5 Signs You Have Youngest Child Syndrome

I recently did a video about oldest child syndrome, or commonly referred to as eldest daughter syndrome on TikTok. When I made that video, the comments were overwhelming about the youngest child or the middle child, and common personality traits, facts, problems and signs. So let's dive into the youngest child. We've seen all of the memes, we've seen all of the jokes about the youngest child. The reality is our sibling order can have great effect on our personality traits and sibling dynamics. So whether you're the youngest daughter or youngest son, you may have youngest child syndrome or problems that your other siblings may not experience. Have you experienced any of these specific signs? What has your experience been with the youngest child or having a younger or baby sibling in your household?
8 signs of Eldest Daughter Syndrome: • 8 Signs of Eldest Daug...
9 signs you experienced childhood emotional neglect: • 9 signs YOU experience...
Was it childhood emotional neglect? • Was it childhood emoti...
How to overcome childhood emotional neglect: • How to overcome Childh...
Inner Child Workshop: katimorton.com/the-shop/p/liv...
• Patterns observed in youngest siblings due to family dynamics leading to learned helplessness. 00:00
• Common behaviors of the youngest child: identity confusion, external validation, uncertainty in self 03:20
• Effects of being the youngest child in a family on seeking validation and authority figures. 06:27
• Common behaviors and challenges faced by youngest siblings in families. 09:12
• Behavioral patterns of the youngest child in a family and their impact on relationships. 12:22
• Youngest child's impulsive decisions strain relationships 12:22
• Factors like family dynamics and parenting styles influence behavior 13:01
• Youngest siblings commonly exhibit certain relationship patterns 13:42
• Youngest child may have to mature faster than older siblings 13:48
• Birth order could affect communication dynamics in families 14:00
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[@Steve13C]

It's weird, in many ways my mother was overprotective but at the same time she was neglectful.

[@XxGIRzxX]

I had the same experience. As a teen, I wasn't allowed to go outside without an adult but my mother would never step up for me. She rarely ever went outside so because of that, I was stuck. It's a mix of being overprotective. Selfish & therefore neglectful. My oldest sister was more of a mother to me, the youngest in the home

[@robertl4824]

true for me too and my father was always critical.

[@aukuzjolaquarmeila]

I experienced the same thing

[@ferryman10]

Same, I'd say the overprotectiveness was in regards to danger/health but there was neglect in needs (either emotional or physical). Also I never felt like my opinion had any weight so that might, in fact I stopped having opinions and wishes which also might play a part in why I feel neglected.

[@jaccrazy21]

Ditto 💯

[@msg3tr1ght]

The feeling of having to grow up fast is definitely a thing with youngest siblings and it’s not talked about enough. As someone already said, my mom was overprotective while also being emotionally neglectful Learned helplessness was also very real for me because I was raised to doubt or second guess my ability to do things because of my disability. It took a long to stop second guessing myself and start trusting my own judgment

[@terrywatkins]

This, combined with a narcissistic parent and all the messed up family dynamics they tend to create, is what I call a bloody nightmare.

[@carlmullerlane]

I have a Behavioural Science (Psychology) degree & have been doing a deep dive into a number of Psychological topics for OVER 35 years now. Topics which include: trauma; anxiety; depression; narcissism; OCPD; OCD; parental styles; dysfunctional family dynamics; etc. I come from a HIGHLY dysfunctional family. And yet, my parents say I'm the problem! I am certain my Mum has undiagnosed OCPD with comorbid Moderate Grandiose Narcissistic Traits who married a man (my Stepfather) who is a Codependent Enabler with a Fawning Trauma Response. For the 1st, 3rd of my life I was the Golden Child. So think not just overprotectiveness & micromanaging, but also Enmeshment, Parentification & Emotional Incest. But ever since I started calling my Mum out on her abusive behaviour (not a good idea btw, but I can't help it), I am now the Scapegoat. The underlying OCPD means she is a hypercontrolling perfectionist who constantly undermines her family, whilst the Narcissism means she is constantly trying to boost her own ego at the expensive of others using all the usual narcissistic tactics. On top of all the underlying Familial Psychological Comorbidities, there have been several (5+) very BIG life-changing highly impactful traumatic events, any one of which would typically result in a pretty serious trauma response. Not surprisingly, given 4.5 decades of complex trauma, this has TOTALLY derailed my life. Despite always being regarded by my peers as being highly intelligent with a very strong work ethic, chronic Pathological Perfectionism has completely crippled me. I suspect I also suffer from CPTSD, Social Anxiety, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, OCPD (with possible comorbid OCD), & maybe even Mild Vulnerable Narcissistic Traits (though I'm less sure about the narcissism part). In short, I am very broken & have pretty much given up on life now. So yes, I agree with you COMPLETELY - it is a bloody nightmare! And BTW, I'm very sorry about the LONG rant. 😢

[@bananasmarzipani4106]

You are not alone, dear 💜 The time for our healing on earth has come now. Your suffering will not be in vain 💚 You are one of the bravest, most persistent and most loving souls on this planet. You’re a shining star with a beautiful potential that is about to manifest itself more than ever soon. We‘ll make it 💗 There are many of us. We all are working together on a certain level, and although we often feel so disconnected, in truth we are‘nt. You will make it, I can see it... and I‘ll make it too, and many others and our life will be brighter, lighter and easier, not so exhausting anymore but more relaxed, with more life, love, joy and inner peace and freedom. ✨❣️✨❤️✨❣️✨

[@Summer_and_Rain]

Agree! I have been pushed into the role of mother, caregiver, psychologist and judge by my parents. It is such a weird feeling to feel like a kid all the time and also being pushed into such adult assignments. One moment they treated you like the adult your are and the next moment they refuse to believe anything you say because "what does a kid know about anything!" They left me with a mind full of "what the f?" and a constant need to feel safe/acknowledge and gaining a "ok" from others (so #3 and#4) because even in the age of 30+ I still feel like a freaking kid.

[@Summer_and_Rain]

@@carlmullerlane I am sure I got my perfectionism issue from having a narc dad. I think it is the attempt to try to be so amazing that they cannot yell at us for anything, but we all know after some time, they will always find something to yell about or pout about... Even when they are not in or life, it is a nightmare patching all the holes they left.

[@carlmullerlane]

@@Summer_and_Rain Mental health professionals refer to this as Enmeshment, Parentification & Emotional Incest. Enmeshment is a rel'ship characterized by a LACK of health boundaries & can occur in any rel'ship, not just parent/child. Parentification is where the roles of the parent & child become reversed & the child begins to take on adult responsibilities. Emotional Incest is where you become the emotional caretaker of the parent, essentially turning you into a pseudo-spouse. Now technically, these can occur independently of one another, but are very often seen collectively, with a great deal of overlap. All are very damaging to a child & often result in a number of psychological problems in adulthood, including issues around attachment & boundaries in subsequent rel'ships, anxiety disorders, depression, & even personality disorders. All my life I have experienced all of these abuses, & it sounds to me like maybe you have too. I remember attempting to set healthy boundaries from about the age of 15 (an example of parentification), only to have them repeatedly violated. And now as an adult, when I stand up & call out abuse (whether against myself or others), I am usually told that I need to mind my own business & learn to respect boundaries. The irony of this is utterly staggering!

[@teddykgb9971]

It was less my parents "didn't want to parent anymore" than it was "they didn't want to be married to each other anymore". "Staying together for the kids" has good intentions (I guess), but is actually damaging. It wasn't an accident that my parents' marriage fell apart in my (the youngest) last year of high school.

[@Bucephalus84]

Still better than the alternative according to statistics

[@RoseNatsumi]

I had similar situation. My older siblings thought it would be better for me, if our parents didnt divorce but, all of them moved out after 2-3 years, leaving me alone with parents wrangling and arguing each other. I was still child at that time 😅

[@FirstnameLastnames]

​@@Bucephalus84the statistics are likely missing a critical variable: *emotional health* It does severe damage to children who learn from their parents what they are primed to believe is a loving relationship, but in reality is unloving. Really primes you for repeated failure in that critical area of life.

[@ToriE1073]

Oof! That opening resonated hard. I’m the youngest of six and there is a significant age gap between myself and my older siblings. Half of them were teenagers when I was born. Because of that age gap I always felt like I had traits of a youngest child but more traits of an only child since they were all out of the house before I finished elementary school. But that opener makes me realize that maybe I have more youngest child traits than I realized because every one of them, especially the not feeling like my opinions mattered and feeling like (knowing) that my parents were tired of parenting by the time I came along really, REALLY resonated.

[@kpf2014]

Wow. Im the youngest of 4 with closest sibling 15 years older. Deeply resonates. Im now 55, divorced after 31 years to a bpd narc- super controlling that I now understand why I am the way I am. How to deal with the people who take advantage of this “weakness” - as perceived by the predator type who, when you need help or guidance- create dependency dynamics. It feels super vulnerable and hard to trust others. I definitely have felt like i was “in trouble”. How to overcome this?

[@richerDiLefto]

Youngest of 7 here. Your whole comment resonates with me *completely.* For me, there were also dynamics of overprotection and always being considered “young”even though I’m decades old.

[@likeretirement3245]

Youngest of 5 . My oldest brother is 15 years older than me. My next oldest is 6 years older. All my opinions were shut down or laughed at & consequently I am a very shy quiet,yet angry person now. By the time I was 12 the house was completely empty & I loved it. I’m the same today . Would much rather be on my own - alone. Not lonely : I prefer it. Not lonely at all ; I prefer it.

[@ToriE1073]

@@likeretirement3245 very similar! My oldest sibling was 16 when I was born and number five was seven when I was born. I am 50 now, and they still rarely value my opinion and usually don’t even ask for it when it comes to anything to do with the family which is super frustrating. I was extremely shy like you when I was younger and a bit of a loner but I am quite gregarious now and probably more vocal with my opinions when it comes to them than I should be lol. But I’m kind of glad of it because it has taught me to be very assertive, but also kind and diplomatic so while it’s annoying I’m glad that I have those traits.

[@starlabaker7563]

I can relate! I'm the youngest of 4 and the oldest, my brother is 22 years older than me, oldest sister is 20 years older and my other sister is 9 years older.

[@leogrrrl5876]

You can also feel invisible as the youngest child, & like your parents are already burdened enough by everything else. Or that your mistakes are really noticeable because you're the youngest & not as mature as everyone else yet.

[@rizkamaulita7182]

Ohhh exactly! More like we try to be invisible since our parents got enough burden by everything else so we don't want to put more into it

[@ksdevichand366]

And also when elder people argues or make mistake, youngest children gotta apologizes, becuase they are grown up and grown ups never makes mistakes . parents want them to be better than oldest child

[@evelina2363]

Exactly. Why is it that my oldest sister throws all her problems on my mother and I keep mine to myself?

[@sydneyalisonbaker]

Yes!!

[@perfectionista492]

@leogrrrl5876 Absolutely. I feel you on that one. I will also add that you sometimes feel labeled and conned into this manipulative, spoiled role that you don't even want. Because you come across "helpless" when you genuinely don't know how to do something, you get snarkiness from your older siblings who say, "Figure it out! Grow up! Stop expecting everyone to do everything for you! Stop acting helpless!" You aren't trying to be helpless or have people do your work for you. For me, that was the LAST thing I wanted. I wanted to take responsibility and be mature and work hard. I didn't want to be overly dependent on anyone. But whenever you mention wanting to do something out of the ordinary, you get told, verbally or nonverbally, that you can't handle it, you're too young, or that you are not responsible. Again: enter, older siblings, who see all of your flaws, mistakes, misbehavior and disorganization because Mom and Dad always gave you to them for babysitting or "second mother" duties and they are not shy on reminding you what you lack and how much they have to do for you and how much you seemingly benefit at their expense and get things they didn't get. The latter of which is not your fault, by the way. I was not a demanding kid, but it always looked that way, because people would always give me stuff and make me feel like I was silly for refusing. So, I got the all too familiar narrative that I was spoiled and I got away with murder. Very isolating. Felt misunderstood and defective.

[@evelina2363]

Your videos often pierce my heart. I am the youngest of two daughters. For me the experience wasn’t that of overprotection or spoiling; it was neglect and non-appreciation. My sister was very much longed for after a miscarriage. I was an unwelcome surprise. My sister was the extrovert; the chatty, the fun one. My own personality and talents were never given credit for. She was the one to achieve milestones first; by the time I came around there was no interest. My own feelings and plans had no validation and no support. I grew up very independent but also very lonely, and believing some experiences were out of my reach. As an adult I keep my mother (and sister) in the dark about quite serious health and personal issues. Frankly I do not expect her to care or support in any way so I just give up. I literally act as my own issues aren’t relevant; that’s what I have been taught after all. In my job I do struggle to advocate for myself and I definitely see my boss (who is an older woman) as an un-appreciative figure I struggle to get validation from. Thank you for shedding a light on the youngest siblings issues, these are very rarely addressed.

[@amarbyrd2520]

I think / hope / wish the mental health experts who point out that some of us who may have developed learned helplessness since others - parents and/or siblings - who DIDN'T WANT us to be able to learn how to make decisions but also refused to help us when we were faced with a problem that nobody in the family could solve while also actively discouraging us from seeking help anywhere else, could also offer some suggestions for when we now actively try to seek help but are turned down again and again and others REFUSE to help us. There's a lot of advice to "don't be afraid to ask for help" but I think what some of us really fear is asking for help with really complicated, serious "grown up" problems when all we receive after screwing up that courage is refusals and, at best, terrible "advice".

[@evelina2363]

Great point.

[@CMStrawbridge]

Say it louder for all the "professionals" in the front that have regurgitated this advice religiously while consistently refusing to ACTUALLY HELP people Been "seeking help" for over a decade only to be gaslit and dismissed the same way my POS family did

[@lizzieharvey5310]

I'm the youngest of three, with a fair age gap between. One of my brothers was already in his mid-teens when I was born. Much of this video rings true. I avoid responsibility, letting my husband take the lead with all bills and 'adult' tasks. I find decision making an agonising task, almost always deferring the final decision to someone else or if I have to make a decision, looking for feedback afterwards. Both of my older brothers call me 'little sis' despite being in my late 30's and it makes me feel like they don't see me as capable or that I ever will be. I would not say I'm reckless aside from my avoidance of certain things which my husband doesn't look after like car tax, MOT etc. these frequently fall behind because I can't face them and leads to me 'chancing' not being caught out. That's about as reckless as it gets, otherwise I would say I'm extremely risk-adverse. I never feel like an adult in situations, even I am the eldest in a group, I'm submissive to those around me and have a huge urge to obey anybody with more authority or even just more confidence.

[@adelefarough5123]

I'd like to see an exploration of the issues around being an only child.

[@FirstnameLastnames]

YES

[@CMStrawbridge]

THIS! Why do I relate to all of these when I was expected to be a little adult with no actual autonomy practically since the second I popped out?

[@sandrakippert9470]

60yo still looking for the adult in the room.

[@nurianielfa2679]

As the youngest child, I connect well with fellow youngests. My friends, wife, and I share common experiences of not being overprotected but rather neglected, abandoned, and abused by our family. We were expected to match the capabilities of our older siblings without guidance, often becoming scapegoats due to our perceived weakness. Understanding each other, we find it challenging to engage with older or middle children.

[@user-dn8hd6xn1e]

Being the youngest and the only girl is really a mixed blessing.

[@moorebobbijo4893]

Im the youngest sister, and my upbringing just blended my brain. I was treated like a child when it came to making decision, but treated like an adult when it came to taking care of my older sisters kids,(more like aa mom then an aunt), dragging my drunk/high sister out of ditches or crack houses, going for walks to buy weed with my mom and standing outside alone or inside if the dealer was more of a friend. I was an adult when having to hand over babysiting money, being ok with missing school to take care of babies. But when I asked my mother to not take back her abusive boyfriend, I was just a child and had no say. I dont feel like an adult or a child, I feel like Im forever 15 or something.

[@steveabel7066]

Wow, that was a lot to deal with.

[@woofnuggiez]

Really relatable. I'm so sorry.

[@user-wp4py2og5b]

Wow... this one hit close to home. All of it really spoke into how I felt, and I've always felt like I was a child... even now at 46 I still struggle making decisions for my kids and I because I don't think that I'm capable. I'm the youngest twin, and my sister has always been the model child. And I was the "crazy" and "unpredictable" child. Thank you for this!! I'm sending this one to my therapist :)

[@lisdosanjos]

I feel this so badly...

[@randymarshusa2928]

I have learned helplessness, my sister is 5 years older than me and my brother is 7 years older than me. Always felt everything you have said about the topic. I moved out and started a new life away from my parents and siblings where i could finally be independant

[@acidjumps]

Most middle child thing ever is having no video on the middle child

[@christineewing3492]

There are absolutely no photographs of me as a baby. I was the 4th child out of 5.

[@susi09]

LOL I just realized this after looking for it

[@Persephonetoo]

I think my Mom didn't want to parent any of her children beyond their preschool ages. She also kept adding my name (her youngest child) to cards she sent to relatives, even when I was an adult and no longer living with her. She seemed to view me as an extension of herself instead of a distinct individual.

[@thewayofroses]

Dang, I relate to all of these! I’m the youngest of five and there’s 8, 10, and 12 years between me and my siblings. I feel like they don’t take me seriously as an adult and still treat me sometimes like I am a child. Also, all of my siblings grew up playing basketball so of course I was expected to play basketball (especially since I was always tall for my age) I recently had a conversation with my mom that I was never even asked if I wanted to play basketball, it was just expected of me because everyone else had done it.

[@Jen-CelticWarrior]

I can relate to this. I’ve always been the bratty little sister, with no credibility. Even though I’m a nurse, the internet always wins out when medical advice is needed, lol! We’ll be in our 80’s, and I’ll still have no credibility!😂

[@marfc9268]

I'm the youngest of 5. I'm 31 now there still are good and bad things😢 just to add my oldest brother is 18 years older than me, and the 4th sibling is 6 years older than me, I've always been the "baby"

[@craftydafty1100]

I know my parents did the best they could with me and my older sister, but I relate to a lot of this stuff too. One of the things I find rather hurtful is if I offer an opinion/advice it is not really taken unless my older sister echoes it. My mum will say of ("sis's name said such and such and I'm going to go with that or that it's a good idea" and then I say "That is exactly what I said to you earlier!" I guess it is not surprising that I am not good at trusting my own judgement a lot of the time.

[@foreversweaterweather]

I'm a youngest child and honestly didn't relate to most of this 😅 When I was born was when the family fell apart so I was always expected to handle my own problems and also be a support for those around me, including adults. I never experienced that sheltered youngest child stuff. I looked out for myself and nobody was babying me.

[@gracep2910]

good for you. the epidemic of adults with learned helplessness drives me nuts.

[@TGCat93]

My mom was the youngest of seven with divorced parents. The parents were totally checked out before my mom came along and her siblings terrorized her. She looked out for herself from the beginning and is practically the opposite of this. I really don't believe in these birth order stereotypes.

[@FirstnameLastnames]

​@TGCuz they're less stereotypes and more common patterns. Note that I said *common* not universal. Of course birth order does not solely determine one's life, but the patterns seem to be commom enough that people who relate might find healing in understanding what caused them to be a part of that pattern.

[@TGCat93]

@@FirstnameLastnames i'm also a bit sensitive about it because i'm an only child and the stereotypes i dealt with as a kid were HORRIBLE. i think there were a lot of positives to it, and i wish they would get the same attention as the negative stereotypes. i can entertain myself better than anyone i know and am super observant, because i was always making things up and observing the world alone as a kid. but i almost never tell anyone i was an only kid, and if i do, i also mention my two step-siblings, because i am still hurt by the things i was called as an only child and even now i think that having step-siblings (even though we hardly knew each other) makes people less likely to see it in such a negative way.

[@kathystein411]

So how would one transition from feeling like being in child-adult relations to actually feeling like being in proper adult-adult relations? Or how to feel less childlike because just pretending to feel like an adult doesn't sound like a solution that way one might feel like an imposter under the adults 🤔

[@stoffls]

I am a youngest child and I some of those things rang close to home. What I deduct, is that I have often troubles making big decisions by myself. I need affirmation by someone else. And sometimes I feel like a child again, when the others try to go over me, because I am the youngest. This does not sit well with me. Great video, as always!

[@fatimaallawati947]

I am SOO Grateful for this video Kati This sooo ACCURATE and SUCH an eye-opener I was wondering how do I take action next? ( I want a video THIS meaningful to be incorporated in my life but I don't know how).

[@LucretiaPearl]

I used to struggle a lot with most of these except maybe Recklessness (outside of maybe procrastination) & the identity confusion wasn't so much needing others to tell me who I was, more of just thought my purpose was to feel like crap to make others feel better. Though not from per se neglect or overprotection, but from toxic mom that I had a fawn response to that led to people pleasing. It's kinda hard to make a decision when your mom pretty much instilled the idea that some decisions are going to get you in trouble even if you followed her chore list properly. But yeah, between some self work (that helped the dread induced procrastination especially) & eventually finding a fantastic therapist, I've been slowing down the people pleasing & finding things a lot less daunting.

[@cheryldavis8000]

This was the best, most affirming, most helpful video that I have ever watched. Thank you.

[@GraveRave]

Hello Kati, keep up the good work. Love the hair btw.👍🏾

[@nataliehelmig920]

Wow pretty much all of this is so me! I am the youngest of three sisters but I'm also the only disabled one in the family which also adds a different element to the situation. I still feel like the child although I'm in my 40s. I've never felt confident about any decisions I make and often feel like I have to ask others for reassurance as if I'm still the child and others are the adult. It's almost as if I haven't grown up yet and I know that's not good. How do you even get unstuck from this and progress on from it? Making wrong decisions feels almost devastating and can be embarrassing sometimes.

[@lovefortruth3414]

Yes! Not ever feeling like you can make and learn from your own decisions...afraid of making mistakes and failing...etc etc etc.

[@daveanderson8776]

I feel like when my parent got to me they were done with parenting . I was very sick as a new born and through elementary school.

[@ythatesfacts]

Youngest kid here. I hardly had a say and often had hand-me-downs till I got fat and needed fresh clothes. It made me mad when I bought my first Xbox 360 from months of hard work in gardening to basically go to my brother. My mom sympathized with my brother and basically said "come on let him play." Same thing happened when I sold my Xbox for a PS4 and he went further to put a password on it. That's why I like Nintendo for making handheld games. If anything I felt that as a highschooler and sometimes as college student. I think after being online and developing my own opinions and not being afraid to say my words helped a lot.

[@ThomasMuethingDotCom]

Thanks for drawing on your training on Bowen systems family therapy this week, Kati! Have a good one.

[@ThomasMuethingDotCom]

@tatiannalloyd8053 What is your role in the business?

[@elin_]

I can relate to much of this. But my learned helplessness as a younger sibling comes from being the only one left in a home with an addict.

[@caseybirgitta-skoog5532]

Thank you for acknowledging other factors influencing different behavioral outcomes. I think birth order can still play a role, but it is important to examine the way a family functions as well as larger age gaps between siblings can influence different (or even completely opposite) outcomes such as this. What if the youngest is born when the second youngest is just a couple or a few years away from legal adulthood (even a 6 year age gap is pretty big)? What if the parents work excessively and then spend more of their leisure time with other adults than their own children and the older siblings, more often than not, exclude the youngest from their activities (unless they're bored enough to decide to bully the youngest)? In that note, could the youngest have learned toxic independence in a family system that neglected them or devalued them? Could the youngest also seek external validation to counter chronic invalidation if they happen to be the scapegoat? Another thought to chew on is "what if the person was an only child until almost adulthood (4 or fewer years from 18)?" If they still have only child behaviors, why would acquiring oldest child status so late invalidate that?

[@Killermike2178]

Youngest child with autism here. Hit the nail on the head wity pretty much all of these, and I'm only the second of two siblings in my home...

[@jaccrazy21]

It was weird dynamic. On one hand at age 19 my parents got a divorce and all my siblings were gone. I was finishing highschool while also working and paying part of moms mortgage. But if I looked to siblings for help or even emotional support I was “spoiled baby” that was getting something by “living at home” ... Same when she got cancer and needed help. … I am finding my own stability and assured ness many years down the line. But doing it .. and I just wished that it happened while she was still alive.

[@niteycat]

My parents locked me in a room to keep others away. My siblings resented this and kept calling me Queen Elizabeth and selfish and spoiled.

[@areuarealman7269]

My second mom locked me up too I'm gonna do the same but the states won't let me retilate legally so I got too find a work around an accident something time will catch up though I'm coming for ya ...I still remember...I was a gold fish I don't know what I am now .

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

As a youngest I relate to almost all of these points! Never realized how much these things forge who you are. Great vid! 🥂👍💪

[@starlabaker7563]

I can definitely relate to the feeling of being unable to feel like an adult. My oldest sibling is 22 years older than me! I moved out when i was 20 and was in a few toxic relationships for 10 years and now I've moved back home. I've isolated myself and feel like im going backwards. I want to find a good therapist but I'm unemployed. Looking for a job has always been extremely hard. I did it for 10 years however the last two jobs i had were very toxic and abusive so I have a little ptsd. I would love it if anyone knows how to find a good therapist that is affordable, much love to everyone! Thank you Katie for all you do❤

[@faisalshabbir408]

Nice and comprehensive very helpful and heart touching way of explainatiion. Awesome presentation ❤

[@faisalshabbir408]

@@tatiannalloyd8053 Thanks for the concern. Best Regards.

[@aussiemom3559]

Total opposite in my family- youngest is the shining star, most confident and did her own thing in the best way! Now at 63 she’s doing retirement her way. I the middle child was invisible and took on all the roles of scapegoat etc. While she could do no wrong- all wrong was assigned to me by the adults ‘why did you do XXXX when it was the youngest all along. She and I are good friends now but we had our struggles in our youth for sure.

[@Bobo_Tapia]

Oh man so much of this was me to a T. Thank you, Kati, for informing us so we can better understand ourselves and can ask for the right kind of help.

[@karrieroberts9983]

Hello Kati, I'm currently studying to become a LMFT, and I'm interested in learning more about Family Systems Therapy and effective therapies for couples. I've been researching these topics, but I really admire your videos and was hoping you could create some on these subjects. It's possible I might have missed them if you've already covered them. Thank you so much!

[@katworkslay]

Oldest daughter here looking to better understand what the youngest sister may have felt our entire lives. Thank you for these videos.

[@blonde_stormtrooper4148]

Youngest of 3 here (2 older sisters )& DEFINITELY related to most of these , especially to hierarchy structures & the anxiety of getting “in trouble” & paying unexpected bills /doing my taxes 😬

[@WarrenByrdSpeak]

I want to thank you immensely, Kati, for highlighting something I have been in a ruminative query over. In the next instant,, I’m looking at this presentation and wondering, “well, who doesn’t struggle with at least half of these things at some time in their life?”. As the youngest of a super-large family, there were several formative dynamics in play throughout my early life. I think it would be rather foolhardy for me to think that none of those headings represent my character, but other than #5, I don’t see myself squarely under those filters. Blind spots in play? Perhaps, yet at that, I reiterate my opening question-see that above☺️

[@bautijua000]

I plan on writing a book about my life as the youngest sibling and about the challenges of hyper self awareness. I have a plethera of information and questions with answers about "why's, how's", "why does each sibling have certain conditions?". I want to cure the hardship that families face when it comes to trust in each other. I think this series of syndromes, from youngest to oldest, influences the thought process of families drastically. I believe these syndromes stem from insecurities and confusion on the fundamental values of each member's core.

[@anuruksuriyaarachchi3988]

1. I'm given the chance to be independent and I'm the eldest of the family as well. Although, I'm really bad at making decisions and being independent even though my father wants me to be so. This especially increased after the climax of my mental health issues. I've increased sense of Anxiety. Why do you think that happened to me Kati? 2. I'm highly asocial and neglected by the society. They stigmatize me and I'm not good at getting friends even though I want sometimes. I also feel like I don't deserve friends. Although I'm currently not diagnosed with Depression or PTSD or BPD. (Diagnosed with Schizophrenia and OCD) 3. I always expect my father when I face challenging conversation. I start them like I'm someone incapable of handling complex conversations. Complexity means, something like steps of growing a plant, giving medications to an animal, Inquiring about electronic item etc. 4. I'm the quite opposite of recklessness. I feel the depth more than I should feel but super super incapable. Why? 5. Also what's the difference between Dependent Personality Disorder and Youngest Daughter Syndrome?

[@nadiyaborys4369]

This is me, and I used to be sad about the years I’d spent being dependent on others’ opinions about me and external validation, and the opportunities lost to learnt helplessness. Now, I’ve accepted my need for external approval and learnt to surround myself with supportive people who also respect my boundaries, and steer clear of people who undermine me. If this is the way I function, I’ll be aware of it and use it to my advantage! Same about idealising “adult” authority figures: I remind myself I won’t see this person through rose-tinted glasses forever, as sooner or later they, too, will show some character flaws. I also remind myself that any and every decision I will make will be flawed - and that it’s okay and I will deal with the aftermath. But yes, when I’m stressed or upset, the pesky youngest child programming does rear its ugly head. It’s a process, and it never ends. Thanks for the informative video :)

[@kristinaj2272]

True stuff! Can see it in my family and other families. Interesting thing I have read that the youngest oftentimes, when order siblings move out gets that attention from parents that they needed.

[@KeyIshLurv]

i definitely think the gender of the siblings can add different dynamics as well. ie I have two older brothers and am the youngest child who is a girl and was super overprotected by my parents

[@ginamarie5707]

I am the oldest child, but still feel a lot of this.

[@beautifulsonidos]

There is a lot of info about how parenting can affect us but not much about siblings... this really helps ❤

[@taylorlane6289]

This is insanely correct. As the youngest child this is so true. I still deal with this stuff at 30

[@august8679]

now we just need the video on the middle child

[@mikehess4494]

Educational...TY

[@gordongraham7]

I'm the youngest of 5. There's a 12 year age difference between the oldest and me--that dynamic played into it. I also lost my father to a heart attack just before I turned 10, so my mother shut down and didn't know how to handle it. Also, my entire family was athletic except me. I was the "smart one," so I never fit in. As an adult, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and I'm fairly certain I have CPTSD as well. I do everything alone--travel, movies, meals, hanging out at home, because I never got a vote in what the family did so now I want to do things my way. It's interesting how people's lives are impacted by so many factors. As always, love your video!

[@PS-qn4oz]

I am the youngest of six. My mother had five children close together, waited five years, then had me. I had the experience of being lied to by my siblings and then laughed at for my gullibility, having all worthless and silly opinions, physically thrown around like a football, treated as a germ ("Don't make us take her, we don't want to babysit!") and then resented for basic good things that came my way (as if they were never indulged as young children.) Objectively speaking my siblings were better dressed and better cared for when they were young, it's evident in the family pictures. I wore their hand-me-downs and played with their broken toys and was scorned as the spoiled princess. I love my family and I've forgiven most of it. But having such a low pecking order in the family set me up for believing I should also be the most rejected person in my class at school, and I should tolerate all kinds of ill treatment from others almost as a matter of course....it snowballed.

[@Jesus_myGod123]

Same but only my siblings and I have a 10 year age gap.

[@urgentcaredr]

I’m the oldest and my parents were most strict on me. My younger sister was able to do whatever she wanted. Although I was the oldest, I never made the decision for the family. My dad who is a high functioning autistic person made all the decisions. None of us had independence. We were always given commands, never asked how we felt. All decisions were made by our parents. It didn’t matter what age we were. Honestly, at age 10 I was watching Barney with my youngest sister because my parents thought it was most appropriate. However, they were so wrong. I should have had the opportunity to watch something for my age group but everything was led by the youngest.

[@JennyG.COW5]

Although I am the middle kid in my family, because of my heart condition and some cognitive differences affected by surgies and physical development, I have been treated like the youngest sibling. So because my Parents sometimes assumed that I couldn't do things or because I didn't get as much verbal encouragement and validation (perhaps I learned this verbal validation from medical professionals?) I haven't felt confident enough to launch out and do things myself. I do tend to look for help from others and have either felt like I don't care about trying or that I'm not sure how to begin with becoming more proactive, even when I've graduated from highschool and a few associates degrees from a local college. Thanks for taking time to help me and others understand this subject. 👍

[@cynthiajackson1807]

I am the youngest of 3 girls and though I had a good Mother she was very overprotective of me,I didn't grow up with self confidence or good self esteem. I was almost 14 yrs old before I actually stopped sucking my bottle. I've lived with anxiety all of my life and while being a 56 almost 57 yr old woman,inside I'm still a child.

[@HealingIT]

Very interesting. As a youngest I can relate a bit. Thanks.

[@lisdosanjos]

I can relate to so many things in this video...

[@cassianarusu9835]

Amazing look, Kati ❤

[@Sombokor]

As the youngest of six, I honestly just feel really down after watching this. 💀

[@user-rq4cu5gx3r]

Did you get a hair cut it looks great thank you so much for you knowledge you have helped us more than you know the reading the spectrum book learned about the difference between brain damage mental disorders and why so many girlfriends bad relationships this is key to living with this disease or defect all the abuse from childhood

[@runeseaks]

I'm a youngest sibling raised by parents who were also the youngest out of their siblings. I do wonder how that may have impacted their parenting? I didn't relate to much in this video except the very end. As the youngest, I did feel neglected. There were things I didn't learn because it was assumed I already knew, when in reality it was my older siblings who were taught that thing, not me. I definitely felt like I had to grow up fast and learn things to be on my sibling's level or I'd be left behind. But, while feeling older than I was and having the expectations of someone older, my opinions and feelings about family matters were still completely disregarded because I "was too young to understand". I didn't get much attention, certainly wasn't dotted on like some people assume. I gained independence at an early age because there wasn't anyone I could depend on. I was an honor student and got better grades than both of my siblings, but that evidently meant I didn't need help or attention like they did... So when I did encounter a problem, I only had myself to rely on to push through and solve it.

[@Katie-xl8ep]

Oh my god I relate to #4 so hard, I struggle to comprehend that there are people younger than me and I’m 23 😂. I’ve always had older friends and I have one older sibling. I qualify as a paramedic in a couple of months and we do placement (UK here). It was the end of a night shift in resus and I dared to walk through the ED to make some relatives some cups of tea, and this guy in the waiting room made eye contact & I just knew he was gonna do some weird shiz (the hospital/location is notorious). As I got closer, and whilst attached to his IV, he just launched himself onto the ground in front of me. Now I’m very much a fan of minding my own business, and very unfazed by things, so I stepped over and took a few more steps wondering who was gonna deal with him before realising ‘oh it’s me’. I remember the couple of seconds of realisation being very confusing like I’m literally a child and this is a grown man? I did then return and some real grown ups came over, but they were being too nice and soft and I now had some newfound assertiveness because I have my ‘adult licence’ (and was tired). So I sorted it and got him back in his chair. But it stays with me and I realise I’m not the youngest anymore and I am, in fact, an adult. Wild.

[@me-mx1hb]

This explains a lot

[@MystearicaClaws]

I was never the baby... I was the unwanted one. The oldest was dead, and the middle was an introvert. She was the quiet one that did as she was told. I had behavioral problems and my parents couldn't/wouldn't handle it. I was the problem, I ruined our family.

[@nastyasch6680]

Could you please make another video for middle child? 🙏🙈

[@christineewing3492]

Hi Kati. Thanks for your work. I would like you to make a video on being the only girl child in a family. I was raised, so to speak, in a family with a violent alcoholic father, a passively neglectful mother, and four brothers. And poverty. I am the second youngest. My little bro got way more attention than me. Boys were always more important. I was ignored by my mother and bullied by my brothers. I always longed for a sister. I was a very lonely little girl. I have cPTSD as a result of my upbringing. My parents are both dead, and I have been estranged from my brothers for the last 12 years.

[@ihartevil]

Ya i felt that way about the meetings Once i got taken out of a room because 2 others got in trouble and the principal thought i did something wrong but the other 2 were getting lectured and thats also hard because i needed to be like i am the good one So when i got told about meetings i was like well i need to say nothing and hide in the shadows i think i only went to about 2 or 3 meetings ever and 1 a lunch meeting so everybody was eating food so sticking to the shadows easy to do but it was still work talk and i didnt care for the person who was ceo at the time (he ended up adoring me at some point and found out its because i remind him of his exgirlfriend my aunt) i look so much like her and a good amount in common with her

[@evelina2363]

My identity confusion stems from the fact that my identity traits were never appreciated, nurtured, supported, instead I was pushed to conform to the more generic and appreciated traits of my older sister. The result is a feeling of frustration and self doubt that never leaves me, no matter my achievements.

[@Al-cm8ny]

If we do resonate with this what are ways we can overcome them?

[@TheCndlprncss01]

@Katimorton Thank you for spelling out the words I can't seem to find. ❤ My question is the same question you asked in the Video ,"have you ever wondered how to fix these behaviors? Well, my answer is yes! Where do I start? Caviot, I am 41. I'm the youngest child who also grew up as an only only child as my siblings are fairly older than me, and I was recently diagnosed with BPD. While exploring that, I realize I have been dealing with that for the last 38 years.😊 Thank you for your time Katie

[@eledeog]

I am a youngest sister, but I felt some of the eldest daughter things and also some of the things explained here. I played the piano, like my 2 sisters. I need validation from others, but I think this might not only be caused by being the youngest sibling. I also have a lot of troubles with decision making. I’ve also had these moments when (mostly grown ups) would ask me questions and I didn’t want to talk about it or I felt to shy or anything like that, I would look at my sister (the middle one) and she would answer for me. Is that also common with youngest siblings?

[@rhays615]

My parents had four kids and thought they were done, but then they had me. So, I was the “baby” in addition to the other baby. There was also an age gap between me and the next youngest. I always say it’s like having extra moms who were more strict than your mom. Thanks for this! ❤

[@andrewrees8749]

7 yrs between myself and my older sister, no abuse or violence at home, but definitely felt i was neglected, as if my parents had got over the thrill of being parents, my mum suffered with depression most of her life, there was no fun at home and mum was always angry with me, i now have lots of mental issues in my older life.

[@kathyoverton998]

Add to this the fact that I was diagnosed with ADHD well before it was even called adhd. In fact the doctors use the term "minimal brain damage", apparently thinking it was caused by the numerous accidents I had from climbing trees and such. One "Professional" actually told my parents cannot make me do it sure if I threw a fit because it would cause me psychological damage. And it turns out one of my brothers has harbored intense resentment of me all these years.

[@bumblebee_mrs]

As the youngest I was the scapegoat and family therapist and punching bag. I had NO childhood.

[@bumblebee_mrs]

Also, I always did/do EVERYTHING on my own and learnt everything on my own. I got hand-me-downs from a sibling who was three sizes larger than me. No one cared.

[@bumblebee_mrs]

And I paid my own way my whole life, even paying for everyone else. But no more!

[@CMStrawbridge]

I'm the only child and I relate to all of these things, but I definitely wasn't coddled or even protected, while also being refused any kind of guidance to becoming independent

[@mangantasy289]

Hi, I think birthorder matters to a certain degree. But I think the personality we are born with is very important, because I guess it has a big influence on how we are perceived and treated by our parents. I am the youngest of two daughters, but the age gap between us is only 19 months. I can relate way more to traits from "the oldest child syndrome". I guess I could even explain the reason at least for some of it. But concerning this video, all in all I retaher relate to the feeling of having had to grow up faster. We both somehow did have to a certain degree, growing up in a toxic family and having our fair share of ace's (adverse childhood experiences) But as we were so close in age, since I can think the same level of "maturity" was expected from me compared to my sister. Like my mother makes her do exercises as preparation for graduating from primary to high school (after 6th grade where I live) and I HAVE TO participate (even if I'm "only" 4th grade). Just one random example. Also feeling like in order to "protect" mother (from stress) I can't be needy. I feel like my sister often was way more. But that's a story I could fill whole novely with. I just vividly remember one situation in 8th grade that made me feel pretty awkward. It was in french literature class where the teacher was discussing a story we were just reading and in which one of the characters was an youngest "spoiled-type" sibling. So the teacher went for the stereotype how the "baby of the family" get less stricter treatment etc. This totally triggered me. I raised my hand and argued how that was an unfair trope since in reality it could also mean that the youngest have to grow up faster because they are judged the same as their siblings, expected the same level of maturity. I stated this with so much emotional load that I almost teared up. All my peers were looking at me weird, even the teacher was a little taken aback at first, but agreed that there sure could be families like this too. As I rsaid, I felt very awkward for my impulsive reaction. Sorry for the long comment. But I wanted to share this little story. I have severe mental health issues and shortly after that incident, my parents divorced and I developed anorexia. This incident for me was one of the key moments that made me realize that something is "wrong", that it's not just me "overreacting (and the like), bat that there's something abnormal about the dynamic of my family.

[@Cowface]

Wow I’m getting tired of finding out more and more things that are wrong with me… CSA, abusive older sister, alcoholic dad, dad and sis also highly likely narcissistic, emotionally immature codependent mom, adhd, and now there’s this. On the one hand it helps explain things, and helps me have self compassion for my struggles but it’s all piling up and starting to look insurmountable.

[@AliciaSG821]

I identify with most of what you described. However, far from feeling that I needed to grow up faster, I felt like I was not being allowed to grow up at all. This made it more difficult to make my own decisions when I needed to. Being overprotective feels good for the rest of the family, just not for the victim, the youngest child. Cultural influence was a factor for me. As in previous generations in some cultures, Hispanic included, the youngest daughter is expected to put her life on hold to be the only one responsible for parents. I believe that everyone, especially youngest children, should be in therapy at some point, or points, in their lives in order to not miss out on the best life they can experience.

[@bethelle9099]

My mother was very physically and emotionally neglectful. My sister was a nasty jealous bully. Neither of them wanted me to succeed. My alcoholic sister is still the same bully. Some of us never had a chance, did we?

[@steveabel7066]

I was born when my parents were 45, and my three older brothers were about 12-14 years older than me. My parents were also both alcoholics (they drank EVERY night), and in an unhappy marriage. Hence, I experienced both neglect (by my parents) and overindulgence (by my brothers). This gave me both a sense of growing up too fast and entitlement. I think I felt sorry for myself, so I didn't think I "deserved" any more hardship--even when I engaged in reckless, irresponsible behavior. I was also relatively unassertive, having learned that no amount of assertiveness would change ny parents' behavior, and instead kind of just "went along for the ride" with my older brothers. I think there were still other complicating factors, but suffice to say, the consequences have been significant.

[@AnaK-kx4lr]

As the youngest, I agree

[@MMStrademark]

As far as rebellious goes, would that also include destroying your work if it does not succeed the way you wanted it to, say it be a you tube video or art work you post online or even that story you are trying to write?

[@DidiWaDidi]

It certainly sounds familiar. And those dynamics are forever i can tell you. I am the youngest sister, now an old lady. My oldest brother sadly died a couple of years ago. Ofcourse it saddened me to the core, but at the same time there was a kind of relief! I finally felt i could freely make my choices without the fear of being judged. My friends, my taste in clothes, or music, or politics.... Always in the back of my head there was this insecurity: what would he think about this? Now i'm free.

[@deezlife]

Thank you! Hope the forgotten middle child gets thier time, ;)

[@sintha333]

I relate to many of these, even though I was only the youngest until about 6 years old!

[@bighead1765]

Also youngest usually are the jesters in the home because it's a means to speaking truths without challenging family roles. You can speak your mind without challenging an older sibling's authority.

[@cindyfoster1351]

I'm the youngest but from a very dysfunctional family. Only a couple of these applied to me. I do feel children like a lot, and getting in trouble is scary. I would love to hear how children from dysfunctional homes change the dianamics of sibling roles. Other topics I would like to hear. How a mentally ill child impacts your parenting. How long term trauma both in childhood and your adulthood impacts your life.

[@romainequiver8909]

I'm an only child whose mother was the youngest of 7, and I relate to much of what was said in the video and in the comments. I am often greatly overwhelmed by very minor things; I'm 56 yo and have never really felt like an adult.

[@lynnej.9357]

My biggest default behaviour is to 'GET OUT OF THE WAY!' I have an awful time making decisions. I often have no idea what I want to do. Made for a bad relationship when I was married to someone who tended to be controlling.

[@nathaneichenberger9332]

I'm the youngest of two siblings , an older brother and sister. My older brother is 6 years older and my sister is 12 years older. I was born two and a half months premature and soon afterwords I developed a seizure disorder, that I outgrew so from that point on to about maybe when I was about 12 when the seizures stopped I was watched like a hawk. There are times where I feel like I'm being watched,but I tend to ignore it or attempt to ignore it. I do feel like I don't get taken seriously or my words don't carry that much weight,even with other adults. I do have identity confusion just beacause of how much I was watched over, and I'm currently in therapy to investigate that along with other things.

[@coolm3th]

I was the youngest but people often think I was the oldest child because I act in opposite of a lot of these. I had a disabled sister and a brother a decade older than me and out of the house a lot. I had a lot of expectations and an alcoholic as a dad so my essential role was to be perfect and exceed and be independent.