Listening to shame | Brené Brown | TED

www.ted.com Shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior. Brené Brown, whose earlier talk on vulnerability became a viral hit, explores what can happen when people confront their shame head-on. Her own humor, humanity and vulnerability shine through every word.
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[@guitar3544]

"They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than to see me fall down". How powerful. And true.

[@wiiplayers19]

And I hate how true it still is almost a decade later

[@diegoc5473]

16:39 love this part! It's a very powerful message.

[@JediTiga]

@@wiiplayers19It will always be that way. No one cares that men are emotional punching bags.

[@sherrylove8389]

It's amazing, you asked "how many of us view vulnerability as a weakness?" My answer is I only see vulnerability as a weakness for myself, I see the strength of it or in it for others.

[@RaduP3]

Exactly my thought

[@dudeette1814]

Same. I have definitely been guilty of being my harshest critic.

[@almakehlerbrown3935]

@Sherry Love Exactly!

[@almakehlerbrown3935]

@@gabbyjurado98 i don't think that's what she's implying.

[@penjenta6618]

probably sad but true and horribly unfair

[@nissanjon3034]

"They would rather me die on top of my white horse than to see me fall down." Mother of God, how much this hurts my soul..

[@rgb188]

I felt that.

[@beyondfitness1770]

When she said this it awoke something inside me so deep. It was like someone just got me. It made me emotional and speechless. All the males in my family have passed away and Iv been the figure for everyone since I was a early teen so when I heard that. It was my “spiritual awakening” lol

[@shanktrujank1294]

It’s that constant feeling of “you’re replaceable”. Whether it’s at work, or at home. It’s always there. Like the old saying and expectation… when the ship goes down. Women and children first. Which means, if the ship goes down with all the men on it. Fear not… they’re all replaceable.

[@midnightwolf6926]

Resonates deeply for me! Strikes me at The Core

[@jedwing]

@@beyondfitness1770 Talk explains something that confounded me in my twenties and thirties: how nice guys like me would listen to these feminist women complain about men, then tell me I'm a great guy, on the way out the door to go home to that guy watching hockey and waiting for some head before telling her go get beer out the fridge. Many comments here tell that truth: sensitive guys get the bozak, macho guys gets the sweet stuff.

[@jacijay724]

that one guy in the audience with the full belly laugh. man what a champ

[@mikesmith8293]

man i was just smiling bc of that laugh, warmed my heart

[@MelinaWattsSempill]

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity, innovation and change." - Brené Brown NICE

[@johnk6023]

But "Necessity is the Mother of invention".

[@geralldus]

That is why so few people are willing to attempt creativity.

[@edwigcarol4888]

with these words i was touched to tears. my birthplace..

[@ozzylepunknown551]

Laziness and boredom are the birthplaces of innovation

[@amobbzful]

Excellent talk. Empathy is the antidote to shame. Which is why those with narcissistic parents suffer so badly with shame.

[@nfc598]

Amanda Fairchild absolutely

[@thebluevelvetriver]

Agreed!

[@Faithful.adanna]

This hit way too close to home

[@tamarajessup1398]

Amen. My mother had borderline personality disorder and major depression, so empathy was quite beyond her; my dad and the stepmother he married when I was 9 (I joined them and her two daughters 4 states away the day I got out of 4th grade) were both narcissists. I lived in that nightmare for 6 years. My dad left after his emotional abuse became intolerable - and left me with her, despite her having been emotionally and physically abusive towards me. I've struggled with empathy all my life.

[@naavajo]

Amen

[@Tothewindowtothewalls]

Therapist sent me here, this helped me in more ways than you can understand Edit: guess we all got issues 😂

[@eliwest3393]

eileen fish right here with you

[@fvckyourusername]

Sane here. This was overwhelmingly profound for me

[@FlorenceRondoudou17777]

Same here! Am getting some hints from here already...

[@bcrwarlock1974]

Same here! There is more material by her on KZbin. She also has published books which are really good.

[@MaireadC7]

Same here... 2nd time listening... need to take the time and listen properly on my own with no distractions

[@swbest03]

'They'd rather see me die on my white horse than fall off...' I think every man feels that way

[@makesense9927]

Is this why such a huge suicide rate is in the white male population?

[@martymaloney1032]

Claudia Vlahović It’s not kind of sad it’s terribly sad.

[@mmikaojONE]

@Kosmos de Kosmopoliet Maybe it's the evolutionary function of males, but doesn't have to be the same to the category of "men". Culture shapes us

[@vjdunkey]

I find this really sad. I know I’m not like that with any of the men in my life. Fall- I will try to catch you x

[@mariakammerer496]

@Kosmos de Kosmopoliet maybe that made sense in stone age - but not anymore ... and there have always been women on white horses too.

[@rhyestripes6059]

Being vulnerable is one thing, being able to deal with the punches that come from letting your guard down is a completely different one

[@nguyenkatiethuy5873]

I suppose not afraid of being punched is a kind of courage because everyone has shame, if not psychopath like she said

[@matthewscopelite5303]

I see your point. I was thinking though, if one let's their guard down (emotionally speaking), by not being defensive anymore , then doesn't someone offensive need someone defensive in order to offend or "punch" them? Like how the words will still get directed at you when you aren't being defensive, but they just sort of bounce-off

[@spencerferrier3857]

​@matthewscopelite5303 that sounds like resiliency to me.🤷

[@GMLSX]

"I make more mistakes than anybody I know, because I try more things." - Jacque Fresco

[@lalaheart76]

Loving this.

[@jaquelinemacedo593]

I've always said that bc it's exactly what I feel. Now, I know from where this quite came from. Thanks

[@TheChillRedFox]

My therapist sent me here after a groundbreaking session. Bless this woman. And my therapist. Haha hope and healing to everyone!

[@vanessam4225]

mine too haha!

[@ashleee1127]

Mine too! Lmao 🙌

[@chanellebozora2181]

Mine as well ☺️

[@Kaelyynaful]

Yup yup!

[@evilkidm93b]

Mine too :)

[@SGHmemories]

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change." I'm lying alone in my room watching this on a laptop. I clapped. I KNOW this is true. I wasn't able to change and get out of a rut this year until I embraced my vulnerability. I let go of pride. I fell wholly into the arms of those I trusted. And I was lifted up, and found my strength, and I changed.

[@liftcarryfetish1296]

Can I ask an odd question? Is she wearing pantyhose or stockings? Does her bottom wear cover her bum as well or just goes till her thighs? I'm from a conservative country where women don't wear this sort of outfits, so that's why I'm asking as I'm not sure of it. Thanks

[@AngelBien]

@@liftcarryfetish1296 😒

[@prachi33]

@@liftcarryfetish1296 😂😂😂

[@taraelmegreen5527]

Wow!!! Embracing your vulnerabilty helped u release your pride....huge!!

[@clau6972]

​@@liftcarryfetish1296Oh it's going up to her chest

[@TheHouseOffice]

1) "Never good enough." 2) "Who do you think you are?" wow.

[@Charlotte8591]

That last thought really hit me. I always think "I'm going to put myself out there when I've worked on all my issues and I'm feeling great and super confident" and then it never happens.

[@gwen8707]

"Vulnerability is our most accurate measurment of courage" wow

[@TheDrigodamus]

Bravery too, maybe even more. You’re overcoming fear to show your vulnerability. That takes bravery

[@eriwhitelaw4528]

Cancel culture has existed in Japan since the days of the Samurai, or even earlier. I was the CEO of a company that was taken over by corrupt investors. He forged documents, embezzled large sums of money and embezzled government subsidies. Of course it was against the law. We went to the police, but they didn't want to deal with us. In Japan, it is difficult to live once you have failed. The whole society, the whole system of the country is a cancel culture. If I hadn't seen this video, I would have committed suicide. I think the reason why people commit suicide after bankruptcy in Japan is that they have been brainwashed to believe that shame deserves the death penalty. Now, I am happy! I met the UK’s husband and I am living in the UK now! I am alive now!!!

[@vivianeb90]

I can't even imagine what that's like.

[@Benghaziwatching]

Wow

[@ouroboros1895]

What you said has a lot of weight of what I've been seeing even through the Dramas and TV shows that are Japanese that I watch. While technology may have evolved, they still appear to be much into being perfect. Perfect matches, perfect schools, perfect careers. After the loss of one of favorite actors Miura Haruma I do believe that Japan needs much more mental health awareness. I forget the ladies name but also the wrestler that was on Terrace House. (Again this is just my observation on the topic)

[@khanyinyembezi2944]

I'm really happy ppy for you.

[@ayeshapyesha7301]

This comment has hit me hard. This was so insightful and so devastating to read. I'm so glad you're here with us still x

[@emilys5554]

“It was a frickin’ spiritual awakening.” God she’s good.

[@jacknunn]

I think Shakespeare summarised this talk in one line: 'Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt'

[@LoveAlways141]

Jack Nunn that man was wise BEYOND HIS YEARS

[@jamesanthony5681]

Bill was a very smart guy.

[@arafatrasool83]

I think you cannot summarise in one sentence personal experience and research

[@mariamperishvili6853]

That is so beautifully put

[@tacoxx420]

Great reference, poor nuance.

[@NintCondition]

Warning: Do not listen to Brene Brown while driving. I cried or almost cried at least 18x. I cried from laughing, I cried from truth, I cried from realizations. This is so invoking of spirit and truth and profound. I resonate with this so much. I have been shamed since before I could even talk and it disabled me until recently when I realized that I had the power to choose no longer to let the shame control me. I stumbled upon this TED talk by divine intervention and I am so grateful because it came to me at the perfect time to propel me forward into my own greatness. Thank you!

[@zoradougherty5080]

yes!!! same for me.......I have to revisit this in order to stay focused on my behaviors.

[@Jimboslice69-]

When she began talking about shame, I felt absolutely shattered and freed at the same time. Never ever felt seen like this.

[@Kaelyynaful]

My God, that's absolutely beautiful ❤ I'm a work in progress

[@circusofsix]

i’m so thrilled for all of you. 😌

[@Lizzyjaeger]

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@mickeyjade2575]

my therapist recommended I go to a self defence class. the lady who happened to teach the self defence class after days of overthinking the reviews, happened to be a social worker. I knew she’d understand why I was terrified to go to a class and I’ve only gone to two and every time I wasn’t going to go I thought to myself “you’re going to be the only one heavily breathing” “look at your body” “they can see right through you, nobody’s going to like you once they know you” “there’s so much people” and somehow a little voice told me today “just go in the building the teacher was really nice last time” and I held onto that and walked in shaking and anxious. After the class I was still shaky and anxious even though the environment was great. The instructor asked to hear my feedback and I told her “I’m scared to say I’ll commit to the class and disappoint you if I’m to anxious to come that day, then I’ll overthink it and stop coming because I feel so guilty” and she recommended your these two Ted talks. And it makes a lot of sense why I struggle so much to find my self love, I feel so much shame that I’m not good enough. I don’t feel worthy of love and at a time I used to. I actually used to think “maybe if I didn’t meet ___” I would still work out and love myself. But maybe if I just loved myself and wasn’t afraid to be me I would love myself. Idk, just thought I’d share. I’m really happy my instructor asked me to watch this. Thank you

[@pranjalpatil3360]

this is beautiful thank you for sharing

[@elizabethrivera6384]

Thanks for sharing.

[@PDeRop]

I love Brené Brown. She doesn't know just how great she is -- that's the best part of her really..

[@QuietlyCurious]

Yes, she appeals both to your mind and your heart.

[@jonassamuel4376]

interstingly, appreciating her, not realising her greatness. Is like appreciating her "shame" (as opposed to pride). How deeply interwoven the concept of shame is in our culture, is really crazy. (0 offense intended (because its youtube and people always try to missunderstand ;) )

[@PDeRop]

jonas samuel No offense taken, still gonna disagree with you (makes for more interesting conversation). I think there is a huge difference between shame and being humble. The fact that she doesn't know how good she is, makes here honestly humble -- which (to me) is endearing.

[@jonassamuel4376]

i was thinking about humbleness as well, but wouldn't it be humble if she knows how great she is, but doesn't act all supperior? she she doesn't know it/ doesn't grant herself the greatness, it is maybe rather something like shame. :)?

[@PDeRop]

jonas samuel I don't know mate. I still love her for not being conceited and being able to share her insights with us in a sort of naivety.

[@siiiriously3226]

Brené is not the worst vulerability role model, she is the best. Cause we want to see struggle, to learn from. It´s seeing the process, that helps me. Not the result.

[@Bettersucksaul]

It's actually nice hearing about someone as successful as she struggling with breakdowns and insecurity. We put people like that on pedestals and make it feels impossible to achieve for the rest of us when they're as sculpted and as flawless as roman gods.

[@elaineredy8937]

totally right!

[@loveme77527]

Totally agree!

[@lindalai9092]

We don't really know if she had that breakdown; she is a good speaker.

[@DianeCalabrese-mindbodyspirit]

We all struggle and we all carry our own cross in life. We are all here to learn and in order to do that we must open up ourselves “expose our vulnerability “ to others. It is what is necessary to complete our journey here.

[@alaaaaa4132]

When she said: "how many of us view vulnerability as a weakness?" I didn't raise my hand because I see it as stupid, then I realized it's the same judgment so I hold my hand up.

[@TimpBizkit]

"I view vulnerability as a weakness but I'm scared if I say that I will be seen as thoughtless and unloving so I'm just going to bottle up that view and keep it to myself"

[@Harvest133]

@@TimpBizkit If you are a man, it is weakness. Not because men decided that, but because women ENFORCE that.

[@krystalp5562]

"I know your dad never paid attention, even when you made CFO" - Oh Mylanta! The way that hit me just now! *exhales deeply*

[@PedanticNo1]

Secrecy, silence, and judgement. That sounds like my family. Den of vipers, indeed.

[@oldladybird8528]

Mine too!

[@oldladybird8528]

Mine too!

[@annekhersa1243]

Mine as well

[@ablurida]

Mine as well, although there is a silence/judgement divide. The eldest and I are the silent ones because anything we do say will be misquoted and held against us 🙄 it just feels like a waste to say things for people to hear whatever they want.

[@avimehenwal]

Glad you guys have a family

[@texascher]

Finding out that Brené Brown wanted to remain "under the radar" makes me feel I'm an extremely healthy human.

[@darylmay678]

Amen!!!

[@alaaaaa4132]

We are all at the same path

[@dclangst]

Anonymous competence is the best.

[@HollyBynoe]

Yes

[@ben6]

Brene: I didn't leave my house for 3 days Covid: Hold my beer

[@khancock5099]

H

[@gorfsixtyfour4030]

😂😂😂

[@spatuloso]

18 month gang gang?

[@ekenekokelu13]

i love how everyone went quiet when she spoke about race nd shame the lack of claps spoke volumes

[@km91420]

Maybe they were bracing themselves for some insufferable feminist misandry

[@fighterflight]

@@km91420they said “race” not feminism but nice job shoe-horning in your irrelevant misogyny. because wtf does talking about race have to do with hating men lol. that’s a reach and a half. go listen to some Jordan Peterson, you’re clearly in the wrong place listening to talks about vulnerability. the vulnerability which you’re not even willing to attempt. that’s the true definition of WEAK 😂

[@mcmjr405]

"Being a warrior is not about invincibility or invulnerability..it's about absolute vulnerability."

[@ellabiddy4741]

Before I even saw Brene Brown’s face, I’d hear people talk about her with this awe like she’s a goddess on earth (and like I agree) like “THE Brené Brown”and hearing her origin story and how afraid she was to be so well known was shocking, and something abt it fills me with warmth and hope. She’s become a celebrity, against her will, by doing something that terrified her, and look how many lives she’s changed. I feel a little star struck even hearing her name sometimes.

[@PandoraSDiary]

This is what I am feeling more and more when I perform. I am vulnerable. The more I am OK with me, the more it connects. In my songs, I am sharing some of my deepest secrets and shame. I am not perfect, I didn't study music theory, sometimes I sing out of tune, sometimes I play the wrong chord or change tempo. I write because I have no other choice. I sing because it is the format I can share in. I feel ashamed because I worry I am not good enough. I feel ashamed because I am too old and not beautiful and not enough enough to be standing in front of you. But somehow I do it anyway. Because I feel I have something to share, something that may touch only one or two of you and improve your day. And that IS ENOUGH. More than enough. That is wonderful.

[@jefflee4312]

From Malaysia you inspired me, keep it up mate, love to hear from you after 3 years your life, hope you everything great!

[@Whyulookinggirlypops]

‘ Vulnerability is most accurate measurement of courage’ GOLD

[@Brivixxycej8]

"We can't start talking race without talking about privilege, and we can't talk about privilege without people getting paralyzed by shame." How cathartic these words were...I felt like she hears and understands me. I have struggled all my life with racist impulses and never known how to address them....perhaps I should recalibrate and listen to the shame instead.

[@kamaropayne5226]

That was a BRAVE, courageous thing you just said. I am SO proud and inspired by you. You just became truly vulnerable, and I am an empath, so here is your empathy. That was probably really hard to put out in public. Congrats.

[@ruisenor8993]

Everyone has experienced the sickly sweet taste of prejudice. But you can't stop unless you admit it. So thank you for admitting it. And here are the most influential words you can hear now: "Me too."

[@edenaftereve5756]

Wow. Love your vulnerability here!

[@rmkpilates]

you are beautiful

[@dstrongone7721]

@@ruisenor8993 🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@ethaninwhite]

I don't know what it is about her, but when she speaks, it's always very powerful. I'm glad her talk on vulnerability was posted, because it was probably THE single most powerful talk I've ever heard. I'm really looking forward to hearing more from her.

[@spereaude9915]

A person who is able to recognize and truly "owned" their own vulnerabilities and weakneses (including shame) instead of running away/hiding them through layers of lies (fake toughness) will appear powerful because they ARE powerful. Vulnerability/Weaknes/Shame is highly associated with fears (particularly fear of rejection) . If you know yourself very well to be blessed with the knowledge of your own vulnerabilities and address them appropriately instead of running away from them, then you have nothing to fear. No one can control you. You are liberated and that is power. Those who obtain power through fears would not want you to know this for they themselves cannot deal with their vulnerabilities. They need to feel that they are worthy by making others feel less than human. If they have to look into the mirror and realize what they have done, most of them (unless truly have no feelings) won't be able to deal with it. You can study criminals and you will realize how they concocted a believe that they are "good" even after committing heinous crimes. People want to feel "good" about themselves. Moreover, misery loves company. There will be those around you who would consciously or unconsciously try to make you feel bad when you are trying to do the right thing for yourself (ex: facing your shortcomings). Why? one of the reasons is because most people (whether they realized or admitted it) know what needs to be done to make themselves happy but it requires efforts, courage and often force them through painful process. When they see somebody else try to achieve greater happiness, they are forced to look at themselves. If you already have shame about your own worth to see that someone else trying what you cannot/or will not allow yourself to do to be empowered, it will make you feel even more shameful. Think about truly amazing people throughout history, like Helen Keller. If she had ran away than deal with her own "truth" (ex: having disability etc), would she be as happy and succesful as she is? People gravitate towards those like her because we reflect on each other. Most people know the right thing to do and admire those who can follow through.

[@tawpgk]

She is authentic

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

I recommend her book: the power of vulnerability - you can even listen to it while you're commuting via Audible

[@Autmmm]

Read "dating greatly"

[@circusofsix]

she speaks to her audience like they are friends which creates a comfort. in her hbo series “atlas of the heart” she makes movie and tv references that makes her subject matter very easy to relate to as well.

[@quarteracreadventures855]

I love her message! Brene has inspired me to share some essays that I wrote about the crippling shame I have been carrying since childhood. I was our family's scapegoat, and grew up with horrific abuse. I was the youngest and most vulnerable; when you grow up amongst predators, vulnerability is a weakness! I will share my essays below; *trigger warning* do not click the post below if you are sensitive about child abuse.

[@quarteracreadventures855]

My therapist uses a variety of methods to help me heal my trauma. One approach that James specializes in is Accelerated Resolution Therapy, or ‘ART’. During an ART session, I track an oscillating light back and forth with my eyes while recalling a traumatic event. A benefit of this therapy is that the recipient does not need to describe the experience in order to address it; this perk was especially helpful before I became comfortable verbalizing my past. After recalling the traumatic event, we use visualization to deal with the emotions brought up by the memory. For example, if the memory brings me anxiety, James might suggest that I imagine the anxiety as a knot in a rope, and challenge me to untie the knot in my mind. After resolving the emotions tied to the trauma, we continue using visualization to ‘rewrite’ the experience itself; for instance, when recalling an event where I had been frightened and powerless, James might ask me to re-imagine myself as a superhero, and to use my powers to bravely stand up to my abusers. After Accelerated Resolution Therapy, recalling traumatic events becomes less triggering; I still remember what happened, but I no longer ‘re-live’ the trauma every time it comes up in my mind. The experiences now feel like what they actually are; memories of events that took place long ago, but are not happening now. A few weeks ago, feelings of shame surfaced during an ART session. To help resolve it, James asked me to imagine my shame as an object of some kind. In my mind, the shame manifested itself as a big, heavy, dark object; like a rock. James then asked me to imagine I was a superhero, and to use my powers to destroy the shame-rock. I tried using super-strength to break it open; but the shame refused to yield. I tried throwing it off a cliff; but I could not lift it. I tried other superpowers, but the rock of shame seemed impervious to any attempt to thwart it; laser eyes, weapons, lightning bolts and… …nothing. It felt as if the shame had won. In the weeks following this experience, the voices of my ‘inner critics’ became even louder in my mind; it was as if my failure to destroy the shame rock had emboldened them. Life with these mental hecklers became almost unbearable, but there was nowhere to hide, as this torment came from within. There was no way for me to appease these voices; no matter what I did or didn’t do, a relentless barrage of inner criticism followed. It was at this point that I began writing the 'shamehole' essay which describes how as a child, my family would mock me for crying, and the intense shame this caused me. After sharing the essay with James, I asked if he could perform an ART session with me to specifically target this shame. “I’m coming after you, Shame,” I said as I sat in front of the oscillating light. James asked me to recall the memory of my family mocking me, but when I did, my mind switched the image from the actual memory to the analogy I used in the essay to describe how the mocking made me feel; like I was crying at a locked door while my family taunted me from within. The image brought up feelings of intense shame, and I felt an overwhelming urge to hide. This time, when James asked me to envision my shame, I couldn’t even see it; the shame was on top of me; pressing down. James encouraged me to get out from under it, and there it was; my rock of shame. The rock may have defeated me before, but this time, not only was I prepared, I was downright angry. Destroying the rock was no longer my goal; I realized that this crippling shame I had been carrying for so long wasn’t even mine! This burden belonged to my abusers and their enablers; and today, I was going to give it back to them. James offered suggestions about how one might imagine this shame transfer, but ultimately assured me that whatever scene my mind came up with would be the ‘right’ one. My first thought was to gift-wrap the shame like a present, but my mind provided a different scene: I stood on a cliff that looked like it came straight out of a Roadrunner cartoon. The rock of shame sat on the cliff beside me and my family was gathered below. As I prepared to give the shame back to its rightful owners, James encouraged me to ‘trash talk’ my abusers. “Hey! I think this belongs to you!” I yelled, hurling the giant rock down at my family. Like the cartoon, the rock made a whistling sound as it fell. “Oops! Oh look, you missed a piece!” I said, tossing a stray fragment of shame over the edge. James asked me to bring up the memory of my family mocking me again, and this time, the door opened; I was welcomed inside, where food, pets, friends and laughter awaited me. My family of origin was absent, and I did not miss them. James likes to end our ART sessions with an image of a bridge. As I crossed this bridge, I imagined that I was leaving my abusers behind and walking toward a life where I am free from the pain of my past. James said I could bring my ‘new family’ across the bridge with me, but in my image, I was alone. As I crossed, I began to disrobe; the garments I removed were not clothes, but heavy pieces of armor; I felt light and free as I tossed them over the railing. The next day, I sat by the window while Moxie dozed on my lap. Her small body was warm, the breeze was cool, and my mind was quiet and still. For me, this mental stillness was a novel experience. For once, I was allowed rest without the voice of my inner Drill Sargent telling me how fat and lazy I was for sitting down while there was yardwork to be done. The voice of my mother wasn’t telling me what a bad wife and mother I was for daring to relax while there were dirty dishes in the sink. I was content to just sit there and simply be. My house may have been messy, but all the vulnerable creatures under my care were fed, safe, and loved. And for a brief and blissful moment, that was enough for me. ***** “I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend, we could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in” -Third Eye Blind, ‘Jumper’ Unfortunately, this serenity didn't last long; as soon I noticed that my mind was quiet, I began to worry about when the voices were going to come back, and the peaceful spell was broken. After I shared this experience with James, we did an additional ART session to combat the voices, but that will be an essay for another time.

[@foxopossum]

Beautiful

[@cuiocakes4182]

Cap

[@quarteracreadventures855]

@@cuiocakes4182 Thank you for illustrating the exact point that Brene Brown was trying to make. YOU are not daring greatly by commenting disparagingly on my vulnerable essay, but I AM by sharing it. When I shared this; I KNEW that YOU were out there; that you would feel the need to bring me down from your place of safety. Therefore, your opinion does not matter to me, you are only WATCHING and criticizing others as THEY dare greatly. The credit goes to the man in the arena, and this is not you. In one word, you have shown me that you are a toothless, scared tiger, and for that, you have my gratitude. Thank you, random internet troll who 'bravely' leaves horrid comments under vulnerability videos, watching me dare greatly from your nosebleed seat

[@samterrell9857]

@@quarteracreadventures855 it sounds like therapy has had a great effect for you that’s amazing

[@aisling664]

This is life-changing. I've been struggling with shame my whole life. I am ashamed to say that I'm bisexual; that I like women. I've been suffering in silence, secrecy, and judgement.

[@duakashany2462]

You are perfect the way that you choose to show up. Hope you’re doing well 🤍

[@LeoMajors]

for what it's worth: me too.

[@livetwice7702]

Giving yourself permission to do whatever you desire isn’t the right answer …..look deeper ….shame is connected with our conscience…a knowledge of right and wrong

[@pauletteperea9128]

Sending you a big hug, you can be really proud of yourself. Shame shouldn’t take away something so beautiful as to liking/loving someone.

[@inaratkhan7348]

You are so brave. Sending my love.

[@jlee5490]

Watched this 3 years ago and it's still my favorite Ted Talk. Why? probably because it's the most authentic :D

[@williamhubel4643]

+Joshua Lee It's so stirring to me, because I see the struggle in her eyes of someone who refused, for so long, to admit their vulnerability, who tried to always control and predict, and who suddenly realized the futility of all that, and I see myself-- I feel myself having that same daily struggle.

[@maxwellbernstein9235]

So, so, so true! This is my favorite Ted Talk EVER and you guys both made me cry. ;) She's wonderful and so very authentic here! I love it!

[@sjjahoda5622]

SAME and still back for more

[@ewknees]

TED talks are generally quite inspiring and uplifting, but this video was something special. It made me want to cry, I didn't but I don't think a video or speech ever made me feel this way before. And I think that the outcome [of me crying] isn't important but rather, the process and the enlightenment I've gained from hearing her speak is more than rejuvenating and somewhat liberating.

[@iNfliktionDubBass]

I wept. There's my bit of vulnerability for the day.

[@katieschultz3132]

Liberating, exactly!!

[@zakkclark87]

Those intense feelings were of shame.

[@foxopossum]

Thank God for AA. I went into rehab to get off meth. That’s all. Fast forward 9 years, and I had that Spiritual Experience. No more shame or blame. I’m still crazy as a loon sometimes 😅 but that’s OK too! P.S. I love swamps

[@babykangaroo8769]

It’s interesting how ourselves see being vulnerable is weak, but others might seeing them as a courage, that is some life changing different perspective.

[@Alice45894]

I feel like shame controls my life. And yet rationally I know I shouldn't feel shame.

[@drmedwuast]

xxAlicexxhnp same. It becomes more and more clear how much energy I spend on rationally fighting against thoughts of shame, while what actually would help is empathy

[@gcossum1]

Alice this sentence "And yet rationally I know I shouldn't feel shame." is what's keeping you stuck and actually reinforcing your feelings of shame. You are a human being, you should feel shame, guilt and every other emotion we have. If you don't allow it to happen then you are suppressing something that is a normal human experience. Suppression causes reinforcement. It's like trying not to think of a black dog (do you see the dog). We are conditioned to believe shame is 'bad' therefore by extension, we are bad. What if you could view shame as neither good or bad, instead, viewing it as just another human emotion you can choose or not choose to assign meaning to. What if you could just experience shame and say "hey there it is, but you know what I am still going to do it anyhow." You might be surprised that once you acknowledge it's there instead of telling yourself you 'shouldn't' feel it, that the shame dissipates all on its own. Hope it helps.

[@isbreaalainn3199]

Emotions are neither good nor bad. They are neither positive nor negative. They motivate us to action, communicate to others, and validate our intuitive responses. It is understandable we experience shame as well as other emotions (joy, sadness, guilt, fear, etc.). "Should" is a judgment word. It invalidates your experiences and is counter to an acceptance of your emotions. Whatever is going on in your life, you don't need a reason to feel the way you do. While difficult, it can be helpful to remove the judgments related to your experience. It may be helpful to stop trying to make sense of it all. Acknowledge that you are imperfect, vulnerable, and courageous...just by writing this comment. 5 ways to deal with a problem: problem solve it, change your perspective, stay miserable, make it worse, or accept it. Turning your mind towards acceptance is incredibly difficult. Maybe for now, change your perspective about it or actively problem solve. Love to you on your journey.

[@tammymcbride7252]

I wpuld have liked to have heard more personal stories of shame from her, and some stories from people she studied in order to understand the concepts. I would have liked the talk to be on a deeper level.

[@thunderpooch]

I have to laugh at some of the comments. Many are trying to shame you for your outlook. This is the fundamental problem: as social creatures we are seeking validation by people who are intrinsically judgemental. It's a catch 22 of never ending crazy making. You better have and endless bank account, a body of a professional athlete, and an IQ of 200+ or somebody somewhere will be looking down at you as an irredeemable loser. If you don't come close to any of those, you had still better have a spectacular attitude that exudes peace, love, and understanding. If you're lacking all of the aforementioned and have become bitter, you guessed it, you'll once again be shamed for you being you.

[@hansdampf7397]

Second talk and again AMAZING. I think she should get the Nobel price for her work. These results should be teached at schools to our children. THANK YOU - YOU'RE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

[@mop2pelp]

Hans Dampf in

[@TheoWentHome]

AGREED!

[@DR-hy6zw]

Agreed. At 29 years old I still have scars of being afraid of shame and vulnerability. This really helps

[@industryliaison]

Can’t believe this was 8 years ago. I just watched it today and felt like it is so relevant to the current conversation happening in our country today. The protests for George Floyd is bringing up a lot of privilege and therefor shame. Hoping more ppl explore this topic

[@bonniej3272]

She doesn’t have to say how you want her to, you know which country she’s referring to. You all do this.....whatever that’s supposed to mean.

[@debracottrill7989]

@@bonniej3272 many people would be surprised that the military says "my country". She does alot of work with our military here in our country 😉

[@debracottrill7989]

@China Eastern I hope you consider being a leader in this. 👍

[@hormonoscope]

18 million and counting…. She continues to inspire. Queen.

[@ronsparkman4913]

That's the other TED talk and that's just on KZbin! The Vulnerability talk on the TED Website has another SIXTY million views. :D

[@videosbybug]

i have listened to her audiobook “the gifts of imperfection” before watching this, and this still made me cry so hard. i’m in love with her, she’s done so much for my life and she doesn’t even know it. would love to meet her someday.

[@hananh.7824]

"The hardest lesson learned was .. As much as I am frustrated to get this part of me to the world, there was a part of me that was working very hard to engineer staying small, staying right under the radar!" Brene Brown

[@worldhealthrn]

Shame= I am a mistake; linked to depression, substance abuse vs. Guilt=I made a mistake; Not linked to depression, etc... don't wait until you're "perfect" before putting your self out there to do big things, realize strength is vulnerability and put yourself out there

[@sibaninzidlatu6055]

I was vulnerable with my ex partner. She still carries a lot of shame, and she's gone to her previous emotionally abusive partner. I wish her an awakening

[@fm2dmax]

That is the nicest and most generous response to such a heartbreaking event I've ever seen!

[@willd6215]

Shame is such a battle. I have to constantly manage the thoughts and then the heavy painful feelings they bring. Before I knew what was happening to me I would suppress and act out or reach for distractions. So many of my life's dicisions were based around shame but I didn't know it. Now I think before I act. I let the shame have its moment but don't give it any power over me. It's been life changing

[@sakinatraore5647]

Why do I feel like she was holding tears back during her speech... like I could hear it in her voice. Anyway, I am a Vulnerability Veteran and proud to be.

[@debbiemoore2747]

Shame is one thing when you are going through therapy that is so incredibly hard to deal with. Once you listen and overcome the dark urges to end your life it does get easier but it's so hard and courageous

[@JasonGoldstein78]

NPD?

[@cornelialshort3675]

Love this woman and she’s dead right about shame!

[@khanyinyembezi2944]

You gave me a fright by saying "she's dead ( I had to blink a few times) right about shame. She is spot on indeed. She's just what we need in our world.

[@daina4368]

@@khanyinyembezi2944 me too 😭

[@SomethingCklever]

I would totally buy a Brene action figure. ;)

[@GrahamMilkdrop]

Hahaha! That made me smile! :)

[@Jelly-sk2ry]

Natalie Steiner omg. Me too.

[@misscoy05ify]

😂😂

[@bettyrose232]

Me also! What a role model!

[@tamarajessup1398]

If she Crowdfunds it, I'M THERE!

[@karenott2685]

Love Brene Brown! Thrilled to hear my son, who is completing his degree in Electrical Engineering this semester, had a professor who appreciates and values Brene's message on vulnerability. I received a call from my son yesterday, and it went like this..."Mom, my professor showed us this piece on shame and vulnerability from the TED talks...she was an amazing speaker," I was so excited to say..."Brene is awesome isn't she!" He being and Electrical Eng major normally is only exposed to numbers and facts...kudos to this professor at the University of the Pacific, that allowed herself to be vulnerable, and expose these young adults to this powerful message. Thank you Brene Brown!!!

[@JustNathanielThanks]

Brene’s research has made such a dramatic impression on my life. It’s terrifying to be vulnerable but such a relief when someone holds that space for you to feel really terrible about yourself and loves you despite that darkness.

[@ooh2weeproductions202]

Awesome Ted talk, many men have had issue with shame in their past including myself. Appearing strong all the time is a unrealistic standard placed on men. Many suffer in silence until they eventually do fall from the horse, which is frowned upon, hence shame. Hang in there fellas it ok to be vulnerable every once in a while.

[@tabithaerwin9058]

Is there any place someone could go to see one of your talks? I would love to go to a conference and listen to any and everything you discuss

[@DR-hy6zw]

Very true. I just fell off the horse a couple of days ago. I’m now realizing I’m ok how I am

[@JustAGuyAllDayAnyDay]

This is the biggest reason i support feminism as a male. Save us from this ancient burden ladies! 🤗

[@americandissident9062]

@@JustAGuyAllDayAnyDay WTF? No dude. The point is that the "ladies" are harder on men than anyone else is.

[@shockofthenew]

​@@americandissident9062 This is a good point, but modern feminism (in my experience) is not about men vs. women, it's about everyone together vs. 'The Patriarchy'. That's not to say every person calling themselves a feminist lives by those values, but in theory what feminism is preaching should help ease this burden on men in the same way it seeks to relieve the burdens on women. I'll try to explain in case it's helpful: The Patriarchy, a system of cultural values which has been dominant in most cultures for a very long time, reinforces the idea that: Masculine = strong, assertive, logical, stoic, provider, leader Feminine = vulnerable, gracious, intuitive, expressive, nurturing, co-operative 'Feminine' traits are devalued under that system, while 'masculine' traits are revered. Women are assumed to naturally have mostly feminine traits, and as such they are similarly devalued. Men are assumed to naturally have 'masculine' traits, so if a man exhibits any 'feminine' traits that is seen as shameful or degrading, undermining his identity as a man. 'Feminine' traits and identities being devalued obviously hurts women, but it also hurts men. Most modern feminists say that both traditionally masculine and feminine traits are valuable, and that all of us have some unique mix of those traits. We oppose the patriarchal view of humanity, and the idea that men and women must fit into those traditional roles. However individual women are just as capable as men of upholding patriarchal values - as you pointed out, it's quite common for individual women to take part in, or even lead, the shaming of men who depart from 'masculinity'. Being a woman doesn't automatically make you a feminist. Even calling yourself a feminist doesn't necessarily mean you're living by those values!

[@kelleyhopkinsalvarezlpc]

Shame haunts, shame cripples, Bravo to Brene Brown for bringing this up!!!!!!! I have re-watched this a couple of times and it makes so much sense. I refer this video to clients and they thank me. Grateful for Brene!

[@RichardSmith-qw7kh]

Hi pretty lady. How are you doing today?

[@jamesgough3938]

The fear of being shamed is a very powerful force. It's been hanging around in my head for ~ 55 years. Working on getting it out :)

[@FaveORitt]

James Gough I can relate

[@english-with-ty]

5:59 "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change"

[@SureWhatever19]

My therapist just recommended I look this lady up and I can't tell you how thankful I am to have a therapist like her. She's spot on with this one.

[@Ricobonito1]

I'm so into being a "hardcore" person, to show the world that I can stand on my own, to not admit vulnerability.. until this.. thank you Ms. Brown. This is so liberating!

[@cottoncandy113]

"The women in my life have been harder on me than anyone" Oh my god, I never realized this but it's true! I always blamed men for how women acted. And I do think that it's fucked up that so many female gender roles are based on serving men. But it's true that the harshest people in my life have been female family members! This really makes me think.

[@wendeln92]

You seem to have missed the point and your comment is very gynocentric. "Female gender roles are based on serving men " - Really, which ones are those? I think they are more related to child care and being peacekeepers/makers, caregivers, etc. but then these things don't really jive well with modern feminist thought do they??? If you perceive female gender roles as serving men only, then how do you perceive male gender roles? I mean besides killing, raping, fighting, drinking beer, scratching our balls, playing golf and watching football because these are really the ONLY things ALL men do right???

[@OneMeInMyself]

thank you, i just want to express how beautiful it is to see a woman acknowledge us men struggling as well. Really, just a thank you from my heart.

[@Bozbaby103]

Read Brene's Daring Greatly. It goes much more in-depth than the video. VERY good book. I listen to it when I'm driving...by myself. Less distractions.

[@martynabaran5549]

I think exactly the same....

[@isaiah3491]

@@wendeln92 wooosh

[@helen9972]

why did this make me cry

[@thefriendlyneighborhooditg2720]

Her books really helped me understand Shame and Guilt. Another book I recommend is a book called "Shame and Guilt: Healing the shame you don't deserve"

[@khanyinyembezi2944]

I wonder what took me so long to watch this talk. Amazing.

[@bluneptune89]

So powerful! Thank you for talking about a topic no one wants to bring up. Shame is so destructive and pervasive and I love that you include men in the topic. I’ve seen men break down because they can’t hold it in anymore and their feelings of shame breaks my heart. It is so hard to see loved ones struggle with feeling not good enough and then seeing society add weight to their shoulders.

[@destinyheath6583]

Brene has helped me in my anorexia recovery. ❤️❤️

[@Mattrycky]

16:38 : the key quote “See those books you signed for my wife and three daughters over there? They’d rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down”. Lads, your vulnerability only counts if you are courageous, overcome it AND succeed. It’s a harsh reality

[@michelleanne1547]

Pure inspiration no matter how many times I watch her!

[@TOBuhrer]

This is the best Ted-Talk I ever watched. It literally brought tears to my eyes when she said that vulnerability is actually the birth place to innovation, creativity and change.

[@kittypennington7033]

The POWER of vulnerability resonated with me strongly in this moment, I genuinely believe during times of emotional exposure we experience vulnerability, its our greatest moment to evaluate our courage and can be a time of great personal growth.

[@vaniaria2843]

Watching this again after a few years, still inspires me to this day. Brene you changed my life, for the better, thank you 🙏

[@s.leslie7230]

I love love love this woman!! She's so clever and lovely!

[@maiyihuang4552]

B

[@maiyihuang4552]

BBB bc

[@VictoriaNdey]

i read one of her books and it genuinely changed my life for the better. I will never be the same and i am eternally grateful to have found her work.

[@letsrock12345]

The "vulnerability hangover" is a great way to describe it. There have been a few times where i have opened up and get legitimately sick and have thrown up and felt so rough.

[@laurih.t.8723]

You angel of humor, logic, healing and love.

[@vontemarquise4218]

The “me too” at the end made all my tears fall. ❤ this was a beautiful speech. Thank you i

[@ruoweilim7334]

her book rising strong quite literally changed my life. well, it radically changed the way i saw things and that kind of changed my life

[@jodiwilkinson2644]

I think the fact of being so honest about yourself you're helping set so many free! Love it

[@leilagomulka5690]

It was not just great. It was phenomenal. Touched my soul. And I cry every time I replay it.

[@shyamala.kishori]

Brené Brown is so lovable because she is real, humble and vulnerable.

[@fishcakesticks]

my head hurts and my nose's too stuffed from bawling my eyes out. thanks for this ted talk. this talk felt like warm light peeking thru a dark cave. 🙏

[@annamaegold]

I'm just sitting here ping-ponging between hysterical laughter and bawling my eyes out. Yup, you're that good.

[@wickedeve666]

Getting Goosebumps and chills listening to her speak.

[@akhan727]

Her words were so inspiring. As her talk went on, I saw less fidgeting from the audience and could feel their undivided attention. So powerful.

[@rooney1344]

Excellent talk. This is something that isn't spoken about in society, but affects a lot of people . Amazing women

[@dawnmiller8461]

Unbelievably amazing. This has penetrated the depths of my soul, given me SO much hope, and blown my mind.

[@Donatcsapat]

Every time I watch this, it means something slightly different. Thank you!

[@patrickleahey4574]

Fact: women have been harder on me than men when I am vulnerable. Like a shark to blood. I am a teacher. My worst principals were women. It seemed that the more my innovative lessons worked, the worse they got. I had one of those breakdowns because of one in particular. I am unemployed because of another. I am here because my job search is partially paralyzed because of shame. On the other hand, my wife "has done a lot of work." You are very brave, Brene Brown and I thank you. Now, if I can only get my wife to watch your talk...

[@martymaloney1032]

Patrick Leahey Hugs

[@pennygarcia9699]

shes warming, funny, i love the way she explains things its refreshing and its simply simple...

[@meeradaya9262]

I love how authentic she is. And shares her learnings and faces her fears

[@ashleymedice1114]

Watched this when it first came out, 8 years later, still so good

[@HappinessTheBrand]

The breakdown slide was the best part of those slides! It told people to prepare for war! Psychological restructuring is not easy! The transparency was beautiful. Thank you.

[@3506Dodge]

Just the other day I cut short my conversation with a group of interesting people because I was ashamed to say what I do for a living. This is so true.

[@lisagoldberg6497]

Thank you again Miss Brown 🙏 Another amazing talk. When I sit down & write that list of "things I'd like to do if I could do anything", one of the things I put is "talk to every amazing inspirational soaker I've ever heard face-to-face & 1-on-1" I'm putting you on that list😁 I was born into shame & guilt. I don't know what my YOUNGEST years were like. But from about 4yrs old & beyond, I remember most everything. It was not a happy childhood. I carried that into my adulthood. I'm 54 years old & just finding out, sort of, who I am. It's been a long, hard journey. Many lessons. Many blessings. ALL wrapped in shame & guilt. Feeling it very much today as I am going through a divorce at the moment & my name is being dragged through the mud. But without mud there can be no Lotus.... at least that's what I keep being told & reminded about. Thank you for sharing your wisdom

[@nyreeshand8893]

Thanks so so much Brene, I have re-visited your talk many times over the years & get so much comfort & ah ha moments every time. Such wisdom. You give me courage & are proof that we need to “dare greatly”

[@perrinefarque]

Brené Brown is such a game changer in how we understand how to live wholeheartedly. I often reference Brené's work in my own work because I truly believe that she teaches us valuable knowledge that we can all apply to create a more inclusive world.

[@MabelSun98]

She is so funny, genuine and spontaneous! Love Brene Brown!

[@amandadudley2983]

This kind of talk/truth should be mandatory for every student, employee(er), mother, father, and children! Well said, and very true. we must remember we are all vulnerable and should face our fears head on by recognizing our own shame and guilt and help others' fight this silent-battle

[@susanharbord1430]

Wow! This is so very helpful in understanding where we might be coming from in terms of shame versus guilt. When I have felt vulnerable, I feel such a fool afterwards! Thank you for what you have shared with us all.