Life Has Been Tough Lately

[@ahlimahs]

I'm adhd/asd and started going through menopause about 5 years ago. Between that, the pandemic & work pressure, it feels like I've been on hard mode in life for years now. Thanks for putting out this video, it's not a discussion I've been able to have with anyone irl

[@bethanythatsme]

I'm also adhd/asd can very much relate. I feel like I'm holding my breath, white-knuckling it, & just waiting for the other shoe to drop I hope that life feels lighter for you soon & thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities

[@lexib671]

Aww ladies, I'm with you there. It is really hard. Keep sharing your thoughts and I hope (as I feel similarly) you can connect with other neurodivergent women near you. Every time I hear an autistic voice on socials, I feel less alone with my autism and it's proof we are more common than we may realise ❤

[@coal.sparks]

I'm 49, ADHD and autistic. I've found that when I get hot flashes, if I put my wrists on a cold glass, or ice pack, it grounds me (sensory-wise) and it cools me down. Also, weirdly, wrapping myself in a scratchy blanket. It's like introducing other sensory stuff lets me ignore the heat thing. My daughter and her boyfriend moved out in November, which was a relief in stress levels (we were not cohabitating happily), so that helped a lot as well. It made the panic attacks lessen. I'm fortunate enough to have a flexible schedule, so when I wake at stupid o'clock if I can't get back to sleep right away, I get up and clean or do something else that doesn't require mental acuity. Then go back to bed when I felt tired. I'm also trying one of those sunlight lamps to help regulate my circadian rhythm and improve my mood. Hard to really tell if that's working or not. My word for the year is "Better". I'm aiming for not perfect but better.

[@MonicaMolinar]

In 2004, my word for the year was BALANCE. That same word was my focus for each subsequent year, until 2022. So much happened in those years that I just kept feeling that balance was what I most needed. Finally, in 2022, feeling better balanced, my word shifted to CONSISTENCY (with the idea in mind that I’d cling to the balance I’d created for myself, and keeping the improved habits I’d worked hard to develop for myself. I’m still deciding whether to choose a new word for this year. I feel like I made good progress with my consistency last year, so I may move on to something new, and I like your word, BETTER. I think I’ll choose it too, as that really is what I’m working on this year. Scratchy blankets are *awesome*, aren’t they?

[@imautisticnowwhat]

I’m so sorry, Ella. If menopause is anything like breastfeeding, I’m already not looking forward to it. Hormonal shifts always seem to hit autistic people so hard. Makes it even more of a shame that research on autism in females is so under researched (and women’s health issues too, come to think of it). My mum is going through menopause. She’s not autistic, but the sleep disturbances are hitting her hard.

[@ADHDmothership]

It's now recognised that auADHD traits spike during the menstrual cycle (PMDD is a comorbid condition), and also during fluctuations during perimenopause.

[@phenexrose]

I've watched your videos for well over a year now but I never comment (makes me anxious). I have to this time to thank you for this. Your experiences are so relatable for me! I'm 45, non binary, was diagnosed as autistic less than a year ago, struggle with agoraphobia & have just started going through menopause. Like you I had no idea that hot flashes would be anything more that just feeling hot, boy was I wrong! I really appreciate you sharing your experience as I feel a lot less alone now! I'd love it if you share more about your journey through menopause & agoraphobia, anything you find that helps you or how it impacts your life (when you're comfortable enough with it) as I find this tremendously helpful,. Really, even if you are just letting us know it's rough & you haven't found solutions, because that's so relatable as well (I don't necessarily see it as negative, just real. Because sometimes life is just tough & we struggle & we haven't found a way through it yet, but it's still so very real & valid). Anyway, before I ramble more, thank you so very much for being so open & honest & helping me feel less alone in my current struggles! 💜💜💜

[@PurpleElla]

Thank you for taking the time to push through the anxiety to comment. I appreciate your words ☺️

[@bethanythatsme]

Thank you for sharing your experiences and vulnerabilities. I can relate very much. I hope you are well 💜

[@bikerztakingdownScientology406]

Same with me. If you want to chat, I am the same name on Instagram.

[@AlexLouiseWest]

Thank you all for your comments. Yes it's all really relatable.

[@gamewrit0058]

💜💜💜

[@Lyandra01]

This was a really useful video. You should add some keywords to it like “hormones”, “menopause,” and autism. This is the first video I’ve seen-in three weeks of doing an deep dive on autism-about the impact of hormonal changes during puberty and menopause on the mental health of neurodivergent people. This is something that I’m sure more parents, foster parents, and autistic people and allies should know about!

[@RainbowLuce]

I enjoyed the unscripted chatty casual nature of this video. :) Sorry things have been so hard, hopefully you manage to make some of the changes you talked about this year and that'll make a really positive difference for you. I liked the idea of a transitional activity between work and the evening - I might have to consider doing the same. Take care of yourself, lovely to see another video from you. :)

[@yodab.at1746]

It's the unsaid thing in society, and has to be talked about more to educate. It should not be a taboo subject. Thanks for this video

[@karenteneyck9835]

ELLA! We always like spending time with you, no matter what the topic. Go easy on yourself and don't work yourself into a nervous wreck. We're not going anywhere.. I know perimenopause is hard. I'm 64 and have been through it. What you have to look forward to is NO MORE PERIODS! They always made me very sick and I am so happy to finally be free of them. I don't even think about it anymore. Your time will come! xoxo

[@LoveandSoul7]

I wish you a more gentle and beautiful 2023, Ella!! You are amazing. hugs from Peru!! 💜

[@mikicionekk3554]

I wish everyone "health and peace" for 2023 and now I also wish this to you, Ella! Hugs from Poland!

[@uberrapidash2556]

First of all, I'm sorry that you have been going through such a hard time! Second, thank you so much for talking about this. Even though I have many older women in my life, no one ever talks about menopause, as if it's taboo, but I will have menopause one day, so I appreciate it that you can talk about it. Third, I'm really surprised that you have not been diagnosed with some sort of dysautonomia. I have to wonder about the "POTS testing" that you had. Doctors are hit or miss when it comes to POTS, and honestly, I would go reading around in POTS communities (if you haven't already!) and maybe consider getting a second opinion. Fourth, I was wondering how menopausal hormone changes might affect your EDS symptoms (because I have hEDS). Do you find that your joints are more stable with a reduction in estrogen? Please take care!

[@Rootiburgs]

Thank you so much for this video. I'm 50 and 3 months ago diagnosed Autistic, awaiting ADHD assessment and perimenopausal. It's a lot to deal with. I had a great counsellor last year who was also Autistic, she really helped me through my diagnosis and during a time of such uncerainty and feeling lower than ever she really assisted me boost my self esteem, that's finished now and I miss her! I really need this kind of content because it lets me know I'm not alone in this strange world. Thanks again for this video and for all of your content which has helped me work out a lot of stuff! x

[@bikerztakingdownScientology406]

Ella, I am so sorry that you have to go through all this but I am very thankful that you are on KZbin helping others, like me, figure ourselves out. HUGS I am 47 and ASD(the asd is self diagnosed) and my psychiatrist has diagnosed me with Adhd, Severe Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Bi-polar, Severe depression, PTSD, etc. and has me on 15 pills a day for the past 16 years) and they do nothing. I am also Social Security disabled from Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Fibromyalgia. I had a hysterectomy(took ovaries) 15 years ago and was on Estrogen up until September when they decided I need to go through the Menopause. So, within a week, I was in full Menopause. My counselor recently told me I am becoming Agoraphobic. It felt like you were talking about me in this video. I also am alone. I have no family alive anymore except my 3 adult sons. But, I divorced their "abusive" step-father 4 years ago and he has turned them against me. I have spent the last 4 years alone for every holiday. I have not seen them on a Holiday since 2018, and havent heard from them in months/years. All three boys live within 10 miles of me, but their father is too weak to kick them in the butt. Then, today, I got a 14 day eviction notice. My psychiatrist won't take me seriously about the ASD. She says "I would treat you the same as I do now with the medication." I don't know what to do and really hope this is ok and doesn't trigger or upset you. I don't know what to do. If anyone wants to chat, my IG name is the same as my KZbin one. Hugs to all of us dealing with so much.

[@helenm1085]

Do you have supports from other places? Eg free support lines, a good GP, support groups online for autistic adults (especially if you can find a local one). Having a few different people aware of your situation and able to make suggestions or offer support sounds helpful in this time!

[@bikerztakingdownScientology406]

@@helenm1085 I wish I did. I have no support system. Even my counselor told me that. Which I would think they would try to help me find a group, or something......

[@chrismcwilliams3552]

I didn’t use HRT myself. Black Cohosh and Chasteberry Root was what got me through. For the Hot Flashes I got a water absorbing bead filled neckerchief from the hardware store. Construction workers and landscapers use them to keep cool. A friend kept hers in a glass of cold water on her nightstand for night sweats. Give these a go, perhaps.

[@Anne-cs3bx]

I love ALL your videos Ella, the unscripted ones are just as great as the scripted ones. So much of what you say makes me feel less alone! I'm an ADHD/autistic mom going through menopause as well. And I love to travel but have been struggling with it lately too. I'm sorry last year was so hard for you, and I hope you can find more work/life balance. Just like you mentioned in this video, I've also been finding that living in the moment, one day at a time is helping me have less anxiety. Good luck!

[@ceterisparibus8966]

Love you, Ella! Keep up the fight.

[@fishinabox]

Hi so hope this year is better for you. Take care and yes balance your life and pace in whatever way suites. Your content is one of my main sources of help. I have Hypermobility and maybe hEDS. Also travelling fears. I have recently read that people with HM are six times more likely to have agoraphobia. Makes one wonder what is it all about.

[@Thought.I.Was.Clever]

Difficult year for you. Hope 23 is better!

[@LoveandSoul7]

striking a work-life balance is also tricky for me because I'm selfemployed and a content creator too!! I'm so passionate about what I do that I forget about myself sometimes. But this year I'm definitely creating more boundaries. I'm stopping work at 4 pm and then relaxing with yoga or art and a movie 💗 I love that you're planning on doing more lives and unscripted videos. they are always fun!!

[@janewarnock8855]

Sorry you've been struggling recently. Love your videos. I find them really relatable. Art is so calming, even colouring in which needs no real thought. Personally cross stitch and embroidery are my relaxation crafts 🙂

[@Sanguelto]

appreciate your videos but please take care of yourself first. a rest from youtubing may be in order?

[@lindyralph8792]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm 55 and have been in perimenopause since about your age which is also around the time (2015) I had a year of lots of trauma. I've always felt like I've never been the same mental health wise. I think a lot of things have happened in the past eight years, trauma, moving in with my partner, my son leaving home, working for myself, studying since 2019, Covid and the lockdowns and starting a new career (as a writer, so also very competitive) - all while having fluctuating hormones. I have always loved travel but now, even going to my hometown for a few days gave me severe anxiety. I suffered severe burnout in October and I'm still trying to recover from that all the while starting a new (grown-up) job at a University. It's a lot, an now that I look at it all written down, no wonder my anxiety is bad. Oh, an I also had gastric bypass surgery a year a go. Urgh.

[@alissonfurman8203]

Thank you for this video. I am 48 and perimenapausal. I noticed an increase in my ADHD symptoms over the past couple of years but had no idea dopamine was tied to estrogen.

[@jimwilliams3816]

That sounds like a tough year, I'm sorry, and I appreciate you sharing. Even in the neurodivergent community, content creators are cautious about showing too much struggle. I can understand that, but it does help when to see that other people have some of the same issues I do. Not menopause, obviously, except secondhand. It certainly hit my mother hard, and if estrogen drops mean dopamine drops, that would be why. My wife also started menopause at about your age, and I know hot flashes were terribly hard for her. I can relate to the night problems, even without hot flashes. Clonidine helps some. I sure get feeling like a difficult person, and feeling bad about yourself. I'm still trying to come back from a prolonged period of one thing after another, and it really sent me into a tail spin. Yes, not trying to think too far into the future is necessary for me these days. If I can look just a little ahead that's a pretty big achievement, and enough. I hope things even out for you, and you can travel again (I barely leave my house these days, so I get that). Be well, as well as you can.

[@margotgrey1006]

I’ve had agoraphobia for about six years, and my biggest advice would be to get into exposure therapy as soon as you can. The sooner you treat agoraphobia, the better. If agoraphobia is left untreated for years like it has in my case, you risk becoming housebound. I can barely go a few minutes away from my house right now, and if I would have then exposure therapy a lot sooner, it would’ve probably been a lot easier to manage. Continuing to avoid and not going places makes the cycle worse, and I know it is extremely challenging, but if you keep avoiding your world could get smaller and smaller. I just wanted to say that because I wish I would’ve gotten that advice when I had first been struggling with agoraphobia, but if it doesn’t apply to you then feel free to take it with a grain of salt

[@jimwilliams3816]

What was it like for you in the early stages? I’ve never really thought about agoraphobia in myself, i tended to think of it as fear of open spaces. But I’ve always been an uneasy traveler. After not going much of anywhere for long periods, I had a job that involved high pressure travel for a while...I suppose that’s sort of exposure therapy, but it was more stressful than I realized at the time. COVID and declining mental health put an end to that, and since I’m back to working at home I rarely go anywhere but the grocery store. I’m still trying to figure out how to ease into accepting COVID risk, as it’s not going away. I don’t think I’d call myself agoraphobic at this time, but I’m probably on the path you describe. Social anxiety/RSD grew worse over decades until it became almost debilitating, and I don’t want to do it with this.

[@margotgrey1006]

@@jimwilliams3816 I started getting panic attacks, and then they got more frequent, and then I started worrying about having panic attacks while I was doing things. After a few really bad experiences of me having panic attacks while driving places and stuff like that, I was scared to go outside of my town because I wanted to be close to my house in case I needed to get back there quickly when having a panic attack but now I can barely leave the house. The fear is so strong and ingrained that when there is a fire close by, I live in California, I am worried that I might need to evacuate and that is terrifying. The fear can be so intense that you are almost more scared of leaving the house then the consequences of what not leaving the house would be in situations like that..

[@jimwilliams3816]

Thanks! Apart from COVID, my biggest problem is interacting with people. Thinking about it, it’s an avoidant behavior that aligns with what I think is my version of RSD: I can be moderately fearless if I’m in oblivious, “wing it” mode, but later I look back on how things went, conclude I said or did things I shouldn’t have, and have a panic attack then. I’ve tried to get more careful about my behavior, but one effect has been a massive increase in the amount of mental focus needed for an engagement, and also more social dread before the fact. I overload much faster, which has led to more sudden outbursts I didn't see coming if something unexpected happens. And like my father did, I ruminate about my mistakes for a very long time. So I'm more and more prone to avoiding human interaction in real time, and it's leading me to agoraphobia.

[@evadebruijn]

Yes this, keep going out, the more you avoid the bigger the problem gets! I have a dog so MUST go outside on a daily basis. If I would not have him, I would get stiff sore rusty joints in no time from lack of movement, and my agoraphobia would flare up. It is like when people advised me to have my groceries delivered: it sounds like a good idea to avoid energy sucking trips to the supermarket, but I need to keep doing that and not choose avoidance for it is NOT self care to have your comfort zone getting smaller and smaller. And ACT taught me our 'bliss point' is always OUTSIDE our comfort zone! 🤗🍀💪✌️❣️

[@margotgrey1006]

@@evadebruijn yes, it seems very counterintuitive, but agoraphobia recovery is like that. It is different then autism, where you probably would want to avoid situations that would give you meltdowns or something, but with agoraphobia accommodating yourself constantly and never pushing yourself well lied to most people becoming housebound and miserable.

[@anniebmimi7210]

Bravo!!! Your upcoming year positive plans sound great and one bit at a time! I’m using some of them. The hot flashes!! Takes me back and validates my past self how much courage it takes to manage the powerful! experience of stages of womanhood! Thanks for the spontaneous chat. I’m married to a man with Aspy traits and he jokes that I am not exactly NT myself. Let’s all agree ALL NTs are NOT the same either. 😆 Anyway, thanks for putting your experiences out there. My loneliness is much much less after hearing you. God Bless

[@nettie7645]

Hi Ella. I think you're awesome. Be kind to you. I'm 42 and through watching your vlogs I see that our lives have had a similar transjection. Even down to the menapause. My brain is a whurlitzer too. It's unrelenting. It's magic. It's exhausting. It's original. All at the same time whilst calculating the mundane stuffs. I had a proper job. And one day I just decided to retrain as a nontypical (body n mind) aerobics instructor. I love my job in all the ways. At the pinnacle I think the movement keeps me regulated, happy and somewhat balanced. I just felt compelled to share that with you. Lotsalove xxxx

[@briena8881]

Thank you for the honesty and openness of such difficult times of your life and the unscripted way you talked about it. It was really easy to follow and understand, and I am sorry you had such a hard time. I am impressed of your strength to choose not to talk about it until it's nearly over. This focus on looking forward is very inspiring! Especially if it comes from a point of struggle as you had it lately. I wish you well for this year and that your hormones will soon find a better balance 💟

[@renabrown6107]

I think this is great and really refreshing. I started menopause early, but the doctor didn't prescribe hrt. Maybe that's why. The reasons you shared. I'm on the pill. It's been fine. Maybe you could try that. ❤️💕

[@YourQueerGreatAuntie]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Ella, and having taken the time to process things privately too. It's clear from the comments that you've rung some big bells for a lot of people! I'm one of those - 45, peri-menopausal, HEDSer, self-diagnosed ASD&ADHD, and currently experiencing Covid for the first time! I have a specialist EDS physio who was the first health worker who drew the connection (for me) between changes in our chronic conditions and hormonal changes. I didn't seek an EDS diagnosis fervently until I dislocated my hip for the first time 5 or 6 years ago. My physio nodded and said, "Of course the presentation of your condition will change over the life cycle". I've only recently started thinking of myself as neurodivergent thanks to having a ton of friends who are also ND! Recently, I listened to a podcast (by a neuropsychiatrist, not a self-identified NDer) about how autism changes over the life-cycle. One person in a study commented that she felt like menopause "broke" her autism. That's very much how I've been feeling, with sensory sensitivities, emotional disregulation and lots of new stimming. I feel like things I have tolerated for my adult life are no longer bearable. This is especially prevalent when using public transport, which is my only option as a wheelchair and guide-dog user. Anyway, thank you again for raising these topics. I feel short-changed that we were never taught about menopause at school, even in schools that did some biological sex education. Plus, the research into hormonal changes and how they impact on us is so flimsy! It's down to us, the people experiencing it, to keep sharing our stories so that the next generation have a better chance of being prepared, and learning how to manage their conditions better.

[@hispoiema]

my hotflashes began at age 40 and I would get bright red, heart pound, profuse sweating for a few minutes then it would go away. I also got cold flashes. I'm 58 now and my only hot flashes are from anxiety now.

[@andrearoberson]

We love you Ella, I really love your videos like these. So relatable! Wishing you joy, peace, and abundant wealth. I'm sorry HRT was so difficult. I went through surgical menopause. Thank u for bringing up this topic. I experienced *hot* flashes...more like having a fever. Burning Hot/Freezing Cold. I would not have survived without medication. I am curious how ASD impacts menopause (we know that's completely understudied). I wasn't yet diagnosed when I had my surgery. So you set off a light bulb. Your vulnerability is so appreciated. I have trouble keeping up with "groups". Asd support groups. Facebook Adhd/Asd groups. It's a lot of energy for me. Im you're age, and scared for how aging is going to impact my symptoms in the future. I don't have a Asd therapist. So all that you do...is medicine, inspiration, and empowers me to keep going. I also have quite the difficulty traveling...despite wanting more than anything to do more of it. I'm determined to use my creativity to create the best life for me! Thank you again, for keeping us encouraged. And despite my negativity, feeling like wanting to give up sometimes, knowing you're fighting for us, brings a calm, settles anxiety attacks, and fills my heart with love! Infinite Gratitude! -Andrea

[@og5607]

All the best for the year ahead

[@Hulachowdown]

I am sorry you are struggling, that sounds like no fun but at least you have a plan on working on feeling better. I want to thank you for your content. I have recently found your videos and the more i watch the more I start to believe that I at least have some traits of autism and was diagnosed as having adhd last year. A lot of the things you say just make sense to me and it is the first time I feel heard which is nice. Maybe this will help me with my own wellness plan since I can say I have been struggling the last few years .

[@Nothingbuttechyt]

just found your channel great video 😊

[@neurodivergentNat]

I feel for you! I’m 47 and in perimenopause but have concurring anxiety, so goodness knows it’ll probably ramp up when in actual menopause! Plus I’ve already experienced anxiety/panic attacks 😢 I’m also hEDS… I do wonder how this plays into it.. or not? x

[@fishinabox]

Hi I have read recently that people with Hypermobility are six times more likely to have agoraphobia. Also if I remember rightly 70% have anxiety issues. Yes what is it all about.

[@cazridley5822]

I can completely relate peri menopause is what broke my mask and lead to my ASD diagnosis , I have also just been diagnosed with hyper mobile joints ( waiting at the moment to see if it is HJD or hEDS) having been in excruciating pain for the last 6 months . I have decided to try medication for my anxiety as it’s really negatively impacting my marriage because I don’t want to leave the house and can’t cope with any kind of stress ( but need to work full time). So thank you for sharing and for inspiring me to try and be more positive and work on all these things in 2023.

[@Mandysfarm]

This all feels so familiar. I’m now 52 and post menopause I started at 48 and went through all the symptoms mega fast in like three months then was just left with hot flushes in addition to my adhd and autistic symptoms. I tried hrt but it made me feel much worse so stopped and just lump the hot flushes I get now and again but my anxiety levels increased to very high levels. I took a trip back to the UK last year and ended up being stuck for 7 months which took a huge toll on me. I’m now home in Portugal again and feeling much better but I do tend to live a solitary life now as I just can’t handle people.

[@renabrown6107]

Also, just coming out of burnout and a nasty infection, I've bought a fantastic scheduling diary that I complete each morning. Inspired by your suggestions. I'm journaling too and both are great. Thank you for your advice and videos. ❤️💕

[@SpectrumPOV]

You're older than I thought you were.

[@JK-ek5jv]

I’m so glad you shared all of this!!! I needed this right now as I am 43 and experiencing everything you just talked about! I’m self diagnosed asd and adhd and this last year has been SO hard for me too as I just started noticing perimenopause. Also have had issues with waking up early with anxiety and I need a lot of sleep too. I’ve started to have a lot of resistance to leaving the house too that’s just gotten worse and worse. I can really relate to your desire for privacy as you process. I’m the same exact way! I can’t tell you how validated I feel this morning listening to you. THANK YOU for sharing this and showing me that these things are likely all related and not because I’m just failing at being human. Sending you so much love! ❤❤❤

[@philly8184]

Also EDS, ADHD, autistic and going through menopause. I’m 44, also.

[@jeanette6676]

I can relate to so much of this. The agoraphobia could be linked to the menopause. I stuggle to leave the house alone too at the moment

[@bikerztakingdownScientology406]

The agoraphobia linked to menopause? I have never heard that.

[@jilldickson4352]

I’m 73 and having the most awful hot flushes but I also have cold flushes. I can tell when a hot flush is coming because I don’t feel very well and it starts in my head before my anatomy joins in. 😢

[@lindsayriley5818]

Ella you are doing great . You have so much set against you yet your tenacity is remarkable… Be kind to yourself … you deserve the world … lots love chick xx

[@createamenopauserecovery]

KZbin “Create a menopause recovery “. Expert help. ❤

[@AeonZhang]

✨🤗✨Purple Ella✨🤗✨ Menopause at 45, now 55 still have it 😞, I am Neuro Diverse. Having the Menopause has not been easy for me. Take Care Purple Ella ✨💜✨ ✨🤗🤗🤗✨ 💫✨🌟❤️🌟✨💫

[@shari-leigallagher676]

🤦🏼‍♀️ Yup… combination menopausal hot flashes / anxiety / grrrrrrr moods…. I feel your pain and frustration. The struggle is very real. I cannot do HRT either.

[@lexib671]

Thank you, Ella, for talking about menopause as an AuDHDer. Am perimenopausal and AuDHDer too, and a decade behind ya but haven't heard from anyone talk about the physiological symptoms and navigating it as a ND. Really appreciate your openness

[@Thee_BreezyBeenie]

Hot flashes are MURDER! I described it like this.... I felt like a toaster. Suddenly I would feel the hot coils begun to glow red within me. Yes, my skin stayed cool to the touch. In fact, I often felt cold on the outside and hot on the inside at the same time. Any8ne but me adjusts the thermostat, and there's hell to pay!! I'm kidding. I'm not THAT mean. My OBGYN put my on Estradiol since I no longer have ovaries. Or a uterus. That stopped the hot flashes. What it didn't help, even a little, were the night sweats. Lord have MERCY. Then a friend of mine recommended I try taking Royal Jelly. Desperate, I purchased some and hoped for the best. The night sweat stopped. I feel fantastic now! I take Y.S. ECO Bee Farms, "Active Bee Power" & "Pure Royal Energizer" royal jellies. HIGHLY recommend.

[@TanyaDee]

I appreciate all you do. Thank you for sharing (as you always do) things that help you. It's so helpful for so many.

[@natalienolan6895]

I also had a bad year last year. It was one thing after the other for me too! Also on pathways for ASD/ADHD and have hormonal issues PCOS, auto-immune issues etc and I've also experienced agoraphobia but I am doing better on Fluoxetine/Prozac. Thanks for sharing, made me feel like it wasn't just me having a difficult time. Hope 2023 is better for both of us xx

[@oliviatuck4421]

Sending love and support, Ella. I often come back to your videos. My period completely overwhelms me every month, I often get suicidal with PMT, so I can't imagine how it must feel to be menopausal/pregnant/postpartum. My heart goes out to any hormonal Lost Girl sisters reading this.

[@lucyjollow2556]

Thank you so much for this video - it felt like such a mirror of what I’m going through, and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing the same stuff but also relieved that I’m not alone. I’m a ‘recovering agoraphobic’ (I can now do some overnight stays if I take beta blockers, eat simple food and avoid smells, heat, crowds, low ceilings, ‘wrong’ noises, etc), and I can see how easily the hot-terrors (as I call them) could set me back. I’m interested to know which kind of HRT you tried, as I had an awful time with panic attacks when on the combined contraceptive pill and am unsure if I will be helped by HRT. I wondered if body identical progesterone replacement like Utrogestan might be better than the progestin options. I feel like my ‘mask’ for coping with normal life has been ripped off and now I can’t deal with anything outside my comfort zone, but feel like my partner might be fed up with this more complicated, more difficult me. Hope things are going a bit better for you now, and giving you a wave of solidarity from my sofa…

[@YesImQuietlyJudgingYou]

Hi Ella Goddess I feel you. I have MCS (multiple chemical sensitivity), which means that I can’t be around people that are wearing scented products with out getting very sick. So, no cinema, traveling, parties, birthdays, weddings, and so on. But what gets me the most is that I can’t be there fully for my daughter growing up (she is 2 now). I can’t go with her to events, sports, fairs, and she will not bee able to have friends over, that has any scent on them or their clothes. I truly hope that you get better and or get new tools to cope, so you can do all the things you wish to do with your family and for yourself. Ps. Thank you for being you. I am still struggling with getting an appointment (currently a 2 year wait) and getting diagnosed with ASD and PTSD on top of the ADD diagnosis that I have. You are so inspiring, and a big comfort for me on the very bad days. TA

[@lexib671]

Also, so interesting re. your response to progesterone as part of HRT. Something clicked for me: postpartum first time around when I took the mini pill (progesterone form of contraception) I had the wildest mood swings and became flat out, burnedout. Unable to function much each day and it's not until now that I ever suspected my then-undiagnosed Autism and ADHD would be so adversely affected by such a contraception. At the time I put it down to throes of sleepless motherhood without support. Which obviously too, was a factor in how I struggled.

[@jerichoburg7065]

I'm just catching this video now, but I really appreciated it. I went through menopause a while ago now, but I only learned I had ADHD and autism a couple of years ago, and it was so interesting to learn about the relationship between estrogen and dopamine (unfortunately after the fact). I definitely experienced more emotional disregulation (though thankfully missed hot flashes) and an increase in brain fog and forgetfulness that got a bit better after a couple of years, but then worse again during pandemic lockdowns in 2020-21. And now I'm experiencing generalized anxiety pretty regularly, whether from the pandemic or something else, though I'm living somewhere where I can't do much about it. But here's to moving forward!

[@Thee_BreezyBeenie]

That's interesting. I take estrogen and only estrogen. My doctor was adamant that I stop progesterone. I'm actually doing better without it.

[@hyunsuan2074]

There are several informative seminars about how the reduction of estrogen affect our executive functions, and can create or exacerbate existing ADHD symptoms. Prof. Sandra Kooji is one of the leading professionals in the subject.

[@mollysolomon1883]

much love to you. thank you for sharing your experience with us. i feel very grateful to connect in this way. moving forward! I love it! i get really overwhelmed when confused and emotions and people are really really confusing. it causes anxiety and depression in the extreme. but also just having a job and obligations to family is too! one principle is "just keep moving forward". Another is "willingness" and being willing to feel things, stay curious, analyze and then act. Love how you're nurturing your creative spirit! Discipline indeed, and patience! Sometimes I write things down and then come back to it later. It helps. I've started a gratitude journal too! And starting to accommodate myself with using earplugs or going into a more calm space when needed is so helpful.

[@Ellen-mt2ob]

I had my last period ten years ago at 48. ASD traits seem more amplified (which led to self-diagnosis) but menopause has also meant not caring as much about social acceptance. Also, I am learning to accept anxiety and depression when they come, knowing they will pass like waves. You will find your groove.

[@SavageBear_YT]

Biiiiig Mood. I appreciate your videos. I only learned about my ADHD/Autism over the past year, I understand the overwhelm, and my partner also has medical anxiety. Anyone have any tips for how I can better support him? I don't know what to say other than "talk to a doctor" which mostly draws a disdainful groan due to social anxiety. I hope this month has been better for you Purple.

[@arasharfa]

i'm so sorry Ella! I heard about several people with long covid who developed agoraphobia simply from being so damn exhausted that leaving the house is too much energy spent, myself included ( I have suspected ME which is supposedly the same but from unknown virus.) It gets easier.

[@KP-vl1to]

My experience of hot flashesat 41 is basically me feeling like the room is very hot or stuffy when I can see the temperature on the thermostat is one where I'd typically feel comfortable. I sweat often at night thinking it's too hot yet it's 66° inside. I've been a warm natured person all my life, but I'm also experiencing bouts of feeling the opposite of this extreme at times ..I feel colder than normal..but I definitely can't sleep unless the temperature is below 68° . Agoraphobia set in during the pandemic but became more of an issue in 2022.. I literally don't care if I don't leave home for months. I have young onset parkinson's as well. I'm self diagnosed ASD, solely because of my anxiety of doctors and the processes of obtaining a diagnosis that likely won't change my experience as I'm certain I'm autistic with ADHD.. I take an ADHD medication to treat the fatigue of parkinson's and there's a notable difference in the way I do everything in life ..I'm basically non functional off the meds.. I've taken the meds 11 years now with minimal changes in the dosage in this Time. I do feel like our experiences are quite similar.

[@queenmotherbug]

Thank you for sharing what's going on with you, Ella. I'm 42 and for the past year, I've shown some signs of perimenopause. I had no idea what was going on with me because no one really talks about it. There's still a stigma around discussing women's health issues, even though they're perfectly natural and a normal part of life. I've been having night sweats and acne outbreaks, and I feel like I'm going through puberty again!

[@josephmartin1540]

This was great! Helped me to understand the parts I completely associate with as well as to understand the parts about which I have no clue. Real and easy to follow. I pray your safe people give you a hug [if you're one who can stand hugs] which is like a safe and helping weighted blanket. Hope that communicates well. Don't really know how to say it, but meaning good blessing acceptance!

[@CW-jw3el]

Perimenopause is the worse! I'm 41 but it's normal for my family to go through menopause early... My hot flashes can come with insane nausea and the nausea has caused me to be trapped at work not able to leave and once on the way home not able to keep going. I'm only on progesterone at the moment but will try the estrogen too... Hopefully it works. It's really freaking bad. Solidarity!

[@HarrietLeclair]

Menopause was awful for me! I did not know about my autism then. I wonder if it would have been easier had I known? I hope things smooth out for you. My life slowly and gradually balanced itself out. But it’s not for the faint of heart!

[@ReineDeLaSeine14]

I’m a bit confused because POTS isn’t the only kind of autonomic dysfunction…I hope your GP checked you for other kinds too

[@UneviedanslesMontsdArree-zn7kf]

Thank you So much ! Menopause here too. I am autistic, and 45. And Well… symptoms are soooo strong sometimes. Your video is helpful. 🙏

[@pardalote]

Thank you so much for this video. You helped me feel not alone. 2022 was also a hard year for me dealing with menopause, post covid brain-fog, and fatigue as well as challenges from asd and anxiety. I really feel for you.

[@ThatGingerwiththeGla]

I don't know how your healthcare systems deals with menopause, but when my mother was going through it she had to continuously stay on her doctor about levels with HRT. That could be what you were dealing with, if it is in fact as bad as the Americas.

[@lorrainespear1210]

I just came across your channel and have enjoyed your videos for the insight it gives me towards my teen daughter. I just wanted to share that Ashwagandha gummies have completely cleared up my hot flashes that I had been experiencing daily for over a year. It took a few weeks to ramp up in my system but I haven't had a hot flash in months even when experiencing extreme stress which would normally trigger a hot flash.

[@carawilliams4958]

Let me know what the best comment I could leave for the algorithm is... and I will post my most sincere version of it now...

[@savannahwalton2748]

What earphones do you have post link looking for comfy pair

[@kaminathekoach9087]

Sending so much love Ella. This started happening to me in 2021. Thank you for sharing because it helps me not feel so alone. Brain fog related to perimenopause happened for the first time at work and I thought I was losing my mind. Black Cohosh (plant estrogen) has helped really helped me tons. I relate to the agoraphobia as well. Covid forced me back to my home country after almost a decade of living abroad. Being back for the first time in almost a decade during social unrest, Covid, and my own mental health challenges I felt like I wasn't going to make it, especially being without family nor a support system. Cheers to being brave enough to share this Ella! I honestly appreciate this so very much. Always a pleasure to see your face!

[@kalieris]

I started going into menopause at 42 (am 53 now). Could relate to all of this. ❤️

[@BerniceHayden]

I just have to say you make me seen and have been for me practically effective. I am so grateful you are sharing this vulnerable side of yourself with us. Its a great gift.

[@kathybramley5609]

This was lovely. I like unscripted videos. Obviously not celebrating or enjoying the fact that life has been difficult though. I take the day by day, living in the moment thing to extremes by barely knowing what day it is and just riding through whatever pains and funny turns I get! And whatever else is going on but trying to better for my families needs. There are things I should have taken to the doctors. I think I have been having hot flushes - I think I had them as a teenager too. I've wondered if it was MCAS before because wine more likely red, perhaps sulphites and similar allergy triggers seems to set it off sometimes, and there's big red patches. The interesting thing is that I realised a few years ago that my gender dysphoria kicked up when perhaps I started perimenopause: it was worse as a teenager too. I'm only just older than you, we're about the same age.

[@QCCatPlanes]

Thankyou very much, @Purple Ella for sharing your experience of how menopause is affecting you as a neuro diverse person. It helps me feel less alone.

[@helenm1085]

I know tiktok is a big deal, but it seems like such a brain melter and easy distraction... Is it possible to not be on tiktok? Or is it a big money maker for you?

[@wolfdreams2000]

I'm sorry things have been so rough. 😔 Sending you peace and healing

[@marymyers4751]

I am 54 and I still have my period. Better to just get it done.

[@GaasubaMeskhenet]

I think my worst meltdown triggered by heat is one of the things that made my father decide I'm dangerous even tho I've never tried to hurt anyone

[@juliabernardo4387]

Sorry progesterone not projesterone lol.

[@samanthamoon8051]

I needed this so badly right now 😢

[@kayjay-kreations]

Thanks 😊

[@AuDHDinAus]

Hi Ella, Thankyou for posting this. I too am autistic with ADHD and panic disorder/agoraphobia. Like you I've been struggling with the changes and difficulties of menopause with loads of trips to A&E, so I really identify with everything you have shared here. You're amazing and your content is fabulous. Take care, be well. Nic

[@dovestone_]

My mum is going through the menopause rn and is struggling with everything you’ve mentioned

[@erikaquirk4625]

Thanks for sharing. I find you so relatable. 🤗

[@sarahgibbons9737]

I'm 42 and had a cancer scare (luckily just bad fibroids) and got put on gnrh injection the month I turned 40, the month before I got my official autism/ADHD diagnosis 😂 fun times. Went through chemical menopause which then turned everything off and I've not started again so technically menopausal. I tried h.r.t but it didn't agree with me. I'm using menopace max on the advice of my consultant and that seems to have helped the anxiety. It's very strange to experience menopause at a time my peers haven't. My agoraphobia has got worse around being scared of strangers or acquaintances think they are judging or going to shout at me which I haven't had since I was a teenager so may be hormone related. I'm sorry last year was so hard 💕 Can you schedule your KZbin upload?

[@jimwilliams3816]

What I think you’re describing, feeling like you sense hostility or judgment, sounds similar to issues I’ve had for some time. I think it has some connection to my overactive amygdala and fight/flight/freeze response. It’s presumably not estrogen related in my case, but if there’s an estrogen-dopamine connection, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was part of it. My whole family chased dopamine, my mother had issues like mine, and I think I’ve pretty well proved to myself that low dopamine is my biggest issue.

[@bethanythatsme]

Thank you for all the work you put into your channel. The sharing you do helps me facilitate my own experience & that's an invaluable resource. I've had reproductive issues that been disruptive to say the least, but being able to describe what's happening to healthcare providers has always proven challenging. All of my rambling is to say that thank you for being so generous of yourself. Your discord community is a fantastic safe space that means so much

[@amandachapman4708]

Ohhh, covid is so tough. I got it for the first time in July and I'm still not right. I'm still struggling to function at more than just basic level, I'm not sleeping well at night but am falling asleep at all sorts of odd moments during the day. Covid on top of perimenopause must be grim 🫂 I'm glad you've got the support of Mr Purple.