Love Is Blind - Season 5 - #25 - (Awkward JP) - Therapist Reacts

[@elizasoutie]

I think we’re all dying to hear your speculations about the “too much makeup” excuse- why are you playing with us like this?!😂😂

[@jy_hawk]

He kind of did. It wasn't really about the makeup but a more homely looking girl would reduce his fear of rejection.

[@elizasoutie]

But that moment when he blames the awkwardness on her makeup - it felt like a “yikes!” to me - are we going to get a “yikes?”

[@izabelaibraim]

We are all waiting

[@fluffibaduffi7059]

I think for him much makeup means the woman is shallow and wants to draw attention from other males. He did not say that but he seems to be extremely conservative. Maybe he is into the whole tradwife thing; no make up, christian, has to rely on the husband,... some really conservative men also think the woman needs to do all the work within the realtionship like talking, planning dates etc. Kind of sounds exactly like what he is doing

[@SAlina-se9xq]

Oh its not it yet? Dang!

[@Bellaanbi]

He assumes that beautiful, hot girls don't like or want him. Seeing her on revel day, in full glam, just blew his mind, and he assumed she didn't want to be there. It's sad, and I hope re-watching the show, he can see himself and take responsibility for how he shutdown and didn't engage or show love.

[@ff2154]

I keep thinking how his mom was toward the sisters - unstable - he probably has Trauma around that too

[@sfooshy4517]

​@@ff2154I'm assuming his mom taught him a lot of misogyny as well.

[@ff2154]

@@sfooshy4517 probably a mix of that & toxic Patriatchy Culture & him not having the awareness or insight to change

[@srm0520]

I agree. I think Taylor is WAY different than the women he’s dated in the past. I’m guessing she’s a lot healthier/put together and he doesn’t know what his role is w her. He so reminds me of a man I dated a few years ago- crippling anxiety and anxious shutdown responses to things. He had a very sweet heart but he had a lot of trauma. He tended to date women who had a lot going on in their lives and he “saved them” from things. It gave him a role and that made him feel comfortable because it decreased the risk of them leaving him. JP can’t wrap his mind around someone really loving him for him- without needing anything else. Just my suspicion.

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

He also sensed that she didn't like his looks as she said in the solo scenes about the space between his teeth.

[@smellydogpaw]

Remember when JP said his mom was abusive and would rage on his sisters? I am going to bet that is where a lot of this behavior is coming from.

[@csmgalaxy]

I was wondering if I was the only one who remembered this!

[@sedmidivka]

he gave me serial killer vibes the first time I saw him 😂 then I discussed with myself and realised that's quite judgemental and just "crazy". then I heard the story with his sisters and mother and I was simultaneously feeling sorry for him and feeling like he adjusted the story and felt terrifying vibes again. he's probably just a broken child and that's why he gives weird vibes... we don't know...

[@rf7964]

Me too! I was just putting it in the comments and thought I’d double check if anyone else remembered that!

[@lNoWayAroundItl]

That would make more sense. Especially IF Taylor looks like her a little.

[@vida.r]

i dont know how taylor lasted as long as she did. i personally would not be able to go more than 2 nights of silence and no conversation. she tried her best and he dropped the ball

[@beachwitch89]

She dodged a red white and blue bullet

[@CaulkMongler]

It’s incredible sad to see someone clearly inside their head let it get the best of them. Hope he gets better in that aspect.

[@nicky132]

​@@beachwitch89Well put 😄

[@northhallbabe13]

@@beachwitch89😂😂😂😂 best comment

[@sarasallai]

I can literally hear the crickets during these conversations 😅

[@caylacompassion]

Praying to the Psychology In Seattle gods that the second part to this comes out today too 🙏

[@tluvsbeauty1]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@shannen22able]

Yessss we need the satisfaction

[@stephaniepurdy3339]

I’ve been waiting for dayyyyyyyyyyyys.

[@caylacompassion]

y'all I'm sorry, the prayer only partially worked. We got so close with the second video 😭 I'll dust off my DSM 5 and try again today.

[@spiritofcoco]

„You‘ve interacted with other humans, right?“ 😂

[@MarisolFerreiraMarysoul]

I so admire your compassion. I wish we were all much more like that.

[@nikkimonroe2713]

From the first kiss where he retracted his neck like a turtle I thought maybe he’s feeling nervous and uncomfortable. Then it carried on. Later when he felt he was against the wall he said what he said about the makeup. Don’t think that was the issue. I think he just didn’t feel comfortable. He has to grow up and express himself just like she’s trying to. This was a mess.

[@sfooshy4517]

Yeah I 100% don't believe it has to do with the makeup. I think he has a fear of women since his mom was so abusive. He's not aware of it so he just deflected and blame the makeup.

[@CaulkMongler]

It’s not really about “growing up”, I wouldn’t necessarily frame holding onto potential residual trauma as “growing up” as it paints the picture that hurt people are just immature.

[@andianderson3017]

I had really bad social anxiety that developed after I got out of the situation-like you said. It just kept getting worse and worse. AND I am an extrovert. Therapy saved my life. I still can’t believe I got out. I’m terrified for JP. This whole show is just a worst case scenario for him. Forget recovering and having normal relationships even. I’m just scared he’s not going to be ok at all.

[@speakyrtruth]

I agree. There is so much shame involved in social anxiety that it will be difficult for him to face, and the whole experience might just retraumatize him.. hopefully he will be able to seek therapy!

[@jamie6639]

The title of this video seems still generous toward JP 😂 waiting till Dr Honda reacts to the later episodes.. but still excited for this video!

[@cjgroom109]

If Dr Honda had one trait, it’s generosity in the way he speaks about people lol

[@tluvsbeauty1]

Dr. Honda’s ability to sniff out the red pill ideology JP has been indoctrinated into is very impressive - as always, he shows us how insightful his clinical judgement is. (Edit: I am very interested to watch him react to the upcoming scenes of this couple…)

[@EP-sv2ur]

I mean, we all saw the amount of American flags JP surrounded himself with hahaha patriotism/nationalism indicates an authoritarian mindset which is the perfect breeding ground for red pill ideology

[@tluvsbeauty1]

@@EP-sv2urhahahah fair point, although hindsight always helps us to retrospectively confirm our original inclinations - I still see his compassionate approach to connecting his schemas to the possibility of mysoginistic conspiracy to be an insightful hypothesis (prior to him seeing the upcoming portion of this scene that most of us have seen already)

[@Naejakire3]

Just by his clothing I sensed it, lol

[@LLLLLP0]

Dr.Kirk hello from Ecuador, thanks to you and Bob I went to therapy. Send my regards to the whole pod team! I'm into these videos big time, I have met a few JPs in my life and it's refreshing to see this from a clinician's perspective

[@mamameg9916]

With the kissing thing, I think he has halitosis. She’s mentioned his bad breath previously (including how he rarely showers), and people I’ve dated with halitosis also clench their jaws and throat like that when kissing because they’re aware of their halitosis and self-conscious about it.

[@macarmenadoree]

"You need to show your freckles more" is a criticism disguised as a compliment. He is so rejecting of her in a million subtle ways, and all I can think is that he saw this gorgeous, glamorous, confident woman walk out at the reveal and he panicked and shut down, because within himself he felt like he could never measure up. All of his criticisms are actually an attempt to connect with her because if he can't measure up, then how could they ever see eye to eye without tearing her down? Taylor wasn't lying when she said she worked on herself, because it would be so easy for someone with an ounce less self esteem to fall into a toxic or possibly abusive dynamic with JP -- internalizing his criticism and either chasing his love or being vindictive. But Taylor said no. She put in the approriate amount of work, and since he couldn't meet her halfway she removed myself in the most loving and levelheaded way possible.

[@karleeg6437]

you were so close to the juiciest part and ur spot on prediction!!!! 😂

[@spicychai]

Not the mascara Ad before this video starts 😂

[@TainaraCasarin]

When I was younger, angrier, depressed and really full of fear, I used to be really bad to people I liked the most. I wanted to see if they would stay, I didn't wanted them to leave me when I least expected. I'm sorry for both of them.

[@ericaavery9382]

I dated a guy EXACTLY like JP for 6 years. Of course I dont know JP nor his experiences personally, but Dr. Honda, you're right on the money with your hypothesis and analysis from my experience with a man who behaved identically to JP.

[@ABiteBetterbyEva]

Omg I love how you worded that "I wouldn't be surprised if he has some conspiracy theories in his head" lolllll what we're all thinking

[@nicky132]

6:45 Mindblown! DKH hasn't even gotten to the make-up scene yet and is still able to speculate so accurately!

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

My spidey sense was alerted.

[@Ununpentium]

Yes, was very impressed as well!

[@MoschinoAmore]

Is this what it was like waiting for Dr. Kirk to get to the Cuties incident in real time?

[@emmy8923]

Dr. Kirk, Do you think if someone like JP sees himself after the show is released, it will help breaking his pattern/help him? or does it have the opposite effect and make him more insecure/aware that he has disfunctional schemas?

[@CaulkMongler]

I really hope so as Vanessa from The Ultimatum: Queer Love said how seeing how she comes off to people who don’t know her and in a way that’s almost like a fly on the wall, able to see her actions and the way she comes off under a different lens, she was able to reflect on herself. However genuinely she meant that, who’s to say, but I hope JP can find that self-improvement rather than a reason to further hide himself.

[@jy_hawk]

Finally some legit explanation for JP's action

[@burtnicky1467]

I wish these moved a little faster. I get it’s interesting to see how accurate Dr Honda is but you’re killing me here

[@thatlibrariangirl]

I was just going to comment this!

[@tluvsbeauty1]

Dude I know I’ve been desperately waiting for more episodes😩 it’s killing me

[@Zoeybamboey]

I’m waiting for the makeup part for sooo long lol

[@ff2154]

Let's Give Dr. Honda & his team some Grace.... He is doing the Best He / They Can. I am Grateful he is doing these types of videos at all....I am Amazed at how much I Learn..... 💜🙏🏼✨️

[@tluvsbeauty1]

@@ff2154oh, absolutely! I am coming from a solely positive place - I’m waiting with anticipation bc I just love the videos so much☺️

[@marinnamatta3548]

The freckles comment wasn't a compliment. He was indirectly telling her that she looks better without makeup.

[@dassijes5943]

Yup. Any compliment that starts with “You need to/ You should……..” ain’t a compliment 😤

[@lanagustafson1700]

It was interesting and validating to hear Dr H say how at 30 you might be worse off with your schemas. I’m 36 and am coming to terms with how many of my problems are caused by my subconscious reactions to abandonment trauma and emotional neglect as a child and teen.

[@barbiru2007]

The way he kissed her the first time was a sign for me.

[@Esmeralda-Bee]

Dr. Honda, you haven’t commented on his story about his mom… I wonder if you didn’t note it but I think it makes his schemas make a lot more sense. Perhaps he has an inner hatred towards women and feels abandoned by them always.

[@annikeellis8087]

What happened with his mom?

[@Esmeralda-Bee]

@@annikeellis8087 from what I recall, she was abusive towards his sisters. She had a lot of pent up anger towards their father (her husband) but would take it out on the girls. That made JP angry with his mom for many years

[@annikeellis8087]

@@Esmeralda-Bee oh man. That's terrible.

[@pwetty4r4]

I wish there could be some sort of catalog of all the different schemes because this is such important and useful information

[@s.melonita4454]

It really is. I was shocked when I found out about this channel and it only had 50k subscribers. I was like... Why doesnt Dr. Kirk have millions??? The world needs to know about him!

[@alexabercrombie9618]

He will. When I found Dr Kirk around April 2020, he had a handful of followers on KZbin. I predict he’ll have his own Netflix type show. I hope so. Can you imagine how his compassion and therapy would change the world?!?!

[@mamameg9916]

Also, if we are to take the makeup thing as a legitimate reason for his behavior, then he only would have been awkward during the reveal and not be awkward after that since that’s the only time she wore makeup. Yet he’s been awkward all day everyday since, and she hasn’t worn makeup. Perhaps avoid ridiculous excuses and own your shit, JP? Just a thought.

[@Samantha.Giselle]

Taylor is incredibly patient I seriously admire her. I feel for JP especially with all the backlash he has received. In my opinion he is clearly struggling and dealing with a lot of emotional trauma and maybe low self esteem? I truly hope he seeks help so he can heal 🫶🏻

[@CaulkMongler]

I think that’s really the core of it: low self esteem. He thinks his value is so low, so superficial, that there’s no way anyone could ever really genuinely *want* to get to know him or enjoy his company in a relationship.

[@s.melonita4454]

I was so curious to know how the Doc would analyze JP, because after years of reading and learning about psychology and then ending up here in 2020 I noticed I could tell a bunch of stuff on my own (very proud and thank you, Doc)... But JP gave me nothing 💀 and then when he openend up and talked about you know what stuff... I was flabbergasted.

[@kateliggett160]

I think after they met Taylor thought JP was more in to her than the other way around. She had a convo with Stacy about it, that JP was more invested & into her than vice versa (he wasn’t talking much but must shown or said enough), it was really interesting given what we see of their interaction.

[@ironirek]

The fuchsia looks great Kurt!

[@sarajesshorton]

Maybe being filmed knowing his words and actions will be perceived by millions of people could be influencing him. Like an extreme Hawthorne Effect. As a viewer I sometimes forget the cameras are there. That doesn't really explain why he acted differently in the pods though.

[@nyarden301]

I’ve been thinking a lot about that and I think the pod cameras are unmanned and mounted without any other humans behind them. But now there are a bunch of people watching them have a conversation while holding a lot of equipment and moving it around…I wonder if he has stage fright. But also he’s this way in private too? I dunno

[@markj3169]

Ohhhh theres was like a few more seconds to watch what happens next! The suspense of your reaction is killing me 😂😂😂

[@deez1316]

Kill me with a thousand cuts! WE NEED YOUR COMMENTARY ON MAKEUP GATE

[@AurorasWindow]

Ah! I figured from the title that Kirk hasn’t gotten to THAT part yet!

[@Freee479]

I’m Enjoying these LIB Recaps but Can’t wait for more ultimatum recaps. Thanks Dr honda

[@LaurynJuhl]

Didn’t JP refer to an abusive childhood in the pods? I think you’re right on the mark with your hypothesis.

[@haroldpinteresque4460]

Wondering if Taylor would be attracted to JP if they met at a party? What am I thinking? JP ... At a PARTY?

[@henryaitch]

LMFAO!!!! Brilliant!

[@albertroy5293]

Party of the party killers!

[@DaylaS]

It looks like he was comfortable with the men. He was playing a game with them on the beach and seemed like he was one of the guys. I bet he does go to parties with his buddies.

[@zoeh.mitchell1930]

I wish this show had an in-house Dr Honda for each couple…

[@vidaudink3044]

I think you're spot on with JP!

[@anavictoriaponce9866]

It feels like I'm watching with my sister where I already watched the episode but she hasn't and I NEEEEEED her to so we can talk about it😂

[@mandi4794]

You have his number for SURE.

[@emthecactus]

10:09 to 10:50. Major educational moment

[@Mel-oe3dw]

Can one have abandonment/rejection schema without being borderline? If so, how does that happen?

[@tluvsbeauty1]

Absolutely. Anyone can have any schema, but it doesn’t mean it will lead to the personality changes and subsequent emotions/thoughts/behaviours seen with bpd specifically. It can present is manyyyyyy other ways!

[@speakyrtruth]

Thank you so much for talking about social anxiety!

[@Ununpentium]

It's just immensly impressive how you could predict JP's next behaviour (criticism) so well!

[@Chrisy0850]

Oh ni,it was just so exciting and the video is over!!

[@triciat2855]

what "privileges" do people who were traumatized by their parents have when they enter into the world? I understand everyone has a set of rights that have been determined by legislation of the country they live in, but what privileges? It would seem that people who have experienced childhood trauma like JP have less privileges than those who did not experience childhood trauma (if we can say that human dignity afforded to a child is a "privilege")

[@mamameg9916]

He has privileges as a straight, cis, white, man

[@amyjwenzel88]

I think as white people, when we think of privileges, we think of the rich because that is who is above us. Don't think of "privileges" as in living a rich privileged life... think of it as a lack of obstacles. His gender, his color, and his orientation do not offer any sort of obatacle for him. That does not mean they don't go through trauma or trials or awful situations, it just means how he was born did not immediately put him at a disadvantage.

[@dassijes5943]

They would have all of the same privileges that they would have had if they hadn't been traumatised, but with an added hefty obstacle of childhood trauma.

[@binkiebrew]

There are situations where even though you could be suffering, in other places, you could have benefits. It's just many of the possibilities with our world. In his case, he's a white middle-class man, and he gains privileges because of that.

[@sarahohara4022]

Hey doc, you mentioned interjects or schema… when you say interjects and these events that change the schema?

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yes, you could say that. Nice work. Introject is a concept from object relations and schema is concept from schema therapy and cognitive therapy.

[@sarahohara4022]

@@PsychologyInSeattle ohhh introject, okay thank you, I am interested learning more about schema therapy

[@paynehollis]

He did share that his childhood was extremely traumatic. Given his horrifically violent childhood, his career choice is understandable. As is his complete Paralysis in the face of potential rejection and interpersonal uncertainty.

[@Esmeralda-Bee]

Damn Dr. Honda. You are good at guessing

[@theartofbeingyou9875]

Dr. Honda, what do you do when you are the one to reject the world : I feel like the world isn't good enough, not the other way around that I am not good enough!

[@exotic1881]

That sounds like avoidant attachment

[@IFRSteveD]

She IS going to leave him. But don't call her Shirley!

[@SEOshogun]

I mean, but who could blame her? She tried. And I don't think she would have left him if they're connection had been more like it was in the pods. I feel for both of them.

[@itsleenbean]

Why do you guys insist on spoiling despite him repeatedly asking us not to

[@IFRSteveD]

@ohheyitsleen It was an Airplane! joke. Nothing more.

[@itsleenbean]

@@IFRSteveD a joke where you quite literally spoiled what’s going to happen

[@thatlibrariangirl]

It could be just because so much happened behind the scenes this season and there are only 2 couples but I think it would be better to analyze each epsiode vs individual couple episodes. So much has happened and it’s just hard when someone gets SO behind

[@itsleenbean]

I loveee your videos but could you consider covering more than a few seconds of the show in each video? I think it might be a little more enjoyable that way!

[@simplyesthernz]

He can only show very small clips of the show at a time because of copyright. 😊

[@itsleenbean]

@@simplyesthernz he can cover more than 10 seconds of an episode in a whole video, by adding more small clips, instead of stretching one episode into 5 videos, without being copyrighted, like he did in his previous videos 😊

[@theartofbeingyou9875]

In real life do you access people's schema (particularly if you don't like them)? Question for Dr. Honda.

[@bashmeesh]

I'm not sure about schemas specifically but I THINK I've heard him say he almost can't help psycho analyzing people around him but he keeps it to himself. I could ge quoting him wrong but I think he's said that.

[@Mfern98]

Thank you for these videos!!

[@angeliconda123]

Wow this really made me not hate JP anymore😂😂😂

[@sailorallie9046]

I've been waiting for this!!!

[@skylineemily]

Is it possible JP is on the spectrum and that's why he is so awkward in person?

[@Alayhoo]

Anything is possible but as an autistic person myself, i personally don’t see autistic traits in his behavior. I see complex trauma, anxious-avoidant attachment, social anxiety and alexatxymia. Lots of folks confuse social anxiety with autism, so I get where your suspicion comes from. Who knows though!

[@skylineemily]

@@Alayhoo what is the last thing you mention? Never heard of it.

[@Alayhoo]

Alexithymia is when a person has difficulty experiencing, identifying, and expressing emotions. It is a common trait seen in autistic folks but for us it tends to have more to do with sensory processing. It’s also a trait common among folks with complex trauma and there is something called male normative alexithymia which relates to the way cis het men in particular are socialized to believe masculinity means they have to be stoic and unemotional. When you’re raised to stuff your trauma down, keep your feelings to yourself and experience social punishment whether from a primary care giver or out in the world when expressing emotion, it’s no wonder many cis men like JP are not in touch with their emotions and therefore struggle to communicate them.

[@skylineemily]

@@Alayhoo very interesting, thank you.

[@vania5298]

What a poor choice it is going to reality tv for someone full of unresolved issues

[@ramiebecker1]

"Pulling teeth", old-school dentistry?

[@daria668]

i thought she said hes more into him than shes into him.

[@meltemfahliogullari]

I was screaming at the TV while I was watching this. JP no! 🚚

[@JohnnySmith1234]

I find it extrememly frustrating that whenever a guy has any difficulty in situations like this the first kneejerk diagnosis is toxic masculinity/incel

[@bluchu22]

Amen! Feeling the same way

[@dassijes5943]

He doesn’t call him an incel. I feel like when discussing someone like JP, a man who appears to have trouble expressing himself, it would be remiss not to point out that there is a cultural aspect to that which may be a contributing factor.

[@melissabaril3363]

At first I thought you were saying, "I find it frustrating that so many men who have difficulties like this are drawn to the red pill" and I was like, amen!

[@MSmith-qg1oh]

I think she gave him the impression she didn’t like him during the reveal. Everyone seems to forget her “I wouldn’t normally approach a guy with a gap, but that’s ok!” If it was ok why would you mention it? On tv. Where you knew your potential husband would see it.🧐. She also admitted she dreamt of a guy who was tan and blonde……. Not really JP. You think he didn’t pick up on that?

[@theekaymabs]

But she said it in the confessional not to his face. He didn’t know she said that

[@reneerevolinski4822]

Are people stereotyping JP due to his patriotic apparel? Don't get me wrong, personally I find it a little cringe - but isn't this channel all about NOT to stereotype individuals (regard of what you think their political beliefs might be?)

[@Denchanter]

I could not care less about what he wears

[@jamie6639]

I don't think he's explaining JP's behaviors based on stereotypes. I think given JP's childhood trauma, his critical demeanor toward Taylor, and his fears of rejections, it's reasonable to assume that he has developed some schemas that he's not lovable and he wants to hide behind his defensiveness.

[@Alayhoo]

Dr. Honda is not stereotyping. He’s hypothesizing based on his professional knowledge and 27 years of experience in the field working with clients like JP. If he was just some rando without credentials saying JP is XYZ because he has flags, sure, that I would potentially call stereotyping.

[@spiritofcoco]

@@Alayhoo👏

[@onedirectionlover317]

Tbf OP asked about “people” (probably the comments section), not Dr. Honda specifically. And the valid points aside, there are a lot of snide comments about his political apparel and speculations based on that.

[@Tyda777]

OMG Dr H. Can you let the show roll for at least a complete sentence 🤦‍♂️🙄

[@darcymusicpy4274]

I think he might not really be into girls?

[@TheNaj28]

It was hard to watch him every time.. he acted like he was trying but he was just not.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

Does JP has a little life in himself ?

[@taranrandhawa5638]

Conspiracy theories and the American flag does go along.😅

[@chrisc1644]

Will comment again. I deleted my previous comment due to a single response that got me thinking I had crossed the line regarding Taylor which may have been unfair to her. They were right. I just want to comment once again reinforcing the fact though that I think if JP had met another girl more comfortable in her own skin ( maybe a bit older) that he would have been a great catch. Good interpersonal skills in the pods in a more private environment, attractive, successful , fit fireman .. he’s just quiet and shy. He needs time to bond without the huge daily inquisition of his feelings questioning where he is at bla bla.. on national TV at that time that he faced with Taylor due to her and her deluge of personal questions about his feelings. So maybe it was just not meant to be but this ridiculous critical analysis of him is irrelevant and not particularly accurate. My opinion only. Also not the end of the world that he obviously wasn’t attracted to her at the start because she appeared fake and she did! He likes the natural look. That as well could have gone away .. had she given him the time he needed.. She was a natural beauty and he was attracted to her in that way. So sad for these two.

[@Hello-fy6oo]

Just wondering why you say that Taylor isn’t comfortable in her own skin? Maybe I’ve missed something.

[@sxnses]

5:53 LMFAO

[@ThePepsiGirl1999]

I watch reality TV just so I can watch you react to it! Thanks for all your hard work. I’m a new school counselor and your videos broaden my perspectives while providing so much entertainment. Just the reprieve I need. 🤍🤟🏻