Life as the youngest child - what most people don’t realize

[@vallerie9647]

im the youngest in my family too and everyone online makes false and fake statements about how being the youngest is the best and you get everything handed to you. But when we speak up for ourselves, we get called a pick me or we seek attention or we are just spoiled brats but no, the reality is because we want to fit in. We want to relate or have fun with people older than us but it feels like we're stuck in our own body where we cant be ourselves and if we do, we get criticized for just being us. We get called a disgrace, the blame is put on us. we get compared every single second. A lot of people online misunderstand the reality of being the youngest. The only way they will know is if they feel our pain, the pain of being ignored, neglected, abandoned, isolated.

[@AustinSchrock]

That's sadly how many of us feel. I just wish more people knew about it, which is mostly why I'm making these videos. Maybe after a while more of the correct information can get out and we can stop being Isolated.

[@AustinSchrock]

Thank you for your thoughts

[@Squidward123-00]

As the youngest this is so true

[@whowearereally6494]

Very isolated

[@WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness]

I used to be depressed and felt it was unfair that I missed the attention from my parents that my older siblings got. But now that we’re all older I see that they got messed up by that attention. And they don’t see it. I saw very early on that there was something wrong with the way I was treated, and so separated myself from everyone (self induced and otherwise) earlier than they did. They’re still all wrapped up in this dysfunctional dynamic, while I moved on decades ago. I came out less damaged than they did.

[@sanskriti8534]

the saddest thing about being the youngest for me is that if you are not better in studies than your older siblings.....you are constantly compared to you older sibling and it feels like you're not important

[@sierrarosner7200]

I have never come across a more accurate representation of how I feel be put into words the way that you just did. I actually started getting emotional as the video kept playing. As of the last few months I've been looking inward in an effort to figure out what makes me tick, why I feel or do what I do, why I feel the need to mediate, why I get triggered with certain things, etc. etc. I felt like I got a pretty awesome childhood and I had good relations with all my siblings, so it didn't make sense to me why I always felt like I wasn't valued, wanted, thought about. I didn't want to think in a negative way about my family, because I loved them and knew that as the youngest I was in a unique place of observation learning, but that pain and bitterness was there standing in my face. For so long I couldn't understand why I was so "ungrateful" and it was so frustrating. Long story short, I found you at the right time and you're putting my recent discoveries into words for me. Thank you for spending so much time on these videos and helping people connect and come to an understanding with themselves :)

[@AustinSchrock]

I’m so glad my story could help! This is a encouragement to me to keep going. Thanks for sharing and I wish you the best as you keep moving forward

[@ZeldasMask]

I realised when I graduated it got hardly any attention. Little conversations about it. My sister never went to uni so it’s not like it was old news. My sister is getting married first and its the focus of every single conversation when we get together for the past two years. I’ll see how my family are when I get married. But I’ve started seeing the favouritism big time as an adult

[@amandachapman7279]

Youngest children get the entitled stereotype or a stereotype of being the most loved. That's not true. The youngest child gets less attention than any of the others. The larger the family the worse it is. My parents cared less about my milestones like sweet 16, high school graduation and driver's license because it was old news to them. My father wouldn't teach me the same things like car repair and woodworking because he said he was tired of repeating himself. He told me to ask my siblings. I was taught things they weren't like housework because they didn't do it. I became the maid and cook while my sisters and brother did car repair and furniture building.

[@AustinSchrock]

Thanks for sharing your experience. You bring out some good points

[@reformedbroski8988]

Youngest children get the most attention in their formative years, but as soon as middle school or high school hits they quickly the least to no attention.

[@Summer_and_Rain]

@@reformedbroski8988 agree. If your house is dysfunctional with alcohol abuse, the youngest is often left alone to deal with the brunt of it, because it will get even worse with time.

[@csbining]

as you said, many of us come and have to occupy and play the role that is missing in the family. for me, i feel like i'm the mediator. but at the same time i feel like i'm nothing at all because no matter what i'm trying to make them understand and the arguments i'm trying to mediate and see from a more logical pov, they will not listen to me with the seriousness they would listen to anyone else. there's also this thing about growing up: i've lived my whole life basically somehow imitating my sisters because i was a child so naturally i followed my role models since i didn't know who i was just yet. but now that i'm almost 18, i've grown up to be my own person and have my own opinions (which honestly took me a lot of time to do) and i still feel like i can't be myself because that's not how my family knows me. and at every little change i show, there're those little comments like «you weren't like that before» or «since when do you do that» that just make me want to go back to being the person they want to be, as the people pleaser i am. it's just frustrating because why do i have to work more for them to see me as who i am and not just my sisters' sister? being the youngest is not as easy as the media portrays it, there's a lot of internal conflict that's not so visible, or at least for me, the youngest of 3 sisters.

[@AustinSchrock]

I hear you, you make many valid points. Is there a way (other then awareness) that we can help solve this issue with our families? I have many of the same issues, and still struggle to find ways to solve them

[@slim1810]

Fuck hell !!!! i been try to do the same thing i try to reason with through logic and it goes over there heads , for example just last year i was watching videos on youtube and one guy was speaking about inflation ,stock market crash and reccision before it even hit the main stream media and i went and spoke to my mom and older sister because they got morgatges on there houses and told them 4 or 5 times that it was highly like it will happen soon. they didnt even listen to a word i had to say instead when covid lockdowns finshed a month later they went on a spending spree , the wall papered the whole house , the put brand new toilets and baths in , tiled the bathrooms , payed a handy man £2500 to make a shed in the back garden , gone on holiday and NOW!!! fast foward to today , i come sometimes to the house to pop in and its frezzing cold all the lights are off and the plugs from the electrical items etc, tv , kettle , micro wave are pulled out of the plug sockets to save for the electric bills. thats how i know they dont give a fuck to what i got to say , in one ear out the other. forgot to metion im getting this sinister look from them like its all my foult the they went on a spending spree , like i should done somthing more to convice them but i remmber at the time when i tryed warning them , my older sister had i kind of smirk on here face when i was explianing to her like i just need to shut the fuck up and just be the little invisable kid i used to be.

[@sierra.27.12.]

I absolutely agree for sure when I try to actually be myself and my sisters are like what’s wrong with you? You are changing so much. Then I go back to being the put on person. My siblings think being the youngest is so easy and they say that it is the easiest spot to be in a family because you can get anything you was. They say you don’t have to worry about anything. But honestly I have everything to worry about and one thing I have thought of a lot is that I’m the last one to leave the house and my parents. I just feel a o bad leaving. I am the youngest of 4 girls and 2 boys, so I have 6 older siblings.

[@Vents-fc9]

I’m the youngest and normally am the child that doesn’t intervene or ask for much and don’t talk to people when I need to so when I get yelled at I don’t know what to feel in that moment so I run to my room and start hugging my moose plush with tears streaming down my face and I would isolate myself in my room for hours.

[@AustinSchrock]

Thanks for sharing, my hope is that it will improve someday

[@someguy7842]

As the youngest of 6 what's crazy to me is how even though we are all adults now the pattern has persisted, and even intensified. When we are all together they all automatically start talking amongst each other laughing and joking and i am by default left out of every discussion. Even if i really make an effort, i at best last a sentence or two. My family also frequently insist on explaining simple things, or doing basic things for me that i didn't ask them to. If i ever mention that i dont like being patronised or ignored they all just say that i am overreacting or freaking out. And i know that they are totally oblivious and just view it as the natural order too. I have mentioned it once or twice to my nearest-in-age-sibling and from their perspective they think im a quiet person who likes to just watch..... In truth i am actually quite talkative when my siblings arent around and am rather opinionated, but around my family im basically mute.

[@AustinSchrock]

Yeah I agree

[@Summer_and_Rain]

It really sucks being forced back into the roll of a kid, when you are an adult. My mom and sister would start doing my dishes without even asking me. In their minds they still treated me as a kid, whom was unable to do adult stuff, like doing my own dishes. I got them to stop, but there are still areas where they are not thinking when it comes to me. The problem that comes from situations like this, is that I feel like I am still a kid and cannot do stuff without "permission" from my mom or sister. I am working on it, but it sucks having to do that at an age of 30+

[@ZeldasMask]

Feel this on a spiritual level. Even if you do talk or start a conversation, it’s deemed unimportant or like you don’t know what your talking about

[@AustinSchrock]

@ZeldasMask I can relate to that

[@furugiwithlove2952]

The compliment moment u stated as a youngest I understand it's like u always want to be validated, seen, and appreciated.. I still have that issus

[@melissamccole6528]

Ya a lot of memes and that say negative things about the youngest child, the ongoing 'how the oldest, middle, and youngest would respond' creating false judgement and people complaining about their youngest sibling, no one would get it outside of that, I'm also kind of an only child like we are people too, it makes me so closed off, thanks fo the video though!

[@AustinSchrock]

yeah very true. However I think that the way the youngest children are treated is from family dynamics, and the memes and stereotypes come out of that, not the other way around. They seem to intensify what's already there.

[@melissamccole6528]

@@AustinSchrock So do you mean how they are treated by their family?

[@AustinSchrock]

@@melissamccole6528 Yeah, does that make sense? I could very well be wrong and if I am I want to be corrected

[@whowearereally6494]

OMG, I am the youngest of four. I am the only girl and I have been literally punished for being born a girl I was born into a farm family. I am 56 and I’m still traumatized by men. I am so glad you put this on here there is so much to being the youngest, and you have so much truth here, so many important factors, one of your first statements, and one of your first videos was that we didn’t have much time with the family and that is so true. They all think that I should be a copy of them and when I’m not there angry, especially my father he just always looked at me like he was worried about me because I was a girl instead of teaching me to be strong, it has been a fight, literally my whole life. I am a very smart woman and very rounded, but the trauma that was caused from this is hard to undo. It’s literally hardwired into my brain that I will never be good enough. I am also the black sheep of the family, because I came out with the truth years later…. Nothing like being controlled and abused, and then told you don’t matter and that never happened…. Thank you so much for sharing your videos. It gave my heart a warmth today that I just haven’t felt in a long time. And yes, they leave me out of everything even though I’ve been successful.. always more power always more trauma, always more mental abuse by saying we are better than you…

[@AustinSchrock]

Thanks so much for sharing this! Your definitely not alone. When it comes to identity and looking out how we operate, a helpful question I like to ask is “is this how I’ve defined myself, or how others have?” This puts you more in control of your limitations, and it’s at least a little easier

[@speakersr-lyefaudio6830]

Seems that the larger the family is, the worse things are for the youngest. I was the youngest of 9 and I don't really have an emotional connection with my family becouse the isolation was so bad. I was always made to feel bad when I asked for my parents to make me food or to be taken care of. This really has had an affect on me later in life; I don't really have the capacity to form meaningful relationships anymore.

[@AustinSchrock]

Thanks for sharing your perspective

[@msg3tr1ght]

This is explains a LOT of what I feel as the youngest of 2 siblings, as an adult. It’s magnified by my disability and ableism for me. This struck a chord and I feel less alone, thank you!!

[@AustinSchrock]

You’re welcome!

[@winthrop2005]

I am the youngest of 6 and the stereotype of being spoiled was never my experience. It has taken 25 years as an adult to process a lot of what is discussed in this video by way of therapy-EMDR, Brainspotting, CBT, and soon reiki. It is difficult and has resulted in stunted achievements, but, I am optimistic and have healed a significant amount of pain and self-destruction. Thank you for your videos!

[@AustinSchrock]

You're welcome! Thanks for sharing the comment

[@Rose-rd9qtt]

I am the youngest of 3 and I have a 6 year and 4 year age gap from my sisters. My sisters were always my best friends. I’d always had a strong connection with my mom and dad, so I’d get a decent amount of attention from both of them. Another thing was my family was very academically gifted. My oldest sister never got a B and my other sister only got As and Bs, so I had a large weight on me when I started getting lettered grades. One day I got a C+ and my dad was devastated. He grounded me for a month. Also to add on I am a full bread American. The whitest of the whitest. My sisters high standards didn’t mean to push me down but it did. Whenever I tried to seek empathy I was always told that “You are the youngest! You have it the easiest, :Name:”. Another thing to look at is after my sister kinda got out of Basketball my dad looked at me at his last chance of being an athlete. He put me through multiple training sessions, and when I skipped a day for mental and physical health he said “you are just being lazy! Get out there and practice”. Whenever something was off in my game he blamed the days I took off. I knew he just saw something in me, but it was overbearing. Second to last point I think. Whenever I tried to do stuff white my sisters I was around 12 and they were 16-18. They always treated me like I was a weird kid or a little girl. As a kid they would point at my insecurities for fun and laugh to each other about it. Once I said how I felt about them saying stuff about me they said, “Gosh Amelia it’s just a joke. Plus for how young you are *makes fun of me more*”. Whenever I told my parents they called me a snitch and a bitch. We always had good fun tho. Great sisters for the most part. Second to last fr this time. My first sister left for college in my 7th grade year and I felt so abandoned. Seeing all of my family leave me one by one hurt me. By the time I could drive my other sister left too. I’m crying thinking about it. After they left, I just kinda felt… idk. Just like sad and lonely ig. Living with the people you love but then they go away and start to not talk to you is heart breaking. I always called myself selfish for not being grateful for them. Last point is that whenever my parents talked to me it was for a serious convo. If it was about a sport or my grades. I was always started a conversation with them that was real. I was always was shown as a lier and a young girl even when I was in my 15-20s. I was never allowed to have a boyfriend because “your too young” when I was 16 (my sister got one at 12). My parents cared for me but it seemed they did a little too much. Always thinking I was a baby who couldn’t take care of myself.

[@AustinSchrock]

Thanks for sharing your story, I appreciate it

[@Sillyga1axy]

I‘m the oldest and me and my youngest sister are very close. She is only six but here are some of her thoughts. “I never have my own clothes, its always your old clothes.” “Why does everyone say we get what we want, i don’t get anything i want. Mom doesn’t pay attention to me much cause everyone else is doing things. I mean i love mom, but, you know.” For context she is the youngest of 8 children (don’t ask its a VERY long story that barely includes her.) meaning that because she has so many older siblings she gets a lot of hand me downs. :(

[@AustinSchrock]

thanks for asking her opinion, glad to hear yall are close

[@Lags12335]

As the youngest I get excluded because “I’m too young” and now I’m getting called annoying spoiled brat and now I believed that I really did so I left my siblings alone

[@SuburbanSavage]

I'm the youngest and I had to sit at the kids table until I was 30. I found out about my sister's birthday party on Instagram. They had a family portrait done with their kids, but I wasn't included because they forgot. The first day of high school, I had to walk past 2 giant portraits of my sisters in a trophy case, then every teacher made a face when they called my name, only to have the French teacher to say out loud, " well, it looks like your parents ran out of the good genes when you were made." I look nothing like my sisters which is freeing to me, but apparently the teachers found this very offensive. This also led me to get bullied by the victims of my sisters bullying. Regina George ain't got nothing on those two! It got so bad that I had to transfer schools. Going to new school where no one knew my sisters and had preconceived expectations of me probably saved me!

[@AustinSchrock]

Thanks for commenting with your experience! It’s much appreciated hearing others life as the youngest

[@kpopfanxx-xx1154]

getting your sibling's used goods(aka bike, most of the clothes), getting the cheapest thing, older siblings making plans to hang around outside together without telling or asking you until you're an adult or just almost an adult,still not a much, conversation being cut, barely get any bday gifts even you buy them bday gifts.

[@sethisansestorofsatan9477]

older sibling is heir and younger is spare change

[@TimKeane-r1m]

You've got some great insights in this matter. Growing up as the youngest of eleven children. The biggest issue that affects me In my adult life. Is the inevitable neglect nurturing? And guidance. It's trauma Through shadow work and individualization we overcome it. It's hard to overcome the victim role. But it is a necessary requirement. Thank you for your insights on this I found it quite useful😊

[@AustinSchrock]

I'm not sure what causes it, but it is quite interesting. Glad you enjoyed!

[@olivialawrence1152]

I’m the youngest child and I’m CONSTANTLY told I’m too young and my sisters are 16 and 20 years older then me and Me and my middle sister used to understand eachother but now she’s an adult and moved out so now I’m alone and have no one who understands and anytime I tell my family how i feel they tell me no you don’t have depression or no you don’t have anxiety and it honestly hurts. Now it just feels like my sisters are my moms friends they have a group chat without me and I feel left out and now my sisters have kids and instead of asking me to hang out they ask me to watch there kids it hurts and sometimes I question if they even think I’m here I am hurt and I have no one to vent to about it

[@AustinSchrock]

Thanks for sharing!

[@Kyrie_Shorts]

As the youngest of 4 I will cry because I think I need to be like my brother and my sister I will cry and cry and I will hide in my room for hours crying I will cry in school and at my house

[@eternalfire580]

I found someone on Facebook who is a friend to someone I know and they have 5 kids and the youngest is one years old now and 8 years under the one before him and the oldest is around 20 years old and he will probably feel invisible because they have a lot of public posts with family photos and videos and a good amount of them do not include the him because he wasn't born yet when Ive thought about this because like I've said I'm the oldest but I never knew my brothers and I thought I was the only one who felt like that so I'm very happy that I'm not the only one.

[@AustinSchrock]

That’s good to hear! Thanks for sharing, glad to help

[@ClementineShmementine]

I have slim amount of photos

[@harryharryy123]

I just remembered that my Mum bought two photo albums with the idea of putting my elder siblings’ photos in each one. I never got an album. She forgot.

[@eternalfire580]

I can see what you mean by the youngest getting to be in the least amount of family photos and videos in the since that on my fathers side I did not get to be in any photos or videos at all with my brothers despite me being the oldest and this is because I was not apart of my fathers life since 1999 before all my siblings where born, I am the only child of my mother (besides a miscarried twin) who is the only blood parent I know.

[@marhuny]

I think the biggest challenge for the youngest is entitlement

[@JoieSchmidt-TrueLove4evah]

I thought the middle child was the invisible child?

[@AustinSchrock]

I've heard that as well. I personally didn't experience that

[@bridgetlove324]

I can tell you one thing I am the youngest child and you have to think about for a second and all the other type of a middle child and the oldest child you so mean lately but when do you actually get treated nicely by your parents and that’s what makes other children mean to you and then you don’t like him no I know that but it never works

[@yourintrovert_pal]

I am the youngest in my family with elder rising. Responsibilities on me. High expectations on me. And i am their caretaker all the time. Its like I do everything for them and I don't get anything in return. No support. No emotional support. It frustrates me when people ignore younger siblings feelings. Not all younger siblings are spoiled. There are always rare exceptions.

[@AustinSchrock]

That’s true