everybody's got autism now? (an autistic perspective)

[@alexrose20]

That psychiatrist saying you couldn't have ADHD bc of your substance abuse is WILD when substance abuse is way more prevalent in people with ADHD

[@Trynatostayalive1234]

That actually is wild like what ?

[@nerdywolverine8640]

i actually yelled out loud

[@shadayafreeman182]

i was ALSO told i couldn’t get an adhd diagnosis bc i was “just depressed and addicted to weed” . he said he refused to even go through the questioning. another told me that people with adhd “don’t read books” so she wouldn’t hear me out. i’m also just “too articulate” overall.

[@purgxzur1]

unfortunately a lot of diagnoses are prevented by drug use because they think your symptoms are being caused by the drugs instead. instead of ruling that out though they jump to conclusions to get paid as quickly as possible and that's a big issue in the medical community

[@lordtette]

Exactly! and Autistic people. How else do you expect someone to cope in a world were mental health isn't taken seriously; access to treatment is hard, and healthy coping mechanisms aren't taughtm

[@therealmarkzuckerberg]

Autism is a spectrum for AUTISTIC people, it doesn’t include neurotypicals.

[@rahbeeuh]

Exactly!!!

[@Sinc3r3ly]

*allistics

[@Goldenxbih]

@@Sinc3r3ly neurotypicals..

[@ComradeLuka]

Thank you! It’s annoying when people say “everyone is a bit autistic”

[@rahbeeuh]

@@ComradeLuka that's my berserk button 😂

[@chiadi9713]

I’m a self diagnosed autistic. When I tried to get an actual diagnoses, my former psychiatrist told me that I don’t have it because “I don’t look like I do”. I dropped him and moved to another psychiatrist who said that I had to get evaluated by a neuropsychiatrist. When I pursued that, they told me they don’t accept insurance and that it can cost anywhere from $2000-5000 for an evaluation that may not prove that I have it. It’s harder to get diagnosed as an adult and even harder if you are a well masking black woman.

[@toxicaura3332]

Perfectly described me

[@anna-qz5hn]

My therapist just labeled it off as anxiety but I felt like it's more than that. But when I bought it up, she shut down the possibilities before I could elaborate even though we've talked for only 5 mins at that point. She's also ableist and believes that autistic people can't do basic things. I want to be professionally diagnosed but I'm scared to talk about it again.

[@golfwang8084]

When I tried to get diagnosed with adhd 4 years ago, the psychiatrist I got literally told me “you get good grades. People with adhd don’t get good grades.” She was old, probably in her 60s, and clearly hadn’t updated her know of the disorder. A year ago I met with a younger psychiatrist and she said she could almost immediately tell by my behaviors and mannerisms that I had adhd 😭

[@myaebanks1121]

This is relatable. It happened to me twice. The fucked up part about the 2nd time is that it was done by a crisis group therapist. I left a few days later.

[@lostharlequin]

This is EXACTLY what happened to me. Unable to get another bc they don’t have a specialist in my area or any others. Florida healthcare, American healthcare. ASS. I was literally told “I talk too eloquent to be autistic” and don’t look the part

[@Pisces5878]

I wish people would understand that most people aren’t self diagnosing for the kicks and giggles. Especially autism. I also suspect I have it, to which my psychiatrist told me I simply have an “irritated brain” (after mentioning sensory overload). Nobody knows the years of complete physical and psychological breakdown mental illness has had on me. Nobody can speak on the experiences I have but me. Even if I don’t end up being autistic the entire point is, I want my experiences to be taken more seriously by the mental health professionals I AM PAYING to take me seriously. But they’re not. And that’s the difficult and nuanced reality of dealing with your mental health

[@axeslinger94]

And that's on what, class? PERIODT! They don't really get it, do they? lmao

[@ipourojinmyglass]

bruh your psychiatrist is A LIE 🙄 AUTISM is almost always hereditary which is why less than 1% of the population has it & that one percent isn't just popping up on damb tiktok you kids of this generation kill me 🙄

[@badboygoodgirl]

💯 I don’t see the point in being overly critical of self diagnosis. A diagnosis of anything can at least give you insight that could help with self awareness, day to day life, dealing with past frustrations or resentment, etc. I got a professional bipolar diagnosis only to find out years later it was anxiety and depression. No one seems to make a big fuss about that.

[@pinklemonade1115]

Everythingggg

[@purgxzur1]

EXACTLY. not bsing taken seriously is something i am STRUGGLING with with mental health professionals

[@DANNYTHEFROG123]

My daughter was diagnosed at school. Me and my husband was the ones who noticed and requested. Her testing model is different because they now don't give black kids the old IQ tests. Her team is required to have at least one black professional. We don't want to fix her. Just make sure she can function on her own.

[@axeslinger94]

It's good that you're championing for your child to get tested. This may not be exactly related, but I'm a Black femme who was intellectually tested back in the late 90's when I was still in elementary school, and, allegedly, the results say that I'm not gifted, but I've never seen the paperwork myself firsthand because it's been somehow "magically lost to time" every time I ask my mom to see it from all that time ago, which leads me to believe that it may have instead not found giftedness of any kind but of autism spectrum or some other condition I'm unaware of but still dealing with. A whole lifetime of developmental trauma later, I still have no clue what's going on because it's been hurdle after hurdle to have enough money to get tested now as an adult when dealing with insurance and other out of pocket costs. I can only be glad that your story is different from mine due to this. The clinically tested way is still, for now, the best way to be definitively sure that your child can get the help they need, but for those who can't get the testing for whatever reason, I'm not even mad for self dx. People have to do so in lieu of accessible care so do what works best for you, as you'll likely be some of her strongest supporters. God bless!

[@MsMizz1]

❤ Your daughters lucky to have you both and I’m sure you’re both lucky to have her. How did you get black professional requirement & is your daughter on an IEP?

[@DANNYTHEFROG123]

@@MsMizz1 We asked and the school said absolutely.

[@MsMizz1]

@@DANNYTHEFROG123 thanks for replying. Do you mind sharing geographically where you are. Northeast, South, Midwest, West Coast I know these request vary by state and district etc but I’m curious and would like to encourage advocating for this in my area.

[@Kailovesfrogs333]

Good on you!! I’m autistic and my entire childhood my parents tried to ignore my autistic traits and when they couldn’t they would criticize them, I’m so glad your daughter will never have to deal with that from you

[@blastypie]

"It's this experience of like heavy surveillance even when you are alone, it's always trying to make sure you're doing the 'right thing'" This is literally my whole life.

[@EvanC881]

Fr this hit hard

[@liza.radley]

Thank you for this. I'm 42 years old & I'm pretty sure that I'm autistic. I've told a few people in my life & it's comical how they want to deny it & then say something like, "I think it's just your personality. You're extremely sensitive & gullible, prefer to be alone, get obsessed with things & look at the world differently." Um yeah, I'm autistic. I feel so invalidated by people who think that being autistic is a deficit & can't accept what I'm telling them about my inner world.

[@ClaireCraig]

But they are accepting you... what they're saying is that whatever label you put on yourself, they accept you regardless. I have the opposite problem, where people think I'm autistic when I'm not, hahaha. But as long as people accept me that's all that I really care about.

[@liza.radley]

@ClaireCraig In general, yes, people accept the version of me that they want me to be. I was programmed to be very agreeable. My older siblings were difficult & there wasn't space or energy for me to be anything else but agreeable. This isn't uncommon in working-class households with a lot of generational trauma. We learn our roles.

[@ClaireCraig]

@@liza.radley I totally get what you mean. I come from a dysfunctional family and have learned my "role" as well although I am trying to work through it, and be more honest with people about my feelings and needs. I feel if I can represent myself more honestly, I can feel accepted for who I am rather than the role I play.

[@cloudy6317]

Do these things really makes you autistic? I have all of these and I’m pretty sure I’m not. So what are the other factors that made you think that you are? Sorry for bad English lol.

[@abronanimation8671]

100% believe ya, for what its worth. i think autistic ppl know for a long time that we are 'different' and don't have a word for why, which leads to feelings that there's something really off or wrong within us compared to others, who all seem to experience a similar existence (hope you understand what i mean, its not about being *special* lol, its just literally existing parallel but a little separated from everyone around you). Allistic people mean well, but because they never experience this specific kind of internal disconnect from others, it just never occurs to them that it's possible, esp. if you've been working very hard to mask/hide it around them for so many years. i hope with time they think more about it and come to take this seriously and validate you

[@sonnydial4500]

Hi Kai! As a 18 year old black girl diagnosed with Autism since 4, being autistic is one of my favorite things about me and it's no shame if self diagnosed. My mother is self diagnosed because her mom didn't really care about her that much :( I have recently been diagnosed with depression because of my masking (reason being trust and abandonment issues from bullying and manipulation all 12 years of my school life, starting college this spring). I also been called so many things r*tarted, slow, the whole abliest list. So everyone who's saying "everyone must have autism because I do those things too and its norma-" Please, stop talking. You don't know what its like, and I advise it to be kept that way. Edit: Also let me add that the bullying caused me a lack of vulnerability. So there's that

[@alienunicorn4178]

Yes a lot of people have to understand family plays a huge part in early diagnosis. If you have parents or guardians that don’t believe in it, in denial, or neglectful then yes that child will get left behind, or unnoticed. You depend on your parents through that school age

[@sonnydial4500]

@alienunicorn4178 Yeah it sucks that my mom goes through it :( My grandmother (her mom) STILL doesn't believe her or me. But it's okay. Now that we know, we're trying the best way to accommodate ourselves and eachother!

[@alienunicorn4178]

@@sonnydial4500 my grandma was neglectful if it wasn’t about her she didn’t care

[@rcdune7132]

Lol $100 says you're not actually autistic😂🤦🏻

[@marsw062]

This video is helpful in so many ways! It’s not easy to find adult black/poc (diagnosed/self-diagnosed) people talking about their autistic experience. Thanks for being so open and sharing Kai and for dropping some knowledge!

[@MsBlackIntrovert]

I’ve been struggling with self diagnosing (for myself) the wait list for autism evaluations are so long. I believe I have autism but I have a lot of self doubt about it partly because of rhetoric like “everyone has autism now” and I don’t want anyone to invalidate my experience by saying I don’t “really” have it because I wasn’t “properly diagnosed

[@Ohissabee]

I know from people who are formally dxed that still struggle with imposter syndrome! Not to sway you away from it but to understand that it won’t completely erase that doubt and also a lot of evaluators are biased so there’s always a chance of them invalidating you as well :( all that to say, if you’ve done your research and you think you’re autistic you probably are and the autistic community is very welcoming of self do. For some reason it’s allistic that have an issue with it lol

[@ClaireCraig]

what would the diagnosis do? disability benefits? I don't see why else the label would matter personally and I'm trying to understand

[@ClaireCraig]

@Rodrick ok, that makes sense

[@lostharlequin]

@BBB accommodations! I want a diagnosis badly bc I rlly want accommodations for college. It was hard managing hs without it, so I can assume why someone would want it for validation / also for accommodations

[@solikejojo116]

@@lostharlequin I'm a parent to 3 year old twins, they got diagnosed with ASD last year so I'm still learning. I can be wrong but I think you may have missed the mark for accommodations. Kids get an IEP that follows them from pre-school to 12th grade. Universities don't fall under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act so that's why there' no IEPs. And it might be up to the university to say what kind of specialized services (if any) they'll provide for certain disabilities.

[@golfwang8084]

One thing that really bugged me in Madison’s video was that she said people with asd or neurodivergent people can always mask it, or that you “can’t tell” they are nd when talking to them. As someone with pretty severe adhd and many friends with asd, something we collectively have talked about before is how neurotypical people can change their tone mid-conversation after realizing something is “off” about us. I’ve struggled with this my entire life, it’s like going from an equal conversation to that of an adult talking to a child. It’s so aggravating and I didn’t understand what was wrong with me for the longest time. Sometimes you simply cannot mask the nd behaviors, and it was weird for her to say that.

[@rahbeeuh]

Did she use the word "mask"? I don't recall so I'm genuinely asking. I do recall her saying sum'n about not being able to tell when someone's Autistic but idk that video was awful

[@georgiemerry8929]

she literally didn't say that :)

[@christinelamb1167]

@GOLF WANG "how neurotypical people can change their tone mid-conversation after realizing something is “off” about us. I’ve struggled with this my entire life, it’s like going from an equal conversation to that of an adult talking to a child." Oh my gosh, yes! I can't even count how many times I've experienced this in my life (I'm 59). Everything seems to be going fine, but then I guess I say or do something that seems "off", and their whole demeanor changes. Then I notice other people in the group start treating me the same way. This has happened to me so often in a school setting, or the workplace. I try so hard to fit in, but the mask always slips off at some point. I HATE being spoken to/treated in a condescending way.

[@danika9411]

I also believe that many people with SPD-sensory processing disorder get misdiagnosed as having ASD. So I think self-diagnosing is actually not a good idea. Only if there is really nonaccess to health care.

[@maxwellgrimsley]

Self diagnosis is sometimes all some people can have. Diagnosis is hard already for people who have access to some of the tools to do so. Nonetheless people who can’t pay for extensive tests and specialists visits. Self diagnosis can help so many people when done properly with research, but unfortunately it is clumped with those who self diagnose as a trend, and is seen as a taboo and a condemnable action.

[@scubatuba1083]

What’s wrong with just saying you identity with the symptoms of the disorder you think you have until actually getting diagnosed? It takes 8 years to become a psychologist and to be able to properly diagnose patients for a reason.

[@dean1111]

@@scubatuba1083 because some people will never be able to get a diagnosis, because of various factors like money, stereotypes etc, but still have a right to conversations & resources & finding a community

[@salems_lot]

Honestly, I'm really scared of being diagnosed with ASD, mostly because of the downsides that come with the diagnosing.My therapist told me that I show alot of the symptoms and I also scored really high on all screening tests.But, when I did research on ASD diagnoses, I saw that there are literally almost no accommodations or benefits to actually getting one which just baffles me

[@karenholmes6565]

Many of the downsides she discussed don't exist. You can own a gun unless you are a danger to yourself and others according to a psychiatric hospitalization history. If you've been hospitalized for psychiatric problems it really doesn't matter if you get labeled autistic on top of that. Your medical history is private. No one can force you to disclose your medical history if you do not want to get social security or other benefits for disabled people If you've never disclosed your medical history and you want to immigrate and keep your diagnosis to yourself you can probably get away with doing so. Lets say you have money and you do not need to access medical benefits in a host country, there is no way they'd ever know you were autistic because they cannot snoop in your medical records. Denying yourself a diagnosis so you can immigrate doesn't change your autism. If you ever need for it to be addressed your home country is going to find out you're autistic when you access medical services. Getting a diagnosis doesn't have to change anything about your life in theory, unless you want it to.

[@hani5601]

this video was insanely validating. i am a very traumatized autistic. i feel like my parents look at me and wonder why i can't escape the feeling of feeling like no matter what i do im gonna get in trouble. theyve made me feel like who i am isn't okay. even just you bringing up your experience, and your identity has helped me feel like im not lying to myself. i more than relate to just about everything youve said. esp as a black girl, its such a weird experience knowing and understanding the context of being treated differently based off skin tone. but to feel so alienated from everyone around you for the way you're speaking and staring is like- such a specific alienating experience. this vid made me feel like it's worth to ask for a diagnosis, bc my immediate thought is that theyre gonna call me a liar. : D i feel as though the trauma has only added a layer of distrust in myself, when it's worse enough that the world we live in is already mean af to autistic folks. tysm for making a vid on this, we need more black voices speaking about this stuff bc i kno im not the only one who's family tends to avert from any sense of mental health/accomodation.

[@sora1498]

im autistic and for a long time i almost felt ashamed to even try ang get myself diagnosed. for me anyway, there was this thing in my head telling me i was just trying to claim a title or that i just wanted something to explain myself, and for awhile i was scared to even try. with tiktok turning mental illnesses into trends, i ended up gaslighting myself into thinking i was just making it up or exaggerating what i had been going through

[@halisternator]

i really do relate to this one but getting over internalized self hate and dismissal, but learning to accept yourself for who you are and seek out a diagnosis/therapy/any mental help is nothing to be ashamed of, and being proud of who you are and seeking self care is GOOD! and im proud of you

[@elisazouza]

i realised i might be autistic after knowing about my meltdowns as a kid and how i go mute when im sad and i was non verbal for a long time when i was a kid and made lil zines about the facts about cats and how to look after cats lmaooo also i learnt that so many people hate seeing autistic coded characters

[@SusannahGraceMusic]

Cats are/were mine and my little sisters special interests as a kid too! I wish I could see the zines you made that sounds so cute! I made magazines and books as a kid where I was friends with/in a relationship with my favorite characters… like Kermit the Frog and Goofy 😂

[@elisazouza]

@@SusannahGraceMusic I gotta find them!!!

[@sourgreendolly7685]

@@SusannahGraceMusic Y'all are my people. I read every book I could find on cats to prove how much I wanted one, now I'm in my mid 30s still slipping cat facts into conversations 😂 Got a cat though, a tortie! She was with me for 18 years 🥰

[@user-sz2ez8tk1y]

My special interest as a kid was rocks. I used to be so fascinated and would spend hours outside picking cool little rocks from my drive way and putting them into my big collection. I'm pretty sure my parents put them all back outside because i haven't seen that collection in years and i often think about it and wish i could look at all the rocks i collected. My dad even bought me some glass rocks because he knew i really liked them, and even though i appreciated it the glass rocks weren't the same to me as the real ones I only have one big rock i collected all those years ago and i use it to keep my bedroom door open😅 i also found a heart shaped rock in my bfs backpack one time and stole it because it was cool lol

[@wardarahman1757]

Mine was ants

[@Irrowboats]

What you said about feeling like everyone else is in on a joke that you weren’t when you were a kid, I felt 100%. That was a paranoia of mine when I was younger. I was scared that everyone around me was an alien or a robot, and were all just studying me. Also, what you said about feeling like you’re being watched also happens to me sometimes. When I was younger, I would imagine that a boy i had a crush on was watching me when I was alone, so I’d try my hardest to act “right”. Now, it’s usually celebrities that I get hyper-fixated on. Still usually men. It doesn’t happen as often now, but I’m happy to learn that other people experience these things. Overall, great video.

[@Ohissabee]

I love the “everyone is self do these days” first of all only like half the population is on social media and based on we see the smallest group of people ! No everyone is not doing it- you just see a lot of people realizing things. And also most self do people aren’t doing it for shits and gigz. And anyone who is is mentally I’ll and needs help too!!!!

[@ghoulixiv]

For a few months now i've suspected I could have autism, especially after learning about more specific traits rather than the stigmatism and media representation but honestly the thought terrfies me. It'd explain so much when it comes to past and current experiences i deal with but im not sure if i want to face the reality of it. I feel if it was set and i knew for sure I was autistic i'd start to be even more critical of myself than I already am. I tend to beat myself up for a lot of things and if i knew for sure this was something I could not techincally change about myself I fear it'd make it worse? I think i would have a hard time accepting the fact thats the way I am essentially. This video definitely educated me upon neurodivergence a lot more than i already knew, it was very helpful for me and my possible self diagnosis but man am i scared to face reality

[@kaifoster]

this is very valid.

[@paigeshenouda1985]

The way I like screamed when you mentioned how classist people only being valid once officially diagnosed is because I had a similar experience as you where I was talking to my psychologist who said I would need to spend $1000-2000 for an official diagnosis which is absolutely insane especially considering the fact that my parents think its all bullshit so I being a full time university student would somehow need to find that kind of money in order to be considered as valid. But even still this narrative is so ingrained in my head that I still discredit myself and invalidate myself in my struggles because I don't have an official diagnosis

[@TheeEnglishKnight]

i mean, i think that may just be an american thing. my family is very working class and i still got a diagnosis because it’s free in the uk

[@christinelamb1167]

The thing I don't understand is why insurance covers diagnosing all the other disorders/illnesses/etc, but when it comes to an autism eval, they won't cover it? Like it's some kind of a special privilege you're asking for!

[@mo6305]

I'm autistic (psychiatrically diagnosed) and I really want to stress 2 things that I think about this conversation 1. 'Autism spectrum disorder', just like every disorder in the dsm (or otherwise), is a collection of symptoms that doctors noticed and made a word for. Obviously it's more complicated than that, but when allistic people say stuff like "everyone is on the spectrum", while they are not literally correct because that's not what 'autism spectrum' means, I think they are speaking to a kind of truth about autism and disorders in general, which is that everyone will experienced at least 1 symptom. What it takes to Be Autistic is to have many of those symptoms for a long period of time. There is no autism gene, no empirical marker of Autistic vs Allistic. They're categories we came up with and they will always overlap 2. I think this "trend" of more people relating to autistic struggles or diagnosing themselves with autism is an important step on the path of truly treating autistics as people. While I don't claim that it will solve all our problems, in the face of parents claiming they would k*ll themselves & their children if they found out they had autism, I think more people deciding to self diagnose or even just talk about it in good faith is a very good sign. I love referring to arbitrary things as "autistic" in a positive or neutral context, or even making jokes about someone benefitting from looking into autism. it's like an expression of love for me lmao: to parody the language used to subjugate autistics, instead to uplift autism as something to be celebrated I have *a lot* of other thoughts but I think these are the two I feel are missing from the discussion most often :)

[@divinegangsta3692]

You are brilliant. I love the way you articulate yourself.

[@dylanholmes7858]

love this comment!! also autistic and I think you hit the nail on the head

[@jodyvankuijk]

I’m also formally diagnosed and this is worded beautifully, thank you!!

[@rebeckajarl3934]

To find a explanation for why I felt like an alien, not fully getting the script and rarely being understood. I embrace my autistic identity and hope to get it officially. I agree with you that it's a good thing to raise awareness about autism, ASD. And I don't want to be cured even if it was possible. Still I find it really frustrating when either people want to find a cure, don't believe in labels therefore not in the diagnosis, doesn't think the autistic individual should hear the diagnosis just get treatments to normalise us as much as possible from our medical care givers with out letting us know for what they actually are treating us for.

[@michemicalromance]

i think people are also starting to question more what behaviours are seen as acceptable and for what reason. such as wondering why small talk is the norm, why criticizing imposed hierarchies is seen as bad behaviour, and etc.

[@elloguvna6820]

I have autism… (a 17 year old girl) I find this ridiculous…. Everyone can have traits but not everyone can have autism per say

[@Genevie_G30]

I mean they definitely could but they don’t lol they’re just not the brightest

[@chop9293]

@@Genevie_G30 Wha does brightness have to do with it

[@Genevie_G30]

@@chop9293 omg🤦🏻‍♀️ I meant the commenter in the video isn’t the smartest. lol I meant technically everyone could biologically be a little on the spectrum if doctors went far into it but they don’t so the commenter isn’t the brightest (another word for smartest)

[@chop9293]

@@Genevie_G30 It's hard to know who you were referring to without you specifying. Especially with the way in which you worded the sentence😂 ion know why you felt the need to explain bright tho, its already implied given the context in which it was used

[@Genevie_G30]

@@chop9293 then why’d you ask Lmao I explained exactly what you asked

[@kaishawna3753]

You just gained a subscriber! I'm an autistic woman who struggled for years to get people to see that I was autistic. I had signs from early childhood but didn't get a diagnosis until adulthood because I wasn't "severely" autistic. I am lucky to be able to have a formal diagnosis. I see self diagnosis as valid because many who cannot afford to get diagnosed. The way I learned about autism was through harmful stereotypes. Also learned about it through AS, (aka autism speaks - very bad organization!). I view my autism as a disabilty because it affects my daily life from dressing to basic tasks. I have other disabilities along with my autism. Am I proud to be autistic? Sometimes. Why? It gives me an insight on for example, music theory, through an autistic's perspective rather than through a Neurotypical structure. It's hard being autistic. It's even harder being Black AND autistic. I am thankful for your insight on autism!

[@Trenephviews]

I’m a mom with an autistic 6 year old and I definitely find this video beneficial. I adjust to learn my child’s understandings of the world without imposing mine on him. As a future BIPOC therapist I have so much to so much learn about autism. I also feel that autism can be highlighted now with children yet the adult population do not get the same respect. Love on the spectrum definitely lacked diversity in all aspects. The health disparities are relentless, and there is a change immediately needed. Thank you for this segment because I didn’t understand the implications of self-diagnosing without the knowledge of a professional, however I am also glad that you mentioned that everyone is not autistic. I think people love the fluidity that comes with being autistic but not the stigmas, the struggles, and societal scrutiny. I definitely stated that all neurodivergent is autistic. Being different rather you are neurodivergent or neurotypical is something some humans are naturally. I think it’s important to pay attention to yourself, your upbringing’s, your behaviors, and your interpersonal relationships because that definitely can help.

[@dreambrush7251]

interesting thing the fact that you brought up the "overly expressive" thing, i previously thought that i couldn't be autistic because i'm not as monotone as the "aspergers" guys that i knew in my classes. luckily i learned that you can be on the opposite side as well, just like how some autistics were overly social and not very introverted.

[@Averyr91]

I used to be diagnosed with autism, then when they got rid of most diagnosis and turned it into a spectrum my diagnosis was removed cause I no longer qualified because I didn’t hit the ‘7 things’. One of them, the main reason why they wouldn’t give me the diagnosis - was because I made good eye contact. This was cause my mom went hard on early intervention with making me learn to keep and have eye contact. A lot of professionals forget as well about the ‘female mask’. I simply couldn’t get away with not masking as a woman. Therefore, I got screwed out of my own diagnosis and am just seen as ‘faulty’ and ‘wrong’

[@gigahorse1475]

That’s weird, because being bad at eye contact is not a necessary part of the DSM criteria.

[@mewmew6158]

You're still autistic (a fellow eye contact making autistic person)

[@Nanireactsss]

I think people should understand that most are undiagnosed, especially black kids. And grow into adults with these issues and just struggle thru life. The access to the internet and others with shared experienced and accessible medical info has made people find that they are not living a unique experience and stumble upon something that explained your life. For me, I'm self diagnosed ADHD anxiety and depression. I met with one therapist who just asked me about my life and asked if I was fidgety as a kid, and when I said no, he immediately ruled out adhd smh . So I got another appt with one next month, and I pray i am diagnosed clinically so I can get therapy medication and help with my life. I'm so tired of struggling thru life that I'm ready to get my life in control for the first time. Wish ya gal luck ! ☘️

[@callmecloudy6225]

People lowkey went straight from bullying autistic people to taking everything special from those labeled people by calling themselves autistic, without giving us a chance to celebrate ourselves the way we really are (where I am, it's still a mix of ridiculing and 'impersonating'). That's very much like being bullied your entire life for being gay, and in a matter of years, everyone is gay. Do you see the frustration? One is born autistic, one does not suddenly become it! It's infuriated me for a while that people just like to call themselves autistic without having proof on paper, I say as someone who was diagnosed at 4. If only I could say I won't offend anyone by stating this, it's not my goal to. It's just (to me) a seriously personal thing that just feels like it's being taken even MORE advantage of than before when you say you have it yourself without literal proof. And when it's such a drastic change in representation, we obviously can't keep up and just get stressed that we didn't get a shot to come out proudly as autistic

[@pastaboyyy]

4:32 i complete agree with this. I am professionally diagnosed with autism but I was put on a 3 YEAR waitlist. it’s insane to think about how I even got through those 3 years with the way I felt before being diagnosed. I’m so glad that I’ve finally found a video that talks about it.

[@Applee10101]

When I first learnt I’m not supposed to answer “how are you” honestly, all I could think about were the poor customers I vented to while serving them coffee 😭

[@christinelamb1167]

I always kind of feel like, why do people bother to ask how you're doing if they don't really give a sh**?!

[@crashed6510]

@@christinelamb1167 exactly why even ask if you don't want to know I understand now that neurotypicals find it polite to ask but for me I found it's pretty rude to ask what I thought was a genuine question and not expect a genuine answer

[@christinelamb1167]

@@crashed6510 Yes, exactly!

[@CandyThePuppy]

I come from a slightly different perspective, having been officially diagnosed at age 5. While I do agree that it is not as rare as people once thought it was, there is also a lot of nuance one must understand before self diagnosing, such as other potential mental disorders or personality differences that have nothing to do with Autism. And while I definitely feel for these people who are just now finding out that they may be Autistic, I sincerely suggest that you at the very least talk to both people you know well and don't know all too well about it to get their perspectives. Because if everyone thinks they are Autistic and calls themself such, it will be really hard to give proper counseling to those who really need it. (To some it may even be an insult, hearing people claim they have Autism just because they have a bit of a stutter. My brother in Christ, you're embarrassing me right now by belittling the struggles of my brethren.)

[@kellykapp0wski870]

THIS. Before I had a (supported!) self diagnosis, I worked with my therapist on dealing with a bunch of trauma related issues and ADHD. We realized how many of my behaviors were running back to early childhood, particularly during play and socializing, but even parsing that out between autism and trauma can be really hard without trying to soothe and seeing what helps you through meltdowns.

[@SeymourDisapproves]

I'm really not seeing the connection you're making between people diagnosing themselves with autism and autistic people not receiving "proper counseling." If you're getting proper counseling, then you're already meeting with a licensed professional who recognizes that autism is a spectrum and who works with you to establish or address your symptoms and support needs independent of what people are posting on TikTok or whatever. If you're self-diagnosed, then you most likely aren't receiving any medical attention or services at all because you, by definition, lack a formal diagnosis for your condition. To say nothing of the fact that many doctors are bad at their jobs and misdiagnose people or outright dismiss some potential diagnoses altogether because of pre-existing conditions or... vibes (look at the number of comments on this video alone which boil down to "yeah my questions about autism were completely dismissed and my diagnosis got delayed because my doctor told me 'Oh that can't be autism because you already have CPTSD or [insert other medical condition that can coexist with autism]/are really smart and personable!!'"). Shitty healthcare and misinformation pertaining to neurodiversity has existed long before self-diagnosis got popular on the internet, and it will exist long after. The idea that self-diagnosis is some big epidemic that we need to crack down on because it harms "real" (i.e. diagnosed) disabled people is, at best, blown out of proportion, and, at worst, a particularly classist, racist, and sexist way to blame some of the most under-served and vulnerable members of the disabled community for the fact that disabilities aren't taken seriously by a society which has, at different points in history, tried to legally mandate our exclusion from public life and systematically cull us from the population. Some people and institutions are committed to misunderstanding us, and that is not the fault of social media randos being vocal about self-diagnosis.

[@CandyThePuppy]

@@SeymourDisapproves It really just depends. In short, if it isn't easy for others to diagnose you right off the bat, then it at the very least isn't a big enough problem to attempt to diagnose yourself. The difference is in having people around you say you may be Autistic but you simply can't get a diagnosis and being the only one who thinks you are Autistic but have no way to prove it.

[@TaylorRae736]

@@SeymourDisapprovesthank you for saying all of this, it was very appreciated 🥲

[@rembbokie]

i’m just gonna assume you didn’t even watch the video if you’re commenting something like this? genuinely what on earth are you talking about? very unnecessary comment

[@jenthejen]

so glad i found ur channel, your videos on trauma and healin from trauma have helped me so much. that madisyn brown video was so ignorant and disappointing. im diagnosed now but i was self diagnosed for a year before i could save up for a private evaluation. i couldnt get one with my insurance, and i also didnt want to get one that would be on my medical record for the reasons you mentioned. before that i was only taught the pathologized stereotypical (young white nonverbal male) view of autism and, like you, was honestly hesitant to even consider i might be. now that i know i am and can use my evaluation results to get accommodations when needed, ive found so much relief. thank you for this video, it was incredibly validating congratulations on your autizzy discovery as well

[@tatyananachelle4684]

yes, this video basically encapsulates what i wrote in the community post. the more access everyone has the more truth people will find and those that have major issues with the "rise of self diagnosing" just screams gatekeeper.

[@LyssieLysse]

This video was so informative and I appreciate it. I’ve been doing research on autism, adhd, etc. because I thought I had it, but come to find out I’ve been suffering from anxiety/depression due to mental/emotional abuse from childhood. The symptoms from childhood trauma really mirror other diagnoses (not liking big crowds, feeling like you’re always in the spotlight, etc.) so it’s easy to claim being autistic or having adhd without proper testing. I do agree that the model in psychiatry does need to change since everyone is not the same and have different experiences in life. Plus it’s SUPER outdated.

[@callanrose]

this was so well put & i hope it gets a lot more views. thank u for taking the time. many of us will likely go undiagnosed our whole lives at this point & just figure out how to accommodate ourselves because of the potential risks of diagnosis.. it breaks my heart into pieces because of how exhausting it is to exist like this. tho i do feel privileged in many ways to even have the option.. it's such a weird situation many of us have found us in. i also hope there's research or documentation one day on the suicidality of women & ppl who go undiagnosed for so long. this society is more ableist than i could've ever imagined & my heart goes out to everyone.

[@lalaberretta2487]

THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!! i was “officially” diagnosed last month and was SO angry when madisyn posted her video. self diagnosis is so fucking valid and you covered all of the reasons why it is! your voice is so important to listen to, so thank you for sharing your perspective. i’m so glad people have been making response videos to madisyns with proper research done.

[@guapito_angelito]

this video does a great job explaining how I feel about my overall autistic experience. To be infantilized constantly by main stream media, to have your own autonomy taken away, to feel lesser by people in a environment that isn't even focused on you. Barely do I find the words to these feelings until you described them here. and I'm glad I found this video since it helped my find the words for my own feelings, which is something I always struggled with because of my own upbringing. I hope one day our own voices will be the ones focused on instead of sources that just use words that deems us lesser.

[@oihcam22]

Your locs are such a cute length, Kai. Mine are longer now and I do like how it looks, but shoulder length is always cutest

[@miexysroom]

i think i have autism but i never feel like it's completely accurate even after getting many perspectives. this video is the most relatable when you were explaining the symptoms tho, kai. im diagnosed with EUPD and it's for sure because i was neurodivergent and i was undiagnosed + invalidated + alienated big time. i have a favourite small spoon, favourite small chair, i like to eat with bowls, i like eating repeat meals, BUT im okay with variety, mostly when i feel like it, but i dont meltdown. but when i get emotionally overwhelmed i sometimes cant talk even when i want to, and... i feel like my screaming meltdowns from emotional overwhelm when i was young feels different inside but on the outside... looks like autism meltdowns? i dont feel bothered by clothing tags and only wear specific type of fabric, but i struggle knowing when someone is behaving inappropriately (i gave a creepy old man my number bc i thought the reason wasnt personal so he meant no harm...maybe he was lying, still dont know), struggle reading their facial expressions and make conversations, speak monotonously when im not performing, but my bubbly moments arent a performance either. normal talk? i stay silent when i dont have energy or mood to perform talking to people. mention taylor swift? i talk more. i light up. i feel like i need routines and structure (especially mental structure) but it's hard to keep up with it (maybe my adhd). i t's just not exactly what people say autism is, my boyfriend doesnt agree, but i do really suspect it.

[@moo9874]

hey just saying meltdowns can totally be non-verbal, it's what i do sometimes especially in public. just zone tf out, glaze over and rock back and forth or some other stim

[@miexysroom]

@@moo9874 how often do you have them? what are they like?

[@randomnerd3402]

Totally didn't Google what EUPD meant because of this comment, couldn't be me

[@halisternator]

if youve met one autistic person, youve met ONE autistic person. everyone is so different. don't dismiss yourself due to hyper specific inaccuracies because everyones symptoms are different, different sensors bother different people, some may get more bothered by sensory input than others. Hell, some symptoms can even present themselves as opposites in one person to another, and thats just because we're all human. let me share my experience. My friend, (autistic, diagnosed very early on in life) was practically mute for a very long time, and showed little to no emotion. On the contrary, take me, (currently on the path to a diagnosis) Exhibited meltdowns from sensory input very vocally, was social from a very early age, and talkative for most of my early years. Both of these experiences are showing autistic tendencies or symptoms, but this specific part of us seems to contrast.

[@gigahorse1475]

I have autism (self diagnosed, but 98% sure), and tags don’t bother me. And I’m ok with change, generally speaking. A lot of autism is extremes. Some autistic people are very sensitive to scratchy clothing, others are sensitive to sounds, some are insensitive to sounds.

[@tumblrqueen8143]

It’s funny how the kids who bullied kids with disabilities in elementary school are the ones who are now on tiktok claiming they are autistic because they have 1 or 2 very vague and common signs

[@ClaireCraig]

so trueeee. It's often times the people with "peace and love" in their bio's too hahaha

[@nobodae3296]

Thats just not true

[@koiko.k4801]

@@nobodae3296 It’s actually very true. It’s the same thing with those kids who were the loudest and made people feel estranged for being “shy” or quiet, calling themselves “antisocial.” And them suddenly wanting to relate with “moving in silence”

[@nobodae3296]

@@koiko.k4801 Thats not the same thing at all lol. Y'all can't even name 3 people who have bullied ND kids in school and are now on TikTok claiming they are ND. That's just not a thing.

[@midosworld]

legitimately, how do you guys know they’re the same ppl? /genq

[@justanotherweirdo11]

For one I am so pro self diagnosis because you know your brain and your body more than anyone and have access to so much research. I self diagnosed myself with ADHD before I told my parent told my doctor months later, sought an evaluation by a psychiatrist months later, got the results months later. I had ADHD when I had my my official diagnosis, I had ADHD when I suspected I did, I had ADHD when I was young child. The diagnosis didn't make it more real just allowed me to access treatment. I get really annoyed when people say shit like "everyone's on the spectrum" too as an allistic person. It's so stupid. Autism *Spectrum* Disorder is a spectrum but you can't really say you're on the spectrum if you don't have ASD. I do hqve ADHD though and I do relate a lot of things autistic people experiencw like stimming, impulsivity, being overstimulated, getting exhausted/overwhelmed/drained by everyday things, being perceived as weird, etc. I just can't relate to being autistic. I don't struggle with eye contact or recognizing social cues.

[@senseisam9485]

it’s the way my dad told me he thought of me the whole he watched Wednesday and how my mom has worked in SPED my whole life and how i was tested for down syndrome as a baby+ autism as a child (not diagnosed because didn’t check all the boxes cuz of masking oops) and neither of my parents came at me with the same compassion as they do with ‘diagnosed’ or stereotypical autistic individuals. i learned to mask out of safety and am now having a personality crisis :)))) but i learned alot and was validated from this video thank you kai

[@CiciNicoleTv]

After researching autism for a good year (I knew I had autism) I was finally able to get a diagnosis thank God they took my insurance. People don’t understand how information like this REALLY DOES save lives. For the longest I thought something was wrong with me and couldn’t figure it out

[@jayscott778]

I’m gonna be honest a lot of the traits/ symptoms you mention are things I certainly do and it’s freaking me out. I know we shouldn’t feel bad about being on the spectrum but there is a small part of me ( due to society ) that is freaking out about possibly being on the spectrum and then another part that is trying to deny that i could possibly be on the spectrum . Like each trait ur listing I’m subconsciously trying to explain to myself how it’s not autism but my anxiety or depression instead of autism . If that makes sense ??? Hopefully this doesn’t come off wrong I’m just kinda going through it right now and questioning everything

[@jayscott778]

Like some things u pointed out like avoiding eye contact I thought that was because I just had severe social anxiety. And like you, I was a directioner and I read tons of fan fiction, watched almost every one direction interview and funny moments compilations , and daydreamed about being the girl they all fall in love with constantly and although I’m over one direction I still day dream and obsess over new things or people that I find out about and become interested in. Also the always feeling surveilled even when ur alone and trying to look like ur doing the right thing.

[@kaifoster]

there’s definitely a lot of overlap when it comes to how certain disabilities present themselves (adhd and autism can look super similar).it’s more so about the root cause of particular signs, but it can be difficult to discern when you deal with more than one thing!

[@ClaireCraig]

I wouldn't worry too much if I were you about labels and diagnoses. Mental illness is complicated and most people could be diagnosed as multiple things (I've had psychiatrists diagnose me with things that aren't true, and diagnosis change) The issue isn't the label, really, its about making life more liveable on a day to day basis. There is a huge emphasis right now on labeling and pathologizing everything and I think it can be helpful for some people to put themselves into boxes, but it can also go too far where people become obsessive. Focus on the negative aspects within your life that are in your control to change.

[@SusannahGraceMusic]

@@ClaireCraigautism is a neurodivergent disorder/condition and not a mental illness. The difference being that illnesses are temporary, can be cured, and malignant. Autism is a different brain structure and thus it can be extremely helpful for people to know they are autistic because it completely changes the way you approach the world altogether.

[@kyleflournoy7730]

@@SusannahGraceMusic it's still a disorder/disability. I think we can and should acknowledge that while still advocating for proper treatment and adequate accomodations in the world. We wouldn't walk up to a person in a wheelchair and say, "there's nothing wrong with you!" So it feels patronizing to do here. We should acknowledge that it is a problem that does limit us in some ways but work towards normalization in and acceptance in culture the same way people in wheelchairs work towards putting accessibility ramps on buildings

[@BooksandLooksTV]

My capstone was on autism among primary African American students My youngest brother has autism and a first male cousin It’s very intriguing how black children aren’t very supported growing up imo

[@Violetsareblue092]

Sometimes I think the KZbin algorithm can read my mind because I know this video was posted like a year and a half ago…but I was literally just thinking yesterday that the discourse surrounding autism reminds me so much of the discourse around abuse/SA/the “me too” movement. So many people want to claim people (aka women…) are making things up, exaggerating, doing it for attention, and just want to be perpetual victims and blame everyone else for their problems. All while ignoring the real issues at hand. Like yeah there may be a few people that lie about these things, but the vast majority of people are just speaking their truth and no one wants to hear it because that would mean there are huge problems in our society we have to address. So they’d rather focus on the 1% of people lying for social media clout or whatever reason than the 99% of people who are actually genuinely deeply hurting and struggling with these very real issues. I am 32F and just recently got diagnosed with autism and adhd and I’m so sick of people dismissing me and telling me “oh everyone struggles with things like that, we’re all on the spectrum” or “you’re just hopping on a trend you’re hopping on because you’d rather have an excuse and something to blame for where you are in life.” Like I had been told by several doctors and therapists for 20 years it was “just social anxiety and depression” yet no medication or therapy has ever worked for me and I just thought I was broken and bad at being a human. So I’m glad autism is “trending” because now I know what is actually going on with me for the first time in my life. I certainly didn’t pay thousands of dollars to get diagnosed for fun or for attention. I only told a few people and quickly regretted it due to their reactions. The only reason I got formally diagnosed is because I need work accommodations in order to survive and I will be paying off this debt for a while. Unfortunately I just hit a breaking point and could no longer continue on with my life as I had been. So for my own family to say “oh everyone is a little autistic these days it’s so over diagnosed” makes me feel more isolated than I already did. It’s crazy to me people will just speak on something they know nothing about rather than take the time to listen to me or any other autistic people about our experiences. So far only one friend reacted well and was completely non judgmental and just asked me about my experience and how I felt about it and was very supportive. I wish everyone would be open minded like that instead of being too uncomfortable to even discuss it or believe it’s a real thing. Anyways sorry for the rant but I just have so many feelings about this, so thank you for making this video and sharing your perspective. I hope one day more and more people will gradually start listening and educating themselves about autism with the help of people like you speaking out. ❤

[@aceris5874]

This was so validating I started crying. I am actually clinically diagnosed with ASD as of 2 years ago, but I've struggled so much with the diagnosis, feeling "what if I have solely social anxiety, I should just put myself out there more" or have diagnosed with a plethora of mental illnesses/disorders (MDD, PDD, ADHD, BPD, GAD, SAD, and Bipolar (thanks to intense hyperxations & then swings of sadness on not fitting in and having absolutely 0 energy to go about daily life)). There's no way I have all of them. I definitely tend towards seeing the world in a depressive manner and have struggled a LOT with anxiety and depression. I'm still pushing against my ASD diagnosis and haven't quite owned it. But it actually feels like me, unlike a lot of the other diagnoses. Jeezus, I can't believe it took this long. Thank you again for this video. It is insanely informative and very reassuring.

[@gigahorse1475]

I’ve heard of this happening too many times. It seems like a lot of professionals give out diagnoses too easily, and often it’s because they don’t understand developmental disorders like autism and ADHD.

[@Moonbow.X]

so appreciative of ur time and energy and bravery with this, thanks kai

[@reneebroski]

because of people accusing other people of "faking it" i think that i fake it even though i was professionally diagnosed at a very young age

[@littlegoots]

both me and my therapist thought i had autism, so i took that looooong ass test (which got pushed back like 3 times) & turns out i just have anxiety and ptsd, but i see now how similarly adhd, autism, anxiety, and ptsd manifest. but it’s super nice having a diagnoses.

[@RikkiNokia]

This is so refreshing honestly. It's hard to feel like you're safe on the Internet if you exist as an autistic or just being disabled in general there's so much hate towards us so I super appreciate this video being both compassionate and taking into account that so many of us did extensive research to be able to validate the part of our life that always felt *off*. Thank you for this video I think you did a wonderful job.

[@isaacperson129]

This video felt so good. I didn't know how to express how I feel about this because I get scared to tell the truth about anything to do with autism (that's a whole thing I'm sure a lot of you understand) but just hearing you say everything I want to say is like YES someone said it how I want to say it, I'm not crazy or making a big deal

[@tifara]

been watching u for yearsss now. i love the way you think & express yourself. u came a long way, ur amazing.

[@neurodivergentNat]

Thanks for raising awareness about self diagnosis. It is so true that those who are self-dx may not be able to afford a formal dx! And that those who are self dx most likely do soooooo much research!

[@vestangomberume7316]

This video was so well rounded and informative,I found myself being guilty of some of the things you talked about such as being interested in characters that are presented as autistic in shows or movies and I’m glad you made this video,I will keep coming back to that’s how good it is

[@kropotkinnie]

I'm self diagnosed and on track for official diagnosis after it having been recommended and then ignored by my parents when I was a kid because I was just "an old soul" due to my masking, despite having tons of social issues, diagnosed lack of empathy, etc that my parents constantly got pissed at me for. Finally my parents have realized in my adulthood that something is genuinely off about me that causes me to struggle in work and social environments in a way that is necessary for function, and wouldn't you know it, my new therapist almost immediately said I show almost every sign of being on the spectrum, just well masked after years of repression. I have some friends who, basically after I 'came out' as autistic, almost immediately started calling themselves autistic too. They make jokes about how they had an "autism" moment by being... socially awkward. I liked it at first because there was solidarity and I felt less alone, but as I grow older and it becomes more apparent they're neurotypical and I'm certainly not, it's become really stressful and grating to hear this stuff be conflated with some awkwardness or shyness or having hobbies. My hyperfixations have taken over my life in so many ways and they're all I think about in convos. I struggle to keep up with people and because I'm pretty quick-witted and masked enough to seem socially competent, it makes it almost worse because my struggles to keep pace in convos and not revert back to safe topics/my interests come off to people as me not paying attention or being intentionally rude. My sense of identity and what it means to be human even is so seemingly different than most peoples'. I can sympathize but I can't empathize, and so many things that are clearly important to others just baffle the hell out of me. I laugh too loud and I stim when really happy or really stressed and it creeps people tf out. I can't imagine not being autistic and I love my hyperfixations and myself to some degree, yes, and I'm happily functional compared to a lot of folk on the spectrum, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have breakdowns and intense depression over this stuff. Being different is great and all but not in a world that both expects too much and too little of neurodivergent people, and at this point in life I feel immensely different from most other humans and really struggle to understand why people think and feel and act the way they do, even if I can pretend to do it (to my own emotional detriment). And then my friends will be like "Omg I'm stimming" as they fidget with a shoelace or something, or say they're autistic because they... can't socialize very well, like most humans nowadays lmao. Reminds me a lot of my other disorders in the past. I've got diagnosed OCD, ADHD, chronic depression, EDD, and C-PTSD, and literally all of them have gone a similar route where friends, even sympathetic and really truly caring friends, seem to think their slight awkwardness here and there means they must have those disorders too, as though criteria doesn't even exist. It's infuriating especially when they DO have disorders like social anxiety disorder, but chalk it up to something they absolutely do not have or seem to understand the complexity of. Oh also as a trans guy it's incredibly hard to get diagnosis for Anything because you're told you're too mentally ill with dysphoria to detect any other disorders :+]. Literally half of why it took me so long to start on autism diagnosis is being turned away from every psych specifically for having gender dysphoria. Super great! Idk sorry I'm venting lmao I just am so tired of this stuff and while I love that people are becoming a little more accepting I do not love that my struggles and the severe dysfunctional differences in my brain from other peoples' are being conflated with someone having a mishap in a conversation or being super into a video game or something.

[@rachellme77]

as a fellow autistic, I just want to say thank you so much for making this video!

[@TinyGhosty]

It is absolutely shameful that self identified autistic people have to do MORE research than the medical practitioners that gatekeep us from even getting to the assessment and the autistic professionals. So many people are shut down by general practice doctors, therapists, psychologists, physiatrists without any expertise in autism but are somehow the only people who can get you to actually seeing the actual experts. I am so fed up with how the medical system works and how people act like self identified autistics are just trying to feel special when SO MANY of us have dealt with medical gaslighting and gatekeeping that only makes the process for self acceptance even more difficult.

[@drinkmoreagua8984]

I think a a lot of the time Being a “Highly Sensitive Person” can be confused with being autistic. I pretty much have all the traits of being autistic except instead of not recognizing social cues and stuff it’s like I’m hyper aware of every little cue in our environment which leads to feeling overwhelmed and burnt out.

[@rahbeeuh]

I saw that TikTok video and I actually spent awhile going through the comments (bc yay hyperfocus 😭) and I found less than 10% of the comments even mentioned anything to do with Autism. Going through the comments you'd more than likely see a comment mention,"earth signs" or "Virgo energy" so where is the zodiac sign video? Thank you for such a thoroughly put together video on an important topic! So now that brings the total of videos in response to MB to 5. I've only seen three so far and gotta say y'all are handling it with such class and it's greatly appreciated. I felt hurt by the OG video but wasn't fully aware of it (thanks alexithymia 😑) until days after seeing it. It stings a bit more knowing how MB behaved leading up to deleting her video. I'm writing about this and it should be next week. The one good thing (for me) that's come of all this is it's gotten me back into writing.

[@wru-loops]

I'm 50/50 on this. A lot of the time you can get misdiagnosed but recently, there have been a lot of studies and research especially for autism. On the other hand, literally everyone keeps diagnosing themselves because it's edgy. really disrespectful for people who are struggling

[@superdrwholock]

I also think that being online can give you a very warped sense of this, due to the algorithms pushing content that you will watch more (which if you're neurodivergent, may very well be a lot of that content). Sometimes I fall in to the whole 'ugh everyone's got autism or ADHD nowadays' way of thinking, especially after having spent a lot of time online, but then you go out in to the real world and realize damn actually no we're not everywhere and it's really lonely and difficult. I felt like that at school and just whenever I interact with neurotypicals lol, also a lot of us neurodivergent people spend more time online because it's one of the easiest ways to interact with people given there's no pressure for the eye contact and all the baggage that comes with face to face communication

[@oniriquepage8971]

EXTREMELY validating ... thank you for sharing your research / experience / thoughts

[@evillolipop2704]

Im a diagnosed autistic, and I completely agree and understand u. I think self diagnosing is valid.

[@kajielin4354]

I have internalized the "Oh I'm good!" answer to how are you so much, that when I get hurt and someone asks how I am I'll first say "Oh I'm good!" and then like "Wait no, actually I hurt my ankle really bad" or whatever happened. Has frustrated some doctors in the past...

[@intenebrisveritas]

5 months late but I just HAVE to say that this is the first time I've heard the surveillance thing mentioned as an autistic symptom cause, for my entire life, I thought I was alone in that feeling! And, I know this is ridiculous, but those Scooby Doo episodes with like the moving eyes in pictures? That shit put the fear of GOD in me, like I'd look at my weeb wall scrolls on my wall and just go "I know whoever is behind Vash & Sailor Moon is judging me 😭". Like my paranoia and consistent control of how I behaved/acted while literally no one was around was something I had to learn out of and STILL, to some degree, struggle with so heavily. Like knowing you will be judged for who you are and consistently altering your behavior for acceptance destroys your peace wholly in such a way I don't think folk's understand. Like allistics just see it as the price of admission but I've spent decades of my life systemically untangling myself from my masked self cause it's practically nailed down to my sense of self even while alone. Masking helps me survive as a Black, queer, nonbinary autistic but it's also destroyed my peace and sense of self in ways I've had to work so hard at unlearning. Frfr I think that's why that now taken down video worked my nerve, even though I never watched it fully: no one just becomes autistic or nonbinary for a little razzle dazzle and most of the victories trans people have gotten are symbolic victories that can fuck us over OR only beneficial to the most privileged of us. And that's all before getting to how much of the video felt like it came from a place of disgust over the assumption that they could be autistic vs a place of understanding and wanting to clarify things.

[@Starr_lit]

I love your hair Kai it’s growing and thriving ❤❤❤❤

[@BeautifulEarthJa]

I 'diagnosed' all 3 of my kids with ADHD and 2 of them with dyslexia (based on their teacher bringing it to my attention and me doing research on that aspect) and it has made my life so much easier now that I 'understand' what is happening with my kids and how I can better facilitate them. I have done official assessments for all three of them, waiting for 2 of the reports but little from the first assessment report is new to me. Especially when there are clear diagnostic criteria, why can people not determine which 'issues' they may have? Yes, I'm not in USA but I had to wait 6 months to get assessments for my kids. In the meantime, I did the things that I'm now being officially told to do....

[@lisaburke7506]

You're amazing for doing that. I am neurotypical but have a chronic health condition that my mother diagnosed me with at 4 that was "officially diagnosed" a year later after a frightening health scare. Your kids will thank you when they get older (if they haven't already).

[@rahbeeuh]

I'm not sure why people are so against determining their 'issues' but if not for me doing so I wouldn't have gotten diagnosed properly. If you go to any specialist they'll ask you what brings you in and if you have no idea that's not really helpful so I think it's a good idea to at list have a list of things that impact you so best to collab with the specialist to figure out what's going on. My grams made a list of things that described me and it was helpful to determine it was ADHD.

[@angel1xoxo]

i used to get so flustered at work when people would ask, "how are you?". i would just be silently offended and ignore it, or quickly start talking about something else. i didn't think about how rude my response or lack of response would have come off. i thought, "you don't really care about how I'm doing. rude of you to ask." now i understand that it's a normal social thing, and people don't mean to be dismissive with it. it still bothers me, only slightly now.

[@Cmkmax21]

At first I was mad at the title. But I'm glad I clicked on it to hear what you had to say. You were very informative and respectful. I'm a self diagnosed autistic because I don't have money to diagnose me and I might want to move to a different country someday. I agreed and vibed with everything you had to say. I am happy I found your channel.

[@ClayyEdward]

Hey Kai! I remember you saying in a video that having autism makes you more susceptible to abuse. I feel like I’ve experienced that and if you don’t mind could you go more in depth about that?

[@mediocreclementine7649]

I don't consider myself self-diagnosed so much as self(and peer)-suspected. I haven't found a single person in my state that does adult autism evals. My mom, though, is such a BLATANT case of undiagnosed autism it hurts. Only after growing up did I learn that it's abnormal for a parent to obsessively follow a cleaning routine, daily schedule, break down and start screaming at you in malls and shopping centers because it's "too loud", maintaining the same hair and makeup routine since 1996, freaking out and screaming at you when you're literally 6 because you made a mess and threw off their environment, watching NOTHING but NCIS and CSI for literally my whole childhood,.. I think there's also a conversation to be had about the ways in which undiagnosed autism and the subsequent lack of coping skills in our elders can lead to generational trauma

[@NtGoat_AKA_Goatie]

I agree with this sentiment to a certain extent. Self diagnosing is apparently still a thing and for the most part, it can be very misleading at times because of the common perception of what most individuals see as a person whose been on the autism spectrum. I have autism myself and it’s so intriguing to hear when someone proclaims to be autistic when they haven’t got checked in by a professional to actually make sure of this fact and simply because people would say and/or do stupid things on the web and would say that they have it just because of that.

[@DiaryofDeans]

That's what Madisyn was trying to say (I think). Apparently they didn't want to hear it from a neurodivergent person, but to be fair, we don't know that for sure. I feel like she was trying to keep people from carelessly slapping on the label because it is taking away from people who are actually Autistic. It can feel nice to hear your traits in a video, but if anyone relates to the traits they may get the wrong idea. It's just safer to be sure with a professional before you change your life on a whim.

[@NtGoat_AKA_Goatie]

@@DiaryofDeans I wasn’t referring to her. I was referring to the other people when I initially said it but yeah that’s true for the most part.

[@angelic.process]

@@DiaryofDeans this point would be ok if made by an autistic person but madisyn's intentions were clearly very sour and she has a lot of ableist beliefs she needs to work on undoing before even thinking of speaking on this topic again. and tbh as a formally diagnosed autistic person i don't agree with you at all, it's not taking away anything from me if someone happened to misdiagnose themselves with autism. there are little to no resources for autism anyway and they wouldn't be receiving any of those resources without formal diagnosis. i don't believe that neurotypical people are diagnosing themselves with autism, i've never seen this happen, i think this is an ableist moral panic and is eerily similar to last year when people were saying "all kids are trans nowadays" because a few kids on tiktok were experimenting with their genders- it's not a problem and never actually hurt trans people, you'll notice the only people who were complaining about it were transphobes and terfs...

[@angelic.process]

i think ur opinion on self diagnosis is pretty ignorant, just because you were lucky enough to receive a diagnosis doesn't mean all people are. kai spoke about their negative experiences with professionals in their video and there are many other autistic people especially autistic women & poc who've shared their experiences as well. i'm formally diagnosed but professionals have told me i couldn't be autistic because i made eye contact with them, because i'm too pretty, because i can speak etc. and not everybody has enough time, money or energy to keep seeing different psychiatrists until they get lucky enough to find one that actually has a clue. professionals can't "make sure" of anything, there are no tests for autism (apart from the assessments that you could literally just do by yourself at home) so you will never know 100% for sure even if formally diagnosed. a doctors word isn't the end all be all, they can be wrong and they can be misinformed just like everyone else can. i've been misdiagnosed by professionals many times and so have many other people. it's ridiculous to sit and act like they're more competant at diagnosing or undesrtanding autism than people who literally are autistic when millions of people have spoken out about their awful experiences w ableist & uneducated psychiatrists who barely even knew what autism was. the entire process was so exhausting for me and has given me literally no benefits at all other than financial support- to the point where i have literally recommend AGAINST formal diagnosis to all of the people i know who are self diagnosed and i will always stand by that. unless you need a diagnosis for financial support i do not recommend getting one at all, the negatives far outweigh any "positives" and it has left me having almost no respect or trust in psychiatrists anymore.

[@NtGoat_AKA_Goatie]

@@angelic.process yes, unfortunately, a lot of people who get diagnosed, don’t receive the proper diagnosis but mainly what I was saying was that people claim to be autist just because they see someone else say it online by doing stupid things for internet fame.

[@natyalicia2665]

I wouldn’t say Im autistic but I definitely feel like a lot of speaks to my character. but i think it’s my anxiety over analyzing everything abt myself as it has caused me to delude in public

[@wlfgrill]

thank you so much for this video. i used to be one of those people really offset by how the term autism was being thrown around, but i kinda look back at it now and i think that uncomfortableness maybe stemmed from the fact i was scared my experiences weren’t going to be taken seriously because of that. i grew up in an environment that constantly degraded individuals that would show any signs of being different, and i think that affected me by forcing me to mend my personality into something it wasn’t just for the validity of others around me and it’s something i still struggle with to this day.. i heavily relate to many of the topics being discussed in this video, because for the longest time i was in such a state of denial about being any kind of neurodivergent and watching this video just gave me this huge sense of relief and understanding of myself. i feel like ive spent my whole life over analyzing every obscure aspect of myself and thinking there was something wrong with me and hearing this just makes me feel so seen and understood. so like yeah i feel like my thoughts are kinda all over the place rn but just thank you so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts, it helped me understand myself a lot

[@DesArtandInk]

Thank you so so much for making this video. I feel like all of your points are so spot on, especially about how the "everyones __ now" always arises when marginalized people get access to said information. That was such a mic drop moment for me in this vid. Something I've noticed re: allistics thinking you're seeking attention just because you're different; this seems to be them projecting their own motivations onto us? Like they have this outside-to-inside groupthink perspective, where they make decisions about their behaviour based on how they think others will perceive them and the recognition they may want to gain. Whereas I feel like for us, we don't really have that automatic groupthink mind, and we base choices about our behaviour on how it internally feels for us (or just by what is possible for us, which isn't really a choice at all, yay disability), and then get confused as to why anyone cares when it's something that doesn't actually affect them/others at all, but just may be a little outside the norm.

[@cjkenney]

I was convinced i was on the spectrum. I had a lot of traits i thought were classic signs of autism (walked on toes as a kid, tapping on things constantly, pacing back and forth in phone calls, eye contact issues as a child, etc.) i really had this image of myself in my head as autistic based on what i saw online. Then late last year i was fortunately able to get the ADOS with an IQ test where they analyzed me for around 5 hours with an hour long phone call interview. They had me so many different random tests that were designed to test not only how i performed, but how i processed information. I ended up scoring a 2 on the ADOS and my IQ test showed memory retention issues, which the psychiatrist ended up interpreting (keep in mind after an EXTREMELY thorough examination) as a likely anxiety disorder, not autism. I had this whole image i had built up in my head shattered. But tbh i didnt disagree with their assessment. She explained to me that there are a lot of things on social media trending right now that can be signs of autism that can be also signs of other things (such as anxiety disorder) and that self diagnosing really cant tell you the whole picture because it is a processing disorder and you arent an objective observer of yourself. You really do need a professional diagnosis. I felt silly for convincing myself i had it but i still at least was able to find more about myself in the process which is good. I think the big lesson i learned is to be careful with selfdiagnosing conditions with all of the noise on social media. When even many trained healthcare professionals dont agree, your average youtuber or person on social media likely isnt an expert and cant possibly know your specific situation. This isnt to say that learning about different conditions through social media or whatnot is bad, btw. I think thats how you get the ball rolling. But rather not forming a complete mental picture that you definitely have a disorder without speaking to professionals who know what they are looking for. It really saddened me when i learned how long and expensive those wait lists are. Healthcare in the US sucks.

[@ElizabethNathinge]

thank you for this! i feel like screaming bc this is how i have lived life. i'm constantly called interesting but that's just the more acceptable way of calling me a freak or a weirdo. whenever i tell people that i am autistic, they annoyed bc they think it's me trying to be different or unique BUT as soon as i slightly unmask or start stimming, i'm immediately called slow or strange and get angry bc why can't i just be normal?????? i feel like a muse at times, as in people usually think i am performative in the way that i am but when they see my consistency, i start to have some kind of detest towards me. it really is a double edged sword. i still am a human being, i'm not less than, i'm not broken. i am simply an autistic person navigating their life in an allistic world. i related to everything you've said. i feel so represented. i feel less alone. thank you, Kai.

[@BonnerDoemling]

Your mention of how allistic-written analysis tends to pathologize reminds me of how the DAMN DSM uses the term “stereotyped movements.” So they’re saying that a symptom of being autistic is…acting autistic.

[@Random_aroace]

I am also autistic. I have a friend who has an autistic younger brother. He has a much harder time masking and is much more sensitive to stimuli than me. I love her to peices but her parents terrify me. They have puzzle pieces all over their house and autism speaks shirts. I’ve never told them anything but I always leave her house shaking. Her brother is always crying or on the floor at some point every time I’m there. I feel so bad for him. Last time I went there I was told that if I couldn’t handle her brother ( his screaming is very overwhelming for me) that I shouldn’t come over. I wish I could help him

[@oliviasieders7007]

I am currently finishing up my undergraduate degree in speech-language pathology and this semester I am taking a course that specifically focuses on those with ASD. As a white neurotypical person I really appreciated hearing your perspective as a adult black women with ASD. I struggle with the self diagnosis portion but I agree with you that as our system and resources currently stand, to be adamantly against self diagnosis, is classist. I do want to let you know that at least in my program we are told explicitly not to teach masking skills. In addition, my program teaches in the perspective that a person is only as disabled as their environment is restrictive. Meaning that there is no inherit problem with a person but more so that the environment they are expected to operate in is not ideal for them. Again thank you for sharing!

[@sunnaanderson4328]

really love the video, I'm from Spain and got my diagnosis last year, but before that, I researched a lot of information, in part here on youtube. You can find great psychologist videos and college lectures from specialists about autism, but also you can discover autistic people really explaining how they feel and I think it's great.

[@boyDonavin]

I’m listening to you describe the symptoms you experience thinking “dang I’m just like them fr.” lol I’m still on the fence about whether to share my diagnosis online, and finding this video is really comforting. Educating people about autism is no easy task but you’re doing it really well✨🙏🏽

[@julius-ceasar]

i used to think i might be autistic but these days i believe it’s more likely that it’s social anxiety and being an empath (by which i mean i’m quite sensitive to other people’s emotions), i especially relate to the feeling that everybody is in on a joke that i have no idea about, trying to figure out how to socialise instead of actually socialising and the feeling of always being under surveillance even when alone; i have a couple of traits that could be considered autistic but i don’t think they’re severe enough or that i have enough of them; so thank u for your insight, it’s pretty helpful for figuring out the right labels for myself

[@gabby222themoon]

I’m medically diagnosed ADHD which I use for accommodations but I am self-diagnosed autistic as well and I wish I had access to these knowledge and accommodations for myself as a child. I suffered largely because of this. It’s frustrating hearing people not believe self-diagnosed or “questioning” people trying to figure out literally just how to help themselves in their situations. Blows my mind how it could be considered clout chasing or a trend when it is LITERALLY disabling to have these neurological differences in our society. I don’t even have the energy to educate ppl who speak with no empathy or understanding of this, and are just ignorant and biased so thank you so much for putting together this video and sharing it with the public. I just hope more people do more research when judging others or jumping to conclusions. The lack of critical thinking is frustrating for everyone! It doesn’t help that the developmental disorder field of study and the whole subject of psychology has been largely focussed on white males as you pointed out. More research needs to be done and updated by the psychologists themselves but guess what? Actual autistic and or adhd or audhd people’s voices deserve to be heard and shared. If that means more people are hearing about autism and adhd then that should be seen as a good thing. Too many of us feel alone and alienated or broken or struggling confused and burnt out. Keep sharing your experiences, seeing people who are like me online helped me unmask and realize I am not broken. Biggest relief of my entire life. it’s up to people themselves to do more research than just assume things. Everything you said in this video was amazing, you summarized it all so well I hope anyone questioning the rise in autism/adhd in the public eye does more research and question their internalized ableism and why they see that as an issue or odd when we have been here all along masking and struggling to feel accepted. Neurotypicals and neurodiverse ppl alike needa watch this video fr.

[@lalaluvbot]

thank you for making this, these were my exact thoughts regarding the video, judging people because they dont seek a professional dx is so unfair and classist, in my case (im from latam) i asked my parents to get tested for autism and adhd at 20 years old, and to make the long story short the specialist worked primarily with children and had very outdated views and literally told me after all the tests that "i show clear signs of autism, but because i seem normal (aka mask well) and made it this far in life getting a label would just stunt my progress and make me think less of myself" and that was the reason i couldnt get an official diagnosis on record despite her admitting i am autistic, so moral of the story is that even when we make the effort to get an official diagnosis professionals wont dx us because of their own bias and prejudice

[@paolaarnez5840]

The one thing stoping me from auto diagnosing me with autism is that even when it was hard I had a biiiig problem with lying when I was young. I also don't feel like younger me had any problems. I was deemed weird but that never stopped me from having a group of friends. I dunno I just don't want to excuse certain things on autism. I don't wanna feel like I'm lying about it or taking advantage??? But I'm so happy it's getting attention and many are able to understand themselves better.

[@jodyBellafonte]

I'm 31 years old and I am a self diagnosed person on the spectrum for autism. I fucking suck at socializing. I can barely even share how I feel most times because I've rarely ever done that in my life and I don't really know how to go about putting the words together. To be honest, I never even once thought that maybe there was someone else who shares experiences similar to mine. So, while I feel fucked up beyond repair, it makes me happy to know I'm not alone and that there are people it there similar to me who are making it. I'm now interested in learning about unmasking. It sounds refreshing.

[@gio-gk6nz]

If a medical doctor says you are not autistic. You are not autistic. Everyone wants to self diagnose and seek attention in this weird world.

[@kaihatesyou]

medical doctors aren’t always educated on autism. they may know the very basics from a book they were required to read but the chances of finding a doctor with updated and accurate knowledge on autism is slim. autism specialists are even harder to find. someone wanting a diagnosis for something they believe they have is NOT attention seeking. this was a very misinformed and pointless comment.

[@gio-gk6nz]

@@kaihatesyouI’m pretty sure a psychiatrist is the one who is educated on autism and gives out the diagnoses. Not TikTok “influencers” and regular people doing self diagnoses and spreading medical misinformation. Self diagnosing is dangerous and what leads to self medication and other things. Seek PROFESSIONAL help. If a doctor doesn’t know anything about autism, they will refer you to someone who does. None of them will say go on a TikTok echo chamber to have an “influencer” diagnose you. That is silly

[@kaihatesyou]

@@gio-gk6nz i think the vast majority of self diagnosed ppl don’t just get their information from tiktok and most of them DO want a professional diagnosis, but since that can be complicated for multiple reasons (money etc) self diagnosis is all some can do for the time being. i do agree with the rest of your points though

[@gio-gk6nz]

@@kaihatesyou fair enough

[@AltDolls]

It honestly sucks how hard it is to get a diagnosis cuz insurance do not care. It especially sucks as an adult because it’s not deemed “necessary”. Like how is it not necessary when it can be something that’s literally has shaped your life.

[@randomnerd3402]

When I was 6 and my sister was 9, my parents had to fight tooth and nail to get me and my sister an autism diagnosis. We have pretty good health care due to my dad's job giving it to him for free.

[@Kailovesfrogs333]

I’m autistic and this video was so comforting to watch as I’m currently working on unmasking!!

[@kimberlycastro3856]

Crazy because I remember two years ago people used the word autistic as an insult

[@Angie753]

Self-diagnosis in itself implies that you are capable of self reflecting on your symptoms which may be cause you distress. A great deal of higher needs people (formerly referred to as “low functioning”) do not have this ability. It is a spectrum, I just find the current conversation in social media surrounding autism is focused on those who are able to self advocate, and little room is made for those who are unable to advocate for themselves (I.e, the most vulnerable of the group).

[@vklkg5486]

I wouldn’t say everyone is autistic but majority of us do suffer from something. And a lot of us go undiagnosed. Like ADHD,OCD and other more common things.

[@samspam1788]

Working in the mental health field for 5 years has made me feel more positive towards self-diagnosis. Here in the UK you need to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist... and some of these psychiatrists have some ridiculous opinions which clearly influence their diagnoses more than test scores, brain imagery, etc. The current one I work with is a real snob and is more likely to diagnose poor people with personality disorders and fob them off. It made me realise that someone who's living the experience is often so much more equipped to name their problems than a stranger (especially because here, psychiatrists almost all come from a certain background).

[@gwynnartis]

I feel so seen, thank you. So much of what you've described is word-for-word my experiences and beliefs regarding autism. I was lucky enough to want and get a diagnosis just over a year ago. I had done a year of research and hyperfocusing on my own experiences and how they could be related to autism, so by the time I met my psychiatrist, I already knew I was autistic and I just had to have a few conversations with him to confirm it. I learned a couple of things by talking to him, but I already self-identified and he validated my self-identifying because of how much effort I had put into getting to that self-identification. Needless to say, self-diagnoses are 100% valid, and there are more resources now than ever on a much more diverse range of autistic experiences. I see your video as another one of those resources, and I appreciate that so much (especially as an AFAB non-binary person). While I appreciate neurotypical allies trying to add to this conversation in our defense, they can't really grasp the full nuance of our experience and so it's so vital for us to speak up and be given space to speak up. This video made my day; thank you for contributing to this conversation

[@catttyun]

I'm pretty certain that I'm autistic, I've taken tests, I've done my research blah blah blah. When I brought it up to my psychiatrist she said "she doesn't get that vibe from me", but "maybe I could have a light case of autism". I'm afab, I'm in the lgbtq community and I'm latinx, I do not have the economic resources to get professionally diagnosed. However, I know getting an actual diagnosis if I could, would only make my life more difficult and I would get discriminated against. So at the moment, I'm okay with being self-diagnosed and I will continue to observe how people relate to each other and to practice how to do the same thing effectively.

[@DeLaTr0ll]

All I know is my child was diagnosed last year, level 2, and it can be tough. To have family and people claim “ we are all a little autistic”. It’s such a disrespectful thing to say. No one is there for the meltdowns, stimming, inability to change our routine. Then when I share these things then everyone gets quiet. I’m not against self diagnosing but there are people who are just running with anything to blanket other issues.

[@succboiii]

i didnt realize i felt so guilty for, not unmasking until you mentioned how difficult it is and brought up those tweets. thank you so much

[@doubleh333lix]

i’m 19 and just now getting my official diagnosis after years of psychiatric professionals, my family doctor, and my family suspecting me. i also just got diagnosed with celiac last year. a lot of my symptoms, psychiatric and physical, were put up to me being dramatic for a lot of my life. it took a real push from my new psychiatrist and my therapist to get me on the waiting list for the official assessment. my therapist told me very early on that self diagnosis is okay if it helps me. the only issue with self diagnosis is when people don’t take it seriously or perpetuate false info about the rest of the community, but allistic people do that all the time anyway.