Light a spark: navigating the mid-life malaise | Patricia Katz | TEDxSaskatoon

At some point in mid life many people find themselves suffering from malaise - an unfocused feeling of discontent, a vague uneasiness, a sense that there might be or must be something more. They feel restless, uninspired, stuck or stale - cruising on autopilot, going through the motions.
Instead of resisting or ignoring this state, how do you embrace mid life malaise and use it as a jumping off point for exploring what comes next?
How do you elevate your everyday experience in ways that connect you to greater satisfaction, joy, and delight?
How do you do this in ways that don't scuttle or destroy those things that may well be ‘right’ in your world?
This talk will deliver practical strategies and real-life examples designed to light a spark and point the way.
Spokesperson for a Better Way | Patricia Katz, of Optimus Consulting, is a noticer, an appreciative adventurer, and a spokesperson for a better way to a better world. She finds joy in helping people get a sense of how things could be and encouraging them to take those first steps in more positive directions. Pat believes people should raise their sights and spirits as they encounter the doldrums of mid-to-late life. She wants others to understand that fresh challenges and new ventures continue to be important as we age, that coasting to the finish line is not your only option. Pat has inspired tens of thousands of people to accomplish what matters most that brings peace of mind. She is the bestselling author of six books, a certified human resource professional, and an inductee of the Canadian Speaking Hall of Fame. Pat is also an accomplished watercolor artist, a wife of over 40 years, a mom of two grown daughters, and grandmother to two young boys.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@ArtbyMagic]

People until midlife live in a mimicking mode doing things that will give them success. Once you hit midlife you realize life is short and you don’t want to waste it anymore on things and habits that don’t interest you. At this point money becomes less meaningful and people do what they always wanted.

[@bunburychic9755]

Yes🙌

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

We definitely learn more about our real needs as we age. Recognizing what we sense and then doing something about it contributes to our happiness and wellbeing. Thanks for your comments, Pat

[@MTtroutfisher406]

Awesome insight. Thanks!

[@malloryhead]

I’m 39 and it hit me hard this year. I realised I’ve accomplished all I’ve set to do, good husband, great kid, nice house. I worked hard for it. Have a great job, travel overseas 2 times a year and financially doing well . But I feel like there’s nothing else to strive for. I did it all. Met the people I want to meet. I’m not depressed and love doing stuff. But it’s like this hole in my brain and something that used to be there is now missing. Like I can’t access my goal oriented self anymore. This def resonated with me.

[@kelliegarrett6533]

I felt a shiver down my spine when you spoke the words, "The force of unmet expectations..." It hits like a thunderbolt. I have always admired you, and I love your story and delivery. Kudos to you, dear, talented Pat!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

A very belated thanks, Kellie, for your kind comments here. Those unmet expectations - or unloved lives - can be a tremendous force for change.

[@marahenryPA]

This hit home for me! I needed it so much! The fog you talk about i feel like I am in it, I've felt lost, stuck, not knowing where I am going. Thank you for the encouragement that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Keep looking around and looking forward - watch for that spark of excitement, grab on and see where it takes you. All the best, Pat

[@kellyb.6127]

I'm in my mid-40s, going through menopause, unhappy where I am living, and desperate to allow something new into my life. "How do you want to be when you grow old?" is the perfect question for me to explore right now. Thank you, Pat. 🌷

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

So glad that question landed in your lap just when you needed it. Hope you are finding your way through to what comes next for you. All the best, Pat

[@ShanaTurner3]

Thank you, Patricia. I wish I could give you a hug. I have felt so very lost and alone at this point in my life.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

HI Shana. I hope this message gave you hope. So many people are going through malaise and eventually stepping into a brighter future.Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@charlottemartin8529]

Thanks so much I really needed this. I couldn’t define how I’m feeling. This explains it perfectly and directs possible ways forward xx

[@MidlifeCredo]

Reworking midlife at 55-almost an empty nester-it’s a journey for sure!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Hope that you are finding possibilities in your explorations and making your way to an engaging 'next' stage of life. Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@MidlifeCredo]

@@PatKatzPauseworks I am, thank you! I’m almost 57 and life is getting better and better.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

@@MidlifeCredo So glad to hear that life is growing brighter for you. Travel on... Cheers, Pat

[@mohdy.j.3532]

An amazing talk and i really need this. Really appreciate it. Thank you

[@pilar9247]

This message really speaks to me. It is important to hear things that I have been thinking about. It is important to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack in the process. I am feeling some anxiety and stress. I need to breathe and learn to be more patient with myself. I am trying to embrace the malaise because I have to go through it. There is no over, under or around. I must accept it as part of where I am at. This is the lesson that lead to a breakthrough. Thank you

[@barbaramcnichol11]

Pat, You hit a home run. Thanks for your artistic expression of what people feel and a simple path to follow to overcome malaise. Great use of language and the power of three. Well done!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

A very belated thanks, Barbara, for your kind words. Watching it even now, I'm pleased with how the message came together and that people continue to find it helpful. xo Pat

[@jamesevanperez536]

Amaaaaaaaaazing speaker/presenter, wonderful stage presence, amazing talk, lovely, helpful insights! Thank you!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I hope they help you find your next stage of life for you. Warm Wishes, Pat

[@annaklinecreates]

I've listened to this twice already and will definitely listen to it several more times. I'm 45 and currently deep *in it*. What you've shared is insightful, proactive and so helpful for me right now. Thanks for sharing your perspective & best wishes :)

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Thanks to all who have noted how this message was so impactful and helpful. Please share the link with all those in your circles who may be experiencing some sort of malaise in their lives, too. Pass the help along. Appreciatively, Patricia Katz

[@blahblah1438]

I am 50. I feel like I have no one to relate to. Like I have not found my people

[@jamesevanperez536]

You are an amazing speaker!!! Oh gosh! Inspiring! Thank you for inspiring me tonight.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

@@jamesevanperez536 Thank you so much for the kind words. So happy you found this inspiring. All the best, Pat

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

@@blahblah1438 These pandemic times are not an easy time to be feeling along and unsupported. I hope you are able to stay open to possible connections and not give up hope. Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@JamesOKeefe-US]

Truly a spectacular talk. My wife and I are approaching 50 and this spoke to so many of the feelings we are having. Thank you for this!

[@ethleen]

WOW this is exactly what I'm going through right now. Thank you very much. Now it's making sense.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Ethleen, I'm so glad you found some perspective in the message. Wishing you all the best as you move through malaise in your world.

[@asheeshkchopra]

Loved the talk! Just what I needed 😀

[@kevinalvarez4421]

I’m only 30 but I already feel a ton of these subjects she explains hahaha. I think being more empathetic can also help you notice these changes. Always pursue what you love, even through the bad times.

[@PatrickAllenNL]

Kevin Alvarez yes me too

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Keep looking for the good stuff - the bits of life that excite you. Follow your nose and see where it takes you. Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@imnotgonnasay3612]

I had my first midl-life crisis freak out today! Glad I found this video! I now know what I need to do! Thank you for sharing!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Hope you are working your way through and into what comes next for you. All the best, Pat

[@reenaruparelia8807]

this is just amazing - Pat Katz you are amazing!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Reena, thanks so much for your kind comments. I appreciate it greatly.

[@camuscat123]

As an art therapist, I applaud you!!! Those bent houses express so much applicable to your talk. I have always been an artist...you meet me...yeah...she's an artist. At 41, (my birthday 3 years ago) I chose to pursue a more scientific career in experimental psychology. I will never abandon my art, I am sure I will hit more crossroads, but I know what I value for myself, and that will spread on to others ( in art and science). You're a true gem.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Wendy, thanks so much for your comments here. I'm sure your art will wend its way through what comes next for you, too. All the best, Pat

[@chitramoontarot]

Amazing!!! Thank you!

[@Splendid365]

Thank you Patricia. You said exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve found my kindling, lit my match and am about to fan the 🔥!! Much love.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

I'm so excited for you. Hope you are enjoying a Splendid365 next stage of life. :) All the best, Pat

[@Splendid365]

@@PatKatzPauseworks wow! I just went through a time-warp!! You just responded to my post from two years ago!! If you're interested - here's a quick update... First came the gut wrenching separation, year of isolation and subsequent divorce...pre-2020! Just when I thought I was "cleared for take off" after recalibrating, Covid hits and my musical debut (open mics for the first time) comes to a screeching halt along with my business, my social life and forget about meeting someone new! Back to a life of isolation and loneliness like I've never known. Losing myself, finding myself, moving my son back home to help him out through Covid plus all kinds of unexpected lows. Everything seemed to be dying, including my dog ...and even my chickens! 😔 I pivoted midway through the year and enrolled in iPEC to become a certified life coach. It's February 24, 2021 and I'm weeks away from finishing my studies. I am so grateful for all that I've gone through. I've miraculously healed from so much. Living in acceptance, forgiveness and self-love has been key and I know I am equipped now in a way like never before to help others navigate the uncharted waters of life ... especially when it comes to pressing the reset button after 60!!! Thank you again Pat!! 🌬💛💛💛

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

@@Splendid365 I so love a story with a happy ending!! I'm delighted to hear that your life has taken a turn for the splendid! What a time you have had - and such a rich period of learning. I wish you every success in your next stage as life coach. You will truly be a credible source and support for those you work with. All the best, Pat

[@sweetsingin]

Thanks for the reassurance & guidance.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

You are most welcome. I'm so glad to hear that this message was helpful for you.

[@ErinBirchCoaching]

Thoroughly enjoyed this video! Can very much relate!!! Personally, I am thrilled to be having my midlife realization!!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Good for you for keeping your eyes wide open and embracing the possibilities of what comes next for you. Wishing you a continued great life, Pat

[@JaniceTrades777]

I'm restarting now at 42 and dont know how its going to go. Im glad for these motivational ted talks though.

[@aperfecttool462]

@Tammy Crayne I'm about to turn 40 and knee deep in this restlessness.

[@aperfecttool462]

I just turned 40 and.....yeah.....same.

[@noellemariawatson2695]

42 and ahhhhhh

[@11fathoms]

42. Ugh.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Embrace the possibilities that come with change and age. Who knows what delights lie ahead. Be open to the possibilities. All the best, Pat

[@lauridomingo]

Lovely and oh so relevant. Thank you.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Glad you found this helpful Lauri

[@carolina9304]

OMG, this was really comforting ❤

[@tymchatyn]

Unmet expectations and interesting concept as to midlife malaise. Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate the murky reference since I am always looking for the thunderbolt.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

A very belated thanks for your comments, Pat. Glad you enjoyed the message.

[@delatroy]

Great perspective thanks

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

So glad you found it helpful.

[@NgarachuMuiu]

So inspiring am looking for my flame after 60 years and you have inspired me

[@JaneEva]

Great talk, thanks! :)

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Glad you found it helpful Deborah. Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@aut1976]

Great Vid. I`m in my forties and noticed that I am at a big crossroad in my life. This video helps a lot. Thank you so much!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Martine, a belated thanks for your comment. I'm glad this gave you a new way to think about the crossroads in your life.

[@crikeymos22]

Wow only listening for a couple of minutes and delivered and explained to perfection. Every other vid I have watched has been useless.

[@leshandford6824]

Loved the talk! Perhaps we go though the stages of resign, detonate and explore as a part of our journey! Excellent advice to follow!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Les, we absolutely do go through those stages - and repeatedly through life. The Hudson Institute has a great model for what they call the Cycle of Renewal. You might enjoy looking into it.

[@margaretsetochan1006]

Well done. A lot of mid life people need to hear this talk. Where can I get the sketches of Saskatoon book?

[@HouseofYaa]

Toooo real for me right now exploration has taken a long time still a little lost but hey ploughing through great talk 👍🏾

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Exploration does indeed take its own sweet time. Don't despair - something wonderful lies ahead for you. All the best, Pat

[@phennix08]

Perfect timing

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Glad to have been on the right timeline for you. Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@istvanpraha]

I have this. Have accomplished stuff but you don’t get the dopamine hit when you slowly work towards something, it just feels normal to you after a while

[@lynnrich114]

Thank you!

[@mikebrees6236]

That was helpful..

[@lidiavukasin6673]

Fantastic

[@Farnhamification]

Great public speaker.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Thanks so much. I'm delighted you enjoyed the message. All the best, Pat

[@kme3894]

this is the luckier scenario for midlife crisis. What about those of us who find themselves alone and overwhelmed by the mess left behind by our family of origin and are barely hoping to either survive somehow (financially, primarily) or die as soon as possible? I don't even know if I'll end up homeless tomorrow, let alone think about what my dreams once were or art. I wish it were that simple

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

When/if we find ourselves in serious situations, we need serious help. Hope you are able to reach out for support from professionals who can help you work your way through the past, the present and into a more positive future. And, nope, that is never easy. Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@kristatimberlake600]

I also started painting, I even sold one. But my X MIL had my son destroy all of my work. I haven't been able to paint since.

[@leftyturquoise3675]

I suggest reading "Look at the Sun" by Don Carswell, the first 'coming-of-middle-age novel!'

[@noellemariawatson2695]

Thanks. Ordered it!

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Thanks for the suggestion, Pat

[@ruthtarran1806]

Oh this is my husband, he is having a MLC and our relationship has been trashed. So very sad for everyone. No winners here

[@RaederlePhoenix]

That's really tough. *hugs*

[@ruthtarran1806]

@@RaederlePhoenix Thank you, learning that tough is a good time for growth. But it sucks big time.

[@RaederlePhoenix]

I'm going through something like this, although I've only just turned thirty. Ever since I realized I was turning thirty soon, I began feeling anxious. That anxiety morphed into depression when I began thinking about things I used to be able to do but don't seem to be able to do anymore. I keep feeling a sense of possibilities narrowing instead of expanding, and it feels awful.

[@blueballbag3588]

I hear you Raederie, a frame of mind is important to get you through

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Yes, there is indeed some diminishment as we age - even more as the years go along. However, there is also an opening up of new possibilities and different ways of being that carry just as much or more satisfaction. Keep your eyes open for the good stuff. All the best, Pat

[@thissociallife]

i am seriously going through this. :(

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

I hope you're finding your way through and on to what comes next for you. Fabulous things are out there. All the best, Pat

[@deannang455]

It is so hard going through this during a pandemic. 2021

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

@@deannang455 Yes. It's not easy at the best of times. The pandemic makes so many things more challenging. All the best, Pat

[@paullad3178]

I am enveloped by that black cloud.

[@doctorvsh]

Am 33 and I feel this way

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

This cycle of renewal happens throughout our lives - age seems not to be the limiting factor. Hope you are finding your way through to what comes next to you. All the best, Pat

[@doctorvsh]

@@PatKatzPauseworks thank you for the reply Pat

[@victorchen5663]

Nice talk, but honestly all she is trying to say is, "get a hobby, get excited about something". It's not ultra profound, but she had an effective way to deliver the simple message.

[@samanthafox3124]

In my opinion, she might appear ambiguous purposely because everyone has to carve their own path. There is no single right answer for everyone. It's not a one size fits all. She is pointing out the why, what, when of that rut feeling, from there the path is yours to choose.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

HI Victor. Yes, I was and am saying 'get excited about something'. However, it needn't be a hobby - it can be something else entirely. Something you find in your inner world, in your work, or in your community. Hope this message gives people a way to start exploring what might have potential for them.

[@acxezknightnite1377]

What a wonderful talk, and a great story. I wish my ex husband had heard this before he detonated on us and tore our family apart. How we handle our disappointments in life has such serious collateral damage in midlife. I hope many detonations are circumvented by listening to this.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

So sorry to hear you had to go through that detonation experience. Yes, sometimes there are other options for finding our way through malaise that don't inflict so much pain on ourselves and others.

[@paulwilliams7700]

60 year old wife of 35 years just blew up our family this fall when she hit her 60th birthday. Office affair, disconnection from her sons, moved out of the family home and insists on divorce. Had seen the distance growing but never this. No one in our friend group saw this coming either. Why does this have to evolve into complete destruction of all the good things that got you to midlife.

[@thelayman6189]

Friends..... What exactly is the definition of midlife crisis !! All things I have been strong in and have been my strengths, suddenly feel meaningless one day... Is this midlife crisis? And to add to it, I am getting more enlightened every day making me realize that whatever else I have, what else I wanna do are actually worthless !! Is this it ??? If yes, do you think I am better off or am I already in the doldrums And many of you say you are restarting... How and where do I get to restart...

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

I purposeful don't use the term, midlife crisis. I believe that we are constantly going through cycles of renewal signaled by malaise. Although it's most common in the middle years, it happens earlier and later. As for restarting, keep watching for what holds a gem of excitement and interest and follow your nose to see where it goes. Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@thelayman6189]

@@PatKatzPauseworks Good to hear, Katz 👍😊 Actually I never used the term myself too .. and to me it is not a cyclic phenomenon.. it just came up few years ago.. it seems to be a permanant knowledge about what's really going around. And seens to be here to stay forever.... In a way, 's yucky, nostalgic, depressing .... By the way twas a great talk, Pat ....

[@squamish4244]

What does midlife look like when AI is about to change everything about everything? (Including medicine, and therefore, whether we will even _have_ a midlife in the future.) And in the midst of other external uncertainties, like climate change? I dunno, but it won't be boring.

[@TravisTennies]

I've had this same issue my whole life. I stuttered 90% of my life, and now at 48, I have a horrible work history because of it. So...I've never not struggled with life. Barely surviving.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

So sorry to hear of your struggles, Travis. I hope for smoother roads ahead for you.

[@blueballbag3588]

understand fully, just go fot it, go for 1 thing and just embrace it and enjoy it while it lasts

[@davidwoodard200]

I can relate to what you are saying. It's never too late to change your life. I struggled with addiction over 20 years. 2 years ago I got clean and decided to go back to school amd I am 3 terms away from graduating and will be working as a Certified Addictions Counselor. My life has meaning and even those horrible years of being a prisoner to addiction, I now can use those experiences to relate to and help others. My dysfunctional past is now my greatest asset and motivator. Oh by the way I will be 46 in November. If I can change my life anyone can. Wish you the best.

[@inserter400]

what can a spouse do to help & cope? i want myy wife back how she has changed

[@veggiemctaco1537]

Really enjoyed this talk, very inspiring!!! But why oh why did I read the comments??? I know better. 😅😂🤣😢😭

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Glad you enjoyed the talk.

[@rashaessam9426]

Me the same I think it is a habbit

[@victorchen5663]

You really should know better by now LOL

[@MYKEYCARD]

KZbin fork in the road with sheree Clark SHEREE TMCC IS THE MIDLIFE COURAGE COACH

[@PatrickAllenNL]

PULL THE PIN!!💣💣

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

How did that go for you. Hope it went well, Pat

[@penjenta6618]

I am here

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Hope you found it helpful in making sense of your situation and next steps

[@gjg6406]

I just bought a Jeep instead. Too many good things in my life to blow it up! LOL

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Hope you're enjoying trekking in your new Jeep. I'm imagining the fabulous places it may take you. All the best, Pat

[@nsff2001able]

I don't want to grow old!

[@cynthialouiseshah4080]

I am tired of hearing about men and their success. Women need more encouragement and less competing with each other.

[@blueballbag3588]

maybe encourage men and women, everyone needs a lift, no one wants the other gender's disdain

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Lift everyone up and we all make a better world. All the best, Pat

[@christopherbenedetto]

She looks just like Ginny Rometti

[@majorenkova]

You need $ for traveling. I have none. A single parent paycheck to paycheck.

[@blueballbag3588]

you can do things other than travelling that get your passions rising

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

You're right of course. Money is a real asset. However, traveling is curtailed for all of us in these pandemic days. In the meantime (whether it's money or freedom that are lacking) we can pursue travel by watching travelogues, reading books from the library about places we'd love to visit, and exploring online. There are lots of tour guides giving virtual tours these days, too - many of them for free. Wishing you all the best, Pat

[@abisadler4178]

You can make it happen if you really want it but you gotta believe in yourself first

[@gregrhodes3522]

thanks, but there's a lot more things to cover in a mid=life crisis.

[@samanthafox3124]

So much so, that she can't cover it on a 17 minute talk.

[@PatKatzPauseworks]

Hi Greg. I purposeful don't use the term, midlife crisis. I believe that we are constantly going through cycles of renewal signaled by malaise. And, you are absolutely right, there are many more things to consider. I do hope that this brief message helps people find a way in to the exploration. All the best, Pat

[@user-wk6dy2ds2d]

🥰🥰🥰😌😌😌😌🙂🙂🙂👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@rachelhefner5595]

I do art doesn't help

[@nicolespencer6217]

You have money 💰 obviously. What about a disabled parent