Living with BPD: Daily Struggles

This clip is from my online course and I hope it helps you discover what it's truly like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in this insightful video. Gain a deeper understanding of the emotions, struggles, and challenges that individuals with BPD face on a daily basis. Learn more about the unique experiences and perspectives that come with this mental health condition. If you or someone you know is affected by BPD, this video may provide valuable insights and support.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:
BPD Guided Journal: Journal: Your Space to Release Intense Emotions, Nurture Self-Compassion, and Take Charge of Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: shorturl.at/Ta5Dj
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
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Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
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[@dM_gH]

I don't think there *is* a word the feeling of emptiness. It's soul crushing. Edit: I think I should add that, y'all, there is hope. I'm in my 50s now. I was finaaly, officially diagnosed. I'm in therapy. I practice dialectical behavioral skills. I meditate, journal, garden, openly communicate with my husband without putting up walls, pet my cat all the time :)... anything I can do to bring a little peace into my life. I'm not great at utilizing any of the aforementioned tools all the time but now I *have* tools, wheras before, I went wherever the winds of BPD took me. Therapy has been the key for me. I still struggle with emotional regulation at times but I find much peace in areas of my life that I never could before. Big hug to all of us who struggle with this disorder.

[@katieswift1]

❤❤❤

[@jessicapatton2688]

I JUST said the same haha! It’s like being depressed to the soul level!

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your strength shines through your words.

[@cherylthompson2731]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@cancandoit]

As someone with bpd, my main characteristic is rejection sensitivity..followed by fear of abandonment. I don't feel emptiness... thank God. I would hate to feel empty all the time.

[@enough1494]

Humbling to know I am nothing. But safe, as long as no human comes near my property…..blissful days will be permanent now, 24/7 🙌

[@bogdanlazar3278]

I hope you are well! You are kind and compassionate and a blessing to be around with. :)

[@enough1494]

@@bogdanlazar3278 I think we were dropped in the wrong dimension, the jingle is perfect for us.

[@enough1494]

@@bogdanlazar3278 jungle 😉

[@bogdanlazar3278]

@@enough1494 what do you mean?

[@youthurricane]

is like a grief that never goes away and you can't remember who you are missing so bad at the point of physically hurts

[@NateLovesPasta]

Thank you for providing so much content about BPD. You are changing the stigma!!!

[@brybaby89]

The missing piece... I've been calling, "an internal phantom limb". Because, I can feel something flex (or when something 'should' be) but the action doesn't occur.

[@brahmanspleroma3792]

I also refered to as a phantom limb

[@badforgiven1]

Guess I'll have to ride it out, get up tomorrow to scream and shout. No one left to listen so alone I pace and pout. Rough waters pulling me under as I dissociate in the sanity drought. Capsized by a boatload of insecurities, inner hatred, fear and doubt. Borderline rage, do not engage, make up again just to lash out. Feeling ashamed and pathetic mixed with a self loathing verbal bout.

[@haroldlambert1991]

Please give yourself some "Self Compassion". Others also suffer from BPD and it is possible for therapy and treatments like CBT to help you address your issues. If you have been diagnosed with BPD there is a lot that is known and that can be done. SO there is HOPE and through the LOVE of others you can move forward in Gods MERCY 🙏

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Nice.

[@Kefir-fw2qf]

For me the feeling of emptiness is the worst part. I don't know how to explain it but it is something that i wish no human should be capable of experiencing it. It's just awful.

[@DrDanielFox]

I understand how tough it can be to feel that way. Remember, you're not alone in this.

[@selfloveisthekey]

Anguish. That's the word I use, it seems to best describe how I feel at those moments.

[@Capthowdy098]

I was diagnosed Eccentric Personality Disorder because I abandoned therapy when BPD was going to be the targeted treatment option prior to a formal diagnosis. I was serving in the military at the time, trying to avoid anything that could be considered "bad" on my spotless record. Emptiness is the dominant force in my life. I refer to myself often as "the little wooden boy." I do not fear abandonedment but crave solitude. Being alone makes me think I can't hurt anyone with the things I lack. I see a stranger in the mirror even though I know it's me. The question "Tell me who you are?" Makes my brain hurt because i lack the ability to answer, it's a nonsense question to me.

[@cherylthompson2731]

It is Hell everyday and yet it makes you appreciate life❤

[@mamaurku]

Classy, elegant, honest book sales promotion. A notch above! Love all your videos, Dr. Fox. Thanks.

[@whatsayyounowsunshower]

You’re in my head right now as I am watching this. This is & has been my whole life. It’s totally debilitating in every sense, in every aspect of existing cos it’s not living.

[@delll372]

gorgeous background and professional cinematography!

[@bobohobo7652]

Thank you

[@zentzu4003]

the feeling in the stomach, I often get this intense urge to go jump in my car and find that person and beg them i’m not diagnosed with BPD yet as I have no money but I can relate to this alot I feel constantly confused I have memories of times I hated, but when I think of those times I miss them and get a warm happy feeling So I as you can imagine when I’m trying to self-improve I’m thinking about creating an identity of who I am going to become I often use my memories to help me, but my memories are literally all wrong, the feeling I associate with them… It’s like my own mind is against me and purposely confusing me and tbh I feel this sense of my mind having it’s own separate consciousness, and it is not a nice ‘being’ when I was younger I had an experience where I started getting voices and hallucinations which I thought at the time was God, when I finally realised they were not God, that voice in my head slowly shifted into my mothers and fathers voice and eventually into a complete separate voice that is extremely negative and looks down and judges me i also remember when i was younger all i ever felt like i wanted was a hug and that feeling has always been there, but the hug isn’t from a friend it’s from a close romantic partner

[@Tawroset]

You know, even if you don't have lots of money, there are clinics for mental health where they only charge whatever you can afford to pay. You deserve to be helpef. Hugs

[@kellyely9113]

As someone with quiet BPD, there is a lot of emptiness and seemingly pointless experiences that shape the nothingness that is the future we envision. The past is lit up (because our hindsight is much clearer than foresight) and the future is dark, dim and unreadable, and in order to not be overwhelmed by crushing anxiety, it's easier to look at your feet as they step forward one foot at a time. It's exhausting, and it's extremely isolating if you choose not to share how you process with people, and if you do share, most of the time, you are dismissed as a potential partner and are either used or discarded. I choose to lead with honesty and wait to see if I am accepted or rejected, that way I don't lead myself into despair.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable. Your honesty is truly appreciated.

[@lucywhitaker407]

Hello 🏥 Doctor Fox 🦊 I can really relate to this and I understand it. I have been diagnosed with BPD in 2010 I've been trying My best to live My life and deal and manage it as best as I can. Xxxx

[@karinabellino6095]

Thank you sooo much for posting these easily digestible videos and for your workbook. Your practical steps to try keep giving hope. It helps so much to feel seen and understood without judgement and be able to share these with my family, and get a head start on therapy while I’m on the waitlist.

[@lettie1569]

It’s definitely having that feeling that something is missing… when you technically have everything you could have asked for. 😔

[@jessicapatton2688]

It IS very painful!! I thought that everyone has soul depression, but, I guess not. I never feel real joy😢even when I’m laughing about something in a moment. And none of the antidepressants help me so it feels pretty helpless.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. It's important to seek help and support during such challenging moments.

[@jessicapatton2688]

@@DrDanielFox Once I get my insurance started I will do that! Thank you

[@cherylthompson2731]

The missing piece of the puzzle is a healthy childhood😢

[@suixXxide]

Hi Dr. Fox! I've been following your channel ever since I got my diagnosis some 3 years ago (turning 37 this year) and think you are the best channel with consistent valuable information and tips surrounding BPD. For that I am extremely thankful. Super random question maybe but it would be very interesting hearing your opinion and/or if you'd even find some valuable points which could benefit your channel/subscribers: I published a song I made yesterday on my channel called "Borderline Personality Disorder" which I wrote and finished within an hour or so which normally never happen. The lyrics and everything just poured out of me effortlessly and after my years of struggling in life and not making anything creative at ALL I am finally back on a genuinely professional superstar level of creativity and most of the releases also in quality. Exception for the BPD song as I wanted to keep it raw, authentic and true to the emotions and actual essence of what BPD overall does. (I have the silent one btw) I know what one might think when seeing my question and all though it's a shame questions like this get's frown upon and immodestly taken as if it's a robbery, snake oil or exploit in any other way. I assure you that with my 11 subscribers I'm far far away from earning any cash and I hardly ever promote my stuff because no one gives a damn anyway and because it feels dirty (despite wanting to give to those who would like) but this specific case is different as I am genuinely curious of your thoughts and better yet if it would actually help others which in hind sight would be the songs 2nd positive thing besides being cathartic for myself. Thanks for everything you'd done for the community and what ever you think or do with it I want you to know I am completely okay and respect it either way. Thank you for your time. / Jonas

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re welcome. I’m so glad you found the video helpful. Be well.

[@suixXxide]

@@DrDanielFox I understand. Thank you for being so sweet not only in your massive work you do but actually reading and responding. Really respect that. It's so clear to see how passionate and caring you are about our many daily struggles with BPD! =')

[@melodiejohnston9528]

Thank you.

[@DrDanielFox]

You're welcome!

[@melodiejohnston9528]

@@DrDanielFox Where are you located, please?

[@patriciagss2024]

You described me

[@Dupreee360]

Hello dr. Daniel.

[@ericablaschke3497]

BPD and complex trauma attatchment trauma are very similar and share many of the same traits. It is a trauma disorder. The DSM is simply a list of symptoms

[@jamiesexton2522]

I cannot express enough how grateful I am to finding Dr. Fox's channel about 4 years ago now. I got into DBT and that really helped with surface structure issues, and then I did a few other things for comorbidities (e.g. EMDR, IFS, schema therapy, ERP.) I'm happy to say for the first time in my 45 years, I feel what I'd call stable and content. If people want to leave my life, that's up to them and doesn't reflect on me. I can accept criticism now without feeling toxic shame. I wish all of you out there struggling peace. Keep working through it - it took me 5 years to start feeling that way. Heal on your own timeline and don't let your loved ones make you feel you need to adhere to their timeline of healing. Ya'll got this!

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you. Please be well.

[@jahray6300]

Tormented is how i describe my inner state daily. Majority of the time, I dissociate enough to not feel anything but when I sit with myself and ask "how am I feeling right now?", the answer is always tormented.

[@feelingsubconscious3040]

For me, it is a nice welcome, sometimes. Feeling nothing is a repreive from the torments of my thoughts and feelings. I can think without my emotions running the show. I often think this is the time to make hard decisions and put into action, before i start hearing my heart and having big emotions again. My heart speaks so loudly, while my brain never stops. I have never actually done it, because i think my heart will be incredibly sad once it can feel again. There is always next time..

[@DrDanielFox]

It's important to take some time to step back and think things through. Emotions can sometimes cloud our judgment.

[@yuli.wed.]

That doubt, doubting your worth and value to the world, doubting you'll ever feel belonging.. it's a dread and point of misery like no other. Proffesionals that dont have a comprehensive understanding of bpd totatlly miss the mark on how to help you handle that on a daily basis.

[@miagloom8080]

Thank you Dr.! I have a question on a certain topic. I would like to know if "amnesia" is a bpd thing or does not everyone with bpd have a lot of memories missing? I can't remember most of my childhood and teenage years. But I also keep forgetting most of the events in my life which happened not so long ago. It feels like not having existed. When I tried to talk about that with my therapists they didn't really know what to say or just explained that it's normal to have memory loss due to trauma. But why do I lose memories from a couple of years ago and also positive ones (for example when my cousin asks me if I remember when we were on vacation with her daugther and had a lot of fun... I remember a few things that we did but mix up the memories from other times we spend together.) It makes me sad that I can't just recall most of the good times because that also means that I can't recall good feelings. It also feels very lonely when you can't share a lot of memories with them, when they talk about shared experiences. I have to live in the moment and it feels very lonely most of the time. Maybe the feeling of emptiness is the result of that amnesia? It's also very creepy when a friend from teenage years tells me stories abou what I did back then or who I was... Those memories are completely gone. It's like listening him talk about a stranger. Does anyone with BPD experience this too?

[@JacquelineCarter-e4j]

To me it feels like I have a huge hole in my core, like there’s an important puzzle piece missing

[@DrDanielFox]

I understand how you feel. It's tough when you sense that something crucial is missing.

[@summerallthetime2616]

I’m diagnosed BDP but don’t feel these things

[@alphadog3384]

Where does feelings ignored fall into the placement of BPD?

[@vsingh8078]

This fear of abandonment makes them abandon you. A person with bpd can do to you what they themselves fear most.

[@DrDanielFox]

It can be the self fulfilling prophecy in many cases when BPD is in control.

[@astriddelis6101]

How do we deal with the urgency feeling to beg FP for their love, attention, etc??

[@DrDanielFox]

I have videos on dependency you may find helpful.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

BPD: Not as bad as a psychotic, but worse than a neurotic.

[@n0b0d1-rc6dz]

At least the psychotic isn’t lonely and has voices to talk to.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

@@n0b0d1-rc6dz Schizophrenic.

[@iasked-cl8mz]

:( Wellsaid...

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@Kiki.to.pono_46789]

Dr Fox , I have cluster b personality running through my blood line , I believe I have bpd or vulnerable narcissism. Should I consider having children?

[@enough1494]

No, wait for years to unstable in the planet now!

[@mamaurku]

I think this is an excellent question. It was a huge mistake for me to bring a child into my strong Cluster-B extended family system nearly 50 years ago. My son still suffers today from suicidal thoughts and an unhappy series of marriages. I did not have the capacity to parent him decently, and the rest of my family's toxic behaviors toward him and each other just rubbed salt in his wounds as well as mine. I was blind at the time that I was not capable of raising a happy child. I forgive myself now, but how I wish I understood my limitations before I got pregnant.

[@judyh3707]

My point of view is that I would be doing my children a disservice if I put them through a life where they must deal with an emotionally unstable parent who doesn't have good coping skills. How could I teach my child how to deal with and talk to people when I can't myself? Raising kids is hard enough when your life is great, and there is no bailout if you find its too hard after all. A lot of the children and adolescents I've worked with come from households where other family members have mental health problems, and I often see parents who are clearly causing severe behavioral issues in kids because of, essentially, their own inability to be a responsible and loving parent. The genetical component is surely important, but the way that they treat and talk to their children is important too. Once my BPD was well managed I realized I didn't want kids at all and it was fortunate I didn't make a rash decision because it would have made it impossible to focus on my mental health.

[@celestialstar124]

As a daughter of a bpd dad, i will recommend you not to have children. It's too painful that i actually commit suicide multiple times. The most serious attempt is 2 weeks coma after i ate 120 tablets of paracetamol. Dad just has a bdp rage almost a month ago and he is still finding trouble with mum and me daily. Such rage can last weeks to even months. I know if i leave this house my parents will both die but i really don't know how much longer i can grab on this toxic family.

[@celestialstar124]

My ex told me he won't want to have children with me because of my dad bpd may pass on to my future kids. He left me after 9 years to marry someone else because he said he rather have a normal marriage with a normal family. He said my parents are too messy and unless i abandoned my parents and move out of my country else he have to end the relationship right away. Of course he said very opposite stuff when he woo me and i dare not accept the relationship because of fear due to my own toxic family. He did alot of things like being there for me as a friend for 3 years before i dare start a romantic relationship with him. He promised to love me forever and never abandon me etc. Sadly i was dumb to trust anyone who make such promises that they can never fulfill.

[@smendoza7233]

You’re amazing but I don’t think I can be helped at the point ..too far gone

[@DrDanielFox]

I appreciate your kind words, but don't give up on yourself just yet. There's always a way to turn things around.

[@jcimsn8464]

The pain is all ours. Their behavior is abhorrent.

[@DrDanielFox]

I know to can be tough but boundaries are key.