Late Autism Diagnosis: Re-Evaluating Your Life and Re-Discovering Yourself!

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For many people, a late Autism diagnosis makes us take a step back and re-evaluate our previous experiences. For me, Autism was the golden thread that tied together all previously unrelated experiences, both positive and negative. Autism diagnosis helped me explain my reactions and contributed to my journey of rediscovery.
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🎞️Timestamps:
0:00 - Introduction: Are you re-evaluating life after an Autism diagnosis?
0:47 - Autism 'was' the golden thread
1:25 - My Personal Experience
2:45 - How is this related to autism?
3:32 - Autism and Socialization from childhood
5:06 - Is Autism a helpful label?
6:50 - Autism within the academe and the workplace
7:36 - Burnout in Early Adult Life
8:12 - Autism and Family Life
8:37 - Learning and Growing With Autism
9:52 - My Two Tips for your Journey of Rediscovery
-----------------------------------------------
👋Welcome to Autism From The Inside!!!
If you're autistic or think you or someone you love might be on the autism spectrum, this channel is for you!
I'm Paul Micallef, and I discovered my own autism at age 30.
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this channel in the first place because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
Autism affects many (if not all!) aspects of our lives, so on this channel, I want to show you what Autism looks like in real people and give you some insight into what's happening for us on the inside. We'll break down myths and misconceptions, discuss how to embrace autism and live well, and share what it's like to be an autistic person.
Join me as I share what I've found along my journey, so you don't have to learn it the hard way.
Make sure to subscribe so you won’t miss my new video every Friday and some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
➡️️ / @autismfromtheinside
👋Connect with me:
➡️️ Patreon: / aspergersfromtheinside
➡️️ Facebook: / autismfromtheinside.co...
➡️️ Twitter: / aspiefrominside
➡️️ Written Blog: aspergersfromtheinside.com/
➡️️ Email: [e-mail]
Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy my channel!
Peace,
~ Paul
#autism #asd #autismawareness

[@artr0x93]

"tag along" definitely hits home. No one told me that directly but it’s pretty much how I’ve felt in a lot of the social groups I’ve been part of

[@Anna-mv9ew]

Same, though I thought it was a good thing... Now I am not so sure :(

[@artr0x93]

@@Anna-mv9ew not saying it's a good or bad thing, I've had some of my best experiences while letting myself just tag along without trying too hard to be actively social all the time

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks, @artr0x93! Glad you liked the video!

[@SuperLotus]

@@Anna-mv9ew It's generally a bad thing. Like he said in the video, the other people in the group wouldn't mind if you weren't there and they usually don't invite you unless they feel like they need an extra person to fill out the group. I guess for some people it might be preferable to be others rather than being home alone

[@JD96893]

That line basically describes my childhood relationship with my piers.

[@Aybrix]

After a humiliating and degrading job experience I hit an emotional rock bottom and said I need to find professional help. She suggested I had aspergers. At first I rolled my eyes, but the more I heard and researched I instantly went "oh my god I'M NOT CRAZY!" Like you said, the golden thread that tied everything together. Years later I'm still working things out, trying to find my career niche where I can thrive but embracing autism to work with it is the key. Your videos are so helpful when I struggle to explain things, or even understand myself. Thank you!

[@stephanie3848]

I had the same job experience and got diagnosed the same way

[@autismfromtheInside]

You're welcome, Aybrix.

[@isimonsez]

I have a friend who has been diagnosed and on medication for bipolar depression but socially I believe him to be on the spectrum, Asperger’s…. I never said anything to anyone I introduced him to but those I’ve introduced him to at one point have asked me if he was on the spectrum. One of the times he was struggling with his social life I suggested that perhaps he talk to his therapist or psychiatrist about ASD and a couple days later he text me that he read up on it and did not think it was him. I was not going to push it but I’m sure he has what was called Asperger’s

[@trevor807]

Literally had the same, a traumatizing job experience followed by breakdown and burnout and now I'm autistic (I always was but now I consciously am) still trying to figure out what to do in life

[@linden5165]

I'm in my 40s and had my realisation/awakening 18 months ago and professional confirmation not long after. It was mind-blowing, a huge relief, and a massive amount of processing and reframing of my life, identity and memories. I have grieved the years without identity and built a more compassionate relationship with myself. I feel so hopeful now and able to find paths and strategies that work for me. I love the community too. I feel so free.

[@tiddlypom2097]

Very similar experience here. The self compassion is key, I think. So many of my challenges become unmanageable because I'm berating myself for struggling. 😢

[@linden5165]

@@tiddlypom2097 Yes, and a lot of self-forgiveness comes into it too after those years of not knowing and not always understanding or meeting our own needs, or having coping strategies that aren't serving us. I went through a whole series of those in my life.

[@emme4478]

@@tiddlypom2097 Same

[@stephanie3848]

I know exactly how you feel. I finally felt like it was ok to just be myself.

[@shiningrain1]

Totally agree that self acceptance is crucial. It's not my fault and I'm ok as I am.

[@wendychristie1473]

wow!......being diagnosed really late (72)....i felt totally vindicated....i no longer had to wait " for the mothership to bring me back to my home planet"!......now how to live the remainder of my natural life....not quite so easy....i was successful in my chosen career for 35 years( antique dealer, researcher/lecturer) but i was fired or let go from every other job...really!...college, masters, PhD....i excelled in my field, fine art, painting aesthetics.....verbal yes, math/numbers no....my mom (a linear mathematician) asked me one day after i came home from H.S... .."you can't tell time"!, i said no, i can't tell time! ( i was about 14)..how do you know how to get to school?.....i started to say.. when the big hand... she stopped me, you tell time by space!......she came over and kissed me on the top of my head and walked away.......my mom knew nothing about autisim...she just knew i was "different".....and to her that was ok....i got lucky with my mom!

[@andreabuntpercy]

I'm 73 and diagnosed myself a couple of months ago after interacting with a group of autistic people online in a video production. My reaction was spontaneous.... i suddenly felt like a different person. That was actually pointed out to me by a couple of women who had known me for a while, and who watched the video with me. I was no longer tentative. I was spontaneous in the way I expressed myself. No more second guessing every thought. Next, there was the light dawning over and over..... 'Oh yeah! That's why I did that, that's why people found me strange......' Those discoveries came from all periods of my life. Inside, I felt an authenticity of self for the first time ever, and intuitively I didn't want to hide in the shadows anymore. I didn't want to be the 'invisible one' anymore (a mask-in-reverse....?) But then, stepping out from the shadows felt good until it didn't. I discovered I had no knowledge of how to navigate my new-found situation, was a bull in a china shop in many ways. So that's why I'm here....

[@WhatDadIsUpTo]

I'm autistic and happy. I live alone out in the middle of nowhere on the Texas prairie and I don't care what others think. Today is a national holiday, Thanksgiving. I have spent it sittings alone in the dark (really stormy outside) stimming. If you don't understand what that is, Google it. I don't want to get better. From my vantage point, everyone ELSE is weird, not me. That said, I am point-for-point on queue with your video today. Funny story about "sticking to it" -- I am on my 14th fireplace build. Thirteen prior built, then torn down and rebuilt changing often times, just a tiny detail. Have spent THOU$AND$! No matter. It's just the way I roll. Like I said, autistic and happy.

[@listless0]

I envy you. I lived in the countryside with my family for 19 years of my life. But since I moved to a big city to study it's been hard. People everywhere, the noise and having to share a flat with others. I can't come back home because my family (despite their love) is toxic and abusive. I become suicidal if I live with them. I need to somehow survive on my own in the city for now

[@WhatDadIsUpTo]

@@listless0 I hear you. I had to carry myself into a near(ish)by town to buy a furnace at Lowes. Couldn't get out of there fast enough. Finally did and sat in my car out in the parking lot and stimmed a bit before meandering back home. If you have a car, maybe you could use that as a safe place. I do that often and it even has climate control options!

[@leilaalgarve1235]

The peer pressure thing is real to me. In my teens, I went against all my classmates. They wanted to skip classes, everyone together. I went along once or twice than I said no more. Twice I sat alone in the classroom. They could not believe I could do that.

[@Dan_Chiron]

Yes! That bell rang to me for the same reasons. I learned to skip classes trying not to get in trouble with my classmates, but I didn't hang with them, I left on my own to do my stuff. Guess what? They still hated me.

[@charlotta5660]

Wait, that's a thing? People have told me that I'm brave for not giving in to peer pressure and I don't understand. What peer pressure? Why would I drink/smoke/do whatever just because other people my age does that?

[@v3ru586]

I've been told by my teachers to do more with my "friends" (=classmates assigned to me as I didn't find any friends on my own) That's how I know that I don't like neither the taste of beer, nor how I feel afterwards (I mean my celiac, I didn't get enough to get drunk. Not planning to after the way my brother looked after his 18th birthday. Another thing is, I always wonder why people do stuff that make them feel crappy, and why I should do it.

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks for sharing, Leila. Glad you liked the video!

[@wiegraf9009]

Yeah I had similar experiences

[@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767]

"it's quite common to have a major burnout early in adult life and having a reason takes away the shame and blame" - thank you! My 20s was a hard decade, and I feel like I was simultaneously behind (in career and dating) and ahead (in understanding psychology) of others my age.

[@Bethany.Loveday]

I’m 34, a few weeks ago I paid to do a clinic’s screening test and as I suspected, was found to have results highly indicating both ADHD and Autism. I’m about to commence the formal testing sessions next week. Since getting the screening results, these past weeks have been intense in seeing my whole life with so much more clarity and why I did/said certain things from when I was a child to today. It all makes so much sense now and I feel burnt out just from all these realisations 😆 I’m also finding myself to be grieving in a way, just knowing how much I’ve struggled in feeling different and trying to fit in and thinking it was because I was broken, even being told I was broken, I wish I knew about my brain at an early age to better avoid all that and have a good explanation to offer people. I just feel really sad for the little girl I used to be. But excited to move forward in life with this clearer understanding of myself.

[@quantumevent]

Love and solidarity, feel this so much

[@lovepeace2373]

Dear Bethany, imo the mourning is a part of the healing, and then we “wipe our tears“ or get close the door on this type of thinking and are ready to start in a brighter future. I am so happy for you, that you are still young abd hopefully have many years to life in this world , where there is a change happening, where autistic people are rising up, connecting with each other, sharing helpfull content and offering support. Wishing you a happy future!

[@emme4478]

I relate to everything you've said. It's a great relief to me to have a reason for the chaos I've lived through. I'm also looking forward to finding myself under the mask.

[@jevonreynolds1252]

I'm in an very similar boat. Well expressed!

[@whatisahandle221]

May I ask what kind of place you got “screened” for both ADHD and Autism? Was it covered at all by insurance? Every place I looked up seemed to either be only for screening children OR potentially very expensive ($1000-$3000) & not covered by insurance. Even then, I was quite unsure of what I would receive besides a “label” diagnosis-if that, even. Moreover, I’m highly convinced that Autism & ADHD are simply overall “labels” that don’t do Justice to the multiple different individual aspects of brain differences that can combine in many different ways in people on the spectrum. Eg various sensory processing issues; detail oriented vs big picture oriented; various executive function issues like time blindness, working memory, prioritization, sequencing, etc; emotional dysregulation-including separating exaggerated emotions vs poor self control once emotions take over; poor theory of mind; self awareness-separately of the body and of the mind (although I highly suspect these are maybe secondary results of poor working memory plus sensory or theory of mind issues); poor facial and nonverbal communication issues; etc. Ie I’m very eager to find a place or places, test or screening_s_ that can reliably analyze the various facets of autism spectrum / ADHD / dyslexic / etc issues in myself _and_ my kids in order to better understand which difficulties and which strengths we each do and don’t have-and maybe the degrees.

[@toastedtcake2947]

Awkward and weird were labels given to me for the last 40 years. People laughing and judging me all the time. It’s hard.

[@gregofthedump]

Got my diagnosis this morning, age 52. Next, I will be assessed for ADHD. I'm already ninety-nine percent certain that I have it. In a way, this is a more important assessment than the autism, because there are medications for ADHD that could improve my life greatly.

[@tabitas.2719]

My therapist pointed out to me recently-ish that while not as known, there are medications to help with aspects of autism as well - and in either case one has to find what works for oneself. Congrats on the diagnosis and all the best going forward!! :)

[@gregofthedump]

@@tabitas.2719 Thank you. 🙂

[@jessieduncan1461]

Congratulations 🥳 and welcome to the neurotribe ! And good luck with the ADHD.

[@quantumevent]

Hell yeah, so happy for you ❤️ solidarity

[@Wisedupwoman]

I know quite a few that are finding out in their 50s. I think it helps to have this information

[@s.b200]

Just loved this video. Being labelled "gifted" is a blessing & a curse when undiagnosed. I understood early in my teenage years that I would struggle in my adult life (iwork, friends, relationships, "normal" hobbies) and desperately tried to make people see that. Not a single adult, even therapists believed my worries. They said "noo, you will do all these things fine!". So I didnt get help. Now Im a 33 years old, newly diagnosed PhD student struggling with repeated burnouts and depressions. Gifted in writing and crippled in energy. Like I suspected, everything didn't go "fine". But I did well by making my own path. It is difficult, but as autists we need to test where our limits go. Maybe I will work in research and maybe not... this is a complete re-evaluation of my dreams- and life. I love my life, but it's scary that the path ahead is never certain and usually in the dark.

[@MonsteraFairy]

I'm a 32 year old woman and got my diagnosis in October, so far its been life changing in a good way. I'm so happy that I'm finally properly diagnosed and not misdiagnosed with Borderline. And I feel I have so much to discover. And I'm not as mean towards myself anymore due to the diagnosis. ❤️

[@LynCarmony]

I wish i could stop judging myself so harshly. People around me either think i am crazy or fishing for compliments

[@angelaking9619]

So good to hear your positive experience! I've had a tentative diagnosis of borderline before, as well as depression and avoidant disorder. Wondering now if being on the spectrum would actually account for some of my behaviour and cognitive differences instead.

[@Anadwan]

I just got diagnosed with a high degree autism and with ADHD as a 42 year old. It completely changed everything, and this channel are helping me understand how things went the way they went. Thank you for the beautiful work you are doing!🙏🏼

[@jfern4813]

Not just after diagnosis but just discovering, after research, that one is on the spectrum is a huge thing. It puts everything into perspective - diagnosis or not.

[@lisaweinmeyer5782]

I Love the" Golden Thread" I have been slowly stitching my Autistic experiences together. I imagine this sewing project is going to take a lot of time and patience!

[@simonmcglary]

Diagnosed at age 50, 8 years ago. Still being reminded of behaviours as a child that pointed to the diagnosis. It also explained why there were things that I was really good at, things I could understand, yet I would describe myself as average when it came to exams! Realising, understanding and accepting that in some areas you are way better at some things you gave yourself credit, and everything you have been doing as part of masking isn’t really challenging anymore and you’re bored!

[@carmenzubiate6866]

A 2

[@malcolmmacdonald3469]

So called experts don't want to diagnose me mid' 60 now 68 as asperger's no family/friends/dog, multi educated very creative/inventive, need help use what's in my head to benefit good people & leave a positive legacy, "scientific druid, wise-artist (true wizard no magic, but technocrat), name is derived from Mac Calen ( that I have experienced), I am qualified/job as a j-circle-maker ,middle name. My father came from the Land of the Calendar's, I was born/live in the southern hemisphere Rune of secret knowledge/initiation, also uncovered otherwise misterys. Need help to tell my true story, geo-metric creations, electronic music, etc. (Worthwhile to help old 'Wizard' especially from asperger's thanks lots ).

[@phil2Fun4life]

@@malcolmmacdonald3469 the Truth is Jesus Christ, start there is my help offering

[@WilliamFontaineJr]

My grandson is 14 and was diagnosed at 8. His family is very supportive as are we his grandparents. (My wife is autistic undiagnosed 68 years old) The family does not explore the KZbin videos you and other offer and so it appears to me they do not know the many subtle ways autistic people are different. I’m going to try and introduce them to some resources on KZbin in an effort help my grandson and his parents know more about their sons autism. Hope it works.

[@safyafarooq2878]

U seem a very nice, caring person. I can't helf, but admire your will to know about Autism. U certainly can understand your Autistic wife better. And your grandson. And it helps to look at them with a more mercyful way. But still, it takes a person to want it. And you want good. May God reward you. Peace.

[@davestambaugh7282]

Everyone has really big life style changes when retiring. Rebranding is a concept that I have often read about. I discovered what the lottery of birth gave me at the time I retired at seventy. At seventy seven, now I have a close to complete understanding of my life.

[@JohnFossbass]

These comments are amazing to me😅 I’m a 75 yr old retired cop. I now realise I have been masking almost all of my life. I always thought I was weird and find it hard to hang on to friends. I never really got on with kids at school and looking back I think I was a bit of a bully (terrible thought I know ) . I think it was the only way I could interact with the others ! I’m also dyslexic as well and left handed ! Ha ha. Because of my Olympic level masking I got to Inspector rank and was well thought of. I also have a bit of musical talent although it’s tending to wither a bit now . Once I realised I was an aspie a whole lot of things fell into place. Stupid things I’ve said or done or not done. Opportunities I’ve wasted etc. this channel has been a godsend to me !

[@mariannehepple4907]

Got my diagnosis aged 54. Explained my difficulties throughout my life

[@rupowell2821]

I’m 53 and grappling with getting a diagnosis..I seem to be 50% neurodtypical 50% completely autistic! it’s a real strange alien like experience and is getting worse or ‘more apparent’. Hard to find the right people to help me, when I go to my GP with various difficulties, he thinks I’m bonkers essentially lol..which isn’t helpful. My world is getting harder

[@Lance.West4]

I can relate to almost every experience you've had. Except for doing well In school. Only 2 teachers in my entire grade school saw potential in me. An algebra teacher and a science teacher. The rest said, "doesn't apply himself". They tried talking to the principal and my parents but everyone just said he's lazy and needs to work harder. Because of this I barely passed high school so college was out. Fast forward to now in my professional career. My job is to troubleshoot problems others can't figure out on military vehicles. "FST" I excel at this job and love it. I have gotten to travel the world literally, fixing things nobody else can. I get praised to no end at work but when works over the people who praise me don't want to actually hang out with me lol. I know why now. Took me 30+ years to realize it's me not everyone else. In my experience Until people have a open enough mind to understand us I would just mask and move on. Everyone I've tried to come out to hoping it will make things better always ends with them either taking advantage of my weaknesses or not believing me. It been very tough. It's a gift and a curse at the same time. But if I die today I've got to do things and go places 99% of the population will never do. And you can never take that away from me.

[@WilliamFontaineJr]

Well said and well done! Your an inspiration.

[@curiositykilledkat1]

I completely relate to this experience of ‘the people who praise me don’t want to hang out with me’… I’d never thought of it like that and it’s useful, thank you!

[@Lance.West4]

@William Fontaine Thank you. I'm grateful I can be helpful. Idk if it's a part of the condition but I love helping people in any way. I'll go so above and beyond to get praise. Because if I wasn't really good at something or didn't have the ability to hyper-focus on a problem to fix it. I don't believe I would have any interactions at all... It's like I'm a ghost, no one notices I'm around. I guess it's our way of saying hey look I exist too and would like to be noticed once and a while. But sometimes that causes issues also among coworkers because they think you're being a ass-kisser. Or they really get pissed when you casually tell them the problem in 5 seconds because you have all the wire #s memorized and they've been struggling with the problem for hours. I don't mean anything by it. Sorry I tend to go on and on....lol. "typical"

[@curiositykilledkat1]

@@Lance.West4 I’m also with you all the way there 😂

[@nee-na6874]

Once again I can really relate to the content of this video... I'm still processing being Neuro-divergent and being on the spectrum. I just got more definite confirmation this year. It's been a sort of whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, etc. But I actually do accept myself as I am and am focusing more on my strong points (musically gifted, started playing piano at 6, and I am very fast and efficient at sorting and analysis and some people get extremely annoyed with me if I said anything about what I know, so I spent most of my life keeping my mouth shut). I'm 66 and retired from working in public and I live in the middle of the woods far from anyone and anything (except immediate family which is extremely challenging except for my grandchildren, one who has Asperger's and a teenager who has turned really mean but he doesn't think he is 😏)... I'm still working on sorting myself out and have been doing this grieving of my past as a child and adult and reframing myself. ASD explains EVERYTHING to me about myself and everything that happened. That's been very helpful. Not less painful but still I would rather know about myself than the worse mentality of not knowing. I already always knew I was different from everyone else and now I know why. I have let go of more things and people and situations and it's not worrying me like it used to do. I'm grateful for that, it's less tormenting to me. I'm finding that I like things better when it's simpler and not cluttered with anything or anyone unnecessary that causes me upset, turmoil, pain, abuse, triggers, torment, etc. I'm tired of ALL of the bad and I do better when I keep detached and pretty much just focus on myself and what I am doing with my life and making every day count for the higher good. Whoever does not like me, well they can go away and leave me be. I'm okay and I want to keep calm. 🙂❤️

[@spankmcnasty2687]

Great video. I was diagnosed in my mid fifties and realised I had been masking all my life. 'Who am I' was a huge question for me. I still don't know because masking is just part of my life. I cannot seem to stop doing it. The diagnosis was such a godsend though. Understanding why my life has turned out the way it has gives me peace of mind and a sense of vindication. It would have been much better to have been diagnosed at younger age but better late than never.

[@georginashanti4605]

I agree completely. I've been masking without realising it, for my whole life. So who am I now? Just diagnosed yesterday.

[@spankmcnasty2687]

@@georginashanti4605 Welcome to the club 🙂

[@kevinbrookes2032]

I only found out I was autistic 2 years ago aged 69. But listening to this video is just like a re-play of my life 🙂

[@nellpulaski4919]

Just finding out now at 68. Looking for a community.

[@DarrellGrainger]

I was diagnosed at age 48. Being "autistic" was a label. But more than that, it was something which was researched. I had always felt different, alone, weird, misunderstood. The fact that there was a label meant it wasn't just me. I wasn't alone. Over the years I had learned to survive. I developed my own coping mechanisms but I always felt like I was a loser because I had to rely on these coping mechanisms. Now I realize that I'm not broken, I'm just different.

[@stephenbarwick2145]

Hi self diagnosed several months ago Noticed about your playground story that you remember hurting someone at a young age it seems all I do is remember every time I have hurt or disappointed someone ❤

[@KaciCreates]

I’m 49 and was just diagnosed this morning. It’s such a relief to understand why I burn out so easily, why I can’t handle both family duties and a job at the same time, why I tense up so much when I have to talk to people. I feel like I can finally stop trying to be “normal” and give myself permission to shape my life in a way that’s comfortable for me without feeling guilty.

[@christopherstoney4154]

I was in my forties when I received a letter from my mother containing several articles about Asperger's Syndrome and a note: 'Do you think this seems like you?' Reading those articles and my subsequent research into Asperger's was like having spent 40 years wandering in a wilderness and finally getting to look at a map.

[@Furrydaddy]

I’m 17 and i have been called weird, lazy, that i’ve became „wild”. I recently met an autistic person and we’ve talked a bit and I realised I relate so much to his experiences. So I started researching and found out that I may be autistic. First I went to my therapist and talked to her. It was my first visit. At first she told me that I’m making “too much contact” (which I have no idea from where that came, because I’m really bad at eye contact)to be autistic, but I may have Asperger. And that’s all time we had that day, but I went to my psychiatrist and told him about it and he told me that it’s probably it after I told him about myself and he told me that I should talk to my therapist and he’ll send me to get officially diagnosed. I was so relieved, but also scared at the same time since the last time I spoke to my therapist wasn’t that fruitful. But then the next session came and I told her more about myself and she got 100% sure I was an aspie. Your videos are really helpful and I wanted to thank you for making them

[@themathelk]

Stuff we do isn't just check marks. In many ways we mask and adapt. If you made "too much contact" there was a reason for that trait in you. Maybe it's the one coping mechanism you built because of feedback. Maybe your desire for perfection trumps your contact avoidance. We're all unique. Glad you kept pursuing answers.

[@GummyBear1972]

I am self-diagnosed, but it's only been very recently that I concluded that autism explains nearly everything that never made sense about why I'm so different from most others in this world. I'm now learning all I can about autism and revisiting past traumas and other memories and re-evaluating them with the knowledge and perspective that I now have. It's been one "oh" moment after another, pretty much. Thanks for enlightening me and the world about autism and what it's like to be autistic. Learning more has already become a special interest for me.

[@JB.zero.zero.1]

I'd recommend going for a formal assessment if you can. Its useful imo

[@gtptvanbuuren3795]

63 and starting now. loving me more than ever. ta for the info.

[@workingmothercatlover6699]

My husband has Asperger's, and when he got the diagnosis, a lot of missing pieces fell into place. Our oldest is autistic. His brother has 'autistic tendencies'' I started watching videos about what autism is like in order to help me better understand the guys. Then I came across one talking about high masking in autistic women. Nobody believes me when I tell them I think I'm autistic, but to me, it all makes sense. So, between me having this suspension, and me breaking out of mentally abusive relationships with most of my birth family, I have been struggling with the question of who am I. It would be easier if people would be open to the possibility that I may be right about me and autism.

[@silverlagomorpha3177]

You’re vocal inflection, facial expression and body language are subtly wrong, which, to other people, indicates that you are lying. It’s a hole that you can’t talk your way out of, you can only dig deeper.

[@truthtriumphant5503]

I just posted about a condition that has genetic issues as does autism...pyrrole disease... in the comments. Anyway, I like to research things to see if there is any link to whatever condition I have (Chronic Lyme/long C/pyrrole disease/and now Aspergers)...since I have pyrrole disease and it is genetic...and the symptoms of Asperger's are similar...found out some things that you might find helpful. My family was mentally abusive (my parents are dead and my siblings will not talk to me anymore...because of my mental state during the worse of Lyme rages)...and most likely could be ...or could have been helped by just adding extra zinc and B-vitamins to their diet/supplements. Lyme disease seems to be worse with those who have the above conditions...seems like a lot of us who get the sickest are type A people...makes me wonder...You have to go down a lot of rabbit holes to get better with Lyme disease. Anyway, please let me know if you might like more information...or check out my earlier post. Blessings...I am 68 and just found out yesterday from listening to to this channel...and scoring 35 on the test. So much information to have to research now...and that is a good thing : )...one day I might understand me...

[@truthtriumphant5503]

This might help someone...just found out yesterday that I am on the spectrum...at almost 70 "People with pyroluria have been found to have exceptionally low levels of both vitamin B6 and zinc. Deficiencies of these important nutrients have been linked to a wide range of emotional and psychiatric issues including anxiety, irritability, depression, and short-term memory problems. In addition, pyroluria is often seen in children who have been previously diagnosed with conditions characterized by poor responses to stress, behavioral disorders, learning disorders, ADHD, and autism spectrum disorders. Zinc deficiencies have been associated with physiological disorders as well: poor immune function, poor growth, and delayed puberty." ...I have both and zinc and B vitamins help a lot.... Symptoms characteristic of pyroluria: anxiety irritability fatigue poor short-term memory little or no dream recall mood swings increased sensitivity to lights, sounds, odors frequent infections allergies joint pain hypoglycemia poor appetite, especially in the morning nausea, motion sickness poor tolerance of dietary protein sweet or fruity smelling breath or sweat pale complexion white spots on fingernails premature graying delayed sexual development alcoholism

[@mattias5157]

Recently diagnosed. First phase: "Wow! I This explains everything!" Second phase, where I am right now: It all comes back. You realize what you have had to go through. All the misunderstandings, all the struggle for to make it work. It´s tough! But it´s still good, it´s like an ulcer bursting. Double emotions.

[@lizstratton9689]

I collected my form fro the Dr's on Monday and am about to start the NHS process of diagnosis. I asked the Dr's for it so it is self driven, I have yet to see if they will be supportive or dismissive but they were will to give me the form which is more progress than when I tried 3 years ago with a previous GP. Looking forward to watching this.

[@Dogofjudah]

Even after a diagnosis, getting help is like a postcode lottery. But it's worth it for the validation and wish you the best of luck with it, ignorance is still writhe within the UK, especially the 'experts'.

[@Sophia-nv7tw]

It's so frustrating that doctors not even want to give people that obviously know themselves the best the chance to get a diagnosis. Unless you don't grow an extra limb, doctors ignore you! I wish you the best of luck!

[@JonzStoneroadAvalon808]

I was diagnosed last week age 52 and now everything makes sense. I also have chronic GI issues and hypersensitive to the senses.

[@wendychristie1473]

i really enjoy your talks paul......after about 40 years i am being weaned off of high doses of antidepressants....they figured out ...i am not acutely depressed, i have a variety of anxieties, and OCD......manifestations at 3....in the 1950's not many knew of childhood mental illness, let alone neuro-diversity....my educated, caring/loving parents took me to many children's hospitals till i was 14/15......at 12 i had suicidal ideations......i was very bright, physically tiny......feisty, stood my ground, cried into my pillow many nights...was put on independent study of the great book in HS....now i was a nerd's nerd.....college up and down...a few breakdowns/ 1 hospitalization.....i didn't want to ever really kill myself.....i just wanted my emotional to go away 1960/70's sex, rock n roll...a lot of self-medicating....started my own business, antiques and design......very successful, wrote foe mags....TV videos with design stars.....life was full....2008, i had a catastrophic stroke....went blind as i was driving...didn't crash, was found, put into an induced coma/life support for 10 days....my sight came back, and i learned to walk again.....i had lasting base of the brain damage( balance, peripheral vision/depth perception all super compromised.)...but i was alive!....stayed in my apt. for 2 years.... .got peer support, county assistance, closed my shop in 2010.....stopped doing antique shows after 2014..found good therapy, good friends, but most of my family passed..2/2022 lost my car....moved to a senior complex....therapy now rested on the premise that i was autistic and had slipped thru the cracks and was misdiagnosed....life is small, but pretty good.....no self-deprecations....

[@ApostlePaulofTarsus]

I'm 50 and was diagnosed in 2015. The positive side was that it made sense of my feelings of difference. On the negative side I feel bitter that I didn't get help in my childhood that would have made my life better.

[@odonata4652]

I haven't been medically diagnosed with autism, but my online AQ score is 39. I have been (mis)diagnosed with different mental illnesses. Autism really explains a lot...what did you call it...the golden thread? Indeed. My 3 year old grandson is autistic. I suppose that lends to genetics as a possible cause of autism. I'm 53 and never realized I was autistic. Thank you for sharing your experiences and giving me a new perspective. I feel a little bit less alone in my own world.

[@user-eg8ht4im6x]

Yes Autism runs in families, it’s most certainly genic. I was diagnosed at 56, it has made such a huge difference and explains so much of my life experience. We see the Golden thread running though our family, brothers, nephew etc. A beautiful Golden thread that needs to be seen and understood.

[@mattias5157]

53 years too... just came to full realization due to my fiance that I met earlier this year. Her father has it, both of her daughter have it and a nephew of her has it to a high degree... no need for testing there, she recognized it immediately. I'd suspected I was on the spectrum for several years but didn't get caught by the self tests. Due to overcompensating behaviors I suppose.

[@Jimfrenchde]

I received a diagnosis when I was 50 years old. I actually saw a therapist when I was 4 1/2 years old. I wasn't officially diagnosed with autism at 4 1/2, I am not sure what my official diagnosis was. I saw this therapist until I was 9 years old. Apparently I made a very good recovery. Later on in life, when I had trouble focusing on my singing lessons, I thought I might have ADHD. But when I answered some questions by a psychologist, she suggested that I has Asperrger's not ADHD. That is how I got diagnosed late in life.

[@mariannehepple4907]

Back in the day my poor Mum took me to a shrink prob aged 6-7. Was told I'd grow out of it LOL - not that IT was even known about then. Finally received a diagnosis of Aspergers (ASD Level 1) aged 54! Mum and Dad had passed by that time, but I took along the woman who had taught me at school aged 6-7. She still considers me the brightest child she ever taught and was able to bring her memories to the consulatation. I brought along plenty of anecdotal evidence and paperwork. Being exceedingly clever in particular spheres hasn't kept me in paid employment, so my life has been difficult - depression, burnouts etc

[@Cubs-Den-Reactions]

Thank the Gods for awareness among neurodivergent people... My life... makes sense 😭 finally.

[@Astro-Markus]

No diagnosis (yet), but I tick many boxes. Never went to kindergarten, but primary school was hell. No real friends, and I obviously had no idea what to do with the other children. In secondary school, I also was the "tag along". Hardly anyone liked me, they even didn't know me. I was lucky to become part of small group of the weirdos. And this persistance, yes. I once unknowingly sabotaged a social experiment the teacher did with us - about peer pressure. I didn't care about the other opinions because logic told me I was right. The teacher even called me out as a saboteur. And the list goes on.

[@stefansauvageonwhat-a-twis1369]

1:32 "Metrically challenged" is amazing

[@tiffanyo6888]

Being diagnosed helped me reframe my whole life and I was able to cut myself more slack than I previously did. I did start going to a recovery meeting for codependency many years ago. It helped me to let go of a lot of the stuff that had me constantly trying to find my worth through being accepted by others. Someone in my life would frequently say I was stupid. I don’t think she actually meant it that way, but, it was inappropriate. After being diagnosed the next time she said that I just said “no, I’m autistic.” She thought I was kidding at first. That was the last time she said it.

[@banginghats2]

I haven't had a diagnosis, and I'm not convinced I'm an aspie, but my cousin said my aunt was an aspie and it got me thinking. I was extremely sensitive to loud noises as a young kid and I did love routines. I also loved science and astronomy and memorised lots of details and tables of information, which looking back on it was a bit strange for a seven year old! I had some OCD as well. On the other hand I could look people in the eye, but I was very shy and didn't particularly enjoy meeting new people. I never had any learning difficulties and said my first word at 7 or 8 months old. I did OK at school even though I found it incredibly boring and didn't really fit in with many of the children. I eventually got a degree and had a measured IQ of over 130. I've always been a contrarian thinker, often showing contempt for groupthink and mainstream narratives if I thought they were wrong. I've have been proven right many times, with experts eventually being shown to be wrong all along. I'm looking back on my life trying to figure out how it went the way it did, with many years of depression, and if being an aspie could be an explanation for some of it rather than bad life choices. I can't really afford to see a doctor to get a diagnosis and I'm not sure I'd want to because of the label. Do you find much prejudice from people when you tell them? I'd hate for people to look down on me, knowing how bigoted some people can be. But knowing one way or another might help me get some perspective on my life at the age of 64.

[@joskeguereza3714]

reactions vary a lot, in my experience. The sad thing is most people just don't seem to know what autism is, so they react to whichever aspect that they're familiar with, if any. And there's absolutely no reason why anyone should have to look down on you, you've survived to 64, being autistic... that's champion material right there! Anyone that doesn't recognise that just shows their own ignorance.

[@damescholar]

I was turned down by the public healthcare because ”there was no severe inpairment” and ”all people have some autistic traits” and ”I look like a normal person” and ”cope”, so I an not autistic and do not need an assessment. Being 64 and having been depressed and having all kinds of problems and feeling like an alien whole my life I was broken by this verdict. My son is on the spectrum and I scored 46/50 in the AQ test but I cannot feel validated now after this kind of treatment by ”professionals”.

[@silverlagomorpha3177]

The trained mental health professional wanted to give me a hug to communicate that everything was ok.

[@shadsie5484]

I am currently 43. A couple of months ago, I brought up the possibility of having autism to my psych doc, whom I already see for my bipolar disorder (which is hell, no stars, not recommended as a life experience. I was diagnosed with that in my late 20s} . There were a lot of things that made me think that I could have had autism all this time (as well as the bipolar). My partner is ADHD, his nephew has mild autism / Aspie (what I was diagnosed with) and they're my found family. We're three geeks in a pod. We never related to "normal" people, but we get along great together. I saw a lot of things online about it and met people with autism who spoke of their traits. There was even a cartoon character I related to really hard in recent years that brought out the suspicion in me, believe it or not. And I think it just explains everything about my life. Like, I look back on my childhood and am all "Yeah, that tracks." I'm opposite of you in the subjects of interest department, though. I just kind of shut down in the face of math because I find it boring and I'm not great at it at all. Meanwhile, I always loved to read, read books well in advance for my age / have read books that a lot of people don't bother with, I write short stories and novels for fun (genres of interest being science fiction, fantasy and horror). Was always loved for my visual art skills to the point that I learned quickly that "most people don't like ME, but they like my art," so I tend to draw stuff when I meet new people and give them art. Maybe it's a bit of a pathetic way to get people to like me for a moment, but I'll treasure that moment. Was the Gifted Kid. Never was able to play the social games that actually make one a success. Currently work at a Wendy's. Sure I disappointed my very loving parents who don't understand any of this because they raised me in the '80s.

[@CoyKoi57]

I realized at age 60 that I have Aspergers and it was the same life changing moment of my life. No longer was it "my fault" for being outside of the box; I realized that I was perfect at being me. I think that I'll always struggle at connecting with others, but its now framed differently. Thanks for showing me that there's others that have the same struggles.

[@AJansenNL]

I'm at the beginning of the process. I don't have a diagnosis yet, but the more I learn, the more it makes sense. Recalibrating maybe hard, but I'm convinced it will give such peace. I already notice it.

[@mariannkirby]

it's the SEEMINGLY immune to social pressure for me. If I could figure out what the heck was going on, I probably would've done the things! Probably saved my life :D

[@mariannkirby]

tag along. yep. ouch

[@Sophia-nv7tw]

Today I had my first doctor's appointment to get a diagnosis. Just an appointment at my normal doctor to get a referral. I've never been to that doctor and I've never met this person (I recently moved), but she immediately seemed to think that she knows me. She is not a psychiatrist and I really wanted to only talk to a psychiatrist because I fear that other people might not understand. And I was totally right with her. She knew nothing about autism. She just googled symptoms and asked me a few questions about symptoms that rather apply to small boys and not adult women. She didn't see my interest in music as “odd enough“ (she didn't care that I once gave a four hour long monologue about songwriting in the 1960s (thanks to my mom for listening here, she's very patient with me)) and she asked me questions that sounded more like an OCD evaluation (I see the similarities, but OCD is not even always just the “washing your hands eight times in a row“-condition as it is often seen (I'm pretty sure that I also have OCD, but not that kind of OCD), so how should autism fill the criteria for OCD if not even OCD can fit it?? She then asked me if I know ADD and she kept googling ADD diagnosis criteria... I haven't even been diagnosed, but I already felt misdiagnosed! In the end I showed her my very long lists of things that I think might be autism (she didn't care before that I told her that I can relate to Autistic people while I can't relate to neurotypical people) and now she wants me to come back in five days to talk more about that list.. I really wonder what her mission is. I mean, she's not even a psychiatrist and she obviously has no idea about autism. So why doesn't she just give me a referral and let the specialist decide if I'm autistic or if it's ADD or whatever. Funny enough, I think I might have ADHD, actually, but with an emphasis on the H. She didn't even ask me for Hyperactivity or anything- so how did she judge me there? I literally sat on her chair, hardly looking at her and scratching my nail polish off while moving my leg intensely... She doesn't see stims or Hyperactivity... She gave me an online quiz to answer until next week about anxiety and OCD... Jeez, I already told you about that! She didn't even bother giving me the AQ test if she already uses online quizzes for evaluation! I always score high in that btw, but she probably wouldn't care! I'm sorry for letting my anger go here, it's not the perfect place, but I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I think here's the place where most people might understand me :(

[@Catlily5]

Try to find a different professional.

[@Sophia-nv7tw]

@@Catlily5 unfortunately this is not possible where I live. I can't choose my doctor myself😓

[@Catlily5]

@@Sophia-nv7tw Sorry to hear that.

[@enthusia492]

Was diagnosed Spring 2021 at 29 years old. Currently 30, going on 31. Really wish I would have been diagnosed and earlier age, so I could receive services that I needed. I suppose I should be thankful that I did get my diagnosis now, and not much later in my life. I consider myself fortunate that I have a good paying job, a home, and a wife of 5 years to share it with.

[@stephenellefsen3866]

Great video, your history is so close to mine. Diagnosed last week age 59 (guessed I was autistic at 50), my 19 year old daughter also diagnosed 3 days after me which, in a way, is a wonderful thing. I wonder now that if I knew I was autistic sooner in my life, in the 1970's or 80's would it have helped me, possibly not. Your eloquently told story is so helpful, it saves me struggling to explain my diagnosis to close friends and family, I can just forward the link and say 'something very close to this'.

[@kookyrooster5615]

Diagnosed one year ago at the age of 47. I was reevaluating my past since then. But it's only some days, that I begin to realize, how my mask is working and how far it reaches. I'm 48 now and have no idea who I really am. It's scary. I'm a stranger to myself.

[@Anna-mv9ew]

I am in the process. It feels like my life reassembles like a broken vase. Like a hidden variable that was suddenly discovered and explained the rest of the variance. It is painful - because it breaks the illusions I have held. But much more than that it is freeing, and finally showing the real ways that can work for people like me, removing those that won't forever. My self-worth and self-esteem are now better because I clearly see my strong sides too. Overall, it is mind blowing

[@stevedryden803]

I'm 61 and will in a few weeks be tested for autism

[@stevedryden803]

The results were as I knew they would be, I do have autism

[@stevedryden803]

And ADHD

[@UnclePengy]

I figured out I had autism in my mid 40s, after years of doctors having no clue and misdiagnosing me. I took reams of research to my doctor and said "Read this. This is me." He said, "I think you're right." (I've never been "officially" diagnosed, but since then, every doctor and therapist has run off that assumption.) It changed me because I finally had a name for what had plagued me, stalked me all my life, and a recognizable list of symptoms I could more concretely understand and learn to cope with. And I had a new awareness that I wasn't just "weird."

[@TheAgamemnon911]

Yes, it's not an exaggeration. The realisation of being on the spectrum is earthshattering. Not literally, of course. And I am still in the middle of it - 8 months later.

[@mariannehepple4907]

Not so shattering for me as had known I was weird (and considered so by others including parents) all my life. No interest in social life - what gives me greatest pleasure is usually solitary intellectual challenge. Languages, cryptic crosswords, music

[@carnybusiness7432]

I've always known I had a "invisible" physical disability along with a learning disability since I was a little kid, but after watching helpful videos like this from this channel, and others as well in regards to ND content for well over a year along with various ASD online tests, realizing family ND connections, introspection, etc. while I could be wrong in my guess given I'm human, and I'm not a doctor I'm pretty sure I'm probably autistic and/or ADHDer. Either way, I have learned a lot about myself, and ND as a whole, so thanks for these videos. It helps a lot.

[@yanaAspieVlog]

I was diagnosed early (13.5) and it was a very rocky path for me into adulthood. I still have a lot to figure out in my life, and finding patterns and habits that get me where I want, without wearing myself out. Thank you for sharing your journey Paul.

[@peterwynn2169]

I had some good years and good experiences at school. I remember scoring 100/100 in the Spell-A-Thon in Year Three, but completely bombing out in the Math-A-Thon of Year Four. I remember I scored 100/100 in a grammar test in Year Five, and the teacher told the class to give me a clap and when they applauded, she snapped, "No, I said, give him a clap!" When I had teachers who understood me, I did well. My Japanese teacher was my favourite. I was bullied viciously at school. And landed in trouble after a meltdown. For me, my autism diagnosis caused my life to make sense. I told my GP, and she agrees, that if I need mental health support it MUST be both neuro-affirming AND by somebody who understands autism.

[@agathoklesmartinios8414]

“For the metrically-challenged” is now my new favourite way of referring to having to provide British Imperial measurement units for the anti-British Empire rebels known as 'Americans'.

[@Aevyk]

I was diagnosed just a month ago. The first two weeks were brutal. Everything makes so much sense now, how I had thought I had "failed" in life and that it was my fault to be friendless, loveless and jobless. I'm still on the "what-if" phase, thinking of all the friends I lost and how bad people treated me in high school, making me fall deep into depression. I haven't told anyone yet. My parents always treat me like they don't believe me (I have a lot of genetic issues too, which have caused me to go under a lot of surgeries) and I don't want it to become my new "excuse". I used to think I was just peculiar and I spent my childhood being praised for my big imagination and maturity. Now, after a failed job and being overtired with job-searching, I'd love to become a fantasy writer, but my parents are horrified with the idea. Sorry for rambling, it's just too much has happened in the last years and getting diagnosed is the mildest so far.

[@djangohill55]

I was too hyper active to give a damn about other peoples feeling lol. Then I hurt my little brother one day, and I forced myself to change. After that I started masking everything I did that no one else did and I just started to act like everyone else. It was a mask the whole time. I wore that mask for over 45 years. Last year I self diagnosed. I had felt I was autistic before that, but it was called a "disorder" and I didn't feel like it was a disorder at all. I felt like everyone else had a disorder and I was the only person who could see the truth.

[@Jae-by3hf]

I had a very similar experience as the climbing frame experience, I would do the same thing to be the best/first and as soon as I was, I messed up and got in trouble. Tag along really brought up some sad feelings for me cause I was either called that or definitely made to feel unwanted.

[@quentinbarrentine5114]

I remember when I was 18, a high school Senior, and was taking a Psychology class. I was fascinated the whole semester and did very well in that class, but was especially interested in the section about neurodivergent disorders and such. Right around that time was also when the movie "Adam" came out. (The one about the Aspergers guy with Hugh Dancy and Rose Byrne.) I saw a trailer for it and I had never heard the term "Aspergers" before, and the movie looked good, so I looked up what "Aspergers" was. Cue me, falling down the research rabbit hole, finding out about the Autism Spectrum (and at 18, I knew what autism was, but I didn't know there was a spectrum and varying degrees of it, etc etc,) and suddenly, SO much of my life suddenly made sense. I felt an odd mixture of vindication, and also regret. I was glad to finally have an answer to why I am the way I am, but at the same time, I felt sad that I never knew about it sooner. And now, at 35, I've grown so much as a person, and remember to check myself when I feel uncomfortable when the routine changes. But at the same time, try to be kind to myself and not call myself stupid, like I used to as a kid. Channels like yours help to remind me that I'm worthy and that it's ok if I have a bad day, and that it doesn't mean I'm stupid or incompetent. Thank you so much for that, man. You help so many more people than you think.

[@jliller]

I took a psychology class in high school, but unfortunately it didn't point me toward either ASD or ADHD (or anything else). I'm a little older than you and our textbook was probably based off DSM-III i.e. really behind in the understanding of those conditions.

[@BeingAutistic]

I created a podcast (and youtube channel) to re-evaluate my life after I got diagnosed 4 months ago. It really helps when you speak through everything out loud and it helps others in the process. I was partially inspired by your channel to start my own. Thank you!

[@hellapythonic]

I reframe stubbornness as "routines that spontaneously form and (in the moment) become emotionally so important to me".

[@pattyj716]

I was diagnosed at 51 and while it explained my whole entire life, I was sad because if I was diagnosed as a kid, my life would have been much different.

[@moll443]

It's ok! While I totally understand that sadness, Ive experienced a bit of that as well, just remember your life is not over! You can still have personal growth, self acceptance, and self actualization etc. Instead of looking at life as a large sum take a look at day by day. That might help ❤️

[@MountainWoman68]

Newly diagnosed on 8/29, 2 weeks before my 55th birthday next week. I was confident in my self-diagnosis but wanted professional confirmation for work purposes, accommodation purposes, and ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) protection. And right now I'm settling into how it feels to have a name for what makes me the way I am. It's a relief, and a journey of discovery, and of questions answered. I'm having a lot of "Aha! THAT'S why I've always done that!" moments that are actually comforting.

[@patrickschwartz6961]

i got diagnosed when i was 17-18 thats 10 years ago.. it was very hard for me to come to terms with mostly because i have a twin that i guess u can call normal functioning, comparing yourself to others has been my struggle all these years, belittle myself into thinking that i was not good enough, that my value was not the same as my coworkers because i work less hours a day. for me its not a big struggle anymore, i live a happy life in my small apartment and my part time job at a supermarket with amazing colleagues, tho im afraid to waste it, to not live a full life. im afraid of disapointing my mother not being able to connect to someone and give the grandkids she deserves after my twin just got his. im afraid my friends will change as they get a family, that i will at some point be alone. tho maybe im just abit oversentitive atm with my routines not running very healthy these few past months🤣.

[@dosbabymama]

My 17 yr old daughter was diagnosed 2 wks ago. She's an identical twin, and some of the things you mention are concerns I have for her. She wants to be an elementary school art teacher, which I think she'd be amazing at. I just hope the pace of college doesn't discourage her. I also worry about her not finding her "tribe". She's participates in sports but is very much a loaner.

[@isabellejourdan]

not only on the autistic spectrum, but introvert, highly empathic and HSP (hypo sensitive perseption). knowing more about those factors helps me to believe in myself and my skills and talents. Thank you for this video.

[@chapachuu]

This is my current journey. I’m 35 and just found out I have ADHD and autism. Better late than never, but it’s quite the shift, viewing myself and my life so far through a completely new lens.

[@edhoover42]

Yes, this resonates with me, as someone who was just diagnosed as on the autistically spectrum last month (at the age of 57)

[@nycchislc]

I identify with this a lot. I started masking in elementary school to fit in with the cooler kids, and sometimes they even allowed me in, but I was still just tagging along and clearly never an actual core member of the group. I think the term used in my school was "follower." In high school my whole personality would change depending on which group I was trying to integrate with - sometimes it was the nerds, sometimes the musicians, sometimes the popular kids. Now as a recently diagnosed mid-30's person with a career, I actually feel like I have no identity of my own. Everything I do and say at work or socially is a mash-up of what I've copied from successful bosses, mentors and friends/acquaintances throughout my life. So, this has led to me being able to progress through life, but not as myself. Part of the journey of a late diagnosis is definitely finding out who you actually are and it's more difficult than I thought it would be!

[@stuartrushworth5487]

I was diagnosed aged 37. Up until that point I think I had joined small groups whose interests were quite spectrum (even though I knew nothing of the spectrum then). Indeed I would say the question of identity was very important to all of those who I managed to connect with. All of them were somewhat isolated people who were, as you said, ''gifted.' I think tribes of non-spectrum people and tribes of spectrum people are very different, in that non-spectrum tribes are to some extent navigating with the benefit of their family's values. I found those spectrum tribes (for want of a better description) had values that made life seem academic or theoretical. I suppose what I mean is that their social goals (which were not really apparent) had been substituted for something much more intricate and elusive. Anyway, most of these experiences translated into a more formal artistic life after diagnosis. I think the question that overwhelmed me and that a diagnosis brought most forcefully was: "How can I complete creative work that I started before I was diagnosed?' This might seem trivial, because most creative work does not lead to anything resembling a career, but I felt that some literary work I was producing was undermined by the fact that it seemed like an entirely new author was now writing it. I suppose in the case of the Sciences this does not make sense, but from an artist's perspective there is a shift that is hard to cope with. I think I adapted as best I could before training in fine art painting. My writing continues but much more slowly. Thank you for making this video, it is addressing some of the most profound aspects of a diagnosis in a very clear way.

[@WilliamFontaineJr]

I agree it does address profound issues around gaining autism awareness.

[@Life_42]

1:35 I love how you said the 'metrically-challanged' because I am one and made me laugh!

[@CynthiaCampbell0316]

Got my diagnosed this morning at age 52yrs of age.

[@ChaoticAnswers]

35 diagnosed. Long story short, before a slowly but surely decline in life and happiness. After, a slowly but surely feeling alive.

[@OperationDarkside]

What i find the most funny, is being immun to peer pressure and other people's reaction to it. Others: "How could you???" Me: "How could I not?"

[@gerghodges5317]

Hello Darkside. Is that yor reel name? its good to c someone else saying this. Peer pressure, calling me names, water off a Dux back (yes typically 1st of graduation class but social outsider. When my name was called i just remained seated. An extreme example of refusing to conform🙃🙃 also i refuse to spel words there weigh. They r yor rools not myne

[@OperationDarkside]

@@gerghodges5317 I'd disagree on saying it is "their" rules. It wasn't one mastermind or a conspiracy that came up with the rules, but the rules developed organically, because they "just worked". Neurotypicals usually don't want a perfectly engineered solution, but one that's low effort, mostly works and causes the occasional drama for entertainment. If one wants to enjoy the benefits of that system, one has to be able to adapt to those rules to a certain degree. Call it a protocol. And no Darkside is obviously not me real name. But to be precise in my own autistic way, I don't have a name. "My" name was forcefully attached to the body, that is using this keyboard atm. I have a very weak sense of "Me" and weak connection to my body, therefore it would be accurate to say my body has name, my mind, however, doesn't.

[@pollystyrene99]

burn out ... mid-forties, work politics combined with ill parents and a decaying marriage finally triggered a career ending melt down and a divorce --- of course today i'd know how to ask for help or someone would recognize my autism and target some help as it must have been obvious i was seriously overloaded beyond my ability to tolerate. yes, i am feeling sorry for myself.

[@StanleySpadowski]

This entire thing hits home so well. I found out I'm autistic a few weeks ago, and it explains literally my entire life. I remember this one time in high school, all my friends decided they were going to go shopping over the lunch break, so I went with. But then they decided they were going to skip class, and I didn't like to skip classes, so I just left without telling anyone. For a while I'd look back at it and think I was weird, that I should have at least told them I was leaving - but if I look at it in the context of autism, then it starts to make sense. There's been so many other cases like that too, all through my life, and it's like autism connects everything. Probably for the first time ever I feel like I'm free to be myself and not worry about how different I am from people.

[@lindaboiteux1758]

Hi Paul, I'm 78 & have only recently discovered through YT videos like yours how very many autistic characteristics I've exhibited throughout my life. It's been an enormous relief. It explains so many things. Thank you for making these eye-opening videos. Linda

[@roggerolla-speedy3246]

I'm 37 and got the diagnosis a few weeks ago. I however have not gotten any help or explanation of autism at all. I got the diagnosis from one place and then they sent a referral to a place that helps people but here I am alone in the middle. There is waiting time to get in to get the help. I don't fully realize what autism is and what it does in my life. I don't know who I am. I don't know how to think, what to do. I am just extremely confused and feel very very alone. This is rather painful.

[@mrnicholaseball]

I didn’t find out till this year. Am a leader in my industry but at 44 it’s a real chalky for my wife in our marriage. I have also found the more I know the scarier it is

[@moll443]

I just love reading the comments on these videos Paul! Thank you for all the work you do to bring our community together and help people.

[@hartleymartin]

I was tested and formally diagnosed just about 12 months ago. Still getting used to diagnosis - I had complications in that only a few weeks after initial diagnosis I had a long series of health struggles (covid, post-viral fatigue syndrome, concussion injury, post-concussion syndrome, and another respiratory infection and another round of post-viral fatigue. Basically, I spent 6 months in bed with one injury or illness or another, then I worked like a dog for 4 months trying to pay off debts that had accrued from being unable to work for 6 months. Most recently I had an ear infection and now apparently I have sinus infection. I swear, I have been more sick in 2022 than I had for the last 10 years put together. The hardest part is getting immediate family to accept and understand the diagnosis. Their view and understanding of me is that I am lazy, irresponsible, immature weird, creepy, etc. They have viewed me through this lens for so long they cannot adjust their thinking to accommodate this new information that I am autistic. They seem to mostly view it as a lame excuse for not growing up ie. living according to their expectations. They think I am a malingerer despite my best efforts to work and support myself financially.

[@staceyruwoldt9158]

Two words- 'LIBERATING', 'EMPOWERING' 😃😁😁🥰 As I went a quarter of my life not knowing I was Autistic=) Suddenly when I discovered that I am..... Many unanswered questions were finally answered : ) There was finally clarity I never had before 😃♡♡ First found out at the age of 25. I happen to be Learning- disabled separately and.. Was diagnosed in the 90's and, back then Australian didn't have enough information and understanding, of what Autism is

[@Anna-mv9ew]

Same! So happy for you

[@staceyruwoldt9158]

@@Anna-mv9ewthat's awesome! 😃🥰 and thank you so much 😁😊😍💕 xox

[@MrWaterbugdesign]

I'm 66. Probably Aspie, but imo a valid diagnosis would be pretty much impossible at this point. And I don't really need support so I couldn't be diagnosed with autism via DSM-V. I'd been told by 3 different people they thought I had Asperger's and finally looked into it, took a couple online tests. I'm in the neighborhood. For sure when I converse with other Aspies I sure understand them. After an initial "knowing I have Asperger's will change everything" I slowly realized nope. It really changed nothing. I still had to understand myself and live in the world.

[@mattias5157]

I´m in a complete emotional meltdown right down. Manifesting as a severe cold; I´m sneezing and coughing. Tonight I dreamt about sitting in some kind of termal bath, relaxing; suddenly I couldn´t find my son who was almost a baby in my dream. I looked for him everywhere but couldn´t find him; was he drowning, had he drowned, was he gone? I asked people for help; noone cared. I woke up feeling I had not been there for him yesterday when he came visiting me; quite natural since I was ill, but I then came to realize that the dream was more about myself and how I have not been able to stand up for my own emotional needs, due to my lack of understanding for my authistic behaviours and reactions. Just saying: it´s good to have the knowledge and tool, but you have to do the emotional work too. Completely worth it though; I really look forward to discover how I´m going to take care of myself in a better way from now on.

[@italovidigal1990]

Do you miss working as engineer? I'm graduating as agronomic engineer, but as you, one of my interests is psychology of humanity and understanding the world. My problem is, i love science Soo much... But i think I'll be more fulfilled helping others understand their condition. Story of my life: confusion.

[@brontesaurusrex7235]

I ceased higher-level functioning for like two days as all the little pieces that had nowhere to go suddenly fell into a framework of "oh THAT'S why I'm like that"

[@HarrisonsGX]

A lot of the commenters are saying they have recently been diagnosed and are now going to be assessed for ADHD. I'm the same: diagnosed with autism a couple of months ago and now waiting for an ADHD assessment. So far I haven't really had much time to rethink things or work out where I'm at and what I should do: work takes up most of my energy and I'm a parent too. In the small amounts of time I have to myself I tend to try to wind down and distract myself from the stress and anxiety with computer games and TV (at the same time: one on its own isn't enough to shut out the noise). Tomorrow I'm going to try to work out how much annual leave allowance I could spare just so I can get some time to think...

[@The.Mr.JBiggs]

I'm Canadian and I am on the high end of the spectrum so I don't "seem" Autistic. But the thing teachers, classmates and family called me could make a grown man cry these days

[@Nozferatu46]

I'm on day 2 of reevaluating my life after diagnosis. Just diagnosed a couple days ago, in my late 40s, so of course I'm digging into KZbin for info. Some of the stuff you brought up... my life. So much is taking shape in just a few days...

[@CelineOng]

I was diagnosed autism in Secondary school and I was depressed about it. I slowly learn to accept it and make changes. I am an adult now

[@michellelambton3636]

Thank you, thank you, Thank you! This is the video I’ll share with my close friends and family. 🙏🙏🙏

[@savvivixen8490]

Once again, you spoke to experiences I had/have that I didn't even recognize as autism related until you laid it out plainly. I feel so vindicated...

[@nonoffensiveperson9877]

I started therapy this summer, at 31. After a few sessions the psychologist said I'm probably autistic, and he knows somebody who's expert on this. The next psych, he sent me to said i might have schizoid personality disorder. Brilliant...

[@v.k.2320]

Something came to my mind right now. I always asked my granny why is this and where did it come from. I got a big etymological dictionary and full access to her 80 books strong encyclopaedia at age 7 when I could read. I do know how sayings came to be because I researched it. And language, behaviour, culture and traditions are my special interest mostly in context with history but as a kid it was to fit in. This brought me to tears right now 😢. I am discovering my true self. ❤