What Is Self-Sabotage & How To Know If You're Doing It

[@positive78263]

I believe in ya! Yes, you who's reading this comment

[@mylifeisgreat836]

☺

[@CandiceLRoach]

Wow, I had no idea that procrastinating and putting things off is a way of protecting our ego. To hell with my EGO I want to "GO" for everything I want.

[@JennLynnCannon]

Totally!! since when do we allow an "alter ego" to run our minds? This was definitely a great part of this video!!

[@kellichanel1348]

1 year in therapy : 😴 1 KZbin video: 🤯🤓

[@garrettfarrell1776]

Been insome.form of therapy for 18 years now... and yes.... this video along with a few others that I chose to persue have been WAAAY MORE revealing and influential

[@juliabraga78]

look for another therapist seriously, maybe it's a kind of therapy that is not working fot you. therapy is really good when u find the right professional

[@MagicToadSlime]

Well she's not charging by the hour

[@jpayne8097]

Nooooooooooooooo... Ouch.

[@andrewjjahn]

I spent thousands of dollars on trauma therapy since 2018, and I have no regrets. These videos are like garnishes on the salad to me. I love KZbin. Stay healthy!

[@paoladenouter2573]

I sabotage my self because I am afraid to fail. So I do not do my best and I will fail I will say: I did not give my 100 percent.

[@Jackgritty28]

Don't try to hard, let it unfold naturally, if at ⏰ all👍

[@rosieunnie4222]

This is me. :'(

[@kdegb]

I keep thinking that something bad will happen and ruin my whole life even tho everything is just right!

[@mrskhazelton]

I do sabotage myself, not from a fear of failure, but a fear of success. My anxiety makes it hard for me to see the small steps to finish something, I go from the idea in my head too; I'm a success and then start seeing how I could mess up because of getting too busy and letting people down. So I don't start, or I start but give up or stop producing.

[@game_4_growth]

My Intentional Life - Me too, exactly!

[@juliakristinamah]

You're saying you fear having success and then not being able to keep it up and failing - then wouldn't you then say it's a fear of failure?

[@mrskhazelton]

I realized that after you explained it more in detail. I should wait until after the video to leave comments. LOL

[@McFaith]

I do them all, just couldn't understand why. This is great

[@juliakristinamah]

So glad it connected Stevie!

[@ClefairyFairySnowflake]

Unfortunately, I've made self- sabotage my best friend. It's scary. I am my own worst enemy. I can't even trust myself anymore. If you could make a video about how to end self sabotage that would be great! Thanks for the help! This video was my wake-up call.

[@juliakristinamah]

I go into depth teaching about healing our relationships with ourselves in my Deep Lasting Confidence Program - if you're on my mailing list, watch for the announcement when we open registration later this fall.

[@Jackgritty28]

Self sabotage is your enemy💲⏰

[@shivanidubenath4741]

How do I get in touch with u ?

[@greenladybug64]

I am afraid to fail; of healthy relationships; pursuing my chosen career fully; I leave things incomplete; I didn't press my business out of fear; I'm "comfortably uncomfortable with my life". Whew that was a huge confession!

[@rh2378]

I just realized i self sabotage relationships by making small issues huge eruptions and walking away because I don't believe i deserve happiness, love or success. The ego part...that part.

[@krain8458]

I self-sabotage by eating. I feel I don't deserve to be happy. When I'm at the ideal BMI and feel good about myself something inside tells me I don't deserve this. 285 has been my heaviest, 196 was my happy weight. I would like this to stop. It can't be healthy on my organs.

[@deniseborders8624]

Until I started following your videos I didn't realize just how much my "self talk" affected the way I felt and the decisions I make. Just wanted you to know that your work is really helping me to sort through a mess of a life and become who I was meant to be in the first place....thanks Julia!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Yeah Denise, self-talk is HUGE! We can talk to ourselves like our worst enemy or our best friend - It takes work to be a better friend to ourselves but SO powerful when we do.

[@andreabecker1829]

Yes , all of these, discomfort and vulnerability avoidance (no boundaries ever, recovering people pleaser), impostor issue was only dabbled in too but the protecting the ego thing/fear of success/failure because if I was truly myself I might loose more people. I keep wishing for others to choose me/support me, but I need to do it for myself first. Fear of abandonment freezes me so I abandon myself and give up on somethings. Anxiety and family systems really sent me the wrong message as a child. I can't even talk to my family without thinking how f-ed up crap I heard a child chime into my mind conditioning me on how I should be, but then I think someone did this to them and now I know not to do it to my children. Don't place your fears onto your children..their yours not theirs.

[@divrodricks2525]

wow, this whole comment describes me perfectly. it's true and sad. each and every line :(

[@mihika6730]

Makes a lot of sense when I know exactly what is happening in my mind. Sometimes I'm just blinded by the thought that I won't be able to be at the top, and that limits my motivation to study and deal with failures in a positive manner.

[@seanovak]

I thought I was just a procrastinator but now... it all makes sense

[@jonathancarter2347]

Ego Protection. That half-ass effort is a behavior I've been repeating. Thanks for this.

[@ceciliasanchez6245]

You made me understand what lve been doing in my life

[@clydebk]

It's hard to not let the negatives of your past define your future.

[@juliakristinamah]

It is Clyde - and often requires lot's of healing.

[@ianwashburn2012]

This was me earlier this year. I withdrew from a better job because of all this. Also, I love her sighs. Describes exactly how I feel.

[@dalemoog950]

WOW mind blown fear of failure not success This will change the way I think forever

[@hazziesof3360]

Yeah, definitely feel the need for control. I'll be doing well, but it seems like when I have to go out of my comfort zone and talk to people and be confident around people I don't know I end up backing down. I really need to work on that.

[@juliakristinamah]

It can definitely be a toughie.

[@paulineprice9514]

Please help me

[@ziggy29able]

I self sabotage with over eating... literally will over-eat to the thought of me wanting to work out or lose weight

[@saycog1084]

Yesterday I talked to a friend exactly about that. One thing in my life I don’t use all my potential because I’m afraid to fail and then not have an excuse for failing.

[@teresa7846]

I felt a lot of emotions with this video from "I feel attacked 😂" to mind blown "This makes so much sense! 😮" because sadly these all apply to me & I am trying to figure out how to change that...I love your videos!!! 💕

[@tonywalker5432]

Now I know why it's so difficult to progress...I'm self sabotaging! "I will change this starting now"!

[@amruthabibiana.d3551]

I've been self sabotaging myself for years now but never really knew that it was self sabotaging. I can relate to almost all the reasons. Even though I worked really hard and got graduated I made myself believe that I don't deserve this I just cannot move further in my life any more. When my parents relatives friends and everyone who asked what's next I used to get really angry and say just leave me alone and so I made myself completely numb by just sitting at home and going through social media all the day long and isolated myself from everyone. I proved everyone that I just don't deserve to be where I am. I went through really hard time and now after a year I got back to studies.. I'm presuing post graduate I started with a lot of motivation because I wasted a year. Things were going good half way through and now I feel like giving up completely. I really want to get out of this because my parents are really worried for me.

[@paulrandall6780]

I just self-sabotaged my relationship with my better-half. It was fear of failure. Also, my personal insecurities got in the way.

[@jofermk]

I came here to this channel to confirm the thoughts that I've been having: I do self sabotage. Thanks for your words, really helpful, hope to get rid of those thoughts someday.

[@blkdressblkconverse]

All of these. I didn't realize how much I self sabotage. Growing up, I would punish myself a lot and put myself down and apologize for everything because then whatever punishment my parents gave me or whenever they expressed disappointment, it didn't hurt as much because I had already hurt myself so much more. I truly believed I was a burden and that I deserved nothing. And that felt like the right thing because then my siblings could receive the love and attention I was forfeiting. And my siblings are better and more worthy of love, so I couldn't stop. Now I'm finally realizing how destructive I've been my whole life and I'm struggling to stop.

[@joanafonseca2816]

I think I started self sabotaging myself by misinterpreting my surroundings - if my family wasn't happy, I had no right to be so. If my family wasn't wealthy, I had no right to earn good money for my work. Eventually I've been waking up to this and training my self worh affirmations 💓

[@JazzedatHome]

Thank you so much, Julia! I've known about my self-sabotage for a long time and I have even known some of the reasons why I do it. And I've worked through some stuff, too, but there's still so much more. One pattern I've noticed is that I'll get really excited about something, but then, when it's time to present it to the world, suddenly my good feelings go away. Or I'll choose the safe option, rather than the one that would make me really vulnerable. I am a hermit and I don't have any close friends right now, because I've felt the need to protect myself. I separated from my mom and the entire family through her, recently (I think that was actually a healthy choice, because she's very toxic) and I'm still unravelling all of the ways that I have learned how to sabotage myself, or how she sabotaged me, because she was threatened by me. I'm afraid to make friends, only to lose them. Or to get a job that I love, only to lose that. I'm afraid to lose my housing and other government support, if I make too much money. I've come a long way, but there's still work to do. Anyway, thanks for your clarity around this subject and your generosity in creating this video for those who really need it, like myself. Blessings!

[@divrodricks2525]

this is so accurate thank you. the outside not matching our thoughts inside, and so we sabotage our lives outside to match what we think we deserve...I was in tears because this is exactly it. my entire life I've felt like a burden to others, starting with my parents, friends and I have very low self-esteem, and if anyone wants to be with me or around me, I think I owe them something, or feel like they're doing me a big favor, and so I immediately fit into my box, tell them I'm not worthy and they should leave, even if they love me and I love them, I don't want to get hurt, and I believe I don't deserve all the love and affection from people, so I sabotage before I even give them the chance to love me. this video did hit home. my self-destructive burning home.

[@Rockgirl256]

Thank you so much Julia 🙏 You really hit the spot on everything you said. For 27 years I have been sabotaging myself and now I'm REALLY tired of it. I'm trying getting out my comfortzone and you mention failure.... I always avoiding failure because I want control everything, but its exhausting. Now I want to live I am trying a different path, learning and growing. It's difficult but I know I don't want keep this crap going on. I can't thank you enough for your videos. 🙏😊 You r truly the best 💐.

[@activesocialmenace]

I feel like I'm sabotaging myself because I hate myself. I have no real reason to do so, but I think I'm subconsciously trying to find reasons to hate myself, and later on I start to create those reasons. I don't believe I deserve anything good in my life, and living in this sadness for so long, made me scared of feeling happy. When someone compliments me I get all protective and I truly hate compliments because I feel like they're fake or just out of pity. I feel unsure and lost in good feelings, and lately I started to notice I'm destroying relatioships with my family and friends. I would rather humiliate myself, than accomplish ssomething good. I hate myself, but at the same time, I hate myself for hating myself and not trying to be happy, at the same time hating myself for thinking I deserve something more. Yea it's kind of complicated, but thank you for this video

[@biancaalexander535]

Makes so much sense. My ego is bigger than I thought and I don't try as hard so that I don't fail

[@edmcbain8457]

Every aspect of this talk rings true for me! I’ve done these things in relationships and career. The best part is now I know it!🙂

[@Tadigirl1]

This makes so much sense to me. I have been doing this for years and I always said to myself that I am sabotaging the situation without knowing what it really meant.

[@happysmile427]

Yes I have done this to myself my whole life , I love your presentation. Your truly helping me figure out why I'm self sabotaging myself

[@armytank65]

Yepp totally true about protecting my ego... and holding back and self sabotaging my goals and dreams

[@nicolehall2177]

This is ME completely! Thank you! It’s always nice to learn new tools to utilize .❤️

[@christyb9487]

Yes!! The one that speaks to me is that I'm not deserving. Thank you!!!!

[@kerrianscully6861]

This makes so much sense to me! I now know what I have been dealing with my entire life. Thank you!

[@ameeadcock1670]

This. Is. My. Life. These are things I've done for years and have held me back so much. I've had my ups and downs with depression, but I definitely feel like it has been paired with my self sabotage. It's now where I do these things every day and I'm now in a very low point (why I'm watching all the self help videos I can). Thank you for your channel and giving people some insight and direction. This video alone will help get me back on track.

[@Yelluca7]

All of the above! It was comforting to have an outside voice confirm what I'd suspected for a long time. Thanks!

[@k.l.kraemer6875]

Loved this one so much! I’ve been doing ALL of this! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️

[@jacquelineaguilar5902]

“Yes makes perfect sense!! “ is what I thought since the beginning!! So glad I came across your video🤞🏼✨

[@jessicaperez7740]

I've been self-sabotaging for so many years. I've always wondered why I was so scared of putting too much work into projects or goals that I wanted to achieve. Watching youe video made me realize how scared I am of failure and as you said it is easier to half-ass things and know you didn't get what you wanted because you didn't give it your all than putting your heart and soul into something and risk failure. I also do prerty much everything else you mentioned in your video but the main one and the one I do myst often is protecting my ego. Your words resonated with me on such a deep level. Wonderfull video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, it's much appreciated.

[@cortnihensley4499]

The self congruence thing really resonated with me most. Oh dear. Will begin today to continue the journey of a better relationship with myself so that the inside can match the outside.

[@68warpig]

I could relate to all of these, but what stuck the most was the glass box. I've been on a self development journey for the last 2 and a half years. I'm in a new relationship with an amazing woman. Where she came from I don't know, but I'm sabotaging the relationship. I don't feel like I deserve or am worthy of her. I have some issues from the past to work on. Thank you for showing me some light.

[@tamarabyram4695]

This has opened my eyes wide! I have done all of these things Protecting my ego and Making inside congruent to the outside is my go to.

[@BDLanham8]

risk/vulnerable/scared of getting hurt and feeling pain. Tears came during the pain part automatically. Now I know why I self-sabotage. Your videos are amazing and so helpful. Thanks for all your hard work!

[@RAFTZY93]

I didnt even know that i am self-sabotaging. Thankful for this video. It opens my eyes

[@cassandramcbride242]

I related to several of them but the one about the ego caused me to begin crying 😫 thank you for this insight and for taking the time to put this together and share it with us!!

[@AngelaKChing]

Gurllll you are reading my mail!! I’m in tears. I’ve got some healing and work to do. Thank you my friend for your work. You are changing lives. 😊

[@dwayne4kids550]

This video was incredibly illuminating. I am going to have to watch it a few more times to fully wrap my head around the fact that Ms. K. has broken down my issues without even knowing who I am. I now realize that I've been experiencing a bit of terminal uniqueness, and had myself convinced that I was some unusual or "special" case that couldn't be defined or helped. I was wrong. I'm very grateful that there are dedicated professionals out there who share their expertise on platforms like this. It really benefits those of us who do not know what we do not know.

[@jillianshoulla3948]

That was soo deep. I have been on a fitness journey. I keep slipping and eating healthy all day and when nighttime hits I been overeating and the guilt and disappointment sets in. This makes so much sense that im trying to match what im feeling on the outside to the inside. Your so smart and its good to really pinpoint where im at mentally because then I can work on it. The feeling of not being good enough is soo real. Constantly trying to juggle 4 kids and maintain a fit life for myself is a challenge i think when the stress of the day sets in it triggers self sabotage.. a fear of failure wow sooo deep. I now know that I am worthy of what I want out of life. I appreciate this video so much thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your a peach Bless

[@dymphnatherese2595]

At times in life I've had them all, sometimes all at once. Right now though, I'm struggling with the last one big time. Time for such needed Julia Kristina binge watch!

[@arlanzalewisii7892]

Yes, thank you!! I’m glad I found your page. You’re a gift.

[@houdafadili2290]

You are talking about me .. only came across this topic last month .. I froze thinking of all the sabotaging I have done in my life .. you took my understanding of it to another level . Thank you 🙏🏼

[@aliciagriffin3416]

I begin self sabotage myself because I can't find a job and living a normal life of my own. Also, I have started arguments with my mother out of frustration, so I can get a negative reaction from others. I need to change my life for the goodness of humanity. Once I watched your video, I fully understand how self sabotage is.

[@eilidhpyre]

YES MAKES PERFECT SENSE! I get severe impostor syndrome when it comes to singing in my band. Even though I have written songs already, its like my brain convinces me that I can't do and I procrastinate something awful. Doing it though! Despite how I felt, I powered through. Playing a new song at our gig tomorrow night.

[@juliakristinamah]

Awesome! You go this girl. Do it with the fear if you have to, but just DO IT!!

[@aspen46]

Sat watching this and the very first point hit home...it's me to the last detail...I've pushed every person away in my life that's ever tried to get close to me, I've been single for 7yrs because of this. I'm really struggling to maintain friendships with men and women and it's made me very lonely. I know I'm doing it but can't stop myself. I have so much healing to do. 😞

[@BigTroubleD]

This is so me! I need to really work on myself and know that I am worthy of being loved. That failing is okay. That perfection is not real and all there is, is giving your 100%. I haven't really failed if I haven't even tried my best.

[@Ghost-wy3iw]

Thank you for putting this info out there so it’s accessible to anyone who might need it. I needed it

[@SpotterSky]

Yes clear fear of failure and disappointing my ego, is something that holds me back!

[@phyllisharries2742]

This all makes perfect sense, thank you, Julia

[@JohnM...]

This is a double edged sword - it's BOTH a fear of failure/success AND a feeling like you are unworthy of any success. A Harvard professor recently said somethin on Tom Bilyeu's channel about getting through self sabotage: Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.

[@dianebradford5032]

Omg you just described me to a tee. I’m 61 and just now quitting weed after I started watching your videos every morning. You are a gift to me! Thank you Julia Kristina. I’ve always tried the self-help guru stuff and it helps w being a good person but this is eye opening and something I can actually work on. I’m on a mission.

[@bonniebabird]

Thanks for this teaching,Julia. Number 3, "avoidance of vulnerability" really hits the mark for me. Grew up with much older sisters and constantly tried not to appear vulnerable in that family. Its not easy to replace the conditioning of "not enough". In fact, I've spent 71 years trying to overcome such self-protection. I've been procrastinating driving back across the country alone, although I've done it 3X before. Have to ask myself "What's the worst that can happen?" I know I could fail, but now I'm thinking "So what?" You've been a great help today. We never die,just change shapes. Namaste

[@billycroacker]

Definitely tried to protect my ego for my whole life more than the other things that you mentioned in your video, now I realize it.

[@HeatherRuffniteowl]

Wow, I had NO idea I was doing this. I thought it was other people. Stunned. All of these apply to me in some form.

[@deef4323]

Thank you so much they all resonated with me but number one was a wakeup call, blew in my face in a good way. I had a talk with myself and I’m on the route to change that attitude now ! thanks again

[@beauchateau480]

This makes absolute sense. I do it all. I constantly sabotage myself with career, money, friendships and getting a new husband. I think you are the very best I have heard, and will definitely recommend your videos to my daughter, who is studying in college to be a psychologist. Thank you so much for the eye openers. Now I have to fix myself.

[@deena3003]

Wow! I am so glad you talked about this. I really need to work on myself. I have a fear of success and self sabotage myself too much. I need to work on this badly. Thanks so much.

[@melodyariza8788]

All I have to say is WOW. Thank you. I NEEDED THIS

[@allayaniahendricks5581]

wow thank you for this video, everything you said makes perfect sense!

[@fresa4944]

Going through the journey of a young 20-something year old and I find myself the most unhappiest I’ve ever been. Along with this, I find myself with the most blessing I have ever received. It’s a double edge sword. Came to this video after wondering why I was on the floor crying screaming that I deserved to die alone. No one just wakes up feeling that way. There are things in my life I wish I had done different. Things I wish I knew to avoid the pain. Moments I wish I could erase. But by thinking that way all the time it truly has ruined my present and I fear even my future sometimes. It’s not fun thinking you deserved all the bad things that happened- spoiler: you didn’t. I just want to live my life in a fearless way. It’s difficult to break a curse you feel like has been apart of you since birth but through seeing videos like this and looking into our hearts, I know it’s possible to live a different life.

[@andreseals951]

Absolutely awesome! Thank you so much!

[@kimberlymartin8090]

The video is my whole life!! So glad I stumbled into this video

[@Chrysanthemum808]

I self sabotage because I’ve felt I wasn’t good enough or smart enough. But I have great ambition. So it’s true, I didn’t believe. It’s a pill I need to swallow. A friend of mine confirmed this yesterday. She’s knows I’m ambitious, and highly intelligent. But I have procrastinated, and eventually fell into depression due to a toxic relationship. I am working on this now step by step.

[@yoyoyo5621]

omg you're so right about the congruence thing that explains so much that of the stuff that I did and happened to me, I used to self sabotage so hard when I used to have really deep self hatred. now that I feel better about myself, I'm making better decisions and I actually avoid toxic things because I actually feel like I deserve better. And I gravitate to things that can make me feel loved in the warm way I love myself now. In a weird way I feel like I'm finally ready for good things and happiness, before I just...didn't.

[@h3yitsyaz452]

This video was definitely for me. Thank you!!!

[@danielletaylor6837]

I kinda understood why I procrastinate so many things but now the why has really clicked. Thank you thank you thank you!

[@renataritchie6363]

Julia Kristina there are many therapists out there on internet but no-one like you, with such a clear ,enthusiastic delivery. I love your videos and style. 🙌All points on self-sabotaging you mention ring a bell for me ( whether it is myself or another person ,a friend of mine I have in mind). It frustrates me as I think I see a person reaching out, as if to say: I need this or that to help myself/ heal, I am opening up; see me/ hear me/ interact with me and when you do respond and the going is good, the other person "freaks out" , pulls away, goes silent. The truth being..they reached out first, sought you out...It makes me sad that they make the first step but sabotage the next ones and cannot follow through ( even when you do it gently and respectfully of their boundaries and comfort zones). I have lived through this. It is frustrating to watch. I think it is some people's well ingrained pattern that's hard to snap out of. A protective shell. Thank you Julia K. Wise and beautiful as always.x.

[@loriagreenwood4810]

Just found this after a marriage counseling session. I strongly believe this is contributing to the state of my marriage and didn’t even realize it. I was also promoted to a very high position at work and I never thought that I personally was ready for the role, although my boss did. I took the role but have never felt worthy and it does manifest in my work. Thank you for this video. I will be watching more of your content to help me work within!

[@honor2798]

Thank you Julia, I recently spoke about my self sabotaging with my Psychologist. Great video

[@juliakristinamah]

So happy this was helpful - thanks for taking the time to say so.

[@krissyp3309]

Your videos are amazing and have been an enormous help to me, to get through the crap that has been holding me back!! That said, I definitely self-sabotage in many areas of my life, and tend to keep myself from reaching my potential for fear of failure. What you say regarding “imposter phenomenon” makes so much sense to me. Also, I am at times afraid to reach my goals, because “THEN WHAT!?” Thank you for these WONDERUL videos, keep on keeping on!!

[@Helga051]

Yes I self sabotage all the time and im finding it hard to feel worthy and i make excuses all the time..

[@rapandparty]

Totally relate!! Thank you so much!

[@indianelson4054]

I am so afraid of change. Due to my fear of this I never do different things and I stay in my comfort zone. I'm afraid of failing and being hurt. I'd rather not do something than take a risk and get hurt or rejected. I need to pray cause I didnt realize this until now.

[@lesleycerda628]

I am the same way.

[@user-db2dp5tv3o]

Yes i did all these. Need to try and work on these. Thanks so much

[@malkulaas6380]

Yes, the video really changed my point of view of myself and life Subscribed

[@Kathryn4268]

Yep , the putting a little less effort in than maybe I could because I fear my best effort being rejected.

[@kailanewyork7484]

Omg protecting my ego is what i do with my design business great job unearthing that for me!!!!

[@AS-bm5ey]

The basic beliefs I have that could hold me back resonate most with me. I'm subscribing! 💛

[@KathleenRenninger]

Never thought about "protecting the ego" as a source of self-sabotoge! Wonderfully clear, well-stated info on all the sources mentioned. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. You are doing a world of good for all of us who are on a path of self-actaulization, headed for a better life.

[@johnnylingo4686]

Yup totally self sabotaging for fear of failure is a big one along with impostor. Your right on the money there.

[@martinaverna7818]

Amazing video! Thank you so much! Everything you said resonated with me, lot of work to do but I'm really glad I found this video :)

[@juliabraga78]

I already knew but it's always good to listen to an expert. I haven't been in therapy cause of my low budget so... thanks.

[@sylviaolivares5379]

Procrastination...definitely stepping up on that!...no more self-sabotage for me...thank you Julia Kristina, your videos are awesome :)

[@JaneMay2024]

I do all of these! Since Lockdown I am finally becoming self aware after years of self sabotaging