"How do I stop comparing myself to others?"

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton offers some ways that we can stop comparing ourselves to others, what our dreams are telling us, and how to overcome perfectionism. She then discusses brainwashing and overcoming emotional abuse, why we can get emotional when we think of talking to our therapist, and the reasons we can be attracted to older people.
Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 234 | Audience questions:
1. How can I stop comparing myself to others? Whenever I socialize with others, I'm reminded of how weak I am for not being able to endure the difficulties of life while others are constantly faced with problems from all aspects of their lives. For context, I'm unemployed but fortunately I still live with my parents and they are still able to provide for me. I know I should be grateful that everything around me seems to be good but I just can't. I feel like I don't deserve this and I should be miserable for being "lazy". I know I'm being hard on myself but that is what's going on in my mind. Any insight would be very helpful.
2. Hi Kati, I have multiple dreams over the night these days. Some are very vivid, which makes me wonder if there are important meanings to those dreams. When would it be appropriate to consider a dream as it is telling you something/giving meaning to your subconscious mind and belief??
3. I would love a video about overcoming perfectionism. My therapist said it’s pretty common with those of us who have CPTSD.
4. Hi Kati, growing up, I was told by my adoptive parents that I was always so susceptible to brainwashing whenever I had an opinion that didn't align with theirs (meaning others had brainwashed me to think differently from them). I'm now in therapy to try and work through the CPTSD I have due to my abusive upbringing (severe emotional neglect as well as physical and psychological abuse). The problem now is that I can not bring myself to trust what my therapist is telling me because all I hear at the back of my mind is how susceptible I am to brainwashing. It doesn't matter how my therapist words things, it still feels like he is trying to brainwash me. I realize my brain needs rewiring, but how can we go about it when every fiber of my being is resisting it due to what I was told growing up?
5. Why do I get so emotional when I think of talking to my therapist…before I’ve even spoken to her? Just thinking about talking freaks me out. Also, why is it when someone then validates that I’m stressed about talking, do I suddenly feel fine and like I’m being dramatic? Every time I try to talk this happens and I’m not sure what to do because I don’t want to mention it to my counselor because it feels silly. Thanks again
6. Hi Kati! This is a really weird one and tbh I feel really embarrassed about it. What is the psychology behind being attracted to older people? I am a girl and am attracted to much older women (even though I don't think I am gay). I mean like in their 30s and I'm under 20. I could see how this sounds attachment related but I have had the best childhood and my relationship with my mom is great. I don't like any girls my own age in that way, only boys. Is this just a kink or something else?
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[@philipclarke510]

Hi, Kati! Just wanted to say a few quick things: 1) Your podcast has been my #1 Most Listened To on Spotify for the past 2 years. 2) I usually listen to it on my walks to my weekly therapy appointments on Thursdays. 3) I always look forward to whatever new outfit you're wearing each episode. Love your style. As I like to say: "You're 10/10 Tan France Queer Eye Approved!" Please keep doing what you do! It means the world to me!

[@siennaprice1351]

As someone who is completely blind, on the autism spectrum and has CPTSD, I often compare myself to others. “Nobody else in this world touches everything unlike you. Nobody else in this world has intense emotions. Nobody else in the world does this or does that. So you’re not allowed to.” Comparing myself to others makes me judge and criticize myself so harshly. When in all reality, I need to be ok with being my true authentic self. I feel the need to restrict myself from expressing myself the way I do because society says it’s not ok to do that. And this is a HUGE reason why I’m such a perfectionist at so many things in life.

[@User-qn1gs1ig4q62]

I'm autistic too and I completely relate to your comment I always feel like I'm stopping myself from doing something for fear of being judged and if I do something and if no one says anything I judge myself I'm always comparing myself to judge myself and I'm always thinking like no one else does what I do so I shouldn't either

[@Halite47]

My favourite quote is “Don't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter twenty”

[@Touay.]

After I was held hostage on a foreign business trip, I spent weeks where i slept only a few hours, but those hours were FULL of intense dreams. My dreams were coming at me like being hit in the face with a fire hose - to the point where I was afraid to go to sleep simply because of the intensity of the dreams.

[@zael274]

it could be me writing the first question, I struggle with the same feeling, feel like a lazy useless person living with my mother forever and I am just 20, rationally I know I have time to do things and I'm gotta find a job but I have this voice inside my head telling that I'll never be enough or as good as someone else, what I'm trying to do is embrace myself as I am now while trying to change and get to live a better life becouse nothing will be good enough if I don't like who I am

[@Jo-whoknowshowmany]

The point about people who were parentified children loking for people who now have it together resonates very strongly. This is my reson to want to spend time with older people, I am too exhausted with people demanding from me. It's also why I hate being pushed into supervisory roles at work , especially when I am dealing with so much stuff myself right now and have insufficient support, or people who understand. Instead I get youngsters at work having zero responsibility of the job they have taken, the boss letting them take advantage and they turn up thinking they are in a achool playground. I am sick of being the one left to draw lines for everyone else, who don't do so.

[@IzoraNorrix]

I also resonate with this intensely, but I'm told that if I want friends then I HAVE to be the one that is going to be responsible and be proactive etc. For once I want others to take initiative and put in the work like I did and still do, but it seems like that's too much to ask because everyone has an excuse to why they can't do something because of trauma or something they struggle with like I don't have those myself but I still try my best to overcome them. It just feels like if they really cared, they would have at least tried or at least communicated that to me. I just want people to do the work so I don't have to for once.

[@zquntrpYlapcoe]

Psychologists are the coolest and chearmest people in earth 🌍🌎

[@KaiyaLewis-xs9hh]

I compare myself to other people also I started and still compare myself to my twin brother a lot (side note I love your videos so much they helped me so much you are an angel)

[@zak-a-roo264]

Nonsexual "Attraction" to an elder may be a need for a Mentor. We are supposed to be in contact with older people in positive ways to further ourselves and fullfilling the Elder role for them.

[@renamoda5450]

Here you go everybody! 😀 1 1:30 2 12:19 3 21:26 4 24:48 5 31:30 6 36:49

[@doctordrunkenstein.9448]

You are great. 👋👋

[@shiro_yasha]

Somehow I needed this right at this moment!!

[@mozhdehbesharatifar1999]

I am taking ssri, and it gives me vivid dreams.

[@ACHRAF1644]

Just what I needed thank u ❤

[@IzoraNorrix]

I compare myself in two different ways and one of them is not that I do it to myself, but I anticipate how others will compare me instead. I'm usually fine on my own, but as soon as others are around, I start to try to see myself from their point of view and see how they're going to compare me to the people that they know. How do you stop doing that?

[@damrod]

Would love to learn more about the schizoaffective side that you mentioned as an old friend has that but most of what i can find compares it as a lesser form of schizophrenia which doesn't seem to fit with how i know them.

[@homeland1128]

Even better, how do i stop my parents comparing me to other people?

[@BriannaElmore-n7y]

Unfortunately, the hardest thing to remember is that we can't control what other people think or do. We can only control our reactions to them. We can't control our parents. So spending our time trying to get them to stop a behavior is pointless. You can try to have a conversation with them about how their behavior bothers you. However, if they are not open to this or open to trying to change their behavior, then stop wasting your energy in a pointless endeavor.

[@oliviameep3691]

Timestamps?

[@nicolemarie1909]

This is a hard one

[@JerrymichaelGreen-qy6tj]

My apologies. You're a sage.

[@marinakiell1069]

My mom has this problem but it’s not about herself it’s about me

[@pikmin4743]

great bit (soapbox) on critical thinking

[@miuruzen]

How do you stop emotionally running away? Like I know that I have some shit to work with that affects me very negatively but I notice that I try to push them away and when I try to tackle these thoughts, feelings and memories I usually get so overhelmed that I get very anxious like gettin anxiety attacks. So without me noticing my brain pushes them away and sometimes I do that consciously because I don't have the energy to tackle them or it is wrong time tackle them like at work and so on. I know that part of the problem is from that I have bottled my feelings since I was small. And it feels so uncomfortable and it can give me anxiety so easly, so question is how can I make it easier? How can I tackle these feelings/thoughts and memories, for example I think I was in some way emotially neglected in my childhood, I am also sensitive person and I have problems with self-worth and self-love... and I know I should start small but I feel just so stuck. Like no matter how I try to tackle these things and think them through, it feels like I'm just stuck... How do I get over these things? I have the tools, well some anyways, but it feels like I can't get over these things and sometimes that starts to stress me because it makes me feel broken. Thanks and sorry to anyone who reads this. 😅

[@LanaDelSnack]

I have dealt with this for as long as I can remember. I don't know exactly how to tackle this, you're not alone though. ❤

[@miuruzen]

@@LanaDelSnack I'm sorry that you too have dealt with this. 😣 I try to be positive and think it will get better someday, that someday I notice that I have gotten over these things or almost got over. But that can also be hard, because the feeling of stuckness. But anyways, thanks for reading my long comment and have a nice day! 💛

[@banthatracks_gaffisticks]

But God can communicate through anything...

[@rachaelharper3778]

First 😊😊😊