Loudness Equals Power - Onion Talks - Ep. 2

Every day we interact with thousands of incredibly loud people, but Barry Buchwalter doesn't think we should limit ourselves to current volumes. With his innovative new device, anyone can be as loud as anyone, and then they can be even louder.
ONION DIGITAL STUDIOS
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Head Writer: Sam West
Writers: Dan Klein, Matt Klinman, Michael Pielocik, Chris Sartinsky
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[@TheEyeball37]

"If George Washington were alive today, we would not be able to see or hear him." I cracked up.

[@alfisyahr]

can you explain that bit,,? I dont get it

[@TheIrishRushin]

George Washington would shoot him. His rifle and the silence after being his voice.

[@SPARTANGER534]

@@alfisyahr It's a joke. It works because you usually hear people saying like "if Tesla were alive today he would be able to make even better devices" or something like that. But in this cause he uses the same idea but we a silly twist that makes you laugh if you are paying attention

[@kishurocks]

I had to pause the video cause I was dying too much to hear it XD

[@dillon5155]

@@alfisyahr He said that our generation is the loudest generation to date. Ten times louder than our grandparents. The joke is that George Washington lived so many generations ago that he would be so quiet that nobody today would have been able to hear him. It's fuckin stupid lol. As to the not being able to "see" him part that's a mystery, no idea what was meant by that that. The whole thing makes it out that George Washington was microscopic in reality. I love shit like this lol.

[@dillon5155]

"You all heard me, and I wasn't even talking to you" *Applause*

[@WhatPlantsCrave-ur1ht]

They'll clap for anything, they're just happy to be on television.

[@I_leave_mean_comments]

Yes. That was what happened in the video.

[@TheNerfer]

WE NEED A WAY OF COMMUNICATING OUR LOUDNESS THROUGH TEXT SO THAT EVEN PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET WILL KNOW THAT WE'RE BEING LOUDER THAN JUST ORDINARY YELLING.

[@asdfghyter]

*I COMPLETELY AGREE, LOUDNESS IS IMPORTANT AND NEEDS TO BE CONVEYED THROUGH TEXT TOO!*

[@DirtyBobBojangles]

¡¡¡IT TOOK THIS COMMENT 10 YEARS TO GET SOME ATTENTION, AND ATTENTION IT DESERVES!!!!

[@dbus1635]

Guys please keep it down I'm trying to read the comments.

[@asdfghyter]

@@dbus1635 I’M SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU! CAN YOU SPEAK LOUDER?

[@L333gok]

You can, just use /hv

[@kingq101]

"But" *Crowd laughter*

[@SSruh]

1:55

[@voltorb3246]

The squeak from the mic in his throat is the best part

[@Jeff-BrokenJaw]

This talk makes its point even more if you turn the volume up all the way.

[@metametodo]

And if you mute it, it's powerless. Amazing.

[@nocensorship8092]

@@metametodo didn't work, I felt it in my jaw

[@GTA5Player1]

Even better. Plug in your huge speakers, open up the window, and let the whole neighbourhood experience this man's power at 3AM!

[@stephaniecarrow4898]

​@@nocensorship8092 😄😄

[@aaronlaluzerne6639]

Here's your 666th like from me. Hope nothing bad happens.

[@CanWeGetToSubcribersWithNoVide]

“It will be the one who is rich enough to afford the largest amplifiers.” I fucking died. I think they’re mocking expectations of the future where people expect advanced technology to be available to everyone. But in reality it’s extremely expensive.

[@IrrelevantPlease]

Yeah like computers and cars and planes

[@roucoupse]

First Ted talk ever where I've truly learned something.

[@chuckphilpot7756]

Daniel Mc Dowell Actually the part about the whales is true. Nice try, dickhead.

[@hamchurger4566]

@@chuckphilpot7756 no its not true at all

[@lampyrisnoctiluca9904]

I agree. The part about having to be rich to be heard has made me click two information pieces in my brain and see them as connected.

[@ricpad8871]

This is true, the onion news channel said our children aren’t learning enough about whales

[@MrRaulstrnad]

the early ted talks were very good in scientists describing their specialized work now its just pretencious professionally trained salepersons trying to get investments into products that have very little chance of success

[@Thrifty032781]

I love the feedback noises throughout. Also at the end when he takes out the second amplifier and audience members wince in pain.

[@Tafel]

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT THE UPCOMING HOBBIT MOVIE

[@mack596]

best part holy fuck

[@75hilmar]

Oh. I did not understand what he was saying.

[@BaedekerBat]

Thanks for deciphering it.

[@samualjohnson5450]

@@mack596 the jaw grab 🤣😭

[@eliargumedo4728]

I didnt even understand him, but i was like "Hell yea!"

[@sunioj700]

lolled so hard of the graphic with the loud egg people surrounding the quiet george washington egg

[@odizzido]

This isn't even wrong. The person who goes on the longest and loudest ends up convincing everyone else even if what they say is obviously stupid.

[@L333gok]

This is the reason Biden got voted in even tho he is the dumbest candidate

[@Dav-lc8sc]

That's the joke, substantially dumb arguments are weaker but there are morons who think they can just get their way by being obnoxious 😂 like if u work in customer service you'll have one example at least if this in practice and how most people have contempt for it lmao 🤣 some jerk complaining when he was clearly in the wrong just getting louder and more obnoxious but still not getting his way 😂

[@waltviviers]

TED Talks may inform you on how leaders will be thinking tomorrow, but the Onion Talks informs you on how leaders are thinking today. The Onion Talks: fuck tomorrow, because today is already here.

[@cupofteam]

they've got that little murmur of laughter thing down

[@rashb]

"You all heard me and I wasn't even talking to you!" I'm sad I'm just now discovering Onion Talks. This is brilliant stuff! You literally could put these guys on Ted Talks and barely tell the difference other than the hilarious titles. Well done!

[@k35magnum]

Loll that sudden transition from searing jaw pain to clapping, holy shit standing ovation for the audience man

[@angelicreinforcement3373]

"If George Washington were alive today, we would not be able to see or hear him." Amazing!

[@alfisyahr]

can you explain that bit,,? I dont get it

[@MrTendo0]

@@alfisyahr This whole video jokes that we are getting progressively louder each generation and the loudest of us have the most power. So George Washington would be from a time where people were quieter and he was loud by their standards but not by present time and draw no attention because of that. It's just really stupid logic so dumb it's funny.

[@jeromejoz5935]

@@alfisyahr i think it's about how our generation is so loud and self-absorbed. Here he's saying that we'll basically treat George Washington like how the speaker thinks we treat our grandparents - we don't care about them and don't bother to hear or see them. Lmao

[@babaspector]

also he's probably a burried skeleton somewhere, so if he came back to life i'm pretty sure no one would see or hear him anyways.

[@morwenvogelstein4049]

when everybody is loud, no one will be

[@joseville]

We'll need to develop heartier rupture-proof eardrums.

[@TheGreenReaper]

There will always be someone louder.

[@Soleilune1995]

This is why we just need to get even louder, so that the loud are quiet in comparison.

[@bokgaming6645]

And when everyone’s super, no one will be

[@yingyangyoshi]

"People talk loud when they wanna sound smart, right?" "CORRECT."

[@PhilMoskowitz]

Being Loud means never having to say you're sorry.

[@FortunAdlaich]

Explains a lot about my mom

[@PunkyPrincessPop]

How does the audience keep a straight face?!

[@thegoodkidboy7726]

I'm pretty sure they have premade footage. I think I've seen 1:11 a couple of times.

[@demondwilson706]

The Good Kid Boy, it cant all be premade because of the audience all grabbing their jaws which is specific to this episode

[@fuz5567]

@@thegoodkidboy7726 It also cant be premade as the Onion Talk about Your Brain-Gun has the speaker physically interacting with a member of the audience, as well as their unanimous reactions of fear.

[@twizz420]

It's separately filmed

[@montyfatcat8871]

Keep doing it until it's not funny

[@afteryouknowme4642]

I thought it was loudness=intelligence

[@willmueller4984]

AfterYouKnowMe it's both. Little know fact if Einstein yelled it would kill anything in a five to twenty mile radius. This power encouraged quiet people life Robert Oppenheimer to build a loud machine more commonly known as a nuke

[@vitriolicAmaranth]

*CORRECT!!*

[@afteryouknowme4642]

vitriolicAmaranth THANK YOU! Thats exactly what I was looking for. 👍👍

[@dareven9984]

Thought? In past tense? Did you even watch this video??

[@afteryouknowme4642]

Dar Even I guess someone didnt get the reference....

[@reasontobelievesum41]

I think a better question to ask ourselves is, "What is the LOUDEST rock?"

[@alexgrenlie862]

Onion I miss you. I used to get the printed newspaper they put out at the Barnes & Noble every time I went there.

[@lucretius8050]

the most jaw dropping idea i've heard in a while

[@TonkarzOfSolSystem]

The audience reactions are so real. That's amazing acting.

[@par6912]

"If George Washington were alive today, we would not be able to see or hear him" loled so hard

[@cesarbarrios89]

the way he amplified his voice at the end is how my family politely talk during family gatherings or holidays.. at the police station, the volume gets even louder

[@TheNoiseySpectator]

He is going to end up being a super villian in a future X-Men movie.

[@stefan6347]

People talk loud when they wanna act smart right? This guy: *CORRECT!*

[@tadshackles]

This is brilliant on so many levels. Absolutely precious! 10/10 Onion.

[@nicholasplesko533]

I spend most of my time being quiet and then when I finally yell at someone they are terrified.

[@wabbajocky8235]

i've always been introverted my whole life basically so i don't really talk all that much. the thing is my parents want me to talk more but when i actually speak and express my opinions to them they're like "shut the fuck up". i don't hate my parents or anything, they're good people but a bit ignorant

[@somedude4832]

The obvious solution is to make yourself so loud that someone who agrees with you will be able to hear it!

[@tc98826]

"You cant plug your jaws." damn hes right..

[@AlexPotvin]

are these TED talk parodies or Apple keynote parodies? BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE!

[@rook349]

Yes.

[@limetimemusic]

Wait, is that a sperm helmet? Now I really have seen everything

[@Leviathan268]

I think he said something like "WOULD-YOU-LIKE-TO-KNOW-WHAT-I-THINK-ABOUT-THE-UPCOMING-HOBBIT-MOVIE?!"

[@BirdGang6]

This is how the anchors of Fox News operate “I cant win any political debate so I just talk over whoever I’m talking too”

[@Oyamada13]

That jaw amplifier will be sooooooooooo useful in schools and colleges. Now students can't fall asleep or don't pay attention when they have earphones listening to their music. xD

[@DoctorNemmo]

Onion talks basically chronicle the birth of supervillains.

[@sohee7597]

That would destroy your own ears lol

[@maythesciencebewithyou]

As a quiet person, people get super agrressive when you are quiet.

[@mrborisak]

this is some of the best work the onion has ever done

[@moonyvibes9709]

Imagine this guy in the movie "A Quite Place"

[@Adolphout]

This is better than the real TED talks.

[@JohnSChristen]

What does he even say at 3:00? "WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW HOW-(blaring)-HOBBIT FLIPPING?"

[@leoxane]

John Christen lol. 😂😂😂

[@BaedekerBat]

“Would you like to know what I think about the upcoming hobbit movie”

[@makeadifference4all]

Plot twist: This guy put away his amplifiers and started a Twitter account.

[@guyonthebenchful]

It's whatever the most dominant, intelligent sounding person in the room tells him is.

[@CleanMrMustard]

Y E S ! HE TOTALLY GETS IT !!!

[@SPFAlpha]

these truly are amazing times

[@NoName-de1fn]

AMAZING

[@Enlitner]

Alex Jones agrees. On another note: IN THE FUTURE IT WILL BE POSSIBLE TO PURCHASE LARGER AND FATTER TYPESIZE FROM GOOGLE SO YOUR KZbin COMMENTS STAND OUT FROM ALL THE OTHER COMMENTS. YOU.. AHEM.. You will also be charged for additional exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@NoName-de1fn]

!!!!!!!!!!

[@montsemajanmartinez9824]

*WHAT?!-I DIDN'T CATCH THAT!!!CAN YOU REPEAT?!?!?!?!?!*

[@iswearimblack]

watching this on full volume just to really resonate with the message

[@tomsoki5738]

This is kinda true though, what’s the loudest thing? Nuclear weapons! What makes you the most powerful a person can be… nuclear weapons

[@Shuang_Shuang]

It's great to that so many politicians were able to see this talk! Sorry, let me rephrase: IT'S GREAT THAT SO MANY POLITICIANS WERE ABLE TO SEE THIS TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@zacscalafini6545]

What if he plugged into a sonic projection dish to project his voice into deep space? Like I’ve been thinking about that for a month now. Like that’s the first thing alien intelligence hears are opinion s that really don’t matter at all in the grand scheme of things. And the aliens think we are a trivial society. That could be a book/ movie. I would read/ watch that.

[@mfmelendez]

Amazingly done. Thank you Onion. You've cemented yet another jewel in the crown.

[@tabbersftw3760]

Is this real? Who am I kidding, this is the onion! Of course it’s real!

[@plastiktuten3866]

‘if George Washington were alive today, we would not be able to see or hear him’… just such a perfect parody of the TED style, god

[@Foremek]

I love the subtle feedback looping.

[@criticalfxck13]

the audience grabbing their jaws was amazing lmao

[@audiolatte]

The footage of the random people in the audience has me laughing out loud everytime 😂😂😂

[@AdrianCarter93]

its true people with money are the only ones heard

[@nocensorship8092]

I heard / read your message , are you rich now?

[@odizzido]

@@nocensorship8092 He had one comment in eight years, I would say he is poor still. And he probably paid for a CEOs bonus for products he never purchased. Merca.

[@KokoRicky]

2:59, totally surreal and hilarious. Holy shit I love The Onion.

[@samualjohnson5450]

When the guy in blue grabs his jaw 🤣😭

[@ElephantOnAUnicycle]

He invented a way to have internet fights IN REAL LIFE. WOW. My life will never be the same.

That's one of the greatest things I've ever seen.

[@abcddcba09]

1:57 "But..." Crowd: HAHA!

[@jamshedfbc]

Brilliant. Well done Onion writers.

[@jacobwatson1009]

I laughed so hard I cried.

[@mackler]

I actually had one of these surgical loudness installations in my own head. What the guy in this video doesn't mention is that part of the procedure involves installing a spring, and because of the way that spring is attached it constantly turns my head to the left. If you were wondering why the guy in this video keeps looking to his left, that's why.

[@zacscalafini6545]

We may actually be the first generation that will be talkIng softer than our parents. I have to shout my heart out to let my father know about my day at dinner. “ why can’t you be like me and go out into the world and make a voice for yourself” he would tell me. I wish we had the ability As a generation to succeed at the same rate or better than our parents. What a shame.

[@umar11ism]

Power is power

[@jopalolive]

I CANT WAIT TO BUY THE NEW i LOUD

[@RadioForYahweh]

Shut up and take my money. Why am I just now seeing this? Seriously? Why was this not broadcasted on every news outlet?

[@DarthChess]

I WANT TO PUSH FORWARD MY OPINIONS IN THIS GLORIOUS LOUDNESS

[@Cusifaii]

Booo, I expected all commentaries to be in caps when I scrolled down....

[@stefan6347]

*IS THIS BETTER? I DON'T THINK SO. I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN SOMEONE COMMENTS IN ALL CAPS! IT MAKES THEM SEEM TO BE SHOUTING DIRECTLY AT ME EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO THEM. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? THAT WOULD BE VERY ANNOYING!*

[@jaernihiltheus7817]

NO YOU DID NOT EXPECT EVERY SINGLE COMMENT TO BE LOUD

[@Cusifaii]

@@jaernihiltheus7817 @Stephen Stefanus THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR ANSWERS. HAVE A GREAT DAY YOU GUYS

[@rorcon]

I have two channels I'm subscribed to: The Onion and TEDTalks. When a TED video shows up, it takes me a while before I realize it's not an OnionTalks video.

[@bobbobert9379]

The onion predicting modern day news

[@jhhwild]

Soon we won't even need to have a comments section on youtube, we will simply shout our comments and everyone will hear us!

[@sherrysyed]

I yell over everyone even in my sleep to be safe

[@itze_]

I lost at the beginning

[@TrAnMu]

If the biggest rock isn't revealed next week I'm gonna lose it.

[@KEWB99]

CAPS LOCK: IT'S LOUDNESS FOR TYPING

[@Tezzypro]

This is all so horrifyingly correct.

[@russfloyd5089]

1:57 Speaker: "But..." Audience: LOL #TedTalks

[@Proletariat12]

DON'T YOU GET IT!? They abandoned us, man! They don't CARE ABOUT US, DUDE! We've been left to die and the largest rock will never be known! WE WERE FORGOTTEN!

[@asteroidmonger]

I WILL SUPPORT THIS ILL MANNERED AND SELFISH EFFORT WITH THE FULL EXTENT OF MY TYPING POWER!

[@kxmode]

The problem with this is that the speaker eventually refers to themselves in the third person.

[@aestevalis0]

Truer words were never spoken.

[@Edgedable]

Plankton: CORRECT

[@brod2man]

Imagine a world so Loud that you can no longer hear What the biggest rock is. This technology is no laughing matter

[@Trevor10]

not all of them, some, deffinitly, it's hit or miss

[@imonlyfloating]

This looks more like an Apple event than a TED talk.

[@SurajSinghTomarArya]

This would change the news channel debates forever.

[@Poodleinacan]

My new hero.

[@DeathToMayo]

"If George Washington were alive today, we would not be able to see nor hear him."

[@top2percent]

The loudness has been doubled!

[@amac242]

This sounds like a talk from this year's World Economic Forum.

[@MaxTheMonster]

MULTIPLE BAGS OF SEMEN. There are 2 smaller bags on the side of the helmet LOL

[@MsKeebe]

Why do I get the feeling this guy uses his device in the ‘quiet car’?

[@bluesborn]

"..We are more easily able to share our ideas and drown out lesser ones around us.." Bill O take a bow.

[@BaedekerBat]

The audience holding their jaws at the end.