LIVE FAQ - Autistic Traits, Masking and More

[@Lisa-es9fg]

Rather than missing social cues, I tend to read into them too much. I often think people are judging, condescending, insulting me, or simply just don’t like/feel comfortable with me. I always think people are mad at me too, so I overanalyze the things I say and do. I try to avoid social interaction altogether because of how nerve wrecking it is. It actually gets harder the older I get. I’ve been known to say “strange” or “rude” things without realizing it. Peoples reactions can catch me off guard. When I found out I was unintentionally rude, I wanna cry and apologize 1000x. But I seem like I don’t care at all. I just can’t show emotion like others do. Like you, I’m super into psychology and human behavior. I spend a lot of time analyzing how people interact, especially on TV. I find myself saying things I’ve heard, and I find people fascinating. It fascinates me how people socialize and build relationships so easily. But when I try and do what they do, people still don’t wanna be around me. And even when they DO wanna be around me… I get uncomfortable and avoid them!

[@alicegilchrist-miller3034]

Never related so much to a comment in my life 😭💕

[@annetteysquierdo]

My mom is the sweetest, but for some reason it’s always bothered me when growing up she would say, “you were so dramatic when you were younger.” Please don’t judge her by this alone, she’s the best! It just always hurt me that she thought I got emotional about everything when I wasn’t trying to, I was just so sensitive.

[@joycebrewer4150]

Mine called me a drama queen.

[@CinkSVideo]

As a late diagnosis in my 50s it has been tremendous in providing me with a larger and better vocabulary to describe what I’m experiencing. It also takes a lifetime of weird, seemingly outlier behaviors, experiences, feelings and makes them part of a collective whole. That whole had a name and addressing these things in the framework of autism helps make sense of your past and puts you on a better path to manage your future.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Nicely said!

[@T.T.M.60]

Well said!,I am 64 and was diagnosed at 60. I had a lifetime of coping skills I think to help me get this far and now that I know the why of it all, I have to say that it had become easier.

[@ALG3228]

Thanks for this. I'm 50 and just starting the research/diagnosis part of the process. It's so good to know there are also folks my age going through the process. ❤

[@Lenneeful]

What helps me is to consider social interactions as a game. It's just a game and sometimes I play it better than other times. Period. I try to stop the guilt that comes with thinking I'm being selfish or rude for wanting to cut in the conversations with topics that interest me. I find a lot of conversations with other women boring. They talk about food, clothes or decorating. Not my subjects. I get along much better with the men at work. It's simple, direct and fun. Because I'm now 61, it doesn't come out as "flirty". I just discovered your channel. Congratulations, it's helpful.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing this Len! Glad to have you here.

[@eringardner1489]

This is all brand new to me after watching your video about the 16 traits, I had to take the tests and was seriously surprised at the results. I mean a part of me always thought I was slightly on the spectrum but based on these tests and your videos it all makes so much sense. I have been pretending to be ok all the time for so long and now I’m having constant flashbacks of all the things I forced myself to be and it’s so overwhelming and emotional.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes it is. It sounds like your nervous system is out of whack like mine - feeling like it has to be tense and protect me from every little thing because it’s taken me so long to feel safe being myself. Take plenty of time to rest and listen to your body, and remember true change sometimes takes a lot of time. So glad you’re here.

[@JaynaEM]

Hiii, I’m almost 28 years old and it’s so wonderful to finally hear like-minded people put into words all the struggles that I never understood.

[@ashleyien1222]

It's an older video but I just watched it. The video this references was the first one I saw and ended up being "Wait a minute...that sounds like me... am I autistic?" Copy & paste behaviours - That was one thing I wasn't sure if I did. Though, I totally relate to the streams of conscious in a conversation thing. That's 100% me. A few months ago (which doing that in a group conversation at work) I realised I kept standing in exactly the same position as a coworker and was like "they'll think I'm weird for copying them... I need to change position" and did... a couple of minutes later I realised I was standing just like another coworker and changed again. I don't even realise I'm doing it and then when I do, I worry people will notice I've copied them and will think I'm weird. 😅 I totally relate to the "knowing the right answer" but not knowing my own answer to the questions on the autism quizzes. I had trouble answering some because I wasn't sure what's true for me. library vs theatre... For some reason I read that as movie theatre, not one to see a play in. 😅 ... I have issues with seeing movies in theatres (too loud, too many noisy people, smells, etc... I end up with a migraine afterwards) so I said Library. I gaslight myself all the time. I don't know how to stop it. I grew up being told "everyone else can do it, you can do it." And my mom, until recently, was like "you only work 3 days a week, you have no excuse for not keeping your house clean"... which just made me feel worse about myself. I have a lot of self-hatred and self-doubt... it's hard to just turn it off.

[@espejoautoexistente]

I tend to shutdown after social events or when i have too many activities in one day. I don't have a spouse but i do have a 6 yr old boy and he is so used to them by now that i just Say ok mommy needs alone time. And he understands that i'm overloaded and does something on his own. I have talked about with him many times through the years just to let him know that it's My thing and has nothing to do with him or something that he did. I think that is important so that the person that lives with You doesnt feel Bad or Sad or take ir personal.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This makes me happy to hear!

[@diongielen9184]

I love wearing the face masks it hites your face and it makes me feel like i hide from te other people around me. Love this vid. It helped me alot and knowing i am not the only one who has these feelings

[@MomontheSpectrum]

yep face masks make me feel safe sometimes.

[@yacnu6532]

Not sure if you do the same thing. I have a tendency to compartmentalize everything, including circle of friends. Before my diagnosis, I noticed that when I am out with friends one on one, I don’t feel as if I’m masking. However, when there are more than 1 friend, and they end up meeting each other, I start masking. It’s like my personality changes depending on who I’m with and so I behave around each of them differently. It is only when these friends meet up, I end up struggling to figure out which personality I should be presenting. These were one of the things I mentioned to my psychologist before my diagnosis. I told her I don’t know why that when I’m out with my friends, I feel like I’m acting. It’s as if I’m watching a movie that I’m casted in. I feel like a spectator watching my own show and it just felt really strange.

[@wilM26]

In hindsight, my biggest issue has always been slow auditory processing. I think that recognising this and accepting it, massively helped my confidence. It took away most of the anxiety I used to have about getting lost cognitively when in social groups. With that anxiety gone, I know that I can catch up more quickly.

[@joycebrewer4150]

Hmm.. needs vs. preferences. 2 weeks ago, my niece was part of a chorale group performance, scheduled for the day of the week I have recently realized is the day I would most easily take a day off from being social. I mentioned my "do nothing" day to family, at once my sis-in-law said "Oh, then you're available!!" She didn't see the problem. I went, and enjoyed 80% of the music, but I was exhausted after. The following week felt like I was running a marathon every day.( I'm not that fit.) I basically crashed on my last "do nothing" day.

[@taracarey9175]

you information is really helping me , I can relate to a lot of what your saying. I was diagnosed at the age of 40 which was 5 years ago , I shut down when stressed & get really angry when my husband seems to cause conflict with me. I hate arguing its really stressful & makes me cry . I don't really have friends since moving away so I get lonely but I have my pets & take pride in my home when its quiet & everyone is out .ive gone through loads of videos & yours seems so comforting & true for . thankyou for everything

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Tara. So glad you’re here! Thank you for sharing this with me.

[@miriamO212]

Hi Taylor! I just want to say how much I appreciate your videos. I've been feeling a little mixed up lately. I suspected I might have had ADHD for a very long time. In January, I stumbled across ASD in women and had a visceral reaction. I just started sobbing because it really resonated deeply with me. 6 months of full research mode later, I decided to go to a clinical psychologist for a diagnosis. He has mostly worked with kids, but assured me he had also diagnosed adult women. Anyway, I went in for the assessment. He didn't do the autism quotient. I did do a lot of other tests (seemed geared towards kids) and interviews with a few people in my life. At the end, he concluded that I was too social and great with communication to be autistic, though he did say I showed many autism traits, just not enough. I'm in my late 30s and a former teacher, so I've had a lot of interaction and communicating these last 15 years. I'm thinking about getting a second opinion because he's only specialized in ASD, but I do still think I have both ASD & ADHD. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for making me feel like I'm not crazy. We share a lot of similar traits.

[@babyprincessplayground4250]

Going through topic

[@heartsmyfaceforever8140]

I never even considered I was autistic until my psychiatrist diagnosed me. I was in highly suspecting I had adhd but the asd threw me off. I over analyze all conversations after having them and repeat tones and practice them for future use.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I wanted to say how great it was to see so many people at today's live chat! So many new people yet so many oldies but goodies 😊

[@whitneymason406]

I completely agree! Always nice chatting with you SueAnne!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Me toooo!!

[@sueannevangalen5186]

Same to you both, Tay and Whitney 😊

[@wildlifedrawings]

The first time I took the autism quotient, before diagnosis, I got a 38. I just took it again trying really hard not to let masking get in the way, and got a 44. 🤭

[@MomontheSpectrum]

My score changed as well as I learned how not to mask. I have heard others have similar experiences when taking the test for the first time - answering based on a mask. It’s all a lot to unravel!

[@robertwarbrick7560]

Hello again. I keep meaning to return and leave this comment. Just wanted to give some feedback to your comment about your vision phasing out. I have a similar experience but with hearing. Just thought I would share.

[@iPsychlops]

I figured out that I'm autistic after not matching for predoctoral internship the first year. It was kind of a weird time to realize that something was off (because I got a lot of interviews and ranked at most of them). Then I'm trying to figure out how to be me, and genuine, and relate with the interviewers in a way that shows them how I relate with my clients. I'm a good therapist, I'm a bag interviewee. I had to figure out how to bring my therapist self into the room while interviewing. Over zoom.

[@andreagutierrezarce7615]

Hi Taylor, I am still struggling but I am trying to be open about it and ask my closest friends or people that had known me what do they see. I take that as information and analyse about it. So far, I am creative, honest, perseverant, enthusiastic and willing to learn and improve. Something I notice is that I never give up until I complete something. I also can only work with one task at a time, otherwise I cannot focused.

[@HannaTheStranger]

I normally don't write comments, but words like 'sensitive' really trigger me and that's the first time I heard someone else talk about that issue. I also have a strong aversion to the words 'gifted' and 'shy', because I have been called them a million times, but nothing good ever came of it. It just makes people think that everything comes easy for me, hence I don't need to put a lot of work into it and should excel at handling any situation, while it somehow convinces them that it's okay to 'mother' me or treat me like I'm a minor even in my late twenties. It does feel degrading, because it ignores all the internal struggles (as you mentioned) and constantly makes me feel like I'm not being taken seriously. Also I think, it's worth spending a thought on the fact that especially 'shy' and 'sensitive' are not exactly connoted positively and often considered something you can work on in order to 'achieve' more extroversion and social compatibility, although it probably never did anyone any harm interacting with someone more on the introverted/responsive side. Characteristics which should be just as valid as their opposites anyway ...

[@MomontheSpectrum]

yep - really resonating with you saying that others think things come easily for you. Totally feel that.

[@robertwarbrick7560]

Hey Tay. I really liked the live interaction format you used in this video. I will have to join a stream if you do another.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for the feedback Robert! I love the live format because I get to learn about others’ experienced. I will do one again soon! I usually post announcements for them on my community tab.

[@beepbopboop3221]

Sensitive (no one called me gifted but my son is so I probably am.)

[@helendonohoe1575]

I do not do social events if possible

[@jbyepitsme4330]

I have always had an incredibly difficult time with looking ppl the eyes while talking. I always look away while having conversations. Or Have to have several feet away to talk like that. Or wearing sunglasses helps me. I loved wearing my face mask. Helped me feel hidden lime invisible. My anxiety was less because I've always struggled with feeling everyones staring and judging me and my every move. I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks my whole life. I hate groups ppl I hate walking through or past groups. I hate being social. Very socially awkward. Its hard for me. If I have to be social I'm better if my rock my husband is with me who is huge support for me. He has been telling ne I'm autistic for years. I never wanted believe it. I have number other problems with me I just so overwhelmed by everything this is just another added issue on my plate I have to learn more about and now get tested. And how do I go about getting diagnosed??

[@Lisa-es9fg]

I relate so much when you talked about the face mask and sunglasses.

[@jbyepitsme4330]

@@Lisa-es9fg Its nice to know I'm not the only one now. I've felt just weird out of place for so long.

[@Beafree]

I'm a mom of 5 kids all on the spectrum. I recently started recognizing as being on the spectrum, I doubt I will get a diagnose though. Looking at my past as a child I relate so much. And then in my 20s not knowing who I am when I was changing who I was for family, friends, and professional masks. The worst for me is the prep and after the situation so draining and realizing no one else did this so why me?

[@matthewbucktrout3291]

Thank you, again.

[@T.T.M.60]

I have actual had the face numbness in conjunction with a shutdown but no migraine…for me, it’s tightness in my chest .

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Oh wow. thanks for sharing this info.

[@T.T.M.60]

@@MomontheSpectrum sure

[@joycebrewer4150]

I once had such a numbed face, it felt like my face had become wooden. I tried to consult a local massage therapist, but she was not able to help due to her personal issues at the time. Thank goodness that was the only time that happened.

[@wilM26]

I used to get very scary facial numbness! For years it scared me to death as nobody could help me with what was causing it x

[@jessiedarrelljarbadan7326]

So many of these things are resonating with me. 🥺

[@manassrivastava1214]

Namaste🙏

[@T.T.M.60]

Happy belated birthday!🎂🎂🎂…just celebrated mine on the 24th.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Happy birthday to you too!!! And thank you so much for the gift!!

[@T.T.M.60]

@@MomontheSpectrum 😀😀😀😀😀👍🎂

[@T.T.M.60]

Thanks ! And you are so welcome!

[@azcactusflower1]

46:32 I would like my brain scanned by Dr. Daniel Amen

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Same. It’s a bucket list item for me.

[@lissettemai8112]

I know my amygdala is way bigger than most people…i wonder if I was born like this or all the anxiety has made it bigger 😮

[@beepbopboop3221]

I get a different answer to myers briggs every time. 🤷‍♀️. The only thing that seems right is the flip flop between introverts and extroverts. I am an ambivert. There's not much amplitude. I have no preference. I usually test F not J but the N or T flip flops to a large degree. I don't know Enneogram. All I know is that I test as Prof Snape (or was that my husband?). Wait, it was Ron or Luna Lovegood on the Harry Potter Myers Briggs. ENFP or INFP but sometimes I test as S or T. Especially after this pandemic, it's changed.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Haha sounds like you are lots of cool things!! 😎

[@wolfdreams2000]

Happy belated birthday 💜

[@beepbopboop3221]

Wow, 3 streams of thought! I cannot do that. Are you sure you have ADHD if you can have so many things going at once? Maybe it just doesn't affect your working memory as much as my working memory.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I think maybe it just affects it in a different way!

[@beepbopboop3221]

@Mom on the Spectrum I guess it explains why I can't fake my face. As a result, I furrow my brow when confused, and people think I'm mad. People think I'm not listening when I am.

[@adamlewis3729]

could masking ever be INTENTIONAL? My nephew purposely copies different people for months at a time. Different celebrities, family members, people he knows from school... it is quite apparent...

[@dawnadowntown]

!

[@rlee7077]

I really don't understand gas lighting still. Is it something that is true but you feel like is "bad"? Or what other ppl think are true of autistic ppl & we just try to play it down more or less to make ourselves not look like that.. ? I'm not sure I understand this.

[@diosadeamore]

I was super confused about what it meant for ages too. But now I know what it is: When someone blames you for something that is their failing.