Hostage Negotiator Explains How to Properly Listen

[@dougb4801]

His book Never Split the Difference is brilliant and absolutely worth the read

[@firehorse_44alpha-omega]

Agreed, NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE is a must read. I find myself referring to it often in daily life !

[@aclaylambisabirdman6324]

1,000%

[@jacobmate1537]

Thanks for the recommendation

[@christopher2206]

Whose book? The negotiator or Petersons?

[@solutions4tenants141]

@@christopher2206chris Voss the master negotiator book called never split the difference

[@kahea2018]

For those who missed what he was trying to convey about what he learned about how to listen, here are a few key points he made: -There's a difference between silence and actually listening. -Learn how to dial in (get focused on/connected to the conversation). -Focus on the feelings/emotions/mood being conveyed more than the words being said. (ie someone says they're fine but you can hear in their voice that they're upset.) -Check to see if the words and emotions are aligned or not. Does the alignment ever shift in the middle of communication? Look out for things like that. -Check body language if you can. -Try to anticipate things when possible. -Negativity clouds judgment, so listen for negativity (so you can deactivate negative thoughts). -Genuine listening, genuine connection, genuine thought provocation is more long lasting than bare manipulation. -That listening is about the nuances of human communication.

[@williammurray3125]

@@kahea2018 I think you nailed pretty much all of it. I learned long ago that most of the time that you are talking to someone, they arent listening so much as they are waiting for you to stop so they can tell you what they want. I started really paying attention. I think quickly because of how I was raised. So I try to listen to whats being said, and I process it in my head as if I'm reading it or it's a movie. It just helps me slow my head down.

[@kahea2018]

@williammurray3125 You're absolutely right. Great techniques too! ❤️❤️❤️

[@kristinasteininger8121]

Thank you 😊

[@williammurray3125]

@@kahea2018 thank you. Im a musician so connecting with my audience is important to me and when I started doing that, I was blown away with how different things started going. My band was all of a sudden skyrocketing upwards in popularity.

[@shafaa1]

This was an advertisement for his Black Swan company....disappointing.

[@CaldoHits]

I watched Chris Voss' Masterclass. This man is brilliant. Absolute pleasure seeing him here😮

[@aclaylambisabirdman6324]

Same! Incredible stuff

[@blsterling9367]

Um, not all think that way about him, however, he's got experience and details down. Amazing how people react to a man's public persona and how they're viewed behind the scenes. Interesting interaction between two extremely diverse individuals.

[@ericp9993]

Agreed! The reason I actually listened to this. After the Masterclass, I wanted to see what this had to say here. Excellent stuff

[@Suggon.D.Snutzz]

Im sick of all of these Jordan Peterson haters. They aren't his fans These same people are available to listen to on podcasts with regular people with regular intelligence. Go watch mainstream podcasts. What is this, the speech police? Who is to say that he is overcomplicating it? Lmao. There are plenty of us who appreciate hearing Jordan Peterson speak, and it's precisely why I listen to these guests on his podcast and not on somebody else's podcast. Jordan is a pearl before swine, diamond in the rough one in a billion.

[@fatalheart7382]

He is. Yes.

[@ElliotBrownJingles]

I totally agree. Their comments are robotically predictable.

[@QNoland]

100%. I can’t even listen to a Jordan Peterson video over the roar of idiots who think they’re smarter than him rambling on in the comments. All just predictably repeating the same thing. Nobody is forcing them to listen.

[@a.s.2426]

Yes, haters aren’t fans by definition.

[@armatian]

You made me laugh on, "haters arent his fans"

[@Jcarroz]

I did this same training for a class I college. It was probably the best/most useful thing I learned outside my study abroad.

[@philipedwards9129]

Jordan Peterson has such depth, he could lose me but never overcomplicate.

[@JohnnyArtPavlou]

Sometimes I wish he would just speak like a normal human being😂😂😂

[@Razear]

This is why it's so important to develop the ability to read body language/non-verbal cues. It's much easier for someone with ulterior motives to manipulate you with their words, but it's way harder to put on a flawless act while they're being grilled in a high-pressure situation unless they're a genuine sociopath.

[@ChristopherDwiggins]

I'd say what's sociopathic is needing all that to converse just to tell if they are a predator rather than common sense to communicate and connect properly.

[@user-oo8xp2rf1k]

I was a dishwasher at 18. It was 1989. The boss (a Californian) made the (new) restaurant feel like a rock band in which we were the stars and he was merely the tour manager . It was a new place and after a few months he got us all down together round a table with food he'd cooked and beer and told us - we are always full - but we are not making enough money - the food goes out too slow. He then didn't tell us what to do he said " what can we change in the kitchen, on the menu and out front to make things faster. Everybody themselves into it - waiters, bar staff and kitchen staff brainstormed. We changed the menu, bought a new cooker , got rid of another - completely transformed our whole way of operating. Huge success , everybody bought in 100%. I was dish washer in June but by December I was cooking and running the place in his absence. It was a great feeling for an 18 year old to have that responsibility ( progressively) given to them . The pay was terrible . But I didn't need much pay because the job had ( for a couple of years) become my life.

[@paolamura3497]

Loved the bit when Jordan said "if I am better at verbally manipulating a person and think that the other person will not get back at me, I'm an asshole". So true. We all have power, in one way or another.

[@CUSELİSFAN]

Having read about both, I can comfortably say that negotiation and psychotherapy have more in common than people realize.

[@beckerhambabe]

I love listening to Chris Voss. A fascinating guy! 🙏🏼

[@jitsutrader7420]

I am involved with sales somewhat, the "Durable" adjective he uses is spot on. I like how Dr. Peterson intertwined that with micromanaging. This is so true... I have never thought about it from this point of view. I definitely understood the "Durable" part but I used the term "Hot Weld".... A hot weld is when the material of the two pieces you want to join gets hot enough to accept the weld as apposed to a "Cold weld" where you kind of 'blob' on melted metal to two cold pieces. The Cold weld is going to fail more often than not. Love this.. I am going to check out his book.

[@1igonin]

We can then conclude that Christ was also an Hostage Negotiator Who tried to convince us, not force us, to free ourselves from our own prison of sin.

[@bensonbrett30]

What is sin?

[@1igonin]

@@bensonbrett30 To sin is to not submit to the will of God but to follow instead the desires of ones body and of ones ego.

[@bensonbrett30]

@ what is god?

[@1igonin]

@@bensonbrett30 God is the Omnipresent, Omnipotent, Omniscient Creating, Ruling and Perceiving Supreme Consciousness that promotes Harmony and Expansion in all energetic planes but dwells in the highest energetic/frequential Plane there is (not perceptible by us as imperfect or high density/sinful frequential manifestations).

[@bensonbrett30]

@ what evidence do you have for said deity existing in factual, peer reviewed, incontrovertible reality for all humans?

[@BitterTast3]

With enough psychological knowledge, we'll all become programmable. Beep boop

[@DeepBlueWaves]

I had a client low-balling me, saying “listen, i think we can achieve a lose-lose outcome”. I responded with “No. in that case, there will only be one loser”.

[@iamtoddpreston]

0:40 - Dr. Doofenshmertz HECK YEAH! 👊🏽

[@magolide]

Doofenshmertz Evil Incorporated🎶😄

[@iamtoddpreston]

@@magolide😂

[@mosesbarron4200]

Stop reading the comments and listen.

[@siyasamente9590]

Richard Bandler & John Grinder via their book Frogs Into Princes was my formal introduction into interpreting nonverbal cues, active listening & establishing rapport to induce behavioural change. When my best friend brought this book & the concept of Neuro-Linguistic Programming to my attention 10yrs ago I was blown away because it reaffirmed & expanded what I had learnt from observing people & the world around me as a kid. Short vid feels like there's a longer chat somewhere out there

[@MrRayban_007]

Thank you Dr Peterson!!! 🙏🏼

[@ericp9993]

His masterclass is eye opening!

[@andrewprettyquick2070]

The most powerful knowledge

[@leemcdaniel3151]

I hear you!

[@XtraSparklesPls]

Great clip. Definitely will look at whole conversation. 👍

[@roryadendorff8151]

Jordan for president of Canada 🇨🇦 🎉

[@antonyshadowbanned]

Peterson is brilliant and everything but could definitely use more listening and less talking over his brilliant guests.

[@cwr8618]

Constantly

[@sandspar]

Wasted half the interview

[@Suggon.D.Snutzz]

You haven't read his book or watched any of his other interviews? Why should every podcast be the exact same with the same conversation? Jordan is brilliant.

[@jamesg1974a]

In fairness, the interviewee also spoken circles. It took forever to get the answers with irrelevant detail details.

[@tomlewis632]

A good skill to have to be sure. But in my lifetime of working. I personally believe that the ability to plan well. Is at the very top of the list. After working for the Walt Disney, lockeed Martin, and other large corporations. As well as mom and pop small companies. Those who had that skill set. We’re constantly the best managers. But it seems to me, that this is something that cannot be taught, but must be “caught”. By being around those who have this skill.

[@jq8974]

“… because you’re human.“ Refreshing words these days.

[@icescrew1]

Going to watch that master class.

[@vishmanify]

I was always curious about these two meeting up.

[@malay353]

Sir please talk about the traits a victim has that make people choose him for being bullied

Based on our research, it's the internalized message "I deserve this, I caused this" and it happens because the person keeps asking themselves, "why do they do this TO ME, what canI do to stop this person", instead of repeating in their mind, "this person doesn't know how to treat me well and I dont deserve to be mistreated". It's a huge change in perspective when you put the responsibility on the person who is bullying instead of the target of bullying.

[@MH3GL]

Interesting perspective... Thanks for sharing

[@dheemanrajkhowa2866]

The victim is in a 'me' self frame instead of an 'I' self frame of mind I.e looking inward especially on their own inadequacies instead of outwards." I am not good/worthy enough" . The bully picks on this lack of self worth and checks if they can enforce any boundaries, which the victim mostly can't effectively since they are too preoccupied internally and noone taught them those skills and what it means to have healthy boundaries. This emboldens the bully and the bullying escalates.

[@philliphickox4023]

"How to listen" is something I learnt decades ago.

[@c3N3q]

Really? Did you take the "vac cine" for " co vid"?

[@philliphickox4023]

@@c3N3q What's that comment to do with learning to listen? The lessons I learnt were in the 1980's long before covid.

[@c3N3q]

@philliphickox4023 Because if you really learn to listen you know when someone is lying....

[@philliphickox4023]

@@c3N3q Learning to listen is a whole body experience, I learnt to listen to what my body was telling me. I referred to it as my radar unit.

[@farshadmn4273]

Thank you 💯

[@thefunksoulplumber22]

Great info. Ty

[@home8630]

The problem with active listening is it becomes one way, imbalanced, because usually one is being active, while the other has to be passive. When it is imbalanced, it makes people switch off, because they are not interacting. Interactive listening is better, which means those in the communication/negotiating are participating. Its the difference between monologue and dialogue.

[@wdtaut5650]

Interesting how Jordan directs the conversation engaging Voss and how Voss manipulates us.

[@Fynn-Victus]

My first job at 15 was at an army camp as a dishwasher 😅. Discipline is a requirement

[@helifynoe9930]

Negotiator: "Okay, I am here as a hostage negotiator. You are the hostage, and so I am here to negotiate with you. It won't help you much, but it's a job at least for me."

[@mysticat7652]

You can listen to what people say, but what they say & what they mean are 2 different things. 😂

[@shabadooshabadoo4918]

"But it can also happen when you make a poor agreement with someone. Because they they are looking for a way out instead of for a way to do the task." Just described every min wage job

[@hughmann5872]

This is one of those clips that inevitably leads to more clips if you want answers.

[@Eagle-e4l]

So,.. I still don't know what to do.? but would love to learn.

[@richardriemer8859]

supplied emothional intelligance i'm listening

[@joshuashank3806]

I imagine this is what the one-eyed exam instructor from Naruto would be like

[@honorablevessel]

5:05 If what Dr Peterson says here is true, then I now feel even more alienated from my fellow humans. If I were suddenly (magically) made so that I could only really do any thinking when I'm talking, I would consider it an EXTREME handicap. I don't think I would even be myself anymore.

[@danielledills1922]

I need an appointment

[@dufourrichard856]

I don’t think I know how to listen better after listening to that guy

[@richardshelor5642]

Add Trump & Elon and you’ll have every person I want to listen too!

[@universalmother]

Narcissism gets in the way of listening. You must first heal the disease before the body and mind function properly.

[@dr.gregory1325]

Chris starts talking like a bit like Joe Biden, eating his words. The opposite of Jordan. But the content is amazing

[@Ohmanwhyyourfeelingshurt]

I feel like Jordan knows about tone thats why he uses the kermit the frog voice because no one knows what his emotion really is, lol hisanger, sadness and normal talk all sound the same

[@rebeccalavanture9741]

That’s hilarious!!!!

[@lukeforks9134]

Say silent and look at who is speaking. Later, let the memory work for you.

[@cujimmy1366]

The illusion of choice.

[@iamgc369]

Wow I never understood how much you don’t listen Chris Voss’s Tactical Intelligence is amazing.

[@OrigenisAdamantios]

NLP 🎉

[@kevinhornbuckle]

Best dating advice ever! Be a good hostage.

[@rockcrazygal5166]

Nowhere in this video, was there an explanation from either party on how to listen???

[@InTheHookJohn]

Jordan should listen more.

[@cesarsaladspful]

I think every cop should watch this video and learn from it too much arrogance out on the streets

[@mistermotoki]

Turn on that Late FM voice

[@marsjokes]

Almost thought i was listening to Morgan Freeman

[@FirstLast-zk5ow]

Jordan. You're over complicating it. Also, when people come to watch a negotiation expert speak, don't go on a long diatribe of how you interpret what they are saying. Just listen.

[@biddydibdab9180]

You beat me to the punch! Jordan DOESN’t know how to listen and learn!

[@FirstLast-zk5ow]

@biddydibdab9180 he doesn't listen to understand. He listens to respond.

[@S7AN7ON]

Maybe y’all need to listen more. Jordan IS a negotiation expert from his 20 years of clinical experience alone. You can see Jordan was taking notes about what the guy was saying. This is a video of 2 expert negotiators with different applications of negotiation.

[@cahlendavidson2921]

Fr. What a bunch of delicate flowers ​@@S7AN7ON

[@FirstLast-zk5ow]

​@@S7AN7ON The poor guy was put on and addicted to psychotropic medication. And went through the most horrible withdrawals a person could ever possibly imagine. And instead of taking the time off to realign and strengthen himself. They drew him out with whatever they could to not allow him to reestablish and recenter himself. And while they are attacking his cognitive abilities, his psyche and his beliefs. Those he aligned himself with, Daily Wire, are just sitting back and allowing it to destroy him. Trust this.. If you pay attention to his latest interviews and discussions.. It is obvious that their aim is to psychologically destroy Peterson.

[@danielbell99]

👂

[@AdamJKSuperChannel]

What kind of razor does JP use? My wife hates that I don’t shave every day… sorry, I’m distracted. But I want to know.

[@Zer00n3]

No.1 use 👂🏻👂🏻(true story)

[@RUNNOFT71]

Everyone in the comments are all of a sudden listening experts.

[@vincentleone1833]

Hostage Negotiation is almost like the most effective form of Psychology or therapist.. The hostage taker is basically miserable much the same way as a psychology patient and probably doesn't even know it. They want help and don't know it. one way or another, they wouldn't be doing what they're doing if they were in a better place.

[@josemelrose5465]

Jordon suppressing the pangs of cringe every time the other gentleman says “emotional intelligence”.

[@hopaideia]

It is frustrating how Jordan Peterson wants to give a lecture and an answer to his question at the same time, leaving the person who he invited, speechless.

[@wparke1]

i got about 2 mins in and my mind stopped listening

[@BadEnglish-y6m]

Some people need "Schooling" Some People just need street smarts & life experience. I have never trusted the ones that know for good reason. Humans are easily trained!

[@gofiodetrigo8756]

thought peterson said there's no such thing as emotional intelligence sorry comment 101 here

[@marcelomarquina291]

Half of the time Its Jordan talking…just to demonstrate Voss listen skills

[@SamuelBarton-b6x]

because were all human.

[@CT-ob2bw]

Welp, the Negotiator just exhibited the technique of….Listening.

[@looseunit9180]

An example of Jordan not listening 😂😂😂😂

[@Someoldguy76]

if you close your eyes, you may see Christopher Walken :D

[@MrEvannelson]

This would be more informative if he actually talked about the literal skills instead of talking about what the outcome can be.

[@VelkePivo]

Sounds a bit like Al Pacino

[@1truthplease]

Jordan . We want to hear your guests please.

[@officialpsychicloungetv]

No one is asking them; ARE YOU OK?

[@m.m.199]

Nesretna sam...

[@officialpsychicloungetv]

You professionals make EVERTHING TOO COMPLICATED!

[@_DtK_]

Would love to hear the the guy who was taught how to hear.. uhh hmm.

[@icescrew1]

White ear buds are distracting

[@armatian]

As interesting as the topic is, i felt somewhat dissapointed for the lack of specifics.

[@icetroll734]

What 8 skills? Bloody politician. Speaks without saying anything

[@username689496]

Former beat cop here...Watched several "negotiaters" try this verbal judo...all resulted in the death of the "suspect"...You civilians are so ignorant of what goes on when a mental person who has a weapon is engaged by police...We want to go home to our wives and kids...Err on the side of that "suspect" being in a body-bag everytime...

[@lebaggins10]

He did not answer the first question directly but in an obtuse way as he clearly does not want to distill his knowledge into one answer and give free advice. Knowlege is power, grifting is for money.

[@MostlyBuicks]

I did not learn anything. He did not get to the point.

[@johnpaul5316]

Maybe you should listen, then. Try again.

[@marioquinonez2753]

That's because you are not listening.

[@a.s.2426]

It was a sales pitch for his Black Swan training I presumed.

[@jamesg1974a]

I hate when people like this takes so long to get to the answer of the question. I don’t care how he showed up to training… Jordan asked a question, answer the question.

[@lukamiokovic1317]

basically he just learned to speak about people who are not listening well with people who can protect him from danger and he claims that there is enough of resources for everybody to be shielded from danger but it is not so and during his conversation with Jordan he listened to absolutely nothing

[@Skybaby79]

Wow that told me nothing..... Thanks

[@ZannaWeems]

This sounds like using logic to pretend being empathic. 😅

[@sexywarriorwomen]

Hahaha something Jordan is having a hard time with these past few years. Lol

[@SteveR-h6h]

More talking around "how to" than specifics. ALL negotiations hinge on "buy-in", all parties need to express what's in it for them. OK, that's not unique. The "buy-in" comes when one side asks the other ... how does (what you're asking for ) impact you? your organization? your family? why haven't you gotten there, yet? What got in your way in the past? This is getting beyond "opening positions", and starts a genuine conversation/discussion. You can't ask all these questions at once ... of course. But, if it's a real negotiation and both/all parties are sincere, all will be communicating at a deeper, more authentic level, and there will be greater opportunity to exchange/trade - the basis of a true negotiation - rather than bargain - beating the other guy/s down in price or the equivalent in other dimensions. The "solution" to the dishwasher problem is: 1. tell the dishwasher your experience with other dishwashers - late, not properly dressed, etc. That way, he/she knows what they're being compared to, what the requested (vs required) start time is, and ... (the clincher) you get a 10% bonus EVERY MONTH just for being on time: one week too short, one year too long. Also understand that UNLESS THE DISHWASHER DIRECTLY IMPACTS GETTING FOOD OUT, being late is NOT a critical failure as the dishwasher can process & deliver clean dishes faster, potentially much faster, than chefs can turn-out food. In addition, in order to further "harden" the dishwashing process, cross-train someone else to do the dishwashing ... AND PAY THEM EXTRA FOR THEIR ADDED SKILL AND AVAILABILITY. There is a cost to not having a dishwasher on a critical shift; paying to cross-train someone recognizes that their skill avoids LOST REVENUE AND CUSTOMER DISSATISFACTION.

[@yl_ohmeohmy]

I don’t like Jordan because he can’t listen he just talks at you. Reminds me of my father in law

[@anastasiyavinnikova8193]

If you have listened to Jordan long enough, you will most likely better understand these 'interviews'. When he does these, it's more of a discussion. As a scientist, he gets excited about listening to the other persons expertise. But he doesn't just ask simple questions. More so, he often presents a thought experiment to find a truth. That requires him to set up a scenario or explain where his thinking is in order to get that person to apply their knowledge to the topics that he is presenting. He isn't trying to be rude or talk over him, he is trying to get a very deep answer.

[@jjwurtz]

Hope your he or you wife doesn’t see this and share it with him 🤪

[@Thunderfirelighting]

Which medication did you miss while making that comment? This is a Jordan Peterson channel…

[@yl_ohmeohmy]

@ I missed the 8th booster shot hopefully fauci forgives me

[@catherineparkinson9329]

Oh my god..get to the point

[@jukeboxwarrior5367]

Crap, what did they say? I wasn't listening.

[@res1204]

He said a lot but never actually answered the question.

[@a.s.2426]

No substance really from the guy. More of a thinly-veiled pitch for his program it seemed like.