Love Is Blind - Season 5 - #29 - (I'm done) - Therapist Reacts

[@BitterSweetCoffee3]

"She gives the ring back unlike some others on the show" lol, Dr. Honda is throwing some shade

[@acd1168]

👀👀👀👀

[@kevinlim3377]

The shade was realllll

[@plutoniumcore]

Eclipse level shade

[@fro0o7h100]

Funny as hill 😂😂

[@Maybe-An-Alien]

OOP 👀🤭

[@liannna212]

Taylor is such a healthy person. I literally started clapping when i watched that scene

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I felt bad for JP, cause he couldn't get out of his own way, but I was so glad Taylor did what was best for her and with kindness.

[@ang_ro]

this man has deeeep emotional issues. i'm proud of her for following her instincts and saying Nope 🏃🏼‍♀️

[@cleirecarvalho457]

You said it all, he has major issues, not bad guy just need some soul searching and a really good psychiatrist !

[@mzslone162]

I’m soo proud of her , she has a great heart and wanted to give him a chance but on a experiment like this u can’t give him that chance because these are the honeymoon stages, this type of energy so soon isn’t worth fighting for

[@hashtagmate]

She is so graceful and she doesn't take no shit!! I really admire women like her, great role model

[@Alayhoo]

Taylor is such a wonderful person. She’s insightful, compassionate and self-respecting. I wish I could have been more like her in my 20s and not so desperate for love that I would have crumbled the moment JP showed that bit of vulnerability and stayed with him because that glimmer of hope made me question myself and feel guilty for for leaving him. Taylor is a great role model and I’m so glad they chose her to be on the show.

[@cbrown4499]

She is unusual in this way. Almost none of us have her kind of self-possession in their 20s. I hope this changes. Seeing her gives me hope for the future. Be kind to yourself @Alayhoo, she has what does not come naturally to most of us.

[@Nunofyabizzzzz]

Kirk is really in his bag this season! The man is on fire 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@andedom]

Yes! I thought we’d get like 2 videos on JP. I’m shocked by how much grade A content JP and Taylor have generated.

[@malvavisco10]

Especially when he spoke to JP directly, I hope JP watches this and learns a lot

[@hayleyb467]

​Dr. H is truly changing the world ❤❤❤❤

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

Dr Honda your empathy has no limits ❤

[@dribblinonedirection]

Taylor has such a beautiful and kind soul and I wish her the best! I would have showed up in full glam to this last meeting, and maybe that’s why I’m still single. Being petty is never the answer 😭😂

[@RenayOpish]

But the laugh would have been worth it😂

[@pinsandneedles3]

No, no, I get it. Go out with a bang 😂😂

[@ajoyner614]

Same I would've came out looking like a 🤡 JUST to let him know how i felt for choosing him in the first place.

[@Maybe-An-Alien]

​​@@ajoyner614 Not the clown make-up😂😭 You win🤭

[@alexistorm9694]

She was wearing make up thou!!! It wasnt full petty but she definitely stuck it to him

[@haroldpinteresque4460]

Opportunity: Love is Blind creates a Purple Heart medal, with Taylor its first recipient. She earned it.

[@albertroy5293]

She handled it with grace and self-respect. She deserves so much better.

[@henryaitch]

What in the world did they discuss in the pods?

[@michelledrake4479]

@@henryaitch apparently, NOT his love of flags...

[@ceairamrc]

I wish she would have worn a full face of glam makeup for this conversation lol.

[@digthewarmth]

I'm glad she didn't, so it can't be said that she did it to spite him. She looks like she just wore what she was comfortable with, and I love that.

[@cbrown4499]

I hope she wins a wholly uneeded makeover. She is beautiful. @@digthewarmth

[@AliciaMcIntire]

"I wish we could have hashed it out the first day." Well, she couldn't hash it out, because you literally weren't talking to her. Again, he puts her in these impossible situations where she can only fail

[@ntlsctt]

I find it interesting that no one has formulated how the abuse of his mum towards his sisters may have contributed to what we have seen from him. Doesn't excuse it of course but yeah, I just find it noteworthy that this has been forgotten about.

[@cybellebesier8810]

She is such a kind soul.

[@Esmeralda-Bee]

Aww I was looking forward to your reaction of one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard in this show… Taylor saying “I could have stayed in the pods and talked with JP for the rest of my life.” (Paraphrasing) Even typing that gives me chills.

[@karawheeler5150]

At the end when she said there was nothing there when they touched or kissed I interpreted her meaning about what she felt FROM him, not FOR him. In that when they did touch, hug, or kiss, she felt that he didn't have any feelings for her. If this was true, she was fighting an uphill battle from that first meeting, not just due to his opinions about makeup, but due to his emotional inaccessibility.

[@Alayhoo]

I agree.

[@Raebel2604]

This broke my heart. I don't think he cared about the make-up at all. I think he was reaching for something that pointed to any level of responsibility on her part, because the heaviness and anxiety of seeing disappointment and disconnection in yet another person's eyes was too much. I think Taylor absolutely made the right choice. It's just devastating to watch someone self-sabotage like this.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Agree!

[@lotusfire9429]

Agreed. I don't think JP is a bad person. I think he is deeply insecure and painfully shy, and had no idea how to connect.

[@lucky9938]

The reunion changed my mind on this...

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

@@lucky9938 how so?

[@lucky9938]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 he doubled down on the makeup thing

[@jessicawilliams3849]

If someone gives the old “Leave me, just like everyone else does,” that’s your cue to run and never look back. There’s a reason why everyone else left

[@CaulkMongler]

Exactly, it’s such a setup. You’re either propping me up to be your “savior” which creates a terribly imbalanced dynamic, or setting me up to be “just like all the others”.

[@jessicawilliams3849]

@@CaulkMongler Exactly. It’s a trap you can never win. And the longer you stay, the longer you feel guilt tripped into staying longer since you feel you owe them

[@cjgroom109]

yup. Huge red flag of someone who is NOT on a path of healing/growth/understanding their self

[@andedom]

Idk, I don’t think that’s a very kind way to treat someone. Could it be a sign of an abusive partner, sure but it’s not always or even usually the case. A lot of people have abandonment trauma/fear of abandonment and they can potentially be good partners if they are shown that you can be trusted. A lot of us have negative experiences that we project on to others (myself included), I don’t think it’s a sign that we need to be rejected immediately.

[@TheMrsMane]

Much more compassionate take on it 🙏🏻

[@zonthisv4915]

The beginning is so wholesome and caring. And the ending about the being relaxed and comfortable because he is INDEED rejected and 'abandoned' is perfect. That's exactly what it is. As painful as it is: at the end JP's world and his place and inner turmoil make sense again. Which is incredibly sad. In that sense the beginning could have come after that end. There are NOT a lot of actual sadistic villains in this world people. That's not how the world and us humans work. Most of the mess consists of wounds and trying to protect those wounds from getting addressed again.

[@TheMrsMane]

I agree… I saw some comments about how that showed that he was a narcissist and that he never gave a f*ck about her anyways. It always upsets me when people just look at the surface and don’t waste a second on what might be beyond that. I think having true compassion extends to when you can’t agree with the person but see the human behind it.

[@ckatt352]

Very true. I just see a wounded and scared boy, and feel sad for him. He has endured abuse and trauma as a child, and of course that has repercussions. I'm actually concerned about him taking his own life. I really hope he gets help ❤

[@agingknees6188]

I wonder if Dr. Honda is watching the Golden Bachelor. I think he'd really enjoy it as a wholesome break from this reality tv drama

[@Dauerglotzer123]

It's honestly so pure

[@vilmariealcaraz]

I hope so.. I think he’ll love it!!

[@eh1126]

I cried within the first 5 minutes of the first episode. Gerry is such an emotionally available man….too bad he’s 71 😅😅😅

[@stellannie86]

I can actually relate to the feeling of unease when in a relationship and everything's going fine, and the contradictory feeling of relief when break up happens.. 💔

[@zimtapfel]

Same here, 100%. I might be sad and devastated but at the same time relieved and not anxious anymore.

[@shegoesla_lala]

Same. I think it's because feeling rejected was more familiar to me than feeling accepted.

[@BlackCampariBlue]

absolutely.. had had times when I was terrified being rejected by someone I had something going on with, and at the same time I felt relief when it did happen and I could stop going through the constant (self made) pain and fear and start licking my wounds again

[@zimtapfel]

@@BlackCampariBlue How did you get over that?

[@Alicewunderimland]

I completely understand why Taylor slept in separate room, she didn’t feel valued, respected and appreciated from this individual after he sold her something else in the pods and in person he is completely different. She feels awful and she wants to be alone and take herself out from this horrible circumstances. She is such an authentic person in realising everything has changed and she can’t hold onto an disillusioned idea of having a relationship with JP which is fake love. I think almost every women knows how does it feels being sold from a men one thing and in reality no delivery at all. It calls story telling in locking a women down for marriage. Izzy and JP both 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ my head was just like “no way this both women will marry this king babies”

[@sallycinnamon5370]

Sleeping in the same room with someone is a VERY vulnerable thing to do, let alone in the same bed. I can’t imagine sleeping in the bed with someone that I was pretty sure didn’t value me as a person…

[@AnastaciaInCleveland]

That happened to me with my narcissist ex-husband. He insisted we continue to share a bed *after* he told me that he wanted a divorce! It was awful! I felt lonely and desolate and scared. After a little while, I did assert myself and sleep on the futon in the living room. Then he tried to get me for "abandonment" in the divorce! It didn't work, thankfully. My legal complaints against him prevailed.

[@Alicewunderimland]

@@AnastaciaInClevelandwhat a nightmare 🤦🏻‍♀️😪 still wanted to have you next to him sleeping with you! A king baby who want to have the same benefits and be pampered! I decenter man and put my self worth and value and healing first! Healing my codependency and this mentality of putting men in front of my own needs, toxic empathy and broken wing Syndrom. I tried to fix and help so many men instead of putting all this energy in my own health and well being. I watch Pastor RC Blakes via KZbin for rebuilding my dignity and change my mindset about me as a women.

[@AnastaciaInCleveland]

@@Alicewunderimland Thanks for your reply! Glad to hear that you are doing things to heal yourself. I hope that continues to go well!

[@LenaL146]

I feel sad that Taylor had high hopes for love and happiness and then those dreams were shattered, so very sad, she deserves lots of love and affection

[@bleh3039]

Also, I want to say thank you for that message you made to all of us struggling with self loathing like JP - it made me cry but it’s tears of happiness that someone understands that we’re not trying to be evil or mean - we’re just doing the best we can.

[@hayleyb467]

same❤🥲

[@bleh3039]

I have so much empathy for JP because I definitely see the deep pain in him that I felt once too - I’m considered a good looking woman but prior to therapy I would walk down the street and if people would look at me I would feel like a monster and used to think that they looked at me with disgust - I think JP felt comfortable in the pods because he didn’t have Taylor looking at him - having people look at you when the believe that you are a pos is so engrained is you, is incredibly triggering, it feels like the eyes on you see through you and how you aren’t worthy of anything. I went through a lot of abuse when I was a kid and as I got older I couldn’t maintain relationships and I was hurting good people like Taylor who didn’t understand me. I am so much more happier after therapy but it took a lot of hard work to start to disbelieve that lie that no one will ever love me. Self love is the biggest thing I’m proud of. I talk to myself with love and I’m proud of how far I have come.

[@andedom]

I’m so sorry to hear about your experience but happy to hear that therapy has made a difference for you. You deserve to be happy and so does JP!❤ thanks for sharing your story.

[@daniellewinn5774]

That's amazing. Thank you for sharing

[@tluvsbeauty1]

As another conventionally attractive young women who is convinced I’m inherently disgusting and unloveable (for reasons I can’t point to in any way that is connected to my real life now, as they are all from childhood), I relate heavily to this comment🩷🩷🩷 sending good thoughts your way:) take care!

[@Liv_to_wander]

Good on her. His behavior is unacceptable. If you like her, fine, if you don’t like her that’s also fine, just say so and move on. But don’t take someone then try to change them. The coercive control is disgusting. I feel very sorry for him.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

How did you see him being controlling? He wasn't great, but I didn't sense aggressive control.

[@danigerous25]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 he is trying to assert his control by demeaning her for wearing makeup. It implies, if she wants his reciprocation in conversation and engagement it is tied with her ability to comply with his Standard of appearance. A less healed / insecure woman would most likely fall for his rhetoric and comply in order to gain his favor again. With these types of men, the goalpost always moves. Once she complied with something, he will find something else to criticize. Most likely because he is insecure himself he will try to find fault within his partner to level the playing field.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

@@danigerous25 maybe. I know guys like that. JP didn't seem that overt. He didn't bring up make-up for a long time, and then he even (passive aggressively) said she could wear make up if she wanted.

[@Liv_to_wander]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 passive aggressive is something else. It’s obvious that he’s got some deep insecurities. It is not up to him to decide what she can and cannot do, those choices are totally hers. If he likes her exactly for who and how she is, great, if not walk away and better luck next time. Meeting someone and conditioning them to change is never healthy for either party involved.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

@@Liv_to_wander I agree with your principle.

[@hugomarquez3189]

Taylor is such a gem

[@digthewarmth]

She really is. I hope she can find her person soon and experience that joy as soon as possible.

[@donnabohanon1570]

Whew! JP! All I have to say is thank you Dr. H for your thorough insight and commentary on this couple.

[@artemis5210]

After hearing Dr Honda say he could see JP ending up like the Unabomber makes me I feel so validated for my primal fear of JP. I’ve felt it from the first moment and my husband didn’t understand and I couldn’t explain it.

[@pinsandneedles3]

I really hope he sees himself on screen and realizes he needs to talk to someone. When he said he wished the two of them could have "hashed it out" on day 1, I was just like... but you literally didn't talk about "it" to her, JP! God knows she tried to get to the bottom of it!

[@soychorizo496]

I think you’re spot on with him being extremely insecure. I don’t think his issue is with what Taylor looks like with makeup on but the belief that women put on makeup for attention from men. I think he’d feel safer and more secure that men won’t pursue Taylor if she was bare faced. I hope he can self reflect and work on his issues

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

JP doesn't strike me as the kind of person that does a ton of online research, even to find community with incel echochambers. I think he was raised to think his emotions don't matter. He now lives his life in quiet suffering, sometimes days are good, sometimes they're bad. Sometimes your loved ones are happy, sometimes their sad. The key, to him, is you don't talk about it. Emotions are Fight Club.

[@emilystrader349]

well he is obsessive about the american flag. that points to something.

[@tluvsbeauty1]

The flags and makeup rhetoric call it into question, but I will say that my own father (who is Canadian and non-political lol) comes off very similar to JP in terms of his ability to conversate and emote, and your comment applies pretty much EXACTLY to my dad. It definitely exists, but the echo chambers can also exacerbate it.

[@stellannie86]

Maybe when they first met, and he noticed her awkwardness, he interpreted that as her not liking his looks, and since she is a beautiful woman, his insecurities took over and led up to this situation..?

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I could see that.

[@andreiarodrigues9198]

That’s what I thought!!

[@srm0520]

I totally get why you’re wanting him to explain himself here but I guess from my perspective it’s not that he won’t explain himself, it’s that he literally can’t. I don’t think he even understands why he gets so anxious and pushes away- it’s just what his body does and he’s along for the ride. I mean it’s clearly a result of trauma and he hasn’t attempted to do any real work on it so he’s just living in his body responses. Again, this man I dated a few years ago is so reminiscent of JP. I KNEW he was interested in me and wanted to pursue our relationship but he just couldn’t- it was too overwhelming. I stuck around for awhile actually hoping that the repeated interactions would build safety and he could navigate his way forward but it just never got to a place where my needs were being met so I left. I worry about him, too. He really wants connection and love but also can’t tolerate it. I know much of the world sees JP as a di** but I genuinely see him as someone who is so lost. I hope he has the courage to work on himself- maybe the show will help him get an outside view and will shift things for him.

[@theunicornadventures6457]

He could also have asd and has learned how to mask it well. Whether he does or doesn't, according to the childhood stories he told Taylor in the pods, he learned as a child that his survival, the literal roof over his head, a bed and a pillow to put his head on, depended on him MASKING big time. When I watched these MakeUpGate reactions from you Dr. Kirk, I was hoping maybe you'd go back and replay the clip where he describes his super scary experiences as a child with his rage a holic mom. According to what he told Taylor in the pods, he watched in horror what his mom did to his sisters. So much to unpack there. I wonder if he was the golden child? Or just simply ignored? Regardless, he probably learned how to mask really well. Is that why when he 'grew up' he's now drawn to authoritarianism and adorns his body with the symbol of strength and the american flag? Was he beaten maybe, and the american flag is his sort of sad answer to keep his safe as an adult?

[@serge6598]

I think because by loving him she says he is lovable. But because he loves her and he doesn´t think he´s lovable, he feels as if she is lying to him and feels betrayed by her love. He is basicly trying to not have a siruation where he shows his all and have that person reject his all. That´s because it has happened once and he hasn´t worked through it. These are my beliefs.

[@Chrisy0850]

Exactly this! My ex was the same insecure man. He thought how stupid I was to love him so he lost all respect.. Now, after I left him years ago, suddenly he values me and put me in a pedestal. Before was just critic and devaluing like that stupid make thing with Taylor.. He was belittling me and when with his friends he was bragging how beautiful I was.. Crazy

[@oshibo]

I saw the situation really differently when i first watched, so i thought id share. I dont know which is right but i want to share anyways. When i first watched,I felt that when they first met it wasnt that awkward and that hes just a quiet guy. Then after they went to Mexico when she was saying how awkward it was when they first met, he felt rejected and insecure. I relate bc being called awkward or insinuated that youre awkward as an introvert can be rlly hurtful even if true. I thought bc he felt rejected in that way he started fixating on the insecurties she was communicating. Shes super communicative about the things she was feeling insecure about and rlly upfront about the fact that she wanted him to be talking more. I felt like this rlly bothered him and he kinda rode her off as someone who overthinks, judges others, and very insecure. Which i felt when he was telling her "all we have is the present moment" and "who cares what others are doing" etc. Bc of him looking down on her in this way, he would be staying quiet out of stubborness bc he felt judged. Like a way to show her that he can live as he wants and theres nothing wrong with it, but it ignores the reality that he was denying her connection. I also felt that this tied into why he said the make up stuff. I felt like he prob didnt think meeting her was that awkward n wasnt super bothered by the makeup but he was trying to tell her shes an insecure person (which is why she was wearing so much make up) as a defense mechanism. Once he pointed out the make up thing, because she responded maturely and securely, he was probably surprised and felt that he wanted to stay in the relationship/ started reflecting on the way that he was acting and how she was responding to that. I think thats why he felt geniunely sorry n sad at the end, yet still felt like the narrative he has going wasnt completely wrong which is why he felt only partly to blame. I didnt even consider the incell stuff. Not sure what is right but it was interesting hearing how so many other people interpreted it rlly different than me.

[@GoJojo-lv6zi]

I think this interpretation is actually very similar to Dr. Honda’s. You are just illustrating JP’s internal world, but it still makes sense that he is deeply insecure. Taking a comment on awkwardness so personally and as a rejection, so much so that he started fixating on her insecurities is a the exact response of an insecure person whose defense mechanisms are moving into narcissism territory (those with NPD for instance get narcissistic supply to fill the void inside of them by either receiving praise or putting others down). JP needed to start fixating on her issues because he does not like himself : putting Taylor down to temporarily make himself feel better/bolster his ego. A healthier individual would either not take the comment personally (entertaining the idea that she could have been talking about herself too, or that awkwardness is normal upon first meeting, etc.) or they would be secure enough in all parts of themselves (including their introversion) to acknowledge that they are awkward sometimes without feeling rejected or assuming they are going to be rejected because of it - because they themselves are ok with it. And, the interpretation of someone being vulnerable (open about insecurities) and expressing their desires honestly (wanting him to talk more) as someone who “overthinks, judges others, is very insecure” is yet more evidence of thought patterns distorted by deep insecurity/shame/etc. In this case JP would be so self-loathing that he is constantly on the defensive against someone activating his shame with a rejection, that he cannot even see them clearly or empathize with his SO - instead he is defensively searching for flaws, power plays & manipulation (‘staying quiet out of stubbornness’ & to ‘show her’), fabricating the makeup issue in order to passive aggressively express something else that he feels too insecure to express outright. *JP’s whole M.O. is to avoid just being himself* and getting to know her more while evaluating their compatibility with maturity and honesty. This is nearly impossible for someone who hates themselves. They can’t just be themselves, accept what may come, and trust themselves to pick back up if things don’t go how they wanted. Their default mode is to be resigned to their fate (always being rejected) or rage against it by making accusations, playing power dynamic games instead of communicating clearly, etc. I think you said the same thing as most everyone else, but from the perspective of a JP who is not aware of their self-loathing and thus didn’t see the parallels… you just presented the surface-level processing of the deeper shame & self-hate.

[@RenayOpish]

😂”What was supposed to be hashed??”

[@Pattie-o7f]

Hope Taylor comes in full glam to the reunion 😅

[@liljairenag]

It is so insightful to listen to your ideas about JP, all I saw was an anxious shy man, thank you!

[@84Elenai]

Loved that skiing metaphor ❤ I needed that today. Thanks Dr Honda!

[@hereforit2347]

Not you turning JP into a public service announcement. 😂😂😂

[@QueenNaya89]

Thank you for sending the message of hope to JP. I suspect he is watching. You deserve healing and love JP, wishing you the best.

[@Deedster007]

It seems to me too that when Taylor refers back to their hug and kiss when they first met that perhaps she noticed right away that there was no physical chemistry between them at all. Like, that intangible feeling of that spark not being there. That must have been hard to get past as well.

[@laurenmenard2984]

I still can’t wrap my head around this man’s turn around from the pods. He wasn’t SUPER outgoing there either, but he did talk and he seemed like a nice guy with a decently good sense of humor. It’s really sad the way this all played out. I hope he can get the help he needs.

[@gossipgirl7783]

Listening to your channel is so healing. Thank you for these videos❤

[@Nunofyabizzzzz]

The sad part is the number of men out there that are similar to JP and that number is very high! I thought it was just an internet thing but I’ve experienced it in my real day to day life and it’s *very* scary as a young woman. It’s especially popular amongst men in their 20s

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

They should probably have a "how to have feelings" class in highschool

[@averysylvia]

The school I work at has this subject. I teach it. We talk about emotions, how to deal with rejection, how to communicate, how to express feedback and many other things

[@CastleAdventures]

We'll have to wait and see what Taylor says during the reunion about the "nothing there when they touched or kissed " part but I think she was still into him. If anything, I thought his cold/indifferent behavior might have put her off and lowered some of her affection/ attraction. For example, I'm someone who only feels a lot of romantic/sexual attraction to someone when I feel emotionally close to them. IF Taylor is similar in that she needs the emotional connection to feed the physical connection, then him closing off like that would have been a biiiig turn off.

[@onedirectionlover317]

Absolutely, I'm like that too! And heck, no matter the emotional connection, I can't imagine feeling physically comfortable enough with someone without more rapport. Maybe a hug, but that's it.

[@keishadavis7233]

Not the Uni bomber😂

[@prussedouce]

I cackled 😂

[@cbrown4499]

I wish him well on his journey and I appreciate Dr Honda's compassion for him. It reminds me to have some too. Unfortunately, I think Taylor avoided a very abusive relationship here.

[@haleymosley9265]

As an EMT, I've seen the result of some of the lonely sad scary men who don't get help. The outcome isn't pretty - for the ones they hurt, and definitely, definitely for themselves.

[@shabnammotahari6060]

Dr. Kirk let me tell you that I. was a J,.P and the thing is, when you a shut down to such a degree, your are not even capable of expressing your feelings, fx 'the fact that you are overwhelmed. I used to experience this extreme clutter and what I would call mindfog. I don't know if there is a better or more right term for this condition, but I wasn't able to speak either. I felt like there was a tennisball in the middle of my brain. I wasn't aware of what was going on inside me until I started medication and therapy, but most of all, when I entered a relationship whit a person who was really there for me and stood by me, though these dark times. If I may add to your reaction to these different situations between these couples, I will say that there was a very serious sequence, where J.P opens up about his mother. I believe that this was a chance for him to maybe connect to Taylor giving that he had opened up about a very vulnerable topic. Taylor on the other hand didn't seem to dig deeper and closed it off with ' we all been through shit ' or something and you're kind of made it not seem that bad, which was really unfortunate for their chance to connect on a deeper level. At least in my opinion. Again because I can relate to J.P. and when people like us once I million year open up - even if it seems down played from our side - listen to us, ask, engage - take I t serious and as a sign of one beginning to feel comfortable to trust you enough to start sharing our deepest secrets. Sorry for the long novels. And thank you for all your videos - it teaches me a lot.

[@Bethany218]

If he had deep-seated and extreme beliefs about women, you’d think that would have come out in their convos in the pods… Taylor seems like she wouldn’t have stood for anything resembling misogyny.

[@charlize9341]

Yeah, I am getting more curious about who she is, her values, and how something this epic could have slipped by.

[@julie91295]

That’s what sad about all this. It’s easy to think every incels or ppl involving in those forum are extreme and hates women. Reality is a lot of them likely start as insecurre young men who can be a nice and compassionate person. As they’re going through a normal phase of awkwardness around girls, experience insecurities and attraction towards women, most young adults address it by boosting their confidence and holding out through trial and errors with the encouragements from friends and family. However, some would get led into this route of incel rhetoric online mixed with existing traditional misogyny in their family. Instead of navigating through their awkward phase and insecurities normally, they’re told that “no. You’re not the problem. It’s the women, they’re sluts and manipulative. That’s why they attract you just to reject you. See the women with make up? That’s a sign that they’re not sincere. They’re fake and will eventually leave you.” With that rhetoric, even when they still genuinely want love and look for women to date, their core insecurities weren’t addressed, so eventually they still hit a wall and the moment the insecurities hit, the rhetoric they’ve use as a defense mechanism also kicked in. That’s why I think dr Hondas hypothesis about JP before and after this incidents are both true. He wants to be with Taylor and terrified that she will leave. Without the visuals, in the pod, he was able to be vulnerable (he talked about abuse in his family towards sisters by their mom, which also add to my hypothesis of the misogynistic ideas that probably already existed in his family dynamic) and he probably was ever sweet to her bc that’s who he could be without all the defense he put up via incel rhetoric. Taylor is also kind and sweet to him and very open minded and accepting probably put him at ease. However, the moment they met, seeing that she’s kind of the epitome of typical “Stacey”. She’s confident, blonde, pretty. His insecurities probably kicked in and the rhetoric he was conditioned to believe in also kicked in as his defense mechanism. “Why would this girl wanna be with me” (true feeling) = “…. Look at all that make up. She probably is just fake and is looking for a way to leave” (thoughts manifested through the lens of misogyny). At the same time, he desperately wants to be with her and wants to be proven wrong. So he stonewall and demand things bc 1. Subsconciously he wants to knock her down a peg in a weird way it prob made her felt more attainable 2. He prob think if she really loves me she would stick through this and I can change her to be less “fake” but she won’t bc clearly she’s going to leave. The make up thing is just an excuse he was conditioned to use whenever he gets overwhelmed and scared of what to do. It became a self fulfilling prophecy. He made the rhetoric he learned about come true. Here he has a girl genuinely wants him and bc of his conditioning, his knee jerk reaction pushed her away…. Rightfully so. He represented the saddest kind of incel/misogynistic men. He’s not evil and openly narcissist. There is a scared and insecure person underneath. Even as he’s saying all this dumb shit, you can see how desperately he does want to keep her. That’s probably what Taylor sense in the pod before this side of him come out….

[@mamameg9916]

Name-calling her due to makeup is misogyny. Controlling what she’s allowed to wear is misogyny.

[@tspfull]

he probably saw her as the “feminine and friendly” type of women those guys perceive as worthy of their attentions. when she fell from grace due to makeup she was no longer worthy of him. he says make up but it was also likely her wearing a dress that may not have been modest enough as those guys are all about marrying “virginal” looking women. everyone else is a whore.

[@DaylaS]

I hope they both show up for the reunion. I heard an interview with Ushe, and he said that JP was nervous around the cameras after the pods. That's why he didn't talk. That might have been a part of it. I also heard he's currently seeing someone else.

[@cbrown4499]

He seems relieved. I hope he finds some help and solace.

[@xtinalucia3684]

His constant smirk is infuriating.

[@kjgaia]

I LOVE A SKI ANALOGY!

[@jillianphoenix3270]

I feel really bad for JP. I just see a broken, terrified, lonely little boy who’s begging for love and belonging and acceptance. Uggggh I hope he gets some help.

[@ClariceLanga]

I really appreciate how Honda always gives them the benefit of the doubt.

[@jennifersvea1]

petition for you to be the reunion host

[@angelmommy111]

I was thinking maybe it’s not an internet thing that has JP thinking this way, maybe it’s his family his friends the way he was raised, idk just my opinion.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I agree.

[@evieee50]

Lol you really are making a lot of stories. I am too. Mine are different though. I wonder if his abusive mom wore a lot of makeup. Or he had some negative experience with someone who wore makeup. And he couldn’t express why he didn’t like the makeup to Taylor… if that was a true reason for why he was awkward, which I have no idea, so I can’t say with certainty. I love your videos and the unique perspectives you offer :)

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

I'm not convinced the make-up comment carried much weight with him. I think he was a poor communicator for days, but it seems Taylor was focused on the first day. So he tried to explain what might have been off that day for him. I think make up or no, this relationship would have followed the same tracks.

[@julianareider]

I love the message of hope that Dr H has for JP and the JPs of the world ❤

[@bluchu22]

Under that message is a desire for JP to be less masculine

[@dazedconfuseds]

JP didn't seem to hold masculine nor feminine traits. He appeared to be a person closed off.

[@268anita]

Is he smirking and laughing when she is upset? Maybe they edited it that way, but when in that conversation would that have been appropriate?

[@applepie3276]

I have a really hard time reading JP. We haven’t gotten to see enough of his character. I sorta feel bad bc I think he just doesn’t understand how to communicate

[@moo777]

3.00 T-T youre always comforting 🥲

[@swisdom9117]

17:41 when I was watching JP's interactions, I thought too that his responses seem very superficial and almost scripted at times. I hope he's okay

[@colieboldie8143]

I now see why Dr. Honda took his time with JP, he saw something dangerous, while we just saw an asshole trying to control Taylor. This is why Dr. Honda is amazing at his craft.

[@justhereforthetragedy]

That smile is absolutely terrifying. This guy has someone locked in his basement.

[@majob2363]

😂😂😂

[@charlize9341]

No, I'm heartened to see JP called out so hard ("I could see him being a Unabomber"). JP's behavior really is extreme. I'm familiar with very conservative rural parts of the country. I have a slightly different take. I don't think he's struggling to find women who will be try to be with him. He's not an incel; he's probably on the manosphere or may not be aware of how its rhetoric and values show up in conservative news. I could easily see him being not particularly online but just absorbing some view points that a friend has, that you will encounter frequently in Texas. He's struggling to connect, not to find someone that will date him. There are people like this everywhere. There is absolutely no shortage of women who, due to their own issues, would try to put up with JP's misogyny, controllingness, extreme emotional withdrawn immaturity, lack of ability to make sense when he talks, and terribly limited social skills with women. I would guess he's had quite a few relationships that are high conflict. He doesn't have the ability to articulate a thought or know what his emotion is, and he redirects to things that are very beside the point and possibly not even true for him. Conflict and frustration is pretty much the only place you can from there unless you always keep it very surface level (*or talk mostly about how various groups in society are to blame for problems to a person that fully agrees with you*). He is a firefighter and no where near the worst looking of the men like this. I bet he doesn't have a terrible time finding dates. I think I've read that he is currently partnered with someone. It's a probably a union with someone with complementary extreme emotional issues. Households like this are everywhere. They are scary.

[@Matter-of-Fax]

At there final conversation, she purposely wasn’t saying much to give him one last chance to show some personality and he failed yet again. She was still giving him the opportunity to be a man and take charge.

[@nightstarstar1]

The more I saw of this guy watching the show the more he kept giving me serial killer vibes. The way he would stare at her while saying nothing was super creepy, I didn’t get awkwardness I got plotting some kind of weird ish in his mind like locking her in his basement for years. The staring, not talking and the weird American flag wearing creeped me out completely. So glad she got out quickly. She deserves better than whatever that is.

[@amigadecachorros]

When Dr h said “brainwashed internet enclave about makeup” what he didn’t know was that he was describing beauty KZbin. (Tears fall on stacks of eyeshadow palettes and lipglosses)

[@sufiheart]

He def has issues but I was recently wondering about the discomfort around cameras around too. I suspect I'd be wicked awkward myself.

[@thatissocrazyomg]

it’s such a young southern guy thing. they don’t even have to be in the incel community, so many of them have these sexist attitudes against “stereotypically” feminine women. not all young southern men ofc but i live in oklahoma and i have not met one man who didn’t have some mindset like this

[@tanyacarr523]

I have made a similar comment in the last video but wanted to say again after watching this.. JP grew up in a house filled with women.. one who was quite strong and angry. He seemed very much like “the watcher” of how things played out within his home. His feelings were external to him.. and he then became a firefighter where he could save people. Is there a world where he has high levels of empathy and internalized Taylor’s continuous expressions of anxiety and discomfort as FACT? …maybe he has no idea what his own thoughts and feelings even are? Even the tears he shed on the show were for his sisters.. not his own experience in their childhood home. He got emotional for their experience and then thanked Taylor for helping him express those emotions.. that weren’t even for himself. I really don’t think he has ever put his own feelings first.. deeply understood his own thoughts and opinions. Taylor had such a big reaction to their first meeting. She externalized ALL of it onto JP. And he just took everything she said as fact.. never challenged her in her feelings that he was the one to blame for that. He just took her at face value without really being able to do a critical analysis of his thoughts and feelings to see if what she said rang true. It just WAS true and he was left to come up with a reason why he made them both feel awkward. All this to say.. I don’t think the judgement against JP is completely fair. He was a total dick yes.. but she pushed him for days to get SOME sort of answer that he just didn’t have.. because nothing was wrong from his perspective until SHE told him something was wrong and KEPT telling him something was wrong.

[@abbiealverez2960]

If he made that make-up comment to me i would feel so hurt because its something i like that makes me ferl good and he is trying to reduce me to just make-up. Its like a hairless guy getting a hair transplant and me telling him i like him before and think hes shallow for doing it even though i know it has made him happier.

[@rubiirae]

If only Dr. Honda would take a peek at JP's instagram posts 🤣so much to unpack

[@Chrisy0850]

I heard JP is in a relationship now, wonder how does this work out and what kind of person she is.. I also wonder what he told her about the reason the relationship with Taylor ended

[@rubiirae]

@@Chrisy0850 Oh it's a she? Probably another flag pole with the US flag tattooed somewhere on her body 😅

[@Chrisy0850]

@@rubiirae honestly I was thinking sometime he was gay.. And wanted to go on that show to proof the world he wasn't

[@liannna212]

​@@rubiiraeprobably there is plenty of girls like that

[@rubiirae]

@@liannna212 for sure, like the ones he partied with on the pole🤭

[@Yuukiosaki]

Just in time ☕️

[@sally180]

Carter and JP where best mates….. that also says a lot Thanks for the commentary Dr H. This type of man scares the absolute crap out of me. Lucky JP didn’t hide it for long enough to marry.

[@Wowzaman638]

I don’t like JP and he seems like a douche but to say he may be an unabomber or an incel seems HIGHLY assumptive and I feel like it’s unfair. Call him a jerk, insecure, sure, but that’s extreme.

[@dazedconfuseds]

That's how incels are formed cos people don't understand them and right to them off as jerks. The teen highschool shooters are never described as nice by their peers, while the ons who survive. Dr Honda is giving his professional honest opinion and it's coming from a empathetic place....only in the movie we have the bad guy and the good guy. People are complex

[@nightstarstar1]

I got the same vibe from him. Dude is extremely creepy. The way he behaved was extreme, not seeing those things is how these creeps lure women to their deaths.

[@pwetty4r4]

He was gaslighting her. "I wish we could have hashed things out at the beginning". There was nothing in the beginning to hash out.

[@jesssc402]

I honestly think Taylor was not attracted to him from the beginning that’s why she said when they kissed and hugged the first time felt like nothing was there but she gave it a try since she fell in love in the pods. Then their dynamic is completely different and JP is turned to be this way and not the what she thought he was.

[@mamameg9916]

JP is responsible for JP. Not Taylor.

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Maybe. I'm glad she didn't force it like other couples have (maybe).

[@jennifervosler91]

I think the ring should go back if person decides not to marry

[@AlieUnscriptedTV]

I don't think JP is an incel or cult ish like. I think he might be self sabotaging the relationship out of insecurities. But I don't have much to go by.

[@rebeccarodriguez8433]

Taylor for President! 😅

[@leora8278]

I wonder if his job affects his preferences. He's a firefighter isnt he? He's probably used to interacting with women who are crying or terrified or covered in soot from a fire in high stress situations when his heart is pounding and he's physically present and he's dealing with a threat. Maybe he associates fast heartbeat and intense emotions to people who are in crisis and not caring what they look like. Maybe he wants a damsel? I don't know.

[@jennifervosler91]

I think Dr Honda should have gone back to when they met in person when they first saw each other. She had doubts and judged his looks. Then his behavior tanked things

[@fayeviscosi6858]

Pleaseeeee watch the golden bachelor!

[@em8066]

JP, you are Kenough.

[@pwetty4r4]

I feel like when he felt her slipping away he resorted to manosphere tactics to try and manipulate her to stay. I don't even think it was malicious, he really had no idea what to do

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

He didn't seem manipulative to me. He doesn't seem to have enough emotional intelligence to manipulate someone.

[@pwetty4r4]

@@zacharyjohnson1193 it was like he was TRYING to but is really bad at it.

[@fhte111]

I've known a lot of incels and JP does not come across as one at all to me.

[@mamameg9916]

Dr. H isn’t saying he’s an incel. He’s saying that some of his views are actually a part of incel philosophy,

[@Wowzaman638]

@@mamameg9916it’s still a reach

[@SteamedVans]

He was probably afraid if she got anymore makeup on his clothes it would violate flag code.

[@simonamarolt5853]

I feel like he is so detached from himself and his feelings that he just said something he wasn't ok with just to prove to her he is able to communicate. I have a hard time believing the make-up is a deal-breaker for him ... I don't know. This scene is so weird. And I do admire her for being so calm, I would probably go through the roof and beyond. :)

[@rivercah]

The unabomber-comment is exactly how I feel about JP. There’s something unnerving about him and I don’t blame Taylor at all for leaving.

[@nader85021]

Unabomber? What? Omg. Completely off base. I know him through a mutual friend and met him multiple times. He is literally the nicest guy. He is a passionate firefighter and pretty selfless. He is in a really healthy relationship with a girlfriend for a year and has moved on from the show. Please dont make wild accusations based on an edited tv show. Yes he had a really bad moment when filming. And him and taylor were never meant to be. But this is just really absurd take. PS: must be a shocker. He is not a Republican and rarely talks about politics. So just completely baseless accusations from the public about him.

[@BiancaB29]

Maam, before you write anything I suggest you read the disclaimer. Dr Kirk is not accusing anybody.

[@nader85021]

@@BiancaB29 those are legal disclaimers. But that protects him from accusing people of outlandish claims based on edited tv show? JP is already turned off his comments on social media due to death threats. I wouldnt just make outlandish personal attacks on someone he doesnt know or met, especially if you dont have any evidence of it.

[@BiancaB29]

Exactly, It's just TV Show and all he does is speculate for educational purposes. Do I agree with everything Dr kirk says? No. I have my own opinions. Do I think JP is a horrible person? No. I don't know him. Me as a viewer, I speculate as much as Dr Kirk does on why JP behaved that way. The only difference is I don't have a youtube channel and I'm not a psychologist.

[@lisebarrieau111]

I have noticed on more then one of his episodes of different shows, talking what seems to me pretty badly about people who struggle to communicate. As a fellow human who struggles to communicate, it just makes us have more difficulty if we are accused of being horrible because of it… doesn’t mean we have horrible intent. Not everyone is as eloquent or secure as people like Dr.Kirk.

[@nader85021]

@@BiancaB29 but speculating someone will be a serial killer in 20 years? What kind of objective analysis is that?

[@AprilT72]

As an outsider( someone from the Caribbean) why is JP wearing American flag colors so wrong? Don't Americans love America? Caribbean people where their flag colors all the time.

[@catherine.rezzuto]

tbh i feel like JP's self-sabotaging with taylor comes from past experiences growing up and having to internalize the abuse his sisters suffered at the hands of their mother, i.e. being the only one out of the family not to directly suffer his mother's abuse possibly because of his gender "man of the house" status/ the birth order and having to be the one to try and protect his sisters. maybe he felt useless, afraid to speak up, unsure of how to help his sisters. maybe his father was unaware of this or even encouraged the mother's tirades? JP alluded to his mother having some conflict with his father and their current situation, he never truly elaborated, but possibly she might have been forced into the marriage because of value systems/religious beliefs or keeping the children and felt some resentment towards having a family? perhaps JP's mother was so concerned with his sisters "growing up too fast" and being taken advantage of and dressing a certain way or wearing makeup was seen as the "wrong kind of attention seeking behavior". she might have been worried about them ending up in similar situations as her but did not address her concerns responsibly and healthily. who knows if their family was religious or traditionally southern in terms of modesty/presenting yourself to the world at a certain age, but it could explain his lack of preference for women who wear "too much makeup" as JP might say. as much as i am so proud of taylor for leaving the situation early, and think she handled it so maturely and with such grace, i think there needs to be more compassion for JP. some people are shy, quiet, private or need time to formulate a response. also some people aren't looking in the mirror 24/7 and don't realize the expressions they give off and what this might say to those around them. (i've seen multiple people bring up his "stone cold stare" and "smirk" and wondering if he's on the spectrum just from a few minor data points.) taylor's tone is calm and quiet but the more she says "this is awkward" would cause anyone to retreat a little into their interior world if they don't have the emotional capacity to dig themselves out of the hole they dug with their quietness. i think JP is just sooooo afraid to have opinions or at least express them on camera for ALL the world to see, he might be a very private person who thought this was the perfect experiment for him at least during the first half in the pods and then the latter IRL half happened and he just reverted back into his turtle shell. JP seems to have a hard time expressing himself, accessing his emotions, and addressing confrontation. also the abandonment traumas and surrender aspects to his personality flare up whenever there's conflict. JP probably grew up thinking it's better not to say anything because if i do i'll get in trouble, it's not worth it, this person will just get angrier at me and my sisters or i don't have the emotional and mental fortitude to defend myself so it's better not doing anything at all.

[@onedirectionlover317]

You bring up very valid points. I think many people (myself included, especially as a woman) are reacting from the perspective of being his potential partner, and being on the receiving end of that. Certainly as a talkative person, I'd feel very shut off from JP. His eventual lashing out was also inexcusable. I also do hope that he heals and that his current relationship is going well for him and his partner. But this was NOT the show for him, to say the least.

[@catherine.rezzuto]

@@onedirectionlover317 totally agree that his eventual lashing out towards taylor and using the make up as an excuse was inexcusable and he was trying to grasp at straws to push her further away from him. JP was not suited for this show at all but i could see why the prospect of it and the premise was tempting for him. hoping him and taylor both get the healing and love they deserve moving forward!

[@BlackCampariBlue]

Where's the compassionate, differentiated side of the comment section at?

[@hammerhead2362]

I agree with a lot of your takes but saying you could see him become a mass murderer seems a bit much dude.

[@hammerhead2362]

I don’t even like the guy. He seems like a jerk just idk I think it’s not really appropriate at all to jump to mass murderer

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

Mass murderer of deer maybe.

[@rethinkcps2116]

What is with his joyless smile? Just a nervous smirk or what?

[@lallana2882]

Taylor did make comments about his breath and teeth when they met so maybe he felt her energy. Still not remotely justifiable and frankly I have no issue judging JD off of his flag love. 99.9999999999999% chance it's a fair assessment.

[@peppermint23]

If I were her I probably would've dumped my glittery makeup all over his clothes...but I'm more of a reality TV villain type. Taylor is a lovely person and I wish her the best. JP seems like such a douche. She can do worlds better.