he can easily identify you in a melee.

[@gyga4906]

Just remember to shoot first and mens later.

[@eyeaid9817]

Well if he knows three sword style, well as a karate hobo once said: "Omae wa mou shindeiru"

[@Benthium]

JonTron: Does this man just have a Claymore sitting in the corner of his house? Also Jontron: Has a sword right next to him in Real Ghosts

[@josh.c36]

thats some modern warfare level stuff

[@SpikeJet2736]

You never know when Jason Voorhees might show up

[@zom8680]

Jon mentions claymore and I'm looking for a corner mine. Goddam COD

[@zacross8504]

remember that time he was attacked by the scissor man? That’s why he keeps them around

[@SpikeJet2736]

@@zacross8504 gasp... not the scissor man

[@schleepy6362]

"Shoot first, MENS later" is a quote I will carry with me for the rest of my life, honestly. Wise words to live by.

[@cgb6093]

all i got from this was "How to survive edged weapons" "use a gun."

[@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933]

If that doesn't work, use more gun

[@absolutelyyousless7605]

*Engineer’s guitar playing intensifies*

[@bubbykins4864]

*becomes a Pikachu like this is a weird attempt at comedy* *uses Thunderbolt* *Scimitar Murderer: DEAD!*

[@absolutelyyousless7605]

Bubby Kins *R/ImSoRandom.* Being random is not funny, you fiend

[@bubbykins4864]

@@absolutelyyousless7605 You tried linking a subreddit on KZbin.... And capitalized the first "r"? Not only that, but it says "attempt at" in there, acknowledging that someone's going to participate in the "put a subreddit name on KZbin _as the first thing you say"_ meme over my actually good advice for if by some chance, you become an Electric type. The point is that there is more than one way to defeat an enemy. You could even fight fire with fire, as chivalry had been doing. *loads pile driver-launching cannon with judicial intent*

[@phranco5310]

this is hilarious, a family friend who used to be in the Canadian police force actually showed me this exact tape before. They found a copy in storage at the police station and him and all his buddies laughed their asses off watching it

[@NinjaSquid0208]

Damn I wish I coulda seen that

[@jordantheoneandonly3880]

I like how Jon credited himself as “dead meme” at the end

[@karamkaakaji6036]

b r i t i s h m i k e m i k e n o t m i k e

[@Doltern_]

or the crazy looking guy as a potential threat

[@jogos4ever801]

ｉｎｄｕｓｔｒｉａｌ　ｌｉｇｈｔ　ａｎｄ　ｍａｇｉｃ

[@mynewaccount2361]

Hey, you watched the fucking video too?

[@unrelentingawesomeness7501]

Crazy how I saw that too 😂🤪

[@FloodlightGamingReal]

Can't wait for the sequel "how to dodge projectile based weaponry"

[@moppman1879]

you wish bro

[@WalterTheWalrus]

Payday 2 be like

[@notageologist3022]

​@@WalterTheWalrus"I may have 60% chance to dodge bullets but not 60% chance to dodge alimony."

[@ryancarrell3186]

there is a real sequel, and it's about negotiating hostage situations.

[@Unoriginality_Incarnate_stupid]

How to evade pew pew pow pows

[@LoveLee_Dreamer]

God there's nothing better, nothing I love more, than a casual claymore.

[@Madmac42069]

Elfin Dreamer what about a sensual scemitar ??

[@tastierjungle4645]

Elfin Dreamer Dutlniv

[@danialhakim6665]

What about the problematic pencil?

[@City-Hunter]

it's more of a bastard sword to be honest...

[@LoveLee_Dreamer]

@@Madmac42069 Ah fuck, I didn't think about the sensual scimitar.

[@teclinsoro4523]

“no money, no shit” should be on the door of those public toilets you have to pay to use

[@ryderr4702]

Yes

[@I_Like_Ike53]

@@ryderr4702 yes

[@randomguy5561]

Underrated Comment

[@I_Like_Ike53]

@@randomguy5561 you and I are not so different

[@awilddoge9991]

Ok grams but the gun down

[@moxxy3565]

"Jumping Jehovah James that's a scimtar he's got." My new favorite sentence.

[@n1thecaptain965]

Yes

[@oriolejb9774]

I have to agree with you

[@unprankable666]

My second favorite. For me, nothing will beat out, "And they hung in the air very much in the way that bricks don't."

[@emeraldemperor2601]

I just wish it was "Jumping J. Jonah Jameson!"

[@dionjaywoollaston1349]

That’s a first for me, I’ve heard of “jumping jehovah set” but not this one

[@lexaramoth3623]

I talked to a former cop, he said he had actually arrested a guy who dressed up like a ninja and swung a katana around

[@mydab66]

Lmao

[@nitrocharge2404]

I prefer having guns that shoot knives, however this video made this idea impractical, because now they know how to survive edged weapons

[@joshuamendoza7596]

NitroCharge 240 easy solution gun shaped knife now it’s a blunt weapon disguised as an edged one

[@SashaSlvt]

NitroCharge 240 thats just a crossbow.....

[@arneblonski2688]

Swordsplosion?

[@MJFallout]

Maybe try a really sharp gun; edged on every edge, giving you the real edge!

[@tylerwhite9923]

Bayonets my dude, bayonets.

[@he8598]

It's been 2 months, I'm starting to think Jons fallen to an edge based attack.

[@jameslew2804]

Lol

[@nichl474]

"Jons" How many Jons are you talking about?

[@WellCookedPotatoes]

Nichl Every jon tron video that we see is just a look at each alternate dimension that Jon exists in

[@zacross8504]

No he was SMENS’d S - Shoot M - E - N - S -

[@lantern_logic9676]

@@zacross8504 D - Dead???

[@brock5485]

Imagine being a mid-40’s woman hired specifically to act as a Satanist who gets shot in a police training video

[@manofcultura]

Agent: boy deborah, do I have a role for you. We’ll break you out of that jerry springier crowd member #9 rut...

[@Shmaples]

HAIL SATAN

[@x_croner]

soon tell her children that satan saved her

[@cheekybananaboy3361]

it wasn't an act they really just invaded a satanist hideout and shot a bitch

[@uljk5699]

At first, I couldn't tell if she was genuinely an in-video character or just another disguise of Jon.

[@christopherjustice6411]

Just for reference, this video was made in the late 80s in the middle of the satanic panic. So many officers legit thought that they’d run into satanic cults at some point.

[@tinobemellow]

What do people have to be afraid of with satanic cults? Just a bunch of dorks with minimal social lives the lot of them. No scarier than the other kinds of religious nutbags.

[@Microwave_guy]

(Faith chapter 2 music starts playing)

[@Pleasestoptalkingthanks]

MORTIS

[@seratonin_swag]

Wdym this video came out 4 years ago?

[@ronpaul5319]

Huge Jontron fan. Had to leave a dislike though, everyone keeps surviving my edge based attacks now because they’ve seen this interesting and informative video

[@PageofLegend]

IKR?! My relentless flurry of edge-based attacks used to be so effective on random groups of people, but now they see it coming a mile away.

[@collinchristensen7405]

My Dad voted for you

[@ElectricBarrier]

I used to crit 80% of the time, now I just keep getting MISSes. Thanks a lot JonTron.

[@kareemmasri3934]

@@collinchristensen7405 “SHUT UP, LARRY!!!!!!!” 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

[@slasher2595]

yeah relatable

[@GregorianChatter]

Theory: Jon knew that 2020 was gonna be bad so he's now hiding in his 200 floored bunker made entirely out of flex tape and turduken.

[@samurexatlas7373]

You... You where right on.

[@GregorianChatter]

@@samurexatlas7373 yea, I'm actually scared.

[@shadowldrago]

@@GregorianChatter Are you secrely psychic or something?

[@DanielAlves-xe4om]

@@shadowldrago hes a better physic than that lady on the goop show

[@arlind5590]

qui?

[@DamnUKakkaCarrotCake]

I'm no botanist, but doesn't Dollar Shave Club sell razors? Idk, sounds like edged weapons to me.

[@clickpause8732]

I'm no veterinarian, but you're right. Razor blades are deadly edged weapons that can provide severe edge-based attacks.

[@MrHendrix17]

The biggest missed opportunity in an ad read ever

[@tfwthelsdkicksin6083]

I'm no quantum physicist but yes you are correct

[@jamescromwell4055]

I'm no political scientist but now you know how to defend yourself against a razor. Just shoot. Dollar gun club.

[@the-letter_s]

Look, I may not be a member of the Homo Erectus species, but knife bad.

[@TheWigglerKing]

3:04 I love how everyone else at the table looks right but jontron just sticks out so much

[@republicofengineers1983]

“Knife culture” kinda looks like a drama show I’d watch on Netflix Seriously, I’d watch that if it was actually a show

[@JovialSkunk]

How so?

[@TheWigglerKing]

@@JovialSkunk like everyone else is this like, clean shaven, rigid jawline, well Kempt hair, and then Jon is just, neck beard double chin, its hilarious

[@JovialSkunk]

@@TheWigglerKing Fym? He looks fine

[@TheWigglerKing]

@@JovialSkunk I mean he looks great physically, I was merely commenting on the difference between him and the others at the table, the others look like they fit into the aesthetic they were going for of upper-class dinner, and he doesn’t fit into that particular sect of appearance, I wasn’t calling him fat or ugly, and I wasn’t calling the other people better looking than him, they just look different from each other

[@Generik97]

6:06 "If you don't get him on the first shot, you've always got four more" *ejects round in chamber*

[@TheKurtkapan34]

'I have 57 more rounds in this 4 round magazine'

[@jbrooks124]

@@TheKurtkapan34 A Gus Johnson quote on a Jontron video? Awesome!!

[@calebnorth35]

Same as ace here

[@Damian_1989]

Is there a specific police accent, or a reference i'm not getting? The way he says to stay CAHM before approaching the BAHDDIE

[@jbrooks124]

@@Damian_1989 the training video is Canadian, so he's trying to do a Canadian accent when playing the cop.

[@jameslegglue6182]

I'm almost confident that Jon just goes down to a local thrift store and looks through the vhss to see what he can make a video of

[@erictiedemann4797]

And yet it keeps bringing us back

[@apassionatenerd.3564]

@The Johnnie Walker good, Jon's 10x funnier that 3 bros and a sex offender or whatever that channel was called.

[@Battouga]

@@apassionatenerd.3564 Haha did they shit all over your favourite movie or something? The only one giving off weird vibes here is you. Sarcasm is hard to understand for those on the spectrum and Jon's humour is more literal.

[@medicalcal]

@@Battouga :D are you also on the spectrum?

[@alcoholic2652]

@@apassionatenerd.3564 You are touched in the head.

[@pixelbucket8884]

It's a little funny knowing that someone in JonTron's editing team now has "angry asian baby" and "knife png" in their search history.

[@user-hh3wr8wh9x]

Oh my God, is Jontron on hiatus again? I swear this man is like Hunter x Hunter

[@ZaJaClt]

production value is amazing

[@m4d_b0t88]

I'm laughing at this too much this is so funny you're a comedy genius!!!!! Also I think those 2 pictures are in the files of the potential threat.

[@Mr.Mousey]

I think for THOSE kinds of searches you would be using private browser

[@rainbowsparkle122]

@@user-hh3wr8wh9x trust me being a long time jontron fan it dosnt surprise me anymore it's probably going to be about a year till he returns

[@megaman1584]

6:02-6:10 I like how the guy with the scimitar is running and screaming towards jon like one of those kamikaze dudes from serious sam. 😂

[@Samstar369]

AHHHHHHHHHH 💣💣💣

[@haydengates128]

Now remember, the first thing you want to do in this scenario is stay calm. If you don’t get them in the first shot you always got four more. **Cocks and shoot shotgun** I got him in one but don’t feel bad if you don’t, take as many as you can.

[@HC-qc5rp]

“Aaaaaaaahhh” urself

[@stealthbeatle4945]

*S* - Shoot *M* - More Shooting *E* - Even More Shooting *N* - Nine Thousand More Shots *S* - Start Again!

[@slavsterchief6224]

You sir deserve a Popeye's chicken sandwich

[@JohnWick-sd3fd]

You sir deserve a sub

[@RealSkutti]

Now thats the American way.

[@NathanielVCatan]

This technique is so effective, that it is versatile for various situation. one of which is murder and armed robbery

[@cenizafranciskarlempleo8-a745]

Its supposed to be S-Shoot M-More shooting E-Even more shooting N-Nine more shots S-Start again

[@ashwinkelly2523]

Nothing is more like Christmas than edge based attacks

[@uncay2769]

ahhh yes the perfect combination

[@zaikolebolsh5724]

Slavery and birth control of entire humanoid races, thats the true meaning of christmas

[@Fvneral_moon]

@@zaikolebolsh5724 nah its edge based attacks i think

[@realname3538]

especially in the UK!

[@draconianwarking]

They ought to start selling holiday themed chainmail shirts :P

[@viktortzarofthexbox2987]

“The emo kid came at me with his edgy my little pony OC! I’m sure glad I knew how to repel his edge based attack!” -some police officer probably

[@TheLangenator]

“So I shot him”

[@theunderlyinghaterlol7]

"Not my fault! He knocked my donut out of my hand, if I say anything, he deserved it!"

[@a-astudios116]

This is underrated XD

[@Yikes123]

So anyways, I started blasting

[@commanderdemonno9819]

oh my god

[@lewisclarke2840]

Jon disguised as Santa coming down peoples chimneys and stabbing children is literally the funniest thing ever

[@RealCoolstriker64]

“Potential threat” “British” “Dead meme” best credits. I m ded

[@Sonichero151]

The British was the most important cast member

[@MikeLezamaOro]

Don't forget Mike tho

[@ImmaLittlePip]

@@MikeLezamaOro Hey I'm mike And I'm not so mike

[@ghw1985]

as a mike this is accurate, always Mike A and Mike B

[@naterk9460]

"Alright cadets. Now you know how to survive edged weapons. Any questions before we send you out into the field?" "Sargent, what if the bad guy has a blunt weapon, like a bat?" "... dear god..."

[@theysaidimasian9766]

"i knew we shouldve made a video for blunt culture, fuck"

[@Nobody-jn2zy]

Lmao

[@Nobody-jn2zy]

@@theysaidimasian9766 lmao

[@callmeanon307]

@@theysaidimasian9766 Just shoot

[@rainbowlemniscate2761]

What if they have a bat with a knife taped to it tho

[@obergfamily9049]

The "Knife Culture" set was so elaborate it wasn't worth the some 8 second joke.

[@monolith253]

Jon is very dedicated

[@electricshield2184]

@@monolith253 KONO DIO DA

[@thespianmask]

Nah they just decided to film how they normally eat dinner every day. No biggie.

[@Batchall_Accepted]

Thats always kinda part of the joke to me though the amount of effort he puts into these 10-15 second throwaway bits

[@demi-femme4821]

This is JonTron you're talking about, there's at least one of those in each episode

[@SirAsshat]

The RLM review of this on wheel of the worst is also a classic.

[@kieranhj8759]

Little Child: “Santa, I knew your were real!” Santa: “Shhhh, no witnesses.” *Bang*

[@spongboobman5860]

That's Brandon Bowen Nice

[@krm1930]

Nice TomSka reference

[@icantfindagoodytname6667]

*Santa to his little elf workers in the lift before he leaves to go on his sley* "Remember, no production" *cocks rifle*

[@mrdororo684]

Then wood chipper

[@whitenoise1119]

Tomska ftw

[@RekttalofBlades]

Officer finds a knife on the side of the road: “A elegant weapon from a more civilized time.”

[@theboi3330]

Obi-Wan would be proud.

[@Ballmacher]

"huh guess what, times have changed"

[@bigwheelfromspidamahn1037]

The Boi so uncivilised

[@LightLock]

People from englad: yes this is true

[@jackcolor7184]

*an

[@boofedstew9201]

“THAT KNIFE IS FULLY LOADED”

[@strangent404a7]

SHIT MY KNIFE JAMMED

[@XRobotWarriorX]

All I imagined is a knife with a gun mag taped on

[@Cybetrexs]

@@XRobotWarriorX have you seen the pics of the ghetto kids trying to look gangsta with guns by adding unnecessary attachments to em? One guy did it by taping what looked like a 24 or 33 round glock mag taped to a snub-nose smith and wesson revolver

[@Ben-yd7hb]

MY KNIFES OUT OF AMMO, COVER ME

[@Cybetrexs]

@@Ben-yd7hb IM DRY, COVER ME

[@killianmccartney5842]

That's the same excuse I would give to a police officer. " Was it f****** cool absolutely"

[@psychopathic_kitten1029]

"But officer, c'mon, that was a 360 noscope headshot! Right between the eyes! MIDAIR!!"

[@killianmccartney5842]

@@psychopathic_kitten1029 okay that was actually pretty f****** awesome

[@JG-ce3pu]

You’d say “was it fu***** cool absolutely” to the cop?

[@killianmccartney5842]

@@JG-ce3pu yeah

[@dibberz-v1z]

​@@psychopathic_kitten1029alright that was pretty rad, your free to go

[@flameguy8025]

Don’t worry guys, he’s not dead. He is just working on flex tape 3: Revenge of the bucket.

[@taylorwood7869]

flameguy this time its personal

[@lemonlemonlemons8540]

I genuinely want that to happen... It would make me so happy for another Flextape episode...

[@josephcook2164]

@@lemonlemonlemons8540 there is even a new product

[@bob97529]

Flex tape 3: Invasion of the Chickens

[@natashamosokito5080]

Suffered an injury from an edge based attack? FLEX TAPE BAM! Problem solved. No more bleeding.

[@shyre836]

"British" "Mike" "Mike" "Not Mike" "Industrial Light and Magic" "Potential Threat" Ah, yes, stunning cast list you have here, Mr. Tron

[@wallacefws]

Don't forget Dead Meme

[@TheNameCannotBeFound]

I fucking lost it at potential threat

[@craftgaming7079]

jonathan aryan jafari very nice list yes

[@andy119898]

I love potential threat Guy, he was the cave man in Turducken, What's his name by the way

[@Hoodied]

@@andy119898 He's been in quite a lot of Jontron videos as of late, he has a real deadpan vibe and seems kind of cool, dk what his name or what he does in the jontron team though

[@camerapasteurize7215]

Ironically, many police officers have been badly wounded when they underestimated a criminal knife. Adrenaline is crazy, and bullets have very little knockback in reality, as they tend to just go straight through a target. As a result, someone within a certain distance can still reach a person and stab them with a knife, even if they've been shot, because shock and adrenaline are preventing them from feeling pain at that moment. There was an account of a group of bank robbers who were surprised by the cops in a shootout. Every single one of them was wounded or killed in the ensuing firefight, except for one robber, who escaped and ran down the road several blocks before he stopped, and dropped dead. He had been shot in the heart, but his panic and adrenaline prevented him from even feeling the wound until he lost enough blood to collapse.

[@googleandsusansucks]

"very little knockback in reality" Oh rly. It is called stopping power and yea, guns have a lot.

[@Kazako83]

Tangently related, but once a Mexican dude survived a firing squad during the Mexican revolution, being shot literally in the skull and managed to play dead and drag himself to a church through adrenaline.

[@jodipearson567]

"Here's how to protect yourself from edge based attacks in one easy step" My dude, if a knife comes through a door, there is no way I am prepared for that

[@thatpinhead7543]

Thats why you always remember SMENS

[@tacos5682]

@@thatpinhead7543 ok but by the time you are legally allowed to shoot which is when they harm someone with that weapon uh YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN FUCKING STABBED

[@thatpinhead7543]

@@tacos5682 Thats why you remember SMENS. They cant put something pointy in you if you _move_ away from them.

[@tacos5682]

@@thatpinhead7543 but you can't shoot them until they are 100% guilty and it's move after shoot so ya fuckin cant

[@thatpinhead7543]

@@tacos5682 "Shoot" is a relative term. You dont gotta put a bullet in someone in order to properly start the SMENS process.

[@Superchicken_36]

2 months since Jon uploaded. Everyone: I don't like where this is going.

[@sentinellj]

I understood that reference

[@brodieredwine7846]

I think he uploads a certain amount each year and then waits awhile before he starts to upload again

[@MaxFalange]

he got married

[@GamingWithHajimemes]

hes gone back to his cave to feed Jacques and he'll come back when he needs money for more food.

[@Kaptain.K.F00L]

It might be because he got married and is spending time with his wife.

[@theriolulad4808]

9:10 The dude didn't get away because of three reasons A) Stabbed from the front B) Forgot to recharge his Cloak Watch C) First match as Spy

[@johannesalas8362]

lol he wanted only intel

[@bonjoviwankenobi8533]

I think both of them are new spies, look at how that cop holds his revolver and how the other one is just wildly swinging

[@mipcrazeold]

@@navd8279 first match as spy, so hes probably full stock and has no idea what he's doing

[@slapith3931]

Neither of them was even disguised!

[@slane9393]

the dude got facestabbed for real.

[@morkman]

I was rewatching this video, as one does, and I literally got an ad for a “monthly knife club.” That’s the kind of thing young knife culturists need to know about, as it’s a solid source of edge based weapons.

[@CreepsMcPasta]

Nothing like a bit of JonTron to get me in the Christmas spirit

[@XxNo8leMikexxX]

I see you there Mr. Creeps

[@bingus6182]

Lmao same

[@cabbage_lad]

I didn't expect to see you here old friend

[@thepotatolordtorulepotatos7220]

This was an unexpected comment

[@thepretender3814]

Mrcreepypasta’s better!!

[@JustaSimplefact]

My best friend and mentor got stabbed by 27 knives taped together.... He described the the experience as if he was being stabbed by 14 knives at once... I guess.. at a certain point... the effects stop stacking...

[@Darca1n]

probably hit diminishing returns at some point, gotta keep it from being too op.

[@trashremade1792]

The developers better fix this bug

[@Bbeaucha88]

14 knives is the commonly establish upper limit on taping knives together. After 14 that's when need to start taping bees (or hornets if you want to be environmentally conscious) to the weapon.

[@JustaSimplefact]

UPDATE: That has been determined to be correct. Apparently, a sliding scale has been agreed upon. When the number of improvised sharp objects surpasses 14, the damage of each additional sharp object is based on the defense rating of the armor worn by the character being attacked as well as that characters combat rating.

[@bobybimberbod8500]

the limit on how many damage ticks can occur simultaneously is 14 this means that duration weapons like chainsaws or a weapon that applies status effects like a rusty chainsaw can get around this

[@dylanbryan1990]

>"If you don't miss, you still got four more shots" >Immediately racks the shotgun, ejecting a perfectly good shell and bringing the number down to three

[@MrMurica]

"Ive got 57 rounds in this God Damned 4 round magazine"

[@scribese7en]

@@MrMurica Yer gonna wanna _git_

[@thoryon7767]

@@MrMurica UBBER CHARGING SHOTGUN AAAAAAAH

[@fumeshroom8975]

This is the Gus shotgun

[@theysaidimasian9766]

Remember always use SMENS and in that case he still needed 1 shot more to bring it to two

[@-Commit-arson-]

I love how John when he gave the police officer, a voice acting role. It was immediately assumed that he was Midwestern.

[@drpibisback7680]

I think that was mostly because all the actors in Surviving Edged Weapons were clearly also midwestern.

[@-Commit-arson-]

@@drpibisback7680 “Ah shiet!”

[@HenryLarson-wq2xp]

Specifically, it's a Milwaukee accent, everyone is from Milwaukee, where the movie was shot

[@Luukluukluuk12]

“Don’t forget that acronym: SMENS. Shoot first, MENS later.” That shit has me in tears every time 😂

[@aionicthunder]

MENS? What, MEN wasn’t good enough for you? You wanna ___ more; you wanna pluralise the plural so you can ___ more? You’re a monster

[@tausiftaha12]

@@aionicthunder he means Move Evaluate Neutralise Scan

[@aionicthunder]

@@tausiftaha12 It was a joke. Of course I've seen the video before. Seriously, though, do you have something to fill in those blanks? I can't think of anything

[@tausiftaha12]

@@aionicthunder I was joking too lmao, I know what you meant

[@snakeorbreak6258]

The acronym I remember is SSSSS.

[@wills4141]

Completely appropriate response to some dude without a badge claiming to be a "cop" and yelling "police department, come answer the doooooor"!

[@MickGallJr]

Hippity Hoppity Get off my Property.

[@MetaKaios]

*S* hoot *M* iss *E* at a popsicle *N* ap in the snow *S* tart over

[@springtrap1156]

So I fired again, I missed, I fired again, I missed, I passed out in the snow, I woke up with a popsicle stick in my mouth, I then reloaded my gun, then I fired again, I missed

[@storm_fling1062]

Not how I spelled semen (Also yes I know this is a joke with the anagram)

[@IGSA101]

@@springtrap1156 Did you try aiming before you shot?

[@IGSA101]

@@phoenixgenious Original what? Is there a reference I'm missing here? I was just making a joke.

[@fireyums]

@@springtrap1156 Long story short, missed!

[@pieguy101]

still watch this every christmas masterpeice of a video

[@MagyarGaben]

"Violence is not the answer. Violence is a question and the answer is yes." - Santa Claus

[@davidbanan.]

Damn

[@shadow-monger5189]

Saint Nicolás is dropping facts like we're in class or something.

[@archae108]

Yes

[@Kiroisawesome05]

Anger isnt an excuse, its a reason and tonight everything seems so reasonable

[@Nami8302_OwO]

Fucking Max0r really popped off, being quoted by Santa Clause

[@ultimate4323]

6:53 Little did that cop know, this man was preparing to take Jerusalem.

[@akumasstorytime3910]

"God damn it old man Altair is stabbing people with a sword again and this time his friend ezio is with him"

[@UltimateCatSalad]

Hey! So am I!

[@TheV-Man]

Hey, what's a good cruisade without killing thousands of Christians and Jews, amirite?

[@UltimateCatSalad]

@@TheV-ManDo you even know of the crusades boi.

[@TheV-Man]

@@UltimateCatSalad Uh-huh

[@Nothingness886]

"SMENS" sounds like a some sentence spliced gibberish heard in YTPs.

[@bubu-]

We need to bring back Jontron YTPs, it's been too long

[@Nothingness886]

@@bubu- By all means

[@Circuitssmith]

“I mean I’m not really qualified to talk about that either, heh, SMAMS”

[@breakfast3006]

Smeme

[@maverickhunterstupidiocy7779]

smens usual i see

[@alderoth01]

The "SMENS" part got me 🤣! In the Army we just had Shoot, Move, Communicate 😆.

[@Mare_Man]

"Man's got an unquenchable thirst for thrustin'" -Jon, 2019

[@slein1055]

Non-sexual thrusting

[@hawkeye5955]

Thrustin' for a bustin'

[@TotallyAwesomeWrestlingTAW]

“What constitutes as knife culture?” Living in London

[@NoahWolfWiseKingWolf]

Good way to fix that is a gun. Oh.

[@Ameri86520]

TAW Gaming I think you mean Chicago

[@dbelow_1556]

@@Ameri86520 nah that's gun culture

[@Ameri86520]

dbelow _ it’s both

[@arbitrary-human]

TAW Gaming More specifically, Hackney

[@discingaround]

90's crackheads: Claymore near door 2010's nerds: Claymore near computer desk

[@isaaclongfellow8815]

Call Of Duty Nerds: Claymore (mine) *_E V E R Y W H E R E_*

[@MagnusTonitrum117]

Punished Link I mean, in COD: WW2 there *is* actually a claymore sword, so it could go both ways

[@ILikeToLaughAtYou]

Tob Raham 2020’s Nerds: Claymore Roomba

[@ChrisLeeW00]

@@ILikeToLaughAtYou Thought the robots were all on our side? Doesn't work that way, sports fans.

[@justanotherrandomontheyout4791]

Hey don't attack me like this

[@archfiend221]

The funny part is now there's a movie called violent night about Santa killing people

[@Virtual-caveman]

Actually 😂

[@thegoatedone-yu8oe]

Very good movie

[@Strummie]

Not like it’s an original concept. Silent Night, Deadly Night came out in 1984 and there’s a ton of other movies and media in general that have a killer Santa in it.

[@masterchief8637]

@@Strummie but granted, this killer santa is a heroic santa

[@shadydaemon4178]

Oh god…

[@thenotoriousk.i.p7217]

“Does this man just have a claymore in his house at all times?” Remember that time Jon cut off Jason Vorhees’s head using an ancient sword that was laying on his counter?

[@jaredbud7056]

Which video was that in?

[@totallytravicious]

@@jaredbud7056 the "real ghosts" video

[@rayperry6131]

What are the odds that right after i watched this and read some comments i was scrolling through his uploads and just happened to click on the video where he did that

[@dnmstarsi]

I feel like this was made in response to that.

[@mollyanderson657]

People in 2010:"Has a Katana right next to their computers"

[@Collin0529]

I guess knifes are no longer cutting edge technology. Be safe this Christmas hoped you studied this video well! November of 2021: Hello my brothers and sisters I have returned, I hope you guys have a safe Christmas this year!

[@thecatcult9199]

I hate this

[@blanketpineapple]

Ayyyyyy

[@MarTCM]

comedy gold

[@oneflamingpotato7965]

*laugh track intensifies*

[@siddiqiqbal1401]

Nice pun

[@dominatornh981]

This is literally if Animal Planet describes whatever the heck knife culture is.

[@5dollars237]

These guys are animals, wait no Evolved Animals

[@kyokyoniizukyo7171]

Sir Corgi You and me baby ain’t nothing but mamals so...

[@myrmesuwu607]

Gun: am I a joke to you?

[@zacharyclarke4240]

nah knife culture is really just nutting over CRK sebenzas on reddit and instagram

[@HeilRay]

Illuminati Studios They’d say it still needs more animal sex

[@TheAHuman]

This video will always be my favorite JonTron video, the quality of the jokes is on a different level than all the others.

[@TheAntonicKnight]

I'm glad Jontron canonically exist in the Red Letter Media Cinematic Universe

[@Osamathegamer]

Wait, where?

[@fahrenheit2795]

He should be on best of the worst.

[@orcatwar9810]

not the wheel of the worst!!!!!!!!!!!! he will be broken man!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@rocioquiroz11]

@@RedmoonStudiosYT Nope, Mr Plinkett was the start and he came way before Jon.

[@grimmashley8422]

The what?

[@kf160k160]

Each time I hold a knife, I am thinking of my ancestors way back in Neolitic.

[@chknsoupcalypso2850]

seeni gzty uh

[@Silentsam90]

"My ancestors are smiling at me copper, can you say the same?"

[@jesuschrist9513]

@David L One Imperial's terrorist is another Nord's Stormcloak

[@Joawlisdoingfine]

seeni gzty Loser

[@noahsmind4009]

**holds knife** HMM, HOPE MY WIFE HASNT BEEN EATEN BY A DINOSAUR YET

[@Altorin]

"From the beginning, man has possessed the attributes of the animal" We got a genius here right from the start

[@baburik]

a genius of christian creationist variety...

[@sierrag.1069]

Cuz it's not like we're animal/mammals at all...

[@bobmcbobbington9220]

I just looked in the mirror and noticed a nose, like one an animal might have, and I'm freaking out about it

[@OdaSwifteye]

@@bobmcbobbington9220 Stay Calm.

[@bubbykins4864]

@@bobmcbobbington9220 You now literally possess an animal attribute: only one foot, and it's a foot from that hopping snail from the 200myf age of The Future Is Wild.

[@RodentCowboy]

2024 and watching this on Christmas eve. Man, i love this

[@KTChamberlain]

JonTron: "Ah! I got stabbed by a sword, but hey, that guy got stabbed by two swords! Man, my life's not so bad."

[@Damian_1989]

"A matter of perspective"

[@FillyCheesteak]

*The Art Of War*

[@RyukoRokkuno]

An old fan, I see

[@shyre836]

"a baseball cap with razor blades sewn to the back" S P E E D O W A G O N - S A N

[@sonnymartin9536]

*M R J O E S T A R*

[@stephenuchiha6430]

Oh! That’s a baseball!

[@TheRealAeternum]

*ZA WARUDO!*

[@herm2.o347]

"Oh you're approaching me?"

[@TheRealAeternum]

@@herm2.o347 "I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer"

[@TheMovieCave]

Say jay have you seen any good movies recently?

[@JuanHerrera-dl7dp]

This reminds me of that Star Trek episode where Data gets stab to death

[@gavin_k]

Thaaaaat's right, Mike.

[@Joseph_Tacos]

FUCK YOU ITS (almost) JANUARY!!!

[@riotmcdohl1873]

THANK YOUUU. I came to make a similar comment.

[@blairdonnachie2092]

@@Joseph_Tacos Are yo gonna edit this coment on januart 1st?

[@pairashootpants5373]

The sound of their socked feet as they "scanned" is just hilarious 😂

[@Khalith]

Also I have to say that this whole commenting on these terrible “educational” videos has been comedy gold. Please do more.

[@dracocrusher]

The weird thing is that this isn't a terrible video, Jon just didn't go far enough. He keeps making fun of the SMENS thing, but later on there's a really clear demonstration of how safe a cop actually is from an attacker because shooting someone doesn't just instantly stop what a person's doing, it takes time and multiple rounds to put a guy down in real life unless you get stupidly lucky. The reality is that you need to be moving back while also being about 20 feet away at least or you're going to get cut. Check out the full thing if you have the time, it's just up on KZbin and it's legitimately kind-of great, like there's a scene later on where the cop gets stabbed and you just see him on the ground bleeding out still holding the guy at gunpoint. And then there's the crazy mental institution guy who just breaks a window with his bare hands and just raw-grips a piece of broken glass, it's so nutty!

[@lionheart6176]

you haven't watched RLMs review yet

[@ashleyharness2032]

If you like to see instructional/educational videos getting made fun of, I recommend RiffTrax Shorts; like ancient public service films about drinking water, shopping, etc., getting made fun of. If you haven't seen any of them, def check it out.

[@noahkarpinski1824]

@@ashleyharness2032 I know, right. There is literally one that teaches kids how to listen to people talk.

[@FistieSplinters]

Well, Jon Tron got the idea from Red Letter Media ... sad, but true. Red Letter Media reviewed this like a year ago or more. You should look them up on KZbin. Watching old videos and making fun of them is what they do ... and it's more sophisticated humor than Jon Tron. Jon Tron is made more for the easily entertained ... simple-minded. But, your attention span must be longer than 15 minutes in order to enjoy their channel.

[@Centristlol]

I kid you not, in the book “Odyssey”, there’s a scene where one of the main characters, Corvus, pulls out a knife, kicks a sword out of the hand of one person, knock the dagger out of the hand of the other by bashing his fist with the hilt of the knife, then proceeds to fluidly slit one’s throat and stabs the other, just like Santa.

[@manybenefitsofmarinebiolog256]

Jontron over here looking like a greek warrior as Santa Claus.

[@sourpuss5951]

Damn that sounds so cool, but when my class went over the Odyssey, all we got was the part where Odysseus made a cyclops party til he was blackout drunk and threw up everywhere, then he stabbed him in his one eyeball with a spear and escaped his house with his other team members by 69ing the sheep.

[@Centristlol]

It’s a different book, unrelated to the Greek epic

[@thorrenn2375]

Hello there

[@Centristlol]

General Kenobi, you are a bold one

[@PlumEXE]

I shouldn’t have resonated with “british”, “not mike”, and “potential threat” so much

[@nicklion91]

Quick question, how do you avoid resonating with "British"? Just like not acknowledge the queen, stop drinking tea. God forbid!

[@CaptainCrutch]

Eric González Now I understand why I have no desire to see the UK...

[@ivanspinelli7768]

So uhhh... Would you happen to be a potential british threat whose name isn't Mike?

[@user-ef6gv4wv1l]

@@nicklion91 God save the queen!

[@BDR123]

I KNEW IT! YOURE THE INFAMOUS POTENTIAL BRITISH INDIVIDUAL WHO DOESNT HAPPEN TO BE CALLED MIKE! OR "PBIWDHTBCM" FOR SHORT

[@Quib101]

As a Canadian we usually don't have guns as much as Americans, so this actually makes quite a lot of sense to have "Surviving Edged Weapons" as a official police training video.

[@BOYHUNF]

Except if you're in Alberta at least lol

[@Quib101]

@@BOYHUNF I live in Alberta... well in a more peaceful area tho

[@HenryLarson-wq2xp]

It makes sense for American cops too. People really do frequently use knives to commit crimes and attack others, even if a lot of people have guns as well. Or did you mean like, Canadian police doesn't have guns? That's the only way it could be more for them to watch this video than it is for any other cop

[@yodles5770]

Imagine getting to the north pole, and being greeted by elves surrounding you with sharpened candy canes as they bring you as a sacrifice to Lord Santa, God of the Blade

[@AbsoluteGorbSupreme]

I would use semns

[@lordpumpkinhead265]

@@AbsoluteGorbSupreme Step 1: Shoot

[@hamgobbler9160]

@@lordpumpkinhead265 step 2: Move

[@carterround4600]

@@hamgobbler9160 Step 3: Keep shooting

[@drakegrandx5914]

Seems like something that would happen in Skyrim.

[@jxy_vbn8156]

Jon: "Can someone please explain to me what knife culture is?" British people: "My time has come"

[@hewhobattles8869]

Lol

[@BadWolfAce]

Americans have gun culture, we have knife culture. I use a mean butter knife...

[@redhood7650]

@@BadWolfAce I use a simple knife to make a mean sandwich

[@sideofsalt8680]

Macaroni Bukkaki we got the nife,pensul,pen,butter,candle,candy,phone,VR, and gun

[@oldreaddy3341]

@@sideofsalt8680 But what you lack is a dictionary. Don't worry, I do too.

[@KeepOnDreamingDude]

It’s about family. And that’s whats so powerful about it.

[@Awsomeisimo]

It truly broke new ground

[@joshuaheadey9670]

Subtle af

[@NexusKirin]

And that’s what this is all about

[@Ephunker89]

It took 11 years to make!

[@Arthurzeiro]

Gotta clap for that.

[@jairosimahan4986]

Dont get me wrong, this content Jon got nowadays is awesome. But this one is my favorite.

[@mcbadrobotvoice8155]

*Edge based attacks* I hear those kind of attacks are popular with the teenagers these days

[@mrmach6867]

Riifbioh

[@hoovy2319]

Damn kids and their Vidjea Games

[@ellisellis3141]

I here the popular kind of knives are throwing knives! Lol tho they never address thrown edged weapons lol like throwing stars but they address razor baseball caps!

[@Demi-Joker]

I hear the attackers always wear black

[@winds5011]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@thenoxxyboy]

"Designed to kill when making contact with the body" Isn't that every bladed weapon ever?

[@Teal_.]

you know what i think there is a good chance that was the joke

[@oldsoul1384]

😂 I think that was his point, he was stating the obvious on purpose.

[@theasexualidiot4803]

Congrats! You got the joke!

[@gerald4606]

Nah pretty sure it’s every sharp object ever

[@King_Stranger]

yea. Weapon. are all the steak knives in a kitchen weapons? No they are tools like and axe or shovel.

[@daniel-hh4jn]

Fun fact, In Canada you can legally own and have a sword on you as long as it is openly visible to all people Thats probably why this was made

[@fist-of-doom487]

The hell is going on in Canada that sword attacks were that bad they needed an Open Case policy?

[@AngryBoozer]

You can openly carry a sword in Canada?! I’m so jealous

[@samanthagonzalez28]

They make fun of us for our guns yet they have swords

[@an0rmalp3rson70]

So you can wear it on your back?

[@NoahArmitage1225]

The more ya know

[@J___0926]

It breaks me every time when he tries swinging his candy cane at the glass of milk and misses the first swing😂😂

[@artic23]

Jon tron could be a serial killer who films their kills in the forms of bits and we'd never know

[@batfan1939]

Would explain the turducken.

[@landonadams9935]

*my god*