Ducks Go Quack, Chickens Say Cluck - Onion Talks - Ep. 3

[@yaosio]

Seems that The Onion accidentally put a real TED talk on their channel.

[@tarekadam9652]

www.ted.com/talks/terry_moore_how_to_tie_your_shoes/discussion

[@DKannji]

@@tarekadam9652 How the cluck is the Union able to come off as more genuine than the freaking source!?

[@Murrangurk2]

@@tarekadam9652 Holy shit, to think they banned Graham Hancock but this shit gets a pass!!

[@matthewcollins4764]

I think because they let people put pretty much whatever they want to some degree some of them are ok

[@haze6647]

Tf, yes, i was left confused and clueless at the end, exactly like how i feel after watching some of the ted talk.

[@TheMaskedDonut]

This is the most passionate and uplifting presentation about absolutely nothing that I've ever seen.

[@annaotto8868]

Are you sure because this one is literally about nothing: kzbin.info/www/bejne/boSTd3ege6edbtE

[@LeWildSister]

I love how the crowd is so into it lmao

[@MikeSwirled]

#400 👻🥳

[@Beery1962]

Watch TED. They do this every single day.

[@ericsilver9401]

@@Beery1962 I wouldn't say all ted talks are about nothing

[@Whimzy74]

I need to study this performance. He used every possible pretentious and self important gesture and speech trait

[@RazorM97]

Why did the duck said quack?? To be on ted talk

[@thomasbayer1843]

........quack quack.

[@LyubomirIko]

Basically think about the journey of honey; sweet spoon of honey - dragging down your throat. The bees the bees. Think about the bees. Now think you are having a knife. You own a knife in secret place; in your pocket. That's it! You are already there! Now speech about a duck.

[@elitewarrior4230]

@@thomasbayer1843 (light chuckle)

[@SH19922x]

Hahah this was a masterful display of fakeness.

[@leyenda6149]

The duck says quack. The chicken says cluck. "Quack quack" says the duck. "Cluck cluck" says the chicken. Ducks come from an egg. Ducks like to swim in the water. Quack, quack. Chickens come from an egg. Chickens like dirt. Chickens do not like the water. So, hmm. Why does the duck say quack? To talk to his duck friends. What does the cow say? The cow SAYS moo. (Long pause) The farmer is friends with all the animals on the farm. The animals are friends with each other. So how do we get our duck to cluck? How do we get our chickens to quack? That... is up to you. Thank you.

[@siyacer]

The audience says Clap Clap

[@radubradu]

No, thank YOU!

[@theuncalledfor]

We need to find the individual that has awakened... Chicken. The "Chicken Trigger".

[@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley]

You know, there could be an allegory for getting along with people from different backgrounds, beliefs and political views there. From an outsider looking in, maybe from a different country who doesn't understand, say, the geopolitical issues of the country, they'd be friends with two sides who are rivals. So how do we get the "duck", representing one side of an issue, to communicate with the "chicken" in the way that brings harmony like what the farmer does for all of their animals?

[@radubradu]

@@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley the farmers kills them, plucks them and eats them, so I won't rely too much on the farmer

[@pali6753]

1:20 the look of “how do I explain this so you people can understand” is emaculate

[@kaohsiung99]

Pause at 1:24 where did it the second time. It's gold

[@John-dw6ru]

thank you for point that out. that's really funny. I hadn't noticed it before. he is tortured that he may not be able to convey his genius to the mere masses.

[@followingtheroe1952]

During the pause around the cow I was expecting "now we looked at the data..."

[@timothysmith4330]

Sam Hyde

[@Creedio90]

Timothy Smith.

[@domesticcat1725]

@@Creedio90⠀

[@valjean76]

@@domesticcat1725 McCloud!

[@godofallpotatoes1614]

valjean76

[@VVulf_chan]

I love how perfectly they emulate the speaking patterns of the robots that speak on TED Talks.

[@mimosa27]

How are they robotic?

[@marylebone9357]

Dest gr8 b8 m8

[@vlnow]

someone get it. 'I've got one that can see'

[@kosog6584]

Dick Biggums How edgy

[@happycoloredmarblez]

Dick Biggums coming from the troll with an anime character as his avatar

[@DJRowas]

They only showed a portion of the talk. The ideas Mr. Garcia presented were so inspiring and world-changing, I couldn't believe the tickets were only $1500.

[@MrRaulstrnad]

oh yeah right the outrageous ted talk ticket prices for you to witness a short bs presentatiom

[@JameBond007.]

its a completely reasonble price considering the valuble infermatiom@@MrRaulstrnad

[@CypherSpectre]

HAHAHAHAHA!

[@SuperElleBaby]

This guy deserves an Emmy for deadpanning it.

[@petitio_principii]

In fact, there's this whole scandal of botox abuse in the deadpan comedy industry, just about to explode.

[@kinfeofspaghetti]

This but unironically.

[@andeleon6838]

The crowd wins best supporting actors then

[@Kylorfo]

It all makes sense now. I have achieved inner peace. Thank you.

[@Starry_Night_Sky7455]

Kylorfo113 Enlightened! Me too.

[@grumpyyellowfang3344]

I have acieved a new form

[@JohnGeometresMaximos]

I just farted.

[@anujamodi8713]

I've reached avatar state

[@arhanbhat4730]

Is it just me cuz I have no idea what dis means, unless it’s about races and countries, or disparity, I DONT GET THIS

[@AdmiralBetas]

Honestly, I can't wrap my head around what this dude's saying; I just come for the animal pictures.

[@stevecarey2030]

Basically he's saying that ducks say quack, while chickens say cluck. When you think about it, he's absolutely right.

[@notintheobservableuniverse2594]

@ludlow 889 🤣🤣🤣

[@hombrejose8164]

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand why the duck goes quack.

[@godofallpotatoes1614]

@@hombrejose8164 to talk to his duck friends

[@weswheel4834]

@@hombrejose8164 But perhaps if we really understood why the duck goes quack then it would be easier to answer his ultimate question of how do we get our chickens to quack?

[@PointyMetalEdges]

Sums up TEDx talks perfectly.

[@mikeoxsmal8022]

Ted ex is pretty good anyway

[@peppa_pig_]

Amazing TED talk on cultural barriers. This minimalistic approach was very insightful and had an important message on how we should all get past our differences and communicate as the one true race that we are - the human race. Great job.

[@CleanTeamSolutions]

Or was it taking the piss?

[@ShoutsWillEcho1]

What fucking message? He spoke about ducks and chickens? Fire that fucking dude.

[@peppa_pig_]

Mr 5 Am I taking the piss?

[@CleanTeamSolutions]

Peteto Chibs You need to have a laugh once in a while...

[@lavendergilly5843]

Mr 5 hahahah. he was kind of , ahem, trying to make you laugh kind sir.

[@intricatic]

This dude literally plagiarized my college graduation speech.

[@The101damnations]

This parodies some of the other TED talks where they state what's blatantly obvious over and over again to applause from the crowd.

[@valhalla1240]

"young women, listen to me: it's okay to masturbate." is something I have heard at an actual Ted Talk -.-

[@afteryouknowme4642]

Valhalla On? Or did you actually attended one?

[@valhalla1240]

oh excuse me. My mistake. I meant "on" a Ted Talk. I would never go to one of these shitshows.

[@d4n4nable]

@@valhalla1240 Truly brave!

[@mikeoxsmal8022]

@@valhalla1240 it ain't wrong

[@myasaee]

Speaker: "Quack, Quack" Audience: Hahaahahhaha :D

[@carthag]

the audience is obviously racist chickens

[@kaohsiung99]

I think the laughter was dubbed in (video and audio)

[@googleman3546]

One of the many reasons I like the ending is that it anticipates the question, "What can WE do?" By the end, the audience is no longer just a group of passive observers: they are called to participate.

[@jeromejoz5935]

That was the day when the entire human species decided to participate and build the perfect world for us all. That's why I'm thankful everyday for this perfect world we live in. Everything's too perfect that I sometimes feel guilty and wonder how I too can participate and make the world even more perfect than it already is.

[@NJGuy1973]

His next OnionTalk: "Catalyzing the Cluck-Quack Synthesis: A Theory of Land Fowl-Water Fowl Synergy"

[@AA-pk6fo]

Totally underrated comment. Absolutely love it !

[@neilamadhava]

This is actually a profound speech about miscommunication in an age of separated societies - I as not afraid to say I cried at how moving this message is

[@BigMTBrain]

AMAZING! Farmology is a very intricate and complex area of study. FINALLY, a speaker who is obviously well-versed on the subject as well as being an interesting and engaging presenter. You can tell that a tremendous amount of careful thought and effort went into his meticulous yet easily digestible slides. Still, with the amount and complexity of the issues covered and the deep deep questions posed, I'll have to watch again for the fifth time to absorb even half of this mind-blowing exposé.

[@bjuretic]

This is actually a quite good satire of TED talks, which are a procession of average people with extremely high opinion of themselves, with very few exceptions.

[@Lewisrobbie02]

Bozo Juretic satire ?

K

[@goyonman9655]

Right?

[@UnchartedThoughtsMusic]

*Also known as Psychopaths*

[@mrila-x3e]

because average people can't do talks like this right

[@malcolmsullivan5919]

This is a truly genius skit. Pinpoints the exact pacing and tonality of literally all TED talks lol

[@The_Horizon]

dang this was so touching...

[@fishboymanshark]

you're the guy who griefed a pay to win minecraft server

[@kttabay]

yeah and for some reason he is everywhere i look

[@taffyadam6031]

It’s the KZbin funnyman

[@5e4_00]

How are you here?

[@gtf5392]

They actually did do a real life experiment in Germany where they brought a duck to a couple psychiatrists to see if they could get the duck to say ‘cluck’. But the duck refused to participate and even insulted the psychiatrists by just saying ‘quack, quack’.

[@cheydinal5401]

Don't underestimate the great acting by some of the audience members shown in closeups

[@yumadapaka]

i want Jeff Goldblum to do an episode of this.

[@flobogirl6]

That would be great.

[@ericgenestvideoclips]

Barack

[@SirLoinofBeef235]

Or Ben stein

[@halasimov1362]

Ducks.. Find a way

[@HairyJuan]

This man is one of the greatest intellectuals of our time.

[@myrongainz9765]

i'm losing it in every pause. lmfao

[@andybaldman]

*The delivery/timing of the first 'quack' was perfect.*

[@nPcDrone]

11 years later, the solutions to such vital issues and problems still elude us

[@JeansWebbTv]

1:33 Small company boss looking at his employee, with the "I guess NOW you uderstand why I took you all here" look.

[@90srule96]

I don’t know who’s more of a spot -on Ted Talk parody: the pretentious speaker or rapt audience. To hell with it, they both nail it perfectly. Emmys all around!

[@UhtredOfBamburgh]

Literally the most informative Ted Talk I've heard

[@UnchartedThoughtsMusic]

*Wow, that really changed my way of thinking completely, as a single mom who loves getting philosophical knowledge from sunset pictures with quotes on them from Pinterest , this really made me open my mind and fully unlock 100% of my inner chakra IQ* *Truly inspiring, and life changing*

[@theeohh]

The way the man at 1:35 looks behind to his neighbor as if to say “I know where he’s going with this 😏” is fucking brilliant

[@ProfAwesomeO]

it's so inspirational

[@UnchartedThoughtsMusic]

Enlightening!!!👏👏👏

[@JonSmith-cx7gr]

Real genius is the ability to break down complex concepts and explain them in a way that everybody can understand. This presenter has that ability. I would love to sit down and have coffee with Peter and hear more of his teachings.

[@ankeerex]

I've already seen this. The guy was on TED talk too, gave the same presentation. The only difference is that on TED talk the audience gave him an even louder applause & standing ovation once the concluded his presentation. Man, I was deaf for a moment.

[@Midnight_Rain_Wolfgang-Telos]

I love how he almost fucks up on something as simple as “moo.”

[@MrLeighman]

One of the funniest parodies I have ever seen. could not stop laughing all day.

[@jackcovey1832]

1:21 The Steve Jobs "praying hands" gesture/pose while pausing.

[@Kehwanna]

The pauses and the joke in between are what really makes this look like a TEDTalk.

[@whippedcreampictures]

this is quackery!

[@Tonycaveman]

+whippedcreampictures Are you clucking mad? It's one of the greatest talks of modern times!

[@stevenpdx]

Cluck cluck

[@sekidamail]

its like an exam entry two stoners came up with for their philosophy degree, two hours before the show lol

[@rwarzor]

His delivery was so fucking spot on. I've heard so many TED speakers use the same sort of pauses and inflections that he uses, and the setup of the room was similarly fantastic.

[@MrRaulstrnad]

true enough

[@rossfriedman6570]

I love how he leaves it open- ended

[@ariucr]

This changed my life.

[@craigcampbell5590]

The head of my teaching course at uni was a total tool. She used to talk about TED talks like they were delivered by a burning bush. I was convinced that I must be some kind of numpty for not seeing them the same way. Thank you, thank you for setting me straight!

[@rckli]

“That….is up to you” - I fucking died 😂

[@Intelligence3]

I cried.

[@likhochokri6849]

"The duck says QUACK!" *Black man in audience goes into deep thought slightly nodding in approval.

[@richardpereira3675]

I have ascended to a higher realm with this knowledge

[@stellakatherine8384]

This guy should win an award for his acting I would've burst out laughing in the first 2 seconds

[@lennysmith8851]

When you definitely did not do the research, fucked around for 3 week, and now its time to give a 3 min presentation to the class

[@ZQ7977]

This is a good case study for someone studying acting. The meaning of the lines doesn't always dictate the way the character says them.

[@FortunAdlaich]

1:56 brought a tear to my eye

[@georganatoly6646]

as someone who has had to attended/watch waaay too many professional conferences/conventions/talks this had me in tears, so, so accurate

[@alicetheegreet]

I thought he was going to say the duck says quack and the chicken says cluck over and over again in a loop but with different tones and annunciations! LOL 😂🤣😂🤣

[@SeraphimRoad]

But it still doesnt answer the fundemental question of what does the fox say

[@GNVceramics]

SeraphimRoad this comment has aged like fine wine

[@scritoph3368]

@@GNVceramics mmmm, vinegar!

[@petesmith9475]

All that is explained on Peter Garzia's 800+ page best seller book. I suggest you buy it now.

[@squamish4244]

I believe the answer is, if I recall correctly, "Ring...a ding...ding...ding...ding."

[@petesmith9475]

It's up to you.

[@tmo_117]

This has opened my eyes, I’ve never felt so enlightened with a mountain of knowledge like this before

[@ethanwarren5258]

This 4 minute skit did what 50 years of post-structuralist philosophy failed to do, rip the western intellectual tradition to ribbons.

[@anonymous-tr2dd]

1:30 - 1:34.....genius

[@mmecurieuse3131]

1:35 - 1:36 is pure gold, too.

[@someone_else2876]

This is the most dramatic reading of everything a see 'n say, the greatest well of political, spiritual, cultural and educational knowledge, has ever recited or ever will recite. I feel powerful listening to him speak. The wisdom. The genuine truth, finally spoken after all these years. It's beautiful.

[@gilgamesh6135]

God the crowd is the best part man. So funny

[@thereprehensible435]

How it feels to listen to other students giving end of the semester presentations. Thank the gods I'm out and working these days.

[@neil963]

Everything except when he put his hands together up to his face 1:22 were the exact gestures a ted talker would make

[@pogadust5428]

The smirk at the beginning was so perfect 💀💀

[@kaohsiung99]

a 0:21 the gentleman rolls his eyes up momentarily-- as if he's 'reviewing' everything he's heard so far.

[@antiagonista]

I feel he was holding his laughter every time he would speak.

[@harrychen5886]

What the absolute firetruck is this

[@VM-bx8jn]

This is without a doubt the greatest, most inspirational, most ingenious speech in the history of human existence and it will never be topped!

[@MrRaulstrnad]

actually you might be onto something the sheer economy of it is very impressive

[@lennyjay8390]

I love how he introduces an extra slide just to show the cow behind a fence at 1:51 😂

[@mr.niceguy1812]

This is profound on every level. My mind is blown, i never really thought about it like this before! Thank you so much for this very important talk!

[@ger128]

The audience reaction is perfect

[@Harrymandented]

best 2:30 minutes of my life, what an absolute yap session

[@gschaub9]

Perhaps the true treasure is the quacks we've met along the way...

[@JarredWrightMusic]

I appreciate this challenging perspective. Raised a lot of insightful questions.

[@hiromik3570]

Such an awe inspiring thought, so simple yet so deep.

[@TheBonsaiZone]

What does the fox say?

[@AF-tv6uf]

That was a banned talk because not all mainstream scientists agree on what the fox says, and so it was considered irresponsibly pseudoscientific.

[@arendvandermerwe3309]

The fox says to not play with dead meme corpses like some sort of a meat puppet.

[@dreamadventure8220]

Fox says go fuck yourself

[@nikitas8343]

I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail.

[@paulhorneschillings1212]

ligma balls

[@ravenburrows4952]

This reminds me of getting my undergraduate degree. $150k well spent.

[@mbregar]

Thank god. Every ted talks or expert speaking makes me feel like this. Fuck the world is getting stupider by the minute.

[@Zedzilliot]

Quack quack

[@vizio444]

Absolutely breathtaking.

[@juzoli]

This is something I can show to my 3yo son. It is not even a parody in this sense.

[@Quonzer]

This was so beautiful and so insightful that I'm weeping now. It is that powerful of a speech. Truly life-changing!

[@emeraldfinder5]

Woah. I just spent several days doing research and all of this information checks out!

[@MindinViolet]

This has motivated me to change my life. Every day I will wake up a new person, thanks to this inspiring talk.

[@zadotterazo690]

I’m guessing this is how 3 year olds feel when they explain stuff to their parents

[@whateverwhatever7210]

lol

[@oscararevalo9806]

I love the people on the crowd

[@jasonracey9600]

This is the greatest video on KZbin.

[@MrRaulstrnad]

actually it just might be

[@pagamenews]

I think Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos watched this to prepare for her own public speaking engagements.

[@MrRaulstrnad]

but as bill clinton said of elizabeth..."she amazing...were in good hands"

[@Kennclarete]

I don't like this talk. It's too simple. It's dogmatic and perpetuates the socially acceptable ways for different species to express themselves. This has no place in 2019.

[@theuncalledfor]

You clearly didn't watch the whole video. He actually promotes muticulturalism in the end.

[@eoyguy]

9 years later, and this still absolutely puts my mind in a knot. I mean, if we want the duck to cluck and the chicken to quack, where does that leave the cow? I'ts all too much for my tiny brain to grasp...

[@neutralamity]

absolutely fantastic. i liked the part where the duck goes quack and the chicken goes cluck

[@mr.niceguy1812]

You're missing the point!

[@Adam-xf6sq]

People be making remixes of this inspiring speech and selling it as a children’s toy so the children can pull a string and be inspired

[@MrRaulstrnad]

actually that is a very good idea

[@brettcraigsly7102]

This was done perfectly in every way! This actor is amazing at the Ted-talk persona

[@TTV5]

The actors The Onion found for these talks are so good

[@abujabi]

This is actually how all Indian execs in silicon valley tech companies talk when they have to give inspiring speeches

[@FortunAdlaich]

The audience being teary-eyed is just amazing

[@LegionarioCruel]

The fence killed me.

[@marquisewilliams3904]

When he said, “quack quack,” I felt that on a spiritual level.