How to Deal with Manipulators

Six Internal Adjustments To Keep From Being Overwhelmed By Toxic People.
When you are committed to a friendly, kind demeanor, others may see that as an opportunity to manipulate. In order to prevent ongoing toxicity, you will need to balance your goodness with firmness and boundaries. This will require certain internal adjustments to your surrounding circumstances, which will be identified in this podcast.
Something to Think about:
Every person you encounter has some form of woundedness, and they “require” you to take responsibility to make them feel good.
Sometimes the friendliest thing you can do is confront or be firm.
Not all people prioritize empathy or goodness like you do.
Let’s Talk:
In what circumstances has your friendliness worked against you? How does it make you feel?
More Info:
marriagepath.com/
Facebook: get.relate.able

[@stevenli3034]

When dealing with narcissists, I almost get a sense that they are purposely blocking out self awareness in order to avoid responsibility and accountability.

[@shawni321]

I think if they had any self awareness at all, they'd be mortified, so they have to throw up the smokescreen for their own sanity.

[@amberp6523]

Steven Li superiority. They do not self evaluate because they believe they are above reproach.

[@rockstarofredondo]

Steven Li TOTALLY!!

[@user-se5gg5cy4y]

Steven Li I'll explain something. Yesterday I went to this guys studio to which I was invited. In his words if I didn't want to work on his main project I could still work on another project or just hang out. He got insanely angry and out of shape on a high level. All I did was have a 5 minute conversation on theoty with his sons friend who had been ok with the converse. I was not imposing. I mentioned to the insane guy that I had been in the parameters he had established. He said yeah, he was lying when he said that. He got so ugly. Then he gets violent which is a common effect. You will threaten me with violence for being polite and small? I said I have fought my way through 40 imbeciles with no trouble. Evil souls. You will threaten me and disrespect me? What army does he have? I was there on invite . I'm in his space he said. I said where does your space end and mine begin? There is no space in the whole world without his murderous kind. These evil souls have dominion. They have hatred for my kind. Kindness. My poverty is not miserable enough.

[@user-se5gg5cy4y]

I have only experience like this. Its just getting worse. It's the Democrats Catholics and jews

[@soheilay6778]

I have realized that i do not need to change who i am , i should be careful and choose people who deserve my kindness❤️🙏

[@africanbeauty8456]

Then what would u do if the manipulator is your brother 😭

[@soheilay6778]

habesha tube Watch “soul distancing” from Dr. Ramani. Youre there but youre really not there.

[@africanbeauty8456]

Ok I will ...thanks tho xxx

[@joanyoungblood3220]

Hi 👋 I have an amazing 😉 was was your Christmas 🎄🎄 day I had

[@raymondgarafano8604]

@@africanbeauty8456 As much as it could hurt if I was in that situation, "Hey look man, you have to change, start owning up urself and get with it, be honest with urself, u cause urself more trouble by trying to get out of what u shoulda had the brains to not get into in the 1st place. everyone makes mistakes, but a lie is NOT a mistake it is intentional. and if u can't be trusted, Life is going to be very difficult for you and if you want to end up homeless cuz u can't get or keep a job, ur doing a gr8 job of it."

[@mikeraskin7319]

My experience with a narcissist or borderline has been that the Golden rule doesn't apply. What do you give doesn't get returned. This goes against all my beliefs and ideas. It took me a long time to recognize that my efforts will probably never be reciprocated.

[@johannwilder1437]

Mike Raskin, yup exactly. Which is why the ONLY solution is to cut them out. Merely staying engaged with them forces YOU to become unkind just to defend yourself or stay afloat. You don’t want that. Preserve your dignity and cut them out.

[@mikeraskin7319]

@orphan 200 thanks for the support, it's so painful and confusing. It is hard to find people who understand

[@integrityisnotforsale1531]

Mike Raskin ....problem is...they believe they have reciprocated...as their concept of reciprocation is warped...I was told that he was showing me how much he loved me by telling me what to do, what to wear, what to think...and when I wouldn’t be able to comply, he would be angry or upset over how ungrateful I was...trying to explain that I although I appreciated his advice, I couldn’t do XYZ or didn’t want to wear those particular clothes or didn’t agree with taking medicines foe XYZ....just needing a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen, support and try to understand my feelings, was beyond him...

[@nenelady7049]

My ex wanted a lot of recognition and praise for every little thing he did. And never gave me any appreciation for all I did. It made me crazy!!!

[@knowthyself8233]

@@johannwilder1437 you said it right "engage with them FORCES you become unkind just to defend yourself" That right here is so powerful 👍🏿

[@whibraen2750]

'stay kind, stay firm! and stay vigilant !" This is integrity. Thank you Dr Carter.

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel Narcissism is brought on by trauma and a need for control. I think that demons are looking for an open door to enter and control people and using trauma affords an opportunity for them, thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...

[@reddawn8230]

The vigilance is tiresome

[@curli-lettey4319]

They are draining, ass-backwards individuals who waste their time trying to figure out your next moves so they can proceed further with the manipulation. They need to get a real life!

[@pegasus5148]

+Curli-Lettery, they are draining! They manipulate for the narcissistic supply.

[@miminewmoon8187]

Curli - Well said. They just latch onto some other person to live through and live off. Fuck this noise!!!

[@rooftopcat1785]

curli-letter they really are backwards, there shallow as a puddle, dull, lack depth, concepts are right out, if your not talking there game? You dont rate, and they dont get it, at all, tunnel vision, pretzel logic,

[@amaebarnes]

I literally don't know how to respond to these types of manipulators, let alone how to understand inside a person's brain who spends their days plotting how to tear someone down.

[@valeriegriner5644]

I like your definition....couldn't have said it better. They get their "jollies" from making others miserable.

[@lovinglife3954]

"I want us to have a good relationship, but the other person just isn't participating." Great way to summarize some relationships.

[@cacatr4495]

Or, they are participating by destroying it.

[@foxtrotA1]

I am so tired of manipulative takers, but I’m learning how to deal with them yet maintaining my goodness isn’t always easy. Self-respect, true. But they exhaust me.

[@sandracockrum17]

I'm learning too. I thought he'd suggest also taking your/our good natured servitude to others who need and appreciate it... For example, helping the elderly or at local church and stop focusing on the narc or selfish ones. In other words give where it's appreciated rather than squandered on those with a voracious appetite to suck the living life out of us and not even bother to aknowledge our efforts, say thank you, let alone reciprocate! Ha ha. Best wishes to you.

[@Liesl_Cigarboxguitar]

@@sandracockrum17 thanks, I needed to hear a positive suggestion too. I've been so enmeshed with narcissists that I have to totally start over..

[@sandracockrum17]

@@Liesl_Cigarboxguitar I hear you. For the last 4 years I've been SLOWLY stepping back and away from toxic people in my circle (sadly even family members) and finding new people to surround myself with...healthy people and I've been blessed to find one very dear friend who gets it & supports me/validates me. I suspect As women we end up getting the care taker role put upon us and taken advantage of as well. It's expected & under appreciated. Time to take care of us and each other! Big hugs to you!

[@pegasus5148]

+Susan X, they exhaust you because they are using you for "supply." Stop "reacting" to them. Avoid them whenever possible and when you do interact, keep the subject of "you" off the table. Get them to talk about themselves. Giving them "attention" constitutes as "Positive Supply." When you feel like you are being "provoked" or "triggered" learn to act "bored" and change the subject or politely walk away. Never "bargain" with a narc. This only gives them "supply" because you are "reacting." They need You to React to them. That's why "no contact" works because they can no longer "feed" on Your Emotional "Reactions." Learn to Grey Rock them by "not reacting" to them. Never confront them or argue with them. It is a waste of Your Energy. If they tell you that "the Moon is made of Cheese," just say, "That's interesting," and change the subject.

[@yeslife5205]

Why are you dealing with them

[@jerrydesilva7359]

A narcissist has a super strong sense of entitlement , and will keep asking and pushing for you to give endlessly. Just for the satisfaction of making you feel as if you've been robbed.

[@karenishness1]

Seeing kindness as weakness- they do. We must show compassion yet self respect also.

[@jen3722]

Kindness and decency Do Not equal weakness and ignorance. They do not have a clue.

[@tyrellwilson9334]

They see kindenss as weakness, and then they see self care as brutality.

[@kam0406]

Just walk away. I've been used and it's a terrible feeling. I look back on what happened and can't believe I allowed it.

[@whibraen2750]

Yes! You are worth so much more....so many of us have been worn out by other people's lies and misconceptions- stay true to You- you are worth respect!

[@jessh1290]

You never allowed it! X

[@desijeanlang658]

@@jessh1290 When you realize after the fact, what they did to you, you feel as if you should have known better -- especially when it has been happening over an extended period, even during your adult life. I know exactly what she means by that. Because I feel the same about my situation.

[@OFFICERMCCOMACK]

Me too.

[@fox39forever]

"Stay kind" is the right advice, but it can be so hard to do.

[@wheelerpat8]

Sunmoon Stars It helps to keep a journal during these times, so you can express your feelings in a safe place. It also serves as a forum for self-validation, if that makes sense. It’s helped me stay sane.

[@fox39forever]

@She Wheels: Yes, that's a good point and it's something that I've done, since I was a young child. Now I have stacks and stacks of notes, that I need to sort through. There's incredible documentation of how someone processes and tries to breathe under the suffocating abuse, while being unaware that it IS abuse. (I mean, obviously I recognise it now, but as a child and until recently, I had no idea about narcissistic personality disorder and its various manifestations.)

[@wheelerpat8]

Sunmoon Stars I get that. I grew up in a family of 8. Four are narcissists and two are borderline. They sent ME to a therapist because I didn’t fall in line with their modus operandus. The therapist told me I was the “gifted child” and suggested to my mother that she come in for counseling. (I overheard them talking outside our car after a session one day.) Suddenly, I didn’t have to go to that therapist anymore. LOL But I did, on my own and continued with my own research. One day, the therapist asked me how I thought I survived that abuse. I knew instinctively: my daily journaling. It was tough because I didn’t know about narcissism, but I knew it helped. I felt it, if that makes sense. Very glad to hear you’ve found that it helps too! We need all the tools we can get. Much love to you with your recovery too.

[@fox39forever]

@She Wheels: Thank you and you too! :-)

[@princessann9285]

My narc constantly speaks to me with contempt, and like I am a child and never gives eye contact, these videos are helping a great deal. Thank you

[@renamiller8555]

With blatant users you have to find a way to just say no.

[@dustersinternational221]

Very True and I learnt this saying last year "say no with love and yes with honesty"

[@rosemarykarlsson593]

The red flag to me is when I say 'no' & the manipulator pushes back & still tries to convince me to do what they want.

[@rachelwilliams3108]

Living alone is my best solution. I have finally found a way to not be a target. I stay away from people as much as possible. I don't care if that makes me antisocial or any other name. The world is evil. I don't have to like it and I don't have to put up with it.

[@janetstonerook4552]

I recently arrived at that feeling also after being jolted by a collusion of narcassistc extended family trying to take all my resources.. and make me seem like I'm the angry or crazy one! I cut them off completely but gradually am getting back in connection with the good folks in my life. (Many of these good folks have said they wondered when I was going to wise up to the TAKERS.) We all need POSITIVE interactions with others but still I am vigilant.

[@angelarees1888]

I quite agree with you. The more you have dealings with these sorts and the kinder you are, they would rip your sole away!

[@sarakhaldi5085]

@@angelarees1888 they will. They are all absolutely pathetic bottom feeders. Yuck!

[@sage9836]

After attracting crappy soul sucking takers (in droves, I tell you) I kinda hid out to collect myself in peace, but I found good people. It was almost unbelievable, but they are out there. I wish I knew how I even found them, like if there was a method I could pass along. I think what helped was cutting off bad people as quick as I could and without much feeling in my heart. That way, my life was more open. I ran into people in daily life that were just there, pleasant, and not trying to be my instant best friend. It was nice. Not the best friends 4 ever, not share your heart type connections, but good people to relate to. So, I hope you find a few good people or have in the time since making your comment. They are so refreshing.

[@annbou-fakhreddine1534]

I drive a tractor trailer, and live and work in isolation. I have a few special people in my life I stayed connected with, and life is peaceful ♥️

[@JCB.PSALM_23_KJV]

Children in adult clothing who refuse to grow up and own it.🎭

[@Ms88Chick]

Right!!!

[@carolynedgar1090]

Awesome!! I learned more in this 15 minutes than I have in my entire life of dealing with people who just have not the ability to play nicely with others😀

[@miminewmoon8187]

Ive been studying this for about 4 years. Dont waste your time. They suck!!!- they never change- are ALWAYS lying and sneaking around & looking out for #1. Its new years eve and i hate him today, of course we have NO PLANS, Hes soooo inconsiderate. Will not go through another new year with him as his personal slave. 25 years of tears and wasting my precious time. Gotta get outta here ASAP!!!

[@whibraen2750]

@@miminewmoon8187 get some counselling support too -esp. someone who Listens well and can reflect to you how YOU are feeling. ( i saw a psychotherapist b4 i left my husband who simply authenticated what i'd already worked out- I needed the validation to actually be strong enough to FINally decide to go...(as I also had chn to consider and needed to know CLEARLY the situation and make good choices for us).

[@mylittlekittens]

Sometimes you have to learn from experience. That takes more than 15 minutes.

[@Cinemagoer_64]

Carolyn Edgar this guy is the best on KZbin hands down! Thank you Dr Carter!

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel Narcissism is brought on by trauma and a need for control. I think that demons are looking for an open door to enter and control people and using trauma affords an opportunity for them, thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...

[@judylee1860]

Dr. Carter, some people become uncomfortable standing up for themselves. From being extremely traumatized i stopped standing up for myself. Once I started standing up again, at first it felt weird, then as I thought about those feelings instead of feeling like a rat and feeling badly about myself, I actually felt a lot better. A couple of times I nearly caved, but then I remembered, "No, that person is a horrible manipulator and user. Don't extend an olive branch. Period." Like the saying goes, "Give them an inch and they'll take a mile." Its true.

[@juliesmithson5726]

standing up for oneself doesn't always come naturally, especially when dealing with ill tempered people.

[@treavam5653]

Part of the goodness that you bring to a relationship is your own self respect.

[@zzulm]

I just found out why I'm frustrated, my expectations are high and narcissists always disappoint me.

[@lawdog89]

I am a kind hearted person who gets taken advantage of all the time. I’m becoming increasingly resentful of people around me but I don’t want to be.

[@foxiefair123]

They have this whole fake maturity thing going on. Like they are the know it all parent or something.

[@beckyweaver5981]

foxiefair123 I have 2 sister narcissist/controllers👹👹

[@miminewmoon8187]

So freakin true!! Ms or Mr Mature aka SELF CENTERED COWARDS!!!!!

[@MediaEnslavedNation]

Mine turns into the sulky child even going so far as to hang his head and mutter, "yes ma'am, I'll be good." This from my husband. He does it because it exasperates me. I literally have no idea how to shut that down. Should I just say " if that means you'll stop being a narcissistic child then please for the love of Science do so." ??? Because I've never been subtle. I'm not a "goes around behind the houses" kind of person.

[@MediaEnslavedNation]

@laurencefisher1 I treat him like he is a 37 year old man, and he acts like a sulky teenager because that's where he is stuck in his head. It's a manipulation technique. You clearly don't know anything about it.

[@fordgt402]

They are not mature enough to breed.

[@teresadexter9965]

I love that Dr Carter gives us the opportunity to respond and be listened to.....it's very healing after years of being devalued and diminished!! To find a safe place like this is so very special. Thank you.!

[@donnaholt7734]

Teresa Dexter 🙌🙌🙌🙌

[@sandracockrum17]

Well spoken. I hope your strength, determination and self worth have grown this last year. We are not alone in our journey. Peace & God's blessings.

[@canadianlady777]

His message is wonderful but he is behind my screen..I have NOBODY who will believe me...NOBODY who wants to...NOBODY who will sit with me and want to give me credit for the hell he’s put me through...

[@joannebutzerin6448]

I've seen many speakers advising on narcissism, but there is none better or more helpful than Dr. Carter. Thank you so much, Dr. Carter!

[@stevenli3034]

Yeah, the biggest battle with them is the enforcement of boundaries. Some slightly lesser malignant narcissist might complain or object, but would at least accept those boundaries if you make them. But those who are more malignant ones will not even ALLOW you to enforce a boundary. To me, that's even more of a reason to set boundaries, and should be done immediately. If that gets out of control, then perhaps a more permanent boundary needs to be set. Dealing with narcissists is like dealing with used car salesman. Your biggest weapon is to be able to just walk away. Unless, perhaps, there are some legal or financial issues, if that's the case, get those issues solved ASAP and leave.

[@reguengosdemonsaraz2334]

I really understand what you're saying. In a few sentences you've summed it all up. All the best to you! Gratitude!

[@TreasureOne]

Dr. Carter, I used your "I have freedom of choice" response to a narc university officer today, and it blew her circuits. I escaped intact.

[@sungirl9951]

My friend from childhood is a big narc. She even drove to my house and asked my son my business. She hasn't been to my house in years. Wow!

[@vibekes2416]

That sounds really great 😆👍👍👍

[@1aikane]

The analysis was very good, but the title of the video and the amount of time given to that topic didn't match. These type people do not respond to kindness or thoughtfulness. They see politeness as a door to take more advantage of people. You must cut these people out of your life forever.

[@sungirl9951]

I did. 4 of these people were cut out of my life in one year. Now what??? Feels weird but deep down I k its good for me

[@1aikane]

@@sungirl9951 Good for you!

[@miminewmoon8187]

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!!!

[@beckyphipps2571]

1aikane ... I completely agree with the second half of your comment! 👍

[@freddunn2102]

1aikane you are so absolutely 100% right , any kindness on your part is seen as weakness and an open door to continue their toxic abuse and manipulation of you .love and peace ,be wary and happy

[@danielcase1046]

These are down right selfish individuals that we need to avoid. Don't get caught in their trap, because you are only a stepping stone to them.

[@jc8258]

This lecture reminds me of a quote. "Life does not have to be perfect to be beautiful."

[@carryclass6807]

the problem with dealing with manipulators is that you must not just deal with the manipulator, you have to deal with the others they have duped in to being on their side against you. they can be masters at making other people think you are the jerk.

[@EuridesCardoso]

Exactly 💯

[@OHMaven1]

Knowing that I am dealing with a manipulator is usually triggered by one or two distinct behaviors: 1) Manipulators try to make your choices for you. Most of the time they don’t give you a choice, but they will give you a request or a demand! Even when you give your answer, they will try to wear you down by re-stating their request! 2) They tell you their problems (especially when they need resources (cash) expecting you to come through! Whenever I spot these tactics, I know whom I am dealing with! My favorite response is “I have already given you my answer, so please accept it!”

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

What I have done is sat down and decided that when I am the one making the effort and feeling worse in the friendship than when alone it is time to walk away.I make allowances for others as we , none of us are perfect but must have boundries..being a door mat is literally unhealthy. Thank you again Dr. Carter....pats for gus

[@beertoday6506]

good words to live by Heather

[@angelajones5407]

I know several manipulators. None of them are insecure, just selfish and sneaky.

[@penelopelambson9128]

Regarding educating a taker: Very often this falls on deaf and/or defiant ears. Sometimes when the taker is told how his actions affect others, he simply doesn't care or blames the other person somehow... he's too sensitive, he caused it etc. or the taker just says " Hey it's your problem if you're hurt. I'm just doing what I feel/ telling it like I see i This becomes an emotional/ psychological trap for people who fall into relationships with this kind of taker. The best course of action is get out of it. Stop trying to get blood from a turnip.

[@elanabethfariss117]

So important, stay kind but stay firm. The world doesn't need anymore manipulative people, it needs kindness. Kindness and gentleness is a strength, absolutely. Don't let others destroy the goodness in you.

[@jenjem5810]

Dr.Les Carter shares his own balance in his gentle demeanor. Healthy. Hopeful that other people exist that are not condoning these bullies. Dr. Les very gently calls out bad behavior. Entitlement. Extremely comforting and reassuring. Certain of his clarity. What a relief.

[@juliesmithson5726]

I really appreciate his calm manner.

[@patriciaclark1492]

" i know we don't see things eye to eye but never the less this is the decision I've made. " perfect.

[@Liesl_Cigarboxguitar]

I have this experience with my next-door neighbour. She is infuriating in the way she will just knock my door and expect me to be available and willing to do what ever she wants! And I haven't even entered into any kind of relationship with her at all! I hardly know her it's like she thinks the whole world owes her, and revolves around her.. She hates it when I just tell her.. NO!

[@Missy-Leigh]

Alix.. I made a sign for my door to counteract this “An HSP individual resides in this dwelling. If you did not call before just popping in, please do so, and return once You have been invited.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Missy Sterling: what's an HSP individual? I really don't know.

[@iforgettherestwhitman1483]

Highly Sensitive Person?

[@jilliansmith7123]

iforgettherest: that could work, thanks!

[@beckyphipps2571]

Alix ... Ahhhh! “NO” is the ultimate litmus test for a narcissist . You are ahead of the game because you are able to say it!! Bless!

[@mdee860]

I do not use the word "help" with household chores. To me, that implies ownership of the issue at hand. I use the word: SHARE, as in "you need to do your share." 'Help' implies (at least to me) that you are asking them to do more, as if they feel that they're doing your work too. If both partners/ spouses/ roommates, etc. work & share a household, I see it like this: it takes 2 to make a mess, it takes 2 to clean up. Changing one simple word is incredibly powerful. Hugs to all here, learning & growing with Dr. Carter's sunshine! 🌞🌻

[@jangandy1709]

'You aren't making much of an effort to make me happy' His favourite one liner.

[@beckyphipps2571]

jan gandy ... WOW! 😳 Doesn’t THAT just say it all? My narcissist’s line was, “Well, you’re just being selfish...”. It’s funny that he’s the only person in my life to EVER use that word as a descriptor for me. 😅

[@andrealister3970]

My narc's line is to tell me that I like playing the martyr. It's really just a projection.

[@desijeanlang658]

Typical of the immaturity that characterizes such individuals. How much effort is HE making to make YOU happy?

[@oliverrando6463]

In this world they are alot of manipulative people

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

I have learned to be careful....it is best to be alone than have my life disrupted by these people.....I havd learned to simply walk away .Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel Narcissism is brought on by trauma and a need for control. I think that demons are looking for an open door to enter and control people and using trauma affords an opportunity for them, thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...

[@pickles432noname6]

My narc MIL is so entitled. She’s bought whatever she wanted her whole married life. She just expected her husband to put in more hours to pay for it all. Two months after her husband died she told my husband he needed to pay her bills. That included her first mortgage, second mortgage, cable, satellite, WiFi, car insurance, electric and water. He said there is no way he could afford that. She then decided we needed to just move in with her. How convenient for HER. We didn’t move in, he’s not paying her bills. Now she’s trying her best to get rid of me. If I’m gone, she can get her little boy to do what she wants. I told my husband after his dad died that his mom would try to use him as a surrogate husband. Boy was I right. These people are just unbelievable.

[@Louleelou645]

I have a malignant narcissistic MIL too. She opened a business years ago and borrowed the money against her home but had no idea what she was doing (she actually told me that she didn't realise she would have to replace stock in her shop once it was sold) She asked my husband to move us into a tiny room under her house (our daughter had only just been born) and pay her mortgage. She was approximately $27,000 in arrears Hell no! She ended up losing her house. Being a narcissist this caused her to have a breakdown because she had failed and saw it as a major embarrassment to her ego. I'm sure she blamed me. Narcs never forget. Thing is she was trying to make my life miserable for a year before this. We are now no contact. Life is peaceful

[@projectmcsquare2149]

Pickles432 Noname ....stick to your guns... I have lived that exact thing in my life...they think the world owes them and they don’t care who they use

[@projectmcsquare2149]

Kristy W of course you’re to blame 🙄...these people have no scruples..they just like to use

[@krompirusa100]

My narcissist discarded me and then asked me over her flying monkey would I help her to pay mortgage and trips to fancy location so she could post pictures on Instagram.

[@sheilamore3261]

It’s not like I’m looking for any credit but it does help when somebody really appreciate anything you do for them do you see me or am I invisible that’s what you feel like

[@rachelm2041]

No, we are not invisible. There are one's that truly appreciate what you do for them. Don't give up being a good person. We are responsible for our own actions, character, and reputation. What others do or don't do reflects on them.

[@jwrobin21]

Manipulators understand and believe in 'Give and Take.' You GIVE and They TAKE!

[@barbarabrennan1753]

im stuck living with people who are hiding their real identities. I am an intellectually curious person who is constantly reacting to their bs. my life is wasting away.

[@ChandanaCTV]

I hope you moved away from them! Wish you peace.

[@barbarabrennan1753]

No I couldn't. My finances and their games kept me stuck.

[@hi.moriarty]

@12:22 "...Hey, this is terrific! I'm really enjoying the new part that we're gonna have in our relationship!" I laughed out loud! Truer words could not be spoken!! Thank you for presenting it with a spin of humor! I love your honesty throughout your videos and that you don't just focus on the narcissist but also help us to change our own perspectives so that we, ourselves, can grow!

[@analou3357]

I love how you talk to us, it's so concise and straight to the point. No fillers, just straight facts. I appreciate your wisdom and videos wholeheartedly. It is truly helping me through these hard times.

[@joseenoel8093]

Thank you for not "blaming me" for having, being in a co-dependant with my covert mom. Omg, I'm no contact now but prior... I'm just trying to act normal in a non-normal nor win-win situation.

[@regiz5358]

you are simply a savior! Thank you for making a difference in my life!

[@lescarter5418]

Wow! You just made my day.

[@70schild420]

The stories are what speaks to me.i had a feeling on a lot of these points but the validation is liberating.i feel more myself and better yet I feel myself is pretty good.there are no words ,thank you doesn’t cover it.

[@robertacrawford6412]

The videos you make have been such a help to me.. thank you for your generosity with your skills to help me understand.

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel Narcissism is brought on by trauma and a need for control. I think that demons are looking for an open door to enter and control people and using trauma affords an opportunity for them, thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...

[@colleenkaralee2280]

It's great being able to turn the other cheek and not taking anything personally; yet at the same time I see the importance of having boundaries, for instance, secretly reading emails.

[@DestinationXX3]

What happens when a manipulative person in your life is your mother? Been a rough ride and I can’t help but resent her and avoid her now that I’ve finally been woken up to reality and realized her manipulative ways. I respected her and was blinded as she is my mother but now that I see her true colours, she doesn’t deserve my respect anymore even if she is my mother.

[@dustersinternational221]

3 mins in, and I comment already... yes to those answers... at 53 I'm reflecting so much now on how so many people have manipulated me over the years; for their own gain, either intentional or not. However, it left me with the short straw so to speak (far too many times to count!). Maybe it was in part my upbringing, era, sex (as a girl) that I became "a people pleaser" and its just my nature to look out for others; I have lots of compassion and empathy. I am just learning how to deal with all those... so am pretty much enjoying my life on my own, and going to adopt a dog "bliss" love to all :-) stay positive and in if you feel your in a dark hole nurture yourself "grow out of it with self-love and self-care because its not selfish"

[@janicemurphy4373]

Oh my God did I ever appreciate this council !!!!!!!!!!! I get so sick and tired of dealing with manipulant people , but why you have to go this route with them is sicking !!!!!!!!!!!! I have the ability to state what I feel but why you got to go there with people all the time!!!!!!! I know none of us are perfect but don't want people to be hurt by me like that !!!!!!!!!! I would not want to hurt people like that and yet manipulant people are around us all the time!!!!!! thankyou for helping me to handle this without getting so emotional about it or so angry!!!!!!!!

[@angealclarke7110]

Hello again x . I cant believe you have mentioned everthing in this video. That I have been trying to guide people with. A saying I always use is (dont let people take your kindness for a weakness). Draw the line and dont let them take all your energy and goodness. God grant me the serenity,to accept the things,I cannot change. Change the things I can and to have the wisdom,to know the difference xxx

[@mariaseidi4764]

Dear Dr Carter ,your understanding of human nature and narcissism is so amazing ,I fall in your videos by accident and now I watch 2to 3 everyday,it helps me to understand more how to cope with the different narcissists in my life ,and once you understand what narcissim is ,how they operate and what you can expect from then ,you start to reanalize your relationship with the narcissist and (get clearity of mind ) if you should avoid then to the maximum or just coldly straight cut him from your life...It's a big consolation to have samebody who understands what you are going trougth,most people dealing with Narcissist have alot of mental and emocional confusion afther years of abouse...and this is where the problem is ,that's way your work is so important Dr Carter,you are saving many people lifes and alot of suffering and unhappiness ... Knowledge is power once you understand what narcissim is, their power and influence over you will stop afecting you so much and how you feel about yourself,If they are in bad mood that's their problem...not yours ,,never let another person have so much power over you ,how you feel about yourself and your life decisions...

[@MelisJoy]

You are one of my favorite doctors to listen to. So concise and not only do you discuss the main topic, but you give excellent points to reflect on beforehand which I also know are very important bc there are so many different situations & it helps ppl assess where they might be at. Just phenominal. It sounded like you just described my situation 100%. You just said what I literally decided to do & did tonight on my own. I came up with more boundaries & told it to him & prepared for him to be upset, but he wasn't & said he gets it..but he still has this warped view of a "healthy" relationship being I "save" him & he "saves" me. I keep saying we both have to be whole before we move in, but he expects me to take on the responsibility of him moving in my house & taking his kids to school so he can work. While claiming he supports me being in school..but that just adds more on top of my already full plate. He says bc im waiting for him to propose to move in..and hes having to "save himself" without my help I'm "making us" do it the hard way. On top of that he says he's holding back on moving forward bc he is full time dad & has no help & says he dsnt expect me to take on more responsibility of the kids...yet says hes upset I don't 🤔 I do what I can for them. I have a bedroom in my house ive made for them & see them every other weekend...sometimes more or even days in a row. He wants me to do more & says we're butting heads & can't go anywhere. After setting my foot down & nonstop fighting lately, I told him we are going to counceling. He says he's open to it but says he dsnt see how it will help bc he knows what will resolve it (getting a job...aka me "helping" to take on his responsibilities so he can do his..when I dnt expect him to do that for me) He'll say how it upsets him I don't take kids to school..but says as long as I don't expect anything more than he's already giving me..and just let him "save himself" on his own we'll be ok. Yea we'll see. He says that but it hasn't lasted. He plays bictim manipulator & im tired of it I thank you for giving me a reminder to stay strong & confident thru this process of setting better boundaries.

[@sandracockrum17]

Thank you for educating and validating my struggles. So extremely helpful. It's almost like a form of brainwashing that we go through dealing with such unscrupulous loved ones. Your videos are setting the captives free. Thank you

[@jlo1372]

“You can’t fix somebody that doesn’t want to be fixed.” Willing is key...

[@SaraFJones]

I think it’s about awareness, being mutual and learning when and how to let go! Unfortunately!

[@nadiadanjou6296]

My mother was and still is the abusive manipulater. She bullied me out of almost 10k dollars lied to me about fear of missing a car paymnt took my car then paid off her new car and gave it to my older brother without paying me back. Instead, after I left an extremely abusive marriage she called my manager and made me lose my job. Found out she called CPS and made a move on me for the children all before marijuana was legal in California but unfortunately due to the domestic violence the children were forcefully taken and adopted. They were even removed from her care because she was abusive and she is 70's and thought she would raise my three toddlers. What a fucking lunatic! She then bought two money pit junkers from her mechanic and has paid over 10k in retail mechanic fees saying: well he has to pay his rent too ya know. What I have to tell people from experience is this video described her exactly and other narcissist therapy youTube sessions. You jave to leave and never feel sorry for them or reestablish contact. She ruined my public record, three marriages, my parenting five children and now I am finally after 15 years able to get a job at Amazon scanning and sorting packages at a distribution center. I graduated college and high school never had any record no DUI's no felonies and several framed incidences where I was assaulted and the misdemeanor crimes charged but threw out due to the fact the evidence pointed to me being the victim not the perpetrator and those people also were connected to my other brother whom she had contact with and the domestic violence shelter advocate told me her fbi friend told her it was my mother and brother; they ignored the threats and assault by my husbands entirely because it was her all along scheming for years to take legal control of my children for the money. What a sick bitch. Then our Lord Jesus Christ said that in the last days your enemies would be persons of your own household. So true my brothers and sisters. Beware of wolves in sheeps clothing and trust nobody especially those closest to you. Be prepared and stay vigilent with a view towards prayer GOD will help you up and persevere as long as IN GOD WE TRUST!

[@nd8610]

This video was another good one for me. Dr Carter. I sure love the nice ending. Thank you for coming across with such care and decency. You are one of a kind Mister. The man up there broke the mold making you, your unique self. I learned so much from your videos already. You are easy to listen to. You cannot bore me one bit. It just flies into my ears and into my head. As a person with ADHD, that should tell you exactly where I'm coming from. People need you out here. It's not easy going through life not knowing why people can put so much difficulties in our lives. I am more aware. Keep up the ability to educate us. You make a difference. Peace be with you. N D from CT.

[@mariamosquera1981]

Thank you ... I have been trying to figure things out for 50 years now. I am starting to take everything into account. I am starting to take myself into account. Situations in life always push me to the point where I have to see what the truth is. I accept the state of things. I guess I just need to be prepared for whatever comes up ...

[@judyscheiber3661]

Different channel but you are describing how a narcissist thinks and addresses how they act with us. It's all about what we can do for them. I value you more than I can say. Thank you!

[@SophieBird07]

Commit this to memory folks. When the narc tells you yet again that he or she is the best thing that has ever happened to you, say: “Sad isn’t it?” And 🎵make a new plan, Stan...just get yourself free🎵. Thank you to Paul Simon

[@gretelhance]

He who the son sets free, is free indeed. Spiritual battles

[@grampam17]

WOW! Dr Carter. Thank you sooooo much for this message. Many of us have some 'learned' dysfunctions. As an elder I'm 'unlearning' the ones that still plague me. This was a stellar message for me. I'm trying to balance my kindness with boundaries that I need to set and keep: after 70 years of 'giving in' to a younger bi-polar sibling, whom, I was told by my parents to 'be kind to & take care of'. I believe that caused confusion with my coping skills. I can't fix 'the other'; but I am grateful to God that I can fix myself. Bless you.

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

Thank you....I feel so much better listening to you.....I wish I had found you years ago.Dr. Carter.

[@shnuzels1609]

I respect and appreciate you! Your messages are literally life saving. Happy trails & Thank you

[@bettymunroe5347]

Thank you Dr. Carter with this one you made me cry . I realize I have responded the right way to my abusive narcissistic daughter . It hurts but I no longer have to be abused by her. I've tried for 12 yrs. to appease her but she always comes back with anger, name calling & threats. I realize I do not have to do it anymore. I respect myself today . She must walk her path. However dangerous that may be . I have blocked her even though it breaks my heart . I will respect myself & be kind & loving still .

[@georginab6995]

Thank you Dr Carter. Your videos have opened my eyes to what I have been living with for decades. I have followed your advice in many areas and I find that my life is getting easier.

[@donnawoodham868]

I needed this reminder today . Thank you for being here . Your amazing ! God is using you to help others . ✝️

[@krisluvsutube2684]

Thanks you all. I am working it out. I will be happy in the end and they will be miserable that the underdog is on top!

[@nancyludlum2646]

Oh, yes, also, thanks for your mild and eloquent way of handling various subjects....and the people/problems you're discussing. You definitely model a very good approach.

[@Lawrence_of_Asia]

Great Clarity and Advice in All Your talks! Thank You!

[@caroldanzer3621]

What a gift you are to the world 💕I’m going to order two books - one for me and one for my sister .our mother is 81 and we are 61 and 58 - my whole life at 61 - not so my sister - golden . She knows and is very supportive of me - thank you so much for all you do💕

[@lorrainem8234]

I love this video, Dr. Carter - thank you! I am going to watch it with my 3 younger sons tomorrow, ages 16, 13, and 9. They are good-natured, and it's a rough world out there. I want them to understand that they can be good and keep their self-respect.

[@ellie698]

Great video thank you. You're such a well balanced, understanding therapist. Sometimes people aren't deliberately being selfish, they've just never learned, never been helped to learn, *not* to be, from distant inadequate parenting. Adults can learn new ways of being but it takes a long time,, a lot of patience and understanding to help them. That's why I really enjoy your patient understanding manner. You make things sound so simple. You must be a great therapist to work with, to help people improve their relationship skills!

[@felisaboettcher4448]

Grateful for informative videos like this one! To understand how to live with someone or once have a friend you thought kind then turn on you in the most ugly fashion! For me. the first thing I feel is pain and shock! So fortunate to have found this video, this intelligent doctor !thank you!

[@ziziscorsese9475]

No need for expert help when you’ve got this man. !!

[@BMPMethod]

Congratulations on your upcoming live seminar. Looks good on ya! yay!

[@alejandranovello3274]

Stay lkind, stay firm,stay vigilant. THANK YOU SO MUCH. MY LIFE HAS BEEN HELL SO FAR WITH AN AWFUL NARCIST AT HOME REALLY. Your videos are helping me a Lot in having my life back.❤️🙏

Another great video Dr Carter. Making these adjustments is not fun but I'm finding energy less anger is the payoff. I feel like I'm "faking it til I make it" when I go gray rock and act indifferent to arrogant controlling neighbors. I feel lost not reaching out to my ungrateful unreciprocating self entitled family. It's the price for peace. I always thought peace could.be bought with money acreage and it's right here now. It takes training. You alluded to the idea that we cant change people only ourselves. When we change ourselves WE DO CHANGE PEOPLE. Maybe not their nature, but their reaction to us changes. At the end of the day, that's most important. Thank you for all your work.

[@mdmmalou]

Dear Les, How nice and friendly is your explanation about how it really works with difficult or toxic people. Really, this makes it more understandable for me too, and at the same time allows me to view it from a better place! From a distance yeah, instead of condemning my situation with manipulators... I am very happy with your objective view, in fact from two sides .. Your observation is fortunately not so judgmental, which you often see on youtube, although I understand that very well too!! But not judging is the very best foor your own peace and happyness, i think! Just only be more aware.., realizing, knowing and accepting that you really can't change any other person in your life, but only yourself! That's the best lesson! Your views helps me to be less sensitive to get tricked by people who hurt me and don't serve me . I can not change anyone, nor can I look into their soul to stop them to manipulate me.. Getting angry or condemning them for not fulfilling "my life" only has a negative effect on me. And thats not what I want. Your vision resonates well with mine! Because it gives me the opportunity to change myself without sticking to resistance or accusation. Let them save themsleves...the better it is. The only thing I can do is broaden my own world with knowledge of you and other, also young and clever counsious people on youtube!! Thank you very much for sharing your videos!! Peace from the Netherands, Malou

[@user-wm4je4ct8y]

That was such a nice message. I liked hearing you confirm my realization we are living in a depraved world.

[@conniegarrison7240]

So Doc, I must tell you for the past 5 years I took under my wing a troubled older cousin. She kept showing me her true colors over and over and over. During the five years she would call me when she got herself in lots of trouble including two jail stints at the age of 53 I helped her believing that she would try to be a better person. More recently she moved off a couple hundred miles away from me and it didn't even take a month for her to let me know how disposable I was and that she didn't need me or my help anymore. I gave myself precisely one day to grieve this false Sisterhood friendship from a cousin and now I've moved on learning to keep my inner circle small with people who have proven that they love me unconditionally.

[@whibraen2750]

Well done!! I've been in similar situations- best to walk away- not get involved in those scenes- All the best to you!

[@conniegarrison7240]

@@whibraen2750 Thank U 4 that💜

[@northstar5919]

Good riddance

[@briejoana.6736]

Information I would have needed 30 years ago. Thx Dr. Carter

[@elvansavkli3806]

THANK YU FOR THIS POST. I NEEDED SO WELL. I have been always target to manipulative kinds.

[@gracebe235]

All of us, in the family I was raised in, went through a lot of trauma in our lives.....starting with our parents explosive fights and drinking. All of my siblings grew up drinking.....I didn’t. All of them are narcissists......I’m not. They would take advantage of me, because I was the youngest and they ‘trained’ me to take care of their needs. Whenever I had a need or want, I was told that I was selfish.....so I spent a good portion of my life denying myself things. I am awake to all of this crap now! I have learned to say “no” rather quickly in recent times......and “yes” to myself more. I still limit myself, but I’m doing better. I have a tendency to believe that the alcohol and drugs are what makes them the way that they are. Because we all had been through pretty much the same stuff.....except I didn’t have addictions to stupid stuff. We all had bumped our heads too. I have heard that head injuries can cause psychopathies. So the only difference that I can detect, is the drug and alcohol abuse. Hence, I don’t like being around people that use these things.....and I will not live under the same roof with an alcoholic or drug abuser.

[@jillhill5421]

Your a true professional which is always very pleasant to be able to talk with a person that takes their job serious especially when they can see their client wants to help which is important on both sides. There's so many of your videos that I wish I could just reach inside of my brain so it's already imprinted and I will use it from that second for work but I do know it takes time especially when you're raised from the streets and it's definitely not that I never wanted the education it just was never provided for me it's sad when we look at our school systems across Star Country and there are so many children that get left behind and a lot of times I call it shell shock when a child is raised in the unhealthy home so many times that a label a child with learning disabilities I would guess that would be their easy way out without using much of their education I think it would be a better place to live if we could all be a little kinder to one another it's amazing what a kind thought for kind suggestion to another especially if you can bring a smile to their face with just being you it's a beautiful thing once again thank you so much for your videos there are so very helpful

[@deborahjohnson1065]

Dr. Carter, you have helped me make a better life for myself and people around me. You are one of my favorite people touch by the hand of my God. Bless you and of course Gus

[@judybunch160]

Your videos help me relate to my adult son, who like his Dad, is a Great Manipulator. Thank you.

[@MargaretWalkerCellist]

As usual, soundminded advice, Dr. Carter, but only for those who can take soundmindedness. Excellent!

[@themessenger8581]

You are so on point with everything. I am dealing with two narcissists husband and his mother one overt one covert. Your keaping me alive good man. Thank you.

[@iniubongnkanga9390]

I feel Narcissism is brought on by trauma and a need for control. I think that demons are looking for an open door to enter and control people and using trauma affords an opportunity for them, thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact him to help he is a genius. You can text/call [phone] or reach him on WhatsApp [phone] and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) thank me later...

[@thuymientran6676]

recommend getting a DIVORCE! why should anyone have to deal with a narc as a spouse, let alone a narc spouse AND a narc MIL. Nooooo, thank you! Life is too precious to waste on bath narcs.

[@kaylabryson1932]

I’ll be listening to this over and over. So spot on !! Thank you!!

[@m.f.richardson1602]

Me too

[@homersmom]

THANK YOU! I have been reading When Pleasing You is Killing Me and trying to put it into practice at work. It takes effort, and I still get frustrated (I work for a “taker”), but it’s effective! I’m hoping it will become easier for me to be more assertive, it’s not my natural reaction.

[@AshJae]

Awwwe. Thank you so so much for being able to clearly explain both sides of these situations which can easily get out of hand

[@elizabethwolfedekluijver840]

Sometimes I do loose my good nature. Thank you for all the excellent advice. As the helper to my terminally ill partner I often feel burdened and manipulated and that’s when I have to dig deep into my grab bag of understanding....

[@amydrake3332]

Love that - stay kind but stay firm ❤