Eight Indicators of Narcissism

Narcissists can draw the worst out of you especially if you don't understand what you're up against. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter will identify eight ingredients driving the narcissist so you can be armed with wisdom as you deal with the narcissists in your life.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and practices counseling in Southlake, Tx. He has conducted over 60,000 sessions with his patients.
Are you ready to break free from the controllers in your life? If so, sign up for Dr. Carters brand new course Free to Be HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/go/fre...
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www.amazon.com/Enough-About-Y...
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Dr. Carter's video workshops on narcissism, anger management and overcoming affairs: drlescarter.com/video-workshops/

[@oldknudsen]

One thing I realised is that they talk AT you and not TO you.

[@MamtaNarang]

Yup! I feel relaxed to see there are so many people! It's a movement! People are getting to understand years of abuse.

[@lavkyn]

And they talk alot!! IN CIRCLES!

[@sharonmackenzie6811]

lavette gayles - I did do this circle talking back to him as a diffusing tactic, his idea w various scenarios leading to the actual truth. Asking him which he was talking about!? That probably egged him on, pushed. Buttons

[@vitajay85]

They want to have it their way.

[@GentleEarthWoman]

Ideal would be "with", right?

[@CJG1419]

You usually can’t have even the most casual conversation with them. They have to play mind games even in the most innocuous interactions.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay minimal when with a person like that. Dr. C

[@bellasue2540]

CJ 1419

[@TheLoveweaver]

I've been dealing with someone like that and minimum is the way to go.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

For real. My mom is covert narcissist and last night she asked me to fix something on her phone and within 20 minutes she tried to start an argument with me 3 times. They love conflict. I just ignored her. She walked away with an attitude. She could barely tell me 'thank you'

[@TheLoveweaver]

That is the same scenario with my Mom and i'm almost 50.

[@mktemple476]

Narcissism is especially horrific when they're also parents.

[@impish22]

Any advice for recovering from a narcissist father?

[@lucygoose6237]

@@impish22 so far, what is helping me - a close bond with God, the book "Deep Wounds, Deep Healing" by Charles Kraft, and learning as much as I can about narcissists.

[@mcgeufer]

+ J Marie I'm afraid there is no simple answer. It will take a lot of time and work. I guess a good start would be to get in a better environment. Supporting people that give you a new perspective on human relations.

[@dravifo6762]

Two parents and two grandparents, often working in concert. The hardest part is coming to grips with the fact that's how it really is. You have to separate your own feelings and confusion from what has actually taken place; without help from books that are now available and videos like this one, you can spin your wheels just on this part of it for decades. Then you must get past the need to ask why they do those things. You must accept it as it is; that's very difficult. Next you'll notice your friends are the same way; that's because you'll tend to stay away from healthy people and healthy people will have nothing to do with your friends. Then learn to (and how to) keep these jackasses out of your life, which of course can include your parents and grandparents. This is as far as I've gotten, but the next step is to begin allowing healthy people into your life and learn how to have a relationship. These people really do ruin lives. The work being done on these videos is of tremendous value to society and mankind as a whole. My thanks to everyone who releases their knowledge to the public in videos and books.

[@un-diluted7444]

@@impish22 your soul is worth more than the whole world. mark 8 - you have immense worth and value!

[@Kormac80]

8 traits: 1. Need to be in control. 2. Low level of empathy. 3. Entitled attitude. 4. Exploitive and manipulative behavior. 5. Won't receive input. 6. Need to be superior. 7. Alternate view of reality. 8. Good initial impression.

[@OneKindWord]

Thank you.

[@CozBlueOcean]

That describes my former partner to a T.

[@TheRudyValleeFanClub]

How do you get rid of these people without their turning violent? I have an acquaintance who I always say “wants to wear my skin”, & who is very passive-aggressive. I have tried twice to get her out of my life entirely, only to have her show up & bother my neighbors in order to get me to respond. I NEVER initiate any contact, but she keeps showing up.

[@charlotte5834]

TheRudyValleeFanClub If she wont take a hint then youre going to have to be direct.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

@@TheRudyValleeFanClub full no contact

[@rain3743]

Narc apology = "I'm sorry you feel that way."

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on, unfortunately. Dr. C

[@muhlissuh__]

Had a convo with a SIL last week. Recalling the hurtful things shes said to us. I was trying to explain my traumatic childhood and how its shaped my defensiveness and how i react to things she and their mom say and do to me. She kept denying my claims about things shes said and telling me “im sorry for your rough childhood BUT you cant treat people that way, its not up to us to cater to your brokenness. Its YOUR job to heal that stuff.” Um like ok?? Yea its my job to heal but holy fudge?! Have you NO GRACE at all for the woman your brother chose to love for the rest of his life??! She kept claiming that i took her brother away and we separated ourselves from the family. We lived like 10 mins from his parents house and were there at least 2 times a week for the first 6 months of our marriage and probably more often during the wedding planning. Fml. Im so done with this bull turd 💩

[@bettytaylor8497]

Oh my gosh...you nailed it :) and the daily crazy making is exhausting..even if you desperately try to get along.

[@inspirationalt2143]

How about, never an apology 💔

[@laserbrain7774]

there are quacks on you tube selling that phrase as a tool for dealing WITH narcissists. It was my mothers catch all phrase.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

Another characteristic I find Narcissists have is that they typically confuse their feelings with facts. They will state something they feel as a fact, and if you point out to them that what they are saying is not factual, they become very angry and abusive and insist that it IS a fact. They also make frequent use of childish absolutes: "You always...", " You never...". And they project their behaviors onto others- they accuse you of the very thing that they are doing or feeling. If you point that out to them, you get the same angry response. They like to define reality- facts and truth be damned.

[@reesedaniel5835]

And they manage or manipulate everyone's perceptions to see the same lies they are promoting.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very good point...duly noted. LC

[@danskiiz35]

@@reesedaniel5835 Yep. To the point where I chose to resign from my previous workplace due to false accusations to my manager and others. He even decided to take the week off and tell everyone how I've been making him feel uncomfortable and need to take time off. My reputation completely destroyed. The worst part is no one can see through their facade especially if they are a covert narcissist and everyone sees you as the psychotic one.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

@Rabble Repository ????? There is no such thing as a fact keeper, as facts are based on evidence. Feelings belong to individuals and are not defined by evidence. There is an obvious difference between a fact and a feeling, but a Narcissist often states their feelings as a fact. This can come in the form of an accusation, ie. "You never want me to have what I want", instead of, " I feel that my wants are not important to you". One is stated as an absolute fact (which is usually a false accusation), while the other is expressed as a feeling- which typically narcissists don't do. They believe their feelings are "right"- factual. And if you dare to disagree with their "fact", they will always tell you that you are wrong and usually become very angry.

[@cutechiangels]

So true. 🖒

[@napoleonwilson155]

'Thin-skinned' is something i totally agree with. The narcissists i know are all very good at dishing it out (especially personal criticism) but as soon as you have a go at them or take the piss out of them they become sulking babies. Pathetic.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good recognition. At the core they are wounded people. Dr. C

[@Goldgirl1978]

And yet they claim to have thick skin...hmm

[@msheiressroxy5168]

napoleon wilson Yes!! They can not take was is given to them. They are ready to fight, and call you all kinds of names. Then they are the victims, and turn on the tears like a faucet. We are expected to be empathetic with them but they show no ounce of compassion for us. It's ridiculous!! Son's of narcissist mother, that are narcissist.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Yep!

[@asseyez-vous6492]

Sorry but the term sulking babies made me laugh, hard 😂😂😂😂 coz that's EXACTLY what they are! Thanks for the 😂

[@jnacho8764]

Grew up with a Dad that’s a narcissist. Having any confidence or self esteem has been an uphill battle. Get away as fast as you can. You will never lift them up, they will only pull you down.

[@sunshines4555]

That's all they will ever do

[@impish22]

me too... still trying to recover and I am 60

[@suzannebunbury2961]

I had narc father and covert narc mother, I’ve been spending my whole life healing. Surprisingly my life (with God’s help) is turning out to be good. I’m 62 years and it’s been an uphill battle but worth it ❤️❤️❤️

[@Trailblazers323]

Same

[@teelovingandlivinglife839]

My mother is a narcissist and growing up was hell also I was married to one. I divorced my husband and cut ties with my mother. I'm so at peace and happy

[@gloriab.3720]

The more I do research on a narcissist the more pissed off I get honestly. I'm pissed off that for years I thought I was doing something wrong and it sent me into a state of depression, confusion & self-doubt that have never felt before in my entire life. The relationship has been over for 3 mons. Most people would say, just thank God you're not there, move on. But honestly I'm still pissed off. I still want to talk about it and I want to work through this. Unless you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, you may not understand. even when it's over it's not over. I have a lot of healing to do. But I will say I feel SO much better! The day I walked out the door... actually ran, and I mean that literally, I ran out of the front door at 2 a.m. & I haven't looked back. When I left it felt like someone lifted a ton of bricks off my shoulders.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Try turning that anger into healthy resolve! Never get caught in a relationship like that again. Dr. C

[@rebeccafors]

Oh be happy you got out alive. It's been a little over 2weeks since I left and yes it feels like a heavy load is off my shoulder and I can finally breathe air through my nostrils. For yes I would cry and ask myself and him what am doing wrong . He would give have a list of things I was doing wrong self of course....... I am glad I left. Well he is still texting all the time. I have to block him every now and then because I am now separating stuff.

[@hithere3143]

Surviving Narcissism Good idea.

[@gloriab.3720]

Brenda Auger I'm so grateful Brenda that you are not there anymore. I don't have to personally know you, but if you were in a relationship with a narcissist I know what that feels like. I still have my ex blocked. It's been almost 5 months since I left and I do not regret it at all. I'll genuinely wish you much Blessings and peace moving forward.

[@billyjeanermcgee1960]

Over a year since I ran, still can’t escape, finally realizing the big bad monster wasn’t me. Everything, blinking, sneezing, living was all wrong, everything was wrong and I could never do anything right. I’m sorry you went through that

[@bubblesforever9686]

They start drama and say they ‘hate drama’

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true! Dr. C

[@foxiefair123]

Bubbles Forever Drama to them is your existence and having an opinion or rights.

[@AkshayThaggarse]

Being a narcissist , I totally agree

[@patriciahartley7750]

You got that right and they are perpetual liars

[@EuropeanGeisha]

My mother sais she only want peace ans serenity. Yet she..

[@ksmithwillis]

They try and define your reality. Tell you how you feel, what you think. Can't tolerate your opinions. Say your argumentative. It's infuriating.

[@darlenepaulson3344]

Mine would say.....my way or the highway! Would try to tell me what to think. Some people were not high enough caliber for him. ( his words)

[@johnaaronneal1]

exactly

[@Goldgirl1978]

They even tell you they know how you think

[@vegansydmost1345]

Yes. Redefine my reality.

[@FeatheredMoonReadings]

I don't get mad anymore. Years ago I did

[@mstyles2667]

Narcissists are truly awful, boring people who are also delusional and thrive off drama. Ugh. THE WORST.

[@MsKariSmith]

Boy....you got that right. "Boring, lying, childish manipulators, and don't forget lovers of drama as long as they are in the spotlight" That is their entire world, and they work real hard to keep you as a captive satellite with them in the center.

[@mstyles2667]

Its sick. I never encountered such ugly, childish behaviors before in my life. And they want to be in the spotlight, even though they have NOTHING to offer. Look at most 'famous' people, not a lick of talent but they sure know how to stay in the spotlight through narcissistic behaviors and antics. I LOVE this channel, keep it up!

[@rockriv2238]

Amazing, this gentleman just described to a tee my 20yr marriage. I mean he hit everything my exwife did except for the fact she also managed to completely separate me from my friends and family, which made me weaker and more compliant. I'm divorced 3yrs now and still digging out of the financial rubble (thanks N.Y. state). But it's been an emotional bargain. I hope anyone seeing this can realize that there is hope.

[@RH-ul2bc]

rockriv 223 so the next question one needs to ask oneself is what inside you chose this person? It's not one sided. You will need to heal and find out the answer to this question so you choose better going forward. We tend to pick mates based on qualities of one or both of our parents. My ex has both narc and BPD traits. I know why I chose him and now I am free to choose better. Unfortunately now my sons have to navigate this crap with their father. No one is perfect. I hope and pray they will be stronger in understanding it much earlier than I did and be able to spot it others.

[@aliyamoon80]

Belly Button Lint I was married for 20 to my narc. Like rockriv 223, I chose to marry because I loved him. He was very careful to be a wonderful human in the beginning. He was thoughtful, and kind. He really wooed me. What I didn’t know was that I was his new supply. The last girl he dated and dumped was “crazy and controlling”. I was so smart, and so beautiful. Oh course, he was head over heels. It helped that I was a serious student, who earned my degree with honors, and secured a great job. I made enough money that we were able to live off my wages, and bank his. I was cool with the arrangement, because I loved him. I thought we were partners. Equal partners. After I had children, I couldn’t log overtime. He balked at caring for his kids. I had to put my career on the back burner, so I could be there for the kids. The abuse started then. The emotional part of it was the worst. He whittled my self esteem to nothing. He had affairs that I never discovered until years later. It was a gradual decline. My mistake was not recognizing those red flags. That’s a common mistake. Neither of my parents were narcissistic or BPD, however depression is very common on both sides. My ex husband’s condition has worsened since our divorce. He’s become an obsessive hoarder, and is currently destroying the life of his current girlfriend. Her family is quite well off. Her adult children have little to do with her, and it breaks MY heart to know that she’s trying everything she can to make him happy. She hasn’t figured out that making him happy isn’t possible.

[@intothemystic2464]

They will try to destroy you.

[@blawlor100]

Intothe Mystic Yes, I agree. My EX tried to destroy me and our 3 children. Now, decades later, our daughter, the “middle one” has adopted the same cruel behaviors, as an adult.

[@MrAsus3571]

yeah mine took avcpi out on ne while i was in the hospital

[@donnawoodford8145]

Their distorted reality is arrogance and arrested development.

[@velvetsimmons9513]

"Arrested development" is the correct observations, along with their many other personality disorders. Very good

[@user-xjhshdidhsh]

This explains my boss at work exactly.

[@ThrillingDuck]

THIS

[@kellyfrazier6890]

One of the most frustrating things in the world when you have been in a relationship with a narcissist is the part where you feel confused all of the time. It's because you don't understand what is going on. This is a great video, for someone who knows that something is wrong with the person their life that is creating a source of turmoil for them but they can't put their finger on it, to watch!!! Just simply having this kind of information can alleviate so much worry and stress. I've been married for 13 years to someone that absolutely had me pulling my hair out. I went into counseling, thinking there was something wrong with ME! That was 10 years into the marriage, when my counselor pointed out to me what she believed the problem was. I wish there was a way to market this information to people that are in the beginning stages of a relationship with a narcissist. So much heartache could be avoided.

[@sunshines4555]

They are boring and bring out the absolute worst in you. While making you look like the narcissist! WTH!?!

[@valerinana7338]

Omg Yes they make you sick..

[@leeannalynn55]

this is 100% true! i laughed so hard when I read it!

[@carolnahigian9518]

yes--Dump them! block- delete-- go no contact!!!!

[@jbsang54]

Their 'passive-aggressive' mode just drives me nuts.

[@marthabrown2789]

Yes, the one I know will say something absolutely horrible to you, then when you react (which I have learned to not do) he says, Oh, I was just KIDDING. But the hurtful words were said, nonetheless, and it's a sure fire clue of passive-aggressive behaviour.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Yeah . No contact.

[@audioupgrades]

Thank you. Another trait is that narcissists divide and conquer. They want to pick on people individually. If a whole group work together to counter a narcissist the narcissist will leave to seek out new pastures.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes. Dr. C

[@janicem78]

I really appreciate that you don't assume that the narc relationship is with a spouse. Your information is more broadly applicable.

[@websterfelicia86]

Right, what's understood needs not to be explained.

[@joolspools777]

Yes, cos alot are parents

[@kathrynbaker7529]

@@joolspools777 Exactly!

[@victoriastanton4497]

Married 34 years. I know the day I decided to leave.....narc you ok? .... me no. Narc what's the matter now? Me... I'm unhappy, i feel like a slave. Narc don't be so bloody ridiculous, you've never had it so good; at least I married you! .....and stormed out the room. That day 3 years ago I made plans, saved money, worked on 'me' not him, got strong and started to heal. Basically changing me until one day without any reason, he really overstepped a deal breaker boundary, in a serious way. So I left on 1st June 2018. He had absolutely no self awareness/insight as to why I was leaving. Now back with my loving family, with a positive future I'm sure. Sending all good wishes and blessings to all who have been there and done it too, and understand what it's like. Good luck on your travels and i hope you find your way safely through your jungle too. God bless. X x

[@darlenepaulson3344]

I recently left mine after 34 years marriage as well. Mine says i will come to my senses. Yes i finally did in fact! Telling people im sick. Lying to daughters to turn them against me and buying them off. Vows say to love and protect. Complete opposite! Bless you on your journey. May you find happiness and peace you are so worthy of. I getting all the books btw!

[@victoriastanton4497]

@@darlenepaulson3344 thank you so much for replying and your good wishes. I do hope you are ok and settling down with some peace of mind and heart. Please don't worry too much about your daughters cos they will see the reality of it all one day I'm sure. 34 years is a long time, but i just couldnt cope anymore, the older he got the worse he got. I wish you every blessing for your future and hope you find happiness. We may be vulnerable but also strong cookies who came up fighting for sure! God bless x x

[@darlenepaulson3344]

@@victoriastanton4497Victoria thank you for your kind words. Yes, we should give ourselves credit. I was "stuck" for so long. My best to you!

[@darlenepaulson3344]

Thank you Victoria! Same situation as far as me keaving and him getting worse. I was too as far as being anxious. I do think we underestimate ourselves. So heres to positivity and moving forward. Blessings always!

[@jackiejack2031]

Dogs

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

My husband uses the phrase, "Let me tell you how things REALLY are" whenever he is denying my reality, which, unfortunately, is quite often. I rarely get to complete a thought in any conversation, and if I ask, "Can I finish my thought?", he will either reply, "Hurry up and make your point- you've got 30 seconds", " or he will flat out say, "No!". He also will interrupt and start talking over me, often at a high volume, to basically shut me down. I have to choose my words very carefully and I often get accused of either "yelling" at him or criticizing him whenever he doesn't like what I have to say.

[@michellealtabas2946]

Precisely how my husband treats me. And when he accuses you during a conversation, it is actually a way to divert you from the subject matter. The original content is lost, as you begin to defend yourself. Now, you become the villain and he is the vuctim.. The ultimate goal in his every conversation. I use the "broken record" method and keep repeating myself to avoid diversion. That's when he insists on using the tiner too. Shocking how much they are alike.

[@susaville]

Nancy Luckhurst My mom did that my whole life! I seem to feel better every time I say that in these comments...

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

@@susaville Maybe because you feel less alone knowing there are others who share your pain.

[@gnarthdarkanen7464]

AND... there's the other kind. The one who accuses you of "talking over them" and "interrupting their thought" when they deteriorate the subject of focus from the important issue of whatever to "Who is doing who in this relationship" (damnit)... Had a wife that started that within about a month of getting married... SO nope, you're not alone, Nancy Luckhurst... I got lucky... I got out. Just found my opportunity, and packed the very few things I absolutely could not leave behind... and then left everything else. Just left... for good. When she finally hunted me down (accidentally through family, and for my refusal to communicate)... I simply and flatly told her the following. "It's a big world, and I don't take up much of it. I see no reason that we should EVER in hell have to see each other again. Now, see to it." ;o)

[@nancygittleman9325]

That will Not change. You have to find a way to leave him. Do not wait till he has used you up

[@nickv332]

NJV15 These people are EVIL, no empathy, no compassion, no remorse, no caring, cheater, and Pathological liars.

[@DeniseBond1984]

I believe my husband is a covert narcissist says based on how he acts and how he treats me. I feel like I'm married to a 7 year old in a 42 year old man's body.

[@RS-ww8jo]

Don’t wait until he’s 60 it gets so much worse

[@tamaramoreland5277]

You are not probably

[@lindaehlert8428]

I like Rivka's comment below: "Going to them for emotional support and validation, is like going to a rock for fresh water"... so true! Very good analysis, Dr. Carter. Thank you.

[@user-rh5yf2wz8l]

The element of respect for others' autonomy & free will is also part of a normal person. Narcs just disregard that & don't care how or what others think or feel. Very "my way or the highway" mindsets these oppressive, rude toxic entities have. They're bold & entitled. Pushy bullies. No Contact. ✔

[@reesedaniel5835]

And yet they are very careful and selective about whom they display their true colors of "my way or the highway" and pushy bullying. Notice how they are sweet, innocent "saints" around carefully selected dupes. They can't show their hand to everyone or they wouldn't be able to play the victim when the true victim attempts to expose them.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

Reese Daniel Boy are you ever describing my mom!

[@user-rh5yf2wz8l]

@@reesedaniel5835True . They turn it on & off like a tap.

[@sherrim4067]

What scared me after dealing with a natc, I started to sound and act like them especially when dealing with him. I knew his behavior was changing g mine, and THAT was a real problem. I didn't like how I was feeling or sounding.

[@empress2642]

In that boat fighting bcs I need to be independent fully to get out

[@neoyshascott1396]

Thank you for this! It's important to understand these people because they can be manipulative and abusive. They are only charming when they get what they want!

[@amyjkr]

It really stings when you realize that they’ve mined you for your ideas and creativity, to use for their own success, and then they still act like it’s all their ideas. The narc would listen to these ideas I’d have about our business, or philosophy, politics, whatever. He’d act put out by my passion for these topics. And then he’d run to work and post the exact same thing on social media. So fake.

[@jamesrossi8442]

A “friend” I grew up with and have known for 50 years is a narcissist who recently made a power push to get me involved with his life. He was unrelenting in his phone calls, texts and emails and expected me to be at his beckoned call, and i was for awhile. His wife and kids left him, he’s confined to a wheelchair and is an addict. I finally had to walk away and sever all ties. It’s strange, but until recently I never used the word narcissist to define his behavior. I would just think “That’s just Charlie being Charlie”. It’s such a relief not having him in my life anymore. I still get the occasional letter from him attempting to manipulate me, but I don’t respond. The only way to deal with him is not to deal with him. Turn your back and walk away. Life is too short to have to put up with that kind of bullshit.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

The sad thing is that he pushed you away even though you were willing to help. But his ego wouldn't let him submit to love. Dr. C

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

This is plain spoken, clear and to the point, thankyou!

[@DS40764]

Yes, It's wonderful that the Dr doesn't use too muc professional jargen so we can understand him

[@Michaelnolan1988]

Thank you, Sir. Very true. I said the same thing to myself. They are very childlike and immature when we dont succumb to serving their selfish agendas.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well stated. Dr. C

[@victoriamorgan3776]

My mother gets high anxiety around mother's day, her birthday & Christmas because she's worried about people making sure to remember her and buy her something nice. She was the worst, most selfish mother on the planet. Guess who's out of my life? 😏

[@DS40764]

If she's out of your life, how would you know she thinks that? She is your Mother and even though she may not have been a good one, everyone needs a Mother.(even though now you may not believe that). I hope you can see it in your heart to forgive her, but also set boundaries,of course. I did and I had a very bad Mother.

[@annasteen5096]

Victoria Morgan I too have a narc mother and I can recommend a book called ”Will I ever be good enough” a book specifically for daughters of narc mothers. Helped me a lot.

[@ChrisTian-rm7zm]

Real conversation with a narcissist: Narc: "I haven't heard from you since 14 days. What's the matter, what have I done to you?" Me: "I was feeling very depressed and sick these days. That's why I didn't call you. It had nothing to do with you." Narc: "Phew, I'm soo glad it wasn't my fault!" (No words about me feeling depressed and sick...)

[@eps4560]

It's all about them Low empathy- they are always right Attitude of entitlement Exploitive & Manipulative, pushy Innability to receive input. Defensive Need to feel superior to others Alternate view of reality- gaslighting Charming & Phoney- seem like a good person

[@lightwork11]

My latest association with a narcissist "friend" made me realize that I'm a magnet for them. This was not my first adventure with a narcissist, but one of several throughout my life. I knew this last one had narcissistic tendencies but not how terribly futile it was to deal with them in a viable manner. I've learned so much through videos like this. I may focus on narcissism a bit too much right now, but I need to do that in order to avoid them in the future. A relationship with a narcissist takes so much out of a person and it takes a long time to get over them. I now question past and present relationships and wonder who was/is a narcissist in my life, including myself! It will be helpful to be cautious about friendships with narcissists as well as love relationships.

[@theimaginarygallery5935]

The narcissist actually IS good at listening, but only when it serves a particular purpose (for them). Like during idealization, they listen to EVERYTHING & use the info to manipulate the target. The moment you start to notice they are infringing on your freedom & try to share this with them THEN they have no listening skills.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well stated. They listen, just not for the purpose of developing empathy. Dr. C

[@megansorters332]

I just played this in front of my narcissistic mother and she’s very upset with me 😂 thank you for the insight.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

If the shoe fits..... Dr. C

[@greenqueen2673]

The best, most cogent explanation for narcissism I have heard.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks! LC

[@carolw5238]

Balloon dear albhquerque

[@miraclesforus2]

Well said

[@danigomes7879]

The “you’re supposed to” is so real.

[@TwilightTruebahdoor]

Read Proverbs every day!

[@gloriab.3720]

Everyone needs to get educated on a narcissist prior to get into a relationship! It might sound like too much, but I just ended a 4 year relationship with a narcissist. It took me almost 3 years figure out that it wasn't me, it was him. And then it took me a few months after the relationship was over to figure out that he was a narcissist. I knew how I felt, but I couldn't put a title on it. When relationship ended I started doing some research because I just.. Shell Shocked or something. It didn't feel like a regular break up, I felt like I had just escaped some type of camp or prison. This information of a narcissist helped tremendously! It let me know that I was not crazy, that it wasn't me. That no matter what I did in that relationship it wasn't going to work. I am so grateful for being able to come across videos such as this. I recommend that everyone look into it so that if you do enter relationship with a narcissist, you are aware in the beginning. I don't recommend anyone stay with one, if you do more power to you. Personally I like my soul and sanity! And being in a relationship with a narcissist, you will get robbed of both.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

What you said....so true. Dr. C

[@gloriab.3720]

Surviving Narcissism Thank you. This video is giving me more insight on my experience.

[@wendytaverner6833]

He told me he was Inlove with me and we were looking a houses to rent , he also paid for a plane ticket for me to go to the uk with him but 2 weeks before we went away he told me it was over and he was only looking at homes with me so I could get an idea on what it would cost me to rent a house by myself , he had no intention to move in with me and he didn’t really want me to go away but he still let me go with him and he completely humiliated me and hurt me to a point I just went numb and just did as I was told. I had to do only what he wanted to do in the uk which was just be around his family and not see anything. ( this was my first time overseas and I knew no one ) I was scared and alone the whole time. But that was only the start of the nightmare when we got back home it just spiraled out of control and I ended up an emotional reck. I’m still trying to heal and it’s been 2 years since I walked away. Everything you are saying is exactly what I went through. I’m so glad I found this channel now I can watch and hopefully heal 😞

[@drivethrupoet]

glad you walked away!

[@robertolsen4140]

I have noticed, coming from a narcisstistic home myself, many of narcissists end up with severe mental disorders in later life. I am guessing that is their karma for being such evil controlling scumbags.

[@indigo5477]

Robert Olsen this is exactly what happened to my mom.

[@Trailblazers323]

It’s because they don’t live in reality

[@dollyalexandratorres2031]

Human monsters

[@sunshinedayz7032]

I think that they ruin their brains with rage, hate, jealousy, gross sex and porn

[@artluvnanita]

Indigo, ditto! My narcissistic abusive mother died two years ago...I wasn’t sad...I was relieved. Now trying to get over the guilt for not mourning her death.

[@karenescalera8193]

I’m an empath and I’ve always wondered why I’ve never gotten along with my sister. We couldn’t even share the same room growing up. A friend of mine just recently met her and related to me to look you up as a family member of hers had been so diagnosed and she recognized the symptoms right away. I’ve grown in my understanding of who I am. I’m glad I found you. I’m eager to learn more. Thank you for creating this channel.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm glad you're with us, Karen. Stick around. Dr. C

[@Nevergoing2letgo]

I recently went through a divorce with a narcissistic woman, I didn’t know what was happening until I finally got her out of the house. We were married for 5 months, after we moved in together was when she took total control of everything. I am so thankful that I didn’t waste anymore of my life with this person. We dated for two,years and there were a few indications that I wasn’t aware of that we’re narcissistic. I have to tell you I was a very strong man with a very health ego and she completely picked me a part. Don’t walk away from these people, RUN AWAY from them as soon as you figure out what they are up too. Like the Dr. said one quick signal is they don’t care about you, it’s all about them!

[@tolgaatalay8044]

Reading what you wrote has given me hope Dan . I just hope and Pray that My Son realizes before it's too late that his Wife is a vile narcissist . He does not have any Friends and is losing most of his Family because of her. Kind regards Wendy

[@charlotteslemp3687]

I did not know what Narcissism really was until about 3 years ago when I began searching...but my husband has had all control of everything, and all money. We have been married 55 years. Getting a divorce from him almost seems impossible. Your video was right on!

[@catcody3211]

This is similar to my situation. I did leave but he won't agree to equal sharing and I have had to rethink my situation. I now have tons of bills because of having to use my credit card and he will only help me if I stop my proceedings. I have and cannot afford another attorney. My last one was in the process of divorce and he neglected my case. The first one wanted to keep all of this on my first credit card which she charged me a 5000 bill just for filing my divorce. When I decided after reading her contract that I couldn't afford her and contacted the credit card company she sent them a letter lying to them that I had read the 39 page document in her office. I had only half hour with her and 5 min to initial and sign this. I was coerced and still have terrible feelings about my choice. I believe that to leave a narc after so much time is almost impossible unless you have your own financial means. This information is available but for me I didn't find out until 6 months ago.

[@charlotteslemp3687]

Cat Cody I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It does sound a lot like mine, as I too, had filed for divorce a couple of years ago, and it failed and my attorney quit because I was not paying fast enough. And my husband was also hiding money, and all kinds of underhanded things. So now, like you, I sort am stuck. How long were you married? I have been trying to find a job, but at my age it's hard. I wish you well...take care.

[@catcody3211]

@@charlotteslemp3687 I just found this page with the Dr. Lester. I guess I thought that I was probably the last woman to have stayed married this long but it will be 51 years in Oct. I met him when I was 18 and we married right before my 20th birthday. I k new he had an alcohol problem so we did have many problems and each time I separated from him . Then after my son's were born because of finances and his non payment I would return for various reasons. I now understand were created by his love bombing and hoovering me. I thought he would change and finally he quit drinking but that seemed to cause more problems with us. No more excuses for his anger and frustration with his drinking as he had used that to justify his behaviour. I went to A lanon and he just kept working and controlling everything he could as long as he had me in his life. When I realized after many years of counseling that he wouldn't change and I felt unable to deal with his empty promises I started the divorce proceedings. I'm not sure what will happen now as his health has gotten worse and he has turned to our church for all his "support". His depression and lack of financial means has caused us both so much pain. My finding a job now at 70 isn't easy and he has a part time job in another state that he likes because he can make his own hours. I hope you too can get resolution after 55 years. I am just now trying to get my head straight about these disorders. It is so overwhelming . I wish you the best because this condition of spending your life with someone who has this disorder is devastating. I realize that it was in my family too and that is why I was not understanding that my compassion and wanting to "fix our relationship " was always going to fail . I am having a hard time accepting my situation. God help us all who have been in these relationships.

[@charlotteslemp3687]

Cat Cody, I too went to al-anon, they did help, but at the time I still was not aware of narcissism. There are days I feel I can not cope another day, but like you said, getting a job at 71 years old seems impossible. Take care, and I will keep you in my prayers, hold on.

[@michaelryan2562]

Cat Cod

[@tryingtosurvive786]

I get, “you need to talk nicer to me”. Then a week later, I can’t talk to you when you talk nice to me. After 37 years I’m getting tired of this roller coaster..

[@PhilipMcAdam]

Those 8 I can recognized. Have thought something wrong for a while now. Took me a very long time to realise this is what I was dealing with. I have built a barrier to it as there are more than myself to think about. Your video is very helpful thank you.

[@cuisined]

Or in my instance, "You need to listen to me because I understand life a whole lot better than you do and all the things I am telling you is for your own good. All the things you did without asking me led you into failures. - The faster you'll understand and comply to my opinions that I understand life better than you, and I can help you, guiding you to the right path in life the better you'll be."

[@unpluggeddogdreams]

Mine would promise to do something and make excuse at last minute. Did this over and over until I realized he was enjoying tormenting me this way. Very sadistic.

[@geenaredbull6048]

You seem so nice and gentle. I would love just to sit and chat with you! You have a lot of wisdom. 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these kind words. Dr. C

[@MsGroovalicious]

Thank you for making this channel. We need more therapists who focus on healing those who suffer from significant others with NPD. Blessings!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, and BTW cool name! Dr. C

[@joeg63]

These videos are very enlightening and have helped me to understand myself and my past. I came from a family of 7 and 4 of them were narcissists. This really messed me up in interpersonal relationships. After the experience with my family, I was reluctant (and still am) to enter into close personal relationships with others. These family members served as my role models and so I have to keep an eye on my behavior and watch out for narcissism creeping in. I am thankful for the knowledge that some people are toxic and the only thing to do is to have no contact or low contact with them.

[@alabama.worley]

My mother is an undeniable 10 on the spectrum of narcissism. Nearly all my life I've been caught in the crosshairs of her instability and abuse, but it wasn't until recently that I discovered she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I majored in Psychology, and ironically have the ability to read everyone I encounter, yet I was completely unaware that this is why she behaves the way she does until about a year ago. This personality disorder is like a cancer, as it slowly eats away everyone in its path. My children have been affected by her behavior and abuse, as well as my husband and I. After finally coming to the realization that she has said disorder, I've been able to regain my own sense of self, grow in confidence, and resist her attempts at causing chaos and confusion within my life. She obviously doesn't tolerate this well and throws childlike tantrums, resulting in even more malicious behavior, such as calling my own children SOLELY to speak ill of me and make slanderous accusations. Having a narcissistic parent is probably the most difficult thing to deal with in terms of mental illness, as I've sadly just accepted that she won't ever change. Whenever she doesn't get attention, she lashes out in extremely cruel ways. I can't even count the number of times she's said things to the effect of "Don't even consider me as your mother", or "You're not my daughter anymore". I'm grateful to have an otherwise wonderful support system in my husband and children, but the tornado that she is has already created so much damage within all of us. I pray for all of those who've had to experience the same emotional abuse by a parent, and am glad to see this topic being further studied and talked about. Awareness is the key for all victims, because the narcissist won't ever accept the responsibility necessary to receive treatment.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for sharing! Your comments are spot on. Dr. C

[@camuyana]

Again doctor Carter, you nailed it! You describe exactly what I am going through with my soon-to-be ex-husband. You are God sent and your advice is what keeps us sane while we remove ourselves from this evil person also called a narcissist. May God bless you and thank you for helping us recover from such terrible terrible trauma.

[@karenbonnici6204]

It seems that my narcissist pushes buttons, bait, to try and make me act like him. Very rarely will it works, but it's so exhausting to always keep my guard up.

[@mghodsian2827]

I recognise everything you point out in some people i know. They damage others instead of looking at themselves & what they do to others. Thank you very much

[@bradmcewen]

As much as weaning from the addiction of vlogs is good, this cuts a different factual flavor that wraps up a lot in short order in a non triggering way. No screaming, no anger, just relatable facts. Perhaps this & other intellectual videos have much more clarity when one is away from a daily dose of poison.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Let's just say, we need civility as we figure out how to live healthy in the presence of an unhealthy narcissist. LC

[@rebeccafrye5552]

what the heck does that mean?

[@miraclesforus2]

Brad..daily dose of poison!!!!! How true.

[@DaniHMcV]

If I were to say to the narcissist in my life that I didn’t agree with them and I’m entitled to my own opinion, they would just say “sure you are, but you’ll soon find out it was a dumb opinion”, or they’d say maybe “alright then, just trying to save you from making a dumb mistake”. So beyond just telling them that you have free will and you will act accordingly, be prepared for them to react by telling you that things will fail, but don’t ever believe them.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's right, the N may in fact demean you for following your free choices. That said, it does not detract from the truth that you get to choose who you will be. Dr. C

[@ellie698]

Sex for narcissists is always a little "off". There's a pretty sadistic streak in them. Very unpleasant.

[@tjszuch]

Mine was "i need to be treated like a goddess" but wouldnt dare or even think like treating me like a god. I kept telling her that the way to get what you want out of a relationship is to put what you want into it. But she wanted me to treat her like a goddess, and to treat me like however she wanted or needed at the time.

[@dickjohnson3241]

sounds like she was so insecure and only focused on her own needs and feelings because deep down inside she know herself and feels anything but a queen (so u had to replace that ;-) ) and she see you actually as way higher person than her, morally better, and the only way to make herself feel better is by putting you down bro ;0 she see you higher but just didnt treat you as higher, ...and truth is, should be equal, as well 'seeing as equal' as well as 'treating like equal'

[@SavingHistory]

I was married to one of those “goddesses” too

[@grayrebecca]

That is the best explanation I've ever heard of narcissism. Thank you

[@arewethereyet5675]

Wow, you hit the nail on the head. My dad got drunk and told me he cheated on my mom, all his reasons why it was her fault, her cancers, her surgeries. He even cried which I have never seen in my life. It put alot of pieces together in my life so I shared the info with my sister once she went into therapy. My father denied our conversation, his adulty. He went into total blaming me, I'm crazy, made it up. Yelled "why dont you mind your own business". I felt like he would defend that lie and all lies to the death.

[@memes.1114]

I love your videos so full of facts and easy to understand. You don’t sugar coat anything and your not a hurt ex victim of a narcissist who just spreads hate information. This is really helpful and productive information. I also love your calm, collected and factual description of narcissistic behavior.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much. Dr. C

[@RaschelleLoudenslager]

Thank you. Great information and delivered so clearly and concisely. Much to contemplate.

[@Gloria_All_Day]

Sounds so familiar after watching the news.. And I was married to a Narc for 21 years.. Been there done that and now I'll free.

[@texastea4464]

Dr. C., you are a breath of fresh air. Your voice is soothing and it's as if I'm sitting and talking to my Daddy! I was married to a narcissists for over a decade when I was discarded. He immediately married a woman with a lengthy criminal record after only 3 months of dating. I am still trying to wrap my head and heart around the whole ordeal.

[@thepuppetboyzjr.5589]

I was married to a narcissist for 20 years. When our daughter was violated by a neighbor, the narcissist didn’t want to get involved and avoided it entirely, leaving me to handle our daughter’s emotions and court proceedings alone. They avoid holding anyone accountable, because they take it personally.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

I had a similar situation when a drunk neighbor started berating my daughter from his property late one night. My husband asked her, " What did you do to cause it?" He never wants to confront anyone, but I think it's to protect his facade of being an easy going, great guy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's when you know he is certainly not a safe person. I can think of many responses I'd have if my daughter was violated, but staying silent would not be one of them. Dr. C

[@hithere3143]

Surviving Narcissism Thank you for saying that. That is healing for me to know there are men that it matters to. ☺

[@donnahilton471]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I know what you mean. When he said " wife didn't want to get involved " I wanted to say "I want to get involved, and I don't even know you!

[@roanmccormick2297]

Right on the head brother! The best description of this condition Ive seen online thus far Thankyou!

[@impish22]

I am 60 and still trying to recover from a narcissist father. He is 85 and has chosen to no longer speak to me. He lives in Washington state, and I live in Michigan. So we are miles apart. I would love to see a video about how to survive a narcissist father. My mother, who stayed married to him died last year, after a cooking accident while preparing his favorite meal. She did not believe in divorce. But, I don't know what my obligation is to him any longer. He was always very volatile, as well as would go for long period without speaking to my mother for some slight. Now, as the only daughter (I have two brothers), I feel he has transferred all of that anger to me... what do I owe this man? I don't want to keep carrying this burden.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

First, my heart goes out to you. Sounds like your father has spread lots of misery around. Unfortunately there are virtually no good options he leaves for you. It takes 2 to make a relationship work and if he remains committed to his vitriol, then the relationship is finished. About all you can do is send small "thinking of you" tokens, assuming you feel the need to stay connected. Interestingly, if you were to survey people you know, you'd find many people with similar stories about someone in their extended family. That includes me. Dr. C

[@classicrocklover5615]

Nothing. You owe this man NOTHING.

[@libster9631]

You owe him absolutely nothing ever!!

[@mydesignstutorials]

You are not alone. My dad is 73 and is a very bitter old man. He and my mother deserve an award for viscous narc parents. The dynamics are so twisted, it would shock you. I agree with the doctor. Think of your own well being.

[@pattyrmallma]

You owe him nothing, I agree! Children don't chose their parents nor the life the parents give their children. Let him be and concentrate on your own life instead. Some parents have children for the wrong reasons. This notion that we as children owe our parents our life is archaic and nonsensical. The notion that we are we brought into this world to be made endlessly miserable because they have a void inside them so big no one can satisfy is nonsense! We might as well be slaves to their every whim and that's no life at all.

[@RH-ul2bc]

The keeper of all the facts is exactly right. I've experienced this Great video. Omg #8 too. Great points. Wish I knew this 20 yrs ago.

[@prescottlady290]

My husband and sibs are ACOA's, and "control" is their middle name! One sister-in-law had a grandiose idea of Christmas that REQUIRED every family to buy every single member of the extended family a gift. When I decided we just couldn't afford it, and at about Thanksgiving gave the message we were going to opt out, she gave me a huge argument! She said, "Maybe you need to get a job!" (I had two small children at the time) I said, "If you want to demonstrate what a loving family you are, maybe you should call each other once in awhile and actually have a real relationship, not just a lot of presents!" (They never did!) She then bad-mouthed me to the whole family, for ruining her fantasy Christmas. I laughed it off.

[@amandalatzke5041]

my narc parents and sibs destroyed my life as a result, i am taking anxiety meds, and avoiding contact with them..

[@pieterboelen2862]

I'm beginning to discover after 30+ years that I've been suffering from narcissistic abuse literally all my life. I managed to mostly deal with it for quite a while, but I cannot keep it up any longer and I'm beginning to feel more and more like a scared child. If this continues further, I'm terrified that I'LL become a narcissist myself out of pure desperation and self-defence! That's what seems to have happened to many of the unstable people surrounding me. They didn't start out this way either. It's also really confusing when you're dealing with narcissists, because they're SO "crazy" that eventually you'll end up looking like a narcissist myself. Clearly I need to learn how to properly deal with narcissistic abuse, which is crazy difficult because apparently I've barely ever been around healthy human beings. And clearly I need to find some of those healthy human beings. They *are* rumoured to exist, after all. Somewhere...

[@immortalserito774]

Yes, I believe you're right. The victim eventually chooses to embody some narc traits as a survival mechanism. This makes the narcs behavior toward you even more brazen, because they'll never pass up the opportunity to point out your flaws(to further their sense of control).

[@pieterboelen2862]

@@immortalserito774 And in the end, narcissism spreads like a disease. Sounds about right.

[@cyndimoring9389]

Pieter Boelen you can't 'catch' narcissism because you have enough empathy to have tried in the first place. It does rub off at the end,when you fight fire with fire emotionally. But if you were also a narc it wouldn't hurt so much.

[@pieterboelen2862]

@@cyndimoring9389 Exactly. That's why I think developing "covert narcissism" in the end is literally a defence mechanism of the brain. If you continuously get hurt *because* you have empathy and compassion and try to do the right thing, what else could do than to somehow learn that these things are a problem that need to be fixed...?

[@vibekes2416]

Yes we are 😆 Cut them out of your life and NEVER look back.

[@NurseEmilie]

Dr. Carter, you have opened my eyes so much. Thank you for bringing this knowledge to us.

[@claireburkus8497]

Soo appreciate your teachings!!! Can’t believe I picked up another one at 71 years old!!! Temporary house guest and this Fall should bring it to a close...fell down that deep hole to paralyzed person...staying afloat by your posts until this is over!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Freedom Date can't get here soon enough! Dr. C

[@mike726x]

Narc is stubborn and not flexible ! Anytime i voice up my thoughts, it usually end up in a fight and then i got silent treatment lol... and then she said she can’t deal with stress, she didn’t want to hurt or manipulate me =.=

[@Aries-tx3zz]

Omg!!! Same here with a sibling

[@norinovak9778]

Thank you very much for the video... Very informative 15 minutes....

[@stephjgriffin]

"You're wrong, You're wrong, You're wrong, You're wrong, You're wrong..........." broken oldies recorder syndrome EXHAUSTING!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Time to turn off the record player. Dr. C

[@ladyvirgo9514]

This was definitely my whole up bringing, both my mom and sister. So thankful I've went no contact

[@MsGuard3]

Love the way you have put these 8 points. Totally totally true. I've had three narcissistic relationships. One for 37 years. One for 18 months. And one for three months. If I have another one, it will be five minutes or less!!!! Kind of hard to spot even when you're well trained. I'm annoyed I missed the signs on the last one, even though they were actually very plain to see.

[@dickjohnson3241]

u can easily make tests, there are plenty of things you can say that the narcissist will take personal and make it personal, or avoid, or will blame you of having critics on him/her, or at least 'fringe', while those same remarks or questions to a person without narcissism would just land as something you think or wonder, and nomatter if u are right or wrong on that, they will not blame you that and will not attack you and basicly u dont get a drama. 'Normal' people at worst case scenario would tell you in a normal manner that they can't appreciate your remark or question, but they will not be so impossible suddenly or defensive. And the difference is just TOO big not to spot.

[@demigaines5644]

Thank U For Sharing..So Very True.From Abuse That I Suffered From The Narcissists..I Was Diagnosed With Tinnitus...Anxiety.They Are So Horrible..Self_Centered...This Person Every Chance He Got He BelIttled Me...They Are Very Controlling & Abusive....

[@pamelahayden3562]

I was diagnosed with anxiety as well, I get that part, I also have titnnitus, but how does that relate to the abuse?

[@demigaines5644]

@@pamelahayden3562 STRESS

[@demigaines5644]

That's How.

[@aerodylluk2543]

You are literally describing one of my friends, it is astounding how well your comments describe him.

[@ladolcesandra]

Thank you for that video! I experienced almost everything you said in a person and I wish I would've known more about narcissism before! Keep sharing your knowledge! 🙏

[@snowstormonsat]

Good info. Thank you for sharing.

[@RDVaughans]

I’ve never heard a narcissist apologize.

[@june-mariehamilton5455]

Ronald Vaughan that’s because they never do - but they love to blame!

[@jeankipper6954]

Once he wanted a sink installed in the basement, about 20' from the drain pipe embedded in the cement floor. He used his favorite go to, whine and demand and insist, which invariably worked after enough hours at it. Finally I turned to him nose to nose and said, "Your argument is not with me. It is with GRAVITY." He was mad at me for weeks. I was amused, there's certainly nothing else to be done.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gravity is stubborn. Dr. C

[@jennifernewell9846]

Oh...... once again....Thank you Les Carter, every one of your you tube videos is another deep and fresh relaxing breath. I grew up in a narcissist family, and then went on to Hollywood (behind the scenes) which is about 60% whacked out narcissists. I have to stay here for work, but you have taught me to exist among them, observe, side-step. and navigate carefully, and when it's really bad.....avoid!!! I LOVE LOVE YOU!!! Namaste!!!!!!!!!!!! and, P.S. your book is fantastic!

[@amjPeace]

Married to one for 46 years and counting, didn't know there was a name for his behavior until about 3 years ago. I've always been able to see the damaged child underneath it all, and spent decades praying that he would mature with enough love and patience. You guessed it.. that didn't work, and my health and sanity bore the brunt until I pretty much fell apart about a year ago. Now he is trying very hard to give me choices and not interrupt, but when he gets angry or frustrated the venom comes spraying all over me. Dr Les, I am no longer hoping he will change, and am hoping to learn how to change myself.

[@victoriastanton4497]

Radical Accetance was the key for me. He has no self awaresess or insight, so I stopped trying. My focus then became me. Worked had to heal and totally changed my responses to him. Slowly I got stronger and wiser as I binged on videos the more I understood and accepted the more I changed. I liked me and knew who I was again! For 3 years I wanted to leave and made secret plans and secret funding. One day he really completely overstepped a deal breaker boundary and I left. Married 34 years. Woke up to 'the problem' 10 years ago. I very nearly 'lost' myself completely. Now healing, stronger and free and safe n secure. Wishing you all good things and blessings for your future.

[@amjPeace]

I have accepted that he is what he is and have turned the focus on really keying in on what I am feeling in any given situation. I've learned to value and honor my own opinions, feelings, and standards. It was scary at first since I had been married since I was 19 years old, but soon it was not as uncomfortable and actually empowering! Disagreeing or displeasing him is not something I would ever do before, but now I've learned to hold up my end of the relationship instead of trying to hold up both ends! Victoria, I hope you don't regret those years, they were part of your journey that will help you to appreciate all the good things that are in store for you now!

[@victoriastanton4497]

@@amjPeace thank you so much for sharing it means a lot. No no regrets and no guilt it's just sad. He can't help who he is as I understand that narcissism starts to develop in early childhood usually because of significant trauma........however, that's no excuse, he's adult now and responsible for his actions, choices, and behaviour towards others. I Can't say I didn't try really hard in all ways, to get through to him, but gave up in the end as it was a useless task, no insight, self awareness, empathy no real concern. Mr. Always Right.............!! That day was the last straw. No regrets because through it all I have learnt so much about me and been able to heal/understand a lot of my 'stuff'/issues from a difficult childhood. Now at peace and settling. I've even got my sense of humour back! Boy I missed a good giggle! Thank you so much for your care and concern I so appreciate your good wishes. Sending you all the blessings in the world. X

[@joanadorina928]

very good and on the point presentation. Thank you!

[@erockfreedom6399]

Thank you, I just came upon your channel ... I'm learning more and more everyday

[@stormydawn66]

Thank you for creating this channel, I've been dealing with a narcissist for almost ten years. I know its not ME, but Its still emotionally draining, so its nice to know someone understands what I've been dealing with all these years.

[@tammymurphy1268]

and watch the smoke roll when you say ..No one is better than another....can be different but not better...

[@sunshines4555]

EXACTLY

[@iammaximus614]

“You always & You never”, Lying & expletives name calling, Comes up often 😈👍🏽

[@MsGrimstock]

Worked with a narcissist for 6 years. I quit that job on March 15, 2018. I still celebrate my escape every year on that date.

[@jessybeeckman1281]

Spot on ! Good description of my NH and NM. Sadly I have to live with my NH and it's a very difficult life to put it nicely in case my comments get read by...but these videos are like a warm hug from an understanding friend, so thanks Dr. Carter ! :)

[@fashehc]

This is great information succinctly explained.

[@tamaramargolis5668]

You described my ex boyfriend to the very detail ! It was 4 years of pain that got greater and harder to deal with each day ! He has been lying , cheating , controlling, manipulating... finally I was ready to let go ... no contact ! I hope he never gets back !!

[@martilyn1925]

Thank you Dr Carter. The more videos I watch the more I’m so glad I ended the relationship early on with a man who constantly said don’t tell me what to do while he was telling ME what to do! There was no attempt by him to change whatsoever!

[@pearlgenuine]

Thank you for this video. Tired and confused going through this for too long.Grateful for your channel Sir.